JustPearlyThings - May 29, 2023


Woman Gets A Reality Check On Toxic Masculinity

Topics
toxic masculinity
Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
She Called DRAKE a Beta and GETS REKT Modern Women Hate To Hear The TRUTH

Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

241.55

Word count

2,648

Sentence count

251

Harmful content

Misogyny

27

sentences flagged

Toxicity

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

21

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss toxic masculinity and how it affects men and women. We discuss how toxic masculinity is portrayed in media, social media, music and society. We talk about the difference between masculinity and femininity and how we need to embrace our feminine energy.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 It's like, after you have a baby, I've heard, like,
00:00:02.020 that's when men are most likely, like, to step out on you
00:00:04.640 because you can't have sex for a certain amount of months
00:00:06.640 after you give birth.
00:00:08.120 You're obviously going to look different.
00:00:09.460 Your body's changed.
00:00:10.160 Like, your whole body's different.
00:00:11.300 So it's like, if the guy's not really, like, I don't know.
00:00:14.400 I don't think he's got the energy.
00:00:15.860 He's going to be up all night with the baby.
00:00:17.360 He ain't got energy to be doing that in those first six weeks.
00:00:19.440 These men find their energy somewhere.
00:00:21.220 I'm telling you.
00:00:21.260 I also think that.
00:00:22.160 What percent of men can even get laid?
00:00:24.740 You have to understand.
00:00:25.520 It's such a small percentage of men that even have girls coming to them like that
00:00:29.500 to the point that they can cheat.
00:00:31.160 It's maybe 10, 15, 20%.
00:00:33.400 Like, it's harder than you think for a guy to get laid.
00:00:37.540 I think that we think it's easier,
00:00:39.240 but it is just the guys that women are choosing.
00:00:42.300 It's easier for women to get that side of things, I'd imagine, isn't it, really? 1.00
00:00:46.980 A woman can go on a night out. 1.00
00:00:48.100 Quite easy for her to go home with a fella. 0.98
00:00:49.940 Anyone she wants, really.
00:00:51.120 Yeah, just walk.
00:00:51.720 There's a shelter down the street.
00:00:55.820 You can just go and ask.
00:00:57.800 It's true.
00:00:58.440 It's so true. 0.84
00:00:59.240 Yeah.
00:00:59.940 Okay.
00:01:00.460 Do you guys think that women romanticize toxic relationships?
00:01:05.880 Oh, yes, they do.
00:01:06.900 Yeah.
00:01:07.360 I think the hurt.
00:01:07.880 You remember what I said earlier about having someone who's not necessarily a good person,
00:01:12.540 but they are only good to you.
00:01:14.440 I can't like, there's a certain kind of appeal to people like that.
00:01:16.640 And I feel like, again, with the whole like, oh, I don't know, you can't do this,
00:01:21.120 you can't do that.
00:01:21.840 Sometimes it feels good to hear, but sometimes it's just a bit of a piss take, you know?
00:01:25.780 That sounds controlling.
00:01:27.060 I don't like the sound of that.
00:01:27.640 I know, but it's like, obviously now I wouldn't, but my younger self would be like, oh, so
00:01:31.900 this guy really cares, like enough to tell me A, B, C, D, if that makes sense to you.
00:01:35.760 And I'm not trying to offend you here, but I feel like women that like that often don't 0.85
00:01:41.400 have that good relationship with their father.
00:01:42.720 So they're almost looking for that father sort of authority figure.
00:01:45.880 You know, I think that's what that plays into.
00:01:49.600 Also, I feel like social media has a big part to play in that because I've noticed a trend
00:01:55.180 where on social media will say, oh, this is what women are into now. 1.00
00:01:59.100 And then I'll look around me and at females around me and that's what they're into. 1.00
00:02:03.160 And like I said earlier, I think there's a way for a man to be authoritative and all these
00:02:07.560 kind of things.
00:02:08.540 But what is portrayed on social media and even in music and everything is that a man 0.83
00:02:13.880 must be toxically masculine.
00:02:16.640 And then that's why it's romanticized is because everyone's like, oh, everyone around me is
00:02:20.860 romanticizing this.
00:02:21.800 So it must be the right thing.
00:02:23.020 It must mean whatever they're saying that it means sort of thing.
