JustPearlyThings - Women Are All About Their Happiness

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.920 Just to the point of this guy, the footballer, and what he did,

00:00:04.440 did he do the right thing?

00:00:05.360 100% man, this has got to be, this has got to be the blueprint.

00:00:08.380 I wish I did that.

00:00:09.400 This has got to be the blueprint.

00:00:10.300 This is the smartest thing I've ever heard.

00:00:11.420 This is the smartest thing I've ever heard.

00:00:12.860 This has got to be the blueprint for every single man now,

00:00:15.200 for the rest of eternity.

00:00:16.780 Sign all your money over to your mum.

00:00:18.520 That's it, that's it guys.

00:00:20.180 Sign your assets over.

00:00:21.500 I do believe in divorce.

00:00:24.200 Like I don't necessarily believe that divorce is an inherently bad thing.

00:00:27.780 And I do think it's for the greater good sometimes.

00:00:31.640 Okay, what, how?

00:00:33.320 Like in what instances?

00:00:34.680 Yeah.

00:00:35.720 I mean, if you're not, I mean, if you're not happy,

00:00:40.920 if you're not being respected, I just feel like.

00:00:44.220 I'm not happy.

00:00:45.260 I was waiting for the happy.

00:00:46.420 Don't you think, don't you think happiness comes and goes?

00:00:48.620 So should the marriage vow switch to for richer, for poorer, until I'm happy?

00:00:52.780 Until I'm not happy.

00:00:54.480 I would think those ones, yeah.

00:00:55.860 In sickness and in health, and if I'm not happy.

00:01:00.780 Not necessarily, but I just, I don't understand why you guys truly believe

00:01:04.980 that you should stay in a relationship that's causing your own happiness.

00:01:07.740 Because I'll tell you why.

00:01:09.160 Because I think once you have kids, it's not about you anymore.

00:01:11.720 So a lot of times, like women make choices for themselves and for their happiness,

00:01:15.980 but there's effects in society that happen because of the choice they made.

00:01:19.860 Where it's like, yeah, okay, you might be happy, but how is your child going to feel

00:01:24.400 when he gets to see his dad six days a month?

00:01:26.820 Today, we are talking about a couple that is in the news.

00:01:31.860 All right.

00:01:32.660 There's a famous soccer player who recently was divorced.

00:01:37.680 And his, you know, soon ex-wife had a very big surprise in the divorce.

00:01:46.500 Play the video, Blessing.

00:01:48.380 Also, shout out to Chisha Zed.

00:01:50.180 We're going to react to his video today.

00:01:51.720 Joseph, welcome to the Coffee Pod.

00:01:57.500 My name is Chisha Zed.

00:01:58.580 Drink the coffee, it'll make you feel better.

00:02:00.500 Professional footballer Ashraf Akime's wife filed for divorce and demanded half of his property.

00:02:08.660 We've heard this story before, but this one's a little bit different.

00:02:11.720 She was informed by the court that her millionaire husband owns nothing.

00:02:18.320 How could that be?

00:02:22.020 How could that be?

00:02:23.460 She was shocked.

00:02:25.380 I'm sure the whole courtroom was shocked to find out that her plan to get half of everything he owns

00:02:32.300 was immediately disrupted.

00:02:34.940 Why?

00:02:35.260 Well, because all his property is registered under his mother's name.

00:02:41.900 Wow.

00:02:42.360 This is definitely some bitter coffee for that ex-wife, or soon-to-be ex-wife.

00:02:48.820 She's drinking black coffee.

00:02:50.140 We're drinking some coffee with a little bit of creamer in it today.

00:02:55.700 Because, you know, this is good news.

00:02:58.780 Yeah, man, I got the DMs from you guys.

00:03:00.580 A bunch of you wanted me to talk about this.

00:03:02.560 So, it's trending everywhere.

00:03:04.060 But there's more to the story than just this trending headline.

00:03:07.280 We're going to look at what exactly might be going on in the background, what led to this situation, possibly,

00:03:12.960 and also what the people have to say about everything that's going on.

00:03:16.820 So, for those of you who may not know, Ashraf Hakime is a professional footballer

00:03:20.860 who plays for League One Club Paris Saint-Germain and Morocco National Team.

00:03:28.380 What a lot of people probably don't know, and I personally didn't know,

00:03:31.120 because I just don't follow soccer that closely, about this story,

00:03:35.040 is that on March 3rd, Ashraf had been indicted by Paris police over allegations of grape.

00:03:43.520 The man was recently metooed and placed under judicial supervision on March 3rd last month.

00:03:49.580 Now, three weeks later, on March 27th, his wife filed for divorce,

00:03:55.040 or at least she went online to announce that she was divorcing and leaving her husband,

00:03:59.560 and they were awaiting divorce proceedings.

00:04:02.060 Now, two weeks later, after that, everything took a shocking turn when this news was released in court.

00:04:10.480 It was found that the 24-year-old famous soccer player had no assets under his name.

00:04:17.160 She took him to court so that she could take away his assets, right?

00:04:20.460 We're not surprised.

00:04:21.440 Women.

00:04:21.740 It was reported that all his properties, jewelry, and cars were all under his mom's name.

00:04:30.580 Real quick, shout-out to that mom, man, who came through for her son,

00:04:35.220 because I have never heard of this shit before in my life.

00:04:40.360 Usually, especially as young as this professional athlete is,

00:04:44.900 a lot of professional athletes end up broke.

00:04:46.620 Majority of them do, and that's because they don't take the initiative to protect their wealth,

00:04:52.400 understand money, and how to grow wealth outside of the sport,

00:04:57.200 but just protecting your wealth after a divorce is usually very difficult for a lot of these athletes to do.

00:05:02.400 They don't take it seriously.

00:05:03.820 Not only were the properties, jewelry, and cars under his mom's name,

00:05:06.800 but she also received 80% of his $15.7 million wage.

00:05:14.260 Therefore, it meant that Ashraf had no assets to split with his wife.

00:05:22.480 From what I know and where it stands, now she gets nothing.

00:05:25.400 So they do have two children, two sons in specific,

00:05:28.800 and a lot of people are speculating that the reason for her initiating that divorce

00:05:33.340 was based on him inviting some chick over while his wife and kids were off on vacation,

00:05:42.060 and then that chick who came over to his place claiming that he forced himself on her.

00:05:48.800 What do you guys think of that?

00:05:50.400 All right, curious to know what you guys think of that.

00:05:51.800 As always, we're going to check out some of these comments,

00:05:53.580 see what the people have to say.

00:05:54.860 This is an obvious win, of course, for this man as far as his assets go.

00:06:03.620 But this post came from Wealth.

00:06:05.580 They commented, and this is an Instagram page.

00:06:07.860 They commented, he said, Ma, hold the bag.

00:06:11.020 Coming at 19,000 likes.

00:06:12.900 Another comment here, none other than Francis Ngannou,

00:06:16.140 added and said, that's how you do it.

00:06:18.660 5,000 likes.

00:06:19.800 Shout out to Francis, man.

00:06:20.700 Another person here, a woman chimed in and says,

00:06:22.800 y'all clapping for him.

00:06:24.060 But this is kind of disturbing.

00:06:26.380 Okay, so she disagrees.

00:06:27.500 We have a woman here who doesn't like what's going on.

00:06:29.760 She goes on to say, because maybe the reason for the divorce is due to his inability to make moves without his mom.

00:06:36.940 Smart for sure, but strange.

00:06:41.860 What do you guys think of that?

00:06:43.420 Do you guys think that's the reason for the divorce?

00:06:45.740 I mean, with the data we know now, and these women initiating divorces over anything,

00:06:51.920 I think she probably thought of a reason, found it, and decided it was worth initiating for that divorce in her eyes.

00:06:57.880 But let's see what the people have to say, because people responded back to that chick.

00:07:00.240 For example, this man who said, doubt it.

00:07:03.020 And another commenter who added, obviously, the mother is the only one that won't leave him and take half of his money.

00:07:10.420 951 likes.

00:07:11.220 Another person here says, best comment in response to that guy I have seen on internet.

00:07:16.520 Another man here says, how is that strange in response to that chick?

00:07:21.180 Especially in a world we live in, and after seeing so many cases, I'll say that was very smart for him.

00:07:27.820 Why should your wife be automatically eligible to get half your shit just because you don't want to be with him no more?

00:07:35.080 This turned into a threat, and a lot of people chimed in.

00:07:37.100 This next person said, she probably paid someone to accuse of grape.

00:07:41.700 Oh, shit.

00:07:42.280 So she can file a divorce and get half of his money.

00:07:45.160 What do you guys think of that?

00:07:46.520 I don't know.

00:07:47.600 I think those are far out speculations, but hey, who knows?

00:07:53.400 Another person here says, so for that, she deserves to split half of the man's wealth.

00:07:58.600 And finally, another comment here to end the thread says, men.

00:08:01.940 Okay.

00:08:03.040 So what is you guys' reaction to that story?

00:08:05.980 Who's right?

00:08:06.680 Who's wrong?

00:08:07.540 Was it smart?

00:08:08.400 Was it wrong?

00:08:10.160 Okay.

00:08:10.600 She's got it.

00:08:11.480 I could see you during the reaction on the edge of your seat.

00:08:14.500 Go ahead.

00:08:14.840 I think he's a smart guy because especially with marriages and when you have a lot of money, people will do anything to get a piece of your pie.

00:08:24.760 And I'm coming from a place where I've had people take a piece of my pie.

00:08:30.140 Like I have been scammed over 10 grand of my money.

00:08:34.860 How did you get scammed for 10 grand?

00:08:37.360 Scammed for 10 grand?

00:08:38.940 Sorry.

00:08:39.260 Sorry.

00:08:39.500 I can't talk.

00:08:39.880 It was from a very, I'm not going to say the name of the company, but basically...

00:08:49.380 Why not?

00:08:49.740 Beat them up.

00:08:50.800 No, because I don't want to get sued and then they take more money off of me.

00:08:54.420 No, no, no, no.

00:08:55.420 So this company promised my company to advertise, market and promote my business.

00:09:03.480 And obviously this business was Pakistani.

00:09:10.400 And the reason why they didn't follow with all the agreements and the proposal fee at the end of my performance at Wembley Arena last year in August, they go, the reason why we didn't do all those things is because you're not Pakistani.

00:09:24.320 So they took my money.

00:09:27.740 I did a free performance in front of 12,500 people and 10 grand just went woof.

00:09:33.760 Wow.

00:09:34.460 So when it comes to that, I think he's very smart for giving his assets to his mom so people don't take it because anyone will take that opportunity just to take something from me.

00:09:44.680 What do you think?

00:09:47.060 I mean, I feel like I do think it was a smart move.

00:09:53.400 I think, like, it was obviously very calculated.

