Leo D.M.J. Aurini - Lust, Chastity, and Winning a Wife

00:00:00.000 Thank you for listening.

00:00:30.000 So in my last video, I was discussing how, with the shift of the locus of morality towards the secular world, more and more, we are approaching Christianity, we're approaching the church in a way that's not too dissimilar from the Pharisees, where we are observing the letter of the law, we're observing the rituals, but we're missing the spirit.

00:01:00.000 Now, in this video, I'm going to be talking about the sort of challenges that young men face today, particularly young men in the church.

00:01:12.440 And I'm actually going to be talking about doing the exact opposite.

00:01:18.700 Instead of worrying about how well you're performing the rituals, worry that you're pursuing, are you pursuing, the spirit behind all of these rituals?

00:01:29.800 And it's going to sound, I worry that it's going to sound like I'm making an apologetic for sinning.

00:01:42.580 That is not what I'm doing.

00:01:46.960 But let's be clear about something.

00:01:49.640 So, why shouldn't you sin?

00:01:53.720 Well, because it offends God.

00:01:56.200 Period.

00:01:56.760 But that's not a very useful answer.

00:02:04.440 One time, during my basic training, I asked my master, Jack, why do we do things this way?

00:02:13.140 I forget what topic it was specifically, but I said, why do we do it this way?

00:02:17.540 And he said, because you're ordered to.

00:02:20.040 Which, again, yeah, sure.

00:02:23.380 Like, I'm not saying I'm refusing to do it this way.

00:02:25.580 I'm asking what's the reasoning behind it.

00:02:29.960 And, you know, I didn't say it at the time.

00:02:32.520 I didn't think of it.

00:02:34.080 But the ten principles of leadership from the Canadian military, one of them is ensure your subordinates understand the intention behind your commands.

00:02:45.280 It's not enough for a troop just to follow orders.

00:02:51.760 Okay, they're not robots.

00:02:52.820 They're not peons.

00:02:53.860 That's not what a soldier is supposed to be.

00:02:56.500 They're supposed to be thinking individuals that can react, who can adapt and overcome to any situation.

00:03:05.840 And a similar thing, a very similar thing with morality, with why we're here, why we go to church.

00:03:15.280 We don't go to church just to follow all the rules.

00:03:23.220 We go to church to become better versions of ourselves and hopefully achieve the beatific vision.

00:03:34.280 So if you say you shouldn't do something because it offends God, well, okay, yeah, and you should follow orders because you were told to.

00:03:43.040 But it's also incumbent upon you to understand why the order was given.

00:03:50.880 Now, it doesn't mean that if you don't understand, you can just do whatever you want.

00:03:54.540 Obviously, it doesn't mean that.

00:03:58.040 But you're supposed to understand why you're doing what you're doing. 1.00

00:04:03.800 Listen, fear of court-martial or fear of hellfire are both good motivators to not be an idiot. 1.00

00:04:13.340 But it's not enough. 1.00

00:04:15.260 You are not meeting your potential if the only reason you're obeying is because somebody told you to obey.

00:04:23.400 You are supposed to be a co-participant in this reality.

00:04:26.780 I'll give you an example of this, a rather simple example of this.

00:04:36.200 Because we're going to be talking about sex, so let's start off with something a little bit less tempting for most of us.

00:04:40.860 Let's talk about nutrition.

00:04:43.440 You know, last week, I was at the store, and, you know, I had a hankering for a chocolate bar.

00:04:53.840 And so I bought one, and it tasted delicious.

00:04:56.560 And then the next day, I felt like a chocolate bar again.

00:04:59.920 So I bought the exact same chocolate bar, and the bloody thing tasted like wax.

00:05:05.460 Because, I mean, it's a cheap $1 chocolate bar from the store.

00:05:09.100 And I kind of chastised myself for buying a chocolate bar two days in a row, because I never do that.

00:05:14.140 And my reward was, I got a chocolate bar that tasted like wax.

00:05:19.500 Similar thing.

00:05:20.200 Why do we eat dessert after dinner, instead of starting out with cake and ice cream?

00:05:30.580 Well, part of the reason is that eating cake and ice cream before dinner ruins your meal.

00:05:39.100 Part of the beauty of this universe is that eating is a source of pleasure.

