Nephilim Death Squad - NDS Chronicles w⧸ Kersten Capra

00:00:00.000 Oh, Top Lobster Productions.

00:00:30.000 Neverland Death Squad

00:00:32.980 Neverland Death Squad

00:00:37.160 Death Squad

00:00:40.240 Death Squad

00:00:42.300 Death Squad

00:00:52.720 Ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of NDS Chronicles, the show where we read, but not in this case, your paranormal testimony.

00:00:58.580 If you have something you want to send us, something crazy to happen to you, chroniclesnbs at gmail.com.

00:01:03.960 I am David Lee Corbo, a.k.a. The Raven.

00:01:05.940 That is Top Lobster, the father of this information.

00:01:08.380 Before we get into today's guests, a little reminder, a great place to support us, patreon.com forward slash Nephilim Death Squad.

00:01:15.460 Sign up there.

00:01:16.460 Gain early access to episodes before the general public.

00:01:18.860 Ad-free listening experiences. 1.00

00:01:20.840 Access to communities of dangerous retards on Telegram, on Twitter, and on Discord. 1.00

00:01:25.240 and discount codes off of merchandise from TopLobster.com, 0.99

00:01:29.300 where not only are you going to find our merch that's designed by our very own Top Lobster.

00:01:34.220 Ooh, let's do the Dan Bongino one.

00:01:35.680 It's a classic oldie, but it's good.

00:01:37.180 Let's do the one next to it with the guy with the missing teeth.

00:01:38.780 No, please don't show that one.

00:01:39.900 That one's the...

00:01:40.280 We're joined by Matt today.

00:01:42.200 Yeah, Matt's here.

00:01:43.180 Anyway, guys, you can also get tickets to Brohimi and Grove.

00:01:45.740 That's August 8th in Wildwood, Florida.

00:01:47.840 Come and see performances from...

00:01:49.400 Should I read the list of people?

00:01:51.260 Yeah, you should.

00:01:51.880 Not only Nephilim Death Squad, but Ed Mabry, Dr. Heather Lynn,

00:01:54.600 uh the guys from hidden in plain sight paranoid american doughnut cheney demon erasers uh jake

00:02:00.420 and jeremiah of skeiba news network laura baker dave of isaac's army all kinds of people are

00:02:06.940 coming out a very special guest actually a very special guest we'll be interviewing for our uh

00:02:11.980 our main big show yeah super secret guest can't say can't say who it is who it is we have uh

00:02:18.900 signed contracts with the nation state of israel that prevent us from joining us today is uh

00:02:26.000 kirsten did i say that right okay because it's with an e kirsten and matt of uh straight bible

00:02:31.560 and all the other things he does here that we're a big fan of um ladies first kirsten uh

00:02:38.180 what should we do because we don't have plugs for you what is it that you do

00:02:42.580 uh a magician right i'm a musician very nice i'm a realtor okay and you are um actually a friend

00:02:52.020 of matt's somebody who he's known for a long time and you have a testimony that you're going to share

00:02:58.260 with us today right correct okay so before we get into that uh i guess matt say hi to everybody

00:03:02.360 okay so she's not a podcaster so we're just sitting around like that's a little too nervous

00:03:06.280 you're not a podcaster either agreed but you're a barista we can't just roll her into it like that

00:03:10.440 like hey tell us your story so the story is hey hey you serve coffee okay relax yeah mason will 1.00

00:03:15.800 you open the door before you go goodbye mason story is uh she was a crazy person like she used

00:03:21.440 to be here for like years and would play no would play guitar like super loud but really good but

00:03:27.260 really good play guitar even back then dude like really incredible guitar and very strong singing

00:03:32.340 voice and uh she was one of the people that like the church people that came here hated yeah right

00:03:37.920 Like, hey, hey, they always complained about her.

00:03:39.660 She was loud. 1.00

00:03:40.300 She was vaping in the shop. 1.00

00:03:42.080 Vaping in the shop. 0.88

00:03:42.780 What did you used to play?

00:03:43.620 What was your song of choice when you would show up?

00:03:46.300 What did I play?

00:03:47.480 I don't know, but it always reminded me of the chick that said, hey, hey, what's going on?

00:03:50.860 Oh, oh. 1.00

00:03:51.280 It was like Four Non Blondes. 1.00

00:03:52.780 Oh, I think it was Four Non Blondes, but Zombie is pretty good.

00:03:57.720 Like an incredibly strong voice to where people would come out of the library and complain that it was too loud.

00:04:03.780 Yeah, but it was, like, so powerful, and I would never say no, though.

00:04:07.920 I would always let you play guitar and I'd say like, Hey,

00:04:11.120 if there's a lot of people around, don't vape, but I would let you vape.

00:04:13.820 But it was just like, if there was a bunch of people around,

00:04:15.760 I'd say, don't do it. 0.99

00:04:16.700 But then she used to call Brie a bitch and she would be like really nasty or 1.00

00:04:20.320 cause a scene sometimes like on the way out. 1.00

00:04:22.460 Was she acting like a bitch? 1.00

00:04:25.560 No, I think it was more like psychosis that I was in from, 1.00

00:04:29.560 from using and from this,

00:04:31.720 this was like probably less than a year before I got actually got sober and I

00:04:37.780 had a really really rough time and uh matt was always very kind to me and um yeah it was a rough

00:04:45.660 period in my life you know so all right this is this is the nature of the story then for for those

00:04:51.900 of you who haven't picked up on it we're talking about it's what you used to be group chat i mean

00:04:55.840 the story really well not your story but this story starts in our group chat where matt oh yeah

00:05:01.100 we have heard about you well just just today this morning he's like this lady came in and it's like

00:05:05.660 amazing what happened i didn't even recognize her and he gives us a brief rundown of your story and

00:05:12.000 he's like yeah she was like she was like a disaster before she walks in like a fully complete

00:05:15.980 mature responsible adult and he's like i don't even know this person yeah i i was in the back

00:05:21.480 saw like you a little bit out there you like did the wave and i was like i'm not totally sure who

00:05:26.760 that is and i got closer i was like no way and i was like i was like you're normal like i looked

00:05:31.480 at you even before you started talking i was like you're normal it was a it was the craziest thing

00:05:36.820 the worst thing to say no you know you'd have you'd have to know the nature of what did you

00:05:41.760 look at you do you look at you and say you're normal yeah i mean he didn't recognize me when

00:05:47.220 i came in i could tell by the way you looked and then you came out and you were like i was like

00:05:51.900 this oh you probably saw my tattoos or something you're like oh i know who you are wow and it's

00:05:56.980 just a testimony to what god can do and he's like what happened how did this happen i'm like

00:06:03.140 what did i say therefore if any man be in christ he is a new creation and that's my truth

00:06:10.360 banger yeah i was like what and that's i was like texting you guys i was like you won't believe i

00:06:15.500 wasn't thinking about like having you on the show or anything i was just texting you guys say you 1.00

00:06:18.460 won't believe what just happened yeah there's a crazy chick that's been here for years has done

00:06:23.160 all the craziest stuff it's okay well when he was introducing you we were standing here and he was 1.00

00:06:28.720 introducing you to us and uh and i said this is a normal high functioning adult high functioning i 0.97

00:06:33.880 would attribute high functioning to you real estate agent she's crushing the game now yeah 1.00

00:06:37.580 like a very normal functioning huge magician why do you keep saying that i think that's what she

00:06:43.320 said so um all right so so let's start i want to hear your story and i guess um i don't know where

00:06:49.420 you want to start it i i'll i'll ask you a question babyhood yeah where were you born

00:06:54.760 i was born in louisiana i was adopted seven days later i have a private adoption i have

00:07:01.820 five sisters we were all adopted from around the world um so that is a very i have a very

00:07:08.320 eclectic family okay you know i have two my parents each have a child from a previous marriage but

00:07:14.980 they weren't really with the six of it. They're all girls, the six girls that were adopted.

00:07:21.200 And yeah, I think it started out really normal. I come from an amazing, amazing, supportive family.

00:07:28.420 And around the age of like 14, I just got into some aforementioned things like drugs. And

00:07:36.820 And it really was, you know, when I first did that, I think it took away like a lot of physical and emotional pain that I was feeling even before then.

00:07:51.100 And I kind of like fell in love with it and just experimented and it just got worse from there.

00:07:56.900 Did you know your mom and dad or no?

00:07:58.660 I did not.

00:07:59.180 Ever?

00:08:00.400 No, I haven't.

00:08:01.480 You've never met your mom and dad?

00:08:02.800 I have not.

00:08:03.240 Well, my mom and dad are my adoptive parents.

00:08:05.860 You know, I've been with them since pretty much birth and the other kids are all from around the world. Yes. And you guys all just lived in Louisiana. No, no. We were raised in upstate New York. And then around the age I started to use drugs was when we moved to North Carolina. So I had a really sheltered childhood before moving to.

00:08:27.160 this is your parents trying to create a sheltered environment where you guys aren't

00:08:31.720 subjected to yeah i think they did a great job at that but when i hit middle school

00:08:36.280 in a different you know further south it was like a whole different world you said that um

00:08:44.920 it alleviated some of the pain that you had been feeling even before that what do you attribute

00:08:49.160 that pain to is that from not knowing you know there's a big mystery around the family or is it

00:08:54.360 maybe the moving a lot kind of a deal.

00:08:56.500 What was that pain from?

00:08:58.300 Well, I think there's always going to be,

00:09:00.440 and I mean, I'm sure you've talked about it before,

00:09:02.500 but there's generational stuff that I'm not even aware of.

00:09:05.960 Yeah, I was going to ask you if that played any part in this as soon as you were going.

00:09:09.980 She's got no clue about parents.

00:09:12.460 Not consciously, no.

00:09:13.540 I don't think it was consciously conscious pain.

00:09:17.740 I think there's like generational trauma that affected it.

00:09:20.780 I think, well, when I was just from some of my relationships, when the drug use started, you know, I think I always like as an alcoholic and an addict, I mean, I think we carry around a lot of stuff from the beginning that like it might be different than most people, you know, just inner, like not feeling OK in our own skin.

