On today's show, we have a special guest on the show: comedian and writer Penn T. Tellis. We also have a 7-plus-1 on Joe Biden, and a new segment from CNN's Brian Stelter. And we have the wine of the day.
00:03:55.000Penn Tellis Comedy, one of the funniest comedy writers out there, works with Mike He's, of course, under Human Rights Tribunal for a joke there in Canada.
00:04:01.000Quarter Black Garrett, how are you, sir?
00:04:49.000Let me know before you watch the Brian Stelter segment, because I know if you comment after you watch it, that we're going to be Skewing the deck.
00:07:59.000It's a lot of men, couples specifically, who are talking about all of the reasons why they will or will not have children, and now they're just considering climate change.
00:09:26.000It's just, obviously, we're doing away with all the rules from An Inconvenient Truth and, you know, the bull-headed lesbian who sang the song.
00:10:13.000By the way, the funniest thing about that, she said, I just don't feel like it's okay that we're passing this on to the next generation to our kids.
00:10:19.000I'm like, oh, but the crushing death that you're passing on is totally fine.
00:10:22.000We just won't have a planet, but they won't be able to spend any money.
00:10:24.000And by the way, your kids will say, airplane?
00:11:16.000In a twist of fate, actually, the cult's claims were actually corroborated by this recently discovered early century artwork of Clausidus Fagatris.
00:15:30.000We don't forget it in the chamber anymore.
00:15:31.000No matter what we do, we can't get him.
00:15:32.000So this week is 7 plus 1 cultural norms that have changed over the course of Joe Biden's lifetime as explained by Vice President Joe Biden himself.
00:15:51.000Well, back in my day, Stephen, newspapers cost a nickel, beer cost a dime, and your secretary cost 79 cents on the dollar and a pinch for good luck.
00:19:53.000So cable is more like a rolling talk show, letting people be a part of the daily debate about how our country should be governed and how our world should work.
00:21:39.000The ridiculousness of this rhetoric, but it is effective among some people.
00:21:43.000I sure hope some of those Fox hosts, some of those commentators, take a moment, take a minute to think about their role in this environment.
00:21:50.000Hopefully there's some soul-searching right now in the wake of this massacre.
00:22:14.000This clip's from after Thanksgiving, see?
00:22:16.000So, Stelter, he argued that foxes referred to immigrants as invaders and that this somehow drove someone to shoot, I guess, a bunch of Jews.
00:22:25.000Fox News is responsible for shooting Jews.
00:22:28.000Muhammad, by the way, not responsible for anyone having sex with six-year-old girls or, you know, killing Jews, as he called for in his last words.
00:22:35.000That would be a misinterpretation of kill the Jews.
00:22:55.000Call me when CNN, when you do a segment, Mr. Stelter, on how Ilhan Omar or Linda Sarsour, they're responsible for hate crimes against So let's just do that.
00:23:01.000I know people say it's not fair to compare Muhammad.
00:24:02.000President Obama also had a lot of TV star power and that helped him pre-Trump.
00:24:07.000But Trump is more evidence of this and looking ahead to 2020, one reason why I'm taking you seriously as a contender is because of your presence on cable news.
00:27:39.000He actually blamed the conspiracy itself on Trump.
00:27:44.000So after Stelter was pushing the narrative for two years on his show, because speculation is super important, and then it was completely blown up, he doesn't apologize, he blames the conspiracy for being created by Trump.
00:27:58.000You're going to hear this from the right for the next days and weeks to come, that the press has basically made all of this up to take down President Trump.
00:28:05.000But the press is just following a trail that Trump created.
00:29:21.000It takes a big pair of balls to be able to come out and say, it wasn't you who did it, and keep watching this guys, because this is gonna break.
00:29:28.000I mean, he's really trying to cut it off at the past, and he just doesn't know how.
00:29:32.000Now listen, they're gonna say that the Russian collusion thing is not true, that it didn't happen, but these are the same people who don't believe I'm straight, Also, Donald Trump was the one who did this.
00:29:46.000Donald Trump was the one who set the trail of breadcrumbs when Roger Stone met with the Russians and sent a tweet to Julian Assange.
