Louder with Crowder - Crowder's 16-Hour CNN Torture Livestream! (Part 2) | Louder With Crowder

00:00:00.000 All right, we are back. There we go.

00:00:02.000 And we have a guest on with us soon here.

00:00:04.000 One thing, I hate to actually eat while we have a guest on.

00:00:06.000 Oh, you know what? I just realized, did I take this yet?

00:00:08.000 I don't know. This isn't a sponsor, but it's actually, when people say what supplements are, I take very few supplements or vitamins, but there's actually just something called KSM-66.

00:00:15.000 It's the closest thing to like a natural miracle drug.

00:00:19.000 Really? Slash steroid.

00:00:20.000 Yeah, it decreases cortisol, increases testosterone, helps your immune system, helps with endurance, increases hemoglobin.

00:00:25.000 I'd like some more testosterone. They're actual double-blind, placebo-controlled clinical trials.

00:00:28.000 So anyway... I'm just sharing this right now to help me with my energy.

00:00:34.000 We have our guests. Hold on. I know.

00:00:36.000 I do your thumbs up, Sound Guy Edward.

00:00:38.000 Hold! Gosh, I've been here for 13 hours.

00:00:41.000 Give me a break. All right, our next guest, I love him, you love him.

00:00:44.000 He's also on the Daily Wire Network, and their Tumblr mostly sucks, but his show is pretty good.

00:00:49.000 You love him, you follow him.

00:00:50.000 It's the Andrew Klavan Show, at Andrew Klavan on the Twitter.

00:00:53.000 Mr. Klavan, can you hear us, sir?

00:00:57.000 I don't think you can hear us. Sound Guy Edward, all this thumbs up.

00:01:00.000 Hold on a second. Sound Guy Edward didn't even have this stuff right yet.

00:01:03.000 What's happening? I would have just taken the time to eat my raspberries.

00:01:08.000 Now I can hear you. Oh, great!

00:01:10.000 How are you, Mr. Clavin?

00:01:11.000 I was so much happier before. Hey, look!

00:01:14.000 I don't know if you know what's been going on today.

00:01:16.000 You've been briefed? I heard that you were going to sit in front of CNN for 16 hours, but I thought even you are not that stupid. 1.00

00:01:25.000 Well, no, you were wrong. 0.99

00:01:28.000 16 hours, CNN, what are we, hour 12, hour 13?

00:01:34.000 Almost 13. No, no, coming up on hour 13, right?

00:01:36.000 6.30? Wait, we're coming up on 8 and we go to midnight, so hour 12.

00:01:40.000 Oh, God. We have four more hours?

00:01:43.000 Yeah. Ah!

00:01:45.000 Don't worry, it'll go by fast. Okay.

00:01:46.000 Sorry, Andrew. He'll be drinking.

00:01:48.000 But here's the one. We just talked with Ben about it.

00:01:49.000 I don't know. Are you in the same studio there as Ben right now?

00:01:52.000 No, I saw Ben walk by outside.

00:01:54.000 I haven't talked to him yet, though.

00:01:56.000 And I didn't hear what you guys were talking about.

00:01:58.000 Did he look miserable? Thank God. 0.72

00:02:00.000 Oh, he was sobbing.

00:02:02.000 He was terrible. Well, that's because we had some dirt on him.

00:02:04.000 We let him know right before he leaves. All right, listen...

00:02:07.000 That's true. So let me fill you in, Andrew.

00:02:09.000 We have to do this with all our guests. I'm sorry, let me keep it really brief.

00:02:11.000 The CNN hit list. The reason we're doing this, and the only way we're able to do this, as Ben said, to live like welfare queens is because of Mug Club. 0.93

00:02:19.000 We needed 16 hours for the entire original CNN clock just to prove how bad it is, how biased it is.

00:02:24.000 We thought we could only do this kind of like change my mind.

00:02:27.000 Unedited, watching it all day so people can see how bad it is.

00:02:30.000 So let me give you a really quick hit list, okay, of what's been going on today on CNN. Slow Newsday, you would think.

00:02:36.000 not according to Blitzer. So, we started the day where they were stoking of course the

00:02:41.000 Russian hysteria, the idea that Trump was going to fire Mueller. Then Adam Schiff on

00:02:44.000 regarding the Mueller probe, he's been saying he has evidence for nine months, no evidence,

00:02:47.000 not one single mention of Uranium One despite it being trending on Twitter all day. They

00:02:51.000 said with the CHIP program, Republicans wanted to defund it and nine million tiny Tims would

00:02:54.000 die. They used the word nine million tiny Tims, yes they did, they actually said that.

00:02:58.000 And the funny thing is of course no mention of the fact that Republicans actually want

00:03:01.000 to continue funding the child healthcare initiative for another five years. No mention of the

00:03:05.000 Melbourne attacker being Afghani Sayyid Nouri, if I'm pronouncing it correctly, saying he

00:03:10.000 did it because of mistreatment of Muslims. They didn't mention the 1995 Israel vote at

00:03:14.000 all to situate the embassy in Jerusalem and recognize it as its capital. No mention of

00:03:18.000 short term funding from the Republicans until January 19th.

00:03:20.000 Remember, they said, we don't need to shut down.

00:03:22.000 Let's just extend this to January 19th.

00:03:23.000 Democrats had to vote on it.

00:03:25.000 But then when they finally did, and then it was kicked to the Senate, and basically that's going to happen, they just said, oh, House votes, no government shutdown.

00:03:32.000 Well, you mean what the Republicans pushed forward?

00:03:34.000 And then finally, breaking news currently developing.

00:03:38.000 Bannon said that Bush 43 was a destructive president, and of course that was actually said last October.

00:03:43.000 So it seems to me breaking news on CNN means lie.

00:03:49.000 Your thoughts? You're a little too kind.

00:03:53.000 I think the fact that it's taking you 16 hours to figure out that CNN is a pack of lies is a little disturbing.

00:04:01.000 But did you know they do this, though?

00:04:03.000 Did you know they do this? They showed a clip of Franken, and it said earlier.

00:04:07.000 But they meant yesterday.

00:04:10.000 Wouldn't news usually say yesterday?

00:04:12.000 When someone says earlier, don't you think, oh, this happened earlier today?

00:04:15.000 So the tax bill is off the news already, right?

00:04:18.000 That's gone. Yeah, they said 9 million Tiny Tims would die because of the tax bill.

00:04:23.000 9 million Tiny Tims dying.

00:04:24.000 Yeah. Is that enough Tiny Tims to kill? 0.87

00:04:28.000 I think, you know, Tiny Tims can be incredibly annoying.

00:04:31.000 9 million seems like a start, but there may be some escaping.

00:04:36.000 They're always coughing in your food.

00:04:38.000 I know. We want to fund a program to hunt them down, I think.

00:04:41.000 Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right.

00:04:43.000 And I'm just saying this because it's got a really mean tweet, Andrew Klavan.

00:04:47.000 You've got to listen. You hear that word, you know, God blesses everyone.

00:04:50.000 You've got to rush to the scene and just wipe them right off the face of the earth.

00:04:53.000 Well, Tina, you know, tonight is the premiere of YouTube Carol, and we have Tiny Not Gay Jared in there.

00:04:57.000 Of course, we just found out in the last segment, Tiny Not Gay Jared was riddled with AIDS, down to his last 200 CD4 cells.

00:05:03.000 So I see a crutch by the fire without a Tiny Not Gay Jared to use it. 1.00

00:05:08.000 Clint Howard played YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki in place of the Ghost of Marley.

00:05:14.000 It was Clint Howard as Susan Wojcicki as Marley.

00:05:18.000 It's a really messed up special.

00:05:20.000 I don't know how I miss this.

00:05:21.000 I did see Not Gay Jared as the elf on the shelf. 0.95

00:05:26.000 I have an elf on the shelf behind me.

00:05:28.000 I find these the creepiest little things.

00:05:30.000 You know what they're for?

00:05:32.000 You're supposed to put them on the shelf and they tell Santa Claus whether your kid has been naughty or nice.

00:05:37.000 I know. So, that right there is kind of creepy, and then to have it be Not Gay Jared just kind of amps the creep exponentially. 0.52

00:05:45.000 Yeah, it might be tiny NSA on the shelf.

00:05:47.000 And here's the thing. It's either a complete lie, or if it's functional, there are just millions of Elf on Shelf sex tapes just ready to be dropped at any given moment.

00:05:56.000 Yes, I know, I know.

00:05:59.000 That's why I asked... This is not going to go well.

00:06:03.000 The open-the-shelf in my studio has seen things you would not believe.

00:06:07.000 I mean, you were talking about Nikki Haley at the UN. That is my porn. 0.91

00:06:12.000 Watching Nikki Haley slap the UN around is like spanking porn to me. 1.00

00:06:16.000 All I want is for Nikki Haley to wear leather when she attacks the people at the UN, and I would be in heaven. 0.99

00:06:22.000 That would be it. At one point, I just really...

00:06:25.000 Sorry, I'm eating because I haven't even had a break for dinner. 1.00

00:06:27.000 At one point... What would you give, just for when Nikki Haley was doing her thing, sitting there, for someone to object, and just Nikki Haley looked him dead in the eye, just her talking, someone say, I object, and her go, shut up, bitch. 1.00

00:06:38.000 How much would you give for that? 0.99

00:06:41.000 Yeah, if she could have a whip, is it too much? 1.00

00:06:43.000 Is it too much to ask that Nikki's given a whip to when she goes... 0.98

00:06:46.000 Could I make her an elf on my shelf? 0.94

00:06:51.000 It is true, though. The Elf on the Shelf is really creepy.

00:06:53.000 I know that, you know, get by the fireplace, Christmas tree, get under the mistletoe, my wife and I, and I turn to the Elf and say, don't you look at me, and I turn it around.

00:07:02.000 And then three hours later, it's been turned back around.

00:07:04.000 No one knows. That's way beyond anything I wanted to know.

00:07:08.000 In fact, I think I just went blind.

00:07:11.000 Well, here, hold on a second.

00:07:13.000 Let me cure what ails you.

00:07:15.000 Ah! I was just telling Ben Shapiro.

00:07:18.000 We did earlier. We wanted to see how many coffee beans we could fit into.

00:07:21.000 I have a missing sternum. Take a guess how many coffee beans we could fit into my sternum.

00:07:26.000 Oh, yeah. No, I actually knew that once.

00:07:28.000 Wait, it'll come to me. Give me a second.

00:07:30.000 How many coffee beans can Crowder fit into his empty sternum?

00:07:35.000 You know, I did. I learned that in school, but I just can't remember the number.

00:07:38.000 208. 17. 208, you turncoat Jewish slash Christian. 0.97

00:07:43.000 Let me ask you. What's your favorite? 0.97

00:07:46.000 There hasn't even been beer involved yet.

00:07:47.000 This is just what happens when we get tired.

00:07:49.000 It's almost like a boxing match where we talk about the most dangerous boxers when they're tired.

00:07:52.000 We're so loose that now we're just winging them.

00:07:54.000 And people are like, this special's gotten so much more fun. 0.72

00:07:58.000 Well, hold on to your butts because it's going to get a lot worse.

00:08:00.000 Clayman, what's your favorite moment of the year? 0.69

00:08:02.000 If you have to pick one political moment of the year, this is our final episode.

00:08:05.000 This is our farewell. It's our goodbye.

00:08:08.000 What's your favorite moment of the year politically of 2017?

00:08:11.000 This year, I actually think it has to be this tax bill passing because up until this moment, I mean, I kept going on the air.

00:08:21.000 I didn't like Trump. You know, when he ran, I was really opposed to him being nominated.

00:08:25.000 And then I thought, well, he's better than Hillary.

00:08:27.000 OK, so I'll vote for Trump because he's better than Hillary.

00:08:29.000 But it's going to be a disaster.

00:08:30.000 And then very slowly, as the year went on, I started to think, you know what?

00:08:33.000 This is going pretty well, you know.

00:08:36.000 It's Gorsuch, and then we get some good judges, and then the regulatory rollback.

00:08:40.000 All of a sudden, it's just kind of slowly, slowly building.

00:08:42.000 But they kept selling this idea that, well, he hasn't had a legislative victory.

00:08:47.000 When they passed that bill, I just thought, this has been the best year for conservatives since Reagan.

00:08:54.000 I can actually remember Reagan, so this is the best year for conservatives since Reagan.

00:08:59.000 It's been an amazing year.

00:09:01.000 Everything Trump said he was going to do, and more, he has actually gotten done.

00:09:07.000 You can talk about all the things he hasn't done.

00:09:09.000 Ann Coulter is still yelling about the wall.

00:09:12.000 She's also yelling at a wall.

00:09:15.000 But nobody's coming across the border anymore.

00:09:17.000 They're so scared of him.

00:09:18.000 Right, that's right. By the way, don't think I didn't notice that that was a prick comment, and he's like, oh, I can actually remember Reagan, implying that I can't.

00:09:25.000 But hey, but the joke's on you.

00:09:26.000 You'll get dementia before I do, so I'll remember him for a longer period of time.

00:09:31.000 Checkmate. You'll be ramming people with shopping carts while I'll be talking about him demanding Gordon to tear down the wall. 0.91

00:09:39.000 So the tax bill is, you know what?

00:09:40.000 I think you're right. I think his last week, politically, has definitely been the best of the year because he's finally gotten some stuff done.

00:09:49.000 I'm a little upset with the passive versus active income in the tax bill.

00:09:52.000 I think it favors people in real estate a little bit more than people in other businesses.

00:09:56.000 But overall, 80% of Americans are going to see a tax break.

00:10:00.000 And that's the crazy thing we've been talking about with CNN. They go, breaking news, poll, most Americans think they'll pay more under Trump's plan.

00:10:07.000 But they're not. 80% of them will pay less.

00:10:11.000 And where did people get that idea?

00:10:12.000 That's where they should take the poll.

00:10:14.000 The poll should be, why do you think you'll pay more?

00:10:17.000 Oh, I saw it on CNN. They don't take that poll.

00:10:22.000 That is the important poll.

00:10:24.000 This has been the year of misinformation, the news media.

00:10:27.000 One of Trump's greatest accomplishments has been destroying the credibility of the news media.

00:10:32.000 I mean, they went after him.

00:10:33.000 They thought this was going to be easy.

00:10:35.000 We destroyed Mitt Romney.

00:10:36.000 We went after George W. Bush.

00:10:37.000 We called him Hitler. This is going to be... 0.99

00:10:39.000 And he smushed them.

00:10:40.000 They're now on self-destruct.

00:10:43.000 I mean, Trump has this magic quality that if you attack him, it's not that he destroys you.

00:10:47.000 It's that you ultimately destroy yourself.

00:10:49.000 It's like Marco Rubio with the small hands comment when it ended his campaign.

00:10:56.000 CNN is now just reporting stuff.

00:10:58.000 They're making stuff up. You know, it's like Donald Trump is a Martian.

00:11:01.000 Right now, right now, hold on.

00:11:02.000 Right now it says... Pence can't stop hailing the chief.

00:11:06.000 That's the headline in case you were wondering.

00:11:08.000 And now they're reading a tweet. So the ritual submission and exaltation is nearly pornographic.

00:11:13.000 So it's... Editorializing.

00:11:17.000 Pence can't stop hailing the chief.

00:11:19.000 And then they show a tweet based on CNN's editorializing. 1.00

00:11:24.000 You just said 9 million Tiny Tims would die, you crazy asshole! 1.00

00:11:29.000 And now they just move on? 1.00

00:11:30.000 This is why we had to do this!

00:11:32.000 This is like Sweeney Todd. 1.00

00:11:33.000 They have just manufactured a plant where they can just ingest, poop it out, re-ingest it like it's never-ending fodder for a stupid little channel. 1.00

00:11:42.000 It's the human centipede of news! And that is an unflattering angle. 1.00

00:11:44.000 Quick, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it!

00:11:48.000 Oh my god, what is that?

00:11:50.000 It's the orc when Peter Jackson got too lazy to have a makeup department and skipped straight to CGI. We'll fix it in post.

00:11:57.000 We'll fix it in post.

00:11:58.000 And they're like, this is live! Oh damn! 0.99

00:12:02.000 That's a real person! 0.99

00:12:03.000 At least it's in 4K. There's nothing you can't fix that in post.

00:12:10.000 And now they're reading a Rick Wilson tweet from like two months ago.

00:12:13.000 And listen, I don't dislike Rick Wilson.

00:12:15.000 I know he's a never-trumper. I think he's gone too far.

00:12:18.000 They're reading a Rick Wilson tweet on CNN from months ago.

00:12:22.000 I hate to tell you this.

00:12:25.000 It's not that I dislike the NeverTrumps, not that I think they're dishonest.

00:12:28.000 I just think that it's time for them to reconsider.

00:12:32.000 When was the last time something like this happened?

00:12:35.000 All these judges, 60 conservative judges, this regulatory rollback, which is historic.

00:12:41.000 I know it's boring, but it's historic.

00:12:43.000 What are they waiting for?

00:12:45.000 When do you start being like, I like Donald.

00:12:47.000 Yeah. You know what I realized about Donald Trump?

00:12:51.000 He's a New York loudmouth, kind of like me.

00:12:54.000 Half the stuff he says is just stuff that New Yorkers say.

00:12:59.000 New Yorkers say stuff that's funny because it's so awful.

00:13:02.000 No, I agree. He's a lot like you.

00:13:04.000 He's kind of a dick. Exactly. 1.00

00:13:07.000 Bingo. You know, I go back and forth.

00:13:10.000 I'm like, oh, I think there might be enough damage on the Republican Party because he's so unpopular.

00:13:14.000 He's given them so much fodder that we may never get another Republican again.

00:13:17.000 But then it's counterbalanced like this week of, okay, once these legislative accomplishments go through, once you see the fruits of the labor, once people see how much money they save, right now he has a 35% approval rating.

00:13:29.000 I think it maybe might have been 37% because the majority of people don't realize they'll pay less in taxes.

00:13:34.000 They don't know that lowering the corporate tax rate just to be comparable to the rest of the industrialized world will result in more employment.

00:13:41.000 You know, they don't know that this alone, fight for 15, I think it was Boeing, Wells Fargo, AT&T said our low minimum wage now goes to $15 an hour and we're giving out millions in bonuses.

00:13:51.000 I think it might take a while.

00:13:53.000 And then, you know what?

00:13:54.000 Listen, there may be hope for them yet.

00:13:56.000 But rhetorically, it's been bad.

00:13:59.000 And that's why this last week I think was so pivotal.

00:14:01.000 And the thing is that reality does have a voice.

00:14:05.000 So at some point, people look around and say, you know what?

00:14:07.000 You know, Nancy Pelosi told me Tiny Tim would die and Tiny Tim is still annoying me.

00:14:12.000 You know, they told me that the economy was going to crash.

00:14:14.000 It didn't crash. They told me that I wasn't going to get a tax cut.

00:14:17.000 I did get a tax cut. Eventually, you know, that starts to filter into people's minds.

00:14:23.000 When I talk about Reagan, you have to remember they did exactly this to Reagan. 1.00

00:14:27.000 He was an idiot. He was a warmonger. 1.00

00:14:29.000 He was going to blow up the world. 1.00

00:14:30.000 He was a fool actor. 1.00

00:14:31.000 He conflated reality with the movies he was in. 1.00

00:14:34.000 They said all this stuff about him every day.

00:14:37.000 60 Minutes did a whole thing about how Ronald Reagan thought reality was the movies.

00:14:41.000 And then he slowly started to look around and thought, hey, you know, the economy is ten times better.

00:14:46.000 And wasn't the Berlin Wall standing there before, you know, Ronald?

00:14:49.000 Everybody said it was going to fall down and everybody said it was going to be a nuclear war.

00:14:52.000 Reality has a voice.

00:14:54.000 Eventually, if Trump is successful, as I think he's now going to be, I think people are going to start to scratch their chins and think maybe it's CNN. Yes.

00:15:02.000 That's the problem. Well, at least everyone who has a layover in Atlanta who actually watches CNN, I think we're the only ones to subject themselves.

00:15:07.000 Exactly. Well, that's the other thing.

00:15:10.000 They're talking to you and you're the only person watching CNN who's not catching a flight.

00:15:14.000 That's true. And the thousands of people, 16,000, 17,000 people watching us right now.

00:15:19.000 But you're right. Reality has a voice.

00:15:20.000 And with Reagan, it's a whisper more so.

00:15:23.000 It's a whisper because it takes a little while to pick up on it. 1.00

00:15:26.000 And with Ronald Reagan, the whisper was, Jimmy Carter's a pussy. 1.00

00:15:29.000 And you're like, what was that? Jimmy Carter's a pussy. 1.00

00:15:32.000 You're like, oh, good. Okay, we get it now. 1.00

00:15:34.000 So hopefully that's what's going to happen.

00:15:35.000 With Donald Trump. And who are they going to run against them?

00:15:39.000 They've got Methuselah and Pocahontas, you know, they've got like Bernie Sanders, who actually may have passed away in the intervene since the campaign.

00:15:49.000 I think he's now, you know, he's just a corpse, an animated metronic corpse, going, ah, we take everybody's money and give it to the poor people, it'll be great.

00:15:56.000 And then you get Elizabeth Sanders, who I could, I would Pay money to watch her debate at Donald Trump, I think.

00:16:05.000 Has Wolf Blitzer's face moved?

00:16:06.000 A lap right. It's true.

00:16:08.000 Wolf Blitzer can't read prompter, Clayton.

00:16:10.000 I don't know if you can see, he's the worst person at reading.

00:16:12.000 I don't, I mean, this is just, it's almost like you could teach a college course in mediocrity with Wolf Blitzer.

00:16:20.000 Like, hey, Mediocre Choices 101, Wolf Blitzer.

00:16:24.000 That would be the name of the subject.

00:16:26.000 How many of these old people working technology are going, I think my TV's frozen! 1.00

00:16:29.000 It's, oh! Oh no!

00:16:31.000 That's just Wolf Blitzer.

00:16:32.000 We're good.

00:16:33.000 I just noticed there, Chiron was official confirms Comey's account that Trump asked

00:16:40.000 for loyalty.

00:16:41.000 I don't think anybody else was in the room when that happened.

00:16:42.000 No, no, no. McCabe was.

00:16:44.000 And that's, by the way, that's from yesterday.

00:16:46.000 7.5 hours of questioning.

00:16:47.000 And McCabe said, I don't have any proof at all in Trump dossier.

00:16:50.000 And they're like, hey, do you know if there's any truth to Comey saying that Trump asked him to be loyal to him?

00:16:54.000 He's like, yeah, I think that happened.

00:16:55.000 And that's the breaking news now.

00:16:57.000 Yeah, that's the news story.

00:16:59.000 And he couldn't even get his story straight.

00:17:02.000 Oh my gosh. And I just, you know, Will Blitzer, look, everything that he does is a choice.

00:17:09.000 The hair, the glasses, the beard.

00:17:12.000 Still hasn't moved. The choice to drink a bucket of salt water before he goes on air.

00:17:16.000 So, like, the guy is just out of his mind.

00:17:17.000 He's just, I don't think he's, he's worse than Ron Burgundy.

00:17:21.000 He is the Olive Garden of news commentary.

00:17:23.000 Just aggressively mediocre.

00:17:25.000 All right. All right.

00:17:26.000 I think we probably have to get going, right?

00:17:27.000 We do have to get going. We do have to get going. All right, Andrew Clevin.

00:17:29.000 Oh, there's a story here today.

00:17:31.000 They surprised me with some carolers, by the way.

00:17:33.000 Hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.

00:17:34.000 If you could tweet it out, that'd be much appreciated.

00:17:36.000 We want to get this trending just so that Don Lemon gets really mad at his makeup artist and says, Don't talk to me!

00:17:41.000 Leave me alone! And runs away.

00:17:43.000 I'm embarrassed to say I think I tweeted that out already.

00:17:46.000 Very nice, very nice.

00:17:47.000 So Don Lemon knows we're here.

00:17:49.000 They're in the building! I don't know why he sounds like Hermie the Elf.

00:17:52.000 Don Lemon wants to be a dentist!

00:17:54.000 So, there was something I was going to say before that.

00:17:57.000 Carolers. Oh, the Carolers.

00:17:59.000 So we had Carolers come in. I swear to you, Gerald can confirm this story. 1.00

00:18:02.000 Gerald, say hi to Andrew. Hi, Andrew.

00:18:03.000 Shut up. Okay, so we had Carolers. 0.99

00:18:05.000 We had Carolers here to sing us beautiful Carolers, Andrew.

00:18:09.000 Really talented. Three Carolers come in, and they sang Silent Night, God, Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

00:18:16.000 Anyway, long story short, they were like, we can't sing Carol of the Bells.

00:18:19.000 And I'm saying, well, but I love Carol of the Bells.

00:18:22.000 Turns out there were four carolers. 0.95

00:18:23.000 And the fourth caroler in the green room, I shit you not, had a nervous breakdown when she saw me on the monitor. 0.99

00:18:29.000 Said, I just, I can't, I can't for that monster! 0.99

00:18:33.000 I can't do it!

00:18:35.000 I can't! And they were like, what?

00:18:37.000 She's trembling. And one of them was gay who had eyes for not gay Jared. 0.76

00:18:39.000 And the other one was a fan.

00:18:40.000 He was like, my kids are going to say loves this.

00:18:42.000 So I only saw three, but there were four and one flat out refused.

00:18:46.000 Like she had to be helped out to the car because she was so traumatized at the mere idea of singing Carol of the Bells to me.

00:18:53.000 You would have thought you walked her into Hitler's bunker.

00:18:56.000 I have to be honest.

00:18:58.000 I was screaming like that too when they carried me in here, but there were just too many of them.

00:19:04.000 And he was carried in by carolers.

00:19:06.000 Why are you dressed? And they just said, nah, this is a sex thing.

00:19:10.000 We're going on. We're going to Folsom.

00:19:12.000 All right. No, it's true, but that just goes to show the left how far they've gone.

00:19:17.000 Darren, you know, the books of the show, said, listen, what do you know about the show?

00:19:21.000 What do you know about the show? She couldn't answer, like her diaphragm. 1.00

00:19:26.000 She had to get a paper bag.

00:19:27.000 He goes, listen, if you disagree with him, how about you go in?

00:19:30.000 This is a show that's done like four hours of Change My Mind, where I sit down with people who want to physically hurt me.

00:19:35.000 And she's like, I just can't!

00:19:37.000 And she left.

00:19:38.000 So we put out a poll, and you used to be Jewish, but now you're a Gentile, Christian, redeemed.

00:19:46.000 So I thought maybe you might have a good perspective on this, because...

00:19:48.000 You've gone from miser to generous.

00:19:51.000 Let me ask you, do I pay...

00:19:54.000 I know that really happened. Confirmed.

00:19:58.000 We paid for a quartet.

00:19:59.000 Do I prorate it and take away a quarter of it?

00:20:04.000 Well, you know, as a Christian, I'd have to say you should forgive them.

00:20:08.000 As a Jew, I've got to tell you, you sued.

00:20:14.000 All right, on that note, Andrew Klavan, the Andrew Klavan Show at DailyWire.com.

00:20:20.000 Merry Christmas. I'll say Happy Hanukkah to cover my bases, and Happy New Year.

00:20:23.000 Thanks so much, Andrew. You're one of our favorites.

00:20:25.000 Merry Christmas, Grotter. I'll see you soon.

00:20:27.000 All right, God bless. That was nice.

00:20:29.000 That was fun. I knew it was a layup for him.

00:20:32.000 Yeah, exactly. As a Jew.

00:20:34.000 God bless Andrew Klavan and Ben Shapiro.

00:20:36.000 Nice guy. Thanks for letting me say hi.

00:20:38.000 I know. I just wanted to embarrass you publicly.

00:20:41.000 Okay, hold on a second. I have a schedule here.

00:20:42.000 I hope it wasn't that rude, guys.

00:20:44.000 I'm sorry that I have to eat right now.

00:20:45.000 I don't have time to go to dinner. Who cares?

00:20:47.000 Nobody cares. You are good.

00:20:48.000 Hold on a second. It says on the schedule that there's a surprise performance.

00:20:51.000 Is this Anderson Cooper right now?

00:20:53.000 No. No, he hasn't time.

00:20:54.000 No, it is Anderson Cooper.

00:20:56.000 Yeah, but it's not him. He's not on there.

00:20:57.000 So it's Wolf Blitzer? Whoever it was just then, yeah.

00:21:01.000 Gosh! I kind of poked you during that interview, and I'm glad you ignored me, but the headline at 7.01, primetime headline, Mar-a-Lago raises rates for New Year's.

00:21:11.000 Here's Eve. Oh yeah. 1.00

00:21:13.000 I was like, are you kidding me?

00:21:15.000 That's news primetime 701 central?

00:21:18.000 I couldn't care less. Yeah, exactly.

00:21:19.000 And they used a stock photo of him from 2016, December 31st.

00:21:24.000 I'm like, guys, something, can anything be recent?

00:21:27.000 By the way, have you received Mar-a-Lago?

00:21:30.000 No. We went to Palm Beach, my wife and I. Is it good?

00:21:33.000 No, it's very gaudy.

00:21:34.000 Well, you don't like gaudy.

00:21:35.000 Remember that house? I don't like gaudy, yeah.

00:21:37.000 Yeah, that one house.

00:21:38.000 Oh, you ate it. Gosh. Yeah, it was like the gaudies lived there. 1.00

00:21:41.000 Yeah. Tile everywhere.

00:21:42.000 I'm not a big fan of gaudy. Even on the walls.

00:21:44.000 Have you ever seen Donald Trump's penthouse in New York?

00:21:46.000 Yes. Oh, it is just awful.

00:21:48.000 It's terrible. He has bad taste.

00:21:50.000 It's terrible. That's one claim that I will level against him.

00:21:53.000 One criticism. There's a lot of criticism I'll level against him.

00:21:56.000 Well, that's one on top of the others. But the fact that his penthouse looks like Richie Rich's treehouse...

00:22:00.000 I think it's the most obvious. You know, he's like reading comic books.

00:22:02.000 He's like, yeah, we got to do that. By the way, the people tuning in saying, why are you eating?

00:22:05.000 Because I've been here since 8 a.m.

00:22:07.000 That's right. Okay. It takes a lot of effort.

00:22:10.000 Okay. And CNN screwed me. 0.72

00:22:12.000 They screw you with the headlines. 0.92

00:22:14.000 So, let me tell you this. 1.00

00:22:15.000 Shut up. The only reason we're able to do this, and by the way, it's trending this morning. 0.99

00:22:19.000 We need to get it back up trending so Don Lemon just freaks out on his makeup artist.

00:22:22.000 I want that tape. I want the Mel Gibson audio tape, but of Don Lemon screaming at a hairstylist.

00:22:27.000 Yeah. Okay. Shut up, sugar tits! 1.00

00:22:29.000 I told you that I didn't want the deeper! 1.00

00:22:32.000 Whoa, whoa, hi.

00:22:33.000 So, the only reason we're able to do this is liveworkout.com slash mugclub.

00:22:36.000 $99 annually, $69 for students, veterans, active military.

00:22:40.000 Enter in the promo code. And if you're a student of life, it's Christmas.

00:22:42.000 Right now, we'll give it to you. We are able to call CNN on their bullcrap because we're not beholden to sponsors who might pull from us.

00:22:49.000 Because we're not beholden to YouTube who might try to throttle us.

00:22:52.000 All the big supporters of net neutrality, ironically.

00:22:54.000 Facebook, Twitter, YouTube. They've been gunning for us for years, and thank you so much to people who do it.

00:22:59.000 And by the way, Sven Computer is going to read out some more of you, not now, but later on, who've joined Mug Club, because every time someone joins Mug Club, Muhammad is raped in hell. 0.95

00:23:09.000 There we go. I guess there's a surprise performance? 0.69

00:23:11.000 We have a surprise performance. Please tell me it's not going to be...

00:23:14.000 Is it something that...

00:23:16.000 Do I need to... Is it going to spill my drink?

00:23:18.000 No, no, you should be okay.

00:23:20.000 Am I going to slow up? No, you're fine.

00:23:21.000 I'm not closing my eyes. Do I have to close my eyes?

00:23:23.000 No, you don't have to close your eyes. Okay, good. All right, so I don't want to get theological on everybody, but it is the season to be a little bit fruity for the gospel here.

00:23:33.000 So what I'm thinking here is, I spent a lot of time thinking about Christmas.

00:23:37.000 Yeah. Is it about Jesus or is it about Santa Claus?

00:23:42.000 Are you asking me? Yeah, what say you?

00:23:45.000 Well, I know this is a trick question, because I'm supposed to say Jesus.

00:23:47.000 I'm supposed to say Jesus. But corporate America is...

00:23:50.000 Try to convince us.

00:23:52.000 Yeah, it's about that. I like both.

00:23:53.000 You like both? I like both.

00:23:55.000 Gerald, what's about you? Well, I mean, it's definitely about Jesus, but I love me some Santa Claus.

00:23:59.000 You love me some Santa Claus? Yeah.

00:24:00.000 Nice fella. I like that Krampus. 0.99

00:24:02.000 She's a dick. Well, the tension has gone on for far too long, and I think it's time to resolve the tension. 0.99

00:24:08.000 Is it Jesus or Santa?

00:24:09.000 Is it Jesus or Santa? Oh my God.

00:24:11.000 If this is what I think it's going to be, I'm going to lose my mind.

00:24:15.000 Gerald? Are there going to be midgets? 1.00

00:24:17.000 Please take the right chair, Gerald.

00:24:19.000 Okay. Listen, hashtag CrowderCNN livestream.

00:24:22.000 If this is what I think, it's been like a lifelong dream of mine, and I am not even going to feel bad about it.

00:24:30.000 I think it's time to roll in.

00:24:33.000 Tonight's guests. All right.

00:24:37.000 Tonight's guests. And here we go.

00:24:40.000 The guests. The guests.

00:24:42.000 All right. Drum roll.

00:24:44.000 Drum roll. Drum roll.

00:24:45.000 Drum roll. Drum roll.

00:24:46.000 Let's go. Yes! 0.67

00:24:49.000 Yes! Jesus and Santa! 0.68

00:24:51.000 I love you, my show. Really?

00:24:53.000 Yes. Oh, I thought you meant like you were a fan of the show, but it's something Jesus would say.

00:24:57.000 Yeah. Thank you so much.

00:24:59.000 So with a female Santa and a male Jesus, apparently it's very touchy. 0.97

00:25:04.000 Thank you very much for being here, Santa and Jesus.

00:25:07.000 Thank you for having us.

00:25:08.000 Okay, so I hear you're going to settle this, what Christmas is about.

00:25:15.000 Yes, sir. Okay.

00:25:17.000 Yes, my child. Okay.

00:25:19.000 Okay, I'll let you, I'll just, I will just, I'm going to be a blank canvas here because you have no idea how excited I am for this.

00:25:26.000 Jesus versus Santa.

00:25:28.000 Okay, I'll let you take the reins.

00:25:30.000 Jesus, take the wheel.

00:25:32.000 Oh boy. Jesus will take the Bible. 0.80

00:25:34.000 Okay. Please listen.

00:25:38.000 Now it happened in those days...

00:25:44.000 Excuse me. Oh, you can sit next to me if you'd like to.

00:25:47.000 Right here. Right here in the chair.

00:25:48.000 Right here. Wherever is easiest.

00:25:49.000 Jesus, please. Jesus.

00:25:51.000 Jesus. Santa, please.

00:25:54.000 Santa's camouflage with the red chair, but I think it's fine.

00:25:56.000 It's a high-intress camera. Okay, Jesus, thank you very much.

00:25:59.000 And Jesus has to wear glasses.

00:26:01.000 He's sorry. Well, maybe you should make that your next miracle.

00:26:04.000 LASIK. Amen. Okay.

00:26:07.000 Now, it happened.

00:26:10.000 In those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world shall be enrolled.

00:26:18.000 This was the first enrollment made when Cuneras was governor of Syria.

