Captain Morgan and Josh Feierstein are back with a brand new episode of Drunk Tank Girl. This week, they talk about the Syrian conflict, John Oliver's latest conspiracy theory, and the upcoming Canadian election. Plus, a new segment called "The Sip" and more.
00:08:32.000Women, what they really mean is they want a man who shares their exact same opinions, and they want a man who will take the lead, you know, pay the bill, right?
00:08:38.000They don't want to go Dutch, but then they want him to adopt all of their opinions.
00:08:42.000This is the problem with modern relationship dynamics, but I think he dodged a bullet, and I bet you that guy is going to become super red pill.
00:08:49.000He's absolutely going to be a red pill.
00:09:01.000She was there to get on TV. Yes, when she's just saying, and I love you and everything about you, you should have just heard the sound of his footsteps, car start, and gone.
00:09:10.000And it should have been like, he shouldn't have cared at all.
00:10:51.000More than 1,000 people were killed as violent clashes erupted between Syrian security forces and loyalists have ousted longtime president Bashar al-Assad.
00:11:00.000The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, a UK-based war monitor, added that the clashes marked one of the deadliest acts of violence in over a decade.
00:11:09.000Now, a lot of them are the Christian minority.
00:11:10.000minority, I think they're called the Alawites, and Assad was part of the Alawite sect.
00:11:16.000So look, I just want to be clear about this.
00:11:49.000Can't we just have all of these same opinions?
00:11:52.000I feel like the same thing sort of takes place with Israel and Hamas, where now everyone's accusing everyone on the right of being anti-Semites, and then you have people pushing back as though nothing is anti-Semitic.
00:12:05.000Let me know if you think this is a fair assessment.
00:12:11.000I hope that they wipe Hamas off the face of the earth and anyone who votes for them effectively at that point in time, you vote for Hamas, you get what you deserve.
00:15:41.000But with Canada, we've talked about this quite a bit.
00:15:43.000There are huge implications for the United States, and not just between the U.S. and Canada, but when you understand what China is doing and how they're trying to sort of mobilize their economy, when you understand how they're trying to position themselves.
00:15:55.000And again, I think it's important to note, you can tell me if you disagree, if this comes down to a standoff between the United States and China, if there ends up being some kind of a war, God forbid, we're largely going to be fighting them alone.
00:23:07.000He's actually significantly worse, and I don't know that I've ever seen anyone on the U.S. stage or international stage with worse Trump derangement syndrome.
00:26:45.000And this is a guy who loves the limelight.
00:26:48.000So I've said this is kind of a litmus test for people in our own government.
00:26:51.000Hey, do they love the limelight more than they love doing their actual job, right, with some of these appointments?
00:26:57.000I mean, if you're appearing on Fox News more than you are actually spending time in your office doing your job, okay, I think that's a problem.
00:27:03.000This guy loves the limelight, and the easiest way to gain the limelight in the United States when you're in a relevant Canadian is to mention Donald Trump, which he did to get on The Daily Show.
00:27:12.000Poliev is going to be their champion, yes?
00:29:12.000That's a tiny fist, but that still hurts.
00:29:14.000You would think Canada, especially, we'll get to the Chinese tariffs on Canada right now, which would be the most relevant point, you would think during the speech.
00:29:21.000He mentioned President Trump during that speech 11 times, just in that one speech.
00:29:31.000Even though he did get a special congratulations from China's foreign minister, he has incredibly close ties to the CCP. So let me give you some examples here, references in the description as always.
00:29:40.0002017, he met with Xi Jinping in private at Davos.
00:29:44.000Big fans of Davos here, as China was trying to fight President Trump in a trade war.
00:31:55.000By the way, speaking of China, Saturday, they levied huge tariffs on some of Canada's largest exports, so they claim retaliatory because Canada is going to be tariffing, is that a word, tariffing, putting tariffs on China's EVs, steel.
00:32:33.000They said the Chinese tariffs are a powerful countermeasure to Canada's wrong choice.
00:32:37.000And a strong warning to some countries that intend to impose additional tariffs on China for exchange for United States, not to impose tariffs on them.
00:32:46.000Essentially, they want to be able to export their goods to the United States through Canada to avoid tariffs, which is why it's a pretty clever safeguard for Donald Trump to deal with them both at the same time.
00:32:54.000This is where people say, isn't this too much?
00:33:23.000And I think, I don't know if Donald Trump's strategy has been this the entire time, but if you look at two situations with Panama and now with Canada, he's kind of smoked out the Chinese.
00:34:44.000They have not been behaving like a real country because they're largely not.
00:34:51.000So now it's going to have to choose between the United States, its best friend, or China, who Carney seems to love.
00:34:57.000It seems like Carney has made up his mind.
00:34:59.000And this is what we're seeing with this international...
00:35:02.000Trade war, what we're seeing with these tariffs.
00:35:04.000I hope that people are starting to get the picture.
