Bill and Jared are joined by special guests Owen Benjamin, Lauren Southern, Matt Eisman, and Ann McElhinney to discuss the 2020 Democratic Primary Debates, the Oscars, and much, much more. Plus, a glass of wine and some Dragon's Milk.
00:03:18.000By the way, uh, for people wondering, before we're going to get to the live stream, hey look, there's a, there's a little gay guy who did, do you think that black guy there, I always forget his name, he does, Kelly, let's bring up the sound there, Edward, we can't hear anything.
00:03:28.000Do you think that he gets uncomfortable interviewing a little gay guy who did all the rap from Hamilton about slavery?
00:03:35.000Probably, absolutely. Probably wants to know.
00:07:35.000They stopped doing a lot of interviews with them when they realized that these people weren't self-important because they let people in behind the curtain.
00:07:42.000Exactly. They don't help with the echo chamber, and that's why we're here, right?
00:07:44.000We're going to talk. We're going to give people who are sitting at home an understanding of, hey, there's other people out there who also don't want this to be happening right now.
00:07:51.000But, I mean, did you ever hear Alex Baldwin?
00:07:55.000I'm thinking of The Edge. I guess I'm on your chin. I'm going to distract you.
00:07:57.000It's going to bug me all night. Did you ever hear Anthony Hopkins interviewed?
00:08:01.000They asked him how he got into these roles and how much work he put in and how was he able to drain himself to do it, and he just said, so I can live in Malibu.
00:08:09.000That was it. He's so unassuming that people just stopped interviewing him.
00:08:26.000I was almost convinced. But he usually has a mustache.
00:08:29.000Yeah, usually a much bigger, much bigger dude.
00:08:32.000So let's go to, by the way, we should also tell you, Mug Club, lateralclutter.com slash Mug Club, tonight, so tonight through midnight, you get $10 off if you join Mug Club.
00:08:41.000Use the promo code OSCARSSUCK. OSCARSSUCK is a promo code.
00:08:46.000I think they'll allow OSCARSSUCK because people get confused with the S's, so either way you should be fine, and Sven Computer will read them live on air.
00:08:52.000Isn't that right, Sven Computer? We'll do our best.
00:08:55.000We won't bring them up this time because we don't have that much space for overlays, but we will read them, and you'll get your name read out loud.
00:09:01.000You can't bring them up on air? People want to see themselves.
00:09:04.000Like, hi, Mom, on TV. Well, they get their names heard.
00:09:10.000We'll accept it. Send us, by the way, and I want to hear your top five movies of the year, your bottom five movies of the year, what you expect to win.
00:09:18.000The only thing that I will say about these awards nominated tonight, I, Tonya, absolutely deserves it.
00:09:23.000Yep. And I know people will hang me alive for this.
00:09:27.000Well, I guess that is kind of how you hang people.
00:09:30.000Three Billboards Over Ebbing, Missouri was fantastic.
00:09:32.000I still haven't seen it. There was a little bit of the Black Lives Matter kind of messaging, but it was really more about redemption, and our good friend Nick Searcy was in there.
00:09:41.000Yep. That's actually why he couldn't do the show tonight because he said he had to be objective.
00:09:44.000And, of course, Gary Oldman for the Winston Churchill.
00:09:47.000Did any of you guys see that, Darkest Hour?
00:09:49.000Not yet. That one, but I almost, if it counts, I almost Redboxed it.
00:23:06.000It was hilarious, but it won't happen again.
00:23:08.000I'd like to be hearing theirs right about now.
00:23:10.000The chairman of PricewaterhouseCoopers said, and I quote, our singular focus will be on the show and delivering the correct envelopes, which does make sense.
00:23:19.000Just out of curiosity, though, what was your focus the other 89 years?
00:23:24.000I'm hopeful that things will go smoothly tonight.
00:24:00.000Just look at him. By the way, very soon we'll get into explaining to you exactly the history of the Oscars and why it doesn't mean anything.
00:24:08.000How it is entirely about pay for play.
00:24:10.000A lot of people don't know if it's pay to play the Oscars.
00:24:12.000People still think it's legit. Why isn't this nominated?
00:25:29.000Two sips. Two sips. If you can do that, women will only have to deal with harassment all the time at every other place.
00:25:35.000Now, again, women have to deal with harassment.
00:25:36.000Gosh, he just had women and harassment.
00:25:38.000That's another sip. I need some dragon's milk.
00:25:39.000I hope you will listen to many brave and outspoken supporters of movements like Me Too and Time's Up and Never Again because what they're doing is important.
00:33:28.000There you go. That's the truth. This is how you...
00:33:30.000You know it's bad when you're waiting for the relief of the montage.
00:33:35.000This montage is much better than Kimmel's opening.
00:33:37.000It's much better than Kimmel's opening. And remember everyone gave Hugh Jackman flack, you know, because he did the whole musical number and he's not a very good singer.
00:33:43.000But at least he put in some effort. It felt like Jimmy Kimmel just phoned it in.
00:33:47.000Did he host it with... Is that with Steph McFarlane?
00:33:49.000Did he host it? You know your problem? You don't like winners.
00:33:51.000What am I thinking about? I don't know.
00:33:52.000You're drunk. He's listening to the studio.
00:33:55.000He is home. At some point, you've got to decide for yourself who you owe me.
