Louder with Crowder - March 04, 2019


Chip vs Opie (With Anthony Cumia, Zac Aimco, Mark Normand)


Episode Stats


Length

28 minutes

Words per minute

153.48677

Word count

4,446

Sentence count

535

Harmful content

Misogyny

40

sentences flagged

Toxicity

219

sentences flagged

Hate speech

14

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week on Over My Words: A New Technology Podcast, the boys discuss the recent passing of radio legend Dave Chappelle, the death of radio host Rob "The Beast" Sashay, and much more!

Transcript

Transcripts from "Louder with Crowder" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Dave, you're not afraid to rock?
00:00:01.000 Born to rock.
00:00:02.000 Alright, chill, I like the attitude. 1.00
00:00:03.000 Fuckin' Pearl Jam, I shouldn't even have had a ass! 1.00
00:00:06.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:00:07.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:00:08.000 Spinnin' rock records, that's what my hero did! 1.00
00:00:11.000 Alright, come on! 0.99
00:00:14.000 Fucking taught me everything I know. 0.99
00:00:15.000 Turn it up! 1.00
00:00:16.000 Turn it up and get out! 0.51
00:00:18.000 Yo, let's go to McDonald's.
00:00:19.000 At least Rana won't be playing with his Pekka. 1.00
00:00:23.000 What do you got?
00:00:24.000 I already said mine.
00:00:26.000 We'll go to the phones.
00:00:27.000 What?
00:00:27.000 No phones.
00:00:28.000 Go to the fucking phones. 1.00
00:00:30.000 Thanks. 0.99
00:00:30.000 I was like, what's up Kev? 0.99
00:00:31.000 I heard your fucking car is so old it's only got an AM radio. 0.99
00:00:36.000 And an 8-track. 1.00
00:00:38.000 Goddammit, he's got a good sense of humor.
00:00:40.000 It's not like he needs serious XM. 1.00
00:00:42.000 Fuck yeah! 0.99
00:00:44.000 Yeah, without Ope, I mean, uh, what? 1.00
00:00:48.000 Hold on, cut that out.
00:00:49.000 I don't need him mad at me.
00:00:53.000 It's one of his comedy heroes.
00:00:54.000 Oh yeah. 1.00
00:00:55.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:00:56.000 Santa fucking chef shirts! 1.00
00:00:58.000 Hell yeah! 1.00
00:01:02.000 What are you doing?
00:01:02.000 You got a short-order cook podcast you're doing?
00:01:04.000 Yeah.
00:01:05.000 Yeah.
00:01:07.000 And I'm contractually obligated to do the Jim Norton and Sam Ryan.
00:01:10.000 Yeah, hell yeah!
00:01:11.000 Santa clockwork orange shirt!
00:01:14.000 Right.
00:01:15.000 That one's a stretch.
00:01:16.000 What's going on though?
00:01:17.000 You know, I'm figuring things out.
00:01:19.000 Right.
00:01:19.000 Right.
00:01:20.000 That's what it is.
00:01:21.000 Yeah.
00:01:21.000 Just figuring stuff out, dude.
00:01:22.000 Right. 1.00
00:01:22.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:01:23.000 Right here, brother man. 1.00
00:01:24.000 Yeah.
00:01:25.000 Hell yeah.
00:01:25.000 Take your time.
00:01:26.000 I'm excited about his wrestling show.
00:01:28.000 Oh, yeah.
00:01:28.000 Oh, thank you.
00:01:29.000 Yes, I have a wrestling pike. 1.00
00:01:30.000 Strike when the iron is ice cold.
00:01:31.000 Oh, you do?
00:01:32.000 Yeah, because I'm a wrestler, so I can relate.
00:01:34.000 Yeah.
00:01:39.000 Nothing better than signing with a bankrupt company.
00:01:41.000 Okay.
00:01:43.000 You're not talking about my wrestling podcast anymore, are you?
00:01:46.000 No!
00:01:47.000 Cumulus is interested.
00:01:48.000 That's good.
00:01:48.000 Okay.
00:01:49.000 So listen.
00:01:50.000 This show's gonna be over morse code.
00:01:55.000 It's a new technology.
00:01:57.000 Listen to my show at dot dash dash dot dot dash.
00:02:02.000 So talk.
00:02:03.000 Go on now!
00:02:04.000 Stop enjoying!
00:02:05.000 Babe, I'd do anything to get back in your good graces. 1.00
00:02:10.000 I'd put my hand in a meat grinder or eat a pile of shit. 1.00
00:02:14.000 I'd even go as far as to listen to ten minutes of Opie's podcast. 1.00
00:02:18.000 Oh my god!
00:02:20.000 There is a stunned silence followed by a weeping and a sound of self-inflicted gunshot.
00:02:25.000 Finally, the star of the podcast brings spirits up again. 0.98
00:02:28.000 The Destroyer has the best damn podcast out there! 0.93
00:02:32.000 It's funny and it's free! 0.96
00:02:34.000 Why just last week they sat in the back of a Fuddruckers and talked about jalapeno poppers and craft beers for six and a half hours! 1.00
00:02:43.000 The gang nods in agreement, and all eat a bunch of boogers to pay their respects.
