On this week's episode of The Daily Show with Stephen Colbert, the guys discuss the latest in the Trump-Zelinski saga, including whether or not the president is on Team Trump and Team Putin. Plus, a new segment called "The Sound of Monday" where the guys try to figure out what's going on in the world.
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00:03:09.000Nick DiPaolo, Mr. Guns N' Gear, Tim Pool, Russell Brand, Donald Trump Jr., Dr. Disrespect, and an ever-expanding roster of content creators and all the free speech you can eat.
00:05:23.000What we are seeing with NATO is these nations have taken advantage of the United States, and then we, of course, they're complicit here, the Democrats are complicit, because then they tell us that all these nations provide, insert whatever here, free internet, free healthcare, free lunches, free vacation, paid nine-year maternity leave, whatever it is, including men who can menstruate, whatever.
00:06:33.000It means they don't speak English, which means yo soy calling ice.
00:06:40.000So at some point, I guarantee, I don't know why you're still watching on YouTube, but at some point here, we are no longer going to be streaming there because they hate everything about you if If you are watching on YouTube and see this, head on over to Rumble.
00:08:03.000Did you know that there was a 40-something minute long meeting when Zelensky sat down and made his demands?
00:08:13.000I guarantee you, the writers at SNL only saw the 10 minutes, because that's the only way you end up with a sketch this unfunny, this lazy, and they couldn't even find the right shirt for Zelensky, which is kind of what they're supposed to do.
00:08:30.000I'd like to welcome President Zelensky here to this incredible trap.
00:08:35.000It's going to be a big, beautiful trap, and we're going to attack him very soon for no reason, right, J.D.? Watch out, because this kitty's got claws.
00:08:44.000President Zelensky, you want to say a few words?
00:08:47.000That little Asian, I believe, is the reason that that little homosexual Asian is the reason that Shane Gillis didn't get on SNL. Oh, it's not a character?
00:10:16.000You may think that if you only watch the 10-minute clip.
00:10:20.000And that is the danger of social media and the clickbait culture that we live in.
00:10:25.000They were, meaning President Trump and Vice President Vance, incredibly tolerant, and Zelensky spoke for basically half an hour until he decided that he was going to be an entitled little ingrate.
00:11:15.000And I've worked in this industry long enough.
00:11:17.000And by the way, the same thing happens on the right in cable news and Fox News and CNN. But at SNL, they're hoping, they really are hoping that you don't do your research.
00:11:31.000And by the way, Zelensky, listen to what he was saying.
00:11:33.000He was saying, there is no peace that can be achieved with Russia.
00:11:36.000What kind of diplomacy are you talking about?
00:11:38.000By the way, he said JD. Not that I'm super worried about that, but even JD, Vice President, when he was pissed off at him, said, excuse me, President Zelensky.
00:14:03.000What this means is for government agencies and organizations that get government funding, this rescinds the Clinton mandate that they offer language assistance to non-English speakers, or as I refer to it, a waste of time and money.
00:14:16.000It allows them to choose whether they offer any services in languages other than English, and I would be willing to bet that if they do, there probably will be some rescinding in funding.
00:14:25.000If you choose to provide assistance in other languages, and you all know that this is a pain in the ass, obviously private companies can still do it, but when you call for customer service, and it's not default English, but it asks, if you would like this in English, press 2. I don't want to have to press anything, just like I don't want to have to tip somebody for an order pickup.
00:14:51.000And of course you have people who have said this would be ethnocentric, that this would be Nazi-like, nationalistic, except, you know, it doesn't take into account that 180 countries have an official language.
00:15:01.000And by the way, 65 have English as one of their official languages, including India, Botswana, Fiji, the Philippines, Uganda.
00:16:25.000*Sounds of noise* If you're having issues with your taxes, don't go to some sketchy back alley tax firm.
00:16:52.000Call the pros at Tax Network USA. Tax Network USA has a preferred direct line to the IRS, meaning they know exactly which agents to deal with and which to avoid.
00:19:53.000And there's a little bit more that we need to get into.
00:19:55.000to so it's time for insane in the ukraine so unless you've been living under a rock as you know the meeting at the white house where zelinski was primed and ready to have a deal a great deal by the way the mineral rights deal which was would have been brilliant because it would have guaranteed security because of financial interest that the united states would have and allow russia to save face without involving nato
00:20:24.000he just decided that he had to pull the rug out from under president trump in advance and grandstand for the media He was 10 minutes away from a peace deal.
00:20:36.000As you know, those last 10 minutes are the reason it didn't go great.
00:20:40.000What kind of diplomacy, JD, you are speaking about?
00:20:45.000I'm talking about the kind of diplomacy that's going to end the destruction of your country.
00:20:49.000Mr. President, Mr. President, with respect, I think it's disrespectful for you to come into the Oval Office and try to litigate this in front of the American media.
00:20:56.000Right now, you guys are going around and forcing conscripts to the front lines because you have manpower problems.
00:21:02.000You should be thanking the President for trying to bring it into this conflict.
00:21:13.000You're in no position to dictate what we're going to feel.
