Nephilim Death Squad - Kamikaze Cruiseship w⧸ Shane Cashman & Matt Hepner ｜ NDS Chronicles

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00:00:28.360 And a wrap.

00:00:30.000 Top Lobson Productions.

00:00:31.200 In the shadows of the ancient ones

00:00:39.640 They never went away

00:00:43.380 They're still here today

00:00:48.920 Level up death squad

00:00:53.440 When the last trumpet sounds

00:00:55.520 And the heavens crack

00:00:57.360 Blah, blah, blah, blah

00:00:58.520 Love it, blah, blah, blah

00:00:59.580 we got fucking okay good i was upset

00:01:07.660 this is no plugs but i'm still going to tell people where to send their emails welcome back

00:01:25.040 ladies and gentlemen to another episode of nds chronicles the show where we read your paranormal

00:01:28.700 testimonies if you want to send one send it over to chroniclesnds at gmail.com we'll read it we'll

00:01:34.500 make fun of you it'll be great for entertainment we'll get paid for the episode you will feel bad

00:01:38.860 about well no a lot of people do feel good about the uh reading of the submission so if you want

00:01:42.640 to send them chroniclesnds uh at gmail.com we're not going to do plugs today because we're strapped

00:01:47.500 for time but we are joined by shane cashman and matthew heppner who is texting in the middle of

00:01:52.840 the show and i appreciate that uh great deal actually definitely not so i am offended i am

00:01:57.660 offended this is how i am every time we do an episode cashman does not get offended a little

00:02:03.660 bit there's an ongoing like tizzy between them two is it a tizzy is that the word it's a tizzy

00:02:08.580 it's just that we go hey we're gonna start the show and he pulls out his phone and then he'll

00:02:12.700 start doing voice to text and i go we had all this time he's doing a podcast inside a podcast

00:02:17.800 it's a reaction inside a reaction it's very sorry about that everyone uh so we are he should feel

00:02:24.460 absolutely fucking terrible it's really uh grinds my gears so we're gonna start with uh uh this one

00:02:31.460 it says experiences with weird shit and i did i did kind of skip through this a little bit i'm

00:02:36.300 not gonna lie to you from tony from tony and it did read as a little schizo and a little bit

00:02:42.700 disjointed a little bit jarring strange that never happens with these stories well sometimes let's see

00:02:47.720 we were talking uh shane and i before the show started about this idea of like having people

00:02:51.880 write in and, you know, uh, share their testimony. And it's a real tricky thing to do. If you try to

00:02:58.100 do it in person, you end up just hearing about traffic for a half an hour, let's say, you know,

00:03:03.600 whatever they're, cause it's these people who aren't necessarily content creators. They don't

00:03:06.580 understand pacing, not their fault. They have something fascinating to share. Um, so you try

00:03:11.840 to do emails to mitigate some of that, but still you end up reading it and saying, okay, this is

00:03:17.160 somebody that's on math and been up for yes yeah yeah shout out to hgtv holly whom we love who

00:03:23.260 described the entire layout of her house her father's house and it was like over four pages

00:03:28.060 i love that broom closet and everything and it was hilarious it became uh you know sort of a bit

00:03:33.660 uh and she's since redeemed herself she's come back and made a another banger of a submission

00:03:37.800 but yeah that's the kind of thing you get so who knows what this is going to be tony says

00:03:40.880 hey guys hi tony hello uh my partner and i gay interesting have been watching your show for a

00:03:48.780 while and it's both hilarious and profoundly spot on oh that's right spooky music when it comes to

00:03:54.180 calling evil out exactly as it truly is despite its many seemingly appealing masks okay all right

00:04:03.060 i see what you're saying there uh the word i'm sorry the world loves to hide wicked things in

00:04:08.260 plain sight tell you the hero is the one who's actually bad and that the evil one is heroic

00:04:15.260 very many uh such cases right it's so refreshing to see you and top do not fall for it and encourage

00:04:21.480 others to sharpen their biblical discernment and always see jesus christ yeah we keep telling matt

00:04:25.760 about the jews and he doesn't want to yeah you gotta sharpen keep bringing it up you said you

00:04:30.160 weren't gonna do that today i'm just saying that jew knife is very dull you gotta sharpen

00:04:33.860 of that jew knife a little bit by the next time i come down he's gonna have a shaved head in the

00:04:37.980 swastika well that's what we're working on then it's easier to work backwards from there yeah

00:04:42.400 he said when he moves down is what he meant to say once you get the swastika tattoo i'll move

00:04:47.320 there we go bet swastika means a lot of different stuff man it's the precision of the equinox if

00:04:53.680 you watch the the big differ as it moves across the sky who explained to us that it's like a thing

00:04:58.180 in uh chemistry or something oh it's like a pinwheel that's like maybe owen was explaining

00:05:03.600 in that it's like a pinwheel and so it's used in like science but you can't get any funding for

00:05:07.980 that science because if there's jewish people that are like paying for the science which is

00:05:11.120 who that's who pays for the science yeah this entire podcast is just an op to get you to get

00:05:15.320 this on the skin but keep reading 100 um so uh sharpen their biblical discernment and always

00:05:20.380 seek jesus christ our lord and savior first in all things amen dude let's go my relationship with god

00:05:25.280 is the single most important thing to me in my life i'm 34 years old and i've had experiences

00:05:31.220 with demons before thankfully only brief in the grand scheme of things and also ever since the

00:05:36.880 conclusion of this stories i'm about to share with you never since okay so he had this moment and then

00:05:41.740 never since then has he had another moment one thing about me you may have guessed by my youtube

00:05:46.280 channel name ship faced uh youtube doxed i guess we're plugging now well that's very great i see

00:05:53.060 what you did there you did a little plug-a-rooney and uh i'll allow it so uh i love and have always

00:05:59.000 had a passion for the ocean liners or historical ships all right i was baptized aboard uh the uss

00:06:05.540 teddy roosevelt and ships have always been in my life that's a that's highly autistic actually

00:06:11.600 that's pretty sick i mean it's sick but it's also like i love trains i was baptized on a train

00:06:16.740 and i can tell you and it's like for some reason if it's trains we know you're autistic if it's

00:06:21.380 ships we're gonna cut you some slack yeah pirate that's true uh by the time i reached high school

00:06:26.620 so 14 years old still a child i believed wholeheartedly that my interest in ships was

00:06:31.180 way deeper okay we're getting into autism yeah we're getting perfect i feel at home

00:06:36.460 yeah i'm very comfortable here um that was my reason for being given life by god oh so god

00:06:43.260 gave you life for ships all right that's fine um that's the whole plan god had for me become a

00:06:49.720 cruise ship captain i believe this i mean did nancy proofread any of this no she doesn't do

00:06:57.060 anything she doesn't do anything i know she shows up struggling yesterday to pull stuff up on screen

00:07:03.660 nancy's on the stream actively watching us drown she shows up wait no oh yeah pause right there

00:07:10.500 good that was perfect um she shows up basically just to boil water in our ears and then she

00:07:16.160 she goes to work uh so yeah i mean god certainly has to call some people to be

00:07:20.500 someone's got a cruise ship so you know it is by the way i'm going on a cruise

00:07:24.340 are you first cruise ever yeah really next week which ones i don't know you're going in jamaica

00:07:30.120 are you gonna have like internet no what are you gonna do it's the ocean yeah i'm on the water i

00:07:36.440 don't know i'm just gonna relax you can't trash anybody on twitter for what three days uh four

00:07:41.540 days you're gonna not you're gonna drink you're gonna eat you're gonna sleep you're gonna drink

00:07:46.300 you're gonna you guys are gonna be on their own it's gonna be fun it's great actually refreshing

00:07:51.280 i do i do a little bit we do really good when it's the two of us you start adding in other

00:07:55.160 personalities and then he wants to fight a little bit it's just me and him he's very respectful and

00:08:00.480 everything flows really well as soon as you get other people he's like wait a second wait a second

00:08:04.340 so-called uh cruise ships i'm working on it talking about um all right so i applied to

00:08:11.700 only one school in my senior year massachusetts maritime academy mma okay cool let's check that

00:08:17.320 out uh all my friends and all my teachers caution what i am going to do if i don't get what's uh oh

00:08:24.080 if i don't get in what's my backup plan oh that's interesting yeah people people like to do that

00:08:28.140 right if you have a thing that you're driven to people like to caution you against it i'll allow

00:08:32.280 Shane Cashman, he's actually got a read.

00:08:34.380 I wanted to make sure it was real.

00:08:35.440 I was like, maybe this is something being lied to.

00:08:37.780 See, check that out.

00:08:39.340 You're telling your employees nobody.

00:08:40.880 I was doing the same thing.

00:08:42.120 It exists.

00:08:44.000 So everybody cautioned him against it.

00:08:45.820 What are you going to do?

00:08:46.380 I feel like if your plan is to be, what did he say, a cruise ship captain,

00:08:49.980 that's it.

00:08:50.600 I feel pretty achievable.

00:08:51.340 Yeah, you could do that.

00:08:52.160 It feels reasonable.

00:08:53.720 Seaman doesn't seem like a hard career.

00:08:55.640 I'm sorry.

00:08:56.940 I'm not even sure.

00:08:57.600 I am sorry.

00:08:58.660 I'm sorry for his behavior.

00:09:00.220 Is it from your cousin?

00:09:01.160 i mean how are you getting it sometimes it could be hard no i'm saying

00:09:05.420 okay so what do you do as a backup plan i always said i had total and complete confidence that god

00:09:16.080 if i was supposed to be a captain would accept me into mma okay the massachusetts maritime academy

00:09:20.560 i came home from school one day and my family greeted me outside jumping with the acceptance

00:09:25.680 letter in their hands all right so god bless it all worked out my dad like i said was navy he said

00:09:31.840 that okay he did say that so after helping me unpack into my dorm to begin boot camp my dad

00:09:37.280 and my mom were stationed overseas thousands of miles away i shook my dad's hand and told him

00:09:42.500 like kirk from star trek four years i'll do it in three okay hold on why are you making faces right

00:09:48.500 now how are you making faces this is so long and there's like no ghosts no there's no paladians

00:09:52.980 there's no rakes we're at the third it's just relax okay people fucking waste our time and

00:09:58.020 that's fine i love it i love i love cruise ships i love captains baptized on a teddy roosevelt we

00:10:10.580 can talk about teddy roosevelt became a mason two weeks before mckinley was assassinated think

00:10:14.940 that's not suspicious at all and i really like teddy roosevelt you know i think he did a lot

00:10:19.200 Did you like it enough to get baptized on the USS Teddy Roosevelt?

00:10:22.180 Cash has got a database of history that's like incredible, man.

00:10:25.440 He's actually very smart.

00:10:26.680 I told you I'm autistic.

00:10:27.440 That's why he's upset that he's here.

00:10:29.800 So things couldn't be better, right?

00:10:32.640 I had my high school girlfriend dating long distance.

00:10:35.200 That kind of sucks.

00:10:36.160 A car, the school ordained by God, and my lifelong dream finally coming to reality.

00:10:40.480 Now, this is where you get the, and then fucking shit went wrong.

00:10:43.580 Okay, okay.

