Nephilim Death Squad - NDS Chronicles w⧸ Kersten Capra

00:00:00 Oh, Top Lobster Productions.

00:00:30 Neverland Death Squad

00:00:32 Neverland Death Squad

00:00:37 Death Squad

00:00:40 Death Squad

00:00:42 Death Squad

00:00:52 Ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of NDS Chronicles, the show where we read, but not in this case, your paranormal testimony.

00:00:58 If you have something you want to send us, something crazy to happen to you, chroniclesnbs at gmail.com.

00:01:03 I am David Lee Corbo, a.k.a. The Raven.

00:01:05 That is Top Lobster, the father of this information.

00:01:08 Before we get into today's guests, a little reminder, a great place to support us, patreon.com forward slash Nephilim Death Squad.

00:01:15 Sign up there.

00:01:16 Gain early access to episodes before the general public.

00:01:18 Ad-free listening experiences. 1.00

00:01:20 Access to communities of dangerous retards on Telegram, on Twitter, and on Discord. 1.00

00:01:25 and discount codes off of merchandise from TopLobster.com, 0.99

00:01:29 where not only are you going to find our merch that's designed by our very own Top Lobster.

00:01:34 Ooh, let's do the Dan Bongino one.

00:01:35 It's a classic oldie, but it's good.

00:01:37 Let's do the one next to it with the guy with the missing teeth.

00:01:38 No, please don't show that one.

00:01:39 That one's the...

00:01:40 We're joined by Matt today.

00:01:42 Yeah, Matt's here.

00:01:43 Anyway, guys, you can also get tickets to Brohimi and Grove.

00:01:45 That's August 8th in Wildwood, Florida.

00:01:47 Come and see performances from...

00:01:49 Should I read the list of people?

00:01:51 Yeah, you should.

00:01:51 Not only Nephilim Death Squad, but Ed Mabry, Dr. Heather Lynn,

00:01:54 uh the guys from hidden in plain sight paranoid american doughnut cheney demon erasers uh jake

00:02:00 and jeremiah of skeiba news network laura baker dave of isaac's army all kinds of people are

00:02:06 coming out a very special guest actually a very special guest we'll be interviewing for our uh

00:02:11 our main big show yeah super secret guest can't say can't say who it is who it is we have uh

00:02:18 signed contracts with the nation state of israel that prevent us from joining us today is uh

00:02:26 kirsten did i say that right okay because it's with an e kirsten and matt of uh straight bible

00:02:31 and all the other things he does here that we're a big fan of um ladies first kirsten uh

00:02:38 what should we do because we don't have plugs for you what is it that you do

00:02:42 uh a magician right i'm a musician very nice i'm a realtor okay and you are um actually a friend

00:02:52 of matt's somebody who he's known for a long time and you have a testimony that you're going to share

00:02:58 with us today right correct okay so before we get into that uh i guess matt say hi to everybody

00:03:02 okay so she's not a podcaster so we're just sitting around like that's a little too nervous

00:03:06 you're not a podcaster either agreed but you're a barista we can't just roll her into it like that

00:03:10 like hey tell us your story so the story is hey hey you serve coffee okay relax yeah mason will 1.00

00:03:15 you open the door before you go goodbye mason story is uh she was a crazy person like she used

00:03:21 to be here for like years and would play no would play guitar like super loud but really good but

00:03:27 really good play guitar even back then dude like really incredible guitar and very strong singing

00:03:32 voice and uh she was one of the people that like the church people that came here hated yeah right

00:03:37 Like, hey, hey, they always complained about her.

00:03:39 She was loud. 1.00

00:03:40 She was vaping in the shop. 1.00

00:03:42 Vaping in the shop. 0.88

00:03:42 What did you used to play?

00:03:43 What was your song of choice when you would show up?

00:03:46 What did I play?

00:03:47 I don't know, but it always reminded me of the chick that said, hey, hey, what's going on?

00:03:50 Oh, oh. 1.00

00:03:51 It was like Four Non Blondes. 1.00

00:03:52 Oh, I think it was Four Non Blondes, but Zombie is pretty good.

00:03:57 Like an incredibly strong voice to where people would come out of the library and complain that it was too loud.

00:04:03 Yeah, but it was, like, so powerful, and I would never say no, though.

00:04:07 I would always let you play guitar and I'd say like, Hey,

00:04:11 if there's a lot of people around, don't vape, but I would let you vape.

00:04:13 But it was just like, if there was a bunch of people around,

00:04:15 I'd say, don't do it. 0.99

00:04:16 But then she used to call Brie a bitch and she would be like really nasty or 1.00

00:04:20 cause a scene sometimes like on the way out. 1.00

00:04:22 Was she acting like a bitch? 1.00

00:04:25 No, I think it was more like psychosis that I was in from, 1.00

00:04:29 from using and from this,

00:04:31 this was like probably less than a year before I got actually got sober and I

00:04:37 had a really really rough time and uh matt was always very kind to me and um yeah it was a rough

00:04:45 period in my life you know so all right this is this is the nature of the story then for for those

00:04:51 of you who haven't picked up on it we're talking about it's what you used to be group chat i mean

00:04:55 the story really well not your story but this story starts in our group chat where matt oh yeah

00:05:01 we have heard about you well just just today this morning he's like this lady came in and it's like

00:05:05 amazing what happened i didn't even recognize her and he gives us a brief rundown of your story and

00:05:12 he's like yeah she was like she was like a disaster before she walks in like a fully complete

00:05:15 mature responsible adult and he's like i don't even know this person yeah i i was in the back

00:05:21 saw like you a little bit out there you like did the wave and i was like i'm not totally sure who

00:05:26 that is and i got closer i was like no way and i was like i was like you're normal like i looked

00:05:31 at you even before you started talking i was like you're normal it was a it was the craziest thing

00:05:36 the worst thing to say no you know you'd have you'd have to know the nature of what did you

00:05:41 look at you do you look at you and say you're normal yeah i mean he didn't recognize me when

00:05:47 i came in i could tell by the way you looked and then you came out and you were like i was like

00:05:51 this oh you probably saw my tattoos or something you're like oh i know who you are wow and it's

00:05:56 just a testimony to what god can do and he's like what happened how did this happen i'm like

00:06:03 what did i say therefore if any man be in christ he is a new creation and that's my truth

00:06:10 banger yeah i was like what and that's i was like texting you guys i was like you won't believe i

00:06:15 wasn't thinking about like having you on the show or anything i was just texting you guys say you 1.00

00:06:18 won't believe what just happened yeah there's a crazy chick that's been here for years has done

00:06:23 all the craziest stuff it's okay well when he was introducing you we were standing here and he was 1.00

00:06:28 introducing you to us and uh and i said this is a normal high functioning adult high functioning i 0.97

00:06:33 would attribute high functioning to you real estate agent she's crushing the game now yeah 1.00

00:06:37 like a very normal functioning huge magician why do you keep saying that i think that's what she

00:06:43 said so um all right so so let's start i want to hear your story and i guess um i don't know where

00:06:49 you want to start it i i'll i'll ask you a question babyhood yeah where were you born

00:06:54 i was born in louisiana i was adopted seven days later i have a private adoption i have

00:07:01 five sisters we were all adopted from around the world um so that is a very i have a very

00:07:08 eclectic family okay you know i have two my parents each have a child from a previous marriage but

00:07:14 they weren't really with the six of it. They're all girls, the six girls that were adopted.

00:07:21 And yeah, I think it started out really normal. I come from an amazing, amazing, supportive family.

00:07:28 And around the age of like 14, I just got into some aforementioned things like drugs. And

00:07:36 And it really was, you know, when I first did that, I think it took away like a lot of physical and emotional pain that I was feeling even before then.

00:07:51 And I kind of like fell in love with it and just experimented and it just got worse from there.

00:07:56 Did you know your mom and dad or no?

00:07:58 I did not.

00:07:59 Ever?

00:08:00 No, I haven't.

00:08:01 You've never met your mom and dad?

00:08:02 I have not.

00:08:03 Well, my mom and dad are my adoptive parents.

00:08:05 You know, I've been with them since pretty much birth and the other kids are all from around the world. Yes. And you guys all just lived in Louisiana. No, no. We were raised in upstate New York. And then around the age I started to use drugs was when we moved to North Carolina. So I had a really sheltered childhood before moving to.

00:08:27 this is your parents trying to create a sheltered environment where you guys aren't

00:08:31 subjected to yeah i think they did a great job at that but when i hit middle school

00:08:36 in a different you know further south it was like a whole different world you said that um

00:08:44 it alleviated some of the pain that you had been feeling even before that what do you attribute

00:08:49 that pain to is that from not knowing you know there's a big mystery around the family or is it

00:08:54 maybe the moving a lot kind of a deal.

00:08:56 What was that pain from?

00:08:58 Well, I think there's always going to be,

00:09:00 and I mean, I'm sure you've talked about it before,

00:09:02 but there's generational stuff that I'm not even aware of.

00:09:05 Yeah, I was going to ask you if that played any part in this as soon as you were going.

00:09:09 She's got no clue about parents.

00:09:12 Not consciously, no.

00:09:13 I don't think it was consciously conscious pain.

00:09:17 I think there's like generational trauma that affected it.

00:09:20 I think, well, when I was just from some of my relationships, when the drug use started, you know, I think I always like as an alcoholic and an addict, I mean, I think we carry around a lot of stuff from the beginning that like it might be different than most people, you know, just inner, like not feeling OK in our own skin.

