JustPearlyThings - November 15, 2023


Women Keep Getting UNCOMFORTABLE Men's Promiscuity


Episode Stats


Length

32 minutes

Words per minute

225.9358

Word count

7,231

Sentence count

603

Harmful content

Misogyny

55

sentences flagged

Hate speech

41

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the pros and cons of non-monogamy in the 30's and how women tend to cheat in their 30's compared to their 20's. We discuss why women cheat and why men tend to not do the same.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I agree with that because I feel like in the 20s, you're 100% right, but between 20 and 30, women are very selective in what they do. 0.98
00:00:06.740 And then when they get to the 80s, you start wheeling off a lot of stats about pregnancy, geriatry, all of that.
00:00:12.160 When they start realizing that, they feel like they can come back to the average man.
00:00:17.000 Or even go back to a man that was trying to get them when they were 18, 19 and feel like they can go back to them.
00:00:22.760 But obviously with men, it's a bit different because men at 30, we start peaking.
00:00:27.700 We get fed up with it.
00:00:29.040 So we start, there's a change.
00:00:31.420 You get what I'm saying?
00:00:32.080 Yeah.
00:00:32.220 Yeah.
00:00:32.460 And so that's why I say women pick non-monogamy in their 20s when they have the most leverage. 1.00
00:00:37.160 Yeah.
00:00:37.440 And they pick the 20% of men.
00:00:39.360 Then in their 30s, we tend to pick the rest, basically.
00:00:44.660 And so the issue is when women cheat, who do they typically cheat with? 1.00
00:00:48.640 You guys know?
00:00:49.160 Anyone?
00:00:50.400 Their exes.
00:00:51.300 Correct.
00:00:51.920 100%.
00:00:52.240 Correct.
00:00:53.220 So the issue that a lot of these guys are getting into, and this is why guys don't typically,
00:00:57.400 like a lot of guys will say, I don't date women over 30. 0.58
00:00:59.840 And it's not a looks thing.
00:01:01.160 It's that if she's 30, like how many relationships has she had?
00:01:04.920 Is one of those guys better than me?
00:01:06.900 And does she want to be with him?
00:01:08.440 And the odds are he probably is because in her 20s, she had more leverage than her 30.
00:01:12.040 So what are the odds in her 30s she can get a better guy than in her 20s? 1.00
00:01:15.860 Likely, right?
00:01:16.920 And he was probably top 20% of looks.
00:01:19.720 And I feel like Slyly, when they have that relationship from 20 to 30, there's always that one guy that can always come back in the background.
00:01:26.660 Yeah, no, I've spoken to women that have had like, I don't know, six-year situationships on and off or between every relationship.
00:01:34.660 And that's like how they keep their like body count low or whatever.
00:01:38.080 It's like a say-so.
00:01:39.460 They'll like go back to the last.
00:01:41.120 And it kind of, so it kind of makes sense.
00:01:44.300 Keeping your body count low 100%, but you don't have to do that.
00:01:47.300 You can use a toy.
00:01:47.900 Ain't that toxic?
00:01:48.400 Yeah, no, no.
00:01:51.040 Because if you're going back to past situations, that may have not been good, that's toxic.
00:01:55.220 So then if you meet a new guy going forward, that's too much toxicity that you're going to bring to the new guy that you may meet and then your trauma.
00:02:04.760 Yeah, and like, and anytime you mess up, he's sitting there waiting.
00:02:09.020 He's sitting there waiting.
00:02:09.920 He's sitting there waiting.
00:02:10.860 It's a mess.
00:02:11.680 Now you've got to get rid of all the exes, you know.
00:02:14.340 Everyone's got to come off.
00:02:15.600 Yeah, but they are usually, usually the guys are the ones that are on standby.
00:02:20.440 They're waiting and you know why men will always be on standby and I know what they want.
00:02:25.960 I'm not saying that I'm fooled, but, and you know why it works for women and men will always be there. 0.96
00:02:32.440 Cause men don't talk to men, but I'm not going to go to Ted and like, yo, Ted, I'm dealing with Pell, you know, boom, boom, boom.
00:02:39.240 Whereas women always want to go to women about stuff. 1.00
00:02:41.280 Yeah.
00:02:41.620 So you lot, in terms of, you can always have your exes there cause my man would just wait in the, in the background. 1.00
00:02:47.120 In the shadows.
00:02:47.560 Yeah, in the shadows.
00:02:48.160 I was like, all right, cool.
00:02:49.160 When you're done, we might come back and you get me, I'm going to say nothing, but women, 1.00
00:02:53.680 we try to have that one in the background.
00:02:55.680 Now she won't be the main one.
00:02:57.760 She want to go to the main woman and tell her, yo, we've been together. 1.00
00:03:01.120 How long, where, where, where have been in the background?
00:03:03.200 I've never had that.
00:03:04.040 You know what I'm saying?
00:03:04.520 I'm going to read, this was a, I think this is like a $50, I don't know the conversion, but Pearl, listen, all these discussions are pointless.
00:03:11.700 Walk outside and you will see the majority of men don't leave their homes. 0.89
00:03:14.320 This phenomenon first started in Japan, we are just a few years behind, I went to Japan and all I see is women outside. 1.00
00:03:19.840 My main point is you cannot bring back most men outside of their rooms. 0.87
00:03:23.240 If you have to waste time arguing, debating with modern women, society will collapse. 1.00
00:03:26.960 Just like Japan, women will say it's expensive to have kids, tee hee hee children. 1.00
00:03:31.520 Men are indoors with corn or what is, what is his, what is he implying?
00:03:39.600 I don't know, to be honest, I just read it.
00:03:43.360 I mean, I think in general, people aren't leaving and especially like now they're going to have AI and like, I think there's just more people aren't going outside is his main point.