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00:13:32.540 after boot camp the mask came off to say i was bullied is an understatement we got don't be a

00:13:39.440 about it uh i started that school at 18 years old i've been bullied before and always handled it

00:13:45.180 this was different people humiliated me every single day decayed my name into a joke well

00:13:50.940 were you going by ship faced i i hope not uh embarrassed me making me question my validity

00:13:58.180 my personality everything i had no friends everyone was out for themselves and i was the

00:14:03.860 mutual target oh so he kind of became like the dude that everybody agreed like you can bully

00:14:08.740 this dude that's crazy man in the name should have started by punching somebody in their shit

00:14:13.100 and that would have helped a lot people don't like to bully people who punch them in their shit

00:14:16.700 um roommates locked me out of my dorm forcing me to go nights without sleep what the fuck what

00:14:22.780 hid my belongings so i couldn't do expected tasks resulting in fierce regimented punishment and

00:14:29.000 again no friends i was in a dark place surrounded by enemies with no family and no friends all i had

00:14:34.340 was god and you're also in the middle of the ocean so that's probably pretty rough too

00:14:37.980 i prayed for things to get better they only got worse now joining the students teachers would

00:14:43.400 publicly point out my failures damn dude you sound like a bitch this is crazy okay wait wait wait

00:14:48.740 is this why he's gay now so we really didn't proofread any of this we never do this is somebody

00:14:53.740 who thinks that they're doing a bible one of how they came to god that doesn't sound like a ghost

00:14:58.840 he's plugging he's you're not allowed to plug you don't know no we're doing the chronicles

00:15:02.740 where they tell their testimony are you sure this isn't daddy there is an old lady at the church

00:15:07.840 that came up to me and she goes lord it be your guitar playing is so wonderful i saw you

00:15:13.900 interview pastor rick and then she says she wants to be on your show oh what the fuck yeah did you

00:15:20.080 hit her i said maybe you should watch more of it like he's this guy has a white hot hatred for the

00:15:24.660 501c3 system that you're in right now well there's a weird thing about older females that want to be

00:15:30.500 on a show yeah that's a weird thing to me is they're often divorced or widowed and they're

00:15:36.180 like i need to be no not even necessarily that they're married fucking dead but they're like

00:15:40.880 hey i have something so important to say it's like maybe yeah maybe 375 the story he becomes

00:15:48.700 like carrie you know that kind of seems like where it's gonna go uh you know and and he said

00:15:53.780 this is demonic so no stop plugging your show um okay so uh bullying people would do to do to do

00:15:59.500 all right um joining the students the teachers would publicly point out my failures and encourage

00:16:06.720 other students to ridicule disrespect and demean me that's fucking so funny teachers would what

00:16:12.600 the fuck are you that's not even possible the teachers are like hey man pick on billy teachers

00:16:16.820 would spit in my face and tell me if tell me i'd never amount to a fucking thing this is crazy

00:16:21.880 what's the uh kubrick movie uh where the teacher spit in his face no no where they they're they're

00:16:26.940 soldiers in boot camp and uh they're attacking one guy and he goes crazy and they hit him with

00:16:30.920 the pillowcases with soap yeah yeah it's not apocalypse now no is it kubrick it is jarhead

00:16:36.320 no no no um dang i don't know if it's kubrick but it sounds like that's where we're going

00:16:40.700 my rifle right yeah that's exactly oh you think at some point he flashes this is what i'm uh okay

00:16:46.980 so that's when the ghosts come out you're never going to amount to a fucking thing the teachers

00:16:50.260 would order me to sing stupid songs while standing on desk to be laughed at by the entire class be

00:16:55.420 ordered to wall a walk back to my dorm multiple times missing the content of the lecture uh be

00:17:01.920 ordered to do ridiculous hazing things all to diminish me as a man and as a human wow they got

00:17:07.580 it full metal jacket there we go the chat knows some shit sometimes uh the bullying grew at this

00:17:13.240 point too people would curse at me and defile my things and hide things from me uh and if i ever

00:17:18.600 tried to make a friend say that i was gay well are you gay because you said partner at the beginning

00:17:25.160 of this very confusing my acne from all the stress was the worst i had ever experienced

00:17:30.140 uh this guy's just being like making fun of him myself right now do you understand there's

00:17:34.480 something about the way you're presenting this that also makes me want to make you do ridiculous

00:17:38.860 things i was very you're gonna be waiting outside the cafe oh yeah now you didn't read the last

00:17:45.440 paragraph from like i went to jail for 20 years i'm gonna check our parametrics minus one viewer

00:17:52.060 i am hiding in the dumpster out back it was very numerous and not just on my face my whole body was

00:17:58.020 breaking out i couldn't shave i had blood on my sheets uh shout out to clint russell uh which

00:18:03.360 bullies made fun of that a little blood pillow something wrong with that uh blood on my sheets

00:18:08.320 which bullies made fun of me and now you don't know that story no it's a hole we went to his

00:18:13.620 house and he had a pillow on his uh on his couch right dude you can't just shortchange the fucking

00:18:19.300 story like that his whole the whole experience is crazy but we go to his house and on his on his

00:18:25.180 couch is a pillow and it has like dots of dried blood yeah oh his dog would use this on the couch

00:18:30.480 no we're like yo what the fuck is that and he's like oh yeah like i shaved my head eating well

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00:19:37.180 back to school the kids are overtired there are homework questions the dog's begging for a walk

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00:19:58.400 the rest of my night gets dinner is the one thing i'm not stressing about i'm just cooking a

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00:21:19.600 to talk to yourself for an hour you might as well publish it and sometimes i bleed and i just like

00:21:25.020 lay there and i play video games and i was like yeah but like people yeah we're here flip it up

00:21:31.380 we're here with our wives and the whole thing is a jarring experience this guy by the way is like

00:21:36.620 i think a millionaire right so he's got this really high-rise apartment it's really beautiful

00:21:40.400 the view overlooking miami yeah it's crazy and then like there's no accommodations for anybody

00:21:45.420 whatsoever this is not your cups this is not like sour grapes go to tower gang it's so funny

00:21:50.500 episode blood pillow where me and david break down it's the funniest we did it i did a whole

00:21:55.500 drawing with him on the show still oh yeah back in the day yeah because it was funny it was hilarious

00:22:00.160 i mean like thinking of i've i've been with him in florida like he has a sick car yeah we were on

00:22:04.480 some big boat in miami or something his life crushes but he's like a uh he's a bachelor he's

00:22:10.480 not a blood pill so he does not give a shit about anything i tried to go to sleep that night and i

00:22:14.660 was like yo so um it's crazy uh you know do you have like a pullout sofa or something and he goes

00:22:20.280 uh no you and your wife can sleep on this big ass bean bag and i go like it's not really the

00:22:24.380 worst thing in the world because it is really big but but we start laying down and he doesn't leave

00:22:29.280 the room he starts playing harry potter playing harry potter at midnight yeah dude that's so

00:22:33.800 and i go like so you're not gonna he's like i'm gonna play video games for a while as far as i

00:22:38.720 am from you that's so just and i'm like this is and we literally get up and we go get a hotel

00:22:42.580 and we're like yo dude like we're gonna go to sleep we're really tired and he's like

00:22:45.500 i got video games to play yeah no you know what he says we go we're gonna go to sleep he goes

00:22:50.620 go ahead bro like fucking right next to you it's just so funny like we all have kids and

00:22:55.120 families you know like when your life becomes that you have a different routine you're sleeping

00:22:59.820 no i don't think there was ever a time even when i was like on drugs that i didn't understand the

00:23:04.620 concept of somebody's a guest in my home though he didn't understand the concept of not him not

00:23:10.380 being cozy but when i was on on drugs or like being debauchers i never had a home you know i

00:23:15.460 could never really host it i was like a typical people's couches we were on tour hosting you

00:23:20.000 right we were and we were kids right i did all that drug stuff in high school and college like

00:23:24.060 and then got out of my system but we're adults now you know yeah yeah pretending to be well i

00:23:28.940 i think the best part is like when we when we do book a hotel because our wife go they go in the

00:23:33.160 next room and they book a hotel they're like we're out of here and i go hey clint like we got to go

00:23:37.320 the wives booked a hotel and he's like baffled and insulted yeah yeah he just it's a different

00:23:45.380 life he doesn't get it yeah on his own as a bachelor i go into his kitchen and clint loves

00:23:50.880 black culture so i go like hilarious i go yo it's so funny you have a painting of watermelon

00:23:56.020 it's so sad that this guy doesn't talk i know i love that i would love if tower getting reunited

00:24:01.980 honestly i know it might not happen but i love that show he he walks into the kitchen and i go

00:24:07.000 it's you know funny watermelon picture and he goes holy shit there's a watermelon picture i've

00:24:11.160 never seen that before he's lived in there for like a year don't call it a what is a load-bearing

00:24:17.520 watermelon picture like it's just always there and nobody's seen it it's just so insane that he

00:24:23.040 never noticed oblivious to like anything going on that's kind of cool though dude his house was

00:24:27.820 just like crash and he just could care less like what's at his house in the new sleep and play

00:24:32.200 video games in his apartment in leesburg he built like a coffee table yeah and i come in and i go

00:24:37.620 i'm looking at him like something's wrong with this coffee table and he's like yeah yeah it's

00:24:40.820 like backwards and i was like so are you gonna fix he's like nah fuck it it's like it cost me

00:24:45.460 it cost me 10 grand it was like all offense i was like i was like let me take that apart for you

00:24:50.520 he's like no no it's good it's fine just like just because he goes there it goes it works you know

00:24:55.440 all right love it yeah yeah wait how about his dishes i think he had like two dishes no it was

00:25:00.100 like we were looking for cups to drink out of i forget i forget every single cup was i was like

00:25:06.060 where are your cups oh they were like no yeah yeah yeah and then i finally we're going through

00:25:09.860 everything we find them they're all filled with no they're all mugs they're only they're all mugs

00:25:13.680 and they all have kratom stains in it from his brother who was just like drinking like big rings

00:25:20.680 of kratom what even is that i don't even know what it is you can get hooked on it though there's

00:25:25.200 people who are like junkies that get clean and then they get hooked on kratom it attaches to

00:25:29.800 opioid receptors so it's real it's not technically an opioid but it like does all the same shit you

00:25:34.700 can grow it in florida though yeah but i know who sounds diabolical like just kratom doesn't

00:25:38.960 sound healthy. Great. It does sound

00:25:41.040 like a Superman villain. He'll kill Superman.

00:25:45.200 Alright, alright, alright.

00:25:46.400 I might grow it, though.

00:25:47.740 Shout out to Clint. That was fun.

00:25:48.940 They're saying bring Tower Gang back in the chat, too.

00:25:51.120 I love it. I think it would be great.

00:25:53.660 I loved it. I just told you guys last night,

00:25:55.640 I remember exactly where I was, Dallas to Austin,

00:25:57.820 watching you guys have Owen Benjamin on for the first time.

00:26:00.040 So crazy. Great episode.

00:26:01.560 That show was, I remember when Gavin McGinnis came on

00:26:03.920 and just pulled his penis out. That was fun, too.

00:26:06.120 That was funny, yeah. That was very funny.