00:33:59.000That's sad. You can do anything you want.
00:34:29.000Some of the most memorable and legendary performances in film history came from those who won the Oscar in the category of Supporting Actor.
00:34:38.000Each of the icons of the past, I'm sorry.
00:34:41.000Whoever told her this was a good hair selection?
00:34:43.000One that each of tonight's nominees met...
00:34:46.000It looks like she's bald and has a ponytail.
00:34:48.000Here are this year's nominees for... It looks like she's bald.
00:34:50.000This is the worst angle possible. And someone took, uh, uh, uh, uh, what was it?
00:34:53.000Willem Dafoe. Willem Dafoe. Christopher Walken.
00:34:56.000Water sucked out. He's like a Christopher Walken dinosaur that fills up in reverse.
00:36:54.000He was great in this. Sam Rockwell was great in this.
00:36:58.000By the way, the most offensive thing Naki Deirdre's ever said in the office was he said he thought Ethan Hawke was a poor man in Sam Rockwell.
00:37:06.000Like, there's no comparison whatsoever.
00:37:08.000I don't know what he was thinking. In fairness, I meant Josh Brolin.
00:37:28.000That's a good one, actually. Sam Rockwell did really well.
00:37:30.000If you haven't seen Three Billboards Over Ebbing, Missouri, a little bit of a Black Lives Matter bent, a little bit of a rape culture bent to it, but then it pivots out of that, and it really is a story about redemption.
00:37:39.000Nick Searcy is in it. Small role, but does a really good job.
00:37:42.000It is genuinely a very interesting film.
00:37:46.000It's one of the few films that I see on here tonight where I go, okay, that makes sense.
00:37:49.000I'm not gonna complain about Three Billboards Over Ebbing, Missouri.
00:37:51.000Okay, this is the first speech, and then we'll bring on Lauren Southern.
00:37:53.000Timmy, I wanna get that Steve Jett or whatever that was.
00:38:56.000It's the same thing as this time, right?
00:38:58.000Time's up. I want to spend on the movies with you.
00:39:00.000I love you. Rhonda, Elise, Jason, Liz Mahoney, Liz Hemelstein, Tara Knickerbocker, all my good friends, and my beloved Leslie Bibb, you light my fire, baby.
00:39:22.000I am here. I can just barely hear you.
00:39:25.000All right. Well, we'll get that fixed here, and I can barely see you, but that's because I'm looking into these floodlights, and I have this stupid hat here.
00:40:33.000They're wearing these Time's Up stickers, and they just talked about equality and the first woman to be nominated for something, something, something, or other.
00:40:40.000But the Best Actress category has been there since the Academy's inception.
00:40:43.000Do you feel like women are underrepresented in film, Lauren?
00:40:48.000Do I feel like women are underrepresented in film?
00:40:52.000I'm not sure what time is up, because I've seen plenty of women in film.
00:40:57.000But you know what? We haven't asked them all what they identify as, so who knows?
00:41:02.000True. Who knows? Do you see that becoming a problem?
00:41:04.000We were just talking about this. Do you see that becoming a problem in the future?
00:41:07.000Best Actress, Best Actor, do you see that being the next kind of frontier?
00:41:11.000Because obviously it's gendered by its very nature.
00:43:21.000Let's bring up Jimmy Kimmel here, Lauren.
00:43:23.000Let's see if you can hear him. Let's see how long it takes for him to say something that aggravates us.
00:43:25.000If your speech goes too long or it aren't going to play you off stage, if your speech runs over this year, instead of music, you will see and hear this.
00:45:06.000Great name. That's it. Creativity of those who are in makeup and hairstyle.
00:45:09.000Oh, makeup and hairstyle. Okay, right.
00:45:10.000You know what? You could be nominated for that, Lauren, the way you're looking this evening.
00:45:12.000Okay, we have to get going, and we have to get to our best films.
00:45:15.000Where's the best place for people to find you as you continue drinking Chardonnay from your porcelain mug, which, please tell me you have a friend in your apartment.
00:51:11.000Don't make it less. That's what they've done consistently, I think, with that, and even though, like, Jon Favreau, The Jungle Book, had, like, some key scenes that were missing from the live-action remake that just made the movie what it was, the original cartoon.
00:51:24.000Okay. All right. So, same thing I did with Beauty and the Beast.
00:53:58.000Ugh. For reasons that are, I don't think I even need to explain this one.
00:54:01.000Please, please don't. Please don't even go into it.
00:54:03.000Sometimes you can't go by the critics.
00:54:05.000But when it's the critics and the fans across the board say this is terrible, and it's from their darling, you know, they're looking for any reason to give Amy Schumer the award.
00:54:13.000Sometimes you have to split the difference between the Rotten Tomatoes, like critics and users.
00:54:16.000Yes, absolutely. This one, just take the both of the awards.
00:56:52.000Okay, let's see what this is. Real quick, back to Jimmy Kimmel.
00:56:54.000They're saying Black Panther has been so successful at the box office, they're already saying it's the favorite to not get nominated for anything next year.
00:57:05.000It's weird that so many superheroes are white just because that's what they were in the comics, right?
00:57:08.000Because it was so popular it won't get nominated.
00:57:30.000Hope quit on Wednesday. Here to present the award for best documentary feature, Greta Gerwig and Laura Dern.
00:57:37.000You know what's surprising about this?
