Louder with Crowder - April 08, 2020


HAPPY DOG EATS TOILET PAPER FOR HALF HOUR! | #5 Good Morning MugClub


Episode Stats


Length

30 minutes

Words per minute

173.9645

Word count

5,390

Sentence count

462

Harmful content

Misogyny

27

sentences flagged

Toxicity

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

13

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Betty Crowder, a doggo Argentino, has an unhealthy penchant for toilet paper. So much so that she is ready to devour a whole roll at any chance she gets a chance. And we're here to explain why.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Louder with Crowder" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Welcome to a very special edition of Good Morning Mog Club.
00:00:16.000 I am your host, Stephen Krader.
00:00:17.000 Audio Wade is here with me.
00:00:18.000 Yes, happy to be here, Stephen.
00:00:19.000 Today, perhaps one of the most controversial installments as you see the toilet paper sort of champagne tower, if you will, in the studio right now.
00:00:28.000 Very soon, Betty Crowder, a doggo Argentino with very much an unhealthy penchant for toilet paper, will enter into the studio live and absolutely ravage it, we believe. 1.00
00:00:40.000 Of course, the hashtag is Mug Club Quarantine, where you are getting more content than ever before.
00:00:46.000 I'm incredibly grateful to the team here and the promo promotional code is quarantine where you will get $30 off right and as we go into this some folks may be Shocked by what they see here.
00:00:57.000 Yes, and I certainly understand.
00:01:00.000 I understand the disturbing nature of this but Stephen, why do this today?
00:01:05.000 Why during this time?
00:01:06.000 We've certainly, here at the Lennox Credit Program, some could argue we've had more bombastic programming before, confrontational, but nothing as controversial with gross disregard for the needy in the face of a toilet paper shortage.
00:01:21.000 But for those who don't entirely understand, I'm reminded of the story of the starfish, the young boy who saved a starfish and there were thousands washing up upon the sea.
00:01:31.000 A man said, why don't you throw that one starfish back into the ocean? 0.98
00:01:34.000 There are thousands of other starfish.
00:01:36.000 He said, but I could save that one starfish.
00:01:38.000 I know that many people out there are clamoring for toilet paper and forced to use unflushable wet wipes right now, which has caused a great problem for the septic tank industry.
00:01:46.000 But we can't help all those people, but we can provide one day of bliss for a young doggo puppy.
00:01:51.000 Yes, and many don't know that that young boy was you.
00:01:54.000 It's true.
00:01:55.000 I have genetic profiling that identifies an IBD gene, which is different from IBS, and then IBD is far more severe.
00:02:03.000 I'm getting word that Betty Crowder is going to be leaving the dog pen soon. 0.95
00:02:07.000 Getting ready to send her in.
00:02:09.000 And very curious as to how she approaches.
00:02:11.000 Oh, there she is right now. 1.00
00:02:13.000 She's checking.
00:02:14.000 She seems to be checking it out.
00:02:14.000 She's checking.
00:02:15.000 It was a question if, there we go, right away grabbed a single roll of toilet paper.
00:02:20.000 That's what I suspected, understanding sort of the breed standard.
00:02:23.000 Yeah.
00:02:23.000 She's never been faced with this much toilet paper in front of her.
00:02:28.000 She usually has to sneak a roll, of course, from the bathroom.
00:02:30.000 Right.
00:02:31.000 Or sometimes from the linen closet, which is where, a little inside baseball here, that's where we keep our toilet paper.
00:02:36.000 We don't just call it the linen closet at the Crowder household.
00:02:39.000 We call it the linen and your toilet paper closet.
00:02:42.000 Wow.
00:02:42.000 So it's very curious as to how she would react when faced with an entire... Now, you see this right here, how she is... She's pawing at the toilet paper.
00:02:50.000 She's separated it from the pack.
00:02:52.000 Right.
00:02:52.000 It's very cute.
00:02:52.000 It is.
00:02:53.000 It seems very cute to the untrained eye.
00:02:54.000 I sort of say the paws on there underneath her chin are sort of like the Sears catalog family photo you might send out in a Christmas card.
00:03:01.000 Certainly.
00:03:01.000 Of course, in her mind, she's absolutely murdering senselessly that roll of toilet paper like a baby mountain lion cub.
00:03:08.000 Wow.
00:03:08.000 Because that is, of course, the history Yes, and Betty is, as you said, a Dogo Argentino.