00:03:51.920 But I was, I was thinking about this the other day because I was like, if I was a guy, how would you pick a good, because I've been interviewing men for this divorce documentary I'm doing.
00:04:01.920 So I interview the men that have been like stupid wrecked by divorce.
00:04:05.140 Okay, so they're, and typically this happens like, this is kind of the story that I've heard like from guys, typically he meets her and there's like an unplanned pregnancy and typically like they get married pretty quick and then she'll go to a women's shelter, like accuse him of abuse on some level when some, like they'll even prove that she was lying because you get a free lawyer here if you accuse a guy of abuse.
00:04:32.760 And basically they have their whole lives ruined, they're on these really big child support payments, like one guy lost his job, like it's really, really sad.
00:04:41.000 Like I listened, like they're, and you can just tell they're like a shell of a dude who they used to be, right?
00:04:45.660 And I'll speak to these men and I'm like, okay, so she, and some, their girls had red flags, but some it's like she was from a two-parent home.
00:04:54.940 She, there's one that's in the news right now where they're both virgins on their wedding night.
00:04:59.200 Um, I'll see another that's like, she, um, she came from a Christian family.
00:05:04.720 She was from Eastern Europe and like all the, like on paper.
00:05:07.320 And I'm like, I don't know as a guy, how you avoid that.
00:05:10.360 And so that's, that's why I did this show is I was genuinely asking, how do you like, what, what, where are the good women and how do men pick them?
00:05:19.020 And right now I'll tell you what we've got.
00:05:20.980 Um, hold on.
00:05:22.020 I have the list.
00:05:23.700 Um, go on a coffee date before or after you sleep with her.
00:05:27.500 Sleep with her as soon as possible.
00:05:29.700 Um, one month to a year.
00:05:32.000 Ask her to make a coffee. 0.95
00:05:33.660 Ask to cook on the spot.
00:05:35.280 Take her on a coffee date.
00:05:36.420 Date as many women as possible to tell the difference. 0.99
00:05:38.380 Make sure you're not on birth control.
00:05:39.880 Um, what is her relationship like with her dad?
00:05:42.360 Um, and I, and I don't even say this to like harp on women, right?
00:05:45.860 Because like men have issues, women have issues. 0.99
00:05:47.460 But I just think like with how much guys have to lose, I'm like how, I can't even think of how you avoid it.
00:05:53.040 Well, I would say like, just don't, don't sign a contract when you get married.
00:05:56.000 Just get married and don't sign the contract.
00:05:57.680 I thought this too.
00:05:58.620 I thought exactly like you.
00:06:01.000 But.
00:06:01.380 But, no, it doesn't matter.
00:06:03.360 Because when you have a kid.
00:06:05.140 No, that's true.
00:06:05.740 But I think if there was more purity in the world, I think if men and women were both seeking more purity from each other,
00:06:11.020 like how, how honest are you being right now?
00:06:13.600 You know, how, how gentle are you as a pure person?
00:06:16.380 Do you want to harm people?
00:06:17.460 Do you want to, do you go out of your way to lie and get angry and react?
00:06:20.320 Let's, let's, okay, let's follow this.
00:06:21.900 Let's say the guy says, I'm going to be as pure as possible.
00:06:25.000 I'm going to have as little experience with women as possible. 1.00
00:06:27.280 How does he tell the difference between a woman with a high body count and a low body count if he has no experience with women?
00:06:33.000 There's no way.
00:06:33.780 He may not know.
00:06:34.200 There's, there's no, there really is no way.
00:06:36.060 Right.
00:06:36.660 So I, but if he has, if he has no experience.
00:06:39.760 There's no factual ways.
00:06:40.760 No, but I'm saying, okay, I would think you'd have to like kind of be with a lot of women to figure that out.
00:06:45.280 But if he doesn't want to, if he follows the purity route.
00:06:49.040 I mean, I think that men still have to date women. 0.99
00:06:51.240 I think men and women should, to date men, a few men and women at least to see like, see what, see what people are out there to know the difference between different people.
00:06:58.780 And also observing other people's relationships is important.
00:07:01.740 But I don't think you have to sleep with somebody to know if somebody is a, is a, is a wifey material, you know, I don't think you have to sleep with someone.
00:07:10.380 I don't think you have to sleep with someone.
00:07:11.220 But being like intimate, having intimate conversations, having relationship, you know, having your traditional values play out in life roles, you know, cooking and cleaning and taking care of the house, whatever.
00:07:19.240 I think those are things, those are important things to do.
00:07:22.180 And that's how you'll know if that's a woman you actually want to marry one day. 0.97
00:07:25.160 But that's very pure, right?
00:07:26.600 There is no like, you know, having the intercourse and making out.
00:07:30.380 Right.
00:07:30.660 But I guess my question is like the average woman and like we could talk about like what we should do.
00:07:36.400 And this is where like it's hard because I used to think like this.
00:07:39.720 I used to think like you.
00:07:40.760 But it's like, I think we're like red pill and like trad cons tend to like talk past each other where it's like the average woman has slept with five to eight people.
00:07:48.220 Like why would he wait for a woman that's like, so.
00:07:51.280 No, that makes sense.
00:07:52.000 Right.
00:07:52.240 I agree with this point.
00:07:53.300 Like they should not, a man should not wait for someone who slept with five to nine women. 0.99
00:07:56.620 Right.
00:07:56.960 And so how would he tell the difference between a virgin who's lying and a girl who's like actually a virgin unless he's.
00:08:02.280 Just by the way they carry themselves.
00:08:03.180 I mean like you may, you won't know.
00:08:04.600 You will never know.
