Louder with Crowder - #137 TRUMP HATES PBS! Sheriff Clarke and Nick DiPaolo | Louder With Crowder

00:00:00.000 *music* Well I'll be a f*ckin' it's uncle. 0.94

00:00:22.000 Private Sullivan, fallout shelter now! 0.91

00:00:29.000 It's even worse than I'd anticipated, Private.

00:00:31.000 The feminism virus has plagued half the globe. 1.00

00:00:34.000 Sir, yes sir.

00:00:35.000 Thank goodness.

00:00:35.000 I believe we can write it out as 30-day food supply from preparewithcrader.com, sir.

00:00:39.000 You talking about that incredibly affordable 30-day emergency food supply kit from preparewithcrader.com, $99 ship free?

00:00:45.000 That's the one, sir!

00:00:46.000 Good.

00:00:47.000 I believe we can ride this out.

00:00:48.000 The key to defeating the feminism virus is to let their blood sugar drop to zero. 1.00

00:00:53.000 At that point, they'll be too frail to fight and too emotional to think logically.

00:00:56.000 Then we strike.

00:00:57.000 Sir, yes, sir.

00:00:58.000 It's incredibly sexist, sir. 0.94

00:01:00.000 What the hell did you just say to me, Private? 0.86

00:01:02.000 Great idea, sir.

00:01:06.000 You haven't been watching any Young Turks lately, have you, Sullivan?

00:01:10.000 Sir, no, sir.

00:01:11.000 Entending any women's marches?

00:01:12.000 Sir, no, sir.

00:01:15.000 Private Solon, what's the average horsepower in a 1969 Shelby GT? Theater 55, sir, approximately.

00:01:19.000 Who's your favorite hockey player, Private Solon?

00:01:21.000 Career to all time. 1.00

00:01:23.000 All time, you ungrateful son of a bitch! 1.00

00:01:24.000 Sorry how, sir! 1.00

00:01:25.000 Private, what's the capital of Vermont?

00:01:27.000 I'm Bill Deer.

00:01:27.000 And what's the average female salary in comparison to a male's?

00:01:30.000 Marble Street says the 77 cents on the dollar, sir. 1.00

00:01:32.000 I know it, you infected son of a bitch! 1.00

00:01:34.000 Oh, no! 1.00

00:01:40.000 Prepare with Crowder.com or call 888-411-5153.

00:01:46.000 30-day food supply kit, $99 ship free!

00:01:49.000 They have pudding!

00:01:51.000 You're a strange animal! 0.95

00:02:09.000 That's what I know. 0.99

00:02:11.000 You're going to strange animal.

00:02:16.000 I got to follow.

00:02:18.000 I'm a speedy disparate.

00:02:22.000 That, of course, is the ancient art of Kata.

00:02:38.000 We've been multicultural.

00:02:39.000 We've been learning about Kata.

00:02:39.000 I find it centering.

00:02:40.000 I find it grounding here at Louder with Crowder.

00:02:42.000 Wonderful Thursday show.

00:02:44.000 Free show for those on YouTube.

00:02:45.000 Of course, the daily show is available for Louder with Crowder.

00:02:48.000 Mug Club members.

00:02:49.000 Louderwith Crowder.com slash Mug Club.

00:02:50.000 Producing with me in video studio, as always, is Jared, who is not gay. 0.98

00:02:53.000 Follow him on Twitter at NotGayJarid.

00:02:55.000 Me at S. Crowder.

00:02:56.000 I fulfill my legal obligations.

00:02:57.000 Draw your own conclusions.

00:02:59.000 We good.

00:02:59.000 Not even a little bit.

00:03:00.000 A lot of controversy surrounding that because of some of the comments at South by Southwest.

00:03:04.000 Yes.

00:03:05.000 I didn't even introduce him yet and he's already talking.

00:03:07.000 At G Morgan Jr.

00:03:08.000 Thank you for being with us, sir.

00:03:09.000 Absolutely.

00:03:10.000 Good day.

00:03:11.000 Good day for everyone involved.

00:03:13.000 Going to be a great show.

00:03:14.000 We have Sheriff Clark.

00:03:16.000 Sheriff Clark.

00:03:17.000 We do.

00:03:17.000 We have Sheriff Clark.

00:03:18.000 Sheriff David Clark.

00:03:19.000 That's Clark with an E. He has a man with more melanin in his skin.

00:03:23.000 And we have Nick DiPaolo.

00:03:25.000 Funny comedian.

00:03:25.000 I believe one of the funniest men walking the face of the earth.

00:03:28.000 So big show today.

00:03:30.000 And we'll be getting to Donald Trump's budget, obviously.

00:03:33.000 The proposed budget.

00:03:34.000 That's the big story of the day.

00:03:36.000 But a couple of other stories to get to first.

00:03:38.000 A big one.

00:03:38.000 We did the review.

00:03:39.000 Well, fresh off the heels of yesterday, we watched the Amy Schumer special so that no one else would have to.

00:03:45.000 And that was pretty popular.

00:03:47.000 We might as well have been in Nostradamus.

00:03:49.000 We said, how long do you think until Amy Schumer blames right-wing alt-right trolls for the low rating, and that happened today.

00:03:56.000 Something else that happened today, though.

00:03:58.000 She's been accused, and not for the first time, of stealing material.

00:04:02.000 I think there's a video, right, from this guy on YouTube who did a comparison with some of her bits in the news special and Dave Attell.

00:04:09.000 You ever black out when you're drinking, or as I call it, time travel?

00:04:13.000 Yeah.

00:04:14.000 Yeah.

00:04:15.000 Has anyone ever blacked out and been awake when they've come out of it?

00:04:19.000 Thank you!

00:04:20.000 Thank you, sister!

00:04:22.000 It's kind of cool because it's like you're a time traveler.

00:04:24.000 You're just like back in your body like...

00:04:28.000 Okay, so there are a few more.

00:04:29.000 You can go watch that on YouTube.

00:04:31.000 She's been accused for stealing jokes from Patricia O'Neill to Marc Maron, John Mulaney.

00:04:35.000 Now, here's the deal.

00:04:36.000 You notice that when BuzzFeed's on your case.

00:04:38.000 I don't know.

00:04:39.000 That's an example.

00:04:41.000 I don't know that she's been stealing material as much as people want to say she's been stealing material. 0.98

00:04:45.000 Some comedians like to stake out topics.

00:04:47.000 For example, I had a bit about nightlights and about monsters in my closet.

00:04:52.000 Mm-hmm.

00:04:53.000 And then I had a comedian one time come up.

00:04:54.000 Her name was Heidi in Montreal.

00:04:56.000 I'll say, you know what, don't do that bit because I have a bit about monsters under my bed.

00:04:59.000 And she told me I couldn't do my bit about monsters in the closet that night.

00:05:02.000 It was zero similarity.

00:05:03.000 My bit was actually, even back then as an 18-year-old, comparing them to Islamic terrorists. 0.93

00:05:08.000 And hers was about her, I don't know, depression or something.

00:05:11.000 I'm such a conflicted comedian.

00:05:13.000 That kind of thing.

00:05:15.000 So I always try and be more lenient with these, but we talked about this on Twitter, and people submitted their own evidence.

00:05:24.000 So these are viewers submitted, and it looks pretty damning when you look at them. 0.99

00:05:28.000 For example, here's a joke in her special that she told, my vagina smells like a barnyard animal. 1.00

00:05:35.000 You saw that joke. 0.99

00:05:36.000 He made the rounds.

00:05:37.000 It was in her teaser.

00:05:39.000 It was submitted by a user.

00:05:41.000 This joke was actually originally found in the Schenectady truck stop restroom.

00:05:46.000 Ooh.

00:05:47.000 That's bad.

00:05:49.000 Yeah.

00:05:50.000 That one, at first glance, but it could be a coincidence.

00:05:53.000 You never know.

00:05:54.000 There are other jokes from Amy Schumer that people have been alleging were stolen.

00:05:57.000 This one you see right here was pretty popular from there where she said, you kind of minority report your own...

00:06:02.000 I don't like using the P word.

00:06:03.000 I don't feel super comfortable in talking... 0.99

00:06:05.000 Like when calling a guy you're a pussy, that's not when a woman is actually referring to it. 0.99

00:06:09.000 Yeah, it's weird. 1.00

00:06:09.000 It just makes me... 1.00

00:06:10.000 You kind of minority report your pussy is what she wrote in her special. 1.00

00:06:15.000 But with some digging, thank you to Sven who wrote this. 0.99

00:06:18.000 It was actually originally found this Serbian prostitute, Julia's call card. 0.83

00:06:24.000 You brought that one in a little early, Jared.

00:06:26.000 That's a long phone number.

00:06:27.000 That's a really long phone number.

00:06:28.000 That's what I noticed.

00:06:29.000 They have long phone numbers in Serbia because most of them do not have phones.

00:06:32.000 Yes.

00:06:33.000 Takes a while.

00:06:33.000 So you have to dial the numbers so it can go further.

00:06:35.000 You have to give more juice with the numbers.

00:06:37.000 This is my theory.

00:06:39.000 And then, finally, this joke.

00:06:41.000 We have the clip because this was available publicly.

00:06:43.000 This joke that she made is in question.

00:06:46.000 I came out of a blackout and there was a stranger going down on me.

00:06:54.000 Yeah, now that joke turns out was actually originally written by the man she accused of raping her. 0.91

00:07:01.000 Oh, gosh.

00:07:04.000 So there's that. 0.99

00:07:06.000 Not so much of a joke so much as let's bring it back to the fact that that joke is literally from the same woman who talks about being raped in non-consensual sex and believes that drunken sex can be raped along with Lena Dunham and their besties. 0.99

00:07:18.000 She's joking about rape. 0.98

00:07:21.000 Is the genre of joke.

00:07:23.000 It's just terrible.

00:07:24.000 Why would you ever bring that up? 0.76

00:07:26.000 And then the worst part is she stole the rapist's jokes. 0.96

00:07:28.000 It's not fair.

00:07:29.000 It's not fair.

00:07:30.000 It's not right.

00:07:30.000 Trump's budget!

00:07:32.000 Let's get to Donald Trump's budget.

00:07:34.000 So it's important to note, this is only the discretionary portion of the budget.

00:07:37.000 You've read it, right?

00:07:38.000 Yes.

00:07:39.000 Jared, have you read it?

00:07:41.000 Full expert.

00:07:42.000 You have not read it?

00:07:42.000 No.

00:07:43.000 I've glanced.

00:07:43.000 I'm not a smart person.

00:07:44.000 That means no.

00:07:45.000 That means no.

00:07:45.000 That's why we have you in here.

00:07:47.000 So taxes, Social Security, Medicare, that'll all come later.

00:07:50.000 So it's important to note because some people go, oh, this is more fluffy.

00:07:54.000 He's not talking about taxes.

00:07:54.000 Well, that'll come later.

00:07:55.000 He can't really do that right now.

00:07:57.000 This was his statement on the budget.

00:07:59.000 So let's start with him and then kind of unpack this, to use Dave Rubin's term.

00:08:03.000 He said, we are going to do more with less, make the government elite and accountable to the people.

00:08:08.000 It's time to prioritize the security and well-being of Americans and to ask the rest of the world to step up and pay its fair share.

00:08:16.000 I like that.

00:08:18.000 No problems there.

00:08:20.000 Sounds reasonable, yes.

00:08:21.000 So looking at the budget here, what you really need to know, some slight boosts for defense and, of course, for border enforcement.

00:08:29.000 Do we have that?

00:08:30.000 Can we bring that up there?

00:08:31.000 Boosts for defense and border enforcement, which is no surprise to anyone, I don't think.

00:08:33.000 And then some pretty serious cuts to government agencies like the Department of Labor, Agriculture, EPA, Foreign Aid, PBS, I'm happy about.

00:08:43.000 Yeah.

00:08:43.000 One that surprised me, federal support to Amtrak.

00:08:46.000 Amtrak?

00:08:47.000 Apparently the federal government is paying for Amtrak along with Rotaries.

00:08:53.000 Just to fund Joe Biden's personal choice of transportation?

00:08:57.000 Because trains are the future!

00:09:01.000 Let's fund the mode of transportation whose slogan is...

00:09:04.000 At least we're not Greyhound?

00:09:06.000 Exactly.

00:09:08.000 Sure, it smells like piss and mothballs, but at least you still have your wallet!

