Leo D.M.J. Aurini - May 04, 2016


Charisma for Introverts： In Depth Analysis #1


Episode Stats

Length

41 minutes

Words per Minute

148.43207

Word Count

6,196

Sentence Count

404

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

19


Summary

Charisma is more than just your ability to get people to like you. It s a skill that can be learned, and it can improve your life and the lives of those around you. And by learning how to deal with others effectively, you'll be able to maintain your own privacy even when social interaction is necessary, thereby improving your own life and that of those you interact with.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30.000 Charisma for Introverts
00:00:33.380 Part 1. The Purpose of this Video
00:00:37.260 If I were to describe the past ten years in a single word, it would be polarization.
00:00:44.000 Economic polarization, political polarization, and social polarization.
00:00:49.020 For the purposes of this video, the latter is the most significant.
00:00:52.820 Society has morphed over the years, simultaneously demanding more social interaction,
00:00:57.700 while enabling more isolation.
00:01:00.780 The friendly bar scene, where long conversations were the norm,
00:01:03.640 has turned into the ADD nightmare of clubbing to techno-beats,
00:01:07.700 where conversation is impossible and crude body language becomes the norm.
00:01:12.020 Meanwhile, the sort of communities where introverts would be most comfortable
00:01:15.160 have shifted to the online world.
00:01:17.540 Instead of a chess club, it's World of Warcraft,
00:01:20.020 and instead of a church group, it's an internet forum.
00:01:22.400 Introverts, who naturally prefer privacy, wind up hiding behind avatars and text-based dialogue,
00:01:28.440 which makes sense in the short term,
00:01:30.220 but over the long term it deprives them of the interpersonal skills that are needed
00:01:33.480 to form meaningful relationships with others.
00:01:36.660 Introvert does not mean antisocial, after all.
00:01:39.300 An introvert is simply the sort of person who prefers the slower rhythm of quiet conversation.
00:01:44.980 However, because they aren't exposed to the same degree of social interaction
00:01:48.420 they would have been 10, 20, let alone 50 years ago,
00:01:52.100 because the school system wants everyone to be a leader,
00:01:54.520 and the party scene demands maximum sociability to a degree which makes them uncomfortable,
00:01:59.060 they wind up being stunted in their ability to relate to others.
00:02:03.280 Hence my reasons for making this video.
00:02:06.040 First, because charisma is something which can be learned.
00:02:09.400 Second, by improving your ability to interact with others,
00:02:12.760 it will improve what you get back from them,
00:02:15.380 and what you give them in return.
00:02:18.620 And third, by learning how to deal with others effectively,
00:02:22.140 you'll then be able to maintain your own privacy,
00:02:24.920 even when social interaction is necessary,
00:02:27.420 thereby improving your own life,
00:02:29.320 and the lives of those around you.
00:02:32.600 So the goal of this video isn't to make you into this asshole.
00:02:35.980 Ha ha! Jim Jim Johnson!
00:02:38.720 People call me Jimmy Jams, yeah!
00:02:41.660 Or, God forbid, this sweet girl.
00:02:44.040 Like, you was trolling, and I was like,
00:02:46.720 I am not trolling!
00:02:48.460 I am boxy, you see!
00:02:50.780 But rather to provide you with the framework of how practical charisma works,
00:02:54.640 how you can start to learn these skills without immersing yourself in raver culture,
00:02:58.500 and what the ultimate payoff is for you.
00:03:00.740 But there's a bit more to it than just pure charity on my part.
00:03:05.600 Some of the best salesmen, comedians, musicians,
00:03:08.240 and social butterflies that I've known have been introverts,
00:03:11.420 and charisma is more than just your ability to interact with people.
00:03:14.560 When each and every one of us flourishes,
00:03:17.400 expressing our own unique talents in our own way,
00:03:20.440 it improves this world for everybody.
00:03:23.600 That's the real reason I'm making this video.
00:03:25.500 But let's start with some practical definitions.
00:03:32.880 Before we start discussing charisma,
00:03:37.360 we should start by taking a page from Marcus Aurelius
00:03:39.780 and defining what introversion is in the first place.
00:03:43.000 This is necessary for two reasons.
00:03:44.940 First, because if we don't understand what introversion is specifically,
00:03:48.980 we risk conflating it with many of its side effects.
00:03:51.580 Fear of public speaking, depression, approach anxiety,
00:03:56.320 bouts of being antisocial.
00:03:58.600 The fact of the matter is that extroverts suffer all of these as well.
00:04:02.380 An introvert who's unskilled at charisma will experience them more frequently,
00:04:06.120 but these are the effects rather than the cause of their introversion.
00:04:10.160 The second reason for defining introversion
00:04:12.180 is because I've run into a lot of extroverts who think they're introverts
00:04:16.040 because of how dumped down our culture has become.
00:04:18.640 Folks, we're living in a world of mass marketing
00:04:21.460 aimed at the lowest common denominator,
00:04:23.900 a world of McDonald's and high-fructose corn syrup,
00:04:26.860 of Michael Bay movies.
00:04:28.520 In the past ten years,
00:04:29.560 the lyrics of popular music have dropped an entire grade level,
00:04:33.200 and for every Breaking Bad that appears on the scene,
00:04:35.900 there are dozens of mindless sitcoms and family dramas.
00:04:39.980 Political correctness only increases the banality of our culture,
00:04:43.220 demanding a simplistic, streamlined thought process
00:04:46.040 where everything's been decided for you beforehand.
00:04:49.400 When mediocrity is the norm,
00:04:51.040 it doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted.
00:04:53.960 Just the thought of going out winds up making you feel like
00:04:56.740 King Arthur in Monty Python's Holy Grail.
00:05:00.040 Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home.
00:05:03.040 Let us ride to Camelot!
00:05:05.800 When knights are the round table,
00:05:09.140 we dance whenever we're able.
00:05:10.820 We do routines, we call the scenes,
00:05:12.640 the footwork impeccable.
00:05:14.080 We dine well here in Camelot,
00:05:15.620 we eat ham and jam and Spamalot.
00:05:17.400 Between our quest, we seem to invest
00:05:18.960 and impersonate our gable.
00:05:20.620 It's a busy life in Camelot.
00:05:22.000 I have to push the Pramalot!
00:05:31.360 On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot.
00:05:33.780 It is a silly place.
00:05:35.100 Right.
00:05:37.420 Over the years,
00:05:38.640 there have been two systems of personality analysis
00:05:40.940 which I have found particularly useful.
00:05:43.440 The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator,
00:05:45.440 an extensive breakdown with 16 different types,
00:05:47.940 and the simpler and thus more generally useful breakdown
00:05:51.320 of the four medieval temperaments or humors.
00:05:54.740 The optimistic sanguine,
00:05:56.360 the ambitious choleric,
00:05:57.940 the self-contained phlegmatic,
00:05:59.740 and the hermitic melancholic.
00:06:01.960 The fundamental differences between them
00:06:03.820 can be delineated on two axes,
00:06:06.320 the judging-perceiving axi from left to right,
00:06:10.000 and the extrovert-introvert axi of north to south.
00:06:13.700 We'll start by examining the east-west axis,
00:06:16.080 and by doing so, prepare the ground
00:06:17.880 for the north-south axis.
00:06:20.240 On the left, we have right-brained,
00:06:22.820 and on the right, we have left-brained.
00:06:24.680 This is no accident,
00:06:25.760 as the two hemispheres of the brain
00:06:27.140 control the opposite sides of the body.
00:06:29.600 Those on the left can be described
00:06:30.940 as having a people-focused
00:06:32.440 or emotional understanding of the world,
00:06:35.280 with definite answers.
00:06:37.440 Socially, they want to know
00:06:38.460 how the crowd is feeling, specifically.
00:06:41.520 Environmentally, they want to seek out
00:06:42.920 and create beauty,
00:06:44.120 which is recognized as such.
00:06:45.480 Those who are left-brained
00:06:47.160 are process-focused.
00:06:49.260 They wish to understand the big picture,
00:06:51.440 the pattern of all the moving parts.
00:06:53.700 Socially, they seek out
00:06:55.140 a simplistic understanding of individuals
00:06:57.200 for the sake of the greater whole.
