Louder with Crowder - #CrowdersAntiOscarsParty | Louder With Crowder

00:00:00.000 over to lead by an any big fat love to hold the spread of love must do love

00:00:11.000 ground to hold the spread and any America first America first!

00:00:21.000 Non-fatal!

00:00:23.000 We want to build a much better, believable people!

00:00:27.000 And we must do it non-fatal!

00:00:29.000 Communication very much higher!

00:00:32.000 America first!

00:00:34.000 To lead by an A! Insiders fighting for insiders!

00:00:38.000 Time to stop! Insiders fighting for insiders!

00:00:42.000 Time to stop!

00:00:47.000 Insiders fighting for insiders!

00:00:49.000 America first!

00:00:51.000 Love the flow!

00:00:54.000 Good to be with you!

00:00:55.000 Look at this! Woo! It's a party!

00:00:58.000 My half-Asian lawyer, Oddjob, with us.

00:01:02.000 Hashtag Oscars anti-crowder.

00:01:04.000 Oh, look at Hopper! He's got a bow tie going.

00:01:06.000 We don't want to be here.

00:01:08.000 No. This is the truth. We don't want to be here.

00:01:09.000 We got so many tweets when we said we were going to be doing this this evening with people saying, I'd rather die than watch the Oscars.

00:01:15.000 That's why we're here, so that you don't have to be watching it.

00:01:18.000 Let's have some fun. You can break character now.

00:01:19.000 He's giving me the stoic look.

00:01:21.000 Before we continue, first off, drinking rules for the night, just like we did with the debates.

00:01:26.000 Yes. The debates. CNN live stream.

00:01:28.000 Sven Computer with the overlays.

00:01:29.000 Bring up the drinking rules that we have for tonight.

00:01:32.000 You have to take a sip or drink every time the words or general topics thereof.

00:01:37.000 Trump. Fear. It's 2018.

00:01:39.000 We will also accept it's time.

00:01:41.000 Feminism. Equality. Diversity.

00:01:43.000 Climate change. Assault weapon.

00:01:44.000 NRA. The topic of borders or wall.

00:01:47.000 Gun violence. Fascism.

00:01:48.000 Immigration. That seems redundant because we already mentioned the border or wall.

00:01:51.000 Or, of course, sexual harassment.

00:01:53.000 Sexual harassment. Encompassing all.

00:01:55.000 Hashtag Me Too. Or comments.

00:01:57.000 Thereof. Yep. So, a lot of you remember this.

00:02:00.000 We did the drinking game. By the way, before we continue, guests.

00:02:03.000 Let's bring up the guests, Sven.

00:02:04.000 We have Owen Benjamin, Lauren Southern, Matt Eisman, Ann McElhinney.

00:02:09.000 Do we have it? Can they see what we have here?

00:02:10.000 They can see what they have. They can see.

00:02:11.000 They can see what we have. We did the drinking game.

00:02:14.000 Did you ever, when we did the debate live stream.

00:02:16.000 It's never gone well. And you didn't do very well.

00:02:19.000 No. Do you know why? Because I'm 140 pounds.

00:02:22.000 Yes. For one. In particular.

00:02:25.000 In particular because, because we had like 12% beer.

00:02:29.000 What was that beer? It was, uh, it was, uh, Dragon's Milk.

00:02:34.000 And we will commence this evening.

00:02:36.000 No! Yes.

00:02:43.000 Death is upon us.

00:02:44.000 Yes. Dragon's Milk.

00:02:46.000 There we go. Consumed from our mug.

00:02:48.000 Where's your mug? My mug's right here.

00:02:49.000 All right. There we go. By the way, because this is from the state of Michigan.

00:02:52.000 This is, this is very expensive.

00:02:53.000 I think it's like 20-something a floor pack to get imported now.

00:02:56.000 Yeah. Uh, it is in fact 12%.

00:02:58.000 And so we'll open it with my bottle opener.

00:03:00.000 Shape of Michigan. Uh, hey look, it's that guy.

00:03:03.000 Good night, everybody. From Hamilton. Jared, come on.

00:03:05.000 You gotta go, you gotta get this first.

00:03:06.000 Let's, uh, let's go. You know, we'll port, we'll half port.

00:03:09.000 Uh, I guess, Bill, you already have wine in there, right?

00:03:11.000 I do. I've got a little bit, but I'll finish it quickly.

00:03:13.000 Here we go. All right. Well, then we can get you some Dragon's Milk.

00:03:15.000 Go on and off. Incredibly delicious beer.

00:03:17.000 This is a very, very good beer.

00:03:18.000 By the way, uh, for people wondering, before we're going to get to the live stream, hey look, there's a, there's a little gay guy who did, do you think that black guy there, I always forget his name, he does, Kelly, let's bring up the sound there, Edward, we can't hear anything.

00:03:28.000 Do you think that he gets uncomfortable interviewing a little gay guy who did all the rap from Hamilton about slavery? 0.75

00:03:35.000 Probably, absolutely. Probably wants to know. 0.55

00:03:37.000 This is a very odd dynamic.

00:03:39.000 What's going on here, little man?

00:03:40.000 What do you know? You know what? I just realized that I, I poured Jared the whole bottle.

00:03:43.000 Hold on, you and, you and Bill.

00:03:46.000 I'm going back to play Hamilton.

00:03:48.000 So, predictions. I'm going to pencil in, I don't know.

00:03:57.000 I have no best interest in this.

00:03:59.000 I don't want to. There we go.

00:04:03.000 There we go. More Dragon's Milk.

00:04:06.000 So, we're going to have our, uh, our top films, by the way.

00:04:09.000 Top. Oh, no. What got me was the mother-daughter relationship.

00:04:27.000 Oh, no. It was such a. Well, to me, it's the most comfortable.

00:04:30.000 By the way, we're. I'm curious.

00:04:41.000 I come from a foreign culture, so this is a new experience.

00:04:44.000 In our history.

00:04:54.000 Oh, here we go.

00:04:59.000 Jared, give me your. I'm going to fill your.

00:05:01.000 A little bit. Do it.

00:05:03.000 Anyone. I just came in.

00:05:06.000 The producer, Johnny Boy. I love you.

00:05:09.000 Johnny. Everyone there.

00:05:11.000 Anyway, yeah, it's good to see you.

00:05:13.000 Have a good one.

00:05:28.000 Uh, alcohol poisoning.

00:05:30.000 First off. I really don't want to be here.

00:05:32.000 No. Watching this. But, when we did the CNN live stream, people said, thank you so much because it was so illuminating.

00:05:37.000 And it was for us as well.

00:05:38.000 I think they didn't. They needed the camaraderie of watching.

00:05:42.000 First five minutes.

00:05:54.000 No. I don't know if we're going to make it past Jimmy Kimmel's monologue.

00:05:56.000 Okay, who's this guy? He looks like Jack Nicholson after he fell off the roof in the original Batman.

00:05:59.000 Gary Oldman. Oh, Gary Oldman.

00:06:01.000 Huge libertarian conservative, by the way.

00:06:03.000 Let's hear this. So why do you think that you're the guy that played Winston Churchill in Darkest Hour?

00:06:06.000 Because you look nothing like the guy I've seen on the screen.

00:06:09.000 Oh my God, it looks like he's acting, right?

00:06:10.000 Do you recognize any bit of yourself at all?

00:06:14.000 Occasionally. A little.

00:06:16.000 There's a little, maybe a little twinkle here.

00:06:18.000 By the way, for people who don't know, Google Gary Oldman Nancy Pelosi.

00:06:22.000 Have you ever read his interview in Playboy?

00:06:25.000 Oh, brutal. The worst word you can call a woman? 0.99

00:06:28.000 Only add totally and effing useless in front of it. 0.99

00:06:31.000 About Nancy Pelosi. Wow.

00:06:33.000 Pelosi. That's a very honest talk there.

00:06:35.000 Nancy Pelosi said a totally, he said, Bill Maher gets away with calling it. 0.98

00:06:39.000 If he calls someone a fag, no one cares. 0.99

00:06:41.000 But if I were to say Nancy Pelosi is a bleep, I'll go one further. 0.99

00:06:46.000 A completely, totally, utterly worthless bleep. 0.99

00:06:50.000 They'd hang me from the gallows. 0.56

00:06:52.000 And by the way, I have a story about Gary Oldman with Andrew Breitbart.

00:06:54.000 Gary Oldman, Frank Miller, Andrew Breitbart.

00:06:56.000 He wanted Bill Maher to be.

00:06:57.000 Wait, that actually happened?

00:06:59.000 He's a big, big libertarian conservative.

00:07:01.000 And you know the Academy this year is just so conflicted because they have to give him this award.

00:07:08.000 They know. They recognize the talent, but they'd rather him just keep his mouth shut and walk away.

00:07:13.000 It's like Mel Gibson, only he's not wrong.

00:07:15.000 It's true. Remember his Black Lives Matter comments? 0.94

00:07:18.000 He got so much for it. Well, he had to apologize.

00:07:20.000 They bullied, I think they bullied him.

00:07:22.000 Look at him. Look at him.

00:07:23.000 See, Daniel Day-Lewis goes up and he talks about how he had to, you know, he went on a ride-along so he knows what it's like.

00:07:27.000 He doesn't like to be an LAPD officer.

00:07:29.000 Gary Oldman's dancing as Churchill.

00:07:31.000 The Academy hates this about him, right?

00:07:34.000 Same with Anthony Hopkins.

00:07:35.000 They stopped doing a lot of interviews with them when they realized that these people weren't self-important because they let people in behind the curtain.

00:07:42.000 Exactly. They don't help with the echo chamber, and that's why we're here, right?

00:07:44.000 We're going to talk. We're going to give people who are sitting at home an understanding of, hey, there's other people out there who also don't want this to be happening right now.

00:07:50.000 No, no. I mean, yes, that too.

00:07:51.000 But, I mean, did you ever hear Alex Baldwin?

00:07:55.000 I'm thinking of The Edge. I guess I'm on your chin. I'm going to distract you.

00:07:57.000 It's going to bug me all night. Did you ever hear Anthony Hopkins interviewed?

00:08:01.000 They asked him how he got into these roles and how much work he put in and how was he able to drain himself to do it, and he just said, so I can live in Malibu.

00:08:09.000 That was it. He's so unassuming that people just stopped interviewing him.

00:08:14.000 Is this the guy from Moonlight?

00:08:16.000 I know that was last year, right?

00:08:18.000 That's Mohammed something. 1.00

00:08:20.000 He's the guy in House of Cards.

00:08:22.000 He plays Remy something, the consultant.

00:08:24.000 Yeah. That's him?

00:08:26.000 I was almost convinced. But he usually has a mustache.

00:08:29.000 Yeah, usually a much bigger, much bigger dude.

00:08:32.000 So let's go to, by the way, we should also tell you, Mug Club, lateralclutter.com slash Mug Club, tonight, so tonight through midnight, you get $10 off if you join Mug Club.

00:08:41.000 Use the promo code OSCARSSUCK. OSCARSSUCK is a promo code.

00:08:46.000 I think they'll allow OSCARSSUCK because people get confused with the S's, so either way you should be fine, and Sven Computer will read them live on air.

00:08:52.000 Isn't that right, Sven Computer? We'll do our best.

00:08:55.000 We won't bring them up this time because we don't have that much space for overlays, but we will read them, and you'll get your name read out loud.

00:09:01.000 You can't bring them up on air? People want to see themselves.

00:09:04.000 Like, hi, Mom, on TV. Well, they get their names heard.

00:09:09.000 That's fine. Okay. All right.

00:09:10.000 We'll accept it. Send us, by the way, and I want to hear your top five movies of the year, your bottom five movies of the year, what you expect to win.

00:09:18.000 The only thing that I will say about these awards nominated tonight, I, Tonya, absolutely deserves it.

00:09:23.000 Yep. And I know people will hang me alive for this.

00:09:27.000 Well, I guess that is kind of how you hang people.

00:09:30.000 Three Billboards Over Ebbing, Missouri was fantastic.

00:09:32.000 I still haven't seen it. There was a little bit of the Black Lives Matter kind of messaging, but it was really more about redemption, and our good friend Nick Searcy was in there.

00:09:41.000 Yep. That's actually why he couldn't do the show tonight because he said he had to be objective.

00:09:44.000 And, of course, Gary Oldman for the Winston Churchill.

00:09:47.000 Did any of you guys see that, Darkest Hour?

00:09:49.000 Not yet. That one, but I almost, if it counts, I almost Redboxed it.

00:09:52.000 I thought about Redboxing.

00:09:54.000 Yeah, I don't, I didn't even, where do you find a Redbox?

00:09:55.000 You stood there in front of the Walgreens, and you held yourself by the box, and you said, maybe.

00:10:00.000 No, I didn't even do that. I looked it up on my phone.

00:10:01.000 I'm like, oh, it does exist in this one Redbox.

00:10:03.000 Are they still distributing beta?

00:10:05.000 Like, what do you get when you go to a Redbox now?

00:10:06.000 You go to a Walgreens, does it eject a VHS? No, that's still family video.

00:10:10.000 You still have a good family video.

00:10:12.000 Out for beta? Out in the hood for that.

00:10:14.000 Route 66! So, let me, hold on, let me check our schedule here.

00:10:17.000 We have a few things to get to tonight.

00:10:19.000 We have not only our top five and our bottom five, but we also have big surprise movie of the year.

00:10:23.000 What do you think this year's biggest film surprise is going to be?

00:10:26.000 Let us know. Tweet us.

00:10:27.000 This is our personal choices, right? Our personal choices first.

00:10:29.000 These are, well, no, the surprise movie we all, we agreed on, but then we have personal choices, our bottom five and our top five.

00:10:35.000 What was your favorite movie of the year, Bill?

00:10:38.000 Not Blade Runner. Not Blade Runner?

00:10:39.000 I can't even focus on the top ones, because I'm already at the bottom ones.

00:10:43.000 Okay, Blade Runner was in your bottom.

00:10:44.000 I think Blade Runner actually crossed the board.

00:10:47.000 Yeah, it was in there. Making me sad.

00:10:48.000 I didn't see it, so I didn't put it in there.

00:10:52.000 Count yourself blessed.

00:10:53.000 You can't even think, what would you give one of your top films?

00:10:56.000 I, Tonya. I, Tonya, you saw it?

00:10:58.000 Oh, yeah. I, Tonya was really, really good.

00:11:00.000 Yeah, it was very good. Is it Allison Jennings?

00:11:01.000 Is that her name? Yeah. She's incredible. 0.99

00:11:03.000 Yeah, she's incredible. She did a fantastic job. 0.99

00:11:05.000 If you haven't seen I, Tonya, highly recommend it.

00:11:06.000 Also, last night, saw Game Night.

00:11:09.000 Very highly recommend Game Night.

00:11:10.000 Excellent. Some of the best writing in a comedy that I've seen in years.

00:11:14.000 Was it turned to the end? Yeah.

00:11:16.000 It was really well done. A lot of attention to detail.

00:11:18.000 Really good. Really good performances. Jason Bateman.

00:11:19.000 A Jesse Plemons kid is always funny.

00:11:21.000 He's from Dallas. He started in Friday Night Lights.

00:11:23.000 And he gained weight for, someone can let me know, Jesse Plemons.

00:11:26.000 He gained weight for what? And then he couldn't, he couldn't lose it.

00:11:29.000 He never lost it from the face.

00:11:31.000 You know what I mean? Never recovered.

00:11:32.000 I understand. I very much understand.

00:11:34.000 I gain, if I gain two pounds, I put it in my face.

00:11:36.000 Jesse Plemons puts it in his face. 0.77

00:11:37.000 But he's got the, he's got the pock marks.

00:11:39.000 So, what, are you talking to me? I thought I heard you talking to me.

00:11:42.000 No. Black Panther, did anyone see Black Panther?

00:11:45.000 I saw Black Panther. You did?

00:11:46.000 Yeah. He only sees crap. 1.00

00:11:49.000 I'm wearing Black Panther right now. 0.99

00:11:51.000 Did you see Black Panther? No, I wouldn't see it.

00:11:53.000 How would you know? Well, because you said it was going to be crap. 0.99

00:11:56.000 It was crap. It was crap. 1.00

00:11:57.000 You only see Marvel films. And so, if you say it's bad, then it must be pretty bad. 1.00

00:12:02.000 What was the film you took Sven to see that one time you had the opportunity to take him to see something?

00:12:05.000 I took him, that's right.

00:12:06.000 Thor Ragnarok. It was Thor, yeah.

00:12:08.000 It was definitely Thor, which is definitely worse.

00:12:10.000 That was horrible. It was terrible.

00:12:11.000 Everyone loved Thor Ragnarok. That was worse.

00:12:12.000 That was, in fairness, that was worse than Black Panther. 0.93

00:12:15.000 All right, hold on. I'm going to go to some sweets.

00:12:17.000 We can't look at the overlay. Let me see what people, their top films are.

00:12:21.000 Fix this shit. 0.99

00:12:22.000 Where is the shape of water, says Jerry. 1.00

00:12:24.000 Not a movie goer, but Star Wars last night was awesome and some problems also.

00:12:30.000 Is a drinking game posted anywhere?

00:12:32.000 Let's make sure we get this up on Twitter.

00:12:33.000 Yes, they are posted.

00:12:34.000 Let's bring the rules back up.

00:12:35.000 We'll make sure we keep posting them on the Twitter.

00:12:37.000 Right now it's a commercial, so we can't really do a whole lot about it while it's a commercial.

00:12:42.000 I got on Twitter and found most actors are twat waffles, said Jay White.

00:12:46.000 Okay. I'd show off your sign.

00:12:49.000 Okay. All right. I didn't even...

00:12:50.000 People try to get too...

00:12:51.000 Oh, let's go. Oh, there's Meryl Streep.

00:12:53.000 Let's bring this up. Nicole Kidman and Meryl Streep are getting here just in time.

00:12:57.000 We are live on a red carpet. Just in time to ruin the evening.

00:13:00.000 Until the start of the Academy Awards.

00:13:03.000 Now let's go to Vanity Fair's Krista Smith.

00:13:05.000 Vanity Fair's Krista Smith. Look who I found on the red carpet. 1.00

00:13:07.000 Sandra Bullock. Oh, that was Johnny Bush crush back in the day.

00:13:11.000 She's presenting tonight.

00:13:12.000 Well, I don't know if she's presenting another soul dwelling inside of her, but that is a...

00:13:17.000 very odd choice of...

00:13:20.000 She looks like Mr. Marbles from that episode of Seinfeld.

00:13:22.000 You know what? It's different every year.

00:13:24.000 This year feels... This is a little robotic.

00:13:28.000 Don't do this. It's okay.

00:13:29.000 Men are attracted to older women as well.

00:13:32.000 It's perfectly fine for you to age.

00:13:34.000 We expect you to age. You don't need to sew jawbreakers into your cheek.

00:13:37.000 Yes! I don't know what this is.

00:13:39.000 Ugh. She said like... 0.99

00:13:40.000 She went in and said, give me the Lady Lane from the merry-go-round. 0.55

00:13:43.000 Tell me about putting that together.

00:13:45.000 She needs to go back to her speed days. 1.00

00:13:46.000 Yeah. That was... Well, unfortunately, that was also a horrible motion picture, which I know people...

00:13:50.000 You are a horrible person. 0.96

00:13:51.000 It is a great movie. Here's one thing, too, tonight that's... 0.99

00:13:55.000 Was it last year? Who hosted last year?

00:13:58.000 Who hosted the Oscars last year?

00:13:59.000 I forgot. Was it Neil Patrick Harris? Was it Neil Patrick Harris?

00:14:01.000 Was it last year? Very forgettable.

00:14:03.000 Forgettable was Neil Patrick Harris.

00:14:04.000 The worst, obviously, was Franco and Anne Hathaway, but that was great.

00:14:06.000 He felt pretty decent.

00:14:08.000 Totally redeemed in always disliking Anne Hathaway.

00:14:12.000 That's right. It was Neil Patrick Harris, who was surprisingly relatively apolitical last year.

00:14:15.000 Neil Patrick Harris. Or was it Seth MacFarlane?

00:14:18.000 Was it Seth MacFarlane last year? 1.00

00:14:20.000 Crap. I don't know. They all start to run together. 0.99

00:14:22.000 2017 Oscars. Oh, Nicole Kidman.

00:14:24.000 Yeah, the power of the internet. Gosh, look at this.

00:14:28.000 Wow. Does anyone else feel really sad watching women who we grew up with? 1.00

00:14:33.000 They're still trying to look at the women we grew up with? 0.97

00:14:36.000 Isn't this like there's a percentage of plastic in which you're no longer human?

00:14:39.000 I mean, I feel like that's a...

00:14:40.000 At a certain point, it just becomes Bicentennial Man incarnate.

00:14:44.000 I remember when I was a kid, I had a huge crush on Kimmy.

00:14:46.000 Kim Basinger. And then they...

00:14:48.000 I wasn't allowed to see Batman Returns with Michelle Pfeiffer because it was pretty violent, the second one.

00:14:54.000 And then I was able to see Batman forever.

00:14:56.000 So, in my mind, they replaced Kim Basinger with redhead Nicole Kidman.

00:15:00.000 This is unbelievable.

00:15:02.000 I cannot believe that they replaced the two.

00:15:05.000 Okay, it looks like they're running the credits, so we're going to be getting to the Oscars here pretty soon.

00:15:08.000 Okay, predictions. Opening monologue.

00:15:10.000 How many of the drinking game topics does Jimmy Kimmel hit?

00:15:14.000 Ooh, 107%.

00:15:18.000 You're Asian. You're supposed to be better with your numbers. 1.00

00:15:20.000 Oh, I know, but they're going to get them all in, plus more.

00:15:23.000 I think in his opening remarks, probably at least...

00:15:26.000 How do they wrap this right now when there's four minutes to go?

00:15:32.000 There are a lot of commercials.

00:15:33.000 Okay, listen. We're going to be...

00:15:35.000 Our first guest up is Lauren Southern after the monologue.

00:15:37.000 Okay, we're going to go... What's our first break, Garrett?

00:15:39.000 Our first... We have a bunch of films from our own from this year that we did.

00:15:44.000 We did, of course, some parodies, some satires.

00:15:46.000 What's the first one we have in the queue there, Garrett?

00:15:49.000 Looks like we're going to do E.T. E.T. Which one of the E.T.'s?

00:15:53.000 The opening cornfield.

00:15:55.000 Okay, this is actually an origin story of Knock A. Jared, and we're going to be handing out our awards here shortly.

00:16:01.000 Enjoy this cut from the Academy Award-nominated E.T. We'll be right back.

00:16:07.000 You you You

00:16:37.000 Go.

00:16:43.000 You have to go.

00:16:46.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:16:48.000 you you

00:16:52.000 you you

00:16:56.000 you Oh

00:17:01.000 Thank you.

00:17:04.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:17:06.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:17:08.000 the the

00:17:22.000 the the

00:17:36.000 I'll be right here. No.

00:17:51.000 Thank you.

00:17:57.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:17:59.000 Thank you.

00:18:03.000 Thank you.

00:18:06.000 I wouldn't be surprised.

00:18:08.000 I'm not.

00:18:14.000 you you

00:18:18.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:18:24.000 But that's my house!

00:18:49.000 Oh Thank you.

00:18:52.000 Thank you. Thank you.

00:19:04.000 Thank you.

00:19:09.000 you which will not yeah what's going on Johnny boy

00:19:25.000 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

00:19:27.000 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

00:19:29.000 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

00:19:31.000 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

00:19:35.000 the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

00:19:37.000 It's the 90th Annual Academy Awards.

00:19:41.000 Whenever you hear these voiceovers, you think it's a sketch.

00:19:43.000 Thank you By the way, anyone who's ever been there, they have to, like, sweep the hobos off the sidewalk as they piss. 1.00

00:19:54.000 It is a terrible, terrible area of town.

00:19:57.000 I went for the first time there, what, a month ago?

00:20:00.000 That was appalled. That's right, that was disgusting. 0.58

00:20:03.000 Okay, hold on, let's... Oh, this is fake.

00:20:05.000 This is a sketch. Okay. Bring up the sound here, son.

00:20:12.000 We can't hear it, brother. Why is there any hammer there?

00:20:21.000 Was he Black Panther?

00:20:24.000 He was the other guy in it.

00:20:28.000 He's one of the main guys in it.

00:20:29.000 Yeah, he's one of the main guys, but I think he's the other guy.

00:20:33.000 Chadwick Boseman, I think? Yes.

00:20:35.000 We are going to get in trouble for that one.

00:20:41.000 Okay, there we've got Meryl Streep. 0.79

00:20:42.000 The one who misquoted the pay gap.

00:20:44.000 Robot Bullock is in the back there, too.

00:20:47.000 Mind the gap. It's best actor favorite, Gary Oldman.

00:20:50.000 If you love Gary and Forrest Gump, you're thinking of Gary Sinise.

00:20:57.000 You know what's funny?

00:20:58.000 Both conservatives. Gary Sinise has been on the show a few times.

00:21:04.000 She is pretty.

00:21:09.000 Very. She's very pretty.

00:21:11.000 Talented. Has she done anything?

00:21:12.000 Sin spoon light? Wait.

00:21:16.000 President's toilet? Was something about presidents?

00:21:18.000 Give us more sound there, Edward.

00:21:20.000 All right. Drink. They just said president.

00:21:22.000 So that don't count as President Trump.

00:21:23.000 For those who missed... Oh, that's Jimmy Kimmel.

00:21:26.000 Okay. Let's get on with the show.

00:21:28.000 That's why it sounded so sketchy.

00:21:30.000 It wasn't believable. Sven Computer, bring up the drinking rules one more time.

00:21:34.000 Right beforehand. You see this?

00:21:36.000 Don't be here. It's time.

00:21:38.000 Feminism, equality, diversity, climate change, assault weapon, NRA, borders wall, gun violence, fascism, immigration, sexual harassment, or any topics encompassed thereof.

00:21:44.000 You have to take a drink along with the rest of us.

00:21:46.000 This will be a fun night because Jared...

00:21:47.000 I think NRA is going to take the cake tonight.

00:21:49.000 Yeah, NRA. Go take the cake.

00:21:51.000 That's my bet. You know what's funny?

00:21:53.000 I saw Jimmy Kimmel earlier this week and he was significantly heavier.

00:21:56.000 So you know he just got into a bath with F himself. 0.97

00:21:59.000 Like he didn't lose his weight health.

00:22:01.000 The guy fluctuates.

00:22:02.000 Got on a more than...

00:22:04.000 Cycle machine. More than Daniel Day-Lewis.

00:22:05.000 He goes to Robert De Niro, but he has nothing to prep for.

00:22:08.000 He just does it. Thank you for watching.

00:22:11.000 Thank you for having me. All right, folks.

00:22:13.000 It's a great honor to have...

00:22:14.000 My love is at the ready....for a second time.

00:22:16.000 It's a great honor to...

00:22:18.000 Oh, he did host last year with Jimmy Kimmel.

00:22:20.000 It was that forgettable. Except for the envelope snap.

00:22:25.000 ABC's all about second chances.

00:22:27.000 What could be better than that? Nothing, right?

00:22:28.000 It's a redemptive story. Okay.

00:22:30.000 So we have, by the way, we're not...

00:22:32.000 We're not a few here, so we do have our two Oscars.

00:22:34.000 This year, when you hear your name, being called, don't get up right away.

00:22:38.000 Oscar Jane and Joe. Oscar Jane and Joe.

00:22:40.000 Give us a minute. We don't want another thing.

00:22:44.000 Oh, inside joke. What happened last year was unfortunate.

00:22:46.000 I've not told the story in public.

00:22:47.000 I don't know. I didn't watch last year.

00:22:49.000 I didn't have to. That's why we're doing it this year, so the people who don't want to watch get to watch.

00:22:52.000 Last year, about a week before the show, the producers asked me if I wanted to do comedy with the accountants.

00:22:57.000 And I said, no, I don't want to do comedy with the accountants.

00:22:59.000 So then the accountants went ahead and did comedy on their own.

00:23:05.000 And I had to hand it to them.

00:23:06.000 It was hilarious, but it won't happen again.

00:23:08.000 I'd like to be hearing theirs right about now.

00:23:10.000 The chairman of PricewaterhouseCoopers said, and I quote, our singular focus will be on the show and delivering the correct envelopes, which does make sense.

00:23:19.000 Just out of curiosity, though, what was your focus the other 89 years?

00:23:24.000 I'm hopeful that things will go smoothly tonight.

00:23:26.000 We can't ruin this one.

00:23:27.000 This is a special year.

00:23:29.000 This is a big one. These are the 90th Academy Awards.

00:23:31.000 This is history happening.

00:23:33.000 And also, coincidentally, your lowest rating ever.

00:23:39.000 It's really every year now is their lowest ratings ever.

00:23:43.000 It's a race outdo themselves last year.

00:23:44.000 Oh, there you go. Oscar is here with us.

00:23:47.000 After all the awards given for achievements in show business, Oscar is still number one.

00:23:53.000 No question about it. Oscar is the most beloved and respected man in Hollywood.

00:23:58.000 And there's a very good reason why.

00:24:00.000 Just look at him. By the way, very soon we'll get into explaining to you exactly the history of the Oscars and why it doesn't mean anything.

00:24:08.000 How it is entirely about pay for play.

00:24:10.000 A lot of people don't know if it's pay to play the Oscars.

00:24:12.000 People still think it's legit. Why isn't this nominated?

00:24:14.000 How did this person win?

00:24:15.000 It's about how much ad space you take out.

00:24:17.000 This has been going on for a while. I think Sven has the research for that a little bit later on.

00:24:21.000 Here's how clueless Hollywood is about women. 1.00

00:24:23.000 We made a movie called What Women Want, and it starred Mel Gibson.

00:24:28.000 Eh, drink. That is such a selfie.

00:24:30.000 That's sexual selfie.

00:24:32.000 The Academy, as you're no doubt aware, took action last year to expel Harvey Weinstein from their ranks.

00:24:38.000 There were a lot of great nominees, but Harvey deserved it the most.

00:24:42.000 And, oh, that's nice.

00:24:43.000 That's very sweet. So, I'm sure he'll appreciate that applause.

00:24:48.000 The Academy kicked him out, and after they did, I was curious, so I looked it up.

00:24:52.000 You know, the only other person to be expelled from the Academy ever was a character actor named Carmine Peritti.

00:24:59.000 In 2014, he was kicked out for sharing screeners.

00:25:03.000 This is interesting. Carmine Peritti got the same punishment as Harvey Weinstein for giving his neighbor a copy of Sebas.

00:25:10.000 This is an odd pacing for opening monologue.

00:25:12.000 It is a very odd pacing.

00:25:13.000 You'd think they'd be a little bit snappier.

00:25:15.000 But what happened with Harvey, and what's happening all over, was long overview.

00:25:18.000 We can't let bad behavior slide anymore.

00:25:20.000 Anymore. Anymore.

00:25:22.000 Anymore. Anymore.

00:25:23.000 That qualifies as its time, as well as a sexual harassment.

00:25:27.000 What about Time's Up?

00:25:29.000 Two sips. Two sips. If you can do that, women will only have to deal with harassment all the time at every other place. 1.00

00:25:35.000 Now, again, women have to deal with harassment. 1.00

00:25:36.000 Gosh, he just had women and harassment. 1.00

00:25:38.000 That's another sip. I need some dragon's milk.

00:25:39.000 I hope you will listen to many brave and outspoken supporters of movements like Me Too and Time's Up and Never Again because what they're doing is important.

00:25:47.000 Things are changing for the better.

00:25:49.000 They're making sure of that.

00:25:50.000 It is positive change.

00:25:52.000 This is a night for positivity.

00:25:54.000 Positive change. It's time. Who's keeping a tally?

00:25:57.000 Stally! Each and every one of which got crushed by Black Panther this weekend. 1.00

00:26:03.000 Yes. That's okay.

00:26:06.000 We can get you, by the way.

00:26:07.000 Thank you. The success of Black Panther and Milk is one of really popular stories this year.

00:26:12.000 Especially for African-Americans and Bob Iger.

00:26:16.000 I want to see who's playing along with us and how long you think you're going to make it.

00:26:19.000 Because, wow. I'm already disappearing.

00:26:25.000 Oh! A woman or a minority. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Oh, my God. Minority. 1.00

00:26:28.000 Does that kind of diversity? I think it does.

00:26:30.000 It does. Because it was March of last year.

00:26:34.000 But, this year we have a lot to celebrate.

00:26:36.000 I think we touched on 25% of them already.

00:26:38.000 Ceilings have been shattered.

00:26:40.000 Ceilings have been screenwriting. We have our first ever female nominee for cinematography.

00:26:44.000 First ever female nominee.

00:26:45.000 It's all right. We're already with the It's Time.

00:26:47.000 I'm keeping this bottle to drink to myself.

00:26:49.000 So many of tonight's nominees are making history.

00:26:52.000 Did you spill Dragon's Milk?

00:26:54.000 No. Popcorn Hall. History?

00:26:56.000 Shame on you. I was picking the popcorn.

00:26:58.000 Greta Gerwig is the first woman to be nominated for a director.

00:27:01.000 Thank you. First woman.

00:27:04.000 For crying out loud. And that's important.

00:27:06.000 How long is the best actress?

00:27:08.000 Drink. First woman. 1.00

00:27:09.000 And that is nuts.

00:27:10.000 This is a long evening in wait.

00:27:13.000 A very long way to go in that department. And a very long way to go when it comes to equal pay.

00:27:16.000 Especially when you look at what happens with Mark Wahlberg.

00:27:18.000 Work the word. And we all know the story.

00:27:21.000 Mark Wahlberg was paid a million and a half dollars.

00:27:23.000 Jared's not. By the way. Keep us accountable.

00:27:25.000 If you're not drinking. And Sven, you let us know.

00:27:27.000 Because he often cheats a million. She was paid $80 a day.

00:27:29.000 I have to. For the same thing.

00:27:31.000 And what made it especially unfair is that Mark and Michelle are represented by the same agency.

00:27:36.000 Here's what's funny to me. We're talking about equal pay.

00:27:39.000 We're talking about it's time.

00:27:40.000 How long has the...

00:27:41.000 You know what, Sven, let's find this for me.

00:27:43.000 How long has the best actress category existed?

00:27:47.000 At least a couple of decades.

00:27:49.000 It's been a few decades.

00:27:50.000 It's been going on for a long time. I mean, you go back to Natalie Wood.

00:27:52.000 Mark Wahlberg announced...

00:27:54.000 So, half a century?

00:27:55.000 And we're talking about equality in motion pictures?

00:27:59.000 The truth is, it couldn't be more equal as far as why people go to see films.

00:28:04.000 Think about it. Right? Oh, who's the Bond girl?

00:28:07.000 No. Who's the...

00:28:09.000 Who's the... Who's the new Transformers girl? 0.97

00:28:11.000 Who's the new Transformers girl? 0.66

00:28:12.000 Yeah. That's a big one.

00:28:13.000 That's a big one. Meryl Streep has won more awards.

00:28:16.000 Been nominated more than anyone, I believe.

00:28:17.000 Hey, look. A guy nominated for a mediocre horror film.

00:28:21.000 He's only the third person in 90 years to be nominated for directing, writing, and Best Picture for his debut film.

00:28:27.000 Wait, did he just say first time for something?

00:28:31.000 What debut it was?

00:28:33.000 None other than President Trump called Get Out, the best first three quarters of a movie this year.

00:28:38.000 President Trump! We're not going to make it through this evening.

00:28:41.000 We have to get to Lauren Southern relatively soon.

00:28:42.000 Margot Robbie had a great year, too.

00:28:44.000 Margot scored her first nomination for her portrayal of Tonya Harding in I, Tonya.

00:28:48.000 She was fantastic. Well-deserved.

00:28:53.000 Who's kneecaps did Tonya Harding have to break to get this dream casting? 1.00

00:28:57.000 Because, I mean, that was...

00:28:58.000 If they made a movie about my life, best case scenario, I'd be played by Jim Belushi.

00:29:04.000 Another exceptionally gifted young actor.

00:29:05.000 Don't worry, they're not going to make a movie about Kimmel's life.

00:29:09.000 The fall from grace.

00:29:10.000 Maybe be... I think he's even ambitious with Jim Belushi.

00:29:13.000 I think they might just have to whiten up Louis Diamond Phillips.

00:29:16.000 This actress has been around for 88 years. 0.75

00:29:18.000 Since 1929.

00:29:21.000 Reg is helping me with this.

00:29:23.000 Since the beginning. Since the beginning.

00:29:24.000 88 years. Since the very beginning of the Oscars.

00:29:27.000 Best actress category has existed.

00:29:28.000 Now watch. That's going to be considered discriminatory. 0.71

00:29:30.000 At some point here in the next five years, actress, actor, that's going to be a controversy.

00:29:35.000 It will if they start giving it to trannies instead of actual women. 1.00

00:29:38.000 Have they ever given me an award?

00:29:40.000 I don't know, but if it happens...

00:29:42.000 You're going to get the trannies on you. 1.00

00:29:44.000 You're going to get the LGBTs. 1.00

00:29:45.000 You're going to get the pansexuals in that midget from Willow. 1.00

00:29:47.000 He's going to come out of the woodwork. He's going to be upset. 0.99

00:29:49.000 You're going to have to have a whole new slew of Academy Awards.

00:29:52.000 But at that point, they'll have like four viewers.

00:29:54.000 They'll have slightly more viewers than Jimmy Kimmel's nightly show.

00:29:58.000 He is old. 0.90

00:30:04.000 Hey, there's the guy who won the award over Nick Nolte that year because he's gay. 0.94

00:30:09.000 And that's absolutely true. Anyone who watches Warrior, Nick Nolte, absolutely.

00:30:12.000 It's like you should have just gift-wrecked him.

00:30:15.000 Put it right there. By the way, I will also say the thing about Monique.

00:30:24.000 I hated that movie, Precious, but Monique was so... 1.00

00:30:27.000 Mo apostrophe Neek, as surprising as it is.

00:30:30.000 Capital N. She was so good in that film.

00:30:32.000 The longest she ever went without being nominated was from 1992 to 1995.

00:30:37.000 And that's only because those were the years she was in prison. 0.53

00:30:40.000 And that, I think, is amazing.