00:29:53.000And by the way, what was Donald Trump doing when he had Kid Rock out in American flag pants, who at one point had sex with Pitbull Anderson, who happens to be friends with, again, Julian Assange?
00:30:30.000Reason number one, and honestly this is like Joe Biden, they don't really need to go in this order, but just because he was also in our previous POS segment.
00:33:18.000That's like the oldest sitcom story in the book, where it's like, you know, the person is coming in dressed in disguise, only someone else wears the same disguise, and it turns out it's their mom.
00:33:25.000He's like, oh, I thought it was just some other random masked white person attacking me in the exact same method I planned it with my Nigerian brothers.
00:37:04.000I'm going to go ahead and get started.
00:37:11.000I'm going to go ahead and get started.
00:37:17.000An evil so sinister, we'd perhaps rather forget.
00:37:22.000The Athene cunicularia, known by its common name, the burrowing or ground owl.
00:37:29.000It lives in parts of North and South America, infesting your grasslands, deserts, and increasingly, your neighborhoods.
00:37:38.000Flying in the face of evolutionary biology, unlike his birds-of-prey brethren, the burrowing owl doesn't take to the skies for his hunt or habitat, but instead decides to live in the dirt.
00:37:50.000His decision to eschew all of his natural adaptive advantages as a winged animal has resulted in him taking up more real estate, which could be used for your local parks, beaches, or places of business.
00:38:02.000The burrowing owl's arrogance, as displayed by his choice to live in the dirt like a groundhog
00:38:07.000rather than one of God's majestic hunters of the heavens, is surpassed only by his boiling hot temper.
00:39:39.000Do you know, actually, I think there are still laws in the book, and watch people crucify me for this, they're gonna say it's a race thing, but actually there are laws in the books, I think, still in Maryland where you can only feed slaves crustaceans a certain amount of times per week, something like two times per week, because it used to be considered slave food.
00:40:33.000I'm glad to see you here, and now you've got the new hairdo here, so either Samantha Bee will accuse you of being a Nazi, or you're the high school bully in early 90s.
00:40:42.000It was written two years ago about Eric Trump having the same hairstyle, and that it was a fashy hairstyle, so I've kept it ever since.
00:42:14.000But I went through the list of countries that stone or execute gay people to death.
00:42:18.000Afghanistan, Iran, Mauritania, Sudan, all roughly 93 to 99% Muslim.
00:42:25.000So I'm kind of getting some kind of correlation there, Stephen, between These Muslim-majority countries and these kind of laws that they introduce.
00:42:33.000And I would imagine the remaining 7% is the state of Utah because of those Mormons, correct?
00:42:39.000Yeah, but what I brought into it... Yeah, in fact, Nigeria is like 50% Muslim.
00:42:45.000There are some Christians there, but they also have it.
00:42:49.000But the correlation is this oppression Olympics war between Islam and LGBT.
00:42:55.000Because in the UK, while all this is happening, we have several schools now Where it's basically 98% Muslim kids in places like Birmingham in the Midlands in the UK where they have these LGBT curriculums which are going to be compulsory across the entire country by 2020 teaching relationship advice to children as young as five
00:43:17.000It's not as bad as it sounds at the outset.
00:43:19.000It's basically showing them a book where a family has two mums or two dads.
00:43:25.000So, you know, Christians would disagree with that.
00:43:28.000It's not literally teaching five-year-olds how to put condoms on and stuff like that.
00:43:32.000Which we have that separately, by the way, but this is not that.
00:43:35.000So, they've had massive protests outside all these UK schools.
00:43:40.000Parents literally pulling their kids out of the schools.
00:43:43.000And obviously the progressives, the LGBT crowd who protested Trump when he visited London because he's obviously anti-gay, even as he wraps himself in a rainbow flag.
00:43:53.000Obviously they were out on the street marching with their banners this weekend.
00:43:58.000Obviously they're going to be marching on the embassy of Brunei.
00:44:01.000Actually, no, they said nothing whatsoever.
00:44:03.000So again, you've got this massive disconnect between the population of a country.
00:44:08.000Bear in mind, 52% of Muslims living in the UK literally want to put gay people in cages.
00:44:15.00052% think homosexuality should be illegal.