00:26:24.000 All went to enroll themselves, everyone to his own city.

00:26:28.000 Joseph also went up from Galilee out of the city of Nazareth into Judea

00:26:33.000 to the city of David which is called Bethlehem because he was of

00:26:37.000 The house and family of David to enroll himself with Mary who being pregnant was pledged to be married to him 0.95

00:26:46.000 It happened while they were there that the day had come that she should give birth

00:26:53.000 she brought forth her firstborn son and she wrapped him in Bands of cloth and laid him in a feeding trough 0.95

00:27:01.000 Because there was no room for them in the end there were shepherds in the same country staying in the

00:27:10.000 field and Keeping watch by night over their flock behold an angel of

00:27:15.000 the Lord stood by them and the glory of the Lord Shown around them and they were terrified the angel said to

00:27:23.000 them. Don't be afraid for behold. I Bring you good news of great joy, which will be to be

00:27:30.000 Stephen and to all the people For there is born to you this day in the city of David a

00:27:37.000 Savior who is Christ the Lord This is the sign to you. You will find a baby wrapped in

00:27:44.000 strips of cloth lying in a feeding trough Suddenly, there was, with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly hosts praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest.

00:27:56.000 On earth, peace, goodwill towards Stephen.

00:28:01.000 Okay, so that's my customized Bible.

00:28:03.000 Thank you very much. That must be my Bible, the one that Hillary gave.

00:28:06.000 That's why Stephen is in there. Can I ask you, did my wife give you those socks?

00:28:12.000 Depends on who your wife is, sir. 0.99

00:28:14.000 The tall blonde lady in the green room.

00:28:19.000 I gotta hold him on.

00:28:20.000 Jesus cannot tell a lie.

00:28:22.000 Yes. I knew it!

00:28:23.000 My wife gave Jesus my socks. 0.53

00:28:25.000 And you think it's our biggest fight.

00:28:28.000 I'm like, where are my socks?

00:28:29.000 And she always, you know, I mean, you know, listen, Jesus, you're a nice guy.

00:28:34.000 I just, it's not you, but my, sweetheart, don't give, even if it is Jesus, don't give my socks away.

00:28:39.000 I knew it was my socks. Okay, thank you so much, Jesus.

00:28:41.000 I really appreciate it. By the way, do you need some water or something?

00:28:43.000 I know it's probably hot in here.

00:28:44.000 At this point, I'm good. Okay, at this point, you're good.

00:28:47.000 And then we have Santa Claus.

00:28:48.000 We have Santa Claus. Okay, so this is him, Jesus, and now Santa Claus.

00:28:51.000 Now, what's the goal here to see who...

00:28:55.000 This is a little bit of backstory. This is what this is.

00:28:57.000 This is a little bit of backstory of the traditions.

00:28:59.000 Of the traditions. It's good to get to know the characters of our story.

00:29:03.000 Okay, good to know. Can I ask you a question?

00:29:05.000 This is kind of a sensitive, but a lot of people don't know.

00:29:07.000 For little people, what's the right word? 0.87

00:29:10.000 Because someone got mad at me and said it's dwarf.

00:29:12.000 Dwarf, it is. That's correct. 1.00

00:29:13.000 A little person. Okay, all right.

00:29:16.000 Someone got mad at me once when I said dwarf, too, so it seems like there's no right way to say it.

00:29:20.000 God forgives and God forgets.

00:29:22.000 Okay, well, thank you. Thank you very much.

00:29:24.000 Okay, now we know.

00:29:26.000 So I just want to make sure, you know, you have to get that awkward phase out of the way, so it's dwarf. 1.00

00:29:29.000 Okay, thank you so much. Santa, let's hear your origin story.

00:29:33.000 Oh, you're going to read?

00:29:34.000 Or is Jesus going to read for you?

00:29:35.000 Yeah, Jesus is going to read for me. Okay. Sorry, I'll take this.

00:29:37.000 Jesus will read, I guess. That's what I'm saying.

00:29:39.000 Jesus, if you need some water...

00:29:42.000 All right. Okay.

00:29:44.000 Now, Jesus, I might chime in a little bit for the audience because, you know, as we go, because I don't know how long the story is.

00:29:49.000 You can just go to the last half, he's saying.

00:29:51.000 Yeah, you don't need to read the whole story.

00:29:53.000 You got it. All right.

00:29:54.000 T'was the night before Christmas when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

00:30:00.000 Yeah. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St.

00:30:04.000 Nicholas would soon be there.

00:30:06.000 That's you. That's you.

00:30:09.000 Come on now. The children were all nestled, all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.

00:30:18.000 And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

00:30:24.000 All right. I think you can skip to the rest, toward the end, because the night before Christmas gets a little long.

00:30:31.000 I'm not going to lie. Amen. It sure does.

00:30:34.000 Amen. We all know how it ends.

00:30:35.000 Jesus is a little long-winded sometimes.

00:30:37.000 It happens. Well, listen.

00:30:38.000 Jesus was used to sermons on the mound.

00:30:40.000 We're on a time clock, the CNN clock here.

00:30:42.000 There you are. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, and turned with a jerk. 1.00

00:30:49.000 And laying his finger aside of his nose, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

00:31:14.000 There we go. Got some origin stories with Jesus and with Santa.

00:31:19.000 I'm going to be honest with you.

00:31:21.000 I don't necessarily think that cleared up a lot of confusion with the Santa and Jesus origins.

00:31:24.000 I think we kind of knew this.

00:31:26.000 It's a reasonable point. But I appreciate it very much, the performance, the performative aspect of it.

00:31:32.000 That's why, to clear up some confusion and settle this once and for all, we have to put this to a death match.

00:31:38.000 Okay. Well, no one's going to die in my studio.

00:31:41.000 No one's going to die in your studio. That would be messy.

00:31:42.000 But we're going to settle this.

00:31:44.000 Okay. Here. Now.

00:31:46.000 For forever. I feel like you're gearing me up for something, but now you're building it up too much.

00:31:49.000 Just out with it. What are we going to do?

00:31:50.000 Alright, it is time for Santa and Jesus to mud wrestle and figgy pudding for Christmas.

00:31:59.000 Wow! Okay, mud wrestle and figgy pudding for Christmas.

00:32:02.000 Is there music going out to the audience that I can't hear?

00:32:05.000 No. No? Okay, I thought you were going to have a music final countdown play or something.

00:32:09.000 This is where you still learn when to turn the other cheek.

00:32:14.000 Okay. Right here. With the rest, so you're not because you're teaching me a lesson.

00:32:18.000 Correct. Okay. Okay, one thing.

00:32:20.000 All right. So you prefer dwarf to little people.

00:32:23.000 Well, everyone's...

00:32:24.000 A little person on dwarf. Little person.

00:32:27.000 Okay. Little person.

00:32:28.000 Now, I know because I... And I know the...

00:32:30.000 Well, okay. But is there any reservation about physically assaulting a woman? 0.96

00:32:40.000 Well, I mean, you're both dwarves, little people, but one of you is male. 1.00

00:32:45.000 But this is just something you...

00:32:47.000 Right. You feel bad?

00:32:55.000 Oh, well, but I know, but I mean, if you're actually going to wrestle in figgy pudding, my point is, like, it's not about the little people thing, but you're going to wrestle a woman. 0.93

00:33:05.000 You're like the Andy Kaufman of Jesus.

00:33:07.000 Well, you're okay with this?

00:33:09.000 Okay. Okay, I just want to make sure I'm not forcing anyone to do it.

00:33:13.000 Like I said, this is where Jesus has to turn the other cheek.

00:33:16.000 Okay, alright. It sounds to me like Jesus might take a dive.

00:33:20.000 Well, Jesus will protect himself, though.

00:33:25.000 Okay, alright.

00:33:27.000 So, let me move this here out of the way.

00:33:30.000 Can I sit here, or do I need to move?

00:33:31.000 You're good, right there. You're good, right there.

00:33:34.000 This seems like a real disaster waiting to happen.

00:33:37.000 It is, of course. Let's move this a little bit more that way.

00:33:40.000 Do not see Jesus. I have a question.

00:33:42.000 Would you like to join us? I can't join you because I still have to go to midnight.

00:33:46.000 Yeah. What is this?

00:33:48.000 Okay. Alright. It's not as messy as I... Is this bubble tea bubbles?

00:33:53.000 Just about. Here's the disappointing truth.

00:33:56.000 I was so excited about figgy pudding.

00:33:57.000 I didn't know figgy pudding is not actually pudding.

00:34:00.000 It's more like cake.

00:34:02.000 Make sure there's no water in there, just the bubbles.

00:34:05.000 Just the bubbles. Okay, alright.

00:34:07.000 But it looks like figgy pudding.

00:34:09.000 So Jesus and Santa are going to wrestle in figgy pudding to determine the true meaning of Christmas.

00:34:16.000 Eat your heart out, Linus.

00:34:18.000 No, we still have figgy pudding.

00:34:21.000 Is that figgy pudding? Okay.

00:34:25.000 Hold on a second. Let me see.

00:34:27.000 Breaking news. FBI officials back up coming to claim that President Trump asked for loyalty.

00:34:29.000 Okay, no, I just wanted to make sure we weren't missing any breaking news.

00:34:32.000 Don't worry, guys. This stream is way more entertaining.

00:34:35.000 Nothing has happened. If it does, we'll let you know.

00:34:39.000 I hope that's figgy pudding.

00:34:40.000 Yes, I know. I would hope, too, as well.

00:34:44.000 All right, guys, are you going to be able to clean up after this?

00:34:46.000 Oh, yeah. We're all planned. Alright.

00:34:49.000 Alright, dude, do we have any music to count them down or something?

00:34:52.000 We'll have some music. Okay.

00:34:54.000 How does this start? Alright.

00:34:56.000 Jared, just don't take so long because the anticipation is killing me and also they're on the clock.

00:35:00.000 I don't want it to be like the fourth caroler where I have to pay for someone who walks out because they don't like you.

00:35:04.000 This is three rounds, three 30 second rounds.

00:35:07.000 Three 30 second rounds. Oh, this is short.

00:35:09.000 We're going to hit the bell. We're done.

00:35:10.000 And Stephen, you are our judge this evening, so you have to decide who...

00:35:15.000 So three three-minute rounds between Santa and Jesus to determine the true meaning of Christmas.

00:35:21.000 I'm just the judge? You're the judge.

00:35:23.000 Okay, well I think we should have a panel of judges.

00:35:25.000 So I think it should be Jared and Sven.

00:35:29.000 A panel of three judges. That's how they do it with boxing.

00:35:31.000 Now hold on a second, hold on a second, hold on a second.

00:35:32.000 Is this a...

00:35:34.000 A round-by-round scoring or the totality of the bout?

00:35:37.000 Because, you know, we have a five-round must system in MMA. So what's required for, like, a 10-8 round between Jesus and Santa?

00:35:45.000 Jesus and Santa? That's a good point.

00:35:48.000 Okay, I'll tell you what. I will award extra points for puns.

00:35:52.000 For Santa-slash-Jesus-related puns.

00:35:56.000 Like deck the halls?

00:35:58.000 Like deck the halls. Or, like, away in a manger.

00:36:02.000 You know? These are just suggestions.

00:36:04.000 Feel free to make them your own. Okay, you might need to help me through this.

00:36:08.000 Okay. I love that you're committing to the character.

00:36:13.000 Thank you so much for this. Okay, this is awesome.

00:36:16.000 It's kind of cold in here, but...

00:36:18.000 Is it? Jesus is going to take off his glasses.

00:36:20.000 Yes. Okay, I'll put these right here.

00:36:22.000 I'll make sure nothing gets damaged.

00:36:25.000 Even this is cold? Yeah.

00:36:27.000 I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

00:36:28.000 We should have warmed up with Figgy Pudding.

00:36:31.000 We should have warmed up with Figgy Pudding. We need some, like, get-going music.

00:36:33.000 All right. Does anyone have any get-going music?

00:36:35.000 Do you have anything? This Figgy Pudding's frozen.

00:36:37.000 It's a puck. It's a Figgy Puck.

00:36:39.000 Well, don't throw it. Okay.

00:36:41.000 Okay. Rules. Okay?

00:36:42.000 Rules of engagement. You cannot hit each other with the Figgy Puck, because that could cause serious concussions, and I don't want any liability here in the studio.

00:36:49.000 No. And I don't want anyone getting hurt.

00:36:51.000 No. Now, are you two, like, have you known each other for a long time?

00:36:55.000 Are you an item?

00:36:59.000 Jesus and Santa Claus an item.

00:37:00.000 Okay, all right. I can see there's no breaking you, sir.

00:37:04.000 I respect it. You're like Daniel Day-Lewis and the last of the Mohicans, only Jesus. 0.71

00:37:10.000 Okay, all right.

00:37:11.000 Are we ready? Here we go.

00:37:13.000 Count you down. Three rounds of 30 seconds between Jesus and Santa Claus to find out the true meaning of Christmas in 5, 4...

00:37:20.000 Three, two, go! 1.00

00:37:22.000 Go! Christmas, go!

00:37:24.000 Deck the halls! Deck the halls! 0.63

00:37:27.000 Going for a double leg! Going for a double leg! 0.72

00:37:29.000 Oh, oh! She's stuffing it with a sprawl! 1.00

00:37:32.000 Stuffing it with a sprawl! How much longer do we have now?

00:37:34.000 10 seconds! 10 seconds!

00:37:36.000 Go, go, go, go! No one has any points!

00:37:38.000 Go reversal! 0.86

00:37:40.000 Oh! Oh! 0.97

00:37:41.000 Oh! Okay, time!

00:37:43.000 Time! About 30 seconds!

00:37:44.000 To your corners! To your corners!

00:37:46.000 To your corners! Hey, that's the Jack! That's the Jack Dempsey rule!

00:37:49.000 Jesus, you gotta get here with us!

00:37:51.000 No, no, no, no! He's got the rest of the show!

00:37:53.000 You gotta give her some room! You gotta give her time to recover! 0.89

00:37:55.000 Okay, I gotta tell you, I'm gonna be honest with that round.

00:37:58.000 It was a draw. Okay, none of you scored any points yet, because he went for a takedown, and he defended perfectly.

00:38:04.000 He had good sprawl. Good technique.

00:38:05.000 So Jesus, if you want to be the true man, you've got to start chaining your takedowns.

00:38:10.000 Go for a low single, we call it a high crutch, where you go for that high single, then transition to a double leg, and Santa...

00:38:17.000 You're lecturing Jesus on takedowns?

00:38:18.000 You can just... I am. I am.

00:38:21.000 The son of man can't learn takedowns?

00:38:23.000 Maybe. Thank you, sir.

00:38:24.000 Because you got rock-style takedown defense.

00:38:26.000 Okay, ready? Round two in five, four, three, two, go! 0.99

00:38:30.000 Do it for Christmas! Let's go!

00:38:32.000 Oh, oh, oh! Let's go! Oh, gosh!

00:38:33.000 No, she's gone! She's gone! Oh no no no no no no no! 0.93

00:38:36.000 Technically! Technically there's no take down here!

00:38:38.000 Come on, let's go! Go to his back! 0.99

00:38:40.000 Get the hoops in! Oh, he's dead!

00:38:41.000 You're hoaxing Jesus to get the rear naked choke! 0.99

00:38:44.000 Five seconds! 0.90

00:38:47.000 Five seconds! Five seconds!

00:38:49.000 Four! Three! Two! 1.00

00:38:51.000 Okay, round it over. Okay, round is over.

00:38:53.000 Alright, hold on a second. Hold on a second.

00:38:55.000 If you need some time to recover, Jesus, I appreciate it.

00:38:57.000 If you need to fix your hair, this has been amazing.

00:39:00.000 But I have to be honest, there weren't any official points scored.

00:39:03.000 Now, technically...

00:39:05.000 I have to give you an advantage, which isn't the point, but because you did get him with four points of contact on the ground.

00:39:11.000 So, she made... Santa, sorry, actually, Santa made Jesus work for it. 0.98

00:39:16.000 So, Jesus, you got...

00:39:17.000 Right now, Jesus, you got to go for broke.

00:39:19.000 You gotta end this, Jesus.

00:39:21.000 Okay. Jesus, you gotta end this.

00:39:23.000 Otherwise, Santa wins forevermore.

00:39:25.000 Alright, are you both ready? Do you need another second?

00:39:27.000 No, I'm good. Okay, alright.

00:39:29.000 This is really good. This is really good.

00:39:31.000 Okay. For the true meaning of Christmas, all the red and green chips...

00:39:36.000 Remember what I told you about chaining takedowns?

00:39:39.000 Five... Four...

00:39:40.000 Three... Two.

00:39:42.000 Go! True May of Christmas!

00:39:43.000 Dick the Hulk! Dick the Hulk! 0.74

00:39:45.000 Dick the pun! He got a pun! 0.97

00:39:46.000 Oh, she got a headlock! She got a headlock! 1.00

00:39:48.000 She got a headlock, but he got the pun! 0.98

00:39:49.000 Oh! Oh! 0.97

00:39:51.000 There's a dick down for Jesus! 0.99

00:39:53.000 That's two points for Jesus! 0.99

00:39:55.000 That's two points for Jesus!

00:39:57.000 But it's still a hollow victory because Santa's a woman! 1.00

00:40:01.000 Okay! Alright!

00:40:02.000 Time! Time! Time!

00:40:04.000 Everyone give a round of applause!

00:40:06.000 Woo! Alright guys, step on over here!

00:40:08.000 Someone help Jesus with his wig!

00:40:11.000 Someone help Jesus. Thank you so much, Jesus and Santa.

00:40:15.000 That was awesome. That was awesome.

00:40:17.000 This was great. So listen, I'm going to be honest.

00:40:22.000 As much as I love you, Santa, I'm kind of glad that Jesus got the better of it.

00:40:26.000 Because the true meaning of the season is Jesus.

00:40:28.000 Amen. But what was that?

00:40:31.000 Jesus and Santa are out of shape.

00:40:33.000 It's been a while since they've had a royal rumble, though.

00:40:35.000 But you made up for it in tenacity.

00:40:37.000 So this was... Now, do you do this a lot?

00:40:40.000 No, it's my first time.

00:40:41.000 You've never butted us on the Piggy Pudding for Christmas?

00:40:43.000 No. Jesus. It's kind of fun.

00:40:46.000 Never. Okay.

00:40:48.000 And Jesus will never... Oh boy, I hope it was an overall positive experience, because we very much appreciate it, and I know you guys were just, were troopers here tonight, because it was cold in the studio, it wasn't really figgy pudding, and I don't, do we have a belt or anything like that?

00:41:05.000 We don't have a belt. We should wear, we should come up with a belt.

00:41:07.000 Okay, well, thank you so much.

00:41:08.000 I will tell you this, we've had a much better experience with you than the carolers.

00:41:12.000 One of them was just, was just not having it, and Jesus and Santa, thank you so much.

00:41:17.000 Is that, Jared, are we, We're good.

00:41:18.000 Thank you so much. Jesus and Santa.

00:41:20.000 Thank you very much.

00:41:22.000 I need it. I believe all of us need it.

00:41:24.000 Jesus and Santa, thank you so much.

00:41:26.000 We appreciate you being such good sports.

00:41:28.000 Everyone, show us you love it.

00:41:30.000 Oh, you know what? What, are you trying to give him the belt?

00:41:32.000 Okay, you know what? Jesus, hold on a second.

00:41:33.000 Let's get this. Let's give Jesus' belt here. 0.99

00:41:36.000 Jesus has the Wonder Woman belt of Christmas.

00:41:39.000 Now you've got to go over one shoulder. There you go.

00:41:41.000 I feel complete now. There you go.

00:41:44.000 That completes you.

00:41:45.000 Amen. Thank you, Wrestling Jesus and Wrestling Santa Claus.

00:41:48.000 We appreciate it.

00:41:50.000 Merry Christmas. Kwanzaa's not a real holiday.

00:41:53.000 It's all about Christmas and the Jesus and Santa.

00:41:56.000 All right, hold on one second.

00:41:58.000 You know what? We probably need to roll to after this.

00:42:00.000 Are we going to go to the fourth Christmas Carol?

00:42:02.000 Okay, so everyone, thank you so much.

00:42:04.000 Let us know your favorite moment of the special right now.

00:42:06.000 We have to go to segment four of the YouTube Christmas Carol.

00:42:10.000 So when we last left Ebenezer, he had been visited by Ghost of Christmas Present.

00:42:13.000 Past, present, and now, of course, the scariest of all specters, the ghost of Christmas yet to come.

00:42:19.000 And segment five will be at the finale of tonight.

00:42:20.000 Hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.

00:42:22.000 Let us know in the hashtag how you feel about Santa and Jesus wrestling.

00:42:26.000 And enjoy segment four of our mini-World Series premiere, A YouTube Carol.

00:42:33.000 Petrified, Ebenezer YouTube found himself to be a praying man in a futile attempt to bargain with death.

00:42:41.000 But he feared it to be a fruitless endeavor, for it is appointed to a man once to die.

00:42:48.000 Petrified, Ebenezer Utube found himself to be a praying man, in a futile attempt to bargain

00:43:07.000 with death.

00:43:08.000 But he feared it to be a fruitless endeavor, for it is appointed to a man once to die.

00:43:15.000 Are you the spirit of YouTube yet to come?

00:43:37.000 Thanks for watching!

00:43:42.000 Oh, Spirit, I fear you more than any spectre I've yet met.

00:43:45.000 But I am prepared to follow, for thankful.

00:43:50.000 Will you not speak to me?

00:43:53.000 Oh, yes. Yes, not.

00:43:55.000 It's night, just wait and fast. Lay down spirit.

00:43:58.000 My video got 3 million plays in only 48 hours.

00:44:10.000 Where'd you do that? I uploaded it to Vimeo.

00:44:13.000 You have got far more plays if you uploaded it to Gab. 0.94

00:44:16.000 Oh, bugger off with Gab.

00:44:18.000 Vimeo's play has been top now for years. 0.96

00:44:21.000 That's where you go if you want to be seen.

00:44:23.000 But Twitch has the better interface.

00:44:25.000 But Vimeo has better eyeballs.

00:44:27.000 Gab has the most open platform.

00:44:29.000 Well, you could have always just uploaded it to YouTube!

00:44:34.000 YouTube! If your ship death was your goal!

00:44:38.000 I bet you wouldn't find the trending list! 1.00

00:44:40.000 Oh, they are s**t! 1.00

00:44:42.000 They really are s**t! 0.99

00:44:44.000 Then, then, we upload it to my space! 0.97

00:44:48.000 I understand, Spirit.

00:44:54.000 This destiny of you two might be on my own, dear.

00:44:57.000 Should I continue on my path now?

00:45:00.000 Mr. Full Heavensville, show me some tenderness in this world.

00:45:06.000 Or I'll be haunted by that terrible conversation forever.

00:45:09.000 Oh, yes, spirit.

00:45:21.000 Shangar Crescent and Tiny.K.Jarrod's house.

00:45:24.000 Oh, this is a place of great joy and laughter.

00:45:27.000 Thank you for bringing me here.

00:45:29.000 It's so quiet. Why is it so quiet, spirit?

00:45:38.000 I'm scared.

00:45:50.000 you you

00:45:53.000 No spirit, not that it aged. Spirit, must there be an awful Christmas that brings about

00:46:18.000 a scene like this?

00:46:19.000 How could we endure it?

00:46:22.000 Tell me no more!

00:46:24.000 Spirit, must we return to this place?

00:46:36.000 Bye.

00:46:37.000 you Or is there something else I must know?

00:46:40.000 Is that not true? Spirit, I must ask, are these the shadows of YouTube that will be?

00:46:55.000 Or merely the shadows of YouTube that may be ill-doing.

00:46:59.000 Why would you torment me so that these events cannot be changed?

00:47:08.000 I'm going to be a good man.

00:47:13.000 A website can be made right.

00:47:18.000 The future of YouTube can be changed!

00:47:21.000 Hi Space!

00:47:42.000 A spirit of heaven, no?

00:47:45.000 Why would you show me this if I was past our hope?

00:47:48.000 If these events can't be changed?

00:47:50.000 I promise, spirit, I'm not the man I was.

00:47:52.000 I'm not the man I was.

00:47:53.000 I promise I will order the freedom of speech and leave my platform open to all voices.

00:47:58.000 I will honour those who've built my fortune, regardless of political leading spirit.

00:48:02.000 I promise I'm not the man I was.

00:48:04.000 I will be here today. 0.99

00:48:07.000 I promise to stop robbing good and greaties with my bullshit algorithms. 0.97

00:48:13.000 I promise spirit to be transparent and to keep the original spirit of you two all year long. 0.88

00:48:19.000 Please spirit, I will not forget the lessons in my space that I have taught my life.

00:48:24.000 I will not forget the lessons of f***ing anger.

00:48:28.000 To make away the comfort of me, spirit. 0.91

00:48:31.000 Spirit. Have you joined them?

00:48:51.000 No, no, no, no!

00:48:52.000 Ow! Ow! Ow! 1.00

00:48:54.000 Ow! Ow! Ow! 1.00

00:48:56.000 Ow! 1.00

00:48:58.000 Oh, I was wrong all this time, Rudolph. 0.91

00:49:14.000 Here we are in this storm and you, the misfit, saved us.

00:49:20.000 I guess what I'm trying to say is, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh to... 1.00

00:49:28.000 No, seriously, Santa, screw you. 0.97

00:49:29.000 Yeah, you're just using him now because you need him during a storm. 0.99

00:49:32.000 What happens when the weather's clear outside?

00:49:33.000 Little Rudolph here will be venison faster than you can say Merry Christmas.

00:49:41.000 Okay, so SimpliSafe's big selling point is that it's mostly wireless and you can install it, even a dope like me, in under an hour.

00:49:51.000 we're going to put that to the test.

00:49:55.000 Central location, this is a central location.

00:50:06.000 But there's my wife's essential oil diffuser.

00:50:08.000 So I have to decide between being safe, potentially not mugged, murdered, raped in my sleep, or the smell of nutmeg.

00:50:20.000 This is my old badge. 0.94

00:50:26.000 Well, hopefully we don't get robbed by any midgets So 1.00

00:50:57.000 So that sound is clearly obnoxious, but I think that's the point.

00:51:00.000 Took less than 40 minutes to get everything installed.

00:51:03.000 We didn't have glass break sensors, which in one area will be useful, so we're going to order those.

00:51:09.000 And having worked with other alarm systems that were wired into a house, this was a lot easier and certainly seems reliable.

00:51:18.000 Everything that we've tested works.

00:51:20.000 So simplisafe.com slash Crowder, you get $200 off right now.

00:51:25.000 And I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed.

00:51:27.000 Plus, I have an excuse to unplug the essential oil diffuser, which was really annoying.

00:51:33.000 SimpliSafe.com. I hate you. 0.98

00:51:39.000 All right, we are back and so is Hopper. 0.96

00:51:54.000 Good Lord, that happened. Hashtag Crowder CNN livestream.

00:51:56.000 Get it going. I want Don Lemon to come in here living.

00:51:59.000 Hey, look, breaking news on CNN right now.

00:52:01.000 Bring up the volume for people who can't hear.

00:52:03.000 UN votes 128 to 9 to condemn U.S. Embassy move to Jerusalem.

00:52:07.000 And, oh, we're bringing back on the John O. Brennan tweet admonishing President Trump for admonishing the UN for admonishing his action in recognizing the embassy.

00:52:17.000 I've lost track of admonishings.

00:52:19.000 Admonishing his admonishment of the tweet, too.

00:52:22.000 Precisely zero has changed since 840 this morning.

00:52:27.000 Nothing. For people who don't know, and what did you guys think of the dwarf wrestling?

00:52:33.000 Oh my gosh. Of course, we're always grateful to read your feedback.

00:52:36.000 Coming up next, we have, of course, former UFC fighter Chael Sonnen, current Bellator fighter.

00:52:42.000 So he might have some pointers on there.

00:52:45.000 Yeah, some advice for them. You were trying to give him some takedown advice.

00:52:48.000 Again, lecturing Jesus, something I never thought I'd see.

00:52:50.000 I never thought I would lecture dwarf Jesus on how to chain takedowns against Santa.

00:52:53.000 But it did happen. But it did happen, and let me tell you, we're mirroring.

00:52:57.000 This is what psychologists call mirroring.

00:52:59.000 So the level of absurdity...

00:53:01.000 On CNN and Wolf Blitzer, the level of absurdity with their fake news.

00:53:05.000 We're marrying that with a certain level of absurdity.

00:53:08.000 Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I don't want you to drip it all over your terrible iPad.

00:53:11.000 With a certain level of absurdity here in the studio.

00:53:13.000 Yes. This is what happens with your brain on CNN for 12 hours.

00:53:16.000 It could only be...

00:53:18.000 Yeah. Proven by watching it for 16 hours straight.

00:53:20.000 Yeah. There is no way to, any other way, actually verify just how bad this is.

00:53:27.000 And for the people, for the tens of thousands of people who've stayed with us all day or had us going, man, you guys are troopers.

00:53:32.000 Love you guys. Thank you so much. And I really hope that for those who've joined, you feel that Mug Club has been worth it because this is our first year.

00:53:38.000 We went daily and we have been trying to go above and beyond.

00:53:40.000 Sometimes we fall short. By the way, did you mean to say, refer to our dwarf Jesus as troopers?

00:53:47.000 Yes. That was a very conscious decision.

00:53:49.000 Now, where did you get them?

00:53:51.000 It was basically Rent-A-Midget.com.

00:53:54.000 Was it Rent-A-Midget or Rent-A-Dwarf?

00:53:56.000 They didn't specify actually the URL. You said that was the URL. He said basically.

00:54:02.000 Figuratively. Yes, basically.

00:54:03.000 Figuratively the URL. So it's not like you knew them.

00:54:06.000 It's a talent agency. Here's something though.

00:54:09.000 I emailed them. I was like, hey, doing a production?

00:54:13.000 I didn't even specify Christmas.

00:54:14.000 What? They said, how many elves do you want?

00:54:18.000 They assumed that.

00:54:20.000 Not me. Really?

00:54:21.000 They boxed them in. But they were super nice people, by the way.

00:54:24.000 Yeah. I got to talk to them beforehand, too.

00:54:27.000 What about after? Oh, I absolutely loved it.

00:54:29.000 Said they had a great time. Hope we all had a Merry Christmas.

00:54:32.000 So, all you people saying that it's exploitative.

00:54:34.000 I know it's the people who bitch about something being exploitative. 0.98

00:54:37.000 It's not the people who are doing it.

00:54:38.000 Well, you gotta talk to Hillary about this because she was like, I was so worried that when I went in there to tell them what was going on, they were like, oh, no, no, that sounds reasonable.

00:54:45.000 At least there's not, like, oil and stuff like that.

00:54:49.000 She's like, they're kind of fine with it.

00:54:50.000 I guess this happens. She was a good-looking Dane. 1.00

00:54:55.000 Actually, Jesus wasn't a bad guy either.

00:54:57.000 I couldn't really see much, but they were good-looking.

00:54:59.000 So I guess they're a couple? They're a couple.

00:55:01.000 Are they married? No, I think they're referred to as girlfriends, so not married.

00:55:05.000 Okay, but a good-looking couple, and I was...

00:55:09.000 I was very surprised.

00:55:11.000 I'm glad, you know, because people who don't know this, if you remember the story, we went to rentadwarf.com, and we wanted them for CPAC one year, and they said, we think you're going to use this for untoward purposes.

00:55:22.000 I said, you are rentadwarf.com.

00:55:23.000 Please, do tell me.

00:55:25.000 What purpose would not be untoward for us to rent one of your dwarves? 1.00

00:55:30.000 And by the way, no one wants to hurt them.

00:55:32.000 But listen, let's be honest. Do you not think that they know that Dwarf Santa and Jesus wrestling is funny?

00:55:39.000 Yes, but also... You think that's lost on them?

00:55:40.000 If you put it in full people costumes, like normal-sized people doing it, it's not nearly as funny.

00:55:44.000 No, exactly. So it's a...

00:55:46.000 It's all about the proportions. And they were cool with it.

00:55:48.000 They were really nice people. And we delivered the Christmas story, the real Christmas story.

00:55:51.000 Well, make sure we keep their card on file, because I can give a million different videos where we could use them.

00:55:54.000 Look, this isn't Wolf of Wall Street.

00:55:55.000 We're throwing them against a bullseye, right, and betting money on it.

00:55:58.000 You know, they could still be watching this right now on the way home. 0.96

00:56:00.000 Like, let me go check out this Louder with Crowder and their dicks. 0.99

00:56:04.000 So just, you know, careful. No, I was being nice. 0.96

00:56:05.000 No, you weren't. You were being a horrible human being. 1.00

00:56:07.000 You heard it? I heard it. 1.00

00:56:08.000 No, this is not true. We'll fix it.

00:56:09.000 Big news. Hold on. Breaking news.

00:56:11.000 Breaking news. Former CIA director lashes out at Trump.

00:56:17.000 This is an actual headline.

00:56:19.000 Breaking news. Former CIA director lashes out at President Trump.

00:56:23.000 Over threat to pull UN funding.

00:56:25.000 Over condemning Jerusalem decision.

00:56:27.000 One more time, I'll read it for you.

00:56:29.000 Breaking news. Former, so not...

00:56:33.000 Former CIA director lashes out at President Trump over threat to poll UN funding over condemning Jerusalem decision.

00:56:43.000 Do you realize there couldn't be...

00:56:44.000 I've seen school news programs, like middle school news programs with more weighty news.

00:56:49.000 There couldn't be. And now coming up, Pence is praised for the president.

00:56:52.000 Again. Oh my god, really?

00:56:54.000 Oh wow, some people are mad that the Jews have a plot of land and the vice president likes the president?

00:57:00.000 This is news? And these people have multi-million dollar salaries. 0.94

00:57:03.000 I think Anderson Cooper makes like 20 million a year.

00:57:05.000 What? We have our next guest ready to go.

00:57:08.000 We have our next guest. Okay, we have our next guest ready to go.

00:57:11.000 Tune down to CNN a little bit.

00:57:12.000 Of course, he is a former UFC bad boy.

00:57:15.000 No, we don't have him? Not quite.

00:57:17.000 Oh, okay, I thought we had him. Oh, different.

00:57:20.000 Oh, hey. Lauren Southern.

00:57:22.000 Oh, Lauren Southern. I was like, that's not chill.

00:57:24.000 I'm glad I'm in the chair. Hi, Lauren.

00:57:25.000 How are you? I'm very good.

00:57:27.000 How are you? I'm doing well.

00:57:29.000 Merry Christmas. Did you see your lead-in segment before this?

00:57:32.000 No, I didn't. We had dwarf Santa and Jesus wrestle for the true meaning of Christmas.

00:57:39.000 So we had a dwarf Jesus and a dwarf Santa wrestle in figgy pudding.

00:57:43.000 So true meaning of Christmas is still Jesus.

00:57:45.000 He emerged victorious, namely because he was wrestling a woman.

00:57:48.000 He beat the dwarfs, so that means the meaning of Christmas. 1.00

00:57:51.000 Okay, I understand. No, no, no, they were both dwarfs. 0.99

00:57:53.000 They were both dwarfs. Oh, Jesus was a dwarf as well. 0.93

00:57:56.000 Jesus dwarf, Santa dwarf, wrestling and figgy pudding, intergender champion, Jesus won on points.

00:58:04.000 Three rounds. Wow.

00:58:05.000 And what happens if Jesus lost?

00:58:07.000 Well, I'm pretty sure it's the rapture.

00:58:09.000 It's not possible, actually. I'm pretty sure you look up to the sky and see some horses.

00:58:12.000 You could say the odds were stacked in his favor.

00:58:13.000 Oh, my word. Miracles and such.

00:58:16.000 So you know what's been happening, right, Lauren?

00:58:17.000 We've been doing CNN for all day.

00:58:20.000 We're doing it 16 hours.

00:58:21.000 Are you aware of this?