00:06:59.640 Environmentally, they pursue efficiency.
00:07:02.940 The two extroverts from earlier,
00:07:05.240 Boxy and Erin Clary's Jimmy Jam persona,
00:07:08.280 naturally fall into this pattern,
00:07:09.980 with her being the sanguine personality
00:07:12.160 in the upper left,
00:07:13.300 boisterous and seeking to encourage
00:07:14.780 positive feelings of those around her,
00:07:16.840 while Jimmy Jam is a choleric
00:07:18.440 on the upper right,
00:07:19.400 who wants to identify,
00:07:20.740 organize, and lead those around him
00:07:22.660 to victory.
00:07:24.260 For an example of how these two
00:07:25.940 differ along the southern,
00:07:27.420 introverted side of the plane,
00:07:29.160 there is no better example
00:07:30.540 than Red Letter Media's
00:07:31.620 Jack and Rich Evans.
00:07:33.280 In particular,
00:07:34.440 their review of the game Firewatch.
00:07:36.840 Rich is a melancholic,
00:07:38.520 concerned with the well-being of others,
00:07:40.660 but masking his inner self
00:07:41.900 behind a wall of humor.
00:07:43.600 Jack is a phlegmatic,
00:07:45.080 who ensures that all
00:07:46.100 the behind-the-scenes machinery
00:07:47.340 is working.
00:07:48.600 Their different takes on the game
00:07:50.000 highlight their different approaches.
00:07:52.940 Rich hated it,
00:07:54.820 viewing it as a great story
00:07:56.260 hidden behind pointless
00:07:57.440 and unrewarding exploration,
00:07:59.520 while Jack relished the opportunity
00:08:01.120 to delineate and navigate
00:08:02.860 the environment,
00:08:03.940 even though it presented
00:08:04.860 no narrative metaphor,
00:08:06.160 merely a goal at the destination.
00:08:09.660 The east-west spectrum
00:08:10.840 on this chart describes
00:08:11.840 a complex mechanism
00:08:12.960 behind how we approach information,
00:08:15.120 not merely a simplistic question
00:08:16.560 such as,
00:08:17.540 do you prefer people or spreadsheets,
00:08:19.660 but how we manipulate data in general.
00:08:22.860 The north-south spectrum
00:08:24.200 is equally subtle.
00:08:26.520 Extroversion doesn't mean
00:08:27.580 that a person wants to be
00:08:28.560 around people all the time,
00:08:30.240 and introversion doesn't mean
00:08:31.460 that a person is antisocial.
00:08:33.360 Rather, it describes the differences
00:08:35.180 between those who are driven
00:08:36.560 to seek out confrontations
00:08:38.300 and battles to test themselves
00:08:40.180 and to learn new skills,
00:08:41.740 versus those who prefer
00:08:42.940 to meditate deeply on the world.
00:08:46.480 An extrovert approaches
00:08:47.640 study as a challenge.
00:08:49.640 They seek out argument
00:08:50.660 and new ideas.
00:08:52.000 They're prone to using
00:08:52.780 overly simplistic metaphors
00:08:54.400 that are good enough
00:08:55.500 for government work.
00:08:57.180 An introvert is more liable
00:08:58.800 to analyze material in depth,
00:09:01.260 categorizing minutiae
00:09:02.640 and building a codex,
00:09:04.320 potentially missing out
00:09:05.300 on important new ideas.
00:09:07.700 Socially, the extrovert
00:09:08.740 will regularly feel the need
00:09:10.100 for hot confrontations with others,
00:09:12.100 which are unpredictable in nature.
00:09:14.140 The introvert will prefer
00:09:15.280 predefined settings
00:09:16.560 with people they know,
00:09:17.880 where the conversational growth
00:09:19.360 happens organically.
00:09:21.420 Of course,
00:09:22.240 neither extrovert nor introvert
00:09:24.040 is absolute.
00:09:25.360 Any more than the differences
00:09:26.380 between judging and perceiving
00:09:28.300 prevents a mechanic
00:09:29.220 from enjoying art
00:09:30.060 or a sculptor
00:09:31.100 from learning programming.
00:09:32.860 In a certain sense,
00:09:33.880 all of these positions
00:09:34.720 are relative
00:09:35.500 to the other people
00:09:36.500 in the room.
00:09:37.700 The most extroverted introvert
00:09:39.440 is liable to take on
00:09:40.700 the leadership role
00:09:41.420 in a chess club.
00:09:42.680 And furthermore,
00:09:43.660 everyone experiences shifts
00:09:45.260 during their daily
00:09:46.340 circadian rhythm.
00:09:47.860 More introverted in the morning
00:09:49.160 and more extroverted at night.
00:09:51.980 Overall, though,
00:09:52.980 following the statistics
00:09:53.920 compiled by the Myers-Briggs people,
00:09:55.840 it is safe to say
00:09:56.700 that each person
00:09:57.440 has a dominant temperament
00:09:58.880 they fall into,
00:10:00.200 which determines
00:10:00.820 their optimum form
00:10:01.900 of socialization,
00:10:03.340 and these are pretty much
00:10:04.420 equally balanced
00:10:05.260 between the four types.
00:10:08.200 Part 3.
00:10:09.400 Defining Charisma
00:10:10.480 So what is charisma?
00:10:13.200 The word sums up images
00:10:14.640 of someone who's charming,
00:10:16.080 debonair,
00:10:16.760 and comfortable
00:10:17.280 in all sorts of social situations.
00:10:19.580 But what does any of that mean?
00:10:22.120 What are the elements?
00:10:24.540 I would argue
00:10:25.580 that charisma
00:10:26.220 has a two-fold nature.
00:10:27.620 The practical
00:10:28.900 and the spiritual.
00:10:32.080 The practical
00:10:33.060 covers everything
00:10:34.000 from sales techniques
00:10:35.200 to NLP
00:10:36.100 to simply memorizing
00:10:37.440 funny anecdotes
00:10:38.440 and good jokes.
00:10:40.160 These are the techniques
00:10:40.940 learned by effective
00:10:42.000 public speakers,
00:10:43.180 managers and CEOs,
00:10:45.120 salesmen and preachermen,
00:10:46.980 and while the naturally
00:10:48.000 extroverted on average
00:10:49.560 tend to excel
00:10:50.320 at these skills,
00:10:51.460 the true masters
00:10:52.260 are often introverts.
00:10:54.780 The reason is rather obvious
00:10:56.340 if you think about it.
00:10:58.120 Most extroverts enjoy
00:10:59.680 intense socializing.
00:11:01.780 It's like a game
00:11:02.220 of pick-up basketball
00:11:03.180 for them.
00:11:03.960 They learn the rules,
00:11:05.000 the patterns,
00:11:05.700 they learn how to make a shot,
00:11:07.100 but for them
00:11:07.700 it's never really serious.
00:11:09.400 It's a hobby,
00:11:10.440 maybe a semi-professional hobby,
00:11:12.300 but because they're
00:11:13.040 innately talented at it,
00:11:14.620 they have trouble
00:11:15.240 seeing what's actually going on.
00:11:17.860 Another example
00:11:18.700 would be jazz improvisation.
00:11:20.320 On my bookshelf
00:11:21.940 is a musical transcription
00:11:23.160 of every improvised solo
00:11:25.000 of giant steps
00:11:26.160 ever recorded
00:11:26.940 by John Coltrane.
00:11:29.000 When the transcriber,
00:11:30.320 David Dempsey,
00:11:31.440 a professor of music
00:11:32.540 and coordinator of jazz studies
00:11:34.220 at William Patterson University,
00:11:36.380 showed Coltrane the sheet music
00:11:37.840 and asked him
00:11:38.640 if he could play it,
00:11:39.820 the jazz legend just laughed
00:11:41.380 and said,
00:11:42.180 not on your life.
00:11:44.360 When an introvert
00:11:45.600 approaches practical charisma,
00:11:47.580 they come to it
00:11:48.300 as an outsider.