00:09:13.000 It is really Amtrak.

00:09:14.000 I used to do that ride from Montreal to New York City.

00:09:18.000 From Montreal to New York City, if you drive it, I want to say it's seven, eight hours.

00:09:21.000 Amtrak, 13.

00:09:24.000 Well, I didn't know they updated their slogan to you.

00:09:26.000 We didn't crash this time!

00:09:29.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:09:31.000 Amtrak, give us another chance!

00:09:36.000 It's one of those things.

00:09:39.000 I look at it and I go, you know what?

00:09:40.000 This is where Donald Trump's actions are better than his words.

00:09:44.000 Slight increases in legitimate roles of government, military, that's why people voted him in, immigration, and then cutting...

00:09:53.000 Superfluous expenses.

00:09:54.000 I think, you know, as much as I started on PBS with Arthur, I don't think that we should be paying for Buster's Adventures at 9am to babysit your kids.

00:10:03.000 Is it me?

00:10:03.000 I'm pretty happy about this.

00:10:04.000 It's just you.

00:10:05.000 No, I think you're absolutely right.

00:10:07.000 Absolutely right.

00:10:07.000 We don't need it.

00:10:08.000 But he also increased the VA a little bit, right?

00:10:10.000 Which is great.

00:10:11.000 And I love the EPA cut.

00:10:13.000 31%.

00:10:14.000 That's huge.

00:10:15.000 And he just said, they're not going to be muddying any more rivers, the EPA. Yeah.

00:10:20.000 Bastards. 1.00

00:10:21.000 And also foreign aid. 1.00

00:10:22.000 Close to my heart, sorry.

00:10:23.000 That's a good point that you bring up the VA. Because people will try and say, oh, he's cutting foreign aid. 1.00

00:10:26.000 He's a heartless bastard. 0.93

00:10:28.000 He's actually increasing funding to the VA. The thing that Democrats always claim they want to do. 1.00

00:10:32.000 And never actually do.

00:10:33.000 And he's doing it here.

00:10:34.000 He's not just playing political football with the veterans.

00:10:36.000 He does seem to want to help.

00:10:37.000 Again, that falls under the legitimate purview of government.

00:10:39.000 I know we'll get some people going, oh, oh, oh, so you okay with socialized medicine when it's for veterans?

00:10:44.000 No.

00:10:44.000 No, we're okay with it because they are going out to war to protect this country, which is a legitimate function of government.

00:10:51.000 Therefore, it's our role as society to protect our warriors.

00:10:55.000 It's not the same as a college student couch surfing.

00:10:57.000 Legitimate purview of government.

00:10:59.000 Huh.

00:11:00.000 If only there were a document that outlined what that was.

00:11:04.000 Some piece of paper with writing somewhere.

00:11:07.000 Is it possible?

00:11:09.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:11:09.000 And we've gotten so far off the beam now, where again, people just say, someone on Twitter said, if you believe that free healthcare, free college, and a living wage is insane, you're the crazy one. 0.98

00:11:20.000 I'm sitting there like, you're the radical. 1.00

00:11:22.000 But those are stupid things. 1.00

00:11:24.000 They're just things that you want. 1.00

00:11:25.000 You're not entitled to those things for free.

00:11:28.000 We were talking about this yesterday.

00:11:29.000 A guy was saying, you know, iPhone hasn't been a luxury item in 10 years.

00:11:34.000 You're welcome!

00:11:36.000 That's because of free enterprise.

00:11:38.000 It's made it less expensive.

00:11:39.000 If jet skis come in a Cracker Jack box in 30 years because we're all overrun living in Kevin Costner's water world, you can't just say a jet ski's not a luxury item, it's a fundamental human right.

00:11:50.000 No it's not!

00:11:51.000 That'd be great, because crackerjack boxes, prices have really gone downhill.

00:11:55.000 I know.

00:11:56.000 Well, if they can fit a jet ski in there, that means you're getting more volume.

00:11:58.000 Pretty big box as well.

00:11:59.000 Yeah, I'd be happy with that.

00:12:01.000 Okay, so you can tweet me at escrowder.

00:12:04.000 Tweet at notkjared.

00:12:05.000 Right now, this is going to go back and forth.

00:12:06.000 People are calling us dead on arrival.

00:12:07.000 I also think there's an art of negotiation here.

00:12:09.000 This is his first shot over the bow.

00:12:10.000 But here's the thing.

00:12:11.000 I would take this as is.

00:12:13.000 I would take the cutting of PBS. I don't know why that's controversial.

00:12:16.000 I don't understand why cutting PBS and funding the Amtrak is controversial.

00:12:21.000 I don't get it.

00:12:24.000 Elmo needs a home.

00:12:27.000 He'll still have a home.

00:12:28.000 There's rich people that watch it.

00:12:29.000 The rich people watch it.

00:12:31.000 There's rich people on Sesame Street. 1.00

00:12:34.000 Sesame Street's been gentrified as shit! 1.00

00:12:40.000 It's terrible. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Just pull the numbers on it, though.

00:12:43.000 They're going to say, oh, the poor people won't have anything to watch.

00:12:45.000 It's true. 0.96

00:12:45.000 Bull. 0.96

00:12:45.000 No one can afford an apartment on Sesame Street, except for Oscar, because it's rent-controlled. 0.96

00:12:51.000 Poor people will have something to watch.

00:12:52.000 You just got done telling me.

00:12:53.000 They don't have TV and iPhones anyway.

00:12:56.000 So, um...

00:13:03.000 Hawaiian judge temporarily suspended Donald Trump's travel ban.

00:13:08.000 This is another case of activist judges.

00:13:11.000 By the way, this is important to know.

00:13:12.000 It's not all of Hawaii.

00:13:13.000 Kind of like to the rest of the world, we're not all what you see in the entertainment industry.

00:13:17.000 We don't want to judge all of Hawaii because of one judge.

00:13:20.000 This is one activist judge.

00:13:23.000 And Trump described it as overreach.

00:13:25.000 He talked about it.

00:13:26.000 He even...

00:13:27.000 What do you think?

00:13:28.000 Not KJ. Not KJ. Gerald, you talk about this a lot.

00:13:31.000 You're a constitutionalist.

00:13:32.000 Yes.

00:13:33.000 What do you think?

00:13:33.000 Because this is kind of, you know, where maybe some libertarians are split.

00:13:36.000 You have an executive order from Donald Trump.

00:13:38.000 Yeah.

00:13:38.000 And then you have an activist judge.

00:13:40.000 I maintain that an executive order on immigration, that's actually something that a president is allowed to do.

00:13:44.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:13:45.000 That's within his purview.

00:13:46.000 I think the judge, the problem that I have with it is twofold.

00:13:49.000 One, it's freaking Hawaii.

00:13:51.000 They're not even connected to us.

00:13:52.000 These guys are like, uh-uh, no, not going to happen.

00:13:55.000 Do you see any terrorists traveling to Hawaii?

00:13:56.000 I don't think so.

00:13:57.000 They're going to blow up the Walea River paddle ride.

00:13:59.000 Exactly.

00:14:00.000 It doesn't happen.

00:14:00.000 And two, it's okay if you have a judge in there like this.

00:14:03.000 I'm okay with the system producing this because you can get rid of judges.

00:14:06.000 You can appoint another judge in these situations.

00:14:08.000 I'm not sure exactly the legalities there, but you can figure it out.

00:14:11.000 But it is an Obama appointee.

00:14:12.000 Surprise, surprise.

00:14:13.000 And then people get so mad when people get fired.

00:14:16.000 Yeah.

00:14:17.000 This happens.

00:14:17.000 People get fired.

00:14:18.000 I don't know the process, like you said, with the judge in Hawaii.

00:14:20.000 But sometimes you've got to clean house a little bit.

00:14:23.000 So now there's a boycott that was trending with conservatives.

00:14:25.000 So I'm not a huge fan of Boycott Hawaii.

00:14:27.000 They want to boycott Hawaii.

00:14:29.000 It was at the top of Twitter.

00:14:31.000 People who are least affected by the Hawaii boycott at this point are people who have already paid for their trips and those who have lives.

00:14:41.000 So that's...

00:14:42.000 Who cares?

00:14:43.000 I'm not a big fan of the boycott.

00:14:45.000 I think you should support with your dollar.

00:14:48.000 We haven't seen boycotts work.

00:14:49.000 As a matter of fact, they usually backfire.

00:14:51.000 So Ivanka Trump for liberals backfired, but not...

00:14:54.000 The boycott worked.

00:14:56.000 The boycott didn't.

00:14:57.000 Supporting it worked.

00:14:58.000 Conservatives went out and supported it.

00:15:00.000 Chick-fil-A started beating KFC at a margin of 3-1.

00:15:03.000 Remember there was the protesting?

00:15:05.000 There was the famous gay kiss-in, which was just two fruitcakes and a leotard outside of a Chick-fil-A on Crenshaw. 0.81

00:15:11.000 Joy Villa, she saw album sales skyrocket.

00:15:14.000 40% we had her on this show. 1.00

00:15:15.000 And here's the thing.

00:15:16.000 The reason why boycotts work as opposed to boycotts, for example, if you look at Ivanka Trump, you look at maybe Chick-fil-A, You look at Joy Villa.

00:15:24.000 These are things that Americans maybe weren't relying on, but opted.

00:15:28.000 Luxury items to support in principle.

00:15:30.000 A lot of them probably don't even like Joy Villa's music.

00:15:32.000 It's kind of a niche market for that music, but people are saying, you know what? 0.99

00:15:35.000 I'll support it just because I hate that everyone else has given her so much crap. 0.98

00:15:39.000 People don't need to buy Ivanka Trump branded clothing. 0.99

00:15:43.000 They could buy it, but then you know what?

00:15:44.000 Since I'm going to buy clothing, I'll buy that anyway.

00:15:46.000 That's much more effective than trying to remove or boycott something like a Starbucks over a red cup That people get every day, and they've been getting every day for six years.

00:15:55.000 So the boycott, the supporting with your dollar works more because it's a lot easier to go out of your way to support something in principle than to give something up that's a habit, and that's what we've seen time and time again.

00:16:05.000 So please stop with the boycotts.

00:16:07.000 Positive feedback's always better anyway.

00:16:09.000 We always get the negative feedback from these things, and it doesn't really work.

00:16:12.000 Yeah.

00:16:12.000 And Hawaii's a big habit of mine, so just...

00:16:14.000 Yes!

00:16:14.000 I've never been to Hawaii.

00:16:15.000 That's a thing for me.

00:16:16.000 No, he's talking about a guy that he meets at Los Angeles Port-a-Potty called Hawaii.

00:16:21.000 Hawaii, yeah.

00:16:22.000 One eye.

00:16:23.000 Big old Samoan fella. 0.98

00:16:24.000 The Seven Falls thing means something different for you, I guess.

00:16:26.000 Speaking of habit...

00:16:28.000 I won't see that in Moana.

00:16:31.000 Speaking of habit...

00:16:32.000 Playboy.

00:16:35.000 Just published an article on toxic masculinity.

00:16:38.000 Speaking of heaven...

00:16:39.000 This is not a Photoshop.

00:16:41.000 This is not a Photoshop.

00:16:43.000 So, if you want to know how far-reaching feminism has gone, it's actually reached into the realms of pornography. 1.00

00:16:52.000 This is the civil rights frontier.

00:16:54.000 In an exemplary display of being out of touch with their target demographic, some could say...

00:17:01.000 The key buyers of Playboy might even be men.

00:17:05.000 They decide to berate their audience.

00:17:07.000 And I don't know.

00:17:08.000 We saw this.

00:17:09.000 You don't get to claim.

00:17:11.000 This is what the left wants to do, right? 1.00

00:17:12.000 They want, you know, ah, my vagina, ah, pussy hat. 1.00

00:17:14.000 And then don't you dare talk about my sex life. 1.00

00:17:17.000 You wore a vagina on your head. 1.00

00:17:20.000 I mean, it's literally on your head. 1.00

00:17:23.000 Somebody say that drew some attention.

00:17:24.000 It used to be like, oh, you're looking here?