00:30:42.000 The most nominated movie tonight, a film that's up for 13 Oscars, is The Shape of Water, written and directed by...

00:30:48.000 Did you see The Shape of Water? No, I didn't.

00:30:50.000 I had no idea from seeing it.

00:30:52.000 Whoa, is that Wozniak? No.

00:30:55.000 It's... Well, it's the love child of Wozniak and Michael Moore.

00:31:00.000 Oh, yeah. Guillermo del Toro. I just...

00:31:02.000 I got really tired of Guillermo...

00:31:04.000 Guillermo... Guillermo...

00:31:05.000 Guillermo del Toro. Guillermo. He did...

00:31:07.000 He did... He did... Okay. The bottle scene is what everyone remembers from...

00:31:10.000 And then he did, um...

00:31:12.000 What was the next film?

00:31:14.000 The Orphanage. And this is true.

00:31:15.000 15 minutes from beginning to end.

00:31:17.000 He hasn't really done anything that great. No.

00:31:18.000 And people still complain. Was it recently?

00:31:20.000 Was it Mama? So, if you do...

00:31:21.000 Well, this is The Shape of Water.

00:31:22.000 We want you to say whatever you feel needs to be said.

00:31:25.000 Speak from the heart. We want passion.

00:31:27.000 Oh, look, look, look, look at this.

00:31:29.000 They're goading them.

00:31:30.000 They're goading them. About important things like equal rights and equal treatment.

00:31:34.000 Fudge! I'm already...

00:31:36.000 You only bought a four-pack?

00:31:40.000 Equal rights. NRA, ready?

00:31:42.000 NRA, come up. You have two drinks that you already have to do.

00:31:45.000 Do that. Or maybe you just want to thank your parents and tell your kids to go to sleep.

00:31:49.000 What you say is entirely up to you.

00:31:51.000 You don't have to change the world.

00:31:52.000 Do whatever you want. I love how you just said, please come out here and push a political message.

00:31:57.000 Change the world. Or you don't have to.

00:32:00.000 Not saying you shouldn't give a long speech.

00:32:02.000 That's a little message there. But whoever gives the shortest speech tonight will go home with...

00:32:06.000 Johnny, tell them what they'll win.

00:32:09.000 It's a brand new jet ski!

00:32:14.000 When we go to the first commercial break, we will go to a commercial break and bring on Lauren Southern. 1.00

00:32:18.000 I know the order today is going to be a little bit mixed up because this has gone so bad so quickly.

00:32:24.000 This is the first bit. You notice that, Bill?

00:32:26.000 Wow. This is really the first bit of the whole night.

00:32:29.000 Right. And it's Helen Mirren doing a Price is Right thing, which isn't bad in and of itself, but that's all they have.

00:32:36.000 Yeah. Why waste precious time thanking your mom when you could be taking her for the ride of her life...

00:32:41.000 By the way... Promo code Oscars suck. 0.81

00:32:42.000 $10 off mug club. Right here. 0.80

00:32:44.000 Mug club. Mug club. 0.84

00:32:46.000 The moment you are handed that Oscar, the clock will start ticking, so get up here, grab it, and go.

00:32:52.000 And in the unlikely event of a tie...

00:32:53.000 I'm not going to lie. This dragon milk is gone.

00:32:55.000 I need to say the jet ski will be awarded to Christopher Plummer.

00:32:59.000 So this bottle, 12% within...

00:33:02.000 Okay, hold on. Best supporting actor.

00:33:04.000 Best supporting actor. All right, let's see this.

00:33:06.000 All right, all right. We've got something important.

00:33:07.000 We've got something happening here. We've got something happening here.

00:33:09.000 Finally, he shut up. That was the mom? 0.74

00:33:11.000 Monologue? That was the weakest monologue I've ever seen.

00:33:15.000 That was disappointing. By the way, it wasn't even...

00:33:18.000 Farmers.

00:33:21.000 Do you know what the secret of life is? 0.66

00:33:24.000 A real loser is so afraid of not winning...

00:33:27.000 Oh, there's Jack Lemmon. 0.98

00:33:28.000 There you go. That's the truth. This is how you...

00:33:30.000 You know it's bad when you're waiting for the relief of the montage.

00:33:35.000 This montage is much better than Kimmel's opening.

00:33:37.000 It's much better than Kimmel's opening. And remember everyone gave Hugh Jackman flack, you know, because he did the whole musical number and he's not a very good singer.

00:33:43.000 But at least he put in some effort. It felt like Jimmy Kimmel just phoned it in.

00:33:47.000 Did he host it with... Is that with Steph McFarlane?

00:33:49.000 Did he host it? You know your problem? You don't like winners.

00:33:51.000 What am I thinking about? I don't know.

00:33:52.000 You're drunk. He's listening to the studio.

00:33:55.000 He is home. At some point, you've got to decide for yourself who you owe me.

00:33:59.000 That's sad. You can do anything you want.

00:34:01.000 You are bound by nothing.

00:34:03.000 That was an incredible performance, Rob Williams.

00:34:05.000 Good Will Hunting. Oh, that was, uh...

00:34:09.000 What's his name? Guy played Shadow...

00:34:11.000 Shadow's voice in Cocoon.

00:34:12.000 Was he nominated for Best Supporting Actor for that?

00:34:15.000 Were those all nominees?

00:34:17.000 I don't know. I don't think so.

00:34:20.000 Hold on a second. Viola Davis. 0.60

00:34:21.000 Boy, she can barely... 1.00

00:34:23.000 I mean, how many hip replacements has she had? 1.00

00:34:25.000 Is she on number nine? What is she...

00:34:26.000 She barely... You've got to... 1.00

00:34:27.000 You've got to dress for her, Steph.

00:34:29.000 Some of the most memorable and legendary performances in film history came from those who won the Oscar in the category of Supporting Actor.

00:34:38.000 Each of the icons of the past, I'm sorry.

00:34:41.000 Whoever told her this was a good hair selection?

00:34:43.000 One that each of tonight's nominees met...

00:34:46.000 It looks like she's bald and has a ponytail.

00:34:48.000 Here are this year's nominees for... It looks like she's bald.

00:34:50.000 This is the worst angle possible. And someone took, uh, uh, uh, uh, what was it?

00:34:53.000 Willem Dafoe. Willem Dafoe. Christopher Walken.

00:34:56.000 Water sucked out. He's like a Christopher Walken dinosaur that fills up in reverse.

00:35:01.000 You can just not let me have...

00:35:02.000 He's with biggest chin.

00:35:04.000 In reverse. Like an episode of Seinfeld that goes backwards.

00:35:06.000 My job title? Manager?

00:35:08.000 I have friends, though.

00:35:09.000 I have a love. A friend.

00:35:11.000 Yeah, we all got friends.

00:35:12.000 We all got friends. But this is a special rule for you.

00:35:18.000 That was the scene? The scene always bothers me when they cut to them and they always look so self-sensitive.

00:35:22.000 Like, I want them to cut to them and then go...

00:35:23.000 You know what?

00:35:25.000 I like Woody Harrelson, but this is not a nomination for the, uh, performance.

00:35:30.000 What I do care about, or what I'm interested in, is tying you up in court so long.

00:35:39.000 To show us how...

00:35:40.000 Like, think about when you have Cuba Gooding.

00:35:42.000 You can think of something iconic.

00:35:44.000 Or, you know, you can even think of something's gotta give.

00:35:46.000 You can think of those, right? But, um, these are just totally inconsequential clips.

00:35:51.000 Yeah. Think, think of Monique even in Pressure. 0.99

00:35:54.000 They don't highlight anything.

00:35:56.000 The only thing that I recognize are these eyes.

00:35:59.000 Great actor.

00:36:00.000 In this old man's face.

00:36:02.000 Sometimes I think I was either born too early or too late for my life.

00:36:11.000 I'm gonna go get some more rice.

00:36:14.000 We're gonna have Lauren Southern on in only a couple seconds here. 1.00

00:36:16.000 A couple minutes, once we hear the nominee.

00:36:19.000 Uh, and then we'll hear the speech.

00:36:21.000 Time's up. Hey, he just added on his lapel.

00:36:23.000 Said time's up. What do you have?

00:36:25.000 Time's up. Oh, God.

00:36:31.000 They are exactly...

00:36:33.000 Wait, what's he nominated for? Christopher Plummer?

00:36:35.000 They never change. They never disappoint.

00:36:37.000 I feel like it's mandatory. Christopher Plummer has to be nominated or Meryl Streep.

00:36:41.000 There's the purity to beautiful things that I've never been able to find.

00:36:45.000 When was the last time Anthony Hopkins was nominated?

00:36:47.000 I felt like he was one of those two. No, no, no.

00:36:48.000 He was only nominated a couple times. You'd think he was...

00:36:51.000 He's a voice. He's a hero too.

00:36:52.000 Yeah, but... Oh, okay.

00:36:54.000 He was great in this. Sam Rockwell was great in this.

00:36:58.000 By the way, the most offensive thing Naki Deirdre's ever said in the office was he said he thought Ethan Hawke was a poor man in Sam Rockwell.

00:37:06.000 Like, there's no comparison whatsoever.

00:37:08.000 I don't know what he was thinking. In fairness, I meant Josh Brolin.

00:37:11.000 Were you drunk on Dragon's Milk?

00:37:13.000 Yeah, I was gonna say...

00:37:14.000 See, look.

00:37:16.000 That's... Okay, there's a reaction.

00:37:17.000 Yeah. Like, eh. Alright, you know, okay.

00:37:20.000 I'm not... I'm uncomfortable with this.

00:37:21.000 Okay, Oscar goes to... I hope Sam Rockwell.

00:37:25.000 Sam Rockwell. There we go.

00:37:26.000 Yeah, there we go. Excellent.

00:37:28.000 That's a good one, actually. Sam Rockwell did really well.

00:37:30.000 If you haven't seen Three Billboards Over Ebbing, Missouri, a little bit of a Black Lives Matter bent, a little bit of a rape culture bent to it, but then it pivots out of that, and it really is a story about redemption. 0.79

00:37:39.000 Nick Searcy is in it. Small role, but does a really good job.

00:37:42.000 It is genuinely a very interesting film.

00:37:46.000 It's one of the few films that I see on here tonight where I go, okay, that makes sense.

00:37:49.000 I'm not gonna complain about Three Billboards Over Ebbing, Missouri.

00:37:51.000 Okay, this is the first speech, and then we'll bring on Lauren Southern. 1.00

00:37:53.000 Timmy, I wanna get that Steve Jett or whatever that was.

00:37:55.000 I'd like to thank the Academy.

00:37:57.000 Never thought I'd say those words.

00:37:59.000 Willem Dafoe, Richard Jenkins, Christopher Plummer, Woody Harrelson.

00:38:04.000 You guys rock. You inspire me, and you always have.

00:38:09.000 When I was eight years old, I was called to the principal, and my friend would sell him, and he said, we gotta go.

00:38:17.000 Grandma. I was in the car, and I said, what's wrong with Grandma?

00:38:21.000 I think I just saw a movie recently. Look it up.

00:38:26.000 My mom and dad's love of movies became my love of movies, so thank you for that, mom and dad.

00:38:31.000 I love you. Thank you to the formidable Francis McDormand.

00:38:35.000 We're at the convention, Francis.

00:38:37.000 Who was the movie you saw in the middle, Bill?

00:38:39.000 Mr. Right. Action, comedy, he's an assassin.

00:38:43.000 You guys are my heroes. It's friggin' awesome.

00:38:44.000 The rest of this incredible cast and crew, incredible.

00:38:48.000 This is what an Oscar speech should be.

00:38:50.000 Please end it. His lapel says, time's up.

00:38:52.000 Time's up. Gosh. All right.

00:38:55.000 Drink. Time's up.

00:38:56.000 It's the same thing as this time, right?

00:38:58.000 Time's up. I want to spend on the movies with you.

00:39:00.000 I love you. Rhonda, Elise, Jason, Liz Mahoney, Liz Hemelstein, Tara Knickerbocker, all my good friends, and my beloved Leslie Bibb, you light my fire, baby.

00:39:09.000 I love you. All right.

00:39:14.000 That was a good first speech. Okay.

00:39:16.000 We have our next guest here.

00:39:17.000 We have our first guest up.

00:39:18.000 I believe she is here.

00:39:20.000 Lauren Southern, are you with us?

00:39:22.000 I am here. I can just barely hear you.

00:39:25.000 All right. Well, we'll get that fixed here, and I can barely see you, but that's because I'm looking into these floodlights, and I have this stupid hat here. 0.99

00:39:31.000 Oh, look at that. There you go. 0.99

00:39:32.000 Lauren, you're looking very fun to see me.

00:39:35.000 You could be walking the red carpet.

00:39:36.000 Are you doing your own Oscars party at home with a bottle of Chardonnay?

00:39:40.000 I'm not actually entirely sure what the Oscars is.

00:39:44.000 I was just told to wear black and to accuse someone of sexual assault, so I figured you and Jared could flip a coin.

00:39:50.000 Yes. Well, you know what?

00:39:52.000 That's actually delegated to him as part of his responsibilities as per his contract.

00:39:56.000 Isn't that right? That is exactly in there.

00:39:57.000 My half-Asian lawyer here, Oddjob, is here this evening, just so you know, Lauren.

00:40:01.000 So have you watched the Oscars at all yet?

00:40:04.000 No. Didn't it just start?

00:40:06.000 I've been watching your show.

00:40:07.000 Oh, well, thank you. The only thing that matters.

00:40:09.000 Well, we are watching the Oscars, so we know how honest she's being at the front of us.

00:40:12.000 We'll send her a check later. But I tell you what.

00:40:15.000 We have a drinking game going on tonight.

00:40:17.000 By the way, this is a beer that's 12%, and Jared is already three sheets to the wind.

00:40:22.000 Whether it's immigration, guns, it's time, equality, diversity, and we're already there.

00:40:27.000 We already got through each a pint.

00:40:31.000 Lauren, how do you feel as a woman?

00:40:33.000 They're wearing these Time's Up stickers, and they just talked about equality and the first woman to be nominated for something, something, something, or other.

00:40:40.000 But the Best Actress category has been there since the Academy's inception.

00:40:43.000 Do you feel like women are underrepresented in film, Lauren?

00:40:48.000 Do I feel like women are underrepresented in film? 0.51

00:40:52.000 I'm not sure what time is up, because I've seen plenty of women in film.

00:40:57.000 But you know what? We haven't asked them all what they identify as, so who knows?

00:41:02.000 True. Who knows? Do you see that becoming a problem?

00:41:04.000 We were just talking about this. Do you see that becoming a problem in the future?

00:41:07.000 Best Actress, Best Actor, do you see that being the next kind of frontier?

00:41:11.000 Because obviously it's gendered by its very nature. 1.00

00:41:14.000 Oh, shoot. We need Best Act-zer.

00:41:16.000 I guess. Yes.

00:41:17.000 That's going to be the next category.

00:41:19.000 Yes. And then they're just, there's like 72 in New York.

00:41:22.000 These Oscars are going to get hella long.

00:41:24.000 The ratings are already low.

00:41:26.000 I'm excited to see the viewership through everything single.

00:41:30.000 Act-zer. Act-zer.

00:41:31.000 Xanadu was ahead of its time.

00:41:33.000 That's what we're all going to call Xanadu.

00:41:35.000 The future is now.

00:41:37.000 Oh, we should have nominated you.

00:41:39.000 We need the chance, Xanadu.

00:41:41.000 Lauren, when was the last time you watched the Oscars?

00:41:43.000 We're doing it so that no one else has to, right?

00:41:45.000 That's why you're here. And you're classing up the joint.

00:41:49.000 I mean, I look okay if I do say so myself, but not as fine as you.

00:41:53.000 I maybe watched it like three years ago.

00:41:55.000 Like I said, I'm not even sure what the Oscars is.

00:41:59.000 Then why do you have alcohol in a cup?

00:42:03.000 It seems almost.

00:42:05.000 Because I saw Meryl Streep's speech last year, and I've seen all of the little cancerous tidbits on YouTube afterwards.

00:42:13.000 But I never actually, took the initiative to put myself through that pain like you guys are.

00:42:19.000 I'm not sure why you guys are such masochists.

00:42:23.000 Yeah. Maybe you should figure that out. 0.96

00:42:24.000 Maybe a group therapy session with Ladder with Crowder.

00:42:26.000 I'm not sure. That's effectively what this is, Lauren.

00:42:30.000 This effectively is a group therapy session, and that's why we brought you in.

00:42:33.000 Something's going on right now with America.

00:42:35.000 I don't want to see this American Idol.

00:42:36.000 I can't watch this.

00:42:38.000 Cancerous tidbits. That needs to be tweeted out.

00:42:41.000 Cancerous tidbits. Cancerous tidbits.

00:42:42.000 Those little bits getting in your brain.

00:42:44.000 Cancerous tidbits. That's actually what they do when they dispose of the mastectomy. 1.00

00:42:50.000 Wow. Christina Applegate just flashed into my brain. 1.00

00:42:53.000 Yeah, I know. It's a real thing.

00:42:54.000 By the way, we're not joking about breast cancer. 0.97

00:42:57.000 We're just joking about tits. No, cancerous tidbits. 1.00

00:43:00.000 Yeah, cancerous tidbits. Right.

00:43:01.000 Cancerous tidbits. I don't know why that tickled me.

00:43:03.000 It's very funny. That's what I'll remember all evening, Lauren.

00:43:06.000 Cancerous tidbits. Well, that's what you're drinking to.

00:43:09.000 You're literally drinking to cancerous tidbits.

00:43:12.000 Apparently. And then I think in Canada, I think of timbits.

00:43:14.000 These were Tim Hortons. It's like their donut.

00:43:16.000 This was before donut holes were a thing, and Tim Hortons.

00:43:18.000 They were timbits.

00:43:19.000 Yep. All right. Hold on a second.

00:43:21.000 Let's bring up Jimmy Kimmel here, Lauren.

00:43:23.000 Let's see if you can hear him. Let's see how long it takes for him to say something that aggravates us.

00:43:25.000 If your speech goes too long or it aren't going to play you off stage, if your speech runs over this year, instead of music, you will see and hear this.

00:43:35.000 Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! 0.99

00:43:39.000 Did you see Get Out, Lauren? Did you see Get Out?

00:43:46.000 I saw the trailer for it. Oh gosh, that doesn't well. Yeah, I guess that counts

00:43:52.000 That's pretty you've pretty much seen it if you've seen the trailer

00:43:54.000 It's helpful. It was not a bad film, but it doesn't make sense for it to be nominated. It's one of those things

00:43:59.000 It's like I'm trying to think it would be it would be like nominating deaf comedy jam 0.98

00:44:03.000 You know was it was it actually a social justice warrior thing because I can never tell these days if it's being

00:44:09.000 properly labeled

00:44:12.000 That's a good point. I think the left wanted to claim it more than it really was meant to be that.

00:44:17.000 Get out! 0.98

00:44:38.000 Exactly. We just want to be entertained.

00:44:40.000 Right. Like, I saw Black Panther, and I thought it was pretty okay.

00:44:44.000 Obviously, the colonizer bit, and the barking at white people was annoying.

00:44:48.000 But other than that, pretty okay movie.

00:44:50.000 Speaking of Black Panther, it's Wonder Woman, right?

00:44:51.000 She's Israeli. Is she allowed in there? 0.93

00:44:54.000 I don't know.

00:44:56.000 Is she allowed in there at the Oscars?

00:44:57.000 I mean, I know they're mostly Jewish, but they hate Israel. 0.99

00:44:59.000 So it's kind of... It's a self-hating thing.

00:45:00.000 No, this is four hours in a chair, plus prosthetics.

00:45:04.000 Why is Arnie Hammer there?

00:45:06.000 Great name. That's it. Creativity of those who are in makeup and hairstyle.

00:45:09.000 Oh, makeup and hairstyle. Okay, right.

00:45:10.000 You know what? You could be nominated for that, Lauren, the way you're looking this evening.

00:45:12.000 Okay, we have to get going, and we have to get to our best films.

00:45:15.000 Where's the best place for people to find you as you continue drinking Chardonnay from your porcelain mug, which, please tell me you have a friend in your apartment.

00:45:23.000 I don't know if I can say that.

00:45:26.000 That is your friend in the apartment.

00:45:27.000 It counts. Exactly.

00:45:29.000 Exactly. At Lauren underscore Southern on Twitter, and just Google me.

00:45:35.000 You'll find me. Just Google me.

00:45:36.000 You can find me anywhere. And keep the hashtag going, because it's the anti-Oscars last year.

00:45:40.000 And by the way, if you haven't joined Mug Club yet, Oscars suck is the promo code.

00:45:44.000 You get $10 off, Lauren.

00:45:45.000 So we'll get a mug in your hands yet.

00:45:47.000 Cheers. Will do. Bye.

00:45:48.000 Take care. Good seeing you.

00:45:50.000 And we must go back to...

00:45:52.000 Who won? I can still see Lauren.

00:45:59.000 Give her the old hang-up. 1.00

00:46:01.000 We still see you.

00:46:03.000 Oh, for makeup for Churchill.

00:46:05.000 Darkest Hour. This is relatively inconsequential.

00:46:07.000 All right. Quick, quick.

00:46:09.000 Place your bets. How much you want to bet this Asian guy is going to talk with a list? 1.00

00:46:12.000 Bill? Definitely 10 to 1.

00:46:16.000 I'm going with the Asian on the odds there. 1.00

00:46:18.000 All right. Let's see.

00:46:21.000 He doesn't...

00:46:23.000 I'm... I forgot the glasses.

00:46:27.000 Firstly, we would like to give our heartfelt thanks to Gary Oldman.

00:46:31.000 It was a real honor to be on this incredible journey with you.

00:46:35.000 Bill, you've got to find this funny.

00:46:38.000 Right. And you're a wonderful actor.

00:46:40.000 Brother, you can do better.

00:46:43.000 We thank you for that. I actually, here's the thing.

00:46:44.000 You're Asian. We'd also like to thank Desire Schmidt.

00:46:47.000 Only from the waist up. Is he straight?

00:46:48.000 The entire team... It's makeup.

00:46:49.000 Gay Asian makeup. It's hard to tell. 1.00

00:46:51.000 Let me be honest. I don't have a gaydar.

00:46:52.000 I really have no idea. Not even with Asians? 1.00

00:46:54.000 No, no, no. I can't...

00:46:56.000 I can tell... I mean, I can tell, like, what kind of Asian you are.

00:46:58.000 What kind of Asian is he? Good at math. 1.00

00:47:02.000 Finally, thank you to the actor.

00:47:04.000 The mathematical equation to make your brow ridge bigger like a Winston Churchill.

00:47:08.000 Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Gary, stop smoking cigar.

00:47:10.000 More car maker, less nail salon.

00:47:13.000 Yeah. I wonder...

00:47:15.000 I wonder... See, I can't guess.

00:47:17.000 I wonder if Asians can tell... 0.98

00:47:18.000 Are you actually... Can you generally pretty much tell if they're Chinese, Japanese?

00:47:20.000 Yeah, yeah. Generally.

00:47:21.000 But there's a lot of intermixing. So, like, there's a lot of Chinese people who live in Thailand.

00:47:24.000 So, are they Thai? Are they Chinese?

00:47:25.000 What do you think that guy was? Japanese.

00:47:27.000 Yeah. That's what I was going to say, too.

00:47:29.000 I'm in the church if you need me.

00:47:31.000 What is this? This is just a weird cut to a clip.

00:47:34.000 Am I the only one who feels like the pacing is really odd with the Oscars this year?

00:47:39.000 It's almost as bad as this show. I don't want to know who killed my brother!

00:47:42.000 Almost. Almost. What is this?

00:47:44.000 Okay. Jilted. It's a jilted, stilted, weird timing.

00:47:47.000 Best actress in a supporting role from the 1955 Best Picture.

00:47:50.000 Okay. So, Best Actress in a Supporting Role.

00:47:52.000 Can we just talk about how it's time, how there aren't enough actresses represented?

00:47:56.000 They just gave Best Actress.

00:47:58.000 Now they're even Best Actress. It's amazing that this woman, given what you hear about inequality, that she won an award back then. 0.76

00:48:04.000 Hey, there's Danielle Day-Lewis. Yeah, really.

00:48:07.000 That's a good point. She won, what did they say, 51?

00:48:10.000 Thank you so much.

00:48:15.000 Someone get that Japanese makeup artist back on stage. 1.00

00:48:18.000 It means so much to me, having lost my husband last year.

00:48:21.000 Oh, no. After 65 years.

00:48:24.000 And we would come to this academy every year.

00:48:27.000 Rude. I don't have a DeLorean.

00:48:29.000 That made up for it, and it was so loud, I know he heard it.

00:48:37.000 She does not seem very effective.

00:48:41.000 Grandma? I just realized something. I'm older than the academy.

00:48:48.000 Plus four months, or maybe five.

00:48:50.000 I'm very proud of that.

00:48:51.000 Just keep moving. When we were making On the Waterfront...

00:48:57.000 Oh, On the Waterfront. By the way, you should do that next week's show, because we have On the Mug Club front coming up.

00:49:03.000 Oh. Hope your lover's been survived.

00:49:05.000 With Lauren's LaCroix on ice. 0.97

00:49:08.000 Your outfits are awesome, and I live in Michigan, and Detroit is trash, said Laris Tyro. 0.93

00:49:14.000 Okay? Here's your statement. 0.82

00:49:16.000 Everyone's saying how excited they are to not watch the Oscars could instead be watching the Crowder anti-Oscar stream.

00:49:22.000 Is there... Okay, hold on a second.

00:49:24.000 This is... This is hard for me to read after just...

00:49:28.000 Like, that was too fast for the dragons milk.

00:49:29.000 I'm not even going to lie. So that's what tonight's show is really about.

00:49:32.000 Someone really likes your Asian bit.

00:49:34.000 Okay, let's see. What is she talking about?

00:49:35.000 Does she have shoulder pads on? 1.00

00:49:36.000 Or she just has the Larry King shoulders?

00:49:38.000 She's just boney, man. 1.00

00:49:39.000 She's just boney. And 35-time nominee, Edith Head. 1.00

00:49:42.000 Remember when Larry King used to sit at that table?

00:49:44.000 Those shoulders, how they used to protrude like an owl?

00:49:48.000 It's very unnerving.

00:49:49.000 She was such a wonderful lady.

00:49:51.000 And one time, I was making a film with her, and the producers were there.

00:49:54.000 We had a very serious meeting, and they left, and then she said, Come on, Eva Marie.

00:49:58.000 Come into my office. We're going to do this ourselves.

00:50:02.000 Well, I like that idea.

00:50:03.000 Does she get a jet ski for a short speech, or no? 0.74

00:50:05.000 I don't know. I think it was just Helen Mirren.

00:50:08.000 By the way, Helen Mirren...

00:50:10.000 Oh, I understand.

00:50:13.000 Here are the nominees in costume design.

00:50:16.000 Oh, costume design. I thought it was the best actress.

00:50:19.000 Beauty and the Beast. We should probably...

00:50:22.000 Bottom five and top five.

00:50:25.000 Do both of our bottoms or both of our tops? 0.99

00:50:29.000 I don't know. Yeah, you know what?

00:50:30.000 Okay. So we're going to do, right now, and we'll tweak this out, our bottom five films of the year.

00:50:37.000 Jared, Sven, do we have the overlays ready?

00:50:40.000 Okay. You know what? Let's have Jared go first.

00:50:42.000 We're going to do our bottom, our worst five films of the year.

00:50:45.000 Jared, let's start with you.

00:50:47.000 What were your worst five films of the year, starting?

00:50:49.000 Great timing. All right, you can bring it up, Sven.

00:50:51.000 Yeah, go slow. All right.

00:50:53.000 All right, you can turn her down, Edward, because she doesn't matter right now.

00:50:57.000 She doesn't matter. Okay. Jared's bottom five.

00:50:59.000 Bottom five. Beauty and the Beast.

00:51:01.000 Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, that's right there.

00:51:02.000 Bottom five. Beauty and the Beast, absolutely.

00:51:04.000 And it wasn't that it was that bad.

00:51:06.000 Did you see Beauty and the Beast, Bill? I did.

00:51:08.000 It was, if you're going to take something so beloved...

00:51:10.000 Yeah, don't make it less.

00:51:11.000 Don't make it less. That's what they've done consistently, I think, with that, and even though, like, Jon Favreau, The Jungle Book, had, like, some key scenes that were missing from the live-action remake that just made the movie what it was, the original cartoon.

00:51:24.000 Okay. All right. So, same thing I did with Beauty and the Beast.

00:51:26.000 Okay, next film. Number four.

00:51:28.000 Detroit. For reasons that are self-explanatory.

00:51:29.000 For reasons that are self-explanatory.

00:51:32.000 Preach. And we're touching this one.

00:51:33.000 Blade Runner 2049.

00:51:35.000 I wanted to just...

00:51:36.000 I feel that way about the original Blade Runner.

00:51:38.000 I never liked the original Blade Runner.

00:51:39.000 My eyes out of my body. Tweet me at Skrider.

00:51:40.000 Tweet at Nakejared. And you don't have a Twitter, I guess, do you? 0.90

00:51:42.000 No. He's too busy doing...

00:51:44.000 He's too busy taking it to YouTube with the legal fight.

00:51:47.000 I feel that about the original Blade Runner.

00:51:49.000 I've never been able to make it through all the way.

00:51:50.000 I fall asleep. Exactly.

00:51:51.000 Okay, and your number...

00:51:53.000 No, there's two more. Daddy's Home 2.

00:51:54.000 Number two. That's just a bad film.

00:51:56.000 Yeah, you know. I don't know what to say about that.

00:51:57.000 It's one for better. I watched that at the drive-in.

00:51:59.000 The night my wife and I had a fight.

00:52:01.000 And I would have rather been at the fight.

00:52:07.000 Sweetheart, I love you. That was the night you were with Brittany.

00:52:10.000 And we had an argument.

00:52:11.000 I was like, you know what? Okay, I'm going to go cool down.

00:52:13.000 And I drove to the drive-in movie.

00:52:14.000 And I drove up. I was like, all right, I'll watch Daddy's 2.

00:52:16.000 And I was like, I would rather be back home right now.

00:52:19.000 I don't know how to go back.

00:52:20.000 They just do basic things of storytelling and plot.

00:52:22.000 And the pacing was weird. Everything about it was awful.

00:52:24.000 Oh, number one. Your worst film of the year from Nakej.

00:52:26.000 Yeah, here you go. Justice League.

00:52:28.000 Justice League. Well, that makes sense because you're a Marvel fanboy.

00:52:31.000 So you put DC in there. No, I'm a huge Batman.

00:52:34.000 That's number one. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

00:52:36.000 It really is sad what they did with Batman.

00:52:38.000 They just ruined it. Snyder sucks, and I'm glad. 0.99

00:52:40.000 Because I felt like The Watchmen was amongst the worst films I've ever seen. 0.99

00:52:43.000 The worst films, when I think, that come right to mind are John Leguizamo's The Pest and The Watchmen.

00:52:50.000 And then Hudson Hawk with Bruce Willis is up there.

00:52:53.000 Did you ever see The Watchmen? Yeah, The Watchmen I saw, yeah.

00:52:55.000 Did you like it? No. I really, really hated it.

00:52:58.000 No, I had to go back and watch my mouth.

00:52:59.000 I thought by actually going and reading the comics again just to get it cleared.

00:53:03.000 Were the comics good? Yeah.

00:53:04.000 The comics were better. The film was just incredibly nihilistic and just bleak.

00:53:07.000 It was not good. I mean, The Watchmen, the comics is bleak, but it's bleak in a way that's good.

00:53:11.000 Okay. All right. So that's Jared's bottom five.

00:53:13.000 And I'm going to give you my bottom five. Then we're going to give you a top five afterwards. 0.63

00:53:15.000 So my bottom five.

00:53:17.000 Number five. Atomic Blonde.

00:53:19.000 I watched this on an airplane.

00:53:22.000 And I wanted my money back.

00:53:24.000 It was that bad.

00:53:26.000 Because I remember I watched a special on it beforehand going like the stunt coordinator.

00:53:29.000 Because there was actually a push right now for stunt coordinators.

00:53:31.000 I think they call them action designers to be nominated.

00:53:33.000 That is actually, there's a valid argument to be made.

00:53:35.000 They're not nominated for anything. Not stunt men.

00:53:38.000 Not stunt coordinators.

00:53:39.000 Really? When you think of how many categories there are, that doesn't make a whole bunch of sense.

00:53:42.000 So I remember watching a special on Atomic Blonde thinking, oh, this is going to be incredible.

00:53:45.000 And it was possibly the worst fight sequence I've ever seen in my life.

00:53:49.000 We're doing this all wrong, by the way.

00:53:50.000 We are? This goes back.

00:53:52.000 Oh, you're talking about the seat going back? Yeah.

00:53:53.000 Okay. My number four worst film of the year.

00:53:56.000 Surprise, no one else. Snatched.

00:53:58.000 Ugh. For reasons that are, I don't think I even need to explain this one.

00:54:01.000 Please, please don't. Please don't even go into it.

00:54:03.000 Sometimes you can't go by the critics.

00:54:05.000 But when it's the critics and the fans across the board say this is terrible, and it's from their darling, you know, they're looking for any reason to give Amy Schumer the award.

00:54:13.000 Sometimes you have to split the difference between the Rotten Tomatoes, like critics and users.

00:54:16.000 Yes, absolutely. This one, just take the both of the awards.

00:54:17.000 This one you go. But they're united.

00:54:19.000 They're united in their beliefs.

00:54:20.000 It was bringing people together in hatred.

00:54:23.000 It's like heroin. White rednecks do meth. 1.00

00:54:26.000 Yes. And then black urbanites do crack. 1.00

00:54:28.000 But they all do heroin. 0.99

00:54:29.000 It bridges the racial divide.

00:54:31.000 It does. It does. Bringing people together.

00:54:32.000 Yeah, heroin has been bringing people together since it was developed as a non-addictive synthetic alternative to morphine.

00:54:40.000 Number three, Detroit, which Jared, you know, had on there.

00:54:44.000 And that's because it wasn't called, I forgot the name of the hotel, so-and-so motel.

00:54:48.000 It was called Detroit. So you expect it to be all-encompassing to include everything from the Detroit riots.

00:54:53.000 My grandfather ran reconnaissance.

00:54:55.000 Well, he had Papa Crowder on here.

00:54:57.000 Papa Crowder on here to talk about Detroit.

00:54:59.000 He saw it with us. He was like, no, it was horribly just inaccurate.

00:55:01.000 Yeah. It was a Black Lives Matter film.

00:55:04.000 And it just wasn't a good film. It wasn't entertaining at all.

00:55:07.000 Okay, this one, let me explain this one.

00:55:09.000 Because right after Detroit, people are going to have some all eyes on me.

00:55:12.000 Now, here's why. This is HBO. And they're doing like a Marvel Universe with the hip-hop films.

00:55:17.000 They did it with Notorious, with B.I.G. And he actually played Biggie in this film.

00:55:20.000 But all eyes on me.

00:55:22.000 It was Tupac. And the reason I hate this, first off, they skim over 10 of his felonies.

00:55:27.000 They skim over it.

00:55:28.000 And they just so happen. They excuse everything.

00:55:31.000 He just so happened to be at the...

00:55:34.000 He just so happened to shoot a cop who was off-duty.

00:55:36.000 He just so happened to be in the room while a girl was getting in. 0.58

00:55:38.000 Wrong place at the wrong time. He just so happened. I'm like, Tupac did some good... 0.69

00:55:40.000 But let's not act as though he was anything other than he was a scumbag. 0.99

00:55:44.000 And it also was a bad film. 0.99

00:55:45.000 And then, you know, number one, and the reason why was because...

00:55:48.000 Again, I got into a slight argument with my wife.

00:55:50.000 I really wanted to see this, Battle of the Sexes, with Steve Carell and Emma Stone.

00:55:56.000 Because it was a story that I really wanted to watch.

00:55:59.000 They didn't tell the story at all.

00:56:00.000 It was a battle of... I forgot the name of the...

00:56:03.000 Obviously, Billie Jean King. 0.78

00:56:04.000 I forgot the name of the guy who Steve Carell played.

00:56:06.000 But I wanted to watch this because I thought, okay, this is a time where they can actually...

00:56:09.000 Even if they do have a feminist bent, they can kind of show the intricacies of a man playing a woman against... 1.00

00:56:14.000 You know, in a tennis match.

00:56:15.000 And the fact that he likely threw the match because he was a gambling addict and he bet against himself.

00:56:21.000 They cover his gambling... But about...

00:56:23.000 I would think 95% of it is just lesbian. 1.00

00:56:25.000 Lesbian sex scenes with... Is it Emily... 1.00

00:56:27.000 Did I say Emma Stone? Is it Emma Stone or Emily Blunt? 1.00

00:56:29.000 I was confused. It's Emma Stone. Emma Stone.

00:56:31.000 90% of it is just lesbian sex scenes with Emma Stone and whoever. 0.99

00:56:34.000 And by the way, here's what bothers me so much about Battle of the Sexes. 0.98

00:56:36.000 She's cheating on her husband who seems like a good guy. 0.99

00:56:39.000 By all measures, seems like a good guy.

00:56:41.000 And we're supposed to be like, oh my gosh, she's so like... 0.99

00:56:43.000 She just wants to be who she is. I'm like, you're cheating on your husband who's out there. 0.60

00:56:46.000 He's taping... He's taping ice to her knees at one point to help her.

00:56:50.000 And she's like, I hate this guy.

00:56:51.000 He's a sweetheart.

00:56:52.000 Okay, let's see what this is. Real quick, back to Jimmy Kimmel.

00:56:54.000 They're saying Black Panther has been so successful at the box office, they're already saying it's the favorite to not get nominated for anything next year.

00:57:05.000 It's weird that so many superheroes are white just because that's what they were in the comics, right? 0.98

00:57:08.000 Because it was so popular it won't get nominated.

00:57:10.000 Oh, I thought it was... Never mind.

00:57:12.000 He's always been white. 0.81

00:57:14.000 You know what else Superman has always been?

