Louder with Crowder - October 02, 2026


We Bought a Real Octopus (and It Ruined the Studio)

Hosted by
Mentioned
Hero Stops Hijacked Flight to Israel, Media Hides the Truth

Episode Stats


Length

16 minutes

Words per minute

145.94

Word count

2,352

Sentence count

281

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Toxicity

25

sentences flagged

Hate speech

24

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcripts from "Louder with Crowder" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:02:02.000 Click Rumble Premium and join now for $99 annually or $9.99 a month to get the entirely ad free experience and exclusive content from Lauder with Crowder, Nick DiPaolo, Mr. Guns and Gear, Donald Trump Jr., and an ever expanding roster of content, creators, and free speech.
00:02:20.000 Subject for today.
00:02:34.000 All right.
00:02:34.000 Very nice.
00:02:37.000 Thanks, Toolman.
00:02:38.000 I got a countdown this time.
00:02:39.000 You did?
00:02:40.000 Yeah.
00:02:40.000 It was nice.
00:02:41.000 A real one.
00:02:41.000 He really did his job.
00:02:42.000 You never know how much Toolman is just trying to fake me out versus incompetence.
00:02:53.000 How's it feel, Toolman?
00:02:55.000 I know what you're thinking.
00:02:56.000 You're thinking, like, hey, this is a weird way.
00:02:58.000 Usually the show has a direction, there's someone steering it.
00:03:02.000 No.
00:03:04.000 It's Friday.
00:03:05.000 It's a grab bag, which means that today is a scrapyard show.
00:03:10.000 Do you see how I did a Sullivan a little bit?
00:03:12.000 It's a really big scrapyard shoe.
00:03:16.000 Nice.
00:03:17.000 That's about the level of quality you can expect from a scrapyard shoe.
00:03:20.000 For those of you who are new around these parts, there are plenty of things that we work on, either as segments or as bits, that don't make air for a multitude of reasons.
00:03:32.000 Sometimes it's just not, we don't think it's funny enough, or sometimes we don't think it's compelling enough.
00:03:35.000 Sometimes it's an actual crime against humanity.
00:03:39.000 And so we say, no one should see this.
00:03:42.000 And so we show it today.
00:03:46.000 You're welcome.
00:03:46.000 It's like that time when Trump said, I'm not going to say it, but I'll tell you what I was thinking.
00:03:51.000 They told me not to say it, so I won't say it, but I'll tell you what I thought of saying.
00:03:55.000 He says exactly that.
00:03:57.000 It's like, okay.
00:03:58.000 Yeah, they said not to comment on her breasts, and I said I won't, but what I was thinking of commenting was, Aouga.
00:04:08.000 Then I thought it'd be really funny if my tongue rolled out like a red carpet and someone said, I went back in my mouth, and I said, Can we do that?
00:04:15.000 They said, I don't think we can, not in real life.
00:04:19.000 So it's a scrapyard show.
00:04:21.000 So brace yourselves.
00:04:26.000 Donald Trump thinks he's the mask.
00:04:27.000 He's Jim Carrey.
00:04:28.000 Yeah, that's exactly right.
00:04:30.000 What if we got Gene Simmons?
00:04:32.000 Yes.
00:04:32.000 He can do it.
00:04:33.000 Roll it out.
00:04:34.000 Well, I'd get a kick out of it, I tell you.
00:04:38.000 Cap Morgan, CEO, how are you?
00:04:39.000 I'm grand.
00:04:41.000 How are you?
00:04:41.000 I see you.
00:04:42.000 Yeah, you know, I'm okay.
00:04:43.000 Yeah.
00:04:43.000 Yeah, I'm good.
00:04:45.000 I'm always nervous because, you know, you all tell me not to.
00:04:48.000 Look at the things that are in Scrapyard because I've often forgotten about them. 0.96
00:04:51.000 We'd love to screw with you.
00:04:53.000 It's probably a ratio of anywhere from what you see.
00:04:56.000 There's at least triple the content or ideas that you don't.
00:05:01.000 Rightfully so, which, as I say it out loud, I'm just like, why?
00:05:04.000 This is a bad idea, but we're going to do it anyway.
00:05:06.000 All of his dates can be found at jfirestein.com, Mr. Josh Firestein.
00:05:11.000 Hey, I think that some of the things you try actively to forget.
00:05:15.000 They said, don't say anything about his shirt today, Mr. Firestein, and I wasn't going to, but what I thought I would say.
00:05:23.000 Nice shirt.
00:05:25.000 Hey, man.
00:05:26.000 Nice shirt.