00:11:49.580 At first it's all noise,
00:11:51.120 a milestone of movement
00:11:52.620 on the chord
00:11:53.320 or fingers shimmying up
00:11:54.620 and down
00:11:55.080 on the instrument's keys,
00:11:56.900 but as they begin
00:11:57.720 to understand it,
00:11:58.900 they take note
00:11:59.680 of the subtle aspects
00:12:00.800 which extroverts take
00:12:01.840 for granted,
00:12:03.000 of assumptions
00:12:03.660 which the extroverts
00:12:04.680 never question.
00:12:06.160 Through their outsider status,
00:12:08.280 some of them
00:12:08.800 come to master it
00:12:09.960 to a degree
00:12:10.480 that few extroverts
00:12:11.720 ever achieve.
00:12:14.800 The second form of charisma
00:12:16.440 is the spiritual.
00:12:17.420 The force of personality.
00:12:19.780 The most perfect summation
00:12:21.080 I've ever heard
00:12:22.000 came from the anime series
00:12:23.580 Psycho Pass.
00:12:24.620 Kogami,
00:12:26.640 define charisma for me please.
00:12:29.340 Innate appeal,
00:12:30.400 a personality trait
00:12:31.560 that can convince others
00:12:32.640 to do things.
00:12:33.980 I'll give that answer
00:12:34.980 a B.
00:12:36.620 There are three elements
00:12:37.900 that comprise charisma.
00:12:39.760 As you said,
00:12:40.800 there's the innate appeal
00:12:41.720 often found in leaders.
00:12:43.360 There's also a power
00:12:44.160 to make others feel good
00:12:45.400 simply by being
00:12:46.200 in your presence.
00:12:47.220 And finally,
00:12:47.960 there's the ability
00:12:48.620 to talk confidently
00:12:49.500 about all things
00:12:50.400 with all people.
00:12:51.180 This inner form
00:12:52.800 of charisma
00:12:53.380 might be more obvious
00:12:54.700 in the extrovert,
00:12:55.840 but it's just as powerful
00:12:57.260 when it's present
00:12:58.160 in the introvert.
00:12:59.780 We'll return to the spiritual
00:13:00.840 form of charisma later,
00:13:02.060 however,
00:13:02.480 because we need to start off
00:13:03.680 by delineating
00:13:04.740 the basics.
00:13:07.460 Part 4
00:13:08.500 The Basics
00:13:09.640 The word persona
00:13:13.760 traces back
00:13:14.480 to the Latin word
00:13:15.340 for person,
00:13:16.300 but with specific implications.
00:13:18.540 It was the word
00:13:19.220 used to describe
00:13:20.340 the role an actor
00:13:21.380 would play in a drama
00:13:22.340 and the mask
00:13:23.540 they would wear
00:13:24.080 to play it.
00:13:25.380 It is also closely related
00:13:26.740 to the verb
00:13:27.320 personare,
00:13:28.880 to sound through,
00:13:30.720 that is,
00:13:31.560 to speak through
00:13:32.220 an amplifying mask,
00:13:33.880 or to speak politically.
00:13:35.860 It is a term
00:13:36.480 that describes
00:13:37.100 somebody's personage
00:13:38.500 rather than
00:13:39.400 their personhood.
00:13:41.520 Your persona
00:13:42.600 is your mask,
00:13:44.220 but this observation
00:13:45.140 is nothing new.
00:13:46.440 It's been endlessly
00:13:47.460 analyzed,
00:13:48.600 derided,
00:13:49.300 and condemned,
00:13:50.260 and many a writer
00:13:51.080 has observed
00:13:51.640 that people often
00:13:52.500 wear false masks,
00:13:54.060 but this sort
00:13:54.720 of cynical approach
00:13:55.660 winds up
00:13:56.220 indicting
00:13:56.780 all of human behavior.
00:13:58.640 It's one thing
00:13:59.280 to look out
00:13:59.740 for the wolves
00:14:00.400 in sheep's clothing,
00:14:01.820 the psychopaths,
00:14:02.940 the manipulators,
00:14:03.920 the monsters
00:14:04.540 who feign friendship
00:14:05.620 to put you at ease.
00:14:07.360 It's quite another
00:14:08.120 to condemn
00:14:08.720 all of humanity
00:14:09.760 for our propensity
00:14:10.800 to put on a false face.
00:14:13.200 If personas
00:14:13.760 are nothing but hypocrisy,
00:14:15.880 by what standards
00:14:16.820 do we condemn
00:14:17.620 the monsters?
00:14:19.200 If persona
00:14:19.840 is an a priori evil,
00:14:22.180 then we're all
00:14:22.920 just as guilty
00:14:23.700 and in no position
00:14:24.840 to rebuke the creatures.
00:14:26.860 The reason I bring
00:14:27.920 all of this up
00:14:28.560 is because persona
00:14:29.940 gets a bad rap
00:14:31.200 amongst people
00:14:31.840 who value sincerity.
00:14:33.660 And as a rule,
00:14:34.840 introverts prefer
00:14:35.700 low-key,
00:14:36.740 sincere communication
00:14:37.960 amongst a tight-knit
00:14:39.340 group of friends.
00:14:40.960 Contrast to the extroverts
00:14:42.160 who often enjoy
00:14:43.200 creating raucous
00:14:44.240 false personas
00:14:45.040 and knocking one another
00:14:46.460 down in a friendly
00:14:47.500 social wrestling match.
00:14:49.540 But knowingly putting on
00:14:51.080 a false persona
00:14:51.900 to amuse your friends
00:14:52.980 is no more insincere
00:14:54.600 than enjoying
00:14:55.180 a work of fiction.
00:14:56.500 And by denouncing
00:14:57.320 all personas,
00:14:58.840 one not only risks
00:14:59.740 becoming a caricature
00:15:00.840 of Holden Caulfield
00:15:01.920 arguing that
00:15:02.840 everyone else
00:15:03.640 is a phony,
00:15:04.680 but also misses out
00:15:05.760 on one of the most
00:15:06.520 simple and powerful
00:15:07.760 tools for social interaction,
00:15:10.040 especially for introverts.
00:15:13.040 The persona
00:15:13.600 is a crucial element
00:15:15.000 of our psyches.
00:15:16.540 Forget the parts
00:15:17.220 about actors
00:15:18.060 or manipulation
00:15:18.820 and focus on
00:15:20.380 the personage aspect.
00:15:22.940 Who are you
00:15:24.060 when you interact
00:15:25.320 with others?
00:15:26.520 What is your role
00:15:28.440 in this world?
00:15:29.280 Our inner life
00:15:31.480 is a chaotic jumble
00:15:32.540 of emotions,
00:15:33.780 memories,
00:15:34.580 snippets of songs
00:15:35.560 and passing fancies.
00:15:37.520 We all occasionally
00:15:38.380 disappear into ourselves
00:15:39.640 and follow a particular
00:15:40.840 train of thought
00:15:41.580 oblivious to the outside world.
00:15:43.980 This isn't to say
00:15:44.700 that there isn't
00:15:45.180 some sort of coherence
00:15:46.500 to us as a person
00:15:47.980 taken as a whole,
00:15:49.840 merely that the
00:15:50.700 moment-to-moment thoughts
00:15:52.020 have very little bearing
00:15:53.600 on who that person is.
00:15:56.380 For example,
00:15:57.440 imagine you went up
00:15:58.220 to a person and said,
00:15:59.280 what's on your mind?
00:16:00.780 And they replied with,
00:16:02.900 Now if Ivana Trump
00:16:03.800 divorced Neil Diamond
00:16:04.940 and married Jack Nicklaus,
00:16:06.320 she'd be Ivana Diamond Nicklaus.
00:16:10.780 It would be
00:16:11.640 understandably off-putting,
00:16:13.120 wouldn't it?
00:16:14.340 And yet this is precisely
00:16:15.440 what happens
00:16:16.000 with so many introverts.
00:16:17.940 Social interaction
00:16:18.820 catches them off guard
00:16:19.960 and they either
00:16:20.620 blurt out something confusing
00:16:22.140 or quickly say,
00:16:24.140 nothing,
00:16:24.600 and then adopt
00:16:26.180 a defensive pose.
00:16:28.200 Hence,
00:16:28.980 the persona.
00:16:30.740 Who are you
00:16:31.180 to this person?