00:58:23.000 Are you still alive? Barely.

00:58:26.000 Barely. This is the ghost of Steven Past.

00:58:28.000 I'm a bit worried. These are really reflections.

00:58:31.000 We're all worried. Just before this, Lauren, it said, former CIA director lashes out over Trump, over him threatening to pull UN funding, over condemnation.

00:58:41.000 So that's like, I couldn't think of a less action-worthy phrase.

00:58:45.000 And then it said, coming up, Vice President Pence's praise of Donald Trump.

00:58:50.000 So, we usually do a hit list, but I'm going to keep, with every single guest, we've done a hit list just as far as the most egregious sins from CNN. But they started off with Russia, Russia, Russia.

00:58:57.000 No proof about the Mueller issue Adam Schiff was on.

00:58:59.000 He's been claiming he has evidence.

00:59:01.000 Nine months, no evidence. Not one mention of Uranium One.

00:59:03.000 Not once, all day. They said with the CHIP program, Child Healthcare Initiative, 9 million Tiny Tims would die.

00:59:07.000 Then when they said, okay, it looks like this isn't going to happen, they didn't say that nine million Tiny Tims would not die.

00:59:11.000 No mention of the Melbourne attacker being an Afghani, Saeed Nori, who said he did this because people weren't sympathetic enough to Muslims.

00:59:17.000 They didn't mention the 1995 Israel vote to recognize the embassy in Jerusalem as its capital.

00:59:21.000 Apparently, Bannon hates Bush.

00:59:23.000 They said this was breaking news, even though this was said in October.

00:59:26.000 And 45 seconds is all they devoted to when Tiny Tim built, to when they basically said, okay, we're not going to shut down the government.

00:59:32.000 They were saying, all day, Republicans are going to shut down the government.

00:59:34.000 Then they just said, oh, House votes did not shut down the government.

00:59:36.000 They gave it 45 seconds. That has been the day on CNN. Nothing else.

00:59:41.000 I just saved you 14 hours.

00:59:43.000 How do you feel? It is like four days until Christmas.

00:59:47.000 Shouldn't you be drinking hot chocolate and sitting...

00:59:51.000 I mean, you're doing half of it right, but the CNN, that seems sinful to be watching within the week of Christmas.

00:59:58.000 Although, unfortunately, usually when people describe chocolate as so delicious, they're like, it's so delicious, it's sinful.

01:00:04.000 So you're mixing...

01:00:05.000 I don't know what that is.

01:00:06.000 It's like, what, do I need to feel guilty?

01:00:08.000 Like, it's sinfully delicious.

01:00:10.000 You notice that? Like you're going to hell for it?

01:00:12.000 Yeah. Yeah. Could be.

01:00:13.000 I think they don't have their priorities straight.

01:00:16.000 I don't think they have their priorities straight either.

01:00:18.000 So, hey, Lauren, what was your favorite political moment of the year?

01:00:21.000 We've been asking people. My favorite political moment of the year?

01:00:25.000 Well, obviously it has to be Trump winning and the great rapture, so to speak, for liberals.

01:00:32.000 It didn't even matter whether you like Trump or not.

01:00:34.000 If you're just anti-radical left, the insanity that they went through, the Trump derangement syndrome, was one of the biggest lulzy moments of the year.

01:00:45.000 But that was 2016 more.

01:00:48.000 Technically. It was January. It still counts. 0.83

01:00:50.000 No, it was November when they had the breakdown.

01:00:52.000 By January, half of them were dead.

01:00:54.000 Oh, the inauguration, I guess.

01:00:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:57.000 First off, net neutrality repeal.

01:00:58.000 Yeah, well, then there was a net neutrality thing.

01:01:00.000 People lost their mind over that. That was another meltdown.

01:01:02.000 Oh, the world's the internet's going to end.

01:01:05.000 So I guess you have to pick something else.

01:01:06.000 So I can't pick the inauguration. Okay, darn. 0.99

01:01:08.000 Yeah, it was 2016. Hmm. Man, 2016 had all the best moments. 0.99

01:01:12.000 2017 got a little dark, didn't it?

01:01:15.000 It did. It got dark quickly, yeah.

01:01:17.000 But it's been a good last two weeks.

01:01:18.000 It's beating each other up. Yeah, but it's been a good last two weeks.

01:01:21.000 Nothing has happened. I haven't seen any, like, Antifa murders.

01:01:25.000 The kind of refugee crisis has calmed down because it's cold. 1.00

01:01:29.000 They're not really coming over the water anymore.

01:01:32.000 So, favorite moment.

01:01:37.000 Eh... I guess maybe the Battle of Berkeley.

01:01:42.000 That was a lot of fun. The Battle of Berkeley.

01:01:44.000 Okay. The Battle of Berkeley.

01:01:46.000 That was fun. Well, hey, didn't you, because you and Ewan were kind of announced, didn't you do Ben Shapiro's show recently?

01:01:52.000 Was I on the recent? No, I was on Andrew Klavan.

01:01:55.000 Oh, you were on Andrew Klavan's show.

01:01:57.000 Okay. Because I know, yeah, I know that he was over there at Daily Wire.

01:01:59.000 So it seems, I know there were like a lot of splits in 2016 and it seems like people are kind of making amends and do you think the conservative coalition is kind of coming back together?

01:02:09.000 Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, you know what?

01:02:10.000 It's funny because I think that Donald Trump was kind of like a dog chasing a car for conservatives and right-wingers.

01:02:20.000 They were running so fast after it and then they've caught it and they didn't really know what to do when they caught it.

01:02:27.000 They were all aligned for so long trying to get Trump to win and then After that, they kind of went at each other's throats for months and months and months.

01:02:36.000 There was all the splits, alt-right, alt-lite, whatever you want to call it, whatever alt there is, liberals, centrists.

01:02:46.000 And now I feel things are finally coming back together and people are saying, all right, there's something bigger here.

01:02:51.000 We're still battling for free speech.

01:02:52.000 YouTube is shutting stuff down.

01:02:54.000 People are getting banned. Twitter's doing great purges.

01:02:56.000 And we need to kind of come back together and...

01:03:00.000 Work towards the same goals.

01:03:01.000 In fact, kind of figure out what conservative means again.

01:03:04.000 Right. Yeah, I guess that's a good point.

01:03:07.000 People are kind of figuring it out now.

01:03:08.000 I think even Donald Trump is figuring it out.

01:03:10.000 I don't think he knew what was going to happen.

01:03:11.000 That's why this last week has really been, outside of Gorsuch, has been his first legislative accomplishment.

01:03:16.000 And, you know, it's some stuff that I'm pretty happy about.

01:03:19.000 We were talking about this. The embassy, good thing.

01:03:21.000 Tax bill, pretty good thing.

01:03:22.000 Doesn't really affect you because you're Canadian.

01:03:24.000 You know, I'm sorry. You guys still get screwed. 0.99

01:03:26.000 No, we do well. They do well. 0.99

01:03:27.000 That works out. Well, if we do well, you do well, but your taxes don't go down.

01:03:30.000 Oh, yeah. Right.

01:03:32.000 Like, when you see Trudeau as your prime minister and you see President Trump as obviously our president, I mean, how much are the therapy sessions that you need to pay for?

01:03:45.000 You're so mean. It must be depressing.

01:03:47.000 It must be depressing.

01:03:49.000 It was like Americans when we had Harper. 1.00

01:03:51.000 You're supposed to be nice to me.

01:03:52.000 I'm supposed to be nice to you. You're supposed to be good to me.

01:03:55.000 I don't owe you nothing, Pauly.

01:03:57.000 No, what it is, is like when there was Harper in Canada and Obama here, it was the flip.

01:04:01.000 I'm like, man, look at Canada.

01:04:03.000 They didn't even have the housing bubble.

01:04:05.000 They had Harper there. Even though it's more of a socialist country, they really had a prime minister who did well.

01:04:09.000 And now it's flipped.

01:04:10.000 The shoe is on the northern foot, and we have President Trump, and you have Trudeau.

01:04:16.000 Is it really hard to stomach?

01:04:18.000 Do you think he's going to win if you were to run for re-election, Trudeau?

01:04:21.000 Or do you think a lot of people regret it because he's been such a boob?

01:04:25.000 Oh man, this is the thing.

01:04:26.000 Imagine how powerful it would be if you had a conservative government in Canada and America.

01:04:31.000 I know. Reagan and Thatcher.

01:04:36.000 Yes. Beautiful. But I do think he has a very good chance of winning again, first of all, because Canadians don't really pay attention to politics that much.

01:04:46.000 They just look at the shiny hair and they're like, oh, that's nice.

01:04:48.000 Put him on the front cover of all our newspapers and we'll worship him like a God King Trudeau.

01:04:53.000 And also, I don't think the conservative candidate is very strong.

01:04:57.000 I like him. He's all right.

01:04:59.000 But conservatism in Canada is...

01:05:02.000 Wait, you say he's alright, the candidate?

01:05:06.000 He's alright. Oh, I thought you said he's alright.

01:05:08.000 There's no way an alright candidate would fly in Canada, no.

01:05:12.000 Definitely not. No, he's alright.

01:05:13.000 I think he's a nice guy, but he's...

01:05:16.000 And Andrew Scheer. But I also don't think he's quite strong enough to really mobilize the same kind of movement that Trump did.

01:05:24.000 So I'm hoping that Trump's cultural influence and the kind of culture of pro-free speech, the Jordan Peterson types, will spread across the Canadian populace.

01:05:33.000 But it's going to take a bit longer than the Trump effect, that's for sure.

01:05:38.000 Well, let me ask you this because we had Jordan Peterson on.

01:05:39.000 He was the first guest early this morning.

01:05:41.000 He's not really conservative.

01:05:42.000 Jordan Peterson is just a free speech guy.

01:05:45.000 Do you see that changing the culture on campus?

01:05:47.000 Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on. 0.99

01:05:49.000 Breaking. Oh, no, wait.

01:05:51.000 VP Pence's praise for the president.

01:05:53.000 Never mind. We don't need to worry about it.

01:05:54.000 We just want to make sure we don't miss any breaking.

01:05:56.000 Yeah, I know. I know. Can you believe it?

01:05:57.000 The vice president, like, said, I like him.

01:06:00.000 I like the president.

01:06:01.000 What's going on? What's the world coming to?

01:06:03.000 Better go back to Wolf. Seems the vice president likes the president.

01:06:06.000 Back to you. Thank you!

01:06:08.000 This is the most embarrassing...

01:06:11.000 Horrible. I mean, it took this.

01:06:13.000 Do you think they watch their own program to realize it?

01:06:15.000 Do you think they're like, oh god, I go home and watch anything but see it.

01:06:17.000 Yes, I do. No, I do. I think Wolf Blitzer's like Larry Sanders and he falls asleep watching himself with a bottle of Astroglide next to the bed.

01:06:26.000 That's what I think. I think Wolf Blitzer is such a narcissist.

01:06:29.000 It's the only time his mouth moves. 0.68

01:06:30.000 Yes. Excuse me, this is a Christian show.

01:06:34.000 Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

01:06:35.000 Jesus did beat Santa, so I will say.

01:06:37.000 As a theologian, thank you. This wasn't so much Jesus turning the other cheek.

01:06:40.000 It was midget Jesus tearing up the temple. 1.00

01:06:43.000 Oh, boy. I just can't believe this. 0.69

01:06:45.000 You're going to hell for this. Here's the thing. 0.98

01:06:47.000 How bad did you think it had gotten?

01:06:49.000 Because I know you haven't watched all day, but it has been so bad.

01:06:52.000 Let me ask you this. We were talking with Ben Shapiro and Andrew Klavan about this.

01:06:56.000 For example, they run clips and you just assume it's live.

01:07:00.000 Like they run a clip from Al Franken and then halfway through the clip it says earlier.

01:07:03.000 It was from yesterday.

01:07:05.000 When you see something in the news, Lauren, and it says earlier, is it just me or do you assume that means earlier that day?

01:07:12.000 I usually assume it means earlier that day, but I also, I don't quite have the stomach you do to watch CNN all day, so...

01:07:18.000 Right. I usually let other people sum it up for me so I don't get ill.

01:07:25.000 Yeah, well, listen, I needed the break with the carolers and the dwarf Santa and Jesus.

01:07:31.000 This day's not getting any better.

01:07:33.000 No. That was the highlight, and that's, honestly, I wish you'd have kept it, because now I'm just going to be depressed a little bit.

01:07:38.000 I'm going to be depressed through Christmas.

01:07:40.000 That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

01:07:42.000 And it's all downhill from here.

01:07:43.000 Jesus versus Santa.

01:07:45.000 And Figgy Pudding. And some people were offended on Twitter.

01:07:48.000 They loved it.

01:07:49.000 They're from rentamidget.com.

01:07:52.000 This is how they work.

01:07:55.000 The one in Michigan was legitimately like to rent a dwarf, like rent.

01:07:58.000 Yeah, it was rentadwarf.com.

01:08:00.000 Not hire. Yeah.

01:08:01.000 Not even load.

01:08:02.000 I didn't get to watch this, so I'm still trying to understand.

01:08:05.000 I think we're have to cut a highlight reel.

01:08:07.000 You hired two dwarfs. 1.00

01:08:08.000 Yes, we hired two dwarfs and they wrestled right here in a kiddie pool of figgy pudding to determine the true spirit of Christmas and Jesus beat up female Santa. 1.00

01:08:18.000 What is hard about this, Lauren?

01:08:19.000 I feel like I've explained this as clearly as humanly possible.

01:08:24.000 Gosh, you're supposed to be a bright girl!

01:08:28.000 And then, what else did we have?

01:08:29.000 We had carolers. Okay, here's a true story, because a lot of people are just tuning in now because people love you.

01:08:34.000 We had carolers come in.

01:08:35.000 They surprised me with carolers. Three carolers came in.

01:08:37.000 They sang a carol. Turns out there were supposed to be four.

01:08:40.000 The fourth one in the green room saw the monitor, saw me, started convulsing in tears, and said she couldn't come in and sing for the monster that is me, and left.

01:08:50.000 Had to be helped out. Wait, wait, wait.

01:08:51.000 She recognized you?

01:08:53.000 Yes. And quit on the spot?

01:08:54.000 Yes. Yes. No, no. Her, like, diaphragm was like, I can't, I can't even.

01:09:02.000 Like, holding on to the door sill.

01:09:03.000 Right. Like, I was Himmler.

01:09:06.000 And she collapsed.

01:09:08.000 Like, you know, a relative had just died and had to be carried out and refused to perform.

01:09:13.000 This is a very dark episode.

01:09:15.000 You were midgets beating people up? 1.00

01:09:17.000 No, themselves! That makes it better. 0.79

01:09:21.000 Well, we didn't mean for it to happen.

01:09:22.000 I didn't mean for someone to faint in my green room.

01:09:24.000 I'm leaving. She left.

01:09:27.000 Oh, she actually left!

01:09:29.000 No, she locked herself in our green room so that we couldn't get into our own green room just to cry over the notion of singing a Christmas carol for me.

01:09:41.000 The Christmas spirit is truly dead.

01:09:44.000 She's more of a Kwanzaa. 0.82

01:09:45.000 Christopher has destroyed the Christmas spirit. In fairness, though, like we're talking about, if you watched CNN all day and you thought this was the equivalent of singing, you know, Joy to the World to Hitler, would you do it? 0.73

01:09:54.000 Well, that's the thing. When they say, you know, you're being so politically divisive, I'm going, well, listen, people know where you're coming from.

01:09:59.000 People know where I'm coming from. 0.64

01:10:01.000 To me, what divides people is when you have a 24-hour news cycle that's dishonest and makes people actually believe that the right is Hitler, or that the right actually, you know, that we're totalitarians, that we want to kill 9 million tiny tins.

01:10:14.000 What happens to her when she goes to her Christmas dinner and her conservative uncle walks in the room and she has to sit there across from him?

01:10:21.000 I don't know if you saw that College Humor video where it was Thanksgiving and the guy has to defuse all the bombs across the table because they keep bringing up topics like the NFL and the kneeling and he's trying to defuse the TV bomb and then someone brings up Trump and the whole table is wired up with bombs and he's like, no! Yeah.

01:10:43.000 CNN has destroyed Christmas for a lot of people, I'm sure.

01:10:46.000 If you have someone convulsing in your green room over the idea of singing joy to the world to a happy man in a Santa suit.

01:10:53.000 I know. I know.

01:10:54.000 It ruined Carol of the Bells.

01:10:56.000 I even unbuttoned it. And it ruined Carol of the Bells.

01:10:58.000 That's one of my favorites. I was like, Carol of the Bells.

01:10:59.000 And I looked and Jared was like this.

01:11:01.000 And I had no idea what was going on.

01:11:02.000 I'm like, what do you mean? Why can't they do Carol of the Bells?

01:11:04.000 And then I found out afterward.

01:11:05.000 It is... It's scary.

01:11:07.000 We were talking about this. We kind of laugh about it.

01:11:09.000 But when they say the country is divided, here's the thing.

01:11:12.000 Me interviewing Wendy Davis as a tranny and my hat flying off and her still not catching on, it's not going to divide anybody.

01:11:20.000 What divides people is the lies by omission, not covering the fact that Republicans actually didn't want the government shut down, put a bill forward to the 19th, not covering the fact that Republicans do not want to cut chip.

01:11:32.000 They do not want 9 million Tiny Tim's dead.

01:11:34.000 That's what truly vilifies people.

01:11:36.000 Not me doing a gag, not you going in there and doing some investigative journalism.

01:11:40.000 What truly divides people is the constant bombardment of lies.

01:11:45.000 I mean, if you lived in an airport, and this is all you saw, genuinely, Lauren, we were talking about this, we all agreed, we are the most misinformed we have been in the news any day of this year, because CNN has been our exclusive source of news, and we don't know anything.

01:11:59.000 We don't know what's really going on. Depressing beyond that is it's not only an ideological divide because at least with the ideological divide you can sit down and if someone is willing even just a little bit to talk to you, you can prove to them you're not a monster with your words.

01:12:16.000 Right. But they've divided us on gender and race as well. 0.98

01:12:19.000 All white people are these evil oppressors who I want to kill you and start another fourth Reich or whatever. 1.00

01:12:26.000 And all women and men, it's all patriarchy. 1.00

01:12:30.000 So you just see their gender.

01:12:32.000 You just see the race and get triggered.

01:12:33.000 And it's like I've...

01:12:36.000 I've lost friends over this.

01:12:38.000 I know people who have literally been ostracized from their friend groups because of their gender or because they're white.

01:12:47.000 They're not allowed to be part of a certain college club anymore.

01:12:50.000 And it's very, very sad.

01:12:52.000 Yeah, it's more than just ideology.

01:12:54.000 It's every single dividing line they can possibly find.

01:12:57.000 They're pushing us apart.

01:12:59.000 Right. No, you're absolutely right, and it is amazing.

01:13:01.000 This is the post-Obama era.

01:13:02.000 We thought it was going to be the post-racial America. 0.89

01:13:04.000 Instead, it is the most divided America has ever been in our lifetime.

01:13:08.000 Right away, you have Black Lives Matter, you have patriarchy, you have Trigly Puff, you have carolers. 0.88

01:13:13.000 A caroler won't come out. By the way, talk about that.

01:13:15.000 This is the show that has over 5 million plays in Change My Mind, just completely unedited, letting people express their opinions.

01:13:21.000 And Darren in the green room said, hey, you know what?

01:13:24.000 I don't know what you know about the show, but if you really disagree with him, you can go out there and tell him, and he'll talk.

01:13:29.000 I can't even be here!

01:13:33.000 And she ran out crying.

01:13:34.000 I literally can't think of any human being that I would break down at the sight of.

01:13:40.000 Can you imagine if I showed up to do a stand-up gig and the guy said, that's Keith Olbermann, and I was like, I don't think Keith Olbermann's going to find me funny.

01:13:47.000 But his producer said, listen, if you disagree with Keith Olbermann, you can go in and sit right next to him on the recliner with a mug full of coffee and have a talk with him.

01:13:56.000 You could not hold me back.

01:13:58.000 No. I couldn't get out there fast enough.

01:14:00.000 All right. Speaking of which, we do have to get going.

01:14:02.000 We have other guests to get to, and it has been a wonderful night.

01:14:05.000 So, Lauren Southern, at Lauren underscore Southern.

01:14:08.000 Stay safe there in Canada, because I know they're gunning for you with the millennials on the college campus and the anti-Jordan Petersons and the LGBTQ AIP. So stay safe.

01:14:18.000 I'll do my best. Cheers.

01:14:20.000 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

01:14:21.000 Thank you very much. By the way, this is just the onesie's gotten loose.

01:14:25.000 It's not the teacher fat arm.

01:14:26.000 No. It doesn't bat on camera, though.

01:14:29.000 I'll give you that. Okay, good.

01:14:32.000 So hold on a second. Let me check this schedule here.

01:14:34.000 What we have. It is...

01:14:35.000 We're supposed to have shale in just a minute.

01:14:37.000 We're supposed to have shale in just one minute.

01:14:38.000 All right, Gerald and Jared, keep going here for a second.

01:14:41.000 Keep going. Because I do have to check something.

01:14:44.000 You know one of the most disappointing things for me today?

01:14:46.000 This week in general? Yeah.

01:14:48.000 Figgy pudding isn't actually pudding.

01:14:50.000 No. I didn't know.

01:14:51.000 I had no idea. I've been lied to you for 27 years.

01:14:54.000 I'm sad that Steven didn't introduce me to Lauren Southern.

01:14:56.000 Didn't introduce me. Had the opportunity.

01:14:57.000 I was sitting right here multiple times.

01:14:59.000 Didn't do it. But back to pudding.

01:15:01.000 Wouldn't you call it a figgy cupcake?

01:15:03.000 It would be something else.

01:15:04.000 Figgy muffin? It would be something else. It was rather disappointing, but I didn't even know that the figgy pudding was a thing.

01:15:09.000 But it was good. It was good.

01:15:11.000 It was good. So, still no news on CNN right now.

01:15:15.000 Trump and late night is what we're hearing.

01:15:18.000 Like, it's every single thing is Trump.

01:15:20.000 Don't you think they get tired of this at some point?

01:15:22.000 No, I don't think they get tired of it at all.

01:15:23.000 That's the problem. Like, right now, the war for late night.

01:15:25.000 There is no war for late night.

01:15:27.000 It's over. You've lost. You've all lost.

01:15:28.000 Here's the deal. There's every other late night host and this show.

01:15:32.000 And that's why we need you to join at lottowithcredit.com.

01:15:34.000 We do the show. We don't want to be your only show.

01:15:37.000 We're not doing 16-hour streams every day.

01:15:39.000 But every night, we're happy to be the show you go to sleep with where you can actually be informed and laugh.

01:15:45.000 Because let's look at the war for late night.

01:15:48.000 Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, Samantha Bee, Trevor Noah.

01:15:55.000 Am I missing any? There was that Larry Wilmar before that.

01:15:58.000 There's that Jordan Klepper. I'm trying to think of anyone else.

01:16:00.000 Conan O'Brien. Who's the Carsey karaoke guy?

01:16:03.000 James Corden. He's kind of a nine.

01:16:05.000 Every single one of Bill Maher is an open, out-and-about, not only liberal, but Democrat-endorsing celebrity.

01:16:14.000 Yeah. And then there's Mug Club.

01:16:15.000 You can join at lotterwithcrowder.com slash mugclub.

01:16:18.000 That's $99 annually, $69 for students, veterans, or active military.

01:16:21.000 Just enter in the word.

01:16:22.000 And if you're a student of life, it's Christmas.

01:16:24.000 We'll give you that one.

01:16:26.000 And I think, Sven, you're going to have some overlays pretty soon, right, of new people who've joined?

01:16:29.000 Yes. Okay, are you ready now?

01:16:31.000 Yes. Alright, well listen, plenty of people have joined Mug Club today, and like we said, the only reason we're able to call CNN and their bullcrap, the only reason we're able to fight against Leighton at the war for late night...

01:16:40.000 We can't bring them up quite yet, just so you know.

01:16:41.000 Oh, we can't bring them up? Because we're connecting with our guests.

01:16:43.000 Oh, we're connecting with our guests. But we'll bring them up afterwards.

01:16:46.000 There's no cavalry coming over the hill.

01:16:49.000 No. Did you notice that's a word where I often mess up?

01:16:51.000 Cavalry and Calvary because that's the place, obviously.

01:16:54.000 The Jesus place. But I often get this place. 0.97

01:16:57.000 You also say supposed. For somebody who's spent significant periods of time in Canada, you're doing good.

01:17:03.000 I do say like...

01:17:04.000 I don't say dollars, but I realize it happens and I'm supposed to say solace, solace.

01:17:09.000 I don't know if that almost sounds like soulless.

01:17:11.000 You say Nike, too. Nike.

01:17:13.000 I was just thinking about Nike. Nike.

01:17:14.000 That happens. Nike.

01:17:15.000 It's okay. We'll give it something.

01:17:19.000 Is this actually a thing now?

01:17:21.000 Is this like, it's not a commercial? I thought it was just a commercial.

01:17:24.000 So this is a whole, this is a segment they're doing.

01:17:26.000 There's a whole segment. Let's bring up the volume.

01:17:28.000 ...like this one. Do you agree?

01:17:31.000 And they're trying to rally the country as if they speak for most of the country, which, that's not true.

01:17:35.000 By the way, hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.

01:17:38.000 I think we're making some progress on getting this thing trending.

01:17:40.000 We have to keep going, though. We must have more.

01:17:43.000 Hold on a second here. You're fine.

01:17:45.000 That's okay. Listen, I don't care if we're trending anymore.

01:17:47.000 Don Lemon knows we're here. 0.93

01:17:49.000 That's just conceding all ground that, hey, yeah, I'm a partisan douchebag. 0.70

01:17:54.000 Yeah. Don't these guys always go for diversity, like diversity of thought and idea, and they have zero diversity of thought or idea?

01:18:00.000 Oh gosh, I know you're doing the opposite day.

01:18:02.000 Sarcasm, I just don't have the strengths, Gerald.

01:18:04.000 Who's this guy? Why is this guy talking?

01:18:07.000 This little weasel-looking guy.

01:18:08.000 He looks like, you ever watch the Nutcracker and the rats that are lifelike size come out, and you're like, oh geez, and they have the sword and it traumatized you as a kid?

01:18:15.000 That's this guy.

01:18:17.000 Hold on a second. I know which one you were talking about.

01:18:19.000 Hold on, he was sitting here right now.

01:18:21.000 To be honest, by...

01:18:24.000 Now they're showing Donald Trump.

01:18:25.000 They're talking about Trump and late night.

01:18:27.000 Trump and late night. Trump and late night.

01:18:28.000 What do you mean Trump and late night?

01:18:29.000 They're trying to say late night.

01:18:31.000 It becomes this bastion of political voices and counter-cultural.

01:18:36.000 You know why? Because of you.

01:18:38.000 You guys are buddies with late night.

01:18:39.000 They appear on your shows and you appear on their shows.

01:18:42.000 Have you watched Seth Meyers' show?

01:18:43.000 No. It might as well be a CNN show.

01:18:47.000 And Kamal Bell had the show after Seth Meyers.

01:18:49.000 I don't know which network, and now he's on CNN. See, I think John Oliver's the funniest of them.

01:18:54.000 He's funny. I'm just saying he's terrible on facts.

01:18:55.000 Oh, he's as bad as it gets. Do we have our next guest?

01:18:57.000 Yeah, ready. All right, we have our next guest.

01:18:59.000 Oh, Trevor Noah, good. There's a talentless hack.

01:19:01.000 And by the way, it's not a black thing.

01:19:03.000 It's a talentless hack thing. I'm not even entirely sure he's black. 1.00

01:19:05.000 He looks like a photo negative of Trevor Noah.

01:19:07.000 So, our next guest, big fan, Former UFC bad boy, now fighter for Bellator, host of his own podcast, which is wildly successful.

01:19:15.000 My wife is coming in with food.

01:19:18.000 Chael P. Sonnen, how are you, sir?

01:19:21.000 What's up, Steve Rock? Nice outfit, my brother.

01:19:24.000 I wish I could say that this were under better circumstances.

01:19:27.000 You've been made aware of what we're doing today, right?

01:19:30.000 I can't believe it. I mean, that's torture.

01:19:33.000 You should have had to be at Guantanamo to have to go through that, but yes.

01:19:36.000 No, last year I was waterboarded by your former, I guess I wouldn't say opponent, but your former middleweight competitor, Tim Kennedy.

01:19:43.000 I would much rather do that than this.

01:19:46.000 That's not even a joke.

01:19:47.000 I actually do a lot of what you're doing as well, but I do it for entertainment.

01:19:51.000 Yes. Well, you do it for entertainment, and we do it as well.

01:19:54.000 But in this case, the only way to prove how bad CNN was was to go through their entire original clock to show people that it's not just an isolated incident.

01:20:02.000 It's the entire day. I hate to do this.

01:20:04.000 It's repetitive. But I've got to brief you on just a CNN hit list for what they did today, if I can, in 35 seconds.

01:20:10.000 Okay, Chael, you ready? Do it.

01:20:11.000 All right. CNN, they started this morning with soaking the Russia hysteria, the idea that Trump was going to fire Mueller, even though he said he wasn't going to fire Mueller.

01:20:17.000 They didn't mention it until later in the day.

01:20:18.000 Then Adam Schiff was on regarding the Mueller probe.

01:20:20.000 Nine months ago, he said there was evidence.

01:20:22.000 There's been no evidence. No mention of Uranium One, despite it being the number one trend on Twitter almost all day.

01:20:26.000 Not a mention once. The CHIP program, Child Health Care Initiative, they said nine million, I quote, tiny Tims will die because of Republicans.

01:20:34.000 No mention that the Melbourne attacker was Afghani named Saeed Naori, who said he was doing it because Muslims were being mistreated.

01:20:38.000 They didn't mention at all the 1995 Israel vote that put the Israeli embassy in Jerusalem and was supposed to be recognized no later than 1999.

01:20:44.000 And then, of course, no mention of the short-term funding from Republicans until January 19th.

01:20:47.000 They were talking all day about the government shutdown.

01:20:49.000 And then, finally, when the government shutdown did not happen because of what the GOP put forward, they just...

01:20:54.000 Put in 45 seconds saying, oh, by the way, 9 million Italian teams might not die.

01:20:57.000 House votes didn't mention that it was something Republicans put forward.

01:21:00.000 Finally, Mike Pence apparently praises the president.

01:21:03.000 That's been breaking news all day.

01:21:04.000 And they said Bannon hates Bush.

01:21:06.000 Breaking news. Breaking news developing.

01:21:09.000 Steve Bannon said this in October.

01:21:11.000 Chael, has anything that I've just said surprised you?

01:21:13.000 And did you know it was this bad?

01:21:14.000 We lost Chael for a second.

01:21:15.000 We lost Chael. Son of a... 0.97

01:21:17.000 I would... That... My throat hurts. 0.55

01:21:19.000 That was for the audience. Oh.

01:21:21.000 I already did it with everyone.

01:21:22.000 We're trying to reach out for them. All right.

01:21:28.000 Okay, sorry.

01:21:30.000 Sorry, guys. We're trying to get Shale back on.

01:21:32.000 I'm texting. If we don't get Shale back on, that's fine. 0.99

01:21:34.000 We can play a game or something like that right now.

01:21:36.000 Oh, there we go. All right, Shale. 0.69

01:21:38.000 Whoa, don't act like if you don't get Chael back on, everything's going to be okay.

01:21:43.000 Everybody would be pissed, and rightfully so, and yourself included.

01:21:47.000 Now, we were about 15 seconds into a 35-second rundown, and I would love to hear the rest of that.

01:21:52.000 Oh, God. Okay. No mention of Uranium One.

01:21:55.000 Never. They said that 9 million tiny Tims, I quote, 9 million tiny Tims would die because Republicans wanted to defund the CHIP program.

01:22:01.000 No Republican has suggested that at all.

01:22:02.000 When Senator Rick Santorum was on saying that, they cut him off.

01:22:06.000 No mention of the Melbourne attacker was Afghani Sidi Nouri, who said he was doing it specifically

01:22:09.000 for Muslims.

01:22:11.000 Never mentioned the 1995 Israel vote when they were talking about it regarding the embassy

01:22:14.000 and Jerusalem being its capital.

01:22:16.000 And of course, when finally in 45 seconds the government won't shut down because of

01:22:21.000 Republicans, they just said, oh, by the way, Republicans don't want to kill all the tiny

01:22:24.000 Timbs.

01:22:25.000 And they moved on to the fact that Bannon, Steve Bannon said Bush 43 was a bad president,

01:22:28.000 And they said it with a breaking news moniker, even though he said it in October.

01:22:32.000 Finally, apparently Mike Pence likes President Donald Trump, and we had a one-hour panel on that.

01:22:39.000 Did any of this surprise you, and did you have any idea how bad it was?

01:22:43.000 This is the entire day, summarized.

01:22:45.000 Yeah, no, I did.

01:22:46.000 I actually watched them for about 15 minutes a day.

01:22:48.000 They only do 15 minutes of news a day, and then the rest is just repeating that same thing.

01:22:52.000 That's the news cycle with all stations.

01:22:55.000 But... Yeah, man, it's annoying.

01:22:57.000 And what are all these congressmen going to do that are calling for Trump's impeachment because of Russia?

01:23:01.000 Once that bully gets proven that it's all smoke and mirrors, do they step down?

01:23:06.000 I mean, that's a tremendous claim for them to make and stake their reputations on.

01:23:10.000 It's not, because they move on.

01:23:12.000 Oh, and by the way... Stephen, can I tell you this?

01:23:14.000 I don't know if you've covered this, but breaking news, you are fully aware that Al Franken is not going to resign, correct?

01:23:20.000 Well, it's funny that you mention that, because they showed his speech, and it said earlier.

01:23:24.000 Now, let me ask you this, and then I want you to continue with your point.

01:23:26.000 It said earlier, and it showed an Al Franken speech.

01:23:28.000 Now, when you watch the news, Jail, and it says earlier, am I wrong to generally assume that that would mean earlier that day?

01:23:36.000 No. I would assume it's that same day.

01:23:38.000 It was from yesterday. A portion was from last week.

01:23:41.000 How can you do that when you're news?

01:23:43.000 The most trusted name in news.

01:23:45.000 No, I hear you on that.

01:23:47.000 You know, I reported this on my own show the day after he gave that, I'm going to resign in a few weeks.

01:23:53.000 I told everybody, hey, I'll be the first to break it, but he's not leaving.

01:23:56.000 Steven, that's not how resignations work.

01:23:58.000 It's not even how a firing works.

01:24:00.000 Hey, Steven, you're fired.

01:24:01.000 A month from now. No, it doesn't work that way.

01:24:04.000 And it was so obvious.

01:24:05.000 Exactly what we said. Exactly what I said.

01:24:07.000 They had the Roy Moore debacle going on, and the Democrats needed to look really strong, like we're anti this, to get Jones in there.

01:24:15.000 Okay, that worked. Al Franken's not going anywhere.

01:24:18.000 He never was. The whole thing was a ruse.

01:24:21.000 I'm not saying anything that everybody else should already know, but I do feel like I am the first saying it, and it's very obvious.

01:24:28.000 Well, you know, no. Well, I hate to cut your legs out from Andrea, but we actually talked about this earlier today.

01:24:33.000 I said no one says, all right, I'm going to quit. 0.98

01:24:36.000 I'm giving you two weeks' notice, and then you just go in and you take a crap on the photocopier. 0.92

01:24:40.000 They're like, hey, Al, you took a crap on the photocopier, but we're going to keep you for the next 12 days. 0.91

01:24:45.000 But just don't do it again. 0.53

01:24:47.000 And the next day, that's not how, like you said, that's not how it works.

01:24:49.000 It doesn't happen.

01:24:50.000 So I'm just amazed he's allowed to take the stage and just take a dump over all Republicans.

01:24:55.000 He's enjoying the keys of the place, of that place.