00:35:05.000I think that a lot of people have thought we're beyond war, we're beyond conflict, that we are the world, we all sort of share the same values.
00:35:11.000If nothing else, now we see these lines are drawn and people can choose where they line up.
00:35:16.000People have been talking about the great superpowers of the next century, this century, for a long time.
00:35:21.000Is it going to be the United States or China?
00:35:24.000Well, where is our supposed best friend going to line up?
00:35:26.000Just engage and trade fairly with the United States?
00:35:31.000Or are they going to run into the arms of China because they will have a choice to make because they're not a real country that's viable on its own?
00:35:51.000I do love the national anthem, especially that one.
00:35:53.000By the way, clear.com spelled X. Lear.com, promo code LWC20. You get 20% off Clear and Spry products, and you get free shipping on all orders over $30.
00:36:03.000We've avoided a lot of viruses going around, and you can look at their peer-reviewed studies, their trials, all the data there as it relates to flu, rhinovirus, even COVID. They're allowed to actually even publish these.
00:36:16.000Yeah, they weren't allowed to during COVID. By the way, too, just like on a personal note, allergies suck, and I thought that's what I had last week, honestly, but if you suffer from allergies out there, just try it.
00:36:25.000Anecdotally, it's helped me considerably deal with allergies a lot better.
00:36:29.000It's allergy season's coming, so that's a plug for all you guys that understand.
00:36:32.000You may wonder why this is the only place you hear about it, as opposed to the conservative show, podcast, because I use it for a long time and talked about it, and they reached out, so we're fortunate to be able to partner with companies that we actually use their stuff.
00:39:06.000So, this installment, it's not his first installment on immigration, but again, I ask you to watch this through the lens of, okay, what is the solution proposed?
00:39:15.000Go and watch his entire segment on this.
00:39:16.000He spends all week, he does a show once a week, he spends all week doing research, doesn't provide you the references, to create a segment like this.
00:39:26.000Outside of, as I've always said, status quo and more money.
00:39:29.000And in this case, it's status quo as we're dealing with immigration and providing more aid to these people under the guise of empathy.
00:39:36.000We'll fact check it, but here he is leading us off talking about Donald Trump enforcing immigration law, specifically ICE and something, something, something.
00:39:46.000We've talked on this show a lot about our immigration systems problems before, from the fact our immigration courts are arbitrary and incredibly slow, to the many holes in our asylum process, to the truth that for many, there is no way to come in the right way to the failures of Joe Biden's immigration policies and the cruelty of Trump.
00:40:08.000And when you refer to cruelty, really what you're talking about is enforcing laws that haven't been enforced, but now are actually being enforced for the first time.
00:40:22.000Here's the first claim that he makes that migrants, and by definition this is incorrect, that illegal immigrants aren't doing anything illegal.
00:41:03.000And really what you're talking about is if people overstay visas, okay, that can actually be seen as a civil offense under the law, whereas entering illegally, simply crossing the border, is seen as a criminal one.
00:41:12.000And at least 11 million of the approximately 17 to 20 million illegals under the Biden administration actually committed a criminal act.
00:41:46.000There's a couple people here I could ask later, yeah.
00:41:47.000Yeah, if you're productive and you're paying taxes, it generally is...
00:41:51.000Relatively easy to do, but if you come here on a temporary visa or like a junior visa to turn it into a work visa, it can be pretty complicated, especially with Canada.
00:41:58.000Canada complicated things with the vaccine, right?
00:42:00.000They made it difficult from their end.
00:42:02.000That being said, the problem that we're dealing with and the problem that most Americans have, look, people say the perfect is the enemy of the good, okay?
00:42:09.000In this case, let's apply, all right, so the alternative to at least dealing with the criminal action...
00:42:15.000Of people crossing the border here illegally, which, by the way, often, these people are drug mules, often they're being sex trafficked.
00:42:20.000It comes with a litany of other criminal behavior that we want to, at the very least, reduce, I would hope, common ground.
00:42:27.000The alternative from people like John Oliver is do nothing.
00:42:32.000And ultimately, give them more of your tax dollars.
00:42:47.000And again, this is all to tell you a sob story and make you feel as though you're not being compassionate if you simply don't open the borders to everyone.
00:42:54.000He makes the claim that half of all of these illegal immigrants are claiming asylum and they should just stay.
00:43:03.000More than 50% of those in ICE detention have no criminal records, and many more have only minor offenses, including traffic violations.
00:43:12.000What's more, a lot of them are already in the asylum process.
00:43:15.000As of last year, almost half of those in ICE custody were seeking asylum.
00:43:19.000And that is actually true of some of those who got scooped up in Colorado last month.
00:43:43.000Asylum is, this is from the UNHCR, asylum is a form of protection which allows an individual to remain in the United States instead of being removed or deported to a country where he or she fears persecution or harm.
00:43:55.000Under U.S. law, people who flee their countries because of persecution can apply for asylum.
00:44:01.000Persecution is outlined as people being persecuted for their race, their religion, their nationality, membership in a particular social group or political group.