00:09:59.100 However, I don't necessarily think that when you're divorcing someone, I don't think it's scamming to, like, take some of their money or whatever when you divorce someone.

00:10:14.000 Do you think you're entitled to a man's money in divorce that he made?

00:10:17.920 Entitled, not necessarily.

00:10:22.260 But I think, for example, in some situations where you might have given up your career to raise children or whatever, like, you decided to put the money that you're making on hold to put effort into growing.

00:10:36.940 Three out of four women work.

00:10:39.460 So most women, most women work.

00:10:42.580 When they have children.

00:10:44.320 Yeah.

00:10:44.760 It says three out of four mothers in the UK work.

00:10:47.060 But also it's her choice to have those children with him.

00:10:49.920 And those children surely are going to still be looked after by their father.

00:10:53.160 So, like, financially, I'm sure his mother's not going to be like, bye.

00:10:56.980 Couldn't you argue it's an even trade because she gets time with the kids that he doesn't get?

00:11:01.940 So wouldn't you say that's an even trade?

00:11:03.780 Not necessarily.

00:11:05.080 You don't think time with your kids is more valuable than?

00:11:07.840 That's not what I'm saying.

00:11:09.120 I feel as though if a father wants to have time with his children, I feel like, you know, legally he has the right to fight to have more time with his children.

00:11:18.980 If that's what he needs to do.

00:11:20.880 No, but I was saying during the marriage, you don't think that's an equal exchange?

00:11:24.300 So she gets time with the children and she has to put her career on hold.

00:11:29.060 But he he gets to do the career thing when he doesn't get the time with his kids.

00:11:32.980 So you don't think that's a fair exchange?

00:11:35.160 I don't think that's an equal exchange.

00:11:37.460 I don't think those two things are equal.

00:11:39.980 Like, I'm not a better deal in that.

00:11:42.080 That's not me saying that necessarily working on your career is better than spending time with your children.

00:11:48.520 But I feel as though when if you guys are to split up or have a divorce, it does put you at an.

00:11:54.740 Advantage if you have spent time furthering your career and.

00:11:58.560 But then shouldn't you stay?

00:12:00.980 Shouldn't you not get divorced then?

00:12:03.180 So you just think that women should put up with anything and stay in a relationship there?

00:12:07.540 Most things.

00:12:08.320 Yeah, I think pretty much everything.

00:12:10.180 Yeah.

00:12:10.780 Can I?

00:12:12.200 I think.

00:12:12.900 Yeah, I think I think otherwise stay in a relationship.

00:12:15.460 Why get married?

00:12:16.720 Isn't like what happened to for better, for worse, for sickness and health for richer or for poorer?

00:12:20.900 And those are your vows.

00:12:21.900 Don't they matter?

00:12:22.500 Till death do us part.

00:12:23.720 But being cheated on isn't part of the.

00:12:25.840 All right.

00:12:26.180 Can I interject though?

00:12:27.260 How.

00:12:27.540 Why are we assuming that the kids are going to go to her?

00:12:30.540 We're not.

00:12:31.520 Yeah, you are.

00:12:32.900 I didn't assume anything.

00:12:34.300 No, but I'm saying the way how the direction of the conversation is going.

00:12:36.920 It's like we know that the kids are going to her.

00:12:40.580 Like he's a footballer, right?

00:12:42.140 Trains a couple hours a day.

00:12:43.560 She was on about whilst he was.

00:12:45.080 While they're married.

00:12:46.080 Not separation.

00:12:46.880 We haven't even got to the separation.

00:12:48.420 No, no, no.

00:12:48.620 We have got to the separation.

00:12:49.360 No, we didn't.

00:12:50.360 Yeah.

00:12:50.720 You can rewind the podcast.

00:12:52.140 We actually did get to that part.

00:12:53.340 When we're talking about after when he's leaving, after they've left.

00:12:56.520 This lady was talking about whilst they're in the relationship still.

00:13:00.780 Is it a fair exchange?

00:13:02.160 I was saying, is it a fair exchange that she gets to stay at home and the value that she

00:13:07.280 gets from that and him working, they're still married.

00:13:10.480 I understand that point.

00:13:11.400 And then after we talked about leaving and where the children should go.

00:13:15.320 No, I said that when they, when they separate, he has an advantage.

00:13:19.840 There we go.

00:13:20.720 No, but I never said it wasn't about.

00:13:23.200 But couldn't she, couldn't she have an advantage to getting remarried and being a stay-at-home

00:13:27.380 wife?

00:13:27.680 Then she has an advantage.

00:13:28.540 She has more wife skills.

00:13:31.100 No?

00:13:31.460 Like if you were a stay-at-home wife, then you'd have stay-at-home wife skills.

00:13:36.260 So wouldn't she have an advantage if you wanted to get remarried?

00:13:38.940 But you've got her wife's CV.

00:13:40.540 You've got children now, though, so you automatically devalue.

00:13:43.520 Yeah, so you should stay.

00:13:44.100 No, no, no.

00:13:45.720 So you should stay.

00:13:46.360 You see, that's what I'm trying to say.

00:13:47.540 You devalue.

00:13:48.060 What do you mean?

00:13:48.520 Like, how do you know the kids are going to go to her?

00:13:50.740 We're not saying.

00:13:51.620 Hold on, hold on.

00:13:52.720 Let me, let me, let me try and nuance my point.

00:13:55.100 Yeah?

00:13:55.480 If she has no kids because the kids are with him, then there's no responsibility for her.

00:14:00.760 She's pushed out two children, so she's still automatically in the eyes of a man when he's

00:14:05.180 looking at that woman.

00:14:05.920 No.

00:14:06.620 Is a woman not devalued?

00:14:07.880 No, because I'm looking at, I have to pay for the kids.

00:14:09.680 If the kids are not at the house, then what?

00:14:11.340 We're not talking about that.

00:14:12.020 Catch up.

00:14:12.580 We're talking about something different.

00:14:13.880 Wait, no, Amiri.

00:14:14.620 I think she's saying that the mom is less valuable when she has kids.

00:14:18.140 I know what she's saying.

00:14:19.020 Yeah.

00:14:19.360 That's literally, like, am I talking, like, Marshall or something?

00:14:23.080 No, no, sorry, sorry.

00:14:23.100 I just didn't understand what you were saying.

00:14:23.940 I'm saying, literally, the reason why it's a problem if a woman has kids is because I

00:14:28.280 have to look after them.

00:14:29.360 But if the kids are with the man, then I don't have to look after them.

00:14:31.980 But she'll still have them at some point.

00:14:33.420 There'll still be moments where they come over and it's like a...

00:14:35.840 Yeah, but that's not why men are, like, saying to stay away from women with kids.

00:14:42.480 It's because I'm going to have to look after the kids.

00:14:44.600 I'm going to get connected to the kids.

00:14:45.120 So if I send my children to my son's dad, am I then more valuable?

00:14:49.580 Say that again?

00:14:50.100 If I send my son to his dad, am I now, like, high market?

00:14:53.640 Yeah, but then you've got to listen to...

00:14:54.280 I think it'd be higher market, yeah.

00:14:56.040 Because, like, think about it.

00:14:57.620 If the dad had primary custody, you'd only have the kids, what, three to six days a month?

00:15:02.300 Wouldn't the question then be, like, why?

00:15:03.900 What's wrong with you?

00:15:04.600 Like, why does your...

00:15:06.560 Why do you not have 50 share?

00:15:07.960 Like, if the father's willing to do, like, a big portion of it, why wouldn't it be 50%?

00:15:13.300 Like...

00:15:13.660 Are you asking me?

00:15:14.520 Also, do you think, like, society values women that don't look after their children?

00:15:19.360 No.

00:15:20.120 No.

00:15:20.840 No, I don't...

00:15:21.860 What do you mean?

00:15:23.460 Say that again.

00:15:23.980 Because, I mean, you guys are saying that a woman's higher value if the children...

00:15:27.840 Can you speak into the mic, please?

00:15:29.020 Sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:15:29.760 You guys are saying that a woman's higher value if her children are with their dad or not with them primarily.

00:15:37.620 So, like, do you guys think that society respects women who don't look after their children?

00:15:43.720 She was speculating that, I think.

00:15:45.780 I don't think she said it definitively yet.

00:15:47.580 She was just sort of floating the idea.

00:15:48.960 I mean, I think in some ways a guy might prefer to meet a woman who's less encumbered with children, you know,

00:15:55.680 because some guys do have, you know, an issue with she's got three kids.

00:15:59.360 He's like, do I want to take that on if they're not around?

00:16:02.120 Potentially, you might say, well, maybe that's going to be more of an attractive proposition.

00:16:05.680 But you are right.

00:16:06.380 On the other hand, if the other way of looking at it is, well, you know, she couldn't look after her kids.

00:16:11.420 So, if he's looking for somebody to produce more kids with, then maybe she's not such a good bet.

00:16:16.660 But I think...

00:16:17.280 But just to the point of this guy, the footballer, and what he did, did he do the right thing?

00:16:22.040 100%, man.

00:16:22.820 This has got to be...

00:16:23.460 This has got to be the blue bridge.

00:16:25.340 I wish I did that.

00:16:26.060 This has got to be the blue bridge.

00:16:27.220 This is the smartest thing I've ever heard.

00:16:28.100 This has got to be the blue bridge for every single man now for the rest of eternity.

00:16:33.460 Sign all your money over to your mum.

00:16:35.200 That's it, guys.

00:16:36.400 Sign your assets over.

00:16:38.240 Sign it over.

00:16:38.840 Wasn't he significantly younger than her as well?

00:16:41.480 Even better.

00:16:42.180 Yeah, I think so.

00:16:42.940 I also read that she now on paper is more wealthy than him.

00:16:46.440 So, he is entitled to 50% of hers in the divorce.

00:16:50.020 Good.

00:16:51.460 Good.

00:16:52.020 That's earlier today as well.

00:16:54.180 Okay.

00:16:55.340 Because he's got no money.

00:16:57.560 On paper, she's wealthier than he is.

00:17:00.160 So, he's actually entitled to some of her money.

00:17:03.880 That's what I read today.

00:17:04.620 Can I get back to that point?

00:17:06.260 Let me land a little bit.

00:17:07.400 Because it's not that she's more appealing because the kids are with the father.

00:17:13.000 It's necessarily my resources are less wasted, I want to say.

00:17:18.460 Because, okay, say for example, I get connected to the kids.

00:17:21.520 She could leave and take her kids because they're not my kids.

00:17:23.980 But I've invested my time, my money into the kids that we're looking after.

00:17:28.420 If the kids are not dead, then I don't need to invest no time into them.

00:17:30.920 I'm not spending no money on them.

00:17:32.220 So, like, I don't see how I'm losing by being with her.