00:02:48.000 Rob's sashay's over for a tickle.
00:02:50.000 He said the journalist died, he had a fight.
00:02:53.000 They can bomb Sirius Radio gone from it.
00:02:57.000 Oh my god!
00:02:58.000 Don't say that!
00:02:59.000 Why would they?
00:03:00.000 Let that part out.
00:03:01.000 The guy responsible for most of the bombs got fired a year ago.
00:03:04.000 Hurt when I say it?
00:03:09.000 Cousin Bruce Eats Wix.
00:03:11.000 I didn't think I'd come back to do the show because I didn't know if Chip was still a thing.
00:03:15.000 Yeah! 1.00
00:03:17.000 I FUCKING HATE YOU! 1.00
00:03:18.000 Oh! 1.00
00:03:19.000 Oh! 1.00
00:03:20.000 Fuck that! 1.00
00:03:21.000 I ain't fucking with him! 1.00
00:03:22.000 He's doing it too long! 0.99
00:03:25.000 Oh, oh, oh! 1.00
00:03:26.000 Fuck that! 1.00
00:03:27.000 You don't wanna match wits? 1.00
00:03:29.000 Fuck no, that guy's hilarious! 1.00
00:03:32.000 Chip! 1.00
00:03:32.000 You see what he's doing? 1.00
00:03:33.000 Chip, you find him hilarious! 1.00
00:03:35.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:03:37.000 Is that like the only person you're afraid of comedically? 1.00
00:03:40.000 Fuck yeah! 0.99
00:03:40.000 He's my favorite! 0.99
00:03:41.000 But you run circles around so many of the comics! 1.00
00:03:44.000 Oh, fuck that! 1.00
00:03:45.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:03:46.000 Yeah? 1.00
00:03:46.000 Bravo! 1.00
00:03:49.000 Bravo!
00:03:51.000 Haven't you had, like, you've had, like, Colin Quinn on here and gone back and forth with him?
00:03:54.000 Yeah, these guys are, like, a titan. 0.96
00:03:56.000 Fuck yeah, Colin's alright, but Colin's pretty easy to best. 0.99
00:03:59.000 Oh wow, I see. 1.00
00:04:01.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:04:03.000 Fuck yeah, Colin ain't been doing it since he's 18! 1.00
00:04:05.000 I guess not. 0.99
00:04:07.000 I guess there's some people that just, you know, your comedy is probably so similar that it's hard to match wits with. 0.98
00:04:14.000 Yeah, fuck yeah, that's the master! 0.98
00:04:17.000 What are you doing? 1.00
00:04:18.000 You're running around the whole thing, showing off your little body.
00:04:21.000 The master of shock comedy is talking!
00:04:25.000 Hurt when I say it?
00:04:27.000 I heard you say it!
00:04:30.000 Chip, if I don't see some of that chemistry, I'm not... that's where I came from. 0.99
00:04:33.000 Fuck yeah, some of that chemistry, right brother? 0.99
00:04:36.000 There it is. 1.00
00:04:37.000 There's that chemistry. 1.00
00:04:37.000 Fuck yeah, we got it! 1.00
00:04:40.000 Some more she's gonna see? 1.00
00:04:41.000 This is definitely compatible on my planet!
00:04:43.000 I did it!
00:04:46.000 You want another news story?
00:04:47.000 No, I'm not done!
00:04:48.000 Oh, okay. 0.98
00:04:49.000 I'll be up there like, damn, this highway has a lot of space! 0.98
00:04:55.000 Don't want. 0.98
00:04:58.000 It's all we got, that chemistry.
00:04:59.000 I hear the Mexicans are sending one up so they could steal the hubcaps. 1.00
00:05:07.000 Nah, they wouldn't need to. 0.60
00:05:08.000 They'd steal the hubcaps for them.
00:05:09.000 A little more got on the rocket ship.
00:05:11.000 All right, makes sense.
00:05:14.000 95 degrees!
00:05:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:05:18.000 Get that energy out of your ass. 1.00
00:05:21.000 95 degrees. 1.00
00:05:21.000 That's a hype man. 1.00
00:05:22.000 No, A. It's made by Anne.
00:05:26.000 I'm from Brooklyn, Anne.
00:05:27.000 I got it, I got it.
00:05:28.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:05:30.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:05:32.000 Read that again.
00:05:34.000 Alright, Dave Landauer, what's up?
00:05:36.000 That's cool, that noise won't be distracting at all.
00:05:38.000 Shaka, shaka, shaka.
00:05:41.000 She gotta be quiet in here, I've been doing this since I'm 18!
00:05:45.000 It's been a long time.
00:05:47.000 I know how to do radio!
00:05:52.000 It's familiar, but I can't quite place it.
00:05:54.000 Is my hat hanging in front of my face, Zach?
00:05:56.000 Don't bullsugar me.
00:05:57.000 Yeah.
00:05:58.000 It's cool?
00:05:58.000 Yeah.
00:05:59.000 What are you, got a sweatband on and a hat?
00:06:01.000 Yeah, I'm chill, just to keep my hair out of my eyes.
00:06:04.000 And Anthony's co-host, Dave Landau, welcome aboard.
00:06:07.000 Good to be here.
00:06:07.000 I didn't think you were gonna come.
