Leo D.M.J. Aurini - Two Consenting Adults？

00:00:00.000 Thank you.

00:00:30.000 Now, I don't expect that this is a video that's going to be popular with anybody, because, well, I'm talking about responsibility, and nobody likes to be reminded that they're responsible for something, especially not when it comes to sex, because this is one of the most sex-addicted generations that has ever existed.

00:00:49.540 But I think it's worth making, nonetheless.

00:00:53.540 I need to start by saying that I'm not trying to shame you with any of this.

00:00:58.860 Lord knows I'm the last man to be doing that.

00:01:01.420 I was a libertine and a rake for most of my 20s.

00:01:04.880 So this isn't a case of, you know, do as I say, not as I do.

00:01:08.960 This is a do as I say, because I've been there and I've done that.

00:01:12.220 I'm embarrassed to admit just how much I've been there and done that.

00:01:16.220 And so this is learn from my mistakes rather than learning from your own.

00:01:22.280 And just as an aside, the sort of person that tends to try and shame you about something, well, it's usually something that they're not very tempted to do in the first place.

00:01:34.200 In my case, drug addiction.

00:01:39.500 Drugs just don't interest me at all.

00:01:44.700 I don't find them addictive.

00:01:47.180 Quite frankly, even the amount of work I would have to go to to find marijuana is more than it's worth to me.

00:01:55.020 So I have no propensity there.

00:01:57.680 I'm not about to go pretend that I'm superior to somebody that is very tempted by drugs.

00:02:02.860 Sex, on the other hand, sex addiction is something I know a thing or two about.

00:02:09.640 And the second point I need to make is that when we talk about two consenting adults, we are not talking about the law.

00:02:18.600 When it comes to the separation of church and state, you know, this is part of the Western tradition.

00:02:24.140 That legality and morality are two separate issues.

00:02:29.980 They are two separate magisteriums.

00:02:32.860 That there is lots of stuff that morally, you can say, I don't think that's a good idea.

00:02:38.000 I don't think you should be doing that. 1.00

00:02:39.820 I think it's going to bite you in the ass. 0.99

00:02:42.880 But that doesn't mean you want to make a law about it. 0.99

00:02:46.520 Generally speaking, when it comes to the law, if it involves two consenting adults,

00:02:50.940 whether we're talking about sex or drugs, we're talking about sodomy law or the war on drugs, it doesn't matter.

00:02:58.820 When you get the government involved in enforcing morality, things tend to go sideways fast.

00:03:04.880 This is the rejection of a theocratic regime that is inherent to Western civilization.

00:03:13.700 Because just like the guy that's shaming you for your behavior probably isn't very tempted to do that,

00:03:20.160 the theocrats are probably going to pass lots of laws on whatever doesn't tempt them 0.88

00:03:25.280 without really doing much about the things that do tempt them.

00:03:30.540 And so you just get an absolutely tyrannical police state.

00:03:35.580 So no, we're not talking about law.

00:03:38.300 Two consenting adults, that is an excellent principle of law.

00:03:42.340 But it's a bad principle to live your life off of.

00:03:50.500 So sex, two consenting adults, are there really only two people involved in that union?

00:04:02.200 Any sex act, any act of intercourse is going to potentially create a child.

00:04:08.720 And when you engage in sex, you need to be thinking about that child.

00:04:15.500 Now there's two major rebuttals to this.

00:04:19.880 The first major rebuttal is prophylactics.

00:04:23.440 I mean, we've got this wonderful birth control nowadays.

00:04:25.600 We've got condoms, we've got the pill, we've got a dozen different ways to avoid pregnancy.

00:04:31.440 So we don't have to worry about the kid with the prophylactics.

00:04:35.280 But the first response to that, or the quickest response is simply,

00:04:41.440 prophylactics don't always work.

00:04:44.260 You know, you hear the stats that you see, that this is 99% effective,

00:04:48.600 or this is 99.9% effective.

00:04:52.860 Those are when the birth control is used properly.

00:04:56.120 Those are in laboratory settings.

00:04:58.260 This is not what's happening on Friday night.

00:05:01.280 Condoms break.

00:05:02.160 They break all the frickin' time.

00:05:05.680 And the birth control pill?

00:05:07.200 Well, she needs to be taking that pill every single day at the same time of day. 1.00

00:05:14.920 No birth control method is 100%.

00:05:18.700 So even if it's only one in a thousand,

00:05:22.460 and quite frankly, it's a lot more than that,

00:05:25.060 even if it's only one in a thousand,

00:05:27.400 that's a baby you're talking about.