00:08:05.860 Right.
00:08:06.040 For sure.
00:08:06.320 I agree with you.
00:08:07.360 You'll never know for sure.
00:08:08.140 But the, but the way a woman carries herself really shows a lot about who she is and if she's going to lie about something or not. 1.00
00:08:14.520 Yeah.
00:08:14.920 And.
00:08:15.360 And.
00:08:16.500 What?
00:08:17.060 Yeah.
00:08:18.440 That's a practical solution.
00:08:19.900 I like that.
00:08:20.860 And how she responds to difficult situations.
00:08:23.320 That's a good one.
00:08:24.100 Yeah.
00:08:24.360 That's a really good one because that, that'll be the test every time.
00:08:27.820 Yeah.
00:08:28.120 Go on a camping trip or travel with them or do something that's, you know, challenging or out of their comfort zone.
00:08:33.300 And this is the hard thing.
00:08:34.400 I keep thinking to these men.
00:08:35.740 And I was in the docu, like I did the documentary with and a lot of them did this stuff.
00:08:40.080 And that's why I'm genuinely like, I think there's like, there's no way you could know.
00:08:45.200 Like genuinely.
00:08:46.360 You could never, you could never know a hundred percent.
00:08:47.820 No, for sure.
00:08:48.520 Yeah.
00:08:48.800 But you can, you can get, you can gauge.
00:08:51.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:51.980 Because through conversation, me and you just having a conversation.
00:08:53.540 Right.
00:08:53.840 And I find out, okay, how much relationship you, if you've been in a relationship 10 years,
00:08:58.200 one person, yeah, you could have done what you're doing in between, but then I can gauge
00:09:02.000 between this age and this, okay.
00:09:03.660 You've had one person.
00:09:04.540 Right.
00:09:05.040 Then maybe you've been outside for the last two years.
00:09:07.620 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:09:08.660 I think you can gauge it that.
00:09:09.680 You will never know exact number because she could be doing other things in between. 0.85
00:09:12.580 And your religion and spirituality definitely pays a part in who you choose and how you
00:09:17.200 act, right?
00:09:17.760 Because if you both have a similar religion or spirituality.
00:09:20.460 Okay.
00:09:20.880 Okay.
00:09:21.180 So, so then why are the reputation of church women so bad? 1.00
00:09:24.560 Yeah, the church team is my fault.
00:09:25.600 Don't let me stop.
00:09:26.140 A lot of women go to church and they do terrible things. 1.00
00:09:29.780 Yes.
00:09:30.440 Right.
00:09:30.680 But I'm saying like the reputation of church women is, it's worse than the normal population. 0.95
00:09:35.180 Yeah.
00:09:35.640 And so it's like, right.
00:09:37.160 No, but I, but it's like, it's, it's just crazy.
00:09:39.200 Cause it's like everything we tell them to look for, it's like, yeah, cause they go and
00:09:43.780 commit sins and think they can wash them away on a Sunday.
00:09:46.120 And I think men and women both do that.
00:09:47.440 They both commit sins, you know, they both do that.
00:09:49.880 Well, it sounds like for women, it's, it's also pretty destructive because their chances 1.00
00:09:53.460 of getting another guy is pretty low.
00:09:55.480 It sounds like it was decimating.
00:09:57.780 It totally destroys both of their lives.
00:09:59.560 It sounds like when it doesn't work out, not only the man's life, but also the woman's
00:10:02.580 life.
00:10:02.720 Cause she doesn't have that many chances afterwards, according to the statistics you've been sharing.
00:10:06.500 But you know, I don't think this is a man issue though.
00:10:08.480 I feel like it's women that need to understand men more and understand what men want. 0.99
00:10:12.400 If they understand what men want, they won't have the issue of finding another man. 0.64
00:10:15.020 It's actually quite simple, isn't it?
00:10:16.400 I just, I don't think women would leave if they didn't think they could do better. 1.00
00:10:20.960 Nobody, nobody leaves to like be alone.
00:10:23.220 I'm not saying they can't like work with delusional, you know, but what's better?
00:10:27.060 Well, because they might think that guy's better.
00:10:28.920 Well, I mean, a lot of times it's like the, we have imaginations.
00:10:32.140 For example, a man could do way more for you, but it's about what you're accepting.
00:10:35.160 And he couldn't give you everything you want to make sure you're the number one woman.
00:10:38.020 But if he goes out and he's got a couple of girls cheating or whatever, are you going to
00:10:41.380 accept that for being a happy wife at home? 0.96
00:10:43.680 Of course not.
00:10:44.060 Well, no one would.
00:10:45.040 A lot of people do.
00:10:46.880 Exactly.
00:10:47.360 A lot of people do.
00:10:47.900 I'm saying, I'm saying if he looks after your home.
00:10:51.220 He cares.
00:10:51.940 What do you mean he cares?
00:10:52.460 You can look after yourself.
00:10:53.420 There's not a lot of them.
00:10:54.260 Say it again.
00:10:55.320 Say it again.
00:10:55.760 If he looks after the home, he makes sure you're good.
00:10:58.440 Everything at home is patterned.
00:10:59.700 You're the number one woman.
00:11:01.000 But yes, he goes out sometimes and he goes on weekenders away, let's say, and he sleeps
00:11:06.400 with women.
00:11:06.780 But when he comes back, the house is patterned.
00:11:09.820 Everything's looked after.
00:11:10.900 There's just something wrong with his values.
00:11:12.780 There's something wrong with his connection to God or religion or something.
00:11:15.940 There's something wrong with his values.
00:11:17.820 But what about her?
00:11:18.580 What about maybe she did something to make him cheat?
00:11:21.020 You don't know.
00:11:21.660 No, that's true.
00:11:22.300 I agree.
00:11:23.180 I always feel like there's a reason people cheat.
00:11:25.300 Always.
00:11:25.880 Men don't cheat for no reason and women don't cheat for no reason.
00:11:28.140 But I just think we kind of get in this.
00:11:30.160 I don't think that's true.