00:06:08.000 How come you got a different water than everybody else?
00:06:11.000 I brought my own.
00:06:12.000 That's chill.
00:06:12.000 Yeah.
00:06:13.000 Save us a few dollars.
00:06:14.000 That's good.
00:06:15.000 That's good.
00:06:16.000 I thought you'd appreciate it.
00:06:17.000 I really do.
00:06:18.000 So what are the odds about me and you maybe going out for supper?
00:06:22.000 What, Ira?
00:06:22.000 Come on, Ira, Ira!
00:06:23.000 What's got you laughing today?
00:06:25.000 Look at me!
00:06:25.000 I'm the Destroyer!
00:06:26.000 So in a sense, I'm 18!
00:06:32.000 I'm funny!
00:06:33.000 And if you don't believe me, I'll go on Twitter and tell you!
00:06:36.000 That's how you prove you're funny!
00:06:37.000 Just announce it on Twitter!
00:06:39.000 Despite public opinion, I'm funny!
00:06:42.000 Despite those blank stares, despite the Boo Radley stares of everybody I tell a joke to, I'm funny! 1.00
00:06:51.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:06:52.000 Proof's in the pudding! 1.00
00:06:53.000 Yeah, he just heard Ira! 1.00
00:06:55.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:06:56.000 What? 1.00
00:06:56.000 From now on, don't call me Chip! 1.00
00:06:58.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:07:00.000 What is it, Lyle now?
00:07:01.000 Lyle! 0.58
00:07:03.000 Lyle talks to friends and has some laughs.
00:07:05.000 Why the official change?
00:07:07.000 I just think it sounds smarter to use your given name.
00:07:10.000 Are we doing another reboot?
00:07:12.000 Yeah, we are.
00:07:13.000 Oh.
00:07:14.000 RightCast is not good.
00:07:16.000 They didn't hire Lyle.
00:07:17.000 Doesn't matter if they hired Lyle.
00:07:18.000 We'll call it the Chip Chipperson Podcast.
00:07:22.000 But then I'll just write, Lyle does this.
00:07:26.000 Lyle speaks.
00:07:28.000 To Angie and Sean and Sam and Christina.
00:07:31.000 We could keep Chip and then put a big X through it and write Lyle.
00:07:36.000 I like that.
00:07:36.000 Yeah, you don't have to open my window.
00:07:38.000 Your improv skills are crazy.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, no. 1.00
00:07:41.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:07:42.000 Lyle sits down and has a serious chat. 1.00
00:07:50.000 And I went outside.
00:07:51.000 What's got you laughing today?
00:07:52.000 Lyle sits down and talks to a friend.
00:07:58.000 About a month.
00:07:59.000 What's it called?
00:07:59.000 Dinner with Danny.
00:08:00.000 Excuse me, that's pretty sharp.
00:08:02.000 Burping to the mic, it's shocking! 1.00
00:08:04.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:08:07.000 He's got all the features. 1.00
00:08:09.000 Damn Skippy, I do. 0.99
00:08:11.000 So Ira, what's got you laughing today? 0.99
00:08:12.000 What segment did you like?
00:08:14.000 Well, I like this segment right now!
00:08:17.000 Yeah, I'm sweating up here.
00:08:19.000 Well... Oh, look at...
00:08:25.000 Take a towel and wipe your face!
00:08:27.000 It's like snap syncing.
00:08:32.000 So instead of what...
00:08:34.000 Oh, he's faking. He's faking now.
00:08:36.000 It's like snap syncing.
00:08:38.000 Yeah.
00:08:39.000 I don't know.
00:08:40.000 You don't like it?
00:08:41.000 It's a little distracting.
00:08:43.000 I despise that snapping.
00:08:48.000 I have shell shock from PTSD from that snapping, believe me.
00:08:53.000 PTSD.
00:08:54.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:08:55.000 Fuckin'. 1.00
00:08:56.000 Oh, here it is. 1.00
00:08:56.000 A putty-titted stupid dope! 1.00
00:08:58.000 Hahaha! 1.00
00:09:00.000 Hahaha!
00:09:02.000 Oh...
00:09:04.000 It's appropriate.
00:09:06.000 Hahaha! 1.00
00:09:09.000 If the acronym fits, you're an idiot. 1.00
00:09:17.000 Snap away. 1.00
00:09:19.000 No, we gotta get Poe in here because we had Slash on the old radio show.
00:09:23.000 Slash! 0.97
00:09:24.000 And Poe felt a bit dis- Take your time, Poe.
00:09:28.000 Poe. 0.72
00:09:33.000 You know, it might be different in the martial arts world, but on the radio you gotta get right in and right to it.
00:09:42.000 Look at the hardware on this mouse, on the neck, that's great.
00:09:45.000 It's like a little snap.
00:09:47.000 Oh yeah, I heard you.
00:09:49.000 No, god no, I didn't mean that snap.
00:09:55.000 This is cool, I like this.
00:09:56.000 Thank you.
00:09:57.000 What do you got?
00:10:02.000 You know, I think he was talking about Jay Thomas.
00:10:05.000 That's what I figured too.