00:17:26.000 Make eye contact with me. 0.99

00:17:27.000 Why are you wearing vagina glasses? 1.00

00:17:30.000 There's nowhere for me to, I just have to look away. 0.99

00:17:32.000 What, you're afraid of a powerful woman? 1.00

00:17:34.000 No, I'll look you in the vagina glasses. 1.00

00:17:36.000 I just, there's no way for me to do this right. 0.99

00:17:39.000 So the left, you don't get to claim moral high ground.

00:17:44.000 In pornography!

00:17:45.000 You have to choose one or the other.

00:17:48.000 You think this was a fake story?

00:17:50.000 This is real.

00:17:50.000 I totally thought this was a fake story.

00:17:52.000 I was waiting for you to go, and we're kidding.

00:17:54.000 No, we are not kidding.

00:17:56.000 This is true.

00:17:56.000 Although, Jared actually did some research here, and we should have seen this coming.

00:18:00.000 Happily, he would have done this research, I'm sure.

00:18:02.000 Well, no, he was looking for the playgirl.

00:18:04.000 He was a little upset that it wasn't even diesel spread.

00:18:06.000 But we did some research, and we should have seen this coming.

00:18:09.000 One of the first writings on the wall was an article on checking white privilege in Juggs magazine.

00:18:16.000 Juggs Daily.

00:18:18.000 So, one could say that was foreshadowing.

00:18:23.000 And then we knew it was getting bad when there was an article on creating safe spaces in barely legal sluts. 1.00

00:18:29.000 Jesus.

00:18:33.000 Not to be outdone at its crescendo, of course, is the notorious Black Lives Matter spread at tapdatwhiteass.com. 0.95

00:18:42.000 So this is a trend, you could say.

00:18:44.000 You could say it's a disturbing trend.

00:18:47.000 Gerald wasn't laughing so much as holding his mouth.

00:18:50.000 But this story, of course, with Playboy, the virtue signaling knows no bounds.

00:18:54.000 It's given credence to every man who's tried to argue with their wife that they're reading it for the articles.

00:19:01.000 You better not be reading any of those beauty magazines again! 1.00

00:19:04.000 Oh no, reading about toxic masculinity and patriarchy!

00:19:12.000 Okay!

00:19:15.000 Edward the Sound Guy lives a double life.

00:19:18.000 Disappointed.

00:19:19.000 I never knew.

00:19:20.000 I never knew.

00:19:21.000 Here's the thing, too.

00:19:22.000 If you want to talk about safe spaces, no man at this point has a safe space.

00:19:25.000 You can't even read Playboy magazine.

00:19:27.000 You can't have boys clubs.

00:19:28.000 You can't have men's only gyms, barbers anymore.

00:19:31.000 And now, even in a men's magazine, they have to open it up to be berated. 1.00

00:19:35.000 Could you imagine if you opened up Cosmopolitan and just said, you're a filthy bitch? 1.00

00:19:38.000 I can't believe this. 1.00

00:19:38.000 You'd be like, what? 1.00

00:19:39.000 I bought this magazine.

00:19:40.000 I didn't expect this.

00:19:42.000 This was my safe space.

00:19:43.000 That should be the story.

00:19:45.000 We should do that.

00:19:46.000 My only safe space was this crease.

00:19:48.000 And you've taken it from me.

00:19:51.000 It's true.

00:19:52.000 The browbeating that we do with straight white men in this country at this point, no wonder the left is losing elections in a landslide. 0.51

00:20:00.000 And while we're talking about toxic masculinity, why don't we talk about toxic femininity? 0.99

00:20:03.000 I really think that's a much bigger problem right now.

00:20:05.000 I think women in 2017 are behaving much more poorly than men. 0.97

00:20:09.000 Not necessarily femininity, let's talk about toxic feminism. 1.00

00:20:12.000 Feminism is completely toxic. 1.00

00:20:14.000 I think we can all agree on that. 0.99

00:20:15.000 Yeah.

00:20:15.000 Yes.

00:20:16.000 Let's start with the Women's March and the abortion culture. 0.99

00:20:19.000 I think that's pretty toxic. 0.89

00:20:20.000 When you're talking about wearing vagina hats and pro-abortion and then pro-life women were not allowed, not even welcome at the Women's March. 1.00

00:20:28.000 I think that's pretty toxic. 0.96

00:20:30.000 I think Ashley Judd going off like a Claymate character on a Christmas special about her menstruation is toxic.

00:20:37.000 Like my bloodstains on my bedsheets we don't actually choose.

00:20:46.000 You looked like a child. 0.97

00:20:48.000 An autistic child. 0.99

00:20:49.000 I can't get away from it.

00:20:50.000 I just can't.

00:20:52.000 Is this you trying to shut off your monitor?

00:20:54.000 Something.

00:20:55.000 Good night.

00:20:56.000 We're talking about toxicity?

00:20:57.000 How about the toxicity of feminine? 0.98

00:20:59.000 How about blatant lying?

00:21:00.000 Is that toxic?

00:21:01.000 Like the wage gap you see from Tricia Arquette and Hillary Clinton, 77 cents on the dollar. 0.97

00:21:05.000 We know that it's not true.

00:21:07.000 I think that lying is toxic.

00:21:08.000 Yep.

00:21:09.000 Telling stay-at-home moms that they're not feminist enough. 0.97

00:21:11.000 I think that's toxic. 0.92

00:21:13.000 Certainly more toxic than a man wanting to look at beautiful naked ladies. 1.00

00:21:17.000 What about stupid... 1.00

00:21:18.000 These ones? 1.00

00:21:18.000 Yes. 1.00

00:21:20.000 But by the way, they are more than just their bodies.

00:21:24.000 They are brave.

00:21:24.000 Yes, they are brave and beautiful.

00:21:27.000 By the way, brave, when you're disrobed, is code for... 1.00

00:21:34.000 How about idiots like this Texas lawmaker? 1.00

00:21:36.000 Do you see this Texas lawmaker tried to troll pro-life conservatives and she's being praised by the feminist left for proposing a fine for masturbation, comparing that to abortion. 1.00

00:21:48.000 How do you prove it?

00:21:52.000 Is this a self-reporting thing?

00:21:55.000 It's like a disappearing footprint.

00:21:57.000 It's the next CDC survey.

00:21:58.000 It's activated by perspiration.

00:22:00.000 Yeah.

00:22:01.000 Really, she thought she was making a brilliant point.

00:22:03.000 And feminists think it's a brilliant point. 1.00

00:22:04.000 Well, if you want to outlaw abortion, how about you outlaw masturbation? 0.68

00:22:08.000 And this is the brilliant science we've come to expect from the left, right? 0.99

00:22:10.000 It's the same as killing babies. 0.79

00:22:12.000 Oh, yeah, of course. 0.81

00:22:13.000 And we're the ones who are anti-science.

00:22:19.000 which is what leftists are fighting for at a 20, 22 week old baby ending that life is the same as a guy reading the playboy article about toxic masculinity and servicing himself. 1.00

00:22:30.000 Clearly you think guys are jerks right now. 0.99

00:22:32.000 Just implement that law. 1.00

00:22:34.000 They will be day of rage will not be reserved for Antifa anymore.

00:22:40.000 In related news to this, actually, as soon as she proposed this legislation, most affected by it was the local Texas Allen High School football team, who immediately declared bankruptcy.

00:22:53.000 A little bit of masturbatory humor.

00:22:54.000 Before we go into a great guest, after this break, we are going to have Sheriff David Clark. 0.92

00:22:59.000 That's Clark with an E.

00:23:00.000 Stay tuned.

00:23:01.000 Mr. Crowder, how are we doing today?

00:23:14.000 Are you rolling for me now?

00:23:16.000 No.

00:23:16.000 Now have we subscribed to LotterWithCreditor.com for all your daily news and podcast needs?

00:23:23.000 Yeah, I subscribe on iTunes and I bookmark the site.

00:23:26.000 It's a good one.

00:23:26.000 Good, good.

00:23:27.000 A little stick here.

00:23:29.000 There we go.

00:23:30.000 Like a champ.

00:23:32.000 So that's the Ebola shot?

00:23:34.000 No, Zika.

00:23:36.000 Oh, so I'm immunized against Zika now?

00:23:39.000 No, you have Zika.

00:23:43.000 What do you mean?

00:23:43.000 I just gave you Zika.

00:23:45.000 Look what I got.

00:23:52.000 See what I got?

00:23:54.000 I see that.

00:23:55.000 Look at what knock AGR's got.

00:23:56.000 This is...

00:23:58.000 See, there's nothing in there.

00:24:02.000 Nothing up my sleeve.

00:24:04.000 Actually, I love this firearm.

00:24:05.000 It's a Walther PPSM2. Very nice.

00:24:08.000 Walther, whenever you're looking for concealed carry, we are doing a big show, April 8th.

00:24:12.000 You ask about live events in Fort Worth, the United States Concealed Carry Association at the Fort Worth...

00:24:18.000 Is it the Fort Worth...

00:24:19.000 Fort Worth Convention Center.

00:24:20.000 I believe so.

00:24:21.000 Fort Worth Convention Center.

00:24:22.000 Sounds right.

00:24:22.000 I think like 10,000 people are going to be me, not Gay Jared, Iraq veteran, Colin Noir, Tim Kennedy, a full night, a gala of awards for basically the Second Amendment, top firearm of the year, firearm manufacturer of the year.

00:24:36.000 Could be lots of video sketches, stand-up comedians, surprise guests.

00:24:39.000 Think of like the Oscars, only without a bunch of pretentious douchebags awarding themselves for something They didn't do.

00:24:46.000 This is an actual independent organization awarding firearm companies for all the great that they do.

00:24:51.000 There's also kiosks going on there for a few days.

00:24:53.000 But April 8th, that's the night of the gala, the awards ceremony.

00:24:57.000 Not Gay Jared and I will be hosting it.

00:24:59.000 Lots of cool firearms.

00:25:01.000 Lots of fun stuff.

00:25:03.000 So April 8th, go to 2AAwards.com.

00:25:05.000 That's 2AAwards.com.

00:25:06.000 And we'll actually be doing some stuff there at the booth.

00:25:10.000 Yes, we will.

00:25:11.000 At the booth.

00:25:11.000 Kissing booth.

00:25:13.000 Exclusive to men.

00:25:14.000 2AAwards.com.

00:25:15.000 We didn't talk about this.

00:25:16.000 Look at yourself a gun.

00:25:17.000 Look at yourself a gun.

00:25:21.000 An ode to the homemaker.

00:25:23.000 Though ladies' work is often thought to be less meaningful, less fulfilling, and less productive than that of her hard-working male counterpart, the weaker sex earns her keep to the daily task of food preparation. 1.00

00:25:33.000 Ensuring your hubby is fully satisfied is a daunting task.

00:25:36.000 But how does she do it? 0.98

00:25:38.000 What's her secret to ensuring 100% satisfaction morning, noon, and night? 1.00

00:25:42.000 The LauderwithCryder.com slash mug club.

00:25:44.000 Little lady's favorite helper for only $99 annually.

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00:25:54.000 No more fat lips for you. 1.00

00:25:56.000 You too can enjoy these clinically proven results as well as daily programming at LauderwithCryder.com slash mug club.

00:26:03.000 No more fat lips.

00:26:04.000 All right, glad to have our next guest You know him, you've seen him all over the television, and now you can see him on the computer screen here, where actually more people watch their computer screen now than the television.

00:26:29.000 Welcome to 2017, kid!

00:26:31.000 Welcome to 2017, kid!

00:26:32.000 You know him, of course, as a famous sheriff and one of the few grown men who can pull off the cowboy hat look, and no one will question him.

00:26:40.000 At Sheriff Clark, and his new book is out, Cop Under Fire.

00:26:43.000 Sheriff, thank you so much for being with us, sir.

00:26:46.000 Hey, it's a pleasure.

00:26:46.000 I have to ask you, is that your Jimmy Fallon routine?

00:26:49.000 No, no, no.

00:26:51.000 Jimmy Fallon routine is just to be unfunny.

00:26:55.000 We just come in and we make a joke that only we laugh at.

00:26:57.000 I'm talking about the dancing because he likes to put some moves on.

00:27:01.000 We should cancel the dancing.

00:27:05.000 That was pretty good.

00:27:06.000 Along with Van Jones canceling his spread in Playboy.

00:27:10.000 We were just talking about this before the break.

00:27:11.000 We were doing it at the Playboy bit.

00:27:12.000 I was like, Van Jones is in Playboy.

00:27:14.000 Well, good for him.