00:44:34.000Acid attack is the name of Birmingham's hippest gay nightclub.
00:44:40.000Well it's interesting, Stephen, because we had the first Muslim gay marriage in the UK last year, and within about 24 hours, the gay Muslim couple that got married was inundated with acid attack threats, again from the tolerant, precious Muslim population, who the LGBT lobby rallies behind at every available opportunity.
00:45:02.000So we have this disconnect between them supporting people who literally want to throw them off buildings or Yeah, because putting them in prison where they'll meet more radical Islamization and gay sex, that'll fix the problem.
00:45:14.000Let's put the gays in prison so there's more gayness!
00:46:02.000They're still whining about Mike Pence's gay conversion therapy.
00:46:07.000Meanwhile, you have literal dictatorships in the Middle East saying they're going to stone gay people to death.
00:46:12.000But, I mean, Stephen, you know, considering what the kind of heat I get from the media, I'm actually considering converting to Islam.
00:46:21.000Because I've thought, why not just embrace what the media labels me at this point?
00:46:25.000I mean, they call me a conspiracy theorist, despite the fact that for the past six years I've made videos debunking conspiracy theories as you've seen.
00:46:33.000So, you know, belief in all kinds of wacky conspiracy theories is totally prevalent across the Muslim world.
00:46:40.000You know, I've been called an anti-Semite for criticizing George Soros.
00:46:44.000It's quite well known that Muslims aren't big fans of Jews.
00:46:47.000I've been called transphobic for saying that allowing men in women's bathrooms is probably going to cause problems.
00:46:52.000And, you know, in the Islamic world you get trans people being attacked on a regular basis.
00:46:56.000In Paris yesterday there was a case of that, a trans woman who was attacked by a group of Algerians.
00:47:01.000So, you know, believing in conspiracy theories, anti-semitism, transphobia, if those are all really dreadful beliefs, as the media says, A lot of Muslims hold those same beliefs.
00:47:13.000So why not just convert to Muslim, own it, and join the winning team?
00:47:17.000And we've tried to clarify the difference between Islam and Muslims.
00:47:20.000So not all Muslims obviously hold all those beliefs.
00:47:22.000That being said, every single Muslim who claims to be a Muslim does believe in a conspiracy theory, in that they have to believe that the Jews subverted the Bible.
00:47:29.000They have to believe that going back to the blessing from Abraham, it was a lie because of the Jews.
00:47:34.000Farrakhan was just talking about this last week.
00:47:35.000I think we ran a clip on one of the shows where he said, that Jesus was never crucified.
00:47:41.000He only came because it was not time to end the Jewish people!
00:47:47.000I mean, I know it's kind of sounding Bill Cosby rapey, but you get my point.
00:47:50.000The entire Islamic faith is predicated on the conspiracy theory that the Jews lied about the blessing to the oldest son.
00:47:58.000And I'm amazed that we don't Talk about that more.
00:48:01.000If we're going to talk about ideas and toxic religions, it's like, well, hold on a second.
00:48:05.000You know, can't we just say if we're talking about all Abrahamic religions, um, this is the one that says all the other guys were liars, specifically the Jews.
00:48:12.000That seems like if that's your starting off point, it could be problematic to use your terms.
00:48:19.000It's just the disconnect though, Stephen.
00:48:20.000We literally have the Islamic call to prayer being broadcast in Trafalgar Square, central London now.
00:48:26.000We have, as I put in the video, left-wing progressives and LGBT groups not only going out with their banners and saying we're against Islamophobia, They literally chant Allah Akbar in major streets in major cities in Germany in front of all their LGBT friends.
00:48:43.000Meanwhile, you've got Muslims who attend these gay rallies and insult them in Arabic, call them all manner of horrific homophobic slurs.
00:48:53.000But again, you know, at the oppression Olympics table, Muslims are above gay people, so they have to align with the Muslims to fight the common enemy, which is you and I. Yes.
00:49:03.000Well, not you anymore, because you've converted to Islam.
00:50:19.000You have Muslim preachers in Palestine saying, We're going to turn France into the Islamic Caliphate.
00:50:25.000We're taking over, we're having children, and the demographics just show it's happening.
00:50:30.000If you want to talk about integration, it's simply not working.