00:10:06.000 Yeah, he was.
00:10:06.000 Who did pass away.
00:10:08.000 Lyle has four friends on and Lyle talks to Kreskin.
00:10:16.000 That's a description.
00:10:20.000 Proper names only.
00:10:21.000 Rebranding.
00:10:22.000 Gonna reinvent myself.
00:10:24.000 That's how you get big.
00:10:26.000 You stay big.
00:10:26.000 Ask for that later.
00:10:27.000 Yeah, reinvent yourself.
00:10:30.000 It's a new era.
00:10:31.000 That's right.
00:10:32.000 You need a makeover.
00:10:34.000 Yeah, always wait till you're at a more advanced age.
00:10:38.000 That's a tough shot.
00:10:40.000 Bam, Thelma! 1.00
00:10:41.000 Give you your Scooby Snacks. 1.00
00:10:42.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:10:45.000 Uh-oh. 1.00
00:10:46.000 What?
00:10:48.000 What?
00:10:48.000 I think he sees Scooby's, uh... Oh, I get it, okay.
00:10:52.000 Scooby Snack Day, go!
00:10:55.000 What? 0.99
00:10:58.000 Fucking fit right in! 1.00
00:10:59.000 Welcome to fucking Loonyville! 1.00
00:11:01.000 And fucking, the captain is here! 1.00
00:11:03.000 Gotta have someone steer the ship, that's what I do! 1.00
00:11:06.000 Yeah, you do. 1.00
00:11:07.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:11:08.000 Bunch of humor going around! 1.00
00:11:10.000 Professional comedians!
00:11:11.000 You guys don't know what to do!
00:11:13.000 Allow me to step in!
00:11:16.000 You've got such great energy today, Chip.
00:11:17.000 You're fired up today! 1.00
00:11:19.000 Oh, fuck yeah! 1.00
00:11:20.000 Chip's killin' for us! 1.00
00:11:22.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:11:23.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:11:24.000 Killin' for us today! 1.00
00:11:25.000 Maybe you can come back tomorrow through Sunday!
00:11:29.000 Works today, it'll work tomorrow.
00:11:31.000 Two Jews walking to a bar.
00:11:32.000 I'll say it tomorrow.
00:11:33.000 Two Jews walking to a bar.
00:11:34.000 How come it didn't work as well?
00:11:35.000 I don't know, because they heard that yesterday, Chip.
00:11:38.000 Ira, talk at me.
00:11:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:40.000 I like honesty.
00:11:41.000 That's okay.
00:11:42.000 Yeah, whatever is the truth, whatever it is, it is.
00:11:44.000 I'm the destroyer.
00:11:46.000 There you go, babe.
00:11:50.000 That's right.
00:11:51.000 What's your favorite bit?
00:11:51.000 What'd you listen to on the way in?
00:11:53.000 I was on a panel recently.
00:11:57.000 Panel on podcast. 0.99
00:11:58.000 Fuck yeah, they invited me. 1.00
00:12:00.000 They wanted to know what I thought. 1.00
00:12:02.000 Yeah.
00:12:03.000 That's for me to know and you to find out.
00:12:07.000 Sure, he flies off the handle once in a while.
00:12:10.000 Yells at me when I come out my little microphone.
00:12:12.000 God, we're good friends, ain't we, Mo? 1.00
00:12:15.000 You straightening out my idiot? 1.00
00:12:19.000 He was bombing jokes two at a time. 1.00
00:12:21.000 Players couldn't get a laugh at the table.
00:12:23.000 I'm sure they'll laugh at the table.
00:12:32.000 What do you like to eat?
00:12:34.000 Hamburgers! 1.00
00:12:35.000 Cool.
00:12:36.000 I'll take you out.
00:12:38.000 I know you'll put out at least. 0.99
00:12:41.000 Fucking Ira throws that booty in the air immediately. 0.99
00:12:43.000 Hamburgers and pizza. 1.00
00:12:45.000 Oh, that's cool.
00:12:46.000 Going to a 12 year old's birthday party.
00:12:47.000 It's good for your heart.
00:12:53.000 I mean, how fair!
00:12:55.000 Oh, that's chill.
00:12:58.000 I used to carry my lunch in an onion bag!
00:13:05.000 I never wanted the brown bag!
00:13:12.000 especially with the bag.
00:13:14.000 I never wanted the brown bag.
00:13:16.000 I never wanted the little brown bag.
00:13:18.000 I wanted a lunchbox. 0.98
00:13:19.000 And every year, dammit, I got a lunchbox. 0.98
00:13:22.000 I had my Lost in Space lunchbox. 0.98
00:13:24.000 You know, one of my brothers should call up with the thermos, but I remember... Because you're hitting a real soft spot in my family.
00:13:32.000 You should just hear what Opie had to go to school with for his lunch.
00:13:38.000 The bags.
00:13:39.000 We were so poor.
00:13:40.000 Yeah, you're poor, baby.
00:13:43.000 You were so poor.
00:13:44.000 I'll tell you the story.
00:13:46.000 Yeah, like Anthony said, everyone has... You think how embarrassing this is?
00:13:49.000 It's the Big King calling back! 1.00
00:13:51.000 I'll tell the story, you ass! 1.00
