Louder with Crowder - #597 | TRUMP OWNS NATO | Ted Cruz Guests | Louder with Crowder

00:00:00.000 Hey, before we start the show, please do take this time to join up at lightearthcreditor.com slash MugClub.

00:00:04.000 It's what allows this show to continue, and you get this hand-etched mug, and of course, you get daily content that you cannot find on YouTube.

00:00:11.000 Want to let you know that we are going to have a large, or big, large, I don't know, live Christmas show on Wednesday the 18th.

00:00:17.000 It will be live-streamed, but we will be live in front of an audience.

00:00:20.000 200 people.

00:00:20.000 Sign up for the mailing list if you want exclusive tickets available to that.

00:00:24.000 But before we get to the show, here's a little bit of what you missed from Mug Club.

00:00:33.000 Everyone, it is go time.

00:00:35.000 A gender announcement resulted in an explosion and the woman was struck by a flying piece 1.00

00:00:49.000 of debris. 0.97

00:00:50.000 It turns out the celebration was actually for gender reassignment surgery, with the flying piece of debris being a rogue dismembered former penis. 0.97

00:00:58.000 This is very rare.

00:00:59.000 Like, I would rather have a beer with you than probably, like, 90% of my conservative friends, because I think we'd actually learn something from each other.

00:01:05.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:01:05.000 Why do people have cancer?

00:01:08.000 He actually had two islands out in the Caribbean.

00:01:12.000 One was like a temple for doing sex magic rituals, Grecian slash Egyptian. 0.85

00:01:16.000 The other was a eugenics breeding facility, not just where Epstein wanted to impregnate women with his own master race genetics.

00:01:25.000 He's getting a little loose with that definition, isn't he?

00:01:27.000 Jeffrey Epstein looking in the mirror going, yeah, this is the master race. 0.97

00:01:31.000 You know, it's not necessarily from a page of Hitler Youth.

00:01:32.000 It's not necessarily something you want to you go.

00:01:34.000 So that has to be bred into the human gene pool forevermore.

00:01:38.000 Louder with Crowder Studios, protected exclusively by Walther.

00:01:50.000 And Hopper.

00:01:51.000 And Betty! 1.00

00:01:52.000 ♪ Kid in front of a bed and sheet

00:02:16.000 Mate in front of Mohammed without thinking twice Never thought that I'd have to fight your ridicule

00:02:26.000 But if you insist, then just heed my advice, oh you

00:02:34.000 We'll be held responsible If he's preparing his case Illegally responsible Half-Asian boo right in your face For the life of me I cannot decipher What made you think that this was wise And we'll never compromise For the life of me, I cannot believe you try to ban us for these sins. 1.00

00:03:07.000 Now meet my half-Asian And my friend, if you think that your legal team is better

00:03:23.000 Just know there's at least one thing you can bet that When my half-Asian lawyer takes the courtroom floor 0.94

00:03:33.000 Think about it Now I'll be the voice inside your head that says, who built the hell responsible?

00:03:45.000 As he's preparing his case, Yeah, legally responsible.

00:03:53.000 I'm phrasing bull right in your face.

00:03:58.000 For the life of me, I cannot decipher what made you think that this was wise and we'll never compromise.

00:04:08.000 For the life of me, I cannot believe you try to plan us for these sins.

00:04:14.000 And I'll meet my end He don't care if you're straight, gay, trans, or cis 0.99

00:04:42.000 He'll chew you up like you're teriyaki bison strips And when my half-Asian lawyer takes the courtroom floor 1.00

00:04:52.000 He'll seem like he's nice, but you know that in the end he'll say it

00:04:58.000 It will be your responsibility As he's preparing his case

00:05:07.000 you Yeah, legally responsible. 0.68

00:05:11.000 Half-Asian bull right in your face. 0.97

00:05:18.000 For the life of me, I cannot decipher what made you think that this was wise and we'll never compromise.

00:05:27.000 For the life of me, I cannot believe you tried to ban us for these sins.

00:05:34.000 Now meet my half-Asian.

00:05:36.000 For the life of me, I cannot decipher what made you think that this was wise and we'll never compromise.

00:05:47.000 For the life of me, I cannot believe you try to ban us for these sins.

00:05:53.000 Now I'm in my half-Asian Now I'm in my half-Asian

00:06:05.000 Now I'm in my...

00:06:08.000 ...Asian... 0.98

00:06:19.000 You're a strange animal, that's what I know You're a strange animal, I come to follow 0.99

00:06:45.000 I'm a spirit, you're still a dream...

00:06:52.000 Oh man, drumming and dancing at the same time is hard...

00:06:55.000 How does Phil Collins do it?

00:06:57.000 He's a talented man.

00:06:58.000 Or animal.

00:06:59.000 It's tiring, right?

00:07:00.000 It is a lot of work.

00:07:02.000 We have Ted Cruz, Senator Ted Cruz, on the show today.

00:07:06.000 We are going to be talking about NATO and why it's a scam.

00:07:09.000 But first, we have the Hodge twins who are here with us today.

00:07:13.000 How are you?

00:07:14.000 Hey, white people!

00:07:17.000 And it's hodgetwinstour.com, correct?

00:07:20.000 Yes.

00:07:20.000 And your next show is in?

00:07:21.000 Bakersfield, California.

00:07:22.000 Because Madison Square Garden was not available.

00:07:24.000 Yeah.

00:07:26.000 And Quarter Black Garrett is here. 1.00

00:07:27.000 Show them your hood. 0.95

00:07:28.000 I'm sick, dawg. 0.99

00:07:28.000 That's disgusting. 0.99

00:07:30.000 And he actually means that he's sick. 0.72

00:07:31.000 He has the bird flu.

00:07:32.000 Oh.

00:07:33.000 And SARS.

00:07:33.000 He spent a lot of time at the Toronto airport.

00:07:35.000 It's AIDS.

00:07:35.000 Audio Wade.

00:07:37.000 Gerald A. is here.

00:07:38.000 What's the wine of the day?

00:07:39.000 Quilt.

00:07:39.000 Why am I accepting the name?

00:07:41.000 Dead gummit.

00:07:42.000 Quilt Cabernet Sauvignon.

00:07:44.000 Take it how we give it to you.

00:07:45.000 Okay, fine.

00:07:45.000 And you will do nothing about it.

00:07:47.000 And then you'll be hung by a bed sheet. 0.91

00:07:49.000 Thank you.

00:07:50.000 And by the way, we are doing a Change My Mind next week, next Monday, down in Austin.

00:07:56.000 Details to be determined.

00:07:56.000 And we're doing a big live Christmas show the last Wednesday before Christmas details to follow.

00:08:01.000 So before we move on, question of the day.

00:08:05.000 When you look at traditional late night hosts, who do you think is the most obnoxious when it comes to politics?

00:08:09.000 And specifically, we're going to be talking about Trevor Noah and the comments regarding Donald Trump, NATO.

00:08:13.000 That's the big story this week because we don't want to talk about impeachment again.

00:08:16.000 I'm sure I'll talk about it with Senator Ted Cruz.

00:08:18.000 What do you think about NATO?

00:08:20.000 And how does it compare to the UN?

00:08:22.000 Should we be in there?

00:08:22.000 Should we not?

00:08:23.000 Is it a joke?

00:08:24.000 Is it valid?

00:08:25.000 I have no- Well, I do have an idea, but I have no idea what you think.

00:08:28.000 Let me know.

00:08:29.000 But first!

00:08:30.000 Shots. 0.98

00:08:34.000 What the hell? 0.99

00:08:38.000 That was a yang gangbang. 0.96

00:08:42.000 Cultural differences. 0.92

00:08:43.000 This diversity sh** ain't working out. 1.00

00:08:46.000 We need some more white people than Democrats. 0.99

00:08:48.000 Do you not consider Asians amongst us with white people?

00:08:51.000 Jesus Christ, after that, no.

00:08:53.000 We need some more Christianity, man. 1.00

00:08:56.000 This dude's mad. 0.98

00:08:57.000 I have no idea what he believes. 0.89

00:08:58.000 Metaphorically busted nuts.

00:09:02.000 I didn't even see it like that!

00:09:04.000 My mistake.

00:09:05.000 Before the show, I said to be themselves, but it is YouTube.

00:09:07.000 That was a wrong choice.

00:09:08.000 It was a bad choice. 0.99

00:09:09.000 He was definitely pandering to gay people. 0.98

00:09:12.000 Yes, he definitely was. 0.97

00:09:13.000 Wait, which one's Keith?

00:09:15.000 Which one's Kevin?

00:09:16.000 I'm Keith, man.

00:09:17.000 Keith, you were about to do a hand motion.

00:09:19.000 No, stop! 0.98

00:09:19.000 Don't put No, no miming. 0.98

00:09:27.000 There's a special place in hell for mimes. 1.00

00:09:30.000 There's rings of hell.

00:09:31.000 You've heard of that?

00:09:33.000 You have Nazis, then inside you have lawyers, and then right in the middle, mimes. 0.97

00:09:39.000 I don't want a biracial mind. 1.00

00:09:41.000 I don't care what your 23 and me said.

00:09:43.000 Leading the news, Kamala Harris, so you guys know, she's ended her campaign for president after months of low poll numbers. 1.00

00:09:50.000 She's informed her supporters that her campaign, they simply don't have the financial resources to continue.

00:09:56.000 EBT doesn't cover campaigns.

00:09:57.000 So, sorry.

00:10:02.000 It's true.

00:10:03.000 They're here, so I'm a little loose-lipped today.

00:10:06.000 If you guys want to do some whippets afterward, you want some nitrous oxide, I'll let you know.

00:10:12.000 They've never tried that.

00:10:12.000 Yeah, well, you know what?

00:10:13.000 We'll call in Andrew Yang.

00:10:15.000 So we here at Louder with Crowder, of course, we're going to be talking about the UN, we're going to be talking about NATO, serious things, but not right now.

00:10:23.000 We, of course, do wish, listen, Kamala Harris the best on her future endeavors, and we put together this tribute set to the song Closing Time.

00:10:32.000 Well, actually, we couldn't afford the rights to Closing Time, so we had to make our own song.

00:10:37.000 It's called Time to Close.

00:10:39.000 Okay.

00:10:41.000 Do you have an announcement you'd like to make?

00:10:44.000 I am running for President of the United States.

00:10:48.000 I'm obviously a top-tier candidate.

00:10:50.000 Time to close.

00:10:53.000 Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning.

00:11:03.000 Time to close.

00:11:06.000 It's time to go to places where you go to place yourself.

00:11:13.000 On your mixtape, what would be, like, your favorite three songs?

00:11:18.000 Oh, okay, let's see.

00:11:20.000 Um... Oh, yeah, definitely Snoop.

00:11:23.000 Uh-huh.

00:11:24.000 Tupac, for sure.

00:11:25.000 We just saw Aretha Franklin, um, the sun is shining, and the rain.

00:11:32.000 I know that it's time for things to close. I know that it's time for things to close.

00:11:40.000 I'm just getting started.

00:11:42.000 I will be Donald Trump in 2020.

00:11:45.000 I'm just getting started.

00:11:47.000 Oh yeah.

00:11:49.000 I will be Donald Trump in 2020.

00:11:51.000 I will.

00:11:57.000 I have also started to perhaps be more candid, talking about what I describe and what I believe to be the elephant in the room about my campaign.

00:12:08.000 What is that?

00:12:08.000 electability.

00:12:15.000 I guess Barack Obama is going to be your people's high watermark.

00:12:21.000 Yeah.

00:12:23.000 She can go back to spreading the word! 0.99

00:12:27.000 I cut away.

00:12:28.000 That was very Death Cab, by the way.

00:12:29.000 If I'd have known we were doing a Death Cab cover, it seems like lack of color would have been appropriate.

00:12:35.000 And when I see you, I really see you failing now.

00:12:40.000 Okay, sticking with the 2020 races, like three people don't know Death Cab for Cutie.