00:09:44.180 and you'll hear a lot of people say it, um, in AA and stuff just, and then short, shortly before

00:09:52.920 it got bad, I was in a pretty bad car accident. I had like health issues. So the opiates kind of

00:09:58.820 started after I broke my pelvis in a car accident at 17 was, I mean, before then I was just like

00:10:06.880 smoking weed, doing, you know, things like that, drinking a little bit, but it really took off at

00:10:12.760 the age of like 17 when I broke my pelvis in a car accident and I was prescribed Loraset or

00:10:18.080 something. That's a lot of people's story, right? Injured in one way or another. They trust in the

00:10:22.160 medical system. They prescribe opioids. Next thing you know, that's the beginning of a long

00:10:27.780 winding road. Correct. And this was during that whole like epidemic where they would just like

00:10:33.020 prescribe them. I mean, I was prescribed fentanyl patches by the age of 21 years old

00:10:38.920 I had back issues. I had health issues. But like what I didn't realize was like it was a cycle like these things were all causing the issues and causing more pain. The pain pills cause rebound pain that it's just this terrible cycle that you find yourself. Well, I found myself like caught up in that that whole era of time. Right. I mean, that's, you know, I always go back. This is a little bit conspiratorial, but we're going 90 percent of the world's opium fields in Afghanistan.

00:11:07.320 meanwhile america's going through an opioid epidemic i had friends lost a lot of friends

00:11:11.500 to overdoses a lot of friends were it started with blues i don't remember exactly what the

00:11:17.740 technical term for them was but we had a doctor in town that was cutting prescriptions for kids

00:11:23.840 man like kids that i was in school with maybe we had just graduated so we're talking anywhere from

00:11:28.680 17 to 19 year old kids he's cutting them prescriptions they're paying them for the

00:11:34.400 prescriptions they're going and filling them and then selling the pills and um that wasn't happening

00:11:40.400 in a vacuum that was probably a lot more prevalent than people really understand and uh yeah a lot

00:11:46.380 of people got wrapped up in that all over the states yeah yeah and and they cracked down on it

00:11:51.240 it still happens but but yeah it's it's a rough i watched a really great documentary on it i forget

00:11:58.120 the name of it but it goes in depth and you got to see some of these pop-up doctor's offices oh

00:12:04.840 yeah yeah they had that doctor's office on the strip that had like a line around the corner yes

00:12:08.520 yeah what the heck was it's a good documentary um beats me at the name of it right now maybe

00:12:13.320 somebody in the chat knows but um a little window into into how that worked you know so if you were

00:12:18.680 somebody that tried to i was blessed never got into it you know big into weed when i was younger

00:12:23.080 but, um, it was just so common, so common. So, all right. So you're, you're, you're having this

00:12:30.400 experience, you get into this accident, you think you're doing the right thing, right? The doctors

00:12:35.860 prescribed it. And therefore I take the pain pills, you know, it, it took away more than just

00:12:42.520 physical pain. You know, like I was telling you, it, it took away that soul sickness for a little

00:12:47.000 while that I had that spiritual malady that they talk about in AA, you know, the void that only

00:12:53.940 God can fill. And so it filled that for a little while. And like I said, then there was the fentanyl

00:13:00.760 patches and that was like a pain management clinic. And, you know, they don't allow you to

00:13:07.040 smoke weed or anything. You have to get drug tested to be prescribed those pain pills. And

00:13:11.040 of course, I smoke a little weed. Not long after that, I'm doing heroin in North Carolina.

00:13:17.000 you know in intravenous drugs at like 18 then 19 what probably around like 20 22 i'm not great with

00:13:26.820 the dates but so but the age of 20 yeah around that in my 20s i have a full-blown heroin addiction

00:13:34.860 and luckily this is before like fentanyl was in everything yeah you know it's almost like that's

00:13:41.200 what they dog walked america into was getting everybody hooked on opioids and then introducing

00:13:45.760 fentanyl and then people just start dropping you know like i said a lot of people everybody i don't

00:13:51.040 know anybody that doesn't know people that they lost to you know some form of that that epidemic

00:13:56.880 um yeah friend of the fam friend of my family um they were watching their grandkids on the weekend

00:14:04.000 or something like that and i guess they decided him and his wife decided to do some coke or

00:14:09.040 whatever they're doing in their bedroom and oh deed parents came and find they find their kid

00:14:15.120 there for two days and and they're dead in the room i'm like this is just psychotic yeah yeah

00:14:20.160 but that story is not it's not anything special just happens all day it's all the time story of

00:14:25.360 you know the average american experience now i guess so so what does this do to your um

00:14:31.280 your personality how does that start to change i mean it's a it's a you're young right it's still

00:14:36.400 you're still developing personality wise into the person that you're going to be and um and you're

00:14:42.480 muting everything. I think it arrested and stunted my growth significantly. You know, they,

00:14:49.080 they do say in the, you know, 12 step groups I've been to and the therapy I've been to that, like,

00:14:55.660 your growth is literally arrested whenever you start using. So I was probably like mentally

00:15:02.420 and emotionally a 14 year old. And I have been until I came into recovery around 3.3 years ago.

00:15:11.660 3.3 so almost almost i know i was at the meeting in there earlier and they were like how much time

00:15:18.420 now i'm like hold on let me look we have a nap yeah you know so anyway it's something i'm very

00:15:24.040 very proud of today you said um that in na they talk about that spiritual void that can only be

00:15:31.120 filled by god and um do they specifically mention god in uh oh yeah oh yeah aa is is the the group

00:15:39.400 i'm in but all of them are all of them talking about the same no no no it's just got everything

00:15:47.000 they specifically say it could be a doorknob right you just need a higher power maybe that's

00:15:50.760 specifically in anything but really that thing that happens to junkies is that we just know we

00:15:56.040 don't belong here right like isn't that ultimately why like when the drugs hit we're like yeah i like

00:16:01.640 this i like this because like now i'm not here anymore like i'm here but i'm not here i think

00:16:06.440 it's just that we would rather look for anything else like but god and we don't know until we're

00:16:11.740 taught you know until we come into recovery that that's the void that that we have you know and

00:16:17.460 while i was still seeking at that time that i was using i mean i i had wonderful teachers and people

00:16:26.720 and mentors that would still study the bible with me in my filth and in my you know my misery

00:16:33.620 you know i had beautiful people like that for that that god surrounded me i'm just thinking

00:16:39.880 about even in the mire you know but like i was i was talking to some people before this they

00:16:45.940 prayed with me before this but um it was impossible when you're putting those substances in your body

00:16:53.060 to have to come into relationship with christ you can seek all you want you can learn everything

00:16:59.140 you want about the bible but until you actually have a relationship with jesus christ you don't

00:17:04.200 have you have knowledge it's a lot of people intellectualize scripture and and maybe even

00:17:09.100 can recall it very well and stuff that was a banger of a statement that was like you're dead

00:17:13.360 on with that yeah when you said with those substances in your body it's impossible to

00:17:19.260 have a relationship so you mean like not just this like psychological thing you're saying there's a

00:17:24.280 physical there's a physical system that is flowing through your body that cuts you off from the

00:17:29.520 supernatural from the spirit and the supernatural otherwise she said it's just knowledge that's my

00:17:34.400 opinion no i think you nailed it yeah yeah i think you nailed it it's just knowledge and that's why

00:17:39.500 you could see a dude who doesn't know the lord like crushing debates he's got a lot of knowledge

00:17:43.900 he's got a lot of intellect he could be totally wrong but he can like crush in debates because

00:17:47.900 it's just knowledge man but that's something totally different than knowing the lord but

00:17:52.480 when you see somebody walk in like this and then you're like wait what happened then you're like

00:17:57.340 okay this is clearly somebody who the lord did something to this has nothing to do with intellect

00:18:01.580 or so matt you've been you were going to the the church for a long time you're like high on oxys

00:18:06.220 you think that that statement is true like you you can't you can't have like an actual

00:18:11.440 relationship with the lord when you're when you're high because you were doing both no i think i did

00:18:15.740 i so i don't know but uh but that doesn't i mean it doesn't mean like oh my thing applies to

00:18:20.780 everybody else like yeah i think i genuinely love the lord with all my heart and it's different for

00:18:25.620 everybody like it's different levels of like uh so-called addiction or whatever you want to call

00:18:30.140 it but yeah i think where i was at was um i don't know yours was more not just drugs but demonized

00:18:38.940 like i think so like it was yeah the drugs played a part in that but like when you used to come up

00:18:43.780 come here before it was straight demons it wasn't it wasn't like just drugs because i'm just trying

00:18:48.720 like i'm asking from the angle of like yeah maybe like this specific type of drug uh does cut this

00:18:54.400 like uh and the amount you're using it maybe like i go through sober phases and stuff so i could be

00:19:00.100 kind of like i i don't know but i think for all of us which it's different i mean even like with

00:19:05.540 money it's different like the widow with the two mites jesus said yeah she gave more than all the

00:19:08.940 rich guys it's just it's just math and the kingdom of god is different i think it's the same where

00:19:13.400 it's like ultimately you're going to get to a point where god says okay i'm putting my hand on

00:19:17.320 it now i got like i'm putting my finger on this now now it's time to you gotta now you got a

00:19:21.320 choice with our our research about uh i mean certain drugs specifically but like methamphetamine

00:19:26.180 being a big one yeah that one it doesn't cut you off from the spiritual it actually like kicks the

00:19:31.320 door open and puts like a stopper in it and that's why these people are in constant contact with

00:19:35.520 i wonder if that's maybe that's a better way to describe it right it's like

00:19:38.980 so maybe it's not just that it puts sort of a barrier between you and god but it you've given

00:19:46.460 consent you've sinned in such a way and you've given consent to the spiritual realm to access

00:19:51.680 you which might result in such a barrage of other things it's like god gets drowned out

00:19:57.640 god gets drowned out because there are all these other influences you know uh kind of being set

00:20:04.340 probably a better way to i agree to think about that that was a good way to describe it but i mean

00:20:11.100 if if you think about it like i was like the holy spirit you kind of have to have your house in

00:20:18.260 order for him to to to dwell in you and bear fruit in you yeah you know you can't be out out doing

00:20:24.340 all these things and expect to you know to be able to help other people and to you have to be filled

00:20:31.720 yourself with things of the spirit in a in a good way not you know to be able to to even live in any

00:20:40.740 kind of righteous way yeah to produce fruit what's the scripture of the the wine skin matt um we were

00:20:47.100 reading it's an old testament you can't pour uh new wine into old wine skins right right and there's

00:20:53.560 even another one where god is saying that he's like he's upset with the people because they're

00:20:57.320 trying to put him into their you're talking about the jeremiah passage you're talking about cisterns

00:21:02.080 yeah broken cisterns but jesus is talking about yeah you can't put uh new wine into old wine

00:21:07.340 skins yeah you there's got to be a preparation it's got to be but but god is involved in that

00:21:12.360 entire process yeah yeah i think god is always working it's not like god doesn't like you're

00:21:16.800 on drugs and god's like sorry you're off limits to me now like he's working that whole time to

00:21:22.160 get you to a place where you can create a habitation for him yeah i think that it is

00:21:27.140 likely what what is happening is as god is working because of the consents you've given away other

00:21:34.240 things are as well and the more you curb that and the more you abstain from that the less rights

00:21:38.660 they have over you and you know the more you you wash yourself in the blood of christ right break

00:21:43.040 all these bonds and all these agreements then that voice the holy spirit becomes clearer but it's

00:21:48.280 almost like tuning into the right channel there's like you've got a bunch of noise overlapping right

00:21:53.780 now and you need to clear that out and get to the right you know the you know i'm using it as an

00:21:58.960 uh, an example, but turn the knob to the right channel, sort of a thing. What, um, so, you know,

00:22:04.620 we talked to, uh, um, one of our, we haven't brought him up in a while. It's Dr. Jerry

00:22:08.860 Marsinski. Um, he's a clinical psychologist and he worked with, uh, schizophrenic patients

00:22:14.940 for 35 years. He worked first in a hospital setting and that hospital got closed down.

