Leo D.M.J. Aurini - Charisma for Introverts： In Depth Analysis #1

00:00:00.000 Transcription by CastingWords

00:00:30.000 Charisma for Introverts

00:00:33.380 Part 1. The Purpose of this Video

00:00:37.260 If I were to describe the past ten years in a single word, it would be polarization.

00:00:44.000 Economic polarization, political polarization, and social polarization.

00:00:49.020 For the purposes of this video, the latter is the most significant.

00:00:52.820 Society has morphed over the years, simultaneously demanding more social interaction,

00:00:57.700 while enabling more isolation.

00:01:00.780 The friendly bar scene, where long conversations were the norm,

00:01:03.640 has turned into the ADD nightmare of clubbing to techno-beats,

00:01:07.700 where conversation is impossible and crude body language becomes the norm.

00:01:12.020 Meanwhile, the sort of communities where introverts would be most comfortable

00:01:15.160 have shifted to the online world.

00:01:17.540 Instead of a chess club, it's World of Warcraft,

00:01:20.020 and instead of a church group, it's an internet forum.

00:01:22.400 Introverts, who naturally prefer privacy, wind up hiding behind avatars and text-based dialogue,

00:01:28.440 which makes sense in the short term,

00:01:30.220 but over the long term it deprives them of the interpersonal skills that are needed

00:01:33.480 to form meaningful relationships with others.

00:01:36.660 Introvert does not mean antisocial, after all.

00:01:39.300 An introvert is simply the sort of person who prefers the slower rhythm of quiet conversation.

00:01:44.980 However, because they aren't exposed to the same degree of social interaction

00:01:48.420 they would have been 10, 20, let alone 50 years ago,

00:01:52.100 because the school system wants everyone to be a leader,

00:01:54.520 and the party scene demands maximum sociability to a degree which makes them uncomfortable,

00:01:59.060 they wind up being stunted in their ability to relate to others.

00:02:03.280 Hence my reasons for making this video.

00:02:06.040 First, because charisma is something which can be learned.

00:02:09.400 Second, by improving your ability to interact with others,

00:02:12.760 it will improve what you get back from them,

00:02:15.380 and what you give them in return.

00:02:18.620 And third, by learning how to deal with others effectively,

00:02:22.140 you'll then be able to maintain your own privacy,

00:02:24.920 even when social interaction is necessary,

00:02:27.420 thereby improving your own life,

00:02:29.320 and the lives of those around you. 1.00

00:02:32.600 So the goal of this video isn't to make you into this asshole. 1.00

00:02:35.980 Ha ha! Jim Jim Johnson! 1.00

00:02:38.720 People call me Jimmy Jams, yeah!

00:02:41.660 Or, God forbid, this sweet girl.

00:02:44.040 Like, you was trolling, and I was like,

00:02:46.720 I am not trolling!

00:02:48.460 I am boxy, you see!

00:02:50.780 But rather to provide you with the framework of how practical charisma works,

00:02:54.640 how you can start to learn these skills without immersing yourself in raver culture,

00:02:58.500 and what the ultimate payoff is for you.

00:03:00.740 But there's a bit more to it than just pure charity on my part.

00:03:05.600 Some of the best salesmen, comedians, musicians,

00:03:08.240 and social butterflies that I've known have been introverts,

00:03:11.420 and charisma is more than just your ability to interact with people.

00:03:14.560 When each and every one of us flourishes,

00:03:17.400 expressing our own unique talents in our own way,

00:03:20.440 it improves this world for everybody.

00:03:23.600 That's the real reason I'm making this video.

00:03:25.500 But let's start with some practical definitions.

00:03:32.880 Before we start discussing charisma,

00:03:37.360 we should start by taking a page from Marcus Aurelius

00:03:39.780 and defining what introversion is in the first place.

00:03:43.000 This is necessary for two reasons.

00:03:44.940 First, because if we don't understand what introversion is specifically,

00:03:48.980 we risk conflating it with many of its side effects.

00:03:51.580 Fear of public speaking, depression, approach anxiety,

00:03:56.320 bouts of being antisocial.

00:03:58.600 The fact of the matter is that extroverts suffer all of these as well.

00:04:02.380 An introvert who's unskilled at charisma will experience them more frequently,

00:04:06.120 but these are the effects rather than the cause of their introversion.

00:04:10.160 The second reason for defining introversion

00:04:12.180 is because I've run into a lot of extroverts who think they're introverts

00:04:16.040 because of how dumped down our culture has become.

00:04:18.640 Folks, we're living in a world of mass marketing

00:04:21.460 aimed at the lowest common denominator,

00:04:23.900 a world of McDonald's and high-fructose corn syrup,

00:04:26.860 of Michael Bay movies.

00:04:28.520 In the past ten years,

00:04:29.560 the lyrics of popular music have dropped an entire grade level,

00:04:33.200 and for every Breaking Bad that appears on the scene,

00:04:35.900 there are dozens of mindless sitcoms and family dramas.

00:04:39.980 Political correctness only increases the banality of our culture,

00:04:43.220 demanding a simplistic, streamlined thought process

00:04:46.040 where everything's been decided for you beforehand.

00:04:49.400 When mediocrity is the norm,

00:04:51.040 it doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted.

00:04:53.960 Just the thought of going out winds up making you feel like

00:04:56.740 King Arthur in Monty Python's Holy Grail.

00:05:00.040 Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. 1.00

00:05:03.040 Let us ride to Camelot!

00:05:05.800 When knights are the round table,

00:05:09.140 we dance whenever we're able.

00:05:10.820 We do routines, we call the scenes,

00:05:12.640 the footwork impeccable.

00:05:14.080 We dine well here in Camelot,

00:05:15.620 we eat ham and jam and Spamalot.

00:05:17.400 Between our quest, we seem to invest

00:05:18.960 and impersonate our gable.

00:05:20.620 It's a busy life in Camelot.

00:05:22.000 I have to push the Pramalot!

00:05:31.360 On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot. 0.98

00:05:33.780 It is a silly place. 0.97

00:05:35.100 Right. 0.96

00:05:37.420 Over the years,

00:05:38.640 there have been two systems of personality analysis

00:05:40.940 which I have found particularly useful.

00:05:43.440 The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator,

00:05:45.440 an extensive breakdown with 16 different types,

00:05:47.940 and the simpler and thus more generally useful breakdown

00:05:51.320 of the four medieval temperaments or humors.

00:05:54.740 The optimistic sanguine,

00:05:56.360 the ambitious choleric, 0.99

00:05:57.940 the self-contained phlegmatic,

00:05:59.740 and the hermitic melancholic.

00:06:01.960 The fundamental differences between them

00:06:03.820 can be delineated on two axes,

00:06:06.320 the judging-perceiving axi from left to right,

00:06:10.000 and the extrovert-introvert axi of north to south.

00:06:13.700 We'll start by examining the east-west axis,

00:06:16.080 and by doing so, prepare the ground

00:06:17.880 for the north-south axis.

00:06:20.240 On the left, we have right-brained,

00:06:22.820 and on the right, we have left-brained.

00:06:24.680 This is no accident,

00:06:25.760 as the two hemispheres of the brain

00:06:27.140 control the opposite sides of the body.

00:06:29.600 Those on the left can be described

00:06:30.940 as having a people-focused

00:06:32.440 or emotional understanding of the world,

00:06:35.280 with definite answers.

00:06:37.440 Socially, they want to know

00:06:38.460 how the crowd is feeling, specifically.

00:06:41.520 Environmentally, they want to seek out

00:06:42.920 and create beauty,

00:06:44.120 which is recognized as such.

00:06:45.480 Those who are left-brained 0.98

00:06:47.160 are process-focused.

00:06:49.260 They wish to understand the big picture,

00:06:51.440 the pattern of all the moving parts.

00:06:53.700 Socially, they seek out 0.94

00:06:55.140 a simplistic understanding of individuals

00:06:57.200 for the sake of the greater whole.

00:06:59.640 Environmentally, they pursue efficiency.