00:12:44.000 That was an emo kid who wore ladies pants. 1.00

00:12:46.000 They were just skinny jeans.

00:12:47.000 Before they were popular.

00:12:50.000 And the wristbands.

00:12:51.000 I didn't wear the wristbands, that was you.

00:12:52.000 Oh! 0.94

00:12:53.000 That was you, because you were rejected by your black brethren, and so you decided you were going to go full white, and that didn't work out for you either, Quarter Black Garrett. 0.94

00:13:03.000 That was definitely a 75% white. 0.96

00:13:05.000 He has no home.

00:13:06.000 He doesn't.

00:13:06.000 You know how an apostle is not appreciated in his hometown?

00:13:10.000 It's true.

00:13:10.000 Quarter Black Garrett is not appreciated in any urban area.

00:13:16.000 Oh my gosh.

00:13:17.000 He shows up to LIDS and they just pull out a shotgun and say, nope!

00:13:20.000 Not again, sir!

00:13:21.000 Turn around.

00:13:22.000 And it's not even a Korean! 0.99

00:13:24.000 So, sticking with the 2020 race, Baby Yoda is beating all the Democratic candidates on social media.

00:13:31.000 Have you seen this, Keith and Kevin?

00:13:34.000 The popular Mandalorian character, I guess is a Star Wars reference, averages 1,671 social interactions per story, almost double that of the closest Democrat, which is not surprising.

00:13:48.000 Yoda is the perfect combination of all the Democratic frontrunners. 0.99

00:13:52.000 He's old, he jumbles his words, and he regularly has another man hand up his ass. 1.00

00:13:59.000 So that's, yes. 1.00

00:14:03.000 Butt stuff, you must. 1.00

00:14:05.000 Butt stuff, you must. 1.00

00:14:07.000 You must, you must. 0.97

00:14:09.000 You must improve your butt stuff. 0.95

00:14:10.000 That's called bleep, right? 0.98

00:14:12.000 That's bleep.

00:14:13.000 So many bleeps.

00:14:14.000 All right, that brings us to this week's Hollywood Minute.

00:14:16.000 By the way, Hodgwin's very strapping, strapping young man, cannot hold their liquor at all.

00:14:30.000 No, no.

00:14:31.000 You guys had a fat tire the first time you came in. 0.93

00:14:34.000 We were like, this must be one of those white people beer. 0.60

00:14:37.000 I'm like, no, it's just average beer.

00:14:39.000 You're like, I'm hammered!

00:14:40.000 That was one of the best shows.

00:14:41.000 That was funny.

00:14:42.000 It was pretty funny.

00:14:42.000 They don't really sound like that.

00:14:43.000 That was just, you know, a stereotype.

00:14:46.000 Just racism.

00:14:47.000 I don't know.

00:14:47.000 Just pure unadulterated.

00:14:49.000 I feel uncomfortable.

00:14:52.000 Why did you start talking like Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy?

00:14:56.000 I'm feeling uncomfortable, Mr. Crowder.

00:15:00.000 How do you spell my name?

00:15:01.000 That'd be a C, Mr. Crowder. 0.98

00:15:05.000 Country music star Shania Twain.

00:15:07.000 Sorry, this one's not for you.

00:15:08.000 She revealed that she's written songs for her younger artist friends, such as Post Malone, Janelle Monae, and Lizzo.

00:15:17.000 Lizzo.

00:15:18.000 Though critics have long suspected that Twain was behind Lizzo's 2018 hit, Man, I Feel Like a Beanbag Chair.

00:15:24.000 So that is... Ooh.

00:15:28.000 Uncanny.

00:15:29.000 Wow. 0.52

00:15:29.000 That is... 0.52

00:15:30.000 I don't know.

00:15:31.000 Yeah.

00:15:31.000 Uhhhh...

00:15:32.000 That was low.

00:15:33.000 Well, famed...

00:15:34.000 Hahaha!

00:15:35.000 Hahaha!

00:15:36.000 Famed music artist, Willie Nelson.

00:15:38.000 Let's go on, I guess this is going really well.

00:15:41.000 Willie Nelson, he's going to quit.

00:15:43.000 He's going to quit smoking marijuana.

00:15:45.000 What?

00:15:45.000 How dare you?

00:15:45.000 This comes from page six, which I don't know how that becomes a title of a publication.

00:15:49.000 At some point there was a brainstorm, and someone was like, I need a title for this paper by Wednesday.

00:15:56.000 And he was just sitting there with doughnut crushes.

00:15:59.000 Page six!

00:16:01.000 Done.

00:16:02.000 How about page five?

00:16:03.000 No, it's six!

00:16:05.000 Trust me, this is gonna be good for us.

00:16:07.000 Page six, the quote is, I have abused my lungs quite a bit in the past, so breathing is a little more difficult these days, as I have to be careful.

00:16:15.000 In other news, due to repeated rope burn, for the entire month of December, Hillary Clinton has sworn off murder. 0.96

00:16:21.000 Oh, nice.

00:16:21.000 That's nice.

00:16:23.000 There'll be no murder the whole month of December for Hillary Clinton. 1.00

00:16:29.000 Baby steps.

00:16:31.000 One month at a time.

00:16:32.000 Baby steps out the 8x8.

00:16:34.000 And Star Wars star, you guys, Billy Dee Williams, you know who I'm talking about.

00:16:39.000 He now describes himself, as you were talking about this yesterday, describes himself as gender fluid.

00:16:44.000 What?

00:16:44.000 You know this story.

00:16:45.000 You guys know this story.

00:16:46.000 They're just nodding their heads.

00:16:47.000 Always thought he was gay.

00:16:50.000 Well, no, he's not.

00:16:51.000 You're not up to speed on the vernacular.

00:16:53.000 He's gender fluid.

00:16:53.000 The Star Wars actor says, this is a quote, that he's both feminine as well as masculine, adding, I'm a very soft person.

00:17:01.000 Gay! 0.99

00:17:04.000 He's still a man, right? 0.98

00:17:06.000 Well, yes.

00:17:06.000 For now.

00:17:07.000 I think.

00:17:07.000 I'm not sure.

00:17:08.000 But he's also been announced as the spokesperson for the re-release malt liquor, Severed **** 45.

00:17:12.000 Works every time.

00:17:17.000 It's really not all that surprising, though, kind of what you're saying, given the controversial addition that Star Wars fans weren't too thrilled about from Billy Dee to Empire Strikes Back. 0.99

00:17:29.000 Yeah, that nice piece of Jedi ass. 1.00

00:17:35.000 Oh, that was awkward. 1.00

00:17:37.000 That ended way more quickly than I thought it would.

00:17:39.000 I thought there was more to that.

00:17:41.000 Oh my gosh.

00:17:42.000 You guys really give it your all in the vocal booths.

00:17:44.000 They made the point.

00:17:47.000 Can we get another take?

00:17:49.000 Nope!

00:17:50.000 One and done, that's it.

00:17:50.000 That's done.

00:17:52.000 Yeah.

00:17:53.000 And what were you saying, it turns out, what is it?

00:17:54.000 Yeah, he's not genderfluid, he just likes frilly clothes. 1.00

00:17:57.000 Oh, is that what he said?

00:17:57.000 Yeah.

00:17:58.000 Oh, so he corrected it.

00:17:59.000 So, frilly clothes and what have you. 0.97

00:18:02.000 What's frilly?

00:18:03.000 Moving on.

00:18:04.000 Yeah.

00:18:05.000 Did you just ask what's frilly?

00:18:17.000 Yeah, what is that?

00:18:18.000 I'm pretty sure you know what it is.

00:18:19.000 Frilly?

00:18:20.000 Take a guess.

00:18:22.000 Uh, think Rick James.

00:18:23.000 Oh wait, what's that?

00:18:25.000 That feeling.

00:18:26.000 Oh wait, what's that?

00:18:27.000 What?

00:18:28.000 Yep, you know what this is about.

00:18:37.000 Take that Keurig!

00:18:41.000 What was it that people were smashing their Keurigs for?

00:18:46.000 Sean Hannity?

00:18:46.000 What was it?

00:18:47.000 I'm not sure what was it.

00:18:48.000 Sean Hannity?

00:18:49.000 Oh that's right, they pulled their sponsorship from Sean Hannity.

00:18:54.000 So...

00:18:55.000 We'll be talking about NATO in a little bit.

00:19:06.000 Yeah, that really smashed that Keurig.

00:19:08.000 Yeah, it fell apart.

00:19:09.000 Which, by the way, I...

00:19:11.000 Smooth Manny's going to be furious about it. 1.00

00:19:13.000 Black Rifle Coffee is unbelievable coffee.

00:19:15.000 And I will say, their K-Cups are better than most K-Cups.

00:19:19.000 They really are better.

00:19:20.000 But there's no reason... Oh, sorry.

00:19:22.000 Coffee rounds.

00:19:23.000 I apologize.

00:19:24.000 Sorry, Black Rifle!

00:19:25.000 I'm sorry that I didn't go with the ammo themes.

00:19:28.000 I was using the vernacular that we've been using for the last... always.

00:19:31.000 Just here to help.

00:19:32.000 Since it's been invented.

00:19:34.000 Anyway.

00:19:35.000 But I've been wanting to get rid of that for a long time.

00:19:37.000 They just dropped us.

00:19:38.000 Add them to the list along with Audible and SimpliSafe.

00:19:43.000 And probably any other sponsor.

00:19:45.000 Not named, Walther and FLP.

00:19:48.000 Thank you, Black Rifle.

00:19:49.000 Delicious.

00:19:50.000 Finally, controversy.

00:19:51.000 We'll be talking about the UN and NATO.

00:19:52.000 We'll get to some stuff that actually matters.

00:19:54.000 Controversy erupted after it was... This came to light.

00:19:57.000 I thought this was a fake story.

00:19:58.000 We need to double check this.

00:19:59.000 I'm serious.

00:20:00.000 I still think it's fake.

00:20:01.000 No, it's not.

00:20:02.000 Oh my god.

00:20:02.000 It's not because it comes from New York Times.

00:20:04.000 Amazon... This is not the kind of thing they do fake news about.

00:20:08.000 Impeachment, being Russians, fake news. 0.99

00:20:10.000 This, legit.

00:20:12.000 On Amazon, someone was selling Auschwitz Christmas tree ornaments.

00:20:16.000 Well... That's awkward.

00:20:18.000 The items featured images of the Nazi concentration camp on tree ornaments, bottle openers, and more.

00:20:24.000 And of course, that one company has since removed the items.

00:20:27.000 But many people have actually overlooked some of the other, and we did some digging, some other tasteless Christmas-themed items available on Amazon, which brings us to this week's 7 Plus 1.

00:20:41.000 You forgot Stefan in the chamber!

00:20:44.000 People always forget the one that's true.

00:20:45.000 Very fitting with this story.

00:20:46.000 Thank the Lord for the Walther instruction manual.

00:20:48.000 Yes!

00:20:48.000 Because I never forget it.

00:20:50.000 And isn't that a beautiful firearm?

00:20:51.000 If I were a little boy firearm... Hodgetwins, what would you do if you were a boy firearm and this was a lady firearm? 0.96

00:20:59.000 I would go bang bang.

00:21:01.000 All of a sudden they decide to go like this is Air Bud. 0.73

00:21:05.000 We went from Kamala Harris is spreading that **** to bang bang!

00:21:13.000 We need you somewhere in the middle. 0.98

00:21:14.000 Pudge-sickles! 1.00

00:21:15.000 Pudge-sickles! 1.00

00:21:17.000 Who are you, Billie Jean Williams now? 0.91

00:21:19.000 No, I'm, cause I'm H.O.R.D.

00:21:20.000 I ain't soft, I'm H.O.R.D.

00:21:23.000 Wow.

00:21:24.000 You gotta put that O in there.

00:21:26.000 I'm H.O.R.D.

00:21:27.000 I'm H.O.R.D.

