Louder with Crowder - American Ninja Warrior's Matt Iseman | Louder With Crowder

00:00:00.000 There are differences, but in real life...

00:00:04.000 Is that room service or something?

00:00:06.000 I think it's the maid.

00:00:07.000 I'm good!

00:00:08.000 Thank you!

00:00:09.000 Wait, no, hold on.

00:00:09.000 Let her in.

00:00:10.000 I want to hear if she's Spanish. 0.95

00:00:12.000 Pardon?

00:00:13.000 You can come in.

00:00:18.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

00:00:22.000 This one is different than a lot of guests that we have because he's probably way more popular than so many of the guests we've had in these weird sort of niche subcultures.

00:00:32.000 Certainly the imam who wanted to kill me. 1.00

00:00:33.000 He's a host of the very popular show American Ninja Warrior, one in which he can never compete because he looks like he's over a buck fifty.

00:00:40.000 You can follow him on Twitter at Matt Eisman, comedian, actor, host.

00:00:44.000 Matt Eisman, thanks for being on, buddy.

00:00:45.000 My pleasure, Steven.

00:00:47.000 You're absolutely right.

00:00:48.000 I'm way over a buck fifty and that's my excuse.

00:00:50.000 Yes.

00:00:51.000 Well, you're a big guy.

00:00:52.000 I mean, I can't.

00:00:54.000 It's different in the realm of hosts.

00:00:56.000 I notice you'll get hosts who are bigger, but in the realm of actors, it seems like you would be in the super heavyweight category.

00:01:01.000 So I was on General Hospital back in like 2002, and I was a thug, but I ended up having to get into a fight with one of the actors.

00:01:01.000 Totally.

00:01:10.000 I'm 6'4", like 230, and the guy was 5'9".

00:01:16.000 And so they had to do the forced perspective where, you know, it looked like we were face-to-face, but he was, you know, like two feet close to the camera, and we're putting up our dudes talking to each other while, you know, he's two feet closer.

00:01:29.000 Yeah, so that's why I haven't acted as much as I would like.

00:01:32.000 That's my excuse.

00:01:33.000 Well, yeah, exactly.

00:01:33.000 Well, I had that happen when I was in this film, To Save a Life, and if you've ever done a fight, if you've been in, like, of course, if you were in general hospital, you've done fight sequences.

00:01:41.000 Did they put what they call the gator back on him?

00:01:44.000 Did they put that on the guy?

00:01:45.000 No.

00:01:46.000 Well, they did it with me, which was like, I don't know if it's Kevlar or what you call it, but it's like a gator back. 0.97

00:01:51.000 Oh, like motorcycle guys, right?

00:01:54.000 Kind of like that, yeah.

00:01:55.000 But you can't really see it, and the whole thing was like, we're supposed to pin him up against the locker.

00:02:00.000 And so a really good guy, actually.

00:02:01.000 A friend will be on the show, Randy Wayne, but he's a lot smaller than me.

00:02:05.000 And we had to make him out to be a high school basketball star.

00:02:09.000 So it's just a tough thing to pull off.

00:02:11.000 And so they put this gator back on him.

00:02:13.000 And I remember I was doing it and just kind of pushing him up against the locker.

00:02:16.000 And they said, hey, so have you ever wrestled or done some kind of...

00:02:19.000 I said, yeah, yeah, I do grappling.

00:02:21.000 They go, oh, okay, yeah, that's why.

00:02:22.000 Everything that you know about fighting, do the opposite.

00:02:24.000 Because you're trying to keep him in close.

00:02:26.000 We want you to exaggerate it, expose yourself, and bring him around and bring your fist up like this.

00:02:33.000 So, yeah, we're just letting people in the land of make-believe.

00:02:36.000 But Ninja Warrior, before we get on to the comedy thing, which I know you started as a comic, Ninja Warrior is so popular as a summer show.

00:02:44.000 It's just, because there must have been, when that pitch meeting happened, there must have been a lot of people going, ah, that'll work for some little Japanese guys. 0.98

00:02:44.000 Crazy. 0.98

00:02:52.000 That's not going to work in the States.

00:02:53.000 Well, that's what happened.

00:02:55.000 It started, it was on G4, a network that no longer exists, but was very tech-heavy.

00:02:59.000 It doesn't exist anymore?

00:03:01.000 It doesn't exist.

00:03:02.000 So it was a Japanese show called Sasuke and they were airing episodes on G4 dubbed into English and they called it Ninja Warrior.

00:03:10.000 It became so popular there they decided to do an American version and I got brought in on season two.

00:03:15.000 And it became their top-rated show.

00:03:18.000 And then Comcast owned G4. Comcast buys NBC. G4 and NBC become sister channels.

00:03:24.000 They end up putting a finale on NBC. It does well.

00:03:27.000 We started splitting broadcasts.

00:03:29.000 G4 ends up going away.

00:03:32.000 NBC picks up the show.

00:03:33.000 G4 becomes Esquire.

00:03:34.000 And then the show just transitioned to NBC last year entirely.

00:03:38.000 And so for most people, they discovered it last year, you know...

00:03:42.000 Oh, man.

00:03:43.000 I didn't even realize.

00:03:44.000 I was watching it with my ex-girlfriend, I remember, when Nagano was the first guy to clown mine. 0.98

00:03:48.000 Yeah, so you watched the original, right?

00:03:49.000 Mount Midoriyama.

00:03:51.000 But most people don't know that, and it's funny.

00:03:53.000 We still have lots of homages to it, and we recreate Mount Midoriyama in Las Vegas.

00:03:58.000 It's not quite the same amount of weeping, though, when they lose.

00:04:01.000 The Japanese are like... 1.00

00:04:01.000 I can't believe! 1.00

00:04:03.000 So we did Team USA versus Japan each of the past two years and the Japanese got skunked. 0.79

00:04:09.000 Just did awful.

00:04:11.000 And all of their competitors cried.

00:04:14.000 And as Americans, you know, there's a little bit of, you know, the machismo.

00:04:19.000 But this sport, it really is such a supportive community.

00:04:22.000 And I really looked at it differently where you realized these guys were crying for shame.

00:04:26.000 Like they felt they shamed their country.

00:04:28.000 And in a way, it was really touching.

00:04:28.000 Yeah.

00:04:30.000 It was touching to see how much it meant to them.

00:04:33.000 But in doing so, then they brought actual shame.

00:04:36.000 I know.

00:04:37.000 In the Americans' eyes.

00:04:39.000 But that's what's funny.

00:04:40.000 I think this show is really different in that this is the first year we've had a winner.

00:04:46.000 In previous seasons, we never had a winner. 0.95

00:04:48.000 Oh, and that guy got screwed. 0.88

00:04:49.000 I remember, I felt so bad seeing it. 0.98

00:04:51.000 Well, hold on, let me bring in Gay Jay real quick. 0.99

00:04:53.000 Do you ever watch this show?

00:04:53.000 I did.

00:04:54.000 I watched the original, and I don't know if I've seen American as much.

00:04:57.000 Well, what happened, I'll let Matt explain it.

00:04:58.000 What happened this last one, it was the first time, you know, they get to Mount, what do you call it?

00:05:03.000 Midoriama. 0.61

00:05:04.000 Midoriama. 0.61

00:05:04.000 Pat Morita. 0.61

00:05:05.000 We'll call it Mount Pat Morita.

00:05:07.000 Because it's a common name in Japan, Pat.

00:05:10.000 So this guy, first American to get up to it, right?

00:05:13.000 And he climbs up and he had like maybe a fraction of a second left.

00:05:16.000 And his family's celebrating, you know, a million bucks.

00:05:20.000 He's the first one ever to do it.

00:05:21.000 Then the next guy goes and beats him by like, what, Matt?

00:05:24.000 Three seconds?

00:05:25.000 Three seconds.

00:05:26.000 So he thought he was going to get up.

00:05:27.000 Imagine that.

00:05:27.000 His wife's already picking out her new wardrobe.

00:05:30.000 For 11 minutes, they were millionaires.

00:05:33.000 And then it went away.

00:05:35.000 It was heartbreaking.

00:05:36.000 Are you guys going to give them something?

00:05:37.000 Please tell me NBC's going to do something for them.

00:05:39.000 So this is what's going on on the internet, is people are really upset.

00:05:42.000 And it's interesting because in the context of the show, all the competitors, even though no one had ever made it to stage four, we were always very clear that would that eventuality arise, this is how it would come down to whoever did it the fastest.

00:05:57.000 We didn't anticipate it.

00:05:58.000 The competitors knew going into it.

00:06:00.000 it still doesn't make it any easier.

00:06:00.000 Right.

00:06:03.000 And unfortunately, we are constrained somewhat by standards and practices where these are the rules set out and it's hard to then go back and reward someone.

00:06:14.000 I don't know what NBC will do.

00:06:17.000 And to his credit, Jeff- You're making that NBC cash.

00:06:20.000 You could throw him a couple of sandwiches.

00:06:21.000 Believe me, this is the first year I've made NBC cash.

00:06:24.000 It's been cable up to this time.

00:06:25.000 As someone who did hosting for MTV and- You know.

00:06:29.000 Oh, it's nothing. - It's like you're getting This was usually...

00:06:33.000 Coconut water was what I would get paid in a lot of the times.

00:06:38.000 It was a stand-up comic, too.

00:06:39.000 One guy tried to pay me...

00:06:40.000 I've told that story.

00:06:41.000 He tried to pay me in Coke once.

00:06:43.000 Yeah.

00:06:43.000 That happens all the time.

00:06:44.000 Coca-Cola or the...

00:06:46.000 No, the drug.

00:06:47.000 Well, that's better.

00:06:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:49.000 I mean, there were times in shows where a guy would be like, sorry, I didn't make enough money, so you're not getting paid.

00:06:53.000 I'm like, that's a you problem.

00:06:57.000 You got to pay me.

00:06:58.000 It's awful.

00:06:59.000 I mean, we're really...

00:07:01.000 Talent, in quotes, we're bags of meat.

00:07:04.000 That's how they view us.

00:07:06.000 Especially hosting gigs like game shows where it's not...

00:07:09.000 You know, like Bill Maher is irreplaceable.

00:07:10.000 But game shows, whenever I did that, there was a show I remember a pilot we shot.

00:07:14.000 It was called Beat My Dad.

00:07:16.000 And they were very clear that I was replaceable.

00:07:19.000 Yeah.

00:07:20.000 It's funny.

00:07:21.000 I think that that's...

00:07:22.000 I've noticed on shows I've been on where it's like an abusive relationship where before your contract comes up or before a new season will come, they won't tell you you're getting picked up until like a week before.

00:07:35.000 So you start to panic.

00:07:36.000 You're like, well, do I have a job?

00:07:37.000 So then when they tell you, yeah, you're coming back, you're supposed to feel grateful instead of saying, well, I want more money.

00:07:44.000 And it's always everyone pleads...

00:07:47.000 Poverty.

00:07:48.000 You know, that they're not making any money.

00:07:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:07:50.000 Because NBC, with the biggest show of the summer, doesn't have any money.

00:07:53.000 You know what?

00:07:54.000 It's crazy.

00:07:55.000 I'm finally getting a little bit of cash, which is nice.

00:07:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:58.000 Everyone I know now, I was talking with my dentist today, was talking about Ninja Warrior when I mentioned you were going to be on the program.

00:08:02.000 Oh, that's great.

00:08:03.000 Oh, I think he's cute.

00:08:04.000 And I like it.

00:08:05.000 And I was like, well, yeah, he's a pretty cool-looking guy.

00:08:05.000 Love that show.

00:08:08.000 So I've got to put the... 0.98

00:08:10.000 It's like your gay Jared saying that.

00:08:11.000 Well, Jared still makes the claim, but the jury's still out.

00:08:15.000 I'll let you follow him on Twitter and make your own conclusions.

00:08:18.000 It's not gay. 0.67

00:08:18.000 It's as simple as that. 0.67

00:08:19.000 And mic off.

00:08:21.000 Okay, Matt.

00:08:23.000 So you were actually just out there doing Anthony Cumia's show, the big free speech guy.

00:08:27.000 How was that new studio?

00:08:28.000 It's beautiful.