00:07:02.940 The two extroverts from earlier,

00:07:05.240 Boxy and Erin Clary's Jimmy Jam persona,

00:07:08.280 naturally fall into this pattern,

00:07:09.980 with her being the sanguine personality

00:07:12.160 in the upper left,

00:07:13.300 boisterous and seeking to encourage

00:07:14.780 positive feelings of those around her,

00:07:16.840 while Jimmy Jam is a choleric

00:07:18.440 on the upper right,

00:07:19.400 who wants to identify,

00:07:20.740 organize, and lead those around him

00:07:22.660 to victory.

00:07:24.260 For an example of how these two

00:07:25.940 differ along the southern,

00:07:27.420 introverted side of the plane,

00:07:29.160 there is no better example

00:07:30.540 than Red Letter Media's

00:07:31.620 Jack and Rich Evans.

00:07:33.280 In particular,

00:07:34.440 their review of the game Firewatch.

00:07:36.840 Rich is a melancholic,

00:07:38.520 concerned with the well-being of others,

00:07:40.660 but masking his inner self

00:07:41.900 behind a wall of humor. 0.95

00:07:43.600 Jack is a phlegmatic,

00:07:45.080 who ensures that all

00:07:46.100 the behind-the-scenes machinery

00:07:47.340 is working.

00:07:48.600 Their different takes on the game

00:07:50.000 highlight their different approaches.

00:07:52.940 Rich hated it,

00:07:54.820 viewing it as a great story

00:07:56.260 hidden behind pointless

00:07:57.440 and unrewarding exploration,

00:07:59.520 while Jack relished the opportunity

00:08:01.120 to delineate and navigate

00:08:02.860 the environment,

00:08:03.940 even though it presented

00:08:04.860 no narrative metaphor,

00:08:06.160 merely a goal at the destination.

00:08:09.660 The east-west spectrum

00:08:10.840 on this chart describes

00:08:11.840 a complex mechanism

00:08:12.960 behind how we approach information,

00:08:15.120 not merely a simplistic question

00:08:16.560 such as,

00:08:17.540 do you prefer people or spreadsheets,

00:08:19.660 but how we manipulate data in general.

00:08:22.860 The north-south spectrum

00:08:24.200 is equally subtle.

00:08:26.520 Extroversion doesn't mean

00:08:27.580 that a person wants to be

00:08:28.560 around people all the time,

00:08:30.240 and introversion doesn't mean

00:08:31.460 that a person is antisocial.

00:08:33.360 Rather, it describes the differences

00:08:35.180 between those who are driven

00:08:36.560 to seek out confrontations

00:08:38.300 and battles to test themselves

00:08:40.180 and to learn new skills,

00:08:41.740 versus those who prefer

00:08:42.940 to meditate deeply on the world.

00:08:46.480 An extrovert approaches

00:08:47.640 study as a challenge.

00:08:49.640 They seek out argument

00:08:50.660 and new ideas.

00:08:52.000 They're prone to using

00:08:52.780 overly simplistic metaphors

00:08:54.400 that are good enough

00:08:55.500 for government work.

00:08:57.180 An introvert is more liable 0.56

00:08:58.800 to analyze material in depth,

00:09:01.260 categorizing minutiae

00:09:02.640 and building a codex,

00:09:04.320 potentially missing out

00:09:05.300 on important new ideas.

00:09:07.700 Socially, the extrovert

00:09:08.740 will regularly feel the need

00:09:10.100 for hot confrontations with others,

00:09:12.100 which are unpredictable in nature.

00:09:14.140 The introvert will prefer

00:09:15.280 predefined settings

00:09:16.560 with people they know,

00:09:17.880 where the conversational growth

00:09:19.360 happens organically.

00:09:21.420 Of course,

00:09:22.240 neither extrovert nor introvert

00:09:24.040 is absolute.

00:09:25.360 Any more than the differences

00:09:26.380 between judging and perceiving

00:09:28.300 prevents a mechanic

00:09:29.220 from enjoying art

00:09:30.060 or a sculptor

00:09:31.100 from learning programming.

00:09:32.860 In a certain sense,

00:09:33.880 all of these positions

00:09:34.720 are relative

00:09:35.500 to the other people

00:09:36.500 in the room.

00:09:37.700 The most extroverted introvert

00:09:39.440 is liable to take on

00:09:40.700 the leadership role

00:09:41.420 in a chess club.

00:09:42.680 And furthermore,

00:09:43.660 everyone experiences shifts

00:09:45.260 during their daily

00:09:46.340 circadian rhythm.

00:09:47.860 More introverted in the morning

00:09:49.160 and more extroverted at night.

00:09:51.980 Overall, though,

00:09:52.980 following the statistics

00:09:53.920 compiled by the Myers-Briggs people,

00:09:55.840 it is safe to say

00:09:56.700 that each person

00:09:57.440 has a dominant temperament

00:09:58.880 they fall into,

00:10:00.200 which determines

00:10:00.820 their optimum form

00:10:01.900 of socialization,

00:10:03.340 and these are pretty much

00:10:04.420 equally balanced

00:10:05.260 between the four types.

00:10:08.200 Part 3.

00:10:09.400 Defining Charisma

00:10:10.480 So what is charisma?

00:10:13.200 The word sums up images

00:10:14.640 of someone who's charming,

00:10:16.080 debonair,

00:10:16.760 and comfortable

00:10:17.280 in all sorts of social situations.

00:10:19.580 But what does any of that mean?

00:10:22.120 What are the elements?

00:10:24.540 I would argue

00:10:25.580 that charisma

00:10:26.220 has a two-fold nature.

00:10:27.620 The practical

00:10:28.900 and the spiritual.

00:10:32.080 The practical

00:10:33.060 covers everything

00:10:34.000 from sales techniques

00:10:35.200 to NLP

00:10:36.100 to simply memorizing

00:10:37.440 funny anecdotes

00:10:38.440 and good jokes.

00:10:40.160 These are the techniques

00:10:40.940 learned by effective

00:10:42.000 public speakers,

00:10:43.180 managers and CEOs,

00:10:45.120 salesmen and preachermen,

00:10:46.980 and while the naturally

00:10:48.000 extroverted on average

00:10:49.560 tend to excel

00:10:50.320 at these skills,

00:10:51.460 the true masters

00:10:52.260 are often introverts.

00:10:54.780 The reason is rather obvious

00:10:56.340 if you think about it.

00:10:58.120 Most extroverts enjoy

00:10:59.680 intense socializing.

00:11:01.780 It's like a game

00:11:02.220 of pick-up basketball

00:11:03.180 for them.

00:11:03.960 They learn the rules,

00:11:05.000 the patterns,

00:11:05.700 they learn how to make a shot,

00:11:07.100 but for them

00:11:07.700 it's never really serious.

00:11:09.400 It's a hobby,

00:11:10.440 maybe a semi-professional hobby,

00:11:12.300 but because they're

00:11:13.040 innately talented at it,

00:11:14.620 they have trouble

00:11:15.240 seeing what's actually going on.

00:11:17.860 Another example

00:11:18.700 would be jazz improvisation.

00:11:20.320 On my bookshelf

00:11:21.940 is a musical transcription

00:11:23.160 of every improvised solo

00:11:25.000 of giant steps

00:11:26.160 ever recorded

00:11:26.940 by John Coltrane.

00:11:29.000 When the transcriber,

00:11:30.320 David Dempsey,

00:11:31.440 a professor of music

00:11:32.540 and coordinator of jazz studies

00:11:34.220 at William Patterson University,

00:11:36.380 showed Coltrane the sheet music

00:11:37.840 and asked him

00:11:38.640 if he could play it,

00:11:39.820 the jazz legend just laughed

00:11:41.380 and said,

00:11:42.180 not on your life.

00:11:44.360 When an introvert

00:11:45.600 approaches practical charisma,

00:11:47.580 they come to it

00:11:48.300 as an outsider.

00:11:49.580 At first it's all noise,

00:11:51.120 a milestone of movement

00:11:52.620 on the chord

00:11:53.320 or fingers shimmying up

00:11:54.620 and down

00:11:55.080 on the instrument's keys,

00:11:56.900 but as they begin

00:11:57.720 to understand it,

00:11:58.900 they take note

00:11:59.680 of the subtle aspects

00:12:00.800 which extroverts take

00:12:01.840 for granted,

00:12:03.000 of assumptions

00:12:03.660 which the extroverts

00:12:04.680 never question.