00:26:07.520 i think it was actually his bowl skin but whatever his penis i remember going it was gum he was like

00:26:12.480 i got gum stuck to my no he's just like this my balls huh and my remarkably small penis like a

00:26:17.880 great show it's crazy uh i had to shave my head at this point too i didn't recognize myself and

00:26:23.160 i wanted so badly to just leave i had so many friends in high school but not here hated and

00:26:28.680 ridiculed i don't know is that possible to be like popular and cool like in school and then

00:26:32.820 you go to a different environment now you're bullied i mean did that extend you think this

00:26:36.340 guys in the chat right now uh yeah there's probably uh i don't know um so my family never

00:26:43.360 believed the things i told them which made me start to feel crazy over time the biggest source

00:26:47.280 and time for most of the bullying was in not tying class i couldn't figure out that shit to

00:26:53.420 save my life it's such a silly place to get bullied is in not tying class uh couldn't figure

00:26:59.740 this shit out to save my life it was a rough manila rope it was itchy and it cut my hands

00:27:04.180 you fucking baby dude geez yeah what's happening he's very jewish sounding like oh hey i can't

00:27:10.080 i don't have that many sweat paws uh i i sweat allegedly trying to fumble my way through the

00:27:16.660 knots and couldn't do the captain uh couldn't do it and the captain took it from me and broke it

00:27:21.560 and threw it in the trash and said i should throw you in the trash you piece of shit now get out

00:27:25.620 they hate this guy no way what is happening okay here we go i think he wants us to sympathize with

00:27:31.400 but honestly i'm sympathizing with the captain and your classmates everybody forced to be with

00:27:36.920 him stuck in this place and he's just whining about everything i kind of feel like something's

00:27:41.440 going on here one day i was needle gunning rust off the deck uh of our training ship i remember

00:27:47.240 praying to god in my head please save me from this hell on earth i heard nothing i got angry

00:27:51.880 and cried fucking what and wanted uh saying you wanted me to be here you put me here and now

00:27:58.200 you've abandoned me uh i said i hate him and cried and i ran to my dorm man this is really

00:28:04.440 wild behavior sir i stayed in my room alone and only came out to shower uh not to eat not for

00:28:11.540 anything i felt god either didn't care or wasn't there my confidence was worse than home it was

00:28:17.480 converted uh into self-hatred and a belief that uh the dream was dead and killed by me

00:28:27.100 i don't understand that sentence uh i dream to be a uh cruise ship captain okay okay we'll never

00:28:32.900 let never let go of the day ymca on the ship i had a meeting with the academy counselor who

00:28:37.540 informed me my grades were too low and i was being academically discharged oh he's dumb dude

00:28:42.480 this guy's getting fucking stupid cry he's not sleeping and this is rough this is rough when

00:28:48.220 does it turn to the mass shooter part i don't know it's coming it's got to be coming right

00:28:51.680 also the spelling on this riddled with mistakes there's a couple of them he's all right at least

00:28:56.080 you know it's not a ai then well that's for sure yeah actually we had somebody try to do that once

00:29:00.000 we stopped reading no then they said that wasn't ai they got really mad i said i don't fucking

00:29:03.740 believe you i cried for three days does it say that yeah like fucking 72 hours dog not even a

00:29:13.540 little break i tried so hard and failed so miserably i tried so hard and got so far but

00:29:19.120 in the end it doesn't even matter i lost everything my girlfriend dumped me i love that

00:29:24.380 i don't care my cousin died oh my gosh what because they were so upset with how you handled

00:29:30.020 all this i'm sorry i do feel bad this is horrible but we gotta get this is a real story i think

00:29:39.680 it's possible dude you would say you'd repeat this if you live this story well i mean he's

00:29:45.560 doing that so i'm sure he's not the only person who's wanting to be a cruise ship captain and

00:29:49.220 had a hard time out there it's not rare yeah there's a specific type that wants to be a crew

00:29:54.400 and this is the type too much you didn't get the train autism that was probably a lot easier what

00:29:58.100 about cruise ship school like that why the army well yeah kind of the name i mean i don't know

00:30:02.940 right what happened to royal caribbean right do you think honestly like the dudes from fucking

00:30:07.020 margaritaville went to the navy to be able to drive that ship they're navy rejects yeah literally

00:30:11.420 right that's what i would this seems a lot he's on the path this is right exactly exactly if only

00:30:15.420 you were there to tell him that he's like now i fucking i'm the cruise captain of a carnival

00:30:19.520 cruise now i'm a rabbi yeah okay all right so my cousin died and the school wouldn't let me go to

00:30:30.660 his funeral my car was totaled in an accident and now i was kicked out of the god-ordained school

00:30:35.020 how does there's no way it's going this bad every single thing is going this bad also we're nearing

00:30:40.100 the end this is like i told you bro there's no ghosts in this story dude

00:30:44.640 yeah ghosts yeah why do people write into this i have no idea they do this all the time we just

00:30:52.560 keep doing this to them uh okay so i was kicked out of the god-ordained school and i no longer

00:30:56.740 believe that god was real i'm ashamed to admit that knowing what i know now but it is true

00:31:00.940 uh at the time he believed this i walked from the counselor to my dorm and everyone was laughing

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00:33:52.640 to talk to yourself for an hour you might as well publish it like we're doing right now this is

00:33:59.800 opening up we are re-traumatizing this guy right now he's gonna drive the cruise ship

00:34:07.760 name of the episode kamikaze cruise ship that's great um their faces look like monsters as i

00:34:20.340 past them and i felt strange like they were waiting for this to happen all along and now

00:34:24.340 they got what they wanted i wept so hard fucking hey man that just sounds weird like you didn't

00:34:29.640 say christ had wept i couldn't see i like when they say jesus wept that goes hard i couldn't

00:34:34.380 see it's different when a man is like i was what movie is that horror movie that's um

00:34:38.060 hellraiser right dude that's a classic nancy loves that he wept so hard that he couldn't see

00:34:45.560 or think or feel anything but empty hollow and defeated thoroughly and completely this guy has

00:34:50.320 hair that like goes across the side i can only somewhat read these but this who said uh this is

00:34:54.460 the plot to event horizon eloheem shout out to elo eloheem brookita uh that that um that movie

00:35:01.920 is amazing that is one of the greatest movies elo has a nds tattoo oh that's right there's another

00:35:08.280 person that has a rainbow nds tattoo i think that is elo okay that's awesome he made it gay

00:35:13.060 love that but i do appreciate it so okay you guys chat is amazing they're they're complete

00:35:18.240 psychopaths yeah for bro grove they're here in real life it's bizarre i loved the audience at

00:35:25.020 bro grove they're the best so much that's what we talked about it afterwards it was like for people

00:35:28.920 that walk around with a moniker of dangerous retards they are fucking wonderful and everyone

00:35:33.300 can take a joke oh yeah you know how it is on twitter like as i said on stage will chamberlain

00:35:38.700 tried to struggle session me because you said something else yeah i don't never like will

00:35:42.440 chamberlain did one irl with him i'm looking at him the whole time like he was saying like i want

00:35:46.780 me and wilt and a thousand of his children and uh he did own a ton of chips yeah i did a report on

00:35:55.480 he tried to get me to like he's like do you know these guys are doing a show with them and i was

00:35:58.480 just like yeah do you want to take it how funny is that yeah but like that you know that dude

00:36:03.120 what's his name the mormon our mormon friend oh not nice guy went up yeah not nice guy i'm not

00:36:07.640 supposed to say his name i doxed him last all right that guy that guy i met him in person i'm

00:36:11.240 like he's amazing and i had a mormon joke that night and he was front row and he he laughed

00:36:16.260 the hardest yeah we were killing him on the last one because it was he was sitting right there and

00:36:20.340 i kept referencing the mormon and he's just the best he's good to meet him in person though to

00:36:25.100 meet like the fans in person is this totally different thing because if you just read the

00:36:28.420 chat you're like we're dealing with crazy people like you're sitting across from two right now

00:36:31.880 yeah yes they are potentially like uh in like some kind of schizo home like typing this stuff

00:36:37.640 right and then you meet him in person like no these are like people crushing at life they're

00:36:41.380 hilarious schizo home's another good podcast schizo home's a banger yeah yeah but they're

00:36:46.000 all just like most of them are just blue-collar workers grinding through life listening to this

00:36:50.020 shit they have a very similar sense of humor also they see demons occasionally and that's what

00:36:53.740 yeah can we get to the demons or ghosts or whatever he's just telling us that

00:36:58.420 ninjas are butterflies demons or ghosts whatever to niggas are butterflies uh so

00:37:02.980 they won't have us they've been ignoring us for so long i actually shouted i was like i sent him

00:37:08.940 an email like we're gonna have shane cashman and i i gave your whole resume silence you don't want

00:37:13.520 anything that's okay i get that a lot too don't worry don't worry you guys just keep like reaching

00:37:18.480 out to people it's embarrassing can we be friends no no it's embarrassing for me but i was like if

00:37:23.500 shane's coming i'm like maybe we can help yeah i appreciate you trying but they're not taking it

00:37:27.500 like but that's how it is when you're in a space and you you do joke a certain way you don't have

00:37:31.740 like a you're not subscribed to one political party or whatever or hyper partisan you will

00:37:36.820 start to notice that you can you're you could be blacklisted which definitely happens but also just

00:37:40.240 ignored oh yeah and that's another it's like a soft blacklist i've been blacklisted yeah it's a

00:37:45.320 it's a hard you prefer the hard blacklist the harder the better for top right yeah

00:37:52.160 well by the entire christian community with timothy alvarino for one and then the political

00:37:57.920 community with tim pool when he said you'll never work in this town again bucko or something like

00:38:01.600 that to you that's exactly how he said it right yeah yeah see here buddy wait but this is like

00:38:10.420 a constant thing people are like yeah don't help with those guys they're crazy people i don't know

00:38:14.680 if they're if they're saying it or if they're just thinking it in there i think a lot of it

00:38:18.960 boils down to if i do a show with them like whether it's me or them or others like in this orbit and

00:38:24.140 we we talk a certain way it'll hurt their chances to do other things yeah and they won't have guests

00:38:28.300 or stuff and like that's not all of it but that definitely is i've heard that you know like

00:38:32.280 i can't do that show you don't know what you're gonna say shout out to jamie wolden that's right

00:38:36.820 lately we've gotten to this place where like i've been really grateful that we've gotten an

00:38:41.240 opportunity to do so many in-person things in the past couple of weeks and um less and less

00:38:46.400 we're doing interviews in general because i don't have this desire to climb the ladder

00:38:50.240 nobody wants to have with you i don't know it's just like i don't want to try to figure out like

00:38:54.620 i just want to talk to these only ladder so much you but that's the only one i'm trying to get is

00:38:59.180 up there i don't care about the material world and having like here's the reality too like as we

00:39:03.900 climb the ladder and we're not intentionally climbing the ladder like doing the rungs people

00:39:08.620 that didn't want to talk to you before all of a sudden are your friends that's what happened

00:39:13.180 yeah yeah and you just go okay well no but there's also people that say like you can't have people on

00:39:17.820 your show or go on their show because you don't want people to think that you think the same way

00:39:21.900 which is retarded yeah which i'm like i have anybody on the show right say whatever it doesn't

00:39:26.100 mean i agree with oh yeah there's people who would totally ignore me and then they see i'm

00:39:29.020 doing a story on a certain person like it might be in the book a high profile person all of a sudden

00:39:32.840 they're hitting me up constantly like oh i know interesting i don't agree with anybody that i

00:39:36.900 talk to 100 yeah that's how people specifically my co-host that's it that's it all right uh so i

00:39:43.480 wept this is brutal i didn't have a villain in my story this is so are you playing uh like sad

00:39:48.520 music beneath this yeah maybe there should be music i don't have headphones but i can sing it

00:39:53.260 if you want no no no no it's like ominous music um okay so i don't have a villain in my story it

00:40:00.540 was me who murdered my beautiful dream it was my failure of school that killed my chances me

00:40:05.440 the failure the failure he says it twice for fuck's sake this is like the horror the horror

00:40:10.320 the horror uh that's who i identified as from that point i the murderer of dreams it was me

00:40:18.020 I hated myself more than any bully. I destroyed my ship model that I had in my room

00:40:23.300 Okay, now

00:40:25.300 Now this is not real. This is not real. This is great. This is great

00:40:31.420 Jacob is real. He is really gay. Wait, you can like picture him now. It's in the bottle and somehow he gets into the bottle

00:40:37.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:40:41.880 This is brilliant. So I destroyed my ship model that I had in my room toward half the photo of my girlfriend

00:40:47.720 an eye i burned a ring i used to wear in high school i ruined my room turned off all the lights

00:40:52.280 and oh my god cried for the next two days this guy has spent we should do the math how many days

00:40:57.380 are crying at least five hours plus 48 but then there was the weeping do we get a time on the

00:41:02.120 weeping count as crying it's more than crying it's like triple crying yeah it's heavier yeah so i

00:41:06.780 think it actually counts twofold so every hour is two right when jesus wept it like something like

00:41:11.440 didn't blood come out was that the time when blood came out no he's sweating and blood came out he

00:41:15.520 was praying so hard that he was sweating as great drops of blood that's crazy but he wept it's not