00:13:53.000 It's the Big King calling back! 1.00
00:13:55.000 If my brother calls, he'll... That's great.
00:13:59.000 How embarrassing.
00:14:00.000 He would be suicidal to tell the story on the air, but basically, like Anne said, you know, all your friends had the cool lunchboxes, maybe like, uh, I don't know, the Brady Bunch, you know, lunchbox, or the Scooby-Doo lunchbox.
00:14:12.000 Yeah!
00:14:13.000 Open it up, you got your little thermos in there for your little fruit cup or something.
00:14:16.000 Right.
00:14:17.000 And your drink and your sandwich all nice and wrapped.
00:14:20.000 Sure.
00:14:21.000 And then if you didn't have the lunch box or you didn't want one, you could go to the store and buy the little lunch bag.
00:14:26.000 No, no, I'll explain.
00:14:27.000 The lunch box were, you know, were given to the kids whose moms really cared.
00:14:31.000 Right.
00:14:32.000 Then you had the kids that came in, like you said, with the small brown lunch bag.
00:14:36.000 You could go to the store and buy a big stack of those.
00:14:40.000 Right.
00:14:41.000 Oh no, it cost too much money to get the small brown paper bags for my lunch. 0.84
00:14:47.000 See, we were so poor, like Rick, Rick guessed about two minutes ago, my god damn lunch, a lousy peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a bruised apple were, that's it, it was just like two little things, were in a huge, HUGE, wall bounce paper bag. 0.80
00:15:13.000 The one they pack the groceries in. 0.93
00:15:15.000 And then what was your carrying style?
00:15:18.000 Would you carry the whole thing or roll it so it's just like the big bottom of the bag and it's huge rolled up?
00:15:25.000 It gets worse.
00:15:26.000 It gets worse.
00:15:27.000 We brought the bags home.
00:15:32.000 Home after lunch.
00:15:33.000 You had to fold them up, right?
00:15:35.000 And bring them home.
00:15:37.000 Oh, that's pretty bad, man.
00:15:40.000 So we could put the book covers on our textbooks.
00:15:46.000 You made them out of the paper bags?
00:15:49.000 Yeah, so like my science textbook had a big, huge wall bounce on the front, while my friends had the cool Star Trek book covers.
00:15:59.000 So they were dual purpose, Anthony.
00:16:02.000 They were used to carry my lousy sandwich and bruised apple to school, and then we had to bring them home so we could make book covers.
00:16:09.000 Do they have your name written on it too?
00:16:16.000 I'll pay.
00:16:19.000 Because then when you leave that with your coat, you know, you have your whole thing set up.
00:16:24.000 Everybody knows it's your bag if your name's on it.
00:16:27.000 Oh, the big shopping bag.
00:16:29.000 I knew my brother would call. 0.75
00:16:30.000 He's a bitter man.
00:16:34.000 Elmo! 0.95
00:16:35.000 What's up, man?
00:16:35.000 Hey.
00:16:36.000 Is this a nightmare or what?
00:16:38.000 Why are you bringing this up?
00:16:39.000 You know, it gets dark at four o'clock.
00:16:42.000 I'm already suicidal and you have to bring that up.
00:16:44.000 I mean, we would take these huge, like, King Colin bags and roll the top down and close them and do whatever we could to try to mimic those small little bags so we looked normal.
00:16:59.000 But once I also got a cement bag for Dad.
00:17:01.000 Oh, wait a minute!
00:17:03.000 One of those huge cement bags.
00:17:05.000 You know, we were done doing the sidewalks around the house.
00:17:08.000 Like a Sackcrete bag or something?
00:17:10.000 Yeah, one of those huge bags.
00:17:12.000 You know, because my dad won't make use of anything.
00:17:14.000 Still had powder in it?
00:17:16.000 So we put the food in that and rolled it up.
00:17:18.000 I'm like, you gotta be kidding me.
00:17:20.000 A cement bag!
00:17:22.000 It was unbelievable.
00:17:24.000 Trust me, if my brother says it, it happens.
00:17:27.000 It happens.
00:17:27.000 I'm dying for you.
00:17:29.000 A cement bag.
00:17:30.000 This is like the shame of our family.
00:17:33.000 I still can't go shopping and get paper.
00:17:36.000 I always have to go plastic just to erase the memory.
00:17:41.000 Elmo, you notice how, like, Ed's telling all his horror stories from growing up and I'm keeping my mouth shut?
00:17:45.000 I know, I'm like, oh my god, that's like going to a spa.
00:17:48.000 You know what my grandmother used to say when I was picking my nose when you get to the bridge wave?
00:17:54.000 She was such a pip.
00:17:57.000 That is a good one.