00:12:06.160 Through their outsider status,

00:12:08.280 some of them

00:12:08.800 come to master it

00:12:09.960 to a degree

00:12:10.480 that few extroverts

00:12:11.720 ever achieve.

00:12:14.800 The second form of charisma

00:12:16.440 is the spiritual.

00:12:17.420 The force of personality.

00:12:19.780 The most perfect summation

00:12:21.080 I've ever heard

00:12:22.000 came from the anime series

00:12:23.580 Psycho Pass.

00:12:24.620 Kogami,

00:12:26.640 define charisma for me please.

00:12:29.340 Innate appeal,

00:12:30.400 a personality trait

00:12:31.560 that can convince others

00:12:32.640 to do things.

00:12:33.980 I'll give that answer

00:12:34.980 a B.

00:12:36.620 There are three elements

00:12:37.900 that comprise charisma.

00:12:39.760 As you said,

00:12:40.800 there's the innate appeal

00:12:41.720 often found in leaders.

00:12:43.360 There's also a power

00:12:44.160 to make others feel good

00:12:45.400 simply by being

00:12:46.200 in your presence.

00:12:47.220 And finally,

00:12:47.960 there's the ability

00:12:48.620 to talk confidently

00:12:49.500 about all things

00:12:50.400 with all people.

00:12:51.180 This inner form

00:12:52.800 of charisma

00:12:53.380 might be more obvious

00:12:54.700 in the extrovert,

00:12:55.840 but it's just as powerful

00:12:57.260 when it's present

00:12:58.160 in the introvert.

00:12:59.780 We'll return to the spiritual

00:13:00.840 form of charisma later,

00:13:02.060 however,

00:13:02.480 because we need to start off

00:13:03.680 by delineating

00:13:04.740 the basics.

00:13:07.460 Part 4

00:13:08.500 The Basics

00:13:09.640 The word persona

00:13:13.760 traces back

00:13:14.480 to the Latin word

00:13:15.340 for person,

00:13:16.300 but with specific implications.

00:13:18.540 It was the word

00:13:19.220 used to describe

00:13:20.340 the role an actor

00:13:21.380 would play in a drama

00:13:22.340 and the mask

00:13:23.540 they would wear

00:13:24.080 to play it.

00:13:25.380 It is also closely related

00:13:26.740 to the verb

00:13:27.320 personare,

00:13:28.880 to sound through,

00:13:30.720 that is,

00:13:31.560 to speak through

00:13:32.220 an amplifying mask,

00:13:33.880 or to speak politically.

00:13:35.860 It is a term

00:13:36.480 that describes

00:13:37.100 somebody's personage

00:13:38.500 rather than

00:13:39.400 their personhood.

00:13:41.520 Your persona

00:13:42.600 is your mask,

00:13:44.220 but this observation

00:13:45.140 is nothing new.

00:13:46.440 It's been endlessly

00:13:47.460 analyzed,

00:13:48.600 derided,

00:13:49.300 and condemned,

00:13:50.260 and many a writer

00:13:51.080 has observed

00:13:51.640 that people often

00:13:52.500 wear false masks,

00:13:54.060 but this sort

00:13:54.720 of cynical approach

00:13:55.660 winds up

00:13:56.220 indicting

00:13:56.780 all of human behavior.

00:13:58.640 It's one thing

00:13:59.280 to look out

00:13:59.740 for the wolves

00:14:00.400 in sheep's clothing, 0.98

00:14:01.820 the psychopaths, 0.99

00:14:02.940 the manipulators, 1.00

00:14:03.920 the monsters

00:14:04.540 who feign friendship

00:14:05.620 to put you at ease.

00:14:07.360 It's quite another

00:14:08.120 to condemn

00:14:08.720 all of humanity

00:14:09.760 for our propensity

00:14:10.800 to put on a false face.

00:14:13.200 If personas 0.87

00:14:13.760 are nothing but hypocrisy, 0.74

00:14:15.880 by what standards

00:14:16.820 do we condemn

00:14:17.620 the monsters?

00:14:19.200 If persona

00:14:19.840 is an a priori evil,

00:14:22.180 then we're all

00:14:22.920 just as guilty

00:14:23.700 and in no position

00:14:24.840 to rebuke the creatures.

00:14:26.860 The reason I bring

00:14:27.920 all of this up

00:14:28.560 is because persona

00:14:29.940 gets a bad rap

00:14:31.200 amongst people

00:14:31.840 who value sincerity.

00:14:33.660 And as a rule,

00:14:34.840 introverts prefer 0.88

00:14:35.700 low-key,

00:14:36.740 sincere communication

00:14:37.960 amongst a tight-knit

00:14:39.340 group of friends.

00:14:40.960 Contrast to the extroverts

00:14:42.160 who often enjoy

00:14:43.200 creating raucous

00:14:44.240 false personas

00:14:45.040 and knocking one another

00:14:46.460 down in a friendly

00:14:47.500 social wrestling match.

00:14:49.540 But knowingly putting on

00:14:51.080 a false persona

00:14:51.900 to amuse your friends

00:14:52.980 is no more insincere

00:14:54.600 than enjoying

00:14:55.180 a work of fiction.

00:14:56.500 And by denouncing

00:14:57.320 all personas,

00:14:58.840 one not only risks

00:14:59.740 becoming a caricature

00:15:00.840 of Holden Caulfield

00:15:01.920 arguing that

00:15:02.840 everyone else

00:15:03.640 is a phony, 0.95

00:15:04.680 but also misses out

00:15:05.760 on one of the most

00:15:06.520 simple and powerful

00:15:07.760 tools for social interaction,

00:15:10.040 especially for introverts.

00:15:13.040 The persona

00:15:13.600 is a crucial element

00:15:15.000 of our psyches.

00:15:16.540 Forget the parts

00:15:17.220 about actors

00:15:18.060 or manipulation

00:15:18.820 and focus on

00:15:20.380 the personage aspect.

00:15:22.940 Who are you

00:15:24.060 when you interact

00:15:25.320 with others?

00:15:26.520 What is your role

00:15:28.440 in this world?

00:15:29.280 Our inner life

00:15:31.480 is a chaotic jumble

00:15:32.540 of emotions,

00:15:33.780 memories,

00:15:34.580 snippets of songs

00:15:35.560 and passing fancies.

00:15:37.520 We all occasionally

00:15:38.380 disappear into ourselves

00:15:39.640 and follow a particular

00:15:40.840 train of thought

00:15:41.580 oblivious to the outside world.

00:15:43.980 This isn't to say

00:15:44.700 that there isn't

00:15:45.180 some sort of coherence

00:15:46.500 to us as a person

00:15:47.980 taken as a whole,

00:15:49.840 merely that the

00:15:50.700 moment-to-moment thoughts

00:15:52.020 have very little bearing

00:15:53.600 on who that person is.

00:15:56.380 For example,

00:15:57.440 imagine you went up

00:15:58.220 to a person and said,

00:15:59.280 what's on your mind?

00:16:00.780 And they replied with,

00:16:02.900 Now if Ivana Trump

00:16:03.800 divorced Neil Diamond

00:16:04.940 and married Jack Nicklaus,

00:16:06.320 she'd be Ivana Diamond Nicklaus.

00:16:10.780 It would be

00:16:11.640 understandably off-putting,

00:16:13.120 wouldn't it?

00:16:14.340 And yet this is precisely

00:16:15.440 what happens

00:16:16.000 with so many introverts.

00:16:17.940 Social interaction

00:16:18.820 catches them off guard

00:16:19.960 and they either

00:16:20.620 blurt out something confusing

00:16:22.140 or quickly say,

00:16:24.140 nothing,

00:16:24.600 and then adopt

00:16:26.180 a defensive pose.

00:16:28.200 Hence,

00:16:28.980 the persona.

00:16:30.740 Who are you

00:16:31.180 to this person?

00:16:32.300 What role do you play

00:16:33.260 in their life?

00:16:34.300 How much do they know

00:16:35.300 about you?

00:16:36.360 How much do you know

00:16:37.680 about them?

00:16:38.880 What common background,

00:16:40.560 hobbies,

00:16:41.080 or interests

00:16:41.960 do you share?