00:02:26.280 Do you know what I mean?
00:02:26.720 What is toxic masculinity? 0.59
00:02:28.040 Um, so I feel like it stems from a man who does not know himself and he does not know
00:02:34.760 how to regulate his emotions because men are very logical.
00:02:37.680 By the end of the day, they still have emotions and they do not know how to regulate that,
00:02:41.660 but they know.
00:02:42.440 What do you mean they don't know how to regulate it?
00:02:44.180 Okay.
00:02:44.520 So a man knows innately, in my opinion, that he is meant to protect and provide and that
00:02:49.660 he is meant to be the head in some kind of way.
00:02:52.500 I feel like that's an innate thing that a man knows.
00:02:54.900 However, when, um, you are told that that is the only thing that you must be, and then
00:03:00.020 you're kind of, um, other emotions, emotions that make you human, are kind of shunned.
00:03:04.600 You do not know how to...
00:03:05.220 What do you mean by emotions that make you human?
00:03:07.040 Because, um, because anything like...
00:03:08.920 Like what emotion?
00:03:09.700 Like, um, to be overtly happy or when you said, when you said the word simp, like to feel
00:03:13.880 like an emotion that is like, oh, I want to feel soft for this person and all these kind
00:03:17.360 of things.
00:03:17.720 Being soft, like everything is yin and yang and men and women, they both have masculine and feminine
00:03:22.200 energy.
00:03:22.660 And you need to embrace both of those, but not obviously too much masculinity in a female 1.00
00:03:26.860 and too much femininity in a man. 0.97
00:03:28.300 Don't you think you're asking men to emote like women? 0.86
00:03:31.040 No, no, no.
00:03:31.840 I'm not saying that at all.
00:03:32.760 What I'm saying is that you have to understand that there, as a, as a man, you're going to
00:03:36.560 have a little bit of feminine energy, even if it's 1%, 20%, 30%. 1.00
00:03:40.180 I don't know.
00:03:40.740 Do you want men with a lot of feminine energy? 1.00
00:03:43.120 I said 1%, 20%. 0.59
00:03:44.760 I'm giving variables.
00:03:45.920 And to be honest, I don't mind.
00:03:47.140 As long as you are able to fulfill your role as a man, which is to provide and protect
00:03:51.980 and to lead.
00:03:53.140 If you have feminine energy, if you're going to sit there and I want to be, I want to do 1.00
00:03:56.480 some dumb feminine shit with you and you're going to sit there and allow me to do it. 1.00
00:03:59.500 We can do that behind closed doors. 1.00
00:04:00.860 If I want to do your nails and do your hair and do your makeup, we can do that behind closed
00:04:04.260 doors.
00:04:04.760 And that is makeup.
00:04:06.040 Yes.
00:04:06.540 I'm sorry.
00:04:07.220 We can do that behind closed doors.
00:04:08.280 Some men will not allow that.
00:04:09.620 Mine wouldn't.
00:04:10.060 Yeah, but this is the thing.
00:04:11.220 If you, and I feel like that shows how set in your masculinity.
00:04:14.220 What is toxic masculinity? 0.59
00:04:15.900 Okay.
00:04:16.240 Yeah.
00:04:16.460 Let's not get in.
00:04:17.500 Can I have a specific example?
00:04:18.980 Okay.
00:04:19.360 So for example, a man feels angry because a woman is undermining his authority, but he's
00:04:25.860 not putting out that authority in the correct way.
00:04:27.760 So then he unleashes the anger out on her and starts blaming her and all these kinds of
00:04:31.960 things being like, oh, you don't listen.
00:04:33.560 Okay.
00:04:33.800 Let me give a specific example.
00:04:35.040 I believe that, um, a man should make sure that his woman looks presentable. 0.96
00:04:41.060 I do not want to go out any, people can have their own opinions, but I don't want to go
00:04:45.700 out looking too promiscuous.
00:04:47.080 So if my man says, you know what, I'd prefer you to not wear that.
00:04:50.180 And then the woman goes, um, and says, you know what, actually I want to wear this.
00:04:53.180 Um, for example, um, I might wear a top that shows a little bit of my boobs.
00:04:56.420 And then my man's like, I don't want you to wear that.
00:04:58.500 And I'm like, actually, you know what, um, can I pull it up a little bit and then it's
00:05:01.480 okay.
00:05:01.860 And then if he's toxic, he'll, he'll start getting angry.
00:05:04.680 Like, oh, you're undermining me, so on and so forth.
00:05:07.100 And it will turn into a big argument that it does not have to be.
