JustPearlyThings - May 29, 2023


Woman Gets A Reality Check On Toxic Masculinity


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

241.55441

Word Count

2,648

Sentence Count

223

Misogynist Sentences

27

Hate Speech Sentences

21


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 It's like, after you have a baby, I've heard, like,
00:00:02.020 that's when men are most likely, like, to step out on you
00:00:04.640 because you can't have sex for a certain amount of months
00:00:06.640 after you give birth.
00:00:08.120 You're obviously going to look different.
00:00:09.460 Your body's changed.
00:00:10.160 Like, your whole body's different.
00:00:11.300 So it's like, if the guy's not really, like, I don't know.
00:00:14.400 I don't think he's got the energy.
00:00:15.860 He's going to be up all night with the baby.
00:00:17.360 He ain't got energy to be doing that in those first six weeks.
00:00:19.440 These men find their energy somewhere.
00:00:21.220 I'm telling you.
00:00:21.260 I also think that.
00:00:22.160 What percent of men can even get laid?
00:00:24.740 You have to understand.
00:00:25.520 It's such a small percentage of men that even have girls coming to them like that
00:00:29.500 to the point that they can cheat.
00:00:31.160 It's maybe 10, 15, 20%.
00:00:33.400 Like, it's harder than you think for a guy to get laid.
00:00:37.540 I think that we think it's easier,
00:00:39.240 but it is just the guys that women are choosing.
00:00:42.300 It's easier for women to get that side of things, I'd imagine, isn't it, really?
00:00:46.980 A woman can go on a night out.
00:00:48.100 Quite easy for her to go home with a fella.
00:00:49.940 Anyone she wants, really.
00:00:51.120 Yeah, just walk.
00:00:51.720 There's a shelter down the street.
00:00:55.820 You can just go and ask.
00:00:57.800 It's true.
00:00:58.440 It's so true.
00:00:59.240 Yeah.
00:00:59.940 Okay.
00:01:00.460 Do you guys think that women romanticize toxic relationships?
00:01:05.880 Oh, yes, they do.
00:01:06.900 Yeah.
00:01:07.360 I think the hurt.
00:01:07.880 You remember what I said earlier about having someone who's not necessarily a good person,
00:01:12.540 but they are only good to you.
00:01:14.440 I can't like, there's a certain kind of appeal to people like that.
00:01:16.640 And I feel like, again, with the whole like, oh, I don't know, you can't do this,
00:01:21.120 you can't do that.
00:01:21.840 Sometimes it feels good to hear, but sometimes it's just a bit of a piss take, you know?
00:01:25.780 That sounds controlling.
00:01:27.060 I don't like the sound of that.
00:01:27.640 I know, but it's like, obviously now I wouldn't, but my younger self would be like, oh, so
00:01:31.900 this guy really cares, like enough to tell me A, B, C, D, if that makes sense to you.
00:01:35.760 And I'm not trying to offend you here, but I feel like women that like that often don't
00:01:41.400 have that good relationship with their father.
00:01:42.720 So they're almost looking for that father sort of authority figure.
00:01:45.880 You know, I think that's what that plays into.
00:01:49.600 Also, I feel like social media has a big part to play in that because I've noticed a trend
00:01:55.180 where on social media will say, oh, this is what women are into now.
00:01:59.100 And then I'll look around me and at females around me and that's what they're into.
00:02:03.160 And like I said earlier, I think there's a way for a man to be authoritative and all these
00:02:07.560 kind of things.
00:02:08.540 But what is portrayed on social media and even in music and everything is that a man
00:02:13.880 must be toxically masculine.
00:02:16.640 And then that's why it's romanticized is because everyone's like, oh, everyone around me is
00:02:20.860 romanticizing this.
00:02:21.800 So it must be the right thing.
00:02:23.020 It must mean whatever they're saying that it means sort of thing.
00:02:26.280 Do you know what I mean?
00:02:26.720 What is toxic masculinity?
00:02:28.040 Um, so I feel like it stems from a man who does not know himself and he does not know
00:02:34.760 how to regulate his emotions because men are very logical.
00:02:37.680 By the end of the day, they still have emotions and they do not know how to regulate that,
