Order of Man - 085： Aubrey Marcus ｜ Go For Your Win

00:00:00.000 Every single one of us is looking for more out of life, and if you're not, you probably need to

00:00:03.740 get that figured out. But that said, it is difficult to see beyond the reality that you

00:00:07.480 and I have set for ourselves. My guest today, Aubrey Marcus, founder and CEO of Onnit,

00:00:12.220 joins me to talk about how you can uncover your mission, train the essential skills,

00:00:17.200 overcome the resistance, and go for your win. You're a man of action. You live life to the

00:00:22.440 fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down,

00:00:27.040 you get back up one more time, every time. You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:32.780 rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become

00:00:39.360 at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:45.220 Men, what's going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and founder of Order

00:00:49.020 of Man. Now, whether you're new to the show or you've been a longtime listener, I want to welcome

00:00:53.140 you to the Order of Man podcast. This, guys, is the go-to podcast for all of the manly conversations

00:00:58.360 that you want to and need to have. Now, I'm excited about this. I mentioned last week that we were

00:01:04.300 going to hit 1 million downloads, and I'm stoked to announce that that actually happened last

00:01:08.860 Wednesday. Now, my wife and I talked about it, and she actually asked me how I was going to

00:01:12.580 celebrate the milestone. Guys, I simply told her that I was going to get busy creating another 100

00:01:17.600 shows for you to get your earbuds on, so I am currently working on that. Now, I want to get into the show

00:01:22.620 today, but before I do, I want to mention our sponsor for the show. Now, as you know, last week,

00:01:27.100 we did pick up this new sponsor, Sheath Underwear, and I'll admit, guys, I was a little hesitant to

00:01:30.940 bring them on. It's a men's underwear company, but I'll tell you what. They sent me a couple pair,

00:01:35.640 and after trying them for just a couple of days at the gym, I will not work out without them.

00:01:39.600 They are like the best of both worlds when it comes to the flexibility, but also the support that

00:01:44.560 you need to keep things exactly where they need to be when they need to be there, and I'm going to tell

00:01:48.460 you more about it during the break, but in the meantime, I want you to know that I've got a 25%

00:01:52.620 discount for you on your own pair of Sheath Underwear. Use the code ORDEROFMAN at checkout

00:01:58.920 at sheathunderwear.com. Now, guys, we've got a killer show lined up for you today with my friend

00:02:04.300 Aubrey Marcus. I'm going to introduce you to him in a second if you don't know who he is,

00:02:07.920 but the show notes for this show can be found at orderofman.com slash 085. All right, so with that

00:02:14.120 said, Aubrey Marcus, if you don't know him already, he is the founder and CEO of Onnit. Onnit is a

00:02:18.960 nutritional supplements brand, but what makes this company unique is his philosophy that he calls

00:02:24.100 total human optimization. Since 2010, he has grown this business into an industry leader. In fact,

00:02:30.200 they've got over 250 products, guys, ranging from peak performance supplements to food,

00:02:35.420 fitness equipment, and apparel, and a ton more. Now, he's got a degree in philosophy and classical

00:02:39.840 civilization and also has a background in brand development and e-commerce, and because of this

00:02:44.420 unique background, which you're going to hear more about in the show, he's a multi-sport athlete and

00:02:48.240 has, again, the philosophy degree. He has been able to create a company that has empowered customers

00:02:52.540 to achieve their fullest human potential, and if that's not enough, he also hosts two celebrated

00:02:58.200 podcasts, Total Human Optimization and the Aubrey Marcus Podcast. Aubrey, what's going on, man? Thanks

00:03:04.460 for joining me on the show today. It's my pleasure, man. Yeah, I've been following you for a while,

00:03:07.580 and I know we've tried to connect, but it's an honor to have you on and finally connect and get you

00:03:12.520 here and talk about some of the things you're doing, so I'm stoked about it. Yeah, likewise.

00:03:15.740 So tell me about Go For Your Win, because I know you've got a lot of things going on. I know this

00:03:19.520 is pretty big for you. When you talk about Go For Your Win, what is it that you're actually talking

00:03:22.740 about? You know, to me, this was the idea of encapsulating what it means to live the most

00:03:29.460 fulfilled life, and for me, what I realized is that to live the most fulfilled life, you have to

00:03:34.100 identify what your win is, like the totality of what you're here to do. It's not so much even about

00:03:39.800 achieving it. It's about doing your very best, goddamn best to do it, you know, to try and do 0.92

00:03:46.840 it, and that's what going for the win, going for your win is all about. It's your unique win, 0.96

00:03:51.800 and then applying yourself to the utmost of your abilities, training the skills necessary,

00:03:55.960 battling the resistance that's going to come up, so that you can be on the path to achieve,

00:04:02.480 you know, your greatest potential, your greatest win.

00:04:04.960 Yeah, I want to talk about each of those elements of that, because that makes a ton of sense,

00:04:08.200 this is actually something that I'm just finding out recently for myself, just over the past couple

00:04:12.700 of years, and I love the word that you talk about when you say fulfillment, and that's really what

00:04:16.560 it is. I think everybody's trying to chase success. What does fulfillment actually look like for you?

00:04:20.440 How do you define that? You know, fulfillment is the active process of doing your very best to

00:04:26.180 do what you're here to do, you know, to do what satisfies your entire self, not just satisfies your ego,

00:04:33.160 not just satisfies your lust, not just satisfies your greed, not just satisfies these

00:04:37.520 impulses that we have, but satisfies the totality of your being, you know, your consciousness,

00:04:44.260 your spirit, your mind, your body, everything encapsulated, you know, that is fulfillment when

00:04:48.880 you're truly reaching and satisfying all elements of who you are.

00:04:54.820 The interesting thing that you said there, and you talked about this a second ago as you answered

00:04:58.340 that first question, was the process that you go through, or the journey, for lack of a better term,

00:05:03.000 versus the actual attainment of that thing, whatever it is you're trying to accomplish.