00:05:48.500 Not just pleasure, but community.

00:05:51.000 You know, the sitting down with your family to eat dinner, and having a really good, a healthy, fulfilling, nutritious,

00:05:58.500 some chicken and mashed potatoes, and having a good conversation with people you love is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

00:06:10.020 And then finishing it off with a little bit of ice cream, a little bit of cake at the end.

00:06:16.060 And actually, the sugar even kickstarts the digestive process.

00:06:19.020 And so if you start off eating cake, you aren't going to enjoy, you know, the turkey.

00:06:28.560 You aren't going to enjoy the mashed potatoes.

00:06:33.160 Furthermore, you are going to quickly lose the enjoyment of it.

00:06:40.420 If you're eating cake every day, it's not special, it's not fun, it's not delicious.

00:06:45.880 And you are becoming obese from eating all of this.

00:06:48.400 You are becoming sickly.

00:06:49.980 You are...

00:06:51.260 Not only are you enjoying the food less and less,

00:06:55.340 you're not able to enjoy life as much as you used to because you're overweight.

00:06:59.740 The purpose of eating is both nutritional and enjoyment.

00:07:12.880 You're supposed to enjoy eating.

00:07:15.460 But if you eat in the wrong way, it's going to make you miserable.

00:07:24.700 So yes, you shouldn't eat the cake until after dinner because your parents told you not to.

00:07:29.740 But you should also understand that you're going to enjoy the cake more once you've had a nutritious meal.

00:07:38.960 So with that said, let's consider the catechism and what it says about the purpose of sex,

00:07:47.380 specifically regarding masturbation, but also where it's appropriate, why we do it, what it's for.

00:07:54.220 And this is, if you want to follow along, this is Part 3, Section 2, Chapter 2, Article 6.

00:08:07.360 Just let me find the exact correct passage.

00:08:10.080 Okay.

00:08:19.580 Okay.

00:08:27.420 Now, I trust that you all understand that the purpose of marriage is both procreative and unitive.

00:08:38.940 I'm not going to read you the whole catechism on that.

00:08:43.500 Okay.

00:08:44.740 I mean, look at our biology.

00:08:46.760 Humans are one of the few species that has sex even when the woman is not fertile.

00:08:54.840 Okay.

00:08:55.120 Sex is a great gift. 1.00

00:08:56.400 We are meant to enjoy it.

00:08:59.220 You know, like, look, God could have designed us like every other species that, you know,

00:09:03.140 the only time, you know, the mare is aroused, the only time she's sexually available is when 0.96

00:09:08.840 she's in eustress. 0.91

00:09:10.220 Whereas human females, all the frickin' time. 1.00

00:09:13.320 So, yeah, you are supposed to enjoy sex. 0.98

00:09:14.780 It's procreative. 0.88

00:09:16.060 It is there to create children.

00:09:18.100 But it's also unitive.

00:09:20.080 It helps to bond the man and woman together.

00:09:24.240 And so, we're going to skip over that.

00:09:27.360 I trust you know that already.

00:09:28.700 So, let's consider offenses against chastity. 0.63

00:09:33.280 And chastity doesn't mean not having sex.

00:09:35.220 It means having sex at the right time. 0.62

00:09:42.360 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure.

00:09:48.760 Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative

00:09:54.920 and unitive purposes.

00:09:58.080 When you're eating cake every day because you like sugar, not because you're hungry,

00:10:03.520 and not because it's the correct time for cake, you know, that is a disordered gluttony. 0.97

00:10:10.680 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to 0.98

00:10:15.940 derive sexual pleasure. 0.78

00:10:16.940 Both the magisterium of the church, in the course of constant tradition, and the moral 0.98

00:10:22.760 sense of the faithful, have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation 0.66

00:10:28.300 is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.

00:10:33.780 The deliberate use of the sexual faculty for whatever reason outside of marriage is essentially

00:10:38.580 contrary to its purpose. 0.96

00:10:41.760 So, is masturbation okay? 0.77

00:10:50.800 No, it's not. 0.85

00:10:52.820 It's not okay.

00:10:54.640 Alright?

00:10:55.000 You are...

00:10:56.580 You're wasting your time. 0.99

00:10:58.300 There's a reason wanker is an insult. 0.99

00:11:00.520 Because you are wasting your life. 0.98

00:11:05.660 You are probably focused on the wrong thing.