00:17:35.480 Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

00:17:36.400 I'm not saying she's more valuable.

00:17:38.040 I'm just saying it's less money coming out of my pocket.

00:17:40.440 Yeah.

00:17:43.680 Do you have anything to...

00:17:44.480 Do we show you?

00:17:46.860 What do you think?

00:17:48.740 What do you think of the situation?

00:17:51.460 Smart.

00:17:52.060 But obviously, it depends on your relationship with your mom.

00:17:54.040 Do you know what I mean?

00:17:54.320 Otherwise, more footballers would do it.

00:17:55.500 Do you know what I find really sus?

00:17:58.240 It could be very, like, controlling if your money's...

00:18:00.460 You have to ask to do things, you know what I mean?

00:18:02.080 Yeah.

00:18:02.360 Master night, please.

00:18:03.300 The relationship's got to be on a certain level.

00:18:05.800 Something is so sus about that chick going to his house.

00:18:11.180 And then...

00:18:13.280 I don't think so, necessarily, because I don't think it's, like, outlandish to...

00:18:17.940 For a footballer to have an affair.

00:18:18.700 Yeah, for a footballer to have an affair.

00:18:20.420 Oh, no, no, no.

00:18:20.960 For the fact that the chick is...

00:18:22.980 Claiming grape.

00:18:23.620 But that happens all the time to footballers, isn't it?

00:18:26.660 It's, like...

00:18:27.040 So, I feel...

00:18:27.660 I generally feel bad for the guy.

00:18:29.500 Yeah.

00:18:30.300 Well, and the problem is in family court, you don't need evidence to accuse a guy of that.

00:18:35.380 So, yeah, it's based on a balance of probabilities.

00:18:39.240 It's not...

00:18:39.960 It's based on a balance of probabilities.

00:18:41.640 It's not based on evidence.

00:18:43.840 So, essentially, like, girls can accuse men of assault in family court, and there's no consequence for it.

00:18:49.400 Yeah.

00:18:49.840 And they can lose the kids, like, based on this.

00:18:52.400 And they don't even get a judge, a jury, a trial.

00:18:54.660 Yeah.

00:18:55.040 They're getting at it.

00:18:55.520 That's so messed up.

00:18:57.700 Do you guys believe in divorce?

00:18:59.400 If so, for what reasons?

00:19:02.740 I love how you're just looking at me.

00:19:05.100 I know.

00:19:05.400 I'm ready.

00:19:06.940 I mean, I do believe in divorce.

00:19:10.360 Like, I don't necessarily believe that divorce is an inherently bad thing.

00:19:14.780 And I do think it's for the greater good sometimes.

00:19:18.140 Okay.

00:19:18.380 What?

00:19:18.800 How?

00:19:19.680 Like, in what instances?

00:19:21.060 Yeah.

00:19:21.260 Yeah.

00:19:22.400 I mean, if you're not...

00:19:23.660 I mean, if you're not happy, if you're not being respected, I just feel like...

00:19:30.580 I'm not happy!

00:19:31.600 I was waiting for the happiness.

00:19:32.820 Don't you think happiness comes and goes?

00:19:36.940 To an extent, of course, happiness comes and goes.

00:19:39.220 But if you're in a relationship, and that relationship is causing you unhappiness for the majority of time that you've been in it, then what's the point in it?

00:19:48.000 Isn't happiness a choice?

00:19:50.840 Yeah, that's why you can choose to be in the relationship or not.

00:19:54.220 If the relationship's not making you happy, you choose...

00:19:57.180 Do you go to a relationship to make you happy, or should you look for happiness within?

00:20:02.440 I mean, you can do both simultaneously.

00:20:04.280 I don't think they're completely separate.

00:20:07.020 I believe you can be happy in yourself and at the same time not happy in the relationship that you're in.

00:20:11.720 So should the marriage vows switch to for richer, for poorer, until I'm happy?

00:20:16.000 Until I'm not happy.

00:20:17.660 I would do those ones, yeah.

00:20:20.200 And sickness and in health, and if I'm not happy.

00:20:23.900 Not necessarily, but I just...

00:20:25.820 I don't understand why you guys truly believe that you should stay in a relationship that's causing you unhappiness.

00:20:30.920 Because I'll tell you why.

00:20:32.320 Because I think once you have kids, it's not about you anymore.

00:20:35.100 And once you start a family unit, it's not about you.

00:20:36.860 You know, I talked to a guy down the street.

00:20:38.680 He runs a homeless shelter.

00:20:40.720 He's been in a homeless shelter for 40 years working with the people.

00:20:43.500 And I asked him, what's the number one cause of homelessness?

00:20:48.240 Like, why does this happen?

00:20:49.540 He tells me, single mother homes.

00:20:51.520 So a lot of times, like, women make choices for themselves and for their happiness.

00:20:55.780 But there's effects in society that happen because of the choice they made.

00:20:59.860 Where it's like, yeah, okay, you might be happy.

00:21:03.000 But how is your child going to feel when he gets to see his dad six days a month?

00:21:06.860 Yeah, but how does the child feel when they're stuck in a home with two parents that are arguing non-stop, constantly, all day?

00:21:13.380 I don't think necessarily that staying in a relationship just to make the kids happy is the best decision for the kids all the time.

00:21:20.780 Wouldn't a better solution be figure out how to get along with your husband?

00:21:24.640 You can do that in separate houses.

00:21:26.160 As long as you co-parent perfectly, I think it could work.

00:21:28.620 I know it can work because that's exactly what I do.

00:21:30.740 But wouldn't it be better to do it in the same house?

00:21:32.400 100%.

00:21:33.200 If it could have worked, then the ideal would be we all live happily ever.

00:21:38.420 But what couldn't work?

00:21:39.080 Explain to me.

00:21:39.700 So what couldn't work with your, you said you did that.

00:21:42.420 So what couldn't work?

00:21:43.680 Serial cheating.

00:21:44.440 I'm not going to put up with serial cheating.

00:21:46.740 So for me, it wasn't the dynamic.

00:21:48.280 On his side?

00:21:48.780 Yeah.

00:21:49.200 And you were 100%, you never cheated, ever?

00:21:55.500 100%.

00:21:56.380 I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.

00:21:59.620 And so before the relationship, you never caught him cheating.

00:22:02.640 You had no inkling.

00:22:04.240 Yeah.

00:22:04.800 What do you mean before?

00:22:05.580 Sorry, before the child.

00:22:06.880 Sorry.

00:22:07.020 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:07.760 100%.

00:22:08.280 And when I fell pregnant with my son, it wasn't like we didn't plan to have.

00:22:13.080 And we were engaged.

00:22:17.860 So in my naive young mind, I thought.

00:22:20.500 Oh, so you had the kid before you got married?

00:22:22.420 Yeah, I got engaged.

00:22:23.320 Then I had my son.

00:22:25.340 In my mind, naively, I thought the fact that he had proposed and we were having a baby, that was him.

00:22:32.560 So there was like a change or a shift somehow.

00:22:34.760 Obviously, it was incorrect.

00:22:36.300 How did you find out about him cheating?

00:22:37.700 It was a relationship that happened.

00:22:44.440 So I don't want to go into details because obviously it's his business as well as mine.

00:22:49.300 But she was crying down the phone to me.

00:22:51.940 Oh, she called you?

00:22:53.360 Yeah.

00:22:53.800 How did you know she was telling the truth?

00:22:55.960 Well, he didn't deny it.

00:22:57.080 He was stood in front of me.

00:22:58.020 Oh, he just stood in front of me.

00:22:59.240 He didn't deny it.

00:23:00.640 That's crazy.

00:23:01.220 He didn't deny it.

00:23:02.780 And so, yeah, she was upset.

00:23:04.700 And I felt sorry for her because she didn't know that we were still together.

00:23:09.600 And so, but I don't, we were both really young.

00:23:13.920 Like when I look back, I was 19, he was 21 when we met.

00:23:18.440 We were both in the military.

00:23:19.760 So it wasn't like we were around each other all the time.

00:23:21.800 So the dynamic was very different than, I guess, people that are living in the same house every day.

00:23:26.860 And you said you're single now, right?

00:23:28.840 Do you think you're in a better situation now?

00:23:31.740 For my son, us two together?

00:23:33.320 No, I mean, like personally.

00:23:34.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.

00:23:35.960 Well, what does life look like after 55 if you're by yourself?

00:23:40.480 I'm not going to be by myself by the time I'm 55.

00:23:43.500 I don't know because I'm not there.

00:23:45.040 I don't know.

00:23:45.380 But no, but that's what I'm saying.

00:23:46.600 A lot of times, like we think we can, like we do better.

00:23:50.320 Like what if you don't?

00:23:51.980 Would that decision still be the right one in hindsight?

00:23:56.960 Yeah.

00:23:58.000 You'd rather be by yourself?

00:23:59.400 Well, there's lots of things out there that I can do to be of service to as many places and spaces that I can serve without it being, oh, I feel like I've given up my life fully because I've got an amazing son.

00:24:13.320 We co-parent amazingly and so it was a choice that I made.

00:24:18.140 So I have to just hold that and hold the L.

00:24:20.380 Because you mentioned it.

00:24:21.280 Well, it does.

00:24:22.260 But from what you're saying, it's not an L.

00:24:24.520 Well, no.

00:24:25.140 I mean, in hindsight, maybe when I get to 55, but I'm not there at the moment in this present time.

00:24:30.020 I don't feel like it's an L.

00:24:31.820 But if I get to 55 and I'm like, oh, damn it.

00:24:35.060 I'm here with my cat or my elephant, maybe.

00:24:38.880 I'll have an elephant, maybe.

00:24:40.260 I live in Thailand.

00:24:41.180 Do you think you'd have enough money to save for like retirement at that age?

00:24:45.380 Okay, you'll be okay.

00:24:46.520 Yeah.

00:24:46.920 Because I think you need like, what do they say, 1.5 million to retire?

00:24:51.500 I don't think I'll retire at 55.

00:24:53.160 Or 65 even.

00:24:54.800 I don't even think at 60.

00:24:55.620 My gran was working right up until she had her own little shop.

00:24:58.200 Yeah, but you don't know if you get sick.

00:24:59.740 You don't know if something will happen.

00:25:01.020 I've got insurance for all of that.

00:25:02.900 Okay.

00:25:03.660 You had a question, Troy?

00:25:04.780 Fully insured.

00:25:05.520 You mentioned about the ages, though.

00:25:06.800 Do you think this is part of the problem?

00:25:07.960 Because like the way you're describing it, you were like, he was 21, you were 19 when you guys got married.

00:25:12.500 Because I think.

00:25:13.480 We weren't married.

00:25:14.140 But when we got together.

00:25:14.960 When you got together.

00:25:15.520 Oh, you weren't married.