00:02:41.660 but they know.
00:02:42.440 What do you mean they don't know how to regulate it?
00:02:44.180 Okay.
00:02:44.520 So a man knows innately, in my opinion, that he is meant to protect and provide and that
00:02:49.660 he is meant to be the head in some kind of way.
00:02:52.500 I feel like that's an innate thing that a man knows.
00:02:54.900 However, when, um, you are told that that is the only thing that you must be, and then
00:03:00.020 you're kind of, um, other emotions, emotions that make you human, are kind of shunned.
00:03:04.600 You do not know how to...
00:03:05.220 What do you mean by emotions that make you human?
00:03:07.040 Because, um, because anything like...
00:03:08.920 Like what emotion?
00:03:09.700 Like, um, to be overtly happy or when you said, when you said the word simp, like to feel
00:03:13.880 like an emotion that is like, oh, I want to feel soft for this person and all these kind
00:03:17.360 of things.
00:03:17.720 Being soft, like everything is yin and yang and men and women, they both have masculine and feminine
00:03:22.200 energy.
00:03:22.660 And you need to embrace both of those, but not obviously too much masculinity in a female
00:03:26.860 and too much femininity in a man.
00:03:28.300 Don't you think you're asking men to emote like women?
00:03:31.040 No, no, no.
00:03:31.840 I'm not saying that at all.
00:03:32.760 What I'm saying is that you have to understand that there, as a, as a man, you're going to
00:03:36.560 have a little bit of feminine energy, even if it's 1%, 20%, 30%.
00:03:40.180 I don't know.
00:03:40.740 Do you want men with a lot of feminine energy?
00:03:43.120 I said 1%, 20%.
00:03:44.760 I'm giving variables.
00:03:45.920 And to be honest, I don't mind.
00:03:47.140 As long as you are able to fulfill your role as a man, which is to provide and protect
00:03:51.980 and to lead.
00:03:53.140 If you have feminine energy, if you're going to sit there and I want to be, I want to do
00:03:56.480 some dumb feminine shit with you and you're going to sit there and allow me to do it.
00:03:59.500 We can do that behind closed doors.
00:04:00.860 If I want to do your nails and do your hair and do your makeup, we can do that behind closed
00:04:04.260 doors.
00:04:04.760 And that is makeup.
00:04:06.040 Yes.
00:04:06.540 I'm sorry.
00:04:07.220 We can do that behind closed doors.
00:04:08.280 Some men will not allow that.
00:04:09.620 Mine wouldn't.
00:04:10.060 Yeah, but this is the thing.
00:04:11.220 If you, and I feel like that shows how set in your masculinity.
00:04:14.220 What is toxic masculinity?
00:04:15.900 Okay.
00:04:16.240 Yeah.
00:04:16.460 Let's not get in.
00:04:17.500 Can I have a specific example?
00:04:18.980 Okay.
00:04:19.360 So for example, a man feels angry because a woman is undermining his authority, but he's
00:04:25.860 not putting out that authority in the correct way.
00:04:27.760 So then he unleashes the anger out on her and starts blaming her and all these kinds of
00:04:31.960 things being like, oh, you don't listen.
00:04:33.560 Okay.
00:04:33.800 Let me give a specific example.
00:04:35.040 I believe that, um, a man should make sure that his woman looks presentable.
00:04:41.060 I do not want to go out any, people can have their own opinions, but I don't want to go
00:04:45.700 out looking too promiscuous.
00:04:47.080 So if my man says, you know what, I'd prefer you to not wear that.
00:04:50.180 And then the woman goes, um, and says, you know what, actually I want to wear this.
00:04:53.180 Um, for example, um, I might wear a top that shows a little bit of my boobs.
00:04:56.420 And then my man's like, I don't want you to wear that.
00:04:58.500 And I'm like, actually, you know what, um, can I pull it up a little bit and then it's
00:05:01.480 okay.
00:05:01.860 And then if he's toxic, he'll, he'll start getting angry.
00:05:04.680 Like, oh, you're undermining me, so on and so forth.
00:05:07.100 And it will turn into a big argument that it does not have to be.
00:05:09.900 However, if he knows how to go about it in the correct way, then we might have a little
00:05:12.800 conversation about it.
00:05:13.880 And either we come to some sort of compromise where he knows how to deal with my emotions
00:05:17.880 as a man.