00:11:11.140 You are sapping your energy.

00:11:12.820 I could go on and on and on.

00:11:15.320 Okay? 1.00

00:11:15.620 The correct place to use sex is with your wife. 1.00

00:11:19.460 Being open to the procreative act while also using it for the unitive act. 0.93

00:11:26.020 The unitive effect of it.

00:11:28.320 So, yeah.

00:11:28.840 It is not okay.

00:11:30.800 It's forbidden.

00:11:33.000 Get married.

00:11:35.620 Now, easier said than done.

00:11:39.760 Let me read you some of the earlier parts in this.

00:11:47.520 Particularly paragraphs 2339, 2340, and 2344.

00:11:53.180 Because this goes back to the context that I said earlier.

00:11:56.400 We are here to become better versions of ourselves.

00:12:00.240 Not to just blindly follow the rules because we were told to.

00:12:03.740 But to want to follow the rules.

00:12:07.040 Chastity, which means pursuing sex at the right time and for the right reasons.

00:12:16.940 It doesn't mean no sex.

00:12:19.120 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery, which is training in human freedom.

00:12:29.040 The alternative is clear.

00:12:34.060 Either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.

00:12:44.100 This isn't about blind obedience, folks.

00:12:46.340 This is about training in self-mastery.

00:12:49.100 You don't want to eat cake before dinner because, A, it ruins dinner, and, B, you get fat.

00:12:59.000 Furthermore, whoever wants to remain faithful to his baptismal promises and resist temptations will want to adopt the means for doing so.

00:13:09.820 Again, training, developing yourself, learning about yourself.

00:13:18.260 Understanding, again, the intellectual understanding of the correct purpose for sex.

00:13:24.140 And then learning when you are most tempted and how you are most tempted.

00:13:31.900 You know, there's nowhere in here saying that I shouldn't be drinking this.

00:13:36.520 Which is, it's white whiskey, not water.

00:13:40.060 But it does say I shouldn't be a drunkard.

00:13:44.180 And so I need to be cautious about the, I need to enjoy this, but I need to be aware of the means for enjoying it properly.

00:13:56.420 And where I'm tempted to enjoy it to excess.

00:14:03.120 And finally, this.

00:14:06.520 This last paragraph, 2344, because the young man that was asking me about this is beating himself up about failing at this.

00:14:19.920 Chastity represents an eminently personal task.

00:14:27.340 It also involves a cultural effort.

00:14:31.280 For there is an interdependence between personal betterment and the improvement of society.

00:14:42.740 Interdependence.

00:14:43.620 Right there.

00:14:45.220 That is a hugely important statement right here.

00:14:49.920 Listen, when I was doing basic training, about three weeks into it, you know, one of the guys in my tent said,

00:15:04.320 Hey, have any of you guys noticed that, you know, we don't want to masturbate? 0.67

00:15:09.460 Or I don't want to masturbate? 0.97

00:15:10.840 Have any of you guys noticed that? 0.97

00:15:12.080 And we started doing all this, like, oh my God, are they putting saltpeter in our food or what have you?

00:15:18.120 No, they weren't. 0.98

00:15:19.460 The reason that during basic training is that nobody was tempted to masturbation is, well, first of all, they were working us like dogs. 0.87

00:15:29.540 Two, well, actually, two is really the important one. 0.75

00:15:33.660 Okay, the major reason is because there was no temptation being shoved in our faces.

00:15:41.840 We weren't seeing half-naked women on magazines. 1.00

00:15:45.080 We weren't seeing billboard advertisements with a chick's ass that's ten feet high. 1.00

00:15:51.180 We weren't constantly being titillated by women who were wearing low-cut tops and then complaining that guys stare at their tits. 1.00

00:16:00.100 Right now, the challenge of chastity is extremely difficult. 0.93

00:16:17.860 You know, one of the times I broke recently, I was watching, I think it was The Evil Dead or one of those classic zombie movies.

00:16:26.240 And there's this one bit where one of the girls just starts stripping naked in the movie. 1.00

00:16:32.320 And it was like a hot wire, you know, came in through the eyeballs, straight down the spine to the bright red chakra down there.