00:25:16.580 No, no, no.

00:25:17.340 We got engaged.

00:25:18.360 No, I didn't get to the marriage bit.

00:25:19.960 Oh, okay.

00:25:20.520 That affects it then.

00:25:21.760 Because like, I think a point Pearl often makes is that if you look at the marriage vows, what are the marriage vows?

00:25:26.360 You know, for Richard.

00:25:26.860 I wouldn't have got divorced.

00:25:29.240 If I had got married.

00:25:30.940 Yeah.

00:25:31.440 There would have been no divorce.

00:25:32.920 We would have just been stuck with each other, I guess.

00:25:34.820 I guess it was easier because we hadn't got married yet.

00:25:38.060 But I think because when I had my son, I had only just had him when I found out.

00:25:44.040 And I was like, I just was like, I'm not doing this anymore.

00:25:47.560 I'm not going to have this, some woman calling me again next year, crying down the phone.

00:25:52.760 And it was just too much of that.

00:25:54.180 I was like, I'm done.

00:25:54.620 Is that part of the problem though?

00:25:56.160 Because people get married kind of, well, actually they don't even get married that young anymore.

00:25:59.980 No.

00:26:00.400 That's the thing.

00:26:02.020 And even if they did, also you could argue, but they still sign up for those vows.

00:26:06.440 Is he still a cheater to this day?

00:26:08.340 It's not my business to, you don't know.

00:26:11.060 Do you know what?

00:26:11.860 It's not your problem at all.

00:26:13.820 You know you're my girl, right?

00:26:15.220 Well, it's mad to me because it's like how quickly girls are prepared to have a child without having marriage and are willing to leave a relationship with a child.

00:26:26.340 But you would stay with a relationship if you're married.

00:26:28.460 I was already a single mum, so I didn't, I had my daughter.

00:26:31.580 I was already a professional at that.

00:26:35.060 So it wasn't a scary prospect for me because I was already a single mother from the age of 17.

00:26:40.280 So I think the idea of.

00:26:42.680 Wait, what?

00:26:43.420 Like, so the relationship you're in, he's not the baby father?

00:26:47.500 He's not the father of my child.

00:26:49.120 So I've got a 19-year-old adult daughter.

00:26:51.560 Okay, okay.

00:26:51.940 And then I've got a 10-year-old son.

00:26:53.940 And he's not the father.

00:26:56.180 Okay.

00:26:56.420 Because I don't use that term.

00:26:58.280 He's not the father of my daughter, no.

00:27:00.620 He's the father of my son.

00:27:01.920 Okay, okay, okay.

00:27:02.960 I was so confused.

00:27:04.260 Well, it's not really.

00:27:05.000 It's quite simple.

00:27:06.040 It's like one child, another child, two fathers.

00:27:09.140 Yeah.

00:27:09.760 That would be a really good episode for EastEnders.

00:27:12.780 Like your lifestyle.

00:27:14.740 Honestly, I'm like thinking that would be sick.

00:27:16.940 No, but not just you, though.

00:27:17.880 Like I do find a lot of people are like willing to leave like relationships that's got kids in them.

00:27:24.920 As opposed to leaving it.

00:27:26.620 Like they take marriage more seriously.

00:27:28.580 But no one wants to get married.

00:27:30.660 Because it's finances.

00:27:31.740 Like who wants to spend money on a wedding?

00:27:33.820 What guy wants to spend money on a wedding?

00:27:35.180 It takes them long enough to get there.

00:27:36.880 And so I guess, yeah.

00:27:38.240 It should be cheaper than having a kid.

00:27:40.660 Well, in one go, yeah.

00:27:42.360 But you don't have to spend the, it's 180,000 for a child.

00:27:46.900 For the 18th birthday.

00:27:47.460 I was going to say, what kind of marriage is that?

00:27:49.360 I was like, yo.

00:27:50.580 But you see it spread over 18 years.

00:27:53.320 Not just one day and one day for, yeah.

00:27:55.920 I mean, I don't see it as a waste of money.

00:27:58.560 My children.

00:27:59.340 I see it as a beautiful experience.

00:28:02.240 But the issue is, why do people, if they've made the step of actually having a child together, and then they just decide, oh, actually, I'm not that happy, whatever.

00:28:09.960 I mean, okay, putting aside cases of like, you know, terrible abuse and that sort of thing.

00:28:15.340 But in more normal circumstances where it's just like the spark's not there anymore, the vibe's like not kind of gone.

00:28:20.120 Why is it then that people feel it's okay to separate, if that makes sense?

00:28:26.400 Because it is very damaging to kids.

00:28:30.200 And I speak as somebody, you know, I was from a broken home.

00:28:32.360 I've experienced this kind of stuff.

00:28:33.540 I've seen it in my family and other families.

00:28:36.760 Yeah, it seems people can be quite gung-ho about this these days.

00:28:39.420 I also think it's been made easier.

00:28:42.000 It has been made easier.

00:28:43.020 When I was younger, I've spoken about this before, that my mum made it sound like I didn't need a man.

00:28:51.180 So it was never in my mind that, oh, you are not going to be able to do it on your own.

00:28:56.040 But I said to my daughter, do not do it.

00:28:59.280 You need two parents in the same household.

00:29:03.480 Like, there's moments where my son does something and I have to send videos and send pictures when we were together.

00:29:10.020 Well, he's in the military, so he probably won't be there anyway.

00:29:12.940 Is it because society encourages, like, feels over responsibility now?

00:29:17.860 Yeah.

00:29:19.360 I think it's that element of happiness again.

00:29:21.320 People are too concerned about how they're feeling rather than the logical reasons for doing things.

00:29:25.660 It's like you can say what you want about how happy you are and how happy the child is if the parents are in separate homes.

00:29:30.740 But factually, children who come from two-parent homes do better off in life.

00:29:35.940 Factually, children who come from single homes are more likely to be homeless.

00:29:39.840 They're more likely to be in prison.

00:29:41.300 They're more likely to do drugs.

00:29:42.540 They're more likely to have addictions.

00:29:44.360 So I just think that this whole, I don't know, the way the world is right now, everything's focused on how people feel.

00:29:51.940 And the point is, is that feelings are temporary.

00:29:54.580 They last in the moment.

00:29:55.400 They don't last forever.

00:29:56.200 But the actions that you do in life, that does last forever.

00:30:01.480 And there's a domino effect to everything you do.

00:30:04.260 So I think it's just all about sacrifice and how much you're willing to sacrifice.

00:30:07.720 And I don't think people these days are willing to sacrifice a lot.

00:30:10.200 I think also we need to recognize that not everybody is born super logical.

00:30:15.040 Not everybody is, like, it took me a long time to have this ability to logically break down in the moment how my feelings are going to have a reaction and action.

00:30:26.220 Some people are just born logical.

00:30:27.620 Why is that?

00:30:29.100 Was, was your, did your parents not teach you to be logical?

00:30:32.720 Like what?

00:30:32.920 My mum's a feeler as well in terms of Myers-Briggs.

00:30:35.240 I know some, not many people believe in it.

00:30:36.840 Were your parents together?

00:30:37.720 No, my dad was in, um, Her Majesty's Pleasure.

00:30:43.060 So no, they weren't together.

00:30:44.360 I don't know what that means.

00:30:45.180 Prison, prison.

00:30:46.720 Okay.

00:30:47.400 So, but so, so there you go.

00:30:49.520 So the reason, like the reason that you didn't have that was because it's, it seems like you didn't have a father in the home.

00:30:55.740 Yeah, yeah, definitely.

00:30:56.420 And so it kind of goes back to what she was saying.

00:30:59.380 It's like a generation of women that put their feelings before the family and who had to suffer for it, you.

00:31:04.420 Yeah.

00:31:04.960 And then who had to suffer for it, your kids, because you weren't taught that.

00:31:07.540 And it's a complete, it's a complete cycle.

00:31:09.080 Yeah, that's what I was saying the other day, that it needs both because the men are, my son's dad, like, puts logic, just, I'm like, I just send Ethan to his dad.

00:31:18.040 I'm like, you dad'll explain that one.

00:31:20.840 Yeah.

00:31:21.240 But sometimes I think people get into a relationship or people get married for codependency reasons, like they can't handle life by themselves.

00:31:31.840 So they need to lean on someone or depend on someone.

00:31:34.580 Is that a bad thing in marriage?

00:31:36.300 Should be intradependent, not codependent.

00:31:38.960 I think you should both be equally dependent so you can help each other.

00:31:42.520 Because what if one day your husband, his finances aren't doing well, and obviously you're used to being dependent on him, how are you going to help him?

00:31:52.300 So you have to be equally as independent.

00:31:54.780 How does that work in society?

00:31:57.400 Does it work well?

00:31:59.100 What do you mean?

00:32:00.060 Women being equally dependent on their husbands.

00:32:03.220 No.

00:32:03.800 Is that a good outcome in society?

00:32:05.800 The more women worked and were there more equal, did it have a good outcome?

00:32:10.960 Were there more families or less families?

00:32:13.820 It's okay if you don't know.

00:32:14.860 What do you mean?

00:32:15.240 What do you mean?

00:32:16.140 As in like.

00:32:17.280 So like the more women worked and there's two incomes, the less families there were.

00:32:22.520 The less women respect men and their place because it's like, I don't need you.

00:32:26.740 I don't know.

00:32:27.400 I'm thinking.

00:32:28.100 So when you say like, it's good, I'm asking, is it good?

00:32:31.860 Did it lead to good outcomes?

00:32:33.780 Beyonce and Jay-Z.

00:32:34.720 Is a celebrity couple what we should base everyday relationships off of?

00:32:40.680 Well, what I'm saying is you should be independent and be able to take care and love yourself and know how to deal with yourself so you can help somebody else.

00:32:49.740 You can't love somebody else until you love yourself first.

00:32:52.720 Were you talking about financially codependent or emotionally then?

00:32:55.320 I think overall, emotionally, financially, mentally as well, that you should be whole yourself before getting into a relationship or getting married.

00:33:06.240 I think you should have the ability to, like, because obviously depending on what age you meet your partner, obviously you would have worked at some point, but then have that ability to, because when you have kids, as soon as you push them out, you're not going to be able to work.

00:33:20.380 But that's what I think is part of the problem.

00:33:23.060 Because literally, if you're there working and I'm there working, then there's two jobs.

00:33:26.900 The employer has no reason to give me a high wage because there's more people available for the roles.

00:33:33.300 So now that the price of everything has increased and everything is more expensive and I get less money, now you have to be, now I have to be codependent on my wife.

00:33:43.780 It's not an option anymore.

00:33:45.520 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:33:46.460 Whereas if you guys wasn't working, then the employer doesn't necessarily have to employ me.