00:57:39.000This category, watch, in five years' time, it will be entirely dominated by Netflix.
00:57:44.000And within ten years' time, it will be entirely dominated by not only Netflix, but YouTube or NewTube, whatever the new YouTube is at that point.
00:57:51.000Right. Because documentaries can be made by anyone with an iPhone camera and the ability to do decent sound.
00:59:25.000And by the way, there was a time where it was okay.
00:59:27.000Just so you know, there was a time where it was okay for women to be sexy at the Oscars and people say, oh, wow, that's sexy.
00:59:32.000Oh, wow, you know, oh, wow, look, look at Monica Bellucci.
00:59:35.000And it wasn't considered offensive. I don't think you should be a pig, by the way.
00:59:37.000The people like us who talked about not having...
00:59:40.000Maybe waiting until you're married or maybe waiting instead of being promiscuous when all the feminists talked about us being sexist and then talked about us being horrible.
01:07:36.000No, we didn't teach him that. He looks like he's straight...
01:07:38.000Sound Guy Edward and Garrett, the intern, look like they are straight out of Alice Cooper Welcome to My Nightmare Era, with their white tuxedos.
01:07:45.000I figured our next guest would appreciate that because he's a musician and I hope he's more sober than we are.
01:07:52.000Love him. Thank God we did not bring...
01:07:55.000He doesn't even have a bear stein going on.
01:07:57.000Thank God this will actually contain like 16 ounces, but it's pushing it.
01:08:23.000I don't know if you saw the rules to our drinking game, but we've pretty much abandoned them because every single time Jimmy Kimmel comes out, we have to take, you know, five drinks.
01:08:33.000Everything is... I didn't even know about the...
01:08:35.000Did you know about the Time's Up pins?
01:08:36.000Have you seen those? No, but I did see people in the audience that used to brag about doing cocaine, off women, clap during one of those moments.
01:08:46.000Yeah. By the way, little known fact, it's a common misconception that they did coke off of women's breasts.
01:08:52.000It actually doesn't function that way.
01:08:53.000You have to use hip bones. It needs to be a stable surface.
01:08:55.000An actor once told me that, who shall remain nameless.
01:10:07.000They're doing the same thing as far as rape as they do with guns.
01:10:11.000They're saying if we get rid of this one thing, we get rid of the fact that we're all doing some stuff.
01:10:18.000They're putting, like, all the blame on an object so they've never addressed that evil exists in the world and they're all, like, part of it.
01:10:26.000Wait. Are you saying, like, rape is some sort of, like, a lockbox?
01:10:32.000No. Like, literally by their logic, they're like, if we cut off Harvey Weinstein's wiener, we just solved all of rape.
01:12:07.000I thought his character was really great because it was really complicated.
01:12:10.000Yeah, I thought so, too. And I thought when it first started off, I thought, oh, no, this is going to be a Black Lives Matter rape culture film.
01:12:14.000And it turned out to be really more of...
01:12:16.000It focused more on the tale of human redemption.
01:13:55.000Knock A. Jared liked it. I didn't like it.
01:13:57.000What song? Dunkirk. I just like that...
01:13:59.000I like that angle of war that I never thought about.
01:14:03.000Like, just people trying to get off a beach.
01:14:05.000It was just very impersonal, and I felt like it was Nolan just really looking for kind of gimmicky shots.
01:14:10.000It's an important story, and I wish it would have been given the care that a story of that importance, you know, warranted.
01:14:17.000That's how I felt about it. I didn't hate it, but I just felt like I didn't really learn a whole lot about Dunkirk, and I didn't feel like I developed a whole lot of appreciation for it, which I could have, unlike Saving Private Ryan.
01:14:26.000A lot of people don't realize this. Most people did not fully understand the invasion of the beaches before Saving Private Ryan.
01:14:31.000A film can have that big of an impact in a positive way.
01:14:33.000I don't feel like Dunkirk pulled that off.
01:14:36.000I want to see a movie about the Eastern Front.
01:19:23.000Yeah. And then, like, it's all these subjective categories like best actor.
01:19:28.000That doesn't even mean anything and they're just up there preaching whatever liberal talking point someone holds a gun to their head about.
01:19:34.000Well, that's actually a good point. Hey, Sven Computer, can we bring up the overlays on the Academy on the awards?
01:19:40.000A lot of people don't realize and Sven, you can educate us here.
01:22:27.000And, of course, he appears on The Ladder with Crowder quite a bit and helps write for the program and want to be at some of the live shows.
01:23:00.000We each have top five films for the year.
01:23:02.000And this might surprise me. I'd love you to send me your top five films.
01:23:04.000And we're going to read out some new mug club members.
01:23:06.000By the way, promo code OscarsSUCK means you get $10 off a mug club if you're not a student or veteran or military, in which case you get more off.
01:23:14.000But a lot of people are like, can I get something off?
01:23:15.000Well, you do if you're watching the Oscar stream tonight.
01:23:18.000OscarsSUCK. And really, it's the only way we can continue doing this, honestly, because YouTube, they're not allowing us to make any revenue.
01:23:22.000All right, Jared's top five films for the year.
01:23:25.000Let's go. All right, and this is no particular order, but I'll throw them out here in this.
01:24:08.000Here's my thing. Usually sequels suck.