00:50:33.000You do have these no-go areas, despite the fact the media still calls them a conspiracy theory.
00:50:39.000You had, after the Paris Massacre in 2015, the area of Molenbeek in Brussels, which is an Islamic no-go area, I was kicked out of it, where they hid one of the Paris Massacre terrorists For weeks and weeks and weeks before he was able to be caught by police.
00:50:55.000So it's not just the Muslims who hold these extreme beliefs.
00:50:58.000It's the ones who protect the others that do.
00:51:01.000And that's why there's such a big problem with integration in Europe and why it's going downhill in a hurry.
00:51:07.000Well, let's scale back while we're talking about integration, right?
00:51:24.000So, would that be considered fringe extreme?
00:51:27.000I guess my question is, because it's a little bit different, you guys are further along the trail in the UK than here in the United States.
00:51:33.000Do English people see that as extreme?
00:51:36.000Do they say, well, hold on a second, this isn't fringe.
00:51:38.000I have a problem if 52% of people think we should imprison gay people.
00:51:41.000I have a problem if they're pulling their kids out because there's a book with two mommies or two daddies.
00:51:48.000Well, if you look at that exact poll, that was a couple of years ago, it was a Channel 4 poll, and they surveyed the whole population.
00:51:54.000The whole population was about 10% thought that homosexuality should be illegal.
00:51:58.000But when you drill down into the Muslim population, it was 52.
00:52:02.000So it's shared by a minority of Brits, but it is a very small minority.
00:52:06.000But then you can look at other things like support for suicide bombings under certain circumstances.
00:52:13.000And it's still as high, even in Western countries, As 20-30% in some countries.
00:52:19.000Again, those are the ones who will admit to it in a poll.
00:52:22.000If you think of the ones who actually do believe that but won't admit to it in a poll for fear of reprisals or whatever, then the numbers are probably even higher.
00:52:31.000So it's a massive problem that there is a huge lack of integration and it is mainly, again, impacting white working class people in Britain.
00:52:40.000So when these middle class leftists, who by the way, When they get up on Twitter and virtue signal about how much they love mass migration, even in London you can look at exactly where they live and there are not that many large majority white areas in London left.
00:52:55.000They always choose to live in the whitest areas possible.
00:52:59.000You see the same trend in countries like Sweden.
00:53:01.000The most pro-migrant politicians live in the whitest areas possible with the least migrants.
00:53:07.000You see that across the board with all these celebrities in the United Kingdom.
00:53:11.000So it's like as long as they can still pay their nanny like 10 pounds an hour to look after their kids
00:56:03.000Supporting free speech since two thousand and something.
00:56:06.000With people being banned from social media left and right, you can now purchase this de-platform-this limited edition LouderWithCrowderShop.com t-shirt.
00:56:14.000Signifying your insubordinance to authority.
00:56:17.000And request for them to kiss your ass and lick your a**.
00:56:43.000We could have, but we didn't really have the web developers because it's very low budget, as you clearly see by a lot of the sketches on the show and the fact that we're importing Greek Montrealers.
00:58:34.000But when we were looking for some writers, you know, because I used to write this all myself for a long time, Mike Ward said, you know, I can't do it.
00:58:41.000But he said, this guy Pentelis is one of the few comedians who is actually very funny and very disciplined and will be consistent and show up.
00:59:08.000So, for context here, some people, you may not know, we do these Tough Love slash Life Advice segments on The Daily Show, behind the paywall.
00:59:15.000Mug Clubbers know this, but those of you who've not joined it, loveofcredit.com slash Mug Club, may not.
00:59:20.000And we receive some pretty funny requests, emails, letters, and sometimes some not so funny requests.
00:59:26.000And this week I received one from a young man who had gone blind later in life.
00:59:32.000You remember this, and he was feeling pretty depressed, which is normal.
00:59:36.000But a portion of his first letter that he sent implied that he didn't really want to go on living, which is not normal, which is not healthy.
00:59:42.000And obviously anyone out there who's actually suicidal, even thinking about harming themselves, please do seek out the help of a professional.
00:59:49.000I recommend it, actually, even if you're not, if you're not at that level.