00:05:28.000 Somewhere, Tommy's missing a Bahama.
00:05:31.000 This, hey, come on, dude.
00:05:33.000 This is high quality Koofandy from Amazon.
00:05:38.000 I know that exact brand because I, too, have partaken in the Koof.
00:05:42.000 Koofandy.
00:05:44.000 Where the t shirts feel so nice.
00:05:47.000 Bam, there you go.
00:05:47.000 That's going to be in the next scrap yard.
00:05:49.000 That's from Lion King 2. 1.00
00:05:50.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:05:55.000 Yeah, that's a good sketch. 1.00
00:05:59.000 I'm ready.
00:06:00.000 I'll write that up.
00:06:01.000 Yeah, next scrap yard.
00:06:02.000 Right next to Pervert Captain.
00:06:04.000 Can you just nickname the show The Ideas That Josh Had That Nobody Liked?
00:06:11.000 We can do that for you if you'd like.
00:06:12.000 I've been doing this, and I'm very appreciative.
00:06:14.000 For the first time ever, there's actually a writer's room with you and Johnny, but before that, I'd get up at 3 a.m., like, I don't know, like a tube of toothpaste, and I'd come up with ideas.
00:06:20.000 You look for a pistol, a knife, or a pen.
00:06:22.000 I don't know.
00:06:23.000 I have enough experience where most of my horrendous ideas are internal and you don't see them.
00:06:30.000 Whereas you guys, you're always there.
00:06:32.000 All right.
00:06:33.000 So one of our favorite, I guess you would say, or long, you know what? Not favorite.
00:06:41.000 One of our oldest hires here is Mr. Thomas Finnegan.
00:06:46.000 And a while ago, we sent him to cover McCarthyism Coming Back.
00:06:49.000 We did a segment on McCarthyism and how McCarthy was actually right about a lot.
00:06:53.000 So we sent him to cover McCarthyism Coming Back.
00:06:55.000 There was a big concern.
00:06:56.000 As usual, he got it wrong.
00:06:59.000 And here's the live hit you didn't get to see that day.
00:07:03.000 Here, this is how it was going.
00:07:05.000 We have him here now.
00:07:06.000 Since he's on retainer and you don't see him that often, so he's there doing it again.
00:07:13.000 So we told him to do a live fit for a scrapyard, which seems like a gross misuse of our budget here.
00:07:23.000 You already subscribed.
00:07:25.000 So, to give us a little bit of a history lesson, we now go to our on the ground correspondent, Thomas Finnegan.
00:07:39.000 All right, Finnegan, it's been a while.
00:07:40.000 What have you got for us today?
00:07:42.000 Hi, Steven.
00:07:43.000 Yes.
00:07:43.000 Hi, Thomas.
00:07:45.000 It took a lot of work, but I finally tracked him down.
00:07:48.000 Now you can ask any question that you want.
00:07:49.000 What?
00:07:50.000 Tracked him down? 1.00
00:07:53.000 Damn it, Finnegan. 1.00
00:07:55.000 It's McCarthyism, not you're embarrassing yourself. 1.00
00:07:57.000 McCarthy. 1.00
00:07:59.000 Damn it, Paul. 1.00
00:08:00.000 You're embarrassing me. 1.00
00:08:01.000 Get out of here.
00:08:03.000 I'm sorry, Steven.
00:08:04.000 I'll get on a plane and I'll find McCarthy right now.
00:08:08.000 You can't because he's.
00:08:10.000 You know what?
00:08:10.000 Just go for it.
00:08:11.000 Have a nice flight.
00:08:12.000 Okay?
00:08:23.000 That's a really expensive one.
00:08:27.000 That's a very expensive one.
00:08:29.000 It's like, yeah, hey, something that won't make air.
00:08:31.000 And, you know, we'll send them back out and just use the most expensive AI we've ever implemented on this show.
00:08:40.000 We didn't pay McCartney for that?
00:08:42.000 No, we did.
00:08:43.000 Oh.
00:08:44.000 That's why I'm saying. 0.54
00:08:45.000 The McCarthy bot.
00:08:46.000 Yeah, you guys might. 0.83
00:08:46.000 Don't wait for your checks coming in next week. 0.83
00:08:48.000 No.
00:08:49.000 Okay.
00:08:50.000 Go into his back catalog.
00:08:52.000 But I tell you what, you can actually, for.
00:08:55.000 You know, just the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can ensure that Gerald, Toolman Noodles, Billy the Kid, and Mr. Firestone, that they all actually get a paycheck next week.
00:09:05.000 And if you're here, you're likely already a subscriber.
00:09:07.000 But hey, if you take a multivitamin or you want to know a place to start, foundationdaily.com, it's the multivitamin that I created that we sell.
00:09:15.000 And, you know, it actually goes to support everyone here.