00:22:20.320 And then he worked in a prison setting and in the prison setting, they allowed for a lot more,

00:22:24.720 sort of experimentation whereas in the hospital things are very stringent do not feed into their

00:22:30.360 delusions stick to the book you know because malpractice and all these other things and in

00:22:34.780 prison they were like you know whatever dr jerry marzinski started to realize that these things

00:22:39.540 that were you know previously under his understanding a set of visual and auditory

00:22:45.580 hallucinations they adhered to patterns they adhered to like 23 different patterns that he

00:22:51.660 was able to track and then they behave very predictably which is not a hallucination hallucinations

00:22:57.080 by their nature would be random so he started to theorize that these people were being oppressed

00:23:01.860 by something external to themselves and started to recommend that they treat it as such whereas

00:23:07.860 the medical industry does not do that you have a fundamental chemical imbalance in your brain

00:23:13.160 you're broken the only way it's going to fix this it's not in your power it's in pills and such

00:23:16.880 takes away their agency he gave it back found that people had a lot of success with it long

00:23:21.380 story short he comes out the other end and he's like yeah these things are demons they're they're

00:23:25.440 demonic these are external entities and the only way you're ever going to get you know a foot in

00:23:32.060 this battle is to first even acknowledge that it is something that's not just random hallucinations

00:23:37.520 this is an entity so um you know he he catalogs a lot of things in his experiences like drugs in

00:23:45.680 their relation to these things getting a foothold in you. And like Top said earlier,

00:23:51.680 methamphetamine was definitely one of them. I'm imagining then you feel as though your drug use

00:23:57.960 eventually resulted in something that, you know, maybe Dr. Marzinski would have been familiar with.

00:24:04.440 Yeah, definitely like a form of psychosis for a while. So probably something like

00:24:09.840 schizoaffective disorder or something for that year time period before I got sober.

00:24:14.400 Yeah, it was like, it took me a year to come out of that. I mean, between like, I was it wasn't just the the opioids I got off of probably in my late 20s. But I, you know, they call it like cross addiction, I think. Like I went to rehab and I'm like, this, that was demonic. But like, I'm like, I can't do this anymore. But I wasn't willing to give up everything.

00:24:41.020 And then, you know, probably like two years after that, I was doing crack cocaine, which is a terrible, terrible drug.

00:24:48.800 I've done meth when I didn't have that.

00:24:51.580 Yeah.

00:24:51.940 You know, when I didn't have the crack.

00:24:53.660 And that's when it got like real bad.

00:24:56.120 I think the amphetamines are they're both terrible, but it's a whole different beast in terms of the oppression that you said it was like kicking a door open.

00:25:06.400 And he said, unlike other substances, the door was very slow to close after that.

00:25:11.020 So like if you stop the use, you know, of something else, it would eventually regulate methamphetamine would keep that door like there was a door stopper in it and keep it wide open for a long time before it ever shut.

00:25:22.660 Can you talk about what that experience was like?

00:25:26.620 I mean, for a lot of people that are listening, you know, you hear these medical terminologies, psychosis, things like that tossed around to so many people that's totally foreign.

00:25:36.240 I don't think it's really that foreign.

00:25:37.900 I think all of us have some degree of it.

00:25:39.620 there is an influence intrusive thoughts things of that nature and i think that they can grow in

00:25:45.560 their influence and eventually turn into something that you might describe as psychosis but what what

00:25:50.080 did it feel like or what did it well one thing to to speak to what you're saying about the

00:25:55.700 the demons and the demonic oppression like i didn't have that much of an awareness during

00:26:02.020 that time that i was behaving in a way that that was barbaric to other people like when you're in

00:26:09.620 psychosis you don't like really know you're in psychosis like i didn't really have a grasp like

00:26:17.860 how out of pocket like i was really behaving so people are i imagine people are coming to you and

00:26:25.420 they're saying hey you did this thing and it's unacceptable how are you perceiving how she acted

00:26:31.340 there's no context unless i don't i don't really know how to describe it anybody who ever worked

00:26:39.080 here if they ever see this episode they're just they're gonna be in shock dude they're gonna be

00:26:43.860 like you you would have to see like how she acted to understand like how crazy it is you're just

00:26:49.160 saying that like during that time you didn't really think you were acting i really didn't

00:26:53.280 have like you don't have an awareness of like how it actually is and people did try to speak to me

00:26:59.440 like i was baker acted during that time okay like i i mean i think i remember that took a long time

00:27:05.840 for me to like normalize i totally remember that so you just thought these people were being like

00:27:11.060 assholes you're like what are you overreacting for yes and but i i really had no concept so

00:27:15.840 i mean because like i it might have not been me where did you work during that time overtaken by 0.99

00:27:23.560 i didn't how did you have money when you come in and buy lattes street magic yeah yeah she does

00:27:29.360 magic okay sorry sorry i just got a little sidetracked there but you're but you're saying

00:27:33.800 like uh yeah like it was somebody else acting through me were you having moments of um

00:27:40.060 you know like loss of memory some people would say like blacking out or whatever but like

00:27:45.540 did you ever have uh difficulty recollecting the things that you had done or or the way that you

00:27:51.260 had behaved some of sometimes. Yeah. And that came along with like a lot of my drug use, not so much

00:27:57.300 in the, but there's like a lot of my life, whether it be like pharmaceuticals or other benzos or

00:28:03.060 other things that are just that I can't really call into memory that other people like my family

00:28:09.040 members remember. And it's just, I mean, when you live like that, it's, it's really a blur.

00:28:14.760 it's complete survival your whole consciousness is overtaken by getting and finding ways to get

00:28:23.460 these drugs getting using and then getting again and maintaining yeah not getting sick you know

00:28:29.780 it's a terrible way to live you know but i think i didn't really know there was anything else

00:28:37.700 because i had been doing that for so long same even the concept of like yeah that people could

00:28:42.700 live like normal I was like well first off that sounds boring as heck for one and then that just

00:28:48.980 seems like lame and like now that I know what I know like how could I even do that it's just the

00:28:53.740 whole concept of that but I want I want to get back to the timeline though so like early 20s

00:28:59.020 you're hooked on heroin and you're in the Carolinas and then you kind of shift into the crack from

00:29:03.820 there and the and the what else and and do you stay in the Carolinas like when do you get to

00:29:08.280 florida okay so i go to rehab in florida for the opiates probably like 26 yeah everybody can't do

00:29:16.820 this anymore the drug dealers in wilmington north carolina like some of them were having me like

00:29:21.940 watch their kids and stuff like i finally got like so tired of living that way that i was like i can't

00:29:28.000 do this anymore yeah and i went to rehab and i wasn't in florida it was port st lucie i think

00:29:33.140 it was a long a long long time where you're from no no port richie yeah first stint in rehab i was

00:29:39.760 not ready to do the work of the 12 steps i was nasty like you've seen me be before to the people

00:29:46.240 that were working there i completed the program yeah but i did not do the like the continued work

00:29:53.640 it how did you end up there you went there willingly or willingly yeah okay so that's

00:29:57.980 interesting you made the decision to go there but we're not i you can make a decision to do

00:30:02.760 anything but until you're ready to like fully because of legal issues though or you just got

00:30:08.920 up one day and said i'm going to rehab in florida i think i literally just got so tired of the

00:30:13.480 sickness and the people i was getting it from and the life and the chaos at that point i i didn't

00:30:20.500 know anything about chaos yet but um and then it all all went well for a little while but i wasn't

00:30:27.320 willing to give up you know things like marijuana and other things which didn't help and then i would

00:30:36.000 not that you can recreate recreationally smoke crack but like that was but if there was a way

00:30:42.320 you came close at the beginning at the beginning i kind of did that and i was still living

00:30:48.000 recreational carolina my parents had moved to uh here to central florida to the villages yeah

00:30:56.720 they were in the villages at that point um and i i would just do it once in a while i don't

00:31:03.660 remember how is it how i was introduced i had buddies that would occasionally smoke crack like

00:31:08.380 from where i'm from in cali it was like you only smoke crack if you're a crackhead and when i got

00:31:12.140 to florida i had buddies that would like smoke crack i feel like if you're doing something

00:31:16.360 it could be useful like if you're doing yard work or something like crack could be useful

00:31:20.920 not if you want to go to sleep though or anything like that like what about you know what about rest

00:31:25.060 yeah well and that well i mean i could still eat on it i could still like after a couple days i

00:31:31.360 could sleep it's not as bad as meth like you were talking about where you're just up for anyway

00:31:36.360 so then i'm i you know my parents and i kind of had this like codependent enmeshed relationship

00:31:43.680 at that point you know and it was hard like being away from them so i'm like in my mind i could

00:31:49.840 really be of use to people which i couldn't and i'm like i'll come down and help you so i moved

00:31:54.440 to down here and that's where it got like really really bad i was having trouble like i didn't have

00:32:01.100 my whole music community and you know that life i had worked to to build my friends everything and

00:32:08.680 i was just how are you how are you i mean because i'm just thinking about it i've moved i've lived

00:32:12.460 in florida now for many years i only know enough people to count on one hand i could never find

00:32:17.840 crack if i if my life depended on it i couldn't um make the connections that's divine protection

00:32:23.980 and i'll tell you that yeah you're not looking for crack i mean with drugs you just find them

00:32:28.700 like you can move away and i know i'm pretty sure like the 12-step programs would say like yeah you