00:05:06.700 Talk to me about the differences between those two, and where should we put our emphasis and focus?

00:05:10.520 Well, there's really only one destination, and that destination is death. And all the great

00:05:14.980 warrior cultures realized that, and that was, you know, that's why they considered death to be a great

00:05:19.460 ally. Because it puts everything in perspective. You know, every, all of these things that we think we're

00:05:24.960 trying to achieve, you know, everything, nothing is going to be permanent. You know, everything is

00:05:30.160 just a journey. And every summit that you create, you know, you'll find that in business, you'll find

00:05:34.860 that in sports, you think that this one thing is what you're working for, and then you achieve that

00:05:39.640 thing. And then you're like, Oh, wait, that was just, you know, there's another thing that I got

00:05:43.240 to achieve. And if you're always thinking that this next thing is going to make you happy, and this

00:05:47.040 next thing is going to make you fulfilled, you'll never be fulfilled. Everything is a false summit.

00:05:50.820 It's only just a process. And the process of being in the moment, how many present moments can you link

00:05:57.520 together in the journey towards your success, which is just the success is the process, you know

00:06:04.240 what I mean? So, you know, that's something that's really important to remember. Because if you're

00:06:09.240 living in the past or the future, you're never fully going to be happy. And you're going to look

00:06:13.460 back, time is going to have flown by, and you're like, where the hell did my life go?

00:06:17.660 Yeah, I know that that's like, tell me about your thoughts on goal

00:06:20.740 setting, then. I mean, I'm imagining there's there's a place for this. But how does this fall

00:06:24.900 in when you're talking about living in the present?

00:06:26.660 Yeah, I think I think it's great to set goals. And I think it's great to understand, you know,

00:06:30.760 that's part of what your win is, like, what are you here to accomplish? What is your mission?

00:06:34.920 I think it's good to understand your mission more than your goals, and then how far you can go

00:06:40.420 within your mission. And then, you know, but there's milestones that you can certainly set.

00:06:45.000 But really, the important thing is that in every step of the way, you're doing your best to get

00:06:49.480 there, you know, and not judging yourself whether you actually did it or not, because there's so

00:06:53.300 many factors that are outside of your control. If your goal is to win the Super Bowl, you know,

00:06:57.780 you're on a team with 52 people, you know, like, if you're judging yourself, and if you think you're

00:07:02.040 a failure, because you didn't do it, even though you did absolutely your best, you showed up early,

00:07:06.260 you went home late, you rolled out, you stretched, you trained, you did absolutely everything you

00:07:11.200 could, you worked on your mind, and you didn't win it. Well, you know, you're not a failure. You know,

00:07:15.720 you've done your absolute best along the process doesn't mean that have winning the Super Bowl

00:07:20.220 shouldn't have been your goal. But just respect the fact that, you know, as long as you're doing

00:07:24.240 your best in the process, you're winning, and you can be happy about that. How do you know if you're

00:07:29.900 doing your best? Well, I think, I think that's something that only you can judge. And that's

00:07:34.940 something that I think, you know, we all intrinsically know if we were able to do more and,

00:07:40.300 and when that tipping point is where we're doing too much. And that's about understanding balance

00:07:46.020 and understanding yourself. Because you can also push too hard. And you know, you see that in sports,

00:07:51.220 you see that in, in life, you see that in different things. And that's actually counterproductive.

00:07:55.420 So it's about just reaching, moving towards your resistance, you know, towards those points that

00:08:00.600 you really don't want to do, whether it's, you know, turning on, waking up and having that cold shower

00:08:05.860 to build those cold shock proteins in the morning rather than your hot shower, or whether it's,

00:08:09.960 whatever little step that you want to take, knowing that you're doing your best is a very

00:08:15.440 personal thing. And I think it's about reaching out, you know, there's also an ignorance factor,

00:08:19.480 like, you have to do research, you have to read, you have to do things like, you know, like take

00:08:24.700 this course, for example, and that way you can, you know, capitalize on all the knowledge that I have.

00:08:29.740 And not that the course is the end all be all, but there's knowledge there, there's tidbits

00:08:32.960 there, there's information there that you can get, that'll help you do your best. And then you expand

00:08:37.640 that and go read something else. And maybe it sparks another idea and you're continually learning,

00:08:42.780 you know, all of the ways that, um, that you can go about, you know, walking the path that you've

00:08:48.660 set for yourself.

00:08:49.980 How did you find this stuff out for yourself? Because I know, and I've seen some stuff based

00:08:54.300 on you is that it's not just an aha moment. It's a series, like you said, of, of moments that have

00:08:57.860 led to the culmination of where you are today. How do you start to explore this path and start

00:09:02.440 putting these moments together?

00:09:04.780 Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of getting my ass kicked, but there's a lot of failures, a lot 0.97

00:09:09.200 of, of some breakthroughs, some different things, uh, you know, a lot of reading, a lot of working 0.98

00:09:13.680 with mentors and learning from athletes and learning from, you know, top performers. You

00:09:19.100 know, I really pieced a lot of this together and, and just figured out what had worked in,

00:09:24.000 in creating, you know, my ideal win in my path. I mean, right now, you know, when anybody

00:09:28.440 asked me, I'm truly living the dream of my life. You know, I'm, this is a, I feel incredibly

00:09:34.420 blessed and, and, but it's come through a lot of failure and a lot of struggle. And,

00:09:38.600 um, you know, I think there's a lot of lessons in that. And I've really just been a perpetual

00:09:44.440 student, just learning from everybody I encounter and all the sources, all the books, you know,

00:09:48.980 part of creating this course, I thought it was actually going to be a book, you know, went

00:09:52.820 into isolation. I wrote 35,000 words because I felt like at least at that point, if for some

00:09:58.000 reason, you know, my plane crashed or something like that, I at least would have all of the

00:10:02.540 knowledge that I had to date compiled somewhere. Um, so I could leave some, some small legacy

00:10:08.140 behind. So, you know, yeah, you could share that if that were the case. Yeah. It was kind

00:10:12.460 of my, uh, my Lakota Hoka Hay moment so that I, I could walk into every day with that attitude

00:10:17.880 of today is a good day to die. You know, if it was to be my last day, at least I had done

00:10:22.460 my best to get as much information out there as possible.

