Guru Crowder Takes on Looksmaxxing, The Friend Zone, and Getting Cold Feet
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
167.10825
Summary
It's Friday, which means there could be anything, figuratively and literally, back here could be the show, because you're there, and I'm going to take you on a journey. It's the Taste of Friday, and by that we mean plain water.
Transcript
00:01:04.000
I believe in Latin that comes from the word Vincente, which means one who's thin, but he wears it well.
00:01:20.000
Rumble is the one that did YouTube in 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern.
00:01:24.000
If you are not a Rumble Premier member, you just keep watching and it goes right into the next show.
00:01:29.000
And by the way, Rumble has been number one across all categories consistently.
00:01:33.000
I don't even know if there have been any exceptions for weeks.
00:01:38.000
Today is Friday, which means there could be anything back here.
00:01:42.000
Back here could be the show because you're there.
00:02:40.000
I've told people, for emergencies, I always have some water, some obviously of prepared-with-crowder food, and I always have a few bottles of Everclear.
00:02:48.000
Because you can use it as fuel, you can dilute it, use it as a sanitizer, but people come in like, why do you have so much Everclear?
00:02:54.000
And I say, I explain it, but then they see the equal amount of jugs of orange juice.
00:03:08.000
It's Friday, and sometimes it's a slow news day, which means we want to serve you better.
00:03:12.000
And so, you know, the best way that we can serve you is with our qualifications.
00:03:17.000
And you all well know that I am a guru certified.
00:03:40.000
And I didn't even have to wrap my John Thomas around one of those bo staffs.
00:03:44.000
Yeah, but you did have to hit yourself in the junk a number of times.
00:03:47.000
No, I let other men kick me in the junk to prove my pain tolerance.
00:03:50.000
Because that's how you know they're really good fighters, those monks in Tibet.
00:03:54.000
I mean, granted, they never actually challenge themselves.
00:03:56.000
They just get kicked in the nuts by other equally small weak monks.
00:04:00.000
Like, I get you can take one to the balls, but can you...
00:04:02.000
Well, I don't think my pain tolerance has anything to do with the mineral density of my teeth.
00:04:08.000
The point is, the Asians are silly with the martial arts, and they largely don't work.
00:04:14.000
So you can send in your requests, of course, for life advice, relationship advice.
00:04:18.000
Yeah, I mean, but you know what you're signing up for.
00:04:34.000
So let's go to our first letter, writer, emailer?
00:04:51.000
I've been struggling with loneliness and the associated feelings of worthlessness.
00:05:06.000
This is why I say it's an evil mean man wrapped in a veneer of Christendom.
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I mean, I wasn't even shaving really until I want to say I was like 25. I just had peach fuzz.
00:05:31.000
A lot of people have gotten to your age and haven't necessarily been Casanova.
00:05:35.000
So don't be too hard on yourself, but we'll get to the rest of it.
00:05:43.000
Meanwhile, several of the people I went to school with are engaged or married.
00:05:47.000
I've been trying to make myself more desirable by getting a better job, going to the gym, and taking better care of myself.
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This used to be called being a man, a complete man.
00:05:58.000
And you should do this whether you are seeking a mate or taking a vow of celibacy.
00:06:04.000
Whatever it is that you do to improve yourself, people now call it looks-maxing.
00:06:17.000
You think Cary Grant was like, I think I'm going to be looks-maxing.
00:06:25.000
I've started going to a good church in my area and have gone to some other events where I should be able to meet some respectable women.
00:06:32.000
You're looking to find some places where they'd be available.
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Despite all this, I haven't had any success trying to get a date.
00:06:55.000
I mean, the point is there are a multitude of reasons, but the good news is...
00:06:59.000
There's a style for every type of lady out there.
00:07:03.000
And however freakish you may or may not be, there's someone out there where you just do it for them.
00:07:10.000
Well, and as they get older, they get more desperate.
00:07:16.000
Both he and she were retarded who live in the basement apartment.
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That my grandfather and my father used to manage.
00:07:24.000
Like, I don't think they should have been allowed to live there by themselves.
00:07:31.000
And the moans that you heard from that basement apartment on Victoria Street.
00:07:36.000
We would genuinely have to make our best estimate.
00:07:41.000
Is someone being hurt and in need of medical attention?
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If it matters at all, I'm 6 '2", weigh 230 pounds, can bench over 200, squat over 300, and deadlift over 400.
00:08:04.000
In other words, you're probably within striking distance.
00:08:12.000
So even if you're very ugly, if you're tall and you're funny, you can find somebody.
00:08:23.000
Throw a few bucks on top of it, you are on easy street.
00:08:28.000
Sorry, Noodles, not to throw the hype thing in there, but you all have many qualities that Gerald doesn't have, you know, like a soul.
00:08:41.000
There are some women who really don't like blue eyes.
00:08:45.000
Yeah, there are some women who find them lifeless.
00:08:52.000
I'm just saying, I realize it, because I always thought I had boring eyes.
00:09:05.000
He said it in a way of like, I want to pull it back if they are.
00:09:07.000
If it's like, oh, this is like specifically amongst the Jewish population.
00:09:10.000
I'm like, well, I did say eradicate, and I don't want that to happen.
00:09:12.000
Way to retrieve your soul from the depths of hell by crapping all over God's chosen people.
00:09:18.000
You picked a fight with the viewer and then decided, this isn't enough.
00:09:28.000
I have very strong Christian beliefs, which generally translates to politically conservative beliefs.
00:09:32.000
My main hobbies are hunting, fishing, reading, basically anything gun-related.
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Most women, there are not a lot of women who are into the gun-related hobbies.
00:09:40.000
Some of them will often, like, fake it and be like, yeah, I am!
00:09:45.000
Now, there are women who are pro-gun and who will go shooting every now and then, but as far as being really into the hobby, there just aren't many.
00:09:51.000
Pretty much all of these are largely male-exclusive.
00:09:57.000
You may be running into fewer opportunities than the average bear to meet a woman.
00:10:02.000
You know, if a guy is into going to the gym, it's a 50-50 shot.
00:10:05.000
Who he runs into could be a man, could be a woman.
00:10:07.000
If a guy is into, I mean, I don't know whatever else it is, a cycling.
00:10:13.000
If a guy is into cooking and he goes to a cooking class or down to the local rec center, there's a good chance he runs into women.