00:03:15.000 That's correct.
00:03:16.000 Yes, and you mentioned the breed history.
00:03:19.000 Tell us a little bit about that.
00:03:20.000 Oh, wow.
00:03:21.000 Look, she's really, if you can see this, applying torque. 0.96
00:03:23.000 Look at the way she's using her neck and head really in a twisting motion. 1.00
00:03:28.000 Wow.
00:03:30.000 Just shredding that toilet paper.
00:03:31.000 And that's something that's actually very characteristic of the Dogo Argentino breed.
00:03:35.000 You know, it always bothers me now that it's sort of become slang to refer to dogs as doggos.
00:03:39.000 You'll see on Instagram people saying, good doggo.
00:03:43.000 It's dogo Argentino.
00:03:44.000 Doggo doesn't mean anything.
00:03:46.000 A lot of people think that that's translated from the Spanish pronunciation of dog, and that's entirely incorrect.
00:03:53.000 Right.
00:03:53.000 That's not at all.
00:03:54.000 Right.
00:03:54.000 That is a persistent myth, however.
00:03:57.000 I'm not entirely aware of the pronunciation of Dogo in Spanish, but in French it is Chie.
00:04:04.000 And I would believe, considering that they all originate the Romance languages from Latin, it would probably be more similar to that.
00:04:11.000 Now look at this.
00:04:12.000 She's really peeling off layers here, which shows a great magnitude of control, because that toilet paper only exists truly for as long as she allows it. 0.99
00:04:23.000 So she is powerful but merciful.
00:04:25.000 And there's certainly an intense amount of focus.
00:04:29.000 Yes.
00:04:29.000 I was at some level expecting her to approach the entire pyramid at once, but she does seem to have honed in on this particular role.
00:04:39.000 Yes.
00:04:40.000 Is this common for Betty in particular and for Doggo Argentinos in general?
00:04:46.000 That's an excellent question.
00:04:48.000 It is Doggo Argentino.
00:04:49.000 They're not out there wearing pleated pants.
00:04:51.000 That's not Doggo Chino.
00:04:53.000 Not quite in the J.Crew catalog.
00:04:55.000 I apologize.
00:04:56.000 I like to have a laugh.
00:04:57.000 Well, one moment.
00:04:58.000 See, she just stood up and twerked it. 1.00
00:05:04.000 That's what we call the death blow here.
00:05:06.000 Tango Argentinos were bred from a long lineage of hunting.
00:05:10.000 Look at that.
00:05:11.000 Oh, wow.
00:05:11.000 Look at that twerk.
00:05:12.000 Just imagine if that were a boar or a cougar, which is what they were bred to hunt.
00:05:17.000 Doug Argentinos.
00:05:18.000 A lot of people think that they are large pit bulls, but they actually don't share any of the same lineage.
00:05:24.000 Of course, both in the bully breed territory, but duggos hunt in packs, and they would seclude, for example, a boar or a mountain lion away from the rest of their brothers and sisters, pin them, and slowly just tear the life from... Oh, and now she's... Look at this. 1.00
00:05:42.000 Wow.
00:05:43.000 She seems to be approaching more toilet paper, much like a pyramid of avocados at a grocery store.
00:05:49.000 Yes, very similar.
00:05:50.000 Testing one by one.
00:05:51.000 And look, you know what?
00:05:53.000 That's a remarkable understanding of efficiency because rather than chase the rolls that are falling and wasting energy, she understands that there are more rolls.
00:06:04.000 And right now she's simply deciding, almost like Jenga, which role would be the easiest for her to take out in a weakened state and exploit.
00:06:13.000 I can't quite see... Oh, wonderful, another angle.
00:06:16.000 Yeah, the persistence and the patience really is worthy of note.
00:06:20.000 A remarkable breed.
00:06:21.000 A remarkable breed.
00:06:23.000 You know, they are a breed that are not for a first-time dog owner.
00:06:26.000 You know, if you have a Golden Retriever, perhaps a Cocker Spaniel, and you don't know how to train a dog, they get out of line.
00:06:33.000 At best, it's insufferable.
00:06:36.000 At worst, it's somewhat acute.
00:06:39.000 With a doggo, they will take your life. 0.97
00:06:41.000 No questions asked. 0.89
00:06:42.000 Absolutely.
00:06:42.000 Wow.
00:06:43.000 And Betty, in particular, has shown an affinity for toilet paper. 1.00
00:06:47.000 When did you first notice Betty's love for toilet paper? 1.00
00:06:51.000 You know, it was very interesting.
00:06:53.000 We were advised to punish Betty when she would take food from the table with a rolled up paper towel roll. 1.00
00:06:59.000 And not so much, of course, for people out there not to harm her in any way, but that sound.