01:24:57.000 Exactly. He's just abusing the keys.

01:24:59.000 But he's not going anywhere.

01:25:00.000 And you know what? I'm not even sure he should.

01:25:02.000 That's a whole nother debate of even whether he should.

01:25:04.000 We can have that too.

01:25:05.000 I'm just letting you know he's not.

01:25:09.000 Well, I don't know about that.

01:25:11.000 I don't know necessarily that he should.

01:25:12.000 You know, I know this was the war of obviously when we're talking about, you know, and then more loss, so people think he's...

01:25:17.000 Like, I don't know about the picture with the breastplate.

01:25:21.000 Like, he was a comedian at that time.

01:25:23.000 You know what I mean? Like, I think everyone would...

01:25:25.000 I don't know. I'm tired.

01:25:27.000 Well, let me make this point.

01:25:28.000 Let me make this point. I feel like you might have already done it, but since I feel like this is the appropriate show, and if you're tired, I feel like I have standing in this matter at least a little bit.

01:25:37.000 Because you ran for office. Because Leanne Tweeden, Stephen, who he had groped in that, I worked with her. 0.70

01:25:43.000 We were co-workers at UFC tonight, and we still have a good relationship, and she does a little show in California.

01:25:48.000 That's right. I go on it every time before I have a fight coming up.

01:25:50.000 So, you know, my opinion might matter a little bit because I am biased towards her, but here's what Al had on his side.

01:25:56.000 He did wrong. He admitted it, but here's the difference with him.

01:26:01.000 She accepted the apology.

01:26:03.000 And she moved on. And that's honor amongst men.

01:26:07.000 If the two people withstanding the two principles in the act came to terms, it's none of the rest of ours' business.

01:26:13.000 You know what? I think that's a good point.

01:26:14.000 I think that's very inconsistent right now with the just complete...

01:26:19.000 Us-versus-them mindset of, oh, it's like this nuclear arms race of sexual harassment.

01:26:24.000 It's like, listen, I don't care if a Republican does it or a Democrat.

01:26:26.000 Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, doesn't matter who it is. 0.99

01:26:29.000 This is a dirtbag. This is someone who needs to be replaced. 0.97

01:26:31.000 But someone who took that picture apologized, and the lady said, ah, it wasn't that big of a deal.

01:26:36.000 Thanks. I accept it. It doesn't matter whether it's a Democrat or a Republican.

01:26:39.000 That being said, there were some other allegations, and Al Franken's a prick. 0.89

01:26:43.000 So there is that... The other allegations, I will agree. 0.71

01:26:48.000 I'll just speak to that very first one.

01:26:50.000 And I'm not sure he should resign either.

01:26:52.000 There is a matter, you know, if you were to take, you know, from what the president went through or even what Roy Moore was going through, there is a significant difference when the voters know ahead of time until they make their decision.

01:27:03.000 All is forgiven. In Al's case, it came out after the fact, and some other people's, it came out after the fact.

01:27:08.000 But if they want to stick their...

01:27:10.000 They're heels and they'll leave it up to the voters in the next cycle. 1.00

01:27:14.000 That's fine, too.

01:27:15.000 I don't know, you know, I guess what I'm saying is if you say you're going to resign, you've got to go.

01:27:19.000 If you want to man up and say, I'm going to fight this thing, then man up and fight the thing.

01:27:23.000 But you can't do both. We've got to be able to take it your word.

01:27:25.000 I hate to be distracted, Chael, but I'm watching you on the CNN stream.

01:27:29.000 Hey, Sven Computer, really quickly.

01:27:30.000 Chael, this is our newest German intern at Sven Computer.

01:27:33.000 Sven, make sure he can hear you. Have you noticed the overlays of...

01:27:38.000 Oh, he has a mouth. Hello. Computers don't eat. 0.61

01:27:41.000 They only upgrade their software, dummy.

01:27:42.000 I'm reading some bits. Here's the thing.

01:27:44.000 Did you notice, Fen? Their overlays are worse than our show. 0.57

01:27:46.000 They just literally had someone scrolling with a mouse on the screen.

01:27:50.000 Did you see that? I mean, that's kind of what we're doing today.

01:27:54.000 That's what we're doing today, but we don't have hundreds of millions of dollars and Turner riding in on a yak.

01:27:59.000 That's number one, beep, beep. Oh, my God.

01:28:01.000 Also, you're asking the wrong person because I can't see the tweet screen from me.

01:28:04.000 Oh, that's true. I mean, Chael, you have a podcast.

01:28:06.000 By the way, where can people go to listen to your podcast?

01:28:09.000 Sorry, I wasn't... They can go to iTunes.

01:28:11.000 It's called You're Welcome.

01:28:12.000 Go enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.

01:28:14.000 You're welcome. And it's a lot of sports.

01:28:16.000 But you do get into politics. You do get into cultural issues.

01:28:18.000 But you have a podcast. Is it just amazing to you how marginal...

01:28:22.000 The gap is now between viewership and quality with traditional media and quote-unquote new media.

01:28:27.000 It's not new media anymore. But when we look at it, and we look at these, right now it's the late night.

01:28:31.000 They're talking about Trump and late night.

01:28:33.000 Well, there is no Trump and late night.

01:28:34.000 It's all of late night hates Trump. 0.99

01:28:35.000 And they have this nutcracker rat-looking fellow, like Orlando Bloom just slept with a rat. 0.99

01:28:41.000 They just have on here. He's their reporter. 0.73

01:28:43.000 Do you feel as though it's really closed quickly in the last year and a half?

01:28:48.000 I mean, you were there early, but now you're getting far more people tuning in to you than CNN. I mean, that's got to feel like an accomplishment.

01:28:58.000 Yeah, no, I'm close.

01:28:59.000 CNN on average tonight does 1.7 million, and I do about 1.6.

01:29:03.000 So they've still got me.

01:29:05.000 But to your point, you know, I'm a little bit harder to find.

01:29:08.000 You know, same with you. You've got, what, 2 million followers just on YouTube or real close to?

01:29:12.000 Yeah, it's a very incredible thing, but this is what you're having to do if you want straight talk anymore.

01:29:16.000 Straight talk is out.

01:29:18.000 You've got to be in the box.

01:29:19.000 Hollywood is very interesting to me.

01:29:22.000 You know, Chelsea Handler on down, and Chelsea Handler and I have the same manager. 1.00

01:29:25.000 And I always wonder, and I always try to ask him, Is she a worker?

01:29:29.000 Is she a hustler that's just trying to turn a buck and understands the concept, like any good carny, that controversy creates cash? 1.00

01:29:36.000 Or is she really so absorbed with herself when she makes claims like, I'm going to leave the country, instead of coming back and going, guys, look, on second thought, this is the greatest country in the world.

01:29:45.000 I'm not going anywhere. She comes back with the audacity to say, She can do more good here.

01:29:51.000 Chelsea, keep it up. 1.00

01:29:52.000 You can keep it up. And McGowan can keep it up.

01:29:55.000 And Matt Damon and whatever his buddy is, they claim they're just friends, if you know what I'm saying.

01:30:00.000 Ben Affleck. They can go do this however they want to do it.

01:30:03.000 But the bottom line is they're helping.

01:30:05.000 They are so completely out of touch.

01:30:08.000 No, but they're not leaders of men.

01:30:10.000 And, Stephen, what always happens is when you have popular and famous people, they then think they're leaders.

01:30:15.000 They think that they're influential people.

01:30:17.000 They are not.

01:30:19.000 Jay-Z can say it and Rihanna can say it from the rooftops.

01:30:23.000 Nobody's going to go do it.

01:30:25.000 We just want to be entertained by you.

01:30:27.000 We don't want to be led by you.

01:30:29.000 Well, I think sometimes that's true, but I think some people want to shut off and not, like, for example, that's why we do our show.

01:30:34.000 It's a late night entertainment show and we also deal with politics because sometimes people are looking for a haven.

01:30:38.000 Really, our show is just a way for people to tune in at night and not be sucker punched and watch a late night show.

01:30:43.000 It's not really, we don't even do politics every night.

01:30:45.000 Some nights we do, some nights we don't.

01:30:47.000 But a lot of people want to shut off, right?

01:30:49.000 That's why late night Carson kind of existed.

01:30:51.000 It was apolitical. But a lot of people now just want to shut off all the time.

01:30:55.000 And so they feel as though they're doing their due diligence if they tune into CNN. And we've exposed today, this is what you see when you tune into CNN. By the way, by the way, by the way, Chael, you're way off.

01:31:04.000 They're not even close to 1.7 million, CNN. It's not even close.

01:31:08.000 And that's counting the airports.

01:31:09.000 Have they gone down? No!

01:31:11.000 No, no, no! They've gone up.

01:31:13.000 When I was at Fox, Red Eye at 3am was lucky to pull 400,000 viewers and that was beating Anderson Cooper.

01:31:21.000 That surprises me.

01:31:22.000 By the way, what's behind you?

01:31:23.000 You got a little bourbon back there?

01:31:25.000 A little grandpa's cough syrup?

01:31:26.000 We do. We have a little full bar back there because it looks pretty nice.

01:31:29.000 It's very rarely used.

01:31:30.000 And we have a full Christmas set.

01:31:33.000 A little something to calm your nerves before you go drive home?

01:31:37.000 No, no. Nothing that the studio is not.

01:31:39.000 I'll let it chill you out a little bit?

01:31:41.000 Chael doesn't drink, for people who don't know.

01:31:42.000 See, people don't realize this is a dig.

01:31:45.000 And I'm a wine guy now. And he's a wine guy.

01:31:46.000 He's a sommelier. I'm a sommelier. Gosh.

01:31:49.000 Good lord. I was taking a shot.

01:31:50.000 You're right. You know what?

01:31:51.000 You can kick my butt. I'll let you. 1.00

01:31:53.000 It's true. Well, you know, he played football at Notre Dame.

01:31:55.000 Chael, you're looking very svelte.

01:31:57.000 Is there a fight coming up? You know what?

01:32:00.000 I got a fight in less than 30 days.

01:32:01.000 I'm fighting Rampage in the form in Los Angeles.

01:32:04.000 That's right. He's fighting Rampage Jackson.

01:32:06.000 What surprises me is how much you two used to hate each other and how civil it's been.

01:32:10.000 I know! It surprised me as well, and I was letting him go first, and I thought things were going to jump off very quickly, but they did not.

01:32:17.000 It turned out I caught Rampage in a good mood, so I went with it.

01:32:20.000 Yeah, I think, you know, one thing that's funny about Rampage, I hate to say this, Rampage's a great fighter.

01:32:26.000 But the guy is an excuse king.

01:32:27.000 So a good example, I watched him interview one time because he was failing to make weight.

01:32:30.000 He said, you know, but I found out it's my thyroid, and that's what was making me sore.

01:32:33.000 I'm like, dude, I have the worst thyroid problem in existence, and it doesn't just make you, like, you're not 50 pounds overweight, missing weight.

01:32:40.000 Because of your thyroid. No, it's because you're eating Nutella sandwiches.

01:32:42.000 So, listen, I hope, Chael, that you win this fight.

01:32:45.000 Let me ask you, what's your favorite political moment of the year?

01:32:47.000 No, wait, no, wait, before that, before that, sorry.

01:32:49.000 It's late, Chael, it's late, Chael, and obviously my attention is all over the place.

01:32:52.000 We actually, I wish you were here, we had Midget Jesus and Midget Santa wrestle in figgy pudding for the true meaning of Christmas.

01:33:01.000 Who won? Well, that's what's interesting.

01:33:03.000 I was like, is it a 10-8 must system?

01:33:05.000 What were we talking about?

01:33:07.000 There were no points or advantages until I advised Jesus because he was going for the takedown.

01:33:12.000 And he was a male, by the way. Santa was a female.

01:33:14.000 So it was an intergender championship with midgets. 1.00

01:33:18.000 She had a good sprawl, and I advised him to chain the takedowns. 0.87

01:33:21.000 He was going for that low single to the high crutch, and then ended up being actually, he took a risk, and then Santa, the female, took dwarf Jesus' back, but then Jesus reversed it.

01:33:31.000 So the true spirit of Christmas is still Jesus here on this show.

01:33:34.000 It sounds like it was all over the place.

01:33:36.000 Quite a melee over there.

01:33:38.000 Do you ever think you'd be on a show where Stephen was lecturing Jesus on takedowns?

01:33:43.000 No, as a matter of fact, no.

01:33:45.000 You crossed that one off the list.

01:33:47.000 You're good. Well, I was actually just sitting there talking with my boxing coach the other day.

01:33:51.000 He actually hit me with a liver shot because I said, and I know you agree with me, Chael, Chinatown was the better film of Godfather and Chinatown. 0.91

01:33:57.000 And everyone gets furious when you say you wrote that in your book, and I agreed with it, but my boxing coach is Italian, and he hit me hard.

01:34:04.000 Explain your justification, and then I'll give you mine.

01:34:06.000 Well, I will agree that it was better, but I have it largely because of the acting.

01:34:11.000 However, those are both very good movies.

01:34:14.000 Come on, Joe. You wrote about it in your book.

01:34:16.000 You had more reasons than that. Can I go back to the question I was asked, my favorite political moment of 2017?

01:34:22.000 Because I do have one.

01:34:23.000 It was a very simple moment.

01:34:24.000 But on election night, when Hillary did not come out and address her crowd, and then her campaign manager, Podesta, he comes out.

01:34:37.000 I mean, it's midnight.

01:34:38.000 It's one in the morning on the East Coast, and Podesta comes out to a crowd of people that look like the cat that just ate the canary, and he gives them a fire-up speech about, get out there and let's go win this election. 1.00

01:34:49.000 It's like, hey, stupid. The election's over. 1.00

01:34:53.000 They're just counting the ballots.

01:34:54.000 You can give all the pep talk you want about let's go out there and stick it to everybody else. 0.99

01:35:00.000 It's over, dummy. 0.98

01:35:02.000 Did nobody tell you that?

01:35:03.000 That was my favorite moment.

01:35:05.000 I just thought it was great. I thought it really showed what a miss they had going on over there.

01:35:09.000 Yeah, well, guess what? I can't accept the answer because that was 2016.

01:35:13.000 Twice. That's happened.

01:35:14.000 What year are we? Oh, my goodness.

01:35:16.000 Really? You sure you haven't been sucking back a little bit of Grandpa's old cough medicine yourself?

01:35:23.000 Yes. Wow, yes, he was sworn in on January 20th.

01:35:27.000 I stand corrected, and I'm embarrassed, but it was still a great moment.

01:35:29.000 It was a great moment.

01:35:32.000 Okay, so you have another time.

01:35:34.000 I can't watch this late night in the age of Trump.

01:35:36.000 There's nothing happening on CNN. Did you just leave?

01:35:39.000 Okay, he's still there. Favorite 2017 moment, Chael?

01:35:43.000 2017? Oh, boy.

01:35:44.000 You know, I had quite a few.

01:35:46.000 I really like Trump's speeches.

01:35:47.000 When did Trump grab that guy, like the Moroccan emperor or something, and he grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him back?

01:35:54.000 I thought that was a gangster move.

01:35:55.000 I had no problem with it.

01:35:57.000 Okay. All right.

01:35:59.000 I guess we'll give you that one. I would say, would we say this last week?

01:36:03.000 I mean, listen, we're all going to be doing better tax-wise.

01:36:05.000 I know you employ people, right?

01:36:07.000 You're going to make some new hires with these tax breaks, you think?

01:36:10.000 Well, you'd have the opportunity to.

01:36:12.000 There's all sorts of things you can do.

01:36:13.000 That was a really big moment. I was stunned when people thought that that was going to be bad.

01:36:17.000 I mean, I heard a guy on CNN come out today, and he was complaining because so many of these tax breaks go to corporations.

01:36:23.000 And you're just scratching your head going, how do you not understand this?

01:36:26.000 But there's not very many people.

01:36:28.000 If you went through and looked at it, there's not very many people on the left that have ever signed the front of a paycheck.

01:36:33.000 And they just don't understand.

01:36:35.000 I'll tell you right here in Oregon, just our house.

01:36:38.000 But in our House, there's a super majority for the Democrats.

01:36:41.000 Not one, Stephen, none, literally none, has ever signed the front of a paycheck.

01:36:47.000 They have no idea what it's like to go out there, try to create something, take it to the marketplace, and sell it for a profit.

01:36:53.000 They have no idea. No.

01:36:55.000 And it's not that much different, even federally.

01:36:58.000 I mean, they got the Maxine Waters.

01:37:00.000 I mean, come on. She... What do you want to do there? 0.96

01:37:02.000 But I mean, they're just there. You got these people in there.

01:37:04.000 They don't know which way is up.

01:37:06.000 Nancy Pelosi is another one. 0.90

01:37:07.000 She's a good, strong member.

01:37:08.000 In fairness to Nancy, she does matter.

01:37:11.000 But she just is out of touch with what it takes to feed somebody. 0.98

01:37:14.000 Well, here's the thing, though. They're completely out of touch.

01:37:16.000 You're right as far as results and policy.

01:37:18.000 But it's kind of like there's a fuse.

01:37:20.000 It's almost like Wolf of Wall Street with the Quaaludes, where they're on the bike and they're trying to get it to kick in.

01:37:24.000 And they're going, oh, I guess this one's...

01:37:25.000 And then all of a sudden, boom, and it hits.

01:37:28.000 80% of Americans are getting a tax break.

01:37:30.000 But only 17% know that they are.

01:37:34.000 So that's one thing. When Americans get a tax break, it's kind of like an entitlement program.

01:37:38.000 It's pretty tough for the next guy to come back and say, we're going to increase your taxes again.

01:37:42.000 So right now, it's easy for the media to carry the water because people watching CNN think, oh, this is a horrible plan.

01:37:49.000 Then when they get their tax returns, 80% of Americans are going to be changing their tune.

01:37:53.000 And so I think there's a delayed fuse right there.

01:37:55.000 Right now, it's easy to demonize Trump, but whether you're a business owner, basically, I think if you're doing more than $40,000 a year, you're going to get a serious tax break, if I'm not mistaken.

01:38:03.000 Serious. And a lot more people are getting a tax break than that.

01:38:05.000 So there's a delayed fuse there.

01:38:06.000 But, Chael, like you said, they've never signed the fronts of checks.

01:38:08.000 They signed the backs of them.

01:38:10.000 Bernie Sanders has been a professional couch surfer his entire life, Chael.

01:38:13.000 I know you ran for office, and I'm pretty sure you ran against some career politicians there in Oregon.

01:38:19.000 I don't know the topsy-turvy world we're living in.

01:38:20.000 Okay, different subject. Chill.

01:38:22.000 I have a missing half of this sternum.

01:38:25.000 Guess how many coffee beans I was able to fit in this.

01:38:28.000 I'm gonna go seven.

01:38:30.000 208. Oh my gosh, I was way off.

01:38:35.000 208. What did that shit got there, Iron Man? 0.99

01:38:38.000 Yeah, well, no, it's because it's actually, it goes in and I'm missing half a sternum. 0.99

01:38:42.000 So, you know, that's one thing.

01:38:43.000 I bet it would be a liability in MMA. Also why, you know, it could possibly invert into my organs.

01:38:48.000 It could give you leg up in the porn industry, so, you know.

01:38:50.000 Wait, wait, wait, I feel like I'm getting the boot.

01:38:53.000 Okay, don't. What do you want to talk about?

01:38:55.000 What's your verdict? I got two questions.

01:38:57.000 My first is this. Ten minutes ago, you commented, my wife just brought food in here, but I haven't seen you eat anything.

01:39:02.000 What did she bring you? She didn't bring anything in for me.

01:39:06.000 Well, no, we were going to give you the opportunity to step out a second.

01:39:09.000 Yeah, she brought it in for other people.

01:39:10.000 My wife is a sweetheart. Well, what is it?

01:39:12.000 I have no idea. I want to know what you're doing.

01:39:13.000 I have to know. Oh, it's rotisserie chicken.

01:39:16.000 Hot meal snack? Chicken.

01:39:17.000 So there you go.

01:39:20.000 All right. Second question.

01:39:21.000 How much longer do you have to go?

01:39:22.000 How much longer do you have to hang in here?

01:39:24.000 It's 927. I have to go till midnight.

01:39:26.000 Two and a half hours. Two and a half hours.

01:39:29.000 Yeah, two and a half hours. You're a good man, my brother.

01:39:30.000 Two and a half hours. No wonder you're the hottest show on the net. 0.55

01:39:34.000 No wonder. No, no, no.

01:39:35.000 I'm not doing your welcome numbers with Chael Sonner.

01:39:37.000 But hey, Chael, listen. Come back, or can you come back before your fight?

01:39:41.000 Not when you're... By the way, one time, for people who don't know, this is how Chael is.

01:39:44.000 Chael, one time, called him to the show back when it was a local show in Ann Arbor.

01:39:48.000 This was before Not Gage Air was even here.

01:39:49.000 It was in Detroit, syndicated to a few Michigan markets.

01:39:51.000 He was in the middle of cutting weight.

01:39:53.000 You could hear it in his voice. He was miserable. 0.98

01:39:55.000 No, I was there for that. You were there? 0.67

01:39:56.000 I was there with that. And he still called in anyway.

01:39:58.000 He sucked. He was off his game. 1.00

01:40:00.000 He was so angry. But he made the effort.

01:40:02.000 He was such an angry man.

01:40:04.000 You'd be angry too!

01:40:06.000 Speaking of cutting weight, old Chael P's got a new book out for the new year.

01:40:12.000 Everybody wants to lose weight.

01:40:14.000 Diet plans, exercise, the mentality.

01:40:16.000 It's a four-pack revolution.

01:40:17.000 And gentlemen, remember, you should never have a goal to have a six-pack.

01:40:21.000 Six-packs are for teenagers and drug addicts.

01:40:24.000 A real man has a four-pack. 0.96

01:40:26.000 I'll tell you how to get it.

01:40:28.000 Go to Barnes& Noble or right now, Amazon.com.

01:40:31.000 I've had it with you all.

01:40:33.000 Kaboom. Bye, kaboom.

01:40:34.000 I knew he was going to do that. That's always what he does.

01:40:37.000 He just did a takedown on his camera.

01:40:39.000 He just did a takedown on his camera. Right now I can just picture him like, Son of a bitch, I broke my webcam! 1.00

01:40:43.000 Again! He nailed his routine. 1.00

01:40:46.000 You know what's funny about Chael?

01:40:48.000 He was a bad boy in MMA. Everyone who knows him knows that he is...

01:40:52.000 Oh, breaking news! White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci resigns.

01:40:55.000 Oh, they're doing... No, hold on.

01:40:57.000 That's the late night show. It would have been, though.

01:41:02.000 But they're doing a montage of their previous breaking news chyrons.

01:41:06.000 Right. Of course they're going to bring him up.

01:41:10.000 I wish we could do a close-up right now so you could see into my soul.

01:41:14.000 I don't think you can see into my soul.

01:41:15.000 I think it's possible.

01:41:17.000 People, thank you so much for being with us and joining us live.

01:41:20.000 Okay, you know what? Can we do the overlays of the new Mug Club members, Sven Computer? 0.51

01:41:23.000 We can do that. We'll connect.

01:41:25.000 We have so many people who've joined up.

01:41:26.000 Like we've said, listen, I really hope, and I'll read some of your tweets, I really hope that those who joined Mug Club feel as though it's been worth it. 0.95

01:41:33.000 We never wanted to be the people.

01:41:34.000 You know this. When we did this, we were saying, like, listen, the last thing we want to do is be the bait-and-switch people.

01:41:39.000 Who give you free content and then have you join something and you're just getting the same thing that you were getting for free.

01:41:44.000 We said if we're gonna do it, we're gonna build out a new studio, we're gonna go daily, we're gonna offer more free content than ever, and we're gonna start adding to it.

01:41:51.000 And I'm not gonna lie to you guys, this whole team, they've really pulled together.

01:41:54.000 Everyone's been stretched really thin.

01:41:56.000 Myself included. And so our next step here is just to hire new people to solidify what it is we're doing and then start adding on more shows.

01:42:05.000 Start adding on more actual on-air personalities.

01:42:08.000 You see it with CRTV. They have Gavin McInnes, Rolling Millennial, Andrew Wilkow.

01:42:11.000 But we need to hire some people behind the scenes.

01:42:13.000 That's why there's the golden ticket sweepstakes.

01:42:14.000 If you join, you'll be eligible at laudoworthcrowder.com slash mugclub.

01:42:20.000 99 annually, 69 for students, veterans, military.

01:42:23.000 If you're a student of life, you're a student...

01:42:25.000 And I shouldn't say sweepstakes.

01:42:27.000 It's not a sweepstakes. But basically, we have too many people who watch the free show.

01:42:30.000 And so we get too many submissions of people who have no business submitting.

01:42:34.000 So we do, during the paid show, the nightly show, that's where we let people know, hey, we're looking for an editor.

01:42:40.000 Hey, we're looking for a post-production manager.

01:42:42.000 Hey, we're looking for whatever it is, personal assistant, whatever it is.

01:42:45.000 We have a few new key jobs.

01:42:47.000 And actually, thanks to this tax bill, We might have more than we thought.

01:42:51.000 We knew for sure we were going to hire two new people in the new year, and now it might be three or four.

01:42:57.000 Wow. That's pretty good.

01:42:58.000 How about that? How about that?

01:42:59.000 We're going to go from... Creating jobs.

01:43:01.000 Who knew? Taxes.

01:43:02.000 All right. Screw you, Democrats. 0.98

01:43:06.000 All kidding aside. 1.00

01:43:07.000 All kidding aside. Actually, not all kidding aside.

01:43:11.000 You stink. How much... 0.99

01:43:13.000 Sven, computer, Jared, you guys paid more than $15 an hour, right?

01:43:19.000 Yes. Do you feel pretty good about it?

01:43:21.000 I am so bad at math. It's way too late.

01:43:24.000 The fact that you just made them think it was even close.

01:43:26.000 I've done it. I've done it.

01:43:28.000 I'm just playing. Ungrateful prick. 0.99

01:43:29.000 Sober. The point is, these aren't just bottom-of-the-barrel jobs.

01:43:33.000 No. When we hire people at Loud Earth Crowder, we really try to hire the right people, and we try to keep them in.

01:43:39.000 It is a family business.

01:43:41.000 You pay well. You pay like, I hope, everybody else who does the successful business pays.

01:43:46.000 Yeah, just keep it all yourself. Now, the problem with that is we've kept fewer people and paid more.

01:43:50.000 You kind of have a choice, right?

01:43:51.000 There's a finite amount of funds.

01:43:53.000 It's something liberals don't understand. You can hire more people, pay them less, or you can pay the main people more and then start adding to it with younger people who are paid less than the other people, more than 15 an hour, still paid fairly, but now we have other jobs that are more entry-level jobs as well as one high-level job we'll be talking about behind the paywall.

01:44:11.000 So those who join...

01:44:12.000 You have an opportunity at a job because we're always growing.

01:44:16.000 All right, Sven Computer, do you have the names or anything?

01:44:19.000 Yes, yes. We have a couple of names.

01:44:20.000 Okay, we have some people, by the way.

01:44:21.000 We promised you we would ring the bell for people who joined Mug Club. 1.00

01:44:25.000 It's a commercial on CNN. Let's go.

01:44:26.000 We can't mention them all, but...

01:44:27.000 We can't mention them all, but here's just a handful.

01:44:29.000 Just too many. So this is Jack Helsinger.

01:44:31.000 Thank you. Jack Kelsinger.

01:44:33.000 Jack Kelsinger, there we go. Ring the bell.

01:44:34.000 This is Michael, welcome. Michael, welcome.

01:44:37.000 Stephen Coggins at Fidget 1004.

01:44:40.000 I don't know what that is, but thank you.

01:44:42.000 New screen name needed. Jake Musil.

01:44:45.000 There we go, Jake.

01:44:46.000 There we go. Mary Boyle.

01:44:47.000 Mary Boyle. Thank you very much.

01:44:49.000 Unfortunate last name, but thank you.

01:44:51.000 William Neen. William Neen.

01:44:53.000 Jordan. Jordan?

01:44:57.000 Sean O'Connor.

01:44:59.000 Hey, by the way, Stan, make sure you're not giving away any personal information here.

01:45:02.000 I'm doing my best. Ed Shepinger222.

01:45:06.000 Welcome. There we go.

01:45:07.000 How many more do we have? And Bonkers Yonkers.

01:45:11.000 This is the final one? Yes. Bonkers Yonkers.

01:45:13.000 Thank you guys so much.

01:45:15.000 There we go. Every time someone joins Mug Club, it's a Wednesday in hell for Muhammad. 0.99

01:45:20.000 And Wednesday's not. Go back.

01:45:22.000 Rewind the hashtag CrowderCNN livestream to see the joke and understand why.

01:45:26.000 Hashtag Mohammed Wednesdays? 0.95

01:45:28.000 Is that what we do? No, there's no hashtag.

01:45:29.000 It's just Mohammed Hates Wednesdays. Ah, Mohammed Hates Wednesday.

01:45:31.000 There we go. Well, listen, I'd be lying if I said that.

01:45:33.000 We're disappointed that we were trending in the morning and then not at night, but it's also because we've been going so long.

01:45:38.000 And I really, I was hoping to trend in the morning.

01:45:40.000 We came out strong, but Chris Cuomo didn't show up to work today.

01:45:43.000 That took a lot of material off the table.

01:45:45.000 I know. It really did. And Papa John was a dick.

01:45:47.000 Yeah, Papa John. Yeah, Papa John. Way to go. 1.00

01:45:48.000 Papa John and his Botox and his stupid ways that have been upsetting everybody. 1.00

01:45:52.000 Wait, do we have another guest? 1.00

01:45:54.000 Is that what I'm saying? Yeah, we'll connect with another guest just a moment here.

01:45:55.000 Oh, really? Oh, okay. You have to wait.

01:45:57.000 Hold on a second. I don't see this here.

01:45:59.000 Oh, oh, that's right. I forgot.

01:46:00.000 Oh, okay. By the way, how bad is my voice?

01:46:04.000 Perfect. Thank you. You know, maybe take it easy.

01:46:06.000 It probably sounds worse in your head than it is to us.

01:46:08.000 No, you still sound fine.

01:46:09.000 Alright, food, do you want to eat in here?

01:46:10.000 No, I don't have time for a break.

01:46:12.000 You guys do it. Are there any other games we have planned?

01:46:14.000 Yeah, we have some more games.

01:46:16.000 Okay, well let's do this guest, I guess, and then we'll probably have to do the, well I guess, are we going to do the guest in the game or then two guests in a game?

01:46:23.000 Probably guest in the game. Okay, guest in the game.

01:46:25.000 Alright, perfect. I can do that. We have a guest in the game.

01:46:27.000 Let's turn up the volume a little bit so we can see Trump in late night.

01:46:30.000 Hey, there's Alec Baldwin doing the worst Trump impression ever.

01:46:33.000 Let me hear it. Is it going out to people?

01:46:39.000 Oh, we lost.

01:46:44.000 That's not how Trump does it all, though. It's a horrible impression.

01:47:03.000 Hold on a second. Take away the expensive makeup, and it's an awful impression from Alec Baldwin.

01:47:11.000 By the way, I think his performance in The Edge is one of the best in all of film. 0.99

01:47:15.000 Take away the makeup, it's just pure crap. 0.97

01:47:16.000 Who do we have? Do we have, uh, is it Razorfest? 0.99

01:47:18.000 No, we have James O'Keefe.

01:47:21.000 James O'Keefe! James O'Keefe, are you there, sir?

01:47:23.000 How are you? Hey, good to be with you.

01:47:26.000 Good to be with you. No, it's not.

01:47:28.000 It's not good for us because I'm exhausted and I'm worried we have two hours.

01:47:31.000 I'm 14 hours into CNN, James.

01:47:34.000 Are you supposed to have like an IV drip?

01:47:36.000 They said you had an IV drip in your arm or something doing this.

01:47:38.000 No, I wish I had an IV drip.

01:47:40.000 I wish it were an IV drip of morphine and I just keep hitting the button until I died.

01:47:44.000 Because we won't even do the...

01:47:46.000 I'm sure you know, but basically everything CNN... We already just did the breakdown with every single guest.

01:47:50.000 Every single breaking news chyron has been misleading, flat out dishonest, or actually something that broke yesterday or in June or October.

01:47:59.000 For example, breaking news today developing was Steve Bannon says Bush 43 was a destructive president.

01:48:06.000 He said that in June or October.

01:48:08.000 October. October. What was the one from June?

01:48:10.000 Oh, June was Comey. June was Comey saying that Donald Trump asked for loyalty and they were acting as though this was news.

01:48:15.000 They said that nine million tiny Tims would die because of Republicans.

01:48:18.000 They didn't mention at all that the attacker in Melbourne was Muslim, was an Afghani who said he did it because of mystery.

01:48:24.000 Not one mention of Uranium One.

01:48:27.000 Are you telling me that they have been selectively editing?

01:48:30.000 Is that what you're telling me? Yes, exactly.

01:48:32.000 They've been selectively editing.

01:48:34.000 But even worse, it's just, like, it's beyond comedy.

01:48:38.000 They're not even trying to present news anymore.

01:48:40.000 And today is a slow day.

01:48:42.000 And I think that's because Trump's been on good behavior.

01:48:44.000 But it has been the same...

01:48:46.000 It's just been the Russia probe all day with nothing new.

01:48:49.000 Does that surprise you how bad?

01:48:51.000 We felt we had to do this to show people that it's not a one-time occurrence.

01:48:55.000 It's all day, every day.

01:48:58.000 I mean, you work in this, but are you aware of how bad it is?

01:49:00.000 Would you be willing to watch this for 16 hours to really figure it out?

01:49:04.000 I think you're doing a great service.

01:49:09.000 Did you ever watch the guy who watched Russia TV or RT for like 24 hours straight?

01:49:16.000 Someone actually... I didn't know if you were inspired by this, but some guy sat in his hotel room...

01:49:21.000 Okay, some guy sat in his hotel room and watched RT for like three days straight to illustrate the point that it's Russian propaganda.

01:49:27.000 But this is...

01:49:29.000 What you're doing, like...

01:49:30.000 I mean, listen, we did those videos inside CNN where the guy's like...

01:49:33.000 The thing's all BS. Russia stuff is not real.

01:49:36.000 I don't think people realize how awful CNN is, and I think you're doing kind of a funny...

01:49:41.000 It's funny, but it's also a good service.

01:49:43.000 Well, we just had Midget Santa and Midget Jesus wrestle in Figgy Pudding. 0.93

01:49:47.000 Dwarfs. Dwarfs, sorry. Dwarfs wrestle for the true meaning of Christmas.

01:49:49.000 So, you know, listen. It's not without its perks.

01:49:52.000 Jesus won, by the way, so good for us. 0.60

01:49:54.000 Good for, you know, people and salvation and no rapture.

01:49:57.000 Let me ask you this, James.

01:49:58.000 What is your favorite political moment of 2017?

01:50:00.000 We've been asking every guest this question.

01:50:02.000 2017, if you have to pick one or like a week or some kind of accomplishment, what would you pick?

01:50:10.000 I guess the inauguration.

01:50:12.000 I was in D.C. on the inauguration.

01:50:14.000 They were like rioting in the streets.

01:50:16.000 I felt like I was in Athens, Greece, on like K Street.

01:50:19.000 Yeah. An inauguration.

01:50:21.000 And it was just an amazing moment.

01:50:22.000 It was the forces of culture and crazy.

01:50:26.000 Or you felt like you were in Greece when they announced that the retirement age had been moved up from 49 to 52 and they had a riot.

01:50:33.000 You know, because those Greeks, they always complain about something. 1.00

01:50:36.000 I don't know what the actual age was. I'm sure Sven Computer can bring it up, but it was absurd.

01:50:39.000 The retirement age is unbelievably young, and they were reducing entitlements, and there were riots on everything.