00:10:25.380 Yeah. I, I can't even pronounce the term that you just said, but as, is that the concept

00:10:29.840 of living every day? Like it's your last. Yeah. So the Lakota had a philosophy and Hoka

00:10:34.700 Hay, you know, there's some different translations. Some people just say it means let's go. But,

00:10:38.300 um, the classic, you know, translation like from Daniele Bolelli is, you know, today is a

00:10:43.460 good day to die, which is a concept of all your affairs are in order. You've lived life so

00:10:48.140 full and so rich and so present that, you know, in that day, the, the infinite moments

00:10:54.380 available, if it were to be your last, it's a good day for it. You know? So, so it's really,

00:11:00.360 and it was really powerful when I, you know, I came to grips and came to terms with that

00:11:04.140 expression because it means a lot. It means that you've done everything that you, you know,

00:11:09.080 everything that you could up to that moment so that if it was your last, you know, you were ready.

00:11:13.380 And in warrior cultures where battle was common, you know, that was really important. You know,

00:11:19.460 he didn't want to be out on the battlefield facing incredible danger thinking like, man,

00:11:24.580 I never said goodbye to my girl. I didn't tell her I loved her. We ended in a fight. You know,

00:11:29.060 I never taught my kid the things that I needed to teach him. I, you know, I never wrote down my,

00:11:34.760 whatever I wrote needed to write down. Like, you don't want that in the back of your head. So you

00:11:38.620 have to live every, you know, every day up to the point where if that was your last, you'd be ready

00:11:44.720 to go. And I, and I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do. And, uh, and since then trying

00:11:49.200 to abide by that philosophy, I feel a lot more comfortable. So when that plane gets a little

00:11:53.100 turbulence, you know, and you think, Oh, this is it. This is for sure. And we've all been there.

00:11:59.140 For sure. You know, it's not that, that sheer terror. It's that, well, if it is, it is, you know,

00:12:05.160 you certainly don't want it. It would be a damn shame if it was. Um, but at least, you know, 0.72

00:12:10.520 your affairs are in order and, uh, and you've done your part to fulfill your mission at least

00:12:15.320 as best you could. You talk about having a lot of, a lot of, uh, room to catch up. What'd you mean

00:12:20.260 by that? Well, you know, I had, um, I had relationships that, you know, there was things

00:12:25.200 that were unspoken, both family, friends, past lovers. I had, you know, knowledge that was still

00:12:31.620 banging around in my head that I hadn't gotten around to putting on paper. I had structures that I

00:12:36.700 had, you know, were incomplete within my company. And there was just a lot of things that if, if

00:12:42.160 that, if I were to go that day, uh, it would have been real chaos and a real shame. You know, a lot of

00:12:48.880 what I had learned would have been lost. A lot of what I built would have been, would have been

00:12:53.700 broken down. And a lot of the relationships that I'd had would have been incomplete. So, you know,

00:12:59.720 it took me some months to, to kind of catch up and, and get to a point where at least I feel like I

00:13:04.860 was current, you know, so to speak, you know, I've really tried to keep it, keep it that way,

00:13:09.360 you know, get as much out as I possibly could. Um, cause I just really feel like that's an,

00:13:14.180 a great philosophy and a great way to live. Cause partly because we do never know when it's going

00:13:19.180 to be our last, but it's also just a great way to live, you know, live. It takes a lot of the

00:13:24.080 stress off. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Where did you, where did you start in this process? Cause I

00:13:28.840 know there's a lot of guys that are probably feeling like this. They maybe feel stuck or they've

00:13:31.960 reached a plateau. Where do you start in the process or where did you personally

00:13:34.840 start? Well, I think the key for me was figuring out what my mission was, you know, and that's

00:13:40.040 what I teach in the course too, is you got to know what your mission is. We're all a force

00:13:44.060 and a force needs to have an effect, you know, in order, in order to feel fulfilled. And so

00:13:49.760 what effect does your force, the totality of your being, what effect does that want to have

00:13:54.520 on the earth, on yourself, on your family? Um, and then really understanding that. So you

00:13:59.800 understand your mission. And for me, understanding my mission then helped everything else kind of fall

00:14:05.960 in place. My profession, which was, you know, to create on it and be, um, be the leader of this

00:14:11.260 movement to my passion. What movement, Aubrey, are you, are you referring to? What move? Sorry to

00:14:15.460 interrupt. Yeah. On it. So I created a company called on it. And, um, the, the theme of on it is

00:14:21.240 total human optimization. So it's taking all of the tools from fitness equipment, unconventional

00:14:25.920 equipment to supplements, to foods, to, uh, everything that you can think of mindset practices

00:14:31.260 to help people optimize their performance and wellbeing. And then, you know, in, in my personal,

00:14:37.040 you know, kind of my personal blogs and personal side, I start working more directly on the

00:14:41.700 consciousness elements and some more of the mindset pieces, but, you know, really the mission

00:14:46.060 being to, to help people live the most fulfilled, happy life possible. And that's what I'm here to

00:14:51.960 do. And when I really understood that, then a lot of these other things, founding a company like on

00:14:57.600 it, having that as a mission statement made perfect sense. And in really, uh, truly the wind's been

00:15:02.920 at my back, the wind has been at my back since then. Yeah, obviously. I mean, there's just stellar

00:15:09.160 growth of the company and I followed what you guys are doing, which is incredible. Is it something

00:15:13.140 that you just set out, Hey, I'm going to start this company or did it kind of morph into on it from an

00:15:18.300 idea of wanting to help people and optimize human beings? A little bit of both, you know, I mean, uh,

00:15:23.920 it kind of came from both this kind of commercial idea that man, you know, really I'm taking nine

00:15:31.020 different supplements to help my cognitive health. Like, wouldn't it be good if there's just one

00:15:36.100 pill and then I could, you know, adjust the dose based upon, you know, either two pills or three

00:15:42.600 pills rather than creating a concoction every time I wanted my brain to turn on. So there was, there was

00:15:48.300 that element of like, man, there's a market there. And then there's also the element of, you know, this

00:15:53.240 really is directly flush in my passion and conforming to my mission. So it was, uh, kind of

00:16:00.460 everything, the perfect storm, everything just came together.