00:08:29.000 I mean, there's a guy, it's amazing when you look at what he's done on his own, because I love the O&A show, Opie and Anthony, when they were together, and one of the things they always talked about was how difficult it was for them to get serious to do anything, to add a video component to upgrade their studio.

00:08:46.000 Anthony loses his job, ends up having – he had a studio in his basement, then converts it to this unbelievable high-tech wonderland that's probably one of the better studios anywhere in terms of video and audio capability, and then ends up creating – I think he realized he was out in Long Island.

00:09:04.000 He was having trouble getting guests to come out there.

00:09:06.000 So he built a studio in Midtown that's, again, unbelievably – Nice.

00:09:13.000 They're ironing out the bugs.

00:09:15.000 Well, you know, the actors' unions, they try and step in, you know, a big part of the writer's strike to a sort of digital content.

00:09:20.000 The thing that empowers the individual worker, like Anthony, he was never going to work on radio again because he said something politically incorrect.

00:09:26.000 But unions don't like if you can build a studio in your house and start creating your own content and monetizing it yourself.

00:09:33.000 That's a big conflict a lot of people don't know about in the entertainment industry now.

00:09:37.000 It's tough to navigate.

00:09:38.000 I mean, I've been in the actors' union because I had to since I was 12 years old.

00:09:42.000 And yeah, I mean, it's amazing how much you can get done on your own.

00:09:45.000 His studio would have cost like hundreds of thousands, if not millions, not that long ago.

00:09:50.000 Yeah.

00:09:51.000 The barriers to entry have been lowered.

00:09:53.000 The difficult thing is, how do you stand out?

00:09:57.000 And that's why I always give anyone credit.

00:09:59.000 When people will make fun of some Vine purse creator or whatever, where they've got millions of followers, the thing is, whatever it is, it's not easy to get people's attention and to maintain it.

00:10:13.000 So to people like you who've created essentially your own brand, And I found you online.

00:10:20.000 I didn't know you were on Terrestrial other than until I started hearing you on the show.

00:10:23.000 We'll edit this.

00:10:23.000 Don't admit it.

00:10:25.000 And the other thing I think is so many people consume content digitally now that it's just much easier than to find it terrestrial.

00:10:35.000 Didn't you pay for the Wall Street Journal just because you were trying to submit a story to me?

00:10:39.000 That was the newspaper every day at your door.

00:10:41.000 You're like, what the hell am I going to do?

00:10:43.000 12 bucks for 12 weeks.

00:10:43.000 Look at this!

00:10:44.000 I'm like, I just want to see the rest of the story because, you know, it's a subscriber.

00:10:47.000 And next thing I know, every dang day, I get what my wife is flipping out that I just have so many newspapers just stacking up, stacking up. 1.00

00:10:55.000 I'm like, I have nothing to do with these.

00:10:58.000 I can't...

00:10:59.000 There's not enough cat poop in the house to use them.

00:11:02.000 Well, you know what, though?

00:11:02.000 And that's one thing.

00:11:03.000 Regardless of where anyone lines up politically, I can tell that you're more of an independent sort of anti-authority.

00:11:07.000 Because when you talk about that, there is this puritanical mindset in stand-up, Matt, where it's like, well, they're not a real comedian unless they're doing stand-up every night.

00:11:15.000 Well, it's just an evolution of comedy.

00:11:17.000 I mean, stand-up didn't come along.

00:11:18.000 It was just sketch before that.

00:11:20.000 You know, it was vaudeville.

00:11:21.000 It's a new development.

00:11:22.000 And you have these kids who...

00:11:25.000 Right.

00:11:30.000 Well, now they're doing it in their bedroom and their bedroom is the audience.

00:11:33.000 And you have a lot of standup comedians who don't like that.

00:11:35.000 They feel like it's a shortcut.

00:11:36.000 It's just a different way.

00:11:38.000 And even as someone who just did standup, YouTube didn't exist when I started.

00:11:41.000 I got to respect their game doing that.

00:11:43.000 I totally do, too.

00:11:44.000 I think it's it's the same process largely in that, you know, you're you're finding I think everything with standup, even though it's different with how you'll develop material versus people who are just generating a lot of material.

00:11:56.000 I think it's the same process in that you're really trying to find your voice, your point of view.

00:12:00.000 And I think that's what the best people do.

00:12:02.000 That's what people respond to when someone finds something that resonates.

00:12:05.000 with their personality and the audience.

00:12:07.000 And however you do it, I have tremendous respect for that.

00:12:10.000 And I started out, same thing, kind of in the clubs, a much more traditional model.

00:12:14.000 And there was this very much, like you said, if you're not out on the road, if you're not doing it, you're not really a comic.

00:12:20.000 And what we've seen too is just the money in stand-up has not increased.

00:12:26.000 And I think that you're just being a traditional stand-up, unless you're Bill Burr or Brian Regan or someone who's selling out theaters – And I mean, Burr, even Burr, I think, really, he got his boost from his podcast and other digital mediums.

00:12:41.000 I think Regan is one of the few guys I think of who's a pure stand-up comic who's done it just through stand-up.

00:12:46.000 Right.

00:12:47.000 He writes so much.

00:12:48.000 You know, a lot of people don't give him credit because of his character.

00:12:51.000 I'm going, well, first off, it's very cerebral when you get down to it. 1.00

00:12:51.000 Like, it's stupid. 1.00

00:12:55.000 And secondly, I saw him live. 1.00

00:12:58.000 You know, I had seen everything up until this point.

00:12:59.000 I saw him in New York.

00:13:01.000 My manager at that point had worked with him in Caroline's.

00:13:04.000 And I was like, I had never – he did it in an hour and a half.

00:13:06.000 I had seen none of it.

00:13:07.000 I saw him in Dallas two weeks later on the same tour, and about half of that was new.

00:13:13.000 For me, he was the guy who literally, when I drove out to LA to start doing stand-up, his CD was on repeat.

00:13:19.000 And I remember seeing him at Comedy Works, and it was probably half an hour into the show before I even realized he hasn't cursed once.

00:13:26.000 No innuendo, nothing.

00:13:28.000 Completely clean, and I was laughing harder than I ever have.

00:13:32.000 And I remember I went to the Ice House, one of their...

00:13:34.000 I don't know, 25th anniversary.

00:13:36.000 Hold on, I just realized we have to go to a break here and keep the lights on.

00:13:38.000 Oh my gosh, we have traditional radio.

00:13:39.000 We're talking about new media.

00:13:40.000 But yes, let's hold that thought.

00:13:42.000 I want to hear that story.

00:13:43.000 Matt Eisman, host of Ninja.

00:13:46.000 We'll just be right back.

00:13:48.000 Just ignore that.

00:13:48.000 We'll be right back.

00:13:50.000 Matt Eisman, you were telling a story before the break about Brian Regan, and then I want to get into free speech and comedy.

00:13:56.000 You have the floor, sir.

00:13:58.000 So just saying that we were at the Ice House, and I saw, you know, Ten of the greatest comics of all time, and none of them could hold a candle to Regan that night.

00:14:08.000 He absolutely destroyed.

00:14:10.000 And again, talking about a guy who's just developed his act, but when I look at people who are building their acts through Vine or YouTube or whatever it is, Grace Helbig is a good example of a YouTuber, I think, who's parlayed it now into traditional media.

00:14:27.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

00:14:29.000 But I'm saying she's done a good job of developing her persona.

00:14:34.000 Did you see what she recently said?

00:14:37.000 About Nicole Arbor?

00:14:39.000 Yeah, but her tweet was like, as a comedian for me, it's your job to always make someone feel better and never make anyone feel bad.

00:14:47.000 Otherwise, you're not a real comedian.

00:14:49.000 And it's like, what the hell are you talking about?

00:14:51.000 This is interesting because for me, again, I'm largely a very clean comic.

00:14:51.000 Yeah.

00:14:58.000 I tend to be goofy.

00:14:59.000 I rarely curse if at all. 0.91

00:15:03.000 So my act is pretty conservative, pretty goofy mainstream.

00:15:07.000 I'm not making fun of anyone other than myself.

00:15:09.000 Having said that, I love listening to guys like Doug Stanhope or Jim Norton or any of these people who cross the lines.

00:15:17.000 Part of it, I feel very strongly that in comedy, you should be able to joke about anything.

00:15:23.000 Any topic can be made funny.

00:15:26.000 Having said that, it's not like I'm insensitive to people's needs or triggers, but I always marvel.

00:15:33.000 For Grace, I'm like, that's fine.

00:15:35.000 If that's how you want to be, great.

00:15:38.000 I just don't like it when they impose their point of view on comedy onto other people.

00:15:42.000 And I think it's so important because comedy can cover so many different issues and bring up issues and encourage discussion in ways that sometimes serious approaches can't.

00:15:53.000 That I just think it's important that we don't close off any topic to discussion, which is what I think comedy is, is really how you bring these topics in.

00:16:02.000 Yeah, no, you're right.

00:16:03.000 And, you know, I do think it's easier in a way definitely to be dirty.

00:16:08.000 I've talked about this for one night.

00:16:10.000 I just said, you know what, I'm a clean comic, but I've been banned just for being edgy because it's politically incorrect.

00:16:14.000 Right.

00:16:15.000 So from multicultural affairs at colleges.

00:16:17.000 So it's the cleanest, most offensive set you've ever seen is kind of what I tell a lot of people.

00:16:22.000 But it has changed drastically.

00:16:26.000 And when you have people who want to legislate, you have feminists out there who want to have comedians issue trigger warnings on stage before they tell a joke. 1.00

00:16:34.000 That was like the Nicole Arbor.

00:16:36.000 Arbor?

00:16:37.000 I always forget her last name.

00:16:38.000 I think that's it.

00:16:38.000 There's a real uprising, though, right now in comedy.

00:16:41.000 There's a real weird sort of Jim Norton calls them cultural landmines and there are new ones being set all the time.

00:16:50.000 As someone who thinks that it's definitely easier to be dirty and I always argued that because I did it one night and it was like, oh my gosh, I just could do so much better because I was free to say anything.

00:17:02.000 On the same breath, I've also noticed that it's comedians like you or comedians like myself or even Regan or Gaffigan who defend that free speech more than anyone else.

00:17:10.000 When you have a lot of these comedians who are dirty but they're these social justice warriors, we're like, well, it's okay for me to go up and talk about a three-centre truck stop, but it's not okay for you to make fun of Muhammad.

00:17:22.000 Those are our rules.

00:17:23.000 And the rules just keep changing.

00:17:25.000 We had Harrison Greenbaum last week.

00:17:26.000 I just don't think they're able to get it.

00:17:29.000 Well, it's interesting.

00:17:30.000 Sarah Silverman said we have to change with the times.

00:17:32.000 And again...

00:17:34.000 If you want to, I'm totally fine with a comic doing whatever they think best serves their audience and best serves their values.

00:17:43.000 That's the whole point of free speech.

00:17:45.000 Do what you want to do.

00:17:46.000 But I just...

00:17:47.000 I don't like the idea of people telling comics what they can and can't talk about because you've seen people talk about the most vile subjects and yet find a way to make it funny and find a way to make it thoughtful.

00:17:59.000 And part of that is you stumble through it.

00:18:02.000 People, I think...

00:18:04.000 A lot of people have this impression that jokes spring fully formed out of your mind perfect.

00:18:08.000 They don't see you slogging through it for a year, sometimes five years, to get a joke right.

00:18:13.000 And a lot of that is saying it wrong.

00:18:16.000 And so that's why I'm always protective of if a comic says something, I always want to give them the benefit of the doubt that, look, they're trying to express something here.

00:18:27.000 And we should encourage that.

00:18:29.000 And part of it is you encourage people to say things you don't like.

00:18:33.000 Trevor Burrus Like Sarah Silverman is a perfect example.

00:18:34.000 She was the quintessential shot comic who was largely thoughtless.

00:18:38.000 Like it wasn't even commentary.

00:18:39.000 It was just like, oh, starving kids in Africa. 0.98

00:18:41.000 They look pregnant because of their bellies. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Ha ha ha. 0.70

00:18:44.000 Oh, my doc – it's like really, really – what was designed to be offensive.

00:18:47.000 Some of it was very funny.

00:18:48.000 I remember when I was starting – people were like, have you heard of Sarah Silverman?

00:18:51.000 But that was how she got by.