00:21:28.000 No, I'm, no, I'm... You're the D. Silent.

00:21:35.000 It is when you do it.

00:21:36.000 So, 7 plus 1 tasteless Christmas products available on Amazon.

00:21:40.000 By the way, you're all going to have to read some because I'm not doing this alone.

00:21:42.000 Oh no.

00:21:43.000 The number 7 most tasteless item available that we found on Amazon right now.

00:21:48.000 Number 7, slave on the shelf.

00:21:50.000 Seems like, yeah.

00:21:52.000 Oh yeah, that's nice.

00:21:54.000 Wow, that's low.

00:21:55.000 But he does, he sees you when you're sleeping and he also sees you when you're eating and he's incredibly jealous.

00:22:03.000 Number six.

00:22:04.000 Number six.

00:22:05.000 This one was more so concerning than tasteless.

00:22:07.000 The Saudi Arabian Instapot.

00:22:09.000 So that's right there, which almost seems like that should be more so in the utilities aisle.

00:22:17.000 You know, we're going to have the Hodge twins read us number five.

00:22:20.000 Number five.

00:22:22.000 Five blooded diamond rings.

00:22:25.000 Five blooded diamond rings.

00:22:27.000 Very nice try though.

00:22:29.000 Five blooded diamond rings.

00:22:31.000 But you know, he's getting work.

00:22:33.000 Five blooded diamond rings.

00:22:34.000 Can you guys, what's his name?

00:22:36.000 Jiguman Okunju.

00:22:37.000 Do you know how to pronounce his name?

00:22:38.000 The guy from Amistad?

00:22:39.000 No, I don't speak African.

00:22:43.000 Well, who do we call then?

00:22:44.000 It is a continent with multiple tongues, but okay.

00:22:49.000 I'm guessing you guys didn't take your boat ticket back.

00:22:52.000 Hell no, I'm standing here in America.

00:22:56.000 Number four, actually, number four is, well it wouldn't seem, tasteless items on Amazon, wouldn't seem, eggnog made from Flint tap water.

00:23:03.000 So that seems, by the way, also a remarkable weight loss product.

00:23:06.000 Sold in the supplements.

00:23:08.000 That's true!

00:23:09.000 You're right.

00:23:09.000 But it is not from a GMP-certified facility.

00:23:11.000 Tapeworm is fantastic for that.

00:23:13.000 Number three.

00:23:16.000 Number three.

00:23:17.000 Court of Black Carrot, you read this one.

00:23:18.000 Number three most tasteless item available on the Amazon Instacart.

00:23:22.000 Child Soldier Inflatable Lawn Ornament.

00:23:25.000 There you go, and look!

00:23:26.000 Oh, wow.

00:23:26.000 Look!

00:23:27.000 Coney's having a good time!

00:23:28.000 Uh-uh.

00:23:29.000 Coney's liking it.

00:23:30.000 That's... no.

00:23:34.000 Sorry, them's the brakes.

00:23:35.000 You have no choice.

00:23:35.000 That's it.

00:23:37.000 We had to do, by the way, all of these together.

00:23:39.000 Yeah.

00:23:40.000 Otherwise, you know, someone would be offended because that would be horrible, but it gets worse.

00:23:45.000 Number two, Jumanji.

00:23:47.000 Yeah, which, it's actually the popular board game where the loser gets transported to a magical camp for kids who need help concentrating. 1.00

00:23:54.000 My ass. 1.00

00:23:55.000 Need help concentrating. 1.00

00:23:57.000 And that goes wildly underdiagnosed.

00:24:00.000 Yeah.

00:24:01.000 Oh.

00:24:02.000 And how about audio way?

00:24:03.000 Do you want to read number one?

00:24:04.000 I don't.

00:24:05.000 I don't want to read number one.

00:24:06.000 Point of black there. 0.64

00:24:06.000 Read us number one. 0.64

00:24:07.000 No, I don't want to do that.

00:24:09.000 All right, G. Morgan Jr.

00:24:11.000 Read us number one.

00:24:11.000 The number one most tasteless item available at Amazon for Christmas.

00:24:16.000 The 9-11 advent calendar.

00:24:19.000 Wow.

00:24:19.000 Whoa.

00:24:20.000 That only works because it was right next to Jumanji, so everyone can be equally offended.

00:24:24.000 And of course, the plus one of seven plus one tasteless items available on Amazon for Christmas, the post-op nutcracker.

00:24:34.000 It says pre-op, and you guys... He's got the dangle, so... That's okay, because most of them, like 90% of them, they go, they get the top surgery and the hormone blockers, but they don't do the bottom surgery.

00:24:45.000 Right.

00:24:47.000 So he's still post-op.

00:24:48.000 Oh, so you can do an operation without the bottom.

00:24:51.000 Like Chaz Bono.

00:24:52.000 What is it, Chaz Bono?

00:24:53.000 One of them.

00:24:54.000 Chaz Bono, like Joey Fatone.

00:24:55.000 Chaz Bono, the, the, the, like Joey Fatone. Yes. Yes. Has the bottom.

00:25:01.000 Hasn't done it.

00:25:02.000 But we're going to get to the UN and NATO.

00:25:04.000 This has been this week's... You forgot to turn in the chamber!

00:25:11.000 You know, I almost want to upload that segment by itself because the lack of context.

00:25:18.000 That makes it funner.

00:25:20.000 Terrible list.

00:25:21.000 The Hodgetwins seem like they got very tired.

00:25:23.000 Don't get a feather.

00:25:25.000 All that lactic acid building up from my game.

00:25:30.000 I think it was how horrible those gifts were.

00:25:32.000 Hey, quick, okay, serious question.

00:25:34.000 Who do you think is stronger?

00:25:35.000 You're definitely better looking.

00:25:39.000 I think I might be stronger.

00:25:42.000 I don't know.

00:25:45.000 I'm certainly not as explosive.

00:25:46.000 Give him that spill you always give him.

00:25:48.000 If it's a hundred meter dash, I have no chance.

00:25:52.000 Oh, you got a chance.

00:25:53.000 I'm slow as ice water.

00:25:56.000 Wait, I'm sorry.

00:25:57.000 Ice water is slow. 0.95

00:25:57.000 I'm the only black guy you've ever met that can't run fast. 0.95

00:26:00.000 Really? 0.98

00:26:01.000 Didn't you run track?

00:26:02.000 No, I did the high jump.

00:26:04.000 How can you do the high jump?

00:26:05.000 That's explosive.

00:26:06.000 Well, you gotta run a little.

00:26:09.000 You have to run a little bit.

00:26:10.000 A little bit.

00:26:11.000 He's up to spring.

00:26:12.000 Yeah.

00:26:13.000 We were good jumpers, but we were not fast.

00:26:17.000 I know.

00:26:17.000 That's a rough game.

00:26:18.000 I think because I'm half white and half black.

00:26:21.000 That's the white side of the game.

00:26:23.000 So, you're slow, but angry.

00:26:25.000 Yeah.

00:26:28.000 They're slow, but they're really mad about it.

00:26:29.000 You have the kind of physique that they just sleep and they put on muscle.

00:26:35.000 I know, I'm a little jealous. My roommate in college was like that.

00:26:37.000 Is it the mesomorph? What's the body type that puts on muscle?

00:26:40.000 Uh, mesomorph. 0.89

00:26:41.000 Uh, negroes. 1.00

00:26:43.000 BBC. 0.96

00:26:45.000 The guy from Blood Diamond.

00:26:48.000 He didn't even do any push-ups, the guy from Blood Diamond.

00:26:52.000 Alright, so before we get to NATO, and Trevor, no, you know what I'm talking about, let's do Trivia Contest winner, Quarterback Garrett.

00:26:59.000 Trivia Contrast winner is Jason Jones for correctly telling us the name of AOC.

00:27:06.000 Correctly telling us?

00:27:07.000 I thought we'd have to have the Hodgetwins fix it for you there.

00:27:12.000 Okay, so let's talk about NATO in the UN.

00:27:15.000 We'll be talking about impeachment with Senator Chad Cruz.

00:27:17.000 Maybe he has some news.

00:27:20.000 With the impeachment, the general rule is no news is no news.

00:27:24.000 No news is their case right now.

00:27:26.000 And news is still no news, generally speaking.

00:27:29.000 There's just no news.

00:27:29.000 That's really all it is.

00:27:31.000 Trevor Noah did a segment on NATO and on Donald Trump.

00:27:32.000 Trevor Noah did a segment on NATO and on Donald Trump, of course.

00:27:37.000 A surface look at NATO.

00:27:39.000 So there's been a lot of talk, okay, obviously about NATO, the summit in London this last

00:27:43.000 week, especially with President Trump taking a hard line against France, if you guys have

00:27:46.000 been following.

00:27:48.000 And he left the summit early.

00:27:49.000 Power move.

00:27:50.000 Trevor Noah ran a segment, of course targeting Trump.

00:27:53.000 Let me just say, listen, while I have been critical of President Donald Trump, I am 100% with him on this.

00:27:59.000 First off, the UN is a joke.

00:28:01.000 We shouldn't be in it.

00:28:02.000 It's terrible. 0.98

00:28:02.000 Even in theory, it's ridiculous. 0.98

00:28:04.000 NATO, on the other hand, is a great idea.

00:28:07.000 After World War II, countries came together to try and make sure something like that never happened again.

00:28:10.000 They needed a counter-threat to the Soviet Union. 0.92

00:28:13.000 And unlike the silly, completely invalid UN, NATO has only developed into a joke because of the execution. 0.54

00:28:20.000 It's the execution of NATO. 0.67

00:28:22.000 NATO in theory is great, but what they're doing is... And then it's like the French, too.

00:28:26.000 We have a problem with the... Yeah, of course!

00:28:27.000 Of course we have a problem with the French in NATO. 1.00

00:28:29.000 Is anyone surprised that France is a problem of international defense?

00:28:32.000 They're the only soldiers who go into battle with a standard-issue individual white flag.

00:28:37.000 Like, you guys...

00:28:38.000 You guys have a Pantene, they have a white... You know the gun in the cartoons that goes pew!

00:28:44.000 And a little white flag?

00:28:44.000 That's the French!

00:28:45.000 Who thought that was Wile E. Coyote?

00:28:47.000 It was Jean-Pierre!

00:28:52.000 I think it's fair game.

00:28:53.000 It's fair game to go after these guys, and one of the parts of the video we don't get to, but if you ever have to explain that you're joking, Trevor's video, this is horrible. 0.92

00:28:59.000 If you ever have to explain that you're joking, and I know this from personal experience, it sucks! 0.97

00:29:03.000 The joke sucks! 0.99

00:29:04.000 You're not being funny! 0.99

00:29:05.000 Alright, so let's go to the first clip, which is kind of, they're comparing, I think this is, they're comparing Trump vs. Macron, his comments on NATO.

00:29:12.000 Let's just go to the clip.

00:29:14.000 Asked about recent comments by French President Macron that NATO is becoming brain-dead, he hit back hard.

00:29:20.000 Very, very nasty statement.

00:29:21.000 You just can't go around making statements like that about NATO.

00:29:25.000 It's very disrespectful.

00:29:26.000 In the past, President Trump has had his own harsh words towards NATO. 0.68

00:29:30.000 NATO is obsolete, it's old, it's fat, it's sloppy. 0.95

00:29:38.000 NATO is old, fat, and sloppy? 0.99

00:29:42.000 I love it, by the way. 0.92

00:29:43.000 Donald Trump's comments get bigger laughs the channel's follow-up joke.

00:29:47.000 For sure.

00:29:47.000 You know what?

00:29:48.000 Because NATO is fat and sloppy! 0.97

00:29:50.000 It's a bloated bureaucracy, riddled with red tape, and it's entirely ineffective. 0.97

00:29:55.000 See, I'm still thinking about Wile E. Coyote and red tape hunting wabbit.