00:32:33.140 can move away but you can't get away from yourself but i know for me it was good to move away because

00:32:37.540 at least it was pumping the brakes on something well there's that guy with the swastika tattoo

00:32:41.080 on his chest he's probably got crack true but then ultimately you find it it's like a sixth

00:32:45.560 sense like i could yeah if there was somebody i know in a gas station yeah i know exactly what's

00:32:52.320 going on i know who i can approach i know like it's not a thing you've touched on something there

00:32:57.460 that's so interesting marzinski talks about this to these people who obviously you know the

00:33:02.140 schizophrenic patients in the hospital and in the in the uh prison of course a lot of them are

00:33:06.900 experienced drug users and things of that nature and the stories that they would tell him about

00:33:12.540 that sixth sense i wouldn't call it that i would say there's these forces spiritual entities are

00:33:18.000 whispering to you they're nudging you um but i've also heard this among schizophrenic testimony

00:33:22.840 where like one story i'm familiar with right is a guy who is you know inexplicably uh uh

00:33:30.920 pulled towards a field and in the field there's a piece of plywood and he lifts up the plywood

00:33:35.900 and he finds the drug dealer's stash so he's stashing it under there and i mean going to

00:33:41.620 people's houses and knowing exactly where to go to find their opium you know opioids and things

00:33:46.620 like that uh so many things there's even a bit of a precognition um element that comes into play

00:33:53.800 where sometimes one of the stories i remember seems to kind of a throwaway but it's really

00:33:58.500 fascinating this guy's on public transportation he's on a on a bus voices are you know doing

00:34:03.700 their thing and suddenly they all just start talking about the man in the yellow shirt the

00:34:08.220 man in the yellow shirt they pull up to the next bus stop guy gets on the bus walks over sits next

00:34:12.460 to him man in the yellow shirt he doesn't know what to make of that it's not like there's some

00:34:16.140 divine thing that unfolds after that that it is it's just there so there's like this brief

00:34:21.200 you know cognitive what were you to say i just thought of a like a something you call it it's

00:34:26.560 like unspiritual discernment that's what it is yeah yeah it's like the opposite yes of discern

00:34:32.360 it's like discernment in the wrong spirits yeah i mean i think these spirits they have the ability

00:34:38.580 to well do all sorts of things for you a story that i tell i told the time on this show but uh

00:34:43.540 i used to do a comedy show and uh before the comedy show like it was like it was kind of like

00:34:49.060 this format but before it i'd be in my own house like in a zoom meeting and then there'd be four

00:34:53.480 other dudes and i just smoke a little like couple hits like weed and i'd smoke and then we do the

00:34:58.920 show and it helped me loosen up and tell jokes and shit like that um we got a an email from a

00:35:04.260 listener of this show this is like years later this is after i know this is this might have been

00:35:09.120 like right at the tail end of doing that comedy show and he was saying how he was sober for many

00:35:14.040 years uh but you know on Wednesdays at 9 11 that's when we did the show he would go and he'd take like

00:35:21.000 an edible and he'd watch the show and hang out with us and I realized I was like oh so I'm smoking

00:35:27.740 and the spirit of what and this is through a screen spirit of whatever I'm putting out there

00:35:33.160 is making you fall back and do a drug that you were you know his testimony was that the drugs

00:35:41.180 ruin his life his marriage his family all stuff like this and i'm like i gotta stop doing that

00:35:45.840 so i just stopped altogether because it it seemed innocuous or innocent enough to me where i'm like

00:35:52.620 yeah it's like what is it like a couple of pulls and i'm not i'm not i'm a lightweight so like two

00:35:57.260 pulls and i'm i'm kind of high for but all of a sudden you're dancing with some spirit that

00:36:01.840 the listeners through the internet yeah yeah man i'm like influencing you i don't like that but see

00:36:06.640 like i think the difference is that you can stop like true alcoholics and addicts cannot stop

00:36:13.440 themselves without some kind of spiritual intervention or an ongoing spiritual help

00:36:18.840 yeah you know and that's that's really the premise of it you saw and had empathy for that guy you're

00:36:23.780 like i can just stop there is a call and listen i'm not gonna lie there's sometimes be like

00:36:28.440 yeah that would be fun to do right or this like old persona of the person that came out like when

00:36:33.880 we're doing the comedy show that's like top lobster's coming out there and i'm coming for

00:36:36.960 your throat and i'm gonna say some wild stuff that's a different dude that's not me now so

00:36:43.120 there is that inclination and the temptation to be like let's play right come on play but i'm like

00:36:48.400 i just yeah maybe in me i'm like it wasn't strong enough where i'm i just put that away but it's

00:36:53.860 It's always, it's there.

00:36:55.900 It doesn't stop tapping on you.

00:36:59.180 I guess it's just I was lucky enough not to deal with it.

00:37:02.160 I don't really ever have it in like when I'm awake, dude.

00:37:05.660 But do you, do you have, how long have you been?

00:37:07.600 I have drug dreams.

00:37:07.980 Yeah, I have dreams where I'm just high, dude.

00:37:10.700 Just like ripped on meth.

00:37:12.120 Yeah, dude.

00:37:12.660 That is frustrating.

00:37:13.660 It feels exactly like I'm on meth.

00:37:15.920 How long have you been sober?

00:37:17.220 Three years and three months.

00:37:20.200 Yeah.

00:37:20.800 Yeah.

00:37:21.120 And it's like you, and then you just feel guilty.

00:37:23.400 you feel terrible you feel like that's frustrating awful you genuinely like feel high in the dream

00:37:29.920 but like i don't have there's never a day where i'm awake where i'm like yeah you know what i'd

00:37:33.720 like to do some drugs again like there's never a time when i'm awake where i ever think that

00:37:38.860 yeah would you call that a like a spiritual attack i don't know if it's an attack it's just

00:37:44.520 i don't know i mean your your brain like from what i've learned and from what i've read like

00:37:49.640 your brain can only have dreams about like certain things you've pretty much experienced,

00:37:54.760 you know? So if that's your experience for most of your life, it's, it's gonna come out in your

00:38:01.840 dreams. I don't necessarily, even though it feels terrible. And I think it's like, sometimes I think

00:38:07.240 it's from God. Cause it's like, I evaluate, you know, where I'm at in my sobriety and in my

00:38:12.860 program. And if I need to do more or get to more meetings or, or get a little more connected with

00:38:19.480 God, then it's a wake up call.

00:38:21.640 Yeah, the dreams, you know, and I'm like,

00:38:23.760 sometimes you can get so distant from like a past trauma

00:38:26.760 that you forget how bad it actually was.

00:38:28.800 So in that way, it could serve you when things are good, right?

00:38:32.200 Yeah, when things are good, you forget how bad houses doing magic.

00:38:35.760 Nice. Yeah, you're like, I'm fine, right?

00:38:40.000 So it allows you gives you this little window and goes, don't forget.

00:38:42.600 Yes, don't forget how bad it was. Exactly.

00:38:45.240 I can see that it's useful. I can see that it's useful.

00:38:47.480 So let's get back on the trail here.

00:38:49.080 Where were we at in the story, Matt?

00:38:50.320 So in the story, she's already went to upstate New York when you were a kid.

00:38:54.600 Like Rochester, was that where?

00:38:56.160 Albany.

00:38:56.480 Okay.

00:38:57.060 Then you're down in the Carolinas.

00:38:58.740 You get in a car accident.

00:39:00.600 You get into South Florida.

00:39:01.400 You start shooting hop in your, like, low 20s.

00:39:04.180 You get tired of it, but you're on the music scene there doing music in the Carolinas.

00:39:08.080 You come to Florida.

00:39:09.620 You do the rehab thing in Florida.

00:39:11.800 But you make some connections, I'm guessing, in rehab.

00:39:14.220 You find some junkie buddies and stuff.

00:39:16.820 Yeah.

00:39:17.220 Yeah. So I went to rehab for the second or I had a stint in rehab probably like a year before I got sober and I still don't think I was fully ready.

00:39:28.040 I went to a couple and I was like, I thought I was ready.

00:39:30.620 How long ago was that?

00:39:32.480 That was probably four years ago, four years ago, four years ago.

00:39:35.700 So you were in that rehab and then came here to live with your parents.

00:39:40.320 Is that the time period you would have been in the coffee shop?

00:39:42.380 Because you were here around like twenty, twenty two, twenty twenty two.

00:39:45.520 yeah so it was like a year my sober day is march 3rd 2023 so i went to rehab i got out of rehab

00:39:53.880 had that whole relapsed yeah i don't even know if you call it a relapse because i didn't have

00:39:58.980 that much time in between i was just in that phase of like getting ready like god had me in

00:40:07.520 some kind of like middle i mean i was i was very sick and i was like i went through a series of

00:40:14.840 events like legal troubles like all jails institutions where god was really showing me

00:40:22.060 that if i kept on going the way i was going like there was only one thing left when you were here

00:40:26.680 sorry yeah that's true when you were here it was like that it was like every

00:40:31.920 every time you came in you had some crazy ass story of something that just happened

00:40:37.120 it was a battle like that was that was it that was it could have been the end for me

00:40:42.860 And like, I see a lot of people who aren't afforded the opportunities that I've been given, like even at life, you know, people that have this disease and don't make it out, you know, they don't have, they relapse and they don't get a chance to come back and say, hi, my name's Kirsten.

00:40:59.520 And I'm an alcoholic and I have one day, you know, so I realized that it's life or death for me.

00:41:06.440 And finally, like I went to rehab for a second, God knows what time.

00:41:13.680 And I was like, hey, I need to move where there's like I need to move down here to South Florida.

00:41:19.960 There was like a spiritual leading down there.

00:41:23.200 There's great recovery down there.

00:41:25.420 And I just, you know, I, I was in halfway houses. I like really did everything it took to like rebuild my life. And I was ready at that point. No mood or mind altering substances. I entered and stuck with the program of AA, did the step work. I still do the step work. I sponsor other women through the step work.

00:41:48.220 i you know which leads you into like a relationship with god that you you forge kind of

00:41:54.920 and uh i continue to do the work it's like grace and and service to other people so what right

00:42:01.960 what led you to this place like even in 2022 like why you'd come in often yeah how did you end up

00:42:09.360 here i don't remember maybe i i really don't remember that's one of those things but i i mean

00:42:16.500 it's safe here. Like the, the, the Lord dwells here in this place, you know, and maybe that was

00:42:22.760 safe for me. And the people were kind to me, even though I was out of my mind, you know, and the,

00:42:27.600 there's so many good examples of the word here, you know, there's good.