00:18:53.000 It's kind of like Metallica where they got by, you know, getting their music pirated and getting it out, you know, in the underground.

00:18:57.000 And then all of a sudden when there are these multimillionaires, they're running the anti-pirating.

00:19:01.000 Yes, Napster's evil.

00:19:01.000 Napster's evil.

00:19:02.000 That's kind of like Sarah Silverman.

00:19:04.000 It's like, well, I got mine.

00:19:05.000 I did my Jesus's Magic show.

00:19:07.000 I constantly made fun of, you know, Christians and the conservatives and I – wildly offensive.

00:19:12.000 But now we all need to change with the times.

00:19:15.000 And by we, I mean you adhere to my opinion.

00:19:17.000 That's what really bothers me about it.

00:19:19.000 It does me too.

00:19:21.000 And again, you know, whatever she wants to do is fine.

00:19:25.000 I just, I, and I don't know, maybe in 20 years we're going to look back and go, I can't believe anybody ever suggested that you could talk about certain topics or that you could joke about these things.

00:19:37.000 Maybe we'll find the world is a better place because nobody's allowed to have negative thoughts or express things that aren't in line with traditional, you know, the approved thought.

00:19:48.000 You're being facetious.

00:19:48.000 You can't.

00:19:49.000 I mean, maybe it's one of those things where it's like, look, I'll acknowledge I could be totally wrong, but I just think that when I look at so many impactful things in history, I think having counterpoints, having people be able to discuss things.

00:20:02.000 And I think the way you change minds is not by telling people you're wrong.

00:20:07.000 Don't think that way.

00:20:08.000 It's by saying, here's my point of view.

00:20:10.000 Here's your point of view.

00:20:11.000 Let's discuss this.

00:20:12.000 Maybe I can enlighten you in some way or you can enlighten me.

00:20:15.000 Yeah.

00:20:16.000 I think that having people be able to speak their mind on topics and not be afraid to be punished … Trevor Burrus I think you're right for most people, like people listening right now or people who might have heard Sarah Silverman's comics.

00:20:32.000 Then there are people like Sarah Silverman who have their mind made up and they know they're being misleading to try and move the public towards their point of view.

00:20:32.000 You can convince them.

00:20:42.000 in order to reach the people who may think it's sensible.

00:20:45.000 Because there are people listening going like, oh, well, maybe it makes sense.

00:20:47.000 We should remove free speech and the First Amendment shouldn't exist. 1.00

00:20:50.000 And you need to go, no, that's silly, goofy, dumb, dumb talk. 1.00

00:20:52.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:20:53.000 She's stupid. 1.00

00:20:54.000 Let me express my opinion. 1.00

00:20:55.000 Huh. 1.00

00:20:56.000 Maybe she is really stupid in saying the First Amendment shouldn't be respected. 0.99

00:20:59.000 There are some people you go, okay, I can reach them, and some people you just have to publicly make an example. 1.00

00:21:06.000 Hold on.

00:21:07.000 I'm going to go to one more break and then go to the web-extended version where Matt Eisenman, you're going to hear him say all kinds of wildly offensive things.

00:21:07.000 I just realized.

00:21:13.000 So if you're listening terrestrially, waterwithcrowder.com will be right back.

00:21:18.000 Okay, now we're just off online.

00:21:20.000 Matt Eisenman, you can drop the act. 1.00

00:21:22.000 We all know you're a filthy, filthy, disgusting... 1.00

00:21:25.000 In person, I do. 1.00

00:21:27.000 I curse.

00:21:28.000 And again, I'm totally conscious of the fact that my job hinges on what I say.

00:21:37.000 And if I tweet the wrong thing, I realize there are certain consequences and I try to be cognizant of that.

00:21:43.000 But, you know, I try to also, when I see someone, like Trevor Noah with The Daily Show, when he got hired and they went back through his tweets and they pulled out these tweets that they felt were offensive towards women or fat people or Jewish people, when you looked at them, you're just like...

00:22:00.000 Those were jokes.

00:22:02.000 Whether you thought they were funny or not, you could at least see there was an attempt for humor.

00:22:07.000 They have no sense of humor about it.

00:22:09.000 We just went to a feminist film festival and half of them were body panels. 0.52

00:22:12.000 First off, I don't get what morbid obesity has.

00:22:14.000 Why is Gage here already laughing?

00:22:16.000 You just said film festival and I just remembered it all.

00:22:20.000 Everything was a trigger warning and it was like this picture of this I'm talking five by five.

00:22:27.000 What would you say, Gage?

00:22:29.000 250?

00:22:30.000 I don't want to exaggerate on a good day.

00:22:33.000 Yeah, 250 when she's cutting weight for a wrestling meet. 1.00

00:22:33.000 Maybe in the morning. 1.00

00:22:36.000 And they just talked about like, you know, you can't fat shame me.

00:22:41.000 And then the next page was pushing for universal health care.

00:22:44.000 It's like, well, hold on a second.

00:22:45.000 If I'm going to foot the bill and they write this stuff that are just, you know, there is no correlation between weight, obesity and health issues.

00:22:55.000 What?

00:22:55.000 I mean, things that are universally true now, they try and argue, aren't true if it's offensive.

00:23:01.000 And that's how far we've gone.

00:23:03.000 I get you have to be diplomatic because Ninja Warrior's a sweet gig and I'm doing some, you know...

00:23:07.000 You might know about these people because they don't see them on Ninja Warrior.

00:23:11.000 I was a husky child.

00:23:15.000 So was I. Looks like you did some push-ups and figured it out.

00:23:19.000 Pleasantly plump.

00:23:20.000 My dad gave me a thought.

00:23:21.000 It was 8th grade.

00:23:22.000 I was like 5'7", 200 pounds.

00:23:25.000 And he's like, you know, you're going to high school, champ.

00:23:27.000 If you want to play football, you're going to have to get in shape.

00:23:29.000 And I ended up losing like 50 pounds and growing 6 inches.

00:23:33.000 And then, you know, kind of got onto my current semi-healthy track.

00:23:37.000 What's interesting, though, is I used to be a doctor.

00:23:39.000 And when we talk about political correctness and you don't talk about...

00:23:42.000 Wait, you were a doctor?

00:23:43.000 Yeah, I went to medical school, got my MD, and I was doing residency when I bailed to do entertainment.

00:23:49.000 Wait, hold on.

00:23:50.000 What kind of doctor?

00:23:52.000 Internal medicine.

00:23:53.000 I'm licensed as a general practitioner in California.

00:23:55.000 I went to Columbia Med School here in New York and then went back to Colorado for residency and then bailed.

00:24:01.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:24:03.000 How does nobody know this?

00:24:06.000 You're a doctor.

00:24:07.000 You're licensed as an actual doctor.

00:24:09.000 You went to Columbia and you're up there like, you know, people picture you like this goofy comic like Ninja Wario.

00:24:14.000 He's the big comic who's like kind of a jock.

00:24:16.000 You're a doctor?

00:24:17.000 Yeah.

00:24:18.000 I used to be smart, and then I left.

00:24:21.000 Jared, quickly edit out anything where it seemed like I was talking down to him.

00:24:24.000 Yes.

00:24:25.000 Done.

00:24:26.000 Well, good for you!

00:24:26.000 Done.

00:24:27.000 Good for you!

00:24:28.000 So it's safe to say you have a plan B. I pursued my dream, and I love what I do, but what's interesting is when you think about how We'll talk about you don't comment on people's age or their appearance, their race, their gender in anything except in medicine, where it's malpractice if you don't know someone's age, someone's gender.

00:24:49.000 Ashkenazi Jews are predisposed to certain illnesses.

00:24:53.000 It's true.

00:24:54.000 It's funny to me when you think about how politically correct we are and in medicine it's the utter opposite where all you do is make assumptions based on gender.

00:25:04.000 A woman comes in, you're doing a pelvic exam if they have pain between the knees and the belly button. 1.00

00:25:10.000 It's automatic as opposed to a guy.

00:25:12.000 So much the better for your day.

00:25:15.000 Exactly.

00:25:16.000 So it's funny that we, in medicine and science-based things, you acknowledge there are differences.

00:25:24.000 But in real life...

00:25:26.000 Is that room service or something?

00:25:27.000 I think it's the maid.

00:25:29.000 I'm good!

00:25:30.000 Thank you!

00:25:30.000 Wait, no, hold on.

00:25:31.000 Let her in.

00:25:31.000 I want to hear if she's Spanish.

00:25:34.000 Yeah, you can come in.

00:25:34.000 Pardon?

00:25:39.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

00:25:41.000 It's you again.

00:25:42.000 Good.

00:25:42.000 How's everything?

00:25:42.000 No, we had a...

00:25:43.000 I wanted to do it.

00:25:44.000 No leaks over here, nothing.

00:25:46.000 Was there a leak?

00:25:46.000 Downstairs, very little.

00:25:48.000 I just wanted to make sure it wasn't coming down from here.

00:25:51.000 Tell them to smile.

00:25:52.000 They're a national program.

00:25:54.000 There's a podcast here.

00:25:56.000 I'm on.

00:25:57.000 No, that's okay.

00:25:57.000 Steven Crowder.

00:25:58.000 No, he wanted you guys to come in and do the thing.

00:26:00.000 But they're not Spanish. 0.54

00:26:03.000 All right.

00:26:04.000 He may be taken, though.

00:26:05.000 Well, color me embarrassed.

00:26:07.000 My prejudice got the better of me.

00:26:10.000 Yeah.

00:26:11.000 Wait, you're like Kelly Osbourne.

00:26:13.000 Yes, exactly.

00:26:15.000 No, in New York, it's always like, I told Jared this.

00:26:18.000 I had one time, I go to a hotel.

00:26:20.000 I go, hey, okay.

00:26:21.000 I was just exhausted.

00:26:22.000 I was coming in after doing a morning show.

00:26:24.000 I go, all right, listen.

00:26:25.000 I need to take a nap before I hit the road.

00:26:29.000 What's the latest checkout I can get?

00:26:30.000 It's noon, sir.

00:26:32.000 I go, okay, what's the latest checkout I can get?

00:26:34.000 It's noon.

00:26:34.000 I'm like, can you give me one or two?

00:26:36.000 Because I'm not going to leave at noon.

00:26:38.000 It's noon.

00:26:39.000 And then I sent in this housekeeping lady later on, opening the door. 1.00

00:26:43.000 It's like 12.05.

00:26:44.000 Like, East checkout!

00:26:46.000 I'm like, I am sleeping.

00:26:48.000 East checkout!

00:26:48.000 Like, I am sleeping.

00:26:50.000 East checkout!

00:26:51.000 I just said, leave me! 0.86

00:26:53.000 And then it was awkward every time I went back there.

00:26:57.000 The Kelly Osbourne thing to me was really interesting because she did what Julianna Rancic did and made a comment and argued that it was taken sort of out of context.

00:27:10.000 But she didn't cut Julianna Rancic the slack that she was asking to be cut.

00:27:15.000 And to me, that's the thing where it's like...

00:27:17.000 She wanted context.

00:27:19.000 And I think that's what so often people refuse to give people is context when you're trying to make a joke.

00:27:25.000 And I just, I'm amazed at how people will, Ariana Grande, when she said that, she licked a donut and said, I hate Americans. 0.87

00:27:33.000 And people made it sound like she was standing on stage, you know, I hate Americans.

00:27:37.000 And you watch this thing And it was the most innocent thing.

00:27:40.000 She looked maybe a little tipsy with her boyfriend.

00:27:42.000 A little tipsy?

00:27:44.000 But it's like there's no context.

00:27:46.000 Heroin junkies would look at her and go, that's a little severe. 1.00

00:27:50.000 But it's like, what is she, 22?

00:27:52.000 And you're just like, this is something.

00:27:53.000 I remember my 22 years with the heroin.

00:27:58.000 Is that an excuse?

00:28:00.000 No, but I'm saying, it's like, is this something that we think this is an evil person because they made a comment?

00:28:05.000 I do.

00:28:06.000 I think she is.

00:28:07.000 Because I don't like her.

00:28:11.000 No, what it is, honestly, I understand exactly where you're coming from, and there is a double standard.

00:28:14.000 But I do think that, if we're being honest...

00:28:18.000 The standard entirely comes from modern progressivism, the left, and like Matt Damon now who just got all this flack for saying it should be merit-based.