00:21:17.000If you didn't have our military equipment, if you didn't have our military equipment, this war would have been over in two weeks.
00:21:26.000By the way, he's trying to say you're spouting Putin talking points as though, hey, if Putin says soup is hot and Donald Trump says, careful, that soup is hot, is he parroting Putin talking points?
00:21:44.000Putin said without the United States, Ukraine would be conquered very quickly.
00:21:47.000Donald Trump was saying without the United States, you wouldn't last.
00:21:50.000Yes, yes, because you are on board with Putin, you ungrateful little pisshead.
00:21:53.000So I did issue a rant, by the way, that you can go and watch on my timeline at S. Crowder on X. For those of you who want my thoughts, I don't want to recap them here, but this is a brief clip.
00:22:04.000Zelensky is more indicative of the pervasive problem that we're dealing with, whether it's NATO, whether it's the UN, whether it's the rest of Europe, whether it's Canada.
00:22:13.000This idea that it's a never-ending supply of support from the United States while you bitch about it.
00:22:20.000This has to start with some semblance of truth, okay?
00:22:25.000Without the United States, guess what?
00:23:12.000Canada is a marvel that the United States is in the position of power that it is.
00:23:17.000And I wonder how historians will look back on Canada and how they'll understand that it was allowed to exist considering their lack of military might in comparison to the United States.
00:23:27.000This deal with Zelensky was going to be signed until he had to grandstand.
00:23:31.000And by the way, it's like he read a book.
00:23:35.000The wrong way to deal with President Trump.
00:24:44.000Donald Trump did post this after that on Truth.
00:24:46.000He said, We had a very meaningful meeting in the White House today.
00:24:49.000I have determined that President Zelensky is not ready for peace if America is involved because he feels our involvement will give him big advantage in negotiations.
00:25:49.000Well, because you implied that you were going to play on our president with your dick.
00:25:52.000So, you know, we just don't take that really...
00:25:54.000I don't know if you know about the Boston Tea Harbor, but we actually basically started blowing people's heads off because of attacks on a breakfast beverage, implying that you're going to dick slap our president.
00:26:03.000It's just not something that we take very well.
00:26:05.000So, feigning shock that they couldn't believe this.
00:26:10.000And Canada and even the penal colony that is Australia, none of whom have collectively met their defense spending, the contract that they promised to honor because we pay for all their free crap, they decided to come to Zelensky's defense.
00:26:23.000You have full backing across the United Kingdom.
00:29:08.000Especially when it's a guy whose greatest qualification is acting like a spoiled brat and fake playing a piano with his dick.
00:29:16.000Now remember, the United States, for Europe and all these places to now be righteous, the United States has contributed basically all of Europe's contributions combined.
00:29:32.000There was already a deal on the table, would have provided for everyone, would have effectively guaranteed security, would have given Putin the ability to save face.
00:29:41.000And all Zelensky had to do was not act like a child in that meeting and certainly not go out and make a dick joke about our president.
00:29:49.000And I say this as someone who loves a good dick joke.
00:29:51.000Love a good dick joke and a good dick.
00:30:01.000They do get some kind of security where they don't actually have to fight a war because the United States guarantees some security in Ukraine because, hey, there's a financial incentive.
00:30:10.000If I were Donald Trump after that little stunt, I'd go, oh, it's no longer 50-50, it's now 60-40, and maybe we'll turn it down to 55 if you put some adults in charge.
00:30:21.000You know what pisses me off the most about this is that when you pull that graph up of what we're giving and what the European Union's giving, Let's pull in a figure of what they're buying in gas and oil from Russia.
00:31:29.000So when they talk about this, how strong Ukraine is, we are all united.
00:31:34.000Well, there's something that doesn't sit well with me.
00:31:38.000With the United States providing, I know we haven't put boots on the ground, but providing any money to a nation.
00:31:44.000That is fighting a war that its citizens believe in so little that the government has to kidnap them.
00:31:51.000The government has to kidnap men in the streets and throw them to the front lines, which, by the way, is a death sentence.
00:32:00.000It's not like World War II where people are lying about their age and claiming that they have good arches in their feet so they can go and serve their country.
00:32:05.000There's a huge percentage of Ukrainian men who are not willing to and they don't want to fight for their country.
00:32:12.000If your own citizens aren't willing to fight for your country, you get not a dime from ours.
00:32:29.000You may be in for a reality check and then I ask you, should we be sending money to the government that does this?
00:32:36.000Footage like this of men apparently being confronted by military conscription officers or trying to escape them is being posted across social media in Ukraine.
00:32:46.000Ukraine is fighting and Ukraine lives.
00:33:12.000We are going to fight for every inch of our territory.
00:33:26.000We will continue fighting for our land, whatever the cost.
00:33:33.000we will stand and fight Ukraine holds its lines and will never surrender all things all things which are Ukrainian will be Ukraine even you but you have a nice ocean and don't feel now but you will feel it in the future
00:34:02.000hey how about this You go to the nation for a vote.
00:34:09.000Look, you want to keep fighting Russia?