00:27:16.000 Okay, so Sheriff Clark, there's so much that's been going on.

00:27:18.000 You've obviously been in the media.

00:27:19.000 You've been an outspoken conservative and now Trump supporter.

00:27:24.000 Let's start with most recently, the Hawaii situation.

00:27:26.000 Have you been following this with liberal activist judges going against the grain with the executive order?

00:27:32.000 And what are your thoughts on that?

00:27:34.000 Sir, the courts are out of control.

00:27:36.000 They've been out of control for a while, I think, ever since the Obamacare decision where Chief Judge Roberts contorted some decision that both sides were kind of arguing against.

00:27:49.000 And what happened in Washington, I think, was similar in that they disregarded precedent.

00:27:55.000 Courts are...

00:27:57.000 They see precedent as sacred, usually.

00:28:00.000 But when you get an activist court, they kind of wipe it away and start with a clean slate and start rewriting law.

00:28:05.000 Now, people smarter than me in this stuff have said, you know, this was a violation.

00:28:10.000 I think the Hawaii decision, too, it's a violation of the separation of powers.

00:28:14.000 It is the executive branch that is empowered to protect this country.

00:28:18.000 And, of course, it's not absolute, but Courts usually show deference when either Congress passes a law under their constitutional authority or the executive does something that, you know, former President Obama was doing the same thing and the courts had no problem with it.

00:28:37.000 Well, I want to talk about those briefly.

00:28:38.000 First off, you said starting with a clean slate.

00:28:40.000 Some could argue a filthy slate over there in Hawaii right now.

00:28:43.000 I do think, though, it's interesting that you talk about this, the executive power.

00:28:46.000 There is executive power to protect the country with immigration, certainly during times of turmoil.

00:28:52.000 That's something that falls under the legitimate purview of an executive order.

00:28:56.000 Contrast that with the idea that people are now freaking out that PBS might lose some funding.

00:29:02.000 It seems like we've lost track as to the legitimate role of government keeping terrorists out.

00:29:07.000 Legitimate. 0.96

00:29:08.000 Big Bird, trash can Sesame Street. 0.76

00:29:10.000 Not the taxpayers fault.

00:29:12.000 Where did we go wrong with that?

00:29:15.000 Well, the last eight years was a real strong push.

00:29:17.000 You know, we lost the culture war. 0.57

00:29:18.000 When I say we, I'm talking about conservatives.

00:29:21.000 We lost the culture war. 0.89

00:29:23.000 And we've had eight years of disregarding the rule of law, the Constitution, some of the executive orders that were put forth by former President Obama that were designed to get around Congress's authority, especially in the area of immigration.

00:29:38.000 I mean, you know, it's very clear.

00:29:39.000 It says Congress has the authority to establish rules of immigration.

00:29:42.000 And, of course, those are subject to review.

00:29:44.000 I mean, we get it.

00:29:45.000 It's this co-equal and this pulling and tugging that the founders built in.

00:29:50.000 However, I think that in this situation with this travel order.

00:29:57.000 I'm not going to call it a ban.

00:29:58.000 I mean, it's temporary anyway.

00:29:59.000 Right.

00:30:00.000 So that we get our ducks in order.

00:30:01.000 Yeah.

00:30:02.000 I think it's a trampling of the separation of powers.

00:30:05.000 I really do.

00:30:06.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

00:30:07.000 And how fitting is it that while Sheriff Clark talks, we hear cop sirens in the background.

00:30:12.000 It's like a TV show.

00:30:13.000 It's like a sound effect.

00:30:14.000 I imagine that the white noise machine when Sheriff Clark goes to sleep is Sounds of Milwaukee.

00:30:19.000 Boo! 0.83

00:30:23.000 Like coming back, Count of Monte Cristo still has to sleep on the floor.

00:30:26.000 He can't take a soft bed.

00:30:27.000 I don't know if you can sleep without the sirens and the chaos.

00:30:30.000 So let's talk about that.

00:30:32.000 Hey, Sheriff, you've been really outspoken with these...

00:30:34.000 People have been talking about sanctuary cities.

00:30:36.000 This is something that I find interesting, and I think you've made some great points that a lot of people may miss, right?

00:30:40.000 You're kind of a firebrand.

00:30:42.000 And so sometimes people go, oh, he said this controversial thing, and then it's whether that was right or that was wrong, a lot like Donald Trump.

00:30:48.000 And sometimes they miss the nuance, some insight in there.

00:30:52.000 Leftists like to fancy themselves as the compassionate wing of the political spectrum today, right?

00:30:59.000 And so this is this whole sort of the guise under which sanctuary cities are something they protect.

00:31:03.000 But you've talked about how that affects the citizens of the city, not just the illegal immigrants, but including the law-abiding people who've maybe been undocumented in immigrating here.

00:31:15.000 And that's something I'm amazed that more people don't talk about.

00:31:17.000 Why don't you educate us on that?

00:31:19.000 Well, sure.

00:31:20.000 I'm going to use unvarnished language.

00:31:23.000 We're going to talk about undocumented.

00:31:25.000 No, they're illegal aliens.

00:31:27.000 And that's the federal term.

00:31:29.000 If you look at some of the federal language, they haven't cleaned it up.

00:31:33.000 They haven't changed it.

00:31:34.000 So I'm just going to use what the federal government uses.

00:31:37.000 They refer to them as not undocumented immigrants.

00:31:40.000 They're illegal aliens. 0.88

00:31:41.000 Look, you cannot allow people... 1.00

00:31:44.000 To trespass into your country, to come into your country eagerly and set up a residency. 0.99

00:31:49.000 You cannot do that.

00:31:50.000 And there's a number of reasons why we need rules on legal immigration.

00:31:56.000 One of them is that there are national and domestic security issues.

00:31:59.000 A lot of the drugs that are pouring into the United States, especially with the heroin crisis, are coming through our poorest border.

00:32:06.000 Another reason Is to prevent the spread of infectious diseases.

00:32:10.000 Right now I hear there's a yellow fever epidemic that has sprung up somewhere in Latin America.

00:32:15.000 And so you want to be able to protect your borders so that stuff doesn't come into the country. 0.80

00:32:18.000 I don't even know what yellow fever is, to be honest.

00:32:20.000 I always thought it was a punchline.

00:32:22.000 Sounds like something particular to San Francisco.

00:32:24.000 Because we took care of it.

00:32:25.000 But the third reason is And there's nothing wrong with this, but this is what gets the lefties undies in a bundle, if you will.

00:32:32.000 You want to control the amount of refugees or even immigrants coming into the country because it's a strain on your limited resources. 1.00

00:32:43.000 So you can't have this open borders and these large numbers of people coming in that are going to put a strain on things like schools, for instance, and other public services.

00:32:53.000 That's why you want to control it.

00:32:57.000 We're talking about legal immigration.

00:33:00.000 If you notice the left, whenever they talk about this, they never use the word illegal immigration, they just say immigration, because if they use the word illegal, they know that the majority of people in the United States, this has been polled, they are against illegal immigration, they believe in securing the border, and so their narrative falls apart.

00:33:19.000 What I'm talking about, as the sheriff, Even more specific than that, it is criminal illegal aliens that are a scourge on our communities and our cities. 0.56

00:33:30.000 The Kate Steinle one is probably the signature case.

00:33:32.000 The woman in San Francisco was killed by a guy who had been deported five times.

00:33:39.000 What does that tell you?

00:33:40.000 It tells you our border is porous.

00:33:43.000 So the first thing that I believe, and it's just my suggestion, I'm not the President of the United States, I don't tell him what to do.

00:33:50.000 But the first thing that I believe that he should try to do, and this is what it appears to me he is doing, seal the border.

00:33:56.000 Because you can deport all the people you want.

00:33:58.000 They're turning around, many of them are coming right back over.

00:34:01.000 So if you don't seal the border first, all the deportations aren't going to matter.

00:34:05.000 But when you talk about criminals, the criminal illegal aliens, we have some severe cases that have happened here in Milwaukee County.

00:34:13.000 First of all, let's take a look at some of the data, because the other side presents no research, no measurables, and no data.

00:34:19.000 Well, they do present, when they deport you, sandwiches.

00:34:22.000 So I'm wondering if that's a problem, if people are actually being deported just for the free sandwich so they can walk back in.

00:34:27.000 This is just my suggestion in the political realm, but I'll let you continue with your other data.

00:34:31.000 I do think it's a note of concern.

00:34:33.000 Fair point.

00:34:34.000 States have a vested interest in this in terms of a strain on their budgets.

00:34:39.000 And we all know that state budgets, local budgets are very strained.

00:34:42.000 But in 2014, states spent $1.9 billion housing criminal illegal aliens.

00:34:52.000 Just the criminal ones.

00:34:53.000 Not even the ones who were picked up for Right.

00:34:59.000 Although that technically is a crime, so I understand what you're saying.

00:35:02.000 The first time it's a civil, but if you deport and come back, then it becomes a crime.

00:35:06.000 I don't want to get down in the weeds of that right now.

00:35:09.000 But anyway, you look at some of the crimes that are being committed.

00:35:13.000 This isn't jaywalking.

00:35:14.000 This isn't illegal parking.

00:35:15.000 These are some serious crimes.

00:35:17.000 We're talking about rape.

00:35:18.000 We're talking about domestic violence.

00:35:19.000 We're talking about child sexual assault.

00:35:21.000 We're talking about robberies.

00:35:23.000 We're talking about large-scale drug dealing.

00:35:25.000 Those are very serious crimes.

00:35:26.000 We can reduce the crime rate in our communities.

00:35:30.000 Just cracking down on the criminal illegal aliens.

00:35:33.000 I think the standard has been, the bar has been set too high, and the Obama administration kind of did this.

00:35:38.000 They talk about, well, you're only going to be deported if you're convicted of a serious felony.

00:35:45.000 Well, wait a minute.

00:35:46.000 I don't think it's asking too much.

00:35:48.000 If you're in somebody else's country illegally, Sure. 0.99

00:36:01.000 You should be made to walk the straight and narrow.

00:36:03.000 And that's where the president has made it clear he's going to start.

00:36:06.000 He's not doing raids on businesses and neighborhoods and homes.

00:36:10.000 He wants to deport immediately the criminal illegal aliens. 0.99

00:36:17.000 And you know what?

00:36:17.000 Most of America agrees with him on that.

00:36:19.000 Most of America agrees, and I would go a step further and deport anyone who cannot parallel park or doesn't use a left lane for passing. 0.99

00:36:24.000 So I think he's being very forgiving.

00:36:26.000 I always find it funny that liberals go after, like, well, why are you picking on illegal immigrant criminals?

00:36:34.000 We have our own criminals.

00:36:35.000 Because they're not supposed to be here in the first place!

00:36:35.000 It's like, well...

00:36:37.000 Right! 0.98

00:36:38.000 They're bonus criminals!

00:36:39.000 Yeah, if you had a child and you're like, hey, this child's misbehaving in my house, they'd be like, oh, that's really bad, let's fix that. 0.99

00:36:44.000 But if you had some neighbor's kid in your house causing a rocket, you'd be like, why the hell are you here?

00:36:50.000 It doesn't seem like they can relate to that on a basic level with Americans.

00:36:54.000 And I do agree with you, the terms matter.

00:36:55.000 You know, when I say, well, illegal immigrants are, they say, well, people aren't illegal.

00:36:59.000 I say, what, you prefer the term criminal offense?

00:37:01.000 No, no, no term.

00:37:03.000 Undocumented.

00:37:04.000 One story recently, to sort of undergird that point, I went to the DMV to get a new license.

00:37:04.000 The words matter.

00:37:09.000 And they said, well, we need your social security card, or we need some form of social security ID that verifies your social security.

00:37:17.000 So like you said, they haven't updated the term illegal alien, kind of like the NAACP, right?

00:37:21.000 They haven't updated their term in a while.

00:37:23.000 We just sort of look over it.

00:37:25.000 And I said, okay, well, here are two tax documents with my social security number.

00:37:29.000 In the DMV they say, no, that says tax recipient number.

00:37:33.000 This is your document.

00:37:34.000 These are the tax returns you gave me back.

00:37:36.000 I can't do anything about it.

00:37:38.000 And they wouldn't give me a license until I went back, found my social security card and birth certificate.