00:28:25.000 Well, he was the guy before who was saying – literally arguing against merit-based pay in teaching.

00:28:30.000 He said there was no correlation between merit-based pay and better performance for teachers.

00:28:35.000 That was the thing.

00:28:36.000 Everyone thought he was his champion. 0.97

00:28:37.000 He's like, well, that's like me saying you would do better if you wouldn't be a shitty camera guy if you were paid more. 0.92

00:28:42.000 And I was sitting there going, yeah, exactly. 0.90

00:28:43.000 That's why really good cameramen are paid more.

00:28:45.000 DPs are paid a lot if they're really good.

00:28:47.000 So we argued against it.

00:28:48.000 He created that leftist monster and now it's being used against him. 0.86

00:28:52.000 So for me, I'm like, hey, you made this monster. 0.99

00:28:55.000 Now it's time for it to devour you. 0.95

00:28:57.000 Whereas I feel like someone like you, I would provide you context.

00:29:00.000 And I think a lot of people outside of the left have afforded me context because I'm consistently offensive across the board.

00:29:07.000 My only thing is if you're consistent, that's what matters.

00:29:10.000 But if you're not, you deserve to be consumed.

00:29:12.000 I agree, but I would rather, like, with Matt Damon, I'm still like, I would rather see it be, this is a guy who's clearly, I believe, supports diversity and maybe made a statement or was ignorant, whatever it was.

00:29:31.000 I don't like seeing anyone get consumed by it because I just, I think it's so easy for anyone to say something that may be taken out of context.

00:29:42.000 But he does that and he serves to want to legislate that to everyone else.

00:29:45.000 I would still rather see him get away with it and then say – That's true.

00:29:49.000 Have everyone else because I just don't like this idea of when you say one thing that people get offended with and then for – the reality is it's usually a week.

00:30:01.000 I mean, Nicole Arbor, when was the last time you saw any mention of it on Twitter?

00:30:04.000 They've moved on to Matt Damon or the next gross indignation.

00:30:10.000 So it's scary, though, because...

00:30:13.000 You have to go away forever.

00:30:14.000 That happens with some people.

00:30:15.000 You have to go away forever.

00:30:16.000 And that's the problem, too.

00:30:18.000 We're going to have Karen Strahan on next week, and she's a men's rights activist. 0.93

00:30:24.000 And she makes these brilliant points for people to go, you know, I was watching Parks and Rec and Amy Poehler, who I think is funny but is as far to the left as can possibly be and indoctrinates everyone through her content, unabashedly so her and Tina Fey, and I think they're very funny.

00:30:37.000 Unlike the delineating factor between them and Lena Dunham is that they are funny.

00:30:44.000 So they – and they also don't write themselves naked and everything and demand that we praise them.

00:30:49.000 She said like, oh, men's rights are not a thing. 0.99

00:30:51.000 Well, there's Karen Strachan who – people would just say that's just absurd men's rights. 0.98

00:30:54.000 Well, she goes back and she goes, hold on a second.

00:30:56.000 Feminism is predicated on the idea that they've discovered new things. 1.00

00:30:59.000 For example, that now it's inappropriate to beat your wife.

00:31:02.000 It's always been wrong.

00:31:03.000 As a matter of fact, men were punished for being their wives and men were punished for being beaten by their wives. 0.74

00:31:08.000 Roosevelt.

00:31:10.000 Teddy Roosevelt wanted to bring back the whipping post for men who beat their wives.

00:31:14.000 This was in, I think, 1904 because they didn't think it was fair to put them in jail because they wouldn't be able to provide for the woman.

00:31:21.000 So it was not only important that the man be punished, but that he simultaneously be burdened with providing.

00:31:26.000 These were men.

00:31:27.000 So she'll bring up these points that are brilliant.

00:31:29.000 She talks about how domestic abuse is much higher in lesbian households and much higher from women toward men.

00:31:34.000 Alimony laws. 0.60

00:31:36.000 And people just go, oh, that's just ridiculous because they're not even willing to hear what she has to say because it's been just sort of this societally agreed upon truth.

00:31:43.000 And a lot of those are just – and I don't say it to be conspiratorial. 0.84

00:31:46.000 A lot of those are just – They're just false.

00:32:10.000 And I think it's going to happen to everyone at some point.

00:32:12.000 Every single person now is going to have said something for which they can lose their job.

00:32:17.000 Who can run for president in 20 years?

00:32:19.000 Right.

00:32:19.000 Who?

00:32:21.000 SweetSherry69 at Yahoo.com. 0.99

00:32:23.000 Did you not write that Rebecca Black was a total bitch under Friday in the YouTube comments section? 1.00

00:32:29.000 It is. 0.99

00:32:30.000 It's amazing that everything lives on digitally.

00:32:36.000 There's no room for humanity.

00:32:39.000 We're all imperfect.

00:32:40.000 We're all going to do something we regret.

00:32:43.000 It's amazing to see Steve Ranazzisi, this guy who admittedly committed this lie about being in the World Trade Center as a comic, and now it just kind of has come out.

00:32:58.000 It's awful, but there's also a human part of me that goes...

00:33:04.000 You know, sometimes people say things just to get a little attention, and it spirals out of control.

00:33:11.000 And, you know, I know him a little bit, and I know he's always been very nice to me, and you're just like...

00:33:16.000 So I definitely sympathize, you know, at the same time while saying that's a horrible thing to have claimed, and I don't know how much he traded on it to make his fame, but...

00:33:25.000 Yeah, I don't know the full story.

00:33:26.000 I know he claimed it was in the World Trade Center.

00:33:28.000 Why?

00:33:28.000 Now, what is it?

00:33:29.000 Was it for a bid?

00:33:31.000 I don't know if it was just, you know, I don't know that I've ever even talked about it on stage, if it's just kind of been a talking point where, you know, how much, I don't know.

00:33:41.000 It's just, it's obviously a very touchy subject.

00:33:43.000 I lie about stuff on stage all the time.

00:33:45.000 I don't even know if he did it on stage or if it was just an interview. 0.84

00:33:48.000 Well, because that would be ridiculous.

00:33:49.000 I mean, I used to have a bit about throwing a baby out a window, and I've never done that.

00:33:53.000 Right, right.

00:33:54.000 As much as sometimes you'd like to.

00:33:55.000 It's like, oh, colic!

00:33:57.000 But the point being, like, just watching him this morning, I've been watching it on Twitter, watching people You can't do that.

00:34:10.000 You can't apologize.

00:34:11.000 You can't ask for mercy there.

00:34:13.000 Like Don Imus is a perfect example. 0.91

00:34:15.000 If he just said, oh, screw off. 0.87

00:34:17.000 Joan Rivers. 0.92

00:34:17.000 It's a joke. 0.92

00:34:18.000 Yeah, Joan Rivers. 0.99

00:34:19.000 She never apologized.

00:34:20.000 Ann Coulter.

00:34:21.000 Joel Rivers was, you know, my mom was a wardrobe stylist for the Just for Laughs.

00:34:26.000 Really?

00:34:27.000 Yeah, she was.

00:34:28.000 Have you ever done the Just for Laughs?

00:34:29.000 No, I've never been invited.

00:34:30.000 Oh, really?

00:34:32.000 That's my one claim to fame as a comic.

00:34:33.000 I did it when I was young, and it was such a hard problem.

00:34:37.000 It's funny, I talked about this last week.

00:34:39.000 I used to lie about it.

00:34:40.000 That's a perfect example where I used to lie, where I used to be like, oh yeah, right before I went on stage, I threw up.

00:34:45.000 Because for some reason, I thought that was less embarrassing than I had explosive diarrhea in the green room.

00:34:51.000 Because when I get nervous, that's what happens.

00:34:54.000 I remember, like, I lied about that story for so long.

00:34:57.000 It's the same story, but for some reason, I feel like if I just don't, like, throwing up is more masculine.

00:35:03.000 As opposed to, you know, just explosive.

00:35:06.000 Sitting on the toilet, clutching it.

00:35:08.000 Oh, God!

00:35:09.000 So that's the real story.

00:35:10.000 I've been open about that now before my audition for the Just for Laughs.

00:35:13.000 And I ended my set that got me there on the N-word.

00:35:16.000 That's how I ended the set was about white kids using the N-word.

00:35:18.000 So it was like shock, leave.

00:35:20.000 But I don't remember what that was.

00:35:21.000 Yeah, she was a wardrobe style. 1.00

00:35:22.000 So Joan Rivers, I have a story about her.

00:35:24.000 She's Joan Rivers, but she was very, very kind and she loved my mom.

00:35:30.000 And, you know, no, I don't need any help with the wardrobe.

00:35:32.000 Thank you. 1.00

00:35:32.000 And, like, yo, oh, you skinny bitches! 1.00

00:35:34.000 Go have a sandwich! 1.00

00:35:35.000 You know, to my mom.

00:35:35.000 My mom's pretty thin.

00:35:36.000 And she's really nice.

00:35:37.000 And she gave my mom, like, tried to tip my mom, like, $50.

00:35:40.000 Like, an absurd amount.

00:35:41.000 My mom's a wardrobe. 0.93

00:35:41.000 Like, she's really well-paid. 0.93

00:35:43.000 You know, you don't...

00:35:43.000 She's like...

00:35:44.000 And the thing is, in French Canada, it's a cultural thing where people offer a gift.

00:35:48.000 And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:35:49.000 No, take that.

00:35:50.000 Take that.

00:35:50.000 No, no, I can't take it.

00:35:51.000 No, no, take it.

00:35:52.000 And they're like, okay, next time.

00:35:54.000 You know, that's how it usually works.

00:35:55.000 So my mom was like, no, no, I really can't take it.

00:35:55.000 Yeah.

00:35:58.000 And so Joan Rivers was like, fine, I'm just leaving my... 0.90

00:35:59.000 And she left it on the craft table.

00:36:01.000 And my mom didn't take it.

00:36:02.000 And Joan Rivers walked back and saw it.

00:36:04.000 And was like legitimately, I think...

00:36:06.000 I don't want to say Joan Rivers ever gets offended, but legitimately thought like, what's wrong?

00:36:11.000 Like, looked at my mom, what's wrong with you? 1.00

00:36:12.000 Why didn't you take the money?

00:36:13.000 She was very surprised and I think a little bit offended.

00:36:16.000 But it's funny, she was offended because she gave my mom $50 and she was just that generous.

00:36:21.000 Which a lot of people don't know, but she was an incredibly generous person.

00:36:24.000 It was wildly offensive.

00:36:24.000 And...

00:36:26.000 Yeah.

00:36:27.000 Don Rickles.

00:36:28.000 I mean, Don Rickles could not have been nicer.

00:36:31.000 More genuine or supportive to someone on stage.

00:36:35.000 And it's funny.

00:36:36.000 Jim Norton actually talks about this where he says, people hold comedians to a different standard than any other artist.

00:36:42.000 Like if someone plays a rapist in a movie, no one accuses them of supporting rape.

00:36:47.000 But if a comic jokes about a topic, then there's no context for irony or any of that.

00:36:53.000 And it's interesting to me that as an art form, comedy is taken very literally.

00:36:58.000 Even when people are...

00:37:00.000 You'll sometimes say something ironically to kind of heighten it.

00:37:03.000 This is so hyperbolic and so clearly I don't support it that everyone knows I mean the opposite.

00:37:08.000 But people take it out of context.

00:37:10.000 And it's interesting.

00:37:12.000 I just think comedy can be such an important art form for...

00:37:15.000 For encouraging discussion and getting people to think differently and approaching people with topics or points of view that they otherwise would reject.

00:37:24.000 And because you make them laugh about it, you can encourage discussion.

00:37:28.000 I just think it's a shame to see that people are really trying to narrow what can be viewed as acceptable in comedy.

00:37:35.000 Not only in comedy, though.

00:37:36.000 It's all over the entertainment industry now.

00:37:38.000 It should be a concern of any American who supports freedom, but particularly anyone who works in the creative Sorry, we're in the podcast.

00:37:45.000 I've been having a soda.

00:37:47.000 Is this explosive diarrhea?

00:37:50.000 This is less embarrassing.

00:37:51.000 See, when I tell this story, I was like, yeah, I had a hiccup.

00:37:54.000 That's the same thing.