00:07:04.000 We were advised to scare them, kind of like, very similar to a rolled-up newspaper roll.
00:07:08.000 And instead, she actually swiped it from my hand and began devouring it, which we thought was, at the time, amusing.
00:07:16.000 But looking back, we absolutely should not have laughed because we really created an engram in her where she believed that to be appropriate behavior, and we created a monster.
00:07:25.000 I have to say that living with a Duggo Argentino like Betty was an affinity for toilet paper. 1.00
00:07:31.000 During the coronavirus pandemic is it's very similar to Not of course to make light of those who've suffered at the Holocaust but being a Jewish Individual in an attic with a baby who won't stop crying with the SS on the the main floor below you.
00:07:45.000 I don't quite similar I don't think that's making light of it at all.
00:07:47.000 I don't think so.
00:07:48.000 Well, it's a comparison that I think is necessary during these hard times certainly Yes, and I notice that Betty does have a patch of loose skin on the back of her neck. 0.99
00:08:00.000 Yes.
00:08:00.000 That is correct.
00:08:01.000 Is that characteristic of all Dogo Argentinos, or Betty in particular?
00:08:06.000 Yes, for many people asking this question.
00:08:08.000 Again, these dogs are bred as hunting dogs and protectors of the farm in Argentina.
00:08:12.000 Also, little known fact, the most hated country in South America, though some argue it's a
00:08:17.000 little bit of jealousy there, kind of like Canada with the United States there.
00:08:20.000 They certainly are wealthier on a financial level and their women are more attractive.
00:08:20.000 Oh, certainly.
00:08:24.000 Better soccer players as well, but yes, they have bred these dogs to hunt boar and cougar.
00:08:30.000 And the reason for that loose skin, those folds in the back of the neck, reminiscent of a sharpay, 1.00
00:08:31.000 And the reason for that loose skin, those folds in the back of the neck, reminiscent
00:08:34.000 of a sharp A, but without the unstoppable, never-ending yeast infections, is if a cougar,
00:08:35.000 but without the unstoppable, never-ending yeast infections, is if a cougar, a mountain lion,
00:08:42.000 or a boar should grab Betty by the neck, she can still wrap around, almost like a hip out in 0.99
00:08:42.000 a mountain lion, or a boar should grab Betty by the neck, she can still wrap around, almost 0.99
00:08:47.000 like a hip out in perhaps Greco-Roman wrestling, and pin the wild animal by the neck.
00:08:54.000 And that's a big difference between them and, for example, German shepherds or Dobermans,
00:08:59.000 in that they pin and hold the kill there, the animal, until the owner comes and ceremoniously,
00:09:05.000 in the traditional fashion, kills it with a knife and lets it bleed out.
00:09:09.000 And as we look here, we do see Betty continuing to go one by one through these rolls of toilet 0.90
00:09:15.000 paper.
00:09:16.000 Again, we see a perseverance.
00:09:17.000 And that's a surprise to me.
00:09:18.000 Is it?
00:09:19.000 I was a little apprehensive in broadcasting this because I thought, well, we're doing this live and there's a strong chance that she simply bulldozes through.
00:09:19.000 It is.
00:09:28.000 The toilet paper rolls like the the gentleman the ambassador previously for up for Kool-Aid the beverage
00:09:34.000 But instead she seems to be very strategic and how she's approaching this bordering on cautious
00:09:41.000 Yeah, I do miss that advertising campaign. It was a very effective advertising campaign also a very fear
00:09:47.000 inspiring Awe-inspiring.
00:09:50.000 People don't talk about that enough.
00:09:51.000 It was very true. 0.67
00:09:51.000 They don't. 0.67
00:09:52.000 And I don't know exactly where Betty has left the toilet paper.
00:09:56.000 Has she become uninterested in these?
00:09:58.000 I don't know if she's become uninterested.
00:10:00.000 That would seem out of character for her, considering just how much she finds herself magnetically drawn to toilet paper at this point.
00:10:10.000 And there's still plenty of toilet paper left.
00:10:11.000 She does seem to be approaching the door.
00:10:14.000 That is interesting, and of course we have, for those who are worried, we have locked her in.
00:10:19.000 She did go potty before this broadcast, and she will not be let out until she's finished her toilet paper.
00:10:25.000 It's similar to the equivalent of a father finding a son with a Marlboro, and then forcing him to smoke the rest of the pack of cigarettes.
00:10:34.000 Inducing nicotine poisoning.
00:10:35.000 She has approached the collection again.