00:16:43.560 What sort of persona

00:16:44.920 can you adopt

00:16:46.160 to put them

00:16:47.740 at ease?

00:16:48.700 Notice something

00:16:50.780 about all of this.

00:16:52.440 None of it

00:16:53.080 is disingenuous.

00:16:54.860 You're not putting

00:16:55.720 on a false front

00:16:56.640 or trying to manipulate them.

00:16:58.920 Instead,

00:16:59.660 you're trying

00:17:00.240 to understand them

00:17:01.780 and figure out

00:17:02.820 a communication protocol

00:17:04.320 which the two of you

00:17:05.240 can share.

00:17:06.880 The author

00:17:07.340 Orson Scott Card

00:17:08.300 once commented

00:17:09.100 that a well-written character

00:17:10.420 will speak differently

00:17:11.480 to different characters.

00:17:13.140 Because in real life,

00:17:14.440 you speak differently

00:17:15.180 to your mother,

00:17:16.200 then your father,

00:17:17.260 then your friends,

00:17:18.040 then your boss.

00:17:19.860 Each relationship

00:17:20.660 is unique

00:17:21.580 and the persona

00:17:22.640 is the set

00:17:23.420 of common topics

00:17:24.480 that the two of you share.

00:17:26.500 Rather than being phony,

00:17:28.020 it is,

00:17:28.740 in a way,

00:17:29.700 one of the most effective ways

00:17:31.500 of being genuine

00:17:32.700 at short notice.

00:17:34.960 A truly deep

00:17:35.920 heart-to-heart conversation

00:17:36.980 takes hours,

00:17:38.120 but by devoting

00:17:38.860 some forethought

00:17:39.720 and maintaining

00:17:40.620 some awareness

00:17:41.260 of who you are

00:17:42.620 to other people,

00:17:43.840 you'll be able

00:17:44.420 to communicate with them

00:17:45.620 more effectively.

00:17:46.820 And most importantly,

00:17:49.280 by adopting

00:17:49.840 such a genuine persona,

00:17:51.640 you'll be able

00:17:52.340 to maintain

00:17:52.880 your own privacy

00:17:53.960 without anybody else

00:17:55.500 being the wiser.

00:17:57.180 It will do the talking

00:17:58.060 for you

00:17:58.780 so that you can disengage

00:18:00.060 and go back

00:18:00.840 to whatever you were

00:18:01.660 doing beforehand,

00:18:02.780 and then,

00:18:03.680 when it's time

00:18:04.100 to re-engage,

00:18:05.340 you'll also know

00:18:06.480 how to approach.

00:18:09.440 Directed Interactions

00:18:11.040 In the first section,

00:18:13.820 we covered

00:18:14.140 how to use a persona

00:18:15.200 as an automatic tool

00:18:16.540 to deal with the world

00:18:17.640 around you.

00:18:18.700 With a little bit

00:18:19.240 of forethought

00:18:19.940 and preparation,

00:18:21.260 you won't be left

00:18:22.140 feeling flat-footed

00:18:23.320 in social encounters.

00:18:24.880 But another difficulty

00:18:25.740 some introverts run into

00:18:27.000 is communicating

00:18:27.840 their emotional needs

00:18:29.000 to another person.

00:18:30.360 The persona on its own

00:18:31.600 will ensure

00:18:32.140 that you fit in

00:18:33.000 and that you're

00:18:33.520 a pleasure to be around.

00:18:34.500 It will even make it

00:18:36.260 easier to decline offers

00:18:37.520 when you need

00:18:38.140 some alone time.

00:18:39.700 But on its own,

00:18:40.580 it won't help you

00:18:41.260 communicate to someone

00:18:42.280 when your needs,

00:18:43.460 emotional or otherwise,

00:18:45.080 aren't being met.

00:18:46.500 We all remember

00:18:47.500 poor Milton

00:18:48.260 from Office Space,

00:18:49.320 after all.

00:18:50.260 An exaggerated,

00:18:51.160 comedic version

00:18:51.940 of the introvert,

00:18:52.780 granted,

00:18:53.600 but there's a grain

00:18:54.440 of truth to his character,

00:18:55.900 nonetheless.

00:18:56.660 And I told Dom, too,

00:18:58.120 because they've moved

00:18:59.240 my desk four times

00:19:00.340 already this year,

00:19:01.680 and I used to be over

00:19:02.540 by the window,

00:19:03.780 and I could see.

00:19:05.020 the squirrels

00:19:05.700 and they were married.

00:19:07.020 The persona on its own

00:19:08.240 is reactive,

00:19:09.420 but to lead a happy

00:19:10.320 and healthy life,

00:19:11.120 you need to be able

00:19:11.700 to enact action as well.

00:19:14.020 So how do you go about it?

00:19:16.660 A sergeant I once knew

00:19:18.280 summed up the structure

00:19:19.400 of every lesson plan

00:19:20.540 in the military thusly.

00:19:22.900 First,

00:19:23.760 you tell them

00:19:24.380 what they're going to learn.

00:19:26.340 Then,

00:19:27.300 you learn them.

00:19:28.800 And then you tell them

00:19:29.880 what they just learned.

00:19:31.880 It's crude,

00:19:32.800 but effective,

00:19:33.360 and it's the basis

00:19:34.500 of every form

00:19:35.280 of communication.

00:19:36.760 Essays have an introduction,

00:19:38.140 a body,

00:19:38.840 and a conclusion.

00:19:40.280 Stories have

00:19:41.000 the inciting incident,

00:19:42.300 the arc,

00:19:42.980 and the denouement.

00:19:44.580 Music starts off

00:19:45.560 by playing a basic tune,

00:19:47.080 expanding upon it,

00:19:48.200 and then bringing it

00:19:49.040 to its ultimate point.

00:19:50.580 And even complex

00:19:51.600 and esoteric forms of art

00:19:52.960 only reject these rules

00:19:54.800 because they're adhering

00:19:56.120 to them on a deeper level.

00:19:57.480 This is how Eraserhead

00:19:59.360 still manages

00:20:00.020 to tell a story

00:20:00.860 despite being filled

00:20:02.100 with obscurantist imagery

00:20:03.480 and an incoherent narrative.

00:20:06.300 So right off the bat,

00:20:07.680 we have the basic structure

00:20:08.980 of communication,

00:20:10.380 informed by your persona,

00:20:12.420 informed by who you are

00:20:14.020 to this person

00:20:14.820 and what they understand

00:20:16.400 about you.

00:20:17.940 I need to talk to you

00:20:19.220 because there is a problem.

00:20:21.240 Let me describe

00:20:22.140 this problem to you.

00:20:24.080 And this is why

00:20:25.100 the problem matters to me.

00:20:27.480 It seems redundant,

00:20:29.200 but by simplifying

00:20:30.040 into baby talk like this,

00:20:31.540 it ensures that

00:20:32.520 not just your message,

00:20:34.360 but the important elements

00:20:35.820 of your message

00:20:36.400 make it all the way across

00:20:38.060 to the other person.

00:20:40.520 Those are the bare bones.

00:20:43.120 Let's start to put

00:20:43.840 some flesh on them.

00:20:46.260 Simply info-dumping

00:20:47.480 the person isn't enough.

00:20:48.980 You need to engage them

00:20:50.120 throughout the process.

00:20:51.880 The introduction prepares them

00:20:53.240 so that you have

00:20:53.900 their attention,

00:20:54.960 but you need to maintain

00:20:56.060 that attention

00:20:56.740 throughout the conversation.

00:20:58.860 In lectures,

00:20:59.500 they do it by asking

00:21:00.200 the audience for responses.

00:21:02.020 In fiction,

00:21:02.900 they do it with rising

00:21:03.800 and falling tension.

00:21:05.460 In essays,

00:21:06.400 each paragraph

00:21:07.120 is its own mini-essay,

00:21:08.940 and in music,

00:21:10.020 they modulate the volume.

00:21:12.040 But for our purposes,

00:21:13.300 we'll be using sales

00:21:14.360 as an example.

00:21:15.880 So how does

00:21:16.780 your typical sales script go?

00:21:18.280 Hi, I'm so-and-so.

00:21:21.740 I'm calling you about X.

00:21:24.120 X is a really great thing.