00:16:03.280 No, I think that's cool. You talk about finding your life's mission. I know go for your win. It

00:16:06.680 talks a lot about that within the course itself. And, and I think you're right. I talk with a lot

00:16:11.440 of the guys that are listeners of this podcast and read the blog and whatnot about creating

00:16:15.860 congruency in your life. And what's interesting is you see these guys wearing so many different

00:16:19.500 hats, you know, I'm a dad and I'm a employer, I'm a business owner, and then I'm this and then I'm

00:16:23.560 that. And there's no congruency between their life. And so they feel frustrated because there's no

00:16:28.540 efficiency in the way that they're doing things over here is completely different than the way

00:16:31.800 they're doing things over here. So I hear you. And what I'm saying, what I'm hearing you say is

00:16:35.460 the congruency of combining that with what you're actually doing for work and how you're approaching

00:16:40.240 life. No doubt. No doubt. I mean, that's, that's optimal. And it's not always immediately possible.

00:16:44.940 You know, you may have a job that you don't really like, but it's making you enough money

00:16:49.780 that's allowing some things to work. And then you just have to reconcile like, what is your

00:16:54.540 mission? And keep that in mind, even if your job is taking away some of your time, you know,

00:16:59.680 but providing you the resources, you know, you might be all right with that for a while. I mean,

00:17:03.600 ideally, like you said, you get congruency where everything kind of fits in. But as long as you

00:17:08.860 know your mission, you can at least relax and say, all right, well, I have to sacrifice a little bit

00:17:14.480 of time to get the resources that I need to accomplish my mission, ultimately looking to make the move

00:17:19.860 to align everything perfectly. But I think people sometimes feel too much in a rush,

00:17:25.340 you know, like they, like I got to switch now, you know, this is something I must do.

00:17:29.720 I'm not happy with this. Like first understand what your mission is, and then figure out what

00:17:34.400 you need to do. Because just that kind of panic to, to do something, be an entrepreneur, and I have to

00:17:40.280 do this, you know, understand why first and really understand where you're going. And then you'll be

00:17:45.500 able to make a more intelligent move. Sure. Yeah, it makes sense. So obviously,

00:17:49.520 we're talking a lot about life's mission. What about you talk within the course about

00:17:52.900 training essential skills? What skills are you referring to specifically?

00:17:56.120 Yeah, there's a couple skills that I think we all need to be able to, to try our best and be able to

00:18:00.860 have that opportunity to succeed. And I think, you know, one of the important skills is to cultivate

00:18:05.640 stillness. And that's where you really allow all of the mental and emotional processes to calm down.

00:18:12.360 That's like, kind of like turbulent water. It's like trying to, trying to see, you know,

00:18:17.700 scuba diving when all the sand and all the silt is kicked up, you really have very little visibility.

00:18:22.920 In order to get visibility into your life, you got to get still. And so I talk about the ways that

00:18:27.760 you can get still. There's, you know, nine different types of meditation. And then there's

00:18:31.680 practices like yoga and sensory deprivation and ecstatic dance and hyper oxygenation and all of these

00:18:38.300 different methods that you have in order to really still the mind. And so we cover those,

00:18:45.180 which I think are really, you know, an essential skill for anything that you're doing. Just the

00:18:50.300 ability to get still, cultivate belief, harness choice. You know, choice is one of those things

00:18:56.320 that people, people don't give enough credit. They don't, they don't train it like you would train a

00:19:00.900 muscle. And, and it's probably one of the most important things we can do is just harness the power of

00:19:07.000 choice. And, you know, I, I give a couple examples in there that, you know, one time I was, one thing

00:19:12.800 I learned from one of my good friends, Bodie Miller, who's Olympic gold medalist, multiple world

00:19:17.280 champion skier, um, downhill skier. And I went, we were hanging out one day and I said, Hey man, man,

00:19:24.280 I got this song stuck in my head. And he looks at me and he goes, we'll get it out. You go, what do you

00:19:29.880 mean get it out? It's stuck. It's stuck in my head. Yeah. Can't do anything about it. Did you not miss,

00:19:34.000 did you miss that part where I said stuck? Like, I wouldn't say it was like drifting through, like

00:19:38.340 it's stuck. Yeah. He's like, no, it's not stuck. Like you're in control of your mind, choose to get

00:19:43.540 it out. And I was like, Whoa, okay. I guess I'll try that. And it took me a while, but eventually I

00:19:50.000 just chose to not have that refrain of that song in my head anymore. And I kept trying to fight coming

00:19:56.360 back, but I made that choice. And then he explained to me, he's like, man, if I'm in the starting gate

00:20:01.380 and I get a thought that I know is counterproductive, you know, that thought could kill me. You know,

00:20:06.620 I'm going 85 miles an hour down a sheet of ice wearing blades. Like I cannot allow thoughts that

00:20:12.920 I don't want in my brain to creep in my brain. Like that's a choice for me. And he, he's a real

00:20:17.620 master at that. He exemplifies it better than anybody I know. But it was really interesting to,

00:20:21.940 you know, because we just accept things like, Oh, a song stuck in my head. Well, whose head is it?