00:42:32.900 Didn't I give you a turquoise Bible? Do you still have the turquoise Bible? Yeah. Yeah. I remember

00:42:38.300 that. Yeah. They were, they were just, he saw in me like what, what I couldn't see at that point.

00:42:43.360 i didn't even know what was going on at that point you know but like i mean i should they

00:42:48.780 should have called the cops on me to be honest i think the cops did get called no no i think some

00:42:54.660 of the boomers called the cops man i um that was that was one of the crazy things was was like the

00:43:01.300 um church people bible study people you were one of the people that they were like very offended by 0.67

00:43:06.600 did we just lose audio in everybody's headphones in one ear yeah let me just check real quick guys

00:43:12.060 can you still hear us in the chat um i just want to make sure can you guys hear is your

00:43:16.060 headphone mess only like i can't hear mine okay yeah mine are definitely different but i can like

00:43:20.200 kind of hear but they're but they're definitely different oh one two one two still out in one

00:43:26.960 ear all right they can hear chuck i can't hear myself strange okay i don't um i don't know what

00:43:32.340 that was well everybody can hear yeah that was wow did we all laugh at the same time and that's

00:43:36.400 no uh top hit the explosion drop which is just come in i just knew you were like a real person

00:43:41.820 and i got i was like yeah i know exactly what you're going through and then um wow this is

00:43:47.980 like crazy in the air yeah no that was just a giant election weird whatever's happening uh we'll

00:43:52.600 have to muscle through it i wanted to ask you you know because you said that um you were a musician

00:43:58.340 and not a magician uh so i have to do that number one for the chats clarity and the listeners uh how

00:44:03.840 did sobriety if at all change your relationship with your music it's a it's honestly like

00:44:12.600 i will say in that regard it's kind of you kind of have to find in every regard you have to find

00:44:19.260 yourself again i mean it's i mean people do liken like creativity to like substances just

00:44:28.440 like you were talking about it kind of but i think you know i haven't been doing it as as much

00:44:34.260 as i usually do i haven't been but since i got to florida you should get back into it that was 1.00

00:44:39.080 another thing that would cause fights here too is like boomers would come out and be like that 0.68

00:44:43.000 music's too loud i'd be like shut up she's playing and she's not gonna stop we just hate boomers so 0.70

00:44:48.200 like whatever it is no no i love boomers but you got to see her you had to hear her sing and play

00:44:52.100 dude like she's got a crazy voice and then like the singing and she was just coming from her heart

00:44:56.620 like from her guts and it was from a place of agony used to sing from a place of agony 0.98

00:45:00.700 and i would be like boomers shut the just shut up were you writing your own music oh yeah i write 0.71

00:45:05.620 i write a lot of music i've you know recorded an album in sobriety i have like uh what we need 0.99

00:45:13.080 that album this guy named i'm such a perfectionist when it comes to that but i will i will let you

00:45:19.540 guys know what it's all over all the uh streaming it's crazy when she was high though because it

00:45:26.440 would be like just chilling out and then she would like it'd be quiet in the shop and then

00:45:30.540 she'd just like hit the vape and then we're just like ah it would be like so loud she would just

00:45:34.920 start going like everybody in the shop would just sing wild i'm a lot quieter now but i was able to

00:45:42.700 write an album you know some a couple of the songs in your sobriety yes okay and put that out and i

00:45:48.680 have a good friend named brian who i record with in delray beach um i have a band in um

00:45:55.640 in jupiter florida why which is a bunch of dads it's just a bunch of the name of the band it's

00:46:03.060 called miss k and the dad bod band and the dad bod band that's awesome yep that's a band and we

00:46:09.140 have where you guys play we had one gig we basically it's like a garage band we've just

00:46:14.340 been kind of practicing our drummer paul just had a baby okay so we it's kind of hard to coordinate

00:46:20.400 but at least i i do have them we've had one gig it went pretty well what's the town again it's i

00:46:26.840 live in juno beach but most of the bandmates live in jupiter and that's where we practice in the

00:46:31.860 garage jupiter florida so you know music's a really interesting thing we get really conspiratorial on

00:46:38.400 show so frequency and vibration come up a lot and you know obviously the idea of music within

00:46:46.080 the context of worship comes up a lot but if you just look at the music industry in general

00:46:51.840 there's so much substance abuse and the people that are abusing these substances

00:46:57.680 at least in the most high profile instances they're hyper talented super successful

00:47:04.480 musicians and there's no shortage of those musicians who are giving testimony

00:47:09.520 saying things like you know i have to be inebriated when i play it's been the downfall

00:47:14.880 of a lot of really famous musicians what's the club the 23 club or the 25 27 27 so you know

00:47:25.920 there's that side of it and they pay you in like when you're playing professional gigs like a lot

00:47:31.120 of them they push the drinking they pay you in drinks they so i mean i haven't i've i've played

00:47:39.440 some gigs sober but haven't really gotten connected in the way that i was in north

00:47:44.560 carolina when i was drinking and was i mean there were gigs that i i literally did well at like

00:47:51.180 people have it on video my mom loved them where i would literally go in the bathroom and shoot

00:47:55.960 up heroin wow you know and come back out and play and that was just like my life you know and i don't

00:48:02.560 think a lot of people knew how bad it was well it's crazy because you're coming out and you're

00:48:07.140 performing which from the outside looking in to imagine you just came out of the bathroom from

00:48:12.760 shooting up that doesn't match this talented person on the stage who's doing a thing that

00:48:17.100 someone in the audience can't do right so it's uh it's an illusion almost being casted um

00:48:23.040 there's that side right no shortage of it seems there's a real real um significance to substance

00:48:33.040 usage and music and the spiritual realm uh you know i i would say for lack of a better term

00:48:41.700 people are channeling and they don't know it something else is is moving through them there's

00:48:46.800 a spirit that's moving through them and um you know one of the examples i love to give on the

00:48:51.940 on the show is uh uh carlos santana is in a i believe it's time magazine interview and he's

00:49:00.060 saying that all of his music comes from metatron which is like it's an angel might be a fallen

00:49:06.020 angel book of enoch gets weird says uh enoch became metatron i don't know it's all apocryphal

00:49:12.520 kind of extra leaps but still you know the principle stands but then on the other side of

00:49:18.420 there's this other thing where you could be god has given you a set of talents we all get our own

00:49:25.540 unique talents and um some people are offering them up to the lord they're making music that's

00:49:31.940 dedicated to the lord it's a very touchy subject matt doesn't like it he doesn't think you know

00:49:36.340 that i've heard musicians say that they that they're jamming like they're jamming with their

00:49:40.820 band and then all of a sudden it's not them playing anymore that's crazy in like a jam session yeah

00:49:45.700 And they're just like, yeah, it's not me playing anymore.

00:49:48.040 But I mean, if you think about it like this, if you have a God given gift, if you have a calling on your life, if you can worship, choose not to whatever it is, Satan is going to do whatever he can to deter you from that path that God has for you, for anybody with any type of God given gift.

00:50:03.740 You know, so I mean, my struggles are not for nothing. You know, I feel like I do have a calling and I do have a lot of life left to live and a lot of good things to do with my life. But there was a time where I wasn't able to resist that temptation. I didn't have the tools or the faith at this point to resist that temptation.

00:50:28.680 And I mean, speaking spiritually, like a lot of it was attacks, you know, I mean, they were things I was actively doing, but I'm saying like, you know, yeah, it's we're not forced to do anything. Right. We still have to make that decision. We still have to step through, you know, whatever gateway is there.

00:50:50.040 um so when when exactly is that moment then where you decide this is the path that i'm i'm gonna go

00:50:58.180 not just that this is the path that works but like i'm dedicated to it and like how do you get on

00:51:03.360 that path how do you stay on there it reminds me of this one time so the last time i was in rehab

00:51:09.520 i like they go through all your stuff and you know i i was in rehab i'm i'm trying to do the

00:51:16.980 right thing. I'm like sworn off everything. I'm like, I'm going to do everything it takes. And I

00:51:21.000 find weed in my pocket in rehab. And at that moment, like I had the defense against that

00:51:27.680 from the higher power, like God intervened for me. And it wasn't like a white light moment or

00:51:33.400 anything, but I had the resolve to say like, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. And I'm going

00:51:37.780 to do what it takes to stay that way, you know? And the amazing, I've met so many amazing people

00:51:45.900 in my recovery community in AA, they literally like in South Florida down here too, but I haven't,

00:51:52.620 I've only been down here back to visit my parents and seeing that community that way. But the people

00:51:57.240 I have, the community I have in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, which is where like this one

00:52:03.280 clubhouse I go to and meet is like loved me until I could let like this place does like you did,

00:52:10.640 You know, like love me until I could love myself and heal enough to love them back and love myself.

00:52:16.860 I was going to ask you, like, why did you come back here?

00:52:19.460 And I assume that's why this is like, I guess it's like a fond memory for you.

00:52:24.300 I just to visit my parents.

00:52:25.460 I just want coffee.

00:52:26.200 I mean, like specifically the shop.

00:52:27.840 Oh, it's such a fond memory.

00:52:29.680 And I mean, I know how well it's you are not my actions, you know, but I know that like even.

00:52:37.240 OK, but sorry to cut you off.