00:37:43.000 And I said, by the way, why does this matter? 0.99

00:37:45.000 I don't even need this shit to vote. 0.99

00:37:47.000 So I'm going through all this to begin with. 1.00

00:37:50.000 Americans are frustrated.

00:37:51.000 And I think the elites on the coast are so out of touch with this.

00:37:55.000 It's not even a conservative issue.

00:37:57.000 Everyone I talk with says, well, yeah, this is clearly common sense.

00:38:01.000 It's a national security and domestic security issue as well, as I indicated.

00:38:04.000 And you have some states like California that are really flaunting the law and they're allowing illegal aliens to get driver's license. 0.72

00:38:11.000 I'll tell you why that's a slippery slope.

00:38:13.000 Because you're allowing them to set up a residency.

00:38:15.000 And that's just the first step.

00:38:17.000 Then they'll push to get them voting rights, so on and so forth, saying, well, they've established residency, they're living here, they have a driver's license.

00:38:24.000 You just can't allow people to come and set up a residency.

00:38:28.000 Well, they go in and they just fill out a form and ask for one.

00:38:30.000 Yeah, but I have...

00:38:31.000 They don't know who they're giving these licenses, so they don't care.

00:38:34.000 But for me, they sent me away when I had like three pieces of identification.

00:38:38.000 So, you know, maybe it's state to state.

00:38:40.000 Standards are higher for citizens.

00:38:43.000 They think the standards should be higher for citizens than for illegal aliens.

00:38:48.000 But here's another issue.

00:38:50.000 You know, the federal government cannot make the states enforce No one's talking about that, but there's a cost, and they can withhold federal funding up to 20%.

00:39:03.000 The Supreme Court has ruled on this already, and they said up to 20%.

00:39:07.000 I don't know how they came with that number.

00:39:08.000 It doesn't matter.

00:39:09.000 Federal funding they can withhold for not doing this, engaging in this assistance, if you will.

00:39:16.000 And I've been doing it since I've been the sheriff.

00:39:17.000 We were involved in secure communities under George W. Bush.

00:39:22.000 Obama came in, and he got rid of that, and he got rid of the 287G program, but I was still allowing ICE officials to come into my jail every day and look at the booking information.

00:39:33.000 That's all I was doing, giving them access.

00:39:36.000 It was ICE officials that said, hey, these three guys here, these four guys here, whatever, we want to take a further look at them.

00:39:42.000 If they're released under charges of bail, let us know.

00:39:45.000 We'll put a detainer.

00:39:46.000 If they put that detainer, which is a lawful document, To hold a person, I would hold them until ICE got through with their investigation, and I got eviscerated by the pro-illegal immigration people locally for that as well.

00:39:59.000 Well, now that we have a new president who's going to live up to this oath of carrying out the laws and executing the laws and following the Constitution, all of a sudden the left's running around like their hair is on fire.

00:40:13.000 Just because previous presidents did not Follow the law does not mean that President Trump has to do the same thing.

00:40:22.000 And that's why it's a shock.

00:40:23.000 You mean he's actually going to do what the law says?

00:40:26.000 Yes, he is.

00:40:27.000 And I've made it clear.

00:40:28.000 I've signed up, by the way.

00:40:30.000 I signed my letter of intent to the acting director of vice last week.

00:40:36.000 To participate in the 287G program, which would, after a certain amount of training, and there's some other steps that ICE will take, it will deputize my deputies that are trained to do so.

00:40:49.000 So Deputy U.S. Marshals, and they'd be able to enforce immigration law.

00:40:49.000 Right.

00:40:53.000 Look, there's a standard within the law enforcement code of ethics.

00:40:57.000 One of the tenants is a code of ethics.

00:41:00.000 It says, you will, or we will, Assist any lawful law enforcement entity in a pursuit of justice.

00:41:10.000 That's what we're doing with ICE. We're assisting a legal, lawful law enforcement entity.

00:41:15.000 So when I hear these chiefs coming along, and there were about 60 or so that signed some letter saying that this was going to hurt their community relations effort.

00:41:22.000 And that's, you know, it's a great talking point.

00:41:24.000 It's a great political statement, but it's a spore public policy decision in light of the crimes that are going on.

00:41:30.000 But all of a sudden, they also say, but we also want the funding, too.

00:41:34.000 You cannot have it both ways.

00:41:36.000 So I would say, fine, chief, sheriff, and that community, you don't have to assist ICE or cooperate with ICE, but you're also going to lose funding.

00:41:46.000 But see, they want it both ways.

00:41:47.000 All of a sudden, precedent with what the previous president did matters.

00:41:47.000 Right.

00:41:50.000 And what about precedent?

00:41:51.000 He didn't enforce the law.

00:41:53.000 We have to get going.

00:41:54.000 I know your book is Cop Under Fire.

00:41:55.000 You know, I do think it's interesting kind of imparting.

00:41:57.000 Obviously, you've been at the forefront.

00:41:59.000 There's that beautiful book at the forefront talking about.

00:41:59.000 There it is.

00:42:02.000 Black Lives Matter, and you took a lot of heat for that, for sort of paving the way, speaking out against it. 0.95

00:42:06.000 It is amazing that the left today, they've chosen to side with third-wave feminists. 0.99

00:42:11.000 They've chosen to side with Islamic unvetted immigrants.

00:42:15.000 They've chosen to side with Black Lives Matter. 0.97

00:42:17.000 They've chosen to side with undocumented immigrants, illegal aliens.

00:42:21.000 And at a certain point, I think we're seeing they've chosen to line up against the rest of the United States of America.

00:42:26.000 And people like you are a big part of that reckoning, and we're glad to see you coming over that hill.

00:42:31.000 Well, thanks.

00:42:32.000 I talk about it in the book. 0.93

00:42:33.000 Look, Black Lives Matter is a hate group, straight up.

00:42:37.000 It's a political construct.

00:42:38.000 I said that in December of 2014.

00:42:40.000 It was designed to mobilize and energize the black vote for the 2016 elections.

00:42:44.000 It did not work.

00:42:46.000 And if you've noticed, they've been thrown overboard by the Democrat Party, who, as you said, have now taken on women's issues and refugees and the Latino movement.

00:42:54.000 And trans. 0.97

00:42:55.000 They're like, ah, black people, get out. 1.00

00:42:57.000 Transgenders need to use the bathroom. 1.00

00:42:58.000 BLM's been super quiet lately. 1.00

00:43:00.000 And now it's gotten so bad that Black Lives Matter, who is out in North Dakota protesting at the Dakota Access Pipeline, they've had to take on environmental issues to keep the funding from Soros coming in and to stay relevant within the Democratic Party, because right now it's not an election cycle.

00:43:17.000 The Democrats have made it clear, we only need blacks at election time. 1.00

00:43:20.000 It's not an election cycle, so get lost. 0.94

00:43:22.000 And so they've Black Lives Matter's grasp onto environmental issues, as if in the black community. 0.96

00:43:28.000 I'm there every day.

00:43:28.000 You know what they want?

00:43:29.000 They want better schools for their kids.

00:43:31.000 They want meaningful work.

00:43:33.000 They want safer neighborhoods. 0.99

00:43:36.000 I'm telling you right now, black people do not care about statehood for Palestine. 1.00

00:43:40.000 That's another thing Black Lives Matter has taken up. 0.98

00:43:42.000 And more money for, you know, green issues.

00:43:47.000 When you're in the hood, the ghetto, those things are furthest from your mind.

00:43:52.000 You're thinking about what's right in front of you.

00:43:54.000 That's why I said, Black Lives Matter does not care about black life. 1.00

00:43:57.000 No, I must have missed that House of Pain episode where they were sitting there going, we want to support Native American burial rights from energy companies.

00:44:05.000 That's not exactly.

00:44:07.000 They're a joke now.

00:44:08.000 It is.

00:44:09.000 Well, thank you so much, Sheriff Clark.

00:44:10.000 We have to have you back anytime you want.

00:44:12.000 His book, Cop Under Fire, you can follow him on Twitter at Sheriff Clark.

00:44:15.000 That's Clark with an E at the end of it.

00:44:17.000 Sheriff, thank you so much, sir.

00:44:19.000 We appreciate it, and we'll have you back soon.

00:44:21.000 My pleasure.

00:44:22.000 Be well.

00:44:23.000 Thank you.

00:44:23.000 We'll be back after this with Nick DiPaolo.

00:44:25.000 That'll be good.

00:44:26.000 you should have subscribed to the live on the crowd our podcast on itunes or soundcloud It's free and good to take it with you on the go.

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00:47:04.000 Join now for daily Lider with Crudder content and to avoid any more unpleasant unnatural surprise This was this is not caught up this is we were talking about this the wax on wax off of I've been watching Karate Kid lately, learning the ancient art of kata.

00:47:33.000 I've been teaching it.

00:47:34.000 I find it very grounding, very centering, as well as our next guest.

00:47:37.000 He's one of the funniest men walking the planet.

00:47:40.000 I've always talked about this, talked about it on Joe Rogan's podcast.

00:47:43.000 You can subscribe to his podcast at connectpal.com slash Nick, or his new comedy special, his one-hour special, Inflammatory.

00:47:50.000 It's up on CISO now.

00:47:52.000 Nick DiPaolo, thank you for being with us, sir.

00:47:54.000 Steven, thank you.

00:47:55.000 The studio looks great.

00:47:57.000 What are you doing?

00:47:58.000 Yeah, you got the Z-brick guy in there and the... 1.00

00:48:00.000 Yeah?

00:48:01.000 Oh, I was expecting an insult to come with that, usually.

00:48:03.000 No, I mean that sincerely.

00:48:05.000 It looks like you put 40, 50 bucks into it.

00:48:07.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:48:08.000 Thank you very much.

00:48:08.000 That's what we did.

00:48:10.000 As I sit in my basement with my green walls...

00:48:14.000 Is that your basement?

00:48:15.000 You have a lot of light in your basement.

00:48:16.000 This is my office.

00:48:18.000 It's not a basement.

00:48:19.000 It's, you know...

00:48:20.000 It's the lowest floor of my house.

00:48:22.000 Yes, it's your office, or as comedians call it, the place they do drugs.

00:48:26.000 Exactly, the DiPaolo Tower.

00:48:28.000 Yes, the DiPaolo Tower.

00:48:31.000 So, listen, it's been a long time since we've had you on the program.

00:48:35.000 Last time you were high on Percocet, you had just had a hernia operation.

00:48:39.000 You're feeling better, I take it?

00:48:40.000 I was, until I started to do a T-Sean Insanity 30-minute workout.

00:48:45.000 I think I tore some stitches.

00:48:46.000 You've got to stay focused.

00:48:47.000 You've got to stay within yourself.

00:48:51.000 I love how they do those commercials.

00:48:53.000 They did those commercials for years before he came out as gay.

00:48:55.000 And I was like, are we going to address this?

00:48:57.000 That's what I'm saying!

00:48:59.000 I said that in my act.

00:49:00.000 I go, you know, first of all, I'm making fun of this guy. 0.97

00:49:03.000 I'm making fun of a gay guy. 1.00

00:49:04.000 I can't even keep up on him. 1.00

00:49:05.000 He's got the lung capacity of a blue whale.

00:49:08.000 And he's got 18 girls in their early 20s with negative body fat behind him and panties. 0.99

00:49:13.000 Who am I to make fun of him?

00:49:16.000 This is where I am.

00:49:18.000 What's your name again?

00:49:21.000 This is where I am.

00:49:22.000 I have to do the modified version of the exercise.

00:49:25.000 You know the heavy set girl in the front that does the modified version? 1.00

00:49:28.000 Yeah.

00:49:28.000 Everybody else is doing burpee push-ups.

00:49:30.000 Yeah.

00:49:31.000 Me and her are doing this.

00:49:34.000 I think this is what the Navy SEALs do to get in shape.

00:49:37.000 If you can't do the pull-ups, just do the dead hang.

00:49:39.000 It works.

00:49:40.000 It works.

00:49:41.000 It's the same party on that.

00:49:42.000 If you want a media confused Cub Scout, you've got to have abs.

00:49:45.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:49:47.000 What's funny about the Sean T thing is he's actually in decent shape, but he's not like cover model shape.

00:49:53.000 He's kind of smooth.

00:49:55.000 Yeah, that's how I know it, but it's the real deal.

00:49:58.000 I mean, all those other, you know, those guys are juicing.