00:09:17.000 And it's 40% off for life if you subscribe.
00:09:20.000 If you want to take the best multivitamin in the world, there you go.
00:09:23.000 It's not just a matter of opinion.
00:09:25.000 A lot of multivitamins are microdosed with a bunch of other crap in there that you don't need, macrodosed with stuff that you shouldn't be taking.
00:09:30.000 This is exactly what you need.
00:09:32.000 None of what you don't.
00:09:32.000 Clinically proven ingredients.
00:09:34.000 It's not some proprietary, you know, they'll do this with male vitamins.
00:09:37.000 Male blend.
00:09:38.000 You're like, let me guess. 0.95
00:09:38.000 Palmetto for your prostate, whatever it is. 0.95
00:09:40.000 And they don't put enough.
00:09:41.000 No, it has garlic extract, which is the number one supplement out there as far as for heart health, both cholesterol, but primarily blood pressure.
00:09:49.000 All of it very good circulation.
00:09:51.000 And then turmeric curcumin, which is the most potent, most studied anti inflammatory in the world.
00:09:56.000 If you find yourself, like Gerald did, or I did, taking a lot of Advil kind of daily to get through the aches and pains, if you're a former athlete or you're just kind of getting older, That's the best thing you can be taking.
00:10:05.000 We put it all into one.
00:10:06.000 You'd spend about double just buying them individually, which I did for 50 years.
00:10:11.000 Multivitamin I would take, turmeric curcumin, and a garlic extract to ensure that my heart keeps ticking.
00:10:16.000 All right.
00:10:16.000 Why did you look at me when you said getting older?
00:10:19.000 No, I looked at you when you said the pain. 1.00
00:10:22.000 The pain, because you're a pain in my ass. 1.00
00:10:25.000 It's true with Foundation Kickback. 1.00
00:10:26.000 No, I can't help that.
00:10:28.000 You were also born in the 19th century. 0.99
00:10:30.000 He's also a pain in the ass of all of his relationships at the bank. 0.99
00:10:37.000 Before air, because every now and then I have to go to the bank with Gerald. 0.98
00:10:40.000 He's like, no, no, it's the one down the street where I have all of my relationships with the guys.
00:10:45.000 That's the exact word.
00:10:46.000 Exact word.
00:10:47.000 He was trying to make it sound like business relationships, like connections. 1.00
00:10:52.000 He's so dumb. 0.98
00:10:53.000 I didn't even realize that while he was saying it, he was looking at his notes, but he was doing this. 1.00
00:10:58.000 He says, You don't understand.
00:10:59.000 They're all really good.
00:11:01.000 Yeah, they're all really good.
00:11:02.000 He said, You don't understand.
00:11:03.000 I always leave with a smile on my face.
00:11:06.000 We always find a happy ending.
00:11:10.000 You know, the numbers weren't looking good, but they massaged some things.
00:11:13.000 This mostly happened.
00:11:15.000 So, yeah, I'm sorry.
00:11:18.000 I can't say normal things in here with this bunch of children in this room.
00:11:22.000 Brad, put a smile upon your face.
00:11:25.000 That's for you, Coldplay.
00:11:26.000 It was also really bad.
00:11:27.000 But enough about Gerald's deposits.
00:11:29.000 Yeah, I'm not.
00:11:30.000 Well, no, I hear he's more of a withdrawal.
00:11:33.000 You should also learn how to say normal things in front of children.
00:11:39.000 This is the inception of Scrapyard.
00:11:40.000 We're supposed to be presenting things that shouldn't be viewed, and instead we've meandered off topic and we're saying things that people shouldn't be viewing.
00:11:48.000 But we can't help it if Gerald prefers his checks to bounce.
00:11:51.000 Yeah.
00:11:51.000 Well, that's what happens.
00:11:53.000 That's what happens when you bank at National Russian Banya.
00:11:57.000 I have no limit.
00:12:00.000 NRB for short.
00:12:03.000 I have a very extensive line of credit.
00:12:08.000 Yeah.
00:12:13.000 There's no limits.
00:12:15.000 I said that about 35 seconds ago, John.
00:12:17.000 No, that's okay.
00:12:18.000 No, I'm really glad that you really know how to pump.
00:12:23.000 Stop it.
00:12:23.000 There's no one I trust more with compounding.
00:12:27.000 He takes an interest.
00:12:31.000 He said, tell her?
00:12:32.000 I'd rather tell him. 1.00