00:16:32.300 What role do you play
00:16:33.260 in their life?
00:16:34.300 How much do they know
00:16:35.300 about you?
00:16:36.360 How much do you know
00:16:37.680 about them?
00:16:38.880 What common background,
00:16:40.560 hobbies,
00:16:41.080 or interests
00:16:41.960 do you share?
00:16:43.560 What sort of persona
00:16:44.920 can you adopt
00:16:46.160 to put them
00:16:47.740 at ease?
00:16:48.700 Notice something
00:16:50.780 about all of this.
00:16:52.440 None of it
00:16:53.080 is disingenuous.
00:16:54.860 You're not putting
00:16:55.720 on a false front
00:16:56.640 or trying to manipulate them.
00:16:58.920 Instead,
00:16:59.660 you're trying
00:17:00.240 to understand them
00:17:01.780 and figure out
00:17:02.820 a communication protocol
00:17:04.320 which the two of you
00:17:05.240 can share.
00:17:06.880 The author
00:17:07.340 Orson Scott Card
00:17:08.300 once commented
00:17:09.100 that a well-written character
00:17:10.420 will speak differently
00:17:11.480 to different characters.
00:17:13.140 Because in real life,
00:17:14.440 you speak differently
00:17:15.180 to your mother,
00:17:16.200 then your father,
00:17:17.260 then your friends,
00:17:18.040 then your boss.
00:17:19.860 Each relationship
00:17:20.660 is unique
00:17:21.580 and the persona
00:17:22.640 is the set
00:17:23.420 of common topics
00:17:24.480 that the two of you share.
00:17:26.500 Rather than being phony,
00:17:28.020 it is,
00:17:28.740 in a way,
00:17:29.700 one of the most effective ways
00:17:31.500 of being genuine
00:17:32.700 at short notice.
00:17:34.960 A truly deep
00:17:35.920 heart-to-heart conversation
00:17:36.980 takes hours,
00:17:38.120 but by devoting
00:17:38.860 some forethought
00:17:39.720 and maintaining
00:17:40.620 some awareness
00:17:41.260 of who you are
00:17:42.620 to other people,
00:17:43.840 you'll be able
00:17:44.420 to communicate with them
00:17:45.620 more effectively.
00:17:46.820 And most importantly,
00:17:49.280 by adopting
00:17:49.840 such a genuine persona,
00:17:51.640 you'll be able
00:17:52.340 to maintain
00:17:52.880 your own privacy
00:17:53.960 without anybody else
00:17:55.500 being the wiser.
00:17:57.180 It will do the talking
00:17:58.060 for you
00:17:58.780 so that you can disengage
00:18:00.060 and go back
00:18:00.840 to whatever you were
00:18:01.660 doing beforehand,
00:18:02.780 and then,
00:18:03.680 when it's time
00:18:04.100 to re-engage,
00:18:05.340 you'll also know
00:18:06.480 how to approach.
00:18:09.440 Directed Interactions
00:18:11.040 In the first section,
00:18:13.820 we covered
00:18:14.140 how to use a persona
00:18:15.200 as an automatic tool
00:18:16.540 to deal with the world
00:18:17.640 around you.
00:18:18.700 With a little bit
00:18:19.240 of forethought
00:18:19.940 and preparation,
00:18:21.260 you won't be left
00:18:22.140 feeling flat-footed
00:18:23.320 in social encounters.
00:18:24.880 But another difficulty
00:18:25.740 some introverts run into
00:18:27.000 is communicating
00:18:27.840 their emotional needs
00:18:29.000 to another person.
00:18:30.360 The persona on its own
00:18:31.600 will ensure
00:18:32.140 that you fit in
00:18:33.000 and that you're
00:18:33.520 a pleasure to be around.
00:18:34.500 It will even make it
00:18:36.260 easier to decline offers
00:18:37.520 when you need
00:18:38.140 some alone time.
00:18:39.700 But on its own,
00:18:40.580 it won't help you
00:18:41.260 communicate to someone
00:18:42.280 when your needs,
00:18:43.460 emotional or otherwise,
00:18:45.080 aren't being met.
00:18:46.500 We all remember
00:18:47.500 poor Milton
00:18:48.260 from Office Space,
00:18:49.320 after all.
00:18:50.260 An exaggerated,
00:18:51.160 comedic version
00:18:51.940 of the introvert,
00:18:52.780 granted,
00:18:53.600 but there's a grain
00:18:54.440 of truth to his character,
00:18:55.900 nonetheless.
00:18:56.660 And I told Dom, too,
00:18:58.120 because they've moved
00:18:59.240 my desk four times
00:19:00.340 already this year,
00:19:01.680 and I used to be over
00:19:02.540 by the window,
00:19:03.780 and I could see.
00:19:05.020 the squirrels
00:19:05.700 and they were married.
00:19:07.020 The persona on its own
00:19:08.240 is reactive,
00:19:09.420 but to lead a happy
00:19:10.320 and healthy life,
00:19:11.120 you need to be able
00:19:11.700 to enact action as well.
00:19:14.020 So how do you go about it?
00:19:16.660 A sergeant I once knew
00:19:18.280 summed up the structure
00:19:19.400 of every lesson plan
00:19:20.540 in the military thusly.
00:19:22.900 First,
00:19:23.760 you tell them
00:19:24.380 what they're going to learn.
00:19:26.340 Then,
00:19:27.300 you learn them.
00:19:28.800 And then you tell them
00:19:29.880 what they just learned.
00:19:31.880 It's crude,
00:19:32.800 but effective,
00:19:33.360 and it's the basis
00:19:34.500 of every form
00:19:35.280 of communication.
00:19:36.760 Essays have an introduction,
00:19:38.140 a body,
00:19:38.840 and a conclusion.
00:19:40.280 Stories have
00:19:41.000 the inciting incident,
00:19:42.300 the arc,
00:19:42.980 and the denouement.
00:19:44.580 Music starts off
00:19:45.560 by playing a basic tune,
00:19:47.080 expanding upon it,
00:19:48.200 and then bringing it
00:19:49.040 to its ultimate point.
00:19:50.580 And even complex
00:19:51.600 and esoteric forms of art
00:19:52.960 only reject these rules
00:19:54.800 because they're adhering
00:19:56.120 to them on a deeper level.
00:19:57.480 This is how Eraserhead
00:19:59.360 still manages
00:20:00.020 to tell a story
00:20:00.860 despite being filled
00:20:02.100 with obscurantist imagery
00:20:03.480 and an incoherent narrative.
00:20:06.300 So right off the bat,
00:20:07.680 we have the basic structure
00:20:08.980 of communication,
00:20:10.380 informed by your persona,
00:20:12.420 informed by who you are
00:20:14.020 to this person
00:20:14.820 and what they understand
00:20:16.400 about you.
00:20:17.940 I need to talk to you
00:20:19.220 because there is a problem.
00:20:21.240 Let me describe
00:20:22.140 this problem to you.
00:20:24.080 And this is why
00:20:25.100 the problem matters to me.
00:20:27.480 It seems redundant,
00:20:29.200 but by simplifying
00:20:30.040 into baby talk like this,
00:20:31.540 it ensures that
00:20:32.520 not just your message,
00:20:34.360 but the important elements
00:20:35.820 of your message
00:20:36.400 make it all the way across
00:20:38.060 to the other person.
00:20:40.520 Those are the bare bones.
00:20:43.120 Let's start to put
00:20:43.840 some flesh on them.
00:20:46.260 Simply info-dumping
00:20:47.480 the person isn't enough.
00:20:48.980 You need to engage them
00:20:50.120 throughout the process.
00:20:51.880 The introduction prepares them
00:20:53.240 so that you have
00:20:53.900 their attention,
00:20:54.960 but you need to maintain
00:20:56.060 that attention
00:20:56.740 throughout the conversation.
00:20:58.860 In lectures,
00:20:59.500 they do it by asking
00:21:00.200 the audience for responses.
00:21:02.020 In fiction,
00:21:02.900 they do it with rising
00:21:03.800 and falling tension.
00:21:05.460 In essays,
00:21:06.400 each paragraph
00:21:07.120 is its own mini-essay,
00:21:08.940 and in music,
00:21:10.020 they modulate the volume.