00:05:29.140 That's a life, and you need to be considering that life when you engage in intercourse.

00:05:35.460 It's not just about the two consenting adults.

00:05:37.720 It's also about the baby.

00:05:39.240 The next objection would be,

00:05:45.160 what about non-procreative sexual activities?

00:05:49.760 There's lots of stuff you can do in the bedroom

00:05:51.800 that won't result in the creation of a child.

00:05:56.060 Well, in this case,

00:05:57.700 you have to think about what you're doing to yourself.

00:06:00.680 So there's not just you and her in the bedroom.

00:06:05.000 There's also your future selves.

00:06:08.120 And if you start pursuing these extravehicular forms of intercourse,

00:06:16.780 if you start getting involved in BDSM and whips and leather masks,

00:06:21.580 one day down the road,

00:06:23.020 you're in a place where you're not even getting an erection, 0.99

00:06:26.680 and there's three midgets running around with gimp suits on. 0.99

00:06:31.240 And at that point, 0.99

00:06:33.160 you wind up becoming a person that can't have normal sex anymore. 0.93

00:06:38.620 You've so warped and twisted and redesigned the sexual impulse 0.78

00:06:43.560 into such a manner where you cannot get off with a single person.

00:06:48.780 And that's a place where I don't think most people want to go.

00:06:51.300 Most people do want to find a partner to love them and support them

00:06:56.280 and be with them throughout their entire lives.

00:07:00.080 And if you wind up going down the path of extreme kink, 0.99

00:07:03.900 you won't be able to do that.

00:07:06.120 You've now precluded forming a relationship or ever having children.

00:07:13.280 So generally, as a safe rule,

00:07:16.680 for both the guys and ladies out there,

00:07:18.360 before you have sex, ask yourself, 0.64

00:07:23.160 would I be okay having a child with this person? 0.80

00:07:26.640 You know, would I, not necessarily marry them,

00:07:29.180 but would I be willing to share my genes with this person?

00:07:33.480 To, you know, raise this children,

00:07:35.700 to make the expenses,

00:07:37.220 to pay the costs that are going to be a part

00:07:40.440 of this procreative act if it produces a child.

00:07:43.680 And, guys, that will save you. 0.95

00:07:47.840 That will save you from the crazy girls. 0.99

00:07:49.940 That will save you time in prison. 0.55

00:07:51.940 That will save having an oops baby 0.99

00:07:54.140 by some psycho that lies about her birth control. 0.99

00:07:57.580 And, ladies, 0.99

00:07:58.380 that will prevent you from having a deadbeat dad, 1.00

00:08:01.080 from carrying around a bastard child 1.00

00:08:03.080 that's going to preclude 1.00

00:08:04.520 any decent man from being interested in you

00:08:07.460 after that.

00:08:08.420 So, before you have sex, ask the question, 0.85

00:08:12.160 would I be okay having a baby with this person?

00:08:14.680 It will save you a lot of pain,

00:08:16.860 a lot of expense,

00:08:17.820 and a lot of heartache.

00:08:21.940 So that's the first part.

00:08:23.000 It's not just about you and her.

00:08:25.260 It's also about the potential child.

00:08:28.880 But, you know, I'd argue it's about a bit more

00:08:30.880 than just that.

00:08:32.620 That there's more people involved in the sexual act

00:08:35.220 than just the two consenting adults

00:08:36.920 and the possible child that results.

00:08:40.260 And I'd like to use,

00:08:41.600 I'd like to use an episode

00:08:43.300 of BoJack Horseman

00:08:45.280 to illustrate this.

00:08:47.600 Now, BoJack Horseman,

00:08:48.940 it's an absolutely wonderful

00:08:50.700 Netflix original cartoon

00:08:52.760 about a burned-up Hollywood actor

00:08:56.780 that's extremely selfish.

00:09:00.800 He's not a proper alcoholic, 0.54

00:09:02.440 but he's selfish in the exact same way 0.71

00:09:04.440 as an alcoholic.

00:09:05.540 No regard for himself

00:09:07.320 or for the people around him.

00:09:08.980 It's just,

00:09:09.820 his life is just this path of destruction.

00:09:13.380 And there will be a minor spoiler here,

00:09:16.460 but you can kind of see,

00:09:18.160 you can see this plot point coming

00:09:19.980 from a mile away.