01:50:44.000 So inauguration, that's right, you were there.

01:50:46.000 That must have been pretty incredible, Inauguration Night.

01:50:49.000 What about this last week? Would you say this ranks up there with the tax bill and the embassy, Jerusalem?

01:50:54.000 Oh, yeah. I think that my favorite moment wasn't actually during 2017.

01:51:01.000 It was election night.

01:51:03.000 I was at the Hilton. In 2016, I was at the Hilton, and I was standing in the Hilton when Trump announced his presidency.

01:51:09.000 He just won. It was 2.40 in the morning.

01:51:11.000 I was standing right up front, and behind me there were like 500 journalists with their big With their big lights, it looks like Close Encounters of the Third Kind with their huge lights.

01:51:22.000 And many of them were actually sobbing.

01:51:24.000 They were crying.

01:51:25.000 And they were so upset.

01:51:27.000 And no one had filmed them.

01:51:30.000 I took my iPhone out and I started filming the sobbing journalists.

01:51:33.000 It was almost unbelievable.

01:51:35.000 I'll never forget it for the rest of my life.

01:51:37.000 All these journalists crying.

01:51:38.000 We had carolers come in tonight.

01:51:40.000 I've told it five times, so I'll do the short version.

01:51:41.000 Short version is there were four carolers who came in, only three who were willing to sing.

01:51:45.000 The fourth one ran out sobbing, saying she couldn't perform for me, this monster, because she knew who I was.

01:51:50.000 And she actually had to be helped up because she, like, collapsed over the mere idea of performing for notorious Nazi Stephen Crowder.

01:51:59.000 So this happened with me. And it's because of CNN. When you paint your entire opposition as Hitler and as totalitarians, people believe this stuff.

01:52:06.000 They believe it. They did.

01:52:08.000 The Mueller stuff is, this week, to answer your question about the Mueller stuff is, in my opinion, based on the evidence I've seen, it's all just some type of fake propaganda thing and they utilize CNN. They utilize these networks to...

01:52:25.000 You know, advance their propaganda.

01:52:27.000 And I know it's kind of funny, but it's also like really serious.

01:52:31.000 I mean, they really have, they don't even have a lot of viewers.

01:52:34.000 You and I talked about this. What, they have like 700,000 viewers?

01:52:37.000 Oh, they're lucky. Yeah, they're lucky to do that.

01:52:40.000 Yeah, Chael Sutton thought it was like 1.7 million.

01:52:41.000 I'm like, you're out of your mind.

01:52:42.000 That would be a good night for, you know, Hannity on Fox.

01:52:45.000 Yeah, no, they don't have a whole lot of viewers.

01:52:47.000 And that's why it's kind of, it goes from funny to scary to back to funny when you realize nobody watches them short of being in a layover in Denver on Frontier.

01:52:54.000 Yeah. Oh, okay.

01:52:56.000 Yeah, these numbers include their public spaces.

01:52:59.000 It includes being in airports.

01:53:00.000 It includes being in bars. So really, when you remove that, almost nobody watches CNN. Almost no one.

01:53:05.000 No. But they have power over that. 0.88

01:53:07.000 But those media people talk to each other, and they have power over each other, and they're sort of losing their power, but they still have some power.

01:53:15.000 And the Republicans are so afraid of being shamed by them.

01:53:19.000 Like, they're governed by the shame and the humiliation they might face from networks.

01:53:23.000 Right. You know, in like D.C. when you're surrounded by a gaggle of reporters calling you racist.

01:53:27.000 So they still have some power, but not over elections and not over the American people.

01:53:32.000 Yeah, well, I think they're kind of...

01:53:35.000 They're clasping to it right now.

01:53:37.000 They're clutching to it.

01:53:38.000 These power-covetous old sinners, to put it as Dickens has said it.

01:53:44.000 So, I think you're right, James.

01:53:46.000 And is there anything that you can tell us is on the horizon at all?

01:53:48.000 Or no? We're just going to have to wait and follow you?

01:53:50.000 Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I'm just going to keep pissing people off.

01:53:53.000 You know, I know. Cheers to that.

01:53:56.000 We're going out, you know, you're focused on the media.

01:54:00.000 What's more powerful than CNN, the New York Times, and...

01:54:05.000 Washington Post, and that's, you know, some of these large companies out in California.

01:54:10.000 And there are some big things coming in early January.

01:54:14.000 Yeah. Well, it's funny.

01:54:15.000 Today is media, but for us, they're talking about late night right now.

01:54:18.000 Really, we're the only late night alternative.

01:54:20.000 We're not even really media. We get to be honest because we're not beholden to a 24-hour bullshit news clock. 0.97

01:54:27.000 That's really what That's what it comes down to. 0.96

01:54:28.000 Today, it has been an extremely painful reminder.

01:54:34.000 Actually, just the pure BS that is spewed without consequence from CNN. And thank God we're a late-night comedy show, and we don't have to do this every day because I'd want to blow my brains out.

01:54:44.000 As a matter of fact, I might feel that way the next time I'm at a layover in Denver.

01:54:47.000 It's that bad. All right, listen, Project Veritas is where people can find you and follow you.

01:54:53.000 James, thank you so much for making time, brother.

01:54:55.000 We appreciate you doing this, and we won't talk to you before then, so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

01:54:59.000 Merry Christmas. Shameless book plug, American Pravda, out January 16th.

01:55:03.000 American Pravda out, and I believe this will be on the interwebs as well.

01:55:06.000 Thank you, James O'Keefe. You must go.

01:55:08.000 Okay. You guys have food, I guess, for yourselves.

01:55:12.000 You've got food waiting if you want it.

01:55:13.000 It can be brought in. I also have a beer for you if you'd like to have a little bit of a sip of blood and honey.

01:55:18.000 No, I don't want any blood and honey.

01:55:20.000 I don't want any of that. I tried. I tried to offer a beer.

01:55:23.000 A fresh, frosty beverage.

01:55:24.000 Well, he has something different. He has something different.

01:55:26.000 But I don't want... Don't plug it.

01:55:27.000 Don't plug it. Don't plug it. They're not paying for that space.

01:55:29.000 But I will say, Walther.

01:55:31.000 Huh? Walther. Walther's our great new sponsor.

01:55:33.000 Somebody wants me to punch you in the balls, but the problem is... 1.00

01:55:36.000 I have a gun. He has a gun covering his... 1.00

01:55:38.000 I have a gun in front of my balls. 0.99

01:55:39.000 So is Razor Fizz not coming on the show? 0.98

01:55:41.000 Did we miss him? No, Razor Fizz is at 10.15.

01:55:46.000 So we've got a little while to go.

01:55:47.000 Oh, Resident Fist is at 10.15.

01:55:48.000 Yeah. Oh. Oh, so I see what we're supposed to play before then.

01:55:51.000 Yeah. What are we supposed to play?

01:55:53.000 Oh, God. Well, that's why I should probably eat before it.

01:55:57.000 You should probably eat before. Yeah.

01:55:59.000 You've got a plate ready. It can be brought in, or it can be...

01:56:02.000 Well, you know what? How about this? You guys set it up.

01:56:04.000 I'll eat a little bit of food.

01:56:06.000 Apparently, I've never played this in my life.

01:56:08.000 Not Gay Jared and Gerald. 0.97

01:56:10.000 Oh, what? What? We have set up beer pong, which some of us have to play.

01:56:15.000 Be sure these balls are washed. 0.98

01:56:18.000 Yeah. I do not want to be... 0.95

01:56:20.000 I always wash balls. 0.99

01:56:22.000 I don't want them to be disgusting, non-disinfected balls. 0.99

01:56:24.000 Don't you worry. I have to go grab... 0.98

01:56:26.000 I will grab ten minutes here for some food, and...

01:56:29.000 Well, let's go to a break.

01:56:30.000 Do you have a break we can go to? Okay, let's go by.

01:56:33.000 We're going to go to a break really quickly.

01:56:34.000 Thanks to our sponsors, Walther and SimpliSafe here for this show, and of course, Mug Club.

01:56:38.000 And then after this, we're going to have Beer Pong, Pogo, Finale, Dean Cain, and then the entire series and the last segment of a YouTube carol.

01:56:47.000 We will see you there. I'm going to go get some food.

01:56:49.000 Where are there so many buttons? Oh, and now you're making fun of me for that earlier.

01:56:53.000 What would you do if I sank out of tune?

01:56:58.000 Would you stand up and walk out on me?

01:57:03.000 Let me, oh, ears, and I'll sing you a song.

01:57:09.000 I will try not to sing out of key.

01:57:13.000 Oh baby, how do you like it?

01:57:17.000 All I need is my baby.

01:57:19.000 How do you like it?

01:57:22.000 I say I'm gonna get high.

01:57:24.000 How do you like it?

01:57:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:57:38.000 I'm up here, you big horse's ass! 1.00

01:57:40.000 Ha-ha! What are you talking about? 1.00

01:57:43.000 I'll do it! I'll jump!

01:57:45.000 Okay, hold on. Just calm down.

01:57:46.000 Okay? We love you. It's Christmas.

01:57:50.000 I don't believe you.

01:57:51.000 Okay, hold on a second. Do you believe in Christmas?

01:57:55.000 Obviously. Do you believe in Santa?

01:58:01.000 Yes. Okay. Do you believe in the Mug Club that people can join for $99 annually or $69 annually if they're students, vets, or active military, gaining access to all of CRTV as well as Daily Crowder programming?

01:58:12.000 Well, of course. That's why I'm here.

01:58:13.000 Okay. Well, now I'm asking you to believe in me.

01:58:17.000 Just come on down. We'll talk about this.

01:58:19.000 Everyone wants to be together for Christmas.

01:58:21.000 I could come down. Or I could choose...

01:58:28.000 The sweet release of death! 1.00

01:58:36.000 Shit. 1.00

01:58:38.000 Oh boy, Hubble, the Alpha, it's the abominable snowman. 1.00

01:58:55.000 We better hide. Yes, we better find a place to cuddle.

01:58:58.000 What? Never mind, let's get out of here.

01:59:00.000 Now hop on board my sleigh, boys.

01:59:01.000 I'll get you out of here. Gold!

01:59:07.000 Nothing. Look who I found.

01:59:15.000 I have nowhere to go.

01:59:17.000 Oh! Popper! What?

01:59:20.000 You mean, you miss me?

01:59:22.000 Popper, of course we missed you, buddy.

01:59:24.000 But I thought you didn't want me no more now that you have SimpliSafe and I'm a guard dog.

01:59:28.000 SimpliSafe is just as much for dogs as anything else.

01:59:31.000 You're the most important thing in the house.

01:59:32.000 Never leave. You mean it?

01:59:35.000 Hopper, you're such a good boy.

01:59:37.000 SimpliSafe can never replace you.

01:59:39.000 Yeah, we can work together.

01:59:42.000 SimpliSafe can help make me a better guard dog.

01:59:45.000 Of course it can't replace me.

01:59:47.000 I don't know what I was thinking.

01:59:48.000 SimpliSafe can help monitor and warn, but it can't scare and bite at bad guys like Hopper can.

01:59:56.000 Oh no, buggers, quick, run everybody!

01:59:58.000 I can't catch at all! Aaaaaaaah!

02:00:02.000 Oh, I'm a star! Oh, I'm a star!

02:00:06.000 In my own little space!

02:00:09.000 Oh, I'm a star! Oh, I'm a star!

02:00:14.000 In my own little space!

02:00:17.000 Gee, Mr. Dentist, what is this place?

02:00:21.000 I don't know.

02:00:22.000 It seems some kind of Auschwitz for toys.

02:00:25.000 No, we're on the island of misfit toys, where all the toys who are imperfect were exiled by Santa, like Hitler. 0.76

02:00:34.000 But a lot of you don't even look like you have that serious a problem. 0.98

02:00:37.000 Yeah, what's that asshat's problem? 0.99

02:00:39.000 Oh, he's a squirt gun who only shoots jelly. 1.00

02:00:42.000 He couldn't rack his brain to solve that one.

02:00:45.000 And there's me, a b-b-b-boat that can't stay afloat.

02:00:49.000 If you're a talking boat, you can't stay afloat.

02:00:51.000 You're not a boat anymore. You're a shipwreck.

02:00:53.000 Oh, I've been here for years.

02:00:56.000 Nobody wants to play with a Charlie in the box.

02:01:00.000 Okay, Charlie, I'm going to give you a pro tip here.

02:01:03.000 If it's that much of a problem... 1.00

02:01:05.000 Call yourself Jack, dumbass! 1.00

02:01:08.000 The only way they could even know your name is Charlie is if you're telling them! 1.00

02:01:15.000 And we are back.

02:01:16.000 Yes, indeed. Yeah, thanks a lot, guys.

02:01:20.000 We appreciate your support.

02:01:21.000 Hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.

02:01:23.000 Let's go. Let's get that thing out there. 0.96

02:01:25.000 You know what I did see? One of the hashtags that was trending, or something that was trending, is appreciation...

02:01:31.000 What is it? Short Girl Appreciation Day?

02:01:33.000 Short Girl Appreciation Day? Do you see that? I didn't see that.

02:01:34.000 So what technically would make a short girl?

02:01:37.000 What's short? Because I'm like 6'5".

02:01:40.000 Wouldn't average be like...

02:01:42.000 I don't know, like 5'5", 5'4"?

02:01:45.000 5'5", 5'4"? Is that short or is that normal?

02:01:47.000 I think it would be average, so it would be below that.

02:01:48.000 By the way, we are still watching CNN. This is still their Trump and late night skit.

02:01:52.000 This is going on forever. Yeah, I think they're really enjoying themselves with this.

02:01:55.000 You're not missing anything whatsoever.

02:01:57.000 This is actually better, in my opinion, than the news that we've been getting all day that's not news.

02:02:01.000 Nothing's been breaking. Nothing's been real news.

02:02:03.000 The only thing that I think that we've seen is that the Republicans actually passed something, right?

02:02:09.000 The tax bill. Mm-hmm. Got that taken care of, but then they got kind of lambasted for some of the stuff that's been in it.

02:02:14.000 So they're never going to get any good credit.

02:02:15.000 And then it's Trump-Russia, Trump-Russia, Trump-Russia, and then Pence loves Trump.

02:02:19.000 I think there's a bromance going on right there.

02:02:21.000 You know what this is? This is one of the things, like you talk about Gavin, like when two people read the exact same phrase but receive it completely differently.

02:02:27.000 So we're going, can you believe, like late night, every single night, he's nothing but bashing Trump.

02:02:32.000 Nothing but bad on Trump. Can you believe?

02:02:35.000 Late Night is bashing Trump every night.

02:02:37.000 Every single night?

02:02:38.000 It's a marathon. You get to enjoy it all day, every day.

02:02:43.000 How great is that, right?

02:02:44.000 It's terrible. By the way, I don't know if they can see the beer pong table.

02:02:48.000 I've not revealed it yet. You haven't revealed it yet.

02:02:50.000 It looks really cool, by the way.

02:02:51.000 The logoed glasses are...

02:02:53.000 Quite the touch. Yeah.

02:02:55.000 I've never actually played beer pong.

02:02:56.000 I didn't drink until I was 26 years old.

02:02:58.000 So, I mean, I missed it at college and there was nothing else to do at Notre Dame but drink.

02:03:01.000 26 and now you're in the wine business.

02:03:03.000 How's that happen? I didn't drink until I started the wine business.

02:03:05.000 Went to ministry school and started a wine business at the same time.

02:03:08.000 Who says you can't enjoy a beverage?

02:03:10.000 Responsibly, of course. Responsibly, of course.

02:03:12.000 Jesus was a winemaker. First miracle wedding at Cana. 0.75

02:03:14.000 He also drank wine last supper, said he's not going to drink it again.

02:03:17.000 So there you go. I'm just saying, I'm stating my case.

02:03:18.000 So when the alcohol starts to flow a little bit tonight, nobody's going to be judging me.

02:03:23.000 No. At least they shouldn't be.

02:03:24.000 There's no judgment at all. All you Baptists can just go buy your own liquor and not say hi to each other in the liquor store. 0.93

02:03:28.000 Too busy judging CNN and their pile of filth they call a day's work.

02:03:33.000 I don't know how long it's going to take to get this out of my system, and I've only been here for maybe half the time or a little under that, right?

02:03:40.000 You guys have been here all the time.

02:03:44.000 Yeah. I don't know, really.

02:03:46.000 Tomorrow, I'd be very curious to see how you are as a human being at 9 a.m.

02:03:50.000 Honestly, I didn't plan for anything for my life past today, because I just didn't want to...

02:03:55.000 If everything ends today, that's good.

02:03:57.000 I don't have any appointments to cancel.

02:03:58.000 I got nothing. We got Christmas coming up.

02:04:00.000 I mean, you need the break really to wash this out.

02:04:03.000 You just need to go. I think I'm going to go cry in the corner of my shower and just stay in there for a little while and hope this comes off.

02:04:08.000 It's a nice cold shower to wash this filth off.

02:04:10.000 No, not cold. Why would you do cold?

02:04:12.000 It seems more desensitizing.

02:04:15.000 More numbing. It's cold.

02:04:16.000 That's all it is. There's no benefit to that.

02:04:18.000 No. Good lord. No.

02:04:20.000 Well, we thank you guys for being a part of this, the Mug Club subscribers.

02:04:23.000 I don't have my beer in a mug, which I guess is a violation of protocol.

02:04:27.000 You can hold the one up next to you and pretend that's it.

02:04:29.000 Right? I can just say, hey guys.

02:04:31.000 We'll fix it, post. Yeah, drink this.

02:04:32.000 There is no post. This is live.

02:04:34.000 Jeez. I haven't had that much beer.

02:04:37.000 Oh my gosh. Well, I appreciate it.

02:04:39.000 It's a lot of fun to do this.

02:04:42.000 Steven obviously has a lot of the pressure of the show, and I get to come in and kind of just be the happy guy that has a business that comes in and talks about really fun subjects.

02:04:50.000 But it's nice to be able to do that.

02:04:52.000 So from somebody who kind of gets in and out of this a little bit, the biases are real.

02:04:57.000 You guys are not in like a bubble going, oh my gosh, do we have perspective or do we not?

02:05:01.000 I think part of that is because you force yourself to bleach your eyeballs at the end of the night because you've been looking at Slate and you've been looking at HuffPo and you've been looking at all of these really bad left sites.

02:05:12.000 It shocks me when I meet people who...

02:05:15.000 The thought of reading a Daily Wire piece or Fox News is just appalling to them.

02:05:21.000 Not that I always agree with every right-wing piece of content out there, but the balance, like the idea of striking, trying to find balance, but they accept HuffPo as the baseline.

02:05:28.000 Right. It's a standard for truth.

02:05:30.000 Yeah. And they kind of adjust their scale for that, which is just crazy to me that they don't see the...

02:05:34.000 It really is. And I used to tell people, I said, look, I understand that Fox is way right, and I understand that MSNBC and a few others are way left, but at least CNN seems to be more so in the middle.

02:05:45.000 I used to think that way. Yeah, this was a couple of years ago, and now, honestly, I haven't watched CNN. As recently as 2015.

02:05:50.000 That's about right.

02:05:54.000 Fairly reasonable. They lean left.

02:05:56.000 They definitely lean left, but they weren't super, super left. 1.00

02:05:58.000 And today I'm like, they're either too lazy or too stupid to figure this out. 1.00

02:06:02.000 Yeah. Right? And somebody's still paying them money. 1.00

02:06:05.000 And until that changes, I don't really think they're going to change their terms.

02:06:08.000 I think it's a happy marriage. I guess it's a happy marriage of people who actively want to skew data, facts, and information to not get the public what they need and what they sign up for.

02:06:18.000 And then they have a bunch of lazy workers who are more than compliant to half-ass the day. 0.96

02:06:25.000 Confirmation bias. Yeah, yeah. 0.71

02:06:27.000 You know? To shove out, what, three, like four topics a day, maybe?

02:06:30.000 Maybe? If that. 16 hours worth of content?

02:06:32.000 Yeah, exactly. And then make fun of Trump and late night the entire evening.

02:06:36.000 Yeah, I don't know what this is. This is crazy. This is like going on hour two, I believe.

02:06:38.000 I think this started at, no, it started at eight o'clock.

02:06:40.000 All right, we'll see if it goes fast. This isn't even original content.

02:06:42.000 They're just rerunning it. You know what's really interesting, too?

02:06:43.000 This is how they're real. You know what's really funny?

02:06:45.000 This show wouldn't exist if these guys were doing their jobs.

02:06:50.000 If the mainstream media were doing their jobs, shows like this wouldn't really have a place.

02:06:54.000 There would be no need for it.

02:06:55.000 Now, there's a fun other aspect, obviously, with the YouTube Christmas Carol.

02:06:59.000 There's all kinds of great production.

02:07:01.000 I've seen people on Twitter saying, like, guys, you need to do a full-length movie.

02:07:04.000 This is really, really good, fun stuff.

02:07:06.000 And I get what they're saying.

02:07:07.000 I look at it, and I'm really excited about it.

02:07:09.000 I've missed a segment, by the way.

02:07:10.000 I missed the first one. We're going to rerun...

02:07:11.000 All of it towards the end, right?

02:07:12.000 All of it. So probably about 11.30...

02:07:16.000 11.30? 11.30.

02:07:18.000 Eastern or Central? Eastern.

02:07:19.000 Okay. We'll be running the entirety of YouTube Carol.

02:07:23.000 So it's going to be great. So if you missed any segments, no worries.

02:07:26.000 You can either rewind now or we're going to hit one segment after the other at around 11, 11.30.

02:07:32.000 So there's always that kind of material that you guys could produce and the comedy and everything else is fantastic.

02:07:37.000 But a lot of the political stuff, like half of what you do would go away if the mainstream media would do their job.

02:07:43.000 And I hate saying mainstream media.

02:07:44.000 Like if media outlets that we're supposed to trust that say that we're balanced or that we are fair or that we're the voice of the nation or whatever it is would actually do their job and cover stories, we wouldn't have to do a 16-hour show where we sit here and go mind-numbingly crazy With all of the stuff that we're seeing, right? This is a mild news day.

02:08:02.000 We're trying to pick through every single thing that we see and say, is this possibly news?

02:08:06.000 Like, are they maybe trying to do their job here and just are missing the mark?

02:08:09.000 Yeah, and here's the point there.

02:08:10.000 It's a slow news day. I'll give CNN that.

02:08:12.000 It is, yes. I'll give them that. However, it doesn't get any better.

02:08:15.000 It gets much worse on a busy news day because that's when you get the most inaccurate information, the most delayed information, the most skewing of the dialogue and narration.

02:08:23.000 So this is actually CNN light compared to...

02:08:27.000 We're talking about the specifics of the tax plan, even though they'd be screwing it up.

02:08:31.000 They could still be talking about that, and they choose not to.

02:08:33.000 They choose to do other stuff. This is why when you guys were like, hey, you want to go eat and take a break?

02:08:37.000 They're still doing Trump in late night?

02:08:39.000 I said no, because once I left, I did not want to come back.

02:08:43.000 Thank you for coming back.

02:08:44.000 I do not want to come back and sit here and watch CNN anymore.

02:08:47.000 You just want to stay in the mud. Just stay dirty. 0.94

02:08:49.000 Thank you so much to people who've been watching and supporting.

02:08:52.000 I know probably there was a huge drop off when I was gone because let's be honest.

02:08:55.000 Ouch. Pretty bad. No, I'm kidding.

02:08:58.000 Alright, thank you guys so much.

02:09:00.000 A double actually. Whoa, 30?

02:09:02.000 I'm just kidding. We had a good time.

02:09:04.000 So game and then Razor Fist.

02:09:05.000 Game and then Razor Fist. So we have a game here, but the game is preceded by two presents.

02:09:10.000 Oh, wow. Look at that. If you want to get Aaron the Intern in here for some hand cam.

02:09:13.000 Aaron the Intern. Get in here, buddy.

02:09:14.000 Oh, jeez. I'm in the green room. All right.

02:09:17.000 Who's... So it's present time, first and foremost.

02:09:22.000 Well, last year I gave you your presents on air, but this year they're not.

02:09:25.000 That's okay. That's okay.

02:09:27.000 Last year I gave... Is this going to be something like I open it up and it's like a pile of dog crap or a bunch of spiders crawl out of me? 0.89

02:09:32.000 Oh my god, I hope the spiders are. 0.96

02:09:34.000 Don't worry. Am I going to get tased?

02:09:35.000 On your card. That's even better.

02:09:37.000 I feel like something really bad is about to happen.

02:09:39.000 Destroy your weapon. No. I would be prepared to fire if I were you.

02:09:44.000 It's okay. I wouldn't be mad.

02:09:46.000 I just want to know if I can prepare.

02:09:48.000 Screw that. That's not how this works.

02:09:50.000 Get up and open your present. Alright, so I'll open mine first.

02:09:53.000 I'll break the ice. You gave yourself a present?

02:09:55.000 I gave myself a present. I bought an old card.

02:09:56.000 It's on your card.

02:09:57.000 Nice. He even signed the card to himself.

02:10:00.000 Son of a bitch! He didn't have to. 1.00

02:10:01.000 He should have. He didn't, in fact.

02:10:03.000 Alright, we're opening presents. All I can see was shipped to you.

02:10:07.000 Here we go. Oh my gosh!

02:10:09.000 That's crazy. How did he know?

02:10:11.000 How did you know? Wild Turkey 101.

02:10:14.000 Ooh. No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

02:10:16.000 We're not playing beer pong with Wild Turkey.

02:10:19.000 We're not necessarily. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:10:22.000 I'm not doing that. No.

02:10:23.000 I'm not. This is going to be... That's where you draw the line?

02:10:25.000 Are you serious? Yes!

02:10:27.000 Midget! I'm sorry, not midgets. 1.00

02:10:29.000 I'm glad that you got it. Where'd you find a bottle of Wild Turkey that small, by the way?

02:10:32.000 Isn't it awesome? That's a travel size.

02:10:33.000 Here, by the way, for people who don't know, this is a good example.

02:10:36.000 Okay? Wild Turkey is not a sponsor.

02:10:39.000 We've been going after them to be a sponsor for a long time because it is still the best bang for your buck in bourbon out there.

02:10:44.000 Now, there are some other bourbons that I like that I will sell.

02:10:47.000 But we've been approaching Wild Turkey for a long time.

02:10:49.000 They do not have any... As a matter of fact, they're probably mad that we're even mentioning them.

02:10:53.000 No, that's not true. But it is good bourbon for the price.

02:10:55.000 I'll start opening this. That's for me too.

02:10:57.000 Come on. I've got to be able to play with...

02:10:59.000 I have two hours to go. You've got to chill around.

02:11:02.000 Don't you worry. Now you need to drink to deal with that.

02:11:05.000 And the worst part is, I'm in a onesie, so I don't have my knife with me, which I usually have, my Swiss Army knife.

02:11:11.000 I replace it for a useless gun.

02:11:13.000 There you go. Well, a gun without any rounds in it, so... 0.98

02:11:16.000 I don't want your Swiss blade.

02:11:18.000 God knows how many... No, underneath, right here.

02:11:19.000 Just turn it over. Turn it over. It's open.

02:11:21.000 Oh, it's open, it's open, it's open.

02:11:22.000 Okay, I open it upside down. False alarm.

02:11:25.000 Do I need, like, is something gonna bite me?

02:11:27.000 No. I don't know, but can you open it over there?

02:11:32.000 Okay, this makes sense now.

02:11:35.000 I actually, looking back, I would have preferred the spiders.

02:11:41.000 It's Kinky Pink.

02:11:42.000 And the reason this is funny is because we were actually in Hawaii with Love You, Sir, the owner of CRTV. Of course, wonderful partners at CRTV in Hawaii at his house.

02:11:55.000 And we're like, we're going to go on a kayak out to this island.

02:11:57.000 I said, yeah, let's get some stuff.

02:11:59.000 And I got a bottle of wild turkey.

02:12:01.000 And Nakejir got a bottle of Kinky Pink.

02:12:03.000 Gosh, are you serious?

02:12:04.000 It's not a joke. And here's the thing.

02:12:06.000 The next morning, they came out and they said...

02:12:08.000 Did you guys drink Kinky Pink and we went down the line?

02:12:11.000 I was asking everybody. It was like who put the pepper in the pot, the kids book, and you found out everyone put the pepper in the pot, only the difference is the only person who drank all of it was not Gay Jared. 0.89

02:12:21.000 I didn't remember. He had sucked down the bottle of Kinky Pink to this in one night.

02:12:26.000 He's a Kinky fellow. I get the idea for nostalgia's sake, but can we do it with beer? 1.00

02:12:32.000 Little teeny sips. Micro shots.

02:12:35.000 It's like microaggressions.

02:12:37.000 Do you need this mic kind of turned toward him?

02:12:42.000 I'm actually kind of bummed because I thought I was either going to get a gift that would hurt me or something that would be really cool and instead I just got something crappy.

02:12:49.000 That's pretty much it. Well, we're not...

02:12:51.000 I mean, I'm sure at some point you'll get something good.

02:12:52.000 I don't think anyone can see me here with this lighting.

02:12:54.000 He's good. We got you. All right.

02:12:55.000 Yeah, he's got you. All right, guys.

02:12:58.000 Okay, hold on a second. We want you to tweet and send, computer, you can read some tweets for us, okay?

02:13:02.000 Who do you think is going to... I have never played beer pong.

02:13:04.000 By the way, are these for sale? These are not for sale yet.

02:13:06.000 That is so cool, isn't it? These are...

02:13:08.000 Look at that. Which one is the camera?

02:13:10.000 This one right here. No.

02:13:11.000 No, it's not. No, there we go.

02:13:12.000 Now it is. There we go. There we go.

02:13:14.000 Wow. These are...

02:13:15.000 If you're going to play beer pong, you need these cups.

02:13:17.000 These are sturdy cups. Okay, hold on a second.

02:13:19.000 I've never played beer pong. Micro shots.

02:13:21.000 Micro sips. Well, hold on a second.

02:13:24.000 If we do this, I have to take off my Walter, because I don't think I like the idea of wearing a firearm.

02:13:28.000 No, no, no. You can't wear a drink. Let alone being seen with kinky pink. 1.00

02:13:31.000 By the way, Walter, it's completely unloaded here, so let's not worry about it.

02:13:35.000 We've checked it many times, many times, many times.

02:13:37.000 Alright. I was honestly looking forward to getting and having a refreshing beer.

02:13:42.000 So what happens, you have to drink the wild turkey, I have to drink the kinky pink? 1.00

02:13:45.000 Yeah, sure.

02:13:46.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:13:47.000 No, I'm not gay. 0.72

02:13:48.000 I can't drink kinky pink. 0.99

02:13:50.000 Hold on a second. If this isn't fair, this isn't fair.

02:13:53.000 Alright. No, I don't even like this.

02:13:55.000 Hold on one second. I know you don't like it.

02:13:57.000 So it's bad for you. I know you don't like it.

02:13:58.000 Okay. Garrett, are you drinking, ma'am?

02:14:01.000 Yes. Do you like bourbon? Yes.

02:14:03.000 Okay, Garrett, the intern.

02:14:04.000 I want you to taste Kinky Pink and tell me if this is a fair blanket.

02:14:08.000 Whoever said it should be fair.

02:14:09.000 Am I just like water falling? Just drink it.

02:14:11.000 It's okay. I'm a socialist.

02:14:17.000 That's really bad. Yeah.

02:14:19.000 I mean, that's really... Aaron, the intern, who's on behind the camera.

02:14:22.000 Have you ever tasted this? Here.

02:14:23.000 I'll hold your camera really quickly.

02:14:26.000 All right? Look at this. Boom.

02:14:27.000 How bad is this? By the way, this is late.

02:14:29.000 Don't have your kids watching. It's going to get an aftertaste.

02:14:32.000 I know! I'm seriously getting...

02:14:35.000 I'm still around.

02:14:36.000 Look, I'm a son. I have a reputation to uphold.

02:14:40.000 Can I go back to watching CNN? Oh, man.

02:14:43.000 Hold on a second. FBI official facts that companies claim that Trump asked for loyalty.

02:14:46.000 It says breaking... Hold on a second.

02:14:48.000 Let's go to this camera real quick. It's a lie!

02:14:50.000 This is a lie! Again, they're saying breaking news!

02:14:54.000 Don't believe them!

02:14:56.000 And by the way, don't think I don't know what the hell you're doing.

02:14:57.000 Hey, this tastes terrible. You're right.

02:14:59.000 Yeah, I know. Don't think I don't know what's happening, okay?

02:15:03.000 Naki Jarrett is doing the Trump.

02:15:04.000 He figures if I've watched CNN all day, right, he's starting high and we'll come out like kinky pink is not that bad. 0.88

02:15:11.000 No, it's still that bad. Yeah.

02:15:12.000 I don't want to drink the kinky pink. 1.00

02:15:14.000 Well, I didn't drink the Kinky Pink either. 0.51

02:15:16.000 We'll never get a sponsorship from them. Put it in one cup.

02:15:18.000 Oh, that's terrible. Put it in one cup and the rest do beer.

02:15:20.000 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get you some beer there, buddy.

02:15:23.000 Put it in the hardest cup to hit.

02:15:24.000 Now that's the game. No, no, no.

02:15:25.000 I'll make it fair. All right. Hold on a second.

02:15:26.000 You can video it so you can see I'm not cheating.

02:15:29.000 Here, I'll get you one. Get you a healthy pour.

02:15:31.000 There you go. Right?

02:15:32.000 That's fair. There's nothing healthy about Kinky Pink. 0.99

02:15:34.000 Oh, put more in there. No, stop it.

02:15:36.000 Pussy. I don't want to drink Kinky Pink. 1.00

02:15:39.000 Don't brain it. Oh, the winter white.

02:15:41.000 Okay, that's good. Oh, hold on. I need a bottle opener there.

02:15:44.000 I think it's twisty. I've got one right here.

02:15:45.000 That's not twisty? Right up there.

02:15:47.000 Right up there by the Jerry up there.

02:15:48.000 There it is right there. Alright, there we go.

02:15:50.000 Okay. So listen, I've never played beer pong.

02:15:51.000 I don't even know the rules to beer pong.

02:15:53.000 I genuinely don't know.

02:15:55.000 Pretty simple. Don't suck. That's the main rule of it. 0.99

02:15:57.000 No, what is it? What am I trying... What's the goal?

02:15:58.000 Goal is to think kind of like bowling.

02:16:01.000 You want to knock all my pins down.

02:16:02.000 So it's one ball at a time.

02:16:04.000 You get one toss into the cup.

02:16:06.000 So if I land it in the cup...

02:16:08.000 You have to drink that cup, and then that one's moved by.

02:16:11.000 So your goal is to eliminate all of mine. 0.99

02:16:12.000 My goal is to eliminate all of yours.

02:16:14.000 Okay, so the rest of these are filled. So really, you win if it's beer that you like.

02:16:17.000 Yeah, don't pour that much in.

02:16:19.000 These are clean balls. These are brand new. 0.53

02:16:20.000 Are they brand new? What about the cups?

02:16:22.000 Have they been rinsed since they were shipped?

02:16:24.000 Yeah. I peed in five of them.

02:16:26.000 I need another beer.

02:16:28.000 It came in sealed in plastic, so we're good.

02:16:29.000 Here, give me that. Where are my balls? 0.99

02:16:35.000 That's what she said. Hey, look! 1.00

02:16:37.000 It's Manju Raju.

02:16:38.000 No, it's not the guy from Johnny Quest. He's been on all day!

02:16:40.000 It's the guy who lied about Donald Trump Jr.

02:16:43.000 Did you get a Johnny Quest reference?

02:16:45.000 I got it. It was a little racist. 0.51

02:16:47.000 I got it. It was a little racist. She didn't laugh, though.

02:16:50.000 Kind of funny. Kind of funny.

02:16:52.000 Johnny Quest reference? No? Super funny.

02:16:54.000 Haji? Haji. Yeah, there you go.