00:30:00.000 I'm hunting wabbit Frenchmen. 1.00

00:30:02.000 It is terrible! 0.99

00:30:03.000 It is fat and sloppy.

00:30:05.000 That's the perfect descriptor for NATO. 0.62

00:30:07.000 And so, of course, you have Trevor Noah. 1.00

00:30:08.000 He tries to paint Donald Trump as a hypocrite. 0.96

00:30:10.000 He doesn't tell you, though, that Trump and Macron have completely different reasons, okay, for being critical. 0.95

00:30:16.000 So let me point this out.

00:30:16.000 That's important.

00:30:17.000 Have you guys been following us a ton?

00:30:19.000 No?

00:30:19.000 No, not really.

00:30:20.000 No?

00:30:20.000 You just follow more so the transgender stuff and things.

00:30:25.000 This will help.

00:30:25.000 That's okay.

00:30:26.000 Any questions, you guys let me know.

00:30:28.000 Macron's point of view here is he's upset because the United States isn't policing Syria as much as they'd want us to.

00:30:34.000 What happened to, we need to get out of other countries?

00:30:36.000 This always surprises me.

00:30:36.000 Every single time.

00:30:37.000 You're an evil empire. 0.99

00:30:39.000 Okay, but we want you to come in and we want you to... 0.98

00:30:41.000 Evil Empire us a little bit.

00:30:42.000 Can you help us out with this one?

00:30:44.000 What are we?

00:30:44.000 Are we an evil empire, or are we policing the world?

00:30:47.000 It's one or the other, because being an evil empire is profitable.

00:30:51.000 You just take their stuff.

00:30:52.000 Policing the world is spending resources to help other countries, even if they can't benefit you.

00:30:58.000 Everyone wants a little bit more American policing.

00:31:01.000 The people who shouldn't be wanting it are Americans. 0.98

00:31:03.000 But I understand why, in crap holes like Syria or France, they want our help. 1.00

00:31:08.000 I get it, I can't blame them for it, but it's not how we should dictate our policy.

00:31:12.000 So, since President Trump has moved to withdraw troops, remember, where's Code Pink?

00:31:17.000 Where's Code Pink?

00:31:19.000 Donald Trump was the first president to actually start withdrawing troops.

00:31:23.000 He didn't just announce it and say, set your date in the calendar, ISIS! 0.78

00:31:26.000 He just did it.

00:31:28.000 Like Barack Obama want to do, but he's been withdrawing troops.

00:31:31.000 France, they said that we're compromising their position in the region.

00:31:34.000 So Macron, it's Macron.

00:31:36.000 Why am I saying Macron?

00:31:37.000 It's like I need to learn the wrong way to say English.

00:31:40.000 That's true.

00:31:41.000 We appreciate you doing it our way.

00:31:41.000 French words.

00:31:43.000 Lingerie is not a word in French.

00:31:45.000 It is in English.

00:31:46.000 No, it's not a word in French.

00:31:47.000 I didn't know that.

00:31:47.000 We just say it because it sounds sexy.

00:31:49.000 That'd be like a French person saying, like, uh, moi, je vais porter tighty whiteys. 0.97

00:31:55.000 If it works, je vais rubber mes nipples. 0.97

00:32:00.000 It's some nipple action. 0.67

00:32:03.000 Avez-vous des panties crotchless? 1.00

00:32:06.000 No, I do not.

00:32:07.000 How about fruit roll-up bra straps?

00:32:09.000 The point is, no one likes the French. 0.92

00:32:13.000 So Macron is particularly upset that Trump doesn't share the European Union's vision, right?

00:32:19.000 And he said that they're facing the brain death of NATO because of differences in vision.

00:32:23.000 Okay. 0.68

00:32:24.000 France is demanding that the United States adopt the European Union's vision of NATO, and that if they don't, they say it's hypocritical.

00:32:32.000 Anyway, you know what, hit the notification bell if you are subscribed, because subscriptions don't mean a whole lot.

00:32:37.000 Join MugClubLeaderWithCredit.com slash MugClub because we're completely demonetized.

00:32:40.000 I'll talk about that more with Ted Cruz.

00:32:41.000 The point is this, we don't need to be on board with your vision for the EU when half of the EU isn't on board for your vision for the EU.

00:32:51.000 Let's go, this is another thing we're upset about, Donald Trump's ISIS comments.

00:32:54.000 When he actually sat down with President Macron, he did offer to give France something in return.

00:33:00.000 We have...

00:33:01.000 A tremendous amount of captured fighters, ISIS fighters, over in Syria.

00:33:07.000 And they're all under lock and key.

00:33:10.000 But many are from France, many are from Germany, many are from UK.

00:33:13.000 They're mostly from Europe.

00:33:15.000 I have not spoken to the President about that.

00:33:19.000 Would you like some nice ISIS fighters?

00:33:25.000 That whole meeting got, as the French say, very f***ing uncomfortable.

00:33:29.000 I look at her and she's like, no, we do not want more ISIS fighters.

00:33:32.000 That was one of the greatest non-answers I've ever heard.

00:33:35.000 Oh! 0.60

00:33:35.000 Okay. 0.60

00:33:36.000 Boom.

00:33:37.000 That's a wrap.

00:33:38.000 Woo! 0.99

00:33:39.000 That whole meeting got, as the French say, very f***ing uncomfortable.

00:33:45.000 S'il vous plait.

00:33:46.000 I mean, just look at Macron.

00:33:51.000 You can see from his body language, he's trying to hold himself back. 1.00

00:33:56.000 But deep down, he's thinking, I swear to God, this buffoon is gonna make me cut their bitch, I swear to God. 1.00

00:34:01.000 I swear to God, oh my God, I'm gonna kill him. 1.00

00:34:04.000 That's what you saw? 1.00

00:34:05.000 Because I saw a little Frenchman pissing his slacks. 1.00

00:34:07.000 That's exactly what I saw. 0.99

00:34:09.000 Who the hell cares what the French want? 1.00

00:34:12.000 I saw a little Frenchman who said, get my yellow slacks, get my dockers. 0.93

00:34:17.000 I'll take anything, Lois, Levi's, I don't care, it needs to be yellow.

00:34:22.000 I love how he called him out, and he just froze. 0.99

00:34:24.000 He's like, mother f***er! 0.99

00:34:27.000 It's just amazing to me. 1.00

00:34:29.000 Trevor Noah can watch that.

00:34:30.000 See, Donald Trump, do you need any more ISIS fighters?

00:34:33.000 No, we don't.

00:34:33.000 That was the biggest political answer I've ever seen.

00:34:38.000 The biggest non-answer.

00:34:40.000 And Trevor Noah's like, oh boy!

00:34:42.000 Macron got all of that one!

00:34:43.000 What are you watching?

00:34:46.000 That's like watching Muhammad Ali, Chuck Wepner, be like, yeah, Wepner's got him right where he wants him.

00:34:52.000 Any second now, they own bleeders.

00:34:55.000 I figure his time's come.

00:34:57.000 The truth is, Donald Trump has a point.

00:35:00.000 Okay, yes, he may have exaggerated when he said that most ISIS fighters come from Europe.

00:35:04.000 But, Macron was certainly wrong when he said that European fighters account for a tiny percentage The truth, okay, is somewhere in the middle.

00:35:11.000 You know, like the surrounding Frenchmen. 0.94

00:35:13.000 They're usually in the middle, surrounded by a firing squad.

00:35:17.000 Or running away.

00:35:17.000 Yes, running away.

00:35:18.000 But they can't, that's why you form the circle.

00:35:20.000 You form the circle and you go, fight, fight, fight, fight!

00:35:23.000 And they go, I don't know what this means, this fight.

00:35:27.000 What is this fight?

00:35:29.000 What? 0.99

00:35:30.000 We are p****s. Yeah, you must sound Mexican. 1.00

00:35:36.000 That's why we need the wall. 0.95

00:35:38.000 So out of 10,000, to keep me out, to keep my impressions out, out of 10,000, here's the number, out of 10,000 ISIS prisoners, 10,000 ISIS prisoners in Syria, 2,000 are foreign fighters.

00:35:49.000 Almost 1,000 of those are known, at least known right now, to be from Europe. 0.93

00:35:53.000 Holy crap. 0.96

00:35:54.000 Think about this for a second. 0.91

00:35:55.000 Do you guys remember Jihadi John?

00:35:57.000 Yeah.

00:35:58.000 Remember how big of a deal that was?

00:35:59.000 Jihadi John.

00:36:00.000 They were going to hang him for treason.

00:36:02.000 That was one guy.

00:36:04.000 That was one guy.

00:36:05.000 We found out that one guy from the United States went to go fight for the enemy.

00:36:08.000 It was national news.

00:36:09.000 It was bigger than Trump's impeachment.

00:36:11.000 This is just another day.

00:36:12.000 It's just another Tuesday for France. 0.93

00:36:15.000 Imagine a thousand Jihadi Johns. 1.00

00:36:18.000 Yeah.

00:36:18.000 Think about that!

00:36:19.000 And by the way, who leads all of Europe in ISIS recruits?

00:36:23.000 Take a guess?

00:36:25.000 Take a guess?

00:36:26.000 I wish we had some accordion music, or what's the French music?

00:36:28.000 I don't know what it is.

00:36:28.000 It's France!

00:36:31.000 Okay, here, hold on a second.

00:36:31.000 I'll give you a hint.

00:36:33.000 Oh.

00:36:34.000 Frank, you did it.

00:36:40.000 Just blur it.

00:36:41.000 Just blur it.

00:36:42.000 You did it.

00:36:43.000 They've had 1,900 French nationals join ISIS.

00:36:47.000 That's more than twice that of any other European nation.

00:36:50.000 It's like an ISIS factory. 0.87

00:36:51.000 Wow.

00:36:52.000 And Trevor Noah Cesar's like, look, Macron's really confident. 1.00

00:36:55.000 You have 1,900 terrorist assholes from your country. 1.00

00:36:59.000 You have no leg to stand on because your stool's probably been blown up. 1.00

00:37:03.000 I'm surprised that many Frenchmen want to fight.

00:37:05.000 It's crazy!

00:37:06.000 I don't think that anyone with a French passport should make it through TSA! 0.99

00:37:11.000 Put them on the ban!

00:37:12.000 You know what else? 0.62

00:37:13.000 Ignore Muslim ban, just a French ban, how about that?

00:37:15.000 I don't even think that we should have sur la table, okay?

00:37:20.000 It's just William Sonoma with an even more snooty attitude. 1.00

00:37:23.000 No, no, I don't need your new Hario hand grinder, you d***head! 1.00

00:37:30.000 Trying to make a buck. 1.00

00:37:31.000 By the way, on top of this, France are refusing to put their own ISIS fighters on trial.

00:37:35.000 They demand that other countries take care of the terrorists, and then they publicly oppose it when those same countries sentence them to death for terrorism.

00:37:41.000 It's like, can you handle our problem?

00:37:42.000 Okay, we're gonna put them in the chamber.

00:37:44.000 Well, we're not animals.

00:37:47.000 I think that was his beef with him when he was like, hey, do you want some tariffs?

00:37:50.000 Because you'll take care of them, right?

00:37:52.000 You don't like them.

00:37:54.000 They send them to other countries and then condemn other countries for putting them to death.

00:37:58.000 It is remarkable to me.

00:37:59.000 This is why, again, they should not be dictating American policy.

00:38:03.000 When we talk about America first, this is a perfect example. 0.60

00:38:06.000 Sorry France, you've let your guys join the enemy? 0.72

00:38:09.000 You're not doing anything about it?

00:38:11.000 You don't get to send them to us or to any other neighboring countries and then tell them how they should deal with the problem.

00:38:17.000 We don't cater to France.

00:38:19.000 Why?

00:38:20.000 Because we're better than you.

00:38:21.000 Now hold on, let me clarify.

00:38:23.000 What do you mean better than?

00:38:24.000 I mean...