00:50:00.000 I love these.

00:50:01.000 You see these machines, you know?

00:50:04.000 You stand on them like a Frisbee.

00:50:05.000 You do this for 10 minutes.

00:50:07.000 Also, the guy's got a 66 in chest.

00:50:09.000 This guy's been juicing since he was 11.

00:50:11.000 He's got no kidneys.

00:50:13.000 Right after the commercial's over, they hook him back up to dialysis.

00:50:17.000 He's peeing blood.

00:50:19.000 Those are the ones I order, the machines.

00:50:21.000 Well, it's a real problem, actually, on Instagram.

00:50:23.000 As someone who's trained my whole life, and I know you did college athletics, it's pretty easy to spot someone who does those kinds of things.

00:50:29.000 And they'll be on Instagram.

00:50:30.000 They'll be juiced to the gills, like literally veins through their lower abs. 0.51

00:50:34.000 I just did it with this protein.

00:50:36.000 And they're selling it, and kids are buying it up.

00:50:38.000 And that really, if you juice, just be honest about it.

00:50:40.000 That's all I care about.

00:50:41.000 Don't lie to kids.

00:50:43.000 That's why I did, oh, I don't like the kids.

00:50:45.000 Lie to them all you want.

00:50:47.000 Snowflakes. 0.79

00:50:49.000 If I had my way, all the millennials would be juicing to be, ah, my kidneys. 1.00

00:50:54.000 But P90X is what, you know, P90X is what, I jumped on that because those infomercials, you know, 15 years ago, I'm like, those guys are in legitimate shape, but they're not juicing, you know?

00:51:04.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure Tony Horton's under some kind of hormone replacement therapy.

00:51:08.000 Well, now he is.

00:51:09.000 Yeah, he's in his late 70s and he still has negative body fat.

00:51:13.000 Yeah, I know.

00:51:13.000 He's in his late 70s and he has veins at the top of his wrists.

00:51:17.000 How does that happen?

00:51:18.000 It looks like the cable that Dennis Nedry used to hook up his Jeep in Jurassic Park.

00:51:24.000 Well, good.

00:51:25.000 You look well.

00:51:26.000 You look rested.

00:51:27.000 Last time you looked high.

00:51:28.000 I mean, there's a lot we can talk about the Donald Trump thing.

00:51:30.000 You're a comedian.

00:51:31.000 I don't want to put you in the spot because comedians always, they roll in the same circles.

00:51:34.000 All over the news, Amy Schumer's thing, now her special, was not super well received and now it's been blamed on alt-right Redditors.

00:51:42.000 Have you been following this?

00:51:43.000 Is it just possible that maybe some people don't like certain kinds of comedy?

00:51:47.000 Yeah, it's simple as that.

00:51:49.000 I don't understand reviews and Yelp.

00:51:53.000 I don't care if you're reviewing a bathroom at the Red Roof Inn.

00:51:56.000 Why would you listen to anybody's opinion?

00:51:58.000 I never understood that.

00:52:00.000 People who have never told a joke on stage are movie critics.

00:52:04.000 I don't understand how that became a profession in the first place.

00:52:07.000 See what I'm saying?

00:52:09.000 It's weird that you brought up the bathroom at the Red Roof Inn because my brother literally has a Yelp profile entirely devoted to public toilets.

00:52:15.000 That's all he does.

00:52:16.000 I swear! 0.98

00:52:18.000 Is he gay? 0.99

00:52:19.000 No, it's hysterical. 0.98

00:52:21.000 He writes lengthy, serious reviews, takes a lot of time out of his day.

00:52:25.000 Yeah, but so did George Michael.

00:52:26.000 Yes, yes, exactly.

00:52:29.000 He used to always review the tile on the floor that he found him on.

00:52:33.000 Yes.

00:52:33.000 But with Amy, yeah, I heard that, but...

00:52:36.000 I mean, especially with comedy.

00:52:39.000 Everybody's got a different opinion.

00:52:41.000 Everybody's got a different opinion.

00:52:43.000 For example, some people, when you do this show, it's overwhelmingly positive.

00:52:46.000 And some people are like, I hate Nick.

00:52:47.000 I don't like him.

00:52:48.000 I don't have that Yankee back on. 0.98

00:52:50.000 Did you have to use me as an example?

00:52:51.000 Thank you, Steve.

00:52:52.000 You're right here in front of me.

00:52:54.000 The thing with Amy Schumer now is the response.

00:52:56.000 And Sarah Silverman and a lot of these comedians, what's his name?

00:52:59.000 Ramsey, the guy on Silicon Valley, or the one guy who punched the pro-Trump Taxi driver, Seth Rogen.

00:53:06.000 The difference seems to be the response where a lot of comedians now get upset and blame certain voters or blame a movement than just being like, ah, you don't like my comedy?

00:53:14.000 Who cares?

00:53:15.000 The response is what makes it a story.

00:53:17.000 Well, yeah, everything is so polarized, and, you know, I find it hard to believe people who vote like you and I do ordered her special in the first place or whatever, so, you know what I mean?

00:53:27.000 I don't know who's saying it, but especially with comedy, I mean, when you do, you know, you stand up, when you kill in a room, like I always do, I, uh, it's always, it's a joke, folks.

00:53:38.000 No, I gotta, honestly, I gotta imagine, I can't picture you bombing.

00:53:41.000 I honestly can't picture you bombing.

00:53:42.000 If I bomb, it's usually because I, you know, drop the C word on somebody three minutes into the act or, Make fun of a cancer patient up front.

00:53:49.000 Stuff like that.

00:53:50.000 Sounds like a normal show opener for us.

00:53:52.000 I pull my own ripcord.

00:53:55.000 I mean, I get bored.

00:53:57.000 But my point is, even when you leave that night, you know somebody in that audience thought you were the funniest person they have ever seen in their life.

00:54:07.000 And even if you killed, there's somebody in there who said, what a waste of time that was.

00:54:11.000 That's just part of the job.

00:54:13.000 But like you said, we're in such a politically polarized world.

00:54:17.000 Who knows?

00:54:19.000 But let me tell you something. 0.98

00:54:20.000 I know Amy, and I'm not one of these suck-ups. 0.97

00:54:22.000 I'm not going to defend her because she put me on her show.

00:54:24.000 But I've sat at the Comedy Cellar table and hung around with her long enough to know she's funny.

00:54:29.000 Yeah.

00:54:29.000 You don't have to love her stand-up or whatever, but she has like a...

00:54:35.000 I'll give you a little example.

00:54:37.000 When I did that thing on her show, I had to cry at the end of the scene, this 12 Angry Men sketch we did.

00:54:44.000 And so I'm explaining to her after somebody asked me what I used to well up there.

00:54:50.000 And Amy was listening.

00:54:52.000 I'm looking at Amy.

00:54:53.000 I go, well, my dad was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

00:54:56.000 I mentioned like three.

00:54:57.000 She goes, I got to take this. 1.00

00:54:59.000 She's Made me feel like a bitch. 0.99

00:55:04.000 That's something Colin Quinn would do to me, or my late great friend Patrice O'Neal. 1.00

00:55:08.000 Right.

00:55:09.000 I mean, that's a comment.

00:55:10.000 I mean, with a mean streak like that?

00:55:12.000 Yeah.

00:55:13.000 So I haven't seen her stand up.

00:55:15.000 I don't watch other people stand up.

00:55:17.000 But, you know, when people go, oh, one star out of five.

00:55:19.000 Who's saying that?

00:55:20.000 Yeah, well, we did our sit-down...

00:55:22.000 Oh, your fans.

00:55:24.000 No, no, we did our sit-down to people because a lot of people didn't want to watch it.

00:55:28.000 Here's the deal.

00:55:28.000 I've always said this, and Jared argues with me.

00:55:31.000 He doesn't find her funny, really, ever.

00:55:32.000 I think she's funny.

00:55:34.000 But the difference between...

00:55:36.000 I will say, I didn't like her latest special at all.

00:55:38.000 I didn't find it funny at all.

00:55:40.000 This is entirely opinionative.

00:55:41.000 It is so one-note. 0.97

00:55:43.000 Everyone who we had watched, it's like, it didn't take more than one minute and 40 seconds to get beyond a vagina joke, or I had so much sex joke. 1.00

00:55:50.000 And listen, I get it. 0.98

00:55:51.000 You're an R-rated comic.

00:55:53.000 You'd be at the Nasty Show at the Just for Laughs.

00:55:55.000 Don't you love to give it that title?

00:55:56.000 It's the Nasty Show.

00:55:57.000 Don't let the adults...

00:55:57.000 I hosted that for three years.

00:55:59.000 I know, it's a funny show.

00:56:00.000 I just was like, why do you market it?

00:56:01.000 Just say it.

00:56:02.000 Just like it's a show.

00:56:02.000 It's comedy.

00:56:03.000 People know.

00:56:03.000 That's right.

00:56:04.000 It's nasty.

00:56:05.000 Oh, it's a marketing angle.

00:56:07.000 You know exactly what I'm talking about.

00:56:10.000 So you're an R-rated comic, for lack of a better word, but you'll talk about politics, you'll talk about your wife, you'll talk about family.

00:56:17.000 This thing could only be attractive, really, or relatable to college bar sluts. 1.00

00:56:24.000 And I think that people have just, you know, no one wants to see a close to 40-year-old person talk about their widespread vagina or heavy flow. 0.99

00:56:30.000 That's my interpretation. 0.96

00:56:31.000 I could listen to that all day. 1.00

00:56:34.000 That's because you're sick and twisted. 0.98

00:56:35.000 I try to get my sisters chatting at Easter dinner. 0.99

00:56:38.000 I don't care what they talk about. 1.00

00:56:39.000 I like to hear a good, dirty vagina jump. 1.00

00:56:42.000 Plus the stuffing, mummy! 1.00

00:56:44.000 One, but for 54 minutes.

00:56:47.000 It's just the current state of comedy.

00:56:49.000 Regardless of that, it just seems like people just can't just say, alright, you don't like my comedy.

00:56:53.000 Or, alright, you don't like this opinion and move on.

00:56:55.000 And the fight back, the pushback, it's been all over.

00:56:58.000 It's just laugh or don't.

00:57:00.000 You know?

00:57:02.000 When you say this You know, people have to respond angrily.

00:57:07.000 You mean mostly social media?

00:57:09.000 No, her. 0.75

00:57:11.000 She's the one.

00:57:11.000 She's going out.

00:57:12.000 She writes a whole post about, like, this has only empowered me as a strong woman.

00:57:16.000 And to the haters, I'm better than you.

00:57:18.000 Yeah, she's like, to the haters. 1.00

00:57:20.000 Just shut up. 1.00

00:57:21.000 Just don't make it a thing. 0.99

00:57:23.000 It doesn't need to be this whole self-empowering post.

00:57:26.000 Just go tell jokes. 0.77

00:57:28.000 Imagine if you went on there, someone said, I didn't like Nick DiPaolo's latest special on CISO, and you went on Instagram and you're like, oh, you haters, you only make me soar like an eagle so I can look down at your miserable... 0.99

00:57:38.000 Just shut up and just go do another show. 0.98

00:57:41.000 How do you spell eagle? 0.99

00:57:44.000 This guy's...

00:57:45.000 There's never an off switch. 0.99

00:57:46.000 But this one guy in Manchester, England is busting my balls. 0.98

00:57:50.000 You can't lose a Nick DiPaola. 0.98

00:57:52.000 Hey, Nick, how do you feel about progeria jokes?

00:57:54.000 About what?

00:57:55.000 Progeria jokes.

00:57:55.000 Progeria.

00:57:56.000 We got a lot of flack for those.

00:57:58.000 Progeria?

00:57:58.000 He doesn't even know.

00:57:59.000 Well, now you make fun of him.

00:58:00.000 It's the kids who age too quickly.

00:58:02.000 It's a reverse Benjamin Button.

00:58:03.000 You said that like I should know that.

00:58:05.000 Well, I don't know.

00:58:06.000 It's a genre, Nick.

00:58:07.000 It's a genre of humor.

00:58:08.000 It's a genre.

00:58:09.000 You're a genre.

00:58:12.000 What was it that we caught flack for?