00:11:30.280 I think we get in this like if a guy cheats, he's like the worst.
00:11:34.260 People always misconstrue my thought.
00:11:36.000 I don't think cheating is good.
00:11:37.140 But it's like, well, demonize the men for cheating, right?
00:11:40.560 But when women go into relationships with open social media accounts and we don't demonize 1.00
00:11:45.880 them where they can still get attention from high value men.
00:11:48.580 Exactly.
00:11:48.980 100%.
00:11:49.380 And it's like we don't, it's the same thing.
00:11:51.720 But yeah, like if a guy cheats, it's the worst thing ever.
00:11:54.000 No, I think it's both equally.
00:11:55.020 I feel like if a female cheats, their demon is the worst thing ever. 1.00
00:11:58.700 And that man will never take her back.
00:12:00.320 So I think it's the opposite.
00:12:01.540 I think the woman is always taken back. 0.99
00:12:03.680 That's not true.
00:12:04.540 When you think about it, like men marry single mothers all the time. 0.85
00:12:07.940 Men take women back. 1.00
00:12:08.940 And in a way that's like, I mean, you're coming in with another man's kid.
00:12:13.000 But I hear what you're saying to a certain degree.
00:12:15.860 Because obviously if you're letting someone inside your body,
00:12:18.260 That man is going to look at you differently.
00:12:20.480 No, no, no.
00:12:21.180 Forget the man looking at you.
00:12:22.200 He is going to look at you differently.
00:12:23.140 I'm saying if you're opening your legs, I don't think you're just going to open your legs to a man just off the rip at night.
00:12:30.660 I do think people should try to work out cheating, though.
00:12:34.000 I agree.
00:12:34.540 I think it's about the kids.
00:12:36.500 It's not about you.
00:12:37.120 You should try to work it out.
00:12:38.620 Yeah, you should work it 100%.
00:12:39.800 I don't want to like, and no offense to people watching this, but like, my mom and dad got divorced when I was four.
00:12:45.180 And it was because my dad cheated on her.
00:12:47.020 And I don't think anyone should, you know, I think cheating, I don't inherently think cheating is a good thing.
00:12:51.580 But I think, I sometimes wonder what would my life have looked like had they been together.
00:12:56.540 I wonder that every day.
00:12:57.260 And how would I have been?
00:12:58.440 You know, I'm grateful that I am the way I am now.
00:13:00.980 But I'm just saying, like, I know there's a lot of girls out there who have dysfunctional families and don't have a father and mother that are together.
00:13:07.620 And I've seen people with who have their mother and father together.
00:13:10.400 And they're very different people.
00:13:11.880 The way they approach themselves, the way they talk to people, the way they react to situations, they're just different people.
00:13:16.820 And I think that's beautiful.
00:13:18.380 And so, like, that's even like a reason, like, I want, I wish more people, more women and men would see, oh, I want to have a healthy family.
00:13:23.840 I want to break the generational trauma, the generational disrupt, you know, the generational problems.
00:13:30.620 Do you ever wish you stayed?
00:13:32.580 Absolutely.
00:13:33.340 Really?
00:13:33.960 Yeah.
00:13:34.480 I wish we could have worked it out.
00:13:36.660 Absolutely.
00:13:37.460 So what made you guys get divorced, if you don't mind me asking?
00:13:41.000 Well, I came to him and I gave him the very clear parameters.
00:13:45.320 I was like, listen, I figured this is happening.
00:13:47.400 It's not deniable.
00:13:48.220 We can't deny this is happening.
00:13:49.420 So let's just save our marriage and save our life.
00:13:52.180 We have a great life.
00:13:53.460 And so I said, you know, I need these three things to happen.
00:13:56.280 And not only did they not happen, but it got much, much worse.
00:13:58.940 And then it got dangerous.
00:13:59.760 And then it got violent.
00:14:00.620 And then it got scary.
00:14:01.900 And then I, you know, then I just felt like I didn't have a choice because things got so violent, dangerous, and scary.
00:14:08.240 So it weren't directly because of cheating?
00:14:11.160 Well, no, initially I started off that way because there's just so much lies and deceit and can I trust this person?
00:14:17.100 And then, but I really, really wanted to, to make it work.
00:14:20.800 I was like, why don't we, we'll just have an open marriage, which I knew would probably kill me inside.
00:14:24.240 But I was like, yeah, I even offered it, you know, I was like, that's really, really, really wanted it.
00:14:28.380 I even gave him a contract for a second child.
00:14:30.280 I said, you don't have to pay for the child.
00:14:32.200 Like, I just, I really wanted the marriage to stay together, but I just got scared.
00:14:36.420 So if it was just strictly cheating, do you think it would have worked out, then it would have been all right?
00:14:41.080 No.
00:14:42.320 Well, I needed certain things to change.
00:14:44.540 I needed some securities that weren't, that weren't, that weren't there.
00:14:48.220 Because I think, or what do you mean securities?
00:14:49.880 Do you mind saying or no?
00:14:50.980 Well, when I found out that he was cheating, I also looked into like our life a little bit more deeply.
00:14:56.440 And I realized that absolutely nothing was in my name.
00:14:59.520 I had nothing.
00:15:01.060 And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm in a really vulnerable position here.
00:15:04.200 Because I never even thought about it.
00:15:06.320 And so then I was like, listen, I need to have some stake in our lives.
00:15:11.540 And it was a protective mechanism, clearly.
00:15:14.840 And he was like, no, no way.
00:15:17.360 Can I ask a question?
00:15:19.280 So did you, did you put yourself in that situation where you wanted to make it work for Penelope?
00:15:25.720 For sure.
00:15:26.520 Only or because you loved him so dearly?
00:15:28.400 Also, I still love him today.