00:57:16.000 Not real. Like the wage gap, you fat son of a bitch. 1.00

00:57:23.000 But tonight's nominated documentary show us that where there is darkness... 1.00

00:57:27.000 Except at the White House.

00:57:30.000 Hope quit on Wednesday. Here to present the award for best documentary feature, Greta Gerwig and Laura Dern.

00:57:37.000 You know what's surprising about this?

00:57:39.000 This category, watch, in five years' time, it will be entirely dominated by Netflix.

00:57:44.000 And within ten years' time, it will be entirely dominated by not only Netflix, but YouTube or NewTube, whatever the new YouTube is at that point.

00:57:51.000 Right. Because documentaries can be made by anyone with an iPhone camera and the ability to do decent sound.

00:57:55.000 That has changed so dramatically.

00:57:57.000 Good evening. And congratulations, buddy.

00:58:01.000 By the way... Thank you. This is what Jordan Peterson talks about.

00:58:04.000 Think about this. It's hashtag me too.

00:58:05.000 No woman should be objectified. 1.00

00:58:08.000 By the way, have you seen the ass on my chest? 1.00

00:58:10.000 Now, I'm not saying that these women at all deserve to be sexually harassed. 1.00

00:58:14.000 I'm not at all saying they deserve to be Weinstein'd.

00:58:16.000 But it's like Jordan Peterson was talking about.

00:58:17.000 You cannot tell me that this is not designed to send out sexual signals in the workplace.

00:58:24.000 Right. It's human biology.

00:58:25.000 No one's saying anyone deserves it.

00:58:27.000 But what you can't say...

00:58:28.000 Now, hashtag me too. If you're talking about rape, if you're talking about sexual harassment, absolutely horrible.

00:58:32.000 Wine scene. Put them beneath the railroad tracks and lock away the key. 0.99

00:58:35.000 But whenever someone else is accused because they say, he told me nice tits, did you show him your tits? 0.99

00:58:43.000 He thought he was being polite. 0.99

00:58:46.000 He thought he was being cordial.

00:58:48.000 If you were to walk out in a thong, in a dressing trailer, which, by the way, has happened.

00:58:54.000 I've been on set. Someone would be like, hey!

00:58:56.000 I'd know that ass anywhere. 1.00

00:58:58.000 You can't then accuse him of sexual harassment if you walk out in a thong. 1.00

00:59:01.000 The entire... All of the Academy Awards.

00:59:03.000 Think about it. All the Botox.

00:59:04.000 All the work. All the lipstick. All the rouge.

00:59:06.000 All the cleavage. This is designed through... 0.97

00:59:09.000 If you look at... Jordan Peterson talked about this.

00:59:11.000 He got so much flack and vice for it.

00:59:13.000 This is... It's exploiting evolutionary biology.

00:59:17.000 That's what it is. It's designed to invoke a sexually attracted...

00:59:20.000 You're selling sex, but don't call it sex. 0.96

00:59:23.000 Exactly. I understand it. 0.97

00:59:25.000 And by the way, there was a time where it was okay.

00:59:27.000 Just so you know, there was a time where it was okay for women to be sexy at the Oscars and people say, oh, wow, that's sexy. 1.00

00:59:32.000 Oh, wow, you know, oh, wow, look, look at Monica Bellucci. 1.00

00:59:35.000 And it wasn't considered offensive. I don't think you should be a pig, by the way. 0.99

00:59:37.000 The people like us who talked about not having... 0.99

00:59:40.000 Maybe waiting until you're married or maybe waiting instead of being promiscuous when all the feminists talked about us being sexist and then talked about us being horrible. 1.00

00:59:47.000 And the Oscar goes to...

00:59:48.000 Now it's called sexist as well.

00:59:50.000 We're also the ones saying, hey, it's okay for someone to say, hey, sexy.

00:59:53.000 That looks good. You look good.

00:59:54.000 Hey, sweet cheeks. Hey, sweet heart. 0.95

00:59:56.000 Whatever your word of choice is, I'll allow it.

00:59:59.000 But they won't. Can't have a conversation.

01:00:02.000 What are you supposed to... Think about this.

01:00:04.000 This is one thing we... To put it in context, look at any leading actress tonight, okay?

01:00:09.000 Any leading actress tonight, A-list or, you know, attract, and look at their cleavage.

01:00:13.000 And tell me how every single person would react at your workplace.

01:00:18.000 If someone came in dressed that way. They're going into work this way.

01:00:21.000 Sexual... There is no rape culture. 1.00

01:00:23.000 There's no sexual harassment culture.

01:00:25.000 It's only here.

01:00:26.000 And this is a portion of as to why.

01:00:29.000 All right, listen. How many of them went to their dress designer and said, please make me look unsexy?

01:00:33.000 Yes. How many of them were said, I want to look sexy tonight?

01:00:37.000 Please make sure everyone says, I look sexy tonight.

01:00:39.000 I want to be dressed in something that I can tear off in mourning and flog myself.

01:00:44.000 None of them. All right, this is an entirely uninteresting category.

01:00:47.000 What else do we have queued up? What's the next one?

01:00:48.000 Is it Raging Bull? Garrett, can we bring that up?

01:00:51.000 Yes. Okay, next up, we're actually...

01:00:53.000 One of my favorite films, of course.

01:00:54.000 We have a clip from, and what we did with Mug Club, Raging Bull here.

01:00:58.000 And then after that, I believe we have...

01:01:00.000 Is it... After that, we're going to have Owen Benj...

01:01:02.000 Oh, well, we're running a little late, so we have some games to play.

01:01:04.000 After that, we're going to have Owen Benjamin, so stay tuned.

01:01:07.000 Here's a clip from Raging Bull. I have to use the potty.

01:01:09.000 Potty. Ugh, time. Oh, and this is just brutal.

01:01:38.000 He's using every illegal tactic in the book.

01:01:40.000 Fogus copyright claims, bogging down the channel. 0.70

01:01:42.000 Fair use be damned.

01:01:44.000 I tell you, it's a tragedy if the lawyers allow this to go on any longer. 0.51

01:01:47.000 Oh, no. It appears to be Mr.

01:01:49.000 YouTube himself. Cenk Uygur of the Young Turks, well known to work directly with YouTube, is looking to take his turn.

01:01:56.000 And now YouTube is trapping Crowder with big body shots.

01:02:17.000 How he's still up is anyone's guess.

01:02:18.000 No channel's going to do this kind of punishment. 0.98

01:02:20.000 Oh Oh

01:02:32.000 Hey Hey. Hey, YouTube.

01:03:02.000 You never got me down.

01:03:04.000 You never got me down, YouTube.

01:03:07.000 You never got me down.

01:03:09.000 You never got me down, YouTube.

01:03:12.000 Hey, hey. Hey, much, much.

01:03:13.000 You never got me down.

01:03:17.000 You never got me down.

01:03:18.000 You never got me down. I mean, I know I've got to accept your answer, but I'm telling you right now.

01:03:37.000 If these people keep flagging us, I'm going to sue somebody.

01:03:40.000 But go ahead and sue everybody. You're the top guy.

01:03:41.000 Go sue people. But I don't understand.

01:03:52.000 What do you mean, sue you?

01:03:53.000 Me? Sue me. Stop here.

01:03:55.000 Do me a f***ing favor. 0.99

01:03:56.000 You're driving me f***ing crazy. 0.98

01:03:58.000 If you got a lawyer or something, you're a big shot. 0.90

01:04:00.000 Just sue. Sue me. 0.80

01:04:01.000 But what do you mean by you, though?

01:04:03.000 So? What's that mean?

01:04:05.000 No, Sven, computer, you don't even know what you meant.

01:04:08.000 You mentioned YouTube, Bob Ross, and you.

01:04:11.000 You included yourself with them.

01:04:13.000 You could have mentioned anybody, but you put yourself in with them.

01:04:16.000 You really let these lawsuits run your lap?

01:04:19.000 They did a real job on you. 1.00

01:04:20.000 You know how f***ing nuts you are? 1.00

01:04:21.000 Look what I did to you. You flagged my video. 1.00

01:04:25.000 What? You flagged my video.

01:04:28.000 How could you ask me a question like that?

01:04:30.000 I'm your researcher. Are you asking me that?

01:04:33.000 Where do you get the bullets big enough to ask me that?

01:04:35.000 Just tell me. I'm not answering that.

01:04:38.000 I'm not going to answer that. Stupid. 1.00

01:04:42.000 You know, you're very smart, Sven, computer. 1.00

01:04:45.000 You're giving me all these answers, but you're not giving me the right answer.

01:04:49.000 I'm going to ask you again. Did you or did you not?

01:04:53.000 I'm not answering that. It's a sick...

01:04:55.000 ...calls...

01:05:02.000 ...and it's not always with you. 1.00

01:05:03.000 You're a sick bastard. Look at you. 1.00

01:05:05.000 I really feel sorry for you. You know what you should do?

01:05:07.000 You should try a little more writing and a little less eating.

01:05:09.000 Maybe then you'll get less insults in the comment section. 1.00

01:05:11.000 You sick f***. Maybe then you'll stop taking it out of me and everyone else. 1.00

01:05:15.000 You understand, you f***ing wacko? 1.00

01:05:17.000 You're cracking up. 1.00

01:05:19.000 F***ing screwball, you! 0.99

01:05:21.000 Where were you? 1.00

01:05:38.000 At your house Where'd you go after?

01:05:42.000 Studio Yeah, what'd you do over there?

01:05:45.000 I didn't change my mind video You're cracking up. What about the hard strike, huh?

01:05:50.000 Dude, what about it? How...

01:05:52.000 How come you didn't tell me about the hard strike, huh?

01:05:55.000 Doesn't know about it.

01:05:57.000 How come you didn't tell me about the hard strike? 0.99

01:05:59.000 Tell me, you dead thing! 0.99

01:06:01.000 You flogged my video? Huh? 1.00

01:06:03.000 No! Huh? Open the door! 0.73

01:06:14.000 Go away! Fine, open the door.

01:06:16.000 I want to talk to you. No, get away from me.

01:06:18.000 You're sick. Huh? 1.00

01:06:20.000 You flogged my video? Why are you doing it?

01:06:22.000 Why are you flogging that video?

01:06:23.000 What do you want me to stand for?

01:06:24.000 I flogged all of them!

01:06:26.000 What do you mean you flogged all of them?

01:06:27.000 What did you flogged? You, Shapiro, Clayton, North Southern, Dennis Prager?

01:06:36.000 You flogged Dennis Prager?

01:06:37.000 Yeah. Yeah, I flogged Dennis Prager.

01:06:39.000 Everyone else has never been on your channel, but we're gonna do like nothing but a selfish, fat pig, selfish, duped! 1.00

01:06:48.000 No! No! No! 1.00

01:06:54.000 Let me shoot you for Mother Mox, too! 1.00

01:06:57.000 If I see you, put your hands in the plate one more time. 1.00

01:06:59.000 I'm gonna stab you with this knife. 1.00

01:07:00.000 You hear me? I told you already. 1.00

01:07:02.000 Keep your hands off the plate! Oh, fuck! 1.00

01:07:06.000 Huh? Huh? 1.00

01:07:08.000 Huh? You flogged my video, huh?

01:07:10.000 You flogged my video, huh? 1.00

01:07:12.000 What the fuck are you flogged my video, huh? 1.00

01:07:13.000 Get out of here! Get out! 1.00

01:07:15.000 Get out! All right, we are back. Hold on. Are we back?

01:07:33.000 I see this. There we go.

01:07:34.000 Garrett, did we teach, uh...

01:07:36.000 No, we didn't teach him that. He looks like he's straight... 0.99

01:07:38.000 Sound Guy Edward and Garrett, the intern, look like they are straight out of Alice Cooper Welcome to My Nightmare Era, with their white tuxedos.

01:07:45.000 I figured our next guest would appreciate that because he's a musician and I hope he's more sober than we are.

01:07:52.000 Love him. Thank God we did not bring...

01:07:55.000 He doesn't even have a bear stein going on.

01:07:57.000 Thank God this will actually contain like 16 ounces, but it's pushing it.

01:08:01.000 Is it 16? Yeah, it is.

01:08:03.000 It's all 15 anyway.

01:08:05.000 But the point is, Oscars suck is the promo code right now.

01:08:07.000 You get $10 off of Mug Club. Our next guest is at Owen Benjamin.

01:08:10.000 Owen, how are you, sir? It's great to see you, boys.

01:08:13.000 You guys look awesome.

01:08:14.000 Thank you very much. Owen, have you been watching the Oscars?

01:08:18.000 I have. That's why I'm drinking beers.

01:08:23.000 I don't know if you saw the rules to our drinking game, but we've pretty much abandoned them because every single time Jimmy Kimmel comes out, we have to take, you know, five drinks.

01:08:31.000 It is unbelievable.

01:08:33.000 Everything is... I didn't even know about the...

01:08:35.000 Did you know about the Time's Up pins?

01:08:36.000 Have you seen those? No, but I did see people in the audience that used to brag about doing cocaine, off women, clap during one of those moments.

01:08:46.000 Yeah. By the way, little known fact, it's a common misconception that they did coke off of women's breasts. 0.99

01:08:52.000 It actually doesn't function that way.

01:08:53.000 You have to use hip bones. It needs to be a stable surface.

01:08:55.000 An actor once told me that, who shall remain nameless.

01:08:59.000 Oh, it's so funny.

01:09:00.000 Like, the people being like, oh, we're so brave, we're so brave.

01:09:03.000 I'm like, how do you function like that?

01:09:06.000 Like, I know what you brag about.

01:09:08.000 Right. I know.

01:09:09.000 It is one thing we're talking about.

01:09:11.000 Like, we'll get...

01:09:12.000 This will be up on Media Matters or something tomorrow.

01:09:14.000 We were talking about all their... This hat is enough.

01:09:16.000 It's hurting my head. We were talking about the butts on the chest.

01:09:20.000 You know, Viola Davis came out and it looked like she had two Maduro cigars just sort of angling at each other in a humidor. 0.88

01:09:28.000 Everything is hyper-sexualized.

01:09:30.000 And I say, don't sexualize us. 0.94

01:09:31.000 Now, we've talked about this, how we would probably murder someone who actually sexually harassed our wives. 0.52

01:09:37.000 We went after Weinstein as hard as anybody, as well as Bill O'Reilly and Eric Bolling and Roy Moore.

01:09:43.000 But this is a hyper-sexualized culture.

01:09:46.000 That's one thing that I'm noticing tonight.

01:09:47.000 Everything about it is hyper-sexualized.

01:09:50.000 This is the only rape culture. 1.00

01:09:53.000 Oh, yeah. And then all...

01:09:54.000 Well, that and... There's one more rape culture that will remain nameless. 1.00

01:09:58.000 Wait. What do you mean rape?

01:09:59.000 Oh. Oh, yes.

01:10:01.000 Yeah. I don't... Wait, hold on.

01:10:02.000 I don't know. I've had two dragons milk.

01:10:03.000 It's the culture of peace.

01:10:05.000 Oh. No, but anyway, like...

01:10:07.000 They're doing the same thing as far as rape as they do with guns. 1.00

01:10:11.000 They're saying if we get rid of this one thing, we get rid of the fact that we're all doing some stuff.

01:10:18.000 They're putting, like, all the blame on an object so they've never addressed that evil exists in the world and they're all, like, part of it.

01:10:26.000 Wait. Are you saying, like, rape is some sort of, like, a lockbox?

01:10:32.000 No. Like, literally by their logic, they're like, if we cut off Harvey Weinstein's wiener, we just solved all of rape. 0.94

01:10:38.000 And then everyone has to... 0.98

01:10:39.000 get rid of their wiener. Right. 1.00

01:10:40.000 Well, if they cut it off, all they need to do is have Matt Damon flex for a couple of seconds.

01:10:45.000 No, it's, like, the hypocrisy's to the point where it's the best comedy on television right now, man.

01:10:50.000 Yeah, but no one's watching it.

01:10:52.000 So no one's eating the best comedy on television.

01:10:56.000 Yeah, but, like, I love it.

01:10:57.000 Like, at first I was like, I'm not gonna watch it.

01:10:59.000 I'm not gonna spoil it. I'm like, this is the best comedy I can possibly watch.

01:11:03.000 Like, you're watching people with a straight face with a diamond necklace talking about how they need a...

01:11:09.000 more gender equality or whatever. 0.70

01:11:11.000 Like, Judd, whatever that lady's name is, she has diamonds on her neck and she's like, I'm here to talk about women need... 1.00

01:11:17.000 Hold on a second. Weren't you in Blood Diamond?

01:11:24.000 It's just... It's, like, to the point where it's...

01:11:26.000 I love it. It is...

01:11:28.000 It has gotten to the point that's why...

01:11:29.000 Oh, did we just lose... Okay. Oh, well, hold on a second.

01:11:31.000 Their new show, Michael Clark Duncan.

01:11:33.000 I did love that dude. That dude just seemed like an awesome dude.

01:11:35.000 Everything I know about him. Juice to the tits, of course. 0.99

01:11:39.000 Um... And then something. Oh, my gosh. 0.99

01:11:41.000 There's some good dudes out there, man. I like Sam Rockwell.

01:11:43.000 I like William Dafoe.

01:11:45.000 Yes. But it's just the whole vibe is awful.

01:11:47.000 You know, it's like... Sam Rockwell, aside from his pin, gave a pretty good speech.

01:11:50.000 What you kind of would hope an Oscar speech to be.

01:11:53.000 I loved it. All you gotta do at this point is just not be insane and I'll have so much respect for you.

01:11:59.000 Right. Did you see, by the way, three billboards over Ebbing, Missouri?

01:12:02.000 I did. The bar's high for him.

01:12:04.000 Oh, the bar's... Did you like it?

01:12:05.000 I liked it. I liked it a lot.

01:12:07.000 I thought his character was really great because it was really complicated.

01:12:10.000 Yeah, I thought so, too. And I thought when it first started off, I thought, oh, no, this is going to be a Black Lives Matter rape culture film. 0.95

01:12:14.000 And it turned out to be really more of...

01:12:16.000 It focused more on the tale of human redemption.

01:12:19.000 And, uh... Exactly. And I loved it.

01:12:20.000 Because there wasn't, like, the bad guy, the good guy.

01:12:23.000 Like, it was about people trying to do the best they could and you could actually really relate to a lot of the characters.

01:12:28.000 Plus, there's a midget in there. 1.00

01:12:31.000 Yeah. Peter Dinklage. No, they prefer...

01:12:32.000 No, no. They prefer to be called People McNuggets.

01:12:37.000 I've also heard Little Troopers is among their preferred terms.

01:12:40.000 That's true. Lil.

01:12:42.000 Lil in a hip-hop favorite.

01:12:44.000 Lil Troopers. Remember that when every rap artist was called Lil something?

01:12:47.000 That was a big trend for a while.

01:12:48.000 It was like, Lil. It was Lil...

01:12:50.000 Yeah, but that... But then they'd have kids and that'd be like, Lil Lil... 0.99

01:12:54.000 Or, like, Littlest Wayne.

01:12:56.000 Yes. It's like, you know, I want my kid to be more grammatically correct.

01:13:00.000 I want him to stand on the shoulders of my Lil, Little, so I can...

01:13:05.000 I think that's my contribution.

01:13:07.000 That was Lil Bow Wow. 1.00

01:13:09.000 Lil Romeo. Who else?

01:13:11.000 There were a lot of them. There were so many Lil guys.

01:13:13.000 Lil Kim. They'd be like... Like, everyone's standing on the shoulders of People McNuggets.

01:13:18.000 What was your favorite film of the year, Owen?

01:13:21.000 I didn't... I didn't watch Brain Magnus this year, man, because it's just like...

01:13:24.000 It's getting too infuriating, some of these movies, man.

01:13:27.000 It is tough. Three billboards around Missouri.

01:13:31.000 We're going to do our top five later.

01:13:32.000 That is among my top five.

01:13:33.000 Like, it's one of those... Oh, yeah. That's tough to be up there.

01:13:35.000 I, Tonya is...

01:13:36.000 Like I said, it's probably the best movie of the year.

01:13:38.000 You know what? I know you've worked with Bateman.

01:13:40.000 I just saw Game Night last night.

01:13:42.000 Very good. Very good.

01:13:43.000 Some of the best writing in a comedy that I've seen in a long time.

01:13:47.000 That guy's hilarious. Yeah.

01:13:49.000 I'll definitely watch more movies.

01:13:50.000 I really like Dunkirk.

01:13:52.000 I think we talked about that. Did you watch Dunkirk?

01:13:54.000 No, I didn't. You didn't, right?

01:13:55.000 Knock A. Jared liked it. I didn't like it. 0.80

01:13:57.000 What song? Dunkirk. I just like that...

01:13:59.000 I like that angle of war that I never thought about.

01:14:03.000 Like, just people trying to get off a beach.

01:14:05.000 It was just very impersonal, and I felt like it was Nolan just really looking for kind of gimmicky shots.

01:14:10.000 It's an important story, and I wish it would have been given the care that a story of that importance, you know, warranted.

01:14:17.000 That's how I felt about it. I didn't hate it, but I just felt like I didn't really learn a whole lot about Dunkirk, and I didn't feel like I developed a whole lot of appreciation for it, which I could have, unlike Saving Private Ryan.

01:14:26.000 A lot of people don't realize this. Most people did not fully understand the invasion of the beaches before Saving Private Ryan.

01:14:31.000 A film can have that big of an impact in a positive way.

01:14:33.000 I don't feel like Dunkirk pulled that off.

01:14:36.000 I want to see a movie about the Eastern Front.

01:14:39.000 Yeah? That would be interesting.

01:14:41.000 The brutality of that, I think, would almost, like, not even be cinematic how brutal it was.

01:14:47.000 Yeah, I mean, you're talking about, like, more specifically, like, the Japanese with the Chinese?

01:14:50.000 No, like Stalingrad.

01:14:52.000 Oh, Stalingrad. Just unbelievable.

01:14:55.000 Like, just the human loss.

01:14:58.000 Like, there's still bone fields in Russia, where it's just, as far as the eye can see, it's just bones.

01:15:03.000 Yeah. I guess I was thinking of, you know, the Japanese and what they did, you know, waterboarding.

01:15:08.000 When we say they actually used to force-feed people water and then pound on their stomach until their organs imploded.

01:15:13.000 We put a washcloth over someone so they think they're drowning.

01:15:16.000 But they both used the word waterboarding.

01:15:18.000 Hold on a second, Owen. Let's bring this up.

01:15:20.000 It's Jimmy Kimmel. Let's see what the next category is.

01:15:22.000 This is the 90th Academy Awards.

01:15:24.000 You know, the very first Oscar ceremony was held right across the street at the Roosevelt Hotel back in 1929.

01:15:31.000 At that Oscars, they gave out two awards for Best Picture.

01:15:35.000 It's kind of what we did last year.

01:15:37.000 And I thought it might be fun to read the first joke ever told at the Oscars 90 years ago.

01:15:44.000 And thanks to the Academy Archive, which has all of the stuff, I have it.

01:15:49.000 And Douglas Fairbanks Sr.

01:15:51.000 was the host of the show.

01:15:52.000 And this was his opening joke.

01:15:55.000 Christopher Plummer is tonight's youngest nominee.

01:15:59.000 I was hoping to actually hear what the original joke was.

01:16:01.000 It still holds up. Here to present the Oscars for sound editing and mixing, please welcome Ansel Elgort and Aza Gonzalez.

01:16:11.000 All right, okay, listen, we can turn this down.

01:16:12.000 We can keep talking and then we'll see what the speech is like.

01:16:15.000 How do you think those early Academy members would have felt about all the trannies and the intergender awards? 1.00

01:16:24.000 Well, that's what we're talking about.

01:16:25.000 The actress from On the Waterfront, how she was like, my husband of 65 years, died last year.

01:16:32.000 He hears us.

01:16:33.000 Like, that doesn't fit the culture at all anymore.

01:16:37.000 Wait! This is the asshole from the Parkland shooting. 1.00

01:16:41.000 What is it? Am I wrong? 1.00

01:16:44.000 This is the kid from Parkland, Florida.

01:16:46.000 He's been making all the rounds with David Hogg.

01:16:48.000 He's been pushing for, banning the Second Amendment.

01:16:51.000 You are the nominees for Achievement.

01:16:54.000 Oh, never mind. It's Baby Driver.

01:16:55.000 Who's the kid I'm thinking of? You know the kid I'm thinking of?

01:16:58.000 Hogg. No, not Hogg.

01:17:00.000 The other kid who's with him was on Bill Maher.

01:17:02.000 Someone can bring this up for me.

01:17:04.000 Sven, bring it up. The other kid who was with him on Bill Maher with David Hogg.

01:17:07.000 He's following him around like his lackey.

01:17:09.000 That's insane, dude. Did you see my video about it's time to listen to the children?

01:17:14.000 No. You'll laugh. I'm watching the Oscars, Owen.

01:17:16.000 This is the most important event of the year.

01:17:20.000 You couldn't put on a tie?

01:17:22.000 Children. This is, by the way, this is one industry where we talk about that just eats its children alive.

01:17:28.000 It eats its children alive and then it's women and then they want to hold themselves out as though they're at the forefront of gentlemen. 0.99

01:17:36.000 Well, whatever they're over the top trying to protect is what they're destroying and eating.

01:17:41.000 Right. That's a good point.

01:17:43.000 What they do to black people is insane. 0.97

01:17:45.000 It's like, what they do to Black Panther where they're like, it has that perfect critical acclaim. 0.98

01:17:51.000 Well, you know what's funny is George Clooney went up and he was like, we had, we nominated a black actress as well in the country.

01:17:57.000 Their names were only being uttered.

01:17:59.000 I'm like, you didn't tell them that you made them sit in the balcony in the back.

01:18:03.000 Like, the Academy was incredibly racist.

01:18:06.000 Actually, more so at certain periods in time than the rest of the United States.

01:18:10.000 Hold on, let me see if the sound guy goes political here.

01:18:13.000 Well, they still are.

01:18:15.000 Like, it was just a sneaky way, though.

01:18:16.000 Awesome crew in Burbank. Let's see.

01:18:18.000 Please don't. Dunkirk, please don't disappoint us.

01:18:20.000 All my friends and colleagues at Warner Brothers, Chris and Emma, whoever, you are.

01:18:25.000 This is good. Thank you for including me in this amazing trip.

01:18:28.000 It was an amazing film about an amazing event.

01:18:31.000 Thank you. And all my love to my wife, Sue, and my son, Sam.

01:18:34.000 And thank them for, thank you for putting up with me prattling on about Stuka sirens for months.

01:18:42.000 All right, the sound guys can see just how it's done.

01:18:44.000 I'd like to thank the Academy for me in this nomination.

01:18:47.000 It's historic and I think music editors and I are very grateful and that's it.

01:18:53.000 I guess I'm done. Funny, it's funny.

01:19:01.000 Out of touch, Hollywood is with the working class. 0.99

01:19:04.000 Just look at the people who are sort of the working class in their industry and compare their speeches.

01:19:08.000 Oh, totally. Yeah, because they have to be good at something in order to have their job.

01:19:13.000 They're both winning Academy Awards.

01:19:16.000 One is a totally affected prick and one's just a normal guy.

01:19:19.000 Like, hey, this is really cool.

01:19:20.000 Thanks for the award. I love my wife.

01:19:23.000 Yeah. And then, like, it's all these subjective categories like best actor.

01:19:28.000 That doesn't even mean anything and they're just up there preaching whatever liberal talking point someone holds a gun to their head about.

01:19:34.000 Well, that's actually a good point. Hey, Sven Computer, can we bring up the overlays on the Academy on the awards?

01:19:40.000 A lot of people don't realize and Sven, you can educate us here.

01:19:42.000 Hit your button.

01:19:44.000 The history of Academy Awards and it really is, you know this, having lived in Hollywood, it's about how much ad space you buy out.

01:19:50.000 It really has nothing to do with the best film.

01:19:52.000 That's why a lot of times people are going, well, how does this win best picture or how was this person not nominated?

01:19:56.000 Sven, what do you got for us? Well, I don't know if you want to, if you want to educate us with the research doc, pull that up.

01:20:06.000 I can also send it to you and then you can go with it.

01:20:08.000 Sven, in other words, I've been busy looking for your guide.

01:20:13.000 Well, okay, obviously they're voted on by the Academy.

01:20:15.000 A lot of people realize there are two rounds of voting.

01:20:16.000 The first for nominations, the second for winners.

01:20:19.000 But a good example, actually, Susan Sarandon herself filed for campaign finance reform for the Oscars in 2016. 0.98

01:20:25.000 She said it's impossible to win an Oscar unless it's bought.

01:20:28.000 Here's some interesting tidbits.

01:20:30.000 As of 2005, smaller studios spend about $3 million on campaigns, while larger studios spend up to $10 million.

01:20:39.000 And the spending has soared this year.

01:20:41.000 And it's funny because spending has soared as numbers with the Oscars have gone down.

01:20:45.000 It's almost an award Ponzi scheme.

01:20:48.000 It is. It's Social Security with a statue with no wiener.

01:20:55.000 Yes. Well, hold on a second.

01:20:57.000 We don't have wieners, but we have a little more gendered awards here today, which we're pretty proud of. 0.99

01:21:03.000 Are we going to be giving these out for anything?

01:21:04.000 I guess not. I guess hopefully for Jared making it through the evening while being schnockered.

01:21:09.000 Advertising. What do you guess the average advertising is before a nomination, Owen, in local papers to get the nomination?

01:21:16.000 What do you think the cost is? $100,000.

01:21:20.000 It's a million. I have no idea.

01:21:21.000 I don't even know. I don't know.

01:21:22.000 It's a million. And it's $800,000 after to go for the award.

01:21:26.000 TV commercials promo an average of $1.5 million.

01:21:30.000 Gosh, DVDs, digital screeners around $300,000, another $500,000 for Golden Globes campaigns.

01:21:35.000 It really is about how much money you spend.

01:21:37.000 And obviously it's limited. Like, they're not going to, you know, give the award to Thor 2.

01:21:42.000 But a lot of people don't realize this.

01:21:44.000 I remember when I was a kid, you know, I started out as an actor.

01:21:46.000 My dream was to, I was like, I'm going to win an Oscar.

01:21:48.000 And then when I looked behind the curtain, I was like, oh, that can't happen unless I hate myself.

01:21:54.000 Oh, dude, it's crazy, man.

01:21:56.000 It's crazy. Like, I'll be hosting awards with all these people in it.

01:22:00.000 I've done that three years in a row for art director awards.

01:22:04.000 And it's like, it's not real at all.

01:22:07.000 Hold on a second. We have two overlays here for Cameron Caskey is a kid I'm thinking of.

01:22:12.000 Come on. That looks like Baby Driver there. 0.91

01:22:13.000 Don't you see? That's how I mixed it up.

01:22:16.000 Come on. That's who I thought it was.

01:22:17.000 I was sitting there. I was like, okay, no, but Baby Driver was a good film.

01:22:19.000 All right, Owen, where's the best place people will find you?

01:22:21.000 We have to get going here and continue with our talk.

01:22:24.000 YouTube slash Owen Benjamin Comedy.

01:22:27.000 And, of course, he appears on The Ladder with Crowder quite a bit and helps write for the program and want to be at some of the live shows.

01:22:32.000 We must go, Owen.

01:22:33.000 You're a bigger man than us.

01:22:34.000 You can drink more. Bye, guys.

01:22:37.000 Bye. See ya. I hate this chair.

01:22:39.000 It's like the way this thing brings up.

01:22:41.000 It's just very unflattering.

01:22:43.000 It's almost like it's overall good looking.

01:22:45.000 Do we have the intro for the, the game?

01:22:49.000 I don't think we have the intro. Oh, we can't.

01:22:51.000 Well, we can't play the game without the intro.

01:22:53.000 All right, listen. That was Owen Benjamin.

01:22:54.000 Then we have a coming up. You know what?

01:22:56.000 Here, let's do this. Let's go through our top five films right now.

01:22:58.000 So our top five films.

01:23:00.000 We each have top five films for the year.

01:23:02.000 And this might surprise me. I'd love you to send me your top five films.

01:23:04.000 And we're going to read out some new mug club members.

01:23:06.000 By the way, promo code OscarsSUCK means you get $10 off a mug club if you're not a student or veteran or military, in which case you get more off.

01:23:14.000 But a lot of people are like, can I get something off?

01:23:15.000 Well, you do if you're watching the Oscar stream tonight. 0.99

01:23:18.000 OscarsSUCK. And really, it's the only way we can continue doing this, honestly, because YouTube, they're not allowing us to make any revenue.

01:23:22.000 All right, Jared's top five films for the year.

01:23:25.000 Let's go. All right, and this is no particular order, but I'll throw them out here in this.

01:23:29.000 Number one, I, Tonya.

01:23:31.000 I thought was just excellent.

01:23:33.000 I, Tonya. Super entertaining, well-acted, well-written.

01:23:38.000 Yep. Definitely some Oscar-worthy nominees.

01:23:40.000 Only went to see it because I told you you had to.

01:23:41.000 That's true. Number two, Logan.

01:23:45.000 Logan was...

01:23:46.000 Good choice. Kick-ass movie.

01:23:47.000 I would... I thought it was...

01:23:48.000 Yeah. Probably one of the better, best of the...

01:23:51.000 Since the Dark Knight, maybe.

01:23:52.000 One of the better of the superhero genre.

01:23:55.000 Oh, wait, hold on a second. I just realized the order is reversed.

01:23:58.000 Hey, Sven, reverse my order if we're going in this order here.

01:24:00.000 Okay, so you have Logan as number four.

01:24:03.000 Okay. Number three?

01:24:04.000 Guardians of the Galaxy, number two.

01:24:06.000 Do not agree with that. I see.

01:24:08.000 Here's my thing. Usually sequels suck. 0.99

01:24:10.000 I thought this one, if you go through the characters, each and every character, there is a clear story arc that builds on the first movie, that expounds on their characters. 0.93

01:24:17.000 You get to know them more, better.

01:24:20.000 Yeah, they do that really effectively with a CGI tree and a raccoon with a New York accent.

01:24:24.000 You get no imagination. I don't need an imagination because they show it to me.

01:24:28.000 That's the whole point. Baby Driver.

01:24:30.000 I thought Baby Driver was... Was that kid from Parkland?

01:24:33.000 The Parkland shooter. No, not the shooter.

01:24:36.000 The kid who's going out there. Good lord.

01:24:38.000 I know. Tomorrow it's going to be a disaster.

01:24:41.000 That was a good move, though. It was super entertaining.

01:24:43.000 Okay. Last one.

01:24:45.000 Disaster Artist. Really?

01:24:47.000 I like that. I wouldn't have put it at the top.

01:24:49.000 And, you know, it gets a little of my sympathy, too, because I think he deserved an Oscar nomination, at least, for the role.

01:24:56.000 James Franco? I think he was clearly snubbed because of all the accusations.

01:25:00.000 I think that's kind of...

01:25:01.000 I don't know. James Franco had accusations?

01:25:04.000 Yeah, yeah, lots of accusations. But he's gay. 0.96

01:25:06.000 James Franco? Yeah, James Franco.

01:25:08.000 Or Dave Franco's gay. James Franco's bisexual. 0.95

01:25:11.000 Anyways, accusations can come from any which way now.

01:25:14.000 Any which way but loose.

01:25:15.000 Loose? That's a good film. Not really.

01:25:17.000 That was one where Clint Eastwood was bar fighting with the orangutan.

01:25:22.000 I met Clint Eastwood once.

01:25:23.000 I told you that. And I was like, I love you in every which way but loose.

01:25:25.000 It's the only thing I could think of to say.

01:25:27.000 Because what do you pick from the catalog?

01:25:29.000 You love with an insult?

01:25:30.000 Exactly. It sounds so like you...

01:25:32.000 All right. My film... We're going in the other order.

01:25:34.000 Actually, funny. My number five was Logan.

01:25:36.000 We have this... Yeah. Logan. I actually really liked Logan.

01:25:39.000 I'm not a big... I'm kind of done with superhero films for a while now.

01:25:42.000 After Thor and after all the DC stuff, Spider-Man was just really disappointing.

01:25:46.000 I just... I have no interest in them anymore.

01:25:48.000 Well, if I have to go see them, I won't.

01:25:49.000 I thought Logan was good as a film, period.

01:25:52.000 Not just a superhero film. I thought it was a good film.

01:25:54.000 I really liked Logan. Number four, three billboards over Ebbing, Missouri.

01:25:59.000 Really liked this film.

01:26:01.000 Good overall message if you look at it.

01:26:05.000 I think it was kind of a social justice awards thing.

01:26:08.000 Awards. Other things.

01:26:11.000 Mixing up my words. Oh, hold on.

01:26:14.000 What are they bringing up? I saw Donald Sutherland once.

01:26:18.000 He had a place in Lake Massawipi right across from us.

01:26:21.000 Yeah. Or was it Lake Magog?

01:26:22.000 I don't know. They all came up to Montreal and had a place there.

01:26:24.000 All right. And Kim Davidson of SideFX.

01:26:27.000 Number three. And this is what we agreed was this year's biggest surprise.

01:26:32.000 Brawl on Cell Block 99.

01:26:34.000 Now, this is an incredibly violent film.

01:26:35.000 If you've seen Vone Tomahawk, think the ending scene times the whole movie.

01:26:39.000 But it is an unbelievably...

01:26:42.000 It's probably the most pro-life film I would use the celluloid, but now it's all digital.

01:26:47.000 Mom said you're only presenting. Hold on a second. It's a Hamilton guy.

01:26:48.000 Oh, that's very sad.

01:26:49.000 Hi, what's your name? Hold on a second.

01:26:51.000 Stephen. What do you do?

01:26:53.000 I'm married to Kate Capture.

01:26:55.000 Oh, how nice.

01:26:57.000 Oh, yes. Her, I know.

01:26:59.000 You got any pot? Do you have any pot?

01:27:06.000 Sorry, I didn't realize we were on.

01:27:08.000 All right. This is like a really bad comedian working the crowd.

01:27:09.000 Lupita Nyong'o and Kumail Nanjiani.

01:27:12.000 For what? What are they bringing?

01:27:14.000 Hold on one second here.

01:27:17.000 Oh, God. Hold on.

01:27:19.000 I'm going to pause on Cell Block 99 because I really want to get to that point there.