00:59:51.000I think that everyone should do therapy, particularly couples counseling, if you're married.
00:59:55.000But we did our best to try and help him on the show.
00:59:59.000The advice that we provide is the same that we provide on the show week after week, about setting goals for yourself, along with finding your purpose, your calling, making measurable progress toward those goals, self-improvement every day.
01:00:11.000Nothing new, not reinventing the wheel.
01:00:13.000But I received a follow-up letter this week, and I wanted to read it for you.
01:00:17.000Dear Mr. Crowder, This comes from the gentleman who blind gentleman who went
01:00:21.000blind out later in life wanted to thank you so much for the generous gesture
01:00:24.000You've done. Oh, we well this sounds this sounds self-praising.
01:00:27.000We sent him a mug club. It's not that big Yeah
01:00:28.000It touched my heart and was really one of the kind of okay as a quick aside the conservative movement has done more to
01:00:33.000help Me as an othered person than the progressive movement that
01:00:36.000claims to represent me I watched the episode in which you answered my letter and I'm
01:00:39.000really thinking about what you said and how I can work toward it
01:00:42.000What you said about making goals and finding my dreams really hit me
01:00:45.000I had my dreams But I guess I never really applied myself to achieving them
01:00:48.000because I didn't believe in myself enough Basically my big pie in the sky dream is to be a
01:00:52.000professional musician and to be able to live off of what I'm good at
01:00:55.000while my more grounded dream is to be as independent as Possible with my own career and to live a normal life like
01:00:59.000everyone else Again, keep in mind, he went blind, I think, at 13 years of age.
01:01:04.000Of course, the former is far less realistic than the latter, but I'm going to work towards both of them, despite how difficult it may be for me.
01:01:09.000I already upload my own original music and covers to YouTube, but the way I've been treating it is not as committed as someone who would really want it.
01:01:16.000The latter dream I've already taken steps toward applying to school to get my bachelor's degree in the fall.
01:01:20.000So, I know I'll just have to not lose sight of the goal.
01:01:26.000Thank you for everything you've done, and hopefully I'll be able to improve myself in the situation with using the advice you've given me.
01:01:30.000Also, the blind jokes are hysterical to me, and I have no problem with you making them, including at my expense, because the irony of blind people using the words like see is not lost on me.
01:02:34.000And the thing is, for both of you, for all of you, the fix is still pretty much the same.
01:02:40.000Gratitude, goals, consistency, measurable progress, the things we talk about every week.
01:02:43.000I think it's also probably What connects us more strongly than anything else, meaning you, me, everyone on this team, everyone watching or listening to this.
01:02:52.000And I realize that in doing these segments specifically.
01:03:05.000We can see all this through our analytics.
01:03:07.000What connects all of us, I think, because it really has been a haven where people hang out, and it's been really inspiring for me to see as the audience grows, I think what connects all of us is that each and every one of you has baggage.
01:03:26.000And when I hear from you, when I see the comments, when I get letters like this, it makes me realize the bond, the kinship that we share most Is that I see a group of people who are looking to improve themselves.
01:03:40.000And I see a group of people who are looking to improve themselves through truth.
01:03:44.000It's not a truth that can be packaged in a soundbite.
01:03:46.000It's not a truth that can just be completely explained in the closing seconds of this segment.
01:03:50.000And that's because everyone, at least in this enclave, as I see it, we're all seeking to improve ourselves not through a truth, not through my truth, through THE truth.
01:04:00.000And I think that's why our retention rate, we've been blessed, we've talked about this, our retention rate is so high and we're so grateful.
01:04:05.000I think that's why when your subscription feed stops working, you hit notifications.
01:04:08.000When those stop working, you guys bookmark or you join up at Mug Club.
01:04:17.000And yeah, you know, when it comes to the only truthful way to self-improvement, just like we see with this gentleman who's going through unbelievable turmoil, I can't imagine going blind.
01:04:26.000But any of you, it comes back to fundamentals.
01:04:37.000I'm just someone here who's seeking the truth, same as you are, and I really, genuinely appreciate all of you doing it with me, blind or those with sight.
01:04:51.000I don't know how inspiring that is, but thanks!
01:04:53.000I appreciate it, and as long as you keep trying, so will we.