02:16:57.000 Is this helpful, Edward, right here? That's why he will forever remain an intern.

02:17:00.000 He said it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter?

02:17:01.000 Alright. Doesn't matter.

02:17:03.000 Forever remain an intern who's been operating $10,000 cameras with lenses.

02:17:08.000 That's the only thing. Ha!

02:17:10.000 Aaron's an intern. That's the only thing sillier than a Merry Christmas. 0.93

02:17:13.000 All right, tweet your bets. Tweet your bets. 0.69

02:17:16.000 All right, tweet your bets. Who's going to win?

02:17:18.000 That's a thing. We've got to tweet us.

02:17:20.000 And don't forget, hashtag CrowderCNN livestream.

02:17:24.000 CrowderCNN livestream. Okay, hold on a second.

02:17:25.000 New rule. New rule.

02:17:27.000 Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh!

02:17:29.000 It's a tranny on CNN! Holy shit! 1.00

02:17:31.000 Looks like the female gremlin! 1.00

02:17:33.000 17 hours. What the heck? 0.99

02:17:35.000 Wow! FBI director testifies for 17 hours. 0.81

02:17:38.000 It's almost like you, Steven.

02:17:39.000 It's almost like you today.

02:17:41.000 John Lemon looks like dead Johnny Mathis.

02:17:43.000 Yeah, that's true. What happened?

02:17:46.000 Dear lord. It's like he forgot to thread his eyebrows tonight.

02:17:49.000 Did I already start drinking? This just took a weird turn, John Lemon.

02:17:53.000 It did. Okay. When you thought of the show, it couldn't get weirder.

02:17:55.000 Neurals, strip. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

02:17:58.000 Strip beer pong. No, dear god, no.

02:18:01.000 That's the point. Is that a tranny? 1.00

02:18:04.000 Is this someone who's gonna strangle Ben Shapiro live on air? 0.89

02:18:07.000 Do you see this? Can someone fact check?

02:18:09.000 Sven, can you fact check and tell me if that's a tranny? 1.00

02:18:12.000 It needs to be. 0.99

02:18:14.000 But I don't have any balls. 0.99

02:18:15.000 That's true. Here. 0.99

02:18:17.000 Well, where are the orange ones? Orange balls.

02:18:20.000 Let's go. Let's go. Orange balls. 0.93

02:18:21.000 Alright. Orange balls. We have to get to Razor Fist and then we have Pogo and Dean Cain and then the final segment of the Christmas Carol.

02:18:26.000 Here we go. Alright, thank you, sir.

02:18:28.000 How many are we doing? How many balls? 0.96

02:18:30.000 You just keep going. Until you don't have any. 0.99

02:18:32.000 That doesn't make any sense. That's not a game.

02:18:34.000 There are no rules. No, there are rules.

02:18:35.000 Okay, ready? Rock your scissors. You're just going to go first. 0.85

02:18:37.000 Ready? I don't care. You go first.

02:18:39.000 Okay, I'm going first. Ready? Oh, that's really fast.

02:18:42.000 He's not much of an athlete. You're going to win.

02:18:44.000 Okay. You guys both suck at beer pong. 1.00

02:18:49.000 Come on. Missed it. 1.00

02:18:51.000 You gotta be kidding me. Oh!

02:18:54.000 In the kinky pink! In the kinky pink!

02:18:56.000 Alright. That's what that is.

02:18:57.000 That's a terrible name for a drink, by the way.

02:18:59.000 Kinky pink. Chug it. 0.98

02:19:01.000 Chug it. Chug it. Chug it. 0.97

02:19:03.000 Hey! Didn't you play beer pong in To Save a Life?

02:19:07.000 I think that was part of your scene.

02:19:09.000 That is so bad. I think that was part of it.

02:19:11.000 If you get it in, you get to go again.

02:19:14.000 No. Yes. Oh!

02:19:17.000 There we go! Jared's going to be hammered because this is liquor.

02:19:20.000 And Jared cannot hold his alcohol.

02:19:22.000 Remember he had a beer and a half?

02:19:23.000 Yeah, I know. And was wobbling to the restroom? 0.70

02:19:25.000 I know. I don't like this.

02:19:28.000 Is that a tranny? Sven Computer, just do it while we're... 1.00

02:19:30.000 Can you fact check this? Is that a tranny on there? 0.99

02:19:32.000 Don Lund Show. What's the name?

02:19:34.000 I don't know what the name is.

02:19:36.000 You can move from here. Give us a look here, Sven.

02:19:39.000 There's no name. Jared's dying over here.

02:19:41.000 Oh! I'm just really confused.

02:19:44.000 It's very late. I'll be honest.

02:19:47.000 Alright, go ahead. It's my turn or your turn?

02:19:49.000 My turn. Terrible decisions.

02:19:52.000 I don't feel like this is why people are tuning in, but... 0.84

02:19:54.000 That is a tranny! No? 0.99

02:19:55.000 Did I just say something really mean?

02:19:58.000 Juliet Cayenne, National Security Analyst?

02:20:00.000 No, it's not a tranny. It's so hard to tell. 0.59

02:20:01.000 This is the problem. If you're not a tranny, you don't get the benefit of the doubt anymore. 1.00

02:20:04.000 No Adam's apple. Looks like the female gremlin. 1.00

02:20:06.000 Piss me! Woo! 1.00

02:20:12.000 Gosh. And I do think people like...

02:20:14.000 Hey, tweet us if you like this, by the way.

02:20:16.000 If you don't, let us know as well.

02:20:17.000 But I think people like Steven having pain.

02:20:20.000 I'm just trying to show that it's legitimate.

02:20:22.000 Yeah. Right? David Blaine, not David Copperfield.

02:20:25.000 No illusions. Right.

02:20:27.000 By the way, he tried to steal my wife, David Copperfield.

02:20:30.000 True story. It went backstage.

02:20:31.000 Yeah, true story about David Copperfield.

02:20:33.000 What he does is he takes two blondes from the crowd and tries to make them disappear. 0.84

02:20:36.000 Just my wife didn't do it. 1.00

02:20:37.000 But then they disappear and he takes them to his private island.

02:20:40.000 Does all kinds of weird stuff.

02:20:41.000 Stuff that makes Harvey Weinstein blush.

02:20:42.000 David Copperfield. Let's go!

02:20:44.000 Oh! Airball! 0.99

02:20:47.000 Gosh! Hey, by the way, everybody's got bets on Not Gay Jared beating the crappity of this. 0.97

02:20:52.000 Well, you know what? They're right. So far, they're right.

02:20:56.000 He's doing it.

02:20:58.000 All right. There we go. There we go.

02:21:00.000 There you go. Just making sure you can see.

02:21:02.000 Oh! I just tripped over a power cord.

02:21:04.000 And no, it's not from half a beer.

02:21:06.000 No, no, it's my turn. Half a sip of kinky pink?

02:21:08.000 Half a sip. Look at that!

02:21:11.000 It did the swirl in there!

02:21:12.000 Come on! Hey, look!

02:21:16.000 It's the guy from Johnny Quest!

02:21:17.000 No, it's the guy who lied about Eric Trump.

02:21:19.000 Donald Trump Jr., sorry. Jared is gonna yak.

02:21:20.000 It never gets old to me.

02:21:22.000 Right? Yeah. Damn it.

02:21:25.000 No. Hopper's done. The ball hit Hopper. 1.00

02:21:27.000 It's easier for me because I have more cups to go for.

02:21:29.000 Stop it, ball. Yes.

02:21:32.000 Alright. We might need more balls. 1.00

02:21:34.000 You guys suck at this game. If it bounces off you, then it counts. 1.00

02:21:39.000 Once you're going to run a ball, we're done.

02:21:41.000 I'm going to throw a curveball here.

02:21:42.000 Alright, curveball. He heard that thud!

02:21:48.000 That was a waste of shot. Damn! 1.00

02:21:52.000 I'm trying to help you, brother! 0.99

02:21:53.000 By the way, I'm really ashamed because my dad is watching this.

02:21:55.000 I've never played beer pong in my life.

02:21:57.000 I was not that kid in college.

02:21:59.000 But you know what? It's kind of fun.

02:22:00.000 To save a life. That's what I asked you.

02:22:01.000 It's kind of fun? You did beer pong there.

02:22:03.000 Yeah, and I think I was supposed to be the bad guy.

02:22:04.000 Yeah, you were the bad guy. I didn't touch a sip of alcohol until I was 22.

02:22:07.000 Well, I got you beat. 26.

02:22:10.000 It's just because I didn't like it.

02:22:12.000 That's all. All right. I was warned by coaches.

02:22:14.000 Like tonight, I'm going to relearn my distaste for alcohol.

02:22:16.000 Right. Gosh!

02:22:20.000 Oh, that was close. Alright, I got one more.

02:22:23.000 Oh! Jared's hammered.

02:22:26.000 So what, have I gotten three? Is it three to three?

02:22:28.000 I think it's three to three. Okay.

02:22:30.000 Three to three. Go. Three to four. 0.92

02:22:32.000 Go, go, go, go, go. Doesn't matter.

02:22:33.000 Go, you little wild turkey. Jared's response to this.

02:22:38.000 Every time. We're recording that, right?

02:22:39.000 This is clearly more for me than you can give me.

02:22:42.000 I don't know.

02:22:46.000 You can take my name card.

02:22:48.000 Let the record show it is the best.

02:22:52.000 Not to Jared's reaction.

02:22:54.000 He's drunk already.

02:22:57.000 You had a man card?

02:22:59.000 He's getting worse at the game.

02:23:01.000 We're going to revoke your man card.

02:23:02.000 And it's already been declined repeatedly.

02:23:04.000 Less sound from you. Less sound.

02:23:07.000 More silent sound by Edward.

02:23:11.000 This is going to get dangerous for Nagy and Jared pretty soon.

02:23:14.000 Recycle ball? No, no recycle ball.

02:23:17.000 Recycle the ball.

02:23:18.000 Recycle the ball. Recycle the ball.

02:23:19.000 It's fine. It's fine.

02:23:21.000 Oh, that was close.

02:23:22.000 Here's the thing. Okay, let's do it.

02:23:24.000 Five more balls and then each. 0.91

02:23:25.000 Five more balls and then each. Five each. Oh, that was close.

02:23:28.000 Damn it. Okay, so hold on a second. 1.00

02:23:30.000 That was one. Five more balls. 0.99

02:23:31.000 So you have four more. Okay, go. 0.97

02:23:33.000 Five more balls each. Place your bets, everybody.

02:23:36.000 Let's go, Jared. Three three.

02:23:38.000 Oh! You have four?

02:23:40.000 I'm four. Yes, he has four.

02:23:42.000 Come on, Steven.

02:23:43.000 This is a money ball. Four, four!

02:23:47.000 Four, four! No, I'm not high-fiving you because you were rooting for me to drink kinky pink. 1.00

02:23:51.000 That's funny, though. That is a tranny on that TV. That's why we're doing this because I'm tired of CNN. 14 hours, then I don't care anymore. 1.00

02:24:01.000 Go ahead. It's going to be useless tonight.

02:24:06.000 One more each. One more each.

02:24:07.000 One more each. Oh, you're screwed. 1.00

02:24:12.000 By the way, Opera's growling at you, so we'll get him out of here soon. 0.99

02:24:18.000 That was the last one.

02:24:22.000 You ended in a tie, 6-6?

02:24:25.000 You've got to go until someone wins.

02:24:27.000 This isn't soccer. You can't have a tie.

02:24:29.000 Until someone gets it.

02:24:30.000 All right.

02:24:31.000 Yep.

02:24:31.000 Oh!

02:24:37.000 Take that Johnny Mathis!

02:24:39.000 Did you see this? He looks like Don Lemon has aged like 50 years.

02:24:45.000 It's bad. No, I'm serious.

02:24:47.000 He doesn't look like Don Lemon. You didn't take your last shot.

02:24:50.000 Oh, with arms. Yeah!

02:24:52.000 I'm noticing this.

02:24:54.000 No, no, no. You like this.

02:24:55.000 No, no, no. That's the whole point.

02:24:58.000 What was that? You sound like Friendship Club.

02:25:04.000 I mowed your lawn.

02:25:06.000 Alright, what a game.

02:25:10.000 Let's get hot fly here. 0.99

02:25:14.000 Yeah, that's a reaction to whiskey that women want to hear. 1.00

02:25:19.000 I can hear their ovaries drying up.

02:25:24.000 Oh man, I stay away from that stuff for a reason.

02:25:27.000 Yeah. I like it.

02:25:29.000 I just don't want to do it when I have to do two more guests.

02:25:32.000 So many people are like, I love this competition.

02:25:34.000 It's the highlight of the night.

02:25:36.000 Really? Not Midget Jesus?

02:25:38.000 Well, I guess it's a toss-up.

02:25:42.000 Oh, man. Alright, guys, get this stuff out of here.

02:25:46.000 Alright, keep it going. And someone get my dog out of here before he mauls somebody. 1.00

02:25:49.000 Well, if he mauls, I'm not getting Jared, I'm fine with that.

02:25:52.000 But he doesn't like the yelling.

02:25:54.000 Hopper is a creature of habit, and he's a creature of low energy, for people who don't know.

02:25:59.000 Hopper does not like controversy.

02:26:00.000 He's laying at my feet.

02:26:01.000 Yeah, you can't see. Hopper's quite literally laying on Gerald's feet.

02:26:05.000 Yeah, he likes doing that. That's okay, though.

02:26:07.000 Alright, let me get around here. Keep it going, Gerald.

02:26:09.000 Keep it going, Gerald. I have trust.

02:26:11.000 I don't trust in you, just not that much.

02:26:12.000 No, you don't. Let's not lie to people.

02:26:15.000 All right, guys. Remember, hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.

02:26:18.000 Get it going out there. I know we've got just a little bit longer to go.

02:26:20.000 What? We've got two...

02:26:21.000 What the hell?

02:26:23.000 He gave me two seconds, and then he jumps in.

02:26:25.000 It's just like the wine of the day.

02:26:27.000 People want you to be nice.

02:26:28.000 They want you to be nice to me.

02:26:30.000 All right, you know what? I've taken a poll.

02:26:32.000 The poll tells me. Oh, hold on one second.

02:26:35.000 Keep it there. Keep it there. Keep it there.

02:26:36.000 Not that. I mean, Gerald, keep going.

02:26:38.000 Oh, now you need me.

02:26:39.000 Okay, very nice. Sven, hey, Sven Computer, are we getting a lot of people signing up for Mug Club here?

02:26:44.000 Of course we're always getting people signing up.

02:26:46.000 You have some new ones coming up?

02:26:47.000 Sven, did you find out if that was a train, this national security analyst?

02:26:50.000 I doubt it was. From what I can tell, that's a legitimate woman. 1.00

02:26:53.000 That's a legitimate woman, from what he can tell.

02:26:56.000 And here's the thing, I feel bad about it, but trannies have ruined it for the rest of you. 1.00

02:27:00.000 They have, it's very difficult to tell.

02:27:01.000 Women, progressive women, especially progressive women, you need to understand, we don't give you the benefit of the doubt anymore because we don't want a lawsuit.

02:27:06.000 No, we don't. You see a woman with big hands? 1.00

02:27:09.000 It used to be like, oh, that's a burly woman. 1.00

02:27:11.000 Now it's like, that person has balls. 1.00

02:27:13.000 Potentially a man. And now you have to ask them, like, do you want me to call you? 0.99

02:27:16.000 And that's insulting enough, right, to a real woman. 1.00

02:27:18.000 Yeah. Of course call me a woman. 0.99

02:27:19.000 What do you think? I did this at McDonald's the other day at the drive-thru.

02:27:22.000 I said, hey, thanks, man. And I'm driving away, and I'm like, oh, God.

02:27:25.000 I don't even know if that was a man.

02:27:27.000 It was right in the middle. I could have offended someone.

02:27:29.000 Hey, can we do the overlays first, or do we have our next guest?

02:27:32.000 Alright, let's do it. Sven, can we do the overlays first?

02:27:34.000 Yeah, we have three or four.

02:27:36.000 Okay, three or four new Mud Club members, by the way. 0.82

02:27:38.000 This whole event. Thank you guys.

02:27:40.000 By the way, give a round of applause for Aaron, the intern.

02:27:42.000 And Garrett, the intern. Thank you very much.

02:27:44.000 You guys are awesome. Thank you guys for helping.

02:27:46.000 You can hire them out for beer pong on the weekends.

02:27:49.000 Yes, anytime you want. And this was a bad mistake, considering I have eaten very little today.

02:27:53.000 That's true. No, honestly, I'm fine.

02:27:55.000 No, I know you're fine. Not really. So what happened was...

02:27:58.000 Okay, let's go to Mug Club sign-ups first.

02:28:01.000 Sven, who do we got?

02:28:03.000 Lauderwithcreditor.com slash Mug Club.

02:28:04.000 And we have a bell for...

02:28:05.000 Hey, I think some guy can maybe take down the...

02:28:09.000 Some of the beer pong lights.

02:28:10.000 No? We'll take them down in a sec.

02:28:12.000 Alright, go ahead Sven.

02:28:14.000 Let's see some Mug Club signups.

02:28:16.000 We have Farhan Franchak.

02:28:18.000 There we go. Who's probably going to send in a resume.

02:28:21.000 Beep beep. Go Irish! 1.00

02:28:22.000 Not the Go Irish! I like that! 1.00

02:28:23.000 There we go! Then we have Ed Shafna Kevin.

02:28:27.000 Thanks Kevin. Thank you Kevin!

02:28:30.000 Then we have M Buckley Bus 1.

02:28:34.000 Buckley Bus 1. Nice job.

02:28:35.000 And Puma Man's friend.

02:28:38.000 What? Puma Man's Friend.

02:28:40.000 Puma Man's Friend. Is that the last one?

02:28:43.000 Maybe we have one more.

02:28:44.000 Yeah, we have Matthew. Oh, Matthew!

02:28:47.000 Very nice, Matthew.

02:28:48.000 Thank you for keeping it simple. Every time you sign up for Mug Club, it's a Wednesday in hell for Muhammad. 0.99

02:28:53.000 Check it out. And Anderson Cooper's paying him a visit.

02:28:56.000 And dead Johnny Mathis. Look at Don Lemon.

02:28:57.000 I am shocked. Donnie L. He doesn't look like the Don...

02:29:00.000 No, is it just me? He doesn't look like the Don Lemon I knew.

02:29:02.000 He looks so defeated for a Thursday.

02:29:04.000 Yeah. No, no.

02:29:05.000 Seriously, doesn't he look like a different person?

02:29:07.000 A little bit. Yeah. A little bit.

02:29:09.000 More hair, maybe? No, his eyebrows are thicker, and his hair line doesn't look the same, and he looks old and tired.

02:29:17.000 Like, he looks like Johnny Mathis died.

02:29:19.000 Maybe he is old and tired. And Johnny Mathis was also a queen just like him.

02:29:23.000 He's on CNN. And the thing is with Johnny Mathis, he set, like, track records.

02:29:27.000 So, you know, if he's got his eye on you, you can't outrun him.

02:29:30.000 This guy looks like Dick Chitty Knockoff.

02:29:31.000 He almost does. There's no way that's 4K. That's not even HD. What is this?

02:29:37.000 What kind of green screen? It looks like they have a tungsten light on him.

02:29:40.000 It looks like he's broadcasting from somewhere where somebody about 18 feet up is saying, put the lotion in the basket!

02:29:49.000 I can't right now.

02:29:50.000 I'm broadcasting from CNN in a tri-screen.

02:29:56.000 Put the lotion in the basket.

02:29:58.000 Put the lotion in our skin.

02:30:00.000 That is dead Johnny Masters.

02:30:02.000 It took me all the way until now to get that. It took me all the way until now.

02:30:04.000 I would say the funniest thing that happened all week was we went to Chick-fil-A, me and my buddy John, and it was early in the morning, it was breakfast, and we were really tired.

02:30:12.000 And we just went in. And I don't know, this probably isn't going to be funny to anybody, but she was putting the food in.

02:30:16.000 She asked about, like, do you want to put the straws in the bag?

02:30:19.000 I looked at her and said, put the straws in the bag! 1.00

02:30:22.000 And she just looked at me and she actually stopped.

02:30:24.000 And she looked back to her boss.

02:30:25.000 I would stop too. I went, oh!

02:30:27.000 Put the straws in the bag!

02:30:30.000 I don't know why, but it was the funniest thing in the world to me because I know she was too young to get the reference.

02:30:34.000 Seeing you out in public is a dangerous thing.

02:30:35.000 I put the dog in the basket. 0.99

02:30:37.000 And by the way, if you ever do, don't ever play gay chicken with Steven. 0.98

02:30:40.000 No, that's true. Never play gay chicken. 1.00

02:30:43.000 It's like that scene Rebel Without a Cause, only James Dean doesn't throw himself out of the car. 0.83

02:30:46.000 It's just two cars going over the cliff laughing.

02:30:48.000 You will always outdo whoever you're around.

02:30:51.000 So our next guest, I believe, is Razor Fist, right?

02:30:54.000 Razor Fist. I don't think we have him up yet.

02:30:55.000 Yeah, we're trying to dial him.

02:30:57.000 I'm trying to dial him up, raise her fist, and by the way, I apologize to the National Security Analyst, who in fact was not a transgender woman, but just a woman. 0.63

02:31:05.000 But who could know? No, I apologize.

02:31:08.000 Listen, that one is entirely on me, and the LGBTQ movement as a whole.

02:31:13.000 Yes, in general. Come on!

02:31:15.000 Sorry, lady, I'm sorry. You're beautiful in your own way.

02:31:18.000 Here's the deal. We've been around so many transgenders lately that it puts your mind... 1.00

02:31:23.000 Well, not only that, but you get chastised if you get it wrong.

02:31:26.000 And so now you kind of default to LGBTQ because she's probably not going to be that pissed off at you.

02:31:31.000 What would I rather have?

02:31:32.000 Okay? This woman mad at me for thinking she was a man or this tranny suing me for an act of aggression for misgendering her if that were the case. 1.00

02:31:42.000 Right. You know, it's a risk.

02:31:44.000 You're pushing us into a corner, guys.

02:31:46.000 This is what you get. You're rolling the fuzzy dice.

02:31:48.000 Here's a further question. Why aren't, honestly, why aren't dwarves considered a part of the, they're in a press class.

02:31:55.000 Oh, there is. It's called heightism.

02:31:57.000 They call it a real thing. But they're not in the LGBTQ, AAIP, silent number two. 0.96

02:32:01.000 No, that's sexual orientation. You know those whose eyes are glassy? 0.99

02:32:04.000 A little bit. His eyes are glassy.

02:32:07.000 Every time I think of him drinking, I think of him a beer and a half in, hitting the wall, going down the hallway to the bathroom.

02:32:15.000 Yeah, it was one and a half beers.

02:32:16.000 Come on, you gotta tell me I gotta play this guessing game every time you put someone in a quadrant view on CNN. There's no way I can get it right.

02:32:24.000 Thank God it's not in 4K. I'm sorry.

02:32:26.000 Just, I apologize. Seriously though, dwarves, don't you think dwarves have it a lot harder than...

02:32:34.000 Do I think that dwarves have it a lot harder than men who put on dresses? 0.99

02:32:38.000 Yes. Yes, I do.

02:32:40.000 Especially considering that a guy puts on a dress and it's like the golden gun in GoldenEye where it's one shot kill.

02:32:45.000 It doesn't matter who else is on the field.

02:32:47.000 You're done. Because this person has just claimed the mantle of transgender. 1.00

02:32:50.000 You can't make fun of them. You can't say they look kind of silly. 1.00

02:32:53.000 You can't even confirm it. You can't question their ideas. 0.98

02:32:55.000 Whereas a dwarf, you can do all those things and you can pick them up and throw them. 1.00

02:33:00.000 You can't do that. And they can't get things off shelves?

02:33:02.000 They are so dense. You're just thinking about dwarves. 1.00

02:33:04.000 Think about this for a second. Do you have any idea how hard it must be for them to conceal carry?

02:33:07.000 I can, I can.

02:33:08.000 Think about it. If they carry a.380, it might as well be a peg leg.

02:33:13.000 I don't know. 0.97

02:33:16.000 They're so sick, though. Yeah, but they're thick.

02:33:18.000 That's the whole thing. If you're thick, there's less room to hide it.

02:33:21.000 That's true. You need a concave place.

02:33:25.000 You could always add a small gun in your chest. 0.97

02:33:28.000 Midgets are entirely convex. 0.99

02:33:29.000 All right, let's actually turn up the CNN volume here to see if there's anything that they have to say here.

02:33:34.000 So John Warner...

02:33:36.000 Dead Johnny Mathis, speak comfort to me.

02:33:38.000 ...made a statement on the Senate floor yesterday saying that the firing of Robert Mueller would be a red line for Democrats.

02:33:43.000 And Senator Sheldon Whitehouse was asked about it earlier tonight.

02:33:46.000 Watch this. Gosh, can you imagine having to trot your ass and talk? 1.00

02:33:49.000 This is something... We watched this earlier today. 1.00

02:33:51.000 Absolutely. Here's another red line.

02:33:54.000 Everyone here has a really hard job, but can you imagine having to trot your ass into work knowing this is what you're going to do that night? 0.61

02:34:00.000 No. Can you imagine the pride-swallowing siege that Don Lemon lives every day before he walks into a show?

02:34:06.000 And you've got to get the energy up for that.

02:34:07.000 Because he's one of the last ones.

02:34:09.000 Yeah. I don't get it. Why do we even use red line anymore?

02:34:13.000 I mean, we need a new phrase. Nobody cares about red lines.

02:34:16.000 Real time. How long do you think you can boil down the entire content, the actual content of...

02:34:21.000 The 16-hour stream of live stream.

02:34:23.000 Of CNN? Of CNN. I think we'd be very generous if you could boil down the entire day to 15 minutes.

02:34:30.000 Yeah. If we did a segment on the show covering everything they talked about, we would feel bad if we went to 20 minutes long, right?

02:34:35.000 Yeah. Well, hold on a second.

02:34:37.000 Right now, we have former White House counsel.

02:34:40.000 Former Nixon White House counsel.

02:34:41.000 And they gave his Twitter handle. He knows how to work that.

02:34:44.000 The guy still has the giant blue button VCR. We're supposed to believe that the Nixon White House aide knows how to use Twitter.

02:34:51.000 Alright, we have our next guest.

02:34:53.000 You like him. We like him.

02:34:55.000 Funny guy. Clever guy.

02:34:57.000 And it's hard to plug him because it's Razor with a zero fist.

02:35:02.000 He's on the YouTube. He's on the Twitter.

02:35:03.000 Razor Fist! Mr. Fist, how are you, sir?

02:35:06.000 I'm fantastic!

02:35:08.000 I would have shouted this out more, but I'm actually reporting live from Twitter jail right now.

02:35:13.000 Oh gosh, you were part of the purge!

02:35:16.000 Yeah, me, anyone right of Stalin is in here with me.

02:35:19.000 We got Sargon, we got Milo. 0.72

02:35:22.000 Milo's getting passed around like a pack of cigarettes in here.

02:35:25.000 Strangest thing, he still has a smile on his face.

02:35:27.000 Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah, you know, it's funny, I didn't get it because I think Facebook went after me so hard and YouTube that Twitter's like, alright, let's just, let's avoid this one for now.

02:35:37.000 There's too much PR behind it.

02:35:40.000 So have they suspended you or have they actually banned you?

02:35:43.000 Oh, yeah, that was my Christmas gift.

02:35:45.000 I got the most ridiculous Twitter ban in the long, sad history of Twitter ban.

02:35:49.000 What was your ban over? I was banned over a ban.

02:35:53.000 I was asked to name your favorite hairball guitarist.

02:35:58.000 This is great. Warren D. Martini from Rat or George Lynch from Dokken.

02:36:04.000 Oh, no. No.

02:36:06.000 I quote-tweeted the response, and I said, Lynch all day, every day. 0.63

02:36:11.000 Ha, ha. Oh my gosh.

02:36:13.000 You didn't get to explain yourself?

02:36:16.000 Nope. I guess the new algorithm decided to take that one a slightly different way.

02:36:21.000 Kind of like how it isn't a name, it's a command.

02:36:24.000 Right. Well, I'm sorry.

02:36:27.000 Yeah, I... Yeah, I guess that's what's going on.

02:36:30.000 Well, listen, do I have to give them the bullet point list?

02:36:34.000 Nah. We have the bullet point list.

02:36:36.000 We've been watching CNN for an hour coming up on hour 15.

02:36:39.000 And Russia probe, Adam Schiff, Mueller probe, nine months, no evidence.

02:36:45.000 They never mentioned Uranium One.

02:36:46.000 Once they literally said 9 million Tiny Tims will die because Republicans want to defund the CHIP program, which they don't.

02:36:52.000 Never once today have they mentioned the Melbourne attacker was an Afghani Muslim named Saeed Naori who did it because of mistreated Muslims.

02:36:58.000 They've been talking about Israel without ever once mentioning the 1995 Israel vote or the fact that Jerusalem has always been the capital of Israel and it's supposed to be recognized as its embassy.

02:37:06.000 They also said that Bannon hates George Bush, claiming this was breaking news in their chyron when he said it in June.

02:37:11.000 So, October. June or October.

02:37:14.000 I don't know. Anyway, we watched it all day, and you know what?

02:37:17.000 It's way worse than I thought, Mr.

02:37:19.000 Fist. I was going to say, sorry to break up the propagandathon here.

02:37:26.000 I'm sure you've been unraveling the mystery of where the pancake makeup ends and Don Lemon begins.

02:37:34.000 No, he looks like dead Johnny Mathis.

02:37:35.000 He's on right now. Now it's a commercial, like there is every eight minutes on CNN. Every eight minutes.

02:37:40.000 That's generous. What you're saying? I say, oh my god, how badly is Don Lemon aged?

02:37:45.000 I'm like, you can tell as he's aged after all that?

02:37:47.000 Like, that douche is like a red one. 0.91

02:37:49.000 When they eventually carbon date that cup, they have to peel back like five layers of L'Oreal Paris first.

02:37:55.000 Well, I think now you're going to get banned from YouTube because you just threatened to cut Don Lemon in half.

02:37:59.000 You'd have to read the rings. That's the only way to...

02:38:01.000 I don't think they carbon...

02:38:03.000 Wait, they don't carbon date trees.

02:38:04.000 They do it by rings, right? Am I right?

02:38:06.000 Yeah. Well, you can carbon date it as well.

02:38:08.000 I think he conflated analogies, but it was funny.

02:38:11.000 It's true. I'm very tired.

02:38:12.000 I'm very tired, Mr.

02:38:14.000 Fist. But Don Lemon looks like dead Johnny Mathis.

02:38:16.000 We'll bring it up when he comes back.

02:38:19.000 Honestly, I have never seen...

02:38:21.000 I haven't seen Don Lemon since last New Year's when he was drunk.

02:38:24.000 It looks like he's going to turn out to be as grand as he was hoping for.

02:38:26.000 He said, I'm going to make more time for me.

02:38:29.000 You mentioned it earlier.

02:38:31.000 I think my favorite fake news today was...

02:38:34.000 The one California sea hag saying, Trump cutting our taxes is, and I quote, like kicking crutches out from under Tiny Tim. 0.98

02:38:43.000 Yes! No, no, sweetie.

02:38:47.000 I think it's a little more like kicking the government-subsidized hover-round motor scooter beneath the 500-pound, you know, bicycle beluga.

02:38:55.000 Yeah, the one in the Grand Canyon.

02:38:57.000 I got here in a hover-round!

02:38:59.000 Someone needs to let Don know that the me time, not great results.

02:39:03.000 No, it's not working. 1.00

02:39:04.000 Seems like homosexual activity, in his case, sucks. 1.00

02:39:07.000 It's like Dark Crystal sucking the soul out of you. 1.00

02:39:10.000 It just seems like it's his life force.

02:39:12.000 But here's the thing that's weird to me.

02:39:14.000 It assumes the worst on Tiny Tim.

02:39:17.000 Like, hold on a second.

02:39:18.000 There are some variables in this analogy.

02:39:20.000 Does Tiny Tim work?

02:39:21.000 There were no labor laws in place back then.

02:39:23.000 That's why Dickens basically had to write his entire life.

02:39:26.000 He basically worked until he was famous.

02:39:28.000 So this context matters.

02:39:31.000 If you kick out Tiny Tim's crutch, maybe you actually just took him out of being able to get to work, in which case I'm sure he would probably be very grateful for a tax cut.

02:39:38.000 You know, I don't know. I don't think the analogy works.

02:39:41.000 But, you know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

02:39:45.000 Oh, I should also mention, I didn't want you to be alone in your appendix carry today, so I strapped on the Ruger sympathetically.

02:39:51.000 Oh, well, you've got to get yourself a Walther.

02:39:53.000 And I don't just say that because you have the LCP, is that what's going on?

02:39:57.000 No, no, no, this is a revolver.

02:39:59.000 Oh, is it the SP-101 or the LCP? No, no, no, this is a Ruger Blackhawk.

02:40:05.000 Oh, okay.

02:40:08.000 Yeah. We're going old-timey.

02:40:10.000 I'm about to have a shootout at the OK Corral.

02:40:12.000 Yeah, I was going to say, you can't really appendix carry that.

02:40:15.000 By the way, you know what's funny? Do you ever watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?

02:40:18.000 I have not. If you watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as a child and you don't know how it ends, it is the worst motion picture experience of your life.

02:40:26.000 It's bad. You're like, oh, okay, they're gearing up here at the end and they're looking and they're like, oh, this is the end?

02:40:33.000 I'd rather Doc Holliday die of TB in front of me.

02:40:38.000 Then there are movies like August Osage County, which could not end soon enough.

02:40:43.000 I don't know why you would subject yourself to that.

02:40:45.000 The Kinky Bink, Augusta Osage County?

02:40:48.000 Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen.

02:40:50.000 Razor Fist, not get Jared's drunk.

02:40:52.000 We played beer pong and he had to use wild turkey.

02:40:54.000 It's 90% exhaustion.

02:40:56.000 You've got a little in you too, Stephen.

02:40:58.000 And you're tired. I am tired.

02:41:01.000 Alcohol affects the body. Well, you've got that red nose going on. 0.56

02:41:05.000 It's that time of year. I just think we're tired.

02:41:08.000 Razor, Razor, carry us.

02:41:10.000 What's your favorite moment of 2017?

02:41:14.000 We're going to the home stretch. What's your favorite moment of 2017?

02:41:17.000 Favorite moment of 2017.

02:41:20.000 I feel like Officer Leahy.

02:41:22.000 Give us your favorite moment, Randy.

02:41:24.000 Don't say the election for the third time.

02:41:26.000 And he died this year, too.

02:41:28.000 That's not my favorite.

02:41:29.000 Jim Leahy died? Yeah, he's gone!

02:41:33.000 He's gone, Daddy, gone.

02:41:35.000 I had no idea!

02:41:40.000 I do not have good luck with...

02:41:43.000 I'm 0 for 2 with noticing the subtleties of Matt Eisman.

02:41:47.000 Okay. You're 2007.

02:41:49.000 Let's ignore Officer Jim Leahy.

02:41:50.000 I'm going to have to go Google that. I had no idea.

02:41:52.000 I was just watching Trailer Boys the other night. 1.00

02:41:54.000 Hey look, Kirsten Powers, she went after me on Twitter because I said something entirely accurate when I called Hillary Clinton a bitch. 1.00

02:41:58.000 Ha ha! I'm dead Johnny Mathis. 0.99

02:42:00.000 Raise your fist. What is your favorite 2017 moment?

02:42:04.000 Politically. I think, you know, the kicking crutches out from underneath Tiny Tim moment is a close one.

02:42:11.000 It would have to be a top contender.

02:42:13.000 That has to be the height of Trump derangement syndrome at this point.

02:42:16.000 Right. And you're not even a Trump fan.

02:42:19.000 What was that? You've got a pretty good list going there with the CNN coverage.