00:15:29.920 And he's watching right now.
00:15:31.220 I mean, I was hoping he would come to London yesterday and have lunch with us.
00:15:34.340 I mean, is he still single?
00:15:37.720 Yeah, he's in a situation.
00:15:39.520 He's in a situation.
00:15:40.540 Okay, so nothing real.
00:15:42.140 Would you ever get back with him?
00:15:44.440 If, I mean, I would consider Penelope thinks I'm crazy,
00:15:46.800 but I talk about it all the time.
00:15:47.960 My dad would never get back with her.
00:15:49.860 So it's like, I don't, I don't know.
00:15:52.320 But can I ask a question?
00:15:53.740 Can I ask him right now on camera?
00:15:55.260 No, no, don't do that.
00:15:56.120 But can I ask a question?
00:15:57.260 But why wouldn't you, I know you said you would, you would,
00:15:59.820 you're doing it for Penelope.
00:16:01.300 And I understand that.
00:16:02.000 Absolutely.
00:16:02.480 You can do anything to keep, I think people would do anything for their children.
00:16:07.960 But don't you think that you should love yourself more instead of after what he's done
00:16:13.260 and I feel like you deserve better and you don't deserve to be treated like that?
00:16:16.200 Horrified what being a single parent was going to look like.
00:16:20.360 And it was crazy because I had a single mom, so I should have known better.
00:16:24.280 But honestly, I think it's modern day child abuse.
00:16:28.040 It is.
00:16:28.820 And I watched her in my, I watched her growing up struggle so much as one person to do all the work at home.
00:16:36.100 Like just one person, no support.
00:16:37.700 I mean, it was so hard for you.
00:16:38.860 Like you were, I remember the nights you were like crying.
00:16:41.380 And it also struck a strong heart in my, and for me, it was like, I never want to have that.
00:16:47.520 And I will do any, anything and everything in my power to never create that for my future family.
00:16:52.040 Because that is so, it was so painful.
00:16:54.340 I don't wish that pain on anyone.
00:16:55.580 I can never get out of the person.
00:16:56.420 So if your man cheats, you're staying then?
00:16:59.120 Yeah.
00:16:59.800 Because if I have a family, I make a vow.
00:17:02.540 I make a vow.
00:17:03.740 I make a vow to God, to higher power, that I will stick with this person for the rest of my life.
00:17:08.940 Of course.
00:17:09.160 I thought that I did that with your father too, but you know, it happened.
00:17:12.340 But I can never make up for that, for you not having a dad growing up.
00:17:14.720 And there was a spiritual, like there was a spiritual disconnection there.
00:17:18.920 Well, our values were different.
00:17:20.740 I thought we were in a monogamous relationship, but I, you know, found out otherwise.
00:17:24.760 And maybe it was a phase.
00:17:26.040 I don't know.
00:17:26.780 Maybe you can't change people.
00:17:27.860 I don't know.
00:17:28.760 But you know, it's sad.
00:17:30.120 I mean, guys, he still admits to this day.
00:17:31.760 He regrets what he did.
00:17:32.920 He wished he didn't do what he did.
00:17:34.360 And he, and he, and he wishes he could have changed certain things.
00:17:36.800 So he's not like, doesn't have any remorse.
00:17:38.940 Because I just feel like majority, not all, majority of men do at some point in their
00:17:44.900 life will cheat in a relationship.
00:17:47.540 They will.
00:17:48.140 And if every woman leaves a man for cheating, the majority of women will be seen. 1.00
00:17:51.900 Then you have all these, you know, motherless and fatherless families.
00:17:54.020 But I think that's the thing.
00:17:55.440 We're never, like, we're never, as women, we're never told, like, how men are naturally.
00:18:00.380 And like, men just want to screw everything.
00:18:02.000 So it's like, we've kind of been told that if we get cheated on, it's the worst thing ever.
00:18:06.000 And it can't be worked through.
00:18:07.220 Is that because the man isn't in the house?
00:18:09.880 There's a lot of fatherless women. 1.00
00:18:11.180 Yeah, that's, I think that most of, I think that most of society's problem really, like,
00:18:15.940 come back to single mother homes, to be honest. 1.00
00:18:17.900 Like, if you look at the prison population, it's like 80% single mother homes.
00:18:21.620 If you look at youth suicides, you're way more likely to be abused as a child.
00:18:26.740 You're way more, like, every big, I spoke to a homeless shelter director down the street.
00:18:32.440 And I said, why, why, like, are these people homeless?
00:18:35.500 Like, because he has, like, the worst type of homeless, which is, like, the street sleepers, 0.99
00:18:38.980 because there's different, like, levels.
00:18:40.140 There's people living in cars.
00:18:41.140 There's whatever.
00:18:41.600 And he told me that he, that most of these people came from single mother homes,
00:18:50.300 especially with, like, multiple baby daddies or, like, whatever.
00:18:53.520 And the kids that got ended up getting taken and, like, put in the system,
00:18:56.740 and they've never, they don't know any sense of stability or function.
00:18:59.780 And so if you look at all the, like, major issues in society,
00:19:03.800 a lot are linked to single mother homes.
00:19:05.640 And single father homes don't have the same outcomes. 0.92
00:19:07.780 It's not as bad.
00:19:08.380 Because if you're seeing a lot of, if you grow up in a single household,
00:19:11.940 or you see a breakup, then in your head, it might seem like,
00:19:16.160 like, what you were saying with your mom, you can, you can do this,
00:19:19.280 because your mom will grow up in a single home. 1.00
00:19:21.100 So you might see it as, this is something, it's not easy, but it's something I can do.
00:19:25.500 And then when, only when you go through it, you realize that, right, this is mad.
00:19:28.600 But if we have a lot more family units in the house and working at things,