00:09:21.800 So what happens in one of the episodes

00:09:23.660 is that BoJack abandons his city

00:09:26.940 and abandons his career

00:09:28.040 to go visit an old flame of his,

00:09:30.400 only to find out that she's now married

00:09:33.380 and she has children.

00:09:35.760 And upon finding this out,

00:09:38.100 he doesn't want to return to his old life,

00:09:39.600 so he winds up becoming

00:09:40.660 the funny sitcom uncle

00:09:42.960 that hangs out in the household.

00:09:46.040 Now, her daughter

00:09:46.940 is just about to graduate high school,

00:09:49.700 can't get a prom date,

00:09:51.300 so BoJack offers to be her prom date.

00:09:54.600 He takes her there,

00:09:56.640 winds up taking her on a romantic date afterwards

00:09:59.860 without any intentions of seducing her.

00:10:01.660 Okay, he's not a terrible person.

00:10:04.940 You know, he just doesn't try

00:10:06.740 and be a good person.

00:10:08.300 He doesn't have any intentions of seducing her,

00:10:10.940 but he takes her out 0.98

00:10:12.320 and when the party sucks 0.81

00:10:13.400 and the people there are mean, 0.94

00:10:15.040 they go and go hang out in the back hills

00:10:17.960 and they do a couple of things.

00:10:19.760 And then they get back to the house

00:10:21.240 and the girl says to him,

00:10:25.020 BoJack, I'm ready for my first time

00:10:26.840 and I want it to be you.

00:10:28.020 So now you've got this 50-year-old man

00:10:34.040 who dated her mother

00:10:36.600 who's now being propositioned

00:10:39.540 by a younger, hotter version of her mother 0.99

00:10:42.980 who's still on a deeper level

00:10:46.760 in love with her actual mother.

00:10:50.560 And now this 17-year-old

00:10:52.500 who is sober and she is of age,

00:10:54.600 as she points out.

00:10:55.440 So this is legally perfectly fine.

00:10:59.180 And, you know, technically speaking,

00:11:01.640 wouldn't you rather somebody like BoJack

00:11:03.400 who understands how to use condoms

00:11:05.100 be the first time with her

00:11:07.340 than just some random high school kid

00:11:09.860 that's irresponsible?

00:11:12.860 What's wrong with this scenario?

00:11:14.640 Why does this make us all feel

00:11:16.460 a little bit ill?

00:11:17.980 Why is it wrong?

00:11:20.380 Because it's not just the two of them

00:11:24.960 involved in that sexual union.

00:11:29.460 There's always a network of relationships.

00:11:32.720 See, the way that sexual union is going to go 1.00

00:11:34.860 is that they'll have a brief, torrid affair.

00:11:38.680 You know, the 17-year-old will be just

00:11:40.960 stars in her eyes

00:11:42.480 over this older, experienced man.

00:11:44.920 And the date he took her on

00:11:46.640 was a recycled date.

00:11:48.400 He'd taken another girl on that date,

00:11:50.460 you know, 20 years ago,

00:11:51.840 spontaneously,

00:11:53.100 and he just recycled it for her.

00:11:54.880 He knows all the lines.

00:11:56.280 He has experience.

00:11:57.660 Game recognized.

00:11:58.620 Game BoJack.

00:12:00.340 But for him, 1.00

00:12:01.340 she's just a hot piece of ass. 1.00

00:12:04.060 It'll be a torrid affair 1.00

00:12:05.140 that goes absolutely nowhere

00:12:06.940 and strains all

00:12:09.660 of the network of relationships.

00:12:11.380 This girl is going to be

00:12:15.340 hurting her future self.

00:12:17.120 She's going to be pursuing

00:12:18.180 this older man

00:12:18.920 that's ultimately unavailable,

00:12:20.760 you know,

00:12:20.940 that doesn't know how to love. 0.99

00:12:23.520 She's going to be

00:12:24.500 hurting her mother. 0.99

00:12:26.320 The sexual competition 0.96

00:12:27.800 between mother and daughter,

00:12:29.400 it's preternatural.

00:12:31.340 It shouldn't exist.

00:12:33.860 And yet BoJack's allowing that

00:12:35.360 to take the forefront

00:12:36.400 by engaging in all of this.

00:12:39.480 There's estranged relationships

00:12:41.000 with the mother and the husband,

00:12:43.760 who the husband is now

00:12:44.720 going to have to acknowledge

00:12:45.780 that there's some sexual tension

00:12:47.760 between the mother and BoJack.

00:12:51.920 And also their future selves.

