Guru Crowder Takes on Looksmaxxing, The Friend Zone, and Getting Cold Feet
Episode Stats
Words per minute
167.10825
Harmful content
Misogyny
9
sentences flagged
Toxicity
24
sentences flagged
Hate speech
7
sentences flagged
Summary
It's Friday, which means there could be anything, figuratively and literally, back here could be the show, because you're there, and I'm going to take you on a journey. It's the Taste of Friday, and by that we mean plain water.
Transcript
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I believe in Latin that comes from the word Vincente, which means one who's thin, but he wears it well.
00:01:20.000
Rumble is the one that did YouTube in 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern.
00:01:24.000
If you are not a Rumble Premier member, you just keep watching and it goes right into the next show.
00:01:29.000
And by the way, Rumble has been number one across all categories consistently.
00:01:33.000
I don't even know if there have been any exceptions for weeks.
00:01:38.000
Today is Friday, which means there could be anything back here.
00:01:42.000
Back here could be the show because you're there.
00:02:40.000
I've told people, for emergencies, I always have some water, some obviously of prepared-with-crowder food, and I always have a few bottles of Everclear.
00:02:48.000
Because you can use it as fuel, you can dilute it, use it as a sanitizer, but people come in like, why do you have so much Everclear?
00:02:54.000
And I say, I explain it, but then they see the equal amount of jugs of orange juice.
00:03:08.000
It's Friday, and sometimes it's a slow news day, which means we want to serve you better.
00:03:12.000
And so, you know, the best way that we can serve you is with our qualifications.
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And you all well know that I am a guru certified.
00:03:40.000
And I didn't even have to wrap my John Thomas around one of those bo staffs.
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Yeah, but you did have to hit yourself in the junk a number of times.
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No, I let other men kick me in the junk to prove my pain tolerance.
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Because that's how you know they're really good fighters, those monks in Tibet.
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I mean, granted, they never actually challenge themselves.
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They just get kicked in the nuts by other equally small weak monks.
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Like, I get you can take one to the balls, but can you...
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Well, I don't think my pain tolerance has anything to do with the mineral density of my teeth.
1.00
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The point is, the Asians are silly with the martial arts, and they largely don't work.
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So you can send in your requests, of course, for life advice, relationship advice.
0.99
00:04:18.000
Yeah, I mean, but you know what you're signing up for.
00:04:34.000
So let's go to our first letter, writer, emailer?
00:04:51.000
I've been struggling with loneliness and the associated feelings of worthlessness.
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This is why I say it's an evil mean man wrapped in a veneer of Christendom.
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No, you're 24. So look, lonely, worthless.
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I mean, I wasn't even shaving really until I want to say I was like 25. I just had peach fuzz.
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A lot of people have gotten to your age and haven't necessarily been Casanova.
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So don't be too hard on yourself, but we'll get to the rest of it.
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Meanwhile, several of the people I went to school with are engaged or married.
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I've been trying to make myself more desirable by getting a better job, going to the gym, and taking better care of myself.
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This used to be called being a man, a complete man.
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And you should do this whether you are seeking a mate or taking a vow of celibacy.
00:06:04.000
Whatever it is that you do to improve yourself, people now call it looks-maxing.
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You think Cary Grant was like, I think I'm going to be looks-maxing.
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I've started going to a good church in my area and have gone to some other events where I should be able to meet some respectable women.
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You're looking to find some places where they'd be available.
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Despite all this, I haven't had any success trying to get a date.
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I mean, the point is there are a multitude of reasons, but the good news is...
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There's a style for every type of lady out there.
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And however freakish you may or may not be, there's someone out there where you just do it for them.
00:07:10.000
Well, and as they get older, they get more desperate.
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Both he and she were retarded who live in the basement apartment.
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That my grandfather and my father used to manage.
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Like, I don't think they should have been allowed to live there by themselves.
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And the moans that you heard from that basement apartment on Victoria Street.
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We would genuinely have to make our best estimate.
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Is someone being hurt and in need of medical attention?
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If it matters at all, I'm 6 '2", weigh 230 pounds, can bench over 200, squat over 300, and deadlift over 400.
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In other words, you're probably within striking distance.
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So even if you're very ugly, if you're tall and you're funny, you can find somebody.
00:08:23.000
Throw a few bucks on top of it, you are on easy street.
00:08:28.000
Sorry, Noodles, not to throw the hype thing in there, but you all have many qualities that Gerald doesn't have, you know, like a soul.
00:08:41.000
There are some women who really don't like blue eyes.
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Yeah, there are some women who find them lifeless.
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I'm just saying, I realize it, because I always thought I had boring eyes.
00:09:05.000
He said it in a way of like, I want to pull it back if they are.
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If it's like, oh, this is like specifically amongst the Jewish population.
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I'm like, well, I did say eradicate, and I don't want that to happen.
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Way to retrieve your soul from the depths of hell by crapping all over God's chosen people.
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You picked a fight with the viewer and then decided, this isn't enough.
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I have very strong Christian beliefs, which generally translates to politically conservative beliefs.
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My main hobbies are hunting, fishing, reading, basically anything gun-related.
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Most women, there are not a lot of women who are into the gun-related hobbies.
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Some of them will often, like, fake it and be like, yeah, I am!
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Now, there are women who are pro-gun and who will go shooting every now and then, but as far as being really into the hobby, there just aren't many.
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Pretty much all of these are largely male-exclusive.
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You may be running into fewer opportunities than the average bear to meet a woman.
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00:10:02.000
You know, if a guy is into going to the gym, it's a 50-50 shot.
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Who he runs into could be a man, could be a woman.
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If a guy is into, I mean, I don't know whatever else it is, a cycling.
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If a guy is into cooking and he goes to a cooking class or down to the local rec center, there's a good chance he runs into women.