00:41:20.000 to say he didn't we and then they ripped his beard out and he's spinning his face right yeah no he

00:41:23.780 didn't cry then no no no he was like that no but crying like is a thing if it's spirit realm crying

00:41:29.160 like if it's spiritual crying if it's just like physical realm crying for a man it's kind of a

00:41:33.160 little weird but there's spirit realm stuff that'll make you cry well this guy all right i think we

00:41:37.400 might be getting into the oh christmas i see the next okay so june 12 2012 this was it i would wait

00:41:44.000 for everyone to go home after the finals and then do it i watched from my dorm as the families and

00:41:49.860 cars drove away throughout the day i had mastered one knot the hangman's noose okay wait that's

00:41:57.040 kind of a gangster line actually yeah that is hilarious this is i mean i know we're talking

00:42:01.360 about uh a noose right now but that's hilarious yeah but if it's a made-up story it's not yeah

00:42:07.260 it might be a bit we gotta i think we got a bit one of the best stories ever was the governor from

00:42:12.240 like oh zimbabwe or something like that and that was a bit a bit yeah yeah yeah so uh i i had

00:42:20.180 mastered one knot the hangman's noose i tied it perfectly and stood on a chair crying again

00:42:25.340 there's a lot of crying i hated myself so much i wanted to kill the me that killed my dreams

00:42:32.360 good golly man i remember thinking do i really want to do this die so i waited maybe not everyone

00:42:40.040 left maybe not someone or maybe someone wants to hang out with me that's what you were thinking

00:42:45.500 like maybe i won't do this maybe somebody wants to get some friends maybe i can get some friends

00:42:49.100 i remember thinking that with the itchy rope tied around my neck and i heard a voice say after a

00:42:54.440 second or two that's what you're thinking about as as you tie a rope around it's like this is a

00:42:58.600 little itchy i don't really like how it feels yeah i don't really like how this one's moving

00:43:02.920 next to have some nylon he goes against another type of rope this is softer yeah this with the

00:43:07.780 sheets maybe um so oh now it's spooky okay ready for the final move now we're going yeah um i heard

00:43:15.740 a voice say after a second or two see you were right no one gives a shit about you don't care

00:43:21.960 if you're dead or alive okay clearly at least we finally now have something in the supernatural

00:43:27.740 realm do you know what he did next cried cried i cried as it felt for real and factual now

00:43:35.640 i raised my leg i wish i can cry like that like i haven't cried in a long time crude well you

00:43:40.960 don't have like feelings dude you have definitely cut off all of your feelings other than anger

00:43:45.920 because you only have so much room for emotion and when you put a hundred of it into anger then

00:43:50.240 you can't you don't have any legs i do i'll get i'll get teary-eyed like if i have a moment with

00:43:54.280 my son where i'm like oh shit check this shit out you know or like if a good commercial comes on

00:43:58.700 that's like pulling at your heartstrings yeah movie things commercial yes dude i've tried

00:44:02.940 yeah they're like fuck man some good commercials they really structure this you ever seen these

00:44:06.900 commercials that just they really hit you right not the ones that are like do you have itchy ass

00:44:11.040 and back i'm talking about a 24-hour cry okay that's fucking crazy you let it out

00:44:15.940 okay so i raised my leg to kick the chair away and right as i was swinging my leg the dorm

00:44:26.280 door burst open and one person ran as fast as he could and shoved me off the chair

00:44:31.540 tearing the rope it was gonna that that's easy you were never gonna moving the chair doesn't

00:44:35.860 that hang you then the chair gets kicked out they hated me so much and kick the chair out

00:44:41.960 turns out i actually didn't know how to tie this

00:44:45.480 and everybody just laughs i know this is so crazy uh uh and he shoved me off the chair tearing the

00:44:54.700 rope and sending us both on the floor he never said anything just stopped me from myself and

00:44:59.580 never left my side the next morning still sitting in the same spot i asked how'd you know what the

00:45:05.020 fuck you just laid there with this guy until the next morning is this your partner this sounds like

00:45:09.640 the navy this sounds like the navy this is not real this is this is the partner this has got

00:45:15.160 to be the partner dude it is real uh next morning still sitting in the same spot you did there though

00:45:19.400 i say how'd you know he said i did it i left my wallet when my mom came earlier and i came back

00:45:24.620 for it but i wanted to grab a drink with you before summer break that's how it starts this

00:45:29.880 is broke back mountain but uh on the water yes man um okay i had turned away from god already

00:45:37.200 but despite my disbelief despite my abandoning of him he never left me he acted through that man

00:45:43.060 and saved me incredible so now i'm home from that school alive but now what i have a second chance

00:45:50.700 but not for being a ship captain i started to build a new better life went to a different school

00:45:56.700 lived in a home state uh and things were a million times better okay okay hang on hang on this is

00:46:02.420 setting a bad precedent for how bad of a story it can be for people to send oh yeah i'm never gonna

00:46:06.640 read a fucking story again and at what point do you like abandon the story like if i'm watching

00:46:11.700 a movie it's good when i get we're invested in this is what happens you give us a bad story but

00:46:16.400 our remarkable ability to riff and turn it into comedy gold is perfectly acceptable okay i'm

00:46:22.240 interested because i'm like are we doing a bad thing right now making fun of this guy for almost

00:46:26.940 killing himself because i well it doesn't feel real it doesn't like there's too much of the

00:46:31.120 crying and the victim and so many things it's like okay bro like at no point in this did you

00:46:36.080 snap if this person watches the show new guys he knows he knows what will happen he knows

00:46:41.400 also we do care about people right and it's very we understand it's sad also he knows that we

00:46:45.980 should be questioning if this is real or not we're saying a lot of things that are very funny i mean

00:46:49.820 how many times has he cried now seven crowed too much too much a lot about like getting bullied

00:46:55.580 like it's one thing to cry but like the response to getting bullied isn't crying it's fighting back

00:46:59.960 and then they bully him more because of the crying and then he cries because he got bullied

00:47:06.660 and then they bully it's a vicious cycle um all right so my relationship with god has never been

00:47:11.480 better uh one night february 2013 i was packing a bag to go visit the same friend who saved my

00:47:16.820 life it was midnight i was catching the train in the morning walking from my bed which had my

00:47:22.220 suitcase to my closet which had my clothes back and forth okay so he's packing you could have

00:47:27.700 just said fucking packing my sister was out of state and now her husband and my parents were

00:47:33.240 out of the country uh okay i was home alone the only two lights in the building were the hallway

00:47:40.500 light and my bedroom door i was listening to aerosmith dream on fucking very emotional dude

00:47:46.840 you are a baby i was just beginning to use the word dream again jesus yeah that's so dramatic

00:47:55.160 at some point i'm like abandoning i finally found it within myself to speak the word dream again

00:48:01.240 out of the corner of my eye how old is this chick this is a man no out of the corner of my eye i see

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00:49:09.360 You want to know what my evenings actually look like during back to school?

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00:49:18.980 And somewhere in the middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner?

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00:50:09.320 This episode is brought to you by Spreaker, the platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain.

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00:50:52.560 Spreaker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it.

00:50:57.480 okay it's so crazy because there's fucking four sentences we could have started with that

00:51:02.100 i think nothing of it and continue packing next time i pass my open bedroom doorway i see movement

00:51:09.480 which makes me stop misstep and turn to look standing three feet away from me was a black

00:51:16.280 hooded and cloaked figure exactly your figure figure treyvon martin

00:51:21.520 careful now uh figure exactly my what the fuck watch your mouth top whoa so it's like this crazy

00:51:31.280 oh yeah it does look like neffy oh your child is still uh unattended out there um so standing

00:51:37.380 three feet away cloak figure exactly my proportions i remember still being scared

00:51:41.400 uh i thought to myself is this real or was i watching too much american horror story that's

00:51:47.840 also kind of gay yeah that that right there is a red flag yeah i remember answering myself in my

00:51:53.420 head noticing that this thing had a shadow from that hallway light shadow that okay from the

00:52:00.120 hallway light the shadow being physically correct angle okay i understand what he's saying basically

00:52:04.380 saying that this thing was solid and the light from the hallway was casting a shadow of the thing

00:52:10.300 okay so it's real in the room yeah yeah yeah um the thing raises its arm pointing at me

00:52:17.200 and i say be gone be gone forever just fucking that comes to your mind that's just a real uh

00:52:25.600 be gone be gone forever it disappeared it disappeared bed fucking a dude this guy is

00:52:34.280 just really giving us this brutal what does that mean the bare minimum tell me what you think that

00:52:38.380 it disappeared bed okay i think he meant before my eyes and the exact moment it disappears all

00:52:45.280 the water faucets in the house turn on what the fuck both showers the kitchen sink and the bathroom

00:52:50.900 you know what's really weird about this as i'm picturing the story yeah this is so strange i

00:52:55.140 was just picturing the house from home alone and then there's the wet bandits oh yeah they turn

00:53:00.760 the water on that's so weird like i'm picturing that kind of house that he's in i mean it might

00:53:04.880 be that kind of house i don't know i i'm i'm fucking lost in the sauce we only got three

00:53:08.340 sentences left i was the only one home what the heck was that i've never seen it since i'm happy

00:53:14.060 to report my relationship with god is active and alive jesus christ is my king and savior

00:53:17.680 and my father almighty thank you for your time kind regards ship face i don't know what to make

00:53:23.780 of that so what happened with the dream like no more cruise ships are we totally because he retained

00:53:29.400 the name ship face or is that like an homage to his later his previous days i'm gonna be very

00:53:34.760 honest with you i'm hesitant to ask any questions i really am i never want to think about this ever

00:53:41.360 again i never even want to remember this story dude what do you guys think out there do you

00:53:46.180 believe this story is this um is real that's crazy i don't know it's like when you're watching

00:53:51.260 a movie and you get like 15 20 minutes in you're like this is not gonna go well but maybe it's

00:53:55.460 gonna pick up maybe says personally offended my story got skipped weeks ago but that got read what

00:54:00.220 was your story spliffy i don't remember you know yeah i agree with spliffy like what is up with you

00:54:04.520 guys i like uh and it's never it's always 50 but i always read it dude it's nothing personal it's

00:54:09.000 just unorganization it's never like we're intentionally gonna miss it we have a japanese

00:54:14.240 woman that the only job she has is to organize these stories into what's been read and what's

00:54:19.420 been not read and she just fucking doesn't do that at all she does not care it's insane so yeah

00:54:25.360 i mean we just kind of go we fly by the seat of our pants i mean what do i even say about that

00:54:28.900 if that's real you know this this kind of victimhood mentality that that comes through

00:54:36.160 this in a really big way is crazy you handled who knows maybe there's a spiritual thing happening

00:54:43.220 where everybody turns on you the spiritual thing is that if you the first bad thing that happened

00:54:48.620 and he made himself a victim yeah that will create the rest of the stuff yeah that's why i'm always

00:54:53.280 like saying like no no no you can't like create victims for anything correct like between uh the

00:54:57.960 boomers are too mean to the younger people or skin tone or like you know who does a lot of

00:55:01.900 victimhood stuff top do you know your mother oh he's good no but you see what i'm saying is like

00:55:09.880 as soon as you do the victim thing that's what you get until you correct that well that we talk

00:55:14.220 about this within the spiritual context all the time coming into agreement with something

00:55:17.840 like do you agree now are you the victim is everybody well you see it with young people

00:55:22.440 here too they can take any story yeah so they have a conversation with a customer i'm like yeah

00:55:27.380 normal conversation the customer leaves and they're like that customer did this that and the

00:55:31.460 other they're like no the fuck you don't they didn't they just asked for cream well i mean

00:55:35.760 to have the teachers rally around you and seemingly that's true if that's crazy i gotta go back and

00:55:43.760 find that sentence no no no do not go back to any of this we don't need to don't re-traumatize

00:55:48.040 We're running out of time anyway.

00:55:49.000 We're running out of time.