00:21:26.740 Have you heard anything about X?

00:21:29.480 Let's put this in military terms

00:21:31.180 for a second.

00:21:33.340 Hi, I'm Corporal Retired Arrini.

00:21:35.660 I'm here to teach you about rifles.

00:21:38.280 Understanding your weapon

00:21:39.300 will keep you alive

00:21:40.300 on the battlefield.

00:21:41.860 Who here has any experience

00:21:43.320 with rifles in the past?

00:21:44.580 Introduction,

00:21:47.320 Definition,

00:21:48.720 Emphasis,

00:21:49.920 Question.

00:21:51.160 It's all the same thing.

00:21:53.460 Let's put it into

00:21:54.180 a professional context.

00:21:56.580 Hi, boss.

00:21:57.260 I'm Joe from the IT department.

00:21:59.480 We've been having a problem

00:22:00.500 with the Cisco routers.

00:22:02.240 These routers are necessary

00:22:03.600 to maintain the bank machines.

00:22:05.760 Has anybody informed you

00:22:07.260 about this yet?

00:22:09.820 And finally,

00:22:11.400 a personal context.

00:22:13.960 Hi, honey.

00:22:14.900 I'm your husband.

00:22:16.640 There's something

00:22:17.460 I'd like us to do.

00:22:19.020 I think this thing

00:22:19.920 could be a lot of fun.

00:22:21.760 Have you ever considered

00:22:22.520 doing something like that?

00:22:25.080 Now, saying,

00:22:26.200 Hi, honey.

00:22:26.800 I'm your husband 0.97

00:22:27.540 might sound ridiculous 0.99

00:22:29.040 at first blush, 0.75

00:22:30.320 but there's a reason

00:22:31.120 I include it here.

00:22:32.780 You are not just

00:22:33.820 her husband, after all.

00:22:35.280 You're also her lover,

00:22:36.680 the co-parent 0.99

00:22:37.340 of an obnoxious child,

00:22:39.380 part of a financial unit

00:22:40.540 with her,

00:22:41.420 and a close friend

00:22:42.420 with shared interests.

00:22:43.600 Which one of these people,

00:22:46.000 which one of these personas,

00:22:48.400 is the one talking to her?

00:22:50.160 And how many lovers' quarrels

00:22:51.740 have occurred

00:22:52.220 because the homeowner

00:22:53.240 started arguing

00:22:54.040 with the lover?

00:22:54.800 These four steps

00:22:57.860 are how you get

00:22:58.580 the ball rolling.

00:22:59.720 They're friendly

00:23:00.400 and non-confrontational.

00:23:01.620 They don't get

00:23:02.360 people's defenses up

00:23:03.340 because rather than lecturing,

00:23:04.760 you're asking for their input.

00:23:06.700 But they're only the beginning.

00:23:08.540 The ABCs of sales

00:23:09.780 are

00:23:10.400 always be

00:23:11.700 clothing.

00:23:13.260 Stephen King

00:23:13.920 referred to this

00:23:14.740 as

00:23:15.120 the gotcha

00:23:16.180 that keeps you reading.

00:23:18.080 And P.T. Barnum

00:23:18.980 put it,

00:23:19.900 always leave them

00:23:20.860 wanting for more.

00:23:22.840 Let's return to poor Milton

00:23:24.160 and watch how he

00:23:25.420 handles a confrontation.

00:23:26.400 Milton stopped at step two.

00:23:28.800 Now Milton,

00:23:29.940 don't be greedy.

00:23:31.420 Let's pass it along

00:23:32.440 and make sure

00:23:32.920 everyone gets a piece.

00:23:34.800 Okay, but last time

00:23:35.600 I didn't receive a piece

00:23:36.620 and I was told

00:23:37.900 that I could have...

00:23:38.360 Just pass.

00:23:39.700 If, okay,

00:23:41.300 if, but this, this,

00:23:43.020 if, if, there, there,

00:23:44.340 I can't speak of the cake.

00:23:47.780 There's a master of cake.

00:23:48.880 Milton stopped

00:23:51.860 at step two.

00:23:53.620 But even if he had carried on

00:23:55.100 into step four,

00:23:56.260 what would have happened?

00:23:57.740 Nina still would have 1.00

00:23:59.020 ignored his complaint.

00:24:00.820 This is why we need

00:24:01.940 step five,

00:24:03.200 the rebuttal.

00:24:04.680 In any sort of conversation

00:24:06.460 or negotiation,

00:24:07.740 the other person will have

00:24:08.660 an opposing point of view

00:24:09.820 to your own.

00:24:11.000 The boss will be busy

00:24:12.080 worrying about something else.

00:24:14.000 Your wife will be thinking

00:24:15.000 about the children's school district.

00:24:17.120 Your friend won't understand

00:24:18.440 why visiting a classic

00:24:19.400 video game arcade

00:24:20.240 is important to you.

00:24:22.600 Every successful sale

00:24:23.880 starts with a no.

00:24:25.840 And every successful conversation

00:24:27.320 starts with a misunderstanding

00:24:28.960 and a disagreement.

00:24:31.280 Don't let yourself

00:24:32.100 get shut down by rejection

00:24:33.460 on the first go.

00:24:34.760 This is all part

00:24:35.840 of the negotiating process.

00:24:37.620 This is all part

00:24:38.700 of the understanding process.

00:24:41.140 The other person

00:24:41.760 will assume that,

00:24:43.140 because you didn't rebut them,

00:24:44.840 that you didn't really care

00:24:46.280 about the topic,

00:24:47.320 or that it was the sort

00:24:48.200 of thing that could be

00:24:48.960 handled later.

00:24:50.360 If it's urgent,

00:24:51.560 if it's important to you,

00:24:53.360 don't bottle it up.

00:24:55.240 Walk into the conversation

00:24:56.380 with a plan

00:24:57.080 and ensure that they hear

00:24:58.440 what you're trying to say.

00:25:00.880 Introduction

00:25:01.480 Who are you?

00:25:03.540 Description

00:25:04.160 What's the problem?

00:25:06.900 Emphasis

00:25:07.540 Why does it matter?

00:25:10.240 Question

00:25:10.720 What's their take on it?

00:25:12.680 Negotiation

00:25:14.340 Negotiation

00:25:15.480 Negotiation

00:25:15.560 Negotiation

00:25:16.840 And finally

00:25:18.140 Resolution

00:25:19.660 Remember,

00:25:21.860 people care about

00:25:22.700 what you have to say.

00:25:24.120 Whether it's a loved one

00:25:25.080 or your boss.

00:25:26.540 Just because they dismiss you

00:25:27.680 initially doesn't mean

00:25:28.460 that they're ignoring you.

00:25:30.040 Use the dismissal

00:25:31.040 to understand them better

00:25:32.660 so that they

00:25:33.540 can understand you better.

00:25:35.500 Don't be like Milton

00:25:36.520 and bottle things up

00:25:37.660 until you burn down

00:25:38.600 the entire office. 0.59

00:25:40.160 Communicate with those

00:25:41.420 things around you.

00:25:43.940 Body Language

00:25:45.100 Thus far we've spoken

00:25:47.860 about how the persona

00:25:48.780 is important

00:25:49.400 because it is essentially

00:25:50.480 a series of communication

00:25:51.860 protocols between you

00:25:53.200 and another person.

00:25:54.680 We've covered the basic

00:25:55.580 tactics of how to

00:25:56.600 communicate effectively,

00:25:58.140 but now I'd like to

00:25:59.060 cover a critical component

00:26:00.320 that will provide

00:26:01.140 necessary verisimilitude

00:26:02.840 to your communication

00:26:04.200 that will determine

00:26:05.620 what sort of person

00:26:07.060 other people see.

00:26:09.060 Your Body Language

00:26:10.320 I'd like you to do

00:26:12.940 something for me right now.

00:26:14.840 I assume you're sitting down

00:26:16.060 watching this from your computer

00:26:17.360 and probably hunched forward

00:26:19.100 the way I usually am

00:26:20.120 when I'm watching

00:26:20.620 something online

00:26:21.480 or reclined backwards

00:26:23.140 with your feet up

00:26:24.100 in the air.

00:26:25.340 I'd like you

00:26:26.320 to sit up straight.