00:12:43.000 He writes a lot of gay travelers' checks. 1.00
00:12:45.000 ATM? 1.00
00:12:46.000 That's no fun.
00:12:47.000 ATM?
00:12:48.000 Oh, stop.
00:12:50.000 No.
00:12:52.000 What?
00:12:53.000 No!
00:12:53.000 He prefers cashier's pecs.
00:12:55.000 All right.
00:13:00.000 Anyway, he always leaves with extra points.
00:13:04.000 Okay.
00:13:05.000 Here's the next thing, Scrapyard.
00:13:07.000 So, another thing that often happens and runs through is we'll realize that, like, even if we maybe we like a bit, it doesn't always work.
00:13:14.000 Like, when Brandon Gill grilled this doctor about the birth tourism company, it was a great story.
00:13:20.000 Here.
00:13:20.000 I've got your website right here that you'd spent quite a bit of time marketing.
00:13:25.000 Which suggests that you were, in fact, facilitating the entry of foreign nationals.
00:13:30.000 So did Gerald.
00:13:32.000 And attain citizenship for their children.
00:13:36.000 This is Half My Baby in Miami's website.
00:13:38.000 On the front page of it, the last line of the commentary states Now the dream of having a child in the United States is closer to reality than you ever imagined.
00:13:52.000 Is this your website, Dr. Lorenz?
00:13:54.000 Okay, you have to pay attention to what he looks like, because that's the only way this doesn't work.
00:13:57.000 I'm disrespectfully declined to answer.
00:13:59.000 The question on the grounds that a truthful answer may incriminate me, and I invoke the rights under the Fifth Amendment to the United States.
00:14:05.000 All right, so the reason, because we had this whole bit of Photoshop in there about that guy being the Cuban version of the guy from up. 0.66
00:14:10.000 Here you go. 0.90
00:14:13.000 There's nothing Cuban about that. 1.00
00:14:15.000 That was the problem, Steven's like, he doesn't look Cuban. 1.00
00:14:17.000 I'm like, yeah, that's the point. 1.00
00:14:18.000 He looks just like him, though.
00:14:20.000 He goes, yeah, but it doesn't make any sense. 1.00
00:14:25.000 You made the house shittier and you made it a Cuban kid. 1.00
00:14:28.000 Down is the title. 1.00
00:14:30.000 Here's the thing, too.
00:14:31.000 I'm looking at a small.
00:14:32.000 Look, picture seeing that on a small monitor.
00:14:35.000 So bring it back up.
00:14:36.000 I'm looking on a small monitor and run through it. 1.00
00:14:38.000 I'm like, then you're like, the kid's Cuban. 0.91
00:14:40.000 I'm like, what? 0.99
00:14:42.000 What kid?
00:14:42.000 What?
00:14:43.000 Oh, it says down.
00:14:45.000 I couldn't read that either because it's a, oh, I get it.
00:14:48.000 It's a shack.
00:14:51.000 Unless we give the audience instructions, they're not going to know to laugh.
00:14:56.000 And then by the time we had gone through all of this, I was like, why are we even doing this?
00:14:59.000 And then we're like, well, because he looks like the guy.
00:15:01.000 So here, grab us, grab us, just show the guy.
00:15:03.000 Yeah, there you go.
00:15:04.000 Oh, I get it now, but no.
00:15:07.000 Now, that's a Tom of Bahama.
00:15:09.000 Yes, it is.
00:15:09.000 This is not.
00:15:10.000 This is Kufendi. 0.95
00:15:11.000 That's right. 1.00
00:15:12.000 I believe this is pronounced cough and die.
00:15:14.000 Oh, wow.
00:15:15.000 That's what he does at the bank.
00:15:17.000 He turns his head and cough and dies.
00:15:20.000 And apparently, I said something really bad a few minutes ago. 0.99
00:15:24.000 You're intimidating entry to foreign nationals. 1.00
00:15:27.000 Loan officers aren't supposed to check you for hernias. 1.00
00:15:30.000 You never know.
00:15:31.000 Do they still do that?
00:15:33.000 Loan officers?
00:15:34.000 No. 0.61
00:15:34.000 No. 0.61
00:15:37.000 Doctors?
00:15:37.000 I don't know.
00:15:38.000 My son's not old enough, so I don't know.
00:15:40.000 I don't think I ever actually did that with a doctor.
00:15:42.000 Really?
00:15:42.000 Canada was loose.
00:15:43.000 It seems like, here's the thing like.
00:15:46.000 That wasn't meant to say.
00:15:47.000 See what happens.
00:15:48.000 Canada is the name of a guy at the bank when Gerald threw him.
00:15:53.000 Oh, Canada.
00:15:58.000 Our homo native land.
00:16:02.000 True Patriots glove.
00:16:06.000 It only works if you know the actual.