00:55:49.800 So wait, are we at 44 minutes?

00:55:51.060 Yeah, Cashman's got to read this story.

00:55:52.700 What exactly happened here?

00:55:54.000 Nothing.

00:55:54.560 It was a coming out story.

00:55:55.940 It was a coming out story, but at the end of the day.

00:55:57.940 So he said he came to Christ, but I don't know.

00:56:00.480 I just feel like that story would have been told a little different if you knew Christ.

00:56:04.560 You know what I mean?

00:56:04.880 It could have been, I don't know.

00:56:06.300 Which Christ did you come to?

00:56:08.060 Oh, I see.

00:56:08.780 Well, the last three sentences were about a hooded figure that was very solid that he

00:56:13.160 stood up and said, be gone.

00:56:15.500 Be gone.

00:56:16.880 And then it did be gone.

00:56:18.040 It was Be Gone.

00:56:19.700 Which one am I reading?

00:56:20.860 The one that I sent to you.

00:56:22.160 Have you ever recorded for like movie voices?

00:56:24.360 No.

00:56:24.920 You haven't?

00:56:25.480 That's like a solid voice.

00:56:26.520 He sounded like a man, dude.

00:56:28.340 That's wild.

00:56:29.180 What's his name?

00:56:29.840 Andre the Giant in Princess Bride.

00:56:31.720 Where did he go?

00:56:32.580 What does he say when he's dressed up as the Dread Pirate Roberts?

00:56:36.520 And he goes,

00:56:37.480 Eating well shouldn't be complicated,

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00:57:34.700 Factor, Canada's number one meal delivery service.

00:57:37.900 You want to know what my evenings actually look like during back to school?

00:57:41.160 The kids are overtired, there are homework questions, the dog's begging for a walk, and someone's yelling for a snack.

00:57:47.500 And somewhere in the middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner?

00:57:52.000 That's why HelloFresh has been a lifesaver.

00:57:54.560 Fresh ingredients show up at my door, locally sourced when possible.

00:57:58.160 Simple, easy, step-by-step recipes, and no matter how chaotic the rest of my night gets, dinner is the one thing I'm not stressing about.

00:58:05.660 I'm just cooking a delicious meal my family will actually eat.

00:58:08.920 And it takes around 30 minutes.

00:58:11.160 And honestly, the real value is knowing that even on the busiest school nights, dinner's handled.

00:58:16.440 That's one last thing, and that matters.

00:58:19.000 Do what I'm doing and take some stress out of your evenings.

00:58:22.080 Go to HelloFresh.ca right now.

00:58:24.180 Get 11 free meals, free shipping, and free sides for life, but only with code MOMHELP.

00:58:29.900 That's 11 free meals, free shipping, and free sides for life, but only with code MOMHELP at HelloFresh.ca.

00:58:37.660 This episode is brought to you by Spreaker, the platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain.

00:58:44.540 Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives, and saying things like,

00:58:50.860 Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm editing audio.

00:58:53.940 If this sounds familiar, you're probably already a podcaster.

00:58:57.580 The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple.

00:59:00.160 You record your show, upload it once, and Spreaker distributes it everywhere people listen.

00:59:04.740 apple podcasts spotify and about a dozen apps your cousin swears are the next big thing

00:59:10.000 even better spreaker helps you monetize your show with ads meaning your podcast might someday pay

00:59:15.320 for well more microphones start your show today at spreaker.com spreaker because if you're going

00:59:22.900 to talk to yourself for an hour you might as well publish it uh he says something and they set him

00:59:28.740 on fire remember that scene i i honestly just watched this for the first time really i don't

00:59:33.480 remember what you're i don't remember what he says but i love that movie you will be gone like

00:59:39.540 there was something really crazy i'm thinking of uh i love forgetting sarah marshall okay yeah

00:59:43.980 it's one of my favorite yeah it's good when he's like you shall it's obviously from lord of the

00:59:47.980 rings but i think of him saying such a good movie he you know he ends with getting his muppet movie

00:59:53.700 and uh i love the muppets you know he wrote a muppet movie i actually don't like the muppets

00:59:58.080 they're kind of spooky terrifying uh jason siegel's muppet movie is pretty good oh that

01:00:03.360 was like a couple years ago right but in uh for gang sarah marshall he does the dracula

01:00:07.900 musical yeah that was like his like uh resume to get the muppet movie i was trying to get

01:00:13.060 on benjamin to write a dracula musical but uh in the pov of the ortho bros that's actually

01:00:19.080 fantastic yeah that's the move dude that's incredible and make the muppets would be crazy

01:00:23.020 happen man you want me to read from where they are start to address you guys uh yeah yeah start

01:00:28.780 from the top yeah yeah what's the name of this one uh this is this one better do i say who it's

01:00:33.580 from do i say your first name let's not talk if there's a last all right this one's from colton

01:00:39.500 raven and matt with 13 t's yeah and nancy my name is colton i wanted to thank you all

01:00:45.420 for taking the time to read my submission let's go chronicles is one of the best

01:00:49.660 things to listen to while grinding away at my goy slave factory job so i thought i'd throw some of

01:01:02.980 my stories at you guys also shout out to straight bible for being the most easy to digest and

01:01:09.900 relatable bible study that retards like myself can vibe with very nice if you only have time to

01:01:16.680 read one full-length story okay so go ahead so i'll just go from what we got yeah let's because

01:01:20.780 it's really not a super long i'll give you a quick intro he has to uh make sure we get an early life

01:01:25.680 check always important he's a jew i guess you're about to find out um i grew up in a small ass

01:01:31.300 red brick house in an extremely small midwest town that consisted of like 20 houses a christian

01:01:37.380 elementary school and an old closed gas station my mom and dad were still together when we lived

01:01:43.300 here and they would regularly take me and my older sister to church the first three stories

01:01:49.460 take place here all right story one it was midday on a weekend and for whatever reason i was hanging

01:01:57.800 out in my room i walked over to my bookshelf wanting to grab one of my favorite books and

01:02:03.800 look at cool pictures of dinosaurs i i'm so glad this is in parentheses right here where he says

01:02:09.820 i didn't know they were faking gay hell yeah a lot of us we didn't a lot of us didn't know okay

01:02:14.940 they want to know they like you reading the chronicles they want to know if we can keep you

01:02:19.180 oh yeah yeah just to do this i'm living out back right now uh literally kiki he did come over and

01:02:25.880 check out the food for us he loves it oh man it's amazing don't talk to kiki okay sorry don't address

01:02:31.180 the chat uh i remember i remember reaching out to grab the book when i was stuck i was struck

01:02:36.800 with a fully anatomically correct human face that's freaky already anatomic i was expecting

01:02:42.960 more but it was a human face yeah made out of what looked to be dust this appeared to be floating

01:02:49.140 about two inches from my face i was shocked i was so shocked i remember the jolt it sent through my

01:02:54.900 spine i remember that it wasn't just a dust cloud because i ran my effing ass i'm not trying to

01:03:01.460 curse you guys screaming to my mom and broke down the bathroom door it scared me that much

01:03:07.620 that's now while i'm reading that i'm thinking about the face we saw last night with a reaction

01:03:10.660 video with the nose oh yeah yeah dude that guy had such a nose i literally looked like an upside

01:03:15.920 down stingray i was doing the best i could to hold it together you know how like the bridge

01:03:22.260 of the nose is the stinger and it was like huge dude crazy my kids saw they saw steve erwin on

01:03:27.280 it like an ad for a game today and they were like oh look the rock and i was like how dare you

01:03:31.260 the rock they don't even resemble each other i was telling him this seaver when he's the alligator

01:03:35.620 you know that's fucking we don't know him he was the first one to do it dude oh he was the best

01:03:41.980 he was the greatest and he was the best because he loved the animal so much that he could he would

01:03:46.640 you could let him kill love and the excitement and he would tell you so much like instantly he'd

01:03:51.020 grab it he'd tell you everything about its eating habits and the habitat that it spends its time in

01:03:55.400 and mating all that it was his kids aren't the same kind of like alex's they're just not that

01:04:00.020 good shout out to rex everyone should after watching this show go look norman donald's

01:04:04.540 joke about steve erwin oh i love norman it's a long bit on i think it was john stewart's show

01:04:09.260 it's hilarious uh yeah i mean a floating face made of dust about two inches you know children

01:04:14.940 fucking see weird shit yeah a lot i have memories as a child seeing weird like hallucinating things

01:04:19.940 before the drugs yeah yeah yeah but you're in a weird house dude there's probably some weird

01:04:24.440 stuff it was a weird ancient yeah forest yeah are your kids uh new york do your kids normal

01:04:29.200 see things you want to hear a weird story yeah um this is the place for it keep in mind you don't

01:04:33.820 have a whole lot of time no he's got plenty of time well he's got a hotel's not gonna mess with

01:04:37.300 you bro all my stuff's in my room they're gonna you're not gonna miss a flight or anything no

01:04:40.760 but i have to get down i have to get down west palm i um my my middle daughter uh was taking a

01:04:48.320 nap back when she still used to nap and my son and i were playing outside while she's napping

01:04:53.440 we're outside below her window and we found a dead bird flown like they do hit the hit the house and

01:04:59.560 broke it or something yeah when my daughter woke up she starts telling us she had this crazy dream

01:05:05.020 about a bird flying around a room oh through her window and ever since she keeps having like weird

01:05:10.120 dreams like that and my wife has dreams like that that like birds flying in the house not like that

01:05:14.060 not specifically birds but like dreams that are like very connected to things that do happen so

01:05:17.820 she'll tell me the dream and literally that day something very similar to that will happen that's

01:05:21.080 fascinating sometimes it's not just that but like you know she's like ancient greek you know like

01:05:25.520 her family is very there's something no chicks chicks dream different because jess will dream

01:05:30.820 stuff that happens too yeah if you remember pontius pilot wife uh came to pontius and said

01:05:37.360 hey man don't do anything with this jesus i had a dream about him yeah like i think females can

01:05:42.020 dream literal everyone to insert themselves everyone i know should we not segregate them

01:05:48.100 out of society maybe the artificial womb factories are a good idea i think we need to bring back

01:05:51.840 that's nice honey you know what i mean yeah yeah that's nice honey like that's what poncy should

01:05:57.580 have said he said that's nice we're still gonna crucify we're gonna do it but yeah that that was

01:06:01.220 so interesting to me she kind of like somehow picked up on whatever's happening that is interesting

01:06:05.340 you know like she didn't know she was totally asleep we didn't make a racket about it we didn't

01:06:09.140 talk about it but she woke up that's what she started talking about i'm like my son has a

01:06:13.560 friend who uh i just overheard him talking he's like yeah everywhere we go ever since i was

01:06:18.020 little me and my mom just get attacked by birds and now we're just terrified of birds and the

01:06:22.140 birds are always crashing into our windows and dying in the yard and every house we move to the

01:06:26.100 same thing happens and i'm like yeah bro do you know do you know what a flock of crows is called

01:06:31.500 a murder murder do you know what a fucking group of ravens is called i knew you would know this a

01:06:36.320 conspiracy yep what it's also called an unkindness but a conspiracy of raven very strange isn't that

01:06:42.220 yeah you should have like a bunch of clones and then you go by i love that i'm trying to figure

01:06:45.960 out a way to integrate that early but it doesn't it's fucking doesn't it's not catchy so my dog

01:06:50.040 told me that i was like oh a conspiracy of ravens my dog ate a crow in the chicken coop your dog's

01:06:56.840 an asshole no he's crazy he's crazy it's the one that bites he's crazy it's the black dog that

01:07:01.260 bites of course yeah but like so he was like in the chicken coop i think the crows were getting

01:07:08.140 in there getting eggs which i don't mind if they get an egg or two it's like whatever sure but

01:07:11.720 they don't they usually don't go overboard and they'll like alert us when there's foxes or like