00:45:59.000Some of them from Latin American countries, the Caribbean, but really about 60,000 asylum seekers is what you're talking about under Biden.
00:46:05.000They should go to safe, neighboring countries before they come to the United States.
00:46:10.000The only example that you can think of as far as legitimate claim to asylum would be those leaving Cuba.
00:46:16.000In part because if you protested the government, you were arrested, you were a political prisoner, and then at one point Castro simply released all of his prisoners, many of whom were political, said, get the hell out.
00:47:39.000Here's the next claim that he makes, and I highly recommend you go and watch his entire segment because I haven't seen one that is less convincing.
00:47:45.000He talks about ICE detention being punishment.
00:47:50.000Okay, I don't have a problem with that, but the reason that he thinks it's cruel punishment is because illegals don't know when they're free to leave.
00:47:58.000If you are sent into detention, You don't know how long you'll be there.
00:48:03.000There is no set timetable for your release.
00:48:06.000And even some of those in charge of these centres can almost acknowledge the problems with that.
00:48:12.000It's not like a jail inmate that's in here sentenced to a certain time.
00:49:38.000Have someone pick them up at the border.
00:49:40.000So at this point, the cruelty is we are so overloaded with millions upon millions of illegals who we have caught, we're not allowed to send them back on our own timeline.
00:49:54.000And by the way, the entire, throughout this entire time, they can leave at any point.
00:50:50.000It's cheaper for taxpayers, not saying we necessarily should, but to foot the bill for these departures, if we were to send everyone back, it still would be cheaper than the cost of illegal immigration every single year.
00:51:00.000Illegal immigrants cost the United States taxpayer, you, the American worker, $150 to $450 billion annually every single year.
00:51:10.000Flying them out today would cost anywhere between $1.5 to $3 billion.
00:51:42.000Last month, Trump actually threw 178 federal migrants there, only to quickly reverse courses by the map, after the administration started facing lawsuits.
00:51:50.000So look, most experts agree that for both legal and logistical reasons, Gitmo is unlikely to house 30,000 migrants anytime soon.
00:53:12.000Because if you're being detained and you know that you came here illegal, you crossed the border with a coyote, you know that you are wasting the American worker's dollar by waiting for a trial date to fight it.
00:53:23.000You know that you're here illegally, you know what the outcome is, you know what you did is wrong, and you should go back.
00:53:29.000So, by staying here, you are effectively lying.
00:53:33.000And you are effectively wasting resources.
00:53:35.000The left's argument, and John Oliver's argument here, it presupposes that these people have a right to be here, and the only basis for it, it's the same root justification that you see.
00:53:46.000Tariffs from Canada and other countries, or other countries not paying into NATO while the United States should, or the amount of money that we have spent to help Ukraine while Europe hasn't stepped up.
00:54:35.000They say the United States can afford it.
00:54:37.000When they are saying the United States can afford it, whether it is USAID, whether it is the IRS, CIA, FBI, whether it's our spending into NATO, UN, whether it's what we send to other nations, whether it's how we are subsidizing these illegal immigrants in this country, what they are really saying when they say the U.S. can afford it is the American worker can afford it.
00:54:59.000And that includes those who are employees.
00:56:41.000Does it mean that you're somehow more selfish if you want to help people who you know and are directly in your community of friends, of colleagues?
00:56:50.000Then someone who is coming into this country, who has no business being here, and by the way, has no interest in the well-being of you, your family, or your community.
00:56:58.000And I'm not saying they're actively trying to harm you.
00:57:00.000Not all of them are criminals, though illegal aliens commit crimes at a disproportionate rate, notwithstanding the illegal act of coming here.
00:57:07.000But let's assume they're not a criminal.
00:57:09.000Let's assume that they're coming here for a better economic opportunity.
00:57:15.000They're doing exactly what you're doing.
00:57:17.000For some reason, you are greedy and selfish in wanting to support your own family.
00:57:22.000You, the American worker, you're selfish, you're greedy, you're evil in wanting to create a better life for your family, but someone coming from Guatemala or Mexico isn't.
00:57:32.000And they're doing the exact same thing.
00:57:34.000John Oliver, I'd love for you to answer that, but this has been an installment of John Oliver is a big fat guy.
01:00:06.000Jim Ross, the mayor of Arlington, as left as could possibly be.
01:00:09.000We also have some other panels that were crashed by our undercover crew here.
01:00:14.000And even some questions that were asked of other quote-unquote sort of like conservative panels that were given.
01:00:19.000It's not what it used to be South by Southwest.
01:00:22.000But it is quite a bit of fun, so just to set the stage here before we get to these exclusive clips, my team got to soak in every second of the bastion of hobo piss and liberalism that is South by Southwest.
01:00:34.000We are out here in Austin, Texas at South by Southwest.
01:00:37.000We're going to be asking people out here about Doge and Elon Musk.
01:00:41.000Do they hate him because he's African?