00:37:42.000As someone who was raised in Canada, I always know the game that is being played when you see the Bernies of the world, when you see the leftists of the world, when you see the Democratic Party say, every other country provides, insert whatever entitlement here.
00:37:55.000Now let's put that in the context of the nations who are supposed to be good neighbors, good allies, who actually provide these entitlements off of the backs of our defense.
00:38:08.000I want you to really closely connect the disproportionate amount of spending from the United States to protect Ukraine by proxy Europe and just how much more as a percentage of their GDP these nations spend on entitlements.
00:38:24.000And hopefully you'll start to get the picture.
00:38:27.000America is the bad guy because we don't have nearly as much free stuff as places like Europe, Canada, insert inferior nations here.
00:38:36.000Why is it that the United States of America today is the only major country on Earth that does not guarantee health care to all people as a right?
00:38:47.000It's more affordable to treat everybody.
00:40:01.000For years, American leaders have been begging them.
00:40:05.000To step up and start honoring their word.
00:40:10.000There is no substitute for nations providing the resources necessary to have the military capability the alliance needs when faced with a security challenge.
00:40:21.000Ultimately, nations must be responsible for their fair share of the common defense.
00:40:27.000The situation in Ukraine reminds us that our freedom isn't free.
00:40:33.000And we've got to be willing to pay for the assets, the personnel, the training that's required to make sure that we have a credible NATO force and an effective deterrent force.
00:40:48.000NATO members must finally contribute their fair share and meet their financial obligations.
00:41:05.000And that allows us to spend less time and less resources on the Middle East and focus more on East Asia.
00:41:15.000In the same way that we want our own allies to do the job in Europe so that we can focus on East Asia, I think the same is true of the Sunni nations in Israel and the Middle East.
00:41:26.000And of course, seeing that these nations have not met.
00:42:19.000What they've provided since they've signed on to NATO and not been spending what they promised the rest of the world they would on defense.
00:42:29.000We're going to go through this country by country so that you can actually have some context here.
00:42:33.000Before that, none of this happens without you.
00:42:35.000Rumble Premium, it's $99 a year or $9.99 per month.
00:42:56.000The only reason we are able to do this and other conservatives are able to follow suit is because of Rumble, and it's funded by viewers like you.
00:43:05.000I'm not just saying that like PBS or NPR when they receive federal funding.
00:43:15.000Before Donald Trump, no one was even close to honoring their agreement as far as spending.
00:43:20.000Now, when I say NATO spending, it's shorthand for they promised to spend a certain percentage of their GDP on their military, on their defense, in order to be a part of NATO. That's almost the key to membership.
00:43:38.000Do you think Ukraine, well, even though they're not NATO, but do you think Europe, do you think these nations would be better off if they'd have actually built up a military?
00:43:52.000Do you think they would be facing this instability with a threat like Russia or potentially China if they would have done what they promised they would do?
00:44:02.000Is it mean for Donald Trump to be the only president in modern history to call them to task?
00:45:43.000If the United States wasn't overspending on NATO, guess how easy it would be to provide a bunch of free shit.
00:45:50.000And now we're condemned for saying, hey, We're going to scale back on this so we can take care of our country, which is what these nations have always been doing.
00:45:58.000Only we are discussing scaling back to what we promised, 2%.
00:47:45.000So they have not honored their agreement, but they spend $522 billion annually on universal health care while they tell us arrogantly, you Americans, you're the only country that doesn't provide universal health care.
00:50:03.000You should be speaking another language because you don't have the ability to defend yourself and we only allowed you to be a part of this organization because you promised you'd spend 2% of your GDP. You didn't do it.
00:51:14.000Well, the good news is it's already falling apart in Sweden because of all the migrants who've come in, so they've had to subsidize that as well.
00:51:20.000The government is now paying migrants $34,000 to return home.
00:53:06.000And we are now in an era where people are saying that the United States is being selfish simply to do.
00:53:13.000By the way, simply to carry out what is legitimately under the purview of government, which means having borders and ensuring that our citizens are safe.
00:53:21.000We're not saying, hey, we won't contribute to NATO so we can give everyone here free internet.
00:53:26.000We're not saying, hey, we're not going to fund, we're not going to honor our NATO agreement.
00:53:31.000Hey, we're not going to support Ukraine so we can start a new program to send seniors to Greece for $400.
00:53:38.000We're not saying, hey, you know what, we're going to leave Ukraine out in the cold.
00:53:42.000So that we can have over 400 days parental leave.
00:54:25.000No NATO. You get no subsidies from us whatsoever.
00:54:29.000Oh, and by the way, if we invent something, if it's created in the United States, you don't get to use it unless you pay a tax or a tariff.
00:55:06.000If you're one of the countries who hasn't spent the 2% number, and J.D. Vance actually raised that to 4 or 5 when he was over in Europe saying, hey, you guys should probably step up just a little bit.
00:55:16.000You get to call all of the other countries who haven't spent the 2% when you need help.
00:55:21.000The only people that get to call us are the countries that have met historically since we...