01:27:24.000 Good evening. Why is this guy here?

01:27:25.000 We are the two actors you keep hearing about, but whose names you have trouble pronouncing?

01:27:30.000 Actually, I have to come clean.

01:27:33.000 Kumail Nanjiani is my stage name.

01:27:36.000 Silicon Valley. My actual given Pakistani name is Chris Pine.

01:27:42.000 It's funny. So you can imagine how annoyed I was when the other, when the white Chris Pine showed up. 0.92

01:27:48.000 The real Chris Pine.

01:27:50.000 He's a super, super.

01:27:52.000 We are also immigrants. I'm from Kenya.

01:27:54.000 Because Owen and him have personally gotten into it.

01:27:56.000 Like back and forth.

01:27:57.000 Like Costanza.

01:27:59.000 No. Kumail Nanjiani.

01:28:00.000 Not going to work here anymore. Yeah, that guy.

01:28:02.000 And I am from Pakistan and Iowa.

01:28:05.000 Two places. One place.

01:28:08.000 A lot of corn. Two places that nobody in Hawaii can find on a map.

01:28:13.000 Wait, what did he say? Who came to find an American?

01:28:14.000 And like everyone in this room and everyone watching at home, we are dreamers.

01:28:18.000 We grew up dreaming of one day working in the movies.

01:28:22.000 Immigration, drink. Dreams are the foundation of Hollywood. 1.00

01:28:24.000 And dreams are the foundation of America.

01:28:26.000 Get off your phone and drink. The big stick.

01:28:28.000 That's why the guy has a phone. Okay. You can have our fact checkers do that.

01:28:31.000 Sven's job is to look it up.

01:28:33.000 To all the dreamers out there, we stand with you.

01:28:37.000 Ah. All right.

01:28:39.000 Drink. Everybody drink. Make sure Jared's not cheating.

01:28:45.000 Now, the nominees for achievement.

01:28:47.000 Isn't she Spanish? She's not Mexican. 1.00

01:28:50.000 She's skipping a line.

01:28:52.000 Production design by Sarah Greenwood and set decoration by Katie Spencer.

01:28:56.000 By the way, while we're talking about representation and it's time, how about the black actors in powdered faces and powdered wigs in 1740s France playing royalty?

01:29:07.000 It was time in 1740s.

01:29:10.000 All right. So, brawl on cell block 99.

01:29:12.000 Bring up that overlay one more time, Sven.

01:29:14.000 This is probably the most radically pro-life message in any film.

01:29:18.000 Just so you know, spoiler alert for people who haven't seen it.

01:29:21.000 It starts off with Vince Vaughn losing his job, drug deal gone bad.

01:29:24.000 He kills the drug dealers to save the cops.

01:29:26.000 And basically, these bad guys are going to force an abortion on his wife in the film unless he makes it to cell block 99 to kill somebody who these drug dealers want him to take out. 0.69

01:29:36.000 So, here's the crazy thing.

01:29:38.000 Vince Vaughn and his wife only ever refer to their unborn baby as a baby.

01:29:45.000 By the way, there's a marriage redeemed in there.

01:29:47.000 I won't necessarily ruin that for you.

01:29:49.000 There's justice. Everyone actually has to pay for their actions, even Vince Vaughn, even though it's righteous violence.

01:29:54.000 The only person who refers to it as a fetus in the entire film is the abortionist.

01:29:59.000 And he is the villain and he takes pleasure in wanting to provide this abortion and is a sadist.

01:30:07.000 It is something, I mean, I think this person who wrote this film has written something like 50 fiction, pieces of fiction.

01:30:14.000 You couldn't, and Vince Vaughn is very, very pro-life.

01:30:17.000 That's why he was the best dollar-per-dollar investment in all of Hollywood and now he can't get a good review.

01:30:22.000 So, I don't think he would take part in anything that was anything, in any kind of a film that would be pro-abortion.

01:30:28.000 This film, Brawl and Cell Block 99, is either the most inadvertently pro-life film I've ever seen, despite it being, you know, it puts Tarantino to shame.

01:30:36.000 He would blush at the violence in this film.

01:30:37.000 I highly recommend it, just if you want to see someone take violent, perverse Hollywood and kind of subvert it for moral good.

01:30:45.000 Why do you think it was overlooked for, like, any kind of nomination stuff?

01:30:48.000 Vince Vaughn. I feel like it slipped under the radar.

01:30:49.000 Hold on a second, let's hear this guy. Okay, you can turn him down.

01:30:53.000 He's wearing a crushed velvet jacket.

01:30:55.000 That's how you know he's inconsequential. So, you know, I think it was just overlooked because of Vince Vaughn.

01:31:01.000 I don't think Vince Vaughn's going to be nominated for anything, even though everyone acknowledged this was a fantastic performance.

01:31:05.000 My number two film, Hostiles.

01:31:08.000 Loved it. Thought it was great.

01:31:09.000 Very bleak. Spoiler alert kind of ish.

01:31:12.000 It's not as bleak as you think.

01:31:15.000 You liked that, too. That was great.

01:31:16.000 It was really, really good. Solid film. Solid acting.

01:31:18.000 Solid film. My number one film of the year was I, Tonya.

01:31:20.000 Really liked I, Tonya.

01:31:21.000 Thought it was fantastic. I cannot recommend it enough.

01:31:23.000 It's a strong, strong R, Alison Jennings.

01:31:27.000 The last time I saw a comedic performance that immediately worthy of the Academy Award would have been Cuba Gooding Jr.

01:31:33.000 and Jerry Maguire. Yeah, she absolutely, if she doesn't get, well, did they already, they already did Best Supporting Actress, did they?

01:31:39.000 No, they haven't done that one. They did Actor.

01:31:40.000 They did Actor. Okay, good.

01:31:42.000 Okay, so what are they presenting now?

01:31:43.000 Oh, Jimmy Kimmel's back.

01:31:44.000 Let's see if he does a bit working with Trout.

01:31:46.000 Hey, where are you from? Milwaukee?

01:31:48.000 Only cheese and queers come from Milwaukee. 1.00

01:31:51.000 The next nominee for the original song was composed for the animated feature Coco by the Oscar winners for Let It Go.

01:31:58.000 Did you see Coco? Yeah, it was nominated.

01:32:00.000 And Robert Lopez. What is it about?

01:32:02.000 It was a solid Pixar film. It was Pixar?

01:32:05.000 I guess I thought it was DreamWorks.

01:32:07.000 I thought it was a pretty PC away.

01:32:09.000 It really wasn't. From the land of the living, across the border, to the land of the dead.

01:32:14.000 All for the love of his family.

01:32:17.000 Is this a lifetime achievement award?

01:32:18.000 What's happening right now? What did I miss?

01:32:23.000 Jenny. Allison Jenny.

01:32:25.000 I got that wrong. I kept saying Jennings.

01:32:26.000 Allison Jenny. No, it's Peter Jennings.

01:32:30.000 He's a Jennings. He's Canadian, by the way. 0.95

01:32:33.000 Literally. Also a dick. 1.00

01:32:34.000 Hey, Sven, did you say we have some new Mug Club sign-ups? 0.97

01:32:36.000 By the way, the promo code is OSCARSUQ. If you want to get $10 off right now, limited.

01:32:40.000 And listen, if you want to keep this show going, YouTube ain't paying nothing.

01:32:45.000 So, Everyday Daily Show, a lot of credit.com slash Mug Club, if you're a member.

01:32:48.000 I do have three right here that we can read out.

01:32:50.000 Okay, let's read out three. So, number one would be Matt W. Just sign up for Mug Club with a student discount.

01:32:59.000 Oh, there you go. Hey.

01:33:00.000 Thanks. Every time someone joins Mug Club, Muhammad is raped in hell. 0.99

01:33:05.000 Yes. Next one would be Paws Up Bear at the shoe den. 0.99

01:33:08.000 Paws Up Bear. So, he's an unbearable.

01:33:10.000 There you go. Finally, Mug Club. That $10 off is what pushed you over the edge.

01:33:13.000 Thanks. Good for you.

01:33:15.000 Next one, at Jesse Walk. Not the legal battle that we've been embroiled with for our livelihoods, but $10 off.

01:33:22.000 That's nice to hear.

01:33:23.000 Nice. And at Jesse Walk.

01:33:27.000 Finally broke down and joined Mug Club.

01:33:28.000 I'll be waiting for my beautifully hand-etched mug.

01:33:30.000 The Crowder's Anti-Oscars Party.

01:33:32.000 Thank you so much, Jesse. You will get it.

01:33:33.000 By the way, some people have been texting us, messaging us.

01:33:36.000 If you've never got your mug when you signed up for Mug Club, obviously it happens.

01:33:39.000 There's one or two percent where it gets lost in the mail or broken.

01:33:42.000 Just call customer service at CRTV and they will make sure you get a replacement.

01:33:45.000 So, anyone out there who is missing your mug, they can get it to you.

01:33:48.000 Another good announcement. If you are subscribed to the YouTube channel, click the bell because you have to subscribe twice.

01:33:54.000 With YouTube. Subscription doesn't mean anything.

01:33:56.000 You're not getting this in your subscription box.

01:33:57.000 If you're subscribed on YouTube, you have to hit the notification bell.

01:34:00.000 Over up there. If you're looking at your screen, it's like my grandmother in the VCR. What?

01:34:06.000 Here? Anyway, press.

01:34:08.000 There's a button with an arrow and two lines.

01:34:11.000 Eerie-ish. That's pause, Grandma.

01:34:13.000 Huh? So, if you're looking at the screen, top right, there's a little bell.

01:34:18.000 Top. Top right.

01:34:19.000 So, hold on. I'm doing... I'm right.

01:34:21.000 That's right. It's up here.

01:34:22.000 It's up here. Yeah. It's up here.

01:34:24.000 Because we're reversed. No, we're not reversed.

01:34:26.000 We're... We're fine.

01:34:28.000 What is... This is the most...

01:34:29.000 I look like Tony Clifton.

01:34:31.000 I just realized, uh...

01:34:33.000 Get some, uh...

01:34:35.000 Chicken from, uh... Kentucky Fried.

01:34:36.000 Huh? What do we want from the Oscars over here?

01:34:39.000 Huh? Talking about, uh...

01:34:41.000 Hashtag Me Toast, huh?

01:34:43.000 Huh? It's, uh...

01:34:47.000 Time for, uh...

01:34:49.000 Time for, uh... Time for, uh... Time for, uh...

01:34:50.000 Time for, uh... Time for, uh...

01:34:53.000 Hey, Rocket! Um...

01:34:56.000 This is just...

01:35:00.000 Probably going from here. What do you, uh...

01:35:03.000 What do you think of, uh, today's Oscars?

01:35:05.000 Huh? Huh? You're gonna give out your award, uh, here.

01:35:08.000 How would you, uh, rate today's Oscars compared to, uh, let's say, uh, Jane Franco?

01:35:12.000 Jane Franco. A little bit of Ann Hathaway? 0.81

01:35:14.000 How would you rank, uh, tonight's Oscars?

01:35:17.000 You think it's better than that fact, you saupe this man?

01:35:20.000 Huh? He has a queer, isn't he? 1.00

01:35:27.000 Oh, Hugh Jackman? At first I was like, is Hugh Jackman gay? 0.98

01:35:31.000 And then I saw he was on People Magazine recently with just so much more eyeliner than a city commissioner in Dark Knight.

01:35:39.000 Right about that. It's not eyeliner on him.

01:35:41.000 It's actually just eyelashes. Because he's in Bates Motel.

01:35:43.000 It's actually just eyelashes.

01:35:46.000 You mean fake ones? No, it has real eyelashes.

01:35:48.000 Really? I read that, yeah. I was making fun of him.

01:35:50.000 I love him all this time. He just hit the genetic lottery.

01:35:52.000 Well, it happened to me once. It happened to me in college.

01:35:53.000 Some guy came up to me like three years in and was like, you know what, Jared?

01:35:57.000 Of all the people I know, you're the only guy who can pull off eyeliner.

01:35:58.000 I'm like, do you think I've been wearing eyeliner for three years?

01:36:02.000 I just think I lost. Well, you did in a poster above his bed.

01:36:05.000 That's true. A lot of people think I thread my eyebrows, but I don't.

01:36:09.000 They're just pretty much perfect. Oh, wait, Jennifer Lawrence.

01:36:14.000 I thought she was taking time off to teach the kids to become politically active. 0.99

01:36:18.000 She couldn't stay away for that long.

01:36:20.000 Oh, is this coming up after the break?

01:36:21.000 All right, coming up after the break. I have to take a pee break.

01:36:23.000 So what do we have next? What's the next film clip?

01:36:25.000 It's Stephen Price, Ryan. Okay, oh, wait, we have Sven Origins.

01:36:29.000 Okay, so this is actually also nominated.

01:36:30.000 So we have a clip from, is it First Encounters of the Third Kind?

01:36:35.000 I don't know. I've had several dragon's milks in me.

01:36:37.000 me. Just watch this, it's a Sven origin story and I'll be back.

01:36:45.000 If everything is ready here on the dark side of the moon, play the research tones.

01:36:51.000 Beep boop. Beep beep beep boop. 1.00

01:37:01.000 Ask for six overlays, then pause.

01:37:07.000 He sent us four overlays with five different references.

01:37:10.000 One of which is German.

01:37:12.000 Nobody provides this kind of research on a late night.

01:37:18.000 I think it's just too much.

01:37:19.000 Why is he providing so much information?

01:37:21.000 It seems he's trying to teach people basic sourcing of actual material.

01:37:23.000 Like the first day of journalism class, fellas. 0.61

01:37:26.000 Beep, bop, beep.

01:37:55.000 Beep, beep, beep, boop, boop. 0.99

01:38:24.000 Oh, my love, my darling.

01:38:34.000 I've hungered for your touch.

01:38:40.000 Passed out.

01:38:42.000 Alone, lonely time.

01:38:52.000 Just be gentle with her. 1.00

01:38:56.000 What do you think you're going to make?

01:38:58.000 Make a mug.

01:38:59.000 Make a beverage vessel?

01:39:00.000 That's not how it beverages. 1.00

01:39:02.000 Keep your liquids warm.

01:39:06.000 Hand-sealed by 42 percent.

01:39:08.000 She'll make two. 0.68

01:39:10.000 Two months.

01:39:12.000 But they can only do it, they can't do it because of the heat.

01:39:15.000 Hand-etched.

01:39:17.000 It's going to be hand-etched?

01:39:19.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:39:20.000 Hand-etched, hand-painted.

01:39:22.000 Hand-painted here in America, Nevada.

01:39:25.000 Okay.

01:39:27.000 I love you so, so deeply.

01:39:33.000 And I will love you so much.

01:39:39.000 I want you to mine.

01:39:50.000 I'll be your love.

01:39:58.000 I'll be your love.

01:40:05.000 Godspeed.

01:40:07.000 Hold on, what are they talking about?

01:40:08.000 Let's hear what they're talking about right now.

01:40:09.000 Daisy.

01:40:10.000 You'll enjoy fishing, sleeping, and don't forget to bring your jet ski to the place where it's going to come to be.

01:40:17.000 We do have a game to play with you, and you can play along with us on the Twitter.

01:40:21.000 I just want to make sure I want to hear what the next category is.

01:40:23.000 If it's important, we'll stay with that.

01:40:24.000 It's just one of the many reasons our next presenter wanted to live in America.

01:40:28.000 She has all the awards they are.

01:40:30.000 Immigration drink, everybody.

01:40:31.000 They are including an Oscar, and this is why.

01:40:34.000 Always the hurricane's blowing.

01:40:39.000 Always the population.

01:40:42.000 She got nominated for that?

01:40:43.000 She was by far the worst part of that motion picture. 1.00

01:40:46.000 And the sunlight streaming, and the natives steaming.

01:40:52.000 I like the island Manhattan.

01:40:56.000 I know you do.

01:40:57.000 Smoke on your pipe.

01:40:59.000 By the way, one of my favorite films still ever is, uh, Gertie, you know, yeah, uh, West End Story.

01:41:05.000 One of my favorite films, which is off stage.

01:41:07.000 Hey, we got anyone who speaks with a, with a, who says they're, they're, they're, like, J's. 0.99

01:41:17.000 Anyone? Yeah, well, you can go back to West Side Story.

01:41:19.000 She played a Puerto Rican. Wait, hold on, she's blonde now? 1.00

01:41:23.000 Eh, she's kind of gray, but she's trying to go for blonde. 1.00

01:41:26.000 Shit! We already booked her? 1.00

01:41:30.000 Let's give it off an Italian. 0.99

01:41:32.000 Can you work right on that one? As my mommy used to say, oh my goodness gracious. 1.00

01:41:45.000 Thank you. The great director, Frank Caperson.

01:41:49.000 Wow, she was putting on the accent? 0.71

01:41:51.000 Three universal languages.

01:41:52.000 Is that her? Music.

01:41:54.000 I guess. Mathematics.

01:41:56.000 And the one we honor tonight.

01:41:57.000 She looks more like the love child of Adrian from Rocky with a Jewish attorney. 0.87

01:42:01.000 Universal language of film. Then she does. 0.99

01:42:02.000 Regardless of its country of origin, or of the dialect of its words.

01:42:08.000 All right, drink. A great film conveys a story that speaks.

01:42:12.000 Don't cheat, Jared. To the one condition we all share.

01:42:17.000 Money. The human condition.

01:42:18.000 Oh. Here are the nominees for this foreign language film.

01:42:24.000 Hold on, Garrett's pouring water.

01:42:25.000 From Chile. That's not fair. 0.99

01:42:27.000 Fantastic woman. Directed by Sebastian.

01:42:29.000 Foreign language film. Okay, this doesn't matter.

01:42:31.000 All right, so we're going to play a game right now.

01:42:33.000 A lot of people don't realize this. Hey, Sven, you're from Germany.

01:42:36.000 A lot of, you know, fashion.

01:42:38.000 Who are you wearing? A lot of people tonight wearing Hugo Boss.

01:42:41.000 Little known fact about Hugo Boss.

01:42:42.000 Take it, Sven. Well, a lot of the uniforms that the German army in World War II had, and the Nazi party they had, were designed by Hugo Boss.

01:42:51.000 Yes. So that's why many people think they do look good.

01:42:54.000 Let's all, everyone here, do we all condemn the Nazis? 0.55

01:42:57.000 Yes, yes, yes. Yes, we all hate the Nazis.

01:42:59.000 But do we all agree, snazzy uniforms.

01:43:02.000 It's a great uniform. Unbelievably well dressed, right?

01:43:04.000 Horrible ideas. Good thread count.

01:43:07.000 The first hipsters of history. 0.77

01:43:08.000 First hipsters of history. 0.98

01:43:10.000 We hated the Jews before it was cool. 1.00

01:43:13.000 Okay, go ahead. So they were designed by Hugo Boss?

01:43:16.000 Not all of them, but many of them.

01:43:18.000 Like a lot of the warship captains, right?

01:43:20.000 A lot of the U-boats? Oh, I'm not aware of that, but it might be.

01:43:23.000 I'm not aware of that. Oh, look, a fantastic woman. 1.00

01:43:26.000 About a tranny. Okay, so that brings us to our game that we will be playing in tasteless fashion as they broadcast best foreign language film. 1.00

01:43:35.000 A little game we like to call SS or Esquire.

01:43:39.000 Is it SS? Or is it...

01:43:44.000 Esquire. This is the worst introduction for any game.

01:43:49.000 I mean, would it make Spot the Tranny look positively professional? 0.97

01:43:53.000 Professional and polished. Okay, so please, play along with us on Twitter.

01:43:56.000 I'm looking at my timeline right now, at S. Crowder.

01:43:59.000 And Sven, you're going to show us a picture, and we have to guess if this is...

01:44:02.000 Are you ready for the first one? Either a Nazi, or... 0.88

01:44:06.000 Like a model. Like a male model. 0.96

01:44:08.000 Okay, keep in mind now, horrible, all condemning the Nazis.

01:44:11.000 Not great ideas. But their uniforms are hard...

01:44:14.000 They're hard to tell apart from the male models.

01:44:16.000 Okay, first picture. We got this?

01:44:18.000 Let's bring it up. Okay, is that SS or Esquire?

01:44:22.000 Nazi or male model? What say you not, Gay Jared? 0.98

01:44:25.000 That's a queer. That's a queer and Esquire. 0.98

01:44:27.000 Well, that could still be queer and not... 0.99

01:44:28.000 So you think that's Esquire? You think it's a male model?

01:44:30.000 Yeah, it's a male model. Okay, I am going to say... 0.79

01:44:32.000 Hold on, let me read and see.

01:44:33.000 Been watching two minutes and wasted.

01:44:36.000 Only watching... Okay, hold on.

01:44:37.000 Do you think this is... Of course the Nazis had good uniform. 0.93

01:44:40.000 They put the fashion in fascism.

01:44:41.000 Someone said...

01:44:42.000 All right, someone says SS. Okay, that is Dustin.

01:44:46.000 Bill DeWall says Esquire.

01:44:48.000 I say that is Esquire.

01:44:50.000 Male model. Sven, is that SS or Esquire?

01:44:54.000 Unfortunately... Unfortunately, we do this in fact.

01:44:57.000 SS. That was SS? Well, it's grandma, but it's grandma.

01:45:00.000 Wow! That is fitted!

01:45:04.000 Nice! I've got a horrible idea.

01:45:07.000 But that is a tapered uniform.

01:45:09.000 Okay, there you go.

01:45:10.000 I was wrong. I'm 0-1.

01:45:13.000 We're both wrong. Okay, all right.

01:45:15.000 Keep playing with us. SS or Esquire.

01:45:17.000 Do we have the next one? Yes, the next one.

01:45:19.000 Next one. Oh, well, listen.

01:45:21.000 That's clearly, obviously, a male model.

01:45:23.000 I'm going to go Esquire. Unfortunately, I bemoan this.

01:45:28.000 They didn't allow people with that level of melanin in their skin amongst the ranks.

01:45:32.000 Terrible. Horrible. Obviously, I'm not justifying.

01:45:35.000 This is... We're supposed to be tricked to justify...

01:45:37.000 Oh, is that it?

01:45:40.000 Oh, my gosh. I've never gotten so many tweets in my life.

01:45:45.000 Madeline Shee, Esquire.

01:45:47.000 Beatrice, knew it. LOL, Patrick Lowell, nailed it.

01:45:50.000 And people... Okay, all right.

01:45:51.000 So, I am going to say...

01:45:53.000 I'm going to say male model.

01:45:54.000 That's Esquire. What do you say?

01:45:55.000 I say that's a Nazi. You say that's a Nazi?

01:45:58.000 You say that is a infamous black Nazi? 0.98

01:46:01.000 That is... All right, Sven, computer. 0.94

01:46:03.000 Is that SS or Esquire? That's...

01:46:05.000 Drum roll, please. This is...

01:46:07.000 A Nazi. 0.75

01:46:08.000 That is a Nazi uniform?

01:46:10.000 That's a Nazi, Pete. It's a Nazi uniform. 0.86

01:46:12.000 Wow. That is nice.

01:46:15.000 Wow. That's...

01:46:17.000 Wait, is that from like a film Nazi uniform or is that an actual uniform they wore?

01:46:20.000 Um... Like, did they wear that when they were actually going out there?

01:46:23.000 Well, that I think is one that they wore, but it's from a movie because, you know, if you didn't have that...

01:46:27.000 That's not fair. He's stacking the deck.

01:46:30.000 Germans, you can never trust them. 1.00

01:46:31.000 They talk about their engineering. It's just because they cheat. 0.98

01:46:35.000 I don't admit to cheating.

01:46:37.000 Okay. All right.

01:46:39.000 Well, listen. People are playing along.

01:46:40.000 People are really... This is...

01:46:41.000 All right. Listen. By the way, let us know your favorite game on Lotta with Crider.

01:46:45.000 Spot the Tranny, Hipster, Hobo, or now we have SS or Esquire.

01:46:48.000 We haven't brought those back in a while. All right.

01:46:49.000 Zero on two. People are going zero on two.

01:46:52.000 Zero on two. Zero on two.

01:46:54.000 Someone buck wild said, SS, I still need an editing job.

01:46:56.000 All right. How many of these do we have? We have eight.

01:46:57.000 Oh, wait. Hold on a second. Is this best actress?

01:46:59.000 How many? Did I miss it?

01:47:02.000 What do you want? Okay.

01:47:04.000 Well, yeah. We'll continue our game afterwards.

01:47:05.000 Put that on hold. That's SS or Esquire.

01:47:07.000 Everyone. Please.

01:47:08.000 Tell me Allison Jennings wins this.

01:47:10.000 I'm very fond of her.

01:47:13.000 Well, you're very fond of her, are you?

01:47:15.000 Well, in that case...

01:47:18.000 No, don't turn it on me.

01:47:20.000 I don't want your cloud on my head. 1.00

01:47:21.000 Shut up. You can shut right up. 1.00

01:47:23.000 Don't pick a fight with me. 0.98

01:47:24.000 You certainly won't come out alive.

01:47:27.000 I can ride through you and it'll be you who ends up on the floor.

01:47:30.000 Understood? Lori Metcalfe, Lady Bird.

01:47:42.000 You can't even pass your driver. You wouldn't let me practice that.

01:47:45.000 The way that you work or the way that you don't work, you're not even worth state tuition, Christine.

01:47:50.000 My name is Lady Bird. 0.97

01:47:51.000 Well, actually, it's not and it's ridiculous. 0.93

01:47:53.000 Oh, I think she's one of the worst actresses in the history of mankind. 1.00

01:47:56.000 You should just go to City College.

01:47:57.000 I don't even know her name. I just think she's always bad. 0.85

01:47:59.000 Go to City College and then to jail and then back to City College and then maybe you'd learn to pull yourself up and not expect everybody.

01:48:06.000 Jaya. Yeah.

01:48:09.000 If she's lucky. I'll take you, Spencer.

01:48:13.000 The Shape of Water. I didn't see Shape of Water.

01:48:15.000 Shut up. But she's been good in everything I've seen. 0.98

01:48:17.000 You don't talk. She's great.

01:48:20.000 Now you can shut your mouth.

01:48:21.000 You were about to say salad, but you realize you couldn't use that.

01:48:23.000 Salad. Salad.

01:48:26.000 You wouldn't understand. I couldn't understand if you've tried your whole life.

01:48:37.000 And the award goes to, it's not Allison Janney.

01:48:39.000 This is a real. And the Oscar goes to Allison Janney.

01:48:45.000 There you go. That's a fair award.

01:48:50.000 Allison Janney, if you haven't seen I, Tonya, I highly recommend it.

01:48:53.000 She just, what do you say?

01:48:55.000 Well-deserved award.

01:48:56.000 I can't think of a supporting role that I, that was more enjoyable at the films this year than Allison Janney.

01:49:04.000 Please, Allison, don't disappoint us with the speech.

01:49:06.000 Just stole, well, Margot Robbie was no joke. 0.75

01:49:08.000 No, she was, she was great and so was What's-His-Face, but.

01:49:12.000 But I did. But I did.

01:49:15.000 I did it all by myself.

01:49:18.000 There you go. Look.

01:49:19.000 Funny. Good.

01:49:25.000 Okay, nothing further, nothing further.

01:49:27.000 from the truth. Thank you to the Academy.

01:49:30.000 My fellow nominees, you represent everything that is good and right and human about this profession.

01:49:36.000 You are all extraordinary.

01:49:38.000 Steven Rogers, look what you did.

01:49:40.000 Look what you did. You're a brilliant writer.

01:49:42.000 Thank you for the gift of LaVonna.

01:49:45.000 I did not see this coming.

01:49:46.000 You did. You give new meaning to the word friend.

01:49:49.000 You see that face? She's like. To my Italian family, the magnificent Margot Robbie, the fearless Craig Gillespie, a cast and crew and bird that elevated my work.

01:49:58.000 to Tom and Brian Neon 30 West.

01:50:01.000 And you know what I really appreciate about this?

01:50:03.000 She's not a bad-looking woman and she looks terrible on this.

01:50:05.000 Women who are not afraid to throw themselves into a role and look ugly or look ugly or be ugly. 0.97

01:50:12.000 It's a big thing for comedy, too.

01:50:14.000 I think a lot of women, they're afraid of being, they're afraid of being embarrassed. 0.95

01:50:19.000 Embarrassed, yeah. All right, let's bring it up.

01:50:24.000 You know who you are.

01:50:25.000 I love you. And this is for Hal.

01:50:27.000 You're always in my heart.

01:50:28.000 Thank you very much. That was a great speech.

01:50:32.000 Great performance. Great speech.

01:50:34.000 Alice and Jenny, that's the highlight of the evening.

01:50:36.000 Everyone else is going to pick some social justice for your street without a doubt. 0.96

01:50:40.000 Alice and Jenny. Okay, let's continue.

01:50:42.000 By the way, people are saying, what the F is SS or Esquire?

01:50:47.000 Just waiting for the YouTube.

01:50:49.000 Neil Glazer, most hilarious, just waiting for the YouTube hammer.

01:50:53.000 All right. Let's go back.

01:50:56.000 We are continuing with our game.

01:50:58.000 SS or Esquire.

01:51:00.000 Sven Computer, show us the next guest and you can play along with us on the Twitter.

01:51:04.000 Well, this isn't fair.

01:51:06.000 You know what? I'm going to go, since I've been wrong every single turn, that clearly seems as though it would be a Nazi. 0.63

01:51:11.000 I'm going to say that's a male model because the Photoshop, it almost seems too obvious.

01:51:16.000 Like Norm MacDonald who wants to be a male.

01:51:17.000 There might be a few curveballs here.

01:51:19.000 There might be a few curveballs. I think that uniform there, that uniform, the lapels, the flare, the schnaz, that's got to be a gay Esquire. 1.00

01:51:28.000 Someone who said newest gender pronouns is actually their favorite game. 0.82

01:51:31.000 Okay, tell us, Sven Computer, is that SS or Esquire?

01:51:33.000 Esquire. Just for yourself.

01:51:35.000 Beep, beep. One second.

01:51:37.000 Here we go. Wait, you're taking these from films.

01:51:41.000 That's not fair, Sven Computer.

01:51:43.000 We don't know if these are accurate Hugo Boss SS uniforms.

01:51:46.000 I think they are. Beep, beep.

01:51:48.000 Well, that's like your opinion, man.

01:51:51.000 All right. Let's move on here.

01:51:53.000 People, gosh, my Twitter's blowing up.

01:51:54.000 People love this game, apparently.

01:51:56.000 That is definitely an SS number three.

01:51:57.000 Okay, let's go to the next one, number four.

01:51:59.000 Number four. Here we go.

01:52:00.000 Oh, that's clearly SS. No, wait. 0.68

01:52:03.000 Because the Nazi symbol, I feel like I've got to get one of these right. 0.99

01:52:06.000 I'm going to go Esquire. I'm going to go that's a male model, and you added a Nazi symbol to it. 0.84

01:52:10.000 Yeah, I'm going to agree. We're both going to go that.

01:52:12.000 All right, go, Sven Computer.

01:52:14.000 Okay, this would be a male model.

01:52:17.000 Oh, okay, there you go.

01:52:18.000 It's almost hard to tell.

01:52:21.000 It's almost as though it was the inspiration for the game.

01:52:23.000 Thanks, Rachel, for the clear swastika.

01:52:26.000 Or let's keep going like this is going really well.

01:52:27.000 I do not like that my timeline is littered with thousands of just SS. SS. All of us are going to have to, when they try and comfort me on YouTube, they're going to go, is this not your Twitter timeline?

01:52:39.000 They will show it in court, and it will just be SS, SS, SS, SS, Nazi, SS. All right, Sven, give us number five. 0.67

01:52:45.000 Here's number five. Ooh.

01:52:48.000 Ooh, that looks a little bit baggy, honestly, in the shoulder there.

01:52:51.000 I'm going to say, I'm going to say that.

01:52:53.000 But you know what? Because that's clearly a male model face.

01:52:55.000 I'm going to say that's an SS. That's an SS. That's a Nazi. 0.50

01:52:59.000 What do you think? Okay, Jared.

01:53:01.000 Yeah, that's a little Hitler Youth Nazi. 0.82

01:53:04.000 That's a little Hitler Youth Nazi. 0.85

01:53:05.000 Sven Computer, give it to us.

01:53:07.000 That's not just a Hitler Youth Nazi.

01:53:10.000 That would be Hitler himself. 0.96

01:53:13.000 Hitler himself. But that's not designed by Hugo Boss.

01:53:15.000 Well, yeah. You've lost the plot.

01:53:18.000 I cheated a little bit. You've lost the spirit of the game, Sven.

01:53:20.000 The photo wash is too good, Steven.

01:53:21.000 Beep, beep. Sven Computer, the spirit of SS or Esquire lives in you.

01:53:25.000 Well, this photo was taken according to the Internet, which I trust, between 1925 and 1930.

01:53:30.000 I don't trust at all. You were the one who told us it was designed by Hugo Boss.

01:53:33.000 I expected you to have action. Okay, let's go to the next one, SS or Esquire.

01:53:37.000 Let's go to the next one.

01:53:38.000 Well, I know who that male model is.

01:53:40.000 So that is absolutely an SS uniform, because that's a male model face on there.

01:53:45.000 Isn't that Dan Bilzerian?

01:53:46.000 Or what's the Bilzerian guy?

01:53:47.000 I don't think that's Dan Bilzerian.

01:53:48.000 No, it's not? Well, then I'm just wrong on all counts today.

01:53:51.000 That's a Nazi. That's a Nazi. 0.97

01:53:53.000 That's SS. All right, let's go. 0.61

01:53:54.000 Hold on, let me, hold on, hold on. Five, we Nazi lad.

01:53:57.000 Number six, what do people think?

01:53:59.000 People, Dan Carmine is two and five.

01:54:02.000 Wow. Do we have to indicate whether the models are not, or Nazis are gay, or is that redundant? 0.98

01:54:07.000 Ooh, Sven Computer. There were actually some gay Nazis, I think. 0.99

01:54:11.000 Yeah, of course there were. They just had to keep it in secret. 0.90

01:54:13.000 Like that one guy who Hitler killed immediately after he got to power. 0.74

01:54:16.000 Not because he was gay, but I don't remember the name. 0.86

01:54:19.000 I'm a bad historian. I'm pretty sure Hitler was uncomfortable with it.

01:54:22.000 Okay, let's see. What was this?

01:54:23.000 Is this a Nazi, or is this a male model? 0.68

01:54:26.000 This is Christoph Waltz.

01:54:29.000 It's Christoph Waltz.

01:54:31.000 Are these all movie Nazis?

01:54:33.000 They are high-resolution pictures, and they are authentic uniforms.

01:54:37.000 All right, how many of these do we have?

01:54:39.000 We have two more. All right, two more.

01:54:40.000 Quick, let's go. Next one, really quick.

01:54:42.000 Here we go. Let's rapid-fire this, SS or Nazi. 0.66

01:54:43.000 I'm going to say male model, not a Nazi.

01:54:45.000 What do you say, Naki, Jared? Male model. 0.70

01:54:47.000 That is, in fact, a male model.

01:54:48.000 Ah, there we go. We got that right. Hold on, let's hear Jimmy Kimmel.

01:54:50.000 We'll go to our final SS or Nazi. 0.92

01:54:52.000 SS or Esquire.

01:54:54.000 Jimmy Kimmel, let me hear him. Oh, I can't hear him.

01:54:57.000 The biggest movie of the year.

01:54:59.000 I'm excited to introduce him, but the truth is, I think about my nine-year-old self.

01:55:03.000 I wish he was here because he would be so much more excited.

01:55:09.000 Oh, he is here.

01:55:11.000 Hi, nine-year-old self.

01:55:13.000 Hi, 60-year-old self.

01:55:17.000 I'm 50, not 60.

01:55:21.000 Ugh, really?

01:55:23.000 Yes, really. Well, you should have taken better care of us.

01:55:28.000 Yeah, listen, just read the teleprompter.

01:55:30.000 Boo! Bring back Billy Crystal. 1.00

01:55:33.000 I'm here to present the award for a best animated short and feature from Star Wars, The Last Jedi.

01:55:41.000 That's a tough one. Thank you, sweetie.

01:55:42.000 My wife had a tough one. This is like a church production.

01:55:45.000 I say that lovingly in church production, but you took a little, higher quality entertainment from the Oscars and hosting.

01:55:52.000 Maybe this is on par. 0.99

01:55:54.000 Look, look, more tits. 1.00

01:55:56.000 Hashtag me too. Here are my tits. 1.00

01:55:58.000 Hey, and they brought out some droid they got from Bed Bath& Beyond. 0.99

01:56:04.000 Great to be here and to be together again.

01:56:07.000 Yeah, it's great. I'm also here to pick up my monthly check under the Jedi pension plan.

01:56:15.000 But who's that Asian girl? 1.00

01:56:17.000 I don't know, but it's not him a couple years ago.

01:56:18.000 About a year ago, you were talking Mark Hamill hits.

01:56:21.000 He wants to know why he's the only one not in a tuxedo.

01:56:24.000 It's delicate. No design.

01:56:26.000 Was she from Star Wars? Yeah, I think she was the new one.

01:56:29.000 Well, obviously she's an Asian. 1.00

01:56:30.000 From a treehouse? She's obviously an Asian chick. 1.00

01:56:33.000 Was she in Star Wars? Yeah. Rogue One or the actual Star Wars?

01:56:37.000 The new Star Wars. Revity is the soul of wit.

01:56:39.000 Here are the nominees.

01:56:40.000 Revity is the soul of wit. You wouldn't know it from this awards ceremony.

01:56:43.000 Dear basketball. A mere nine hours left to go.

01:56:46.000 Animated short film. Okay, who cares?

01:56:47.000 All right. Last one of SS or Nazi.

01:56:49.000 All right, everybody. Listen. Let's go.

01:56:52.000 This is what? Number eight? This is the last one.

01:56:55.000 This is number eight. Number eight.

01:56:57.000 Number eight. We want you to tweet me at SCrowder or at Nakejared if you think it's SS or Esquire.

01:57:03.000 All right. Let's see number eight. Okay.

01:57:07.000 That is...

01:57:09.000 I am going to go on this one.