00:05:18.720 Do you think that men want to have conversations about problems or women want to have conversations
00:05:22.840 about problems?
00:05:23.680 At the end of the day, men and women are two very different creatures.
00:05:26.800 There are similarities.
00:05:27.720 Answer the question.
00:05:28.360 Yeah.
00:05:28.900 Men or women?
00:05:30.580 Women.
00:05:31.200 Women.
00:05:31.760 Both.
00:05:32.060 Both for different topics.
00:05:33.980 Mostly it's women because we have a lot more emotional issues.
00:05:36.640 But men want to have conversations.
00:05:37.360 Don't you think you're asking him to emote like a woman?
00:05:40.180 Like, because often when I hear this, this is just what I've noticed is when women say
00:05:43.300 the word toxic masculinity, masculinity, they're asking men to be women.
00:05:47.760 No.
00:05:48.420 It's the fact that in a relationship, you have to be able to compromise.
00:05:51.280 Empathy is important.
00:05:51.960 I have to be able to understand you from your point of view of things.
00:05:53.900 You have to be able to understand me too.
00:05:55.340 If I need you to come down on a level where I'm able to actually tell you how I feel and
00:05:59.180 I want you to actually kind of understand what I'm trying to tell you without fighting
00:06:02.420 back, that's what I think she kind of means.
00:06:04.780 Well, I mean, part of femininity is listening to your man.
00:06:07.240 So is it toxically feminine if you're not listening?
00:06:09.660 No, I think it is.
00:06:10.640 Yes, I think it is.
00:06:11.300 Because at the same time, like I just said, you need to be able to compromise.
00:06:14.260 I need to be able to come to your level.
00:06:15.860 You need to be able to come to mine.
00:06:17.120 And that's how the relationship should work.
00:06:18.920 You should be able to, if I want to sit down and tell you I don't like this, you should be able
00:06:22.440 to hear it. If you want to come and sit down and tell me you don't like this, I should be able to
00:06:25.900 hear it. End of.
00:06:27.200 I think that men are okay with us coming to talk about problems, but it's the way we approach it.
00:06:31.920 A lot of the time we approach it by criticising, blaming, shaming, trying to control them.
00:06:36.520 I think if we're able to remove all of that and we're able to have conversations as a kind of
00:06:41.320 coming in a different angle in a respectful way, men are very happy to be having these
00:06:47.300 conversations in order to ensure that the relationship is on track.
00:06:50.460 I'm just curious. I'm just going to do a poll quick with the guys.
00:06:56.160 Do you guys want to have a conversation with your woman about what she wears every time
00:07:00.420 you go out?
00:07:04.140 No, no. Okay.
00:07:05.640 Not situations like that. I think that you should know yourself what's appropriate and what's
00:07:09.840 not appropriate.
00:07:10.520 That's fine then. But the thing is, it's just a conversation at the end of the day.
00:07:15.500 It's not anything more than that.
00:07:17.160 Which is fine, but it's just going back to the toxic masculinity. It's like you're asking
00:07:21.360 men to be women.
00:07:22.800 How?
00:07:23.060 When it happens every time.
00:07:24.220 No, wait, wait. How?
00:07:24.480 When you're asking men to emote like women, so to have a conversation. Like it's toxically
00:07:28.580 masculine if you don't want to have a conversation about something.
00:07:30.800 But the thing is, they can have a conversation without crying, without doing this. Just listen.
00:07:36.560 Just listen to what I have to say. I'm not asking you to be a woman. I'm not asking you
00:07:40.620 to have a period every month.
00:07:42.080 No, but I'm saying when you say it's toxically masculine for you not to want to have a conversation
00:07:46.700 with me.
00:07:47.060 It's like when they say something and they want to say that's the end of conversation.
00:07:51.220 You get it? Like this guy can come to you and say, I don't know, for example, like
00:07:54.960 going back to the clothes thing, I don't like what you're wearing. I can try to tell you
00:07:58.060 like, oh, but no, that's it. He's not even trying to hear your side of the story.