01:07:16.080 a bald eagle or something coming over so they're like cool they're our buddies but now that he ate

01:07:19.940 the one dude they're like they hold a grudge forever oh they remember it's been different

01:07:25.280 now no they're smart dude yeah you know how they will um they've learned i think they observed this

01:07:30.120 in like china crows were dropping like these nuts in their intersections so the cars would drive over

01:07:33.960 it so they could eat it oh smartly and then and then other crows learn like they would observe

01:07:38.460 that the knowledge would travel they'll try to bring you little shiny things that are of value

01:07:42.080 to exchange for food and they'll try talking to you yeah yeah yeah if you ever hear a raven talk

01:07:46.060 oh yeah tell us about it yeah you heard one in a forest you would freak the fuck out like they

01:07:55.500 don't sound i think i heard one like laughing or something like that in a video and it's like

01:07:59.740 all right guys we got like 20 minutes are my favorite bird i think they're the janitors

01:08:04.780 oh yeah yeah they have beautiful blue eyes too some of them i never noticed that you used to

01:08:08.680 ask people like what's your favorite bird name your favorite bird oh yeah i used to ask that

01:08:11.420 all the time and everybody had you go well harpy eagle was my favorite i mean really is kind of my

01:08:15.100 favorite bird it's an unbelievable bird and it used to be the biggest eagle until somebody

01:08:18.940 discovered the golden eagle which is i think like in uh thailand or something in south asian

01:08:23.160 countries and it just fucking is not as cool it might be bigger but it's not as cool as the harpy

01:08:28.540 i love it's vultures then ravens and then the third i always forget the name it's shoehorn

01:08:32.900 oh the shoe bill

01:08:34.100 that thing is unreal

01:08:36.540 that thing was made in a lab

01:08:38.720 that's like as big as a human right

01:08:40.180 you know what the largest wingspan is

01:08:43.680 I think the largest wingspan might be like 14 feet

01:08:46.000 it's a fucking albatross

01:08:47.020 albatross is crushed dude

01:08:48.780 and they barely just soar over the ocean

01:08:51.960 should I read story 2

01:08:53.000 there's brevity

01:08:56.040 so we appreciate that

01:08:58.680 and less gay

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01:09:01.680 But somehow it turns into recipes, prep, cleanup, and half your Sunday gone.

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01:09:32.640 They taste like something you'd get in a restaurant,

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01:10:00.240 You want to know what my evenings actually look like during back to school?

01:10:03.800 The kids are overtired, there are homework questions, the dog's begging for a walk,

01:10:07.740 and someone's yelling for a snack.

01:10:09.860 And somewhere in the middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner?

01:10:14.360 That's why HelloFresh has been a lifesaver.

01:10:16.900 Fresh ingredients show up at my door, locally sourced when possible.

01:10:20.500 Simple, easy, step-by-step recipes, and no matter how chaotic the rest of my night gets,

01:10:25.260 Dinner is the one thing I'm not stressing about.

01:10:28.080 I'm just cooking a delicious meal my family will actually eat, and it takes around 30 minutes.

01:10:33.480 And honestly, the real value is knowing that even on the busiest school nights, dinner's handled.

01:10:38.780 That's one last thing, and that matters.

01:10:41.340 Do what I'm doing and take some stress out of your evenings.

01:10:44.400 Go to HelloFresh.ca right now.

01:10:46.520 Get 11 free meals, free shipping, and free sides for life, but only with code MOMHELP.

01:10:52.280 That's 11 free meals, free shipping, and free sides for life, but only with code MOMHELP at HelloFresh.ca.

01:11:00.200 This episode is brought to you by Spreaker, the platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain.

01:11:06.880 Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives, and saying things like,

01:11:13.220 Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm editing audio.

01:11:16.240 If this sounds familiar, you're probably already a podcaster.

01:11:19.420 The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple. You record your show, upload it once,

01:11:25.060 and Spreaker distributes it everywhere people listen. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and about a

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01:11:34.840 your show with ads, meaning your podcast might someday pay for, well, more microphones.

01:11:40.780 Start your show today at Spreaker.com. Spreaker. Because if you're going to talk to yourself for

01:11:46.320 an hour you might as well publish it i had a collection of action figures and toys chaotically

01:11:51.760 thrown into a square mesh fabric storage box in the corner of my room yep these were mainly from

01:11:57.740 things like gi joe transformers star wars and weirdly enough this two to three foot tall action

01:12:02.660 figure of that bad grasshopper dude oh yeah bugs life movie yeah that guy that guy was very

01:12:07.960 nostalgic yeah super random i know it was actually pretty creepy looking from what i can remember

01:12:14.080 uh i never played with it and to be honest i don't even remember how or why i got it it usually

01:12:20.080 stayed on one of my toy drawers next to a few other things i never really played with on the

01:12:24.900 bottom drawer this is gonna get spooky like i said i never played with it because it was kind

01:12:30.380 of freaky looking yeah and had buttons that would play his voice lines from the movie yeah and he

01:12:35.700 was an asshole in the movie yeah that's a new paragraph i was fast asleep in my badass red

01:12:40.940 race car fed hell yeah dude let's go i had a great childhood when i was awoken by one of his voice

01:12:48.580 lines constantly going off obviously this scared the piss out of me like raven walking in here

01:12:54.440 probably literally he was i said i was pretty young but the weirdest part was that the button

01:13:01.100 would cycle through his dialogue not just play one clip after this continued i remember i gained

01:13:07.000 the courage to get up and investigate what the hell was going on with it i pulled the covers

01:13:12.660 down from over my head they were protecting me they got out of my bed slowly and pulled open

01:13:17.980 the drawer to check on the action figure brave it wasn't there it was figure figure figure my

01:13:25.760 action figure there's a you in there it's a hard r uh i felt that cold shock where you're almost

01:13:31.880 paralyzed because you're trying to process what the hell just happened i hear one of the voice

01:13:37.360 lines shoot off again i turn my head to where i heard the sound come from this biatch was at the

01:13:44.460 bottom of that mesh box underneath all my toys that i played with earlier no that's interesting

01:13:50.460 i like that i think there's something wrong with some dolls and like toys and stuff yeah you know

01:13:54.880 like i don't really know what it is but uh i think it's they can interact with like technology

01:13:59.440 especially if he's got a little voice box well i told you the story about uh my own my own who has

01:14:03.440 cancer her uh your what in her house yeah my aunt aunt whatever in her house that was like all

01:14:09.300 haunted and spooked out yeah yeah yeah um i remember from my cousin's birthday we had to

01:14:13.660 sleep over and he had this batman piggy bank and we wanted batteries in it but it was like those

01:14:18.380 circle ones that are uncommon oh yeah yeah so i think we had to wait to the next day and in the

01:14:22.760 middle of the night so he puts it on his like stand in the middle of the night the thing starts

01:14:25.780 going off like that i'm the dark knight like shit like that glowing and we're just like yo

01:14:30.180 like check no batteries oh put it back and it's just wow yeah we did something very similar we

01:14:34.920 had a tickle me elmo for my dog oh that's not great for me to just have sex with

01:14:39.540 and uh we you know it's kind of for the house uh so eventually it started uh breaking and it

01:14:50.440 would just the voice because you know he crushed it up and it would just go off randomly so we

01:14:53.720 took the batteries out of it and it still fucking went off and i remember one day we threw it at

01:14:57.660 the bottom of the basement steps because everybody was thoroughly creeped out by it and the voice box

01:15:02.340 was crushed sufficiently enough that it would go ha ha ha that tickles from the bottom of the

01:15:09.080 basement stairway dude it was like after that we fucking broke it into pieces and tossed it in the

01:15:13.320 trash can outside but it had no batteries so it was still doing the day for those who listen to

01:15:17.560 our show that we did i'd tell you about the room where the boy was killed right in my house right

01:15:21.700 in the 79 yeah it's a crazy story so think he'll never watch it for those who listen to that show

01:15:26.800 just remember that room okay or the back room it's built into the into a hill so that room

01:15:31.460 happens to be underground it's like a bunker so my parents thought it'd be a good idea to bring home

01:15:35.240 an elf toy oh yeah he's got the eight cats and stuff uncircumcised nose yes yeah why did you

01:15:42.400 scared the daylight out of me so i hid it in that room in the closet and that's where he stayed for

01:15:47.920 like 30 years i don't know do you have a theory on why like the dolls and stuff are creepy and

01:15:52.140 kind of a lot i don't know i think it's maybe it could be us projecting something onto them

01:15:55.820 because it's weird and inanimate objects that are kind of like it's uncanny sometimes because

01:15:59.660 they are very terrifying but they do things like they make these sounds yeah you know and they

01:16:05.120 hijack sometimes i think it's partly because of the children's connection with them a lot of the

01:16:09.280 times it's like uh uh like a tulpa or a thought form you know this idea that you can bring life

01:16:14.740 to something if you uh like a sigil right you charge like we talked about this on stage right

01:16:20.060 like charging a thing with various energies if you're a child and you desperately love this thing

01:16:25.780 and you're constantly focusing on it and you know it's your thing that you carry around with you

01:16:30.160 everywhere you go like this thing is getting some sort of energetic exchange on top of it if it's

01:16:34.040 got a little voice box i think frequency is kind of the key player there yeah they're creepy they

01:16:39.760 dolls are creepy it can be creepy i saw like someone who thought i i met a guy in georgia

01:16:45.740 for this book actually the georgia book that uh believed this doll in this house was haunted

01:16:50.420 and so he told me all about he's kind of like weird he thought he heard like voices and stuff

01:16:54.280 like from the spiritual realm yeah told me the whole story about the doll it's in a historic

01:16:58.100 like museum house in this town in washington georgia i then i met this lady on another trip

01:17:03.380 to the same town while writing the book she did not know this guy this guy didn't live in this

01:17:06.720 town he came to visit because i met him online she told me that she went to the museum in this

01:17:11.560 town and when she was in sixth grade she told me this story about this time this doll flew off the

01:17:16.780 chair and i was like where was this she was like in this room i'm like that's the that's the doll

01:17:22.020 so i connected to what he was telling me i don't know what that means but it's just so funny to me

01:17:26.060 that this person who did not know this man who is not from this town had another story about the

01:17:30.560 same doll in the same room the same house i think you know i think when it comes to haunted houses

01:17:35.120 like i i don't have any doubts uh there's some something i don't know if energy gets trapped in

01:17:39.680 places i think the dead are dead and i think whatever that is is something else you know

01:17:44.220 when people go oh there's ghosts in here i go i don't fucking think it's a ghost in the in the

01:17:48.060 sense that you think but um let's get through story four and then we'll save the rest for

01:17:53.500 another time we have story one and story two we could always revisit those do we have story four

01:17:57.420 yeah story four oh yeah right after that wild this is the wild one okay oh i see when i was

01:18:03.040 in high school, I mostly lived at my mom's house. She moved into a larger still small town just 15

01:18:09.580 minutes away from the original house I grew up in. I got my first job out of high school working

01:18:13.880 right night shift at a grocery store just down the road from my mom's house. Solid. Nothing weird

01:18:18.580 ever happened there. However, because I was on that third shift schedule, I would generally get

01:18:24.160 home around 6am and sleep until about 2pm. It was never easy for me to keep a solid sleep schedule.