01:57:12.000 Gosh, if that's a Photoshop, that's a good Photoshop.

01:57:14.000 I'm going to... At first I would say SS just because...

01:57:17.000 He's a little bit... The physique is not that of a male model.

01:57:20.000 It's kind of squared off in the chest.

01:57:21.000 A little broad.

01:57:23.000 Not necessarily, but because it is a raincoat.

01:57:26.000 I'm going to say... I'm going to take a risk.

01:57:29.000 I'm going to say... I mean...

01:57:30.000 I'm going to take a risk and do this broadcast.

01:57:32.000 I'm going to take a risk and say that that is Esquire.

01:57:34.000 That's a male model. That's a Nazi. 0.98

01:57:36.000 You think that's a Nazi? That's a Nazi. 0.85

01:57:37.000 All right. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Let me see.

01:57:39.000 Before you get us to it, this is number eight.

01:57:41.000 All right.

01:57:42.000 Number eight. SS. SS. SS. Last one.

01:57:45.000 SS for sure. Kevin Zobare says Esquire.

01:57:47.000 SS. SS. SS. Got to go with Esquire.

01:57:49.000 Clement LaCoudre. Number eight is a damn Nazi, says Sean. 1.00

01:57:53.000 Eight is Esquire. Sven's failed. 1.00

01:57:56.000 All right. Let us know, Sven Computer.

01:57:57.000 Is that SS or Esquire?

01:57:59.000 Judge for yourself.

01:58:01.000 Oh! Wow!

01:58:05.000 Did Hitler just have Hugo Boss a retainer?

01:58:08.000 I think he did.

01:58:09.000 And Mussolini said, Call Armani!

01:58:12.000 No! No.

01:58:13.000 Not for you! Not for you!

01:58:15.000 Not because you're fashion! 0.98

01:58:17.000 But because you fail at fascist! 1.00

01:58:19.000 You are a bad fascist! 1.00

01:58:22.000 You are a blabber me the ball! 1.00

01:58:26.000 Racist and fascist. 1.00

01:58:27.000 Civil Nazis. Work ethic and fashion. 0.99

01:58:31.000 Wait! Is Kobe Bryant up here hashtag me too?

01:58:33.000 Holy smokes. Didn't he beat the shit out of his wife? 1.00

01:58:36.000 Such a wonderful piece of music. 0.99

01:58:38.000 Thank you Verizon for believing in the film.

01:58:39.000 Wait, is that Kobe Bryant? That's Kobe Bryant.

01:58:41.000 Okay, for a second there I thought I was going to get you raked over the cold.

01:58:43.000 Vanessa, our daughters, Natalia, Gianna, and Bianca.

01:58:47.000 Te amo con tutto il mio cuore.

01:58:48.000 My daughters, who I did not beat.

01:58:52.000 Without mercy.

01:58:54.000 All right, this has been SS or Esquire.

01:58:56.000 Can we play us out with SS or Esquire?

01:58:58.000 We have that theme. This has been concluding SS or Esquire.

01:59:01.000 Sorry, I'm late.

01:59:02.000 No problem. No problem.

01:59:07.000 SS or Esquire again.

01:59:09.000 I thought you were somewhere else. That's okay.

01:59:11.000 Garrett is new because Jared is usually operating the board and Garrett, the intern is there and he will be obviously promptly fired.

01:59:16.000 All right, let us know. Is SS or Esquire your favorite new game?

01:59:20.000 Or is it still newest gender pronouns? 0.90

01:59:22.000 Spot the tranny, hipster, or hobo? 0.96

01:59:23.000 We have quite a few games here. It is a catchy name.

01:59:25.000 By the way, speaking of games, drinking game tonight.

01:59:29.000 Can we bring that up again?

01:59:30.000 The drinking game rules? Drinking game rules for anyone who was wondering.

01:59:35.000 These are the drinking game rules.

01:59:37.000 Trump fears 2018 or it's time.

01:59:39.000 Feminism, equality, diversity, climate change, assault weapon, NRA, borders, wall, gun violence, fascism, immigration, sexual harassment, or any topic who falls under the umbrella thereof.

01:59:48.000 Who? Which falls?

01:59:50.000 I'm sounding like Jimmy Kimmel now.

01:59:52.000 The difference is I don't have it scripted for me on a prompter.

01:59:55.000 Okay, animated feature film.

01:59:57.000 I think Coco. I haven't seen it.

01:59:58.000 I think Coco. Loving Vincent keeps popping up either in my Netflix feed or Amazon.

02:00:02.000 Tell him that. Coco.

02:00:04.000 Coco. Well, he just said it.

02:00:06.000 Okay, Viva la Tarea America.

02:00:08.000 What? What did he say? Something? In fairness, it was a great film.

02:00:10.000 I don't care. I don't like that he spoke with an affectation.

02:00:19.000 I don't care if it's a good film.

02:00:23.000 Actually, but I hate Pixar films at the same time.

02:00:27.000 So, Pixar, let's see what they win and then we'll bring on our next guest.

02:00:30.000 Are we able to bring them on?

02:00:32.000 Do we have our next guest or no?

02:00:34.000 She's prepping. Okay. Is this Mi Armando?

02:00:39.000 Okay. Thank you to the Academy.

02:00:46.000 You know what? I will say this.

02:00:47.000 It is refreshing. We've talked about the Botox and everything.

02:00:51.000 It's just a woman who just unabashedly let herself go. 1.00

02:00:57.000 Hold on.

02:00:59.000 Gigantic interwoven family and most especially my wife, my rock, Corey Ray. 0.95

02:01:04.000 Oh, lesbianism. 1.00

02:01:06.000 That's not even on there. But of course it should be encompassed.

02:01:08.000 Drink, drink, drink. Oh, my God.

02:01:09.000 Look at the light. To my husband, Ryan.

02:01:13.000 Oh, double. Each for expanding my sense of what it means to be proud of who you are and where you're from.

02:01:18.000 We hope the same thing for everyone who connected.

02:01:20.000 Also losing my keys in the right jar.

02:01:22.000 We share this with our immensely talented cast and crew as well as the executive teams at Disney and Pixar.

02:01:27.000 Thanks for the support of my wife, Laura.

02:01:29.000 My three kids, Hannah, Alice.

02:01:31.000 He's the odd man out for having a wife. 0.96

02:01:33.000 And the biggest thank you of all to the people of Mexico.

02:01:36.000 Coco would not exist.

02:01:37.000 The people of Mexico who, if they're not vomiting and trapping uncontrollably right now due to pesticides and microorganisms in their tap water, are likely hopping the border just to escape that godforsaken hellhole that is Mexico. 1.00

02:01:51.000 But you know what?

02:01:52.000 We're going to tell you that it's a place you want to be because we went to Cancun once when Ted Turner advocated a one-child policy at the Cancun Climate Summit in 2014.

02:02:02.000 Is it just me? When they talk about gays, they're like, they're not represented.

02:02:06.000 We just had, like, five gays in a row. 0.89

02:02:11.000 Viva la Mexico! No! 1.00

02:02:13.000 No, your own people don't believe in Viva la Mexico.

02:02:15.000 That's why they want to leave Mexico. 0.86

02:02:17.000 This is one thing that really bothers me is when they love exclusively the country they left.

02:02:25.000 It's fine if to be proud.

02:02:26.000 Like, I'm proud that I'm Canadian a little bit, kind of.

02:02:29.000 But America's better, undoubtedly.

02:02:31.000 It's a better country. We did it.

02:02:32.000 That's why people leave Canada for the United States.

02:02:34.000 All right, listen. I'm going to let you take this next interview because it's actually mi hermano.

02:02:39.000 My brother, Jordan Crowder, who is out there in Los Angeles and actually, like me, gets all the screeners from Hollywood. 0.96

02:02:44.000 Hey, look, no tits for the first time. 1.00

02:02:45.000 Jordan, talk with Nac Day Jared until I get back. 0.95

02:02:47.000 I have to get another beer because the drinking game is getting there.

02:02:50.000 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Hey, guys.

02:02:52.000 Hey. How's it going?

02:02:53.000 Going well. Oh, gosh.

02:02:55.000 Yeah. Stop that. Look at there.

02:02:57.000 He was the one just talking about the gays.

02:02:59.000 And then he goes and does something like that. 0.54

02:03:02.000 A thing like that.

02:03:04.000 He deserves to be fired from his own job.

02:03:06.000 Can you hear me? I can hear you.

02:03:07.000 Can you hear me? Get in the mic.

02:03:09.000 Oh, there we go. There we go.

02:03:11.000 His mics are important. He's like, oh, gosh.

02:03:16.000 I can only see what half of Stephen and I know exactly what he's doing.

02:03:21.000 No explanation is needed.

02:03:23.000 Jordan, are you watching the Oscars?

02:03:26.000 Yeah, yeah. I'm actually at an Oscar party.

02:03:29.000 in Burbank right now.

02:03:31.000 Okay. So we're kind of, we're all huddled around the TV watching it.

02:03:35.000 I missed the last 10 minutes, though, because I had to download the Skype app on my phone here.

02:03:41.000 I'm sorry to put you out there.

02:03:44.000 I know. It sucks. 0.98

02:03:46.000 With your 4G and LTE service there. 0.98

02:03:49.000 I know. Yeah, how much PBR is there?

02:03:53.000 How much PBR has been consumed this far?

02:03:55.000 No PBR. Just a lot of, there's some kids there.

02:04:00.000 So there's some KBC root beer.

02:04:02.000 So, and then a little bit of, a little bit of, of, you know, Jose Cuervo.

02:04:09.000 That's all I saw in there. 0.99

02:04:12.000 So you see how the kids are loving the tits. 0.99

02:04:15.000 Is there, is there, you know, I missed, did I miss some tits? 1.00

02:04:19.000 Is that what happened while I was, while I was trying to download this thing? 0.96

02:04:22.000 Have you been watching the same show? 0.99

02:04:24.000 It's all tits. There's nothing else. 1.00

02:04:26.000 The Oscars is little bits of fake awards interspersed with tits. 0.98

02:04:31.000 Well, that's a, it's a, it's a good show then. 0.98

02:04:34.000 Hashtag me too. Hey, we were just talking about this and you work out there and you and I have worked basically in the film industry or television, entertainment industry our entire lives.

02:04:43.000 Yeah. Just how much, how aware are people in Los Angeles of the Ponzi scheme that is the Oscars?

02:04:50.000 Because you basically have to spend more as there's, you know, declining ratings.

02:04:54.000 But we, we, we just brought up the overlays earlier.

02:04:56.000 How much is spent on the average nomination, let alone award?

02:04:59.000 Over a million. Yeah. I mean, I think it's kind of like, it's, it's, it's like the little secret that everybody knows but no one talks about.

02:05:08.000 I mean, I, I, it's, it's, it's basically the, the nominations go to whoever pays for the most lavish parties and the, and the, and the most advertising in the city, the, for, for your consideration, as in the trades and the billboards and all that stuff.

02:05:25.000 But I, I actually thought this year there was a lot of movies that I actually liked, which isn't usually the case.

02:05:30.000 A lot of the times it's, it's just, it's just crap that, that they paid a lot of money for. 0.98

02:05:36.000 Yeah, but it's, but it's time for all the crap that they paid a lot of money for. 0.99

02:05:40.000 It's time. Haven't you seen the Time's Up pins on their lapels? 0.97

02:05:43.000 Is that going on tonight?

02:05:45.000 I can't tell because we have a little like 50, like a 50 inch TV that we're all sharing right now.

02:05:50.000 We're all watching.

02:05:51.000 Could you get to it with a DeLorean?

02:05:54.000 Yeah. All right.

02:05:56.000 Well, listen, we, we appreciate, Jordan, you're coming in to pinch hit because we had Blair White couldn't come in.

02:06:04.000 Probably, you know, listen, Blair White's busy, busy. 0.91

02:06:07.000 Has a lot going on. All right.

02:06:08.000 Well, listen, we actually have to, we just played SS or Esquire and everyone lost and my timeline is filled with nothing but people saying SS or Nazi.

02:06:14.000 So this was a horrible idea.

02:06:15.000 I don't want to keep you from your party.

02:06:18.000 It all seems that you're not paying attention to the ceremonies at all because you've missed all the breasts.

02:06:21.000 That's the entire. I saw, I saw a few breasts. 0.99

02:06:26.000 How would you rate Jimmy Kimmel?

02:06:28.000 Is it just me or is the pacing so off?

02:06:31.000 This is bad for a church sketch.

02:06:33.000 It is so unfunny.

02:06:35.000 Well, I think it's definitely a neutered comedy act this year.

02:06:40.000 It's not, I actually, I actually liked Seth MacFarlane a lot a few years ago, but he caught a lot of flack for being too on PC. And now we've got this adult doing the Oscars.

02:06:52.000 There's a few funny jokes, but most of them are kind of predictable.

02:06:55.000 Well, when he was good there, Steven Spielberg, do you have any pot?

02:06:58.000 I was like, that's a bad comedian working the crowd.

02:07:00.000 It's completely unnecessary. I know.

02:07:02.000 By the way, my mother is crawling across the floor right now. 1.00

02:07:04.000 There is no possible way a camera could see her to bring Sound Guy Edward wine.

02:07:08.000 She's crawling across the floor.

02:07:10.000 It's the most sad thing I've ever seen in my life.

02:07:14.000 Now you have to switch the camera to Sound Guy Edward, Garrett, just so we can see.

02:07:18.000 Look, it's just a hand coming in like Cousin It.

02:07:21.000 Did Mom watch Shape of Water? 0.78

02:07:23.000 No, I can't, I don't, I can't imagine she did.

02:07:26.000 Mom, Mom and Crowder, did you watch Shape of Water this year?

02:07:29.000 No, I did not.

02:07:31.000 Did any of you guys see it?

02:07:33.000 No, I'm not a big Guillermo del Toro fan after the guy shattered a bottle in the other guy's orbital.

02:07:38.000 Is that what happened? No, that was in Pan's Labyrinth.

02:07:41.000 It happens. Well, you, I figured out, I figured out what was so unsettling about that movie.

02:07:47.000 I don't know, have you seen it, Jared?

02:07:49.000 I have not. I know people who saw it and said it was just kind of like.

02:07:52.000 Is it that water has no shape? 0.74

02:07:55.000 No, well, well, there's, I don't know if you've heard about this, but the woman has sex with the water creature. 1.00

02:08:01.000 Yeah. And that's the weird thing everyone's talking about.

02:08:03.000 That was like Splice with Adrian, with Adrian, not Adrian.

02:08:06.000 No, no, it wasn't.

02:08:08.000 Here's, here's the main difference though.

02:08:09.000 And I couldn't figure out. Hey, hold on a second.

02:08:11.000 By the way, you prick. Spoiler alert.

02:08:14.000 Go ahead. Oh, sorry.

02:08:16.000 It's like he couldn't, he couldn't have ruined the movie more.

02:08:19.000 I'm pretty sure that if you go into Shape of Water, if there's one major plot twist, it's that the guy has sex with the Shape of Water.

02:08:26.000 Yeah. Thank you for getting me all the flack on the face. 0.98

02:08:28.000 Well, that's what literally everyone was talking about.

02:08:31.000 And then, and then I saw it and I realized, oh, that's not what's disconcerting about it.

02:08:36.000 It's that the water is non-intelligent.

02:08:40.000 So she forces it upon him and that's the most weirdest thing about it.

02:08:45.000 It's water. It's like she's having sex with a retarded guy. 1.00

02:08:48.000 The guy is non-intelligent? 1.00

02:08:51.000 The, the, the water.

02:08:53.000 Wait, so the guy rapes the water?

02:08:57.000 No, the woman basically took advantage of the water. 1.00

02:09:00.000 Oh, I thought the water object was a female. 1.00

02:09:04.000 No. It's a guy?

02:09:05.000 I don't know. Maybe that's a twist I didn't know about.

02:09:10.000 The Shape of Water.

02:09:11.000 It's like this. Um, I, uh, I've, I've got to imagine that that just ruined the film for everyone.

02:09:17.000 Was it a good film? Is it worth seeing?

02:09:18.000 Because I didn't want to see it. It, it, it set up really well.

02:09:21.000 It was set up for like a fun world and then it kind of died off.

02:09:24.000 It didn't keep it going. And I, and I think, I don't know.

02:09:27.000 I, it's, I think it's something that you need to see because it's, it's, it's, it's interesting.

02:09:32.000 Nah, I'm not going to see it. It's a new film. What's your top film of the year, Jordan?

02:09:35.000 Um, I, gosh, I really like Target Power.

02:09:38.000 Yeah, by the way, this girl rapes water. 1.00

02:09:40.000 I don't think I do anymore. 0.97

02:09:44.000 Especially because there's not going to be that moment of, oh, she raped the water.

02:09:47.000 That's the only thing that warrants of you.

02:09:49.000 But what was your favorite movie this year?

02:09:51.000 Uh, I like Darkest Hour and I like Lady Bird.

02:09:54.000 I, um, I've been watching, uh, Greta Gerwig's stuff for the last 10 years, kind of following her career.

02:10:00.000 I met her at the Alamo Drafthouse back at South by Southwest, like 10 years ago.

02:10:05.000 And it's kind of cool to see her getting a nomination for something.

02:10:08.000 So I think it was genuinely well-written and I enjoyed.

02:10:10.000 Yeah. All right. I didn't see Lady Bird.

02:10:12.000 I didn't want to see it because it was like Lady Bird.

02:10:14.000 It was like, ah, teenage angst.

02:10:16.000 You know, you know what was interesting about Lady Bird? 0.94

02:10:19.000 Because it's all set at a Catholic school.

02:10:21.000 I went into it thinking that it was all going to be like this anti-faith thing and like, oh, these mean Catholics or whatever it is.

02:10:28.000 But it wasn't like that at all.

02:10:29.000 Everybody was like a well-rounded character.

02:10:32.000 Like, there was likable, likable nuns and priests and stuff. 0.87

02:10:36.000 It wasn't, like, I thought it was going to be just, you know, some tirade against priests and nuns or whatever.

02:10:41.000 And it was just, it was actually enjoyable.

02:10:43.000 The characters were a lot of fun.

02:10:44.000 You get the award tonight for, uh, best inadvertent spoiler.

02:10:48.000 Congratulations. You win. You must go.

02:10:50.000 Uh, Jordan Crowder, where's the best place for people to find you?

02:10:52.000 Uh, you can find me on Twitter at Jordan Crowder or at Jen Scofflaw.

02:10:57.000 A little plug there for a podcast.

02:10:59.000 Podcast, Jen Scofflaw. 0.99

02:11:00.000 Oh, hey, look, more tits. You have to go. 1.00

02:11:02.000 There's breaths. Bye, Jordan Crowder.

02:11:04.000 Thank you, brother. I can't see it on the tiny screen.

02:11:06.000 I'm missing it. All right.

02:11:08.000 Bring up the audio here. Who is this?

02:11:10.000 Incredible visual effects in today's films demonstrate that anything is possible and that even the most fantastic images found in the pages of the screenplay includes double-sided tape.

02:11:18.000 and on-screen reality.

02:11:20.000 Effects artists working in concert with virtually every department.

02:11:22.000 Yeah, I don't like him. I know you love him because there's a Spider-Man thing.

02:11:24.000 I don't like him at all. I think he's, like, the latest version and the poor man's version of the kid who played Billy Elliot.

02:11:30.000 I don't like him. Yeah.

02:11:32.000 We have a love affair with him and it's torrid.

02:11:33.000 Here are the nominees for achieving visual effects.

02:11:35.000 This is completely and totally unnecessary.

02:11:39.000 Okay, Jared. All right, hold on.

02:11:41.000 We have some more Mug Club members, right, Sven? 0.97

02:11:44.000 In about two minutes.

02:11:45.000 Oh, Sven has to do it. We have a different system right now.

02:11:48.000 Sven Computer is looking for...

02:11:49.000 Oh, it's not half bad with S. Crater.

02:11:51.000 I've never even heard of it. Sound of water.

02:11:53.000 He kind of looks like...

02:11:54.000 Okay, hold on a second. I guess you're watching.

02:11:58.000 S. Crater is doing that for us.

02:12:00.000 Someone tweeted to Greg Gutfeld.

02:12:01.000 Yeah. Well, Greg Gutfeld works at Fox News, so he's not necessarily plugged into the bloodstream of what happens online.

02:12:07.000 Just got my Mug Club membership on CRTV with Ladder with Crater.

02:12:10.000 Gwennifar Stormcrow says, Boyfriend and I are so tipsy it's unbelievable.

02:12:14.000 S. Crater drinking game is killing me.

02:12:15.000 I apologize, Nicolita.

02:12:17.000 I laughed too hard. Quit spoiling movies, said Max.

02:12:21.000 Fair. We have visual effects here.

02:12:26.000 Blade Runner, 2015.

02:12:28.000 Oh, God. All right, listen.

02:12:30.000 You know, I think... Hold on, am I missing this?

02:12:33.000 Do we have to take a break here for breaking news?

02:12:36.000 I think we have breaking news. Do you have to miss...

02:12:38.000 Is there a breaking news? I think I'm getting word from our producers that we do...

02:12:42.000 Let me know. Let me know.

02:12:51.000 Let me know. Let me know.

02:12:56.000 Let me know. 0.99

02:13:24.000 This will be the bullshit award category. 0.98

02:13:26.000 We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds for breaking news. 0.95

02:13:30.000 I'm part... What's the breaking news?

02:13:43.000 I mean, it's kind of a... No, the hard-hitting news along with the Academy.

02:13:46.000 We get all of the above.

02:13:47.000 Oh, look at this guy. Here's the thing.

02:13:49.000 Do you have any idea how much time this guy spent on looking like, Oh, I don't know.

02:13:53.000 I just leave the house like that. I just woke up and won the Academy Awards.

02:13:55.000 Crazy hours of the last 22 years.

02:13:58.000 Hopefully my boys, Boston and Jackson, are watching...

02:14:00.000 Oh, they're playing him off so quickly.

02:14:01.000 ...and all the people who have had such a big influence on me and my career.

02:14:04.000 Hey. Thank you. Hey, check your privilege.

02:14:06.000 You're four white guys. You don't get that much time. 0.67

02:14:09.000 This is... Bring back Lupita.

02:14:11.000 Thank you, Germany. Thank you.

02:14:13.000 Great. Oh, German, get off the stage. 1.00

02:14:15.000 Come on. Thank you so much.

02:14:20.000 I just find it so funny that everything...

02:14:22.000 It's identity politics, and it just ceases to work.

02:14:25.000 Even here where they buy the awards, if they try to make it somewhat merit-based, it's like...

02:14:29.000 There's never going to be accurate representation every...

02:14:31.000 Are we at the point here where it has to be...

02:14:32.000 Oh, here. Hold on. There's Matthew McConaughey.

02:14:34.000 Let's hear him. Come on here.

02:14:37.000 What do you have to say? Movies. They're an illusion.

02:14:40.000 Literally a magic trick.

02:14:42.000 Exactly. I would have expected Matthew McConaughey to come out.

02:14:45.000 To trick the eye into seeing movement and life.

02:14:47.000 You see there... That's true that we make the movie in production, but we sculpt the movie in the editing room.

02:14:54.000 Where real magic happens by cutting those frames together on a precise order that creates an emotional impact and tells a story.

02:15:02.000 They're a writer. Since 1934, the Academy has recognized the women and the men whose skill for combining distinct images has elevated the art of movement.

02:15:10.000 It is now my honor to present this year's nominees for achievement in film editing.

02:15:16.000 Baby driver. 0.91

02:15:17.000 Film editing. This is always bizarre to me because I get that editing is a skill, but really...

02:15:23.000 They're getting an award.

02:15:27.000 They really effectively should be the hand of the director.

02:15:31.000 So I really do feel almost as though it should be a joint award between the director and the editor.

02:15:34.000 It's not as though the editor acts in his own bubble.

02:15:39.000 That's one thing that I always thought was really weird.

02:15:40.000 Except for Pulp Fiction, actually. Pulp Fiction, Johnny Boy, our producer here was talking to me about it, actually was entirely different because Quentin Tarantino is a horrible filmmaker.

02:15:47.000 Most people don't want to admit that. You can tweet me at us, I don't care.

02:15:48.000 He's a terrible, terrible, terrible, awful, just awful filmmaker. 0.98

02:15:52.000 Dunkirk. And Pulp Fiction was entirely because of the director's editor's show. 0.85

02:15:55.000 It's not him. This is the first Oscar and third nomination for Lee Smith.

02:16:04.000 He was previously nominated in this category for The Dark Knight and Master and Commander, the far side of the world.

02:16:10.000 Dunkirk. You know, it's funny.

02:16:13.000 He got nominated for Master and Commander.

02:16:14.000 It seems like this guy specializes in films that get nominated for visual effects but otherwise are of no consequence.

02:16:20.000 Like Master and Commander.

02:16:21.000 It's like, eh, okay. Dunkirk.

02:16:23.000 All right. If anyone in ten years from now is like, Dunkirk.

02:16:26.000 I'm like, yeah, you know, I remember that was pretty well done visually.

02:16:29.000 I'm actually surprised that it didn't make a bigger waves.

02:16:32.000 I didn't think it was great. No, I didn't think it was great at all.

02:16:35.000 ...awesome thing that can happen to a guy like me.

02:16:40.000 He's Australian. I really want to just start by thanking Christopher Nolan, who they moved me from over there to sit with him.

02:16:48.000 All right, hold on a second. Come on, bring on the award for sound mixing.

02:16:51.000 This is an editor himself.

02:16:53.000 I mean, he doesn't handle the actual equipment.

02:16:55.000 Ellie Catherine said next year they should just cut the middleman and just have Chuck Schumer host the thing. 0.99

02:17:01.000 His fabulous wife, Emma.

02:17:04.000 Always supportive. Great producer.

02:17:07.000 Incredible. I mean, Dunkirk was truly the most amazing film.

02:17:12.000 Well, you can't say that when you're the one who worked on it.

02:17:15.000 I'd also like to thank my beautiful wife.

02:17:17.000 My film was truly the most amazing film.

02:17:20.000 Also, you know, I'm really thankful, but quite a leg up. 0.99

02:17:24.000 I've just got the biggest cock. 0.99

02:17:26.000 I'm wrapping up. I'm wrapping up. Melanie Ramsey. 1.00

02:17:28.000 John Lee, my editorial assistant.

02:17:30.000 Warner Brothers here. That's not a cock. 0.97

02:17:32.000 This is a cock. 0.99

02:17:35.000 I mean, how conceited he has to be? 0.99

02:17:41.000 It just says I've got the microphone.

02:17:45.000 I don't know how conceited he has to be.

02:17:48.000 He just went out like, Dunkirk's the best film.

02:17:50.000 Well, hold on a second. The award for best film hasn't been out that.

02:17:53.000 It's not been out. It's not done yet.

02:17:55.000 Okay, sir? Yeah, I know editing isn't the most glamorous category, but I don't know if you know this, but before Dunkirk, when they went into the editing room, it was originally a romantic comedy starring Reese Witherspoon.

02:18:12.000 Really miraculous. You know, a lot of people have been thanked tonight, producers, directors.

02:18:16.000 What bothers me is how many writers did Jimmy Kimmel have for tonight?

02:18:20.000 And it's so bad. And as far as writers on our program, we do this show every night, it's me and you, and Owen comes in a few times a week.

02:18:27.000 And that's it. That's it.

02:18:29.000 So I want to thank, I would take a moment to thank the people who asked to go to see the movie tonight.

02:18:34.000 Tonight we thank the movie-going public.

02:18:40.000 I don't, I mean, I don't think you're fully understanding.

02:18:45.000 I don't want us to just clap before it's nice, but I want to really thank them.

02:18:51.000 Hold on a second. So the people you see on screen right now, they are across the way at the TCL Chinese Theater.

02:19:00.000 They don't know we can see them.

02:19:03.000 They're, we're watching them on one of those cameras that have vision in the night.

02:19:08.000 What do they call them? Night vision cameras?

02:19:10.000 This is the most interesting thing tonight, as far as it fits.

02:19:16.000 And I thought it would be nice if we got a group together to go over there and thank them in person to surprise them.

02:19:22.000 So who wants to come with me?

02:19:25.000 By the way, we're looking for stars.

02:19:26.000 Ansel, would you like to come with me?

02:19:28.000 That would be very kind of you.

02:19:29.000 Yes. I mean, who else?

02:19:30.000 Mark, would you? Oh, they would get a big kick out of seeing Luke Skywalker.

02:19:34.000 That would be wonderful. Yeah, definitely.

02:19:36.000 Guillermo, you want to come with us?

02:19:37.000 You know, you're nominated in every category.

02:19:40.000 Billy just signed up.

02:19:41.000 Thank you very much for signing up, Billy.

02:19:42.000 Guillermo? Why is Tarantino a horrible filmmaker as a dark not-ass? 1.00

02:19:47.000 I'm genuinely curious. Let me tell you why. 0.98

02:19:48.000 Because Quentin Tarantino has never made a genuinely good film.

02:19:50.000 The closest thing is Jackie Brown.

02:19:52.000 He makes schlock.

02:19:53.000 He makes B films and goes, oh, it's so bad.

02:19:57.000 I meant to make it so bad.

02:19:58.000 I meant to make it like a B movie.

02:20:00.000 Make a good movie first, and then I'll give you some leniency when it comes to making deliberately bad films.

02:20:06.000 He has yet to make a genuinely good film.

02:20:08.000 Did you watch Hateful Eight? Oh, it was so...

02:20:10.000 Yeah, I know.

02:20:11.000 Hateful Eight was terrible. One of the worst.

02:20:14.000 I mean, how long is this bit?

02:20:16.000 It was interesting when it started.

02:20:17.000 Are they actually going to do this in real time and walk out to that theater?

02:20:21.000 This is so much wasted time and so much...

02:20:25.000 And you know, some producer was like, you want to do what?

02:20:29.000 All right, listen, we have coming up, pretty soon we're going to have Anne McElhinney and Matt Eisman, and we have some more things that we actually have to talk about.

02:20:38.000 I think we have some celebrities here on the program who are surprise guests even to me.

02:20:42.000 What's our next commercial we're going to cut to since they're going to a commercial?

02:20:47.000 Oh, we do. You know what?

02:20:48.000 Nominated for plenty of awards, Steven Spielberg unfortunately apologized for this film, Jaws, saying he felt bad about demonizing a shark. 0.99

02:20:54.000 I think Steven Spielberg is just an absolutely insufferable Walking human vagina for saying that because jaws is still 0.98

02:21:01.000 one of my favorite films And this is one of our favorite monologues from jaws quinn 0.97

02:21:04.000 of course and we have a clip for that which exclusively from Mug Club

02:21:10.000 You tube slam two torpedoes into our side chief Peace. 0.98

02:21:23.000 Thanks for watching!

02:21:24.000 We were coming up on 700,000 subscribers when YouTube dropped the bomb.

02:21:30.000 The demonetization bomb.

02:21:33.000 Over 600 videos on the channel, all of them restricted in less than 12 minutes.

02:21:41.000 Didn't see the first video get demonetized for half an hour.

02:21:44.000 It was an hour-long interview with Dennis Prager about human nature.

02:21:49.000 You know how to tell when your video's about to get demonetized, Chief?

02:21:54.000 You can tell by how many SJWs it triggers, by how much truth is in there.

02:22:01.000 But we didn't know because YouTube's new policies have been so secret.

02:22:07.000 No email notifications had been sent.

02:22:11.000 They didn't even answer any of our emails for a week.

02:22:21.000 But the very first week, Chief, their preferred moderators started flagging that we formed ourselves into a tight group of Mug Club.

02:22:31.000 You know, it was kind of like the old squares and the battle, like you see, and the calendar, like the Battle of Waterloo, and the idea was angry SJWs.

02:22:41.000 Angry SJWs come to take down the channel of some made-up guideline violations.

02:22:45.000 He'd start pounding and hollering and screaming.

02:22:49.000 Sometimes SJWs go away.

02:22:53.000 Sometimes he wouldn't go away.

02:22:55.000 Sometimes that SJW, he looks right into you.

02:22:59.000 Right into your eyes.

02:23:01.000 You know the thing about an SJW? He's got lifeless eyes.

02:23:05.000 Black eyes, like a doll's eyes. 0.91

02:23:09.000 He comes at you.

02:23:12.000 Doesn't seem to be living.

02:23:14.000 Until he screams at you and those gender-neutral eyes roll over white. 0.82

02:23:20.000 Oh, and you get that terrible high-pitched bullcrab notification.

02:23:24.000 Your channel turns red with a hard strike.

02:23:29.000 In spite of all the fighting and the hollering, YouTube comes in and it sweeps you to pieces.

02:23:40.000 Nobody spoke up in that first wave.

02:23:43.000 YouTube restricted over 600 videos.

02:23:46.000 I don't know how many demonetized, maybe 500.

02:23:49.000 I don't know how many channels struck down the average six an hour.

02:23:53.000 On Thursday morning, Chief, I run into a friend of mine, Lee Dorn, from How the World Works.

02:24:00.000 Lawyer. Analytical type.

02:24:04.000 I thought he hadn't uploaded a video in a while.

02:24:07.000 Scanned his channel to see what will scroll up and down on the page looking for content.

02:24:19.000 Well, turns out he'd been struck down for hate speech.

02:24:27.000 A real mild video, too, Chief.

02:24:29.000 A historical account of the atrocities Japan committed against China in World War II. No profanity.

02:24:36.000 No graphic content.

02:24:41.000 Anyway, YouTube saw it and removed it just because it offended some Japanese moderator.

02:24:47.000 You know, that was the time I was most frightened, waiting for my turn.

02:24:57.000 I'll never be dependent on YouTube for my livelihood again.

02:25:02.000 So, over 700 videos uploaded to our YouTube.

02:25:06.000 YouTube channel. Only 24 enabled.

02:25:09.000 YouTube restricted or demonetized the rest.

02:25:11.000 June 29th, 2017.

02:25:18.000 Anyway, they created the Mug Club.

02:25:25.000 Farewell. It's almost like the intern doesn't know how to do the transitions.

02:25:29.000 It's almost like I didn't teach him. Here we are.

02:25:35.000 Back at Stephen's gulping water and there's nothing.

02:25:39.000 It's almost like that. How are you doing?

02:25:42.000 I was in the middle of drinking water.

02:25:43.000 He said 30 seconds.

02:25:45.000 He meant, well, next time Garrett, the intern, when he said 30 seconds, do you mean four?

02:25:50.000 Just say four. Four.

02:25:55.000 So, do you think Jimmy Kimmel knows they're only cheering for her?

02:25:58.000 No. I don't get this.

02:26:01.000 Like, what's, what's, cool, you can bring cameras up.

02:26:05.000 They did this last year. They brought, like, people into the Oscars who didn't know, like, they thought they were taking a tour.

02:26:10.000 It's a total ripoff of last year's thing that wasn't good either.

02:26:13.000 There is a strong aroma of marijuana in this theater.

02:26:17.000 How many times are you going to go to the pot joke?

02:26:19.000 Is that Perez Hilton sitting in the audience, by the way?

02:26:21.000 Look, second row. 0.99

02:26:23.000 When they shoot from the front.

02:26:25.000 Second row. I'm pretty sure that's Perez Hilton in there.

02:26:27.000 So, watch when they shoot from, the other angle.

02:26:31.000 Which makes me think there are plants there.

02:26:34.000 Let's wait until they hit the next angle.

02:26:37.000 Come on, reverse the angle there.

02:26:38.000 Reverse the angle like you had before. People who go to the movies, and those are you people, so we wanted to say thank you to the moviegoers.

02:26:44.000 Say thank you to the moviegoers, everybody.

02:26:47.000 They're not even going to show it.

02:26:49.000 Probably because people caught on.

02:26:50.000 There was a reverse like this angle, but in the theater, and I'm pretty sure Perez Hilton is right in there.

02:26:53.000 See, right there in the right.

02:26:54.000 right that blue shirt with the frosted tips.

02:26:56.000 Look at this, Ansel Elgort is here.

02:27:00.000 Come on, show the reverse angle.

02:27:04.000 Now they're not showing. There he is.

02:27:06.000 No, wait, no, that's not him. That's just another gay guy with frosted tip. 1.00

02:27:11.000 We'll have Ann McElhinney coming up in five or ten minutes, for people who do not know this yet. 0.96

02:27:17.000 We're getting footlongs.

02:27:18.000 This is the bits tonight?

02:27:20.000 This is so boring. This is the funniest bits?

02:27:22.000 Does anyone want a hot dog? They do that every year.

02:27:24.000 Okay, right. Ah, ah.

02:27:25.000 They just, they lost. All right, anyways, Perez Hilton was in this audience.

02:27:28.000 This is terrible. It's totally hinging on the whole, like, ooh, we're Hollywood.

02:27:34.000 We're the celebrities. We're amidst you.

02:27:37.000 Right. By the way, you had a couple headlines that came up from BuzzFeed.

02:27:41.000 Yeah, I've been getting dings on my phone this entire time because I'm foolishly subscribed to BuzzFeed headlines.

02:27:47.000 And the latest is, a fantastic woman made Oscar history as the first best foreign film winner to feature a trans storyline and actor.

02:27:56.000 The first foreign film to feature a trans actor?

02:28:01.000 Actor and storyline.

02:28:03.000 And storyline. The first foreign film to feature a trans actor and storyline.

02:28:08.000 All right, okay. I'm not entirely sure what that, what that, wasn't last year's best picture kind of like, no, it wasn't trans, it was just gay. 1.00

02:28:15.000 Wasn't it? I don't even know. Moonlight was just a bunch of gay black people going at it, from what I understand, right? 0.99

02:28:20.000 That's what I, that's, that's what I get. 0.95

02:28:23.000 I don't necessarily, I don't even necessarily understand.

02:28:26.000 So, um, all right, hold on, I'm reading a few things here.

02:28:29.000 A lot of comments, a lot of comments.

02:28:30.000 We're going to have Ann McElhinney, Sound Guy Edward, you're talking too much.

02:28:33.000 Let them know we're, uh, we're going to have Ann McElhinney and Philem McAleer in a few minutes.

02:28:38.000 Um, right now we are reading, uh, from a bunch of people.