00:21:12.040 But for our purposes,
00:21:13.300 we'll be using sales
00:21:14.360 as an example.
00:21:15.880 So how does
00:21:16.780 your typical sales script go?
00:21:18.280 Hi, I'm so-and-so.
00:21:21.740 I'm calling you about X.
00:21:24.120 X is a really great thing.
00:21:26.740 Have you heard anything about X?
00:21:29.480 Let's put this in military terms
00:21:31.180 for a second.
00:21:33.340 Hi, I'm Corporal Retired Arrini.
00:21:35.660 I'm here to teach you about rifles.
00:21:38.280 Understanding your weapon
00:21:39.300 will keep you alive
00:21:40.300 on the battlefield.
00:21:41.860 Who here has any experience
00:21:43.320 with rifles in the past?
00:21:44.580 Introduction,
00:21:47.320 Definition,
00:21:48.720 Emphasis,
00:21:49.920 Question.
00:21:51.160 It's all the same thing.
00:21:53.460 Let's put it into
00:21:54.180 a professional context.
00:21:56.580 Hi, boss.
00:21:57.260 I'm Joe from the IT department.
00:21:59.480 We've been having a problem
00:22:00.500 with the Cisco routers.
00:22:02.240 These routers are necessary
00:22:03.600 to maintain the bank machines.
00:22:05.760 Has anybody informed you
00:22:07.260 about this yet?
00:22:09.820 And finally,
00:22:11.400 a personal context.
00:22:13.960 Hi, honey.
00:22:14.900 I'm your husband.
00:22:16.640 There's something
00:22:17.460 I'd like us to do.
00:22:19.020 I think this thing
00:22:19.920 could be a lot of fun.
00:22:21.760 Have you ever considered
00:22:22.520 doing something like that?
00:22:25.080 Now, saying,
00:22:26.200 Hi, honey.
00:22:26.800 I'm your husband
00:22:27.540 might sound ridiculous
00:22:29.040 at first blush,
00:22:30.320 but there's a reason
00:22:31.120 I include it here.
00:22:32.780 You are not just
00:22:33.820 her husband, after all.
00:22:35.280 You're also her lover,
00:22:36.680 the co-parent
00:22:37.340 of an obnoxious child,
00:22:39.380 part of a financial unit
00:22:40.540 with her,
00:22:41.420 and a close friend
00:22:42.420 with shared interests.
00:22:43.600 Which one of these people,
00:22:46.000 which one of these personas,
00:22:48.400 is the one talking to her?
00:22:50.160 And how many lovers' quarrels
00:22:51.740 have occurred
00:22:52.220 because the homeowner
00:22:53.240 started arguing
00:22:54.040 with the lover?
00:22:54.800 These four steps
00:22:57.860 are how you get
00:22:58.580 the ball rolling.
00:22:59.720 They're friendly
00:23:00.400 and non-confrontational.
00:23:01.620 They don't get
00:23:02.360 people's defenses up
00:23:03.340 because rather than lecturing,
00:23:04.760 you're asking for their input.
00:23:06.700 But they're only the beginning.
00:23:08.540 The ABCs of sales
00:23:09.780 are
00:23:10.400 always be
00:23:11.700 clothing.
00:23:13.260 Stephen King
00:23:13.920 referred to this
00:23:14.740 as
00:23:15.120 the gotcha
00:23:16.180 that keeps you reading.
00:23:18.080 And P.T. Barnum
00:23:18.980 put it,
00:23:19.900 always leave them
00:23:20.860 wanting for more.
00:23:22.840 Let's return to poor Milton
00:23:24.160 and watch how he
00:23:25.420 handles a confrontation.
00:23:26.400 Milton stopped at step two.
00:23:28.800 Now Milton,
00:23:29.940 don't be greedy.
00:23:31.420 Let's pass it along
00:23:32.440 and make sure
00:23:32.920 everyone gets a piece.
00:23:34.800 Okay, but last time
00:23:35.600 I didn't receive a piece
00:23:36.620 and I was told
00:23:37.900 that I could have...
00:23:38.360 Just pass.
00:23:39.700 If, okay,
00:23:41.300 if, but this, this,
00:23:43.020 if, if, there, there,
00:23:44.340 I can't speak of the cake.
00:23:47.780 There's a master of cake.
00:23:48.880 Milton stopped
00:23:51.860 at step two.
00:23:53.620 But even if he had carried on
00:23:55.100 into step four,
00:23:56.260 what would have happened?
00:23:57.740 Nina still would have
00:23:59.020 ignored his complaint.
00:24:00.820 This is why we need
00:24:01.940 step five,
00:24:03.200 the rebuttal.
00:24:04.680 In any sort of conversation
00:24:06.460 or negotiation,
00:24:07.740 the other person will have
00:24:08.660 an opposing point of view
00:24:09.820 to your own.
00:24:11.000 The boss will be busy
00:24:12.080 worrying about something else.
00:24:14.000 Your wife will be thinking
00:24:15.000 about the children's school district.
00:24:17.120 Your friend won't understand
00:24:18.440 why visiting a classic
00:24:19.400 video game arcade
00:24:20.240 is important to you.
00:24:22.600 Every successful sale
00:24:23.880 starts with a no.
00:24:25.840 And every successful conversation
00:24:27.320 starts with a misunderstanding
00:24:28.960 and a disagreement.
00:24:31.280 Don't let yourself
00:24:32.100 get shut down by rejection
00:24:33.460 on the first go.
00:24:34.760 This is all part
00:24:35.840 of the negotiating process.
00:24:37.620 This is all part
00:24:38.700 of the understanding process.
00:24:41.140 The other person
00:24:41.760 will assume that,
00:24:43.140 because you didn't rebut them,
00:24:44.840 that you didn't really care
00:24:46.280 about the topic,
00:24:47.320 or that it was the sort
00:24:48.200 of thing that could be
00:24:48.960 handled later.
00:24:50.360 If it's urgent,
00:24:51.560 if it's important to you,
00:24:53.360 don't bottle it up.
00:24:55.240 Walk into the conversation
00:24:56.380 with a plan
00:24:57.080 and ensure that they hear
00:24:58.440 what you're trying to say.
00:25:00.880 Introduction
00:25:01.480 Who are you?
00:25:03.540 Description
00:25:04.160 What's the problem?
00:25:06.900 Emphasis
00:25:07.540 Why does it matter?
00:25:10.240 Question
00:25:10.720 What's their take on it?
00:25:12.680 Negotiation
00:25:14.340 Negotiation
00:25:15.480 Negotiation
00:25:15.560 Negotiation
00:25:16.840 And finally
00:25:18.140 Resolution
00:25:19.660 Remember,
00:25:21.860 people care about
00:25:22.700 what you have to say.
00:25:24.120 Whether it's a loved one
00:25:25.080 or your boss.
00:25:26.540 Just because they dismiss you
00:25:27.680 initially doesn't mean
00:25:28.460 that they're ignoring you.
00:25:30.040 Use the dismissal
00:25:31.040 to understand them better
00:25:32.660 so that they
00:25:33.540 can understand you better.
00:25:35.500 Don't be like Milton
00:25:36.520 and bottle things up
00:25:37.660 until you burn down
00:25:38.600 the entire office.
00:25:40.160 Communicate with those
00:25:41.420 things around you.
00:25:43.940 Body Language
00:25:45.100 Thus far we've spoken
00:25:47.860 about how the persona
00:25:48.780 is important
00:25:49.400 because it is essentially
00:25:50.480 a series of communication
00:25:51.860 protocols between you
00:25:53.200 and another person.
00:25:54.680 We've covered the basic
00:25:55.580 tactics of how to
00:25:56.600 communicate effectively,
00:25:58.140 but now I'd like to
00:25:59.060 cover a critical component
00:26:00.320 that will provide
00:26:01.140 necessary verisimilitude
00:26:02.840 to your communication
00:26:04.200 that will determine
00:26:05.620 what sort of person
00:26:07.060 other people see.
00:26:09.060 Your Body Language
00:26:10.320 I'd like you to do
00:26:12.940 something for me right now.