01:24:10.000I thought this one, if you go through the characters, each and every character, there is a clear story arc that builds on the first movie, that expounds on their characters.
01:28:52.000Production design by Sarah Greenwood and set decoration by Katie Spencer.
01:28:56.000By the way, while we're talking about representation and it's time, how about the black actors in powdered faces and powdered wigs in 1740s France playing royalty?
01:29:10.000All right. So, brawl on cell block 99.
01:29:12.000Bring up that overlay one more time, Sven.
01:29:14.000This is probably the most radically pro-life message in any film.
01:29:18.000Just so you know, spoiler alert for people who haven't seen it.
01:29:21.000It starts off with Vince Vaughn losing his job, drug deal gone bad.
01:29:24.000He kills the drug dealers to save the cops.
01:29:26.000And basically, these bad guys are going to force an abortion on his wife in the film unless he makes it to cell block 99 to kill somebody who these drug dealers want him to take out.
01:29:38.000Vince Vaughn and his wife only ever refer to their unborn baby as a baby.
01:29:45.000By the way, there's a marriage redeemed in there.
01:29:47.000I won't necessarily ruin that for you.
01:29:49.000There's justice. Everyone actually has to pay for their actions, even Vince Vaughn, even though it's righteous violence.
01:29:54.000The only person who refers to it as a fetus in the entire film is the abortionist.
01:29:59.000And he is the villain and he takes pleasure in wanting to provide this abortion and is a sadist.
01:30:07.000It is something, I mean, I think this person who wrote this film has written something like 50 fiction, pieces of fiction.
01:30:14.000You couldn't, and Vince Vaughn is very, very pro-life.
01:30:17.000That's why he was the best dollar-per-dollar investment in all of Hollywood and now he can't get a good review.
01:30:22.000So, I don't think he would take part in anything that was anything, in any kind of a film that would be pro-abortion.
01:30:28.000This film, Brawl and Cell Block 99, is either the most inadvertently pro-life film I've ever seen, despite it being, you know, it puts Tarantino to shame.
01:30:36.000He would blush at the violence in this film.
01:30:37.000I highly recommend it, just if you want to see someone take violent, perverse Hollywood and kind of subvert it for moral good.
01:30:45.000Why do you think it was overlooked for, like, any kind of nomination stuff?
01:30:48.000Vince Vaughn. I feel like it slipped under the radar.
01:30:49.000Hold on a second, let's hear this guy. Okay, you can turn him down.
01:42:42.000Take it, Sven. Well, a lot of the uniforms that the German army in World War II had, and the Nazi party they had, were designed by Hugo Boss.
01:42:51.000Yes. So that's why many people think they do look good.
01:42:54.000Let's all, everyone here, do we all condemn the Nazis?
01:42:57.000Yes, yes, yes. Yes, we all hate the Nazis.
01:43:18.000Like a lot of the warship captains, right?
01:43:20.000A lot of the U-boats? Oh, I'm not aware of that, but it might be.
01:43:23.000I'm not aware of that. Oh, look, a fantastic woman.
01:43:26.000About a tranny. Okay, so that brings us to our game that we will be playing in tasteless fashion as they broadcast best foreign language film.
01:43:35.000A little game we like to call SS or Esquire.
01:49:46.000You did. You give new meaning to the word friend.
01:49:49.000You see that face? She's like. To my Italian family, the magnificent Margot Robbie, the fearless Craig Gillespie, a cast and crew and bird that elevated my work.
01:51:19.000There might be a few curveballs. I think that uniform there, that uniform, the lapels, the flare, the schnaz, that's got to be a gay Esquire.
01:51:28.000Someone who said newest gender pronouns is actually their favorite game.
01:51:31.000Okay, tell us, Sven Computer, is that SS or Esquire?
01:52:21.000It's almost as though it was the inspiration for the game.
01:52:23.000Thanks, Rachel, for the clear swastika.
01:52:26.000Or let's keep going like this is going really well.
01:52:27.000I do not like that my timeline is littered with thousands of just SS. SS. All of us are going to have to, when they try and comfort me on YouTube, they're going to go, is this not your Twitter timeline?
01:52:39.000They will show it in court, and it will just be SS, SS, SS, SS, Nazi, SS. All right, Sven, give us number five.
01:59:39.000Feminism, equality, diversity, climate change, assault weapon, NRA, borders, wall, gun violence, fascism, immigration, sexual harassment, or any topic who falls under the umbrella thereof.
02:01:37.000The people of Mexico who, if they're not vomiting and trapping uncontrollably right now due to pesticides and microorganisms in their tap water, are likely hopping the border just to escape that godforsaken hellhole that is Mexico.
02:01:52.000We're going to tell you that it's a place you want to be because we went to Cancun once when Ted Turner advocated a one-child policy at the Cancun Climate Summit in 2014.
02:02:02.000Is it just me? When they talk about gays, they're like, they're not represented.
02:02:06.000We just had, like, five gays in a row.
02:04:26.000The Oscars is little bits of fake awards interspersed with tits.
02:04:31.000Well, that's a, it's a, it's a good show then.
02:04:34.000Hashtag me too. Hey, we were just talking about this and you work out there and you and I have worked basically in the film industry or television, entertainment industry our entire lives.
02:04:43.000Yeah. Just how much, how aware are people in Los Angeles of the Ponzi scheme that is the Oscars?