00:09:44 and you'll hear a lot of people say it, um, in AA and stuff just, and then short, shortly before

00:09:52 it got bad, I was in a pretty bad car accident. I had like health issues. So the opiates kind of

00:09:58 started after I broke my pelvis in a car accident at 17 was, I mean, before then I was just like

00:10:06 smoking weed, doing, you know, things like that, drinking a little bit, but it really took off at

00:10:12 the age of like 17 when I broke my pelvis in a car accident and I was prescribed Loraset or

00:10:18 something. That's a lot of people's story, right? Injured in one way or another. They trust in the

00:10:22 medical system. They prescribe opioids. Next thing you know, that's the beginning of a long

00:10:27 winding road. Correct. And this was during that whole like epidemic where they would just like

00:10:33 prescribe them. I mean, I was prescribed fentanyl patches by the age of 21 years old

00:10:38 I had back issues. I had health issues. But like what I didn't realize was like it was a cycle like these things were all causing the issues and causing more pain. The pain pills cause rebound pain that it's just this terrible cycle that you find yourself. Well, I found myself like caught up in that that whole era of time. Right. I mean, that's, you know, I always go back. This is a little bit conspiratorial, but we're going 90 percent of the world's opium fields in Afghanistan.

00:11:07 meanwhile america's going through an opioid epidemic i had friends lost a lot of friends

00:11:11 to overdoses a lot of friends were it started with blues i don't remember exactly what the

00:11:17 technical term for them was but we had a doctor in town that was cutting prescriptions for kids

00:11:23 man like kids that i was in school with maybe we had just graduated so we're talking anywhere from

00:11:28 17 to 19 year old kids he's cutting them prescriptions they're paying them for the

00:11:34 prescriptions they're going and filling them and then selling the pills and um that wasn't happening

00:11:40 in a vacuum that was probably a lot more prevalent than people really understand and uh yeah a lot

00:11:46 of people got wrapped up in that all over the states yeah yeah and and they cracked down on it

00:11:51 it still happens but but yeah it's it's a rough i watched a really great documentary on it i forget

00:11:58 the name of it but it goes in depth and you got to see some of these pop-up doctor's offices oh

00:12:04 yeah yeah they had that doctor's office on the strip that had like a line around the corner yes

00:12:08 yeah what the heck was it's a good documentary um beats me at the name of it right now maybe

00:12:13 somebody in the chat knows but um a little window into into how that worked you know so if you were

00:12:18 somebody that tried to i was blessed never got into it you know big into weed when i was younger

00:12:23 but, um, it was just so common, so common. So, all right. So you're, you're, you're having this

00:12:30 experience, you get into this accident, you think you're doing the right thing, right? The doctors

00:12:35 prescribed it. And therefore I take the pain pills, you know, it, it took away more than just

00:12:42 physical pain. You know, like I was telling you, it, it took away that soul sickness for a little

00:12:47 while that I had that spiritual malady that they talk about in AA, you know, the void that only

00:12:53 God can fill. And so it filled that for a little while. And like I said, then there was the fentanyl

00:13:00 patches and that was like a pain management clinic. And, you know, they don't allow you to

00:13:07 smoke weed or anything. You have to get drug tested to be prescribed those pain pills. And

00:13:11 of course, I smoke a little weed. Not long after that, I'm doing heroin in North Carolina.

00:13:17 you know in intravenous drugs at like 18 then 19 what probably around like 20 22 i'm not great with

00:13:26 the dates but so but the age of 20 yeah around that in my 20s i have a full-blown heroin addiction

00:13:34 and luckily this is before like fentanyl was in everything yeah you know it's almost like that's

00:13:41 what they dog walked america into was getting everybody hooked on opioids and then introducing

00:13:45 fentanyl and then people just start dropping you know like i said a lot of people everybody i don't

00:13:51 know anybody that doesn't know people that they lost to you know some form of that that epidemic

00:13:56 um yeah friend of the fam friend of my family um they were watching their grandkids on the weekend

00:14:04 or something like that and i guess they decided him and his wife decided to do some coke or

00:14:09 whatever they're doing in their bedroom and oh deed parents came and find they find their kid

00:14:15 there for two days and and they're dead in the room i'm like this is just psychotic yeah yeah

00:14:20 but that story is not it's not anything special just happens all day it's all the time story of

00:14:25 you know the average american experience now i guess so so what does this do to your um

00:14:31 your personality how does that start to change i mean it's a it's a you're young right it's still

00:14:36 you're still developing personality wise into the person that you're going to be and um and you're

00:14:42 muting everything. I think it arrested and stunted my growth significantly. You know, they,

00:14:49 they do say in the, you know, 12 step groups I've been to and the therapy I've been to that, like,

00:14:55 your growth is literally arrested whenever you start using. So I was probably like mentally

00:15:02 and emotionally a 14 year old. And I have been until I came into recovery around 3.3 years ago.

00:15:11 3.3 so almost almost i know i was at the meeting in there earlier and they were like how much time

00:15:18 now i'm like hold on let me look we have a nap yeah you know so anyway it's something i'm very

00:15:24 very proud of today you said um that in na they talk about that spiritual void that can only be

00:15:31 filled by god and um do they specifically mention god in uh oh yeah oh yeah aa is is the the group

00:15:39 i'm in but all of them are all of them talking about the same no no no it's just got everything

00:15:47 they specifically say it could be a doorknob right you just need a higher power maybe that's

00:15:50 specifically in anything but really that thing that happens to junkies is that we just know we

00:15:56 don't belong here right like isn't that ultimately why like when the drugs hit we're like yeah i like

00:16:01 this i like this because like now i'm not here anymore like i'm here but i'm not here i think

00:16:06 it's just that we would rather look for anything else like but god and we don't know until we're

00:16:11 taught you know until we come into recovery that that's the void that that we have you know and

00:16:17 while i was still seeking at that time that i was using i mean i i had wonderful teachers and people

00:16:26 and mentors that would still study the bible with me in my filth and in my you know my misery

00:16:33 you know i had beautiful people like that for that that god surrounded me i'm just thinking

00:16:39 about even in the mire you know but like i was i was talking to some people before this they

00:16:45 prayed with me before this but um it was impossible when you're putting those substances in your body

00:16:53 to have to come into relationship with christ you can seek all you want you can learn everything

00:16:59 you want about the bible but until you actually have a relationship with jesus christ you don't

00:17:04 have you have knowledge it's a lot of people intellectualize scripture and and maybe even

00:17:09 can recall it very well and stuff that was a banger of a statement that was like you're dead

00:17:13 on with that yeah when you said with those substances in your body it's impossible to

00:17:19 have a relationship so you mean like not just this like psychological thing you're saying there's a

00:17:24 physical there's a physical system that is flowing through your body that cuts you off from the

00:17:29 supernatural from the spirit and the supernatural otherwise she said it's just knowledge that's my

00:17:34 opinion no i think you nailed it yeah yeah i think you nailed it it's just knowledge and that's why

00:17:39 you could see a dude who doesn't know the lord like crushing debates he's got a lot of knowledge

00:17:43 he's got a lot of intellect he could be totally wrong but he can like crush in debates because

00:17:47 it's just knowledge man but that's something totally different than knowing the lord but

00:17:52 when you see somebody walk in like this and then you're like wait what happened then you're like

00:17:57 okay this is clearly somebody who the lord did something to this has nothing to do with intellect

00:18:01 or so matt you've been you were going to the the church for a long time you're like high on oxys

00:18:06 you think that that statement is true like you you can't you can't have like an actual

00:18:11 relationship with the lord when you're when you're high because you were doing both no i think i did

00:18:15 i so i don't know but uh but that doesn't i mean it doesn't mean like oh my thing applies to

00:18:20 everybody else like yeah i think i genuinely love the lord with all my heart and it's different for

00:18:25 everybody like it's different levels of like uh so-called addiction or whatever you want to call

00:18:30 it but yeah i think where i was at was um i don't know yours was more not just drugs but demonized

00:18:38 like i think so like it was yeah the drugs played a part in that but like when you used to come up

00:18:43 come here before it was straight demons it wasn't it wasn't like just drugs because i'm just trying

00:18:48 like i'm asking from the angle of like yeah maybe like this specific type of drug uh does cut this

00:18:54 like uh and the amount you're using it maybe like i go through sober phases and stuff so i could be

00:19:00 kind of like i i don't know but i think for all of us which it's different i mean even like with

00:19:05 money it's different like the widow with the two mites jesus said yeah she gave more than all the

00:19:08 rich guys it's just it's just math and the kingdom of god is different i think it's the same where

00:19:13 it's like ultimately you're going to get to a point where god says okay i'm putting my hand on

00:19:17 it now i got like i'm putting my finger on this now now it's time to you gotta now you got a

00:19:21 choice with our our research about uh i mean certain drugs specifically but like methamphetamine

00:19:26 being a big one yeah that one it doesn't cut you off from the spiritual it actually like kicks the

00:19:31 door open and puts like a stopper in it and that's why these people are in constant contact with

00:19:35 i wonder if that's maybe that's a better way to describe it right it's like

00:19:38 so maybe it's not just that it puts sort of a barrier between you and god but it you've given

00:19:46 consent you've sinned in such a way and you've given consent to the spiritual realm to access

00:19:51 you which might result in such a barrage of other things it's like god gets drowned out

00:19:57 god gets drowned out because there are all these other influences you know uh kind of being set

00:20:04 probably a better way to i agree to think about that that was a good way to describe it but i mean

00:20:11 if if you think about it like i was like the holy spirit you kind of have to have your house in

00:20:18 order for him to to to dwell in you and bear fruit in you yeah you know you can't be out out doing

00:20:24 all these things and expect to you know to be able to help other people and to you have to be filled

00:20:31 yourself with things of the spirit in a in a good way not you know to be able to to even live in any

00:20:40 kind of righteous way yeah to produce fruit what's the scripture of the the wine skin matt um we were

00:20:47 reading it's an old testament you can't pour uh new wine into old wine skins right right and there's

00:20:53 even another one where god is saying that he's like he's upset with the people because they're

00:20:57 trying to put him into their you're talking about the jeremiah passage you're talking about cisterns

00:21:02 yeah broken cisterns but jesus is talking about yeah you can't put uh new wine into old wine

00:21:07 skins yeah you there's got to be a preparation it's got to be but but god is involved in that

00:21:12 entire process yeah yeah i think god is always working it's not like god doesn't like you're

00:21:16 on drugs and god's like sorry you're off limits to me now like he's working that whole time to

00:21:22 get you to a place where you can create a habitation for him yeah i think that it is

00:21:27 likely what what is happening is as god is working because of the consents you've given away other

00:21:34 things are as well and the more you curb that and the more you abstain from that the less rights

00:21:38 they have over you and you know the more you you wash yourself in the blood of christ right break

00:21:43 all these bonds and all these agreements then that voice the holy spirit becomes clearer but it's

00:21:48 almost like tuning into the right channel there's like you've got a bunch of noise overlapping right

00:21:53 now and you need to clear that out and get to the right you know the you know i'm using it as an

00:21:58 uh, an example, but turn the knob to the right channel, sort of a thing. What, um, so, you know,

00:22:04 we talked to, uh, um, one of our, we haven't brought him up in a while. It's Dr. Jerry

00:22:08 Marsinski. Um, he's a clinical psychologist and he worked with, uh, schizophrenic patients

00:22:14 for 35 years. He worked first in a hospital setting and that hospital got closed down.