02:42:25.000 I know. What are you doing on your phone?

02:42:28.000 Checking Twitter to see what people are saying about this.

02:42:29.000 Stop checking Twitter!

02:42:31.000 You're checking Twitter!

02:42:32.000 I'm not checking. I literally am the opposite of Twitter.

02:42:34.000 This is a text and my research document.

02:42:36.000 And Kirsten Powers is on screen.

02:42:38.000 Hey, let me ask you this. Okay.

02:42:39.000 Razor fist. I just saw that National Security Advisor, I don't know if you were watching CNN, was sure it was a tranny. 1.00

02:42:46.000 Can we acknowledge that the unsung heroes, well, the victims in all of this, women who are larger, like women who are big boned, let's admit, can we all admit that we never give them the benefit of the doubt anymore?

02:42:58.000 I'm okay with affirmative action for those ones.

02:43:00.000 But seriously, a long time ago, if you saw one with bigger hands, you're like, oh, that's just a bigger woman. 0.97

02:43:03.000 And now right away, to avoid a lawsuit, you're like, I'm just going to go gender neutral until I figure this out.

02:43:10.000 Yeah, the Seinfeld manhands episode could not be made in 2017.

02:43:15.000 No, absolutely not. 0.98

02:43:17.000 Because the manhands would be breaking a lobster, and then the camera pans, and there's a penis. 0.99

02:43:23.000 Exactly. They get that tight end, you know, Sergei Eisenstein, Adam's apple shot. 0.97

02:43:29.000 It really is. Like, honestly, it's really hard to give them the benefit of the doubt because everyone is so guarded nowadays.

02:43:36.000 So the Tiny Tim Crutch is, okay, but throughout the whole year.

02:43:39.000 Listen, let me ask you this. You had a big debate this year with some liberals right on YouTube, and I remember you plugging it.

02:43:46.000 What was it? Yeah. Well, I actually did have fun at the debate, but it was with Secular Talk, who I didn't know from Adam, and still don't.

02:43:54.000 I had a debate with a dude.

02:43:56.000 Life is better that way. I have no idea who that is.

02:44:00.000 But the guy who ducked you a bunch of times, I believe.

02:44:04.000 Oh, okay. Oh, secular talk.

02:44:07.000 Secular talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the Young Turks Network.

02:44:10.000 That's right. Okay, yeah. You had a debate.

02:44:12.000 That's right. I remember that. And I remember you telling me about it and plugging in the show.

02:44:16.000 I didn't have a ton of time, so I kind of tuned in.

02:44:18.000 And they used what we have talked about as the single greatest falsehood in the healthcare debate.

02:44:22.000 So, well, if you look at healthcare, it's actually better in, boom, Finland, boom, Canada, boom.

02:44:26.000 And they don't mention Cuba anymore, which they did for a long time because of Michael Moore.

02:44:30.000 Because the only...

02:44:32.000 Statistics they can point to are subjective measurements, people being polled on if they like their health care.

02:44:38.000 And I noticed that being used quite a few times, and you just didn't have a time to get a word in on that.

02:44:42.000 And that's the biggest bait and switch the left uses with health care. 1.00

02:44:45.000 Yeah, the biggest problem was he was like a headline machine gun.

02:44:50.000 You know, it was like, I have Google, too.

02:44:52.000 If I wanted to just rattle off headlines, I thought we were going to state our arguments and then just respond to those arguments.

02:44:59.000 Google's a very common app.

02:45:01.000 I don't know if you're aware, but yeah, that was an interesting one.

02:45:05.000 I think you're messing... I don't think it's really an app.

02:45:07.000 It's a certain... Good lord. They have an app now.

02:45:09.000 Oh, yeah, I guess they do have an app. Okay, you're right.

02:45:10.000 I'll give you that one, Razor.

02:45:12.000 Breaking. They have an app. Someone has an iPhone now.

02:45:16.000 I was saying, with the iPhone, we're like battered women.

02:45:20.000 It's like, ugh, gosh.

02:45:22.000 It's gotten so bad now, right?

02:45:24.000 We're like, okay, it's gotten slow, and even though they supported net neutrality, now they're slowing down old phones, and no one even calls them on it, just like Facebook and Google and YouTube. 0.97

02:45:34.000 And then it's just like, they're like, you bitch, you'll never find anyone better. 1.00

02:45:37.000 You already paid for all these iTunes and these apps, and you're like, ugh. 0.99

02:45:40.000 Yeah. You're right.

02:45:42.000 I'm like Julia Robertson sleeping with the enemy.

02:45:44.000 I have to swim out at dusk.

02:45:48.000 It's so bad.

02:45:50.000 I know that it's gotten bad.

02:45:51.000 This keyboard for the iPad is so... 0.98

02:45:55.000 Look at this origami crap. 0.97

02:45:57.000 And I have to use it. 0.99

02:45:58.000 What am I even looking at?

02:45:59.000 This is a keyboard for the iPad Pro 10.5 and only Apple makes it and they charge $150.

02:46:05.000 And I got it because I was going on a business trip where I needed a keyboard because I didn't have a laptop.

02:46:10.000 It is so bad.

02:46:12.000 I'm like a battered wife.

02:46:14.000 That's about it. Jesus Christ.

02:46:16.000 It looks like you're folding one of those paper claws in the back of third grade.

02:46:21.000 Does he like me? 0.99

02:46:22.000 Apple says, go screw yourself! 1.00

02:46:25.000 Oh, shit! Anybody else notice, like, the left, like, just watching this coverage, the left gets really pissed around Christmas time. 1.00

02:46:35.000 That's a good point! I kind of get it.

02:46:38.000 Like, so wait a minute. 0.97

02:46:40.000 A bearded, red, fat guy breaks into your house and gives you property. 0.75

02:46:45.000 Like, I'm pretty sure Santa was invented to keep Bernie Sanders up at night. 0.91

02:46:52.000 Yes. But then Jane Sender said, I'll take that and put it into a slash fund.

02:46:58.000 We almost became so close to doing a Bernie Grinch two years ago.

02:47:02.000 That's true. We almost did a Bernie Grinch two years ago.

02:47:04.000 Would have worked. I don't know how often you watch the show.

02:47:06.000 Did you know that I was on Bernie Sanders' flight when we went to Burlington?

02:47:10.000 He was on my flight. Dear God in heaven, tell me there's a story.

02:47:13.000 Well, here's the problem. I felt so bad.

02:47:15.000 In real life, he's so frail.

02:47:17.000 He can barely move. So here's the true story.

02:47:19.000 Not Gay Jared was there. It was like... 1.00

02:47:21.000 First off, my wife makes a mistake. 1.00

02:47:23.000 We're at the Washington, D.C. I don't know if it was Reagan Dulles, I think so, airport.

02:47:27.000 And she sees Bernie Sanders.

02:47:29.000 And so she yells out to me, and I try and keep a low profile, and I get recognized every now and then.

02:47:32.000 And she goes, Stephen Crowder!

02:47:35.000 I'm like, oh my god. My ticket's been punched.

02:47:39.000 And I'm sitting on here outside of Five Guys at the airport.

02:47:42.000 Nice. And she goes, Steven!

02:47:44.000 And I go, jeez, jeez. And we got into a fight about it.

02:47:46.000 We got over it really quickly, but it was a fight. 0.98

02:47:47.000 Like, it was one of those, like, just shut up! 1.00

02:47:49.000 Shut up! Shut up! I can't believe you would tell your wife to just shut up right now! 1.00

02:47:51.000 I don't want to die! So, she goes, Bernie Sanders. 0.99

02:47:56.000 Is right there.

02:47:57.000 And it was like a Wes Anderson film.

02:47:58.000 Just a wish. Pan.

02:48:00.000 And he was standing there, you know, with his kind of E.T. hands.

02:48:03.000 And he didn't even have a briefcase, so you know he did no work.

02:48:06.000 Because he was about to fly back to Burlington.

02:48:08.000 He was two rows ahead of me, okay?

02:48:11.000 He was in the economy plus plus right on the dividing line of first class.

02:48:15.000 And you know that was a point of pride for him.

02:48:18.000 Like, he got every perk from first class except the cocktail, right?

02:48:21.000 He had all the leg room.

02:48:23.000 I'm among the people.

02:48:25.000 So, what's so funny, and I swear to you, I have pictures of this.

02:48:28.000 When they would come by...

02:48:29.000 Toes are digging in millionaires' purses.

02:48:33.000 At this point, I had been up for like 16 hours.

02:48:35.000 I had worked a 14-hour day and gotten onto a flight, and I was so tired.

02:48:38.000 I'm like, I have to do something.

02:48:40.000 I, like, tweet them. I'm like, if you don't do something here, you're going to regret this for the rest of your life.

02:48:45.000 So I'm looking at him, and he's on his iPad, and I could tell it was the iPad Pro.

02:48:48.000 I could tell by the bezel that it was the new 10.5.

02:48:50.000 So he's not hurting for cash, Mr. 0.89

02:48:52.000 Hoarder, crazy, crazy Kevin.

02:48:54.000 So he's sitting there, and every now and then when they're bringing something free in first class, I swear to you, I could see him. 0.95

02:48:59.000 They'd be like cocktails or something, and he'd be like, hmm, hmm.

02:49:02.000 And he'd go back down like he hoped no one saw him.

02:49:05.000 I go into the restroom, and I change into my Socialisms for Figs shirt.

02:49:10.000 Oh, yes. This was the day.

02:49:12.000 It was the challenge alone, your size in an airplane.

02:49:14.000 Yes, very difficult.

02:49:15.000 I'm pretty sure I contracted something I didn't want to.

02:49:17.000 This, by the way, was the day after the Ted Cruz-Bernie debate.

02:49:21.000 The one where he just floored him.

02:49:23.000 Even the young Turks were like, who's going to kill Ted Cruz? 1.00

02:49:26.000 And then in the middle of it, they were like, oh my God, throw in the towel, this is murder!

02:49:30.000 This is murder! And Bernie was sitting there like, you never got me down!

02:49:34.000 And then he just got knocked out and went, well, there you go.

02:49:36.000 So that's how bad it was.

02:49:38.000 So I put on the socialism for fake shirt.

02:49:39.000 Of course he gets boarding off the plane first because it's economy plus plus plus and we get off and everyone's going one direction and we're in Burlington and he goes down this hallway.

02:49:50.000 And I swear to you, it was like, it might as well have been a painting called Lonely Sad Man.

02:49:55.000 Because he's walking with his Rain Man jacket and no briefcase.

02:50:00.000 And like just barely hobbling down this hallway.

02:50:03.000 It must have taken him 15 minutes to walk down the hallway.

02:50:05.000 I just looked at him and I looked at my wife.

02:50:07.000 I said, I can't. I can't.

02:50:08.000 It's 1 o'clock in the morning.

02:50:10.000 It was like George Lucas in the food court.

02:50:12.000 Yeah! Exactly.

02:50:15.000 You want to walk up and be like, hey, hey, George, you've ruined Indiana Jones, but then you feel bad for him because he's fat and lonely.

02:50:23.000 And has four chins.

02:50:25.000 Yes, exactly. I mean, if you were Kim Jong-un.

02:50:27.000 He has one gigantic mono chin. 0.96

02:50:29.000 He's like the chicks from Reboot with the one boob that goes across. 1.00

02:50:32.000 Oh my gosh, I can't remember.

02:50:33.000 You guys, Reboot was, are you Canadian?

02:50:37.000 No. Reboot was a Canadian thing.

02:50:39.000 Did you ever see Reboot? I don't know what he's talking about.

02:50:42.000 But if that's what the socialist Muppet was doing, what was the puppeteer doing?

02:50:45.000 Yes, exactly. I have no idea.

02:50:47.000 Someone had his thumb up his ass. 0.99

02:50:48.000 That's the main takeaway, I think. 0.99

02:50:50.000 Actually, that's not fair.

02:50:51.000 Not even Elmo is that read.

02:50:52.000 No, but the puppeteer is.

02:50:56.000 Everyone watched that documentary. 0.94

02:50:58.000 You know Elmo Puppeteer is a pedophile, right? 0.77

02:51:00.000 Did you know that? I can tell you're tired. 0.98

02:51:04.000 Yeah, you didn't know this?

02:51:06.000 Oh, man, he was splintered, too.

02:51:07.000 Now the Ninja Turtles are ruined. 0.99

02:51:10.000 Oh, crap. Yeah, yeah, splintered doing Tai Chi in the cage. 0.99

02:51:13.000 He didn't ruin it? No, everyone watched that documentary, Being Elmo or Becoming Elmo, and then it turned out that he was actually, like, he was really just a sick, sick, twisted person. 0.99

02:51:22.000 So you watch it, and you're like, oh, my gosh, look at him. 0.70

02:51:24.000 He just wants to be a kid. And you're like, no, he just wants to be in kids.

02:51:27.000 And then you realize that he's really sick and twisted, and it ruined everything. 0.60

02:51:30.000 I think he's doing time. 0.92

02:51:32.000 Well, I would hope he's doing time.

02:51:34.000 I think so. Yeah, I would hope so.

02:51:35.000 Yeah, he's like Harvey Weinstein. That's the proper punishment.

02:51:37.000 Times a million, because they were children.

02:51:38.000 Him and Muhammad, you know?

02:51:40.000 All right, okay. Come along, say Snowfish!

02:51:42.000 Now he's getting raped! 1.00

02:51:45.000 What is he? He's drunk. 1.00

02:51:48.000 That is the Elmo song.

02:51:50.000 Hello, hello! Raise your hand!

02:51:53.000 Sorry, raise your fist! 0.99

02:51:54.000 It kinda turns, uh...

02:51:56.000 It kinda turns tickle me Elmo into more of a verb than a noun.

02:52:00.000 A request, even.

02:52:02.000 Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

02:52:04.000 That's arousing! We just made Tickle Me Elbow to a porn. 0.90

02:52:10.000 What are we doing? No, he did!

02:52:12.000 Look at your lives, people! 0.96

02:52:14.000 Don't blame me for his decisions like that semi-tranny on CNN. I can just hear the people tuning out. 1.00

02:52:21.000 So, listen, raise your fist.

02:52:22.000 What is... We're at hour 15, and here's the thing.

02:52:25.000 I keep looking to the screen here.

02:52:27.000 There is nothing on CNN. Nothing.

02:52:30.000 All day there's been nothing.

02:52:31.000 The only real newsworthy thing, I don't know, to you, to me the most newsworthy thing all day, of course, was the Muslim, the Afghani Muslim, who ran a van into Christmas shoppers and said he did it because of the mistreatment of Muslims.

02:52:42.000 It feels like yesterday we've heard about that now.

02:52:44.000 At least we all have to wait until Antifa derails the Polar Express.

02:52:49.000 Really? Yeah, Tom Hanks will be singing his hot chocolate, and then he just gets stabbed with an ice pick.

02:52:55.000 Hot, hot, hot, hot! 1.00

02:52:56.000 Oh, damn! Oh, this won't be reported by campus police! 0.99

02:53:01.000 It was a bad day to wear a swastika!

02:53:03.000 And that little kid who looks like Michael Douglas from Falling Down with the glasses and the buzz cut?

02:53:07.000 Don't think we didn't notice what was happening there.

02:53:09.000 Okay, so Tiny Tim Crutch, Razor Fist.

02:53:13.000 What else, though? 2017, whole year.

02:53:15.000 You have to pick your favorite moment all year long, politically, culturally.

02:53:19.000 Like, is there something that really sticks out?

02:53:21.000 You know, it's gotta be Donna Brazile dedicating her book to Seth Rich. 1.00

02:53:27.000 That is... A new and exciting level of troll.

02:53:32.000 I'm sorry. Like, that's going to be hard to top.

02:53:35.000 That is true. I remember, and the right started embracing Donna Brazile, and we're going like, do you know who this woman is?

02:53:40.000 Do you know who Donna Brazile is? And then she went on The View, and of course she was like, no, I hate Republicans.

02:53:44.000 And I was like, well, there you go. And then that ended really quickly.

02:53:46.000 That's a good one. I forgot she dedicated her book to Seth Rich.

02:53:48.000 And, you know, she probably played a part in killing the guy.

02:53:52.000 Steven, Steven, just the driver. 0.99

02:53:55.000 It's a boy to go down like a sack of beef. Yes, yes.

02:53:57.000 That's one thing. I'm not a conspiracy theorist.

02:53:59.000 Okay, we'll leave you with this because we do have to get going.

02:54:01.000 We have Pogo and then Dean Cain.

02:54:02.000 Then we have to wrap up a YouTube Carol.

02:54:04.000 We get to see if Tiny Not Gay Jared survives from the AIDS. He was down to his last 200 CD4 cells. 0.94

02:54:09.000 Let me ask you this. When it comes to Donna Brazile, I don't entertain conspiracy theories, okay? 0.98

02:54:13.000 Right. But, and I know you're more of a libertarian, so you're not on the crazy conspiracy sort of front line.

02:54:19.000 I'm not going to start talking like Jesse Ventura.

02:54:22.000 I don't know if that's Jesse Ventura or if that's Caitlyn Jenner.

02:54:25.000 I was on the cover of Vogue.

02:54:27.000 Or the Joker, who knows?

02:54:28.000 Or it puts a lotion in the face!

02:54:32.000 Builder bird! Yes, but if you have to bet, gun to your head. 1.00

02:54:36.000 Okay, everyone in this room, including Sven Computer. 1.00

02:54:38.000 All right, gun to your head, Razor Fist. 0.98

02:54:40.000 Do you think the Clintons have played a role in killing somebody? 1.00

02:54:47.000 I think it's...

02:54:50.000 Keep in mind the Underwoods were based on them.

02:54:54.000 I think back in Arkansas...

02:54:58.000 Yes. Okay. I think the body that was moved...

02:55:02.000 By the way, did you ever watch Norm MacDonald troll the girls on The View about that?

02:55:06.000 You know what? It's been wiped clean off of YouTube.

02:55:08.000 Yeah, didn't you hear Bill Clinton?

02:55:09.000 He killed a guy. You can't find it anywhere.

02:55:11.000 Yeah, tell him he killed you.

02:55:12.000 My favorite quote in there is he looks at Star Jones.

02:55:14.000 He goes, yeah, and I never watched Star Wars, but I know some of you really like it.

02:55:18.000 Yeah, Billy Dee Williams. You know what I'm talking about.

02:55:21.000 It's just... Okay, so you do think Arkansas probably...

02:55:25.000 At least they knew about it. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

02:55:28.000 Okay. That's been corroborated by Huckabee, kind of.

02:55:31.000 It's been corroborated? Corroborated, corroborated.

02:55:33.000 It's confirmed. Okay, what do you think?

02:55:35.000 Do you think the Clintons have played a role?

02:55:37.000 Absolutely, 100%.

02:55:38.000 Yes, I don't even know what the thought process is here.

02:55:40.000 The answer is yes.

02:55:41.000 Okay. Absolutely, no doubt.

02:55:43.000 Do you also think that... At a bare minimum, he killed innocent civilians when he shot tomahawk missiles at Afghanistan and wound up killing houses full of innocent people. 0.64

02:55:53.000 Yeah, but that's different. We're talking about political gain here on U.S. soil.

02:55:58.000 Yes, he did. Yes, they did.

02:55:59.000 They played a part. They made the call.

02:56:01.000 Something like that, yes. And do you also believe that George W. Bush was next to Tower 7 with an Acme plunger and a ram's head?

02:56:08.000 Probably not. All right, at Sven Computer, do you think, if you have to bet your life on it, okay, so you just have to bet your life, yes or no, The Clintons.

02:56:16.000 Bill and Hillary Clinton. Have they knowingly played a role or knew about the murder of someone?

02:56:22.000 Do you think so? Did they know about a murder?

02:56:25.000 Know about it? Okay, but you don't think they played a role in it?

02:56:27.000 No, I go full cuck computer and say, no, they didn't kill anyone.

02:56:31.000 We're directly involved.

02:56:33.000 Okay, all right. Okay, so Sven's the voice of...

02:56:35.000 Not K. Jared? No, 100%.

02:56:39.000 Okay, so it's not just me.

02:56:40.000 Come on. It's the only conspiracy theory where if you read up on Vince Foster, if you read up on Brown, you're like...

02:56:46.000 And again, there's very little else that I buy into.

02:56:49.000 Those are the ones we know about, too.

02:56:50.000 Yeah, I know. I know.

02:56:52.000 I know. I mean... There's nothing they wouldn't do.

02:56:54.000 Nothing. All right. Okay. Okay, well, there we go.

02:56:56.000 One everyone says yes, and one cybernetic organism says no.

02:57:00.000 Razor Fist with a zero.

02:57:01.000 Where's the best place to be able to find you, brother?

02:57:04.000 Well, you can find me on my YouTube channel, which is youtube.com slash c Slash the Rage of Holland.

02:57:13.000 That is what it is. Not on Twitter.

02:57:15.000 We'll just crop that out. Yeah, we'll crop it on Twitter.

02:57:18.000 You can still look at it.

02:57:20.000 It's a lovely archive. Yeah, we'll just have to go through the web time machine and look back and go, oh, those were the days.

02:57:27.000 All right, Rage of Fist, thank you so much since we won't see you before then.

02:57:30.000 Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and we'll see you in the new year without a doubt, sir.

02:57:35.000 Godspeed. Thanks for having me on with your butt flap. 1.00

02:57:37.000 Merry Christmas. All right. Thank you. Take care. 0.96

02:57:39.000 Go back with your appendix. Appendix carrying a Blackhawk.

02:57:41.000 Do you have any idea how big a Blackhawk is? 1.00

02:57:42.000 Oh, no! Well, they got Crystal on now.

02:57:45.000 It's Bill Crystal. Oh, no!

02:57:48.000 I feel like it's like it's Black Bart. 1.00

02:57:50.000 Oh, no! It's Black Bart! 0.72

02:57:53.000 They put out a tweet that Dictionary.com put out that there's a word for somebody who praises someone every 12 seconds.

02:57:59.000 But they didn't tell us what the word was.

02:58:01.000 But Dictionary.com's getting in on the action.

02:58:03.000 Come on. One thing about Bill...

02:58:05.000 Bill Kristol is just such a wiener. 0.89

02:58:07.000 A little bit. Like, that's the thing about Bill Kristol. 0.81

02:58:09.000 It's not that he was a never-Trumper. 0.82

02:58:10.000 Like, I didn't even disagree with him on everything.

02:58:12.000 But it's just Bill Kristol is everything that people don't like about Republicans.

02:58:16.000 Yeah. Okay, let's hear what Bill Kristol has to say.

02:58:18.000 Look at his face! 0.97

02:58:24.000 He's smelling his own farts and enjoying it. 0.98

02:58:28.000 Oh, that's right. 0.89

02:58:30.000 I thought Hopper left.

02:58:31.000 I used to sleep there.

02:58:32.000 You're the vice president, or you're secretary of state, or you're a cabinet member, and

02:58:36.000 you behave with dignity and appropriate deference to the president, but there's a kind of third

02:58:40.000 world banana republic quality to the way Pence is- Here's the problem with Bill Kristol.

02:58:45.000 We've just listened to him for 45 seconds and he has said nothing.

02:58:48.000 And that's the problem with cable news.

02:58:49.000 They're taught, and by the way, this is something, I'll let you in on a little, I've talked about this before, a little inside baseball.

02:58:54.000 It's an actual technique.

02:58:55.000 Well, not a technique, but it's sort of, I guess you would say, an approach that they're taught from their think tanks, from their consulting firms.

02:59:04.000 Most of these people, they don't make their living off of cable news. 0.87

02:59:06.000 It pays pathetically. So they work for think tanks.

02:59:08.000 They're consultants for political insiders to some degree.

02:59:11.000 And they also make some cash on the side.

02:59:13.000 Did Johnny Mathis? Oh my gosh, he has not aged well.

02:59:15.000 So what happens is they're taught to take up as much time as possible.

02:59:20.000 Because if you're in a quadrant or you're in a split three screen, right?

02:59:24.000 You're going, okay, there's only so much time.

02:59:26.000 We have an eight-minute segment.

02:59:27.000 Take up as much time as possible.

02:59:29.000 So you're not taught to make your points as succinctly and effectively as possible.

02:59:32.000 You're taught to try and cut off the ring, to try and keep the other guy from talking for a certain amount of time.

02:59:37.000 And so Bill Kristol is trained, he's conditioned to use as much time while saying as little as possible.

02:59:43.000 And then they wrap it up with a point at the end.

02:59:45.000 It was like he had his heart set on being a professional career congressional filibuster and then just took second best, just CNN settled.

02:59:51.000 Yeah. Well, he's National Review still?

02:59:55.000 Is he still there? Yeah, I believe so.

02:59:56.000 And it's kind of like leaning on a guy on the cage and running out the clock in MMA. Right?

03:00:01.000 Right. And just kind of waiting for the time to go.

03:00:03.000 All right. At Sven Computer has some more sign-ups, by the way.

03:00:06.000 So, by the way, listen, thanks so much for people.

03:00:07.000 We're in the home stretch here. We're going to have segment five.

03:00:09.000 Hour and 12 minutes to go. Segment five of, yeah, you know what?

03:00:11.000 I realize with Dean Cain, we won't be able to play the whole thing.

03:00:13.000 We'll just play segment five. We won't have time to play the whole Christmas Carol thing.

03:00:16.000 People are counting on it. No, people weren't counting.

03:00:18.000 They've seen it. They've already seen it.

03:00:19.000 People have been watching the whole day. Okay, let's ask Sven Computer.

03:00:22.000 Sven Computer, lottoclutter.com slash monthclub.

03:00:25.000 We've had a lot of sign-ups here today, and so we're going to read some aloud right now to the newest monthclub members.

03:00:30.000 By the way, we will figure out by next week, because renewals start in January, a lot of people have been saying, what if I renew for three years?

03:00:36.000 Do I get a special gift?

03:00:38.000 It never even occurred to me.

03:00:40.000 Because online, people usually don't pay for things.

03:00:42.000 They find a way to steal it. Our fans have been so loyal.

03:00:45.000 Thank you so much. If you sign up for three years, we will find something really, really cool to give you.

03:00:50.000 We just haven't even thought of it.

03:00:51.000 So we will provide you with that option for people who join and you're up for renewal.

03:00:54.000 A lot of people are up for renewal January 1st.

03:00:56.000 Thank you for asking. Sven Computer, tell us about the new signups.

03:00:59.000 Well, we have a bunch of new people who send screenshots.

03:01:01.000 So the first one is Joshua.

03:01:03.000 Thank you very much. Joshua. And we have Noah.

03:01:06.000 Noah? He's a biblical name.

03:01:08.000 And we have Patrick Jokowiak.

03:01:10.000 Make sure no personal info is revealed.

03:01:13.000 Well, it's just Twitter accounts.

03:01:14.000 Okay. Joseph Ward. Joseph, hey!

03:01:16.000 Yes. Jenkins Malone.

03:01:18.000 Jenkins, hey! That's a fake name.

03:01:20.000 Alvaro. I don't know how to pronounce that.

03:01:22.000 Alvaro. Alvaro.

03:01:24.000 Alvaro. A-U-X. Charles The Set.

03:01:27.000 Charles. What's that?

03:01:29.000 Wesley Tempels. Hey, Wesley!

03:01:31.000 Hopefully you don't get nixed on tax evasion like Snipes.

03:01:34.000 I don't know how to pronounce his last name.

03:01:36.000 You said it's like Scrodom. Benjamin Scrodom.

03:01:38.000 Well, you know what? I'm sorry grade school was horrible for you, but now you're a part of the club that matters more.

03:01:44.000 Ethan. Thank you.

03:01:46.000 Who? Thank you, Steven.

03:01:47.000 Steven. No, it was Ethan.

03:01:49.000 Oh, Ethan. You said Ethan like you.

03:01:52.000 Who's Ethan here? No.

03:01:55.000 Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived.

03:01:58.000 Maybe. There you go. Maybe.

03:01:59.000 Sorry. Not enough.

03:02:01.000 I wouldn't know what that's like, you feisty German. 1.00

03:02:04.000 Come on. Alex Stevens, thank you very much.

03:02:06.000 I can't hear you. That's the most insubordinate Nazi computer I've ever seen. 0.59

03:02:14.000 Okay, continue. All right, then we have Tony.

03:02:16.000 Thank you very much. Tony!

03:02:18.000 He's great! Todd.

03:02:20.000 Wow, really? Todd.

03:02:21.000 Todd, there we go. Chuck. Chuck.

03:02:23.000 And then the last one, I think it's just...

03:02:25.000 Oh, yeah, that's just Stephen.

03:02:27.000 That's just... Thank you so much to everyone who joined.

03:02:33.000 Every time you join Mug Club... 0.89

03:02:38.000 Muhammad gets... And not getting Jared has to do a shot. 0.96

03:02:41.000 An angel gets his wings, obviously, or its wings.

03:02:44.000 An angel gets Z's wings, and of course, Muhammad doesn't get to witness it because he's burning in hell. 0.99

03:02:49.000 Yes, he's face down.

03:02:51.000 He's face down!

03:02:53.000 Face down!

03:02:57.000 Not get Jared to support the overlays.

03:02:59.000 Otherwise, that usually is an easy laugh from him.

03:03:01.000 It's true. If ever I need an easy laugh from Jared, it's that or the crazy Asian boys. 1.00

03:03:05.000 Yes, that's true. That's me. 0.99

03:03:07.000 All right, listen, we are going into the home stretch.

03:03:09.000 You know, listen, I had people out there say, no, people told me, don't do the whole...

03:03:14.000 Christmas carol bit at the end because people have been watching for the whole day and that's like 40 minutes.

03:03:20.000 Is it really that long? 30 minutes.

03:03:21.000 30 minutes. Well, I've had a lot of people say don't do it.

03:03:23.000 How about this? Is there a way for us to get that out to them on another day?

03:03:25.000 Let's put out a poll. Let's put out a poll. 0.63

03:03:28.000 We've had four segments thus far.

03:03:30.000 We have a final segment for a YouTube carol.

03:03:32.000 Right. The final segment of YouTube Carol, and people are wanting to know, okay, listen, do you want us to run segment one through four and five as one continuous film, or just segment five?

03:03:44.000 Most people were telling me they just wanted to watch segment five because they've been watching all day.

03:03:47.000 Okay, so maybe we play segment five and then give people the opportunity.

03:03:50.000 Will you be able to upload it for them to watch?

03:03:52.000 Well, yeah, we're going to upload it for them to watch separately on YouTube Carol.

03:03:54.000 I think people can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:03:56.000 I don't want to waste your time.

03:03:58.000 Some people missed a segment or two like myself, and we'd love to see it all, but maybe not tonight.

03:04:01.000 Hey, it's the brawny man!

03:04:03.000 Hey. Ho, ho, ho.

03:04:06.000 No one can see him. It's Aaron the intern, but he's wearing plaid like the brawny man.

03:04:08.000 There you go. And he's wearing no socks.

03:04:10.000 Hey! Is he still drunk?

03:04:12.000 Can we find out, did my wife give, did the midget keep the socks? 1.00

03:04:15.000 It's not the midget. It's a dwarf. 0.99

03:04:16.000 Did the dwarf keep the socks? 1.00

03:04:18.000 I think the dwarf kept the socks. 1.00

03:04:19.000 Oh, you know what? We can't run the whole thing because we have two guests.

03:04:21.000 We have Dean Cain and Poco. Dean Cain's at 1030.

03:04:23.000 All right, so just do the We'll do just a segment.

03:04:25.000 That's all we can do. We'll upload it later for everybody to watch.

03:04:27.000 So there you go. The decision has been made.

03:04:28.000 We have Pogo coming up in not too long.

03:04:30.000 And then we also have, of course...

03:04:33.000 Oh, hold on a second. What is this?

03:04:35.000 Someone just said, wait, stop.

03:04:36.000 What are you saying, Zen Computer?

03:04:39.000 Okay. All right.

03:04:44.000 Nice. No, Courtney, she's helping me with Twitter.

03:04:47.000 We're only running segment five of a YouTube Carol.

03:04:49.000 The conclusion, narrated by Mark Ripito.

03:04:51.000 And the conclusion, the finale will take place at the very end of this program.

03:04:55.000 Okay, hold on, let's bring back up CNN. Again.

03:04:58.000 Former CIA detector.

03:04:59.000 Again, John O'Brennan.

03:05:02.000 It's a tweet from John O'Brennan on Donald Trump's reaction to the U.N.'s reaction to Donald Trump recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.

03:05:14.000 See the claims he's making, too?

03:05:15.000 Do you notice how they cover up the time stamp of the Twitter?

03:05:19.000 Do you notice that, Naked Jared? They cover up the time stamp because it's like it happened at 1.15 or something.

03:05:23.000 He says he demands blind loyalty.

03:05:25.000 No! He says his actions demand blind loyalty.

03:05:27.000 That's not true. He said loyalty.

03:05:30.000 He asked for loyalty. No, no, this wasn't about that.

03:05:31.000 His decision on Jerusalem is what he's talking about.

03:05:34.000 Right. No, no, no. This is from Comey from a long time ago.

03:05:37.000 That tweet was not.

03:05:38.000 The tweet was about Jerusalem that he just brought up.

03:05:40.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

03:05:42.000 Sorry, sorry. I thought we were talking about it.

03:05:43.000 No, it relates back to that, though.

03:05:44.000 Yeah. Well, here's the deal. Is Donald Trump the kind of guy who I'd expect to be like, listen, you better be loyal to me in everything or else I'm going to screw you against the wall?

03:05:51.000 Probably. Did that happen here?

03:05:53.000 No. No. Even Ben Shapiro, we all agreed.

03:05:55.000 Listen, I don't know.

03:05:57.000 Am I the only one who thinks, like, nothing that Donald Trump has done regarding Israel?

03:06:02.000 It's anything outside the basic realms of reason?

03:06:05.000 No. Let's look at what he's done, okay?

03:06:07.000 It's only shocking because so many presidents before it set a precedence of being complete pussies. 1.00

03:06:12.000 Yes. That's the only reason why it's news at all. 0.99

03:06:14.000 Consistently. Jared has a red nose.

03:06:16.000 He does. Do I? Yeah, you do.

03:06:18.000 Are you okay? Can you handle the rest of the evening?

03:06:20.000 No. Good lord.

03:06:22.000 No, yeah, think about it for a second.

03:06:24.000 I'm going to be the only sober one. What did Donald Trump do?

03:06:26.000 Okay, he said, alright, Jerusalem is the capital of Israel.

03:06:30.000 Well, it has been, always.

03:06:31.000 And he said, we're going to recognize it, we're going to put our embassy there.

03:06:34.000 There was a bill signed that was supposed to happen in 1999, and every president said they were going to do it.

03:06:37.000 So that's his big offense.

03:06:39.000 Right? So that's the sin that Donald Trump committed.

03:06:42.000 The UN then voted.

03:06:43.000 What did the UN vote to do?

03:06:45.000 Nothing. They voted to condemn Donald Trump and this administration.

03:06:48.000 That's it. It's a vote to publicly humiliate Donald Trump.

03:06:51.000 Okay? So that's step two.

03:06:53.000 Donald Trump did what every other president has said they would do.

03:06:56.000 He's the first one to actually do it.

03:06:58.000 Oh, my wife is calling out Hopper. 0.99

03:07:00.000 All right. Come on, Hopper. You can go.

03:07:01.000 Go with Mama. I know you like Gerald.

03:07:04.000 So that's number one. Number two.

03:07:06.000 Number three is my wife got me to lose my concentration here.

03:07:09.000 Are you talking about Israel? Oh, yeah, yeah.

03:07:10.000 So that's it. So the U.N. has said we're going to vote to condemn Donald Trump.

03:07:14.000 Then it passed overwhelmingly because the U.N. is a bunch of horrible human beings. 0.71

03:07:17.000 Haley goes in there and says exactly what you say. 1.00

03:07:18.000 Screw you all. Right. Exactly. 0.98

03:07:20.000 So now we're at step number three.