00:26:28.620 Now roll your shoulders

00:26:30.060 back a couple of times.

00:26:33.000 And now

00:26:34.040 let your arms

00:26:35.340 sit by your sides

00:26:36.600 in a natural pose.

00:26:37.800 Don't be worried

00:26:39.320 about taking up

00:26:39.980 too much space.

00:26:41.700 Butt back in your seat,

00:26:43.480 feet square on the floor.

00:26:45.680 Head up,

00:26:46.600 looking straight ahead.

00:26:48.260 Now

00:26:48.560 unfurrow your brow.

00:26:51.720 And

00:26:52.080 smile.

00:26:54.080 Doesn't need to be

00:26:54.720 a big smile,

00:26:55.800 just a friendly face

00:26:57.220 to show the world.

00:27:00.080 How do you feel right now?

00:27:02.300 I'll bet you feel

00:27:03.560 just a little bit better

00:27:04.860 than you did

00:27:05.540 a few minutes ago.

00:27:07.800 The way we stand

00:27:09.040 affects the way we feel.

00:27:11.280 And the way we feel

00:27:12.520 affects

00:27:13.340 the way we stand.

00:27:15.440 At the beginning

00:27:16.060 I speculated

00:27:17.060 on some of the reasons

00:27:18.160 that antisocial behavior

00:27:19.360 has been growing

00:27:20.060 more pronounced.

00:27:21.420 Let me add one more.

00:27:23.280 Bad posture.

00:27:25.680 How you stand

00:27:26.460 tells the world

00:27:27.320 who you are

00:27:28.180 and it also

00:27:29.440 tells you

00:27:30.400 who you are.

00:27:32.120 I'm sure you were

00:27:32.840 occasionally lectured

00:27:33.800 about your posture

00:27:34.540 while growing up,

00:27:35.600 but the emphasis

00:27:36.160 is usually upon

00:27:36.960 your health.

00:27:37.800 Proper posture

00:27:38.520 feels like it

00:27:39.200 takes more energy

00:27:40.040 at first,

00:27:40.900 but it prevents

00:27:41.480 injury and fatigue,

00:27:43.080 which is the main

00:27:43.680 reason it used

00:27:44.700 to be enforced.

00:27:46.200 But there's a

00:27:46.660 secondary reason

00:27:47.360 for maintaining

00:27:47.920 good posture.

00:27:50.080 Take a look

00:27:50.660 at this photo

00:27:51.600 from America's past.

00:27:54.580 Now look at this one

00:27:55.820 from the present day.

00:27:58.660 The people in the first

00:27:59.960 photo are poor,

00:28:01.340 desperate even,

00:28:02.400 and yet they hold

00:28:03.200 themselves in a manner

00:28:04.140 that demands respect.

00:28:06.220 In the latter,

00:28:07.140 we see how far

00:28:07.940 culture has fallen, 0.96

00:28:09.320 shambling monsters 0.99

00:28:10.220 who don't care about 0.94

00:28:11.020 anything beyond

00:28:11.840 their own immediate

00:28:12.740 gratification,

00:28:13.980 and posture

00:28:14.760 plays a role in this.

00:28:17.340 People will treat you

00:28:18.460 how you allow them

00:28:19.980 to treat you,

00:28:21.100 and your posture

00:28:22.020 tells the world

00:28:22.900 how you want

00:28:24.240 to be treated.

00:28:25.120 The military is one

00:28:27.220 of the few institutions

00:28:28.340 which still demands

00:28:29.300 good posture,

00:28:30.560 and soldiers are taught

00:28:31.640 to stand at ease

00:28:32.680 with their hands

00:28:33.260 behind their back.

00:28:34.760 The reason?

00:28:36.240 Dominus.

00:28:37.760 A man standing

00:28:38.520 in such a position 0.99

00:28:39.300 leaves his testicles 1.00

00:28:40.340 fully exposed. 0.99

00:28:41.820 It's a position

00:28:42.420 that subconsciously

00:28:43.520 communicates that he

00:28:44.440 isn't afraid of any rival,

00:28:46.460 that he's a warrior

00:28:47.300 at the top of his

00:28:48.300 pecking order.

00:28:49.580 Ladies, meanwhile, 0.99

00:28:50.440 protect their sex 0.96

00:28:51.220 demurely,

00:28:52.300 standing straight

00:28:53.040 while keeping themselves private,

00:28:54.780 neither titillating

00:28:55.620 nor cowering.

00:28:57.620 Both sexes,

00:28:58.700 in embracing proper posture,

00:29:00.580 demand respect,

00:29:02.020 but more importantly,

00:29:03.420 they instill self-respect

00:29:05.120 in themselves.

00:29:07.600 So how do you stand

00:29:09.000 on a day-to-day basis?

00:29:10.860 Does your body language

00:29:11.840 match the words

00:29:12.640 coming out of your mouth?

00:29:14.060 Chest forward,

00:29:15.160 chin up,

00:29:15.800 shoulders back?

00:29:17.080 If your body language

00:29:18.300 is nervous,

00:29:19.120 your tone of voice

00:29:19.900 will be nervous,

00:29:20.880 and you'll make

00:29:21.480 the person you're

00:29:22.200 speaking to

00:29:23.020 nervous.

00:29:25.280 This isn't to say

00:29:26.000 that you need to be

00:29:26.720 standing rigidly

00:29:27.560 at attention 24-7.

00:29:29.540 Both the attention

00:29:30.480 and the at-ease stances

00:29:32.060 are meant to be striking.

00:29:35.000 Far more natural

00:29:35.800 is the position

00:29:36.520 known as contrapposto,

00:29:38.660 most perfectly realized

00:29:39.880 in Michelangelo's David.

00:29:41.740 70% of the weight

00:29:42.760 on the back foot,

00:29:43.980 shoulders back

00:29:44.840 and head straight,

00:29:46.120 arms hanging loosely

00:29:47.120 at the sides, 0.99

00:29:48.300 and testicles exposed, 0.99

00:29:50.120 of course. 0.99

00:29:51.680 I've even been known

00:29:52.720 to employ this stance

00:29:53.560 myself.

00:29:55.200 But then again,

00:29:55.960 I've also been known 0.95

00:29:56.560 to pose like a douchebag, 0.93

00:29:57.820 so take it for what it's worth. 0.92

00:30:00.280 All of this can be

00:30:01.300 boiled down to three points.

00:30:04.020 Good posture,

00:30:05.480 open body language,

00:30:07.060 and a friendly facial expression.

00:30:08.880 When you integrate body language

00:30:11.580 into your persona,

00:30:13.040 assuming an air of quiet confidence

00:30:14.880 and cautious friendliness,

00:30:16.940 your interpersonal interactions

00:30:18.380 will transform overnight.

00:30:21.020 People will mirror 0.53

00:30:22.040 your body language,

00:30:23.720 and what you send out

00:30:24.680 into the world

00:30:25.280 is what you get back.

00:30:28.720 Addendum.

00:30:29.840 There are several points

00:30:31.040 I'd like to leave you with

00:30:32.000 before moving on

00:30:32.820 to the next section.

00:30:34.420 They're important points,

00:30:35.500 but this has been about

00:30:36.520 establishing the basic framework

00:30:38.200 for practical charisma

00:30:39.440 rather than trying to turn you

00:30:41.060 into an expert salesman.

00:30:42.820 Just keep these ideas in mind

00:30:44.340 as you practice

00:30:45.060 your communication skills.

00:30:47.180 Number one,

00:30:48.280 learn to use power words.

00:30:50.740 It might sound ridiculous,

00:30:52.300 but by using words

00:30:53.240 with the correct oomph

00:30:54.180 behind them,

00:30:55.040 you will get your message across

00:30:56.280 faster and more successfully.

00:30:58.680 In Pushing Rubber Downhill,

00:31:00.500 Adam Piggott recounts the story

00:31:01.780 of his first job

00:31:02.640 working for a motivational speaker

00:31:04.180 where he started off

00:31:05.340 in the role of telemarketer.

00:31:07.080 The speaker's wife,

00:31:08.120 who also worked the phones,

00:31:09.540 told him to open the call

00:31:10.620 with the statement,

00:31:11.680 I'm here to inspire you

00:31:13.660 to come to the course.

