JustPearlyThings - March 23, 2023


Woman talks about her Abusive EX


Episode Stats


Length

8 minutes

Words per minute

198.99223

Word count

1,606

Sentence count

22

Harmful content

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss abuse in relationships and how it affects us and how we deal with it. We have a guest on the show who shares her experience of being sexually abused by her ex-boyfriend and how she handled the situation.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:01.000 Modern women today have been lied to and here's the thing is that like you guys want us to be truthful
00:00:05.860 But at the point that we're truthful and you start crying then you start, you know with the victimhood
00:00:10.600 Then you start with these type of things. So it's so often times we just let y'all just go off
00:00:14.760 We just let y'all just do your thing and then again
00:00:17.460 You're gonna be single for the next couple of decades with a low-level barometer hate for men. I don't hate men
00:00:23.500 Personally. Can I ask you something?
00:00:25.500 There's just something so he would hit you. Is that what would happen? Um, I'd say it was a bit less physical
00:00:31.160 It did get physical a few times, but by just him emotional or was it some party?
00:00:37.260 Mainly him. So but you hit him too on one occasion. I hit him back. Yes
00:00:43.060 Okay, but that's the last occasion before you call the cops on him. Yeah, you power police. I did and I
00:00:50.500 never actually press charges
00:00:52.500 Why not? Um, because at the time I
00:00:56.500 Still loved him which is it sounds a bit weird a lot of people don't understand that concept
00:01:01.300 but I was I genuinely still loved him even though
00:01:05.100 So it happened
00:01:06.100 Do you think not pressing charges on him is a component of tough love or it's a component of being coddled?
00:01:11.500 Um, I think it's more of a component of me being
00:01:16.060 Sort of a empathic person empathetic person
00:01:19.260 I try to see the good in people even when they've done bad because i've done bad things and
00:01:25.100 I still believe i'm a good person
00:01:27.420 So I believe that other people
00:01:30.000 Are good yet?
00:01:31.400 They do bad things and I feel like I
00:01:34.000 If I
00:01:37.000 Say for example, I press charges on him like he had a daughter 0.97
00:01:40.140 As well, if I press charges on him, that's not just him going to prison
00:01:44.640 But what if he hits her that's I know exactly and that's another argument
00:01:49.440 I could be stopping other people from going through that
00:01:52.080 But I've because again, like I said, I loved him at the time
00:01:55.280 I thought of it as like a knock-on effect that okay, if I get him arrested
00:01:59.360 It's not only just him
00:02:01.440 That I obviously I care about him. I don't want him to be in prison. It's his child
00:02:05.440 That is going to be affected and then it's just like a knock-on effect
00:02:08.720 And I'm curious. I'm assuming when you guys were together. You didn't think you were groomed, right?
00:02:14.720 No, I
00:02:15.600 No
00:02:16.160 So when did that switch for you?
00:02:17.760 When did you decide you were groomed?
00:02:19.200 When I I didn't just I wouldn't say I decided I was groomed
00:02:21.920 Well, you changed your mind on it
00:02:23.120 Yeah, I'd say like
00:02:25.120 When I left the relationship, I started reading a few books and I started like looking into like
00:02:31.200 Yeah, a little bit
00:02:32.320 And he was how old again?
00:02:33.520 Um, well, he's currently 28
00:02:35.680 If he was 22 would have been grooming if it was the exact same situation?
00:02:39.120 I mean the thing is I feel like you can get you can sort of get groomed at any age
00:02:44.880 So if he was younger than you would have been grooming?
00:02:46.800 No, um
00:02:48.480 See, I'm gonna be careful on what I say here because I don't want to say that
00:02:52.400 No, I don't want to say that but I just feel like
00:02:55.120 I don't want to speak too much on the situation because obviously this is going to be out there
00:02:57.920 And I've got people that are watching and whatnot
00:02:59.920 So I don't want to speak too much on it, but I
00:03:03.040 I
00:03:04.240 I knew this guy from when I was 15
00:03:05.920 He emailed me a lot and then he'd sort of buy me gifts
00:03:09.280 buttoned me up
00:03:10.160 Tell me that he'd be watching me and work when I was like 16 and shit like that and then just
00:03:16.400 sort of
00:03:17.440 I don't want to say forced me in a relationship, but
00:03:19.600 Well, he didn't force you in a relationship
00:03:21.360 Like I
00:03:22.560 At the time I thought I wanted that relationship and then afterwards I seen all the signs of
00:03:29.840 Like what he had done and how we had gone about it and it
00:03:32.960 It all lines up to like grooming
00:03:35.680 In my opinion anyway