00:22:20 And then he worked in a prison setting and in the prison setting, they allowed for a lot more,

00:22:24 sort of experimentation whereas in the hospital things are very stringent do not feed into their

00:22:30 delusions stick to the book you know because malpractice and all these other things and in

00:22:34 prison they were like you know whatever dr jerry marzinski started to realize that these things

00:22:39 that were you know previously under his understanding a set of visual and auditory

00:22:45 hallucinations they adhered to patterns they adhered to like 23 different patterns that he

00:22:51 was able to track and then they behave very predictably which is not a hallucination hallucinations

00:22:57 by their nature would be random so he started to theorize that these people were being oppressed

00:23:01 by something external to themselves and started to recommend that they treat it as such whereas

00:23:07 the medical industry does not do that you have a fundamental chemical imbalance in your brain

00:23:13 you're broken the only way it's going to fix this it's not in your power it's in pills and such

00:23:16 takes away their agency he gave it back found that people had a lot of success with it long

00:23:21 story short he comes out the other end and he's like yeah these things are demons they're they're

00:23:25 demonic these are external entities and the only way you're ever going to get you know a foot in

00:23:32 this battle is to first even acknowledge that it is something that's not just random hallucinations

00:23:37 this is an entity so um you know he he catalogs a lot of things in his experiences like drugs in

00:23:45 their relation to these things getting a foothold in you. And like Top said earlier,

00:23:51 methamphetamine was definitely one of them. I'm imagining then you feel as though your drug use

00:23:57 eventually resulted in something that, you know, maybe Dr. Marzinski would have been familiar with.

00:24:04 Yeah, definitely like a form of psychosis for a while. So probably something like

00:24:09 schizoaffective disorder or something for that year time period before I got sober.

00:24:14 Yeah, it was like, it took me a year to come out of that. I mean, between like, I was it wasn't just the the opioids I got off of probably in my late 20s. But I, you know, they call it like cross addiction, I think. Like I went to rehab and I'm like, this, that was demonic. But like, I'm like, I can't do this anymore. But I wasn't willing to give up everything.

00:24:41 And then, you know, probably like two years after that, I was doing crack cocaine, which is a terrible, terrible drug.

00:24:48 I've done meth when I didn't have that.

00:24:51 Yeah.

00:24:51 You know, when I didn't have the crack.

00:24:53 And that's when it got like real bad.

00:24:56 I think the amphetamines are they're both terrible, but it's a whole different beast in terms of the oppression that you said it was like kicking a door open.

00:25:06 And he said, unlike other substances, the door was very slow to close after that.

00:25:11 So like if you stop the use, you know, of something else, it would eventually regulate methamphetamine would keep that door like there was a door stopper in it and keep it wide open for a long time before it ever shut.

00:25:22 Can you talk about what that experience was like?

00:25:26 I mean, for a lot of people that are listening, you know, you hear these medical terminologies, psychosis, things like that tossed around to so many people that's totally foreign.

00:25:36 I don't think it's really that foreign.

00:25:37 I think all of us have some degree of it.

00:25:39 there is an influence intrusive thoughts things of that nature and i think that they can grow in

00:25:45 their influence and eventually turn into something that you might describe as psychosis but what what

00:25:50 did it feel like or what did it well one thing to to speak to what you're saying about the

00:25:55 the demons and the demonic oppression like i didn't have that much of an awareness during

00:26:02 that time that i was behaving in a way that that was barbaric to other people like when you're in

00:26:09 psychosis you don't like really know you're in psychosis like i didn't really have a grasp like

00:26:17 how out of pocket like i was really behaving so people are i imagine people are coming to you and

00:26:25 they're saying hey you did this thing and it's unacceptable how are you perceiving how she acted

00:26:31 there's no context unless i don't i don't really know how to describe it anybody who ever worked

00:26:39 here if they ever see this episode they're just they're gonna be in shock dude they're gonna be

00:26:43 like you you would have to see like how she acted to understand like how crazy it is you're just

00:26:49 saying that like during that time you didn't really think you were acting i really didn't

00:26:53 have like you don't have an awareness of like how it actually is and people did try to speak to me

00:26:59 like i was baker acted during that time okay like i i mean i think i remember that took a long time

00:27:05 for me to like normalize i totally remember that so you just thought these people were being like

00:27:11 assholes you're like what are you overreacting for yes and but i i really had no concept so

00:27:15 i mean because like i it might have not been me where did you work during that time overtaken by 0.99

00:27:23 i didn't how did you have money when you come in and buy lattes street magic yeah yeah she does

00:27:29 magic okay sorry sorry i just got a little sidetracked there but you're but you're saying

00:27:33 like uh yeah like it was somebody else acting through me were you having moments of um

00:27:40 you know like loss of memory some people would say like blacking out or whatever but like

00:27:45 did you ever have uh difficulty recollecting the things that you had done or or the way that you

00:27:51 had behaved some of sometimes. Yeah. And that came along with like a lot of my drug use, not so much

00:27:57 in the, but there's like a lot of my life, whether it be like pharmaceuticals or other benzos or

00:28:03 other things that are just that I can't really call into memory that other people like my family

00:28:09 members remember. And it's just, I mean, when you live like that, it's, it's really a blur.

00:28:14 it's complete survival your whole consciousness is overtaken by getting and finding ways to get

00:28:23 these drugs getting using and then getting again and maintaining yeah not getting sick you know

00:28:29 it's a terrible way to live you know but i think i didn't really know there was anything else

00:28:37 because i had been doing that for so long same even the concept of like yeah that people could

00:28:42 live like normal I was like well first off that sounds boring as heck for one and then that just

00:28:48 seems like lame and like now that I know what I know like how could I even do that it's just the

00:28:53 whole concept of that but I want I want to get back to the timeline though so like early 20s

00:28:59 you're hooked on heroin and you're in the Carolinas and then you kind of shift into the crack from

00:29:03 there and the and the what else and and do you stay in the Carolinas like when do you get to

00:29:08 florida okay so i go to rehab in florida for the opiates probably like 26 yeah everybody can't do

00:29:16 this anymore the drug dealers in wilmington north carolina like some of them were having me like

00:29:21 watch their kids and stuff like i finally got like so tired of living that way that i was like i can't

00:29:28 do this anymore yeah and i went to rehab and i wasn't in florida it was port st lucie i think

00:29:33 it was a long a long long time where you're from no no port richie yeah first stint in rehab i was

00:29:39 not ready to do the work of the 12 steps i was nasty like you've seen me be before to the people

00:29:46 that were working there i completed the program yeah but i did not do the like the continued work

00:29:53 it how did you end up there you went there willingly or willingly yeah okay so that's

00:29:57 interesting you made the decision to go there but we're not i you can make a decision to do

00:30:02 anything but until you're ready to like fully because of legal issues though or you just got

00:30:08 up one day and said i'm going to rehab in florida i think i literally just got so tired of the

00:30:13 sickness and the people i was getting it from and the life and the chaos at that point i i didn't

00:30:20 know anything about chaos yet but um and then it all all went well for a little while but i wasn't

00:30:27 willing to give up you know things like marijuana and other things which didn't help and then i would

00:30:36 not that you can recreate recreationally smoke crack but like that was but if there was a way

00:30:42 you came close at the beginning at the beginning i kind of did that and i was still living

00:30:48 recreational carolina my parents had moved to uh here to central florida to the villages yeah

00:30:56 they were in the villages at that point um and i i would just do it once in a while i don't

00:31:03 remember how is it how i was introduced i had buddies that would occasionally smoke crack like

00:31:08 from where i'm from in cali it was like you only smoke crack if you're a crackhead and when i got

00:31:12 to florida i had buddies that would like smoke crack i feel like if you're doing something

00:31:16 it could be useful like if you're doing yard work or something like crack could be useful

00:31:20 not if you want to go to sleep though or anything like that like what about you know what about rest

00:31:25 yeah well and that well i mean i could still eat on it i could still like after a couple days i

00:31:31 could sleep it's not as bad as meth like you were talking about where you're just up for anyway

00:31:36 so then i'm i you know my parents and i kind of had this like codependent enmeshed relationship

00:31:43 at that point you know and it was hard like being away from them so i'm like in my mind i could

00:31:49 really be of use to people which i couldn't and i'm like i'll come down and help you so i moved

00:31:54 to down here and that's where it got like really really bad i was having trouble like i didn't have

00:32:01 my whole music community and you know that life i had worked to to build my friends everything and

00:32:08 i was just how are you how are you i mean because i'm just thinking about it i've moved i've lived

00:32:12 in florida now for many years i only know enough people to count on one hand i could never find

00:32:17 crack if i if my life depended on it i couldn't um make the connections that's divine protection

00:32:23 and i'll tell you that yeah you're not looking for crack i mean with drugs you just find them

00:32:28 like you can move away and i know i'm pretty sure like the 12-step programs would say like yeah you