02:04:50.000Because you basically have to spend more as there's, you know, declining ratings.
02:04:54.000But we, we, we just brought up the overlays earlier.
02:04:56.000How much is spent on the average nomination, let alone award?
02:04:59.000Over a million. Yeah. I mean, I think it's kind of like, it's, it's, it's like the little secret that everybody knows but no one talks about.
02:05:08.000I mean, I, I, it's, it's, it's basically the, the nominations go to whoever pays for the most lavish parties and the, and the, and the most advertising in the city, the, for, for your consideration, as in the trades and the billboards and all that stuff.
02:05:25.000But I, I actually thought this year there was a lot of movies that I actually liked, which isn't usually the case.
02:05:30.000A lot of the times it's, it's just, it's just crap that, that they paid a lot of money for.
02:05:36.000Yeah, but it's, but it's time for all the crap that they paid a lot of money for.
02:05:40.000It's time. Haven't you seen the Time's Up pins on their lapels?
02:06:08.000Well, listen, we actually have to, we just played SS or Esquire and everyone lost and my timeline is filled with nothing but people saying SS or Nazi.
02:06:35.000Well, I think it's definitely a neutered comedy act this year.
02:06:40.000It's not, I actually, I actually liked Seth MacFarlane a lot a few years ago, but he caught a lot of flack for being too on PC. And now we've got this adult doing the Oscars.
02:06:52.000There's a few funny jokes, but most of them are kind of predictable.
02:06:55.000Well, when he was good there, Steven Spielberg, do you have any pot?
02:06:58.000I was like, that's a bad comedian working the crowd.
02:11:10.000Incredible visual effects in today's films demonstrate that anything is possible and that even the most fantastic images found in the pages of the screenplay includes double-sided tape.
02:14:42.000Exactly. I would have expected Matthew McConaughey to come out.
02:14:45.000To trick the eye into seeing movement and life.
02:14:47.000You see there... That's true that we make the movie in production, but we sculpt the movie in the editing room.
02:14:54.000Where real magic happens by cutting those frames together on a precise order that creates an emotional impact and tells a story.
02:15:02.000They're a writer. Since 1934, the Academy has recognized the women and the men whose skill for combining distinct images has elevated the art of movement.
02:15:10.000It is now my honor to present this year's nominees for achievement in film editing.
02:15:27.000They really effectively should be the hand of the director.
02:15:31.000So I really do feel almost as though it should be a joint award between the director and the editor.
02:15:34.000It's not as though the editor acts in his own bubble.
02:15:39.000That's one thing that I always thought was really weird.
02:15:40.000Except for Pulp Fiction, actually. Pulp Fiction, Johnny Boy, our producer here was talking to me about it, actually was entirely different because Quentin Tarantino is a horrible filmmaker.
02:15:47.000Most people don't want to admit that. You can tweet me at us, I don't care.
02:15:48.000He's a terrible, terrible, terrible, awful, just awful filmmaker.
02:15:52.000Dunkirk. And Pulp Fiction was entirely because of the director's editor's show.
02:15:55.000It's not him. This is the first Oscar and third nomination for Lee Smith.
02:16:04.000He was previously nominated in this category for The Dark Knight and Master and Commander, the far side of the world.
02:17:55.000Okay, sir? Yeah, I know editing isn't the most glamorous category, but I don't know if you know this, but before Dunkirk, when they went into the editing room, it was originally a romantic comedy starring Reese Witherspoon.
02:18:12.000Really miraculous. You know, a lot of people have been thanked tonight, producers, directors.
02:18:16.000What bothers me is how many writers did Jimmy Kimmel have for tonight?
02:18:20.000And it's so bad. And as far as writers on our program, we do this show every night, it's me and you, and Owen comes in a few times a week.
02:20:17.000Are they actually going to do this in real time and walk out to that theater?
02:20:21.000This is so much wasted time and so much...
02:20:25.000And you know, some producer was like, you want to do what?
02:20:29.000All right, listen, we have coming up, pretty soon we're going to have Anne McElhinney and Matt Eisman, and we have some more things that we actually have to talk about.
02:20:38.000I think we have some celebrities here on the program who are surprise guests even to me.
02:20:42.000What's our next commercial we're going to cut to since they're going to a commercial?
02:20:48.000Nominated for plenty of awards, Steven Spielberg unfortunately apologized for this film, Jaws, saying he felt bad about demonizing a shark.
02:20:54.000I think Steven Spielberg is just an absolutely insufferable Walking human vagina for saying that because jaws is still
02:21:01.000one of my favorite films And this is one of our favorite monologues from jaws quinn
02:21:04.000of course and we have a clip for that which exclusively from Mug Club
02:21:10.000You tube slam two torpedoes into our side chief Peace.
02:22:11.000They didn't even answer any of our emails for a week.
02:22:21.000But the very first week, Chief, their preferred moderators started flagging that we formed ourselves into a tight group of Mug Club.
02:22:31.000You know, it was kind of like the old squares and the battle, like you see, and the calendar, like the Battle of Waterloo, and the idea was angry SJWs.
02:22:41.000Angry SJWs come to take down the channel of some made-up guideline violations.
02:22:45.000He'd start pounding and hollering and screaming.
02:26:38.000Reverse the angle like you had before. People who go to the movies, and those are you people, so we wanted to say thank you to the moviegoers.
02:26:44.000Say thank you to the moviegoers, everybody.