03:07:22.000 And what is step number three?

03:07:23.000 Oh, this is why. We're sending back in the pooch. 1.00

03:07:26.000 Hopper, come here, buddy! He's like, I was so comfortable.

03:07:29.000 Come here, buddy! Get these things off of me. 1.00

03:07:32.000 Oh, my gosh.

03:07:34.000 He is a prop. What about if anybody else gets a seizure?

03:07:42.000 We're all fine They don't they don't let dogs have guns

03:07:53.000 Sorry, that's very true.

03:08:00.000 It's late. You can always prison carry.

03:08:01.000 So now we're talking about Donald Trump did what all presidents said they were going to do.

03:08:06.000 Now we're talking about the UN's mad about it.

03:08:08.000 Yeah. And Trump said, well, screw you. 0.99

03:08:10.000 And now we're talking about a tweet about Donald Trump's screw you to the UN. This is all day. 0.98

03:08:16.000 Saying it's an authoritarian move. Saying that he's taking names.

03:08:17.000 Are you kidding me? I don't understand this.

03:08:20.000 I don't understand how this is a network.

03:08:22.000 Yeah. Please, everybody, if you've learned nothing today, and if you're still alive, and you can hear this...

03:08:28.000 Is there anyone getting this transmission?

03:08:30.000 Is there anyone out there?

03:08:31.000 Is there anyone left? Something else I think that's really important.

03:08:33.000 This kind of journalistic malpractice is not bred just in one year since Donald Trump.

03:08:38.000 This has been going on for a long time.

03:08:40.000 I don't think there have ever been the journalistic standards of integrity that people think there have been outside of the movies.

03:08:46.000 I really don't. Again, it goes back to the selfish nature.

03:08:49.000 Liberals believe that everyone's selfish and everyone's bad except for when it comes to the government.

03:08:52.000 All of a sudden, you give all the money to Nancy Pelosi, and it's going to be smooth

03:08:56.000 sailing.

03:08:57.000 For some reason, they want to believe that everyone's bad and everyone's selfish when

03:09:00.000 it comes to corporations, when it comes to businesses, when it comes to the guy who's

03:09:02.000 running a local Arby's or running a local Quiznos.

03:09:05.000 We want to believe this guy needs to be taxed out the wazoo. 0.90

03:09:07.000 He shouldn't be able to pass his real estate onto his children because he's a horrible 0.99

03:09:10.000 human being.

03:09:11.000 When it comes to multinational, multibillion-dollar news corporations, however, like CNN or MSNBC,

03:09:17.000 Fox News notwithstanding, we're supposed to believe that they have standards.

03:09:22.000 Because George Clooney made a movie once.

03:09:25.000 I mean, this has been happening forever.

03:09:28.000 That's the thing. I mean, this doesn't occur overnight.

03:09:30.000 This occurs over decades and decades of no one calling them on it.

03:09:34.000 And I find myself a little like Stephen Martin in Plains, Trades, and Automobiles.

03:09:38.000 Like, this would all be just...

03:09:39.000 All would be tolerable if they weren't so boring.

03:09:43.000 It is so boring. Just talk about something.

03:09:45.000 Oh my gosh. I don't know how people do this.

03:09:48.000 Yeah. There's someone who lives down the street I can see because they have a bunch of windows.

03:09:52.000 I can see they have Fox News on 24-7.

03:09:54.000 And then there's someone else.

03:09:56.000 And I can see they have CNN on all day.

03:09:58.000 You can't do that. I don't know how you live with that.

03:10:01.000 But you've also seen this coming too, right?

03:10:02.000 It's been happening over decades.

03:10:04.000 But look over the last eight years before Trump came into office.

03:10:07.000 And it was singing the praises of Barack Obama.

03:10:09.000 No matter what he did, right?

03:10:11.000 Ram stuff through on health care.

03:10:13.000 Oh, he's the best president ever.

03:10:15.000 Completely privatized.

03:10:16.000 What is it? One-sixth of our economy?

03:10:18.000 There you go. Oh jeez, I guess we have another guest.

03:10:20.000 We got a guest coming on. Privatize the economy?

03:10:22.000 Oh, that's no problem at all. I mean, think about it.

03:10:24.000 They didn't start to really turn on him any until Hillary started to separate herself from him in the race. 0.99

03:10:30.000 Right. That's when they started to go with Hillary, but not against Obama on their own, but because Hillary was kind of trying to separate herself.

03:10:37.000 Well, this is what we said on air early on today.

03:10:40.000 It's not about the standards that are applied.

03:10:42.000 Yeah. It's about whether they are applied equally.

03:10:45.000 And are they applying the same filter to this administration, to the Bush administration, as they did to Barack Obama?

03:10:50.000 And that's where you know if their interest lies in either, if they have a vested interest in getting someone elected, keeping them in office, or if they have a vested interest in the truth.

03:10:59.000 Right. It's about how they apply their criticism.

03:11:02.000 Right. We took one day today.

03:11:15.000 Correct. I would bet you that you couldn't find one single day ever in the history of CNN throughout the eight years of the Obama presidency that was this critical and negative.

03:11:27.000 I don't think you could find one day.

03:11:29.000 He could have gotten outside and pissed on the lawn, waved to the cameras and walked back in and it wouldn't have been that bad.

03:11:34.000 That's true. I mean, he could have.

03:11:36.000 I mean, think about it. He could have done just about anything.

03:11:38.000 He would have walked out, pissed on the lawn, waved to the camera, and would have said, wow, can you look at the fire hose on that president?

03:11:43.000 So the rumors are true.

03:11:45.000 Exactly. That's what they would have done.

03:11:47.000 I didn't have any trust in media beforehand.

03:11:51.000 But this has solidified it.

03:11:53.000 Like I said, what I do, what we do with our show, is when we go into the morning pitch, most of our sources come from the...

03:11:59.000 Look, he's trying to get rid of his...

03:12:00.000 Come on, Hopper. You want to take that off?

03:12:01.000 Tell him to take it off. We get most of our sources from the left.

03:12:04.000 Wouldn't you say, not gay, Jared? I would say probably 80%. 0.98

03:12:08.000 80% of our sources. But I have everyone on the team bookmark liberal sites and then conservative sites.

03:12:14.000 So you've got two rows.

03:12:15.000 And like I said, when I get up and I have news in the morning, I've got NPR, I've got Reuters, I've got Fox News.

03:12:22.000 I listen to them side by side so I know what both people are saying.

03:12:25.000 And I can tell you today exactly what they're saying.

03:12:27.000 Donald Trump has decided to finally recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and station

03:12:33.000 the embassy there after the vote in 1995 passed 390-something to 6, or whatever it was, a

03:12:39.000 binding agreement guaranteeing that the embassy would be in Jerusalem no later than May 1999.

03:12:46.000 And of course Hamas is upset. 0.89

03:12:47.000 Then you go to PBS or you go to NPR and it says, Donald Trump is killing Palestinians. 0.96

03:12:54.000 All right. 0.60

03:12:55.000 He has loved he I don't know what time it is over there, but he's calling us from the land down under

03:13:00.000 Every bump outside of our intro track, which maybe we'll change something.

03:13:03.000 Maybe he'll make a custom intro track for us, but we do have a custom intro track from somebody else.

03:13:06.000 But every other bump that we use on the show is from this guy.

03:13:09.000 I probably listen to him more than any artist I have discovered in the last 10 years.

03:13:13.000 You know him. You love him.

03:13:15.000 He's a good-looking chap.

03:13:16.000 You know him as Pogo. Nick Bertke, Pogo, thank you so much for being here, sir.

03:13:22.000 Steve, how are you guys doing?

03:13:23.000 It's so awesome to hear you guys' voice again.

03:13:25.000 How's it going? Horribly.

03:13:26.000 16 hours, they were saying?

03:13:28.000 Well, no, we've been up for much longer, but we've been watching CNN for 15 hours.

03:13:32.000 15 hours, yeah. Goddamn. 0.99

03:13:35.000 All right, listen, I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to give you the hit list of CNN for the day, okay? 0.99

03:13:42.000 Okay, I'm going to try and rapid fire this.

03:13:44.000 So just to kind of, the whole purpose of this was to see how biased CNN is, and you can only know by watching an entire day of the original programming.

03:13:49.000 By the way, they're lazy. It's only 16 hours.

03:13:51.000 They don't do 24 hours of programming.

03:13:52.000 It's a bunch of diabetes reruns.

03:13:54.000 16 hours is generous. Yeah, 16 hours is generous because they've been running the same 15 minutes.

03:13:57.000 So they start off with Russia probe, Russia probe, Russia probe.

03:14:00.000 Mueller, Adam Schiff talked about the Mueller probe.

03:14:03.000 He's been saying he has evidence for nine months.

03:14:05.000 No evidence, no mention not once of Uranium One.

03:14:07.000 And I know you're social media savvy, so that was number one trend on Twitter and Facebook

03:14:10.000 all day.

03:14:11.000 They've been saying that nine million tiny Tims will die because Republicans want to

03:14:15.000 do away with the chide health care initiative, which is not true.

03:14:17.000 No mention of the Melbourne attacker, by the way, being Afghani Sayed Nouri, who said that

03:14:21.000 he was doing it for the mistreatment of Muslims.

03:14:22.000 Not one mention all day on CNN.

03:14:23.000 It's never been mentioned.

03:14:24.000 They just said some guy ran a van into Holiday Shoppers.

03:14:27.000 Holiday, not Christmas. 0.99

03:14:28.000 That's the cherry on top of the politically correct crap Sunday. 0.53

03:14:34.000 There's no mention of the 1995 Israel vote, of course, which said, of course, Jerusalem is the capital of Israel. 0.57

03:14:40.000 And of course, our embassy should be there.

03:14:42.000 They said that Bannon, breaking news, Bannon hates Bush when Bannon actually said this in June.

03:14:46.000 And then finally, when we realized that Republicans actually wanted to extend spending...

03:14:50.000 What? October. October, sorry.

03:14:53.000 When we realized that Republicans actually said, listen, we don't want to shut the government down.

03:14:56.000 Let's sign this bill here so that we can kick it to January 19th.

03:15:00.000 They were saying Tiny Tim was going to die.

03:15:01.000 Then they realized it wasn't. They just said, ah, 45 seconds of the voted.

03:15:05.000 House decided to kick this down the road.

03:15:07.000 No recognition that Republicans put it forward.

03:15:09.000 Finally, apparently it's a problem that Mike Pence, the vice president, is supporting the president.

03:15:14.000 That was breaking news for about four hours.

03:15:15.000 There you go. That's the entire CNN news cycle for today, Nick.

03:15:21.000 Any thoughts? Well, the last thing I heard of CNN is you guys had some kind of pipe bomb incident in New York, and the only thing CNN wanted to cover during the whole escapade was the allegation that Trump drinks 12 drinks every day or something like that.

03:15:36.000 Diet Coke, yeah. Yeah, and you're thinking like, why is there attention on this guy?

03:15:40.000 Like, if you don't like somebody, you probably shouldn't make every move of theirs, you know, a breaking news headline.

03:15:48.000 Let me ask you this. Melbourne, obviously, that's in your home country here.

03:15:50.000 How much do you know about this attack now?

03:15:52.000 Do people in Australia know that it was Sidney Ori and that he said, you know, listen, this is because of mistreatment of Muslims?

03:15:59.000 Is that kind of common knowledge there?

03:16:01.000 No, it's news to me at the moment, Steve.

03:16:02.000 Sorry. Yeah. Really?

03:16:03.000 Well, he also said that his toaster was talking to him.

03:16:06.000 But like Sven Computer said, that's kind of hedging your bets.

03:16:09.000 It's like, yes, this is for the mistreatment of Muslims, but also I'm crazy, so who knows?

03:16:16.000 So yeah, now, Muslim, Afghani, Muslim. 0.67

03:16:18.000 It's like Russian roulette with a single stack.

03:16:20.000 Yes, Russian roulette with a single stack.

03:16:22.000 I mean, it is, it is, and you know what?

03:16:23.000 That tells me that the Australian news is doing a disservice as well, because you have to go searching for this stuff.

03:16:28.000 It's hard to find real information out there.

03:16:31.000 Do you guys have a 24-hour news station in Australia?

03:16:34.000 No, I don't think so. I think everyone packs up around 7 or 8.

03:16:38.000 I know my Leonopoulos spoke to Parliament not long ago.

03:16:43.000 Which was mind-blowing.

03:16:44.000 I don't know if such a thing would be allowed to happen in the US. What do you think about that?

03:16:49.000 What did he speak to Parliament about?

03:16:51.000 Oh, jeez, everything. Just warning everyone about the bias of the left-wing journalists.

03:16:57.000 Double-check everything. Think for yourself.

03:16:59.000 Don't just buy into the narratives on the TV. I was really impressed that we even allowed him to speak.

03:17:07.000 I'm blown away. Honestly, I'm surprised they allowed that, too.

03:17:10.000 Listen, if they allow anyone to speak and actually kind of coach them from the private sector, from outside their government bubble, I'm happy about it.

03:17:17.000 So that surprised me.

03:17:18.000 No, I don't think that would be allowed here in the United States.

03:17:21.000 You'd probably be allowed to be a lobbyist and go have coffee with them or something like that.

03:17:24.000 I'm not entirely sure. Let me ask you this, Nick.

03:17:27.000 So you're a creative type, but what is your favorite political slash cultural moment of 2017?

03:17:32.000 We've been asking everyone, if you have to pick a moment from 2017, what would you say is your highlight, kind of as far as news or culture, anything like that?

03:17:41.000 It would have to be the left's protesting of Donald Trump's election by encouraging everyone across the nation to scream into the sky for half an hour.

03:17:51.000 Okay, you know what?

03:17:52.000 That's true. That was 2017.

03:17:54.000 A lot of other people said election night, but the inauguration, that was the lady screaming in her green jacket.

03:18:00.000 Yeah, that was early on in the year.

03:18:04.000 Well, that's kind of sad because that means that the highlight of your year was last January.

03:18:08.000 Yeah. Nothing else tickled your fancy all year?

03:18:12.000 No, no, I thought this was the anniversary.

03:18:14.000 Well, no, no, I mean, your favorite moment all year, but that was a good moment.

03:18:17.000 Yeah, all year of 2017.

03:18:18.000 You can pick any, but that was a good one.

03:18:21.000 I'm wondering if there's any other moment that might stick out.

03:18:24.000 To me, this last week has been pretty incredible, honestly.

03:18:28.000 Mm-hmm. Watching what's been going on.

03:18:29.000 What have you guys been covering?

03:18:31.000 I know you've been doing your Change My Mind series, which I love.

03:18:34.000 I think everyone's really getting on board with that, too.

03:18:36.000 Oh, gosh. Well, thank you so much.

03:18:37.000 You know, it's funny that you mention that because we had carolers come in.

03:18:40.000 So, you know, we've been doing a lot of this.

03:18:42.000 We had Midget Dwarf Jesus and Dwarf Santa wrestle in figgy pudding to determine the true spirit of Christmas right here in the studio.

03:18:49.000 And we also had carolers come in.

03:18:51.000 Yeah, by the way, Jesus won, so that's the true spirit of Christmas.

03:18:54.000 Thank God. And...

03:18:56.000 We had carolers come in.

03:18:58.000 Well, this was a surprise. Nakajir did this for me.

03:19:00.000 And the carolers came in. There were three carolers.

03:19:03.000 It turns out there were four carolers.

03:19:04.000 But one of them saw me on the green screen monitor, started sobbing uncontrollably, and said she wouldn't come in and sing for me.

03:19:10.000 And she left. She had to be carried out because she couldn't walk out in her own strength.

03:19:14.000 She was like... The irony of this all is that she didn't want to participate in our program, so she refused to sing.

03:19:21.000 She's been the main topic of the last 10 hours.

03:19:24.000 I know! She's been the main topic.

03:19:26.000 I'm going to track her down. But what's funny is because you mentioned the Change My Mind, so our producer said, hey, listen, how much do you know about the show?

03:19:31.000 He said, listen. And she was like...

03:19:34.000 Don't talk to me. She locked herself in my green room, locking us out. 1.00

03:19:37.000 By the way, there are many guns in the green room, so she was probably just more triggered.

03:19:40.000 We have a revolver, a classic revolver on display.

03:19:43.000 So then my producer says, listen, you can just, you can go in.

03:19:47.000 If you disagree with him, you can actually go in and talk to him right here, sit next to him on the recliner, and he'll listen.

03:19:52.000 And she just freaked out and left.

03:19:54.000 She was like the Wicked Witch of the West melting into the floor. 1.00

03:19:57.000 She was that hysterical.

03:19:59.000 Wow, that's crazy.

03:20:01.000 What made you guys want to do the whole Change My Mind series?

03:20:03.000 What was the starting moment for that?

03:20:05.000 We were talking about that. I was at a pitch meeting and I was just sitting there going like...

03:20:08.000 It was something really basic.

03:20:10.000 I was going, okay, is it me?

03:20:12.000 Maybe there's something I'm missing.

03:20:13.000 And I said, you know, listen, I'm open to having my mind changed.

03:20:16.000 And I realized... I can't have my mind changed by Sally Cohn or Christopher Titus or the liberals who come on the show from TechCrunch who are coming on with their sword ready for a tax.

03:20:26.000 I said, but you know what? Let's just go to a college or let's go somewhere where some people who are moderately educated...

03:20:30.000 Maybe go to Planned Parenthood with I Am Pro-Life.

03:20:32.000 Change my mind. Yeah, go to Planned Parenthood.

03:20:34.000 They kicked us out. So that was just like, let's go to someone who's moderately educated.

03:20:39.000 And I said, and I'm going to bite my tongue, use the Socratic method, and just see if people can rationalize their position.

03:20:44.000 It was the opposite of cable news.

03:20:46.000 It started with me saying, maybe have a blind spot.

03:20:49.000 And we're honestly blown away.

03:20:53.000 Blown away that it's been as successful as it is because it's the opposite of this.

03:20:57.000 They have, you know, nine minutes to do a segment and then six minutes of commercials and they all have to hit their talking points and try and block time for the other guy.

03:21:04.000 And we just said let's do the opposite.

03:21:06.000 That was the inspiration. Yeah, and people have been pretty civil.

03:21:09.000 Well, for the most part, pretty civil, wouldn't you say?

03:21:12.000 Well, we have one coming up that's pro-life later where a girl tried to steal my microphone and then told me that I had no right to take it back.

03:21:18.000 And I was like, but that's my microphone.

03:21:20.000 So, you know...

03:21:21.000 Yes, I saw that. Yes.

03:21:23.000 Well, it gets worse. 0.99

03:21:24.000 And the lady who said I was scum, most of the time it's pretty civil. 0.98

03:21:28.000 You do realize, though, when you get on college campus, a lot of these kids... 0.97

03:21:33.000 I mean, they've been raised in a generation where they're just taught they can take anything they want.

03:21:37.000 And if someone else protests, they're the oppressor.

03:21:40.000 So we literally sit them down with a table and ask them questions and do the change of my mind.

03:21:44.000 And we've tried to be civil. And then one girl took the microphone and said, hey, that's my microphone. 0.85

03:21:49.000 I want it back. She freaked out.

03:21:52.000 And you just realize that's a generation of people who've been told, like, well, if you want the microphone, it's now your microphone.

03:21:56.000 And you realize it's a generation of people who, the crazy liberal ones, it's like a dog on a choker chain that you've been just pulling on the tension and just the media stirring the pot for months and months.

03:22:06.000 As soon as they had the opportunity, Stephen Crowder and Jared, they just, you get a couple of them that are nasty and you can tell they've just been waiting for that moment.

03:22:13.000 Right. To bite you. Yeah, the people who weren't beaten enough as children. 0.93

03:22:16.000 Right, exactly. But you know what?

03:22:19.000 I will say what gave me hope is there was a girl when we were at SMU in an Obama shirt.

03:22:23.000 She had an Obama 08 shirt, and when this other girl who took the microphone started doing her freak-out deal, this girl in the Obama 08 shirt, black girl, actually, I saw her do this out of the corner of my eye, like, oh, these are our representatives on campus.

03:22:39.000 So even there, I think it's just they scream the loudest, but I don't think most people agree with them anymore.

03:22:45.000 No. It's a small bubble, isn't it?

03:22:48.000 It's a small bubble, but CNN is that bubble.

03:22:51.000 It's amplified because all of CNN is that bubble.

03:22:54.000 All of the entertainment industry is that bubble.

03:22:56.000 But in real life, it's this tiny bubble you have to search for.

03:22:59.000 But if you flip on the TV, whether it's entertainment or media, it's everything.

03:23:04.000 And that's where I think the disconnect is.

03:23:06.000 That's why most people think America is this crazy leftist place, but it's not when they visit.

03:23:11.000 You know, it's not what you see on TV. And if any of these news entities or entertainment outlets aren't vitriolic enough on their own, it's kind of like the concoction, the magic potion that comes together to create these social stories who freak out about everything, you know, crying Trump girl and stuff.

03:23:23.000 Yeah. You know, combine all these things together, you know, the powers unite.

03:23:27.000 Then you've got some really weird shit. 0.98

03:23:29.000 Well, what about Australia, Pogo? 1.00

03:23:31.000 Oh, go ahead. Sorry, you were going to ask me something.

03:23:33.000 I was just going to ask you, do you think Twitter and Facebook is helping to change the direction of that pendulum?

03:23:38.000 Do you think more and more people are starting to question the media, or do you think it's very much the way it's always been?

03:23:43.000 No, here's the thing. Most people don't watch CNN. Unfortunately, and this was the thing with net neutrality that I just found so funny, all of these YouTubers fell in line and said, we need net neutrality.

03:23:53.000 We can't repeal the Obama 2015 rules.

03:23:56.000 Look, We're good to go.

03:24:19.000 But YouTube and Google and Facebook and Apple are inherently altruistic.

03:24:23.000 And now we see Apple couldn't care less about being fair.

03:24:25.000 They're slowing down your phone, not because of data, but because it's old.

03:24:28.000 They want you to buy a new one.

03:24:29.000 And so I think you're seeing this happen right now to a degree that's just...

03:24:34.000 I just think people are so blinded by it.

03:24:38.000 So you see Facebook now saying we're going to just no longer flag fake news.

03:24:42.000 We're not going to show it altogether.

03:24:44.000 But we've been watching 16 hours of fake news.

03:24:47.000 All day. Mm-hmm. In Australia, do you think it's a bubble that's amplified by the media?

03:25:14.000 Do you think most people are actually pretty reasonable?

03:25:17.000 Or do you think it's just as crazy as we see in your media?

03:25:19.000 Because when I watch Australian morning TV, I'm like, oh my god, this seems crazy.

03:25:23.000 It's gone so far on the bend.

03:25:25.000 Look, the TV makes it much worse than it actually is, yeah.

03:25:28.000 One of the things I love about culture in Australia is that everyone gets a fair go.

03:25:32.000 Everyone gets the megaphone.

03:25:35.000 No one's head gets higher than anyone else's head.

03:25:38.000 Right. And it's actually something I think is quite different about Australia.

03:25:41.000 Everyone's on the same playing field.

03:25:42.000 Some people call it tall puppy syndrome, which is this phenomenon in which, like, Achievement is not really a welcome for celebration.

03:25:51.000 It's actually kind of treated with almost complete indifference.

03:25:55.000 But the other side of that coin is everyone gets the same treatment.

03:25:59.000 So I know Milo did an appearance on some morning TV show here, and he absolutely annihilated this feminist who was on there, this half-balled feminist he called, and just destroyed it.

03:26:09.000 And I think a lot of Australians kind of agree that it's getting out of hand.

03:26:13.000 People are being spoon-fed and distracted instead of thinking for themselves.

03:26:17.000 Yeah, I can imagine.

03:26:18.000 I mean, look, we have the attack today in Melbourne, and I mean, do you get down to van control?

03:26:24.000 You guys have had the mandatory gun buyback.

03:26:26.000 You know, what do you do? People have access to cars.

03:26:28.000 People can hurt. And we've been told, the reason I say this is because in the United States, Australia has been used as the example for gun control.

03:26:34.000 You know, Obama used them.

03:26:36.000 Pelosi used them. CNN has used them.

03:26:38.000 I think maybe even today saying, look at the gun buyback in Australia, how successful it's been. 0.67

03:26:42.000 Well, it really hasn't.

03:26:44.000 Violent crime and actually murder hasn't really been changed.

03:26:47.000 But people can also kill people with cars.

03:26:50.000 You know, you give them a Land Rover, you give them a Chevrolet Tahoe, it's a lot worse than a mishap with my little Walther here.

03:26:56.000 Yeah, a car is a weapon.

03:26:58.000 Right. Absolutely. You can't nerf the whole world.

03:27:01.000 And, you know, I wonder if people are coming to that realization, and we're seeing that with the UK and Australia.

03:27:06.000 I hate that you guys have to be a cautionary tale, but I will say, to the United States, you're kind of becoming that just because the left has pointed to you guys for so long, saying, look, it works perfectly here.

03:27:16.000 And now people are saying, maybe not. Yeah, look, it's kind of a welfare country.

03:27:23.000 You guys have Uber over there, and we have Uber over here too, and we're starting to place all sorts of taxes on the Uber fares, and actually on the side of the passenger now as well, because they feel that all the income is being taken out of the country, it's an offshore organization, we're losing that cash, we need to tax this, we need to tax that.

03:27:43.000 And so now the little guy's paying the price, as usual.

03:27:47.000 Right, exactly. Well, that happened in Montreal.

03:27:48.000 They allowed Uber. What was it that the Uber driver was telling us?

03:27:51.000 They allowed Uber, then they started taxing them out of existence, and then they said, okay, we will allow you, but it became so expensive that it almost became unusable.

03:27:59.000 Yeah. And think about it. That's one thing.

03:28:00.000 Is there anything more ironic to you than socialists being against what they have coined the sharing economy?

03:28:07.000 Yeah. Uber and Airbnb.

03:28:10.000 They created it. Yeah.

03:28:12.000 Yeah, I don't think it's a government's job to regulate a free market.

03:28:15.000 I'm sorry. I don't think that's their business.

03:28:17.000 Especially when the quality is so much better.

03:28:19.000 Uber is a much more pleasant experience than taxis, just like Airbnb.

03:28:22.000 It's lovely. Yes. Big unions will always be the home team for the government.

03:28:25.000 That's true. Big unions will always be a home team for the government.

03:28:28.000 I hope you guys get Uber.

03:28:29.000 What about Lyft? Is Lyft allowed?

03:28:31.000 Same boat?

03:28:32.000 I haven't heard of this. No, what's Lyft?

03:28:34.000 Well, it's like competition to Uber that makes it better because they're nipping at their heels.

03:28:38.000 So, yeah, it makes sense that you guys don't have Lyft.

03:28:40.000 I'm sorry. Hey, Pogo, let me ask you, what's coming up from Pogo? 0.97

03:28:45.000 What can we expect? What should we be looking for as far as albums?

03:28:48.000 And when are we going to get a custom Louder with Crowder song?

03:28:51.000 There we go. People were asking, but not me.

03:28:52.000 Yeah, that's a really good idea.

03:28:54.000 Well, I'm busy trying to carve some space in the schedule at the moment to do something for you guys, because especially with your whole Change My Mind series, you guys are really onto something with that, and that's inspiring me.

03:29:04.000 But at the moment, I'm trying to get my next album out for the new year.

03:29:07.000 I'm getting artwork made at the moment with one of my really good friends.

03:29:11.000 There'll be a lot of SoundCloud releases in there, but a lot of new stuff as well.

03:29:14.000 So hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

03:29:16.000 We'll see. Okay, well, absolutely.

03:29:17.000 And listen, if you do get something done, if Change My Mind is what's inspiring you, we will change the montage song.

03:29:22.000 We're using a Pogo song, but we'll change it to a custom song.

03:29:24.000 We can switch out all YouTube videos if it's just the musical track, actually.

03:29:27.000 I think it's partners. Yeah, I love it.

03:29:29.000 That sounds awesome. So, yeah, we love you over here, and all of our fans constantly ask us, what is this music?

03:29:34.000 And we say, Pogo, Pogo, Pogo, go download it.

03:29:36.000 Listen, we have to go.

03:29:38.000 We have Dean Cain coming up on the final installment of a YouTube carol.

03:29:42.000 Nick, where's the best place for people to find you?

03:29:46.000 YouTube.com forward slash pogo is the best place to find me.

03:29:49.000 That's the best place. Thank you so much for stopping by.

03:29:51.000 We appreciate it. And listen, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year because we probably won't talk to you before then.

03:29:56.000 Thank you so much, sir. Merry Christmas, guys.

03:29:57.000 Merry Christmas, guys. Thank you.

03:29:59.000 Merry Christmas and God bless.

03:30:00.000 We are in the homestretch. Let's turn up CNN to see if anything here has happened.

03:30:03.000 It says new developments. New developments.

03:30:07.000 President Trump set to sign the tax cut bill tomorrow.

03:30:10.000 Do you mean the bill that he helped design?

03:30:13.000 Is he going to change his mind?

03:30:15.000 It's like saying, new developments.

03:30:18.000 Steven's going to put a period at the end of the tweet that he's already composed.

03:30:22.000 Use punctuation in tweets?

03:30:23.000 By the way, that's a woman though, right? 1.00

03:30:26.000 Yeah. The one next to older Clay Aiken?

03:30:29.000 Half of CNN contributors, they look like Buffalo Bill!

03:30:33.000 I don't really know what Buffalo Bill looks like, but I get it.

03:30:34.000 Buffalo Bill, Silence of the Lambs. Oh, that guy.

03:30:36.000 Same guy. Gosh, I missed it twice.

03:30:38.000 It's a callback, dammit. 0.98

03:30:39.000 Sorry. I'd say it's a chair, but he's working on a technical difficulty. 0.99

03:30:43.000 He's working, yeah. I mean, listen, you want to tell me that this is a panel of healthy-looking people?

03:30:49.000 Oh, and don't forget the lessons of f***ing labor! 0.97

03:30:53.000 Speak with the purpose of me, spirit! 0.97

03:30:56.000 Spirit! Ebenezer YouTube awakened to find himself in a familiar place.

03:31:03.000 Yes, it was so.

03:31:04.000 The bed was his own.

03:31:06.000 The curtains were his own.

03:31:08.000 The room was his own.

03:31:10.000 It's all still here. It's all still here.

03:31:15.000 I don't know what to do for myself.

03:31:17.000 I'm as giddy as a schoolboy.

03:31:22.000 I'm a gay way. I can't... 0.93

03:31:27.000 Merry Christmas, everyone!

03:31:30.000 Oh, merciful heavens, I will make things right.

03:31:34.000 I shall make amends. All three spirits of you two now live within me.

03:31:38.000 I'll say it on my knees, O Susan Wojcicki, on my knees!

03:31:41.000 Oh, heaven! I hope I haven't missed shit! 1.00

03:31:44.000 You there, fine fellow! What day's today? 0.99

03:31:53.000 To me! What day is today?

03:31:56.000 You don't know what day it is. 0.98

03:31:58.000 What in hell? What's that? 0.92

03:32:00.000 It's Christmas Day, pal!

03:32:02.000 It's Christmas Day? Well, I haven't missed it.

03:32:04.000 The spirits did it all in one night.

03:32:06.000 Of course they did. Of course they did.

03:32:08.000 What a remarkable young lad.

03:32:09.000 Young lad, do you know that iMac hanging in the applesauce window?

03:32:12.000 You mean that bloody huge one that's as big as me?

03:32:15.000 That's the one. An intelligent, remarkable young lad. 0.76

03:32:18.000 Go and fridge it for me, bring it to the Cratchit house, and I'll give you a shilling! 0.99

03:32:21.000 Ugh, piss off! 0.99

03:32:22.000 Those things are like 3,000 quid! 1.00

03:32:25.000 Bring it to the militia in 30 minutes, I'll give you half a crap. 0.98

03:32:27.000 That's not even close! 0.98

03:32:29.000 Put along now! How am I meant to do that?

03:32:31.000 I have no money! Look at me, I'm a wee lad!

03:32:34.000 I'm a tiny bearded boy with no money!

03:32:37.000 Ha! A lovely lad!

03:32:38.000 Here's your only hope! Throw me a credit card, have blind trust and hope I come back!

03:32:43.000 That's all you got me! Ha ha!

03:32:47.000 A bit user-ish. Right, that'll do it.

03:32:51.000 But just to be on the total up and up, mate, I'm going to get myself something with that.

03:32:54.000 What's that? I'm going to get, well, none of this is any of your business, but here's the deal.

03:32:59.000 I'm going to get me a Bluetooth keypad and one of the only wee magic trackpads.

03:33:03.000 I like them. A keyboard and magic trackpad, then.

03:33:06.000 On your way. All right, I'm on my way.

03:33:07.000 I'll be back in a bit!

03:33:08.000 No idea how I'm gonna carry it!

03:33:10.000 What a remarkable hit!

03:33:13.000 Oh, Mr. YouTube!

03:33:28.000 You, sir, Sangar Cratchit, will not at work today.

03:33:31.000 But, but, but, Mr. YouTube, it's Christmas Day!

03:33:33.000 And you see that as a fit excuse to rob me of my time?

03:33:35.000 Yes, sir, but, I mean, no, sir, but you said I could have the day off!

03:33:38.000 Sangar Cratchit, I won't stand for this kind of behavior any longer.

03:33:41.000 Oh, please, sir. And therefore, Sangar Cratchit, I am prepared to raise your salary.

03:33:48.000 Sir? Yes, sir, Soundguy.

03:33:50.000 Raise your sack and promise to purchase you a new iMac.

03:33:55.000 And to properly monetize all of Tony Knocker Jarrett's videos for this Christmas and everyone hereafter.

03:34:01.000 Merry Christmas, Soundguy.

03:34:06.000 Piss off! We have my club!

03:34:09.000 Yeah, Mr. Ebenezer, you too. 0.99

03:34:10.000 Piss off! And so it was said of Ebenezer YouTube that he was no longer a dick. 1.00

03:34:18.000 Unfortunately, he had alienated all of his colleagues who built his great fortune before him.

03:34:25.000 And they went forth and kept the original spirit of YouTube in their hearts all year round.

03:34:31.000 And they kept it well.

03:34:33.000 As for Ebenezer YouTube, well, it would rather seem he screwed the pooch. 0.98

03:34:39.000 And as for tiny, not-gay Jared and his aides... 0.98

03:34:48.000 God bless us!

03:34:50.000 Everyone! Life is full of big surprises, some of them are shit. 0.99

03:35:04.000 You build them up and YouTube tries to demolish it. 0.98

03:35:09.000 Throttle all our content, demonetize it all.

03:35:15.000 But look to all of my club and know that we'll stand strong. 1.00

03:35:21.000 Screw them all, all who can hear, as YouTube tries to instill fear, to silence speech and try to tell us what to say, and so tell them to go to hell. 1.00

03:35:43.000 Screw them all, and through Mug Club, we never have to give a f***. 1.00

03:35:54.000 No, we don't need to live in fear. 0.99

03:36:00.000 With Mug Club, we create content everywhere.

03:36:06.000 Screw them all with wire brush Our spirits they will never crush With my club now we can stand tall No matter what they do we can say screw them all With my club now we can stand tall No matter what YouTube does, You can't say screw them all

03:36:43.000 The end of 2017 our last show 16 hours? 16. 0.94

03:36:52.000 16 hours. I'm not even necessarily an entire...

03:36:54.000 I don't have all of my mental faculties.

03:36:57.000 We'll see you January 4th, Thursday.

03:36:59.000 That's the next show. There'll be some Change My Mind videos, some videos up on the YouTube channel, up at CRTV. Join at lottofcutter.com slash mugclub.

03:37:06.000 If we haven't earned your mugclub subscribership here today, then there is no pleasing you.

03:37:11.000 We will see you January 4th.

Louder with Crowder - December 23, 2017

Crowder's 16-Hour CNN Torture Livestream! (Part 2) | Louder With Crowder

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