00:32:33 can move away but you can't get away from yourself but i know for me it was good to move away because

00:32:37 at least it was pumping the brakes on something well there's that guy with the swastika tattoo

00:32:41 on his chest he's probably got crack true but then ultimately you find it it's like a sixth

00:32:45 sense like i could yeah if there was somebody i know in a gas station yeah i know exactly what's

00:32:52 going on i know who i can approach i know like it's not a thing you've touched on something there

00:32:57 that's so interesting marzinski talks about this to these people who obviously you know the

00:33:02 schizophrenic patients in the hospital and in the in the uh prison of course a lot of them are

00:33:06 experienced drug users and things of that nature and the stories that they would tell him about

00:33:12 that sixth sense i wouldn't call it that i would say there's these forces spiritual entities are

00:33:18 whispering to you they're nudging you um but i've also heard this among schizophrenic testimony

00:33:22 where like one story i'm familiar with right is a guy who is you know inexplicably uh uh

00:33:30 pulled towards a field and in the field there's a piece of plywood and he lifts up the plywood

00:33:35 and he finds the drug dealer's stash so he's stashing it under there and i mean going to

00:33:41 people's houses and knowing exactly where to go to find their opium you know opioids and things

00:33:46 like that uh so many things there's even a bit of a precognition um element that comes into play

00:33:53 where sometimes one of the stories i remember seems to kind of a throwaway but it's really

00:33:58 fascinating this guy's on public transportation he's on a on a bus voices are you know doing

00:34:03 their thing and suddenly they all just start talking about the man in the yellow shirt the

00:34:08 man in the yellow shirt they pull up to the next bus stop guy gets on the bus walks over sits next

00:34:12 to him man in the yellow shirt he doesn't know what to make of that it's not like there's some

00:34:16 divine thing that unfolds after that that it is it's just there so there's like this brief

00:34:21 you know cognitive what were you to say i just thought of a like a something you call it it's

00:34:26 like unspiritual discernment that's what it is yeah yeah it's like the opposite yes of discern

00:34:32 it's like discernment in the wrong spirits yeah i mean i think these spirits they have the ability

00:34:38 to well do all sorts of things for you a story that i tell i told the time on this show but uh

00:34:43 i used to do a comedy show and uh before the comedy show like it was like it was kind of like

00:34:49 this format but before it i'd be in my own house like in a zoom meeting and then there'd be four

00:34:53 other dudes and i just smoke a little like couple hits like weed and i'd smoke and then we do the

00:34:58 show and it helped me loosen up and tell jokes and shit like that um we got a an email from a

00:35:04 listener of this show this is like years later this is after i know this is this might have been

00:35:09 like right at the tail end of doing that comedy show and he was saying how he was sober for many

00:35:14 years uh but you know on Wednesdays at 9 11 that's when we did the show he would go and he'd take like

00:35:21 an edible and he'd watch the show and hang out with us and I realized I was like oh so I'm smoking

00:35:27 and the spirit of what and this is through a screen spirit of whatever I'm putting out there

00:35:33 is making you fall back and do a drug that you were you know his testimony was that the drugs

00:35:41 ruin his life his marriage his family all stuff like this and i'm like i gotta stop doing that

00:35:45 so i just stopped altogether because it it seemed innocuous or innocent enough to me where i'm like

00:35:52 yeah it's like what is it like a couple of pulls and i'm not i'm not i'm a lightweight so like two

00:35:57 pulls and i'm i'm kind of high for but all of a sudden you're dancing with some spirit that

00:36:01 the listeners through the internet yeah yeah man i'm like influencing you i don't like that but see

00:36:06 like i think the difference is that you can stop like true alcoholics and addicts cannot stop

00:36:13 themselves without some kind of spiritual intervention or an ongoing spiritual help

00:36:18 yeah you know and that's that's really the premise of it you saw and had empathy for that guy you're

00:36:23 like i can just stop there is a call and listen i'm not gonna lie there's sometimes be like

00:36:28 yeah that would be fun to do right or this like old persona of the person that came out like when

00:36:33 we're doing the comedy show that's like top lobster's coming out there and i'm coming for

00:36:36 your throat and i'm gonna say some wild stuff that's a different dude that's not me now so

00:36:43 there is that inclination and the temptation to be like let's play right come on play but i'm like

00:36:48 i just yeah maybe in me i'm like it wasn't strong enough where i'm i just put that away but it's

00:36:53 It's always, it's there.

00:36:55 It doesn't stop tapping on you.

00:36:59 I guess it's just I was lucky enough not to deal with it.

00:37:02 I don't really ever have it in like when I'm awake, dude.

00:37:05 But do you, do you have, how long have you been?

00:37:07 I have drug dreams.

00:37:07 Yeah, I have dreams where I'm just high, dude.

00:37:10 Just like ripped on meth.

00:37:12 Yeah, dude.

00:37:12 That is frustrating.

00:37:13 It feels exactly like I'm on meth.

00:37:15 How long have you been sober?

00:37:17 Three years and three months.

00:37:20 Yeah.

00:37:21 And it's like you, and then you just feel guilty.

00:37:23 you feel terrible you feel like that's frustrating awful you genuinely like feel high in the dream

00:37:29 but like i don't have there's never a day where i'm awake where i'm like yeah you know what i'd

00:37:33 like to do some drugs again like there's never a time when i'm awake where i ever think that

00:37:38 yeah would you call that a like a spiritual attack i don't know if it's an attack it's just

00:37:44 i don't know i mean your your brain like from what i've learned and from what i've read like

00:37:49 your brain can only have dreams about like certain things you've pretty much experienced,

00:37:54 you know? So if that's your experience for most of your life, it's, it's gonna come out in your

00:38:01 dreams. I don't necessarily, even though it feels terrible. And I think it's like, sometimes I think

00:38:07 it's from God. Cause it's like, I evaluate, you know, where I'm at in my sobriety and in my

00:38:12 program. And if I need to do more or get to more meetings or, or get a little more connected with

00:38:19 God, then it's a wake up call.

00:38:21 Yeah, the dreams, you know, and I'm like,

00:38:23 sometimes you can get so distant from like a past trauma

00:38:26 that you forget how bad it actually was.

00:38:28 So in that way, it could serve you when things are good, right?

00:38:32 Yeah, when things are good, you forget how bad houses doing magic.

00:38:35 Nice. Yeah, you're like, I'm fine, right?

00:38:40 So it allows you gives you this little window and goes, don't forget.

00:38:42 Yes, don't forget how bad it was. Exactly.

00:38:45 I can see that it's useful. I can see that it's useful.

00:38:47 So let's get back on the trail here.

00:38:49 Where were we at in the story, Matt?

00:38:50 So in the story, she's already went to upstate New York when you were a kid.

00:38:54 Like Rochester, was that where?

00:38:56 Albany.

00:38:56 Okay.

00:38:57 Then you're down in the Carolinas.

00:38:58 You get in a car accident.

00:39:00 You get into South Florida.

00:39:01 You start shooting hop in your, like, low 20s.

00:39:04 You get tired of it, but you're on the music scene there doing music in the Carolinas.

00:39:08 You come to Florida.

00:39:09 You do the rehab thing in Florida.

00:39:11 But you make some connections, I'm guessing, in rehab.

00:39:14 You find some junkie buddies and stuff.

00:39:16 Yeah.

00:39:17 Yeah. So I went to rehab for the second or I had a stint in rehab probably like a year before I got sober and I still don't think I was fully ready.

00:39:28 I went to a couple and I was like, I thought I was ready.

00:39:30 How long ago was that?

00:39:32 That was probably four years ago, four years ago, four years ago.

00:39:35 So you were in that rehab and then came here to live with your parents.

00:39:40 Is that the time period you would have been in the coffee shop?

00:39:42 Because you were here around like twenty, twenty two, twenty twenty two.

00:39:45 yeah so it was like a year my sober day is march 3rd 2023 so i went to rehab i got out of rehab

00:39:53 had that whole relapsed yeah i don't even know if you call it a relapse because i didn't have

00:39:58 that much time in between i was just in that phase of like getting ready like god had me in

00:40:07 some kind of like middle i mean i was i was very sick and i was like i went through a series of

00:40:14 events like legal troubles like all jails institutions where god was really showing me

00:40:22 that if i kept on going the way i was going like there was only one thing left when you were here

00:40:26 sorry yeah that's true when you were here it was like that it was like every

00:40:31 every time you came in you had some crazy ass story of something that just happened

00:40:37 it was a battle like that was that was it that was it could have been the end for me

00:40:42 And like, I see a lot of people who aren't afforded the opportunities that I've been given, like even at life, you know, people that have this disease and don't make it out, you know, they don't have, they relapse and they don't get a chance to come back and say, hi, my name's Kirsten.

00:40:59 And I'm an alcoholic and I have one day, you know, so I realized that it's life or death for me.

00:41:06 And finally, like I went to rehab for a second, God knows what time.

00:41:13 And I was like, hey, I need to move where there's like I need to move down here to South Florida.

00:41:19 There was like a spiritual leading down there.

00:41:23 There's great recovery down there.

00:41:25 And I just, you know, I, I was in halfway houses. I like really did everything it took to like rebuild my life. And I was ready at that point. No mood or mind altering substances. I entered and stuck with the program of AA, did the step work. I still do the step work. I sponsor other women through the step work.

00:41:48 i you know which leads you into like a relationship with god that you you forge kind of

00:41:54 and uh i continue to do the work it's like grace and and service to other people so what right

00:42:01 what led you to this place like even in 2022 like why you'd come in often yeah how did you end up

00:42:09 here i don't remember maybe i i really don't remember that's one of those things but i i mean

00:42:16 it's safe here. Like the, the, the Lord dwells here in this place, you know, and maybe that was

00:42:22 safe for me. And the people were kind to me, even though I was out of my mind, you know, and the,

00:42:27 there's so many good examples of the word here, you know, there's good.