02:28:03.000And storyline. The first foreign film to feature a trans actor and storyline.
02:28:08.000All right, okay. I'm not entirely sure what that, what that, wasn't last year's best picture kind of like, no, it wasn't trans, it was just gay.
02:28:15.000Wasn't it? I don't even know. Moonlight was just a bunch of gay black people going at it, from what I understand, right?
02:28:20.000That's what I, that's, that's what I get.
02:28:23.000I don't necessarily, I don't even necessarily understand.
02:28:26.000So, um, all right, hold on, I'm reading a few things here.
02:29:04.000Yeah. I've been doing more sketches lately and I feel like I'm still highly uncomfortable with it, but you've been doing, clearly, impressions for a long time.
02:32:05.000So I remember when I started doing Tom Cruise, I was watching Jerry Maguire, and I was watching Jerry Maguire, and I would sit there, and I would listen to his phrases, and then I realized he was a little more nasally.
02:32:15.000In his voice, if you shut off that nasal cavity, and you add a little bit more wine to your voice, I miss my wife, I, who's coming with me?
02:32:26.000And I would have a few phrases, I'd realize the energy, and then he would try and make your face, and understand the way Tom Cruise would talk, when he would laugh, and he would do it, and you develop it, and you think of the face, like we just did Charles Bronson in Death Wish.
02:32:42.000Yeah. I would look in the mirror, and do the voice, so think of a couple of them, and one of them was, hey, punk, do you believe in Jesus?
02:32:48.000You're going to meet him. So I'll close my eyes, and I'll do the voice, and then I'll think of the face.
02:32:53.000And I'll do this for a while before I ever look at it.
02:32:57.000That one hurts your face to do, and then I'll go, hey, punk.
02:33:01.000Hey, punk. I'll look in the mirror until I feel like I get it kind of close enough, and then we can do the rest with the makeup, and the puke, and the comment, and the little bit of the one-liners from the Polak Jew.
02:33:14.000And what you do is you just sort of develop it.
02:33:16.000You listen to the phrase. You say something that you can copy exactly, word for word, and then you develop that into the sketch, because it's really hard if you just go into a sketch that you've written, and you've never heard Tom Cruise say those words, or Bill Cosby, or whoever it is.
02:34:16.000What would I pay right now for Cosby hosting this show?
02:34:21.000He would come out, and he would be, listen, he would be real earnest, and he would say, if Bill Cosby was hosting the Academy Awards, he would say, hashtag me too, when it comes to the...
02:34:40.000Listen, the Harvey wide stream is behind it, and the boop-hot and make it to the sub, or putting it into the Harvey wide stream, leaving it alone.
02:34:51.000I don't want no part of the Harvey wide stream.
02:41:12.000Yeah. But they made a whole big point, you know, of the fact that now, you know, Harvey Weinstein, they got rid of Harvey Weinstein from the Oscars.
02:41:18.000You know, he's no longer a member of the Oscars.
02:41:20.000Yeah, but you know, guess who is though?
02:41:22.000Roman Polanski is still a member because that's so important.
02:41:38.000Just spoiler alert for people who don't realize, I don't want to say spoiler, but for people who aren't quite, he sodomized an underage girl on Quaaludes.
02:41:48.000Now, compared to servicing oneself in a, stop it, stop.
02:41:54.000He's got it on the brain because he's had a few drinks and some ashwagandha pills.
02:42:00.000So compared to servicing oneself in the local potted plant, I mean, Roman Polanski makes Weinstein look like Gandhi and no one talks about him.
02:42:12.000Yeah. Because Meryl Streep is on tape standing for around, around the clock.
02:42:21.000But they couldn't love her more and she couldn't be nominated for more.
02:42:23.000And by the way, for the film and I this year watched every last of the nominations for Best Picture.
02:42:30.000because to save your audience for having to do it for themselves.
02:42:34.000And we can tell you that the post which Meryl Streep stars in, life is way too short.
02:42:40.000All of our lives, all of our lives, unfortunately, are too short for you to even watch it on your telephone if you are stuck at a bus stop in a terribly, terribly boring situation.
02:43:52.000Obviously, our good friend Nick Searcy was in it.
02:43:53.000You know, it starts off when you think, oh, no, this is going to be the rape culture, Black Lives Matter.
02:43:57.000And you realize it's really much more of a redemption story and people are doing the best they can and everyone makes mistakes.
02:44:05.000And it's funny, actually, there was a guy in there I recognized.
02:44:07.000I was in a film with him called The Secret with David Duchovny called Brennan Sexton III. And he was the biggest liberal I'd ever met in my life at this point.
02:47:12.000I mean, I think all those, all that thing with the rape culture and all that, that was them trying to get out their inner demons out there.
02:47:20.000Right. And as you say, everyone else in the world was going in offices in Iowa are going, well, yeah, there was some guy who looked at me a bit funny 20 years ago, but that stopped.
02:47:44.000So he basically, he does this interview, and in the interview, he says, like, you know, we need to distinguish between people who rape, and people who say, you know something, girlfriend, that's a nice blouse on you.
02:49:28.000But, uh, no, it's, it's, and that's one thing I appreciate about you and we try to do on this show is even though I can't stand Matt Damon, I watch it and I say, you know what?