00:52:38.940 no no no two people today you said i'm so sorry for how and they both like no no it's so good to

00:52:45.860 see you like a normal person and i know both people were like no no no we never cared it was

00:52:49.960 okay like everything's good because brie used to call her a bitch we so we facetimed brie she 0.62

00:52:54.920 lives in chicago now and i was and i was like brie you will never guess who's here right now 0.94

00:52:59.260 and then i did like the i think i did like the shot or both in it and then i was like 0.99

00:53:03.280 brie she's like who is that i was like brie it's the chick that used to call you a bitch 0.96

00:53:07.840 and Brie was like no no way she goes oh my gosh you look great she said like the nicest things 0.98

00:53:14.020 to you and you're like hey I'm sorry she's like no no are you kidding me I don't care

00:53:17.280 and then Bella said the same thing she was like you're like hey sorry she's like no no we don't

00:53:22.580 care like this is incredible but another reason that I feel comfortable coming back here like

00:53:28.400 I'm proud of of the work I've done I I like I'm a miracle and I know how God works and I know that

00:53:36.780 you people here can appreciate the miracles that god does and i'm one of them you know

00:53:42.120 i want you to see what god did amen amen walking testimony there's a lot of people

00:53:50.680 you see them all the time and um and i think we make the mistake i used a guy as an example

00:53:56.420 earlier it's like a dude homeless dude with a swastika on his chest and i make the mistake

00:54:00.280 of looking at that dude and like not seeing a chance for that guy um which is me putting

00:54:08.500 limitations on god right um but it's good to know that you could be so far down the hole

00:54:15.860 and come back do magic a little bit of real estate you know what i mean like that's huge

00:54:22.500 because a lot of people like i said man this guy i see him all the time and i don't know i i just

00:54:28.300 got to get out of that habit of swastika guy swastika guy dude i see him and i just don't

00:54:32.780 did you see somebody else had his corner this weekend i did yeah he's a little bit of the least

00:54:36.800 of these kind of guy you know he's and he's he's out there he's shouting to somebody on the corner

00:54:41.600 nobody's there with him and um it's just you know it's a in some ways it says i'm not getting down 0.93

00:54:48.100 on myself i'm just saying like i think we all do this but it's an asshole move on my behalf because 0.52

00:54:51.220 i do a show that's about the supernatural and i'm watching a guy talk to demons that guy's done 0.81

00:54:57.560 looking skinny swastika on his chest and i don't it's not that i sit there and say this or that

00:55:04.220 about him like i don't do that i'm not gonna make a habit of doing that kind of crap but like i just 0.99

00:55:07.900 don't see a thing in my mind when i see him instead what i see is like oh fucking this guy 0.97

00:55:11.800 no but i don't know if you know she was like you couldn't have seen that i was gonna say 0.99

00:55:20.200 dude she was that crazy you guys don't no no i always was like yeah let's go this is gonna make

00:55:26.440 the day a little funner i was that i like crazy people like i'm just like whatever let's go i 0.78

00:55:30.440 don't like normal people make me feel a little weird it's hard yeah sometimes why are you so

00:55:34.600 normal like fitting in the whole thing i don't know yeah but like that's when she was like that

00:55:39.320 not like so crazy but like kind of it was like that it was like that crazy bro like she'd come 0.97

00:55:45.640 I mean, everybody would be like, oh, crap. 0.95

00:55:48.500 But they'd be like, you got the guitar? 0.99

00:55:49.960 If we would do Bible study, you'd sit at the end, and we'd do Bible study,

00:55:53.120 and then you got the turquoise Bible, and then, like, I don't know.

00:55:56.560 I feel like we had good times, and I didn't care.

00:55:58.440 And I was like, whatever.

00:55:59.240 I own the place.

00:56:00.020 Like, I don't normally say that to people, but it's like they're complaining.

00:56:03.360 Like, hey, I own the place.

00:56:04.520 I don't care.

00:56:05.140 So we're going to play music.

00:56:05.900 I'm a little curious.

00:56:06.740 In comparison.

00:56:07.060 He doesn't do that for us, by the way.

00:56:08.300 How would you rate her past behavior on a scale?

00:56:13.200 Was she similar to the girl with the dog with the diaper?

00:56:15.640 shout out which dog with the diaper come on what's me yeah no substantially crazier than 0.98

00:56:22.000 christina with a k dude okay substantially crazy substantially like legitimate crazy you guys don't 0.79

00:56:27.040 understand that's why i'm saying like only bella did you guys see bella's face when she did you

00:56:32.040 guys hug did she like hugged you right yeah yeah she like initiated yeah yeah dude i don't know if

00:56:36.780 you saw her fit like that's like everybody that's seeing her right now is in shock you were like

00:56:40.760 wait a minute you guys can't get it you can kind of like hear the story but i'm not doing that

00:56:44.600 kind of a job explaining how crazy she was but i'm telling like can we think of some stories like

00:56:48.940 but when i was like bella you'll never guess who came here today and then i started explaining who 1.00

00:56:52.840 you were she's like the chick that was naked and stole her grandma's truck and got pulled over and 0.99

00:56:56.760 fought two cops naked that's my dad's the chick there's your dad's just some people get little 0.68

00:57:01.260 details wrong but go on yeah i was like yes that chick like and it was like that was a pretty crazy

00:57:06.480 one but there was a bunch we can't we don't even have enough time i you had to get someplace yeah

00:57:12.200 to it's it's too long a story it's a long story it was right down the street but it

00:57:18.280 yeah i remember you got baker acted too that was a crazy story seems like if it was right down the

00:57:23.740 street you could have taken maybe like an uber yeah i feel like i don't even remember i don't

00:57:29.040 even remember all the stories like yeah how did you get here did you drive your parents vehicle

00:57:33.100 or like yeah why did you keep coming here at that time because i mean i think god was leaving me

00:57:38.640 Yeah, you just found it because it's not like we're a chain shop with good advertising or anything.

00:57:42.440 I don't remember exactly how, but I found it and I've always like, I've always gravitated towards stuff like that, you know, towards spiritual people and towards libraries and books and Bibles.

00:57:57.420 Like I've always gravitated towards those things.

00:57:59.800 You talked about, you know, being raised in a in a good household and and that your your adopted parents are very much your parents and they created a safe environment for you.

00:58:09.040 I don't remember if you said it at the top of the show. Were they Christian? Were you introduced to Scripture as a child?

00:58:14.540 I was introduced to Scripture. They raised us in like different churches, like mostly like a lot of different ones.

00:58:25.720 we went to a greek orthodox church growing up or maybe it was ukrainian orthodox we went to

00:58:32.500 like presbyterian or like we wherever we went we my mom made a point to like raise us in church

00:58:38.400 okay um my dad's catholic but i think you know that was something i'm glad i had that foundation

00:58:47.660 yeah something they're not as religious as i am but i've always had that pull towards the spiritual

00:58:54.740 like towards jesus i always have what was this like for them oh i traumatized my family my younger

00:59:03.560 sisters my parents you loved your mom i remember you always loved your parents though as crazy as

00:59:08.160 you were you would always be like no i love my parents and i feel like you had like remorse for

00:59:12.560 putting them through it so much remorse so much remorse and all i can do is apologize and make

00:59:19.440 kind of that living amends and show them that I'm somebody different today, you know, and actually

00:59:24.860 live an esteemable life. But I will always, you know, carry. I wouldn't say guilt or shame, but

00:59:35.200 like I, I understand the weight of how much I traumatize responsibility for it. Yes. Yeah.

00:59:41.260 Yeah. Accountability. But how are they now? I mean, now it's got to be this is it's I mean,

00:59:46.260 they've always been so loving and supportive i'm visiting in the now they're so proud of me

00:59:52.160 you know that's for there it's complete unconditional love that's awesome um and

00:59:58.540 yeah it's a it's a beautiful thing their forgiveness is a beautiful spiritual thing

01:00:05.320 you know i've seen people you know like i said we had the whole opioid epidemic and

01:00:12.380 was a burden for a lot of my friends and a lot of them were close enough that i knew their parents

01:00:17.540 well and you just see like what a toll it takes um it's a crazy road man it's crazy road because

01:00:26.560 after a certain amount of abuse there are a lot of voices who say you got to just give up

01:00:33.900 and then there are a lot of parents that don't don't give up on their kids i mean and um you know

01:00:41.180 I'm thinking of more than a few examples of just like watching these moms and dads go through it.

01:00:48.920 But I also think in those examples, those kids are all right now, which has got to be huge, you know, to to go through that sort of fire.

01:01:02.360 I think it almost would be in some ways better to be the drug user, you know, than to than to have to.

01:01:10.380 because every day is like a it's a roll of the dice what phone call are you gonna get what you

01:01:15.220 know it's it's a nightmare sleep they yeah and and i mean i have other sisters who are going

01:01:21.540 through not as bad as i did but going through similar things and my my my parents are just

01:01:27.420 amazing people i mean i don't know anybody else who would adopt six girls from around the world

01:01:33.140 and be able to like like be able to create an environment where they could you know flourish

01:01:39.800 I don't know anybody else that that could love love like where are you in the age bracket I'm

01:01:46.800 the second oldest so the younger ones are kind of struggling with some stuff now uh well the one

01:01:54.100 that's two days older than me we were both adopted from this from different places at the same time

01:02:00.120 she's two days older than me she's struggling she's in North Carolina she has some like 0.84

01:02:05.700 developmental disabilities and, uh, she has a tough life and she's struggling right now.

01:02:12.920 And, uh, I, there's not a lot of communication, but I pray for her every day, every day.

01:02:18.960 That, um, speaking of praying, have you ever prayed specifically about the idea of generational

01:02:26.700 iniquity um oh yeah yeah yeah that's something that um throughout this show's lifetime i'm

01:02:37.340 realizing is like massively important and goes over so many people's heads um you know the debts

01:02:46.980 that are owed the debts that have been paid for but if you don't actively ask for that you know

01:02:53.640 for these sins or these bonds to be broken.

01:02:56.820 Exactly.

01:02:57.360 You got to break.

01:02:58.280 You have to.

01:02:58.860 It's like the good news.

01:03:00.060 Yes.

01:03:00.860 That's broken in the name of Jesus.

01:03:03.800 People are going through that.

01:03:05.360 I saw an article very recently and it was like, you know,

01:03:09.940 biologists have determined that trauma experienced by the father can be

01:03:15.720 passed down to the sons for, you know, as many as X amount of generations.

01:03:21.480 I go, okay, cool.

01:03:22.580 Yeah.

01:03:22.740 Science is starting to catch up to the idea of generational iniquity, but it completely ignores the spiritual implications of that.

01:03:31.720 And it just says, yeah, if you've experienced trauma, then those fears or those insecurities or those anxieties, those psychological disorders, you know, void entirely of the spiritual context can be passed down to you.

01:03:47.060 And it's just funny because, I don't know, we had this conversation earlier, Dr. Masood,

01:03:53.600 and he was talking about Islam, and he came from being Muslim and is now Christian, has

01:03:58.700 been for a long time.

01:03:59.680 His ministry is like going on 50 years.

01:04:01.380 And what he's describing in Islam and their belief system is like so close, but no cigar.

01:04:08.860 Like they're talking about this idea of seeking mercy and grace and trying to find the way

01:04:16.080 And how when he looks at texts of the Quran, there's so many things that don't have answers.

01:04:21.240 And those answers that he can't find are found in Christ.

01:04:24.920 And it's just funny because everybody is so close, but no cigar.

01:04:30.940 So I'm looking at science now or biology and they're going, oh, yeah, something that can happen to you can affect your generations.

01:04:38.480 Well, that and I mean, I don't know.