00:10:39.000 Rejected that one.
00:10:41.000 Apparently there must be something wrong, and of course the quality control can't be as stringent as usual when you have a shortage during these times.
00:10:48.000 We do have a mixture here of single and double ply.
00:10:51.000 We have several different brands.
00:10:53.000 Betty does prefer double ply, but we believe that it would be environmentally unsound to exclusively use double ply.
00:11:00.000 And I understand that some of our viewers may have some health concerns about Betty's eating.
00:11:07.000 That is correct.
00:11:08.000 As a matter of fact, we are seeing some tweets right now. 0.81
00:11:11.000 A gentleman by the name of Reginald right now is saying that this is very f***ed up. 0.91
00:11:17.000 That is very f***ed up, he said.
00:11:18.000 Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion. 0.82
00:11:21.000 It is not entirely with disagreement from us here.
00:11:27.000 We do enjoy hearing from our listeners.
00:11:29.000 The promotional code is Quarantine $30 off.
00:11:32.000 And now she seems to be taking a break, Betty.
00:11:35.000 You just see the muscle on the back of those thighs.
00:11:37.000 You just see what a powerful animal it is.
00:11:40.000 Very similar to a mountain lion.
00:11:42.000 How so?
00:11:43.000 Well, I just mean in the fact that there's lean, long muscle bellies.
00:11:47.000 And almost like a swimmer.
00:11:49.000 Benny, of course, is 92 pounds.
00:11:53.000 And she was anticipated to be much larger.
00:11:55.000 She was a pick of the litter, but that would be actually rather grunty for a Duggo Argentino because she did have a health scare when she was young as a reaction to anesthetic.
00:12:04.000 And we considered actually not reviving her, but that was primarily due to cost concerns.
00:12:08.000 Certainly.
00:12:09.000 Well, 92 pounds, do you think that this is an advantage or a disadvantage in this scenario?
00:12:15.000 That's a very good question, because you do have to balance, and you'll see this with sort of packs of doggo Argentinos who go out on a wild boar hunt.
00:12:22.000 Typically, if they need to roam longer distances, they'll send out the smaller doggos.
00:12:27.000 It is a balance of endurance and power.
00:12:29.000 And at around that 92 pound mark, she would be right in the middle of the pack. 0.85
00:12:34.000 Sort of a doggo of all trades, if you will.
00:12:37.000 And very, very powerful animals.
00:12:39.000 Very agile.
00:12:40.000 She seems to have found something toward the center of the pile.
00:12:44.000 Maybe an especially delicious roll.
00:12:47.000 Well, I think we've all been guilty of that a time or two, especially around Thanksgiving.
00:12:51.000 You know, many people ask, actually, are they intelligent dogs?
00:12:55.000 And the answer to that is unequivocally no. 0.70
00:12:57.000 Very much not the case with doggo Argentinos. 0.99
00:13:01.000 Highly unintelligent. 0.99
00:13:03.000 I found them incredibly easy to trick.
00:13:07.000 They have no sense of space or time.
00:13:10.000 If you, for example, pretend that you are throwing a ball, but, you know, what do you have behind your back there?
00:13:16.000 They don't know the difference.
00:13:17.000 Wow.
00:13:18.000 If the Doggo were a Cuomo brother, which would it be? 0.99
00:13:23.000 Well, that's a very difficult question to answer, of course, because they're all very tragically functionally retarded. 1.00
00:13:30.000 And fortunately in Betty's case, she's right at the middle of the bell curve for Doggo Argentinos. 0.96
00:13:35.000 Not at the bottom quite like the Cuomo family, but still quite challenged in that area.
00:13:40.000 I do see how that could be an unfair comparison.
00:13:41.000 My apologies.
00:13:42.000 Do you see how this is actually, she's stringing it out here.
00:13:45.000 I believe she's looking for a chase.
00:13:48.000 This has been too easy, so she wants to watch the toilet paper unravel.
00:13:53.000 These dogs, they don't really want to attack dead animals.
00:13:58.000 They are bred for hunting and holding, and that instinct of an animal shaking beneath their grasp actually only encourages them to grip more tightly.
00:14:07.000 But when that toilet paper roll is just sitting there, you know, flaccid, as though they've just had a cup of coffee with perhaps the late Bill Cosby, or I guess not the late, but soon-to-be, it's very uninteresting.
00:14:21.000 So this pile of toilet paper is somewhat like a pile of dead raccoons.
00:14:27.000 She seems to Maybe be approaching it a little more slowly than if there was a risk involved.