00:37:54.000 I have a burp, I'll lie and be like, oh, it's a hiccup.

00:37:58.000 Why?

00:37:59.000 Why?

00:37:59.000 There's no reason for that.

00:38:01.000 Is this what your wife makes you do? 1.00

00:38:03.000 So you appear more civilized?

00:38:05.000 Yeah, my wife saw the ride. 1.00

00:38:07.000 She bought a ticket anyway.

00:38:09.000 That's always what we say.

00:38:11.000 You're married, right?

00:38:12.000 No, no.

00:38:12.000 Well, dating.

00:38:14.000 Okay, dating.

00:38:15.000 If she's watching, I'm very seriously dating.

00:38:17.000 Okay.

00:38:18.000 I don't know why.

00:38:19.000 I guess it's just because people sort of picture you like...

00:38:22.000 Mature, boring family guy.

00:38:25.000 Well, they picture you, yeah, more like that kind of...

00:38:27.000 You don't really see a lot of you with sort of the alternative wave in comedy, right?

00:38:30.000 It's sort of like...

00:38:31.000 No, again, I'm pretty boring.

00:38:31.000 Oh, no.

00:38:34.000 With most of the stuff I do.

00:38:34.000 Well, no, you're not...

00:38:35.000 But you have guys who will tell you you can't be funny because you're a good-looking tall guy.

00:38:38.000 I mean, you'll get that.

00:38:39.000 They're like, you can't be funny because you have to be funny to make up for the fact if you're not like a tall, athletic guy.

00:38:43.000 There's that sort of prejudice in comedy.

00:38:45.000 Have you faced that?

00:38:47.000 I don't know.

00:38:48.000 I think...

00:38:49.000 Are you so good-looking that it's hard to get a job?

00:38:53.000 I mean, I've always been kind of goofy, so I think it's a little – I go up there and I think I kind of tend to be the butt of the jokes.

00:39:02.000 So, I mean, people might say I'm not funny, but I think I'm hilarious.

00:39:07.000 So, I don't know.

00:39:08.000 I mean, pretty quickly I got into hosting stuff.

00:39:12.000 So, that's really been the bread and butter.

00:39:14.000 So, the comedy is kind of followed after that.

00:39:17.000 So, where I think being a bigger guy actually helps.

00:39:21.000 Would you go back to being a doctor?

00:39:23.000 You know, at this point, it was just 16 years since I left, so I'm pretty rusty.

00:39:29.000 Wait, 16 years?

00:39:30.000 How old are you, or were you Doogie Howser?

00:39:33.000 I'm 44.

00:39:34.000 You're 44?

00:39:35.000 I'm trying to think of medical school.

00:39:36.000 When are you old enough to practice?

00:39:38.000 I actually took a year off after college, so I was 20.

00:39:43.000 I must have been 20.

00:39:45.000 What's the math?

00:39:46.000 28?

00:39:47.000 29 when I left?

00:39:48.000 Are you sure you were a doctor?

00:39:49.000 Right?

00:39:50.000 It's going to be exposed.

00:39:50.000 This is it.

00:39:51.000 He has to go through the anguish of adding one.

00:39:53.000 But you're still lying about it.

00:39:55.000 You're one of those guys who needs a multi-time zone watch.

00:39:58.000 You're like, what is it in New York?

00:40:00.000 Subtract how many?

00:40:01.000 Oh my god!

00:40:02.000 That's the thing I think about too with some of these people who get caught up in these lies.

00:40:07.000 Like how terrifying it must be at some point when you're lying awake in the middle of the night going, someone's going to find me out.

00:40:14.000 Like what an awful existence that must be.

00:40:16.000 Unless you're just sociopathic where you just think, Yeah, like Sean King. 0.99

00:40:20.000 I'm a black guy! 0.99

00:40:23.000 Did you follow that story?

00:40:24.000 Yeah.

00:40:25.000 That was what got me kicked out of the Feminist Film Festival. 1.00

00:40:28.000 When I said, like, you have the Black Lives Matter panel, you know, and you talk about people like Sean King, who's white, and she's like, Sean King is not white.

00:40:33.000 And what got me kicked out was I just said, Sean King is absolutely white. 0.70

00:40:37.000 There is no doubt that he's white. 0.76

00:40:38.000 And she's like, Okay, I think you're being incendiary.

00:40:41.000 And this video will be up next week.

00:40:42.000 They told me I was incendiary.

00:40:44.000 Jared's laughing.

00:40:45.000 And I go, I'm incendiary. 0.93

00:40:46.000 I walk back and I grab a picture of giant, rubber-titted, menstruating, transgender Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:40:52.000 And I go, this is giant, rubber-titted, menstruating, tranny Jesus. 1.00

00:40:57.000 And me saying that a white guy, Sean King is white, is reason to kick me out? 0.98

00:41:01.000 Like, well, people knew what to expect when we advertised it. 0.98

00:41:04.000 I go, did Did you advertise giant, rubber-titted, menstruating, transgender Jesus? 1.00

00:41:11.000 Some people don't care. 0.97

00:41:13.000 Some people just genuinely don't.

00:41:14.000 Have you ever met someone like that where you realize, oh, you just lie?

00:41:17.000 Some people don't care.

00:41:18.000 It doesn't bother them.

00:41:19.000 But I wonder if deep down in the middle of the night, if they're just terrified.

00:41:26.000 Whatever.

00:41:27.000 Whatever their scenario is where they get themselves into the situation where you're like, you just keep doubling down.

00:41:33.000 I would just think that that's got to be miserable.

00:41:37.000 I would think so.

00:41:38.000 I think Hillary Clinton wakes up and it's just like her head pops off the pillow and she's like, I got away with it.

00:41:45.000 Tuesday, here we go.

00:41:47.000 It's going to be an interesting year and a couple months.

00:41:50.000 Are you going to watch the debates?

00:41:52.000 No, I'm going to be doing the Kumya podcast and then bouncing around.

00:41:57.000 I'm going to go to Sirius and do some other press stuff.

00:42:01.000 I love catching the highlights.

00:42:04.000 Yeah, I think it's – well, that's true.

00:42:05.000 People will be listening terrestrially and it will be delayed.

00:42:07.000 But it's going to be interesting to see the fallout with this one.

00:42:11.000 Yeah, Hillary Clinton, it's funny how much ground she's losing right now if you've been following to Bernie Sanders. 1.00

00:42:15.000 And we ended up the math.

00:42:16.000 Well, Wall Street Journal did and we kind of wrote an all-encompassing piece.

00:42:19.000 Bernie Sanders – did you hear what his proposals – exactly what they would add to the national debt in 10 years?

00:42:25.000 Was it 16 or 18?

00:42:26.000 18.

00:42:27.000 $18 trillion.

00:42:28.000 Oh, my God.

00:42:29.000 It's like free healthcare, free college.

00:42:31.000 And new spending.

00:42:32.000 And new spending, in addition to the deficits we're currently running.

00:42:37.000 Offset by higher taxes, I take it?

00:42:39.000 If you tax all earnings over a million at 100%, you'd fund the current deficit.

00:42:46.000 You'd fund the current government for four months.

00:42:48.000 So that doesn't work.

00:42:50.000 And he's like, you know, we'll defund the military!

00:42:53.000 Right, but that accounts for about 20% of spending, whereas entitlements are way more than that when you add them all up, Social Security, Medicare.

00:43:00.000 So even if you cut military spending entirely and taxed everyone at 100%, and we had no military...

00:43:07.000 It wouldn't work.

00:43:08.000 The numbers just don't add up.

00:43:10.000 They just do not add up.

00:43:11.000 But that's the thing.

00:43:11.000 I don't think he cares.

00:43:13.000 I don't think he cares.

00:43:14.000 It's like, okay, I'm going to tell them.

00:43:17.000 I'm going to give them free health care and we're going to give them free university and $15 minimum.

00:43:22.000 Well, how are you going to pay for that?

00:43:23.000 And I'll be dead.

00:43:24.000 How are you going to pay for it?

00:43:25.000 It's not going to come up!

00:43:28.000 My friend's a cop in LA and they're dealing with the pensions where when they, you know, 20 years, 25 years invested it, you then have, I think, 80% of your maximum salary for life plus healthcare.

00:43:42.000 And when you start looking, you know, they had to know when they proposed this.

00:43:46.000 Mathematically, that's unsustainable.

00:43:49.000 But I think a lot of times politicians will think...

00:43:52.000 Look, I just need to solve this issue for the next year, two years, three years.

00:43:56.000 And I'm going to punt until someone else.

00:43:59.000 And they just, they don't necessarily look.

00:44:02.000 And I think probably politicians who do propose long-term solutions, people think, well, you're not doing anything in the short term.

00:44:08.000 So I don't want to hear it.

00:44:09.000 That's like the kid running for class president.

00:44:11.000 Like, I'm going to get you free ice cream sandwiches in the cafeteria.

00:44:14.000 It's like, well, how are we going to do it?

00:44:16.000 I don't know.

00:44:17.000 I'm just going to ask them.

00:44:19.000 My mom will buy them for you.

00:44:20.000 My mom will buy them.

00:44:21.000 Here, vote for me.

00:44:22.000 Here's the treat.

00:44:23.000 That's how they were all won in grade school.

00:44:25.000 I remember I ran for class president and I lost A because no one liked me.

00:44:28.000 But I was actually leading at one point.

00:44:30.000 Is that why you're a comic, Stevens?

00:44:33.000 I was leading at one point, but then someone else brought in homemade brownies, and I brought in...

00:44:37.000 What are those crappy little...

00:44:40.000 Poutine? 0.89

00:44:41.000 Canadian?

00:44:41.000 No.

00:44:42.000 Oh, that would have been...

00:44:43.000 That would have clinched it for me.

00:44:44.000 It would have just wrapped it up.

00:44:46.000 Tim Hortons?

00:44:46.000 Tim Hortons.

00:44:47.000 What are those crappy little taffies that you get in Halloween candy?

00:44:52.000 Like, just the cheapest thing.

00:44:53.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:44:54.000 Those Brock's taffies?

00:44:55.000 Vanaliters?

00:44:56.000 I don't know what they are.

00:44:57.000 They're basically like little taffies.

00:44:58.000 It usually has like a little boo on them or like it's wrapped in orange.

00:45:01.000 Oh, the Laffy Taffy?

00:45:02.000 Those ones that like pull out fillings? 0.83

00:45:02.000 Yeah. 0.83

00:45:04.000 Yes, exactly.

00:45:05.000 And I brought them in because I had them laying around.

00:45:07.000 I'm like, this will be a hit. 0.98

00:45:08.000 And everyone was like, screw you, Crowder! 0.98

00:45:10.000 She brought brownies. 0.99

00:45:12.000 So I lost to Erin Illich.

00:45:13.000 So it was the entitlement culture that really won them over, huh?

00:45:15.000 Yeah.

00:45:16.000 And she was biracial, so there was no way I was going to appeal that. 1.00

00:45:21.000 Hey, I was oppressed for my selection in candy.

00:45:23.000 But that's basically what it is.

00:45:25.000 You know, you promise people stuff.

00:45:26.000 It's hard to compete.

00:45:27.000 Rush Limbaugh says it's hard to compete with Santa Claus, right?

00:45:29.000 All this free stuff.

00:45:31.000 I guess, yeah, if you can do it, you don't really think about who it's going to cost.

00:45:36.000 And the same with businesses.

00:45:37.000 We sort of toss this out there now, like...

00:45:40.000 The businesses.

00:45:41.000 We're going to take it from them.

00:45:43.000 These corporations with all this money.

00:45:44.000 If they rescinded the Bush tax cuts, tell you what, Gay Jared's out in the job going back to performing favors down in the bad area of town, though it's more of a favor for him. 0.75

00:45:54.000 Not a favor.

00:45:57.000 You don't consider it a favor what you consider it charity?

00:45:59.000 I don't want to misspeak on you to get the LGBTQAI community manager.

00:46:03.000 Just no comment.

00:46:04.000 Don't send me back there.

00:46:06.000 Just don't set it back there.

00:46:07.000 No, but seriously, you look at the Bush tax cuts, almost all small businesses would be hurt and have to lay someone off if they get rescinded.

00:46:07.000 Tell my people back.

00:46:12.000 But you say, Bush tax cuts, and people get furious about it, and they go, Corporations and Citizens United.