00:05:09.900 However, if he knows how to go about it in the correct way, then we might have a little
00:05:12.800 conversation about it.
00:05:13.880 And either we come to some sort of compromise where he knows how to deal with my emotions
00:05:17.880 as a man.
00:05:18.720 Do you think that men want to have conversations about problems or women want to have conversations 0.99
00:05:22.840 about problems?
00:05:23.680 At the end of the day, men and women are two very different creatures. 1.00
00:05:26.800 There are similarities.
00:05:27.720 Answer the question.
00:05:28.360 Yeah.
00:05:28.900 Men or women? 0.78
00:05:30.580 Women. 0.81
00:05:31.200 Women. 0.81
00:05:31.760 Both.
00:05:32.060 Both for different topics.
00:05:33.980 Mostly it's women because we have a lot more emotional issues. 1.00
00:05:36.640 But men want to have conversations.
00:05:37.360 Don't you think you're asking him to emote like a woman? 0.99
00:05:40.180 Like, because often when I hear this, this is just what I've noticed is when women say 1.00
00:05:43.300 the word toxic masculinity, masculinity, they're asking men to be women. 0.95
00:05:47.760 No.
00:05:48.420 It's the fact that in a relationship, you have to be able to compromise.
00:05:51.280 Empathy is important.
00:05:51.960 I have to be able to understand you from your point of view of things.
00:05:53.900 You have to be able to understand me too.
00:05:55.340 If I need you to come down on a level where I'm able to actually tell you how I feel and
00:05:59.180 I want you to actually kind of understand what I'm trying to tell you without fighting
00:06:02.420 back, that's what I think she kind of means.
00:06:04.780 Well, I mean, part of femininity is listening to your man.
00:06:07.240 So is it toxically feminine if you're not listening? 0.88
00:06:09.660 No, I think it is.
00:06:10.640 Yes, I think it is.
00:06:11.300 Because at the same time, like I just said, you need to be able to compromise.
00:06:14.260 I need to be able to come to your level.
00:06:15.860 You need to be able to come to mine.
00:06:17.120 And that's how the relationship should work.
00:06:18.920 You should be able to, if I want to sit down and tell you I don't like this, you should be able
00:06:22.440 to hear it. If you want to come and sit down and tell me you don't like this, I should be able to
00:06:25.900 hear it. End of.
00:06:27.200 I think that men are okay with us coming to talk about problems, but it's the way we approach it.
00:06:31.920 A lot of the time we approach it by criticising, blaming, shaming, trying to control them.
00:06:36.520 I think if we're able to remove all of that and we're able to have conversations as a kind of
00:06:41.320 coming in a different angle in a respectful way, men are very happy to be having these
00:06:47.300 conversations in order to ensure that the relationship is on track.
00:06:50.460 I'm just curious. I'm just going to do a poll quick with the guys.
00:06:56.160 Do you guys want to have a conversation with your woman about what she wears every time 1.00
00:07:00.420 you go out?
00:07:04.140 No, no. Okay.
00:07:05.640 Not situations like that. I think that you should know yourself what's appropriate and what's
00:07:09.840 not appropriate.
00:07:10.520 That's fine then. But the thing is, it's just a conversation at the end of the day.
00:07:15.500 It's not anything more than that.
00:07:17.160 Which is fine, but it's just going back to the toxic masculinity. It's like you're asking
00:07:21.360 men to be women. 0.99
00:07:22.800 How?
00:07:23.060 When it happens every time.
00:07:24.220 No, wait, wait. How?
00:07:24.480 When you're asking men to emote like women, so to have a conversation. Like it's toxically 1.00
00:07:28.580 masculine if you don't want to have a conversation about something.
00:07:30.800 But the thing is, they can have a conversation without crying, without doing this. Just listen.
00:07:36.560 Just listen to what I have to say. I'm not asking you to be a woman. I'm not asking you 1.00
00:07:40.620 to have a period every month.
00:07:42.080 No, but I'm saying when you say it's toxically masculine for you not to want to have a conversation
00:07:46.700 with me.
00:07:47.060 It's like when they say something and they want to say that's the end of conversation.
00:07:51.220 You get it? Like this guy can come to you and say, I don't know, for example, like
00:07:54.960 going back to the clothes thing, I don't like what you're wearing. I can try to tell you