00:14:33.000 That's true.
00:14:33.000 And really, what you want to do with these dogs, if you want them to be more lively, is to encourage their prey instinct.
00:14:38.000 So, if you run, they will chase.
00:14:41.000 If that toilet paper roll glides across the floor like a streamer, she's far more likely to be active. 0.96
00:14:48.000 And, of course, also people who are noticing right now, Betty, since her health care, has an abnormally large anus for Doug O. Argentino, which is a Problematic when it comes to, obviously, no one wants to... One of the perks of having a canine friend is not having to wipe.
00:15:05.000 That's very similar to working overtime without extra pay.
00:15:11.000 Interesting fact, too, about Betty.
00:15:13.000 She perhaps gets this.
00:15:14.000 There's a famous doggo Argentino, if you run a YouTube search, called Morocho, who protected two children on an Argentinian farm from a mountain lion.
00:15:24.000 They found the children in a tree, Marocho, missing about half of her face, her orbital bone, and a dead mountain lion.
00:15:31.000 She was willing to serve her life to protect those children, and Betty is a direct descendant, I believe, a great-granddaughter of Marocho, and of course has none of those instincts, as I have no doubt that if I was chased down my home drive with a Yorkie, she would leave me for dead.
00:15:49.000 Interesting nonetheless.
00:15:51.000 Yes.
00:15:51.000 Yes.
00:15:52.000 Very much so.
00:15:52.000 And again, our promotional code is quarantine $30 off for Good Morning Mug Club.
00:15:57.000 This obviously cost us a small fortune. 0.98
00:16:00.000 We are seeing now from one Mr. John in Massapequa, New York, who has tweeted, F*** you for this. 1.00
00:16:09.000 Seriously, I hope you die. 1.00
00:16:13.000 And it just repeats the first portion of that. 0.99
00:16:15.000 I don't think it's necessary.
00:16:16.000 Wow.
00:16:17.000 So it seems as though people are relatively upset with this, which we really should have probably... I have heard accounts of people having to take showers after each time they use the restroom, which again is sad.
00:16:33.000 And that's sad for us as Americans, but if you think about that, the French do that all the time. 1.00
00:16:36.000 They call it a bidet, but they're not fooling anybody.
00:16:40.000 I never thought of a bidet as a tiny little shower.
00:16:43.000 And in Middle Eastern cultures, we all know they simply prefer to use their hand. 1.00
00:16:43.000 Of course. 1.00
00:16:48.000 So if you manage to get yourself in a meeting with Kadafi, you're effectively squeezing the shaman.
00:16:54.000 Of course, not in these days of social distancing, in which case the new approach is bumping elbows after you've coughed into it for hours on end.
00:17:03.000 Well, we don't want to paint the Middle East in broad brushes, of course.
00:17:09.000 I would understand why one might feel that way, but I entirely said that with great purpose.
00:17:16.000 Maybe we should get back to Betty.
00:17:17.000 They do have also not big supporters of dogs there in the Middle East. 0.93
00:17:22.000 They see them as very dirty animals.
00:17:25.000 You know, we see them as our companions, of course, because look at the torque in that move right there.
00:17:30.000 Look at that torque.
00:17:31.000 It's artistry.
00:17:32.000 Which, by the way, interesting fact about doggos.
00:17:36.000 The bite pressure, which is measured in PSI, pounds per square inch, as a matter of fact, with a Golden Retriever, somewhere around 200 pounds or a standard Labrador, And I believe that a pit bull, a Staffordshire or American Pit Bull Terrier in German Shepherds, register around 300-something PSI.
00:17:53.000 The Doggo Argentino clocks in at a whopping 515 pressure.
00:17:59.000 Well, just imagine if you were one of these rolls of toilet paper.
00:18:04.000 Right.
00:18:05.000 It would be agonizing.
00:18:07.000 Agonizing, certainly.
00:18:07.000 And their bite pressure, I believe, is second only to two other dogs, the Caucasian Ovarchka
00:18:14.000 and the Kengal, which of course have a bite pressure of 700 pounds per square inch, but
00:18:19.000 not very great human family competitors.
00:18:22.000 The Caucasian Ovarchka also very bad at jumping. 1.00
00:18:25.000 Yes.
00:18:26.000 They are very much slow twitch muscle fibers.
00:18:29.000 It's a grind where they can apply that pressure, but gradually.
00:18:35.000 Of course, not to be confused with, for example, a Rottweiler, where they can apply it very quickly to the fast-twitch fibers.
00:18:42.000 a little bit of, you know, Betty's older brother, the late and great Hopper, was very friendly,