00:33:52.940 But if he wants to employ me, he has to pay me a wage that could feed my family.

00:33:56.080 Yeah.

00:33:57.220 Equally.

00:33:57.580 But say, if you're going through a hard patch, your wife should be able to help.

00:34:02.040 I've got friends.

00:34:02.320 Friends, wife, girlfriend, whatever's going on, they should help you until you get back onto your feet.

00:34:09.460 When it comes to finances, my guy's got me, bro.

00:34:11.840 Like, I'm not going to ask a woman to help me with nothing, bro.

00:34:14.100 What if she's your wife?

00:34:15.060 Yes, I'm not going to ask her to, listen, babe, your job is to worry about the household.

00:34:20.680 I'm not even going to let you know that we're having financial issues to that point.

00:34:24.100 Before we even get to that point, I'm trying to...

00:34:25.720 So you're going to lack communication as well?

00:34:26.960 No, I'm going to be like, listen, this month might be a little hard,

00:34:30.700 but I'm going to try my best to literally sort it out.

00:34:32.920 Like, I'm not going to just...

00:34:33.700 That's good.

00:34:34.320 As long as you communicate, because you can't keep your partner...

00:34:36.440 Yeah, but why do...

00:34:37.140 We don't need to know everything.

00:34:38.480 What, if the lights get switched off or the bailiffs at the door, you need to know at some point, right?

00:34:42.660 We ain't getting that far.

00:34:43.400 But see, this is what you just said.

00:34:45.300 You just went to, like, the worst case scenario.

00:34:46.480 No, no, I mean, what I'm saying is communication is important.

00:34:49.460 You don't need to tell me everything.

00:34:51.560 Yeah, but I just think as women, like, sometimes we think we're...

00:34:53.800 And this is the lesson I had to learn, but I think that we think we're entitled to information,

00:34:57.680 that men are just trying to fix it and not have us worry about it.

00:35:00.380 Yeah, literally.

00:35:01.340 I agree.

00:35:01.840 I don't want you to think about it, too, because you're going to be stressed,

00:35:03.760 and your stress is going to stress me out, and I'm going to be less able to sort it out.

00:35:07.440 I'm like, listen, it's sorted.

00:35:09.280 Every month has been sorted so far, right?

00:35:10.980 All right, so don't worry.

00:35:11.800 This time, it's just a little bit harder for me, just rubbing my back a little harder.

00:35:15.560 You know what I'm saying?

00:35:16.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:35:16.700 Just give me an extra little bit of loving and, like, you know?

00:35:18.940 But why would you want to be in a long-time relationship with someone

00:35:21.820 that you don't feel comfortable expressing your emotions to?

00:35:25.160 No, no, I feel comfortable.

00:35:26.440 I don't mind.

00:35:26.820 I'll tell you anything.

00:35:27.980 But if I know what I'm going to tell you is not going to be easy on you,

00:35:31.160 why tell you it?

00:35:32.680 Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

00:35:33.540 Why make my girlfriend go through, or my wife go through the stress that she doesn't...

00:35:38.400 Listen, that's not your stress.

00:35:40.180 It's like her coming to me with every issue she's got in the house.

00:35:42.400 I don't want to hear it.

00:35:43.780 Don't come to me with every issue in the house,

00:35:45.360 because I already got my issues to sort out.

00:35:47.260 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:35:48.040 So it's not that I lack communication.

00:35:50.080 It's just that some things is not meant for you to worry about.

00:35:52.420 And it's how you create a sacred space, you know?

00:35:55.180 When you go into a relationship,

00:35:56.520 you don't want to be bringing all of this baggage with you.

00:35:58.620 And I think in order to make a marriage long and successful,

00:36:01.840 you don't need to know every little detail of what they're doing,

00:36:04.900 where they're going, how the finances are going.

00:36:06.220 You create sacred space.

00:36:08.440 You know, as a woman, you take the load of the household and the kids.

00:36:11.420 You know, you don't need to bother your husband with every single thing.

00:36:14.300 And vice versa, the husband doesn't need to come home

00:36:16.460 and tell you exactly what's happened at work

00:36:18.400 and how he's paid the bills,

00:36:20.080 but he's only got said how much ever left.

00:36:22.600 Like, it's all about creating a space where you're just...

00:36:25.840 You're in like a comfort zone together.

00:36:27.380 And the fact that men have this ability where they will go out

00:36:30.680 and they will work and they will take the load of the finances,

00:36:33.360 if they're not telling you if they're a bit short one month,

00:36:36.820 I don't think that's a bad thing.

00:36:37.940 I actually think it's beautiful.

00:36:38.900 They want to kind of cushion you.

00:36:41.040 Would it be less attractive, though, as well,

00:36:42.580 if the dude is, like, coming out to you with every single little thing?

00:36:46.000 Yeah, like, if he's coming home and he's like,

00:36:48.340 oh, like, oh, I'm 20 quid short and all of this.

00:36:51.980 I'd just be like...

00:36:53.200 Oh, my God.

00:36:54.440 15.

00:36:56.360 No brokies.

00:36:57.940 Oh, my gosh.

00:36:59.060 20 pounds.

00:36:59.580 I can give you 20 pounds.

00:37:00.780 My ex-boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend, my childhood sweetheart.

00:37:06.300 Oh, gosh, I can't believe I'm saying this.

00:37:09.060 Maybe don't.

00:37:10.800 He didn't have money at the time to buy a car.

00:37:16.300 Well, that's not bad.

00:37:16.980 So I bought him a car.

00:37:19.020 You bought him a car?

00:37:21.200 Wow.

00:37:21.660 Obviously...

00:37:22.320 How much was the car?

00:37:23.560 It was a BMW E36, I believe.

00:37:27.560 So it was a bit of a classic.

00:37:28.580 Yeah.

00:37:30.340 Lucky boy, isn't it?

00:37:31.740 So obviously he paid me back in installments, okay?

00:37:34.580 But that's what I mean.

00:37:35.860 How did that affect the dynamic of your relationship?

00:37:37.920 Yeah, what does that do to your relationship?

00:37:39.620 Because then he owes you money.

00:37:40.840 It's not that.

00:37:41.660 It's like a relationship.

00:37:43.200 I think it's really important to have, like, a friendship.

00:37:45.920 Yeah.

00:37:46.960 Who broke up with who?

00:37:50.560 I broke up with him, but not for that reason.

00:37:53.220 Not for that reason.

00:37:54.180 It was for a different reason.

00:37:55.660 I just asked the question.

00:37:57.220 Does he still owe you the money?

00:37:58.580 No, no.

00:37:58.960 He paid me back.

00:37:59.820 Like, I trusted him.

00:38:00.800 Did you break up with him after he paid you back?

00:38:03.500 The reason why I broke up with him is because he called me another girl's name.

00:38:08.200 So did he cheat?

00:38:09.220 That's all right.

00:38:09.940 What?

00:38:10.840 What?

00:38:11.160 Wait, what?

00:38:11.660 That's crazy.

00:38:12.980 Anyways.

00:38:13.740 Wait, you break up with me not because I cheated, but because I called you someone else.

00:38:16.720 But was he not cheating?

00:38:18.220 Oh, I know who that girl was because he spoke about that girl in the beginning of the relationship.

00:38:22.840 And I found something a little bit sus.

00:38:24.820 No, but that's my point.

00:38:25.840 Like, even if that's even more reason.

00:38:28.120 Because if it's a girl that I used to see, then it's quite easy that I might have mistaken you.

00:38:32.080 You know, I actually think the same thing.

00:38:33.700 Because, I don't know, I just feel like in society we always jump to the worst case scenario instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt.

00:38:39.240 What if he just, what if he just.

00:38:41.160 Just a slip up.

00:38:41.640 Yeah.

00:38:41.800 How long were you two speaking for?

00:38:44.920 Oh, no.

00:38:45.420 We were like childhood sweethearts.

00:38:47.300 Yeah.

00:38:47.460 And then I broke up and, oh, I met him when I was 16.

00:38:50.480 We got together when I was 17.

00:38:52.200 And then I broke up with him and I was like 21, 22.

00:38:55.160 So for him to, so when did he mention her?

00:38:57.820 Because you said at the beginning of your relationship, was that when you were like 16?

00:39:00.560 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:01.160 When I was 16.

00:39:01.680 And then he said her name when you were 21.

00:39:03.300 Yeah.

00:39:03.620 Yeah.

00:39:03.880 So that's a big, like, how's her name?

00:39:07.040 But it's just words.

00:39:08.820 It's just words.

00:39:09.400 Oh, no, no, no.

00:39:10.060 There was context behind those words.

00:39:11.600 But anyway, what I'm saying is in a relationship.

00:39:13.320 Oh, wait, wait, hold on.

00:39:14.220 Was you doing the naughty when he said it?

00:39:17.780 No way.

00:39:18.820 No way.

00:39:20.800 Break up with him.

00:39:21.980 No way.

00:39:23.060 No, no, no.

00:39:23.680 We were driving in the car.

00:39:25.160 Oh, okay, okay.

00:39:25.780 I think the one that I bought him.

00:39:27.400 And he just said her name.

00:39:28.860 And then he went, Nideshi, I mean.

00:39:31.340 And it was because he was hanging out with her before he saw me.

00:39:35.160 In your car.

00:39:35.400 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:39:36.260 In the car.

00:39:36.720 How do you know?

00:39:37.600 Did you have it all out with him, though, afterwards?

00:39:39.360 I just asked him, but he's, like, getting a little bit defensive.

00:39:42.400 And I just said to him, like, listen, like, I'm not judging you.

00:39:46.440 I'm not telling you off.

00:39:47.280 Like, I'm not your mom.

00:39:48.440 But our five-year relationship is over.

00:39:50.080 He's just like, stop the car.

00:39:51.160 Stop the car.

00:39:51.700 Let me ask you.

00:39:52.860 Give me back my people.

00:39:53.960 We were on the boat way.

00:39:55.180 We were on the boat way.

00:39:56.120 So that couldn't even happen.

00:39:57.260 But anyways, I just said to him, like, it's okay.

00:39:59.140 Like, you can tell me.

00:39:59.920 And then he was just like, oh, because I knew the girl that he was talking about because

00:40:06.260 they were friends during, like, their childhood.

00:40:09.680 And then they tried to date, but it didn't work because it turned out that she's a lesbian.

00:40:16.240 So I was like, fair enough, fair enough.

00:40:18.640 And then they stopped speaking.

00:40:19.360 So he called you a lesbian's name and you still dumped him?

00:40:22.340 She a lesbian.

00:40:23.460 If she's a lesbian, what?

00:40:24.400 So that wasn't the problem.

00:40:26.320 Wait, did he tell you that she was a lesbian?

00:40:27.840 What was the problem then?

00:40:28.180 Come on, we need context.