02:28:41.000 Uh, this guy, Floss Morty, just said he just got back from the range and is now watching the Crowder Antioch party.

02:28:46.000 Thank you very much. We're very glad. Lots of comments.

02:28:47.000 People didn't see, have always seen the, uh, the Quentin Jaws thing.

02:28:50.000 That was the first time. That was the first time they saw?

02:28:52.000 Yeah, the, uh, the Quentin person.

02:28:53.000 By the way, here's our award. We don't need any more male privilege.

02:28:55.000 That's gone. The only award we're giving this morning is being up.

02:28:58.000 That's a tranny. Yeah, there you go. 1.00

02:29:00.000 That's a tranny. Your guess is as good as mine. 1.00

02:29:02.000 What, what? Please switch.

02:29:04.000 Yeah. I've been doing more sketches lately and I feel like I'm still highly uncomfortable with it, but you've been doing, clearly, impressions for a long time.

02:29:13.000 Shoes off. What'd you off?

02:29:14.000 Me too. I've been wearing these shoes since 11.

02:29:16.000 We're young actor friends out there.

02:29:17.000 What'd you say are the keys? Since the Critics' Choice Award.

02:29:20.000 Keys is success. I don't know.

02:29:22.000 There are no keys to success.

02:29:23.000 Bubbling up at the bottom of my foot.

02:29:25.000 I think impressions or whatever.

02:29:27.000 Oh, cause you're talking about Jaws. The impressions.

02:29:28.000 Yeah, impressions. Quick. Hold on a second.

02:29:30.000 I want to say this. Maya Rudolph, I feel like she always wants to be in the, I can do the black girl club, but like they don't want. 1.00

02:29:35.000 I feel that way too. Oh girl, my feet hurt.

02:29:36.000 They're like, what you talking about?

02:29:38.000 I'm one of you. Like, really?

02:29:40.000 Yeah, I just got a mom who's albino. 0.79

02:29:42.000 Like, oh, okay. I guess I feel her whole life is gone.

02:29:47.000 Oh, progress. Hold on, everyone.

02:29:48.000 Progress. Progress.

02:29:50.000 It's time. That's part of the drinking game.

02:29:51.000 Oscar's too black now. 1.00

02:29:54.000 Oscar's too black now. Diversity that falls into the umbrella. 0.98

02:29:56.000 Don't worry. There are so many more white people to come to.

02:30:01.000 So many.

02:30:02.000 We just came from backstage and there are tons of them back there.

02:30:06.000 Tons of them. All right, listen, everybody.

02:30:08.000 Let's get a shot of this so you can see.

02:30:09.000 If you can see, I'm not cheating. Get this full speech.

02:30:11.000 White people with clipboards. 0.99

02:30:13.000 Now, I'm personally not a fan of white people with clipboards. 1.00

02:30:16.000 Showing my suds. Showing my suds. 0.95

02:30:18.000 Everyone. For the cause.

02:30:21.000 Go. I'm like, I'm sorry, you're not on the list.

02:30:23.000 And they didn't check all the pages.

02:30:25.000 I'm like, hey, white people. Keep going. 0.85

02:30:26.000 Keep going. Check all the pages.

02:30:28.000 Ooh, ooh. And what about when they're on the headset?

02:30:32.000 All right, there you go. Who are they talking about?

02:30:33.000 There you go. Gone. Oh, gone.

02:30:36.000 That's how bad they're speeches. Okay, let's turn this down for a bit.

02:30:38.000 You know, people have asked me sometimes about impressions.

02:30:40.000 Whose can? I don't know, but it feels like I'm mad.

02:30:42.000 You have a handful of them now.

02:30:44.000 Actually, you know, it's funny.

02:30:45.000 I do quite a few of them, but I never did them in stand-up because I always felt sort of hacky.

02:30:50.000 It's hard to kind of get into them.

02:30:52.000 Like, I had a friend who would do them.

02:30:54.000 I remember in stand-up when I got started, he'd be like, this is my impression of Robert De Niro chopping a zucchini.

02:30:58.000 And he'd be like, this is just so obvious.

02:31:02.000 And it was just very, I don't know, it was always hard.

02:31:04.000 But now that we do the sketches, this is honestly way more liberating, the show that we do with Latter with Crowder.

02:31:08.000 We can do the monologue. So many options.

02:31:10.000 We're going to be at SMU, by the way, March 22nd.

02:31:12.000 2,000 seats, and it's almost full.

02:31:15.000 Ooh. For people who don't know.

02:31:16.000 So get your, go. It's first come, first serve, but I think you can reserve online.

02:31:19.000 Latterwith Crowder.com slash tour.

02:31:23.000 Here's what I do with impressions.

02:31:24.000 A lot of people, so I'm able to fit them in sketches.

02:31:26.000 And I've talked with you about this because you've asked me sometimes when you want to do some.

02:31:29.000 What I'll do is it's almost like, and this is just, this almost sounds as self-important as these people.

02:31:34.000 Don't worry, it's documentary short subject.

02:31:36.000 Our next guest, they do documentary long subjects, so they're important.

02:31:39.000 These people, not so much.

02:31:41.000 What I do is I watch it.

02:31:43.000 I'll watch, let's say it's Tom Cruise.

02:31:44.000 I'll watch something and I'll pick a line that's iconic with a lot of verbs, a lot of vowels, a lot of consonants, so pretty varied.

02:31:53.000 So think of kind of like in Mission Impossible where they would do the vocal encoding.

02:31:57.000 You'd have to say a few phrases.

02:31:58.000 I'll do that with Tom Cruise, and as I do it, I'll just do the voice first, and I'll work on it.

02:32:02.000 So this is anyone who's looking to do impressions.

02:32:03.000 I'll just do it in my head.

02:32:05.000 So I remember when I started doing Tom Cruise, I was watching Jerry Maguire, and I was watching Jerry Maguire, and I would sit there, and I would listen to his phrases, and then I realized he was a little more nasally.

02:32:15.000 In his voice, if you shut off that nasal cavity, and you add a little bit more wine to your voice, I miss my wife, I, who's coming with me?

02:32:26.000 And I would have a few phrases, I'd realize the energy, and then he would try and make your face, and understand the way Tom Cruise would talk, when he would laugh, and he would do it, and you develop it, and you think of the face, like we just did Charles Bronson in Death Wish.

02:32:42.000 Yeah. I would look in the mirror, and do the voice, so think of a couple of them, and one of them was, hey, punk, do you believe in Jesus?

02:32:48.000 You're going to meet him. So I'll close my eyes, and I'll do the voice, and then I'll think of the face.

02:32:53.000 And I'll do this for a while before I ever look at it.

02:32:55.000 So Charles Bronson, I'll go, hey.

02:32:56.000 That one hurt your face to do.

02:32:57.000 That one hurts your face to do, and then I'll go, hey, punk.

02:33:01.000 Hey, punk. I'll look in the mirror until I feel like I get it kind of close enough, and then we can do the rest with the makeup, and the puke, and the comment, and the little bit of the one-liners from the Polak Jew. 1.00

02:33:14.000 And what you do is you just sort of develop it.

02:33:16.000 You listen to the phrase. You say something that you can copy exactly, word for word, and then you develop that into the sketch, because it's really hard if you just go into a sketch that you've written, and you've never heard Tom Cruise say those words, or Bill Cosby, or whoever it is.

02:33:29.000 Sure. Because you're not repeating.

02:33:30.000 You're not just repeating something back after you hear it.

02:33:32.000 You emulate something word for word, the face, and then you move on to doing something original with it, and they seem to work.

02:33:39.000 Yeah. I think one of the first ones I ever heard you do was the Bill Cosby one, which is highly inappropriate and important.

02:33:43.000 Everyone does Bill Cosby now.

02:33:45.000 Well, that's because, you know, Bill Cosby was watching the Oscars.

02:33:50.000 He'd be watching right now, and he'd see some of the ladies who were hosting with the chocolate milk, the chocolate milk hosting. 1.00

02:33:59.000 I want to take the pill and put it in the coffee.

02:34:02.000 Look, look, she'd wear the white dress and the chocolate milk. 0.97

02:34:06.000 I'm going to take it to the coffee and get it on the way to lose and do the hip-hot and the boop-hot and the boop. 0.99

02:34:14.000 And you just sort of...

02:34:16.000 What would I pay right now for Cosby hosting this show?

02:34:21.000 He would come out, and he would be, listen, he would be real earnest, and he would say, if Bill Cosby was hosting the Academy Awards, he would say, hashtag me too, when it comes to the...

02:34:40.000 Listen, the Harvey wide stream is behind it, and the boop-hot and make it to the sub, or putting it into the Harvey wide stream, leaving it alone. 0.84

02:34:51.000 I don't want no part of the Harvey wide stream.

02:34:58.000 And that would be...

02:34:59.000 He'd have the most handicapped opening monologue there's ever been.

02:35:05.000 I tell you, I tell you, I... You know, Jed, I'm going to tell you.

02:35:11.000 That Lupecia from the Moonlight.

02:35:15.000 All right, now... I don't wish it wasn't no dyke. 1.00

02:35:18.000 Nick Nolte hosting Oscars.

02:35:20.000 Nick Nolte is going from the...

02:35:21.000 You're going from Bill Cosby.

02:35:23.000 There's a little bit of that rasp. You're going to have no voice in about five minutes.

02:35:26.000 Nick Nolte starts hurting your voice when you realize it.

02:35:28.000 You just got the mugshot from always getting drunk.

02:35:31.000 Listen, I'm hosting the Oscars.

02:35:35.000 I'm trying my best.

02:35:41.000 I'm trying my best.

02:35:44.000 Harvey Weinstein.

02:35:46.000 If you know where Harvey Weinstein...

02:35:49.000 Turn these Oscars around.

02:35:52.000 Just so my throat can get a break.

02:35:54.000 We have our next guest. I love them.

02:35:55.000 They have a film out. Of course, gosnellmovie.com was...

02:35:58.000 Now I'm getting lightheaded.

02:36:00.000 Yeah. You can't do Nick Nolte and Bo Cosby and not get lightheaded.

02:36:03.000 No, that's the point. Gosnell movie.

02:36:05.000 Fergus and the play. There's so much.

02:36:08.000 And I'm... I'm really actually like...

02:36:09.000 Bill Cosby and Nick Nolte have the worst two impressions to do in a row.

02:36:12.000 Anne McElhinney and Philem McAleer.

02:36:14.000 Can you hear me? Yes, we can.

02:36:16.000 Yes, we can. And can you see us?

02:36:19.000 We can see you. And you two actually look very, very polished this evening.

02:36:23.000 That almost looks like...

02:36:24.000 That almost looks like one of those novelty wine glasses that all the soccer moms... 1.00

02:36:28.000 Like, I only drink one glass per day.

02:36:30.000 And they fit a bottle in it.

02:36:33.000 So I just want you to know...

02:36:35.000 I just want you to know I'm wearing a black dress, but not because of me.

02:36:38.000 Me too. Just because of...

02:36:41.000 Me like the black dress.

02:36:43.000 Okay. Me like the black dress.

02:36:45.000 That's all left. Well, you both look great.

02:36:46.000 You're black tux, black dress.

02:36:48.000 You're going classical with this.

02:36:49.000 Have you been watching the Oscars this evening?

02:36:51.000 Yes. Yes, we have.

02:36:52.000 And we were watching it just to save all your audience from having to watch.

02:36:56.000 And I want to do a shout out to a friend.

02:36:58.000 We got some friends in Australia watching right now.

02:37:00.000 Libby Young. We're watching you, girlfriend. 0.99

02:37:03.000 Okay, gosh. You just had the black guests doing the girlfriend. 1.00

02:37:07.000 And then this is... 0.91

02:37:08.000 This is the whitest emulation I could possibly imagine.

02:37:13.000 You know, we have a drinking game tonight.

02:37:17.000 And I think Sven Computer can bring up the rules.

02:37:19.000 But everyone is basically half-bombed immediately.

02:37:23.000 If only for the pins with...

02:37:25.000 What is that? I can't... Is that Jack Daniels?

02:37:27.000 Yes. What is wrong with you?

02:37:29.000 You're Irish. Shouldn't you be drinking like a red breast? 1.00

02:37:33.000 I'm drinking tea. Oh, the botanist.

02:37:35.000 There you go. That's right. Philem, you drink the tea.

02:37:37.000 Is that Irish breakfast? Yes.

02:37:40.000 Black. I will tell you, I have Irish breakfast tea in the house.

02:37:43.000 And then Anne is just teasing you this whole evening.

02:37:46.000 Look, I got Patron.

02:37:48.000 I got Jack Daniels.

02:37:49.000 I got the botanist.

02:37:51.000 And wine. And you're like, I'm drinking tea.

02:37:55.000 Milky tea. Milky tea.

02:37:56.000 Milky tea. The grass-fed Milky tea.

02:37:59.000 The grass-fed Milky tea.

02:38:01.000 So, have you been surprised by anything tonight?

02:38:04.000 Now, first off, I had so many plugs from you.

02:38:06.000 Where's the best place for you to find your most recent work?

02:38:08.000 What is the one that you want people to most see right now?

02:38:12.000 Because it's 2018, in case you hadn't been watching tonight.

02:38:15.000 Go to gosnellmovie.com.

02:38:17.000 Just register there. Give us a dollar.

02:38:19.000 The movie apparently is coming out in October.

02:38:22.000 And we want everyone to go to see it on the opening night.

02:38:24.000 Okay. Gosnellmovie.com.

02:38:27.000 Gosnellmovie.com is coming out in October.

02:38:28.000 Yeah. That's what we need people to do right now.

02:38:30.000 Our good friend of the show, Dean Cain, is in that film.

02:38:33.000 And a lot of people here will be happy to.

02:38:35.000 So, gosnellmovie.com. Do go and support it because it's the kind of thing that gives the Academy nightmares.

02:38:42.000 First off, let me ask you. What was your favorite movie of the year?

02:38:44.000 What would you give? Or if you have to give a top couple of films this year?

02:38:47.000 Well, Get Out.

02:38:49.000 Get Out was a good movie ruined by the post, by the politics when they were on the Oscar circuit.

02:38:56.000 So, Get Out is a movie about classic liberal white guilt, right?

02:38:59.000 That's a good point. We were just talking about that earlier.

02:39:01.000 I feel like the film was not nearly as politically colored as they wanted it to be after the film was released.

02:39:07.000 But Peel had to go along with it because he wanted the Oscar.

02:39:10.000 Yeah. Yeah. They're claiming it's some Black Lives Matter movie.

02:39:13.000 It's not. It's about liberal whites.

02:39:16.000 It's actually about this idea of the noble savage, how whites idolized the natives.

02:39:21.000 It's got that old liberal feel to it.

02:39:25.000 And then when they realized it could be an Oscar contender, they had to shoehorn it into the Black Lives Matter movement.

02:39:31.000 Complete nonsense. It's got nothing to do with Black Lives Matter. 1.00

02:39:35.000 The greatest showman was a fantastic film.

02:39:37.000 No politics. All glee.

02:39:39.000 All fun. All delight.

02:39:42.000 Well, that would be the word I would expect Hugh Jackman would use.

02:39:45.000 Delight. As long as his wife's not around.

02:39:49.000 I have no idea what that means. 0.99

02:39:51.000 I think he's a homosexual. 1.00

02:39:53.000 But he's a great showman. 0.95

02:39:55.000 He's a great showman, Hugh Jackman.

02:39:57.000 But remember, when he hosted the Oscars, I remember he got panned.

02:40:00.000 We were just talking about this.

02:40:01.000 He put in some effort. Contrary to Kimmel, you know, he's not the best singer.

02:40:05.000 He's not the best, but he was good.

02:40:07.000 And you could tell he really put in effort.

02:40:09.000 Was it the Tonys? Yeah. No, no, it was this.

02:40:11.000 He hosted the Oscars. Was it about five years?

02:40:13.000 I remember that was the first year of Big Hollywood because I was live blogging with John Nolte at Breitbart.com slash Big Hollywood.

02:40:20.000 Yeah. Kimmel has a very bad Oscars this year, I think.

02:40:24.000 Stuffing has been knocked out of him.

02:40:26.000 He can't even get a good, decent Trump joke.

02:40:28.000 He can't make jokes about actors.

02:40:30.000 He's just, they're scared.

02:40:31.000 He came totally emasculated.

02:40:33.000 He turned out the political practice.

02:40:34.000 Because he's still correct. Political practice, you can't make jokes about anyone else.

02:40:37.000 The whole of the intro, his whole intro was like a PSA, like the really boring PSA you have to watch when you're in high school.

02:40:44.000 Right. It was like, oh, really be careful walking across the road.

02:40:47.000 It was like super, super boring.

02:40:50.000 I know. He looked terrified. I expected him in like 30 seconds to say, don't play with blasting caps.

02:40:55.000 It was that bad. Yeah, Jimmy.

02:40:57.000 And then his biggest bit was, you know, Steven Spielberg and Pot.

02:41:00.000 I'm sitting going, this is a bad comic working the room.

02:41:02.000 Like, hey, where are you from?

02:41:04.000 You're from Poughkeepsie.

02:41:05.000 Ha. Poughkeepsie sucks. 1.00

02:41:07.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And move on down. 1.00

02:41:09.000 It was really, it's just been awkward.

02:41:11.000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

02:41:12.000 Yeah. But they made a whole big point, you know, of the fact that now, you know, Harvey Weinstein, they got rid of Harvey Weinstein from the Oscars.

02:41:18.000 You know, he's no longer a member of the Oscars.

02:41:20.000 Yeah, but you know, guess who is though?

02:41:22.000 Roman Polanski is still a member because that's so important.

02:41:27.000 And we know who really loved him.

02:41:29.000 No one loved him more than Meryl Streep.

02:41:31.000 Meryl Streep. He gave him a standing ovation when he won the Oscar.

02:41:34.000 That's true. I mean, this guy's convicted.

02:41:36.000 Yeah, you know, it's just crazy.

02:41:38.000 Just spoiler alert for people who don't realize, I don't want to say spoiler, but for people who aren't quite, he sodomized an underage girl on Quaaludes.

02:41:48.000 Now, compared to servicing oneself in a, stop it, stop.

02:41:54.000 He's got it on the brain because he's had a few drinks and some ashwagandha pills.

02:42:00.000 So compared to servicing oneself in the local potted plant, I mean, Roman Polanski makes Weinstein look like Gandhi and no one talks about him.

02:42:12.000 Yeah. Because Meryl Streep is on tape standing for around, around the clock. 0.96

02:42:17.000 Was it 2006 or 2000?

02:42:19.000 Recently. Recently.

02:42:21.000 But they couldn't love her more and she couldn't be nominated for more.

02:42:23.000 And by the way, for the film and I this year watched every last of the nominations for Best Picture.

02:42:30.000 because to save your audience for having to do it for themselves.

02:42:34.000 And we can tell you that the post which Meryl Streep stars in, life is way too short.

02:42:40.000 All of our lives, all of our lives, unfortunately, are too short for you to even watch it on your telephone if you are stuck at a bus stop in a terribly, terribly boring situation.

02:42:52.000 In a boring time.

02:42:53.000 In a boring time.

02:42:55.000 And a boring time is clear.

02:42:56.000 You know, you could be better off, I don't know, playing whatever.

02:42:59.000 You're not ever eating your own toenails than watching that.

02:43:03.000 It's so boring.

02:43:05.000 It's just the worst.

02:43:06.000 You'd be better off playing Angry Birds watching PewDiePie on your iPhone than watching the post.

02:43:15.000 I had to choose between that and Hostiles.

02:43:17.000 And I will tell you, Hostiles was actually really good when I watched it.

02:43:20.000 It was very good. Apparently so.

02:43:21.000 We haven't seen it.

02:43:23.000 Okay. So we really liked, we thought Get Out was fantastic.

02:43:26.000 I agree. Hi, Tonya.

02:43:28.000 Fabulous. That was my number one.

02:43:29.000 Hi, Tonya. Alice and Jenny.

02:43:31.000 So glad she won the award.

02:43:33.000 That was what the Oscar should be.

02:43:36.000 You know, very, very one note.

02:43:38.000 You know, Martin McDonough, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.

02:43:41.000 I like that. And he's one of us.

02:43:43.000 He's one of us. So we have to like that anyway.

02:43:44.000 But yeah, we thought that was really good.

02:43:46.000 Yeah. No, no, that was good. What did you think of it, Steve?

02:43:49.000 You know, it's funny. We were just talking about this.

02:43:50.000 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.

02:43:52.000 Obviously, our good friend Nick Searcy was in it.

02:43:53.000 You know, it starts off when you think, oh, no, this is going to be the rape culture, Black Lives Matter. 1.00

02:43:57.000 And you realize it's really much more of a redemption story and people are doing the best they can and everyone makes mistakes.

02:44:05.000 And it's funny, actually, there was a guy in there I recognized.

02:44:07.000 I was in a film with him called The Secret with David Duchovny called Brennan Sexton III. And he was the biggest liberal I'd ever met in my life at this point.

02:44:14.000 I was 15 or 16.

02:44:16.000 We were in a classroom scene.

02:44:18.000 He was the guy who actually admitted to the rape in the bar.

02:44:22.000 That guy? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:44:23.000 I remember, yeah. He got the shit beaten out of him. 0.99

02:44:25.000 Yes, yes, yes. His name is Brennan Sexton. 0.99

02:44:27.000 And I remember I was sitting with him.

02:44:28.000 Good Lord.

02:44:30.000 And I was sitting with him in a classroom scene.

02:44:33.000 It was a David Duchovny film called The Secret.

02:44:35.000 And he asked me who my favorite actors were.

02:44:36.000 This is my first encounter with super-affected actors.

02:44:39.000 And I said, you know, my favorite actor, if I had to pick one, would probably be Anthony Hopkins.

02:44:44.000 And he said, no, that's wrong.

02:44:48.000 I said, what? He said, you could have picked, like, Philip Seymour Hoffman or something, but no.

02:44:52.000 He actually told me I was wrong.

02:44:54.000 And it blew his mind when I said, and by the way, not for Silence of the Lambs, but The Edge is one of my favorite films.

02:44:59.000 And it was the first time I'd ever encountered someone who just was flat.

02:45:04.000 Oh, hold on a second. Hold on. We have to bring up the volume here.

02:45:06.000 Hold on. Anne and Phil. The changes we are witnessing are being driven by a powerful sound of new voices.

02:45:12.000 Damn it. Hold on. I'll be right back. 1.00

02:45:13.000 I have to get another cerveza.

02:45:15.000 No problem. Joining together in a mighty chorus that is finally singing.

02:45:20.000 I am drinking on behalf of this drinking game.

02:45:25.000 She actually said it's time.

02:45:26.000 Time's up. So we salute those unstoppable spirits who kicked ass and broke through the biased perception against their gender. 0.86

02:45:40.000 If I'm going to repeat one of my favorite films of all time, it's Arthur.

02:45:48.000 And not with that, Russell Brand.

02:45:52.000 Time's classic.

02:45:54.000 Favorite films ever. Sorry, we're both, this is Dragon's Milk.

02:45:58.000 It's 12% beer.

02:46:00.000 A stout from Michigan.

02:46:02.000 And Jared got sick on it during the presidential debates.

02:46:06.000 And so I decided we had to bring it back out.

02:46:09.000 Thanks for sharing that.

02:46:11.000 Oh, Jared. Oh, here's Mirosavino.

02:46:12.000 Oh, Mirosavino.

02:46:14.000 Yeah, I know. This is sad if you watch it.

02:46:17.000 It's really, Jared, come here.

02:46:18.000 So full of emotion.

02:46:20.000 A little bit shaky.

02:46:22.000 We ask you to join us. Selma Hayek.

02:46:24.000 She was quite the dish when I was growing up.

02:46:25.000 At some of these trailblazers.

02:46:28.000 This entire fall, the Me Too, the Time's Up movements.

02:46:31.000 Oh, gosh. We're going to have to chug a whole mug again.

02:46:35.000 This is something that has been happening forever.

02:46:37.000 Not only in Hollywood, but in every law of life.

02:46:39.000 It's a horrible drinking game.

02:46:41.000 Okay, all right. Let's bring this down.

02:46:43.000 Ann and Philim, you know, the Me Too movement, when it started out with Weinstein, we were going, oh, yeah, of course.

02:46:48.000 Listen, this is one of the biggest secrets in the entertainment industry that most people don't know, but everyone in the industry knows.

02:46:54.000 The only place where rape culture really exists is in Hollywood. 1.00

02:46:58.000 And it does exist there.

02:46:59.000 Do you think that that's what creates this whole, like, they're going hashtag Me Too.

02:47:03.000 Everyone, you know, in Iowa and Michigan and Wisconsin is going.

02:47:08.000 Yeah. Yeah.

02:47:10.000 Yeah. Yeah. That's correct.

02:47:12.000 I mean, I think all those, all that thing with the rape culture and all that, that was them trying to get out their inner demons out there.

02:47:20.000 Right. And as you say, everyone else in the world was going in offices in Iowa are going, well, yeah, there was some guy who looked at me a bit funny 20 years ago, but that stopped.

02:47:28.000 You know, it doesn't, you know.

02:47:31.000 Well, my, you know, my thing was, you know, so I hate Matt Damon.

02:47:34.000 Like, I, you know, really.

02:47:36.000 I hate Matt Damon. And I hate to say this, but I actually feel really sorry for what happened to him.

02:47:42.000 Get out. Get out. Shut up, you. 1.00

02:47:44.000 So he basically, he does this interview, and in the interview, he says, like, you know, we need to distinguish between people who rape, and people who say, you know something, girlfriend, that's a nice blouse on you. 1.00

02:47:57.000 Are your skirts really nice?

02:47:59.000 Right. Or, you know, some, I, you know, I could get a bit of that, or, you know, oh, you're looking a bit yummy this morning.

02:48:06.000 And he said, I don't think any North American male has ever said, oh, you're looking a bit.

02:48:13.000 They say that. They say that some, I don't know, somewhere.

02:48:16.000 No, they don't.

02:48:20.000 So basically, so my point is, so my point is, right, so I'm listening to this, this absolutely nothing comment from Matt Damon.

02:48:27.000 Like, it's just zero. A complete zero.

02:48:30.000 And he's destroyed.

02:48:33.000 I know. He was destroyed first.

02:48:35.000 I'm thinking, so it's such a terrifying.

02:48:38.000 That's the world's smallest violence for Matt Damon.

02:48:40.000 No, but I appreciate your consistency.

02:48:42.000 Because we said the same thing. 0.71

02:48:43.000 I was going, listen, I think Matt Damon is one of the world's biggest douches.

02:48:46.000 But what he said is actually, entirely reasonable.

02:48:50.000 100% correct.

02:48:51.000 Completely logical. Completely logical.

02:48:53.000 I mean, I feel sorry for what they call that guy, Jeffrey Tambor of Transparent.

02:48:57.000 He got, he joined the revolution and thought everyone was behind him.

02:49:02.000 And, you know, and suddenly they all.

02:49:03.000 Behind him. Uh-oh.

02:49:05.000 Boom, boom. He was behind them, really, because he's pre-op.

02:49:10.000 But yes, exactly. He thought he was their darling and then just, boom, they hit him.

02:49:14.000 And by the way, Larry Sanders is one of my favorite shows ever.

02:49:18.000 Okay, I don't even know that.

02:49:19.000 Oh, really? That was HBO. Uh, Gary, uh, Gary Shandling and Jeffrey Tambor.

02:49:24.000 Yeah, Jeffrey Tambor, yeah.

02:49:25.000 Oh, Jeffrey Tambor. Yeah, that was where he started.

02:49:27.000 Yeah, brilliant, brilliant show.

02:49:28.000 But, uh, no, it's, it's, and that's one thing I appreciate about you and we try to do on this show is even though I can't stand Matt Damon, I watch it and I say, you know what?

02:49:36.000 The guy was being reasonable.

02:49:38.000 Because we were talking about this tonight. Like, for example, Anne, you look, uh, you both look very, very dapper this evening, very polished.

02:49:43.000 You both look, but Anne, you don't, forgive me, you don't have your tits on a platter. 1.00

02:49:48.000 Now, these women have been walking out and it's double-sided table. 1.00

02:49:52.000 And they just have their breasts out. 1.00

02:49:54.000 And it's like, here's the thing.

02:49:55.000 No one's saying you deserve to be sexually harassed.

02:49:57.000 But this is a hyper-sexualized event where if anyone were to wear this in an office space, it would be all everyone talked about.

02:50:06.000 And by the way, this is one thing for men out there, young men, they need to understand, you're not a pervert. 0.90

02:50:10.000 You're not a pervert because you see a woman showing her breasts thinking, well, those are nice breasts. 1.00

02:50:15.000 That's not hashtag me too. 0.97

02:50:16.000 That's not Weinstein. 0.99

02:50:17.000 We need to be able to delineate between scumbags who absolutely should be punished. 0.96

02:50:22.000 And I just think, well, I, no, I'm old enough to not, it's Black Panther. 0.97

02:50:28.000 He's a little guy. I'm old enough to remember slut-shaming. 0.99

02:50:31.000 Remember that? I do. 0.94

02:50:34.000 Yeah, remember, remember women were tired of being slut-shaming and they were going to wear short skirts and no tops and low tops because that's, hey, that's who they were. 1.00

02:50:42.000 And then men looked at it and said things and now the men are, are, are, are.

02:50:46.000 I also, I also think if you take sex out of the workplace, no one wants to go to work anymore because everyone goes, everyone goes to work.

02:50:56.000 It's like, you know, you want someone to say, you look very nice in that top.

02:51:00.000 I like that top on you.

02:51:02.000 Well, Jordan Peterson got raked over the coals by Vice for talking about lipstick and rouge and how this mimics sort of sexual arousal and these are part of biological evolutionary mechanisms.

02:51:11.000 It's like, are you saying, are you saying women shouldn't wear makeup in the workplace?

02:51:14.000 He said, well, I don't know.

02:51:16.000 Basically, he was saying if you're talking about eliminating any kind of sexual relationships in the workplace, maybe.

02:51:21.000 And he's not saying you should, but they were, he was saying that is inherently.

02:51:26.000 What was that? Jordan Peterson.

02:51:29.000 Dr. Jordan Peterson. Yeah, hold on a second.

02:51:31.000 Wait, hold on a second. We're looking at best screenplay right now.

02:51:33.000 Who would you give best screenplay?

02:51:34.000 You two. Oh, he did the gay one. 1.00

02:51:38.000 Oh, he did the gay one? Yeah. 1.00

02:51:40.000 And the Oscar goes to.

02:51:42.000 Hold on, let's see. James, I agree.

02:51:44.000 Call Me By Your Name. 0.99

02:51:46.000 The gay one. You were right. 1.00

02:51:48.000 I didn't see Call Me By Your Name. 0.83

02:51:49.000 That's a gay film. That's a gay film? 0.88

02:51:51.000 I've seen it because you didn't, and you didn't need to.

02:51:54.000 I got the screeners, but that one didn't make it into the Blu-ray.

02:51:58.000 Yeah, you know.

02:51:59.000 There's just something in the DVDs.

02:52:01.000 What is it? Is that a sexual innuendo?

02:52:03.000 Was that a sexual innuendo?

02:52:04.000 No, it wasn't. It wasn't, but I wish I could claim it.

02:52:08.000 It didn't make it into the Blu-ray.

02:52:10.000 It didn't make it into the Blu-ray.

02:52:12.000 No, this is, I really have not, as a matter of fact, I don't even think I got the screener to Call Me By Your Name, which is funny.

02:52:18.000 You didn't get the screener. You didn't get the screener.

02:52:20.000 I definitely got Dallas Buyers Club.

02:52:21.000 I remember that. I remember watching Jared Leto bitch about AIDS, and I was going like, well, hold on a second. 0.82

02:52:25.000 You're an intravenous heroin user who has promiscuous sex with every dude you can in Texas. 1.00

02:52:29.000 Like, you're on borrowed time. 1.00

02:52:30.000 I mean, it's sad, but it's not entirely surprising.

02:52:35.000 It's not entirely unexpected.

02:52:38.000 Exactly. Plot twist.

02:52:40.000 There is no plot twist.

02:52:41.000 Plot twist. There is no plot twist.

02:52:43.000 Okay, listen. We do have to get going.

02:52:44.000 I could talk with you two all night, but I know you want to watch the Oscars because you two actually work in the industry and create films.

02:52:49.000 We do. But unfortunately, go ahead.

02:52:52.000 And we're so excited. We're so excited for you guys and for your audience to all see the movie when it comes out in October.

02:52:59.000 We'll obviously be talking to you before that.

02:53:01.000 But it was so, I mean, you know, anyway, this has been so great.

02:53:04.000 And you guys look, can I just say, and get Jared, get off the phone.

02:53:08.000 Not get Jared. That's what I keep telling him.

02:53:10.000 I don't know what he's doing. He's on the phone.

02:53:12.000 It's like, what does it take? You're on a live broadcast.

02:53:14.000 With tens of thousands.

02:53:15.000 More people are watching you than Jimmy Kimmel.

02:53:17.000 And he's texting in one person.

02:53:19.000 You guys look fabulous.

02:53:20.000 We really like what you're wearing.

02:53:21.000 We think we look very good.

02:53:23.000 I'm a servant of the people. You do both look great.

02:53:25.000 Hey, hey, hey, Philem, can you take off your hat?

02:53:27.000 Let me see. Is your hair, what's your hair going on now?

02:53:29.000 Is it still, uh, okay, there you go.

02:53:30.000 Oh, okay. Can I just tell you something about Philem's hair?

02:53:33.000 Yeah. That color, that is caused by global warming.

02:53:38.000 Is it? What, because, why?

02:53:41.000 Just because of the ocean? He used to have curly, curly brown hair.

02:53:44.000 He came to America, to California, and it's like that now.

02:53:48.000 And that is, that is what happens.

02:53:50.000 That is global warming.

02:53:52.000 Well, last time I saw him at CPAC a few years ago, he had bleached it like he was the real Philem Shady.

02:53:56.000 So, you know what, Philem, I think you go with it and, uh, just act your age because it's very becoming.

02:54:01.000 Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.

02:54:03.000 Thank you, everyone. We love Ladder at Crowder.

02:54:06.000 Thank you both. Go take some N-acetylcysteine so your liver can handle it.

02:54:11.000 We'll see you tomorrow morning. All right.

02:54:12.000 That was Anne McElhinney and Philem McAleer.

02:54:15.000 Lovely couple. Oh, Mac.

02:54:17.000 I gave you some of that before. That's what they give you if you have alcohol poisoning in the, uh, in the, uh, the ICU. Just go see, uh, go see Ferguson play.

02:54:23.000 It's not showing anywhere, but.

02:54:24.000 It's not showing anywhere, but Gosnell movie.

02:54:26.000 Gosnell movie. Hold on a second. Let's see the next award.

02:54:29.000 What do you got? I'm not going to lie to you.

02:54:33.000 You look pretty good. Studio head Samuel Goldwyn once told six-time Oscar.

02:54:38.000 No. Billy Wilder.

02:54:40.000 No gingers at the Oscars.

02:54:42.000 Now just go home and word it in.

02:54:45.000 That's one of the biggest problems writer's face.

02:54:47.000 This has been going on for. People think what they do.

02:54:50.000 Only an hour and 37. No.

02:54:51.000 Two hours and 37 minutes?

02:54:53.000 Two hours and 37 minutes. These women and men are master storytellers.

02:54:58.000 They work so hard to make it look so easy.

02:55:03.000 Here are the nominees for best original screenplay.

02:55:07.000 Actually, don't mind her. I feel like she kind of minds her business and just acts.

02:55:09.000 Think sick. Reminds of fusing.

02:55:11.000 He's accused buster. Just doesn't national.

02:55:13.000 Not like Hollywood. You know, no one saw this movie.

02:55:16.000 Get out. Lady Bird. 1.00

02:55:24.000 Written by. I didn't see Lady Bird. I know my brother liked it, but he's kind of a hipster when it comes to movies.

02:55:29.000 The shape of water. Screenplay.

02:55:31.000 That's the interspecies relational film.

02:55:35.000 It's a niche. Three billboards outside.

02:55:39.000 Richard Gere loves it.

02:55:42.000 Big man. Because if you soak a gerbil in water.

02:55:46.000 No, Richard. Did you even read the screener?

02:55:50.000 No. Jordan Peele.

02:55:52.000 Of course. All right.

02:55:54.000 Let's see what Jordan Peele does because we're running low on dragon's milk. 0.97

02:55:59.000 Spent computer. Can you bring up the drinking game?

02:56:02.000 Bring it up really quick. The drinking game rules.

02:56:04.000 Trump fear. It's 2018. It's time.

02:56:05.000 Feminism. Equality. Diversity. Climate change.

02:56:07.000 Assault law in NRA. Borders wall.

02:56:08.000 Gun violence. Fascism. Immigration. Sexual harassment. 0.69

02:56:10.000 Or anything under the umbrella of topics thereof.

02:56:13.000 Let's see what Jordan Peele has to say because I used to love Jordan.

02:56:15.000 I used to love Key and Peele.

02:56:17.000 Please don't ruin this. Hey, look. It's Fat Michael Moore.

02:56:19.000 If you can actually call him that.

02:56:21.000 That's the thing. Thank you.

02:56:24.000 You guys are going to mess up my jet ski.

02:56:27.000 Hold up. This means so much to me.

02:56:32.000 I stopped writing this movie about 20 times because I thought it was impossible.

02:56:36.000 I thought it wasn't going to work.

02:56:37.000 I thought no one would ever make this movie.

02:56:40.000 But I kept coming back to it because I knew if someone let me make this movie that people would hear it and people would see it.

02:56:46.000 So I want to dedicate this to all the people who raised my voice and let me make this movie.

02:56:52.000 Donna, Ron at Universal.

02:56:54.000 Everybody. QC, Sean, Ted, Bea, Jason at Blumhouse.

02:57:02.000 You guys, thank you so much.

02:57:04.000 To the cast and crew, I love you.

02:57:06.000 Thank you so much. My wife who supported me through this whole process.

02:57:10.000 My mother who taught me to love even in the face of hate.

02:57:15.000 And to everybody who went and saw this movie.

02:57:18.000 Everybody who bought a ticket.

02:57:20.000 Who told somebody to buy a ticket.