00:38:25.000 Take your pick.

00:38:26.000 Any facet.

00:38:26.000 We're better than you.

00:38:28.000 All of them.

00:38:29.000 Whatever it is.

00:38:29.000 Economy.

00:38:30.000 Energy.

00:38:31.000 Ingenuity.

00:38:32.000 Healthcare.

00:38:33.000 Olympic medals.

00:38:34.000 I don't care.

00:38:35.000 Take it all.

00:38:37.000 Actors.

00:38:38.000 Aside from the Dicamond Dukunju.

00:38:39.000 I think he's French.

00:38:40.000 I don't know.

00:38:40.000 I do like him.

00:38:42.000 Never back down to...

00:38:47.000 Oh my gosh, I love it.

00:38:49.000 And also, consider that back at home, France, they lead Europe in jihadi terrorism, both terrorist attacks and arrests, okay?

00:38:56.000 These are categories that you don't want to lead in, and they're leading in every single one of them.

00:38:59.000 But look, he was brash, fine, I get that.

00:39:02.000 If you don't like that, I get it.

00:39:03.000 But he was right.

00:39:04.000 He was being tough on somebody who basically said, you can't leave this war region because we don't know what the hell to do there.

00:39:09.000 We can't take care of this.

00:39:11.000 You have to stay.

00:39:12.000 Please help.

00:39:12.000 I don't even think Donald Trump was being brash.

00:39:14.000 I really don't.

00:39:14.000 No, but that's what they're going to say.

00:39:16.000 I'm just like, I don't even care if he was.

00:39:18.000 No, I couldn't care less.

00:39:18.000 Yeah, he was right.

00:39:20.000 I would have had no problem if he just, like, punched him right in the face. 0.75

00:39:24.000 I really wouldn't. 0.96

00:39:25.000 Look, I'm going to do this.

00:39:27.000 Listen, listen.

00:39:29.000 OK, I've never done this because of my bone spurs.

00:39:33.000 How does this happen?

00:39:37.000 This must be some greeting in America. 1.00

00:39:39.000 We just, you know, have sex with men. 0.99

00:39:44.000 And here's the point about Trump's critique, right?

00:39:46.000 He's been saying for years that NATO members, and this is something we've talked about, and this is what I want, and I'll get into the history of NATO a little bit for people who don't understand why I think that NATO is important if it were implemented properly, as opposed to the UN.

00:39:59.000 Trump has been saying for years that countries, members of NATO, need to pay their fair share.

00:40:03.000 This also has caused an uproar.

00:40:05.000 These grave security concerns are the same reason that I have been very, very direct with Secretary Stoltenberg.

00:40:14.000 By the way, he's right.

00:40:15.000 As of 2019, the United States, we are footing the bill for the entire free world's defense.

00:40:19.000 You guys were in the Marines.

00:40:20.000 their fair share and meet their financial obligations.

00:40:25.000 By the way, he's right.

00:40:30.000 As of 2019, the United States, we are footing the bill for the entire free world's defense.

00:40:35.000 You guys were in the Marines.

00:40:36.000 How do you feel about that?

00:40:37.000 It's a waste of money.

00:40:38.000 It does seem like a waste of money. 0.99

00:40:39.000 I mean, I thank you for your service, but it seems to me like you'd be better served protecting Americans than ass**** like that. 1.00

00:40:45.000 That's just too much common sense there. 0.95

00:40:47.000 That just seems like too much common sense.

00:40:48.000 I prefer to be at the border.

00:40:49.000 I think I just heard one of those melanin-riddled Nazis. 0.93

00:40:54.000 They're everywhere. 0.83

00:40:55.000 I know.

00:40:56.000 And to give you an idea, the actual numbers, we'll do it 60 minutes and young Turks don't do. 1.00

00:41:01.000 By the way, happy Congress run, Shank.

00:41:04.000 As a percentage of GDP, we lead all other countries, okay?

00:41:14.000 And almost none of the countries even manage to meet NATO's 2% threshold.

00:41:17.000 I think only the UK does.

00:41:18.000 France is at 1.8%, while we're over 3.4%.

00:41:22.000 And in total, the United States spends more on NATO than all other nations combined.

00:41:29.000 Oh my gosh.

00:41:30.000 Wow.

00:41:30.000 We have Mexico and Canada.

00:41:31.000 We can leave the rest of the crap to you guys if you want to take care of it. 0.97

00:41:34.000 I'm a little confused as to what fair share means. 0.97

00:41:37.000 Yes.

00:41:37.000 I want you guys to help define it for me.

00:41:39.000 No, wait!

00:41:39.000 You did!

00:41:40.000 Two percent! 0.70

00:41:41.000 And you f***ed that up! 0.96

00:41:44.000 Yeah, let it out. 0.61

00:41:45.000 I love this.

00:41:45.000 Just let it out, Steven.

00:41:48.000 God, I love this guy.

00:41:51.000 I'm sorry, but I get so upset about it.

00:41:53.000 When you think about it, it's like, OK, after World War II, how about we all pitch in 2%?

00:41:57.000 Which, by the way, is like saying, hey, United States, you really saved our ass back there in World War II.

00:42:02.000 So we're all going to say 2% because we know that you're really going to be contributing more than anyone, but we'll at least all contribute 2%.

00:42:06.000 Then we start contributing 3%, 4%, 5%.

00:42:08.000 We're like, can you do the 2%? 1.00

00:42:09.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:42:11.000 What are we? 1.00

00:42:12.000 It's remarkable to me how entitled the rest of the world is, particularly Europe. 0.98

00:42:16.000 Anyway, let's go back to Macron.

00:42:17.000 He's mad that we don't advance the EU's agenda.

00:42:21.000 He wants Europe to call the shots when it comes to NATO, all the while France is the number one source of European ISIS fighters, and he refuses to take responsibility for them.

00:42:30.000 You know what?

00:42:30.000 Let's go.

00:42:31.000 I think that I don't want to beat a dead French horse, but... 0.77

00:42:36.000 Let's go to the whole... I think with something... It's the next clip.

00:42:38.000 It's about trade.

00:42:39.000 Something with trade.

00:42:39.000 New tariffs are retaliation against new French taxes targeting U.S.

00:42:43.000 tech companies like Apple and Google.

00:42:46.000 I'm not necessarily in love with those companies, but... I love that part.

00:42:50.000 There are companies.

00:42:51.000 There are American companies.

00:42:53.000 I want to tax those companies.

00:42:56.000 They're not going to be taxed by France.

00:42:57.000 I'm not going to let people take advantage of American companies, because if anyone's

00:43:01.000 going to take advantage of the American companies, it's going to be us.

00:43:04.000 Not going to be France. 0.97

00:43:12.000 Donald Trump is rock and roll, man.

00:43:15.000 How dare you take advances of American companies?

00:43:17.000 That's what I was gonna do!

00:43:20.000 This man is one of a kind.

00:43:21.000 He's like the world's worst superhero.

00:43:23.000 No, that'd be you.

00:43:24.000 You know who's not rock and roll?

00:43:27.000 Trevor Noah.

00:43:29.000 If you would be absolutely pummeled by Drake in a jello fight, I don't think you should be speaking for minorities in a late night program. 1.00

00:43:39.000 I think we're being a little hard on Noah.

00:43:41.000 I think the Hodgkins are big fans.

00:43:43.000 I apologize.

00:43:46.000 I saw this lady, she was very rude to me. 1.00

00:43:51.000 She pulled out a Trevor Noah book.

00:43:54.000 No.

00:43:54.000 I said, you actually bought that?

00:43:59.000 Oh, that was on the plane, right?

00:44:00.000 Yeah, I was geared to go and fight.

00:44:01.000 She was real rude. 1.00

00:44:02.000 She was reading a Trevor Noah book.

00:44:04.000 I said, oh my God, you actually pay for that?

00:44:06.000 What did she say?

00:44:08.000 She looked at me.

00:44:09.000 She was like, oh my God. 1.00

00:44:10.000 Well, Trevor Noah's a dumbass. 1.00

00:44:13.000 You had to spend the whole flight with this lady. 1.00

00:44:16.000 I had to spend a flight with a Japanese person who ate hard-boiled eggs and was vomiting into the throw-up bag. 1.00

00:44:22.000 That sounds fun.

00:44:23.000 You know that story.

00:44:23.000 I've told that story.

00:44:24.000 Throwing up the hard-boiled eggs and put it in the spring-loaded pocket and pop!

00:44:28.000 Take a red eye and sit beside a human. 0.97

00:44:32.000 And he was so sick to me.

00:44:33.000 He was like, and like reaching out for help, you know.

00:44:36.000 And you're moving away.

00:44:39.000 Pearl Harbor.

00:44:40.000 I have a little memory.

00:44:41.000 Like an elephant.

00:44:44.000 What are you paying into NATO?

00:44:47.000 By the way, whatever happened to taxing big companies?

00:44:50.000 Shouldn't they be pleased, tickled pink, Democrats to hear this?

00:44:55.000 But really, if President Trump, all he's saying is that if American companies are going to be taxed, the revenue should go to the United States and not France.

00:45:03.000 Could there be more bipartisan stance to take?

00:45:06.000 No.

00:45:06.000 Yeah.

00:45:07.000 Makes perfect sense to me.

00:45:09.000 Would AOC be saying, hey, we shouldn't have Amazon set up shop here in New York because we want them set up in Marseilles.

00:45:16.000 Yeah.

00:45:16.000 And they need to have an ISIS division.

00:45:18.000 Yes.

00:45:19.000 ISIS training is important. 0.68

00:45:21.000 Regardless of what you think about the tariffs and the trade wars, and I'm not always on board with Trump with the tariffs, but why would you be rooting for a country that's trying to damage our economy?

00:45:29.000 Yeah.

00:45:30.000 It's not a partisan issue.

00:45:31.000 Senator Grassley, Wyden, top Republicans and Democrats on the Senate, they all just released a joint statement saying that the French digital services tax is unreasonable, protectionist and discriminatory.

00:45:42.000 And when people make comments like this, I mean, it's like most of the news right now.

00:45:45.000 It's very disingenuous.

00:45:46.000 You know that's what he meant.

00:45:48.000 And yet you do this entire setup to try to make fun of him like, oh, I'm going to take advantage of our company.

00:45:52.000 This is like opposite day.

00:45:53.000 We should just start saying the opposite.

00:45:55.000 Trump should support every plan that they love and they'll run from every one of them.

00:45:58.000 It'll be great.

00:45:59.000 You made such a good point until you said opposite day.

00:46:01.000 Well, I like opposite day.

00:46:05.000 I was like, you know what?

00:46:06.000 I want to do the opposite day.

00:46:08.000 We should do that.

00:46:10.000 Because I'm saying... Can we bleep this?

00:46:18.000 And what he really means is, can we not bleep it?

00:46:22.000 Can we cut it as a clip and put it on Twitter?

00:46:28.000 I'm glad I got credit for the 50%, okay? 1.00

00:46:30.000 I'll take it.

00:46:31.000 I apologize.

00:46:32.000 He's got Billy Dee Williams on speed dial. 0.98

00:46:37.000 That's a cock. 0.98

00:46:40.000 So, bleep. 0.99

00:46:41.000 Never heard that before.

00:46:42.000 This is what happens when the Hodgetwins get in. 0.66

00:46:44.000 You bring the worst out of me.

00:46:45.000 I bring the best out of you.

00:46:46.000 What's the best?

00:46:49.000 Puts a little fire in your belly.

00:46:51.000 You know what's so funny?

00:46:53.000 I'll talk about it after.

00:46:56.000 We have to get to Senator Ted Cruz.

00:47:00.000 I'm sure he'll be thrilled with this lead-in.

00:47:04.000 All of the European victims of brutal terrorist massacres Yeah, I'll say this, and you can put me on the hook for this, okay?

00:47:13.000 Leading Europe, leading the world in domestic terrorist attacks, France, okay?