00:42:32 Didn't I give you a turquoise Bible? Do you still have the turquoise Bible? Yeah. Yeah. I remember

00:42:38 that. Yeah. They were, they were just, he saw in me like what, what I couldn't see at that point.

00:42:43 i didn't even know what was going on at that point you know but like i mean i should they

00:42:48 should have called the cops on me to be honest i think the cops did get called no no i think some

00:42:54 of the boomers called the cops man i um that was that was one of the crazy things was was like the

00:43:01 um church people bible study people you were one of the people that they were like very offended by 0.67

00:43:06 did we just lose audio in everybody's headphones in one ear yeah let me just check real quick guys

00:43:12 can you still hear us in the chat um i just want to make sure can you guys hear is your

00:43:16 headphone mess only like i can't hear mine okay yeah mine are definitely different but i can like

00:43:20 kind of hear but they're but they're definitely different oh one two one two still out in one

00:43:26 ear all right they can hear chuck i can't hear myself strange okay i don't um i don't know what

00:43:32 that was well everybody can hear yeah that was wow did we all laugh at the same time and that's

00:43:36 no uh top hit the explosion drop which is just come in i just knew you were like a real person

00:43:41 and i got i was like yeah i know exactly what you're going through and then um wow this is

00:43:47 like crazy in the air yeah no that was just a giant election weird whatever's happening uh we'll

00:43:52 have to muscle through it i wanted to ask you you know because you said that um you were a musician

00:43:58 and not a magician uh so i have to do that number one for the chats clarity and the listeners uh how

00:44:03 did sobriety if at all change your relationship with your music it's a it's honestly like

00:44:12 i will say in that regard it's kind of you kind of have to find in every regard you have to find

00:44:19 yourself again i mean it's i mean people do liken like creativity to like substances just

00:44:28 like you were talking about it kind of but i think you know i haven't been doing it as as much

00:44:34 as i usually do i haven't been but since i got to florida you should get back into it that was 1.00

00:44:39 another thing that would cause fights here too is like boomers would come out and be like that 0.68

00:44:43 music's too loud i'd be like shut up she's playing and she's not gonna stop we just hate boomers so 0.70

00:44:48 like whatever it is no no i love boomers but you got to see her you had to hear her sing and play

00:44:52 dude like she's got a crazy voice and then like the singing and she was just coming from her heart

00:44:56 like from her guts and it was from a place of agony used to sing from a place of agony 0.98

00:45:00 and i would be like boomers shut the just shut up were you writing your own music oh yeah i write 0.71

00:45:05 i write a lot of music i've you know recorded an album in sobriety i have like uh what we need 0.99

00:45:13 that album this guy named i'm such a perfectionist when it comes to that but i will i will let you

00:45:19 guys know what it's all over all the uh streaming it's crazy when she was high though because it

00:45:26 would be like just chilling out and then she would like it'd be quiet in the shop and then

00:45:30 she'd just like hit the vape and then we're just like ah it would be like so loud she would just

00:45:34 start going like everybody in the shop would just sing wild i'm a lot quieter now but i was able to

00:45:42 write an album you know some a couple of the songs in your sobriety yes okay and put that out and i

00:45:48 have a good friend named brian who i record with in delray beach um i have a band in um

00:45:55 in jupiter florida why which is a bunch of dads it's just a bunch of the name of the band it's

00:46:03 called miss k and the dad bod band and the dad bod band that's awesome yep that's a band and we

00:46:09 have where you guys play we had one gig we basically it's like a garage band we've just

00:46:14 been kind of practicing our drummer paul just had a baby okay so we it's kind of hard to coordinate

00:46:20 but at least i i do have them we've had one gig it went pretty well what's the town again it's i

00:46:26 live in juno beach but most of the bandmates live in jupiter and that's where we practice in the

00:46:31 garage jupiter florida so you know music's a really interesting thing we get really conspiratorial on

00:46:38 show so frequency and vibration come up a lot and you know obviously the idea of music within

00:46:46 the context of worship comes up a lot but if you just look at the music industry in general

00:46:51 there's so much substance abuse and the people that are abusing these substances

00:46:57 at least in the most high profile instances they're hyper talented super successful

00:47:04 musicians and there's no shortage of those musicians who are giving testimony

00:47:09 saying things like you know i have to be inebriated when i play it's been the downfall

00:47:14 of a lot of really famous musicians what's the club the 23 club or the 25 27 27 so you know

00:47:25 there's that side of it and they pay you in like when you're playing professional gigs like a lot

00:47:31 of them they push the drinking they pay you in drinks they so i mean i haven't i've i've played

00:47:39 some gigs sober but haven't really gotten connected in the way that i was in north

00:47:44 carolina when i was drinking and was i mean there were gigs that i i literally did well at like

00:47:51 people have it on video my mom loved them where i would literally go in the bathroom and shoot

00:47:55 up heroin wow you know and come back out and play and that was just like my life you know and i don't

00:48:02 think a lot of people knew how bad it was well it's crazy because you're coming out and you're

00:48:07 performing which from the outside looking in to imagine you just came out of the bathroom from

00:48:12 shooting up that doesn't match this talented person on the stage who's doing a thing that

00:48:17 someone in the audience can't do right so it's uh it's an illusion almost being casted um

00:48:23 there's that side right no shortage of it seems there's a real real um significance to substance

00:48:33 usage and music and the spiritual realm uh you know i i would say for lack of a better term

00:48:41 people are channeling and they don't know it something else is is moving through them there's

00:48:46 a spirit that's moving through them and um you know one of the examples i love to give on the

00:48:51 on the show is uh uh carlos santana is in a i believe it's time magazine interview and he's

00:49:00 saying that all of his music comes from metatron which is like it's an angel might be a fallen

00:49:06 angel book of enoch gets weird says uh enoch became metatron i don't know it's all apocryphal

00:49:12 kind of extra leaps but still you know the principle stands but then on the other side of

00:49:18 there's this other thing where you could be god has given you a set of talents we all get our own

00:49:25 unique talents and um some people are offering them up to the lord they're making music that's

00:49:31 dedicated to the lord it's a very touchy subject matt doesn't like it he doesn't think you know

00:49:36 that i've heard musicians say that they that they're jamming like they're jamming with their

00:49:40 band and then all of a sudden it's not them playing anymore that's crazy in like a jam session yeah

00:49:45 And they're just like, yeah, it's not me playing anymore.

00:49:48 But I mean, if you think about it like this, if you have a God given gift, if you have a calling on your life, if you can worship, choose not to whatever it is, Satan is going to do whatever he can to deter you from that path that God has for you, for anybody with any type of God given gift.

00:50:03 You know, so I mean, my struggles are not for nothing. You know, I feel like I do have a calling and I do have a lot of life left to live and a lot of good things to do with my life. But there was a time where I wasn't able to resist that temptation. I didn't have the tools or the faith at this point to resist that temptation.

00:50:28 And I mean, speaking spiritually, like a lot of it was attacks, you know, I mean, they were things I was actively doing, but I'm saying like, you know, yeah, it's we're not forced to do anything. Right. We still have to make that decision. We still have to step through, you know, whatever gateway is there.

00:50:50 um so when when exactly is that moment then where you decide this is the path that i'm i'm gonna go

00:50:58 not just that this is the path that works but like i'm dedicated to it and like how do you get on

00:51:03 that path how do you stay on there it reminds me of this one time so the last time i was in rehab

00:51:09 i like they go through all your stuff and you know i i was in rehab i'm i'm trying to do the

00:51:16 right thing. I'm like sworn off everything. I'm like, I'm going to do everything it takes. And I

00:51:21 find weed in my pocket in rehab. And at that moment, like I had the defense against that

00:51:27 from the higher power, like God intervened for me. And it wasn't like a white light moment or

00:51:33 anything, but I had the resolve to say like, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. And I'm going

00:51:37 to do what it takes to stay that way, you know? And the amazing, I've met so many amazing people

00:51:45 in my recovery community in AA, they literally like in South Florida down here too, but I haven't,

00:51:52 I've only been down here back to visit my parents and seeing that community that way. But the people

00:51:57 I have, the community I have in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, which is where like this one

00:52:03 clubhouse I go to and meet is like loved me until I could let like this place does like you did,

00:52:10 You know, like love me until I could love myself and heal enough to love them back and love myself.

00:52:16 I was going to ask you, like, why did you come back here?

00:52:19 And I assume that's why this is like, I guess it's like a fond memory for you.

00:52:24 I just to visit my parents.

00:52:25 I just want coffee.

00:52:26 I mean, like specifically the shop.

00:52:27 Oh, it's such a fond memory.

00:52:29 And I mean, I know how well it's you are not my actions, you know, but I know that like even.

00:52:37 OK, but sorry to cut you off.