00:19:33.760 then the children get to see, like, okay, my mom and dad went through this,
00:19:38.160 but they managed to go through this route to help.
00:19:41.560 And because I've been through my inner relationship where I've gone therapy
00:19:44.840 and I've gone places to fix things, you get what I'm saying?
00:19:47.840 And even when you was talking about therapy earlier,
00:19:49.960 I don't think therapy is there to fix things.
00:19:52.000 It's just there for you to help.
00:19:54.440 It is.
00:19:54.800 I don't think therapy is there to fix.
00:19:56.620 I think it's there to help you understand triggers
00:19:59.440 and understand certain things for you to maneuver.
00:20:02.380 It can never, therapy can never fix nothing.
00:20:04.840 Do you know what I'm saying?
00:20:05.320 And I, honestly, to be very honest with you,
00:20:07.220 after going to therapy for eight years, maybe 12,
00:20:10.260 I don't believe in therapy.
00:20:12.420 I hear that, yeah.
00:20:12.800 There are other ways to fix your problems,
00:20:14.360 and you can also just really get over yourself, honestly.
00:20:16.460 I just decided to get over myself, and that's basically how I fix myself.
00:20:19.560 Well, I think that therapy, like, it's outsourcing families.
00:20:23.260 It is.
00:20:23.960 Because, like, usually you would go to your siblings or you'd go to,
00:20:26.780 because your mother is going to have a completely different take. 1.00
00:20:30.200 Like, let's say if you're in an argument with your boyfriend,
00:20:32.740 she's going to have a completely different take on the situation 0.94
00:20:35.420 because she knows you, and she knows your positive and your negative traits.
00:20:39.140 So it's like, if I tell my mom, like, oh, this person reacted to me this way,
00:20:43.060 mom's going to be like, well, maybe you did this.
00:20:46.460 People are scared of that realness, innit?
00:20:48.440 People are scared of that real truth.
00:20:50.420 No, I just think that the therapist doesn't have that information.
00:20:53.320 They didn't grow up with you.
00:20:54.400 But, like, who knows your daughter better than you?
00:20:56.420 But that's what I'm saying.
00:20:57.060 She might be scared to go to her mom because she's going to get that harsh reality, 0.98
00:21:00.860 and sometimes people don't want the harsh reality.
00:21:02.860 Do you know what I'm saying?
00:21:03.380 No, I love it.
00:21:04.020 She raised me that way, though.
00:21:05.340 Yeah.
00:21:05.540 The way people raise their children dictates also relationships.
00:21:09.440 It dictates how people react.
00:21:10.800 And so she raised me giving me the harsh truth since I was little.
00:21:13.020 And I hated it.
00:21:14.000 I mean, I would scream at you and cry.
00:21:15.580 I used to hate her with my whole being.
00:21:17.240 But that's what I'm saying.
00:21:18.200 No one likes the truth.
00:21:19.220 No, no, I used to hate her.
00:21:20.320 But now I love her, and I give her, like, all the props to be honest with me
00:21:23.980 when I didn't want to hear it.
00:21:25.100 She told me I was fat.
00:21:26.240 She was like, Penelope, you need to get up and go work out. 0.70
00:21:28.500 Like, she reminded me of that every day.
00:21:30.280 I love that.
00:21:30.980 That's good.
00:21:31.420 That's so funny.
00:21:32.240 I used to get mad at my mom.
00:21:33.480 I wasn't that big, but I was, like, kind of pretty chunky.
00:21:36.660 And my mom would always be, like, on me because I was just this diehard, like, tomboy.
00:21:41.060 And I just didn't want to, like, look.
00:21:43.000 And I still struggle with it to this day.
00:21:44.940 But I'm like, oh, my God.
00:21:45.880 I would be so much worse if my mom wasn't, like, on me all the time. 0.98
00:21:49.520 Because when you're a kid, you're just like, Mom.
00:21:51.420 Like, I don't want to.
00:21:52.020 I know.
00:21:52.220 I just listen to her.
00:21:52.900 And she's like this.
00:21:53.580 She has her master's in nutrition.
00:21:55.120 She's trained thousands of people.
00:21:56.460 And I'm like, I don't want you to tell me what to eat.
00:21:58.520 Like, I don't want you to tell me how to live, how to work out.
00:22:00.340 But I would sit in my room, like, obese, fat, you know, crying.
00:22:04.180 I was depressed in my dark room all day.
00:22:06.600 And she'd be, like, open the curtains, rip the curtains open, be like, 1.00
00:22:09.240 I'm going to take your phone away.
00:22:13.380 And I was like, it was, like, really intense.
00:22:15.320 But those are the kind of parents that you need.
00:22:17.440 But I needed that because this world is cruel.
00:22:19.960 And I've been through some bad things.
00:22:21.820 And having that her mentality that she raised me with, being honest and saying,
00:22:25.340 Penelope, you need to get up.
00:22:26.460 No, Penelope, this is not true.
00:22:27.660 You know, men, there are men and women, like, these are important things she taught me.
00:22:30.700 It's kind of funny, like, the day you realize your parents were right about everything.
00:22:34.540 It's like, it's like, you just wake up one day and you're like, oh.
00:22:37.220 It comes in your late 20s.
00:22:38.640 I was, like, around 21 or 22 for me.
00:22:41.860 I was like, oh my gosh, my mom and dad raised me so well.
00:22:45.380 And they were right about everything they told me.
00:22:47.580 And I tell them both that.
00:22:49.020 We never listen through our teenage years.
00:22:51.000 Never.
00:22:51.300 Except for relationships.
00:22:53.040 Oh, yeah, I'm not listening to them for relationship advice.
00:22:55.000 I'm in the best relationship compared to those two, yeah.
00:22:57.960 Yeah, yeah.
00:22:59.300 Yeah, well, do you like the guy she's dating?
00:23:01.360 Very much.
00:23:02.200 Yeah, I mean, I think that mothers, like, actually, we should ask our parents about those, like, people we date.
00:23:07.740 Yeah, and I actually, he met my mom and my dad.
00:23:09.860 And I wouldn't have been with him if they didn't like him.