01:04:40.560 you, you look at every day they're coming out with something new that like is confirmed in the

01:04:46.480 Bible, like scientific evidence. And it's just, it's just incredible. It just goes to show that

01:04:52.360 like the Bible doesn't lie. Everything lines up. I mean, it's, it's incredible. I mean, I've been

01:04:59.640 one of those people who kind of had to search out other avenues and do a little research,

01:05:04.920 you know it wasn't but i mean there is only one way one truth and one life and that's jesus christ

01:05:14.640 and you you went through that system um it's interesting because aa uh that's that's the

01:05:23.300 correct one right is is part of that system and that system is like the medical apparatus

01:05:28.220 and you go through it especially when it comes to mental health and it is absent of spirituality

01:05:34.180 that's not i mean even it's it's not absent it's a spiritual program it's definitely no no not ai

01:05:41.440 not not ai not a i mean let's say you go to the doctors and you know you go to um therapy

01:05:50.100 yeah you go to a psychologist i have a like a relative who um she's she's a psychologist

01:05:56.900 and she's a believer and she talks about how there's so much of this she cannot bring to

01:06:02.960 the table because you're not allowed to take that into the conversation because influence anybody

01:06:08.480 for sure yeah anybody's belief system so but eventually they will recommend like you should

01:06:12.980 be going to aa or something like that and there you'll get it but like the the rest of the medical

01:06:18.760 industry it's even amazing that they work in tandem aa and and the medical or the mental

01:06:24.020 health industry because besides aa it's pills to regulate but it's like we're all being subjected

01:06:34.240 to spiritual warfare that's the name of the game is spiritual warfare and this entire industry that

01:06:41.260 proclaims to be about mental health we have a mental health epidemic in america and all this

01:06:45.440 crap and none of it is being approached through the lens of spiritual warfare but then there's

01:06:52.320 this anomaly that is AA that they will kick you to and people have all this success with it and 0.98

01:06:58.100 it is addressing the spiritual nature of things I think it's because at a certain point with a

01:07:04.660 certain type of person that is the only thing that works like that in our big book in AA's big book

01:07:10.300 there's like the first chapter is the doctor's opinion and I mean the doctor Dr. Silkworth like

01:07:16.780 has all this experience with addicts and alcoholics this is back in like the 1930s

01:07:21.820 and he's like literally nothing works I mean for for some of the you know hard drinkers and the

01:07:30.940 less severe alcoholics they can just get by maybe can stop but for the real alcoholic nothing works

01:07:37.700 but a spiritual solution and they saw he saw like it kind of started then with Bill W who wrote the

01:07:44.840 Big Book. And he shared his experience with other people. They kind of took the idea of the 12 steps

01:07:52.140 from the Akron Pioneers group, which was like a Christian group that was going on at that time.

01:07:59.420 And it worked. And like the doctor had to concede that like, hey, I don't understand this. Hey,

01:08:05.460 this is not my expertise, but this is working for people. This altruistic program, you know,

01:08:11.580 people helping other people and sharing their experience of hardship with other people and then

01:08:17.700 taking these steps and leading them into a relationship with God. And then using that

01:08:24.800 model to help other people into a relationship with God. That's what's what it is. And like,

01:08:30.380 even the toughest, you know, the, the most seasoned medical professional, like at some point

01:08:37.240 has to be like, there's nothing else I can do for you. Here's this. And I think that's what's

01:08:42.460 happening. It's just strange to me because that means that there is a significant amount of data

01:08:48.920 that points at the success of this program. And it's got this element within it that the industry

01:08:53.720 can't define, right, which is God. And rather than zero in on that, especially like I said,

01:08:59.680 in the time of mental health crisis here in the West, rather than zero in on that element and go,

01:09:05.820 there is an anomaly within the system that is bearing good fruit and people that would otherwise

01:09:10.360 not be saved by anything that we can do are being saved. We should look at this and expand on this

01:09:17.640 and incorporate this into the greater spectrum of mental health in the United States. They don't do

01:09:23.180 it. They just allow AA to have the success that it has. And when they throw their hands up and

01:09:27.940 they can't deal with it, they'll they'll push you to AA and say, there's your last ditch effort

01:09:31.120 thing it seems like based off of what you're saying i i wouldn't say like latch last ditch

01:09:35.840 effort i think it's more like there's i think it's more that people know it know it works

01:09:44.460 depending on the kind of program depending on what that medical professional is trying to do

01:09:48.720 if it's all about money they're probably not going to recommend a free program where you don't even

01:09:53.440 have to pay anything you just go and you know you but that's kind of the issue right the love of

01:10:00.960 money is the root of all evil yes and a lot of people get that wrong they think it's money is

01:10:05.720 the root of all evil but it's the love of money how much of it do you think it's the help of just

01:10:10.640 like other people you're like not on an island anymore it's like oh wait there's others like

01:10:16.880 there's like it's not just me there's these other people we've been through similar experiences now

01:10:22.440 i have somebody to talk through did you ever read the passage where it says that if evil spirits

01:10:26.760 gets cast out of a body that it goes around searching for uh places it's in dry places but

01:10:33.040 then if it comes back and sees that the place that it was living has been swept and garnished

01:10:38.080 that it'll grab seven more spirits more evil than itself or bring them and come and go back in okay

01:10:43.760 do you know that in the uh 12-step program they tell us that like it's a progressive disease

01:10:48.040 like it's ultimately to me i don't know that i i don't i don't personally even call it a disease

01:10:52.640 It's it's definitely spiritual, demonic activity.

01:10:56.520 And so that's why there's these like parallels that they try to explain in like a natural way, like that it's a disease or that it's a progressive disease.

01:11:04.040 But it's but Jesus explained it clearly.

01:11:05.880 It's like, no, man, that demon left.

01:11:07.580 But if you don't if you don't like take care of that environment, boom, it's coming back even more evil, which would manifest like a progressive disease.

01:11:16.420 Is that the idea?

01:11:17.380 like if you cast a spirit out but you're not then uh filled with the holy spirit then you're just

01:11:23.160 just gonna get worse and worse that you just cleaned out when it comes back it's like dude

01:11:26.620 i'm not getting thrown out again yeah i need to get my tentacles in even stronger this time i'm

01:11:31.060 not getting thrown out again that's interesting that's interesting you're talking about the

01:11:35.240 language of it being a disease and that's what's hard it's hard to navigate because

01:11:40.300 you know we we don't have an understanding of of the spiritual realm we don't have an

01:11:46.100 understanding of the supernatural so what reputable medical apparatus is going to say

01:11:53.720 you have a spiritual disposition right even if they even if they concede even if they yield some

01:12:00.160 ground to that diagnosis they're still going to sprinkle in medical jargon in order to not

01:12:06.660 secede all of that ground right because if they if they secede all of that ground then the entire

01:12:11.300 medical system it gets flipped on its head because there's something else that we haven't uh figured

01:12:17.620 in that disposition though is ultimately i think your destiny destiny in god your destiny in the

01:12:23.540 kingdom of god and maybe if your destiny in the kingdom of god was not going to be something

01:12:28.320 super hardcore then when you dabbled in drugs it wasn't super hardcore but like your your disposition

01:12:34.080 if you will like you have a specific destiny given to you in god what is it in 2 timothy 1 8 9

01:12:38.620 It says we've been saved and called with the holy calling in Christ Jesus before the world began.

01:12:43.340 You were made a specific way for a specific thing.

01:12:45.860 Do you think they know that?

01:12:47.060 Well, I think if you were made to go hardcore at this thing that you were called to,

01:12:52.000 and they could get you off track to find another thing,

01:12:54.080 you're going to go just as intense after that thing.

01:12:56.440 You're going to be shooting heroin. 0.99

01:12:57.600 You're going to be doing the oxys.

01:12:59.280 You're going to get the fentanyl patches.

01:13:00.960 You're going to go hard at whatever the thing is.

01:13:03.800 And so those people can't just come into the church and just like,

01:13:06.660 oh, hallelujah, I'm just going to chill.

01:13:08.060 on sunday just be in the pew it's like no no no you have to go hard that's ultimately what you

01:13:12.840 were created those people are also a little bit scary to the church right very super passionate

01:13:17.360 people but those are the people we got to rescue those are the people that have to get rescued do

01:13:21.380 like i don't think the next generation of like real preaching and like the real church is going

01:13:25.840 to come from the current 501c3 system i know that's shocking for you guys to know that i believe

01:13:29.880 that but like i think it's going to come from people that come into coffee shops and act crazy

01:13:33.060 and the church people want them to leave i think it's going to be like those are the people and

01:13:36.640 at the prophets of the bible i mean are the next generation like super calm cool people they're

01:13:41.600 wild people they're kind of like insane people but like if you have a destiny to be like the

01:13:46.480 next great revival preacher and just so you're gonna be on fire for god you're gonna be reading

01:13:50.880 a bible eight hours a day and praying and just going hard saving souls and then instead you find

01:13:56.160 drugs what do you think you're gonna do with drugs go hard you're gonna go hard like that's

01:14:01.360 so then they'll call that a disease or they'll say they have a um what do they say they have a um

01:14:06.640 addictive behavior. So everything you do, everything you do is addictive. And so now

01:14:12.880 that you're a Christian, now you're just doing your addictive behavior. No, no, no. I was called 0.98

01:14:16.380 to be this radical Christian all along. That was my destiny all along. I was called to be,

01:14:21.200 it was, it was, uh, manifesting in like, um, hijacked ways up until now, this was the real

01:14:27.980 thing. I wasn't always this, uh, uh, addictive behavior person. So I was addicted to sports and

01:14:34.400 then addicted to whatever and then addicted to drugs and now i'm addicted to jesus no no no this

01:14:39.360 always was my call this always was what i was made for and just manifest in these different avenues

01:14:43.840 which you have spirit the spirit realm and the war that we're in like they're like don't let

01:14:47.700 that person get on track don't let kirsten get on track like whatever you do yeah get her shooting

01:14:52.660 heroin get get her living with the oxys man get her doing the thing with the patch like whatever

01:14:56.500 you do don't let her get on track with god because she's going to go hard when she does

01:15:01.200 like ultimately that's the reality if you're born with a destiny it's going to go somewhere

01:15:05.700 that energy's got to go somewhere so where does where does this story leave you now like where

01:15:12.720 where are you headed what are you what are you doing yeah with uh i mean we talked about where

01:15:17.860 you came from we talked about all this stuff um but what what's next like what do you what do you

01:15:23.160 think you're going to be doing next you know what like if if I can't get caught too caught up in the

01:15:32.900 details of that like we say we make plans and God laughs yeah you know it's like God has that for me