00:12:55.300 You know,

00:12:55.560 the 17-year-old in the future

00:12:58.200 is going to greatly regret

00:13:00.880 this affair with BoJack,

00:13:03.800 even if she doesn't realize it

00:13:05.460 right now.

00:13:06.260 You see,

00:13:10.820 all of us have people

00:13:12.100 around us

00:13:13.500 that want us to be happy,

00:13:15.820 that want to see us successful,

00:13:17.940 that want us

00:13:19.520 to build a life

00:13:21.360 and find,

00:13:22.760 you know,

00:13:22.940 not just the fleeting happiness

00:13:24.620 of an orgasm

00:13:26.160 or a drug

00:13:26.880 or a party,

00:13:28.700 but the long-term happiness

00:13:30.840 of actually building something

00:13:32.640 out of this random chaos

00:13:35.140 of nature.

00:13:38.200 And when you just engage

00:13:40.320 in sex,

00:13:41.180 casually,

00:13:42.500 without any thoughts

00:13:43.680 for who this person is

00:13:45.720 or where it's going

00:13:46.840 or how it affects

00:13:47.960 your parents

00:13:48.620 or your friends

00:13:49.780 or any of your extended family,

00:13:52.120 when you treat it 0.64

00:13:53.260 as just an orgasm,

00:13:54.840 as just something

00:13:55.760 that happens

00:13:56.240 between two consenting adults

00:13:58.020 with no sense of responsibility

00:13:59.960 or consequence,

00:14:01.720 you can wind up

00:14:06.420 hurting a lot

00:14:08.040 of people.

00:14:09.860 Even if you come 0.94

00:14:10.700 from a bad place,

00:14:11.600 even if your parents

00:14:12.260 were terrible

00:14:12.820 and you grew up

00:14:14.580 in a foster home

00:14:15.220 and you don't have anybody

00:14:16.100 that cares about you,

00:14:17.200 one day you will.

00:14:18.640 One day you will

00:14:19.720 have people

00:14:20.440 that will care about you

00:14:21.600 and want to be happy.

00:14:23.280 And if you

00:14:24.020 damage yourself

00:14:25.640 by treating sex 0.99

00:14:26.660 like it's a piece of candy, 0.98

00:14:27.860 that it doesn't have

00:14:29.460 these consequences,

00:14:30.540 that it doesn't have

00:14:31.000 these ripple effects,

00:14:32.220 that it's just

00:14:33.480 a physical act

00:14:34.400 and not also

00:14:35.560 an emotional

00:14:36.180 and spiritual act,

00:14:37.720 you are hurting yourself

00:14:39.060 and you're hurting

00:14:39.780 those that care about you.

00:14:44.100 Now, I don't really have

00:14:45.880 a simple answer

00:14:46.980 for any of you folk.

00:14:48.760 You know,

00:14:49.200 the story of

00:14:50.260 the prodigal son

00:14:51.160 is all about how

00:14:53.180 sometimes you need

00:14:54.380 to go out in the world

00:14:55.200 and make a giant mess

00:14:56.320 of your life

00:14:56.840 to learn from your mistakes.

00:14:59.500 Life ain't easy

00:15:00.480 and there's no

00:15:01.260 user manual.

00:15:03.560 We've got to sort it out

00:15:04.660 bit by bit

00:15:05.300 as we go along.

00:15:07.280 But keeping in mind

00:15:08.540 that all decisions

00:15:10.380 have consequences

00:15:11.260 and that sex 0.98

00:15:12.720 is one of the most

00:15:13.500 important and powerful

00:15:15.040 and potentially dangerous

00:15:16.740 things in our lives

00:15:18.540 will hopefully guide you

00:15:21.160 to make wiser choices

00:15:24.440 in the future.

00:15:26.860 You know,

00:15:27.160 it isn't saying

00:15:28.100 that you need

00:15:28.420 to reject it entirely.

00:15:29.820 It's a healthy urge

00:15:31.120 and it's a source

00:15:32.360 of potentially

00:15:33.100 incredible happiness

00:15:34.740 and pleasure.

00:15:36.420 But like fire

00:15:37.460 can also burn down

00:15:38.900 your life.

00:15:40.520 Take care of yourselves,

00:15:41.860 folks.

00:15:42.860 Best of luck out there

00:15:43.900 and try and be kind

00:15:45.480 to one another.

00:15:47.020 Irini out. 0.98

00:15:47.500 Sex is sacred! 0.98

00:16:13.160 Sex is sacred! 0.93

Leo D.M.J. Aurini - August 01, 2015

Two Consenting Adults？

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