00:18:48.000 as you know, with other dogs, but did not get along very well with this one Rottweiler down
00:18:52.000 the block. And it was very reminiscent of the old mad comedy magazines, Spy vs. Spy,
00:19:00.000 is always how I describe it, Spy vs. Spy. Or, of course, that one famous scene from
00:19:06.000 American History X, but it was just an interesting dynamic.
00:19:09.000 I miss magazines.
00:19:11.000 I do as well.
00:19:12.000 Well, I was just noticing that Betty is moving away from the pyramid.
00:19:18.000 Though not quite a pyramid anymore.
00:19:23.000 I'd say really more of a bog of eternal toilet paper at this point.
00:19:30.000 The Egyptian masters would not be happy about this.
00:19:32.000 They would not be happy about this at all.
00:19:35.000 If they were planning on being embalmed, they would be sorely disappointed.
00:19:39.000 Of course, we jest, they didn't use toilet paper, they used some form of organic cloth, which we believe to be cotton, but no one knows for sure.
00:19:49.000 And this is interesting. It almost acts, her coat is a natural camouflage when surrounded by toilet paper.
00:19:59.000 I don't know about you, but at this point I'm having a difficult time identifying the doggo.
00:20:03.000 And this is an adaptive mechanism, of course.
00:20:06.000 Yeah, that's incorrect.
00:20:09.000 Not at all.
00:20:10.000 As a matter of fact, they don't even live in cold climates where snow would be present.
00:20:14.000 So, if anything, it would be a net devolvement for the species.
00:20:20.000 But it is beautiful.
00:20:21.000 It is a beautiful sight to behold.
00:20:24.000 Steve Jobs.
00:20:25.000 This is the sort of dog that Steve Jobs would have if he hadn't put himself in a shallow grave with a fruitarian diet and shunned Western medicine.
00:20:32.000 Ah, yes.
00:20:33.000 But he was a great minimalist, of course.
00:20:35.000 He of course was, yes.
00:20:36.000 It looks like Betty is moving behind the desk. 1.00
00:20:41.000 I don't believe there's any toilet paper there.
00:20:43.000 I don't believe there is.
00:20:45.000 And it looks like something caught her attention there on the red chair.
00:20:48.000 Oh, that's interesting.
00:20:50.000 Oh, something startled her there.
00:20:52.000 Not entirely sure what that could be.
00:20:52.000 Wow.
00:20:54.000 The chair seems to have moved unexpectedly.
00:20:57.000 Keep in mind that is the chair where even Brendan was sitting only several days ago, and there could be, of course, a foul odor emitting, which generally dogs would find pleasant, but this might just be too overpowering.
00:21:12.000 And if anyone is nervous about Betty approaching the chair where even Brendan sat, dogs cannot get the COVID-19 virus.
00:21:20.000 That's what we believed until just the recent transfer to tigers.
00:21:24.000 So we are hoping that the transmission from humans to animals is limited only to Exotic, highly prized. 1.00
00:21:31.000 Well, I hope the audience will forgive me.
00:21:33.000 I was operating on old information.
00:21:35.000 Oh, and she is pulling at the roll.
00:21:38.000 Look at that!
00:21:39.000 Look at that!
00:21:40.000 That's very interesting because, see, she has fully intact toilet paper rolls. 1.00
00:21:43.000 But like I said, it's that prey instinct.
00:21:46.000 There's an interest in movement.
00:21:48.000 Very much like a T-Rex.
00:21:51.000 A Tyrannosaurus rex, where she only takes... If you don't move, you're probably safer.
00:21:56.000 Also... Yes, go ahead.
00:21:57.000 I was just going to ask, this tidbit about T-Rexes, of course, is... The Tyrannosaurus rex?
00:22:04.000 Yes, speculation.
00:22:06.000 That is correct.
00:22:07.000 I'm not sure if we have backing up information for that.
00:22:11.000 That is correct.
00:22:13.000 We know, as a matter of fact, we know that that is incorrect.
00:22:16.000 Which really should surprise nobody, considering that they were making great determinations from fossil records to determine the efficacy of the vision of Tyrannosaurus rex.
00:22:27.000 It should surprise no one that that, of course, was pseudoscience.
00:22:31.000 And T-Rexes can see you.
00:22:32.000 If you were to stay still with a T-Rex, you would simply be a dead T-Rex.
00:22:37.000 And Michael Crichton, rest in power, of course.
00:22:39.000 Yes, absolutely.
00:22:40.000 Rest in power.
00:22:40.000 Michael Crichton.
00:22:42.000 Brilliant.
00:22:44.000 Almost an oracle, Michael Crichton.
00:22:46.000 And I wonder what he would say if he could be here today to watch this spectacle before us.
00:22:50.000 No doubt he'd be impressed.