00:20:25.800 You know, whose mind is it? It's yours. You know, and another example I give is, is a example when I

00:20:31.820 was at this charity dinner and, um, the speaker came up and the speaker had a really challenging

00:20:37.200 nerve condition that caused him to be addicted to opiates. And he goes and he, and he talks out to

00:20:42.720 the crowd and he goes, you guys want to know the secret to quitting opiates? He's like, let me tell

00:20:47.860 you what I did. I put that bottle on my kitchen counter and I didn't take another damn pill. 0.99

00:20:53.420 And it was like this mic drop moment. Yeah. Yeah. And I heard some psychologists, 0.99

00:20:59.000 psychiatrists grumbling like, Oh, of course, how could he say that? Of course. But you know,

00:21:02.700 the truth of the matter is, is that we all do have that choice. Like we control the arm and the hand

00:21:07.380 that would reach for the bottle and unscrew the cap and put the pill in our hand. Like we do have that

00:21:12.960 choice. It can be incredibly challenging, but if we train the ability to choose this, this ability I

00:21:18.400 call mental override, the ability to force yourself to do something, it's so applicable.

00:21:23.420 It's talking to that girl you're shy about. It's asking for your promotion at work. It's

00:21:28.140 pushing through some, some trivial fear that's preventing you from enjoying something,

00:21:33.400 something great in life. Let's say you're afraid of heights. So you don't want to climb the Eiffel

00:21:36.720 Tower or whatever it is that mental override, allowing yourself to push past things that you

00:21:42.940 feel is challenging. I mean, that's an absolutely essential skill and something that 100%

00:21:47.600 you can train once you, once you realize it.

00:21:51.920 Guys, just a quick break to talk underwear here for a minute. I know it's a little different,

00:21:55.880 but let's be real. The way that we look and the way we feel all has to do with how we perform.

00:22:01.160 So whether you're talking about reading books and building your mind or making sure everything

00:22:06.280 is where it's supposed to be when running around or working out, having the right tools

00:22:09.820 is critical. Enter sheath underwear. Sheath underwear was founded. And more importantly,

00:22:14.320 this was created by a two-time Iraqi combat veteran. So, you know, they've addressed the

00:22:18.640 issue with what happens to our manhood when we're working out in the heat. Now, specifically sheath

00:22:23.440 underwear has a pouch designed to keep everything in place. So you're not adjusting when you should

00:22:27.980 be focused on something else. I'm not going to explain it all because frankly, I think at this

00:22:32.200 point you get the idea, but I want you to go check them out. Go over to sheathunderwear.com.

00:22:36.560 It's S H E A T H underwear.com. Use the code order of man at checkout for a 25% discount.

00:22:43.240 Again, that's sheathunderwear.com. You and your manhood can thank me later.

00:22:47.700 Now let's get back to my interview with Aubrey. What does that actually look like when you talk

00:22:52.000 about exercising that muscle or their practical skills or things that we can implement in our

00:22:55.580 lives to do that? So for me, it's, for me, one of the best ways I like to do that is you find a

00:22:59.940 trivial fear, a fear that is not linked to danger. So for me, that trivial fear was handling crickets

00:23:07.240 or cockroaches in my, really? Yeah. I mean, I don't mind. Like if I see them, I'm not going to jump

00:23:12.200 like, okay, here you are. But I really don't want to touch them. Like that's something,

00:23:16.760 even though there's like, there's like zero danger to touching either of those things.

00:23:20.380 But so, so one of the ways that I train choice is to try and go as calmly as possible if they're

00:23:26.800 in my house. So I'm not just harassing random, random insects, but if they're in my house and

00:23:31.840 I want to get them out instead of grabbing a cup or a sheet or whatever, like I would normally

00:23:36.020 do, I'll go up and I'll grab them with my hand. And it's a real mental battle for me, you know,

00:23:42.480 but it really, it really trains that muscle of mental override and, uh, and allows me the ability

00:23:48.700 to, you know, if I can do that, then, well, I can do this other thing and I, and you just do it.

00:23:54.000 And I've found myself as that skill has, has grown, you know, I find myself in many other situations,

00:23:59.720 networking situations where actually, to be quite honest, I'm a little bit shy. If, if I'm in a room,

00:24:04.660 like a networking room and I don't know anybody and I'm not, you know, introduced and, you know,

00:24:11.220 I really would rather not talk to anybody. That's something that, you know, as I've been

00:24:16.460 training this skill, I'll see somebody, I'm like, I should go talk to that person. And when before

00:24:20.880 normally I wouldn't do it, you know, I'll just have that idea like, all right, mental override,

00:24:25.120 here we go. The feet are going to walk and the mouth is going to open. That's all I know,

00:24:29.840 you know, and, and you just force yourself to do that. And it's been, been really beneficial,

00:24:33.880 but, but you train it by, you know, attacking these little trivial fears, things that can't hurt

00:24:38.760 you. Um, but you can, you can use as the grindstone to sharpen your sword. Yeah. I like that. I mean,

00:24:45.560 we talk about this all the time. Basically at the end of the day, do something that's a little bit

00:24:48.780 hard. Do something that scares you, push yourself outside of your comfort zone and realize that it's

00:24:52.260 not going to kill you. It's just going to make you that much stronger as you move forward with that.