00:46:18.000 And then all of a sudden, next thing you know, businesses are vilified.

00:46:22.000 And you're, I mean, as a comedian, well, do you have an LLC? Do you consider it a business?

00:46:27.000 I did, yeah.

00:46:28.000 Okay.

00:46:28.000 Yeah, I ended up a couple years ago incorporating.

00:46:31.000 That's way too long.

00:46:32.000 Yeah.

00:46:33.000 Yeah.

00:46:33.000 It is.

00:46:34.000 I think once you hit a certain point of income, it definitely helps.

00:46:37.000 Also, if you say something offensive, you're not personally liable to the company.

00:46:40.000 No, no, the company made the rape joke. 1.00

00:46:44.000 It was a hotel room.

00:46:46.000 We're going to protest your company.

00:46:48.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:46:50.000 Some comedians have done that.

00:46:51.000 A lot of comedians don't, but that's one thing I've sort of talked with other comedians about now, with the liability of hate speech and people suing.

00:46:59.000 I mean, think about them going after a bakery for not making a cake for a gay wedding. 0.96

00:47:03.000 They could go after...

00:47:04.000 If you're not super offensive, like you said, but they could go after any comic for anything at that point and just seize all their...

00:47:09.000 It is, and again...

00:47:10.000 I tend not to cross those lines.

00:47:14.000 But boy, I just want comics to be able to.

00:47:17.000 Because again, it's who determines what's funny.

00:47:21.000 And again, what's offensive to one may not be to another.

00:47:25.000 I just think you could argue virtually any joke could be construed as...

00:47:30.000 You could probably find some target group.

00:47:33.000 And I wish people would...

00:47:36.000 Just encourage this and say, I don't like it, but do it and let's discuss it.

00:47:41.000 Let's not tell you, you lose your job.

00:47:44.000 We shun you. 0.98

00:47:46.000 We want you to be banished to the bell. 0.97

00:47:48.000 All comedy, though, at its root has some pain. 0.88

00:47:50.000 Like you said, you may be like, I'm kind of just goofy.

00:47:50.000 People don't understand that.

00:47:53.000 Yeah, but if you're making yourself the brunner joke, the pain is at your expense. 0.91

00:47:57.000 Totally.

00:47:58.000 Just like, okay, why did the chicken cross the road?

00:48:00.000 Why did it get to the other side? 1.00

00:48:01.000 The pain is, you're an idiot. 1.00

00:48:03.000 What did you think the joke was about? 1.00

00:48:04.000 It's the obvious answer, stupid. 1.00

00:48:07.000 Everyone at some point is being made fun of in the joke. 1.00

00:48:10.000 At some point, someone's being victimized.

00:48:12.000 And it's just now I want to choose which groups are okay.

00:48:14.000 And that's the problem is when they lie about it.

00:48:16.000 Like, well, you know, actually all...

00:48:18.000 For example, right now, the big feminist thing is all women have been oppressed by men because men are aggressive and they force women to submit and they're abusive and they're violent. 0.95

00:48:26.000 Therefore, it's not okay to make fun of women.

00:48:28.000 When the fact is now the pendulum's shifted and it's the other way around.

00:48:31.000 And men are society's whipping posts and you can make fun of them all you want. 1.00

00:48:34.000 You can make fun of yourself for being stupid, right? 1.00

00:48:37.000 I mean, I've done it too where I've gone up and done bits like... 1.00

00:48:40.000 I haven't done it in a while.

00:48:41.000 I just go, you know, everyone's always... 1.00

00:48:42.000 You know, the guy shows up and he's like an idiot. 1.00

00:48:44.000 Like... 1.00

00:48:45.000 I'm smarter than my wife.

00:48:46.000 Like, what is she going to do?

00:48:48.000 You said, like, what is she going to do?

00:48:50.000 You know, we get into arguments like, oh, you're right, honey.

00:48:52.000 No.

00:48:53.000 And in the same breath, I don't get guys who are like, oh, the old ball and chain.

00:48:56.000 Like, I love my wife. 1.00

00:48:57.000 How stupid are you to marry a moron that you feel you have to go home to every night? 1.00

00:49:01.000 Like, I don't relate to that at all. 1.00

00:49:02.000 Gus is sleeping on the couch.

00:49:03.000 Oh, I'm a grown-ass man, so probably not me.

00:49:06.000 The old ball and chain. 0.53

00:49:07.000 Actually, my wife's really hot, and I like her. 1.00

00:49:09.000 We get along, and we discuss our issues.

00:49:11.000 So...

00:49:12.000 I don't relate to it.

00:49:14.000 But you're not married, so you don't know.

00:49:15.000 You just have this girlfriend about whom you're very serious, by the way.

00:49:19.000 But it's interesting.

00:49:20.000 Who is it?

00:49:21.000 Nick DiPaolo talks about that in commercials. 1.00

00:49:23.000 The guy's the idiot. 1.00

00:49:24.000 Yes. 1.00

00:49:25.000 Because that's...

00:49:26.000 Brian Reed has a bit about that, too.

00:49:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:49:29.000 I'm a dumb old guy. 1.00

00:49:31.000 He's stuck in the blinds. 1.00

00:49:32.000 I don't know anything.

00:49:34.000 The truth is, let's be honest, right? 1.00

00:49:36.000 If men were that stupid, women wouldn't want to marry us. 1.00

00:49:38.000 If men were that stupid, they wouldn't ask you to fix what's going on with the blinds. 1.00

00:49:43.000 They wouldn't ask you to go out at night and check out what's going on with the air conditioning unit. 1.00

00:49:49.000 It's not true. 1.00

00:49:50.000 No one really thinks guys are stupid. 1.00

00:49:52.000 No one really thinks women are stupid. 1.00

00:49:55.000 But for some reason, one is okay to say and the other isn't. 1.00

00:49:58.000 And it's predicated on the idea that, well, we have to unilaterally agree.

00:50:02.000 One is an oppressed group.

00:50:03.000 The other isn't.

00:50:05.000 Therefore, one is acceptable to joke about.

00:50:06.000 And that's what's interesting to me, too, is when a group that's oppressed then will turn around and oppress people.

00:50:13.000 The oppressors, instead of saying, just don't oppress us.

00:50:17.000 When it's like, well, you oppressed us and now we're going to do the same thing back to you.

00:50:22.000 Right.

00:50:23.000 Well, it's because usually they haven't been oppressed.

00:50:24.000 That's the thing.

00:50:26.000 And I really recommend you check out the show next week, after this week, which is next week.

00:50:30.000 I'm just trying to do the math because Mr.

00:50:32.000 Former Doctor here has a problem adding one.

00:50:35.000 See, there you go.

00:50:36.000 I can make fun of you as a guy. 0.93

00:50:37.000 If you were a woman and I did that, that'd be on a loop like a morphine drip. 1.00

00:50:39.000 Look how Steven aggressed his female guests. 1.00

00:50:42.000 What are you, stupid Karen? 1.00

00:50:43.000 You're going to cry? 1.00

00:50:45.000 She talks about that.

00:50:47.000 Women were not oppressed.

00:50:48.000 Women were not oppressed by men.

00:50:50.000 This idea that...

00:50:51.000 That's one thing, too.

00:50:52.000 I say it because you come across as more of a masculine guy, which is rare now.

00:50:56.000 Most guys are so androgynous.

00:50:58.000 It's crazy.

00:50:58.000 I was thinking about it.

00:50:59.000 I was looking back and I'm like, actually, Alice Cooper...

00:51:02.000 Is pretty masculine compared to the, like, hipster, gender-fluid people we have today. 1.00

00:51:07.000 Like, Alice Cooper, like, there was never any doubt that he was straight.

00:51:07.000 Really.

00:51:11.000 He was just weird.

00:51:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:51:13.000 And nowadays, like, your guess is as good as mine with any guy that comes on down the pike. 0.99

00:51:18.000 I don't even know what my point was.

00:51:19.000 My point was something about Karen.

00:51:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:51:21.000 No, like, this idea that men had a secret meeting behind women's back.

00:51:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:51:25.000 And that's, like, a big thing in common now.

00:51:26.000 Everyone has to be careful.

00:51:27.000 Like, oh, yeah, we just want more female comedians. 1.00

00:51:30.000 Men didn't have a secret meeting behind women's back. 1.00

00:51:33.000 We're going to create first these unrealistic standards of beauty for women. 1.00

00:51:37.000 We don't even like boobs and butts. 1.00

00:51:38.000 Just don't let them know. 0.98

00:51:39.000 And then we're going to say they're not funny and we're going to try and pay them less.

00:51:44.000 But none of us are going to hire them and pay them less, increasing our profit margins by 30%.

00:51:48.000 We're just going to lie about it.

00:51:50.000 It just doesn't make any sense when you really get down to the numbers.

00:51:53.000 My favorite comedian, one of them of all time, is Kathleen Madigan.

00:51:57.000 Love her.

00:51:57.000 I think she's hilarious.

00:51:59.000 Super liberal.

00:52:01.000 Very funny.

00:52:02.000 And as a general rule, I don't find most female comics funny. 1.00

00:52:06.000 I'm just open in saying it.

00:52:07.000 Like, we don't need a quota of female comedians. 1.00

00:52:09.000 I argue this a lot of the time, because that's the big thing.

00:52:10.000 There aren't enough women in comedy, because you're guaranteeing equal outcomes. 1.00

00:52:13.000 Well, you know this.

00:52:14.000 When you start open mics, right?

00:52:15.000 Let's say an open mic night.

00:52:16.000 What is an open mic night?

00:52:17.000 Maybe you have 12 to 15 comics, would you say?

00:52:19.000 12 to 15, let's say, as a showcase.

00:52:21.000 Go up to 15 comics.

00:52:23.000 You might have one or two female comics, right, at an open mic night. 0.99

00:52:28.000 But then if you were to watch like Comedy Central and they have premium blend, they don't have that anymore, whatever their shows are, their showcase sets, and there's maybe four or five comics, at least two of them are women. 0.99

00:52:37.000 So they're actually overly represented from the talent pool from which you're drawing.

00:52:40.000 Why?

00:52:40.000 Because most women, generally speaking, don't go into stand-up comedy.

00:52:44.000 It's not that people haven't allowed them to.

00:52:46.000 As a general rule, you don't see as many of them.

00:52:48.000 So you're taken from a pool that's maybe a tenth, but then at the top, they're probably representative of maybe a third.

00:52:54.000 So really, there are more opportunities because there aren't enough female comedians. 1.00

00:52:58.000 And that's why a lot of mainstream female comedians aren't that funny because we need to fill the slots. 1.00

00:53:04.000 Am I totally off base there?

00:53:08.000 I'm not touching that.

00:53:10.000 You know what I've seen though is, and I know a lot of women argue that the open mics weren't very friendly to women, which I definitely think could definitely have been the case. 1.00

00:53:21.000 But we're definitely seeing, I think with people like Amy Schumer, who I think is hilarious, And like Natasha Leggero, there are a lot of women now, Chelsea Handler, who I think have made it more acceptable.

00:53:34.000 So in LA, I'm seeing a lot more women getting into comedy and a lot of hilarious women. 1.00

00:53:40.000 I think that's kind of like the Lady Gaga thing with Amy Schumer and...

00:53:48.000 Chelsea Handler, right?

00:53:49.000 Because if they come out...

00:53:50.000 And I actually think Amy Schumer can be pretty funny.

00:53:52.000 But if they come out, it's set your stopwatch. 0.99

00:53:54.000 You won't get to more than 30 seconds before it's I'm a dirty whore joke or I drink so much. 0.99

00:53:57.000 That's the whole act, right? 0.99

00:53:59.000 That's the entire act.

00:54:01.000 So it's kind of like, you know... 0.95

00:54:04.000 Like, fat chicks have to go fishing with dynamite. 1.00

00:54:05.000 You know what I mean? 0.81

00:54:06.000 It's kind of like Lady Gaga was really talented, but she only got noticed when she was really, really weird.

00:54:09.000 No one was talking about her when she was a jazz pianist and singer who was brilliant.

00:54:13.000 And then you have someone like, literally, I think Kathleen Madigan is a perfect example.