00:22:52.000 Certainly.
00:22:53.000 And she is approaching the toilet paper pyramid again.
00:22:58.000 Seems to have slowed her pace.
00:23:00.000 She does seem to have slowed her pace, and you have to ask yourself if that's a byproduct exhaustion, you know, as with any other athletic endeavor,
00:23:08.000 lactic acid buildup, or if she simply can no longer breathe as she's blocked her
00:23:14.000 air passageways with the toilet paper, which upon reflection was a very
00:23:18.000 irresponsible endeavor for us to undertake, particularly for an entire
00:23:23.000 half hour of program. Certainly, but we can hope that that is not the
00:23:26.000 case. We can certainly hope that that is not the case.
00:23:29.000 There is key dog insurance taken out on Betty Crowder, as she is, of course, the spokesperson, very popular, for Walter Firearms.
00:23:38.000 And that's really because dogs can't drink coffee.
00:23:42.000 So Black Rifle gave a call to the Landers Crowder Studios and said, could Betty do some live reads?
00:23:47.000 And I said, well, I don't know how much you're aware, but coffee is a very potent neurotoxin for dogs.
00:23:54.000 It'll be a short-lived commercial series.
00:23:58.000 A little bit of dark humor there.
00:24:01.000 Because if you don't laugh, you'll cry.
00:24:03.000 That's true.
00:24:04.000 If you don't laugh, you'll cry, much as, of course, we would if she were to ingest significant amounts of the neurotoxin, which is known as caffeine, also filled with bromine and chocolate.
00:24:14.000 I believe that is... She has laughed.
00:24:17.000 No, she's there under the camera. 0.96
00:24:18.000 Oh, look at that.
00:24:19.000 My goodness.
00:24:20.000 Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the studio.
00:24:24.000 It's Betty Two.
00:24:26.000 Oh dear.
00:24:27.000 It looks like she has approached a role that was sitting on the couch.
00:24:31.000 Very clever to sort of an Easter egg hunt to place them at different locations throughout the studio.
00:24:39.000 But she does seem at this point as though she's She is ready to leave the studio.
00:24:45.000 Does that mean that she is... Are we close to her leaving?
00:24:49.000 I can't see her anymore.
00:24:50.000 I'm not sure.
00:24:51.000 I think we may send someone in to throw another roll of toilet paper just to see Okay, there she is! 1.00
00:24:59.000 She is back!
00:25:00.000 Never mind, looks like she has... Sort of a little bit of an escape from Alcatraz there, where she knows just where to stand so that we can't keep our eye on old Betty there. 1.00
00:25:10.000 A classic, though.
00:25:11.000 Yes, it is a classic, of course, which was entirely plagiarized in The Shawshank Redemption.
00:25:19.000 Yes, many people don't know that.
00:25:20.000 Though it was a less racist version of the installment, more palatable to the American public.
00:25:24.000 Again, we have a tweet right now, actually also on the live chat. 0.98
00:25:30.000 Someone's saying that this live chat sucks.
00:25:33.000 And we do hear you, and we do have an issue with the live chat available on BlazeTV, where you cannot enter in your username at the moment.
00:25:41.000 Yes.
00:25:42.000 But if you include your name in the message, we will be able to read it out.
00:25:49.000 Right.
00:25:49.000 We will be certain to immediately not get back to you.
00:25:52.000 That's true.
00:25:52.000 Certainly.
00:25:55.000 Look at that right there.
00:25:56.000 She's found a barrier.
00:25:57.000 Okay, that's another red chair.
00:25:59.000 She seems to be attracted to the red chairs, which of course, in nature, Bright colors like that are signals of danger.
00:26:07.000 Wow.
00:26:08.000 For example, we've all seen the crab that puts up its claws to reveal a red underclaw, and that's to say, hey buddy, you can try and take a gobble here if you like, but I don't think you'll enjoy how this ends up.
00:26:24.000 Nature is fun.
00:26:25.000 It is fun and scary.
00:26:27.000 Frightening.
00:26:28.000 Frightening at a visceral level.
00:26:30.000 It is.
00:26:30.000 We just realized how horribly equipped human beings are.
00:26:33.000 Oh, there we go.
00:26:35.000 Looks like someone was throwing a curveball into the mix.
00:26:37.000 One more roll of toilet paper to see.
00:26:40.000 Let's see if that chase instinct kicks in.
00:26:45.000 Oh, there she goes. 0.94
00:26:47.000 A little more cautious than I believed Betty would be, and certainly more so than I hoped she would be, considering the incredible amount that was spent due to the price gouging.
00:26:58.000 And we apologize.