00:17:59.000 I got to learn that from one of your heroes too.
00:18:01.000 What's that?
00:18:02.000 Picking your nose.
00:18:05.000 Always an opportunity for a dig.
00:18:10.000 That was a double one.
00:18:12.000 Get a snack for later.
00:18:15.000 Let me see your hand for a second.
00:18:17.000 Wait a minute.
00:18:17.000 What's the matter?
00:18:18.000 Wait a minute.
00:18:19.000 I do. Watching the Golden Girls.
00:18:21.000 At family events.
00:18:23.000 Can you put a weight on the end of it and kind of just let it pull?
00:18:26.000 Wait, do you mean a weight? Hold on.
00:18:28.000 It's kind of a two metal balls with a kind of a...
00:18:32.000 Let me see your hand for a second. Wait a minute. 0.57
00:18:35.000 What's the matter?
00:18:36.000 Wait a minute. Do you have an announcement?
00:18:38.000 I got engaged.
00:18:39.000 Hold on, we got to start this show first. 1.00
00:18:41.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
00:18:41.000 Hold on, we'll do the engagement thing. 0.99
00:18:45.000 Alright, let's start the show.
00:18:52.000 Henry Fonda, old cooters if he's hanging out with her. 0.99
00:18:54.000 Go pick some blueberries, you old bag. 1.00
00:18:59.000 How funny would that have been if he had a fucking... Man, what do you want, burn the house down? 1.00
00:19:02.000 Hey, Billy! 1.00
00:19:04.000 That kid had a really great acting career. 0.98
00:19:06.000 How do you fucking- How do you win a triple Oscar winner and you do nothing afterwards? 0.99
00:19:09.000 Nothing afterwards! 0.99
00:19:11.000 Jesus Christ, he's like me after the Opie and Anthony show.
00:19:13.000 Or I should say Jim Norton.
00:19:14.000 Jim Norton!
00:19:15.000 Yeah, because I'm actually doing better than he is.
00:19:19.000 I'm getting confused.
00:19:20.000 I don't know, I've watched some shows that, right out there on the gritty, raw streets of New York City, I've seen some shows from, you know, other people from the ONA show.
00:19:31.000 Oh yeah, those are good.
00:19:33.000 Yeah, you like those?
00:19:35.000 Hell yeah.
00:19:36.000 We're here at Chevy's. 1.00
00:19:38.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:19:42.000 Hey, Bobo, what's going on? 1.00
00:19:46.000 I'm doing good, Chip.
00:19:49.000 Even Chip don't like them.
00:19:50.000 No, even Chip has some issues with self-hatred.
00:19:53.000 Bobo?
00:19:54.000 Yeah, right?
00:19:56.000 You get a free meal and your socks and underwears are all washed.
00:20:01.000 She gets literally half the sentence of the story out.
00:20:11.000 He runs through a repertoire of jokes. 0.99
00:20:13.000 I don't even know what the fuck to be starting with. 1.00
00:20:15.000 Oh, probably the cat's a lawyer and shit. 1.00
00:20:17.000 What's this, to kill a mocking cat? 1.00
00:20:19.000 Fucking... 1.00
00:20:21.000 Meow Radley. 1.00
00:20:24.000 You should call him Grumpy the Cat.
00:20:26.000 That's his name.
00:20:26.000 It's Grumpy Cat.
00:20:28.000 I wonder if the contract has a clause in it.
00:20:32.000 Oh, look out, down that road!
00:20:34.000 That was really good.
00:20:36.000 What do you got?
00:20:38.000 He's ready!
00:20:39.000 Hold on a second.
00:20:41.000 Come on, Jim.
00:20:41.000 Wait, wait.
00:20:42.000 Oh, fucking, I've got a clause. 0.99
00:20:45.000 Yo, it's gonna be like the tale of two lawyers. 1.00
00:20:51.000 So talk at me.
00:20:52.000 Anthony Cumia, CM.
00:20:55.000 I don't want to speculate as to what that stands for.
00:20:57.000 Compound Media.
00:20:58.000 Oh, whew, I was off. 0.99
00:21:02.000 Well yeah, I thought it was fucking Cummy Muncher. 0.99
00:21:05.000 Oh wow. 0.99
00:21:06.000 Geez, Chippa. 1.00
00:21:07.000 Your new Twitter handle.
00:21:08.000 Yeah, my new Twitter, because I was kicked off Twitter again, is now AnthonyCumiaCM.
00:21:13.000 It's a fun bit.
00:21:14.000 It's Anthony's Twitter account of the week.
00:21:16.000 It sure is. 0.99
00:21:17.000 Boy, they really are fucking whack-a-mole on your Twitter, aren't they? 0.99
00:21:20.000 You can just watch my followers go down and down. 0.99
00:21:23.000 Hell yeah.
00:21:24.000 I can't understand it.
00:21:25.000 I had 300,000.
00:21:27.000 I went to 40,000 with the new one.
00:21:29.000 Now I'm at about 9,000 now.
00:21:31.000 Cleaning out the riffraff. 1.00
00:21:33.000 It really is.
00:21:33.000 Because I know some other guy.
00:21:35.000 He's got over 300,000 followers.
00:21:37.000 He tweets three favorites.
00:21:40.000 That's not bad.