00:54:16.000 You could put up against any comedian in the history of ever, and she just doesn't get the recognition because she's not doing the dirty locker room humor. 1.00

00:54:23.000 She's just being a genuinely funny woman.

00:54:27.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:54:28.000 Instead of going, hey, I'm a woman who can be as dirty as a guy. 1.00

00:54:31.000 And so I feel like feminists, if they wanted to be upset about anything, would be like, well, why aren't these other comedians who aren't doing the I'm such a whore act? 1.00

00:54:38.000 They're not recognized even though they're funny. 0.93

00:54:40.000 I think it's an irony that's lost.

00:54:45.000 I don't know.

00:54:45.000 It's...

00:54:46.000 I mean, again, I look at a lot of women who I think identify with Chelsea and Amy, not necessarily their material, but I think feeling like these women say anything, and for a lot of times women have felt that they couldn't or it just wasn't appropriate for them to do it.

00:55:05.000 I mean, again, it's one of those things where, as I'm reminded, I'm a white guy, so I don't know...

00:55:05.000 I don't know.

00:55:11.000 I don't know what, you know, the female perspective is, so... 1.00

00:55:14.000 No, you don't, but you also don't know what it's like to get free coffee because you're attractive.

00:55:19.000 No, I certainly don't know that.

00:55:20.000 I always pay for my coffee.

00:55:20.000 I had that argument with my wife.

00:55:22.000 My wife goes, and I was like, you know what, you're right.

00:55:24.000 I said, you know what, I don't know what it's like walking down, you know, homeless row here where we live.

00:55:24.000 She goes, you don't...

00:55:28.000 As a guy, it's like, ah, there's a crackhead, you know, okay, cut a wide swath.

00:55:33.000 As a woman, it's terrifying, right?

00:55:35.000 So I acknowledge that.

00:55:35.000 Yeah.

00:55:36.000 I said, now, that being said, Sweetheart, can you acknowledge...

00:55:41.000 Sweetheart! 1.00

00:55:42.000 Sweetheart! 1.00

00:55:43.000 Dame to the moon! 1.00

00:55:44.000 I said, can you acknowledge that I'll never know what it's like to get free coffee by having a nice smile?

00:55:50.000 She's like, well, what they did to everyone?

00:55:51.000 Most people actually pay for coffee at Starbucks.

00:55:51.000 I'm like, no, no, no.

00:55:53.000 That's what you do.

00:55:54.000 You pay for it.

00:55:55.000 You don't.

00:55:57.000 Other people do.

00:55:58.000 She's like, I guess, okay.

00:55:59.000 And she totally acknowledges it.

00:56:00.000 It's like, no one's going to have the same experience.

00:56:03.000 Just don't condemn someone for getting a leg up in one area when you have one in another area.

00:56:08.000 Don't apologize for being a man, Matt.

00:56:10.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:56:10.000 Stand up, I think...

00:56:12.000 I don't know why.

00:56:14.000 If it's the audience's...

00:56:16.000 But females definitely seem to have a different experience. 1.00

00:56:18.000 And I think that that's one of the areas that I look at digital media and kind of these different areas that I think women have felt a lot more expressive and involved that I've seen is, you know, periscoping Vine, YouTube.

00:56:31.000 I think we're seeing a lot more creativity out of the women and a forum that... 0.66

00:56:36.000 You know, the traditional clubs.

00:56:38.000 Did I hiccup and burp?

00:56:39.000 Huh?

00:56:39.000 Did you see that?

00:56:43.000 I didn't hiccup, I burp.

00:56:45.000 Your patriarchy is showing.

00:56:49.000 It's interesting watching and seeing the comedy cellar.

00:56:53.000 You go down there and that used to be that kind of locker room ball busting thing. 0.94

00:56:57.000 And now you see a lot of girls in there busting balls as well. 1.00

00:57:00.000 That's a tough room to do clean though. 0.98

00:57:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:04.000 That's a really, I mean, even I have some, I won't name names, but some comedians who are headliners who are involved with some of the top late night shows and they're like, yeah, I don't really do that room unless I know it's a, unless I know who's on.

00:57:14.000 It's a tough room because it's really like a rough room.

00:57:17.000 It's the New York, New York gym, the New York gym for comedy.

00:57:22.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:57:23.000 And it's tough to like going afterwards and be like, homework.

00:57:26.000 Yeah, right, right, right.

00:57:26.000 Yeah.

00:57:29.000 Okay, real quick, before I let you go, is there something coming?

00:57:31.000 I know Ninja Warrior's over.

00:57:32.000 It's coming back, right?

00:57:34.000 Ninja Warrior's coming back.

00:57:35.000 We're picked up for a season eight.

00:57:36.000 It looks like we're going to do a spinoff show on Esquire, a team Ninja Warrior.

00:57:40.000 I'm also on Hallmark Home and Family, their lifestyle show, so I'm on this Friday.

00:57:45.000 Is that a scripted show?

00:57:48.000 It's unscripted.

00:57:49.000 It's kind of like a Good Morning American Today show.

00:57:53.000 They're Fox and Friends, whatever.

00:57:55.000 Good Day LA. Just a lifestyle show, but it's honestly one of the most fun things I've done.

00:58:02.000 It's the Hallmark Channel.

00:58:03.000 Okay.

00:58:04.000 Very, very wholesome.

00:58:06.000 Very fun.

00:58:07.000 You know, a little for a lot of the hardcore comedy fans.

00:58:11.000 Is Dean Cain on there?

00:58:12.000 Dean Cain, I think, has been on there.

00:58:14.000 Well, he's had a movie.

00:58:14.000 Yeah, he's had like the Christmas movies.

00:58:15.000 Dean Cain on there.

00:58:16.000 Yeah, so anyone who's done a Hallmark movie has been on the show.

00:58:18.000 Candace Cameron Bure, Andy McDowell, you know, everyone from the 80s and 90s, Lori Loughlin, Jack Wagner, they all come on.

00:58:27.000 At first, I was thinking Lifetime, and I was like, you're going to be pushing abroad down a flight of stairs, but that's a different channel.

00:58:32.000 It's the opposite.

00:58:33.000 Every movie on there is like, you know, this wholesome family love.

00:58:38.000 There's never any burning bed or anything like that.

00:58:42.000 That's all Lifetime is.

00:58:43.000 It's like a lover's quarrel leads to dot dot dot when you're looking at the description.

00:58:47.000 You're like, let me guess.

00:58:48.000 Someone's cheating.

00:58:49.000 Yeah, as opposed to Hallmark, where it's always like, you know, the Christmas story.

00:58:53.000 She cut her hair to buy him a watch.

00:58:55.000 A watch chain.

00:58:56.000 He sold his watch to buy her hair clips.

00:58:58.000 Soundtrack by Brooks and Dunn.

00:59:00.000 Right.

00:59:01.000 It's like that.

00:59:02.000 Can I buy these shoes?

00:59:03.000 It's very wholesome, but honestly, it's a blast.

00:59:06.000 I love doing these shows.

00:59:07.000 Yeah, it sounds good.

00:59:08.000 I mean, listen, it sounds like you found your – and that's the kind of thing.

00:59:10.000 It's sort of funny.

00:59:11.000 What you're doing is counterculture, like not being edgy, not sort of being more neutral on the political social commentary.

00:59:18.000 I think I can get an idea as to where you're coming from.

00:59:20.000 That's like – it's uncommon now.

00:59:24.000 Well, I tried doing a roast, and I bombed.

00:59:28.000 Because I'm not comfortable being mean.

00:59:31.000 I feel awkward being mean.

00:59:35.000 With a roast, you have to sell it, and I bombed.

00:59:38.000 I'm not the edgy guy, and I love it.

00:59:41.000 Like I said, Jim Norton...

00:59:44.000 Bobby Kelly and Stanhope and these filthy guys who will talk about anything.

00:59:51.000 I love listening to it, but I can't pull it off.

00:59:54.000 Did you ever see Norm Macdonald's roast at Bob Saget?

00:59:57.000 No.

00:59:58.000 You didn't see it?

00:59:59.000 Oh my gosh, you had to see it where he deliberately bombs.

00:59:59.000 No.

01:00:01.000 So he's doing what you said, where he goes deliberately.

01:00:04.000 He's like, oh, you're coming out here.

01:00:06.000 You're saying that Bob Saget, and you're talking about him maybe not being the brightest guy.

01:00:10.000 People can say what they want about Bob.

01:00:12.000 I've known him for a long time, and the man's always had something on his mind.

01:00:16.000 A hat.

01:00:17.000 You know?

01:00:19.000 But some people say about my friend Bob Saget, folks, that he has the eyes of an eagle, and he can soar on the wings of a hawk.

01:00:27.000 Ladies and gentlemen, this man's for the birds.

01:00:31.000 So when were you thinking about Bob, you know?

01:00:35.000 It's funny, like, I remember before I got into comedy when I was in med school, there were two shows I went to.

01:00:41.000 One was at, uh, it's no, it was the Boston Comedy Club.

01:00:46.000 Yeah, right across from the cellar.

01:00:47.000 So I went there, and unbeknownst to me at the time, I figured it out later, I saw Jim Gaffigan, Dane Cook, and Dave Chappelle in a show.

01:00:56.000 And they destroyed.

01:00:58.000 Hilarious.

01:00:59.000 But the other show I saw was at Caroline's, and it was Norm MacDonald.

01:01:02.000 And at that point, I knew who Norm was.

01:01:04.000 But it was just one of those sets where he does things that literally two days ago my friends and I were still quoting to each other.

01:01:14.000 He did this thing about Star Search where he'd go, up next, kayak!

01:01:20.000 It's this thing that stuck with us.

01:01:23.000 And he doesn't really, though, like, if you watch it, he's not like a, gosh, a David Taylor, someone who will just slaughter a room.

01:01:30.000 He's not.

01:01:31.000 There's a lot of silence for long periods of time with Norm, and then he just catches you off guard.

01:01:36.000 And that's one thing, too.

01:01:37.000 You know, hacks?

01:01:37.000 Not that any of those people you mention are hacks, but I've been on the road with hacks.

01:01:40.000 And they're dangerous, because they can kill a room, and then someone who's really good.

01:01:44.000 Like, I've watched Norm not do well.

01:01:46.000 Yeah.

01:01:47.000 And I knew it was brilliant.

01:01:49.000 He used to have a bit...

01:01:52.000 And I watched when I was a kid.

01:01:53.000 I remember.

01:01:53.000 This is in Montreal.

01:01:54.000 He said, do you remember the one about the guy killing his family in the duffel bag?

01:01:59.000 Oh, you got me, Satan!

01:02:01.000 It's me, Bob!

01:02:02.000 How's it going, Bob?

01:02:03.000 That's one for you, Bob.

01:02:05.000 That's one for you.

01:02:07.000 It's like, I remember when I watched it, the audience didn't find it funny at all.

01:02:10.000 I got my wife's head in here. 1.00

01:02:12.000 Yeah, in a duffel bag.

01:02:13.000 And my kid chopped to pieces.

01:02:15.000 Oh, God.

01:02:16.000 That's one for you, Bob.

01:02:17.000 That's one for you.

01:02:18.000 Oh, so funny.

01:02:19.000 He has a bit about my dad.

01:02:21.000 He caught me smoking one time there at school.

01:02:23.000 And I thought the principal called him and he took me out of school.

01:02:26.000 I thought he was going to beat the tar out of me.

01:02:28.000 So I came home.

01:02:29.000 But he took out a cigar, a big old fat Cuban cigar.

01:02:34.000 And he sat me down and he said, Hey, what you're going to do there is you're going to smoke that entire cigar right in front of me.

01:02:41.000 So that's when I began primarily smoking cigars, you know?

01:02:47.000 And it's one of those things where either you like it or you don't.

01:02:50.000 Yeah.

01:02:51.000 Anyway, all right.

01:02:52.000 Now we've talked about it.

01:02:53.000 I feel like I judge guests by their Norm stories.

01:02:58.000 He really is.

01:02:59.000 He really is.

01:03:00.000 It's funny.

01:03:01.000 I think they've tried to find so many vehicles for his unique sense of...

01:03:06.000 It doesn't work.

01:03:07.000 It's hard.

01:03:08.000 And I think he's just best being Norm.

01:03:10.000 On Twitter, he'll start live-tweeting golf matches for hours on end.

01:03:16.000 And I still find it riveting because I just keep waiting for the joke.