00:52:38 no no no two people today you said i'm so sorry for how and they both like no no it's so good to

00:52:45 see you like a normal person and i know both people were like no no no we never cared it was

00:52:49 okay like everything's good because brie used to call her a bitch we so we facetimed brie she 0.62

00:52:54 lives in chicago now and i was and i was like brie you will never guess who's here right now 0.94

00:52:59 and then i did like the i think i did like the shot or both in it and then i was like 0.99

00:53:03 brie she's like who is that i was like brie it's the chick that used to call you a bitch 0.96

00:53:07 and Brie was like no no way she goes oh my gosh you look great she said like the nicest things 0.98

00:53:14 to you and you're like hey I'm sorry she's like no no are you kidding me I don't care

00:53:17 and then Bella said the same thing she was like you're like hey sorry she's like no no we don't

00:53:22 care like this is incredible but another reason that I feel comfortable coming back here like

00:53:28 I'm proud of of the work I've done I I like I'm a miracle and I know how God works and I know that

00:53:36 you people here can appreciate the miracles that god does and i'm one of them you know

00:53:42 i want you to see what god did amen amen walking testimony there's a lot of people

00:53:50 you see them all the time and um and i think we make the mistake i used a guy as an example

00:53:56 earlier it's like a dude homeless dude with a swastika on his chest and i make the mistake

00:54:00 of looking at that dude and like not seeing a chance for that guy um which is me putting

00:54:08 limitations on god right um but it's good to know that you could be so far down the hole

00:54:15 and come back do magic a little bit of real estate you know what i mean like that's huge

00:54:22 because a lot of people like i said man this guy i see him all the time and i don't know i i just

00:54:28 got to get out of that habit of swastika guy swastika guy dude i see him and i just don't

00:54:32 did you see somebody else had his corner this weekend i did yeah he's a little bit of the least

00:54:36 of these kind of guy you know he's and he's he's out there he's shouting to somebody on the corner

00:54:41 nobody's there with him and um it's just you know it's a in some ways it says i'm not getting down 0.93

00:54:48 on myself i'm just saying like i think we all do this but it's an asshole move on my behalf because 0.52

00:54:51 i do a show that's about the supernatural and i'm watching a guy talk to demons that guy's done 0.81

00:54:57 looking skinny swastika on his chest and i don't it's not that i sit there and say this or that

00:55:04 about him like i don't do that i'm not gonna make a habit of doing that kind of crap but like i just 0.99

00:55:07 don't see a thing in my mind when i see him instead what i see is like oh fucking this guy 0.97

00:55:11 no but i don't know if you know she was like you couldn't have seen that i was gonna say 0.99

00:55:20 dude she was that crazy you guys don't no no i always was like yeah let's go this is gonna make

00:55:26 the day a little funner i was that i like crazy people like i'm just like whatever let's go i 0.78

00:55:30 don't like normal people make me feel a little weird it's hard yeah sometimes why are you so

00:55:34 normal like fitting in the whole thing i don't know yeah but like that's when she was like that

00:55:39 not like so crazy but like kind of it was like that it was like that crazy bro like she'd come 0.97

00:55:45 I mean, everybody would be like, oh, crap. 0.95

00:55:48 But they'd be like, you got the guitar? 0.99

00:55:49 If we would do Bible study, you'd sit at the end, and we'd do Bible study,

00:55:53 and then you got the turquoise Bible, and then, like, I don't know.

00:55:56 I feel like we had good times, and I didn't care.

00:55:58 And I was like, whatever.

00:55:59 I own the place.

00:56:00 Like, I don't normally say that to people, but it's like they're complaining.

00:56:03 Like, hey, I own the place.

00:56:04 I don't care.

00:56:05 So we're going to play music.

00:56:05 I'm a little curious.

00:56:06 In comparison.

00:56:07 He doesn't do that for us, by the way.

00:56:08 How would you rate her past behavior on a scale?

00:56:13 Was she similar to the girl with the dog with the diaper?

00:56:15 shout out which dog with the diaper come on what's me yeah no substantially crazier than 0.98

00:56:22 christina with a k dude okay substantially crazy substantially like legitimate crazy you guys don't 0.79

00:56:27 understand that's why i'm saying like only bella did you guys see bella's face when she did you

00:56:32 guys hug did she like hugged you right yeah yeah she like initiated yeah yeah dude i don't know if

00:56:36 you saw her fit like that's like everybody that's seeing her right now is in shock you were like

00:56:40 wait a minute you guys can't get it you can kind of like hear the story but i'm not doing that

00:56:44 kind of a job explaining how crazy she was but i'm telling like can we think of some stories like

00:56:48 but when i was like bella you'll never guess who came here today and then i started explaining who 1.00

00:56:52 you were she's like the chick that was naked and stole her grandma's truck and got pulled over and 0.99

00:56:56 fought two cops naked that's my dad's the chick there's your dad's just some people get little 0.68

00:57:01 details wrong but go on yeah i was like yes that chick like and it was like that was a pretty crazy

00:57:06 one but there was a bunch we can't we don't even have enough time i you had to get someplace yeah

00:57:12 to it's it's too long a story it's a long story it was right down the street but it

00:57:18 yeah i remember you got baker acted too that was a crazy story seems like if it was right down the

00:57:23 street you could have taken maybe like an uber yeah i feel like i don't even remember i don't

00:57:29 even remember all the stories like yeah how did you get here did you drive your parents vehicle

00:57:33 or like yeah why did you keep coming here at that time because i mean i think god was leaving me

00:57:38 Yeah, you just found it because it's not like we're a chain shop with good advertising or anything.

00:57:42 I don't remember exactly how, but I found it and I've always like, I've always gravitated towards stuff like that, you know, towards spiritual people and towards libraries and books and Bibles.

00:57:57 Like I've always gravitated towards those things.

00:57:59 You talked about, you know, being raised in a in a good household and and that your your adopted parents are very much your parents and they created a safe environment for you.

00:58:09 I don't remember if you said it at the top of the show. Were they Christian? Were you introduced to Scripture as a child?

00:58:14 I was introduced to Scripture. They raised us in like different churches, like mostly like a lot of different ones.

00:58:25 we went to a greek orthodox church growing up or maybe it was ukrainian orthodox we went to

00:58:32 like presbyterian or like we wherever we went we my mom made a point to like raise us in church

00:58:38 okay um my dad's catholic but i think you know that was something i'm glad i had that foundation

00:58:47 yeah something they're not as religious as i am but i've always had that pull towards the spiritual

00:58:54 like towards jesus i always have what was this like for them oh i traumatized my family my younger

00:59:03 sisters my parents you loved your mom i remember you always loved your parents though as crazy as

00:59:08 you were you would always be like no i love my parents and i feel like you had like remorse for

00:59:12 putting them through it so much remorse so much remorse and all i can do is apologize and make

00:59:19 kind of that living amends and show them that I'm somebody different today, you know, and actually

00:59:24 live an esteemable life. But I will always, you know, carry. I wouldn't say guilt or shame, but

00:59:35 like I, I understand the weight of how much I traumatize responsibility for it. Yes. Yeah.

00:59:41 Yeah. Accountability. But how are they now? I mean, now it's got to be this is it's I mean,

00:59:46 they've always been so loving and supportive i'm visiting in the now they're so proud of me

00:59:52 you know that's for there it's complete unconditional love that's awesome um and

00:59:58 yeah it's a it's a beautiful thing their forgiveness is a beautiful spiritual thing

01:00:05 you know i've seen people you know like i said we had the whole opioid epidemic and

01:00:12 was a burden for a lot of my friends and a lot of them were close enough that i knew their parents

01:00:17 well and you just see like what a toll it takes um it's a crazy road man it's crazy road because

01:00:26 after a certain amount of abuse there are a lot of voices who say you got to just give up

01:00:33 and then there are a lot of parents that don't don't give up on their kids i mean and um you know

01:00:41 I'm thinking of more than a few examples of just like watching these moms and dads go through it.

01:00:48 But I also think in those examples, those kids are all right now, which has got to be huge, you know, to to go through that sort of fire.

01:01:02 I think it almost would be in some ways better to be the drug user, you know, than to than to have to.

01:01:10 because every day is like a it's a roll of the dice what phone call are you gonna get what you

01:01:15 know it's it's a nightmare sleep they yeah and and i mean i have other sisters who are going

01:01:21 through not as bad as i did but going through similar things and my my my parents are just

01:01:27 amazing people i mean i don't know anybody else who would adopt six girls from around the world

01:01:33 and be able to like like be able to create an environment where they could you know flourish

01:01:39 I don't know anybody else that that could love love like where are you in the age bracket I'm

01:01:46 the second oldest so the younger ones are kind of struggling with some stuff now uh well the one

01:01:54 that's two days older than me we were both adopted from this from different places at the same time

01:02:00 she's two days older than me she's struggling she's in North Carolina she has some like 0.84

01:02:05 developmental disabilities and, uh, she has a tough life and she's struggling right now.

01:02:12 And, uh, I, there's not a lot of communication, but I pray for her every day, every day.

01:02:18 That, um, speaking of praying, have you ever prayed specifically about the idea of generational

01:02:26 iniquity um oh yeah yeah yeah that's something that um throughout this show's lifetime i'm

01:02:37 realizing is like massively important and goes over so many people's heads um you know the debts

01:02:46 that are owed the debts that have been paid for but if you don't actively ask for that you know

01:02:53 for these sins or these bonds to be broken.

01:02:56 Exactly.

01:02:57 You got to break.

01:02:58 You have to.

01:02:58 It's like the good news.

01:03:00 Yes.

01:03:00 That's broken in the name of Jesus.

01:03:03 People are going through that.

01:03:05 I saw an article very recently and it was like, you know,

01:03:09 biologists have determined that trauma experienced by the father can be

01:03:15 passed down to the sons for, you know, as many as X amount of generations.

01:03:21 I go, okay, cool.

01:03:22 Yeah.

01:03:22 Science is starting to catch up to the idea of generational iniquity, but it completely ignores the spiritual implications of that.

01:03:31 And it just says, yeah, if you've experienced trauma, then those fears or those insecurities or those anxieties, those psychological disorders, you know, void entirely of the spiritual context can be passed down to you.

01:03:47 And it's just funny because, I don't know, we had this conversation earlier, Dr. Masood,

01:03:53 and he was talking about Islam, and he came from being Muslim and is now Christian, has

01:03:58 been for a long time.

01:03:59 His ministry is like going on 50 years.

01:04:01 And what he's describing in Islam and their belief system is like so close, but no cigar.

01:04:08 Like they're talking about this idea of seeking mercy and grace and trying to find the way

01:04:16 And how when he looks at texts of the Quran, there's so many things that don't have answers.

01:04:21 And those answers that he can't find are found in Christ.

01:04:24 And it's just funny because everybody is so close, but no cigar.

01:04:30 So I'm looking at science now or biology and they're going, oh, yeah, something that can happen to you can affect your generations.

01:04:38 Well, that and I mean, I don't know.