02:57:23.000 Thank you. I love you for shouting out at the theater.

02:57:27.000 For shouting out at the screen.

02:57:29.000 Let's keep going. Brian Roberts, thank you.

02:57:31.000 I love you all. Thank you so much.

02:57:33.000 Good night. How old is he?

02:57:35.000 Good. You know, that's a good speech.

02:57:36.000 Like I said, I feel as though they want him to be something that he isn't.

02:57:39.000 I think I feel. That was not, like if you were a Black Lives Matter activist. 0.60

02:57:44.000 This guy is, if you watch Key and Peel, very funny.

02:57:47.000 Very reminiscent of Chappelle.

02:57:48.000 You had Chappelle and he had the dark ears of Carlos Mencia.

02:57:51.000 Then you have Key and Peel.

02:57:53.000 They made fun of themselves.

02:57:55.000 They made fun of black culture. They made fun of white culture. 0.92

02:57:57.000 That was a guy who was simply genuinely, it seemed like he was genuinely happy with getting an award.

02:58:02.000 Isn't this Vanessa Williams' brother?

02:58:05.000 Nah, he's someone else. That was the guy.

02:58:06.000 Anyway, apparently.

02:58:08.000 I'm going to get flack for that. But I feel like Peel, they want him to be something that he isn't.

02:58:13.000 I don't think he, it's a wide open mantle for him to take too.

02:58:17.000 I don't think he signed up for the activism.

02:58:20.000 Which is funny because like usually when it's presented to somebody, they're like, you know what, that's a platform.

02:58:25.000 I'll take it. I don't feel like he's really grabbed a hold of it.

02:58:28.000 It's such an easy, like they, I mean, Kimmel came out and basically said, listen everybody, please say the things we want you to say.

02:58:35.000 And he didn't take the bait, which makes me think he's at the most a relatively moderate.

02:58:40.000 All right, we're going to go to commercial break so I can use the restroom again because this is getting the best of me.

02:58:44.000 We're going to, home stretch here.

02:58:46.000 Do we have any more guests? No, we're good.

02:58:49.000 Oh, Matt Iceman. Damn it, Matt. 1.00

02:58:51.000 Okay. What's the next commercial here we have? 0.99

02:58:55.000 A little bit of a classic, never ending story.

02:58:58.000 Never ending story.

02:58:59.000 This is terrible. So this is, for those who don't remember, actually, I think it was nominated for original score.

02:59:05.000 Never ending story. It was great.

02:59:07.000 This was done before we move into our new studio, clearly.

02:59:10.000 This is Well watch it

02:59:15.000 I I

02:59:19.000 I Watch the news look at what you see

02:59:46.000 I The media another Russia's story 1.00

02:59:54.000 Talk more about Putin and all the Russian hats No evidence is needed

03:00:07.000 me This is, well, watch it.

03:00:14.000 It was great.

03:00:15.000 This is, well, watch it.

03:00:21.000 A never-ending story Documents

03:00:32.000 Claimed by those at Buzzfeed Prostitutes 0.93

03:00:40.000 They just like to pee Turned out it was fake news 0.99

03:00:49.000 From BuzzFeed and CNN Yeah

03:00:53.000 watch it. This is, well, watch it.

03:01:23.000 This is, well, watch it.

03:02:09.000 To keep this Russia never-ending story Never-ending story

03:02:26.000 Never-ending story I know, a bit of false advertising there because that video

03:02:35.000 did end.

03:02:36.000 you Who is doing, let me hear what this guy's saying with the pockmarks.

03:02:43.000 I've been honored at the Oscars.

03:02:46.000 Let's take a moment now to pay tribute to these powerful films that shine.

03:02:51.000 Oh, it's a tribute. A great spotlight on those who have fought for freedom.

03:02:56.000 Look at that. Look at that. Around the world.

03:02:57.000 I told you, it's a full beard. It's not even full.

03:03:00.000 Is that Khan?

03:03:04.000 Oh, God. He's doing Native American bullshit. 1.00

03:03:07.000 Please. Please. 1.00

03:03:09.000 Stop. Stop. 0.98

03:03:11.000 Go drink your fire water and smoke your American spirits, you affected prick. 1.00

03:03:15.000 I know that Matt Eisenman is so nice as our next guest, but he had to have expected some of this.

03:03:21.000 Oh, Demi Moore.

03:03:25.000 Is that Matthew Modine? Oh, there you go.

03:03:30.000 You got Americans tonight. Oh, wow. 1.00

03:03:33.000 I really can make it through five beers, including two 12% beers.

03:03:37.000 Tell yourself, it happened.

03:03:39.000 So you could save the lives of two or three or ten others.

03:03:45.000 This tells you what the night is like.

03:03:47.000 This is the most inspiring portion of the evening.

03:03:50.000 You never understand what's about the man next to you.

03:03:56.000 What difference you think you can make with all this madness?

03:04:01.000 I remember back when Sean Penn wasn't allowed at the Oscars.

03:04:04.000 Do you remember that? 0.90

03:04:05.000 He said he would never attend it because it was a bunch of affected industry bastards, and then all of a sudden he became that guy. 0.95

03:04:12.000 He gets the VIP pass. 0.91

03:04:13.000 Yeah, now I guess he gets the Fastlane pass.

03:04:16.000 All right. Are they going to give us Fastlane?

03:04:18.000 Let's really quickly go to our next guest.

03:04:20.000 Let's bring him up. I love him.

03:04:22.000 You know him. You hopefully love him.

03:04:24.000 You can follow him on the Twitter, at Matt Iceman.

03:04:26.000 He is, of course, the host of American Ninja Warrior.

03:04:28.000 And he got me and my wife fast passes to Harry Potter World.

03:04:31.000 Matt Iceman, how are you, sir? I'm doing well, gentlemen.

03:04:34.000 You're looking very dapper for the evening.

03:04:36.000 We're doing our best. Are you calling from your garage?

03:04:40.000 No. Can you not see me?

03:04:42.000 I'm in my office. It doesn't look like an office.

03:04:46.000 Thank you.

03:04:48.000 Aren't you a doctor? Wait.

03:04:52.000 You can see my medical degrees right there.

03:04:54.000 Okay. All right. I know.

03:04:57.000 I actually just got back into L.A. I was at the Arnold Classic in Columbus, Ohio.

03:05:04.000 So I just flew back and drove right by the Oscars.

03:05:08.000 And I haven't watched anything other than what I've watched on your show.

03:05:11.000 Well, hold on a second. Let's bring up Jimmy Kimmel while you're sitting there so you can hear what he's talking about.

03:05:15.000 He looks tired. And then they have to tell you they cloned your dog.

03:05:19.000 Hold on. Anyway, I want to see what he's introducing next, Matt.

03:05:24.000 Barbara and her dogs Lentil and Yentl.

03:05:27.000 In L.A., even our pets are remakes.

03:05:29.000 It's really something else.

03:05:30.000 And by the way, to those who say we're all a bunch of out-of-touch Hollywood elites, I'll have you know that each of the 45 million Ferozki crystals on this stage tonight represents humility.

03:05:43.000 Okay. I'll give him that one.

03:05:44.000 Our next presenter has been in dozens of big movies, including Speed, Gravity, and Crash, which also happen to be the three main reasons never to get in a plane with Harrison Ford.

03:05:54.000 Please welcome Sandra Bullock.

03:05:57.000 And Matt, believe me, we're not holding you.

03:05:59.000 We just want to make sure we're not missing.

03:06:00.000 Yeah, no. Because we've just played. We've had the opportunity to drink.

03:06:03.000 We wasted too much time with SS or Esquire.

03:06:07.000 Sandra Bullock, hold on, is looking like Mr.

03:06:09.000 Marbles from that Seinfeld episode.

03:06:11.000 Let's see what she has to say. It's really bright.

03:06:14.000 That's her complaining, by the way. 0.94

03:06:16.000 It looks amazing.

03:06:18.000 Everything looks really great.

03:06:19.000 But, you know, the lighting is just really well lit.

03:06:23.000 But can we just dim it just a little bit so I can, you know, go back to my 40s?

03:06:28.000 She's looking like Janet Jackson. 0.97

03:06:30.000 No, Laura. No, Laura. 39.

03:06:35.000 Am I the one who sees this? 39.

03:06:37.000 She's looking like Michael Jackson a little bit.

03:06:39.000 No, 35. And then she was my biggest crush of the kids.

03:06:42.000 That's a sweet spot. A real shame.

03:06:44.000 Thank goodness I'm not presenting with Gal Gadot tonight.

03:06:46.000 You're going to expect her to start passing out the Jesus juice. 1.00

03:06:48.000 You know what I'm saying? Okay, cinematography is her award envelope.

03:06:50.000 So, okay. So, Matt Eisman, thank you so much, by the way.

03:06:54.000 You got me violently ill.

03:06:55.000 But my wife loved Harry Potter World.

03:06:58.000 For those who don't know, Matt Eisman, one celebrity apprentice, and he actually knew everything about Harry Potter.

03:07:04.000 He's a huge Harry Potter nerd.

03:07:05.000 My wife is.

03:07:07.000 I'm not sure if you two have corresponded without my knowledge.

03:07:09.000 I wouldn't be surprised. But thank you very much.

03:07:11.000 Matt is true blue. He got us fast past Harry Potter World.

03:07:14.000 Good guy, Matt. And my wife wants to thank you.

03:07:17.000 America loves you. Yeah, no, it was great.

03:07:19.000 I loved seeing you guys enjoy it, or her, as much as I did, anyway.

03:07:23.000 You, not so much.

03:07:24.000 I have a feeling you just wanted to go do push-ups. 0.83

03:07:27.000 I just got so sick.

03:07:29.000 I got, I get, when I was a kid.

03:07:31.000 Those motion rides are a little difficult.

03:07:33.000 They are a little difficult. Because I'm looking at not Jay Jared's outfit right now.

03:07:36.000 Yes, a little bit. Well, when he, and especially when he does that.

03:07:38.000 Although I did like you in that Falcor video looking like a flock of seagulls, buddy.

03:07:46.000 So, Matt, you just got back to L.A. When can we expect the suicide letter?

03:07:51.000 I was, it was so great being at that.

03:07:54.000 This weekend, being in Columbus, Ohio at the Arnold Classic.

03:07:58.000 And watching the bodybuilding, the powerlifting.

03:08:02.000 We got to watch The Mountain.

03:08:04.000 Beat Brian Shaw. Did he win World's Strongest Man, The Mountain?

03:08:07.000 The Mountain won.

03:08:08.000 He took a 400-pound rail axle and pressed it over his head three times.

03:08:13.000 Which, it's a two-and-a-half-inch bar.

03:08:15.000 And it was cool. Because, again, I was there with Schwarzenegger.

03:08:18.000 So, you're, I've never seen anything.

03:08:21.000 It's like being with Jesus.

03:08:23.000 Like, the Arnold Classic.

03:08:25.000 Matt, hold on a second.

03:08:26.000 We're going to get letters. The guy pressed some weight over his head.

03:08:29.000 He didn't turn water to wine.

03:08:32.000 It was, but it was amazing.

03:08:34.000 Everywhere he went, they had a quarter million attendees over three days.

03:08:39.000 And just seeing that.

03:08:41.000 Hey, can I ask you really quickly?

03:08:42.000 Was Zaviskas still there?

03:08:44.000 Or was he out this year?

03:08:45.000 Because, just so you know, Brian Shaw and Zaviskas had a, he's a Russian guy or, I don't know, Lithuanian.

03:08:50.000 Yeah, he was. I think he injured himself, though, in the final lift.

03:08:53.000 Okay. And he tore his shoulder. There's, for those who haven't seen the documentary, there's a documentary on it.

03:08:58.000 And they go out and they do a log lift.

03:09:00.000 And Brian Shaw is the American guy.

03:09:02.000 He's won, like, twice.

03:09:03.000 And this guy, the Mountain from Game of Thrones, he's been in a few, actually, I think, Academy-nominated films now.

03:09:08.000 He's never quite won.

03:09:10.000 And this guy, this Eastern Block guy, Zaviskas, Zavikas, but I remember there's this scene, if you want to watch a great documentary, and a lot of people look past this, Matt, because they think they're meatheads.

03:09:19.000 I think it was Born Strong.

03:09:21.000 And they're sitting there, and they're watching.

03:09:23.000 You know, they go out and they have to lift this log.

03:09:24.000 I think it's 400 pounds and put it overhead, but it's kind of asymmetrical.

03:09:28.000 It's hard to lift. And this Eastern Block guy, Zaviskas, Zavikas comes out. 1.00

03:09:32.000 They've all, like, they're struggling to get it up once.

03:09:34.000 And he comes out, doom, like a piston.

03:09:37.000 He does it eight times. And if you want to talk about human drama, the human condition, you can see Brian Shaw and, at that point, Eddie Hall just go.

03:09:47.000 And their dreams shatter.

03:09:49.000 This guy was untouchable.

03:09:51.000 But now he's pretty old. Well, and that was what was interesting.

03:09:55.000 We only got to see the final event.

03:09:57.000 But to see one of the guys, I don't think it was Zavikas.

03:10:01.000 He was one of the earlier guys who was out of contention but threw it up four times.

03:10:05.000 And we're talking about a rail axle.

03:10:07.000 So, again, you know, as Ripito would point out, this isn't the standard bar we use where you can get the thumb lock, as they were pointing out.

03:10:14.000 It's so thick, and it had no rotation.

03:10:17.000 And just to see these guys, just the effort they were putting into it, the sacrifice in their bodies, and then to go up to them and shake hands with Brian Shaw.

03:10:27.000 I'm 6'4", 250 right now.

03:10:29.000 I'm not in the best shape. But I'm a decent-sized guy.

03:10:31.000 You're a big dude. And this guy warped me.

03:10:33.000 Just my hand was swallowed up in his.

03:10:36.000 And it was fun to see that.

03:10:38.000 Did you tweet hashtag me too after he shook your hand?

03:10:41.000 Did you? No.

03:10:43.000 I'm not going near that right now.

03:10:45.000 Not in Hollywood. They will come kick my door. 0.98

03:10:47.000 You're done and drag me out.

03:10:48.000 You too, Weisman!

03:10:51.000 You're going to paint lamb's blood above your door. 0.70

03:10:55.000 I honestly, like, again, I love the movies.

03:10:59.000 To me, going to the movies is church.

03:11:01.000 And I can't stand the Oscars because I feel like it's them telling us what we should like rather than what we do like.

03:11:06.000 And I don't mind celebrating different things.

03:11:08.000 And I thought, Jordan Peele, like you just said, I thought he gave a great speech.

03:11:11.000 And I agree. I think the representation is a fair point for them to make.

03:11:15.000 And it's great. But I don't like it being, again, forced down the throat.

03:11:19.000 And as I look at the movies that are nominated, again, I think of, I enjoyed Deadpool.

03:11:27.000 I think that was last year, though.

03:11:28.000 What were your favorite movies of this year?

03:11:30.000 If you had to pick a couple. I really enjoyed Dunkirk.

03:11:32.000 Dunkirk I enjoyed. I thought.

03:11:35.000 It was good. It was good.

03:11:38.000 I guess I liked, I thought, kind of telling a different story of World War II. And I also thought that it was all practical.

03:11:46.000 I just appreciated the way Nolan visually told the story.

03:11:54.000 But Call Me By Your Name, I thought was really uncomfortable to watch.

03:12:00.000 You like Dunkirk? You like watching the bombs?

03:12:02.000 And then you like watch Call By Your Name?

03:12:04.000 Huh?

03:12:05.000 You like some of that hockey foot film?

03:12:07.000 Huh?

03:12:08.000 I think he needs a little more dragon's blood here, Jerry.

03:12:11.000 You got Ivan?

03:12:12.000 Huh?

03:12:13.000 You like some, uh, equation air ball in the wind?

03:12:15.000 It's quite a bum, huh?

03:12:17.000 Sorry, I'm gonna go all that again.

03:12:18.000 This is clearly a testament to how the drinking game has been going.

03:12:21.000 Well, apparently I'm dressed like Tony Clifton, so we just have to bring it out every now and then.

03:12:24.000 So you like two fruitcakes sitting there with that film Call Me By Your Name?

03:12:30.000 Call Me By Your Gate? It was the most boring film I felt.

03:12:34.000 And I also felt that, particularly given Kevin Spacey this year, I didn't get the ages of those two.

03:12:40.000 But I thought the relationship might have been a little inappropriate.

03:12:43.000 I'm surprised as to the fact that it had been a guy and a girl that they probably would have said this is not appropriate.

03:12:51.000 That's why Armie Hammer was at the Oscars.

03:12:53.000 Why? It wasn't because of him playing opposite Tonto.

03:12:56.000 It was Call Me By Your Name, right?

03:12:59.000 Johnny Depp? That role in The Lone Ranger?

03:13:01.000 That was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

03:13:04.000 That and John Leguizamo as a pest and Hudson Hawk.

03:13:07.000 I was in Suttons Bay, Michigan.

03:13:09.000 It's this old classic theater, so they only have one film playing.

03:13:12.000 And they had the Lone Ranger playing with Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp.

03:13:16.000 And I sat down with my 92-year-old grandmother.

03:13:18.000 Bad. My in-laws was like, oh my God, trust me, not all modern films are this bad.

03:13:23.000 She's like, I miss Gene Kelly.

03:13:26.000 I didn't see Phantom Threat.

03:13:28.000 I love Daniel Day-Lewis, but that one looked like a parody of a movie that you guys would come up with where, like, he's sewn his secret message into the Jaguars.

03:13:38.000 You could not choose a more boring topic to me.

03:13:42.000 Again, it might have been fantastic.

03:13:43.000 No, I feel like Daniel Day-Lewis is made for the teaser.

03:13:46.000 Like, he's made for the trailer where it's like, they write this whole film where no one's going to watch it, but, like, in the teaser, like, and he doesn't know who he is.

03:13:53.000 And it's just Daniel Day-Lewis. He's like, leave me my name!

03:13:59.000 It's Tropic Thunder, the opening of Tropic Thunder, how they had those fake movies that was so great.

03:14:05.000 But I watched, like, The Shape of Water was splash.

03:14:08.000 That was splash. 0.65

03:14:09.000 It was Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah.

03:14:11.000 You think we should beat out his arrows?

03:14:12.000 It was more ponderous. It was more ponderous, and I thought, like, you know, they ended up killing these soldiers inappropriately because she felt some connection, and I didn't see the relationship.

03:14:22.000 That was one of those ones where I felt like it was this beautiful story, and there was no emotional connection, which is what I felt with The Big Sick, too.

03:14:29.000 I watched it, and I heard great things, and I think Camille's really funny, and in that movie, I just didn't see any chemistry between them or any reason for the relationship.

03:14:37.000 So I never bought in.

03:14:39.000 Did you see I, Tonya?

03:14:41.000 Yeah, and so I thought it was good, but I had two problems with it.

03:14:46.000 One, I actually thought it really humanized Tonya Harding, but at the same time, I felt there was a condescension in it towards the trailer park people where I wish they wouldn't have had that winking, like, aren't these trailer trash people despicable, instead of to, which I thought they did point out how amazing it was that this woman, through sheer force of will, got herself into a sport she had no business being in. 0.99

03:15:11.000 Well, she was an incredible athlete, by the way. 0.97

03:15:12.000 For people who don't know, when they watch it, she was the best athlete in figures skating by far.

03:15:17.000 And I thought, so I thought, I thought, well, they almost humanized her. 0.98

03:15:21.000 I felt it was winkingly condescending, and I also thought that, you know, they pointed out numerous times, like, Nancy Kerrigan must have been like, so wait, now I'm, like, they don't even address, like, the trauma she went through.

03:15:32.000 So I thought it was interesting.

03:15:34.000 Nancy Kerrigan was horrible. She was a terrible human being. 1.00

03:15:36.000 But I did feel, I didn't like the way that they mocked the suffering or difficulty of I Tanya.

03:15:44.000 I felt that there was a little bit of Hollywood condescension in that, as opposed to saying, this woman, you know, Tanya, really was probably a product of her surroundings and overcame a lot, and was to a certain amount a victim.

03:15:59.000 But it was good, but I felt it was playing a little, kind of, almost sketch, comedically.

03:16:08.000 So I, I guess I can see that, but I thought it was so, hold on a second, now we have Jimmy Kimmel, now he's in a dinner jacket.

03:16:13.000 Hold on. We have some of the finest musicians in the world, led by our musical director, Harold Wheeler, here tonight.

03:16:20.000 Harold, I do want to say something about Harold.

03:16:24.000 Little known fact, Harold actually lives in this orchestra pit.

03:16:28.000 We keep him underground like the clown from It at all times.

03:16:31.000 Watch, someone's going to comment on that and say it was racist. 0.86

03:16:34.000 Watch, tomorrow. Okay, our next presenter is an Oscar winner for this performance in the best picture for 1979, The Deer Hunter.

03:16:43.000 Gosh, that's a rough film to watch.

03:16:44.000 If anything happens, Mike, don't leave me over there.

03:16:48.000 You've got, you've got to, just don't leave me.

03:16:51.000 You've got to promise me that, Mike.

03:16:53.000 Hey. Oh, man, you've got, you've got to, you've got to promise.

03:16:59.000 Definitely. Sounds like us after a few dragon's milk.

03:17:02.000 Hold on a second, is this the best picture?

03:17:04.000 That's Jay Moore? Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Academy Award winner for Best Actor Supporting Role in the 1979...

03:17:10.000 Best Actor Supporting Role?

03:17:14.000 Oh, okay, what is he presenting?

03:17:17.000 This is a rock.

03:17:21.000 Hold on, Matt, we're not keeping, but we are keeping you on hold.

03:17:24.000 Hold on one second here.

03:17:28.000 I killed Natalie Wood.

03:17:30.000 Music speaks. She had it coming.

03:17:31.000 These words by Hans Christian Andersen truly sum up the touch of a great movie composer.

03:17:37.000 Filling the emotional spaces with music that stays with us long after the credits had rolled.

03:17:43.000 Here are the nominees for Best Original Score. Okay, that's good.

03:17:49.000 Okay, that's good.

03:18:06.000 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

03:18:16.000 Thank you. Thank you.

03:18:20.000 Thank you. Thank you.

03:18:41.000 Thank you.

03:18:44.000 Thank you. Thank you.

03:18:51.000 Thank you.

03:19:06.000 CBS with Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, and I'd say probably HBO now because they've been on top of the online service.

03:19:14.000 They don't understand that people really can vote with their dollar and that they really do need to entertain you, and they're going to lose this whole market share.

03:19:23.000 I don't think they realize. This is like watching an endangered species die.

03:19:28.000 That's what I feel like I'm watching tonight.

03:19:30.000 Well, again, be funny is the first rule.

03:19:34.000 If you want to preach, if you want to do that, if you want to get political, you have to know you're going to alienate half of your audience.

03:19:41.000 Again, when he comes out with this heartfelt talk about his son, I get the emotion behind it, but to then translate that into a statement on Obamacare or health care rights, again, you're not the expert.

03:19:53.000 I don't think that's why we're tuning in here, and I don't know that that's the platform to do it.

03:19:57.000 Certainly, I went to the Emmys, and I felt like when Colbert came out and the monologue is all about Trump, again, this isn't your show.

03:20:06.000 This is a show, theoretically, for everyone who enjoys TV. Even half of them did vote for Trump, and why are we politicizing it?

03:20:13.000 Again, to me, when we're supposed to be entertaining, I don't know.

03:20:18.000 I don't think it's the platform for it, but I get where people may choose to do that, but it's certainly, I think, the biases are obvious.

03:20:26.000 Hold on a second. I'm willing to bet.

03:20:28.000 It's the gay guy from Hamilton. This must be the best picture. 1.00

03:20:30.000 The film music of the past 90 years is part of our popular culture.

03:20:33.000 Encouraging us to lift our voices with passion, sometimes in praise, sometimes in protest.

03:20:39.000 How long can this go?

03:20:41.000 It's every year.

03:20:42.000 We go too long. We have to cut it short.

03:20:45.000 And Matt, they never cut it short!

03:20:50.000 No, it is, it's way too long.

03:20:53.000 Live, it's even worse.

03:20:54.000 It's boring. You only care about probably three awards or four, or maybe five awards, like actor, actress, supporting, and film.

03:21:02.000 Maybe screenplay, but for the rest of the stuff, again, we, we, you, you just feel the, like, these statement moments that they have.

03:21:13.000 And honestly, it was funny when they had Demi Moore talking from A Few Good Men.

03:21:17.000 I missed you while you were talking to this show.

03:21:19.000 Call me by your name. It's you guys making out in a cornfield.

03:21:21.000 I'll never eat creamed corn to save a corn.

03:21:26.000 Okay, continue. I, I, I just felt, it's, it's funny when she's like, uh, the line, you know, she's the one who was saying, I love that there are men who are standing on that wall saying, nobody's going to hurt you, not on my watch.

03:21:39.000 She was actually really the conservative viewpoint there.

03:21:41.000 It was ironic that they brought her up.

03:21:43.000 That's a good point. I don't think they, I don't think they think these things through.

03:21:46.000 I think they only see it through their lens and they go, okay, this makes sense through our lens.

03:21:50.000 This is about the wall. This is about the NRA. All right, let's bring it out.

03:21:52.000 Right. Uh, okay, Matt, listen, we have to go and, uh, we have more commercials to show.

03:21:57.000 Matt, where's the best place for people to find you, Mr.

03:21:58.000 Celebrity Apprentice? Uh, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, all at Matt Eisman and, and, uh, Ninja vs.

03:22:04.000 Ninjas on Thursday nights.

03:22:06.000 Uh, Team Ninja Warriors next Sunday night.

03:22:08.000 So instead of the Oscars, watch the USA take on the world.

03:22:11.000 An American Ninja Warrior.

03:22:13.000 That sounds very entertaining. 1.00

03:22:14.000 Unlike this pile of human festering shit. 1.00

03:22:17.000 Thank you for watching it for me. 0.99

03:22:19.000 Matt Eisman, thank you very much.

03:22:20.000 We'll have you soon on the program.

03:22:23.000 Hey, look, these people look unhappy.

03:22:25.000 They must be at the Oscars.

03:22:28.000 ...category of incredible nominated songwriters tonight.

03:22:31.000 Not only are we diverse, but we are close to 50-50 for gender representation.

03:22:38.000 Like, I will say like this, like, we have 50 employees at Ladder Crowder.

03:22:41.000 When you look at categories like ours, it helps us imagine a world where all the categories look like this one.

03:22:46.000 Uh, thanks to... Everyone here is amazing.

03:22:50.000 Yeah, we had some transition problems tonight.

03:22:53.000 You know, I had to buy the beer.

03:22:56.000 And a shout-out to our frozen Broadway family. 0.98

03:22:58.000 This guy's clearly gay and he looks like he should be in Whoville. 1.00

03:23:01.000 Um, most of all... 0.99

03:23:03.000 We met tonight. It's just underwhelming.

03:23:05.000 ...and our daughters, Katie and Annie, who are here with us tonight.

03:23:09.000 To mediocrity. To mediocrity.

03:23:12.000 ...and creativity inspire everything we do.

03:23:16.000 But this is not for you. This is for my mom who passed away.

03:23:19.000 Oh, come on now. You can't just try and fit that in at the end.

03:23:21.000 He's like, don't play the music.

03:23:23.000 My mom died.

03:23:25.000 And things are going poorly because we gave our intern who just learned the TriCaster a whole bottle of wine.

03:23:29.000 That's true. Mr.

03:23:33.000 Welcome to our nightmare. Oh, someone just tweeted us gender representation drink.

03:23:40.000 Who's this now? She blends in with the crystals. 0.58

03:23:42.000 It doesn't work. Every storyteller mentions that there is no joy about sorrow.

03:23:47.000 Tonight, as we celebrate the achievements of our collaborators, we also mourn the loss of those who brought joy and awareness through their passion and energies.

03:23:55.000 Like the loss of your marriage.

03:23:57.000 That's because he was...

03:23:58.000 Oh, man, it was trippers in Montreal.

03:24:00.000 ...and your house cleaner.

03:24:01.000 She looks good, though. She looks good.

03:24:04.000 She's got those... She's got those pumpkin patch delts. 1.00

03:24:08.000 Jennifer Garner's are resilient.

03:24:09.000 They bounce back. She's like Gak from the 90s. 0.95

03:24:14.000 Though no longer in our midst... 0.99

03:24:15.000 Bounces back like silly buddy. 0.98

03:24:17.000 All right. Hey, do we have spend... 0.98

03:24:18.000 Do we have some more Mug Club sign-ups that we haven't read out?

03:24:21.000 Sure thing, we have. By the way, for people who forgot, Oscars suck is the promo code.

03:24:26.000 You join now, you get $10 off of Mug Club.

03:24:28.000 And by the way, if you don't join, we probably won't be here in a few months' time because YouTube decided that they want to demonetize everything.

03:24:37.000 All the things. Go ahead, Sven.

03:24:39.000 Computer. All right.

03:24:40.000 If that is your real name.

03:24:42.000 It's not...

03:24:44.000 It's not his real name.

03:24:48.000 Go ahead. All right.

03:24:50.000 Number one would be at TPNUSA. Thank you very much.

03:24:54.000 Sound off like you've got a pair, Sven Computer.

03:24:56.000 We can't hear you. Well, I'm sorry that we didn't do a mic check before.

03:25:00.000 Beep, beep. All right.

03:25:02.000 Number one. At TPNUSA. Thank you very much.

03:25:08.000 Grab him.

03:25:13.000 Yeah, bring him up. Bring him up two DBs.

03:25:15.000 Beep, boop, boop, boop, beep, beep. 0.99

03:25:17.000 Beep, beep, boop, boop, boop, boop. 1.00

03:25:18.000 Go ahead, Sven. All right.

03:25:23.000 Next one up is...

03:25:25.000 If Garrett stops overriding me...

03:25:27.000 That's me. Next one is John McKee.

03:25:32.000 Thank you very much.

03:25:33.000 Then we have Jace Foreman.

03:25:36.000 We have Not A Safe Space.

03:25:39.000 Then we have Ed Red Pilcher.

03:25:44.000 Thank you very much. Ed Bill99M.

03:25:48.000 Ashton Aaron. Thank you very much.

03:25:49.000 Does anyone else notice Jared is on his phone for no reason?

03:25:52.000 I'm not phoning it all right now.

03:25:53.000 He's on his phone right now for no reason.

03:25:56.000 He's that guy. 0.97

03:25:57.000 When everyone talks about being addicted to your phone, they're talking about my gay producer. 0.84

03:26:02.000 I'm not on my phone, though. It's like a funeral right now.

03:26:04.000 Beep, beep. It's what? It's like a funeral.

03:26:06.000 We're about to bury not Kate Jared.

03:26:08.000 John Hurd. Come on, John Hurd.

03:26:10.000 No, no, no. Home Alone. No, no, no, no.

03:26:11.000 I'm not on my phone.

03:26:13.000 John Hurd. We lost him.

03:26:14.000 Son of a bitch. He died. We lost him far too early. 1.00

03:26:17.000 My fellow Americans is an underrated national treasure.

03:26:21.000 Glenn Hedley died?

03:26:23.000 I didn't realize that. I didn't know that either.

03:26:25.000 That just put a whole damper on the evening.

03:26:28.000 Roger Moore. Well, we knew that, but he was the worst, James Bond.

03:26:31.000 We have to act like he wasn't, aside from Timothy Dalton.

03:26:33.000 Sam Shepard. That was an awkward transition on their part.

03:26:41.000 Yeah, it's funny.

03:26:42.000 I feel bad about our transitions, but they don't know what they're doing.

03:26:47.000 It's like they have...

03:26:48.000 Oh. Garrett.

03:26:51.000 Garrett, are you running there, Stu?

03:26:53.000 Are you running there? I'm running off.

03:26:55.000 Shredevi, actress. Harujo Hanakajimi.

03:27:00.000 Oh, but gosh, they played it. They had a picture of Godzilla beneath them.

03:27:03.000 Nothing like perpetuating the original stereotype.

03:27:06.000 Nope. Joseph Baloney.

03:27:12.000 Hey, Crowder, are you drunk right now?

03:27:14.000 Asks Brian. John says yes, Beep, beep.

03:27:17.000 No. John Markle.

03:27:20.000 That was a sad one. That was a really sad one.

03:27:21.000 That was a really sad one. That was a funny man.

03:27:28.000 I didn't know Bernie Casey died this year.

03:27:30.000 I don't know who Sashi Kapoor is.

03:27:33.000 There was like 20% of people I'm like, I don't know who they were.

03:27:36.000 I don't know. Some of these I really don't know, and I feel bad that I don't know, but I don't feel that bad that I don't know.

03:27:45.000 Miriam Colon. That's insensitive. 0.99

03:27:48.000 That's just insensitive. Jerry Lewis.

03:27:50.000 Jerry Lewis. Of course.

03:27:54.000 Here's the truth. When he was alive, nobody was saying it'll be a sad day when we lose Jerry Lewis.

03:28:00.000 You're kind of a dick, wasn't he? Oh, my gosh. 1.00

03:28:02.000 Look at Jerry Lewis. He did an interview in his last few years, and he just, he was so terrible.

03:28:08.000 My mom's French-Canadian. She's like one of the only people alive who likes Jerry Lewis.

03:28:12.000 She was just like, he's so funny, right?

03:28:14.000 I'm like, no, Mom, he stubbed his toe.

03:28:16.000 That's not, she's like, but that's, that's the humor.

03:28:18.000 You say this. Like, Mom, first off, you forgot to pronounce the H, and second, he sucks. 0.99

03:28:23.000 But, and I love my mother, but I don't like Jerry Lewis, so I feel conflicted about it. 0.89

03:28:29.000 Is this a commercial break? Okay.

03:28:30.000 Do we have one, do we have another commercial?

03:28:33.000 Silence of the Lambs. Oh, that's right.

03:28:35.000 This one was nominated for quite a bit.

03:28:36.000 Silence of the Lambs.

03:28:38.000 We have to go to this, and then I think we'll be back with the finale, the best picture.

03:28:43.000 Best motion picture.

03:28:44.000 No, no, no. Actor and actress.

03:28:46.000 We haven't done those yet. It's 10-11.

03:28:49.000 It's 11-11. It's 11-11.

03:28:53.000 Make a wish. 1-1.

03:28:54.000 Make a wish. Colon. End this. 0.96

03:28:56.000 1-1. Kramer, I wish you dropped dead. 1.00

03:29:00.000 I feel that way about the Oscars right now. 0.99

03:29:02.000 Release me. All right, hold on a second.

03:29:04.000 We have a few more tweets here. 1.00

03:29:07.000 Okay, asshole. Base teacher says, okay, asshole. 1.00

03:29:11.000 $10 discount got me. 1.00

03:29:12.000 If there's been an educator discount, it sounds to me like you're drunk, or you're not much of an educator.

03:29:17.000 Let's go to Silence of the Lambs, Silence.

03:29:20.000 and we will be back after this.

03:29:22.000 ♪♪ ♪♪

03:29:42.000 ♪♪ And put some mug in the basket.

03:29:51.000 Huh? It puts the mug in the basket.

03:29:54.000 It does whenever it's told.

03:29:56.000 Huh? It places the mug in the basket.

03:29:59.000 I just can't really... 0.99

03:30:01.000 Put the mug in the f***ing basket! 1.00

03:30:03.000 Huh? It puts the mug in the basket, or it gets the hose again. 0.99

03:30:07.000 Put the f***ing mug in the basket! 1.00

03:30:09.000 Put the mug in the f***ing basket! 1.00

03:30:11.000 I'm not even a magical! 0.99

03:30:12.000 I'm a f***ing magical! 0.90

03:30:14.000 marceffect i didnt ha- 0.95

03:30:15.000 UHH UHHHHHHH

03:30:17.000 E0000G police 0.98

03:30:18.000 uHHHHHHHH i'm talking bother the puss 1.00

03:30:20.000 i said other daughter of bothers tha ha ha POSISBOWL 1.00

03:30:26.000 封ctor monitor

03:30:28.000 לק my

03:30:30.000 Put the mug in the basket!

03:30:54.000 One of the unbearables. Thank you very much for signing up.

03:30:57.000 At Jason Collins.

03:30:59.000 Thank you very much. Nick Thompson.

03:31:01.000 Thank you. And then Diane Chambers and Jenna Ramich.

03:31:07.000 Thank you much. Thank you very much for signing up.

03:31:10.000 Thank you, Sven, for keeping hold of the show, keeping us grounded.

03:31:13.000 While, uh... While you take a poop.

03:31:15.000 While it was... No, it was definitely urinating just a lot. 0.57

03:31:18.000 Just a lot of urination.

03:31:19.000 Dance. Don't everyone want Jerry to dance with a camera?

03:31:22.000 Dance. Dance, Jared.

03:31:28.000 This is terrible!

03:31:43.000 Alright, there you go.

03:31:45.000 It was good. There you go.

03:31:46.000 Where's your mug?

03:31:48.000 Where's your mug?

03:31:49.000 Top me off. There you go.

03:31:52.000 Good. Beer is good.

03:31:52.000 Beer is good.

03:31:55.000 I would like to say that I appreciate you.

03:32:04.000 Hold on a second. Let me get my hat.

03:32:05.000 Hey, bring the sound up, sound guy Edward.

03:32:07.000 From last year's winner to the actress, Emma Stone.

03:32:14.000 It is the director whose indelible touch is reflected on every frame.

03:32:22.000 We still haven't had best actor and best actress.

03:32:24.000 There's at least another half hour for this.

03:32:27.000 Hey, just so you know, if you're watching, hashtag Crowder's anti-Oscars party. 0.88

03:32:33.000 The promo code is Oscars suck.

03:32:36.000 We don't have any more guests. 0.58

03:32:41.000 Crowder's completely spent.

03:32:43.000 I really thought that we're going to keep it under time this year.

03:32:46.000 That's my...

03:32:47.000 Okay, directing.

03:32:49.000 Okay. Jordan Peele.

03:32:55.000 Get out. I didn't realize he directed that.

03:32:58.000 That's right. That was a good film.

03:33:01.000 Greta Gerwig. I know, you know, I hate it because I know my brother is going to be like, oh, I'm like, I just don't want that to win.