00:47:18.000 And of course, more homegrown terrorists.

00:47:20.000 All of the European victims, by the way, thoughts and prayers go out to the families, so I'm not saying this to denigrate them at all.

00:47:25.000 I actually think that it's a travesty.

00:47:27.000 All of the European victims from brutal terrorist massacres, they are effectively human sacrifices At the altar of political correctness.

00:47:35.000 That's what's happening in Europe.

00:47:37.000 And a big part of that is because they don't want to pay their fair share.

00:47:41.000 The reason that NATO exists to get into the history after World War II, Europe said, we need to make sure this doesn't happen again.

00:47:45.000 And of course, they wondered, well, what do we have to do to get the US on board?

00:47:47.000 Because they're the ones who are going to make a difference.

00:47:49.000 And that's when they said, hey, United States, can we have like an alliance?

00:47:52.000 Can we have an agreement?

00:47:54.000 No, we're not as big as you, but can you give us a hand?

00:47:57.000 So, this was the agreement, right?

00:47:59.000 That these people would pay certain percentages and so would we.

00:48:02.000 But they aren't!

00:48:02.000 They aren't upholding their end of the bargain, and they haven't been for quite some time.

00:48:06.000 Many of them for decades.

00:48:08.000 The United States is entirely blameless.

00:48:12.000 With regards to NATO.

00:48:13.000 We are over-performing, we are over-contributing, and we are saving more lives.

00:48:18.000 And while more of the citizens, by the way, from these other countries, all the while, more of their citizens are converting to terrorist Islam and committing acts of, I wouldn't say converting to Islam and committing acts of terrorism, and I know people get mad about that, but you know what?

00:48:29.000 I don't really care.

00:48:30.000 They're one and the same.

00:48:32.000 At this point. 0.95

00:48:32.000 Terrorist Islam, not all, of course not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists? 0.95

00:48:38.000 It's kind of like black and bag credit, right? 0.99

00:48:42.000 It's true.

00:48:43.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:48:44.000 Cultural differences.

00:48:45.000 I'm out of touch.

00:48:48.000 So they're committing terrorist attacks on their own citizens in their own countries, and now they're even going to other countries like Syria to commit terrorism abroad. 0.53

00:48:56.000 But France, they still can't be troubled to spend their 2% on the problem.

00:49:01.000 Here's my question.

00:49:02.000 Whatever happened to the wealthy paying their fair share?

00:49:05.000 The top 1%, we hear that all the time, right?

00:49:07.000 Wouldn't governments with trillions of dollars qualify?

00:49:12.000 Can you guys open the coffers a little bit?

00:49:14.000 And let's remove the fact that there are multi-billion and multi-trillion dollar governments from Europe and they're not paying their fair shares viewed through the lens of identity politics.

00:49:22.000 I don't want France or Germany or Canada just to pay their fair share because they're rich and I want to take their money.

00:49:29.000 It's not like some Bernie Sanders tax plan.

00:49:31.000 I want them to pay what they promised to pay because it's their job.

00:49:37.000 The government's first and arguably only job is to keep its citizens safe.

00:49:42.000 France, Germany, Canada, Italy, they're not doing that, we are.

00:49:46.000 So how about this, Europe?

00:49:47.000 Okay, how about this?

00:49:48.000 Instead of paying for socialized healthcare, for 12-year paternity leave and retirement at the ripe old age of 32, you start doing your job at ensuring the safety and future of your citizens. 0.97

00:49:58.000 It's why you exist, it is your job, and Donald Trump is 100% correct in pointing out that you suck at it. 0.83

00:50:06.000 How about that? 0.97

00:50:07.000 There's a Trevor Noah segment, the...

00:50:10.000 By racial South African?

00:50:12.000 We'll go to Senator Ted Cruz.

00:50:12.000 I don't know.

00:50:14.000 it's only get worse and it is ridiculous and i don't know what i mean you know

00:50:29.000 but i feel like four out of five

00:50:30.000 in a few women that matter i've been like what all How you doing?

00:50:35.000 Like, if you're in a really unhappy relationship and your wife is being mentally or physically abusive, you walk out. 1.00

00:50:40.000 Yeah, or f**k other women. 1.00

00:50:43.000 But she was drunk, and she was older. 1.00

00:50:45.000 She was a cougar, okay? 0.94

00:50:47.000 Turns out she was married.

00:50:48.000 I love the ultimatum there. 1.00

00:50:50.000 If you don't respect me, you don't treat me well, I'm gonna f**k other women. 1.00

00:50:54.000 That's right! 1.00

00:50:54.000 It's gonna happen. 1.00

00:50:55.000 And guess what?

00:50:55.000 Nope, that's right!

00:50:56.000 That'll work.

00:50:57.000 You wanna meet for drinks again?

00:50:59.000 I said, now you know what that means, right?

00:51:02.000 And she's like, how are you doing, tiger?

00:51:05.000 Ironically, that puts the fear of God in them a little.

00:51:09.000 And the hotel room overlooking Ocean Road, up against the window, where she's looking out, pressed up against the window.

00:51:17.000 Uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:51:18.000 That's how you do it.

00:51:22.000 I'm Jack Weager, and I approve this message, right?

00:51:26.000 I'm Jack Weager, and I approve this message, right?

00:51:27.000 Start your day like a patriot.

00:51:56.000 Go to BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder today.

00:52:01.000 Hope you enjoyed that little animation.

00:52:02.000 I didn't do it, our Colombian on staff did. 1.00

00:52:04.000 Don't worry, he's an actual citizen.

00:52:05.000 He's been here for a long time.

00:52:07.000 Listen, thank you so much to our sponsor, Black Rifle Coffee.

00:52:09.000 Right now, there's a promo.

00:52:10.000 If you go to BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder and sign up, here's the thing.

00:52:15.000 There's a big difference between bad coffee and good coffee.

00:52:18.000 Coffee is a bean.

00:52:19.000 It goes bad.

00:52:21.000 If you don't get it right after it's been freshly roasted, it doesn't even taste like the same beverage.

00:52:26.000 Black Rifle Coffee, they roast your beans to order.

00:52:29.000 So you place an order, they roast them, they ship them out.

00:52:32.000 It is a company that supports veterans, employs veterans, and they make the best coffee out there.

00:52:37.000 So please give it a try.

00:52:38.000 They have the balls to support this show.

00:52:40.000 And the price is actually very competitive. 0.97

00:52:42.000 It's often less expensive than some of the boutique brands you're getting at your supermarket that have been sitting there for eight months, for all you know.

00:52:48.000 Stale cardboard creating brown water.

00:52:50.000 BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder.

00:52:51.000 I hope they like this commercial where I crapped on all their competition.

00:52:55.000 I'm gonna go get a drink.

00:53:12.000 He doesn't even have that much time to grow out his beard.

00:53:15.000 He has to trim it.

00:53:16.000 Wow.

00:53:16.000 I didn't mean that as an insult.

00:53:17.000 I meant it as a compliment.

00:53:18.000 Because you know what?

00:53:19.000 A lot of people were saying, don't do the beard.

00:53:21.000 And he got flack for it.

00:53:22.000 We said on this show, keep the beard.

00:53:24.000 Keep the beard.

00:53:25.000 Have some questions about the beard.

00:53:26.000 But also impeachment and some big tech rules that will be rolled out December 10th.

00:53:30.000 He's a senator.

00:53:30.000 You know, he's a senator.

00:53:33.000 You know him.

00:53:33.000 You love him.

00:53:34.000 Senator Ted Cruz, how are you, sir?

00:53:36.000 Steven, I'm doing great.

00:53:38.000 I will tell you on the beard, Heidi says I have to trim it.

00:53:41.000 She said I'm not allowed to go full Duck Dynasty.

00:53:44.000 So if I want to stay married, I gotta trim it.

00:53:47.000 Respectable.

00:53:47.000 Now, do you trim this here at all, or do you just trim the sides?

00:53:51.000 I just trim it to keep the length roughly even.

00:53:53.000 And you decided to keep the, I say this, I don't think I'm letting the cat out of the bag, you decided to keep the gray.

00:53:58.000 Yeah, no, I don't dye anything.

00:54:00.000 I actually, look, my view on hair, I don't mind if it turns gray.

00:54:04.000 I'd like it to stick around.

00:54:05.000 I'm hopeful it'll stick around, but it can be any color it wants.

00:54:08.000 Yeah, you know, I do have a shampoo because for a weird thing, like I have this Mr. Fantastic, but it's a crescent moon in my sideburn that is white.

00:54:15.000 So everything else is, and then it's white like this where it looks like I have that hyperpigmentosia, whatever it's called.

00:54:20.000 So I just rub in a little shampoo.

00:54:21.000 I don't look as good as Senator Ted Cruz.

00:54:23.000 Look, that makes you like an X-Man or something.

00:54:26.000 I mean, you just need a weird backstory about your special abilities.

00:54:29.000 No, I think I need a six-pack and to be backed by billions of dollars in government funding and some kind of genetic mutation.

00:54:34.000 Who doesn't need that?

00:54:36.000 This is true, but you're closer to it than I am, Senator Cruz, so open the coffers.

00:54:42.000 Before we get to talk about big tech, let me ask you, impeachment, we haven't talked about it at all today, we just talked about NATO a little bit, and I think that unlike the UN, NATO serves a valid purpose, it's just the execution has been a joke and that people haven't been carrying their weight.

00:54:59.000 So we haven't talked about impeachment, Is there anything new that we need to know?

00:55:01.000 In my opinion, there's nothing new.

00:55:03.000 Is it all white noise?

00:55:04.000 What's the need to know here?

00:55:06.000 Because I haven't done my job.

00:55:08.000 Look, to be honest, I'm not watching what's happening in the House.

00:55:12.000 What?

00:55:12.000 Because it's a circus.

00:55:14.000 It is a one-sided, partisan, it's a show trial.

00:55:18.000 Right.

00:55:19.000 You know, if you look at past impeachments, look at Bill Clinton's impeachment, look at Richard Nixon's impeachment, In both instances, the House actually tried to respect due process.

00:55:28.000 They allowed the minority to subpoena witnesses to cross-examine.

00:55:32.000 House Democrats aren't doing any of that.

00:55:33.000 They're ignoring their own precedent.

00:55:35.000 So they're only putting on the witnesses they want.

00:55:38.000 They've prevented the minority from subpoenaing witnesses.

00:55:41.000 And it's designed to present a one-sided trial record.

00:55:44.000 This is a show trial.

00:55:46.000 The Soviet Politburo would be proud.

00:55:49.000 And the outcome is preordained.

00:55:52.000 They have decided, House Democrats have decided they're going to impeach Donald Trump.

00:55:56.000 And it doesn't matter what the evidence is.

00:55:57.000 It doesn't matter what the facts are.

00:55:59.000 They hate him politically.

00:56:01.000 And so they're going to vote to impeach.

00:56:03.000 And so I'm not paying attention to the kangaroo court over there.

00:56:08.000 If it comes to the Senate, we'll conduct a trial, we'll respect due process, and then Trump is not going to be removed from office.

00:56:14.000 The outcome, I think, is very clear in the Senate, too.

00:56:18.000 In both bodies, it's going to be essentially a party-line vote.

00:56:21.000 Yeah, and it is a kangaroo court.

00:56:23.000 By the way, dunkaroos were delicious.

00:56:24.000 Did you have that in the United States?

00:56:25.000 Dunkaroos? 0.95

00:56:26.000 Oh my gosh, you have little ones.

00:56:27.000 Do you do dunkaroos there, Senator Cruz?

00:56:30.000 I've dunked donuts.

00:56:31.000 I don't know that I've done dunkaroos.

00:56:32.000 They're just, it's a little self-contained container and it has like animal crackers and it's frosting.

00:56:37.000 And you dip it in frosting.

00:56:38.000 I definitely have not done those.

00:56:40.000 Well, you absolutely should.