00:08:01.980 And that's toxically masculine?
00:08:02.980 I think so, because it's like you're toxically, if that's a word, like establishing your dominance
00:08:09.180 in a way where you're not even trying to let me talk. You're trying to do this. Oh, like
00:08:11.940 just be quiet. I'm your man kind of thing. I think that's what toxic masculinity is.
00:08:15.660 I think that's just masculinity. I think like women just don't like being told no.
00:08:19.020 No, because I feel like you can be masculine, like she said before, and come in a correct
00:08:23.220 way. And you can tell me, babe, like, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't like the
00:08:26.580 way you're wearing this. I feel like this. Like, at least hear, sorry, at least hear me out
00:08:31.660 from my side.
00:08:32.660 Right. But that's how women would communicate.
00:08:34.660 That's one thing. That's how two adults should communicate.
00:08:37.660 Exactly. No, but that's because you're trying to make men communicate like women. Like,
00:08:40.900 have you ever been in a men's locker room and listened to how they talk to each other?
00:08:44.660 And you're like, oh, I can't believe they're like, I used to work at a plumbing tech company
00:08:48.660 and they would just roast the shit out of each other. And I could not believe they talked
00:08:52.060 to each other like that. But saying, oh, but like, let's communicate.
00:08:56.660 I need to remember we are women and we, our feelings do get hurt very quick. So just be
00:09:02.500 aware. So you wouldn't talk to, not referring to women as children. This is just an example.
00:09:07.500 You would talk to a child a certain way because you know it's a kid. You would talk to like
00:09:12.260 a bunch of boys a certain way because you know you're in a group of a bunch of boys.
00:09:15.800 Just be aware of who you're talking to. That's it.
00:09:18.340 And I agree with you. I think men know that. They know they can't communicate to us the
00:09:23.160 same way to communicate to other men. I'm saying it's not toxically masculine if a guy
00:09:26.580 just says no under conversation.
00:09:27.860 I think it is because like it's, I think, just give your reason. Just give your reason
00:09:33.280 because that's just what we want. Give your reason, babe, why you don't want me to. Him,
00:09:38.460 okay, this, this and this. Okay, yeah, I understand you. I'll take it off.
00:09:41.460 Do you think most women, that's their answer when he says, when you give them a reason,
00:09:46.600 he gives you a reason that they're like, oh, okay.
00:09:48.980 No, no. Obviously, no. It will go into a conversation. I feel like the clothing example
00:09:55.120 has messed things up. Let me give you another one. So say, for example, cool. I live with
00:09:59.140 my boyfriend, whatever. Like, I'm the one who will be cooking that night. Say, for example,
00:10:04.740 I say, babe, I'm thinking about making ABCD for dinner. And he goes, no, you're not doing
00:10:10.140 that. I feel like, why is it that you have the right to tell us what we're eating? I'm the
00:10:15.240 one that's doing the cooking.
00:10:15.840 Because he doesn't want to know. Sorry, I'm so sorry, but I've been itching. I just
00:10:19.060 didn't want to interrupt anybody. It's because he doesn't want to know and know the ins and
00:10:22.740 outs, in my opinion. He doesn't want to know the ins and outs and what you've decided.
00:10:25.420 Just cook the food. Men don't want to have to have a conversation. I like to, I think men
00:10:30.020 operate from a place of like solution. If there's a problem, what is the solution? How
00:10:33.860 do we fix this? Very black and white. It's women that want to have the conversation. So
00:10:37.660 instead of the, I'm cooking tonight. Oh, babe, this is what I'm going to cook. He
00:10:40.740 doesn't care. He just cook the food. So what if I've already, you can decide, babe.
00:10:45.120 What if I've defrosted my chicken? This guy tells me he wants fish. Are my chickens there
00:10:48.140 falling? No, but then. I can't see him doing that though. I think he'd be grateful for
00:10:51.060 whatever he wants. But that's why it's toxic masculinity. Because not everybody does it, but
00:10:54.660 nothing. but it's toxic.