01:18:29.480 third shift just drains you even yeah for sure even when all you do is stock shelves check out

01:18:35.180 customers and stack inventory on pallets on me i used to drive a forklift pallets says yeah

01:18:40.380 large part of my life yeah i had most of the basement for myself a clean but unfinished

01:18:44.840 basement with a nicely put together corner where all my stuff was i rocked the bachelor special

01:18:50.260 do you have any blood pillows you think the kratom cups and blood pillows let's go a large

01:18:54.960 green vintage carpet a decent entertainment center where my tv xbox 360 and my playstation

01:18:59.980 2 sat he also had an array of hot sauces oh yeah that was just he had nothing at all for you to

01:19:06.960 eat or drink there but he did have a lot of time period of that where i had a ton of different

01:19:11.440 hot sauce i do too hot sauce and my mattress right did he have like tabasco like black people

01:19:17.000 with the purse on the breakfast club that's what it was watermelon picture array of hot sauces

01:19:21.540 i go everywhere with my tabasco you know i remember everything that's what hillary said

01:19:27.620 but i do love tabasco i still i still miss because there was one moment where uh you were driving us

01:19:32.140 around this when you had the van and me and clint were in the back uh singing uh meek mills dreams

01:19:37.280 and nightmares and uh and i remember that very fondly love that song and it was a great moment

01:19:42.600 with clint in a minivan and then he went that song's about getting anally raped by p diddy

01:19:47.280 Did you know that?

01:19:48.280 Well, no.

01:19:49.160 But yeah, I do know that he was anally raped by P. Diddy.

01:19:51.660 It's so sad.

01:19:52.120 It's a great song.

01:19:52.920 Who is it?

01:19:54.380 Meek Mill.

01:19:54.880 Yeah, Meek Mill called him Daddy.

01:19:55.980 I know.

01:19:56.780 It's so bad.

01:19:57.700 Not in the way that we call Albarino Daddy.

01:19:59.560 That's totally platonic and has nothing to do with ass sex.

01:20:01.260 But he's fine now.

01:20:01.900 He just opened for Gillis at the giant show he did in Philly.

01:20:04.800 Meek Mill?

01:20:05.180 Yeah.

01:20:05.640 Or Albarino?

01:20:08.160 We'll say Albarino, but he wrapped dreams in our heads.

01:20:10.460 Okay, hell yeah.

01:20:11.560 Yeah.

01:20:11.860 All right.

01:20:12.320 Sorry.

01:20:12.700 Sorry for this person who wrote this story.

01:20:14.740 And my mattress, he says, is right on the floor.

01:20:16.600 It had to be about 2 p.m. when something woke me up.

01:20:19.600 I noticed that there was no ambient light shining down the stairs from the open upstairs door.

01:20:25.400 No ambient light from the egress windows from my bathroom window.

01:20:29.260 I don't know the meaning of the word.

01:20:30.040 Just darkness.

01:20:30.840 I think it's a type of bird.

01:20:32.160 I don't know.

01:20:32.720 Yeah, that's what I thought.

01:20:33.660 I think he's just like describing night, right?

01:20:36.900 Egress means it's like an exit.

01:20:38.640 Yeah, it should be 2 p.m., I guess he's saying.

01:20:41.160 It was early afternoon, so I found that super bizarre.

01:20:44.120 I shuffle around a bit and try to get back to sleep. I remember feeling the temperature drop at this point. It's pitch black. There's no ambient light. It's getting cold and I'm beginning to feel heavy in all caps. It felt as though I had a weighted bodysuit. Specifically, my hands, feet and my chest were anchored, extremely confused, somewhat freaked out, trying to understand what's going on.

01:21:08.780 I look around the room for clues to what the heck is going on.

01:21:12.060 Still nothing.

01:21:13.120 Then I got heavier.

01:21:15.040 That's interesting.

01:21:15.780 I've had those moments before where I was like smoking and I was like super high and I felt like something was like I was walking and it felt like something was like pushing me into the earth.

01:21:24.900 And I remember being so high that I didn't I wasn't alarmed by it.

01:21:27.880 I just was like, oh, the first time I got high was I was looking down at the ground.

01:21:32.120 I had smoked like a few times without getting high.

01:21:34.620 Oh, that's weird.

01:21:35.040 And then when I finally did, I was like super high.

01:21:37.540 remember looking down and i had this feeling that i was like going up a mountain like i wasn't like

01:21:41.920 i was looking at the mountain like going up and then i was like oh i'm tripping and i looked up

01:21:45.980 and i still had that feeling that i was like going up yeah i felt like i weighed an extra 300 pounds

01:21:50.880 it was fucking weird i don't miss smoking or anything me either dude i'm so pumped that i'm

01:21:55.340 free of that shit like it took it was so much of my life yes like i did it for so long and uh i

01:22:00.900 remember when i started dating my wife she was like 15 some years ago we were so we would smoke

01:22:05.400 every now and then i'm like this is not enjoyable why am i even forcing myself to do such a routine

01:22:09.160 yeah i was like i just have to do it well you said it too dutchies and everything i was always

01:22:13.540 smoking blunts always smoking blunts i didn't know until i went to college like because i met these

01:22:17.180 kids i grew up in like the sticks right uh north of the city and we only had blunts in 40s and then

01:22:22.360 my friends from college were like city type kids and like across the river from like a little

01:22:26.620 wealthier and they all had like bowls and bongs i knew that was a thing but i really like that was

01:22:31.040 For us, it was just, you go to Sitco, you get the Dutch, you crack it open in the parking

01:22:35.500 lot, you fill it up, you can smell and hear the seeds popping in the blunt, and then you

01:22:41.080 drink your 40 of old English, and then you run from the cops in the cemetery.

01:22:43.460 Hell yeah, dude.

01:22:44.180 In the cemetery, such a classic white boy lifestyle, let's fucking go.

01:22:48.940 Wigger maxing, bro.

01:22:50.060 We did have a black friend with us who had a fake leg, so he could run that well.

01:22:53.500 That's awesome.

01:22:54.400 So he was exactly his feet.

01:22:55.620 Shout out to Gordon.

01:22:56.700 He couldn't run that well.

01:22:57.960 One-legged Gordon is awesome, dude.

01:22:59.700 Well, he could roll a sick blunt.

01:23:01.160 Hell yeah, dude.

01:23:01.860 All right.

01:23:02.320 So anyway, he was getting heavy.

01:23:04.800 I couldn't move.

01:23:05.620 I tried to shake around and jolt my shoulders and knees around.

01:23:08.900 That's about as much as I could manage.

01:23:10.920 I was locked down by something.

01:23:13.200 Eating well shouldn't be complicated.

01:23:14.760 But somehow it turns into recipes, prep, cleanup, and half your Sunday gone.

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01:23:36.880 Meals that help you stay on track for all of your goals, without the grind of doing it all yourself.

01:23:42.280 Grilled chicken, roasted veggies, steak plates, pasta bowls.

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01:24:13.320 You want to know what my evenings actually look like during back to school?

01:24:16.880 The kids are overtired, there are homework questions, the dog's begging for a walk,

01:24:20.780 and someone's yelling for a snack.

01:24:22.700 And somewhere in the middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner?

01:24:27.440 That's why HelloFresh has been a lifesaver.

01:24:29.980 Fresh ingredients show up at my door, locally sourced when possible.

01:24:33.580 Simple, easy, step-by-step recipes, and no matter how chaotic the rest of my night gets,

01:24:38.500 dinner is the one thing I'm not stressing about.

01:24:41.100 I'm just cooking a delicious meal my family will actually eat.

01:24:44.600 And it takes around 30 minutes.

01:24:46.500 And honestly, the real value is knowing that even on the busiest school nights, dinner's handled.

01:24:51.880 That's one last thing, and that matters.

01:24:54.400 Do what I'm doing and take some stress out of your evenings.

01:24:57.480 Go to HelloFresh.ca right now.

01:24:59.600 Get 11 free meals, free shipping, and free sides for life, but only with code MOMHELP.

01:25:05.360 That's 11 free meals, free shipping, and free sides for life, but only with code MOMHELP at HelloFresh.ca.

01:25:13.260 This episode is brought to you by Spreaker, the platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain.

01:25:19.960 Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives,

01:25:25.260 and saying things like, sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm editing audio.

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01:25:33.120 The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple.

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01:25:40.160 Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and about a dozen apps your cousin swears are the next big thing.

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01:25:53.860 Start your show today at Spreaker.com.

01:25:56.520 Spreaker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it.

01:26:01.940 In the palms of my hands and on the center of my feet, I felt about, in the size of a penny, immense weight keeping me pinned down.

01:26:09.360 Oh, wow.

01:26:09.860 At this point, I'm full on freaking out.

01:26:12.740 It's dark.

01:26:13.900 My mom was at work.

01:26:14.920 my sister had long moved out then oh sorry there's no one who can help me wow still trying

01:26:21.880 to break free in panic i'm stunned by what sounded like a circle around me of extremely deep and dark

01:26:27.940 chanting oh dude now it's getting that this was going on for what felt like hours i couldn't

01:26:34.760 understand any of the words being said but i could feel them i felt the impact of the reverberations

01:26:41.020 of each word into my chest i could feel my heartbeat slowing down dramatically breaths

01:26:47.500 were getting dangerously slow and far from each other i actually remember seeing a vignette

01:26:53.280 closing around my vision what's a vignette like when the darkness on the side circle down wow

01:26:59.040 this feels like witchcraft yeah it does feel like witchcraft this is it i thought to myself

01:27:03.480 i legitimately thought i was going to die here and i wouldn't even understand why this is where

01:27:10.000 admittedly i can't remember exactly what happened i do remember a sensation some kind of repelling

01:27:15.960 force in opposition to whatever was in my room with me i remember finally being able to break

01:27:20.940 free my hands and feet were unchained like something something else started to fight

01:27:25.440 my hands and feet were unchained all of the weight was off my chest i felt all of my warmth

01:27:33.360 and mobility return in the snap of a finger all ambient light was brought back the basement was

01:27:39.620 back to being illuminated by the early afternoon glow of the summer sun through my egress window

01:27:44.840 and the upstairs open door what do you guys think happened here was i almost sacrificed

01:27:50.520 did jesus intervene so that i could continue on this path to get to know him i mean dude that

01:27:56.940 sounds i was just getting very much like witchcraft that sounds like people yeah you know what i mean

01:28:01.480 and and uh well you said yeah you're like a circle of chance around yeah yeah i i believe that that

01:28:06.640 obviously witchcraft is a thing witches are out there prevalent though like i know what people

01:28:11.240 think i knew a witch yeah i didn't know she was a witch at the time i would later realize this

01:28:14.760 like literally yeah and um she told me a crazy story about being a kid that's very much like

01:28:21.240 that story uh although this took place in like the 60s okay she was a baby and she remembers

01:28:26.640 waking up and being encircled by some people yeah there you go and that reminded me of like

01:28:30.840 rosemary's baby or something right like all that stuff all that popular media is all based off of

01:28:35.320 Like that's all real shit that have happened.

01:28:36.940 Yeah.

01:28:37.220 That's all real.

01:28:37.920 Do you know my witchcraft story?

01:28:39.360 No,

01:28:39.960 I don't think so.

01:28:40.700 Oh yeah.

01:28:42.520 This is a Clint heavy episode,

01:28:43.780 I guess.

01:28:45.200 I guess we'll,

01:28:46.060 we'll end on this,

01:28:46.880 but we did,

01:28:48.980 we got time.

01:28:49.640 We did a comedy show.

01:28:50.820 It's 1132.

01:28:51.520 He's got to check out of a hotel.

01:28:52.800 We did a comedy show at my house here when I just moved in.

01:28:55.660 No furniture,

01:28:56.640 no nothing.

01:28:57.360 My parents were actually moving the day,

01:29:00.540 the next day.

01:29:02.020 Cause they live on the property with me.