00:26:14.840 I assume you're sitting down
00:26:16.060 watching this from your computer
00:26:17.360 and probably hunched forward
00:26:19.100 the way I usually am
00:26:20.120 when I'm watching
00:26:20.620 something online
00:26:21.480 or reclined backwards
00:26:23.140 with your feet up
00:26:24.100 in the air.
00:26:25.340 I'd like you
00:26:26.320 to sit up straight.
00:26:28.620 Now roll your shoulders
00:26:30.060 back a couple of times.
00:26:33.000 And now
00:26:34.040 let your arms
00:26:35.340 sit by your sides
00:26:36.600 in a natural pose.
00:26:37.800 Don't be worried
00:26:39.320 about taking up
00:26:39.980 too much space.
00:26:41.700 Butt back in your seat,
00:26:43.480 feet square on the floor.
00:26:45.680 Head up,
00:26:46.600 looking straight ahead.
00:26:48.260 Now
00:26:48.560 unfurrow your brow.
00:26:51.720 And
00:26:52.080 smile.
00:26:54.080 Doesn't need to be
00:26:54.720 a big smile,
00:26:55.800 just a friendly face
00:26:57.220 to show the world.
00:27:00.080 How do you feel right now?
00:27:02.300 I'll bet you feel
00:27:03.560 just a little bit better
00:27:04.860 than you did
00:27:05.540 a few minutes ago.
00:27:07.800 The way we stand
00:27:09.040 affects the way we feel.
00:27:11.280 And the way we feel
00:27:12.520 affects
00:27:13.340 the way we stand.
00:27:15.440 At the beginning
00:27:16.060 I speculated
00:27:17.060 on some of the reasons
00:27:18.160 that antisocial behavior
00:27:19.360 has been growing
00:27:20.060 more pronounced.
00:27:21.420 Let me add one more.
00:27:23.280 Bad posture.
00:27:25.680 How you stand
00:27:26.460 tells the world
00:27:27.320 who you are
00:27:28.180 and it also
00:27:29.440 tells you
00:27:30.400 who you are.
00:27:32.120 I'm sure you were
00:27:32.840 occasionally lectured
00:27:33.800 about your posture
00:27:34.540 while growing up,
00:27:35.600 but the emphasis
00:27:36.160 is usually upon
00:27:36.960 your health.
00:27:37.800 Proper posture
00:27:38.520 feels like it
00:27:39.200 takes more energy
00:27:40.040 at first,
00:27:40.900 but it prevents
00:27:41.480 injury and fatigue,
00:27:43.080 which is the main
00:27:43.680 reason it used
00:27:44.700 to be enforced.
00:27:46.200 But there's a
00:27:46.660 secondary reason
00:27:47.360 for maintaining
00:27:47.920 good posture.
00:27:50.080 Take a look
00:27:50.660 at this photo
00:27:51.600 from America's past.
00:27:54.580 Now look at this one
00:27:55.820 from the present day.
00:27:58.660 The people in the first
00:27:59.960 photo are poor,
00:28:01.340 desperate even,
00:28:02.400 and yet they hold
00:28:03.200 themselves in a manner
00:28:04.140 that demands respect.
00:28:06.220 In the latter,
00:28:07.140 we see how far
00:28:07.940 culture has fallen,
00:28:09.320 shambling monsters
00:28:10.220 who don't care about
00:28:11.020 anything beyond
00:28:11.840 their own immediate
00:28:12.740 gratification,
00:28:13.980 and posture
00:28:14.760 plays a role in this.
00:28:17.340 People will treat you
00:28:18.460 how you allow them
00:28:19.980 to treat you,
00:28:21.100 and your posture
00:28:22.020 tells the world
00:28:22.900 how you want
00:28:24.240 to be treated.
00:28:25.120 The military is one
00:28:27.220 of the few institutions
00:28:28.340 which still demands
00:28:29.300 good posture,
00:28:30.560 and soldiers are taught
00:28:31.640 to stand at ease
00:28:32.680 with their hands
00:28:33.260 behind their back.
00:28:34.760 The reason?
00:28:36.240 Dominus.
00:28:37.760 A man standing
00:28:38.520 in such a position
00:28:39.300 leaves his testicles
00:28:40.340 fully exposed.
00:28:41.820 It's a position
00:28:42.420 that subconsciously
00:28:43.520 communicates that he
00:28:44.440 isn't afraid of any rival,
00:28:46.460 that he's a warrior
00:28:47.300 at the top of his
00:28:48.300 pecking order.
00:28:49.580 Ladies, meanwhile,
00:28:50.440 protect their sex
00:28:51.220 demurely,
00:28:52.300 standing straight
00:28:53.040 while keeping themselves private,
00:28:54.780 neither titillating
00:28:55.620 nor cowering.
00:28:57.620 Both sexes,
00:28:58.700 in embracing proper posture,
00:29:00.580 demand respect,
00:29:02.020 but more importantly,
00:29:03.420 they instill self-respect
00:29:05.120 in themselves.
00:29:07.600 So how do you stand
00:29:09.000 on a day-to-day basis?
00:29:10.860 Does your body language
00:29:11.840 match the words
00:29:12.640 coming out of your mouth?
00:29:14.060 Chest forward,
00:29:15.160 chin up,
00:29:15.800 shoulders back?
00:29:17.080 If your body language
00:29:18.300 is nervous,
00:29:19.120 your tone of voice
00:29:19.900 will be nervous,
00:29:20.880 and you'll make
00:29:21.480 the person you're
00:29:22.200 speaking to
00:29:23.020 nervous.
00:29:25.280 This isn't to say
00:29:26.000 that you need to be
00:29:26.720 standing rigidly
00:29:27.560 at attention 24-7.
00:29:29.540 Both the attention
00:29:30.480 and the at-ease stances
00:29:32.060 are meant to be striking.
00:29:35.000 Far more natural
00:29:35.800 is the position
00:29:36.520 known as contrapposto,
00:29:38.660 most perfectly realized
00:29:39.880 in Michelangelo's David.
00:29:41.740 70% of the weight
00:29:42.760 on the back foot,
00:29:43.980 shoulders back
00:29:44.840 and head straight,
00:29:46.120 arms hanging loosely
00:29:47.120 at the sides,
00:29:48.300 and testicles exposed,
00:29:50.120 of course.
00:29:51.680 I've even been known
00:29:52.720 to employ this stance
00:29:53.560 myself.
00:29:55.200 But then again,
00:29:55.960 I've also been known
00:29:56.560 to pose like a douchebag,
00:29:57.820 so take it for what it's worth.
00:30:00.280 All of this can be
00:30:01.300 boiled down to three points.
00:30:04.020 Good posture,
00:30:05.480 open body language,
00:30:07.060 and a friendly facial expression.
00:30:08.880 When you integrate body language
00:30:11.580 into your persona,
00:30:13.040 assuming an air of quiet confidence
00:30:14.880 and cautious friendliness,
00:30:16.940 your interpersonal interactions
00:30:18.380 will transform overnight.
00:30:21.020 People will mirror
00:30:22.040 your body language,
00:30:23.720 and what you send out
00:30:24.680 into the world
00:30:25.280 is what you get back.
00:30:28.720 Addendum.
00:30:29.840 There are several points
00:30:31.040 I'd like to leave you with
00:30:32.000 before moving on
00:30:32.820 to the next section.
00:30:34.420 They're important points,
00:30:35.500 but this has been about
00:30:36.520 establishing the basic framework
00:30:38.200 for practical charisma
00:30:39.440 rather than trying to turn you
00:30:41.060 into an expert salesman.
00:30:42.820 Just keep these ideas in mind
00:30:44.340 as you practice
00:30:45.060 your communication skills.
00:30:47.180 Number one,
00:30:48.280 learn to use power words.
00:30:50.740 It might sound ridiculous,
00:30:52.300 but by using words
00:30:53.240 with the correct oomph
00:30:54.180 behind them,
00:30:55.040 you will get your message across
00:30:56.280 faster and more successfully.
00:30:58.680 In Pushing Rubber Downhill,
00:31:00.500 Adam Piggott recounts the story
00:31:01.780 of his first job
00:31:02.640 working for a motivational speaker
00:31:04.180 where he started off
00:31:05.340 in the role of telemarketer.