01:03:19.000 And then it's like his favorite psalm.

01:03:22.000 And then it's like he gets into a fight with Vice Sports.

01:03:25.000 But he's...

01:03:25.000 I will say he's very...

01:03:29.000 Very smart.

01:03:31.000 And yeah, it's really, it's interesting when you look at it and you're like, you're thinking, is this kind of a work?

01:03:36.000 And you're like, no, I really think this is just how his unique quirky mind works.

01:03:40.000 It's fascinating.

01:03:41.000 Yeah, Jay Moore is a great podcast where he has some Norm story on there.

01:03:45.000 Yeah, Jay Moore is another one.

01:03:46.000 A great, great interview.

01:03:48.000 Yeah.

01:03:48.000 I think he's a better broadcaster than a comedian.

01:03:51.000 And I don't say I'm an insult because he's a good comedian.

01:03:53.000 But there are certain guys who you're just like – there are a lot of stand-up comics.

01:03:56.000 And I think you do it.

01:03:57.000 You're a good host.

01:03:58.000 There are a lot of stand-up comics who can't transfer to acting and certainly vice versa.

01:04:02.000 And there are some comics who are made out to be good hosts and some who aren't.

01:04:07.000 And I think Norm is a guy who just has a tough transfer.

01:04:10.000 He's just so good at comedy.

01:04:12.000 you could take like you could probably take Bill Burr's probably I would say pound for pound one of the best comics ever you probably couldn't host the way you could because it's just hard to put him in that scenario and he's charged go off yourself listen I'm not trying to be a dick It's not lost on me, okay?

01:04:32.000 I love watching him on Conan when he was talking about Caitlyn.

01:04:37.000 And again, when people got outraged at it, and you're like, he's really expressing...

01:04:43.000 You come back with a beard, everyone goes, oh my god, that's your face!

01:04:47.000 So anyway, as you were saying, Caitlyn, and you're like, I... I didn't just – I couldn't process that people saw that as that offensive.

01:04:58.000 Well, they got mad at him at the Donald Sterling – is it Donald Sterling, Gay Jared?

01:05:01.000 Sterling.

01:05:02.000 What was his name?

01:05:03.000 Yeah, the Clippers owner?

01:05:03.000 Donald Sterling.

01:05:04.000 Yeah.

01:05:05.000 Did you ever hear his bit on that?

01:05:07.000 He's like – So this guy came out, you know, and everyone's really mad, like, I get it, okay, racism's terrible.

01:05:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:13.000 But if you look at the shit that he said, it's not that bad for an 85-year-old black guy! 1.00

01:05:17.000 Like, there were no end bombs, nothing in there. 1.00

01:05:20.000 He didn't even have a problem with this broad hanging out with black guys. 0.90

01:05:24.000 He just didn't want to put it on Facebook.

01:05:26.000 Yeah.

01:05:28.000 What about Instagram?

01:05:29.000 I don't give up about Instagram!

01:05:32.000 You can sleep with them!

01:05:33.000 Don't put it on Facebook! 0.97

01:05:35.000 That's one of the things that I like about Bill is that he'll talk about something, you know, like making fun of moms or hitting a woman.

01:05:43.000 Taboo subjects. 0.52

01:05:45.000 But he'll make you laugh despite – and I think that's what great comics can do is I can completely disagree with what you're saying.

01:05:51.000 But it's so funny, I'll laugh anyway.

01:05:55.000 And when you see women laughing at Bill Burr, I'm like that's – I just think that's a testament to how funny it is. 0.96

01:06:03.000 And how much truth he's found in it.

01:06:05.000 If you change one thing, if he's an out-of-the-closet conservative, that tolerance level, there's none. 0.96

01:06:11.000 There's none, because it's assumed you're immediately a racist, homophobic bigot.

01:06:14.000 And even if you go back and you hear some of his interviews with ONA, Anthony was even talking about that, how even some comedians now who are known are just a little more gun-shy.

01:06:23.000 You can see it.

01:06:24.000 Yeah, he's just so funny, though.

01:06:27.000 But about Canadians, we love them.

01:06:27.000 Absolutely.

01:06:30.000 You know, I'm not saying there's some guys who get home, right?

01:06:34.000 To the casserole to start swinging, okay?

01:06:36.000 If we can all agree. 0.94

01:06:38.000 Can we also agree, like, not every ass-kicking just falls from the sky?

01:06:42.000 Even hockey's got a rule of two minutes for instigating.

01:06:46.000 Oh, God.

01:06:48.000 You know, again, those are topics where 99% of people are just not going to broach them anymore.

01:06:56.000 Yeah, I know.

01:06:57.000 And again, some people would argue that's better.

01:06:59.000 I just think that these are things that exist.

01:07:01.000 They're talking about things that exist.

01:07:03.000 And because we don't want them to exist in the world doesn't mean you shouldn't joke about them or talk about them.

01:07:08.000 I think that that's a way you continue to make people aware of it and encourage exchange.

01:07:14.000 I just think that we...

01:07:16.000 The world is a better place when there's a free exchange of information and you can talk about things and convince people and sell them on an idea instead of saying, you're wrong, go to your room.

01:07:27.000 Right.

01:07:28.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:07:28.000 And that's the ultimate problem.

01:07:30.000 Everyone is being sent to their room and there's not a whole lot of room left.

01:07:34.000 They're being sent to the room like your New York hotel there. 0.96

01:07:37.000 Isn't that just a perfect example of how much New York sucks? 0.56

01:07:40.000 Everyone always talks about the greatest city in the world. 0.98

01:07:41.000 Like, what?

01:07:41.000 When I lived there for two years, I hated it.

01:07:43.000 I lived here for four years, and I'm done.

01:07:45.000 I love coming back and spending a week here and catching up with friends and then leaving and going back to LA. Well, that hotel room, people are like, oh, that's small.

01:07:53.000 Oh, Matt, they must not be paying them well at NBC. It's like, no, no, that room's probably like $3.50 a night.

01:07:57.000 Yeah.

01:07:58.000 It's unreal.

01:07:59.000 When I was at Fox before I moved to New York, they used to put me up at the Muse, which is right...

01:08:04.000 It was actually right across from...

01:08:08.000 Ha! 0.89

01:08:08.000 When it used to be there. 0.89

01:08:09.000 Ha! 0.89

01:08:10.000 Comedy Club?

01:08:10.000 I don't remember that.

01:08:11.000 It didn't last very long.

01:08:15.000 That was the comedy club that Sarah Silverman claimed she was paid less for being a woman. 1.00

01:08:19.000 Did you ever hear that controversy?

01:08:20.000 And the booker was like, well, no, the other guy was scheduled and you came in for a guest set and I gave you cab fare.

01:08:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:25.000 Because you know how it works in New York.

01:08:26.000 You come in for a guest set, you're not paid at all.

01:08:28.000 But it was right across from there.

01:08:29.000 So it was a Muse Hotel.

01:08:31.000 And it was probably about the size of your room, but really nice.

01:08:34.000 And I remember finding – when I finally saw the bill for how much it cost, even at the corporate weight, I was like, are you kidding me?

01:08:39.000 Absurd.

01:08:40.000 It was absurd.

01:08:41.000 So I ended up getting an apartment from a lesbian who sold exercise DVDs. 1.00

01:08:41.000 Absurd. 1.00

01:08:47.000 And that was – Hold on.

01:08:50.000 Let me provide context.

01:08:51.000 I got an apartment from a lesbian. 1.00

01:08:53.000 I didn't flinch.

01:08:54.000 I'm like, yeah, that makes sense.

01:08:55.000 She had this thing.

01:08:59.000 If I say it, everyone's going to know it, so I won't say it.

01:09:02.000 But she was kind of like the Jillian Michaels sort of thing.

01:09:05.000 And what was uncomfortable was it was a sublease.

01:09:07.000 Because in New York, if you can get a sublease, that's ideal because of all the rent deals.

01:09:10.000 So she had rent control, so I got a good deal on it.

01:09:12.000 And I come back one time from the road, and the walls are just stacked with bags.

01:09:19.000 Like bags and like luggage.

01:09:20.000 And she's like, yeah.

01:09:21.000 Turns out she'd had a spat with her lesbian partner and was basically moving back in and didn't tell me. 1.00

01:09:26.000 And I was like, well, I've already paid for the last three months' rent.

01:09:29.000 And so we had a little bit of a tiff.

01:09:31.000 I was kind of squatting there.

01:09:32.000 I said, you know what?

01:09:33.000 I'm not leaving until you give me my money back.

01:09:35.000 And then when she gave me my money back, I left her a nice bottle of wine and chocolate because I assumed that lesbian fitness instructors like wine and chocolate. 1.00

01:09:41.000 It was a gross generalization and one that paid off because we're now still friends.

01:09:45.000 Aww.

01:09:46.000 It has a happy ending.

01:09:46.000 There you go.

01:09:48.000 I suspect domestic abuse in the lesbian household in the Hamptons. 0.96

01:09:52.000 This is a horrible way to end the interview.

01:09:57.000 Let's send this tape to his guys at NBC. I know, right?

01:10:00.000 How dare you, sir?

01:10:01.000 They're going to have a new policy.

01:10:02.000 No more podcasts, Matt.

01:10:04.000 Alright, where can people find you, Matt?

01:10:06.000 Twitter, at Matt Iseman.

01:10:09.000 Facebook, just Matt Iseman.

01:10:12.000 There's one wrestler named Matt Iseman in Oklahoma.

01:10:14.000 That's not me.

01:10:15.000 Is he like a professional wrestler or a collegiate wrestler?

01:10:17.000 Collegiate wrestler.

01:10:18.000 Oh my god.

01:10:19.000 I had a wrestler from Oklahoma State literally concussed me.

01:10:22.000 Just beat the hell out of me.

01:10:23.000 Really?

01:10:24.000 Yeah.

01:10:24.000 That's why I never wrestled.

01:10:26.000 Baseball, football, basketball.

01:10:28.000 Well, baseball has a high concussion rate too.

01:10:31.000 Yeah, I was a pitcher and I never took one off the noggin.

01:10:34.000 I took one off the forearm and stuff.

01:10:36.000 Well, you were the one hitting people on the noggin.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, I was. 0.82

01:10:38.000 How dare you.

01:10:39.000 Not intentionally.

01:10:40.000 I was just wild.

01:10:40.000 You were just not a good pitcher.

01:10:42.000 Not a good pitcher.

01:10:43.000 I went into medicine.

01:10:44.000 Not a good doctor.

01:10:45.000 So here I am hosting.

01:10:46.000 Well, you're a good comedian.

01:10:46.000 There you go.

01:10:47.000 You're a good host and you're doing well.

01:10:49.000 So if it doesn't work, you go back to being a doctor and you become a sponsor to the show.

01:10:54.000 There we go.

01:10:55.000 And we'll set up like a health sharing agreement for people who listen to the program because they just come in to get your autograph.

01:11:02.000 It'll be like Canada. 0.98

01:11:03.000 Yes, exactly.

01:11:04.000 And we'll set, well, in that case, we'll need to set up some death panels where you can gauge what treatment is worth their life at that point.

01:11:11.000 Matt Eisman, we have gone too long.

01:11:12.000 Thank you, sir, very much. 0.93

01:11:14.000 You're a strange animal. 0.97

01:11:15.000 Yes. 0.99

01:11:16.000 Oh, there you go.

01:11:17.000 Galwin reference.

01:11:18.000 Thank you so much for people watching here and go to these.

01:11:21.000 Well, hold on, hold on. 0.94

01:11:21.000 I'm going to hang up on you publicly and then I'm going to have to say thank you privately because then we have to do like, we have to do that, you know, otherwise I'm a jerk. 0.94

01:11:27.000 Anyway, click this thing in the video there. 0.85

01:11:30.000 Matt, point for them.

01:11:32.000 He pointed.

01:11:32.000 There you go.

01:11:33.000 Him and his ninja warrior.

01:11:34.000 You don't have huge hands for a big guy.

01:11:36.000 No.

01:11:37.000 Wait, wait, what does that mean?

01:11:38.000 Hey, subscribe by clicking my face or watch one of these videos next to me because...

Louder with Crowder - September 19, 2015

American Ninja Warrior's Matt Iseman | Louder With Crowder

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