01:29:03.580 and uh we had robbie the fire bernstein out oh i did a show of him you did yeah he's awesome like

01:29:09.760 a porch tour kind of thing with him i did it with tripoli and uh in jersey started divert but he's

01:29:14.620 the man he's the man so he came to the house and uh we had tower gang there we had everybody there

01:29:19.400 and uh he had a girlfriend robbie the fire had a girlfriend and clint brought his girlfriend

01:29:26.400 ex-girlfriend at the time this girl you would know her she was on info wars uh she's now doing

01:29:32.700 only fans she made a brief run through the right wing media circuit oh i think i know this yeah

01:29:38.060 you know who that is yeah okay there's a point where we're on the couch in the living room and

01:29:43.340 we're doing a show we're doing tower game for everybody and we're doing our thing and i see

01:29:47.900 them going upstairs and running up and coming down running up and coming down they're having fun i

01:29:51.580 was like what's going on up there um clint ends up you know just kind of like going to bed afterward

01:29:57.660 and they do whatever they do in the room everybody leaves the next day

01:30:03.980 i'm outside in the back and i'm actually doing a i'm helping the mover that's coming in to uh

01:30:10.300 help my parents move all their stuff we're putting it in the shed in the back

01:30:13.980 and this guy happens to be some famous dude he's over is yeah his name is jovi val he was like uh

01:30:22.300 early in the the right wing antifa movement he was like early in the proud boy stuff he's got

01:30:27.020 a scar on his head from getting hit by antifa new york city yeah if you see the videos of this guy

01:30:32.360 you know him but he's been thoroughly canceled and this is what he's doing now guy shows up at my

01:30:36.680 house that's wild yeah yeah so i'm just like but even more wild he identifies the female well yeah

01:30:43.380 so later on we're in the back and there's like a field to like see us and clint is like he wakes

01:30:49.140 up late and his girlfriend wake up late and everyone else is gone and they come out in the

01:30:53.200 field and they go oh yeah dude you meet these people because like they're like we're in the

01:30:56.620 space that you were in and it's just kind of cool come say hi to them and he walks out and this girl

01:31:01.560 sees him and he sees her and they kind of stop and she like gets out of there what yeah so i'm

01:31:09.140 watching i'm like oh what the fuck was that like that was weird and he says bye to clint i say bye

01:31:13.360 to clinton and and they leave and then he looks at me like right in my face and he goes you know

01:31:18.080 that girl i said yeah he goes she's a witch and i go uh all right got nowhere to put it whatever

01:31:26.220 long story short uh i mean not long story short like i guess a couple months go go by and my kids

01:31:31.720 the kids that are out there now they start coming down with like stomach issues and then after that

01:31:37.440 my wife has like vertigo to the point where it's like she has pretty much everything it's like lyme

01:31:42.420 disease running amok through her body and she's non-functional whoa to the point like we're like

01:31:48.480 i don't know like i thought she was gonna die at some points but like whoa yeah yeah we went through

01:31:53.360 a crazy time uh functional medicine doctors all kinds of stuff and we got her on her feet

01:31:58.880 but uh going back again after everybody leaves and we clean up the house my wife goes through

01:32:05.520 the room and she finds in the room that they were staying in a pair of dirty panties disastrous

01:32:13.620 panties not just like dirty like she had mentioned it to me and it was like we were like we laughed

01:32:17.760 about it and we even joked a little bit on tower gang about it um fast forward she like felt bad

01:32:24.240 for her she's like oh this poor girl yeah like something must have happened that these panties

01:32:27.820 are this she was like they were horrifically dirty and she wouldn't explain to me like what

01:32:31.400 was on them but it was just like a funny thing right right later on we're talking with vicky

01:32:36.060 joy anderson um she's the best she's like a writer for la marzulli and she's uh she does like really

01:32:41.960 great work and she started talking about artifacts that witches leave yeah like anchor anchor

01:32:47.480 items anchor items and she had mentioned yeah some of the anchor items some of the things the

01:32:52.280 most common things that they leave on there were would be blood urine feces sperm holy crap and

01:32:58.840 this is right after this bro grove and i swear like if you watch the video it hit me like this

01:33:04.600 boom and i go wait say that again and she says it again i call my wife immediately and i was like

01:33:10.120 what was on the panties anchor babies and she went she wouldn't tell me and i was like what's on the

01:33:15.560 right and then someone's like blood sperm whoa shit all this stuff on the panties left in my

01:33:22.960 house as like some sort of token and then i'm like and then i'm put doing the math i'm like

01:33:27.180 my entire house gets sick the month like right in the months following to the point where like

01:33:32.000 it was to the point where i was like i'm gonna go back to new york because i don't have health

01:33:36.080 care here right and we're just like blowing through our savings and i was like dude dude

01:33:40.800 i have such a similar experience what it's a whole longer story how's that even possible

01:33:44.700 we've had we've had witch issues you know nancy's family is like very much shoes you say shoes

01:33:51.420 experience no no issues i was like they're like the jews you know they they believe in witchcraft

01:33:56.780 and somebody's older like greek women they do crazy stuff they believe in it like in a good

01:34:01.640 way you're like they put spells on you they practice it her family does no no no no no like

01:34:07.400 extended family and like people from back in greece and we've for a very long time thought

01:34:11.300 that someone would cast a spell on us like before i was like you know believing in christ and stuff

01:34:15.220 yeah i was still thinking like god witches are real dude i'm telling you they are super prevalent

01:34:19.960 it's super dark dude it's so much more common than people think if you look at witch talk

01:34:25.100 which is like tiktok for witches yeah it's fucking insane dude i met i met a bunch in georgia bro like

01:34:31.560 they were this town was crawling with witches yeah and some of them consider themselves christian

01:34:35.940 witches and at the time even before i'm religious i'm thinking that doesn't you can't be right it's

01:34:40.820 like being a mason magician black magician exactly yeah they had a whole loophole in their heads and

01:34:45.180 stuff but like they were doing blood magic yeah they were on a battlefield one of the bloodiest

01:34:49.300 battles from the revolution that took place in washington georgia just sopping up that energy

01:34:53.100 on with crystals and a blood on a full moon doing some weird ass like magic stuff bro it was crazy

01:34:58.360 out there man is that in book one right that's in book two that's the two but that's an interesting

01:35:03.240 thing that people don't understand about the crystals dude is they'll do stuff like that

01:35:06.480 charge a crystal and they'll sell it at the flea market you're just a 13 year old girl that thinks

01:35:10.700 crystals are cool that's like you're bringing something crazy cursed thing it's funny because

01:35:14.620 i play i used to play a game called skyrim where like the idea was you have these crystals and you

01:35:18.720 could charge them up for magical shit but you got to kill something and trap its spirit inside and

01:35:22.500 then it's like oh yeah they're sacrificing animals around spirits charging it with the new moon and

01:35:26.780 the harvest moon and then putting them in there but before you go i'll tell you like the the whole

01:35:30.560 happy ending to that uh so we spent i mean obviously we moved here we bought the house

01:35:34.880 and we had savings from the previous house and we spent almost all of it because we got to get her

01:35:38.520 up and running a lot of money there's a lot of money um all the money that we spent whether it

01:35:44.220 was like my wife was she's a nurse so she's like i'm not doing western medicine stuff we're going

01:35:47.880 to do uh you know functional medicine or eastern medicine whatever we're trying anything uh

01:35:53.580 frequency healing technology parasite cleanses and then obviously tons and tons of money on like

01:36:00.740 all pure soaps and whatever like we use like we use soap for our clothes that doesn't even smell

01:36:06.900 nice like yeah it's just all organic stuff like my house yeah yeah so this is stuff this is what

01:36:12.320 we went through and then we make the show our first sponsor was rife frequency healing technology

01:36:18.020 our second sponsor is purged uh yeah uh with uh their you know what are these called the

01:36:24.260 parasite cleanses and then our third biggest sponsor was vanman for no reason yeah with all

01:36:30.000 the health products no red dye 40 all that yeah that's great i've never done the math but i say

01:36:34.700 all the time i'm like if i go back and we did the accounting of how much we spent for my how much i

01:36:38.460 spent for my wife and how much we made back like given right back it would probably be one-to-one

01:36:43.000 dude that's so crazy crazy crazy story that is and the moral of it is fuck witches yeah and i

01:36:49.540 don't blame i don't want to i don't want to put that on clint that's not i don't know he's

01:36:54.100 fucking libertarian yeah i think but i think that girl and or maybe i don't know somebody was doing

01:36:58.720 wait so you think that that she also was there at that time that put some kind of hex on him

01:37:03.520 that caused this crazy he's awfully sleepy like hates you guys still and like won't make it right

01:37:08.840 i hope you guys kind of want to make it right then maybe she like put something on him to like

01:37:12.920 he sounds like a kind of a cool dude he is a cool dude then like hey we can't like work this out or

01:37:18.380 figure this out the thing about thing about witchcraft is that if you're suffering if you're

01:37:23.260 suffering under it and you don't know it's a spiritual attack you've got no recourse so that's

01:37:28.500 potentially what's happening i don't know but we had we had recourse in a physical way like we

01:37:33.000 treated all the symptoms of this and we're actually able to turn it around and then later on i'm able

01:37:37.520 to bolster with spiritual uh knowledge yeah before we had no idea so if you're not operating in that

01:37:43.120 realm and you're being attacked that way it's just going to keep on attacking you and you're going

01:37:47.120 to keep going lower and lower people who don't have any spiritual discernment oh yeah and they

01:37:52.080 go about but they think that they're being attacked by witch stuff and they'll go about

01:37:56.160 doing other witchy stuff yeah it's like i watched this documentary it was called the curse man it's

01:38:01.760 on tubi if anybody's interested and you watch this guy he purposely gets cursed so he can have a

01:38:05.680 have a spiritual experience because he wants to believe and he's getting cursed by like dudes

01:38:09.580 that you're looking at you go that's a real ass dude like that's a real witch doctor in new orleans

01:38:12.920 and that's a real satanist in mexico and they're all putting curses on him by the end of it the

01:38:17.240 way he tries to break it he goes to druids and they do like a nature you know cleansing or whatever

01:38:22.680 and uh i don't know how that guy's doing now but sheesh all right shane we got to respect your time

01:38:27.460 because you got like 10 minutes he's got time he doesn't have time let's do another story

01:38:31.700 he's gonna be moving down here soon we'll have all the time in the world don't worry about it

01:38:35.460 once matt gets a swastika tattoo on his face on his face where you can do like a little teardrop

01:38:40.040 nobody will even notice it'll be great if you get it in the other direction it's just from like

01:38:45.540 india or something like that um all right so are we gonna do plugs should i ask him where people

01:38:49.480 could find him only his plugs okay shane cashman thank you for joining us where the hell can people

01:38:53.580 find i don't want to leave i really don't want i don't want yeah let's do another show i had so

01:38:57.400 much fun it's been a banger dude you guys rule uh you can find my new book good villains at

01:39:02.600 shane cashman.com that's coming out through skyhorse on september 1st so hook it up it's

01:39:07.480 it's kanye west carrie lake uh riffraff of florida got a man who's in florida there he's big profile

01:39:14.420 on him fun crazy book and then you can uh help support me at shane cashman.substack.com huge

01:39:20.460 okay thank you guys stack in the book man that's it you got to come back here at some point with

01:39:24.880 some books we could do some signing i know i was hoping to get them from the printer but they

01:39:27.840 weren't uh ready in time by when i left but i will bring them down you're gonna be back i will

01:39:31.980 definitely be back i love it i'm gonna conquer his farm and uh it's gonna be okay with that

01:39:37.260 he loves bringing people down dude it's so beautiful it was such a like a peaceful start

01:39:41.220 please don't please him don't do that i can't help it i can't help it it was great all the

01:39:45.080 shows were so much fun it's a lot of fun shout out to john pounders by the way really pumped

01:39:49.020 that we got that together that was a lot of fun all right well let's get the fuck out of here

01:39:52.460 All right, guys, we'll see you next time.

01:39:53.980 Until then, don't forget to obey, submit, and comply.

01:39:56.740 Peace out.

01:40:22.460 Death Squad

01:40:24.840 Death Squad

01:40:29.460 Never look

01:40:36.700 Death Squad

01:40:38.240 When the last trumpet sounds

01:40:40.320 And the heavens

Nephilim Death Squad - September 04, 2026

Kamikaze Cruiseship w⧸ Shane Cashman & Matt Hepner ｜ NDS Chronicles

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