02:49:38.000Because we were talking about this tonight. Like, for example, Anne, you look, uh, you both look very, very dapper this evening, very polished.
02:49:43.000You both look, but Anne, you don't, forgive me, you don't have your tits on a platter.
02:49:48.000Now, these women have been walking out and it's double-sided table.
02:50:34.000Yeah, remember, remember women were tired of being slut-shaming and they were going to wear short skirts and no tops and low tops because that's, hey, that's who they were.
02:50:42.000And then men looked at it and said things and now the men are, are, are, are.
02:50:46.000I also, I also think if you take sex out of the workplace, no one wants to go to work anymore because everyone goes, everyone goes to work.
02:50:56.000It's like, you know, you want someone to say, you look very nice in that top.
02:51:02.000Well, Jordan Peterson got raked over the coals by Vice for talking about lipstick and rouge and how this mimics sort of sexual arousal and these are part of biological evolutionary mechanisms.
02:51:11.000It's like, are you saying, are you saying women shouldn't wear makeup in the workplace?
02:52:43.000Okay, listen. We do have to get going.
02:52:44.000I could talk with you two all night, but I know you want to watch the Oscars because you two actually work in the industry and create films.
02:54:17.000I gave you some of that before. That's what they give you if you have alcohol poisoning in the, uh, in the, uh, the ICU. Just go see, uh, go see Ferguson play.
03:05:30.000And by the way, to those who say we're all a bunch of out-of-touch Hollywood elites, I'll have you know that each of the 45 million Ferozki crystals on this stage tonight represents humility.
03:05:44.000Our next presenter has been in dozens of big movies, including Speed, Gravity, and Crash, which also happen to be the three main reasons never to get in a plane with Harrison Ford.
03:09:10.000And this guy, this Eastern Block guy, Zaviskas, Zavikas, but I remember there's this scene, if you want to watch a great documentary, and a lot of people look past this, Matt, because they think they're meatheads.
03:09:21.000And they're sitting there, and they're watching.
03:09:23.000You know, they go out and they have to lift this log.
03:09:24.000I think it's 400 pounds and put it overhead, but it's kind of asymmetrical.
03:09:28.000It's hard to lift. And this Eastern Block guy, Zaviskas, Zavikas comes out.
03:09:32.000They've all, like, they're struggling to get it up once.
03:09:34.000And he comes out, doom, like a piston.
03:09:37.000He does it eight times. And if you want to talk about human drama, the human condition, you can see Brian Shaw and, at that point, Eddie Hall just go.
03:10:07.000So, again, you know, as Ripito would point out, this isn't the standard bar we use where you can get the thumb lock, as they were pointing out.
03:10:14.000It's so thick, and it had no rotation.
03:10:17.000And just to see these guys, just the effort they were putting into it, the sacrifice in their bodies, and then to go up to them and shake hands with Brian Shaw.
03:13:28.000I love Daniel Day-Lewis, but that one looked like a parody of a movie that you guys would come up with where, like, he's sewn his secret message into the Jaguars.
03:13:38.000You could not choose a more boring topic to me.
03:13:43.000No, I feel like Daniel Day-Lewis is made for the teaser.
03:13:46.000Like, he's made for the trailer where it's like, they write this whole film where no one's going to watch it, but, like, in the teaser, like, and he doesn't know who he is.
03:13:53.000And it's just Daniel Day-Lewis. He's like, leave me my name!
03:13:59.000It's Tropic Thunder, the opening of Tropic Thunder, how they had those fake movies that was so great.
03:14:05.000But I watched, like, The Shape of Water was splash.
03:14:11.000You think we should beat out his arrows?
03:14:12.000It was more ponderous. It was more ponderous, and I thought, like, you know, they ended up killing these soldiers inappropriately because she felt some connection, and I didn't see the relationship.
03:14:22.000That was one of those ones where I felt like it was this beautiful story, and there was no emotional connection, which is what I felt with The Big Sick, too.
03:14:29.000I watched it, and I heard great things, and I think Camille's really funny, and in that movie, I just didn't see any chemistry between them or any reason for the relationship.
03:14:41.000Yeah, and so I thought it was good, but I had two problems with it.
03:14:46.000One, I actually thought it really humanized Tonya Harding, but at the same time, I felt there was a condescension in it towards the trailer park people where I wish they wouldn't have had that winking, like, aren't these trailer trash people despicable, instead of to, which I thought they did point out how amazing it was that this woman, through sheer force of will, got herself into a sport she had no business being in.
03:15:11.000Well, she was an incredible athlete, by the way.
03:15:12.000For people who don't know, when they watch it, she was the best athlete in figures skating by far.
03:15:17.000And I thought, so I thought, I thought, well, they almost humanized her.
03:15:21.000I felt it was winkingly condescending, and I also thought that, you know, they pointed out numerous times, like, Nancy Kerrigan must have been like, so wait, now I'm, like, they don't even address, like, the trauma she went through.
03:15:34.000Nancy Kerrigan was horrible. She was a terrible human being.
03:15:36.000But I did feel, I didn't like the way that they mocked the suffering or difficulty of I Tanya.
03:15:44.000I felt that there was a little bit of Hollywood condescension in that, as opposed to saying, this woman, you know, Tanya, really was probably a product of her surroundings and overcame a lot, and was to a certain amount a victim.
03:15:59.000But it was good, but I felt it was playing a little, kind of, almost sketch, comedically.
