00:02:51.000Honestly, if they could, they should, you know how they always have a product that they sell to like a professional market and then they sell it to a consumer market?
00:03:44.000And of course, you can send in your requests, your letters at toughlove at louderwithcrowder.com.
00:03:50.000We finally have that email going because at first it was like life advice, and then we realized it always ended up being unnecessarily mean.
00:05:20.000Are expecting for our first time, and we are really excited, it's early proof that everything works.
00:05:26.000Sorry, it's early, but proof that everything works, which is reassuring.
00:05:29.000I always keep in mind, I always get shadows on a specific page here.
00:05:32.000As a preparing first time father, what can I do to quiet the insecurities as they get louder and louder in my head and I feel like I'm going to fail my budding family?
00:05:44.000I feel like those insecurities stem from the fact that I was raised mostly by my grandmothers at a young age.
00:05:49.000Sorry, I mean, obviously, good on your grandmothers, but I know that can be tough for a young man.
00:05:52.000I had very little interaction with my dad as he was a trucker, and my parents divorced when I was seven, with my mom taking primary custody.
00:05:58.000I've had very few positive male role models in my younger years.
00:06:02.000It's also tough as I see a lot of my father in me and his supposed suicide weighs on my conscience as I don't want to follow in those footsteps.
00:06:23.000And I know easier said than done because believe me, like the last time I got nothing right going through the McDonald's drive through when I was with kiddos, I mean, I considered it because I'm always carrying, but it would be a mess.
00:06:36.000My whole detailing membership had lapsed.
00:08:31.000There is, and you're obviously trying to work on yourself and your Christian walk.
00:08:34.000I will say, you know, this kind of goes back to generic advice, which is always kind of focus on those things that you can control.
00:08:41.000I will say this if you are worried about who you are as a person in combination with everything else here, that means you're probably a more decent person than people who aren't.
00:08:55.000At some point, they have been worried about that or asked themselves that.
00:08:58.000I know certainly Gerald, myself, and the friends that we're close with, we've all had those conversations, especially if you're in a position of authority where you have to make decisions.
00:09:06.000Like, for example, no one I know likes firing anybody.
00:09:10.000But sometimes it has to be done, and you really, really want to make sure that you are making the right decision.
00:09:15.000So, questioning your judgment is indicative of better judgment itself.
00:09:21.000There was something else I was looking at here.
00:09:23.000Very few files are done, but I want to know the direct actions I can take to pull me out of those thoughts.
00:09:30.000As far as insecurity, I don't know if you're just talking about suicidal thoughts or if you're talking about your ability as a father.
00:09:38.000And the truth is, I think every man, Gerald, you can tell me if I'm speaking out of turn, every man has those thoughts.
00:09:44.000And I think more men have those thoughts now because the lines aren't so clearly defined as to what the expectations are.
00:09:52.000And I mean, I know I went through this fear.
00:09:54.000That's why I didn't have children younger.
00:09:56.000And if I was in a different situation where I wasn't afraid of having to be, you know, run a company and be Mr. Mom, it would have been very different.
00:10:02.000But societally, you're told your life ends and, you know, kiss everything else goodbye.
00:10:06.000And at that point, I was working sometimes 16 hour days and I just thought it wouldn't be fair until I. Realize that's not how it used to be.
00:10:12.000It used to be you each take your share and you each have jobs and roles.
00:10:16.000So I would say your wife needs to be included in this.
00:10:19.000First and foremost, focus on disciplining your mind, body, spirit across the board.
00:10:26.000Creating a framework for yourself, for your life, helps keep everything in line because there's a consistent but a healthy self evaluation, not narcissism.
00:10:35.000It really is I hate to use the term holistic, though I am a guru, a holistic approach because that just better disciplines you across the board.
00:10:44.000And then I would enlist your wife and talk about these things and what your roles are and who's going to be doing what.
00:10:52.000Maybe even drafting up like a whiteboard, something for men, sometimes knowing exactly where responsibility falls gives you the ability to throw yourself into yours a little more effectively.