00:31:07.080 The speaker's wife,
00:31:08.120 who also worked the phones,
00:31:09.540 told him to open the call
00:31:10.620 with the statement,
00:31:11.680 I'm here to inspire you
00:31:13.660 to come to the course.
00:31:15.800 Think about that for a moment.
00:31:17.720 Think about a young man
00:31:18.700 phoning somebody out of the blue
00:31:20.020 and saying,
00:31:20.820 I'm here to inspire you.
00:31:23.520 It sounds douchey, doesn't it?
00:31:25.500 The thing is,
00:31:26.780 it works.
00:31:28.000 Don't be afraid
00:31:28.840 of a little flamboyance.
00:31:30.180 2. Learn to read faces
00:31:33.940 The eyes have long been considered
00:31:36.560 to be the windows to the soul.
00:31:38.460 This is because it is very hard
00:31:39.740 to lie about one's emotions
00:31:41.080 through the eyes.
00:31:42.860 Study someone's face
00:31:43.780 as you speak to them.
00:31:44.900 Look at their eyes.
00:31:45.840 Watch what they're saying.
00:31:47.200 Take note of how they respond
00:31:48.580 to the words that you say.
00:31:50.380 When my father was teaching me
00:31:51.640 to drive,
00:31:52.280 he told me,
00:31:53.060 the car goes wherever your eyes go.
00:31:55.380 And the same thing holds true
00:31:56.840 for communication.
00:31:58.360 Watch the eyes
00:31:59.160 and you'll see what they're thinking.
00:32:01.400 Also,
00:32:02.320 when you do read
00:32:03.100 the rest of their face,
00:32:04.420 pay attention
00:32:04.880 to the off-handed side.
00:32:06.800 People will have more control
00:32:08.060 over the side of their face
00:32:09.140 that corresponds
00:32:09.700 to their dominant hand
00:32:11.100 than the other.
00:32:12.440 Their true personality
00:32:13.520 will come out
00:32:14.400 of their off-side.
00:32:16.660 3. Learn Kino
00:32:18.420 Now, let's be frank.
00:32:20.860 Nobody likes to be touched
00:32:22.080 inappropriately.
00:32:23.580 Hello!
00:32:24.840 I am Captain Sledge.
00:32:26.980 This is my crew.
00:32:28.500 We are...
00:32:30.040 The Princess of Time!
00:32:31.660 Ha ha ha!
00:32:36.420 Don't touch me!
00:32:37.520 But if you can master
00:32:39.340 the correct time
00:32:40.620 to touch someone else,
00:32:41.900 it can be employed
00:32:42.840 to escalate intimacy.
00:32:44.840 Not just with women either,
00:32:46.300 but with your brothers as well.
00:32:47.920 We can all use a hand
00:32:48.920 on the shoulder
00:32:49.440 when we're feeling down,
00:32:50.840 or a high-five
00:32:51.900 in camaraderie.
00:32:53.280 Use it sparingly,
00:32:54.580 but don't be afraid of Kino.
00:32:56.680 Otherwise,
00:32:57.580 you become the hover-hand guy.
00:32:59.680 Don't be that guy.
00:33:00.660 4. High-Five
00:33:04.340 Speaking of high-fives,
00:33:06.920 if you're uncomfortable
00:33:07.860 dealing with children
00:33:08.840 and you're ever at a loss
00:33:09.960 for what to say
00:33:10.600 in response to their
00:33:11.440 weird ramblings
00:33:12.480 about Pokemon,
00:33:13.840 just hold up your hand
00:33:14.900 and say,
00:33:15.820 High-Five!
00:33:17.460 Everybody loves a high-five.
00:33:19.540 In fact,
00:33:20.500 this doesn't just work
00:33:21.440 on children.
00:33:22.500 It works on almost everybody,
00:33:24.720 even when it doesn't
00:33:25.460 fit the conversation.
00:33:26.820 It's weird,
00:33:27.700 it's fun,
00:33:28.500 and it's open.
00:33:29.860 It's also,
00:33:30.660 a great way
00:33:31.220 of introducing yourself
00:33:32.100 during jury duty
00:33:32.920 to ensure you
00:33:33.640 don't get selected.
00:33:35.300 Hey,
00:33:35.920 if it works for Borat,
00:33:37.540 and it does,
00:33:38.580 it will definitely
00:33:39.500 work for you.
00:33:40.760 My wife is dead?
00:33:43.380 Yes, sir.
00:33:44.220 I'm sorry to inform you,
00:33:45.180 but that's what
00:33:45.600 the telegram says.
00:33:48.920 High-Five!
00:33:50.640 That's great!
00:33:59.160 Part 5
00:34:00.160 Charisma as a Spiritual Force
00:34:02.820 Thus far we've spoken
00:34:04.760 about charisma tactically,
00:34:06.660 both as a defensive measure,
00:34:08.540 that is,
00:34:09.160 to maintain your privacy
00:34:10.240 in crowded situations,
00:34:12.000 and as an offensive measure,
00:34:14.220 how to communicate with others
00:34:15.560 and have successful relationships.
00:34:18.180 Perhaps all of this
00:34:19.120 strikes you as cynical.
00:34:20.720 Well,
00:34:21.400 what do you think
00:34:22.000 Sun Tzu would have said
00:34:23.260 if you told him that
00:34:24.720 the just side
00:34:25.920 always wins the war?
00:34:28.020 Whatever,
00:34:28.460 he said in reply,
00:34:29.560 it would have been
00:34:30.100 a lot more polite
00:34:31.100 than what the ancient Hebrews
00:34:32.380 would have told you.
00:34:34.280 Yes,
00:34:35.100 charisma is an arena
00:34:36.040 of battle
00:34:36.600 like any other.
00:34:37.940 Military,
00:34:38.640 political,
00:34:39.320 economic,
00:34:40.100 all of these
00:34:40.880 are arenas of battle
00:34:41.920 which obey mathematical laws.
00:34:43.780 But even in something
00:34:45.540 as prosaic
00:34:46.380 as an online RTS,
00:34:48.380 there's a phenomenon
00:34:49.140 known as
00:34:50.280 momentum.
00:34:52.440 Maintain momentum
00:34:53.500 and you will always
00:34:55.140 achieve victory.
00:34:57.120 Spirituality
00:34:57.940 is the ghost
00:34:59.560 in the machine.
00:35:00.500 Who
00:35:03.820 are you?
00:35:05.960 I began this video
00:35:06.840 by exploring,
00:35:07.960 in depth,
00:35:08.780 the four cardinal
00:35:09.700 archetypes
00:35:10.420 of human personality.
00:35:12.280 They can be broken down
00:35:13.180 further
00:35:13.620 into the 16 different
00:35:14.880 types of the Myers-Briggs
00:35:16.140 so long as you don't mind
00:35:17.560 looking at a Tesseract.
00:35:20.260 Know
00:35:20.580 thyself,
00:35:24.960 one of the basic
00:35:25.880 aphorisms
00:35:26.500 of the ancient Greeks.
00:35:28.980 So who are you?
00:35:30.500 Based upon what?
00:35:32.260 And how do you know?
00:35:34.700 There are two phrases
00:35:35.600 that we use interchangeably
00:35:36.960 in English
00:35:37.480 despite having
00:35:38.240 utterly different
00:35:39.140 root meanings.
00:35:40.660 Self-esteem
00:35:41.440 and self-respect.
00:35:44.440 Esteem is self-evident.
00:35:46.060 Your self-esteem
00:35:47.200 is what you think
00:35:48.740 you're worth.
00:35:50.060 Fifteen bucks an hour?
00:35:51.440 A trophy at every parade?
00:35:53.280 Or abuse
00:35:53.900 because you enjoy it?
00:35:55.680 How you esteem yourself
00:35:57.080 is similar to your body language,
00:35:59.060 the only difference being
00:36:00.120 that they seldom correlate.
00:36:02.740 Self-respect, though,
00:36:03.940 that's an interesting one.
00:36:06.280 The stripper at your nearest
00:36:07.240 strip club
00:36:07.800 certainly has a high self-esteem.
00:36:10.080 After all,
00:36:10.860 she thinks she's worth
00:36:11.640 40 bucks
00:36:12.360 for a 20-minute lap dance.
