Woman talks about her Abusive EX
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
198.99223
Summary
In this episode, we discuss abuse in relationships and how it affects us and how we deal with it. We have a guest on the show who shares her experience of being sexually abused by her ex-boyfriend and how she handled the situation.
Transcript
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Modern women today have been lied to and here's the thing is that like you guys want us to be truthful
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But at the point that we're truthful and you start crying then you start, you know with the victimhood
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Then you start with these type of things. So it's so often times we just let y'all just go off
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We just let y'all just do your thing and then again
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You're gonna be single for the next couple of decades with a low-level barometer hate for men. I don't hate men
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There's just something so he would hit you. Is that what would happen? Um, I'd say it was a bit less physical
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It did get physical a few times, but by just him emotional or was it some party?
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Mainly him. So but you hit him too on one occasion. I hit him back. Yes
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Okay, but that's the last occasion before you call the cops on him. Yeah, you power police. I did and I
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Still loved him which is it sounds a bit weird a lot of people don't understand that concept
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but I was I genuinely still loved him even though
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Do you think not pressing charges on him is a component of tough love or it's a component of being coddled?
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Um, I think it's more of a component of me being
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I try to see the good in people even when they've done bad because i've done bad things and
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Say for example, I press charges on him like he had a daughter
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As well, if I press charges on him, that's not just him going to prison
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But what if he hits her that's I know exactly and that's another argument
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I could be stopping other people from going through that
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But I've because again, like I said, I loved him at the time
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I thought of it as like a knock-on effect that okay, if I get him arrested
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That I obviously I care about him. I don't want him to be in prison. It's his child
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That is going to be affected and then it's just like a knock-on effect
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And I'm curious. I'm assuming when you guys were together. You didn't think you were groomed, right?
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When I I didn't just I wouldn't say I decided I was groomed
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When I left the relationship, I started reading a few books and I started like looking into like
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If he was 22 would have been grooming if it was the exact same situation?
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I mean the thing is I feel like you can get you can sort of get groomed at any age
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So if he was younger than you would have been grooming?
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See, I'm gonna be careful on what I say here because I don't want to say that
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No, I don't want to say that but I just feel like
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I don't want to speak too much on the situation because obviously this is going to be out there
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And I've got people that are watching and whatnot
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He emailed me a lot and then he'd sort of buy me gifts
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Tell me that he'd be watching me and work when I was like 16 and shit like that and then just
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I don't want to say forced me in a relationship, but
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At the time I thought I wanted that relationship and then afterwards I seen all the signs of
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Like what he had done and how we had gone about it and it
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Are specific to grooming as opposed to just being a bad relationship with someone that you consider abusive?
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No, um, there's a lot of specific things obviously I'm no fucking sorry for swearing
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um, and I'm no and the reason why I ask is because I think men
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Today and again, I don't know your situation at all. I'm just talking in general
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A lot of men today have words that are weaponized against them when they were just bad guys
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Like one of the big ones is toxic masculinity, you know
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Because I am you know, I have shitty components within my masculinity is therefore toxic
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Right, and it's a word that's kind of weaponized
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And then there's kind of this bad branding that trails them no matter what and you know, um
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Um, but there's people that are watching that know you and that know him and now they have a thought in their mind that he's a groomer
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So that's why I ask is to know the thing is it's most of the people that I spoke to about the situation that told me that
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Like I didn't realize until I had actually because I when I'm in a relationship
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It's between me and that other person. It's nothing to do with anyone else
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There may be a few issues here and there where I may seek advice. I may not exactly follow that advice, but I may just ask for other opinions
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Again, somebody said before there was red there may have been red flags I ignored and yeah again
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I'd say there was a lot of red flags that I ignored
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But because I was so willing to commit to this man
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Decided to stay in that relationship and endure what I endured
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Because I thought I loved this person, but in reality I felt like I was sort of
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I see where you're coming from everything because you know, I think a lot of people have gone through these things and they don't actually know
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Suss out your sorry. Um, they will kind of evaluate your situations and see how close you are of your family
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or your friends and things like that and that's kind of what makes it grooming because it's like if you're young and under the age of
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Like 18 like 16 or so and they're 30 and they know you don't have a good connection with your family
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Or maybe you even like maybe we're homeless or grew up in care or things like that
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And then they can appeal to things that you need because you've never had anyone that can maybe come across this agreement
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Because to me like 15 is a bit a bit like you know, but
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I don't know when I was 17. I knew what I was doing
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Yeah, like at 17, you know, I'd say you know what you're doing, but what business does a
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Like a 15 16 17 year old. I mean is it 15 16 17?
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When I was 15 he was what he would have been 24 and then onwards from there
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Wait, he started talking to you when you were 15. Yeah
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The thing is it wasn't he was talking to me in a sexual way it was in because again like I said
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So it was like in a friend friendly way, but looking back
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I felt like he'd bottom me up like he'd be on my socials
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Complimenting me like saying shit like one day. I'm gonna wife you shit like that
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I the first few years it was obviously I I got I got with him
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When I was 17, so it's not like I got with him when I was under age
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I was like 17 18 when I actually got with him and started dating him and whatnot
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And again, like you said pearl, you know what you're doing that at that age
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I don't I don't sort of say I don't know what I was doing
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But again, I feel like I was in a vulnerable position and I got taken advantage of
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As many of you know, I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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