00:58:13.000 What was a progeria joke? 1.00

00:58:15.000 Oh, that's right. 0.99

00:58:17.000 Samantha Bee got so much crap because she pointed out Nazi hair at CPAC, and it turns out the kid had cancer. 0.98

00:58:23.000 And so we said it, and she also falsely accused this young gentleman of being a skinhead, and it was just a picture of a kid with progeria. 0.98

00:58:29.000 And people were like, I can't believe that was the lead with the show.

00:58:32.000 That's why you guys know a progeria. 0.63

00:58:34.000 You just happened to do a segment on it three minutes ago.

00:58:36.000 We Googled it.

00:58:38.000 Well, here's the thing about progeria kids. 0.99

00:58:41.000 There's all kinds of, you know, oil of Olay.

00:58:46.000 My wife had some mud from the Dead Sea last night rubbed on her face.

00:58:51.000 I go to the bathroom.

00:58:52.000 She's in the tub. 0.68

00:58:53.000 I thought, you know, it was another Whitney Houston incident.

00:58:55.000 There you go.

00:58:56.000 Life-threatening illness.

00:58:57.000 Just treat it like refurbishing a catcher's mitt.

00:58:59.000 That's all.

00:59:00.000 A little linseed oil.

00:59:01.000 Maybe some I can't believe it's not a young kid.

00:59:06.000 Come on, folks! 0.85

00:59:07.000 If you don't like that, you're dead inside.

00:59:10.000 All right. 0.98

00:59:12.000 Country croc.

00:59:14.000 Country croc.

00:59:15.000 Okay.

00:59:16.000 Projuria. 0.99

00:59:17.000 Projuria. 0.99

00:59:17.000 I thought that was like an African nation I didn't know about. 0.99

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 Well, apparently, there are a lot of nations.

00:59:23.000 Whenever I hear about a new country, I'm like, is that really a country?

00:59:25.000 Yeah, I guess it is.

00:59:26.000 Apparently, there are 156 countries. 0.99

00:59:26.000 And I feel stupid. 0.99

00:59:29.000 We learned that because CNN, I think, remember they accidentally wrote there was like 13,000 something countries. 0.70

00:59:33.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:59:34.000 I was dumb enough. 0.89

00:59:35.000 I'm like, hold on a second. 0.96

00:59:36.000 Am I wrong about something here?

00:59:38.000 Did I forget to carry a one?

00:59:41.000 Okay, speaking of which, what's your report card on Donald Trump? 0.98

00:59:44.000 You were a Ted Cruz guy in the primaries and you really liked the balls on him. 0.90

00:59:47.000 What do you think so far?

00:59:48.000 Because you haven't been on the show since he's actually been inaugurated.

00:59:51.000 I can't believe the attempt to undermine him and the disrespect.

00:59:56.000 It's making me a bigger fan.

00:59:58.000 And I don't ever want him to let up on the media.

01:00:02.000 The media wasn't just mean and unfair towards him.

01:00:05.000 For the last 40 years, it's been lying with the left-leaning.

01:00:10.000 And not just the news.

01:00:12.000 Everybody talks about liberal media.

01:00:14.000 They talk about CNN and the news. 1.00

01:00:16.000 I'm talking Hollywood garbage, betraying white men as idiots in every commercial. 1.00

01:00:20.000 This has been going on forever. 1.00

01:00:21.000 I don't want him to let up.

01:00:23.000 Keep his boot on the media's throat.

01:00:27.000 I love it.

01:00:28.000 I'm becoming a bigger fan.

01:00:29.000 And then last night when he's giving a speech, In Nashville, he's doing his rally, and he starts to read the statute that says that his travel ban should be legal.

01:00:40.000 Yeah.

01:00:41.000 And he's actually reading, like, from the Constitution, and it says he, and he goes, well, it should be he or she.

01:00:46.000 Thank God that she is in Hillary. 1.00

01:00:49.000 And the place explodes, and he turns around like a professional wrestler to suck it in. 0.96

01:00:56.000 I'm on the couch going, how can you not find this refreshing, regardless of your political stripes? 0.75

01:01:03.000 I didn't even like the guy when I used to see him on The Apprentice.

01:01:07.000 He seems like a bit of adult.

01:01:10.000 He's not the perfect messenger.

01:01:12.000 But I love the message, and I love his hatred of the media, and I just can't believe...

01:01:19.000 What's going on?

01:01:21.000 And I watched Seth Meyers, and I'm going to choke that guy.

01:01:23.000 Oh, there we go. 0.98

01:01:24.000 There's someone we can trash.

01:01:25.000 We talk about Seth Meyers all the time.

01:01:26.000 I love the fact that fake news has been turned around.

01:01:29.000 It's time to retire that term.

01:01:32.000 You guys invented it, and now you have to own it.

01:01:35.000 He is such a smug...

01:01:36.000 I love the fake news, and I love just the slew of articles for clickbait leftist sites from HuffPo to Salon of 10 ways you can...

01:01:46.000 Bernie Sanders can still become president.

01:01:50.000 16 ways you can impeach Trump.

01:01:53.000 Yeah, I know.

01:01:54.000 10 ways Bernie Sanders can become president.

01:01:55.000 Number one, pay your actual rate of taxes that you're supposed to pay.

01:01:59.000 You won't left-leaning liar you.

01:02:01.000 He's too busy making sure that his sister doesn't have to pay for a pap smear. 0.97

01:02:04.000 The guy is an absolute germ. 0.61

01:02:06.000 Smear of pap. 0.98

01:02:07.000 Smear of pap!

01:02:08.000 That guy is just a...

01:02:10.000 Our Bernie here is basically Gilbert Godfrey.

01:02:14.000 Just, I don't want to pay taxes!

01:02:17.000 I'm not a fan of the Bernie.

01:02:18.000 You gotta do this when you're Bernie.

01:02:20.000 Yeah, you have to talk like this!

01:02:22.000 It's like he's writing a letter to Santa Claus.

01:02:24.000 I know this thing is rigged.

01:02:25.000 It's like Larry in the men's room. 0.99

01:02:26.000 He's got big balls. 0.99

01:02:27.000 I want a bike and a slinky and free healthcare. 0.99

01:02:31.000 I don't know why.

01:02:31.000 Yeah.

01:02:32.000 And it's one of those things that, like, for our generation, I think that'll forever be hung around their neck.

01:02:35.000 We're like, you know what?

01:02:36.000 He's authentic.

01:02:37.000 He's a new thing.

01:02:38.000 He was like their...

01:02:39.000 Well, you know what?

01:02:40.000 I realized that when they were talking about him writing some erotica back in the 70s.

01:02:40.000 He is authentic.

01:02:45.000 Ha! 0.89

01:02:46.000 I forgot about that. 0.90

01:02:47.000 I remember to get the gang rape. 0.99

01:02:49.000 He wrote an article saying when women are having sex with their husbands, they're secretly fantasizing about being raped by three guys at once. 0.98

01:02:56.000 And that's when I realized he's a true socialist. 0.98

01:02:58.000 Even in his rape fantasies, we have to share them with them. 1.00

01:03:03.000 I don't know about you, but when it comes to vagina, I am a dictator. 1.00

01:03:06.000 I am the king. 0.99

01:03:06.000 I love you. 0.99

01:03:09.000 Yes, yes. 0.99

01:03:10.000 When it comes to vagina, I'm a veritable Mussolini. 1.00

01:03:14.000 And he couldn't get the black vote. 1.00

01:03:16.000 That's why he lost it.

01:03:17.000 Hillary couldn't get it. 0.91

01:03:17.000 There was nothing funnier than when he was just getting shoved offstage by Black Lives Matter. 0.91

01:03:21.000 He looked like Suge Knight and just coming off and even though, okay, okay, and he just let them go.

01:03:26.000 It's like, that's the moment you lost the presidency.

01:03:27.000 Could you imagine with Putin?

01:03:29.000 I told him what he could do.

01:03:30.000 I kept emailing him.

01:03:31.000 Change your first name to Colonel.

01:03:32.000 You'll win it.

01:03:35.000 All right.

01:03:36.000 We have to go soon here, Nick.

01:03:37.000 We can't go all day.

01:03:39.000 What do you think about the budget proposal?

01:03:41.000 No, no, that's fine.

01:03:42.000 Listen, we don't care.

01:03:43.000 I know.

01:03:44.000 We played spot the tranny for crying out loud. 1.00

01:03:46.000 That's right.

01:03:48.000 Yeah, and then everyone, whenever we have someone on, we have like, you know, Ted Cruz on and Gary Sinise, they always inevitably get an email.

01:03:53.000 And if someone's saying like, are you sure you want to do this show?

01:03:56.000 Here's them saying, and they'll have a highlight reel of our most offensive bits.

01:03:59.000 Are you kidding me?

01:03:59.000 I'm sure the progeria bit will be added on there now.

01:04:02.000 It's just sort of, you know, an addendum.

01:04:04.000 And that's what I love about Ted Cruz.

01:04:06.000 They don't care.

01:04:07.000 They're like, eh, whatever.

01:04:08.000 So they're offensive, but they're pretty reasonable guys.

01:04:11.000 How about Ted Nugent?

01:04:13.000 Have you had him on?

01:04:14.000 We were supposed to, and then he was out on some hunt.

01:04:17.000 He's not just a hunter.

01:04:18.000 He sort of lifts up the spirit of the animal and all that stuff.

01:04:22.000 But we will have him on, yeah.

01:04:25.000 I'm deaf, and this is true. 0.99

01:04:27.000 I'm partially deaf in my left ear because of Ted Nugent.

01:04:32.000 Because of a concert?

01:04:33.000 I went to a concert in Cape Cod Coliseum when I was like 15.

01:04:37.000 Oh.

01:04:38.000 And he, my ears stopped ringing.

01:04:40.000 I'm not joking, two weeks later, my ears stopped ringing.

01:04:43.000 And now when I'm on the phone, since then, I'll turn 71 on Wednesday, by the way.

01:04:47.000 And it hurts when people talk.

01:04:50.000 I thought there was going to be a punchline from Ted Nugent.

01:04:53.000 Like, oh, from a concert?

01:04:54.000 No, from his submachine gun.

01:04:55.000 Come on, Steve, and not everything's a joke, man.

01:04:58.000 I just told you.

01:05:01.000 Progeria, I don't know.

01:05:02.000 You don't know.

01:05:04.000 What do you think, before we go, of Donald Trump's, have you read the budget here today?

01:05:09.000 Dude.

01:05:10.000 You gotta remember, I'm still doing stand-up.

01:05:13.000 Yes, I went over the budget and...

01:05:15.000 Well, I just find it funny.

01:05:16.000 It's one of those things, Gavin McGinnis talked about this, where we're at a point in this country where the left and the right are saying the exact same thing with different attitudes.

01:05:23.000 And the budget to me is just like, you know, he wants to increase military spending, but decrease spending on the EPA and PBS. Yeah.

01:05:30.000 And we're going, he wants to increase military spending and decrease funding to PBS and the EPA. That's a beautiful bet right there.

01:05:37.000 That's Gavin McGinnis, and he talked about it on the show, I think it was last week.

01:05:42.000 It is remarkable.

01:05:43.000 We're talking about the exact same bill, and it's one of the, well, proposal, I should say.

01:05:48.000 I'm thrilled about it.

01:05:49.000 I don't know why we're funding Sesame Street.

01:05:51.000 It makes it hard for, you know, your special on CISO to compete with Oscar the Grouch.

01:05:55.000 A lot of those kids have pro Jerry that watch that show.

01:05:57.000 I don't know if you know that.

01:05:58.000 They have a new character come out. 1.00

01:06:00.000 He looks like a pair of testicles with big... 1.00

01:06:03.000 Billy Balls. 1.00

01:06:04.000 Have you seen him?

01:06:04.000 Well, they don't watch him for very long, so it's a demographic.

01:06:07.000 The Nielsen ratings are a little bit skewed.

01:06:10.000 Nick DiPaolo we have on the program.

01:06:12.000 Nick DiPaolo, connectpal.com slash Nick.

01:06:15.000 It's where you can subscribe to his podcast, or the special is called Inflammatory on CISO, correct?

01:06:21.000 It's CISO.com.

01:06:22.000 And the podcast, if they want to listen, get a free sample on Monday on iTunes.

01:06:27.000 They can listen to it and then subscribe if they want.

01:06:29.000 So, And yeah, and I'm on Twitter and, you know, at Nick DiPaolo, Facebook, Instagram, all that crap that is wasting our lives. 0.87

01:06:36.000 Yes, exactly.