00:40:29.500 Sorry, I'll let her finish.

00:40:31.460 Let her finish.

00:40:32.920 What's the context?

00:40:35.420 So I was like, okay, so why are you hiding the fact that you're hanging out with her if

00:40:39.860 you're just friends?

00:40:41.700 And then he was just like, oh.

00:40:43.560 And he couldn't give me a straight answer.

00:40:45.300 So that's when I was just like, okay, I'm just going to give it time.

00:40:48.820 If you want to open up about something, you will open up when you have to.

00:40:52.200 Anyways, time goes on.

00:40:56.760 And he showed me videos on his phone of them hanging out.

00:41:01.840 They're watching a movie.

00:41:03.020 They're under a blanket together, eating Chinese food.

00:41:05.520 And I was just like.

00:41:06.620 He sent you the video?

00:41:08.100 He didn't send me it.

00:41:08.900 He just showed me on his phone.

00:41:09.940 He was like, see, we're not doing anything.

00:41:11.400 And I was just like.

00:41:13.700 Something is just off here.

00:41:15.140 He didn't help his case though, did he?

00:41:16.900 Something's just.

00:41:18.360 You know when you don't want to judge someone.

00:41:20.220 You know when you don't want to judge someone.

00:41:20.940 Is he trying to break up with you or something?

00:41:22.600 You started the story by saying you broke up with him because he called you a wrong name.

00:41:27.380 I gave him time.

00:41:29.280 I gave him time because I was just like, it could be a slip up.

00:41:31.900 You never know.

00:41:32.740 But then.

00:41:35.360 Stuff didn't.

00:41:36.400 You know, it wasn't adding up.

00:41:37.920 And then I was just like, you know what?

00:41:40.040 But ultimately.

00:41:40.900 But ultimately, if she was a lesbian, would I get down to her anyway?

00:41:44.320 Like, I mean.

00:41:47.300 But this leads on to a different question.

00:41:48.900 To be honest, I thought you were going to say that you said your name, like said that

00:41:51.280 girl's name while you were banging or something.

00:41:52.440 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:41:53.740 That's where I thought the story was going.

00:41:55.860 It doesn't really seem that serious.

00:41:57.380 Yeah.

00:41:57.860 Well, well.

00:41:59.900 Like, what is it?

00:42:00.820 Oh, wait.

00:42:01.100 Can I ask you something?

00:42:01.880 This is the massive anti-climax.

00:42:03.020 As a man or woman, are you allowed to like two people?

00:42:08.020 Yeah.

00:42:08.900 Like, if I'm going out with you, am I allowed to like someone else?

00:42:11.720 Of course.

00:42:12.580 I mean, if you're in like a hardcore committed relationship and you're planning on getting

00:42:17.220 married and practicing exclusivity, then that's a bit of a disrespect.

00:42:22.860 But if you're in an open relationship and you're just dating.

00:42:24.980 It's a disrespect for me to like someone naturally.

00:42:27.060 You have eyes, though.

00:42:27.680 Like, something I can't help.

00:42:29.700 Yeah.

00:42:30.060 You can't help how you feel.

00:42:31.520 You feel.

00:42:32.060 You can't help.

00:42:33.160 Like, attraction isn't a choice.

00:42:34.460 So, if you walk past someone hot and you're like, God damn.

00:42:36.520 Oh, you mean that?

00:42:37.420 I thought you meant as in like physically do something.

00:42:39.640 You're seeing someone else whilst you're in a relationship.

00:42:41.480 No, no, no.

00:42:41.800 I mean, like, are you allowed to like someone?

00:42:43.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:43.820 Of course.

00:42:44.640 Like, if he liked another girl's pictures on Instagram, I'll be like, chill.

00:42:47.120 No, not like that.

00:42:48.280 I mean, like, am I attracted to her?

00:42:50.440 Am I allowed to be attracted to another woman?

00:42:52.840 What, in a relationship?

00:42:54.040 Yeah, while I'm in a relationship.

00:42:54.780 Dude, I have a question, actually.

00:42:56.140 Let me.

00:42:56.400 Did you have guy friends during this?

00:43:00.180 Yeah, but it was very close.

00:43:02.860 Were you on the blanket?

00:43:04.100 Okay.

00:43:04.600 No, surprisingly.

00:43:05.680 Okay, so you had male friends.

00:43:08.260 You were mad at him for having a female friend.

00:43:10.800 Oh, no, it wasn't like that.

00:43:12.240 Okay.

00:43:12.460 It was like, there were more than a bit of a female friend.

00:43:17.380 Do you see what I mean?

00:43:18.020 There's layers.

00:43:19.000 There's layers.

00:43:19.780 Yeah.

00:43:19.860 Did you find out for sure that they hooked up or, like, did something?

00:43:25.420 You know, I believe in.

00:43:27.040 For sure.

00:43:27.540 Like, you know they did.

00:43:29.020 I believe in female intuition.

00:43:31.100 And I know.

00:43:31.520 I don't want to say the reason, because it's too graphic.

00:43:36.540 Oh, my God.

00:43:38.660 Okay.

00:43:39.960 Okay.

00:43:41.000 You don't have to be graphic.

00:43:42.440 You could say yes or no.

00:43:43.580 So, when I was with him, I.

00:43:46.600 You don't have to be graphic.

00:43:47.940 Let's be Shereen.

00:43:48.420 I just realised something, like, obviously with my body, like, anyways,

00:43:55.300 when I, but compared to how my health was in the relationship

00:43:58.160 to compared to how my health was outside the relationship,

00:44:00.800 if you know what I mean, like, I was clean outside the relationship,

00:44:04.960 but inside that relationship, I wasn't.

00:44:07.140 So, he hadn't created a sacred space like what you were doing.

00:44:10.100 Yeah, that's it.

00:44:11.120 He was disrespecting the sacred space.

00:44:12.400 He was creating the sacred space with the lesbian under the blanket.

00:44:16.280 He was a community.

00:44:17.600 Goddamn, man, if you're going to, if you, anyway,

00:44:19.880 if you're going to do some strap-up, innit, like, you know what I'm saying?

00:44:23.060 Well, you shouldn't be bedroom there, anyway.

00:44:24.740 Wait, what do you want?

00:44:25.620 What?

00:44:25.900 Wait, hold on.

00:44:26.500 Like, can I just be, like, can I just be frank, yeah?

00:44:28.460 If you're willing to have a kid outside of relationship, yeah,

00:44:32.440 like, isn't it, like, incumbent on me to not necessarily take you seriously?

00:44:37.760 Because you don't want to lock me down in terms of marriage, yeah?

00:44:40.480 So, that means you're willing to leave me at any point in time

00:44:43.380 if you have a disagreement with me

00:44:44.720 or you're not really feeling what I'm doing.

00:44:46.280 So, there's a lack of attachment there.

00:44:48.400 So, why are you worried about who I'm with?

00:44:50.660 Like, who else I'm with?

00:44:51.940 Who are you talking to here?

00:44:53.200 No, just in general.

00:44:54.140 Oh.

00:44:54.760 Why would a girl be worried about who I'm with?

00:44:59.080 Depends on the situation.

00:45:00.740 What?

00:45:00.920 Like, if she knows that you like her in a sexual way.

00:45:07.620 If you've been together, like, five or six years, I think, like, you know,

00:45:11.640 I think he would be bothered about who I was with,

00:45:14.300 like, whether we were not in a committed relationship.

00:45:17.260 Yeah, I get that, but I can't judge you, though.

00:45:19.600 And I can't be, like, you know, like, I could think,

00:45:21.680 do you know what, my girl, there's no way I've been with my girl for six years

00:45:24.000 and she ain't slipped up once, like.

00:45:26.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:45:26.660 Like, thinking in 2023.

00:45:28.400 But if she's able to, I don't want to say,

00:45:31.000 I'm not encouraging no girl out here.

00:45:32.640 Do you not think there's anyone that doesn't cheat?

00:45:37.020 Say that again?

00:45:37.600 Like, do you not think there are people out here that exist that don't cheat?

00:45:40.600 Yeah, of course.

00:45:41.320 But where are they?

00:45:42.040 What, are they wearing fairy wings or something?

00:45:44.100 Like.

00:45:44.940 I believe in.

00:45:47.560 Are they fasting right now?

00:45:48.600 Like, what, who are we talking about?

00:45:49.900 Like, do you know what I'm saying?

00:45:50.740 Like, wait, what's going on?

00:45:51.940 Like, I know the games.

00:45:53.120 So anytime, like, I'm just prepared for you, the cheaty to cheat.

00:45:57.500 You can be prepared, but at the same time,

00:45:59.520 if you, like, there's preparation and being, like, realistic.

00:46:03.060 Like, I wasn't blind to the fact of who my son's father was.

00:46:06.840 And I'm still not blind.

00:46:07.900 If I got back with him, I wouldn't be like, oh, no.

00:46:10.540 Like, I see you.

00:46:11.960 I know you.

00:46:12.680 And now.

00:46:13.340 But I think his point is, like, cheating is something that can be worked through.

00:46:16.420 And we act like it's not.

00:46:17.900 Yeah.

00:46:18.500 We always act like it's a deal.

00:46:19.660 And so it's like, it kind of goes back to the me, me, me culture,

00:46:21.800 where it's like my feelings before anything.

00:46:23.640 And, like, you know, you weren't married.

00:46:24.820 I don't think you had kids or anything, right?

00:46:26.880 Oh, no, no.

00:46:27.420 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:27.720 But so I think it's a little different outside of a relationship.

00:46:30.200 Like, when you're dating, you can pick what you want, what you don't want.

00:46:32.540 But, like, when it comes to having kids, it's like,

00:46:34.400 it's supposed to be the family before you.

00:46:36.200 All right.

00:46:36.460 Well, my question, Amiri.

00:46:37.640 Yeah, I was going to be.

00:46:38.200 Question, question.

00:46:38.880 You're married, yeah?

00:46:39.800 Yeah.

00:46:40.320 You find out that your, your missus, yeah,

00:46:43.300 has been getting with her work husband.

00:46:45.740 Oh, hell no.

00:46:47.040 Yeah.

00:46:47.540 Oh, so you're leaving.

00:46:48.700 Oh, okay.

00:46:49.240 No, please.

00:46:50.020 And you see a video of her.

00:46:51.360 Oh, my God.

00:46:52.480 I'm giving him a heart attack.

00:46:53.620 Is that what happened to you?

00:46:54.840 They didn't have sex, though.

00:46:55.820 Just head.

00:46:56.200 And he's holding a hair.

00:46:58.880 Are you getting, are you getting a divorce?

00:47:00.880 Oh, my God.

00:47:02.120 You've got kids as well.

00:47:03.100 You've got kids.

00:47:04.260 I'm not getting a divorce.