00:21:41.000 That's not bad.
00:21:43.000 You think that's good, Jeff? 1.00
00:21:44.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:21:45.000 Three people like it? 1.00
00:21:46.000 That's not bad.
00:21:47.000 It's three people more that liked it than none. 1.00
00:21:49.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:21:50.000 That's not bad. 1.00
00:21:53.000 Yeah.
00:21:53.000 You're sort of a glass one one billionth full kind of a guy.
00:21:57.000 Yep.
00:21:59.000 I mean, billions and billions of stars in the universe.
00:22:02.000 What does that have to do with anything?
00:22:04.000 And none in this room?
00:22:07.000 Come on, Chip.
00:22:08.000 I don't know, guys.
00:22:09.000 Just a couple more years.
00:22:11.000 I don't know, guys.
00:22:12.000 This is the best thing on the air, you guys.
00:22:14.000 It's the best show on Riotcast.
00:22:17.000 If you leave... It's the best show on YouTube.
00:22:20.000 If you leave, it's all worth it. 0.94
00:22:23.000 Bobo, show us how you lick a cooter. 0.82
00:22:29.000 That's good.
00:22:30.000 You keep your tongue in your mouth. 1.00
00:22:31.000 Make the pussy come to you. 1.00
00:22:34.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:22:35.000 Make those lips mosey on in there! 1.00
00:22:39.000 Oh my god!
00:22:40.000 Oh, whoa, whoa! 1.00
00:22:41.000 Wait until I kill somebody on the other place, really. 1.00
00:22:46.000 Fuck yeah, the kid's got technique, though! 1.00
00:22:48.000 We'll never invite you! 1.00
00:22:49.000 Technique?
00:22:51.000 I'm telling you, stay away! 0.53
00:22:53.000 Alright.
00:22:53.000 That's good stuff.
00:22:54.000 That's it.
00:22:54.000 Hey, you know what?
00:22:55.000 Give me the fucking read. 1.00
00:22:56.000 Ben's gotta pay the bills. 1.00
00:22:58.000 We're killing it.
00:22:59.000 We sure do. 0.99
00:22:59.000 Oh, what is it? 0.99
00:23:00.000 Fucking Ira killing it for us today! 0.99
00:23:07.000 Picture going to a carrot store and they ain't got no carrots. 0.99
00:23:10.000 Who wrote these?
00:23:11.000 Will Silvins?
00:23:12.000 This could take a while.
00:23:15.000 I got a bunch of... I bet you do!
00:23:17.000 Yo, man, they should have chicken at a chicken place. 0.99
00:23:19.000 One year, it was my fucking birthday, and me and my mom went to get a bag of turkey gizzards to give out to all the kids, but the fucking store didn't have it. 0.99
00:23:28.000 And they should have. 0.99
00:23:29.000 The place was called Jeff's Turkey Gizzards. 0.99
00:23:37.000 Jeff's Turkey Gizzards didn't have no fucking turkey. 0.99
00:23:40.000 I was just thinking that. 0.99
00:23:41.000 There's the joke.
00:23:42.000 All they were selling was whipped cream.
00:23:43.000 There's the joke.
00:23:45.000 Go on now.
00:23:47.000 What do we got?
00:23:48.000 Women are now tying the knot with trees. 1.00
00:23:51.000 Y as in yes, and B as in bravo!
00:23:55.000 Money, yes, bravo!
00:23:55.000 We say bravo around here now.
00:23:57.000 We sure do.
00:23:58.000 Bravo!
00:23:59.000 They have huge bonuses. 1.00
00:24:01.000 I might have to stay home, order some Chinese food, some come dumb white man. 1.00
00:24:11.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:24:12.000 Ira loves it. 1.00
00:24:13.000 Hell yeah.
00:24:14.000 That's a woke joke.
00:24:16.000 That's woke.
00:24:17.000 Ira thinks he's looking at Carlin here.
00:24:19.000 He loves it.
00:24:21.000 That's funny.
00:24:22.000 I wish he was.
00:24:25.000 Is that also with the cream of some young guy?
00:24:28.000 That's not a real dish.
00:24:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that is.
00:24:33.000 Cream of some young guy from Western Queens.
00:24:38.000 Oh, that's specific.
00:24:39.000 I like how you tagged it. 1.00
00:24:40.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:24:40.000 That's a good tag on that joke. 0.99
00:24:42.000 I should say, like, with a big pecker or something after it.
00:24:44.000 Right, right, yeah.
00:24:46.000 Learned from the master.
00:24:47.000 He learned from the best. 1.00
00:24:49.000 Yeah, fuck yeah, I did. 1.00
00:24:50.000 You damn Skippy. 1.00
00:24:52.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:24:54.000 That wasn't vomit. 1.00
00:24:55.000 Wait, wait! 0.87
00:24:55.000 What was it? 0.87
00:24:56.000 Hey, you know and I wiggle that little mug for a while plunger up there we can wiggle it violently back and forth
00:25:04.000 right like I just swallowed my vomit I Wasn't vomit