00:31:15.800 Think about that for a moment.

00:31:17.720 Think about a young man

00:31:18.700 phoning somebody out of the blue

00:31:20.020 and saying,

00:31:20.820 I'm here to inspire you.

00:31:23.520 It sounds douchey, doesn't it?

00:31:25.500 The thing is,

00:31:26.780 it works.

00:31:28.000 Don't be afraid

00:31:28.840 of a little flamboyance.

00:31:30.180 2. Learn to read faces

00:31:33.940 The eyes have long been considered

00:31:36.560 to be the windows to the soul.

00:31:38.460 This is because it is very hard

00:31:39.740 to lie about one's emotions

00:31:41.080 through the eyes.

00:31:42.860 Study someone's face

00:31:43.780 as you speak to them.

00:31:44.900 Look at their eyes.

00:31:45.840 Watch what they're saying.

00:31:47.200 Take note of how they respond

00:31:48.580 to the words that you say.

00:31:50.380 When my father was teaching me

00:31:51.640 to drive,

00:31:52.280 he told me,

00:31:53.060 the car goes wherever your eyes go.

00:31:55.380 And the same thing holds true 0.55

00:31:56.840 for communication.

00:31:58.360 Watch the eyes

00:31:59.160 and you'll see what they're thinking.

00:32:01.400 Also,

00:32:02.320 when you do read

00:32:03.100 the rest of their face,

00:32:04.420 pay attention

00:32:04.880 to the off-handed side.

00:32:06.800 People will have more control

00:32:08.060 over the side of their face

00:32:09.140 that corresponds

00:32:09.700 to their dominant hand

00:32:11.100 than the other.

00:32:12.440 Their true personality

00:32:13.520 will come out

00:32:14.400 of their off-side.

00:32:16.660 3. Learn Kino

00:32:18.420 Now, let's be frank.

00:32:20.860 Nobody likes to be touched

00:32:22.080 inappropriately.

00:32:23.580 Hello!

00:32:24.840 I am Captain Sledge.

00:32:26.980 This is my crew.

00:32:28.500 We are...

00:32:30.040 The Princess of Time! 0.79

00:32:31.660 Ha ha ha!

00:32:36.420 Don't touch me!

00:32:37.520 But if you can master

00:32:39.340 the correct time

00:32:40.620 to touch someone else,

00:32:41.900 it can be employed

00:32:42.840 to escalate intimacy.

00:32:44.840 Not just with women either,

00:32:46.300 but with your brothers as well.

00:32:47.920 We can all use a hand

00:32:48.920 on the shoulder

00:32:49.440 when we're feeling down,

00:32:50.840 or a high-five

00:32:51.900 in camaraderie.

00:32:53.280 Use it sparingly,

00:32:54.580 but don't be afraid of Kino.

00:32:56.680 Otherwise,

00:32:57.580 you become the hover-hand guy.

00:32:59.680 Don't be that guy.

00:33:00.660 4. High-Five

00:33:04.340 Speaking of high-fives,

00:33:06.920 if you're uncomfortable

00:33:07.860 dealing with children

00:33:08.840 and you're ever at a loss

00:33:09.960 for what to say

00:33:10.600 in response to their

00:33:11.440 weird ramblings

00:33:12.480 about Pokemon,

00:33:13.840 just hold up your hand

00:33:14.900 and say,

00:33:15.820 High-Five!

00:33:17.460 Everybody loves a high-five.

00:33:19.540 In fact,

00:33:20.500 this doesn't just work

00:33:21.440 on children.

00:33:22.500 It works on almost everybody,

00:33:24.720 even when it doesn't

00:33:25.460 fit the conversation.

00:33:26.820 It's weird,

00:33:27.700 it's fun,

00:33:28.500 and it's open.

00:33:29.860 It's also,

00:33:30.660 a great way

00:33:31.220 of introducing yourself

00:33:32.100 during jury duty

00:33:32.920 to ensure you

00:33:33.640 don't get selected.

00:33:35.300 Hey,

00:33:35.920 if it works for Borat,

00:33:37.540 and it does,

00:33:38.580 it will definitely

00:33:39.500 work for you.

00:33:40.760 My wife is dead? 0.95

00:33:43.380 Yes, sir.

00:33:44.220 I'm sorry to inform you,

00:33:45.180 but that's what

00:33:45.600 the telegram says.

00:33:48.920 High-Five!

00:33:50.640 That's great!

00:33:59.160 Part 5

00:34:00.160 Charisma as a Spiritual Force

00:34:02.820 Thus far we've spoken

00:34:04.760 about charisma tactically,

00:34:06.660 both as a defensive measure,

00:34:08.540 that is,

00:34:09.160 to maintain your privacy

00:34:10.240 in crowded situations,

00:34:12.000 and as an offensive measure,

00:34:14.220 how to communicate with others

00:34:15.560 and have successful relationships.

00:34:18.180 Perhaps all of this

00:34:19.120 strikes you as cynical.

00:34:20.720 Well,

00:34:21.400 what do you think

00:34:22.000 Sun Tzu would have said

00:34:23.260 if you told him that

00:34:24.720 the just side

00:34:25.920 always wins the war?

00:34:28.020 Whatever,

00:34:28.460 he said in reply,

00:34:29.560 it would have been

00:34:30.100 a lot more polite

00:34:31.100 than what the ancient Hebrews

00:34:32.380 would have told you.

00:34:34.280 Yes,

00:34:35.100 charisma is an arena

00:34:36.040 of battle

00:34:36.600 like any other.

00:34:37.940 Military,

00:34:38.640 political,

00:34:39.320 economic,

00:34:40.100 all of these

00:34:40.880 are arenas of battle

00:34:41.920 which obey mathematical laws.

00:34:43.780 But even in something

00:34:45.540 as prosaic

00:34:46.380 as an online RTS,

00:34:48.380 there's a phenomenon

00:34:49.140 known as

00:34:50.280 momentum.

00:34:52.440 Maintain momentum

00:34:53.500 and you will always

00:34:55.140 achieve victory.

00:34:57.120 Spirituality

00:34:57.940 is the ghost

00:34:59.560 in the machine.

00:35:00.500 Who

00:35:03.820 are you?

00:35:05.960 I began this video

00:35:06.840 by exploring,

00:35:07.960 in depth,

00:35:08.780 the four cardinal

00:35:09.700 archetypes

00:35:10.420 of human personality.

00:35:12.280 They can be broken down

00:35:13.180 further

00:35:13.620 into the 16 different

00:35:14.880 types of the Myers-Briggs

00:35:16.140 so long as you don't mind

00:35:17.560 looking at a Tesseract.

00:35:20.260 Know

00:35:20.580 thyself,

00:35:24.960 one of the basic

00:35:25.880 aphorisms

00:35:26.500 of the ancient Greeks.

00:35:28.980 So who are you?

00:35:30.500 Based upon what?

00:35:32.260 And how do you know?

00:35:34.700 There are two phrases

00:35:35.600 that we use interchangeably

00:35:36.960 in English

00:35:37.480 despite having

00:35:38.240 utterly different

00:35:39.140 root meanings.

00:35:40.660 Self-esteem

00:35:41.440 and self-respect.

00:35:44.440 Esteem is self-evident.

00:35:46.060 Your self-esteem

00:35:47.200 is what you think

00:35:48.740 you're worth.

00:35:50.060 Fifteen bucks an hour?

00:35:51.440 A trophy at every parade?

00:35:53.280 Or abuse

00:35:53.900 because you enjoy it?

00:35:55.680 How you esteem yourself

00:35:57.080 is similar to your body language,

00:35:59.060 the only difference being

00:36:00.120 that they seldom correlate.

00:36:02.740 Self-respect, though,

00:36:03.940 that's an interesting one.

00:36:06.280 The stripper at your nearest 0.80

00:36:07.240 strip club

00:36:07.800 certainly has a high self-esteem.

00:36:10.080 After all,

00:36:10.860 she thinks she's worth 0.99

00:36:11.640 40 bucks

00:36:12.360 for a 20-minute lap dance.

00:36:14.120 But we all know

00:36:15.280 that her self-respect

00:36:16.380 is pretty low.