00:26:59.000 Anybody in the Austin area or for surrounding zip codes will not be able to procure any toilet paper for the next four weeks due to this broadcast.
00:27:09.000 But we feel it was, of course, for a worthy cause.
00:27:11.000 And it seems she is approaching the role that was thrown in.
00:27:16.000 It's hard for me to tell, again, because they are all so similar.
00:27:20.000 They are similar, and again, she does blend in.
00:27:23.000 And she is, as I said earlier, adapted to live in toilet paper-like climates. 0.98
00:27:29.000 This is true.
00:27:30.000 Now, did you have any sort of a leaning?
00:27:32.000 Did you believe she would favor the single or the multi-ply?
00:27:35.000 Goodness, I, for one, did think so.
00:27:39.000 Sometimes when toilet paper rolls are thicker, they're labeled as being two rolls.
00:27:45.000 The larger roles.
00:27:45.000 I assume she would go for the larger roles.
00:27:47.000 But again, it's very hard to tell which of these roles she's going.
00:27:50.000 That's true.
00:27:51.000 And she's returning to that chair where Brendan was sitting.
00:27:57.000 That chair is drop-tested to 500 pounds.
00:28:00.000 It is industrial furniture, but at this point has been sitting largely unused due to guests on Skype.
00:28:06.000 So that is really just a trapping of That's right.
00:28:10.000 That's incorrect.
00:28:11.000 Dogs are not colorblind.
00:28:12.000 That's right.
00:28:13.000 After his most recent knee surgery, of course.
00:28:16.000 So there must be something about the combination there that is more interesting to him.
00:28:20.000 And dogs are, of course, colorblind.
00:28:22.000 So this chair very well might look like a large green chair.
00:28:26.000 That's incorrect.
00:28:27.000 Dogs are not colorblind.
00:28:28.000 We used to be under that impression.
00:28:31.000 But as a matter of fact, we found out that was a myth when Winston Churchill crumpled
00:28:36.000 up a packet of cigarettes.
00:28:38.000 And it was a packet of, I believe, New Porsche, the red packet of cigarettes.
00:28:43.000 Threw it into a fireplace.
00:28:45.000 And it resembled his, of course, famous British Bulldogs favorite red ball, which prompted
00:28:51.000 his dog to throw himself into the fireplace and die, not immediately, but later on of
00:28:57.000 third degree burns.
00:28:58.000 How interesting.
00:29:00.000 Many know that every time an election year comes around that a dog is sent to eat from one bowl or another that represents one candidate or a different one.
00:29:10.000 Correct.
00:29:10.000 Are we doing something similar with this exercise?
00:29:14.000 Are we approaching election time again?
00:29:17.000 I almost forgot.
00:29:18.000 It seems almost all anyone can talk about these days, of course.
00:29:22.000 That was a little sarcasm there.
00:29:25.000 I did have trouble with that.
00:29:26.000 I apologize.
00:29:27.000 Yes, I apologize.
00:29:28.000 Sometimes it's a little dry, the way that I approach humor.
00:29:33.000 But I would say it's more comparable to the way that we ring in the New Year, where, as of course you know, we have an older gentleman engage in physical feats of strength with a baby to see who, really if we are going to have four more weeks of 2019.
00:29:54.000 And so, I'm not entirely sure where the analogy started, but it really came from a good place and meandered a little bit, but I would say that's an apt comparison.
00:30:03.000 Well, it looks like Betty has become totally uninterested in the toilet paper. 1.00
00:30:08.000 Has she left?
00:30:09.000 Yeah, it looks like she's left the room.
00:30:10.000 It looks like we can officially count that time.
00:30:13.000 There, I believe the clock rings.
00:30:15.000 I don't have it in front of me.
00:30:15.000 About 32 minutes.
00:30:17.000 Well, that was absolutely captivating, a thrilling installment of live broadcast.
00:30:23.000 Certainly.
00:30:24.000 And I think that we should probably be doing this every Wednesday for Good Morning Mug Club.
00:30:28.000 Certainly.
00:30:28.000 We appreciate everyone who joined us.
00:30:30.000 Engage with your chats and your tweets, of course.
00:30:34.000 Do tune in Friday morning and this evening.
00:30:36.000 More programming than ever at linowithkraner.com slash schedule and use the promotional code quarantine for $30 off.
00:30:44.000 Um, as we appreciate the support it's required, and most importantly, if you don't, we will place, of course, Betty Crowder in a closet and beat her for days without mercy. 0.98
00:30:56.000 So that's not an empty threat.
00:30:57.000 Please heed my words.
00:30:58.000 Take them seriously.