00:07:58.060 like, oh, but no, that's it. He's not even trying to hear your side of the story.
00:08:01.980 And that's toxically masculine?
00:08:02.980 I think so, because it's like you're toxically, if that's a word, like establishing your dominance
00:08:09.180 in a way where you're not even trying to let me talk. You're trying to do this. Oh, like
00:08:11.940 just be quiet. I'm your man kind of thing. I think that's what toxic masculinity is.
00:08:15.660 I think that's just masculinity. I think like women just don't like being told no. 0.91
00:08:19.020 No, because I feel like you can be masculine, like she said before, and come in a correct
00:08:23.220 way. And you can tell me, babe, like, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't like the
00:08:26.580 way you're wearing this. I feel like this. Like, at least hear, sorry, at least hear me out
00:08:31.660 from my side.
00:08:32.660 Right. But that's how women would communicate. 1.00
00:08:34.660 That's one thing. That's how two adults should communicate.
00:08:37.660 Exactly. No, but that's because you're trying to make men communicate like women. Like, 0.95
00:08:40.900 have you ever been in a men's locker room and listened to how they talk to each other?
00:08:44.660 And you're like, oh, I can't believe they're like, I used to work at a plumbing tech company 0.99
00:08:48.660 and they would just roast the shit out of each other. And I could not believe they talked 0.98
00:08:52.060 to each other like that. But saying, oh, but like, let's communicate.
00:08:56.660 I need to remember we are women and we, our feelings do get hurt very quick. So just be 0.93
00:09:02.500 aware. So you wouldn't talk to, not referring to women as children. This is just an example.
00:09:07.500 You would talk to a child a certain way because you know it's a kid. You would talk to like
00:09:12.260 a bunch of boys a certain way because you know you're in a group of a bunch of boys.
00:09:15.800 Just be aware of who you're talking to. That's it.
00:09:18.340 And I agree with you. I think men know that. They know they can't communicate to us the
00:09:23.160 same way to communicate to other men. I'm saying it's not toxically masculine if a guy
00:09:26.580 just says no under conversation.
00:09:27.860 I think it is because like it's, I think, just give your reason. Just give your reason
00:09:33.280 because that's just what we want. Give your reason, babe, why you don't want me to. Him,
00:09:38.460 okay, this, this and this. Okay, yeah, I understand you. I'll take it off.
00:09:41.460 Do you think most women, that's their answer when he says, when you give them a reason, 1.00
00:09:46.600 he gives you a reason that they're like, oh, okay.
00:09:48.980 No, no. Obviously, no. It will go into a conversation. I feel like the clothing example
00:09:55.120 has messed things up. Let me give you another one. So say, for example, cool. I live with
00:09:59.140 my boyfriend, whatever. Like, I'm the one who will be cooking that night. Say, for example,
00:10:04.740 I say, babe, I'm thinking about making ABCD for dinner. And he goes, no, you're not doing
00:10:10.140 that. I feel like, why is it that you have the right to tell us what we're eating? I'm the
00:10:15.240 one that's doing the cooking.
00:10:15.840 Because he doesn't want to know. Sorry, I'm so sorry, but I've been itching. I just
00:10:19.060 didn't want to interrupt anybody. It's because he doesn't want to know and know the ins and
00:10:22.740 outs, in my opinion. He doesn't want to know the ins and outs and what you've decided.
00:10:25.420 Just cook the food. Men don't want to have to have a conversation. I like to, I think men 1.00
00:10:30.020 operate from a place of like solution. If there's a problem, what is the solution? How
00:10:33.860 do we fix this? Very black and white. It's women that want to have the conversation. So 1.00
00:10:37.660 instead of the, I'm cooking tonight. Oh, babe, this is what I'm going to cook. He
00:10:40.740 doesn't care. He just cook the food. So what if I've already, you can decide, babe.
00:10:45.120 What if I've defrosted my chicken? This guy tells me he wants fish. Are my chickens there
00:10:48.140 falling? No, but then. I can't see him doing that though. I think he'd be grateful for
00:10:51.060 whatever he wants. But that's why it's toxic masculinity. Because not everybody does it, but
00:10:54.660 nothing. but it's toxic.