00:25:11.000 Was the flam yeah It was coming to me.
00:25:25.000 Now it's funny.
00:25:27.000 My favorite team is the Brewers.
00:25:29.000 The Brewers?
00:25:30.000 Yeah, because they got beer around them.
00:25:31.000 That's good.
00:25:32.000 That is cool.
00:25:32.000 What are some ideas?
00:25:33.000 What do you got?
00:25:34.000 What do you got?
00:25:35.000 Oh, God.
00:25:36.000 Oh, my God.
00:25:36.000 What do you got?
00:25:37.000 Uh-oh, what happened?
00:25:38.000 Something happened.
00:25:39.000 The second it comes out, Chip, you will get a free copy to peruse.
00:25:44.000 A free signed copy.
00:25:46.000 To peruse.
00:25:47.000 I ain't traveling.
00:25:48.000 Rob, what's got you laughing today?
00:25:52.000 The peruse.
00:25:54.000 Yeah, he has an answer for that one.
00:25:56.000 It's got a lot of the behind the scenes stuff of the Opie and Anthony show with Jim Norton, of course.
00:26:01.000 So you are Anthony from that show.
00:26:03.000 Tell us how you met.
00:26:05.000 Yeah, whatever happened on that show?
00:26:07.000 Oh, it was, well, it kind of... Anthony said something on Twitter.
00:26:12.000 So how did you two meet?
00:26:14.000 Were you on Ambien?
00:26:16.000 No, that's a Roseanne reference.
00:26:18.000 Oh, thank you.
00:26:19.000 I went on his radio show, Opie's radio show back on Long Island. 0.96
00:26:23.000 Oh cool, was it in a fucking, was it in a bar? 0.97
00:26:26.000 No, it was back when he broadcast from a radio studio. 0.99
00:26:29.000 That's how they did it in the old days.
00:26:32.000 Oh, I hear ya.
00:26:33.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:26:34.000 It went on.
00:26:35.000 Then what?
00:26:35.000 Then we got a job in Boston to go up there and do radio.
00:26:39.000 Where's he from, Maybury?
00:26:41.000 Opie, that's funny.
00:26:42.000 He's from Centiport, Long Island.
00:26:44.000 Another small town like Mayberry, though.
00:26:47.000 Everybody would be like, hey, where's Aunt Bea? 0.97
00:26:50.000 Yeah, or Bonnie Fife.
00:26:52.000 One prison cell.
00:26:53.000 Right, right.
00:26:54.000 Otis the Drunk would be in there.
00:26:56.000 Or Anthony Cumia.
00:26:59.000 It was more like Otis Tool. 1.00
00:27:03.000 Google that, it's fucking hilarious, you piece of garbage! 1.00
00:27:08.000 You got some green on, too, there, Chippy. 1.00
00:27:10.000 Yes, so do you!
00:27:12.000 I got gray.
00:27:13.000 Pants could be great.
00:27:15.000 Oh, look at that, hottest tool.
00:27:18.000 He looks like Opie. 0.77
00:27:19.000 Oh, that guy, yeah, he was a serial killer.
00:27:22.000 I knew that! 1.00
00:27:24.000 Piece of garbage, he was. 1.00
00:27:26.000 He looks like he needs to shave. 1.00
00:27:27.000 What, did he stab Cornflakes? 1.00
00:27:31.000 Serial killer. 1.00
00:27:33.000 Mark, fucking hilarious. 1.00
00:27:36.000 Oh, that's chill. 0.93
00:27:37.000 So do you talk about Opie and Anthony in your book at all?
00:27:41.000 Yes, I do.
00:27:41.000 I talk about the beginnings and of course the ending.
00:27:45.000 You guys still friends?
00:27:47.000 No, we are not.
00:27:48.000 So it's an open end.
00:27:50.000 Right.
00:27:51.000 You never know.
00:27:51.000 Never know.
00:27:52.000 I do though.
00:27:53.000 No.
00:27:54.000 No.
00:27:55.000 Never.
00:27:55.000 Yeah, why not?
00:27:58.000 We just don't get along as well as a team has to, you know, have some type of chemistry.
00:28:04.000 That happens.
00:28:04.000 We got it here.
00:28:05.000 We got that chemistry.
00:28:06.000 You got that chemistry.
00:28:08.000 Got that chemistry.
00:28:10.000 Bleach and ammonia.
00:28:11.000 Jokes he's got left?
00:28:13.000 Two more.
00:28:15.000 You know what his sign is?
00:28:17.000 You know what his sign is?
00:28:18.000 though. Right. How about this? Holy shit. You know what his sign is? You know what his sign is?
00:28:26.000 Hold on. Don't don't. Are you probably gonna say is that cancer? You gonna say cancer?
00:28:31.000 Sure.
00:28:34.000 Chip take it Take the punch. 0.99
00:28:37.000 Well, he owns it.
00:28:38.000 He owns it.
00:28:38.000 He owns it because he had it.
00:28:40.000 His name is on the door.
00:28:41.000 Sure it is.
00:28:42.000 Yeah!
00:28:43.000 I'd tell them to mime their own business. 1.00
00:28:46.000 Right, or I'd probably go like, um, hey, I'm gonna fucking lick your cunt so good you're gonna moan, Alisa. 1.00
00:28:55.000 We should end with that. 1.00
00:28:56.000 We should end with that.
00:28:57.000 Yeah.