00:56:41.000 We'll do a dunkaroo party next time you're here. 1.00

00:56:42.000 We'll get in our jammies and do dunkaroos.

00:56:44.000 Let me ask you, this is where it confuses me.

00:56:46.000 You know, I will say one of the really good, hard rules of politics is don't do pajama parties.

00:56:54.000 I think it's a terrible rule.

00:56:55.000 I think that you're not playing... It's not a hard rule of comedy and talk radio internet stuff, but it is a hard rule of politics.

00:57:03.000 Yeah, but you know what?

00:57:04.000 You need to play 8-D chess.

00:57:06.000 The last thing they would expect is for you to show up in a monogrammed onesie with a butt flap, and they go into the Senate bathroom, and they're like, Senator Cruz is not even taking his clothes off, and you just go, I got a flap!

00:57:16.000 I got a flap because I've got so much stuff to do, I can't be taking off pants!

00:57:21.000 That's what I recommend.

00:57:22.000 So my question is, 8D chess, normally you hear 9D chess, so what dimension are we omitting in 8D chess?

00:57:28.000 Well, I'm not that far ahead.

00:57:30.000 I'm only at 8D at this point, just so you know.

00:57:33.000 I didn't say it was a black belt.

00:57:34.000 I'm pretty good.

00:57:35.000 I'm like a purple belt.

00:57:37.000 Look, ours goes to 11.

00:57:39.000 Right, exactly.

00:57:39.000 It goes to 11.

00:57:41.000 Here's my question for you.

00:57:42.000 I was talking with my lawyer about this, my half-Asian lawyer, Bill Richman.

00:57:45.000 You mentioned sort of this trial.

00:57:46.000 There's an investigation, right?

00:57:48.000 And people talked about the whistleblower laws.

00:57:51.000 But of course, there aren't the same protections if it's not a criminal investigation.

00:57:54.000 And it wasn't a criminal investigation.

00:57:57.000 I don't know what it's morphed into.

00:57:58.000 But how does that apply to The laws like subpoenas, as you're talking about, because we do know that some people have been subpoenaed.

00:58:04.000 They're just not allowing the minority party to subpoena.

00:58:07.000 Is that what's happening?

00:58:08.000 That's exactly what's happening.

00:58:09.000 The Democrats don't want any witnesses that contradict the political narrative they're trying to put out, which is why I think most Americans have tuned this out.

00:58:18.000 You know, the interesting thing, when I go home to Texas, Nobody asked me about this.

00:58:22.000 This is a Washington circus.

00:58:24.000 People are interested in jobs and their lives.

00:58:26.000 Now, when we get to the Senate, I think the Senate, I hope and believe, will do a much better job being fair.

00:58:33.000 And we're going to let both sides present their case.

00:58:35.000 And that means if the White House wants to call witnesses, if they want to call Hunter Biden as a witness, if they want to call the whistleblower as a witness, both of them, I think, are obviously very relevant fact witnesses.

00:58:47.000 Yeah.

00:58:47.000 The White House wants to call them.

00:58:49.000 I think the Senate, we should let them call them so both sides can present the facts and evidence.

00:58:53.000 This shouldn't be just a political show trial.

00:58:56.000 Right.

00:58:57.000 Well, so let me ask you this, because they're disallowing one side to present witnesses.

00:59:02.000 So two questions.

00:59:03.000 Is that legal?

00:59:05.000 Which I assume it probably is.

00:59:06.000 But secondly, does that follow in line with precedent as far as these kinds of impeachment proceedings have gone in the past?

00:59:13.000 Oh, look, it's legal in the sense that the House can do whatever it wants.

00:59:16.000 Right.

00:59:17.000 But it's not fair.

00:59:19.000 And it's inconsistent with the House's own precedent.

00:59:21.000 So it's not how they did Bill Clinton's impeachment.

00:59:23.000 It's not how they did Richard Nixon's impeachment.

00:59:26.000 And this is, look, the unifying theme among Democrats right now is they hate Donald Trump.

00:59:33.000 And a lot of these congressional Democrats decided they wanted to remove Trump in November of 2016.

00:59:38.000 They're mad at the American people for voting for him.

00:59:42.000 And if you disagree with the president, I get that.

00:59:44.000 They disagree with him on policy, on politics.

00:59:48.000 That's what our democratic process is about.

00:59:50.000 Engage, argue, and if you disagree with someone, try to beat them at the ballot box.

00:59:54.000 You know, for eight years, Barack Obama was president.

00:59:57.000 He supported a whole bunch of policies that I thought were really misguided and were deeply harmful to the people of Texas.

01:00:04.000 I didn't urge impeaching Barack Obama because I disagreed with him on policy or politics.

01:00:09.000 The way to respond to that is win an election.

01:00:13.000 House Democrats aren't willing to try to do that.

01:00:14.000 They're abusing the constitutional process and abusing impeachment right now.

01:00:20.000 By the way, as it relates to winning an election, can you send some Cliff Notes to your neighbor Beto O'Rourke?

01:00:27.000 It's uh, it has been amazing to watch.

01:00:30.000 Yeah, do you think he'll be running again locally in Texas or do you think, no?

01:00:35.000 You know, I have no idea what he's going to do.

01:00:38.000 It was really striking because what happened was he lost his base.

01:00:42.000 So when he was running against me, his base was the media.

01:00:45.000 Oh, I thought you were going to say skater kids, but yes, media as well.

01:00:50.000 Actually, a lot of the media are frustrated skater kids.

01:00:53.000 They weren't cool enough to be skater kids, but they wanted to be.

01:00:56.000 And the media in the Senate race against me, I mean, they were like groupies.

01:01:01.000 at a Beatles concert throwing their underwear at Beto.

01:01:04.000 I mean, it was... I think you're confusing Beatles with Tom Jones.

01:01:08.000 And I say that because my mom went to go see Tom Jones recently, and women were throwing their panties on stage. 1.00

01:01:13.000 Still, a hand to God.

01:01:15.000 So I don't know if they did that with the Beatles, but yeah, I've never seen as much national attention to a local election as you and Beto, and he still lost.

01:01:22.000 Well, and every week there would be a different profile.

01:01:25.000 They were all breathless.

01:01:26.000 They were describing his smile, his hair, every article.

01:01:31.000 I think there was actually a, like, law that was passed among journalists.

01:01:35.000 You must include the adjective, Kennedy-esque.

01:01:40.000 Can you do that for me one more time?

01:01:41.000 Can you do that for me one more time?

01:01:42.000 Kennedy-esque.

01:01:43.000 Oh, jeez.

01:01:44.000 That's gonna be a gif, but not in the ways that we would hope.

01:01:47.000 But I'm glad that you do it.

01:01:50.000 Hey, but then, The instant we beat him in one.

01:01:54.000 And he declares for president.

01:01:56.000 Suddenly, he's running against some of the media's favorite candidates, Bernie and Warren and all the rest.

01:02:03.000 In an instant, the media turned on him.

01:02:05.000 Suddenly, oh my gosh, he doesn't know anything.

01:02:07.000 He's in an empty suit.

01:02:08.000 And they begin attacking him.

01:02:10.000 And I have to admit, I felt for the guy.

01:02:12.000 Sure.

01:02:13.000 He seems so bewildered.

01:02:15.000 He's like, wait, wait, you guys were like carrying my robes and gasping as I walked through the room.

01:02:23.000 Right.

01:02:24.000 And every one of the reporters that had written these puff pieces then began just shivving him.

01:02:30.000 I know.

01:02:31.000 And it was the darkest prison yard you've ever seen with knives coming from every direction.

01:02:36.000 The darkest prison yard with the whitest Kennedy. 0.81

01:02:38.000 That's also a big reason they attacked him. 0.93

01:02:39.000 Like, we don't need more white guys. 0.98

01:02:40.000 Yeah, I think he thought he was a part of the Cool Kids Club.

01:02:42.000 You know, he was on the island.

01:02:43.000 And instead, it turned out he was Piggy.

01:02:44.000 And they're like, I'll smash his glasses.

01:02:46.000 Make a magnifying glass.

01:02:47.000 Make a fire.

01:02:47.000 He can't see without my glasses.

01:02:49.000 All right, final question.

01:02:50.000 You know, Piggy has asthma.

01:02:52.000 Yes, that was a traumatizing story as a kid.

01:02:56.000 I remember I was like, Piggy dies in Lord of the Flies?

01:02:58.000 As a kid, I was just absolutely devastated.

01:03:01.000 I am really hoping, as ugly as these Democratic primaries have been, that we don't see any skulls on sticks.

01:03:08.000 That probably would be a step too far.

01:03:11.000 Yeah, I certainly would agree with you.

01:03:12.000 You know what?

01:03:13.000 Okay, I have some questions for you on the December 10th YouTube Live.

01:03:16.000 And besides, if it was a pig skull, they'd lose all the vegan votes, so they can't do that.

01:03:21.000 Yeah, well, there are many reasons they can't do a pig skull. 0.51

01:03:23.000 But, okay, that is at Ted Cruz, Senator Ted Cruz.

01:03:26.000 We're going to web extended here for a little bit.

01:03:27.000 If you're not a member of Mug Club, join up right now! 0.98

01:03:29.000 You must choose!

01:03:30.000 It's cold outside!

01:03:31.000 Bimbo, bimbo! 1.00

01:03:32.000 My name is Mr. Susan!

01:03:34.000 You must choose!

01:03:34.000 And now it is time for you to...

01:03:36.000 Alright, one live read of the week, because if you haven't joined Mug Club yet, at

01:03:39.000 Lidothcreditor.com slash Mug Club, I guess you don't care about the show.

01:03:42.000 But another wonderful sponsor.

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01:03:57.000 Let me ask you, what happens when the police arrive?

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01:04:40.000 If you have a firearm, you need a service like this. 0.96

01:04:43.000 There are others out there, but none of them are as well priced and none of them have the balls to support the show.

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01:05:01.000 What a complete disaster.

01:05:09.000 Egg.

01:05:10.000 Excuse me, did you just blow in from dressed like a spazville? 1.00

01:05:15.000 How do you walk around looking like that?

01:05:20.000 Ah yes, there you go.

01:05:21.000 Now you're ready to fight the man in style.

01:05:24.000 Louder With Crowder merch makes these two slobs look better. 1.00

01:05:30.000 Get your louder with Crowder gear at louder with Crowder shop dot com and cover your disgusting 0.99

01:05:36.000 body. 0.98

01:05:38.000 This is a test.

01:06:22.000 That was Timothy Dalton finding out that Walther PPKs don't work underwater.

01:06:26.000 Maybe they're in James Bond.

01:06:29.000 Firearms don't work underwater.

01:06:30.000 Actually, I have no idea.

01:06:32.000 Thank you so much, Walther, for your sponsorship.

01:06:34.000 We really appreciate it.

01:06:35.000 If your firearms do work underwater and I misadvertise your product, I apologize.

01:06:39.000 I assume that firearms don't work underwater because of firing pin.

01:06:43.000 Yeah, but he's James Bond.

01:06:45.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:06:46.000 Was Timothy Dalton really James Bond?

01:06:48.000 Not really.

01:06:51.000 Was he really?

01:06:52.000 He just got lucky.

01:06:53.000 Thank you so much to Senator Ted Cruz.

01:06:55.000 There is a long, extended interview available for those who are Mug Club members.

01:06:59.000 If you are not, please do consider signing up, especially with December 10th looming, which we talk about with Senator Ted Cruz.

01:07:04.000 Next week we're doing a Change My Mind in Austin.

01:07:08.000 Affirmative action is racist, so we'll see what happens there.

01:07:12.000 And then we also have a big Christmas show Wednesday the 18th.

01:07:15.000 We're going to be doing a live show, sort of a variety show.

01:07:18.000 We'll be doing it for a charity where a portion of every mug club sold.

01:07:22.000 We'll offer you guys a discount.

01:07:23.000 We'll go to either Christmas baskets or some kind of a, I guess, homes in need Christmas charity.