03:16:08.000So I, I guess I can see that, but I thought it was so, hold on a second, now we have Jimmy Kimmel, now he's in a dinner jacket.
03:16:13.000Hold on. We have some of the finest musicians in the world, led by our musical director, Harold Wheeler, here tonight.
03:16:20.000Harold, I do want to say something about Harold.
03:16:24.000Little known fact, Harold actually lives in this orchestra pit.
03:16:28.000We keep him underground like the clown from It at all times.
03:16:31.000Watch, someone's going to comment on that and say it was racist.
03:16:34.000Watch, tomorrow. Okay, our next presenter is an Oscar winner for this performance in the best picture for 1979, The Deer Hunter.
03:19:06.000CBS with Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, and I'd say probably HBO now because they've been on top of the online service.
03:19:14.000They don't understand that people really can vote with their dollar and that they really do need to entertain you, and they're going to lose this whole market share.
03:19:23.000I don't think they realize. This is like watching an endangered species die.
03:19:28.000That's what I feel like I'm watching tonight.
03:19:30.000Well, again, be funny is the first rule.
03:19:34.000If you want to preach, if you want to do that, if you want to get political, you have to know you're going to alienate half of your audience.
03:19:41.000Again, when he comes out with this heartfelt talk about his son, I get the emotion behind it, but to then translate that into a statement on Obamacare or health care rights, again, you're not the expert.
03:19:53.000I don't think that's why we're tuning in here, and I don't know that that's the platform to do it.
03:19:57.000Certainly, I went to the Emmys, and I felt like when Colbert came out and the monologue is all about Trump, again, this isn't your show.
03:20:06.000This is a show, theoretically, for everyone who enjoys TV. Even half of them did vote for Trump, and why are we politicizing it?
03:20:13.000Again, to me, when we're supposed to be entertaining, I don't know.
03:20:18.000I don't think it's the platform for it, but I get where people may choose to do that, but it's certainly, I think, the biases are obvious.
03:20:54.000It's boring. You only care about probably three awards or four, or maybe five awards, like actor, actress, supporting, and film.
03:21:02.000Maybe screenplay, but for the rest of the stuff, again, we, we, you, you just feel the, like, these statement moments that they have.
03:21:13.000And honestly, it was funny when they had Demi Moore talking from A Few Good Men.
03:21:17.000I missed you while you were talking to this show.
03:21:19.000Call me by your name. It's you guys making out in a cornfield.
03:21:21.000I'll never eat creamed corn to save a corn.
03:21:26.000Okay, continue. I, I, I just felt, it's, it's funny when she's like, uh, the line, you know, she's the one who was saying, I love that there are men who are standing on that wall saying, nobody's going to hurt you, not on my watch.
03:21:39.000She was actually really the conservative viewpoint there.
03:21:41.000It was ironic that they brought her up.
03:21:43.000That's a good point. I don't think they, I don't think they think these things through.
03:21:46.000I think they only see it through their lens and they go, okay, this makes sense through our lens.
03:21:50.000This is about the wall. This is about the NRA. All right, let's bring it out.
03:21:52.000Right. Uh, okay, Matt, listen, we have to go and, uh, we have more commercials to show.
03:21:57.000Matt, where's the best place for people to find you, Mr.
03:21:58.000Celebrity Apprentice? Uh, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, all at Matt Eisman and, and, uh, Ninja vs.
03:23:33.000Welcome to our nightmare. Oh, someone just tweeted us gender representation drink.
03:23:40.000Who's this now? She blends in with the crystals.
03:23:42.000It doesn't work. Every storyteller mentions that there is no joy about sorrow.
03:23:47.000Tonight, as we celebrate the achievements of our collaborators, we also mourn the loss of those who brought joy and awareness through their passion and energies.
03:24:18.000Do we have some more Mug Club sign-ups that we haven't read out?
03:24:21.000Sure thing, we have. By the way, for people who forgot, Oscars suck is the promo code.
03:24:26.000You join now, you get $10 off of Mug Club.
03:24:28.000And by the way, if you don't join, we probably won't be here in a few months' time because YouTube decided that they want to demonetize everything.
03:35:47.000It's 1118. This is how self-important Hollywood is.
03:35:50.000How often, truthfully, how often do you hear me say, I'm like, listen, we've got, even though we're online, I'm like, we've got to keep it in our time.
03:35:57.000You hear me say that all the time. I'm like, we've got to respect our audience's time.
03:36:01.000Because we know that you have things to do.
03:36:03.000You're expecting a certain program in a certain amount of time.
03:37:18.000As much as, you know, although we know that, oh, look, they're saying the final season because they want us to know, like, listen, we know you're tired of Kevin Spacey.
03:37:27.000Oh, this guy, I've seen his spoken word poetry all night.
03:37:30.000Let's hear this. The entire generations that came before you.
03:37:34.000Who is this guy? It's not really about what technology can do.
03:49:27.000We have no business doing a live broadcast at 11.30.
03:49:30.000It's the strength of the women. I'm supposed to believe she's the brave one.
03:49:33.000But in many cases, the actress's personal strength forged in the challenges they face as women in their real-life journey to the Oscar stage.
03:59:49.000What do you think Brian Williams thinks of his daughter considering what she did on girls on HBO? It's the most vulgar sex act you can think of to be broadcast on national television.