01:04:40 you, you look at every day they're coming out with something new that like is confirmed in the

01:04:46 Bible, like scientific evidence. And it's just, it's just incredible. It just goes to show that

01:04:52 like the Bible doesn't lie. Everything lines up. I mean, it's, it's incredible. I mean, I've been

01:04:59 one of those people who kind of had to search out other avenues and do a little research,

01:05:04 you know it wasn't but i mean there is only one way one truth and one life and that's jesus christ

01:05:14 and you you went through that system um it's interesting because aa uh that's that's the

01:05:23 correct one right is is part of that system and that system is like the medical apparatus

01:05:28 and you go through it especially when it comes to mental health and it is absent of spirituality

01:05:34 that's not i mean even it's it's not absent it's a spiritual program it's definitely no no not ai

01:05:41 not not ai not a i mean let's say you go to the doctors and you know you go to um therapy

01:05:50 yeah you go to a psychologist i have a like a relative who um she's she's a psychologist

01:05:56 and she's a believer and she talks about how there's so much of this she cannot bring to

01:06:02 the table because you're not allowed to take that into the conversation because influence anybody

01:06:08 for sure yeah anybody's belief system so but eventually they will recommend like you should

01:06:12 be going to aa or something like that and there you'll get it but like the the rest of the medical

01:06:18 industry it's even amazing that they work in tandem aa and and the medical or the mental

01:06:24 health industry because besides aa it's pills to regulate but it's like we're all being subjected

01:06:34 to spiritual warfare that's the name of the game is spiritual warfare and this entire industry that

01:06:41 proclaims to be about mental health we have a mental health epidemic in america and all this

01:06:45 crap and none of it is being approached through the lens of spiritual warfare but then there's

01:06:52 this anomaly that is AA that they will kick you to and people have all this success with it and 0.98

01:06:58 it is addressing the spiritual nature of things I think it's because at a certain point with a

01:07:04 certain type of person that is the only thing that works like that in our big book in AA's big book

01:07:10 there's like the first chapter is the doctor's opinion and I mean the doctor Dr. Silkworth like

01:07:16 has all this experience with addicts and alcoholics this is back in like the 1930s

01:07:21 and he's like literally nothing works I mean for for some of the you know hard drinkers and the

01:07:30 less severe alcoholics they can just get by maybe can stop but for the real alcoholic nothing works

01:07:37 but a spiritual solution and they saw he saw like it kind of started then with Bill W who wrote the

01:07:44 Big Book. And he shared his experience with other people. They kind of took the idea of the 12 steps

01:07:52 from the Akron Pioneers group, which was like a Christian group that was going on at that time.

01:07:59 And it worked. And like the doctor had to concede that like, hey, I don't understand this. Hey,

01:08:05 this is not my expertise, but this is working for people. This altruistic program, you know,

01:08:11 people helping other people and sharing their experience of hardship with other people and then

01:08:17 taking these steps and leading them into a relationship with God. And then using that

01:08:24 model to help other people into a relationship with God. That's what's what it is. And like,

01:08:30 even the toughest, you know, the, the most seasoned medical professional, like at some point

01:08:37 has to be like, there's nothing else I can do for you. Here's this. And I think that's what's

01:08:42 happening. It's just strange to me because that means that there is a significant amount of data

01:08:48 that points at the success of this program. And it's got this element within it that the industry

01:08:53 can't define, right, which is God. And rather than zero in on that, especially like I said,

01:08:59 in the time of mental health crisis here in the West, rather than zero in on that element and go,

01:09:05 there is an anomaly within the system that is bearing good fruit and people that would otherwise

01:09:10 not be saved by anything that we can do are being saved. We should look at this and expand on this

01:09:17 and incorporate this into the greater spectrum of mental health in the United States. They don't do

01:09:23 it. They just allow AA to have the success that it has. And when they throw their hands up and

01:09:27 they can't deal with it, they'll they'll push you to AA and say, there's your last ditch effort

01:09:31 thing it seems like based off of what you're saying i i wouldn't say like latch last ditch

01:09:35 effort i think it's more like there's i think it's more that people know it know it works

01:09:44 depending on the kind of program depending on what that medical professional is trying to do

01:09:48 if it's all about money they're probably not going to recommend a free program where you don't even

01:09:53 have to pay anything you just go and you know you but that's kind of the issue right the love of

01:10:00 money is the root of all evil yes and a lot of people get that wrong they think it's money is

01:10:05 the root of all evil but it's the love of money how much of it do you think it's the help of just

01:10:10 like other people you're like not on an island anymore it's like oh wait there's others like

01:10:16 there's like it's not just me there's these other people we've been through similar experiences now

01:10:22 i have somebody to talk through did you ever read the passage where it says that if evil spirits

01:10:26 gets cast out of a body that it goes around searching for uh places it's in dry places but

01:10:33 then if it comes back and sees that the place that it was living has been swept and garnished

01:10:38 that it'll grab seven more spirits more evil than itself or bring them and come and go back in okay

01:10:43 do you know that in the uh 12-step program they tell us that like it's a progressive disease

01:10:48 like it's ultimately to me i don't know that i i don't i don't personally even call it a disease

01:10:52 It's it's definitely spiritual, demonic activity.

01:10:56 And so that's why there's these like parallels that they try to explain in like a natural way, like that it's a disease or that it's a progressive disease.

01:11:04 But it's but Jesus explained it clearly.

01:11:05 It's like, no, man, that demon left.

01:11:07 But if you don't if you don't like take care of that environment, boom, it's coming back even more evil, which would manifest like a progressive disease.

01:11:16 Is that the idea?

01:11:17 like if you cast a spirit out but you're not then uh filled with the holy spirit then you're just

01:11:23 just gonna get worse and worse that you just cleaned out when it comes back it's like dude

01:11:26 i'm not getting thrown out again yeah i need to get my tentacles in even stronger this time i'm

01:11:31 not getting thrown out again that's interesting that's interesting you're talking about the

01:11:35 language of it being a disease and that's what's hard it's hard to navigate because

01:11:40 you know we we don't have an understanding of of the spiritual realm we don't have an

01:11:46 understanding of the supernatural so what reputable medical apparatus is going to say

01:11:53 you have a spiritual disposition right even if they even if they concede even if they yield some

01:12:00 ground to that diagnosis they're still going to sprinkle in medical jargon in order to not

01:12:06 secede all of that ground right because if they if they secede all of that ground then the entire

01:12:11 medical system it gets flipped on its head because there's something else that we haven't uh figured

01:12:17 in that disposition though is ultimately i think your destiny destiny in god your destiny in the

01:12:23 kingdom of god and maybe if your destiny in the kingdom of god was not going to be something

01:12:28 super hardcore then when you dabbled in drugs it wasn't super hardcore but like your your disposition

01:12:34 if you will like you have a specific destiny given to you in god what is it in 2 timothy 1 8 9

01:12:38 It says we've been saved and called with the holy calling in Christ Jesus before the world began.

01:12:43 You were made a specific way for a specific thing.

01:12:45 Do you think they know that?

01:12:47 Well, I think if you were made to go hardcore at this thing that you were called to,

01:12:52 and they could get you off track to find another thing,

01:12:54 you're going to go just as intense after that thing.

01:12:56 You're going to be shooting heroin. 0.99

01:12:57 You're going to be doing the oxys.

01:12:59 You're going to get the fentanyl patches.

01:13:00 You're going to go hard at whatever the thing is.

01:13:03 And so those people can't just come into the church and just like,

01:13:06 oh, hallelujah, I'm just going to chill.

01:13:08 on sunday just be in the pew it's like no no no you have to go hard that's ultimately what you

01:13:12 were created those people are also a little bit scary to the church right very super passionate

01:13:17 people but those are the people we got to rescue those are the people that have to get rescued do

01:13:21 like i don't think the next generation of like real preaching and like the real church is going

01:13:25 to come from the current 501c3 system i know that's shocking for you guys to know that i believe

01:13:29 that but like i think it's going to come from people that come into coffee shops and act crazy

01:13:33 and the church people want them to leave i think it's going to be like those are the people and

01:13:36 at the prophets of the bible i mean are the next generation like super calm cool people they're

01:13:41 wild people they're kind of like insane people but like if you have a destiny to be like the

01:13:46 next great revival preacher and just so you're gonna be on fire for god you're gonna be reading

01:13:50 a bible eight hours a day and praying and just going hard saving souls and then instead you find

01:13:56 drugs what do you think you're gonna do with drugs go hard you're gonna go hard like that's

01:14:01 so then they'll call that a disease or they'll say they have a um what do they say they have a um

01:14:06 addictive behavior. So everything you do, everything you do is addictive. And so now

01:14:12 that you're a Christian, now you're just doing your addictive behavior. No, no, no. I was called 0.98

01:14:16 to be this radical Christian all along. That was my destiny all along. I was called to be,

01:14:21 it was, it was, uh, manifesting in like, um, hijacked ways up until now, this was the real

01:14:27 thing. I wasn't always this, uh, uh, addictive behavior person. So I was addicted to sports and

01:14:34 then addicted to whatever and then addicted to drugs and now i'm addicted to jesus no no no this

01:14:39 always was my call this always was what i was made for and just manifest in these different avenues

01:14:43 which you have spirit the spirit realm and the war that we're in like they're like don't let

01:14:47 that person get on track don't let kirsten get on track like whatever you do yeah get her shooting

01:14:52 heroin get get her living with the oxys man get her doing the thing with the patch like whatever

01:14:56 you do don't let her get on track with god because she's going to go hard when she does

01:15:01 like ultimately that's the reality if you're born with a destiny it's going to go somewhere

01:15:05 that energy's got to go somewhere so where does where does this story leave you now like where

01:15:12 where are you headed what are you what are you doing yeah with uh i mean we talked about where

01:15:17 you came from we talked about all this stuff um but what what's next like what do you what do you

01:15:23 think you're going to be doing next you know what like if if I can't get caught too caught up in the

01:15:32 details of that like we say we make plans and God laughs yeah you know it's like God has that for me