00:23:12.380 Yeah.
00:23:13.240 Period.
00:23:13.700 Because that's just how it should be.
00:23:15.620 My man liked that as well.
00:23:16.540 Because even the girl that I'm seeing now, her family unit is strong.
00:23:19.080 And I feel like it wouldn't have worked if her mom or things didn't like, man.
00:23:23.760 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:23:24.400 Totally.
00:23:24.880 And my family is, like, my most important thing.
00:23:26.560 But my respect that.
00:23:27.840 Once a family is important to you.
00:23:29.540 Totally.
00:23:30.140 And close to you.
00:23:31.000 Like, I feel like men respect women more when they have that family dynamic.
00:23:36.980 Whether the, even if the dad's not there, if the dad's there, obviously he's going to respect it a lot more, innit?
00:23:42.180 Because he's going to come differently.
00:23:43.880 But if he knows you have a strong support unit with mom, cousins, aunties, whatever, yeah?
00:23:50.480 He is going to respect you a lot more than if a girl doesn't really have the same kind of support.
00:23:55.060 We're asking how you find a good woman. 0.72
00:23:56.940 And I also find it really challenging to know when you find a good man.
00:23:59.920 I mean, I think by now at 47, you know, it's challenging to find a good man.
00:24:04.260 I think I found one whose values align.
00:24:07.580 But it's not that easy.
00:24:09.220 It's not easy.
00:24:10.560 Exactly.
00:24:10.960 What do you guys think?
00:24:12.300 How do you know when a guy is a good guy?
00:24:14.840 How do you know when, when, when, when, when, the mandem are good.
00:24:17.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:20.260 Yo, you know what it is?
00:24:21.680 You know, you can tell when a man is in line when he has a good woman. 0.98
00:24:27.560 A good woman makes a good man. 1.00
00:24:29.240 No, but he has to be good on his own first.
00:24:30.920 No, no, no.
00:24:31.580 No, but I'm, no, okay, you're moving.
00:24:33.120 No, because mandem, no, because you know what it is now, pal.
00:24:34.880 It's not the question I asked.
00:24:35.820 I am pal, I am pal, but you know what it is.
00:24:37.120 No, no, no, please stop, please stop, please stop, no.
00:24:38.900 I asked you guys, for her, she's a single woman, or sort of, she's dating someone, 0.96
00:24:43.900 but like for a single woman, how do you know if it's a good man?
00:24:46.500 What do you think?
00:24:47.120 Do you think it's easy to tell as a guy who the good guys are?
00:24:50.020 You could, no, it's not easy to tell.
00:24:52.240 It's not.
00:24:53.080 If he's willing to accept your trauma, he's a good guy.
00:24:56.840 Hmm, that's a good one, that's a good one.
00:24:59.520 Definitely, because, yeah.
00:25:00.480 Really?
00:25:00.980 That's a good point.
00:25:02.020 Yeah, you are good.
00:25:03.360 That's a good point.
00:25:05.020 Okay.
00:25:06.520 So I'm just like, why would a good guy want to accept a bunch of trauma?
00:25:09.660 Because if he sees something in you, he will, if he supports you through certain things
00:25:16.540 you're going through in trauma, then you know.
00:25:18.380 Like he listens to your problems?
00:25:20.020 No, no, no, just listen.
00:25:21.920 Forget the listening.
00:25:22.680 Okay.
00:25:23.100 He's actually there, like, rawr, like, cool.
00:25:25.920 You've gone, let's say, what kind of example can I do?
00:25:28.980 Maybe trying to work around you in a way, whatever the issue may be, or whatever it is
00:25:34.260 Even, like, if she needs, yeah, like, if she needs time, like, you're there, but you're,
00:25:38.760 you're, you're supportive.
00:25:40.520 You're supportive, but it's not just.
00:25:42.040 What do you think?
00:25:42.580 Involved.
00:25:42.860 I feel like you've got something to say.
00:25:44.500 Yeah, go on, Ted.
00:25:44.700 What do you think?
00:25:45.760 Fundamentally, I think that all, most guys are good guys.
00:25:49.480 You know, good guys.
00:25:51.000 We are good guys, yeah.
00:25:51.840 We are.
00:25:52.320 100%.
00:25:52.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah, agree.
00:25:53.800 No, but the thing is, it's about, have we found the right woman?
00:25:58.260 Okay, so if we were with the right woman, then it works. 0.99
00:26:01.480 If we're not, then it's not.
00:26:02.760 Yeah, but how does she see it, though?
00:26:04.640 She's not going to see it, um, easily, because it depends on who she is.
00:26:09.480 Ted, this is what I just said to Pearl.
00:26:11.280 It's about the woman, but she doesn't understand.
00:26:13.040 You see me saying it from a man, like, in order for a man to be a good man,
00:26:18.160 you have to have a good woman, because the woman will put you in line. 1.00
00:26:21.120 Like, man on their own, don't put their self in line.
00:26:24.460 We do reckless things, we buy, we spend money recklessly, we live recklessly.
00:26:29.440 Until you get that good woman. 1.00
00:26:30.640 I was chatting to the man today in the WhatsApp group, and it was like,
00:26:32.880 well, you could even, remember we were saying about a man dressing well.
00:26:36.320 You could tell when a man's dressing a certain way in a relationship and out of a relationship.
00:26:40.440 You can tell.
00:26:41.280 Obviously, I don't know, man can tell.
00:26:42.500 I don't know if women can tell. 1.00
00:26:43.400 But really, the most, like, dependable, like, responsible men I know don't really need a woman to, like, look after them, to be honest. 0.99
00:26:50.500 It's not about need.
00:26:51.800 It's about guidance.
00:26:53.600 So, like, I mean, do you get what I'm saying?
00:26:56.480 No, because I'm just thinking about the men, like, I respect the most in my life that are really, like, doing stuff.
00:27:01.340 Like, I think of my dad, some of my brothers.
00:27:03.300 They don't need a woman to, like, guide them or take care of them. 1.00
00:27:06.260 They kind of have a path, stuff they want to do.
00:27:08.480 They don't really.