00:24:56.160 Yeah. Makes sense. So talk to me about overcoming resistance. I don't know if this is a reference to

00:25:01.580 like Steven Pressfield's war of art, if this is something different or if, or if this is along

00:25:05.400 the same line, but talk to me about that. It is a reference. You know, I think that's the way that

00:25:09.440 this video game of life is set up. You know, I mean, if you think about a video game, imagine a video

00:25:13.840 game without monsters, like without any challenge, that game would suck. Right. Yeah. You wouldn't, 0.53

00:25:18.860 you wouldn't do it very long. No, you wouldn't do it very long at all. Like if the very first moment

00:25:22.440 you got the game, you put in the cheat code so that you couldn't be killed, you get bored of that

00:25:26.300 game. You get bored of that game immediately. And the game of life is set up that way. I mean,

00:25:30.640 I think there is resistance equal to almost our very best effort, you know, like just only our

00:25:37.300 very best effort can overcome it. And the reason that it's, it's metered out perfectly that way is

00:25:41.820 that resistance comes from within. And yeah, it comes from, from the outside world as well, but

00:25:46.160 the strongest resistance often comes from within ourselves. And so you have to have strategies to

00:25:52.340 deal with that. And, um, you know, that resistance wears many masks, you know, fear, attachment, um,

00:25:59.160 you know, apathy, uh, delusion, ignorance, all of these different masks that, that resistance can

00:26:06.260 wear, you know, you have to have strategies to be able to deal with that. What does the resistance

00:26:10.940 look like in your life? How does that manifest itself? You know, I'm someone who really tries

00:26:16.540 to put myself in positions that are incredibly challenging, whether that's through the plant

00:26:21.860 medicine journeys that I've been on or, you know, exploring open relationship or, you know,

00:26:27.420 the business endeavors that I have and the amount of things that I'm cumulatively trying to do,

00:26:31.840 the, the things that I'm asking from my body. So resistance comes in, in many, many different

00:26:36.780 forms. It can come from resistance, self-doubt and come from thinking, not seeing through certain

00:26:42.760 illusions. And, and I've really, you know, you deal with resistance on a, on really pretty much a

00:26:48.240 daily basis. And the only encouraging thing is, is that, you know, as you get more skilled,

00:26:53.340 those things that used to bother you before, you'll find no longer bother you. And it takes

00:26:57.580 greater and greater challenges in order to really shake your core and, and really trigger

00:27:02.600 a genuine challenge. So you, so you're able to start pushing and trying to achieve greater and

00:27:08.100 greater things because you're able to overcome the small resistance that would stop you for the

00:27:12.300 small tasks. And now it's only the big resistance that causes you pause and gives you an opportunity

00:27:17.780 to overcome. I mean, ultimately, you know, pressure makes the diamond dragons, make the heroes,

00:27:22.920 demons, make the angels, like we need this resistance. And so it's a, it's a practice

00:27:27.720 and appreciation for, for the opportunity to hone our skills and become better.

00:27:33.520 How are you so thoughtful? I mean, I, I listen truly like, I know it sounds funny, but I listened

00:27:37.800 to you and you're, and it sounds like all day long, you're thinking about how is this affecting

00:27:42.100 me? How is this impacting me? What's the resistance? Is this something that you've always

00:27:46.760 been good at, or is this something that you've developed over time? What does this look

00:27:50.240 like for you? Yeah. It's really just a survival mechanism for someone who's really constantly

00:27:55.020 pushing towards their fears and towards their resistance points. This is, this is just me trying

00:28:00.640 to not get, get crushed. So these are, these are skills that I've honed from battle. You know,

00:28:07.840 you talk to any seasoned, if you talk about a warrior in a classical sense, someone like Tim

00:28:12.580 Kennedy, for example, you, you talk to him about battle or you're in a, in a battle situation with

00:28:17.640 him, he's going to sound incredibly thoughtful and incredibly, you know, very much probably

00:28:21.740 like you're describing me for some of life's challenges. And, and it's just that he's put

00:28:25.720 himself in disadvantageous positions so often that he's really speaking from experience.

00:28:30.660 And, and really for me, it's that way. And, you know, I think a lot of people will look

00:28:34.660 at my life and say, how could there be challenged? And I think that's a, that's a big myth. I mean,

00:28:39.020 we all have opportunity for immense challenge, no matter how rich or poor or whatever,

00:28:42.860 you know, I mean, I built this company all on my own without any help from external money,

00:28:48.600 other than a little bit of investor money that I found from some, some contacts and built it up

00:28:54.180 from scratch. But that doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter what, what you started with or

00:28:58.800 where you come from, or there's always going to be resistance, you know, and it's also, and I think

00:29:04.700 that's just one of the myths that we have is that if you start with something that's, you know,

00:29:09.180 that, that the world says is good, that you got an easy life. Well, clearly that doesn't play out

00:29:13.340 because if you look at a lot of the wealthy individuals, they're miserable, you know,

00:29:17.360 addicted to pills and drugs and committing suicide and unhappy. And, you know, I've walked in the slums

00:29:23.220 in Africa and seen some of the poorest people in the world and for sure they're happier than a lot of 1.00

00:29:29.720 the people I've seen in Greenwich, Connecticut, you know, or the Hamptons, you know, it's challenge

00:29:35.240 really comes from within. And, and as long as you have the warrior spirit to go find those challenges

00:29:40.920 and overcome them, um, you'll be a warrior, you'll be a warrior in your own life. And from there you'll

00:29:46.320 gain experience, but it's important to just, you know, stay humble with that too. Remember that you're

00:29:50.940 always a student, no matter how many campaigns you've won, no matter how many victories you have

00:29:56.160 under your belt, remember, there's always more, you know, you're not, uh, you're not invincible and,

00:30:01.360 and, you know, you just keep learning and keep smiling when the universe deals another curve ball

00:30:06.680 that knocks you flat on your butt and just, you know, keep after it. Yeah. I found for myself,

00:30:11.880 like you can either learn voluntarily or involuntarily. And so voluntarily is usually the

00:30:16.880 better route to go. Yeah. And inevitably you're going to learn both ways. Of course. Yeah, for sure.

00:30:22.060 That's just the, it's just the way it works. So what separates the guy who faces resistance and he

00:30:27.480 crumbles versus the guy that, that looks at it and says, this is an opportunity for me to grow.