00:36:17.800 self-esteem is what you think

00:36:27.640 you're worth.

00:36:28.640 It's the price you demand

00:36:29.760 in the marketplace.

00:36:31.280 Self-respect, on the other hand,

00:36:33.120 that's who you know

00:36:34.180 yourself to be.

00:36:35.780 Self-respect is when you look

00:36:37.100 back upon your life

00:36:38.180 and see it accurately.

00:36:40.180 You see the victories.

00:36:41.700 You see the failures.

00:36:42.540 You see where luck

00:36:44.300 or birth benefited you,

00:36:45.960 and accident of fate

00:36:47.380 doomed you.

00:36:48.780 You look back

00:36:49.680 and see a person

00:36:50.840 who succeeded sometimes,

00:36:52.740 failed other times,

00:36:53.960 but learned

00:36:54.680 throughout the process.

00:36:57.160 Those with a great self-esteem

00:36:58.800 have never

00:36:59.560 looked back upon themselves

00:37:03.520 and have never learned

00:37:05.200 who they are,

00:37:06.420 what their faults are,

00:37:07.840 or what their victories have been.

00:37:11.180 Nothi Sotan.

00:37:13.680 Who are you?

00:37:17.020 What is the introvert? 1.00

00:37:19.460 Is he an awkward loser 0.99

00:37:21.040 who never fits in 0.99

00:37:22.140 and is forever consigned

00:37:23.380 to second place

00:37:24.340 while the fun people

00:37:25.140 go to the parties?

00:37:27.180 Hardly.

00:37:27.720 He is a person

00:37:29.340 of depth and study,

00:37:31.200 of profound emotional complexion,

00:37:33.280 who pays attention

00:37:34.040 to the things

00:37:34.680 that most people ignore.

00:37:36.700 She is sensitive,

00:37:38.580 as understanding

00:37:39.380 as she is irritable,

00:37:40.840 and as convicted

00:37:41.600 of her purpose

00:37:42.500 as the warrior

00:37:43.380 with his sword.

00:37:45.380 Charisma

00:37:45.860 is your force

00:37:47.140 of personality.

00:37:48.840 The fire and air

00:37:49.860 are explicit

00:37:50.680 in what they do,

00:37:51.900 but the water is slow

00:37:53.080 while the earth

00:37:54.120 is subtle.

00:37:55.500 Have you ever

00:37:55.920 walked into a church

00:37:56.900 and felt the spirit of God,

00:37:58.540 or walked into a home

00:38:00.180 and known who lived there?

00:38:02.780 The sanguine

00:38:03.840 wields charisma

00:38:04.580 like it's a dance,

00:38:05.720 the right answer

00:38:06.460 at the right time.

00:38:07.620 The field marshal,

00:38:08.780 the teacher,

00:38:09.520 the provider,

00:38:10.280 the supervisor,

00:38:11.520 each of them

00:38:12.360 knows what is going on,

00:38:13.900 and they present you

00:38:14.840 the answer

00:38:15.340 that you need

00:38:16.160 when you need it.

00:38:18.040 The choleric 1.00

00:38:19.100 wields charisma

00:38:20.080 like a weapon,

00:38:21.440 the inventor,

00:38:22.420 the champion,

00:38:23.200 the performer,

00:38:23.900 the promoter.

00:38:24.500 They use their charisma

00:38:26.280 to force a new dynamic

00:38:27.840 upon the world.

00:38:29.700 The phlegmatic

00:38:30.300 uses their charisma

00:38:31.160 to sustain.

00:38:32.740 The architect,

00:38:33.960 the healer,

00:38:34.680 the composer,

00:38:35.840 the crafter.

00:38:37.180 They maintain the world

00:38:38.380 through force of will.

00:38:40.580 The melancholic's charisma

00:38:41.680 sets the tone

00:38:42.380 of the world

00:38:42.920 without you even knowing it.

00:38:44.780 The mastermind,

00:38:45.820 the counselor,

00:38:46.380 the protector,

00:38:47.260 the inspector.

00:38:48.440 They establish

00:38:49.440 the beat of society.

00:38:50.760 How do you come

00:38:52.940 to know yourself?

00:38:55.180 The sanguine

00:38:56.220 who never challenges himself

00:38:57.580 becomes a hedonist

00:38:58.660 of no significance.

00:39:00.440 The choleric 1.00

00:39:01.120 who never challenges himself

00:39:02.280 becomes an infantile capitalist.

00:39:04.820 The phlegmatic

00:39:05.760 who never challenges himself

00:39:07.060 becomes a replaceable technician.

00:39:09.580 And the melancholic

00:39:10.640 who never challenges himself

00:39:11.800 becomes an obedient cog.

00:39:13.480 Self-respect,

00:39:16.540 re specere,

00:39:18.500 requires something

00:39:19.640 to look back on.

00:39:21.820 Without life experience,

00:39:23.260 without challenges,

00:39:24.420 without overcoming

00:39:25.140 and battles lost,

00:39:26.760 you cannot know

00:39:27.840 who you are. 0.67

00:39:29.400 The extrovert

00:39:29.900 naturally knows socializing,

00:39:31.900 so he must discipline

00:39:32.940 himself into study.

00:39:34.360 The introvert

00:39:35.540 naturally knows study,

00:39:36.680 so he must discipline

00:39:38.380 himself into socializing.

00:39:41.320 Introversion

00:39:41.800 is no more a handicap 0.84

00:39:43.260 than having an aptitude

00:39:44.560 for the mechanical,

00:39:45.920 and yet it is used

00:39:46.820 as an excuse

00:39:47.500 in the exact same manner

00:39:49.120 as engineers

00:39:50.060 who never apologize

00:39:51.420 for an ignorance

00:39:52.340 of history,

00:39:53.460 literature,

00:39:54.140 or politics.

00:39:55.660 To know who you are,

00:39:57.700 you must learn

00:39:58.760 about yourself.

00:39:59.860 You must study yourself,

00:40:02.180 and you must study others

00:40:03.880 as well.

00:40:05.000 You must challenge yourself,

00:40:06.400 you must challenge others,

00:40:08.480 and you must make

00:40:09.260 a fair estimate

00:40:10.340 of how the battles went.

00:40:11.960 Introversion

00:40:13.720 is not a deficiency.

00:40:15.760 It is the fundamental nature

00:40:16.920 of how half

00:40:17.580 the human race operates.

00:40:19.300 And the human race

00:40:20.200 could not operate

00:40:21.400 without you introverts.

00:40:23.260 And because you've been

00:40:24.660 gifted with the sight

00:40:25.540 of how society operates

00:40:26.920 behind the scenes,

00:40:28.180 you are likewise called upon

00:40:29.660 to help the extroverts

00:40:30.980 see what you do.

00:40:33.540 Charisma for introverts

00:40:34.820 is not merely an opportunity.

00:40:37.320 It's a moral calling.

00:40:38.760 It is your duty

00:40:39.980 to your fellow man,

00:40:41.420 and it is a battle

00:40:42.420 that you are capable

00:40:44.140 of winning.

00:40:44.600 работask-in-law

00:40:56.920 is a matter

00:40:57.760 and in one más

00:40:58.360 the same suited

00:40:58.820 to other things.

00:40:59.560 In this vein,

00:41:00.600 our brothers are

00:41:00.900 beaded.

00:41:01.760 They'reißt you, 0.99

00:41:02.480 or you are

00:41:03.040 many men,

00:41:03.920 are already

00:41:04.140 taught by their

00:41:05.080 family experiences.

00:41:05.360 You've been

00:41:06.320 introduced after the

00:41:06.500 youth,

00:41:06.660 and has been

00:41:08.000 measured through

00:41:08.160 your life.

00:41:08.700 And as the

00:41:09.420 youth center trees,

00:41:09.920 they're just

00:41:10.460 worshipped at

00:41:10.540 5,200 times.

00:41:11.200 We'll take

00:41:11.660 aab tienes

00:41:11.740 senseницы.

00:41:12.040 So you say

00:41:12.340 you have

00:41:12.700 the answer

00:41:13.340 la

00:41:14.600 Thank you.

Leo D.M.J. Aurini - May 04, 2016

Charisma for Introverts： In Depth Analysis #1

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