00:27:09.140 No, we're always going to have a path, isn't it?
00:27:10.400 But women have certain, like, we're practical. 1.00
00:27:13.780 So we're always on, yo, we need to do this, we need to do that, blah, blah, blah.
00:27:18.420 Where women are more structured. 1.00
00:27:21.220 They will put, men are structured, but we will see, we will have a vision and we go for that vision.
00:27:26.260 And sometimes we just go because we can see what we're going for.
00:27:30.340 We know we got the picture in our head, but a woman can organize the route a bit better than a man can organize the route. 1.00
00:27:37.140 I think what you're saying is more like enhancing your qualities, enhancing your life.
00:27:42.120 Yeah, maybe, yeah.
00:27:43.100 But, like, honestly, for me, I think that if a guy can get up, even when he's sad, when he has a bad day,
00:27:50.900 maybe if he likes to work out, he'll do a workout, go to work, not be emotional all the time.
00:27:56.760 You know, these things that if you already do them without a woman, it's good. 1.00
00:28:00.760 Yeah, we do that naturally.
00:28:01.560 Go on, pal.
00:28:02.360 Yeah.
00:28:02.880 I know you was, mm, in there, you get me?
00:28:04.840 No, this just, this just sounds to me like the guys you don't want to date,
00:28:12.040 which is the guys that, like, need a woman to, like, to guide them. 0.84
00:28:15.660 Yeah, yeah.
00:28:16.560 Like, I would think you'd want, like, a leader.
00:28:18.660 Maybe I'm wrong.
00:28:19.480 No, no, no, man's a leader.
00:28:20.920 But man just needs someone to organize man's paperwork while I'm practically outside of the room.
00:28:25.280 That's a man's team. 0.99
00:28:26.280 Yeah, you're kind of switching what you started saying.
00:28:29.960 No, I hear what you know, but it's hard for me to explain it because it's like,
00:28:34.220 it's mad because obviously, man, I'm, I'm, I'm, when I'm saying I'm focused, man,
00:28:40.120 you can be focused on something, but sometimes you need somebody there to help you in line certain things
00:28:45.700 because, man, we will just do things.
00:28:47.840 Like, for example, are you shopping, for example, yeah?
00:28:51.500 If I'm going shopping, yo, I'm going in there, size eight, Air Force One, boom, bam, gone.
00:28:56.440 I know exactly what I want.
00:28:57.840 I know what I'm going there for.
00:28:58.860 I'm not spending long where a woman will, if they want a dress or something or they want a shoes, 1.00
00:29:03.980 you try it on, it's got to make sure it looks right, blah, blah, blah, up there.
00:29:07.600 They will pattern up things, make sure everything's correct before they leave that.
00:29:10.880 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:29:11.300 Yeah, but how does she make getting your size eight better, your Air Force better? 0.92
00:29:15.700 Someone's getting my Air Force better.
00:29:17.080 So is that, are you, like.
00:29:18.140 Well, you said she organizes your route.
00:29:19.300 Yeah, but I'm just saying they will look for more things.
00:29:24.160 I'm going to read Super Chats for a second.
00:29:28.880 Okay, guys, make sure you like the video.
00:29:31.340 Did we open the chat?
00:29:32.320 Did we get 2,000 likes, Blessing?
00:29:34.900 Yeah, 1.2.
00:29:36.040 Oh, 1.2.
00:29:36.840 Good job, guys.
00:29:38.740 AW, message deleted.
00:29:40.460 I don't know what you said, but someone deleted it.
00:29:42.900 Hiroshima, 21st century is the biggest L for humanity.
00:29:46.840 We trusted women to be accountable like men are, but all they did was destroy society. 1.00
00:29:51.180 Rome empowered women.
00:29:52.260 It's gone now.
00:29:53.340 Is that true?
00:29:54.380 Did Rome do that?
00:29:56.080 Vincent Fraga.
00:29:57.620 The traditional righteous focused men, focused since youth to be godly, protectors, providers,
00:30:03.180 and intelligent for the purpose to build families at large.
00:30:06.460 I'm Hiroshima.
00:30:07.220 Average Japanese guy doesn't leave his house. 1.00
00:30:10.040 All I saw outside were chads and good-looking guys.
00:30:12.820 They openly said they had multiple girlfriends because that's all they had.
00:30:15.760 The rest of the guys aren't even in the dating pool, just rotting at home.
00:30:21.480 That was for the Japanese super chat earlier.
00:30:25.820 Oi, thanks for the hard work, Pearl.
00:30:27.260 Peace.
00:30:27.940 Gort, does being submissive mean submit to your men or does it mean submit to your family
00:30:34.220 and tell tats to stop talking?
00:30:36.340 Oi.
00:30:36.940 Ha-ha.
00:30:37.400 You're right.
00:30:38.540 Zoro Slot.
00:30:39.280 Only simps want to wait months.
00:30:41.500 If women isn't a virgin, it's a woman's job to retain a man after hooking up. 1.00
00:30:49.000 Women want quality and men want quantity. 1.00
00:30:51.900 We are not the same.
00:30:52.960 Um, okay.
00:30:56.860 What do you guys think about the phrase,
00:30:59.260 a woman that makes you wait for sex isn't worth the wait? 1.00
00:31:01.840 That's only true if you're, that's only true if you're not, if she's not a real virgin, 0.57
00:31:10.400 which I know you can't really, you know, you can't really tell, but that's, that's what
00:31:14.920 I think, at least.
00:31:15.760 But I think you guys have to be mindful when it comes to sex.
00:31:19.120 It's not just sex.
00:31:20.380 It's a spiritual energy exchange.
00:31:23.160 I don't care.
00:31:24.460 You guys, I have to say this stuff.
00:31:26.580 Like, like, honestly, it's not, it's a big thing.
00:31:30.220 So do you really want to just be having sex with anyone and letting any kind of energy
00:31:34.780 into your energy?
00:31:36.020 Like, it's not worth it, is it?
00:31:37.100 I don't think it's worth it.
00:31:38.320 And that's kind of like a toxic side.
00:31:40.180 Can I just say that for us, it is always a spiritual exchange for, as many of you know,
00:31:45.080 I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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