00:47:04.720 But isn't it okay to like someone?

00:47:06.100 I'm doing something, bro.

00:47:07.460 I'm doing something, bro.

00:47:08.460 Are you getting a divorce?

00:47:09.120 I'm doing something.

00:47:10.020 And it was in your house.

00:47:11.240 Is it okay to like someone?

00:47:12.520 It's okay.

00:47:14.060 Nah, man.

00:47:14.480 Did you hear what he said?

00:47:15.480 Would you forgive him, man?

00:47:16.440 Give him fellatio while I'm feeling.

00:47:17.440 Can it be worked through?

00:47:18.700 I thought it could be worked through.

00:47:19.820 Can it be worked through?

00:47:20.840 Wait, wait, he just said, wait, wait, let him answer.

00:47:22.960 Go ahead.

00:47:23.220 I'm doing something, isn't it?

00:47:24.480 So, wait, your answer is you're going to cheat back?

00:47:28.440 No.

00:47:28.660 No.

00:47:28.760 He's going to commit a crime.

00:47:29.780 I'm going to commit a crime, bro.

00:47:31.480 I'm going to commit a crime.

00:47:32.900 This is crime worthy.

00:47:33.860 I think that female cheating is worse than male cheating.

00:47:37.220 It is.

00:47:37.680 It's way worse.

00:47:38.700 It's so much worse.

00:47:40.040 It's female cheating.

00:47:40.560 Look at, I don't condone either.

00:47:42.560 The internet gets this wrong.

00:47:43.760 I don't say do either.

00:47:45.600 However, I think female cheating is 100 times worse than male cheating.

00:47:49.080 Because they mean it, but it could still be worked for you.

00:47:51.340 Because they mean it.

00:47:51.520 There's difference.

00:47:52.420 For the kids, yeah.

00:47:53.740 If it's kids, yeah.

00:47:55.020 If she's sober and she does it and there's explicit stuff going on, then it's harder to

00:48:00.040 take than if she was just doing a little missionary while she's drunk.

00:48:03.300 Is that what happened to you by any chance?

00:48:05.700 No, not me.

00:48:06.720 It was hypothetical.

00:48:08.460 Oh, wow.

00:48:09.260 Yeah, for me, good imagination.

00:48:10.440 Yeah, I'm doing something, man.

00:48:14.180 But to my point, though, it's like, I wouldn't, like, okay, why do we necessarily have the

00:48:20.580 same rules for modern day relationships, yeah, than traditional relationships?

00:48:25.720 Like, back in the day, yes, we expect everyone to stay together because we were going to get

00:48:29.340 married.

00:48:29.960 Now everyone's doing their own thing.

00:48:31.580 Everyone's independent.

00:48:32.860 So why do you still expect me to be, like, an old school guy, like, that's not, that's

00:48:37.660 faithful and that?

00:48:38.500 I don't get it.

00:48:38.880 I didn't expect that.

00:48:39.840 Okay, oh, you don't expect, okay.

00:48:41.520 I didn't expect, I don't expect anything, whatever somebody, like, I can't expect because

00:48:45.860 that's where people get let down and hurt because their expectations, my expectations

00:48:49.580 back then were so high of, like, what my feelings needed.

00:48:53.900 See, I have a, I have a question.

00:48:55.780 This might, this might be offensive.

00:48:58.720 Like, I'm not being offended.

00:49:01.600 So, so is it, is it fair of you, like, would you want to have someone that's monogamous now?

00:49:08.100 Um, that's an interesting question.

00:49:13.840 Um, I believe that men can choose to be monogamous.

00:49:18.740 Do I believe that it's easy for a man to be monogamous?

00:49:21.400 No.

00:49:21.980 I'm asking for your next relationship.

00:49:24.320 Um, I would want that, yeah.

00:49:28.580 Do you think it's fair to want that when you have kids from two different fathers?

00:49:33.380 Yeah.

00:49:34.960 How, what does he get out of the deal?

00:49:37.340 Well, it depends on what he, you mean into monogamy?

00:49:40.580 I wouldn't be cheating.

00:49:41.900 I wouldn't be, he wants an open relationship because I've explored the idea of polyamory

00:49:46.040 and polygamy as well.

00:49:47.120 And I've looked at all the dynamics.

00:49:49.180 I wouldn't write it out and I wouldn't rule it out and rule anything out.

00:49:52.200 It's a discussion that I would have to have depending on the relationship with that person.

00:49:56.080 Because I just, I just find it that like ladies, they're more of the kind of people

00:49:59.720 that will do one at a time, one at a time.

00:50:01.860 So it would be like, she'll be so quick to leave the relationship if she wanted to get

00:50:05.840 rid of me and start something fresh, which is completely okay.

00:50:08.820 But for me, how I work is different as a man.

00:50:11.060 You know what I'm trying to say?

00:50:11.580 I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to leave my girl because, you know what I'm trying

00:50:15.320 to say?

00:50:15.780 So it's different how we view sex in terms of genders.

00:50:20.380 Yeah.

00:50:20.840 But men get castigated regardless if they step outside, let's say.

00:50:27.640 I mean, I don't think you should do that in marriage, honestly, but if we're in this

00:50:30.840 relationship, quote unquote, yeah, we're together, then.

00:50:34.560 So you would rather, like, so you would say that you're more polygamous than.

00:50:39.080 Oh, everyone knows this already.

00:50:40.180 I don't know.

00:50:40.680 I don't know this.

00:50:43.180 That's why I'm asking.

00:50:43.820 Wait, wait, wait.

00:50:45.640 I'm in a second.

00:50:46.820 Amiri, educate, educate the panel.

00:50:49.040 Tell them.

00:50:49.420 Yes, please.

00:50:50.180 Yeah, I do.

00:50:50.680 That's an assumption that we would know.

00:50:52.240 All right.

00:50:52.600 So I am of the opinion that I would rather have wives with an S than have girls.

00:51:01.640 Yeah.

00:51:01.780 I don't see why.

00:51:02.740 If I was to ask all four of you girls right now, is it okay for me to be single and sleep

00:51:07.040 with 20 girls if they're completely consentful, if I want to?

00:51:10.080 You'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:11.220 So why can't I do it with four wives that I want to look after?

00:51:13.760 I want to give them a house.

00:51:15.300 I want to marry them.

00:51:16.160 I want to nurture.

00:51:17.640 What's the problem?

00:51:18.320 I have friends that do that.

00:51:19.220 Can I ask, why wouldn't you be satisfied with one wife?

00:51:23.120 What do you mean?

00:51:23.680 Like, would you be satisfied with one wife?

00:51:25.340 Would you be satisfied with eating vanilla flavor ice cream all your life?

00:51:29.520 Well, that's how you view women.

00:51:31.600 How have you?

00:51:32.420 No, that's no.

00:51:33.220 I'm just asking you a question.

00:51:34.060 Ice cream's good.

00:51:34.900 What if that woman that you was not vanilla, she was like some spicy chili taco?

00:51:42.320 I mean, no, no, no.

00:51:43.980 You know what I mean?

00:51:44.560 That's literally the point.

00:51:45.200 Who said it has to be vanilla?

00:51:46.220 It could be anything.

00:51:47.340 I'm not going to like, okay, so I love water because it hydrates me.

00:51:52.200 I would die if I did not have water.

00:51:54.820 It replenishes me.

00:51:56.180 Like, sometimes my lips are so dry.

00:51:58.060 I just need it.

00:51:59.200 And it keeps me alive.

00:52:00.960 But that don't mean I don't want to get a marinda sometimes.

00:52:03.260 Like, I'm not going to live on marinda, but do you know what I'm trying to say?

00:52:06.660 Yeah, I get what you're saying, but sometimes you can get that with the same chick.

00:52:09.900 Like, she can be a nurse one night.

00:52:12.360 The next night, she can tie you up.

00:52:14.160 It's still the same vagina.

00:52:15.520 Yeah, it's still the same vagina.

00:52:17.120 There's a phrase that comes.

00:52:18.920 Yeah, there's a phrase that they say.

00:52:20.720 It's like, you can't compete with new.

00:52:24.060 So it doesn't really.

00:52:24.620 Yeah, because it, so it doesn't really matter what you do.

00:52:27.900 New is still.

00:52:29.000 That's what, when I asked my previous, why, like, this was like, years after we weren't together.

00:52:36.340 I was like, why do you do it?

00:52:37.420 And he was like, it's just different vagina.

00:52:39.480 Yeah.

00:52:39.940 It's like, oh, okay.

00:52:40.820 Was he emotionally monogamous to you?

00:52:43.840 I mean, he's not the most, he's really, really logical.

00:52:47.620 So, I mean, he's not like outwardly emotional anyway.

00:52:50.920 So, I mean.

00:52:51.480 You had a whole other relationship though.

00:52:53.340 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:54.060 But, I mean, what I'm saying is like, yeah.

00:52:55.640 So, obviously he wasn't emotionally monogamous to me because he did have another whole relationship.

00:53:00.140 But, I mean, like, for me to look at and be like, oh, he's really in love with that person.

00:53:05.500 I mean.

00:53:06.500 Does it hurt?

00:53:07.540 Like, because it's like.

00:53:09.160 Does it hurt being, finding out that someone, depending on someone else's vagina?

00:53:13.640 If I'm going on for the same example with the water, just because I like Marinda, that does not diminish water, the feelings I have for water in any way.

00:53:22.060 Of course not.

00:53:22.680 But I'm a woman.

00:53:23.420 I'm not a man.

00:53:24.000 And so, for me to think like that, it took me many years to really put myself in the mind of a man.

00:53:31.680 And I was thinking from my heart, not from a man's penis.

00:53:35.980 Do you know what's smart though?

00:53:36.600 The idea of having four wives might sound good, yeah.

00:53:38.840 Until you've got to maintain all four wives.

00:53:41.160 Well, what's the word?

00:53:41.940 And all four houses and all four.

00:53:43.380 Like, to maintain, like, say you've got a kid with all four women, you've got to maintain four different households.

00:53:49.520 It's the same as if I had four baby mothers.

00:53:52.200 Well, actually.

00:53:52.860 That's a headache.

00:53:53.420 I wouldn't even want to sign up to that.

00:53:55.040 Instead of putting your money in an ISA bank, you put it in a house and you get the wife.

00:54:00.640 It's like almost employing an employee when you have four wives.

00:54:04.840 You can't make it work for you.

00:54:06.520 They say it.

00:54:07.140 I'm trying to think of a business.

00:54:08.600 It sounds like a headache to me.

00:54:09.660 I mean, to be fair, like, that's been done throughout all of history, always.

00:54:13.000 And they say it.

00:54:13.920 Wait, what do you mean headache, though?

00:54:14.820 8,000 years ago, 17 women reproduced for every one man.

