Relationships as Garnitures： How to Choose the Right Partner
Episode Stats
Summary
Garniture is a term used to describe a collection of items that go together to create a cohesive whole. It's a term that has been around for a long time, and I think it has a lot to do with how we live our lives.
Transcript
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So, here's a word that I'll bet none of you have ever heard before.
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Now, if you look this word up, the first definition is going to be a collection, usually, of vases.
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Garniture was also a term used back in the late medieval to describe a decorative set of armor.
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So, the sort of things that kings and higher-up nobles would wear, a set of full-plate armor with bronzing on it, paintings, etc.
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It was a garniture in that every single piece of that armor, it's like, yeah, you could wear the greaves with a different breastplate, but it's going to look pretty stupid.
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It's all meant to go together to create a cohesive whole.
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Think for a minute about some of the lower class, the disordered people that you've met, whose houses you visited.
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Often, when you were in elementary school or middle school, you'd go over to your friend's house, and it was completely chaotic.
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You know, I wonder how many of you remember Billy the Bass.
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Billy the Bass was this gimmicky thing that came out about 15 years ago or something like that.
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And it was a little wall-mounted trout that, when you pressed the button, it would start singing some classic song, and then the fish's head would come out and, you know, actually sing some of the words.
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It was the sort of thing that you looked at it when it came out, and you're like, oh, that's cool.
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Now, all of the lower class people would go out and grab that thing, even though it didn't match anything else in their house.
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I mean, if there's some guy that did a lot of fishing, and he bought that for the downstairs bar, then that's hilarious.
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But if you try and live an ordered life, then you want your home environment to be ordered as well.
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So you don't have a psychedelic rock poster on one wall and a classical painting on another.
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You want a consistent art style throughout your home.
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If you start buying every single thing that you see on the shelf, you're going to wind up with a riotous home life.
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And you're going to wind up with an empty bank account.
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Because rather than thinking closely about what sort of decor you want to buy for your house,
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you're just going to buy whatever jumps out at you.
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And then you're going to throw it out a year later and replace it with something else.
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You're not going to have anything that you hold on to and make the most out of.
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I think it's very important to have an ordered home, first of all.
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And part of the way you do that is being selective about the decor.
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You know, not blowing a huge wad of cash at the store to get matching everything,
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but putting a little bit of thought into things.
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This should be a project that takes you, you know, if you live in the same place, five, ten years.
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You move out and you get the leftover cutlery from some previous collection.
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And bit by bit, you get the implements for the kitchen, you make sure they all look good together, they all match.
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So this isn't one shopping spree where you blow all your money.
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This is a long-term project of creating a home where all the objects d'art in it are a garniture.
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And the same thing goes for your relationships.
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There's that phrase, it's an excellent phrase, that you are the average of your five closest friends.
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So what sort of people are you hanging out with?
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You know, as you grow, you'll find that your friends will, if you're growing in a positive direction,
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they will reflect positive things about yourself.
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Your circle of friends will make a lot of sense.
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One of the big errors I think we make about romantic relationships these days
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is that rather than looking at this person as a garniture,
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as one part of the whole of your life, the entire tapestry,
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if you don't look at how does this person get along with my friends,
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because if your wife doesn't get along with your friends,
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then you're not going to be seeing your friends very much.
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Does she fit into my life and make things better?
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And if you've got religious art all on your walls,
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and you've got Billy the Singing Bass above your mantelpiece,
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well, it doesn't matter how cool Billy the Singing Bass is,
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now you've got an environment that's nothing but sheer chaos.
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okay, guys, like you need to make this decision very early on.
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would this person fit into the garniture of my life?
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Now, a lot of people you won't know right away,
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You are creating a chaotic environment for yourself.
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You are adding to the instability in your environment.
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that you're really making life absolute hell for yourself.