00:16:44.660 Yeah, it goes right through you.

00:16:46.800 You know, you never know when it's going to happen either.

00:16:50.420 And so, yeah, remaining chaste, remaining focused is very, very, very difficult.

00:16:59.940 You know, if we lived in a world where everywhere you went, there were free, delicious chocolate bars being offered,

00:17:06.820 we'd all be a little bit fatter than we are.

00:17:10.040 And so I'm not saying that it's okay.

00:17:18.920 It is bad for you.

00:17:20.240 Just because free chocolate is everywhere doesn't mean it's okay to be fat.

00:17:24.540 All the same standards still apply.

00:17:32.640 Just because it's easy, just because you're constantly being tempted does not make it okay.

00:17:37.820 It doesn't make it okay to be a little bit fat.

00:17:41.480 You're still fat. 0.99

00:17:43.220 And if you're engaging in masturbation, you are going to be squandering your masculine energy. 0.99

00:17:59.060 But at the same time, you are being really tempted.

00:18:01.580 And the important thing is not, and to go back to the beginning of this,

00:18:07.760 is not to be a Pharisee and obsess over the literal, the literal obedience to the rules.

00:18:18.960 It's about understanding yourself, mastering yourself, not in spite of the temptation,

00:18:26.640 but using that temptation to understand yourself better and thus master yourself despite the extreme temptation.

00:18:40.460 What I'm getting at is really, stop worrying so much about it.

00:18:46.500 Because in a certain sense, worrying this much about it,

00:18:51.340 if you're constantly focused on this thing here,

00:18:55.020 you're not going to be looking to where you're going.

00:19:06.220 Stop worrying about eating cake before dinner.

00:19:09.440 Look forward to the cake after dinner,

00:19:12.340 but focus on the turkey and the salad and the mashed potatoes that you have en route.

00:19:18.300 You know, have that ultimate destination in mind while also living in the moment.

00:19:31.460 What you need to be doing to master yourself

00:19:36.440 and ultimately to attract a good and decent woman 1.00

00:19:42.740 who is like you, a flawed and imperfect being,

00:19:45.880 but is nonetheless focused on that destination,

00:19:49.420 what you need to be doing is cultivating your masculinity.

00:19:54.760 And see, that's probably the worst thing about this constant temptation.

00:19:59.820 You know, the worst thing about lust is that it's,

00:20:02.880 you're actually degrading your masculinity.

00:20:05.760 You are regressing to this childhood understanding.

00:20:10.380 The same way, kids don't understand that,

00:20:12.140 you know, like once a year, we take them out on Halloween,

00:20:15.040 they get to eat all the candy they want,

00:20:16.440 and they get to feel miserable,

00:20:17.920 and they get to learn from that experience, hopefully.

00:20:21.700 Similar thing, if you're constantly indulging in lust,

00:20:24.280 you are reverting to a very boyish understanding.

00:20:29.360 When you first have your sexual awakening,

00:20:31.080 and you don't know what it's for,

00:20:32.260 and you're not a man yet,

00:20:33.340 and you don't know how to approach a woman,

00:20:36.140 you are engaging in that.

00:20:37.800 You're not being a man.

00:20:38.760 Get your eyes set on the destination.

00:20:51.600 Because the, listen,

00:20:54.100 when it comes to game and picking up women and all this stuff,

00:20:58.500 now this can be,

00:20:59.940 if you are sinning really hard in this direction,

00:21:03.800 because remember, virtue is all about a balance.

00:21:07.060 You know, courage is the balance

00:21:09.560 between being a coward and being foolhardy.

00:21:15.560 A brave man is not going to be completely blind to the dangers.

00:21:20.140 He knows that there's dangers out there.

00:21:22.500 But he is going to boldly step forward when it is the correct time.

00:21:26.960 And so if you are all the way on the cowardly side of things,

00:21:31.160 you know, maybe the way to break out of that is to be a little bit foolhardy. 0.78

00:21:37.300 Hopefully not too foolhardy,

00:21:38.820 but, you know, you're course correcting the whole time.

00:21:44.200 And you're learning about yourself, and you're getting better.

00:21:49.340 So game, picking up chicks, 1.00

00:21:51.620 all of this stuff.