00:54:19.480 So that's the way they've always done it.

00:54:20.740 I'm not, like, I don't want to do that.

00:54:22.500 But it's kind of like, how am I supposed to look at the world and say, don't do what you've always done?

00:54:26.900 Yeah.

00:54:27.380 So, like, how can you say that?

00:54:28.680 Maintaining four different relationships is a headache.

00:54:30.640 No, I mean, they did.

00:54:32.020 No, but, babe, babe, think about it this way.

00:54:33.780 If I'm pissed off with Michelle, I'm not pissed off with Angela.

00:54:37.680 So, me and Michelle don't need to break up.

00:54:39.480 I'll just take a couple days out because I'm over here.

00:54:42.860 You know what I'm saying?

00:54:43.220 She knows I'm not all over the roadsides.

00:54:45.600 She knows exactly where I am.

00:54:47.320 She knows how to contact me.

00:54:48.480 She could come over and say hi if she wants.

00:54:50.560 The kids are playing together or whatever.

00:54:52.620 Yeah, I'm out.

00:54:53.400 I'm on the next one.

00:54:54.160 Amiri, what's the most amount of girls you've spoken to at one time?

00:54:57.380 Yo, listen, there was a point in time, listen, I was called Mr. Message Me.

00:55:07.360 You get me, Carl?

00:55:09.080 I would just copy-paste that message.

00:55:11.180 Wow.

00:55:12.840 The same message.

00:55:14.500 Bro, I'll change the name, isn't it?

00:55:15.660 No, no, sorry, sorry.

00:55:15.900 When I say talking to, like actively going on dates, hooking up with, whatever.

00:55:20.660 God damn.

00:55:21.200 Um, she's, I don't even know if she's going to say this well.

00:55:27.640 Um, a couple.

00:55:30.920 A couple, just two?

00:55:32.420 No, a couple is not internet.

00:55:34.020 Okay, more or less than seven.

00:55:38.420 Oh, no, seven is a lot.

00:55:39.680 Too many?

00:55:40.560 Yeah, it's too many.

00:55:41.280 Okay, so more than three?

00:55:43.240 Around three.

00:55:44.560 And were you dating them all, like actively dating or was it just like hookups?

00:55:49.260 Netflix and chill.

00:55:50.260 It was a mixture.

00:55:51.340 Everyone had their different stages in the relationship.

00:55:53.580 And were they aware of that or?

00:55:55.900 Not all of them, but at some point, some of them.

00:55:59.280 And then I made them see, yeah.

00:56:00.560 Is that polygamy?

00:56:01.440 Because isn't polygamy meant to be extremely open, honest?

00:56:04.820 Oh, that's basically me back in the days when I'm doing my thing.

00:56:07.220 Oh, okay, okay.

00:56:07.660 Now I'm on marriage.

00:56:09.160 I'm on a marriage thing.

00:56:10.180 Oh, okay.

00:56:10.540 I promise you, I'm on a marriage.

00:56:11.160 How many are you married to this far?

00:56:13.740 None?

00:56:14.220 What do you mean?

00:56:14.640 What?

00:56:14.900 I was just asking.

00:56:15.860 No, I'm not married.

00:56:16.760 Listen.

00:56:16.960 You just said I'm on a marriage thing, so that's why I was like, how many have you got?

00:56:19.600 Because if you're going to get four, you've got time, you know?

00:56:22.100 Yeah, but I don't think it's fair that I marry one now while I'm in the situation I'm in,

00:56:27.240 and then when I'm extremely wealthy, which I know I will be, to then marry another one.

00:56:33.060 Well, couldn't you give her the heads up?

00:56:34.200 I think it works like that.

00:56:34.300 Couldn't you give her the heads up first?

00:56:35.460 Just say, listen.

00:56:35.880 I'm going to be wealthy one day.

00:56:37.280 Yeah.

00:56:37.520 And then there's going to be more of you.

00:56:39.480 Yeah, but then when the second one comes, she'll be like, listen, I held you down for

00:56:43.080 all this time, and you are going to spend our money on this one.

00:56:45.900 There's going to be more of you.

00:56:47.000 But if they're okay with polygamy, they'll know about it from the beginning.

00:56:49.860 A lot of women are okay with polygamy.

00:56:51.780 A lot of women say they're okay with it, but saying something and actually being okay

00:56:56.820 with it is two different things.

00:56:58.080 It's like a lot of girls, they'll be like, yeah, I don't mind just linking, and yeah,

00:57:01.500 we could just do this linking thing, and then after two solid congo men, then after,

00:57:07.300 you know what I'm saying, when it's swing left to right, all of a sudden, yeah, she

00:57:11.220 wants the wifey now.

00:57:12.020 I'm curious.

00:57:13.800 Who here has ever been in a talking stage?

00:57:18.300 Like a talking.

00:57:20.100 What the hell is that?

00:57:20.740 What do you mean?

00:57:22.200 I don't know what you mean.

00:57:23.460 Like dating, hooking up, but without a relationship.

00:57:27.980 Oh, yeah, that's what we're doing now.

00:57:30.260 What do you mean?

00:57:30.780 I'm not in a relationship.

00:57:32.320 Have you ever done that with a guy?

00:57:34.200 Yeah.

00:57:34.480 Yeah?

00:57:35.080 I mean, like, that's how me and my sons have started, I think.

00:57:37.580 I did that with a chick.

00:57:40.480 Are you mine?

00:57:41.260 Oh, hang on a minute.

00:57:42.540 The girl that was under the duvet.

00:57:44.900 Yeah, you liked her, didn't you?

00:57:46.060 Were you and I?

00:57:46.900 You liked her.

00:57:47.760 You liked her.

00:57:49.420 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:57:52.660 So, yes, yes, with the girl.

00:57:55.000 Yeah.

00:57:55.280 Yeah, because it's interesting, because girls will say they're not, like, they only will do monogamy,

00:58:00.260 but when you're doing a talking stage, it's basically non-monogamy.

00:58:03.980 But I'm not talking to anybody.

00:58:06.000 I'm not talking to anybody.

00:58:07.060 Yeah, but he probably is.

00:58:08.560 Yeah, he probably is.

00:58:09.260 He's 100%.

00:58:10.020 So, in a way, it's, like, just a different way of not doing monogamy.

00:58:13.200 I think anecdotally, as well, I think that happens a lot.

00:58:16.400 I think women, I think a lot of girls will do that.

00:58:18.560 They may have a boyfriend, but they'll be, like, talking to some other dudes, you know.

00:58:21.840 Wait, what?

00:58:22.160 But that's cheating.

00:58:23.060 That's cheating.

00:58:23.960 She's talking about not, bro, no boyfriend.

00:58:27.640 Like, it's, like, most girls, most girls, 2023, that's their situation.

00:58:30.960 No, he's right, though, because a lot of times, no, no, like, well, girls will have a boyfriend,

00:58:35.040 but still be getting attention from other dudes, because we'll be the first to judge men for cheating,

00:58:39.000 but we don't talk about how we get attention from other dudes while we're in relationships.

00:58:43.240 Like, oftentimes, girls will have open Instagrams.

00:58:45.160 Oftentimes, girls will be accepting messages from other guys.

00:58:47.680 Oftentimes, girls will be dressing really provocatively and going out,

00:58:50.460 and then we'll point the finger at the guys and say, oh, well, you cheated.

00:58:54.540 Well, I mean, you kind of cheated, too, by doing that, that, and that.

00:58:57.620 I just post them bikini pics on Instagram, acting like you're not just putting it all out there for everyone to see.

00:59:02.340 No, but I just think it depends on, like, the boundaries within your own relationship,

00:59:06.380 because if you had an open Instagram account before you got together, or he saw the type of...

00:59:11.680 He was sleeping with other girls before you got together.

00:59:13.400 Yeah, but when you get in a relationship, if you come to the agreement that we're monogamous...

00:59:19.920 And he doesn't want you to have an Instagram account.

00:59:21.000 Yeah, but no, no, no, but I'm saying, if you come to the agreement that, okay,

00:59:25.320 he doesn't want you to have an open Instagram, then, yeah, then that's different.

00:59:29.340 But this is the problem.

00:59:30.500 This is why men get a bad deal today, because men are told they can't have standards,

00:59:33.800 because if a guy says, close your Instagram, you can't go to the club.

00:59:36.380 He's controlling.

00:59:37.240 He's toxic.

00:59:37.960 He's abusive.

00:59:38.340 And so men are always told they can't tell the girl anything.

00:59:41.820 But then why don't you seek out women who have a private Instagram account already?

00:59:47.360 Where?

00:59:49.160 You can't slide in their DMs, can you?

00:59:52.700 Do you know what?

00:59:53.420 Do you know what?

00:59:54.580 There's a statistic that men tend to marry...

00:59:58.620 I don't know if this is true.

00:59:59.880 Correct me if I'm wrong.

01:00:00.920 Loose.

01:00:01.200 Men tend to marry women who are plain Jane.

01:00:05.080 Like, they get settled with a plain Jane.

01:00:06.860 Is that true?

01:00:07.680 I think guys will marry who they can get, to be honest, for the most part.

01:00:11.100 I mean, I think if he can get the 10, he's going to marry the 10.

01:00:14.880 I think the reason guys, for the most part, do that is because that's what they reckon they can achieve.

01:00:20.020 Yeah, but when you say 10, do you mean, like, looks, or do you mean, like, in terms of...

01:00:23.100 No, I mean, well, no, but to the question, does a guy prefer to marry a plain Jane?

01:00:27.680 I'm saying, I think, I think in reality, the guy's going to want to marry the most attractive woman who can.

01:00:32.080 Yeah.

01:00:32.480 I do take your point, though, there's a distinction between, do you mean, in terms of looks and in terms of personality.

01:00:37.320 But I think, I mean...

01:00:38.520 I've changed.

01:00:39.640 So, yeah, I used to think I would want, like, the most beautifulest girl in the world, whatever.

01:00:44.220 But now I know I don't want the most beautiful girl in the world.

01:00:47.860 Because, like, that comes with a lot of stress, bro.

01:00:51.000 That's so much stress, bro.

01:00:52.740 Especially if you want four.

01:00:53.420 Like, walking down the road with a girl that's nice, like, bro, no, it's not my sister.

01:00:57.800 No, no, you can't chat to her.

01:00:59.220 Do you know what I mean?

01:00:59.740 It's like, bro, it's like constant, constant, constant.

01:01:02.460 Forget about him.

01:01:03.360 He ain't...

01:01:03.880 It's like, bro.

01:01:05.320 That's so true.

01:01:06.620 Forget that.

01:01:07.120 I'm just trying to get the normal thing, you know?

01:01:08.940 Yeah.

JustPearlyThings - July 15, 2023

Women Are All About Their Happiness

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