01:15:39 and what I have to do is completely stay in contact with him every day and give my will up to him and

01:15:46 align it with his will you know and I know he has amazing things for me as long as I stay sober as

01:15:52 long as I keep doing this work as long as I remain in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as long as

01:15:58 I'm surrounded by like amazing like-minded people I'm gonna be okay and I never have to live the

01:16:04 way I was living again ever I never have to go back there even if there's days I want to which

01:16:10 at this point in time there's not I never have to live that way again you know what do you think

01:16:17 about the idea of like you know the refining fire the idea that like your suffering wasn't

01:16:23 pointless suffering but like there is a forge of sorts that you went through oh that's what

01:16:30 sanctification is isn't it you know is is this period in sobriety has been like

01:16:35 my sanctification period it's ongoing it's going to be ongoing for the rest of my

01:16:41 you know mortal uh but eternal life you know but um i'm just along for the ride and i'm just

01:16:52 gonna keep doing what i'm doing and allow god to go before me it's kind of hard when you start

01:16:57 doing stuff like things that are aimed at god because what you said there you nailed it right

01:17:06 it's like um what good are our plans if we're not it's like whatever god's plan is well my plan is

01:17:13 to is to serve and hopefully i'm a good servant and because of that like you don't really you

01:17:20 have some plans got like a loose outline but all of it is subject to change all of it is subject

01:17:26 to like yeah whatever god wants it's just interesting because um i think that's a

01:17:31 fundamental disposition to anybody who's truly trying to have a relationship with god and to

01:17:38 serve is to understand like also yeah your plans kind of ain't shit i mean that's not it doesn't

01:17:44 mean that god doesn't consider them it seems that god considers a lot of things that people

01:17:49 appeal to him about right just throughout the bible there's a bunch of instances of people

01:17:54 uh almost negotiating with god um so it's not that he doesn't consider them but it's like yeah

01:17:59 whatever your plans you know you meet people and they go well i'm gonna do this and in 10 years

01:18:05 i'm gonna do that five years from now i'm gonna get this i'm gonna have this job i'm gonna move

01:18:10 to this place i'm gonna do this thing and that's never really been how i've lived my life but the

01:18:17 more that i'm i'm coming to understand the nature of god it's kind of like good luck good luck

01:18:24 you know i think that whatever plan god has for you is definitively better than any plan you're

01:18:32 going to have for yourself oh yeah well what what are you doing right now you're doing real estate

01:18:37 right so like you're living in uh jupiter juno beach florida my boyfriend i don't know if you've

01:18:43 met him he came in here with me but i don't he's not here down here with me this time is the broker

01:18:49 of a company like co-owns the johnson group real estate services i've been working under him well

01:18:57 played girl as his thank you his assistant for like two years so i'm learning the business i got

01:19:03 my real estate license in february i was just trying to learn everything i could first february

01:19:08 wait what are we in right now june june you just got it february good for you nice wow and um but

01:19:15 I've been working for him for like two years, learning everything I can.

01:19:18 And I'm, you know,

01:19:20 hopefully going to continue recording and doing my music and learning the

01:19:25 real estate business and just,

01:19:27 but you're like open with Christ already. You're like in the game.

01:19:31 I'm saying you were like praying with people out here today.

01:19:34 You were just like opening.

01:19:35 What were you guys talking about when you were our testimonies?

01:19:38 Yeah. Everybody was around in a circle.

01:19:40 jj was in the mix wait you didn't know those people like previously no that's so no there's

01:19:46 nobody that would know her as this i didn't think about that because yeah when i walked up to go

01:19:51 speak to you say hey we're ready you were already integrated into a circle of people

01:19:55 everybody sharing testimony yeah were we not he did i did what was that other guy's name

01:20:02 pastor lee pastor lee it's a crazy place this is a crazy place why were you drawn to here that's why

01:20:09 it's a crazy place build it if god tells you to build it you don't really know exactly what is

01:20:14 gonna unfold you just do it all right i got it i have a final question for you and i think i

01:20:19 already know the answer um are you are you having fun with what you're doing here whatever you're

01:20:26 doing here because i don't think you even know like on the planet or here right now no yeah

01:20:30 yeah i'm finally having fun because i finally don't have to live in the shame that i lived in

01:20:38 hide what I was doing, live in that agony. Like I've done a significant amount of work to heal

01:20:44 from the traumas that I've not only created in my own life, but that were inflicted on me by

01:20:51 other people. I've learned how to forgive. I know I'm forgiven not only by Jesus, but by the people

01:20:58 in my life that I've hurt. You know, what could be more fun than that? It's a good place to be,

01:21:03 you know and i have it's it's so fun being sober it's so much more fun than having to like

01:21:10 orchestrate all these keep up with your lies too and all that other stuff and lies and like you're

01:21:18 saying like it's it's amazing i didn't even know this existed and i mean it's incredible i'm having

01:21:27 so much fun i normally like i just prayed before i came here that god would speak through me and

01:21:33 i could help somebody else and that's why i did this i'm not good at speaking i'm not even you

01:21:39 know i asked you this morning you said no i was she said no she said no like i'm happy to talk

01:21:43 to you but i don't want to talk somebody on my podcast unbelievable yeah it takes liberties

01:21:48 doesn't he he does okay this one turned out fun do what i want but i prayed prayed over it and

01:21:53 if it can help somebody i'll do it because i mean the a book says it says selfishness and

01:22:00 self-centeredness are the root of our troubles like i'm working on that but like my whole life

01:22:06 doesn't revolve around me anymore like i help other women i i do what i can to to help you know

01:22:13 i'm i'm able to be happily and usefully whole today is the sister you came in with the two

01:22:20 days older sister no she's younger she's like she's chill she's chill but what she goes through

01:22:28 own things we all do i don't think she's like spiritually and she's probably gonna watch this

01:22:34 in the same spot that i am i would love for her yeah but who is right we're all on journeys and

01:22:41 she has she's she's watching my puppy at home right now she's my sisters are amazing like

01:22:47 technically that was an e-watch my family is so amazing and i'm so grateful you know yeah for them

01:22:54 that's huge that's amazing man thank you thank you for coming by matt this is a this is a crazy

01:23:00 episode like impromptu but this is what you get at the coffee shop yeah but you guys don't have

01:23:05 any i i'm sorry i don't know what this came off like but nobody has any appreciation for what

01:23:11 just happened here yeah except for like the people who worked here like you like you just you don't

01:23:17 know it's not a surprise though like this is like this is what we see every day at the coffee shop

01:23:23 it's just new thing after such a weird place person after person a different story like we 0.96

01:23:28 just interviewed a guy that almost got his head cut off in afghan in uh pakistan that's a wild

01:23:33 story his whole family wants to kill him because he's a christian there's a dunkin donuts in the 1.00

01:23:37 parking lot and we're gonna burn him we're gonna i'm going after to get a lot to know this shit 0.99

01:23:42 doesn't happen there no this is like this whole place like i i've been here um how long have we 0.99

01:23:47 had the studio in here now we've prayed for you for a long time everybody that's ever worked here 0.99

01:23:52 has prayed for you as crazy as shit as you did you would leave and we would pray for you prayer 0.97

01:23:56 works and there's just one thing i wanted to say like to anybody struggling like this is what god 0.99

01:24:02 does like god heals god wants to heal you yeah he really does whatever you're struggling with so

01:24:08 keep praying keep having people pray for you and god will heal you keep drawing closer to him

01:24:15 keep yeah and i mean in his time in what in his will like yeah god you're like why are you shocked

01:24:24 like this morning when i was like i can't believe this i'm like you don't you're like i've been born

01:24:28 again and i was like i can't believe this you're like why are you shocked like why would you be

01:24:31 shocked but it was just like still it was like okay touche but it's still just shocking yeah

01:24:36 because god does crazy things it looks crazy to us but it still initially was like like a shock

01:24:41 and all. Yeah, I think I'm biased because I mean, I see so many miracles in the program of AA,

01:24:47 like so many people that were just like me. Yeah, we literally if you're plugged in there and you

01:24:53 you really go for it and you're in it, you know, you see miracles like this every day. And I was

01:25:00 talking to my mom on the way here. I'm like, he was just Matt was just like shocked. And I mean,

01:25:05 I see them every day. You might not. I'm a drastic miracle. I'll tell you that. And I mean,

01:25:10 what he's saying is you guys don't even know how drastic of a change this is and like sometimes

01:25:16 i'm not even aware because it's been a gradual you know and and a a long time came in what a

01:25:24 year ago and you were more normal more normal but you weren't like this you weren't like

01:25:28 a normal person like you were just a little more normal but i was like still so happy back then i'm

01:25:35 pretty sure i text a picture of you to brie back then and said brie you'll never guess who came in

01:25:39 she's like more normal but then today you were just like a normal person i was like this is

01:25:44 incredible i think i think you nailed it though um somebody out there definitely there's a lot of

01:25:50 people that will hear this and that's that's my we make a show every day and sometimes i go like

01:25:57 what the hell are we even doing like what are we going to talk about but that's not the point like

01:26:01 the point is who's going to listen who's going to listen somebody out there is going to hear the

01:26:05 right combination of words you know you ask god to send holy spirit to to guide you reveal things

01:26:11 to you speak through you so that something you do serves the kingdom of god and i think uh

01:26:18 yeah somebody's gonna hear this one amen thank you guys absolutely thank thank you for coming on um

01:26:25 man it's been a crazy day of yeah episodes it has until next time which is tomorrow

01:26:32 obey submit and comply guys 0.95

01:26:35 They're bred with daughters of men 1.00

01:26:40 And they will do it again 1.00

01:26:44 The end is written in the book

01:26:48 In the pages they foresaw

01:26:52 Death squad

01:26:54 Death squad

01:26:58 Death squad

01:27:02 When the last trumpet sounds

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Nephilim Death Squad - June 29, 2026

NDS Chronicles w⧸ Kersten Capra

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