03:33:07.000 I can see Jordan Peele winning Best Director.

03:33:10.000 I don't think it deserves Best Film.

03:33:13.000 Daniel Day-Lewis. Christopher Nolan, it was a bold move for his film, but it doesn't deserve Best Director.

03:33:18.000 As much as I like Dunkirk.

03:33:21.000 Listen. And the Oscar goes to...

03:33:25.000 Guillermo del Toro.

03:33:27.000 Ah, of course.

03:33:29.000 Build the wall!

03:33:33.000 Build the wall!

03:33:35.000 Build the wall! I'm just saying, because he's stealing American jobs.

03:33:39.000 That one right there?

03:33:41.000 Should have gotten nuggets. We need the wall. 0.68

03:33:46.000 We need to put a tariff...

03:33:48.000 A Guillermo del Toro film.

03:33:54.000 No, let's see how far left Guillermo del Toro goes.

03:33:57.000 Thank you. I... I... I am an immigrant.

03:34:05.000 Like Alfonso and Alejandro, my compadres.

03:34:08.000 Immigration drink. Like I am, like Salma.

03:34:10.000 Everyone. Many, many of you.

03:34:12.000 And in the last 25 years, I've been living in a country all over all.

03:34:17.000 What? Part of it is here.

03:34:19.000 Part of it is here. Part of it is everywhere. Buzzfeed. It was all queued up.

03:34:21.000 Get out, director.

03:34:22.000 Jordan Peele just became the first Black person to win Oscar for Best Original Screenplay.

03:34:27.000 That didn't happen. No, he did.

03:34:29.000 This is Best Director.

03:34:31.000 Yes. Get out, director.

03:34:33.000 No, no, no. It's a screenplay.

03:34:35.000 He did win a screenplay.

03:34:36.000 A screenplay. They're so behind.

03:34:40.000 In 2014, they came to listen to a mad pitch with some drawings and the story.

03:34:47.000 They came to listen to a mad pitch because I was out of my mind.

03:34:52.000 Attacked me too. I was there and Harvey Weinstein had his thumb up my ass. 1.00

03:34:59.000 And I was like, why? 1.00

03:35:01.000 And then Mark Damon was like, you said nothing.

03:35:03.000 Come with me all the way. You said nothing.

03:35:06.000 Harry was like, I thought I was screwing the mirror.

03:35:08.000 And my kids. And I want to say, like Jimmy Cagney said once, my mother thanks you.

03:35:15.000 My father thanks you.

03:35:16.000 My brothers and sisters thank you.

03:35:19.000 And I thank you.

03:35:20.000 But what about your cousins?

03:35:21.000 You forgot your cousins.

03:35:23.000 Your cousins made you Guillermo del Toro.

03:35:26.000 You forgot the little people.

03:35:29.000 Because his cousin said, let him go and eat sodas to get over to him. 0.97

03:35:34.000 Amen. Little bit of heroes.

03:35:38.000 Sorry. Like, here's the thing.

03:35:41.000 You've heard of scraping the bottom of the barrel?

03:35:44.000 There's no more barrel.

03:35:47.000 It's 1118. This is how self-important Hollywood is.

03:35:50.000 How often, truthfully, how often do you hear me say, I'm like, listen, we've got, even though we're online, I'm like, we've got to keep it in our time.

03:35:57.000 You hear me say that all the time. I'm like, we've got to respect our audience's time.

03:36:01.000 Because we know that you have things to do.

03:36:03.000 You're expecting a certain program in a certain amount of time.

03:36:06.000 And we try to deliver that to you.

03:36:08.000 They actually have, do you have any idea how expensive this is, airtime?

03:36:10.000 Even though nobody's watching? Yeah, no one's watching, but it's pricey.

03:36:14.000 It is pricey. Do you know, like, do you know what the viewership is at this point at 1118?

03:36:20.000 You can hear a rat piss on cotton.

03:36:23.000 There's nobody watching.

03:36:28.000 There's nobody watching this anymore.

03:36:30.000 And they're just, they're sitting like that.

03:36:32.000 And of course, all everyone's going to talk about tomorrow is Best Picture.

03:36:36.000 And this is a great example of kind of Americana.

03:36:40.000 How fake it's become.

03:36:41.000 Everyone tomorrow at the water cooler is going to talk about Best Picture.

03:36:45.000 But nobody's going to have stayed up to watch it.

03:36:47.000 Nobody. Not a single soul.

03:36:48.000 Did you see one Best Picture? I read it on BuzzFeed.

03:36:52.000 I read it on BuzzFeed. Was it the blacks?

03:36:55.000 No, it was the browns. 1.00

03:36:56.000 Oh, shit. But I'm not racist, am I? Yeah, you are. 1.00

03:37:02.000 Well, I figured.

03:37:05.000 Better go home and get woke.

03:37:09.000 Hey, hold on a second. DeRay's not still bitching about the blue vest on an ape, is he?

03:37:13.000 Saying that it looks... Is that the pedophile? 0.95

03:37:16.000 No, I will say this.

03:37:18.000 As much as, you know, although we know that, oh, look, they're saying the final season because they want us to know, like, listen, we know you're tired of Kevin Spacey.

03:37:27.000 Oh, this guy, I've seen his spoken word poetry all night.

03:37:30.000 Let's hear this. The entire generations that came before you.

03:37:34.000 Who is this guy? It's not really about what technology can do.

03:37:37.000 It's about what you can do with.

03:37:39.000 We are living in the future we always dreamed of.

03:37:42.000 We have mixed reality that changes how we see the world and AI empowering us to change the world. 0.99

03:37:49.000 We just said AI and Elon Musk shit himself. 0.95

03:37:51.000 So what will you do with it? What is it? 0.99

03:37:56.000 Who is that guy?

03:37:58.000 Common? For the first time.

03:38:00.000 What does that even mean? Our intern.

03:38:06.000 Oh, we have a smart-ass intern.

03:38:08.000 And that was Common. Look, IMDb.

03:38:11.000 It's just Common. His name is Common.

03:38:13.000 It's like, how... Hold on a second.

03:38:14.000 What is your name? Yeah, it's Common.

03:38:17.000 No, I know, but what is it, like, John?

03:38:18.000 Is it, like, Bob?

03:38:20.000 Yeah, it's Common.

03:38:22.000 Like, Eddie? Did you IMDb that, or is your...

03:38:25.000 Bitch is Common. 20% black market. 1.00

03:38:27.000 I know. What is it? You mean, like, your last name?

03:38:29.000 Is it, like, Smith? Is it, like, Klein?

03:38:31.000 Is Common. We are facing a crisis.

03:38:34.000 You're a son of a bitch. Why are you doing this? 1.00

03:38:37.000 Son of a bitch. Hey, look, Diplomata! 1.00

03:38:40.000 I'm just going to sum the whole thing up...

03:38:42.000 Is this her best picture now? 0.81

03:38:43.000 It's undignified.

03:38:44.000 No, it's last one. Good word. You're showing attention to hurry.

03:38:47.000 Gosh, I have another 300 tweets at me at S. Crowder.

03:38:50.000 Just please. Hopefully none of them are S.S. I don't know what to do about the depression of the...

03:38:53.000 What happened to your half-Asian lawyer, Bill Richman?

03:38:55.000 He had Asian rosacea.

03:38:57.000 This country is prompted... 1.00

03:38:58.000 It's Common, you drunk moron. 1.00

03:39:00.000 They are not in control. 1.00

03:39:02.000 We are awful. But you gotta be in it all the way or not alone.

03:39:04.000 This is a matter of principle.

03:39:06.000 That's the stuff leaders should be made of.

03:39:08.000 And I believed that then.

03:39:10.000 And I believe that now.

03:39:12.000 Spoken word guy is Common.

03:39:15.000 You don't recognize Common?

03:39:16.000 Ask Dave Dowell. I don't.

03:39:20.000 Because I work all day to create this show for you.

03:39:25.000 Actor in a leading role.

03:39:27.000 Okay, who do you think deserves to win Actor in a leading role?

03:39:29.000 Coming home, Jane Fonda.

03:39:31.000 Jane Fonda.

03:39:33.000 And the happy board winner for the Queen, Helen Mirren.

03:39:36.000 Ah! Why wasn't she killed in Vietnam? 0.91

03:39:42.000 Please. Someone who's still loyal to the cause of Viet Cong just happened to be in the audience of the Oscars. 0.95

03:39:50.000 Are these sets great? They're just like the Orgasmatron and Barbarella.

03:39:55.000 That's what they don't like. Yeah.

03:39:59.000 Thank you. Jane and I are very, very honored.

03:40:04.000 Look at her. Look at her hair. 1.00

03:40:05.000 Jane Fonda. Do you think she knows she looks like Elvira? 1.00

03:40:07.000 It's 90th birthday.

03:40:09.000 Yeah, especially when we found out he's older than we are.

03:40:11.000 Not enough. That's a point.

03:40:14.000 She has the eyeliner look of the guy from The Dark Knight in Bates Motel.

03:40:19.000 An older man with a young...

03:40:21.000 She does. She looks like Christopher Walken.

03:40:24.000 Listen, I don't know what happened to Natalie Wood.

03:40:28.000 As far as I understand, I don't have to push her out the window.

03:40:31.000 She went out there to check for Biggie.

03:40:34.000 And she couldn't swim.

03:40:35.000 Technology. And now between women and men. 0.93

03:40:40.000 Robert Wagner was a son of a bitch. 1.00

03:40:44.000 Was a prick. 1.00

03:40:46.000 And I told him, Natalie...

03:40:48.000 We've sought new ideas and new understandings.

03:40:51.000 What was once considered groundbreaking soon becomes...

03:40:54.000 I just broke into my reserve beer stocks as grilled Rudy.

03:40:58.000 But there is one constant. A constant that unites us.

03:41:02.000 Peter J. Young says, still here, we'll definitely suffer tomorrow.

03:41:05.000 Hey, Sven Computer, do we have some more Mug Club join-ups? 0.93

03:41:08.000 Give me two minutes. Two minutes.

03:41:11.000 What do you think this is? 1.00

03:41:12.000 Charlie Rose, you son of a bitch? 1.00

03:41:14.000 You're a filthy crowd. You have two minutes. 1.00

03:41:17.000 About 30 seconds.

03:41:19.000 Who do you think they are? I can't believe you can change it again.

03:41:21.000 Oh, I've changed it a little bit.

03:41:23.000 Yeah, why? I just played it the way Bruzzoni would have played it if he...

03:41:26.000 All right. Is that Dax Flame?

03:41:29.000 The way Bach would have played Bach.

03:41:30.000 Bach never wrote it for the guitar.

03:41:31.000 I don't know. In fact, we're not even sure Bach wrote it for the guitar.

03:41:33.000 Forget asked. What was this?

03:41:38.000 Where are the clothes?

03:41:40.000 Deplorable communications, says James Fundle, looking very on point as the designated reanimated Crypt Keepers of the Oscars.

03:41:46.000 Your YouTube channel is amazing.

03:41:49.000 You and Ben Shapiro really need to have a debate.

03:41:52.000 I don't know what we'd debate about.

03:41:54.000 I mean, he might argue that Kevin Spacey didn't sexually accost him.

03:41:58.000 Or like, what is the definition of is?

03:42:01.000 And I would say, Ben, the definition of is...

03:42:03.000 is Kevin Spacey is on top of you with insertion.

03:42:09.000 And then he would say, it's Shabbat.

03:42:16.000 That being said, Kevin Spacey really tried to take his go at Ben Shapiro and he defended him off.

03:42:22.000 He didn't call me. He did his best.

03:42:24.000 No. Why not? Hashtag me too.

03:42:27.000 Hashtag Jew too. 0.76

03:42:29.000 I don't know. I just...

03:42:31.000 thought that...

03:42:33.000 If I did, just make it real.

03:42:35.000 Ashley Daniel Brew says, I am also into Palm Bay Reserve. 1.00

03:42:39.000 Shit all Oscars. 1.00

03:42:40.000 If it weren't for Crowder and not Gay Jared in Drinking Game, I'd be having nothing to do with they shit holiness. 1.00

03:42:46.000 We gotta watch Gary Oldman not win. 0.99

03:42:49.000 No, he's gonna win. I take full responsibility.

03:42:54.000 Really? Really?

03:42:56.000 Yes, sir.

03:42:57.000 It is the reason I sit in this chair.

03:43:04.000 He's been down already.

03:43:06.000 Please, Gary Oldman win.

03:43:09.000 I haven't seen this.

03:43:10.000 It's been in my...

03:43:12.000 It's been suggested for a while. See, I didn't see it before because I never experienced the other side.

03:43:16.000 I'm the defendant and the plaintiff simultaneously.

03:43:20.000 I file against myself.

03:43:22.000 I represent myself.

03:43:23.000 I convict myself. Thereby expanding...

03:43:26.000 That was a great moment in...

03:43:27.000 Yeah, it was.

03:43:30.000 Yeah, it was. He's a great actor, Denzel.

03:43:33.000 You can't take it away from him. No.

03:43:34.000 And he doesn't really age that much.

03:43:36.000 No. I don't crack.

03:43:38.000 And the winner is...

03:43:40.000 Gary Oldman. This is the first actor...

03:43:47.000 It's on point, actually.

03:43:49.000 As far as awards, this is probably...

03:43:52.000 Five that matter.

03:43:54.000 We're three. All three are good so far.

03:43:56.000 Thank you. Think this will ruin our careers for decades to come?

03:44:04.000 Maybe a week. Maybe a week.

03:44:07.000 Don't kiss her, Gary Oldman.

03:44:10.000 Jane Fonda. Too soon. God knows where she's been. 0.99

03:44:14.000 Well, my deepest thanks to the Academy and its members.

03:44:23.000 Come on. Call Nancy Pelosi what you know she is. 0.74

03:44:26.000 This glorious...

03:44:28.000 Google Gary Oldman, Nancy Pelosi, Playboy right now.

03:44:30.000 Google Gary... Nancy Pelosi, Gary Oldman, Playboy.

03:44:33.000 Nancy Pelosi, Gary Oldman, Playboy.

03:44:35.000 Nancy Pelosi, Gary Oldman, Playboy.

03:44:37.000 Cross, reference it, and you will love Gary Oldman for the rest of your life.

03:44:41.000 Gary! Gary! Gary!

03:44:43.000 Gary! Gary! The many...

03:44:45.000 The many wonderful gifts it has given me.

03:44:48.000 Come on, prisoner of Azkaban.

03:44:50.000 Bring it. Bring this home.

03:44:52.000 My livelihood. My family.

03:44:57.000 And now Oscar.

03:45:00.000 And now Oscar. The movies.

03:45:02.000 Such as their...

03:45:03.000 Their... Their power.

03:45:06.000 Captivated. Gary Oldman looked this stage 20 years ago.

03:45:12.000 It's true. And Douglas Zabanski, my dear...

03:45:14.000 A great actor. He's a fantastic actor.

03:45:17.000 Percy Harris-Solom is lost in space as a kid.

03:45:20.000 I'm like... You're the worst movie ever.

03:45:21.000 But even... He's great in it.

03:45:23.000 Thank you for this. He's great in everything.

03:45:25.000 He's ever been in.

03:45:27.000 Even that god-awful Dracula film with Keanu Reeves.

03:45:30.000 It's terrible. It's like a fever dream.

03:45:32.000 Don't... Don't...

03:45:39.000 Bring the volume up.

03:45:44.000 I can't hear him....for your Herculean efforts and support on this film.

03:45:51.000 Thank you, Eric Fellner.

03:45:53.000 Tim Bevin, Lisa Bruce.

03:45:55.000 Anthony McCartan.

03:45:58.000 Danny. And her amazing team.

03:46:01.000 And of course, Jim Osborne.

03:46:03.000 I would like to...

03:46:05.000 I would just like to salute Sir Winston Churchill, who has been marvellous company on what can be described as an incredible journey.

03:46:14.000 And my wife, Giselle, for travelling that road with me and being at my side.

03:46:22.000 Thank you, Alfie.

03:46:23.000 Alfie... The fact that this is a very uneventual Oscar acceptance speech is in and of itself eventful.

03:46:31.000 I can see your scene.

03:46:33.000 Don't let people know that we...

03:46:34.000 Make them think it's custom.

03:46:37.000 I'm not gonna... Obviously, I'm not gonna win the...

03:46:39.000 You know, the scheme.

03:46:41.000 Look at Denzel. You see him?

03:46:42.000 He's smiling there. He's like...

03:46:43.000 Yeah. I already won an Oscar, okay?

03:46:46.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha. I won it for Trinity.

03:46:49.000 I didn't deserve that shit, but I got it. 1.00

03:46:51.000 She's 99 years young. Next birthday... 1.00

03:46:55.000 And, um...

03:46:56.000 She's watching the ceremony for the comfort of her sofa.

03:47:01.000 I say to my mother, thank you for your love and support.

03:47:08.000 All right, Sven, do we have some new sign-ups here? 0.92

03:47:11.000 The promo is Oscars suck.

03:47:15.000 $10 off. 0.97

03:47:17.000 Are you ready? Yes.

03:47:18.000 Give us a couple, Sven. All right, here we go.

03:47:20.000 Oh, no, that's something different.

03:47:22.000 Let's move on. My mom is gay. 1.00

03:47:24.000 That's not nice. At Matt Martin. 0.99

03:47:26.000 Thank you very much. Thank you, Matt Martin.

03:47:28.000 John David Garrett.

03:47:30.000 Thank you very much. Thank you. Every time someone joins Mug Club, Muhammad gets raped in hell. 0.94

03:47:33.000 At Isle of Life. 1.00

03:47:34.000 There we go. Thank you very much.

03:47:36.000 Michael... You read that last name.

03:47:38.000 Michael... All right, thank you very much.

03:47:41.000 Michael Cicula. That's a little bit easier.

03:47:43.000 That's easier, Michael Cicula.

03:47:44.000 Thank you for joining. Timothy Immel.

03:47:47.000 Immel. Thank you very much for joining.

03:47:49.000 Timothy Immel. Immel. Immel.

03:47:50.000 Oh, my God. I was like a dead person.

03:47:54.000 By the way, I watched, uh...

03:47:55.000 What's it called? Annihilation.

03:47:59.000 That was the worst.

03:48:01.000 And I'm vulgar. There's always gonna be a part of me floppy and dirty, but I like that. 0.90

03:48:06.000 There you go. I'm good at my work.

03:48:07.000 Well, I'm as good as I am. That's how good I am.

03:48:09.000 Oh, you betcha, yeah.

03:48:10.000 God, I love you. Hey, okay, do those...

03:48:14.000 I swear to you...

03:48:16.000 What's the matter with you? You don't know...

03:48:17.000 I have never once looked at...

03:48:19.000 Okay, Jared on camera.

03:48:21.000 I want to know how the hell you sleep at night.

03:48:25.000 You think I asked for that? 0.85

03:48:27.000 This is my co-host.

03:48:31.000 You chose this.

03:48:34.000 This is your fault.

03:48:36.000 Ladies and gentlemen... All right, actually...

03:48:37.000 Don't you love how they have to put actor before actress?

03:48:40.000 Just because if they put... If they put actors before actor, she's gonna be like... 1.00

03:48:43.000 No! No!

03:48:45.000 No! No!

03:48:47.000 Gary Elman can wait.

03:48:49.000 Gary Elman can wait.

03:48:51.000 Gary Elman can wait. I wouldn't get out.

03:48:53.000 Streep. You don't know the...

03:48:55.000 You don't know why. Yeah.

03:48:59.000 She on time you mean...

03:49:00.000 They replaced, uh...

03:49:01.000 Uh... Affleck. Casey Affleck.

03:49:03.000 But, you know... I'm gonna deliver this because of all his...

03:49:05.000 How short is Jodie Foster that Jennifer Lawrence... 1.00

03:49:07.000 So much groepage.

03:49:10.000 But we're gonna...

03:49:12.000 Not talk about that.

03:49:13.000 We're gonna get on again, aren't we? This looks like one of those...

03:49:15.000 You're miming one of the orbs at Spencer.

03:49:17.000 It's always so nice at the luncheon.

03:49:18.000 We're gonna get a little...

03:49:20.000 Touch of my fingers.

03:49:22.000 Touch of my fingers. You wait.

03:49:25.000 What is so powerfully evidenced...

03:49:27.000 We have no business doing a live broadcast at 11.30.

03:49:30.000 It's the strength of the women. I'm supposed to believe she's the brave one.

03:49:33.000 But in many cases, the actress's personal strength forged in the challenges they face as women in their real-life journey to the Oscar stage.

03:49:41.000 It's a new day in Hollywood.

03:49:42.000 She's gonna kick down a kitty fence. With new challenges ahead for all of us.

03:49:46.000 But none of us will ever forget those who came before us.

03:49:49.000 Those who blazed a trail for my generation and for those to come.

03:49:54.000 Like Jodie. That's Kristen Stewart. 1.00

03:49:55.000 Who gave me one of my first jobs when I was 19.

03:49:58.000 And she's inspired me every day.

03:50:00.000 That was nice.

03:50:03.000 I was like, she just farted. I am proud of it. 1.00

03:50:05.000 And now let's take a look at the five very inspiring women who are this year's nominees...

03:50:10.000 Oh, look. Of course. Meryl Streep has to be in there. 1.00

03:50:13.000 He didn't even mess up. I said best.

03:50:16.000 Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water.

03:50:19.000 I was happy to see you.

03:50:22.000 Hashtag me too. Every time.

03:50:24.000 Said the H2O. Every day. 0.93

03:50:27.000 This is the second Oscar and fifth nomination for Frances McDormand.

03:50:31.000 She took home her first Oscar for her leading performance in Cargo.

03:50:38.000 She was nominated for three Oscars, including Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress.

03:50:45.000 Thank you.

03:50:49.000 The stream went down for a couple seconds.

03:50:51.000 Is it because we crossed the four hour mark?

03:50:52.000 I think for Facebook we exceeded our limits.

03:50:56.000 So the Oscars can go on forever with their self...

03:50:59.000 Look at this. I got the...

03:51:00.000 The Oscars can go on forever with their self-important crap. 0.98

03:51:03.000 I think this is what Chloe Kim must have felt like after doing that. 0.99

03:51:06.000 Back to back TV and the Olympic half pipe.

03:51:10.000 Did you see that?

03:51:11.000 Okay. That's what it feels like. I want to thank Martin McDonough.

03:51:15.000 Look what you did. Please don't do the Me Too thing.

03:51:18.000 We are a bunch of hooligans and anarchists, but we do clean up nice.

03:51:23.000 I want to thank every single person in this building.

03:51:27.000 And my sister Dorothy.

03:51:29.000 I love you, Doc. And I especially want to thank my clan.

03:51:35.000 Joel and Pedro McDonough.

03:51:37.000 Do not say clan.

03:51:39.000 These two stalwart individuals were well raised by their feminist mothers.

03:51:45.000 They value themselves, each other, and those around them.

03:51:51.000 I know you are proud of me.

03:51:54.000 And that fills me with everlasting joy.

03:51:57.000 And now I want to get some perspective.

03:52:02.000 Oh, no. If I may be so honored to have all the female nominees in every category stand with me in this room tonight.

03:52:13.000 I feel like that guy being shot in Cheddar Island. 0.98

03:52:19.000 The fact that so many broads are standing tells you you're not oppressed because this is a year of shitty films. 0.99

03:52:30.000 Come on. 0.98

03:52:33.000 Look at all we accomplished.

03:52:34.000 Yeah. You accomplished three billboards over Eddie, Missouri, and the Post, you dumb broads. 1.00

03:52:40.000 It's nothing to be proud of. 0.99

03:52:42.000 Because we all have stories to tell and projects we need finance.

03:52:47.000 Don't talk to us about it at the parties tonight.

03:52:50.000 Invite us into your office in a couple days or you can come to ours, whichever suits you best, and we'll tell you all about them.

03:52:57.000 I have two words to leave with you tonight.

03:52:59.000 Ladies and gentlemen, inclusion rider.

03:53:05.000 What? Inclusivity.

03:53:08.000 That's drink. Stop cheating.

03:53:12.000 We'll have your mug. Oh, I'm going to go pour you something.

03:53:18.000 Well, it means anything.

03:53:22.000 I got a whole bottle.

03:53:24.000 When we come back. Introducing McDonald's.

03:53:34.000 We are in a commercial, right? What do we have?

03:53:37.000 In a commercial, right? Office space.

03:53:39.000 We have office space. Guys, sorry.

03:53:43.000 I'm late. No problem. No problem.

03:53:48.000 Today's Molyneux and Millennial, right? 0.90

03:53:50.000 Yeah, should be a show.

03:53:51.000 Yeah, really good show today.

03:53:52.000 Oh, I should be good show.

03:53:53.000 You're good.

03:53:54.000 I'm good.

03:55:49.000 Yeah! I'm unhappy with my life's decision.

03:56:03.000 Alright. Alright, let's bring this up.

03:56:07.000 Please tell me it's best picture.

03:56:11.000 Please be gone.

03:56:13.000 I really hope Frances McDormand gets an Emmy for the speech he gave at the Oscars because that was absolutely unbelievable.

03:56:20.000 I wish I was a woman.

03:56:22.000 I really do. It's been a great evening and we're about to present the final award of the night.

03:56:28.000 This is the home stretch.

03:56:30.000 Nothing could possibly go wrong from here on.

03:56:34.000 The fact that you have to say home stretch.

03:56:36.000 Waterhouse under the bridge.

03:56:38.000 Meaning no. You're a self-important fan.

03:56:41.000 On the historic 51st anniversary of the classic Bonnie and Clyde, please welcome Lauren Beatty and Faye Dunaway.

03:56:49.000 Oh, of course.

03:56:50.000 Of course they have to bring out Beatty.

03:56:52.000 I'm surprised they didn't bring out Beatty and Fonda together.

03:56:55.000 This is the annual We Won't Die speech.

03:57:06.000 Thank you.

03:57:10.000 By the way, if they don't make it to the microphone, at the end of the night they'll be turned into glue.

03:57:16.000 Thank you. It's so nice seeing you again.

03:57:23.000 You gotta see. As they say, presenting is lovelier the second time around.

03:57:32.000 Now, she looks like that lady from the Muppet dance. 0.69

03:57:36.000 Like, totally you guys.

03:57:39.000 Bridget, turn it up to me.

03:57:42.000 Things I simply cannot do without you.

03:57:44.000 No one's seen the Phantom Thread. I feel like he just has to be there because you know, they Louis' it.

03:57:48.000 He's the most demanding man.

03:57:50.000 He's adored by the women who wear our design.

03:57:53.000 I wanted to have you to myself.

03:57:55.000 You have me all the time.

03:57:58.000 All your rules and your clothes and your money. Everything is the game.

03:58:03.000 This really looks like it was made just for you.

03:58:05.000 Again, like I said, just for the teaser.

03:58:09.000 Looks like a sweaty old ballpark.

03:58:14.000 Darkest hour. I didn't make it through all the way.

03:58:16.000 I fell asleep. We were in L.A. We were in a hotel with my wife and I. But it was really good.

03:58:20.000 I just... It was kind of long.

03:58:22.000 But his performance was incredible.

03:58:25.000 Stop it.

03:58:28.000 All right.

03:58:34.000 By the way, now, they actually have a...

03:58:35.000 a cut of cigar is called the Churchill because of what he's smoking.

03:58:41.000 What's wrong with you? I'd do anything to catch your daughter's killer.

03:58:47.000 I don't think those billboards is very fair.

03:58:50.000 This is a good film. So let me know what you think should win best film.

03:58:53.000 Tweet me at us, Crowder. Tweet at, knock me, Jared.

03:58:56.000 Of these. There's a lot of good friends.

03:58:58.000 I'd say three billboards.

03:59:01.000 You didn't have to be a little home.

03:59:03.000 Margo. That's it.

03:59:06.000 Of course not. Burn after reading.

03:59:07.000 She's in all the corn brothers. So what are you doing, brother? 0.99

03:59:13.000 Call me by your name. Swim at the river.

03:59:16.000 And the only people who saw this were homosexual pedophiles. 0.99

03:59:20.000 She said, of course, five times. 0.99

03:59:22.000 Just pretend you never did. Kevin Spacey bought 50,000 tickets for him.

03:59:29.000 She said, come by your first name.

03:59:31.000 Stop complaining. I didn't write it.

03:59:33.000 Stop. Stop whining, kids.

03:59:35.000 I didn't do it. I didn't write it.

03:59:37.000 I just banged up to her.

03:59:38.000 I tried. I tried.

03:59:39.000 I wouldn't have it. Get out.

03:59:49.000 What do you think Brian Williams thinks of his daughter considering what she did on girls on HBO? It's the most vulgar sex act you can think of to be broadcast on national television. 0.98

04:00:01.000 It must be shameful to be her father. 0.98

04:00:03.000 There's a point I'm driving at.

04:00:06.000 You have been chosen.

04:00:08.000 Intern Gary knows what I'm talking about.

04:00:11.000 There's no need to worry.

04:00:14.000 This is a fine film.

04:00:16.000 It just wasn't all open. There are 400,000 men on this beach.

04:00:19.000 Get back here. Get back to me.

04:00:21.000 I know you're a Nolan fan.

04:00:23.000 It was okay. I just don't think it deserves the best film.

04:00:26.000 He's on me. I'm on him.

04:00:30.000 We shall fight some beach.

04:00:31.000 He captured a great point of view of war.

04:00:33.000 That you don't really know who you're fighting against or who you're fighting with.

04:00:36.000 We have a job. We don't know the stories.

04:00:39.000 I think it captured a first person in the moment.

04:00:42.000 Not a hindsight view of war, but just in the moment.

04:00:45.000 Do you have the papers?

04:00:48.000 The White House. The Post.

04:00:50.000 Was it nominated? No one saw this.

04:00:53.000 You could all go to prison. I'm talking about exposing years of government secrets.

04:00:58.000 Nixon will muster the full power of the presidency.

04:01:00.000 And if there's a way to destroy you, he'll find it.

04:01:02.000 I'm asking. You saw all this, didn't you?

04:01:05.000 You saw The Post? The way they lied.

04:01:07.000 Was it any good? I thought it was mediocre at best, to be honest.

04:01:12.000 Yeah, but you never watched films until the series.

04:01:14.000 That's not true. I watched good German comedies.

04:01:18.000 German comedies. Also known as the Holocaust. 0.94

04:01:23.000 You both have such strong personalities.

04:01:27.000 German comedies. Also known as that's not Schauer, that's like on B. version of yourself as you can be. 0.61

04:01:35.000 I'd like to be Martin Rowe.

04:01:37.000 Only the six million dead.

04:01:40.000 Because I'm German.

04:01:45.000 So Shape of Water, this seems sexually inappropriate from what I've heard.

04:01:50.000 He's great.

04:01:56.000 I forgot his name. I can't either.

04:01:59.000 Michael Shannon, yeah. You ever see him read the sorority?

04:02:03.000 No. I was back on Kimmel when it was new.

04:02:06.000 Kind of like when Kimmel was early letterman when he was a late, late show.

04:02:10.000 It was really sort of subversive.

04:02:12.000 And they had Michael Shannon read a sorority letter.

04:02:15.000 The Oscar goes to...

04:02:16.000 Okay, best picture, everybody!

04:02:19.000 Get out. It's going to be Get Out.

04:02:22.000 The Shape of Water.

04:02:24.000 What? Yes!

04:02:27.000 Build the wall!

04:02:30.000 Build the wall!

04:02:33.000 Praise CAC! Build the wall.

04:02:38.000 The Shape of Water has 13 Academy...

04:02:40.000 Brick by Brick. You're out!

04:02:44.000 That was pantomiming!

04:02:46.000 Give me an Oscar. 0.96

04:02:48.000 I'm a quarter black. That's just Garrett.

04:02:52.000 That's just Garrett. Intern Garrett.

04:02:53.000 I didn't realize it was a quarter black until I used the word negro when we were taping. 1.00

04:02:57.000 Yeah, I didn't try to sue you. Alright, hold on.

04:03:02.000 We have to listen to this speech. Let's bring it up.

04:03:06.000 Guillermo Del Toro.

04:03:08.000 Thank you very much.

04:03:10.000 Thank you. Thank you very much.

04:03:17.000 Thank you.

04:03:18.000 Ah.

04:03:20.000 Growing up in Mexico as a kid, I was a big admirer of foreign film.

04:03:26.000 Foreign film. Of course.

04:03:27.000 Because no good films are made in Mexico.

04:03:29.000 All Americans. Or Douglas Sirk.

04:03:32.000 Or Frank Capra. I was a admirer of foreign films.

04:03:35.000 A few weeks ago. Or as we know it, any movie not made in Mexico.

04:03:38.000 If you find yourself there.

04:03:41.000 All movies. If you find yourself in the podium.

04:03:43.000 Every single one.

04:03:45.000 Remember that you are part of a legacy.

04:03:46.000 That you're part of a world of filmmakers.

04:03:51.000 And be proud of it. I'm very, very proud.

04:03:53.000 I used to ask my brother, my hermano, Steven Spielberg.

04:03:58.000 How things are done. Is he in Mexico?

04:04:00.000 Really they are. He said no.

04:04:03.000 He said no. I said okay.

04:04:05.000 Mark Scorsese. He said no.

04:04:09.000 With movies. I said okay.

04:04:11.000 Growing up in Mexico. I said Coppola. 1.00

04:04:14.000 He said no.

04:04:18.000 I said I need to leave Mexico.

04:04:22.000 I can see the ceiling.

04:04:24.000 You can do it. This is a door.

04:04:26.000 You can do it.

04:04:28.000 Thank you very much.

04:04:30.000 And in the second speech, he gave a Paul, he gave a Rob Schneider line,

04:04:35.000 You can do it!

04:04:37.000 All right.

04:04:44.000 Okay. Let's see what. Just kidding.

04:04:45.000 It was get out. All right.

04:04:50.000 Well that's how it's supposed to go I guess.

04:04:52.000 Right? Sorry guys.

04:04:54.000 We're out of Oscars. What did you want to say?

04:04:56.000 I'll tell them. I just wanted to say that Guillermo.

04:04:58.000 It's his heart.

04:05:00.000 And it's everything. We thank him for letting him know.

04:05:02.000 That's right. Guillermo del Toro everybody.

04:05:04.000 It's your heart. And congratulations to all of our nominees.

04:05:07.000 Our winners. And to the winner of the Jet Ski.

04:05:10.000 Which is the real big prize of the night.

04:05:12.000 Costume designer. They had to give the award to Guillermo del Toro.

04:05:15.000 Because you know. The first year that Trump was president.

04:05:18.000 They couldn't possibly give it to a man named Lyle.

04:05:21.000 This is Jennifer Todd, Mike DeLuca, John Bailey, Dawn Hutchins.

04:05:24.000 Happy birthday to my wife and apologies to Matt Damon.

04:05:28.000 We ran out of time for him.

04:05:29.000 Don't forget to always hit him with the high five. 0.83

04:05:32.000 I thought you were getting bonked by Weinstein.

04:05:34.000 Alright, so what did we learn tonight?

04:05:37.000 Not a whole lot.

04:05:40.000 I think we have to recalibrate our drinking game rules moving forward.

04:05:46.000 Because we thought like oh well you know what?

04:05:48.000 It's going to be too specific.

04:05:51.000 Let's just generalize our drinking rules so that it can kind of you know cover it can have a wide umbrella.

04:05:58.000 I'm not saying that Nokia Jerry shouldn't drive home tonight but he'll be sleeping on my cot.

04:06:04.000 And I regret just a litany of decisions that have led me to this point in my life.

04:06:10.000 You're wearing some nice boots though.

04:06:11.000 Those Sokovas fit well and you look pretty good. 0.99

04:06:13.000 Everything else about this night was a mistake. 0.96

04:06:17.000 But the promo code is Oscars suck.

04:06:19.000 You can still get $10 off for at least the next couple of hours.

04:06:22.000 And if you do that listen.

04:06:23.000 You can support ladderwithcreditor.com slash muckabets CRTV. You have a bunch of other people on there.

04:06:28.000 And they can support the kind of counter-cultural content that Hollywood likes to claim that it is.

04:06:33.000 It's a fake. It's a house of cards.

04:06:37.000 And we're just so you know I mean we don't want to be those people who talk about our numbers.

04:06:42.000 But in the last two weeks so tomorrow will mark two weeks since the change of my mind white well no male privilege is a myth.

04:06:49.000 Then I got blamed for white male privilege by that one girl. 0.99

04:06:52.000 We'll release that on Tuesday. We've gained 90,000 subscribers.

04:06:58.000 Today's Sunday. Who knows where we'll be tomorrow.

04:07:01.000 It could be 100,000 in two weeks.

04:07:03.000 That shows you how much you folks out there want to support what it is that we do.

04:07:08.000 How much you see a need for just alternative content.

04:07:12.000 And we try to provide it.

04:07:14.000 YouTube's axed us.

04:07:15.000 Facebook's has axed us.

04:07:17.000 We've had problems with Twitter. And listen you don't have to.

04:07:19.000 You're never obligated. But ladderwithcrowder.com slash muckabets.

04:07:23.000 It's not the only show we want you to watch.

04:07:26.000 But a lot of people say hey you know what I fall asleep with you know to ladder with Crowder.

04:07:30.000 It's a late night show that I watch.

04:07:32.000 And we're happy to be one of the shows that you watch.

04:07:35.000 We can't do it without your support.

04:07:36.000 Ladderwithcrowder.com slash muckabets. 0.95

04:07:38.000 Promo code right now is OscarsSUCK.

04:07:40.000 And of course if you're a student, veteran, or military you get to my Walther. 0.96

04:07:46.000 We're going to leave it on that.

04:07:47.000 My co-host is drunk.

04:07:49.000 Walther Firearms. They're a great sponsor.

04:07:51.000 But we don't have any to be seen because you shouldn't handle firearms after a dragon's milk.

04:07:58.000 Go to sleep.

04:08:00.000 Enjoy yourself. We'll have a new video for you tomorrow.

04:08:03.000 And a new show on Tuesday of course for Mug Club members.

04:08:07.000 Love you. Appreciate you.

04:08:10.000 Good night everybody. Bye.

Louder with Crowder - March 05, 2018

#CrowdersAntiOscarsParty | Louder With Crowder

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