00:30:31.360 Cause I've, I've seen both. Yeah. I mean, uh, that's, that's something that's interesting.

00:30:36.280 I think you gotta go out and start facing challenges, you know, on the regular basis,

00:30:41.220 you gotta go find these challenges, hunt them down on their own turf, you know, go seek them out

00:30:46.480 and have that attitude where you're leaning into them and appreciating them for what they are. 0.99

00:30:50.860 And then just being humble, like being recognizing when you're getting your ass kicked, 0.96

00:30:54.840 not pretending that you're not, you know, I think people run into a lot of trouble. The reason why you 0.98

00:30:58.960 crumble is, you know, you're not just reckons recognizing, like when you talk about somebody

00:31:04.040 crumbling, like let's say something is really hard. And the minute that person says, man,

00:31:09.360 this is super hard. It is driving me to my last, to the last of what I have. But I appreciate that

00:31:16.140 thing. You know, at the end of the day, I'm going to be stronger for it. That's just very simple move

00:31:20.380 to make, but it's a move that a lot of people won't do. They crumble because they're,

00:31:24.500 they're frantic that they're going to lose. They're frantic that they're getting their butt 0.99

00:31:27.960 kicked. They can't, they don't understand what's happening. And so they, they overpress and they 0.99

00:31:32.880 try to overcorrect and they try to do too much. And, you know, it's, it's really kind of this,

00:31:38.240 this frantic scramble that based upon their ego, not, not willing to admit that, you know,

00:31:43.520 that things aren't going well. Like I think some of, some of it's that, and some of it's just,

00:31:47.980 you know, you got to practice with small battles. You got to practice with small things and get a few

00:31:52.080 victories under your belt and then, and recognize that you aren't going to win every campaign, but

00:31:56.280 you know, overall you can win the war as long as you keep that, keep that warrior spirit where

00:32:01.020 you're willing to keep going after these resistances and appreciating them as an opportunity to get

00:32:06.140 better. Is this where that you referenced this earlier, but that silence thing that you're talking

00:32:10.700 about, the meditation, the other nine principles or avenues of doing this, is this where this comes

00:32:15.060 into play for you? Yeah, totally. I mean, cause there's a, there's a point at which there's a point at

00:32:19.060 which you have to be still and kind of surrender. First of all, being still allows you a different

00:32:24.000 vantage point. It'll allow you to see whatever opposition you're facing in a different way,

00:32:29.300 you know? So you don't have to keep smashing your head against the wall. Maybe you realize,

00:32:33.280 oh, I can sidestep that wall or I can scale that wall or I can do it. You know, there's another

00:32:38.360 strategy that I can take, you know, or I can figure out how to get strong enough to just blast right

00:32:43.820 through it or bring in the right resources or whatever else. Yeah. Get help from your friends

00:32:48.340 or however that is. So, so being still is definitely important. And then it also teaches

00:32:52.560 you another skill, which is, you know, the skill of acceptance, you know? And I think that's an

00:32:57.580 important, that's an important thing to do. You know, it's, it's this combination of toughness

00:33:02.700 and acceptance. And sometimes you just have to accept like, all right, this is what's going

00:33:07.880 on now. I'm sick. You know, I need to take some time. I'm going to relax. I'm going to,

00:33:13.420 you know, drink some juice. I'm going to take the pressure off. I'm going to recover. And then

00:33:17.880 three days from now, I'm going to get back to kicking ass. You know what I mean? And this is, 0.99

00:33:22.340 there's a certain acceptance factor that, that you have to realize. And, um, and I think that's

00:33:27.540 also something you learn from a practice like yoga or the plant medicines or flotation, you know,

00:33:33.380 this kind of surrender to what is recognizing that you may not have the resources available,

00:33:39.040 but you will, you'll get them. And when you do, you'll be a force to be reckoned with.

00:33:44.320 I want to talk with you about one of the things that I've heard you talk about. And I know you

00:33:48.160 cover in your course is that belief is the most powerful tool. Um, and the thing that I want to

00:33:53.180 maybe challenge a little bit or ask from a different perspective is how do you have belief in

00:33:58.980 something that maybe you haven't done yet? You don't, you don't actually have belief.

00:34:03.800 Well, so there's two, there's two aspects of that. You know, obviously there's a certain

00:34:08.940 amount of belief in yourself that you can have, you know, but you have to have practiced at least

00:34:14.420 something similar or practice something in that genre, you know what I mean? And, and know at least

00:34:20.880 that you can handle that amount of pressure in order to genuinely have belief. Like you're not

00:34:25.420 going to be able to have belief. You know, I talk about it in fighting terms. You know, I think

00:34:29.260 belief is one of the most important things for any fighter, but if you haven't trained,

00:34:33.960 you're not going to believe that truly believe that you're going to be your opponent.

00:34:37.300 You believe that you're going to, you're delusional and that's not a good thing either.

00:34:40.620 Right. But that's, that's not real belief. That's just, that's just delusion. It's not

00:34:44.500 all the way reconciled, congruent to the core. You know, that's just a part of your mind that

00:34:49.620 believes it, but your spirit doesn't believe it. Your, your whole self doesn't believe it when

00:34:53.220 you're under delusion, you know, to truly believe something, you believe it because you've put in

00:34:57.880 the work, you believe it because you know how you've handled certain situations, you know, and,

00:35:02.560 and that's, that's what allows you the belief to, to go and accomplish and forge new territory. It's,

00:35:09.400 it's not that you've done that specific thing, but you've done things with similar amounts of

00:35:14.140 pressure and seen how you've responded. You know, you know, you're tough, you know, you can choose,

00:35:18.740 you know, all of these things that you've learned about yourself. And so when that new

00:35:23.200 challenge comes, you know, you're ready to meet that challenge with, with belief in yourself.