01:15:39.060 and what I have to do is completely stay in contact with him every day and give my will up to him and

01:15:46.340 align it with his will you know and I know he has amazing things for me as long as I stay sober as

01:15:52.280 long as I keep doing this work as long as I remain in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as long as

01:15:58.280 I'm surrounded by like amazing like-minded people I'm gonna be okay and I never have to live the

01:16:04.340 way I was living again ever I never have to go back there even if there's days I want to which

01:16:10.340 at this point in time there's not I never have to live that way again you know what do you think

01:16:17.280 about the idea of like you know the refining fire the idea that like your suffering wasn't

01:16:23.000 pointless suffering but like there is a forge of sorts that you went through oh that's what

01:16:30.280 sanctification is isn't it you know is is this period in sobriety has been like

01:16:35.760 my sanctification period it's ongoing it's going to be ongoing for the rest of my

01:16:41.340 you know mortal uh but eternal life you know but um i'm just along for the ride and i'm just

01:16:52.000 gonna keep doing what i'm doing and allow god to go before me it's kind of hard when you start

01:16:57.520 doing stuff like things that are aimed at god because what you said there you nailed it right

01:17:06.220 it's like um what good are our plans if we're not it's like whatever god's plan is well my plan is

01:17:13.040 to is to serve and hopefully i'm a good servant and because of that like you don't really you

01:17:20.680 have some plans got like a loose outline but all of it is subject to change all of it is subject

01:17:26.040 to like yeah whatever god wants it's just interesting because um i think that's a

01:17:31.640 fundamental disposition to anybody who's truly trying to have a relationship with god and to

01:17:38.460 serve is to understand like also yeah your plans kind of ain't shit i mean that's not it doesn't

01:17:44.960 mean that god doesn't consider them it seems that god considers a lot of things that people

01:17:49.960 appeal to him about right just throughout the bible there's a bunch of instances of people

01:17:54.200 uh almost negotiating with god um so it's not that he doesn't consider them but it's like yeah

01:17:59.980 whatever your plans you know you meet people and they go well i'm gonna do this and in 10 years

01:18:05.300 i'm gonna do that five years from now i'm gonna get this i'm gonna have this job i'm gonna move

01:18:10.320 to this place i'm gonna do this thing and that's never really been how i've lived my life but the

01:18:17.740 more that i'm i'm coming to understand the nature of god it's kind of like good luck good luck

01:18:24.840 you know i think that whatever plan god has for you is definitively better than any plan you're

01:18:32.280 going to have for yourself oh yeah well what what are you doing right now you're doing real estate

01:18:37.080 right so like you're living in uh jupiter juno beach florida my boyfriend i don't know if you've

01:18:43.520 met him he came in here with me but i don't he's not here down here with me this time is the broker

01:18:49.540 of a company like co-owns the johnson group real estate services i've been working under him well

01:18:57.320 played girl as his thank you his assistant for like two years so i'm learning the business i got

01:19:03.280 my real estate license in february i was just trying to learn everything i could first february

01:19:08.280 wait what are we in right now june june you just got it february good for you nice wow and um but

01:19:15.300 I've been working for him for like two years, learning everything I can.

01:19:18.960 And I'm, you know,

01:19:20.480 hopefully going to continue recording and doing my music and learning the

01:19:25.200 real estate business and just,

01:19:27.640 but you're like open with Christ already. You're like in the game.

01:19:31.240 I'm saying you were like praying with people out here today.

01:19:34.000 You were just like opening.

01:19:35.560 What were you guys talking about when you were our testimonies?

01:19:38.500 Yeah. Everybody was around in a circle.

01:19:40.640 jj was in the mix wait you didn't know those people like previously no that's so no there's

01:19:46.580 nobody that would know her as this i didn't think about that because yeah when i walked up to go

01:19:51.040 speak to you say hey we're ready you were already integrated into a circle of people

01:19:55.760 everybody sharing testimony yeah were we not he did i did what was that other guy's name

01:20:02.140 pastor lee pastor lee it's a crazy place this is a crazy place why were you drawn to here that's why

01:20:09.420 it's a crazy place build it if god tells you to build it you don't really know exactly what is

01:20:14.880 gonna unfold you just do it all right i got it i have a final question for you and i think i

01:20:19.440 already know the answer um are you are you having fun with what you're doing here whatever you're

01:20:26.300 doing here because i don't think you even know like on the planet or here right now no yeah

01:20:30.660 yeah i'm finally having fun because i finally don't have to live in the shame that i lived in

01:20:38.060 hide what I was doing, live in that agony. Like I've done a significant amount of work to heal

01:20:44.280 from the traumas that I've not only created in my own life, but that were inflicted on me by

01:20:51.060 other people. I've learned how to forgive. I know I'm forgiven not only by Jesus, but by the people

01:20:58.200 in my life that I've hurt. You know, what could be more fun than that? It's a good place to be,

01:21:03.640 you know and i have it's it's so fun being sober it's so much more fun than having to like

01:21:10.600 orchestrate all these keep up with your lies too and all that other stuff and lies and like you're

01:21:18.360 saying like it's it's amazing i didn't even know this existed and i mean it's incredible i'm having

01:21:27.360 so much fun i normally like i just prayed before i came here that god would speak through me and

01:21:33.360 i could help somebody else and that's why i did this i'm not good at speaking i'm not even you

01:21:39.380 know i asked you this morning you said no i was she said no she said no like i'm happy to talk

01:21:43.820 to you but i don't want to talk somebody on my podcast unbelievable yeah it takes liberties

01:21:48.120 doesn't he he does okay this one turned out fun do what i want but i prayed prayed over it and

01:21:53.840 if it can help somebody i'll do it because i mean the a book says it says selfishness and

01:22:00.140 self-centeredness are the root of our troubles like i'm working on that but like my whole life

01:22:06.540 doesn't revolve around me anymore like i help other women i i do what i can to to help you know

01:22:13.620 i'm i'm able to be happily and usefully whole today is the sister you came in with the two

01:22:20.120 days older sister no she's younger she's like she's chill she's chill but what she goes through

01:22:28.060 own things we all do i don't think she's like spiritually and she's probably gonna watch this

01:22:34.060 in the same spot that i am i would love for her yeah but who is right we're all on journeys and

01:22:41.260 she has she's she's watching my puppy at home right now she's my sisters are amazing like

01:22:47.740 technically that was an e-watch my family is so amazing and i'm so grateful you know yeah for them

01:22:54.460 that's huge that's amazing man thank you thank you for coming by matt this is a this is a crazy

01:23:00.380 episode like impromptu but this is what you get at the coffee shop yeah but you guys don't have

01:23:05.420 any i i'm sorry i don't know what this came off like but nobody has any appreciation for what

01:23:11.740 just happened here yeah except for like the people who worked here like you like you just you don't

01:23:17.420 know it's not a surprise though like this is like this is what we see every day at the coffee shop

01:23:23.260 it's just new thing after such a weird place person after person a different story like we 0.96

01:23:28.480 just interviewed a guy that almost got his head cut off in afghan in uh pakistan that's a wild

01:23:33.440 story his whole family wants to kill him because he's a christian there's a dunkin donuts in the 1.00

01:23:37.640 parking lot and we're gonna burn him we're gonna i'm going after to get a lot to know this shit 0.99

01:23:42.560 doesn't happen there no this is like this whole place like i i've been here um how long have we 0.99

01:23:47.920 had the studio in here now we've prayed for you for a long time everybody that's ever worked here 0.99

01:23:52.040 has prayed for you as crazy as shit as you did you would leave and we would pray for you prayer 0.97

01:23:56.400 works and there's just one thing i wanted to say like to anybody struggling like this is what god 0.99

01:24:02.080 does like god heals god wants to heal you yeah he really does whatever you're struggling with so

01:24:08.440 keep praying keep having people pray for you and god will heal you keep drawing closer to him

01:24:15.720 keep yeah and i mean in his time in what in his will like yeah god you're like why are you shocked

01:24:24.000 like this morning when i was like i can't believe this i'm like you don't you're like i've been born

01:24:28.360 again and i was like i can't believe this you're like why are you shocked like why would you be

01:24:31.880 shocked but it was just like still it was like okay touche but it's still just shocking yeah

01:24:36.940 because god does crazy things it looks crazy to us but it still initially was like like a shock

01:24:41.680 and all. Yeah, I think I'm biased because I mean, I see so many miracles in the program of AA,

01:24:47.620 like so many people that were just like me. Yeah, we literally if you're plugged in there and you

01:24:53.340 you really go for it and you're in it, you know, you see miracles like this every day. And I was

01:25:00.120 talking to my mom on the way here. I'm like, he was just Matt was just like shocked. And I mean,

01:25:05.400 I see them every day. You might not. I'm a drastic miracle. I'll tell you that. And I mean,

01:25:10.840 what he's saying is you guys don't even know how drastic of a change this is and like sometimes

01:25:16.800 i'm not even aware because it's been a gradual you know and and a a long time came in what a

01:25:24.500 year ago and you were more normal more normal but you weren't like this you weren't like

01:25:28.860 a normal person like you were just a little more normal but i was like still so happy back then i'm

01:25:35.000 pretty sure i text a picture of you to brie back then and said brie you'll never guess who came in

01:25:39.660 she's like more normal but then today you were just like a normal person i was like this is

01:25:44.400 incredible i think i think you nailed it though um somebody out there definitely there's a lot of

01:25:50.700 people that will hear this and that's that's my we make a show every day and sometimes i go like

01:25:57.140 what the hell are we even doing like what are we going to talk about but that's not the point like

01:26:01.480 the point is who's going to listen who's going to listen somebody out there is going to hear the

01:26:05.840 right combination of words you know you ask god to send holy spirit to to guide you reveal things

01:26:11.080 to you speak through you so that something you do serves the kingdom of god and i think uh

01:26:18.280 yeah somebody's gonna hear this one amen thank you guys absolutely thank thank you for coming on um

01:26:25.020 man it's been a crazy day of yeah episodes it has until next time which is tomorrow

01:26:32.200 obey submit and comply guys 0.95

01:26:35.840 They're bred with daughters of men 1.00

01:26:40.060 And they will do it again 1.00

01:26:44.460 The end is written in the book

01:26:48.600 In the pages they foresaw

01:26:52.900 Death squad

01:26:54.300 Death squad

01:26:58.480 Death squad

01:27:02.620 When the last trumpet sounds

Nephilim Death Squad - June 29, 2026

NDS Chronicles w⧸ Kersten Capra

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