00:21:53.940 Guys that have never been inducted into masculinity,

00:21:57.300 guys that have never,

00:21:58.460 they've been told just be nice guys,

00:22:00.260 be weak,

00:22:01.060 be,

00:22:01.640 be,

00:22:02.140 go along,

00:22:03.540 do whatever.

00:22:04.560 You know,

00:22:04.880 breaking out of that 0.99

00:22:06.020 and learning that chicks actually kind of dig jerks 0.78

00:22:08.520 to some degree, 0.96

00:22:23.940 being a man is somewhere in between those things,

00:22:48.680 and it's somewhere a lot better than those things.

00:22:52.100 So what you need to be doing is focusing on that.

00:23:00.320 Focusing upon your masculinity.

00:23:05.340 Stop worrying about the lust so much. 0.82

00:23:08.720 Okay, like you're supposed to have a high sex drive. 0.96

00:23:10.460 You're a young man for crying out loud. 0.96

00:23:14.460 Stop focusing on that so much

00:23:16.780 and start focusing more on becoming a refined,

00:23:21.820 idealized form of a man.

00:23:25.300 Focus upon your masculinity.

00:23:33.420 And, you know, like one last thing

00:23:35.040 regarding church specifically.

00:23:38.200 First of all,

00:23:41.980 any time you go to church on Sunday,

00:23:44.880 there is a generalized confession of sin.

00:23:52.240 So you don't need to go to reconciliation every week

00:23:56.100 because you cracked after seeing a billboard

00:23:59.000 or a chick wearing a short skirt or what have you. 1.00

00:24:02.060 All right, reconciliation is,

00:24:06.760 well, you should be going once a year.

00:24:08.840 At least.

00:24:10.200 You know, once a month is probably better.

00:24:12.760 But reconciliation is about reorienting yourself.

00:24:16.500 It's when you've really stepped out of line

00:24:18.280 and you want to fix that thing.

00:24:21.060 The habitual sin that you're working on

00:24:27.720 and that you're learning about yourself from it

00:24:29.800 and you are getting rid of it bit by bit,

00:24:34.100 you know, every week.

00:24:35.120 Like sometimes it's two steps forward,

00:24:37.460 one step back.

00:24:38.640 But you have that general progress forward.

00:24:41.180 That is basically what a venial sin is.

00:24:47.140 Okay, it's mortal sins that you have to go

00:24:49.420 to confession for.

00:24:51.780 All right, the venial sins, work on those.

00:24:54.560 Get better.

00:24:55.540 Keep your eyes on the prize.

00:25:00.180 You don't need to obsess about them, however.

00:25:07.220 And, you know, like it's an absolute shame

00:25:11.700 that our locus of morality is so far from the church

00:25:16.280 that we've forgotten so much of art, culture, theology.

00:25:21.920 Yeah, that's terrible, but it's also the modern day.

00:25:24.180 That's what we're all dealing with.

00:25:26.660 Okay, and ultimately the priests,

00:25:28.280 they're dealing with it as well.

00:25:31.640 You know, if they start talking about vanity or gossip,

00:25:34.420 people would be,

00:25:35.640 they'd have a lot of trouble understanding that.

00:25:37.360 And that's just the reality of it.

00:25:39.380 Doesn't mean you stop going to church.

00:25:41.000 Okay, you still need to go get the Eucharist.

00:25:42.780 You still need to get that grace inside of you.

00:25:49.060 Focus on your journey.

00:25:50.920 Focus on becoming masculine.

00:25:53.940 Because the masculine engenders the feminine, 1.00

00:25:56.480 and the feminine engenders the masculine. 1.00

00:25:59.280 Keep your eyes down the road.

00:26:08.100 Resist, adapt, and overcome

00:26:10.600 the temptations of this world.

00:26:14.980 And you'll get there eventually.

00:26:19.820 Deus Vult, brother.

00:26:23.060 Irini out.

00:26:23.640 Deus Vult, brother.

00:26:53.640 Fair story.

00:26:57.360 pai.

00:27:01.760 Penter.

00:27:04.040 Lu.

00:27:05.500 Is.

00:27:07.680 Pu.

00:27:11.620 Speaker.

00:27:12.900 Umm.

Leo D.M.J. Aurini - May 02, 2017

Lust, Chastity, and Winning a Wife

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