00:03:36.640 Are there things I'm willing to call out that
00:03:39.280 Are specific to grooming as opposed to just being a bad relationship with someone that you consider abusive?
00:03:44.000 No, um, there's a lot of specific things obviously I'm no fucking sorry for swearing
00:03:49.120 But I'm no like psychologist
00:03:51.120 um, and I'm no and the reason why I ask is because I think men 0.71
00:03:55.520 Today and again, I don't know your situation at all. I'm just talking in general
00:03:59.280 A lot of men today have words that are weaponized against them when they were just bad guys
00:04:03.280 You know, you know
00:04:04.320 Like one of the big ones is toxic masculinity, you know
00:04:07.520 Because I am you know, I have shitty components within my masculinity is therefore toxic
00:04:12.000 Right, and it's a word that's kind of weaponized
00:04:14.320 And then there's kind of this bad branding that trails them no matter what and you know, um
00:04:19.920 Again, I don't know the situation
00:04:21.440 Um, but there's people that are watching that know you and that know him and now they have a thought in their mind that he's a groomer
00:04:27.280 So that's why I ask is to know the thing is it's most of the people that I spoke to about the situation that told me that
00:04:32.960 Like I didn't realize until I had actually because I when I'm in a relationship
00:04:37.360 I tend to keep a lot of things to myself
00:04:39.760 I feel like I
00:04:41.280 It's between me and that other person. It's nothing to do with anyone else
00:04:45.360 There may be a few issues here and there where I may seek advice. I may not exactly follow that advice, but I may just ask for other opinions
00:04:52.480 and
00:04:54.000 Again, somebody said before there was red there may have been red flags I ignored and yeah again
00:04:58.800 I'd say there was a lot of red flags that I ignored
00:05:01.920 But because I was so willing to commit to this man
00:05:05.360 I
00:05:05.840 Decided to stay in that relationship and endure what I endured
00:05:09.920 Because I thought I loved this person, but in reality I felt like I was sort of
00:05:16.880 He
00:05:19.760 I don't really know what to say anymore
00:05:22.640 Yeah, um like for me
00:05:26.080 I see where you're coming from everything because you know, I think a lot of people have gone through these things and they don't actually know
00:05:31.040 They've gone through grooming
00:05:32.960 But sometimes like some people will
00:05:36.320 Suss out your sorry. Um, they will kind of evaluate your situations and see how close you are of your family
00:05:42.640 or your friends and things like that and that's kind of what makes it grooming because it's like if you're young and under the age of
00:05:48.000 Like 18 like 16 or so and they're 30 and they know you don't have a good connection with your family
00:05:52.640 Or maybe you even like maybe we're homeless or grew up in care or things like that
00:05:57.200 And then they can appeal to things that you need because you've never had anyone that can maybe come across this agreement
00:06:02.640 So then you look at you
00:06:04.080 Because to me like 15 is a bit a bit like you know, but
00:06:09.920 I don't know when I was 17. I knew what I was doing
00:06:12.480 Yeah, like at 17, you know, I'd say you know what you're doing, but what business does a
00:06:17.600 27 year old man have to do with a
00:06:21.040 Like a 15 16 17 year old. I mean is it 15 16 17?
00:06:26.000 When I was 15 he was what he would have been 24 and then onwards from there
00:06:31.120 Wait, he started talking to you when you were 15. Yeah
00:06:34.320 Let's talk about how that's illegal
00:06:36.320 Is that legal here?
00:06:37.840 It's definitely illegal in the state
00:06:39.440 15 is weird
00:06:40.960 It wasn't
00:06:42.000 The thing is it wasn't he was talking to me in a sexual way it was in because again like I said
00:06:47.360 So it was like in a friend friendly way, but looking back
00:06:51.040 I felt like he'd bottom me up like he'd be on my socials
00:06:53.680 Complimenting me like saying shit like one day. I'm gonna wife you shit like that
00:06:58.400 15?
00:06:59.360 Yeah, like 15 16
00:07:01.600 That's illegal and I didn't see all the time
00:07:04.080 And I genuinely I don't know
00:07:07.520 I the first few years it was obviously I I got I got with him
00:07:12.560 When I was 17, so it's not like I got with him when I was under age
00:07:16.560 I was like 17 18 when I actually got with him and started dating him and whatnot
00:07:20.640 And again, like you said pearl, you know what you're doing that at that age
00:07:25.600 I don't I don't sort of say I don't know what I was doing
00:07:29.040 But again, I feel like I was in a vulnerable position and I got taken advantage of
00:07:33.360 As many of you know, I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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