01:07:28.000 We haven't figured out which one is best yet.

01:07:30.000 Let me know.

01:07:31.000 Tweet me at scrat or which charity you think is best around Christmas time because I don't want to be given to like Bono's one charity.

01:07:37.000 Ironically, it gives less than 1% to actual charity.

01:07:41.000 And thank you so much to the Hot Twins.

01:07:43.000 They are hot.

01:07:44.000 Those Hot Twins.

01:07:46.000 So, closing segment here.

01:07:48.000 Let me talk about this.

01:07:49.000 So, my wife and I were actually having this discussion last night.

01:07:51.000 She wants to get a Tesla. 0.95

01:07:54.000 But not because she wants to go fast.

01:07:55.000 She would never go fast.

01:07:56.000 But she likes to have a self-driving car. 0.54

01:07:59.000 Now, let me explain this to you, because my wife, where we lived for a long time, they didn't have all of the high roads and overpasses like you have here.

01:08:07.000 So anyone who's been to this area of the country, everything is built really high.

01:08:11.000 Well, they also can't drive in the snow.

01:08:12.000 Things freeze.

01:08:14.000 It's like Minority Report, right?

01:08:15.000 The roads are really high, and my wife gets really anxious.

01:08:19.000 And honestly, I mean, I got into a car wreck on one of those.

01:08:21.000 That's true.

01:08:21.000 You can still see the skids along the concrete girder from where we almost died.

01:08:27.000 And you can see them whenever you're driving on these freeways here.

01:08:30.000 You just, you're like, oh, there's a mark.

01:08:31.000 Oh, there's a bumper mark.

01:08:32.000 There's a bumper mark.

01:08:33.000 Went right off the side there.

01:08:34.000 Look, that one's like they stamped an Ikea, not an Ikea, a Kia cookie cutter.

01:08:38.000 Ikea would sell cookie cutters.

01:08:40.000 That's just like a cookie cutter stamp from a Kia car.

01:08:42.000 Yeah.

01:08:43.000 I got Ikea and Kia mixed up.

01:08:44.000 So sue me!

01:08:47.000 But she was asking me about it, and I said, OK, listen, here's the deal.

01:08:51.000 First off, I don't want a Tesla.

01:08:52.000 Sorry, Tim from HR.

01:08:53.000 I don't like them.

01:08:54.000 But I said, I tell you what, we can get a self-driving car once the technology gets there, but only if you've gotten to the point where you can drive entirely comfortably on these four-lane roads that go up, you know, 80 stories in the sky.

01:09:11.000 Only once a year, which I know sounds sort of like it defeats the purpose, but actually that's the whole reason that I

01:09:16.000 said that.

01:09:17.000 Because only when my wife would be proficient in driving a car in a situation that she finds very fear-inducing, can

01:09:24.000 she get it.

01:09:26.000 Otherwise, and the reason I say this is because otherwise, it would be letting the fear dictate her decision.

01:09:31.000 It would be getting a Tesla, getting a self-driving car because she's afraid or uncomfortable to drive a normal car on a road that's 80 feet up.

01:09:41.000 And I don't want someone, I don't want my wife making a decision based on fear.

01:09:46.000 When you do that, and I think everyone here has done that at some point, when you, instead of conquering your fear, Your fear owns you.

01:09:54.000 That's what happens.

01:09:55.000 And it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

01:09:59.000 Let me talk with you about something here personally.

01:10:00.000 I said that I wouldn't because I know I talked about Hopper a long time ago when he was diagnosed with lymphoma.

01:10:05.000 I don't think I'm being a liar because I've changed my mind.

01:10:10.000 Tomorrow is Friday.

01:10:11.000 I'm going to have to put Hopper to sleep.

01:10:16.000 It's something that is really difficult to do.

01:10:22.000 But if you want me to talk more about Hopper and his life, and how he even changed the Hodge twins who became dog fans, and how many lives he's touched, just follow me on Instagram.

01:10:29.000 I think it's Ladder with Crowder.

01:10:30.000 I'll talk more about that personal stuff there, because I talked about it once on this show, and I'm not doing this for it to be a tearjerker.

01:10:38.000 But there were discussions that need to happen.

01:10:39.000 I think there's something I get. 0.99

01:10:40.000 I would kill a thousand dogs to save one human baby. 0.97

01:10:43.000 Don't get me wrong. 0.93

01:10:45.000 But it is this is the first time I've had to go through this and it is probably the hardest thing I've had to do because you have to make a decision.

01:10:53.000 To end the life of someone you love.

01:10:56.000 And you're doing it out of compassion.

01:10:57.000 It is the right thing to do.

01:10:59.000 And thank you so much to my vet, Dr. Wright, who said, listen, there's no guilt.

01:11:02.000 He said, I've known a lot of people who say that I wish I would have done this sooner.

01:11:05.000 I don't know anyone who said that they wish they would have waited.

01:11:08.000 And I want you to know, and I appreciate so much the letters that I get from you guys.

01:11:12.000 We have people who've sent in, like, oil paintings of Hopper.

01:11:16.000 I understand that he's touched your lives as well, so I feel like I owe it to you to let you know what's happening.

01:11:21.000 He's not in pain, but probably in a week or two it would get pretty rough.

01:11:26.000 It's like a flu that you don't get better from.

01:11:29.000 And so we've had to have these conversations, and I have to be there tomorrow.

01:11:34.000 So we haven't missed shows this week.

01:11:37.000 having taken a sick day, but tomorrow I won't be coming into work

01:11:41.000 because I have decided that I'm going to be the one there to

01:11:44.000 hold him while they put Hopper to sleep. And if I don't, I have to do it.

01:11:52.000 Let me explain this to you.

01:11:53.000 I have to do it.

01:11:54.000 Because if I don't, I'd be letting my fear, and fear of pain, really, I'd be letting my fear, my pain, control me.

01:12:01.000 I'd be letting it defeat me, and I wouldn't be doing the right thing for Hopper.

01:12:06.000 A lot of times, people talk about this, like, it's okay to cry.

01:12:09.000 You know what?

01:12:09.000 It's not always okay to cry.

01:12:11.000 It's not always okay to cry.

01:12:12.000 You can't be sitting there and sobbing and out of control as you put your dog down.

01:12:18.000 It's not fair to the dog.

01:12:19.000 That dog is gonna be leaving the world terrified. 0.96

01:12:21.000 When we came back from the vet, I'm not gonna lie, I cried like a bitch, but I closed the door, put Hopper in, turned my head, did one of those, you know, things that hurts your chest because you're trying not to let the cry come out. 0.97

01:12:37.000 It's normal to grieve. 0.98

01:12:40.000 It's absolutely normal to grieve, but we can't be consumed by grief.

01:12:46.000 And going back to the idea, we can't let it dictate our lives.

01:12:49.000 This is a part of life.

01:12:51.000 And I haven't really thought about everything I'm going to be talking about here, so forgive me if I'm a little frazzled.

01:12:56.000 It's a little bit of a tough subject to talk about.

01:12:57.000 Here's the thing.

01:12:58.000 Let me put it this way.

01:13:00.000 Everyone, everyone on earth goes through periods in their life where they just want to give up or want to die.

01:13:08.000 Every person goes through a period in life where you feel like you're done and you just want it to end.

01:13:13.000 You want to give up and die.

01:13:17.000 You just don't.

01:13:19.000 I know sometimes we offer, and we do, we talk about stick-to-itiveness and discipline and a plan, and all of that is important.

01:13:25.000 That being said, you can maintain control of your emotions, you can be disciplined, you can set a plan, you can get up at the same time every day, you could be doing the right things, and sometimes your emotions just get the better of you, and everyone gets to a point where they hit a wall, they're at the end of their rope, they feel like they want to give up and die.

01:13:44.000 You don't.

01:13:46.000 You just choose not to.

01:13:48.000 It's that simple.

01:13:49.000 And let me tell you, you know, this is going to sound cliche, but a big help in dealing with this, first off, it's easier to deal with this now because we've had time with Hopper and we've done everything that we could.

01:14:01.000 It wasn't very sudden.

01:14:03.000 But looking at it with an attitude of not, and we are losing a lot, losing a best friend, that is absolutely true.

01:14:11.000 But looking at how much we were blessed And other people were blessed because of having a dog like Hopper.

01:14:21.000 Looking at this through the lens of both gratitude and selflessness is so immensely helpful.

01:14:28.000 When you look at it, instead of saying, I am putting my dog down, that is really sad.

01:14:32.000 It's really sad, but going, my God, I got to rescue a dog that I had.

01:14:35.000 We've had seven years with this dog.

01:14:37.000 We saved this dog's life.

01:14:39.000 It was a one-legged dog with Lyme disease and alopecia, and people who never liked dogs got to spend time with him, and he was a therapy dog, and he got to sleep in our bed, and we grew up with him, my wife and I, the woman of my youth, and we moved to a new house, and we kept We got the old futon that he loved, and we have so many memories that we're grateful for, and we got Betty, who's going to be on the show more, and they started bonding together, so we were able to sort of pass that torch now to Betty, and after this, we'll probably get another companion for Betty, because Betty does really well with dogs.

01:15:11.000 If she had her way, her and Hopper would be playing all day, and then cuddling all day, and Hopper instead had his way, and it was get the hell off me, because he's an old man, and I don't blame him, but looking at it with gratitude, And selflessness, that frames what you have to do.

01:15:26.000 That frames the, ah, I can't believe I have to put my, I can't believe my dog is dying.

01:15:31.000 That changes because of gratitude to, thank you, Lord, for giving me the time and helping me grow as a person with this sentient being who I do, who I love dearly.

01:15:43.000 Thank you so much.

01:15:45.000 And looking at it selflessly, serving others is, you know what, as opposed to going, ah, I have to put my dog down, because I've seen people like this.

01:15:52.000 It's what does Hopper need right now?

01:15:55.000 What does he want right now?

01:15:57.000 What does he need at this moment in time?

01:16:01.000 And the truth is, he's happy.

01:16:03.000 He's happy.

01:16:04.000 He's not in pain right now.

01:16:05.000 He has no idea he's going to be taking a sleeping pill.

01:16:06.000 It's like taking a Fuzanix.

01:16:08.000 He's going to be having a grand old time.

01:16:10.000 You know what would ruin it?

01:16:11.000 Me thinking about myself and spending the last couple of days feeling sorry for myself and weeping.

01:16:17.000 And a lot of people don't realize this.

01:16:19.000 Pain sometimes can create a very selfish environment.

01:16:22.000 Yes, it's okay to feel pain, it's okay to grieve, but to allow it to consume you almost invariably allows it to consume the people around you.

01:16:33.000 And that's not right.

01:16:34.000 It's wrong.

01:16:35.000 Regardless of whether you're in pain or not, it is wrong to act that way.

01:16:40.000 So if you find yourself in a situation where you maybe feel like it's too much, you're at the end of your rope, you want to give up, you want to lay down, here's what you do.

01:16:49.000 Don't.

01:16:50.000 Don't! 0.57

01:16:51.000 And look at your situation and say, what can I be grateful for and how can I serve others?

01:16:56.000 Above everything else that I've talked about on this show, if you approach every single scenario, and it's particularly the most painful ones, what am I grateful for and how can I serve?

01:17:10.000 It will change the way you live your life.

01:17:14.000 And the way that you live your life subsequently will benefit the lives around you.

01:17:20.000 So thank you so much for being here with me.

01:17:23.000 I appreciate it.

01:17:23.000 Thank you for all of your letters.

01:17:25.000 And you know what?

01:17:26.000 Pretty soon we might be having a golden ticket for a companion for Betty. 1.00

01:17:30.000 Thank you so much.

01:17:31.000 We'll see you next week.

01:17:31.000 I have a big change of my mind coming up.

Louder with Crowder - December 06, 2019

#597 | TRUMP OWNS NATO | Ted Cruz Guests | Louder with Crowder

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