01:06:37.000 Hit me up on that.

01:06:38.000 One of the funniest men alive, Nick DiPaolo.

01:06:39.000 Thank you for being with us, sir.

01:06:41.000 We appreciate it.

01:06:42.000 We must go, and then we'll wrap this show up in a nice ribbon.

01:06:44.000 Appreciate it, bud.

01:06:45.000 I'm a wonder.

01:06:46.000 Two.

01:06:48.000 Three.

01:06:48.000 P.O.G. Is. Bert.

01:06:52.000 Hehehe. 0.99

01:06:52.000 *Dramatic music* *Dramatic music* *Dramatic music* *Dramatic music* *Dramatic music* *Dramatic music* Well, f*** me. 0.99

01:07:10.000 *Dramatic music* Private Sullivan! 0.85

01:07:14.000 Code 16!

01:07:16.000 It's happening.

01:07:22.000 It's even worse than I imagined, Private.

01:07:23.000 Sir, yes, sir.

01:07:24.000 The social justice disease has plagued half the globe, and it's become a leviathan greater than we could have ever imagined.

01:07:30.000 Sir, yes, sir.

01:07:31.000 Thank Jesus.

01:07:32.000 We could think if we could ride it out.

01:07:34.000 This is a 30-day food supply for preparewithcrowder.com.

01:07:36.000 $9.99.

01:07:37.000 Shipped free, sir.

01:07:38.000 That is true.

01:07:39.000 Thank the Lord above for preparewithcrowder.com.

01:07:42.000 30 days seems about the right amount of time we need to ride this out.

01:07:45.000 The good thing about the social justice disease, Private, is that it's a very temporary phase.

01:07:49.000 Sir, yes, sir.

01:07:53.000 You, uh, feeling okay, Private?

01:07:56.000 Sir, yes, sir.

01:07:57.000 You sure about that, Sullivan?

01:07:58.000 Sir, yes, sir.

01:08:01.000 Private told to hear me that disgraceful sausage doesn't seize into my mom's shelter! 0.99

01:08:04.000 Sir, no, sir!

01:08:05.000 You haven't been hanging out in any slam, poetry, nights, or single-ordered coffee shops against my orders, have you?

01:08:10.000 Sir, no, sir!

01:08:14.000 But I'm pretty sure systemic racism is still inherent in the system, sir. 0.99

01:08:18.000 And shocking is black! 1.00

01:08:19.000 Oh, no! 0.99

01:08:21.000 Prepare with Crowder.com or call 888-411-5153.

01:08:32.000 30-day food supply kit, $99 shipped free!

01:08:35.000 They have pudding!

01:08:38.000 It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

01:08:46.000 Come cheer up my nights, come cheer up my nights.

01:08:50.000 It's better to have loved and lost.

01:08:53.000 I just punched my microphone, glad me back. 0.99

01:08:57.000 Uppercut it like that black guy did in that viral video of that chick. 0.99

01:09:00.000 BOOM! You goin to jail now! 0.99

01:09:03.000 Have you seen that one?

01:09:04.000 I have not.

01:09:05.000 Oh gosh, it's so brutal.

01:09:07.000 And you know the guy's boxed before because he puts his hips into it.

01:09:10.000 It's like, boom!

01:09:11.000 And you're like, ah.

01:09:11.000 No, she's hitting him first.

01:09:13.000 Doesn't make it acceptable.

01:09:14.000 But it is so shocking.

01:09:16.000 Oklahoma guy.

01:09:17.000 The running back, right?

01:09:18.000 You talking about that one?

01:09:19.000 No, no, no.

01:09:20.000 It's a bus driver or something.

01:09:21.000 No, it's a bus driver.

01:09:21.000 Oh, okay.

01:09:22.000 It's a bus driver.

01:09:22.000 This happens so often.

01:09:23.000 Effectively, I just did that to my microphone.

01:09:26.000 This is why I can never run for office.

01:09:27.000 Yep.

01:09:28.000 Because you punched your microphone.

01:09:30.000 Yeah.

01:09:30.000 That's bad.

01:09:30.000 Because of all the jokes that are made today, from progeria to feminism to Jugs Weekly.

01:09:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:09:35.000 Those are Koreaners, too.

01:09:36.000 No, no.

01:09:37.000 I think those are good.

01:09:38.000 Yeah.

01:09:39.000 It's one of those that when someone trots them out and goes, did you, when everything is offensive a few years from now and even less is permissible and people come out and say, did you say X, Y, and Z? I know that when that day comes, I'm going to have to look you in the eye and say...

01:09:57.000 Yes, I did.

01:09:58.000 That's about it.

01:09:59.000 And speaking of the path that we're on, you know, we were talking earlier, we were talking about feminism and toxic masculinity in the budget.

01:10:05.000 And you were talking about this too, with feminism, you know, during the break, you made a good point that it really does. 1.00

01:10:09.000 We've talked about this with the idea of rape culture and obfuscating statistics. 0.99

01:10:14.000 It does a disservice to actual feminists who are fighting for women to be independent and treated well. 1.00

01:10:20.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:10:20.000 It covers it up.

01:10:21.000 There's real sexism.

01:10:22.000 There's real issues out there that we need to deal with.

01:10:24.000 And this just makes it to where I'm like, yeah, whatever.

01:10:27.000 You hate me for everything that I do now because I'm a straight white male.

01:10:29.000 I'm done.

01:10:30.000 I'm out.

01:10:30.000 Well, toxic masculinity can be anything from actual sexual assault to saying, hey, that blouse looks nice or holding a door open for a woman.

01:10:37.000 Yeah.

01:10:38.000 And the thing is, we don't know, and we don't have a say in it.

01:10:41.000 And that's the real problem.

01:10:44.000 Let's talk about the budget, and we'll get back to the toxic masculinity.

01:10:46.000 There probably is some common ground that doesn't necessarily need to be this extreme right off the bat with a budget.

01:10:52.000 I bet you Donald Trump could find it.

01:10:54.000 But they've assaulted him intellectually for so long.

01:10:59.000 Everything that conservatives have done has been wrong.

01:11:02.000 The last president increased the debt more than all other presidents before him combined.

01:11:07.000 You can only push so far so long that this is people like Donald Trump and us coming back, roaring back a lot harder than we would have if you'd have just let up a little bit.

01:11:17.000 Yeah.

01:11:17.000 It's just like Black Lives Matter is a disservice fighting environmental issues out there in the plains of wherever now.

01:11:23.000 Yeah.

01:11:23.000 It's a disservice to, like you talked to Sheriff Clark, actual needs of black community.

01:11:28.000 Yeah.

01:11:28.000 But it's all just racism when you just throw it away and don't actually focus on the needs.

01:11:32.000 No.

01:11:32.000 It's a disservice.

01:11:33.000 And you can only browbeat people for so long as racist. 1.00

01:11:36.000 There are white niggers. 1.00

01:11:37.000 I don't know how that got in there. 1.00

01:11:38.000 I have no idea how that got in there.

01:11:40.000 We've had that on every show for a few days.

01:11:42.000 So we're going to be blamed for that quote.

01:11:44.000 Let's put that on the back burner for, say, one episode.

01:11:49.000 So whether it's Black Lives Matter or the budget, right?

01:11:51.000 Remember, Republicans need to get to the back of the line.

01:11:53.000 I think you might have even said the back of the bus, Barack Obama.

01:11:55.000 Well, when you do that and you insult them, then you get the polarization.

01:11:58.000 People say, oh, that's how it is.

01:12:00.000 When it's Black Lives Matter and you need to check your privilege, you can only do it for so long. 0.61

01:12:04.000 When it's in Playboy magazine, Toxic Masculinity, when you blame straight white men, namely straight white men because we're considered to be the majority class, which is so funny. 0.57

01:12:13.000 At this point, they are not a majority anywhere, right?

01:12:16.000 Women make up more of the population than men.

01:12:18.000 And then if you believe Hollywood, which is, I think, 142% of all straight men are actually gay, or even smaller percentage, if you want to believe their demographics.

01:12:28.000 So this is the issue right now. 0.94

01:12:29.000 And the left, you're going to just have to eat a big old pile of feces for a while because you've been pushing so hard, so fast.

01:12:36.000 You've been pushing the biggest deficits ever, the biggest spending ever, the biggest stimulus bills ever, the biggest bailouts ever.

01:12:42.000 And then you've been pushing the biggest idea of racism ever.

01:12:44.000 And then overnight, when you realize you had a female candidate, everyone who was racist all of a sudden became sexist, and they need to check their male privilege. 0.99

01:12:50.000 We went from white privilege to male privilege, and now you're at cis privilege because trannies need to take a dump in every public bathroom. 1.00

01:12:55.000 And if you don't believe it, you're somehow hateful. 0.96

01:12:57.000 You can only push this for so long and browbeat someone for so long when they want to open up their men's magazine, FHM, or Playboy, and they're blamed for something that they didn't do.

01:13:07.000 This is the reckoning of that, where they close it and say, you know what?

01:13:11.000 Fine. 1.00

01:13:12.000 I guess I'm a patriarchist, cis-white male, scummy bastard, and I'm going to own it. 1.00

01:13:17.000 And the pushback is going to be so much worse than it had to be. 0.99

01:13:22.000 It's kind of...

01:13:23.000 You've been poking your finger in the chest of a bigger brother.

01:13:25.000 And let's be honest, conservatives, as a general rule...

01:13:27.000 We're bigger, larger, more athletic, and the women are better looking. 1.00

01:13:30.000 So you've been picking a fight with someone who can kick your ass. 1.00

01:13:33.000 It's like when you were goading your brother into a fight, but you kind of wanted to scale back when you were a kid because you were smart enough to realize that if you really insulted him, if you really got personal, he was going to kick your ass even harder. 1.00

01:13:43.000 Well, today's regressive left has gotten as personal, as vicious, as vindictive, as violent as possible. 0.91

01:13:49.000 And now the pummeling, which would have been maybe a light bruising circa intro to the wonder years, is now going to be tinfoil scraped across your forehead like a fake wrestling fight in the backyard because you've earned this and you continually earn it.

01:14:05.000 It's not that people like us love Donald Trump that much.

01:14:08.000 It's not that we think this budget is perfect.

01:14:10.000 It's not that we think men are perfect. 0.98

01:14:12.000 It's that we think you are so horrible and have been so bad for so long that you have a show like this, which would have never existed only five, six years ago, where we can have a black sheriff on the show, a sitting senator, Nick DiPaolo, then Gary Sinise, then George Nick DiPaolo, then Gary Sinise, then George St. Pierre, that we can have A-listers and politicians who are willing to come on this show now or any kind of programming like this because you've blamed them for so much crap. 0.98

01:14:42.000 They didn't do. 0.98

01:14:43.000 They're tired of it.

01:14:44.000 The United States is tired of it.

01:14:46.000 And the fake news media wants to fight back.

01:14:48.000 Guess what?

01:14:48.000 You can expect a lot more budget proposals like this.

01:14:51.000 If dead in arrival, we got another one coming down the pike for you. 1.00

01:14:54.000 Guess what?

01:14:54.000 You have another women's march?

01:14:55.000 Okay. 0.99

01:14:56.000 We're going to be dicks. 0.99

01:14:58.000 That's what guys are going to do now. 0.99

01:14:59.000 You don't want us to hold the door for you?

01:15:00.000 We're not going to hold the door for you.

01:15:01.000 You don't want us to compliment you on your looks?

01:15:03.000 We're not going to compliment you on your looks.

01:15:04.000 You don't want us to be allowed to have an opinion on your comedy special?

01:15:07.000 We're going to one-star it.

01:15:08.000 Then you're going to complain about and call us alt-right trolls?

01:15:10.000 They're going to flood your Instagram.

01:15:11.000 These are the consequences of your actions.

01:15:13.000 You cannot vilify an entire nation of people for years and expect it to be consequence-free.

01:15:21.000 And I, for one, am happier than I've been in a long time.

01:15:25.000 So if nothing else, revel in that.

01:15:28.000 Enjoy your week, and we will see you next Monday, Mug Club members.

01:15:32.000 Daily Crowder, thank you so much.

Louder with Crowder - March 17, 2017

#137 TRUMP HATES PBS! Sheriff Clarke and Nick DiPaolo | Louder With Crowder

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