00:36:14.120 But we all know
00:36:15.280 that her self-respect
00:36:16.380 is pretty low.
00:36:17.800 self-esteem is what you think
00:36:27.640 you're worth.
00:36:28.640 It's the price you demand
00:36:29.760 in the marketplace.
00:36:31.280 Self-respect, on the other hand,
00:36:33.120 that's who you know
00:36:34.180 yourself to be.
00:36:35.780 Self-respect is when you look
00:36:37.100 back upon your life
00:36:38.180 and see it accurately.
00:36:40.180 You see the victories.
00:36:41.700 You see the failures.
00:36:42.540 You see where luck
00:36:44.300 or birth benefited you,
00:36:45.960 and accident of fate
00:36:47.380 doomed you.
00:36:48.780 You look back
00:36:49.680 and see a person
00:36:50.840 who succeeded sometimes,
00:36:52.740 failed other times,
00:36:53.960 but learned
00:36:54.680 throughout the process.
00:36:57.160 Those with a great self-esteem
00:36:58.800 have never
00:36:59.560 looked back upon themselves
00:37:03.520 and have never learned
00:37:05.200 who they are,
00:37:06.420 what their faults are,
00:37:07.840 or what their victories have been.
00:37:11.180 Nothi Sotan.
00:37:13.680 Who are you?
00:37:17.020 What is the introvert?
00:37:19.460 Is he an awkward loser
00:37:21.040 who never fits in
00:37:22.140 and is forever consigned
00:37:23.380 to second place
00:37:24.340 while the fun people
00:37:25.140 go to the parties?
00:37:27.180 Hardly.
00:37:27.720 He is a person
00:37:29.340 of depth and study,
00:37:31.200 of profound emotional complexion,
00:37:33.280 who pays attention
00:37:34.040 to the things
00:37:34.680 that most people ignore.
00:37:36.700 She is sensitive,
00:37:38.580 as understanding
00:37:39.380 as she is irritable,
00:37:40.840 and as convicted
00:37:41.600 of her purpose
00:37:42.500 as the warrior
00:37:43.380 with his sword.
00:37:45.380 Charisma
00:37:45.860 is your force
00:37:47.140 of personality.
00:37:48.840 The fire and air
00:37:49.860 are explicit
00:37:50.680 in what they do,
00:37:51.900 but the water is slow
00:37:53.080 while the earth
00:37:54.120 is subtle.
00:37:55.500 Have you ever
00:37:55.920 walked into a church
00:37:56.900 and felt the spirit of God,
00:37:58.540 or walked into a home
00:38:00.180 and known who lived there?
00:38:02.780 The sanguine
00:38:03.840 wields charisma
00:38:04.580 like it's a dance,
00:38:05.720 the right answer
00:38:06.460 at the right time.
00:38:07.620 The field marshal,
00:38:08.780 the teacher,
00:38:09.520 the provider,
00:38:10.280 the supervisor,
00:38:11.520 each of them
00:38:12.360 knows what is going on,
00:38:13.900 and they present you
00:38:14.840 the answer
00:38:15.340 that you need
00:38:16.160 when you need it.
00:38:18.040 The choleric
00:38:19.100 wields charisma
00:38:20.080 like a weapon,
00:38:21.440 the inventor,
00:38:22.420 the champion,
00:38:23.200 the performer,
00:38:23.900 the promoter.
00:38:24.500 They use their charisma
00:38:26.280 to force a new dynamic
00:38:27.840 upon the world.
00:38:29.700 The phlegmatic
00:38:30.300 uses their charisma
00:38:31.160 to sustain.
00:38:32.740 The architect,
00:38:33.960 the healer,
00:38:34.680 the composer,
00:38:35.840 the crafter.
00:38:37.180 They maintain the world
00:38:38.380 through force of will.
00:38:40.580 The melancholic's charisma
00:38:41.680 sets the tone
00:38:42.380 of the world
00:38:42.920 without you even knowing it.
00:38:44.780 The mastermind,
00:38:45.820 the counselor,
00:38:46.380 the protector,
00:38:47.260 the inspector.
00:38:48.440 They establish
00:38:49.440 the beat of society.
00:38:50.760 How do you come
00:38:52.940 to know yourself?
00:38:55.180 The sanguine
00:38:56.220 who never challenges himself
00:38:57.580 becomes a hedonist
00:38:58.660 of no significance.
00:39:00.440 The choleric
00:39:01.120 who never challenges himself
00:39:02.280 becomes an infantile capitalist.
00:39:04.820 The phlegmatic
00:39:05.760 who never challenges himself
00:39:07.060 becomes a replaceable technician.
00:39:09.580 And the melancholic
00:39:10.640 who never challenges himself
00:39:11.800 becomes an obedient cog.
00:39:13.480 Self-respect,
00:39:16.540 re specere,
00:39:18.500 requires something
00:39:19.640 to look back on.
00:39:21.820 Without life experience,
00:39:23.260 without challenges,
00:39:24.420 without overcoming
00:39:25.140 and battles lost,
00:39:26.760 you cannot know
00:39:27.840 who you are.
00:39:29.400 The extrovert
00:39:29.900 naturally knows socializing,
00:39:31.900 so he must discipline
00:39:32.940 himself into study.
00:39:34.360 The introvert
00:39:35.540 naturally knows study,
00:39:36.680 so he must discipline
00:39:38.380 himself into socializing.
00:39:41.320 Introversion
00:39:41.800 is no more a handicap
00:39:43.260 than having an aptitude
00:39:44.560 for the mechanical,
00:39:45.920 and yet it is used
00:39:46.820 as an excuse
00:39:47.500 in the exact same manner
00:39:49.120 as engineers
00:39:50.060 who never apologize
00:39:51.420 for an ignorance
00:39:52.340 of history,
00:39:53.460 literature,
00:39:54.140 or politics.
00:39:55.660 To know who you are,
00:39:57.700 you must learn
00:39:58.760 about yourself.
00:39:59.860 You must study yourself,
00:40:02.180 and you must study others
00:40:03.880 as well.
00:40:05.000 You must challenge yourself,
00:40:06.400 you must challenge others,
00:40:08.480 and you must make
00:40:09.260 a fair estimate
00:40:10.340 of how the battles went.
00:40:11.960 Introversion
00:40:13.720 is not a deficiency.
00:40:15.760 It is the fundamental nature
00:40:16.920 of how half
00:40:17.580 the human race operates.
00:40:19.300 And the human race
00:40:20.200 could not operate
00:40:21.400 without you introverts.
00:40:23.260 And because you've been
00:40:24.660 gifted with the sight
00:40:25.540 of how society operates
00:40:26.920 behind the scenes,
00:40:28.180 you are likewise called upon
00:40:29.660 to help the extroverts
00:40:30.980 see what you do.
00:40:33.540 Charisma for introverts
00:40:34.820 is not merely an opportunity.
00:40:37.320 It's a moral calling.
00:40:38.760 It is your duty
00:40:39.980 to your fellow man,
00:40:41.420 and it is a battle
00:40:42.420 that you are capable
00:40:44.140 of winning.
00:40:44.600 работask-in-law
00:40:56.920 is a matter
00:40:57.760 and in one más
00:40:58.360 the same suited
00:40:58.820 to other things.
00:40:59.560 In this vein,
00:41:00.600 our brothers are
00:41:00.900 beaded.
00:41:01.760 They'reißt you,
00:41:02.480 or you are
00:41:03.040 many men,
00:41:03.920 are already
00:41:04.140 taught by their
00:41:05.080 family experiences.
00:41:05.360 You've been
00:41:06.320 introduced after the
00:41:06.500 youth,
00:41:06.660 and has been
00:41:08.000 measured through
00:41:08.160 your life.
00:41:08.700 And as the
00:41:09.420 youth center trees,
00:41:09.920 they're just
00:41:10.460 worshipped at
00:41:10.540 5,200 times.
00:41:11.200 We'll take
00:41:11.660 aab tienes
00:41:11.740 senseницы.
00:41:12.040 So you say
00:41:12.340 you have
00:41:12.700 the answer
00:41:13.340 la
00:41:14.600 Thank you.