00:35:28.580 And, and what belief provides, it just provides that flexibility and fluidity, that split second

00:35:33.560 chance, you know, that, that moment opportunity that can be the difference between success and not

00:35:39.440 success, or perhaps that, that little extra staying power when everything else, you know,

00:35:44.640 normally would want to tell you to quit and to retreat. You know, when you have that belief,

00:35:48.600 if you can really push through, um, it's, you know, genuinely, I think the most important thing

00:35:54.340 that we can cultivate. No, it sounds like your, your concept of the resistance and doing the

00:35:58.920 difficult things, putting yourself in difficult situations helps with that element of belief

00:36:02.720 because it crosses, you know, lines. If you're doing something difficult within your relationship

00:36:06.560 or your, or your physical fitness, for example, that's going to translate over into the way that

00:36:10.160 you run your business or your career as well. So I can see how that'd be the case.

00:36:13.780 Awesome. Well, Aubrey, we're scratching the surface. We are winding down on time. I want to give

00:36:17.120 guys some resources that, uh, they can connect with you as well as, uh, the course go for your

00:36:21.500 win. But, uh, before I get to that, I want to ask you a question that I prepared you a little bit

00:36:25.040 for, and that is what does it mean to be a man? You know, I think that's a really important question

00:36:30.360 because I think society has a lot of things that they talk about, talk about what it means to be a

00:36:35.520 man. And I think that's only one aspect of the coin, you know, and, and if you're talking about it

00:36:40.820 in the philosophical sense, yes, there's the very masculine aspects of what it means to be a man.

00:36:45.920 You know, I think being able to be tough, being able to, you know, to, to care for those that you

00:36:51.820 love, to care for the weak, to shield the weak from the strong, you know, I think some of the

00:36:55.680 classic warrior archetypes are important, but to be balanced, we must also cultivate the other aspects,

00:37:02.420 you know, and, and be able to, to be sensitive, to be grounded, to be, you know, to find, find the

00:37:08.820 stillness within ourselves, to be good listeners, to be quiet, to, to really be the balanced warrior poet,

00:37:15.500 you know, so that you're able to chart, you know, the idea that the ancient Greeks had or the samurai

00:37:20.420 had to be able to charge out in battle and then go home and write a poem, you know, about it to

00:37:25.700 really cultivate the full spectrum of what it means to be a man. It's not just one side. It's not just

00:37:31.220 being, you know, the wolf of wall street, you know, that's an incredibly balanced aspect of

00:37:36.900 masculinity and the polarity. You know, you want to be a complete human, whether you're a male or

00:37:41.980 female. And that, that means being in touch with the full spectrum and really reconciling all of

00:37:47.740 these forces within yourself, knowing truly who you are, you know, and not being, not trying to be

00:37:54.020 something that you're not knowing that if you're a little bit sensitive, knowing that, you know,

00:37:58.860 knowing your sexuality, knowing everything about yourself and being okay with that, you know,

00:38:03.160 forgiving all elements of yourself, not trying to put on more than you need to put on, just being truly

00:38:09.200 at peace with who you are, I think is probably the most significant part of being a man.

00:38:16.040 Is this your description of a warrior poet? I know you consider yourself to be a warrior poet.

00:38:20.900 Tell me a little bit about that.

00:38:22.440 Yeah. Warrior poet is someone who seeks to expand the spectrum of possibilities as wide as possible.

00:38:28.840 You know, I'm someone who enjoys standing on top of a speaker in a nightclub and soaking in the

00:38:34.760 energy of that kind of visceral pleasure, you know, or going into a, you know, going into a

00:38:41.560 combat sport and really pushing and snarling into the wind as you smash against another person who's

00:38:48.640 trying to do the same. Like, I appreciate that aspect and I want to know what that is,

00:38:53.460 but I also want to know what it's like to meditate on a silent hilltop, you know, and, and, and go out

00:38:59.400 on a vision quest and, you know, and write quietly, you know, poetry in a journal and, you know, all of

00:39:05.880 the other elements that, that I think are available to us. And, and I think that's, you know, that's

00:39:11.520 really important. And I think it's something that we've lost is that, um, because there's pleasure on

00:39:17.380 both sides of the spectrum. And I think it's our birthright to really experience as much as we can.

00:39:23.040 Love it, man. Well, Aubrey, I appreciate you being on the show. Uh, how do we connect with you? If we want

00:39:26.620 to learn more about what you're doing, if we want to learn more about the course, go for your win,

00:39:30.320 how do we connect with you and find out about this? Yeah, the course is at go for your win.com

00:39:34.540 and, uh, my social, everything is at Aubrey Marcus. Got a really active Facebook page. Um,

00:39:40.760 you should check out Instagram as more about my personal life and Twitter is just kind of the

00:39:45.680 finger that's pointing at different things. Also my blog, Aubrey Marcus.com always putting stuff up

00:39:50.440 there as well. Uh, but yeah, definitely check out the course. You know, it's, um, it's real easy.

00:39:54.900 You can get your money back anytime you can do the whole course and then get your money back

00:39:58.660 afterwards. I don't care. You know, I just want to get this information out there. I'm really

00:40:01.940 looking forward. I'm teaching it personally. So I'm looking forward to meeting everybody. We'll

00:40:05.180 have a mastermind Facebook group. Um, it's going to be a lot of fun. And then afterwards we'll have

00:40:09.620 a little graduation in Austin for anybody who wants to come out and, uh, actually, you know,

00:40:14.380 shake some hands and put some real people behind the, behind the, the digital avatars. So looking

00:40:19.800 forward to it. Yeah. Right on, man. Well, Hey, I appreciate you being on the show. I appreciate you. Uh,

00:40:24.160 I've been following again, what you've been doing for a long time now. The idea of total human

00:40:27.960 optimization is something that I'm, I'm full bore with as well. That's really helped me over the

00:40:31.840 past several years as I've been on my own mission. So I've got to let you know, man, I appreciate you.

00:40:35.740 We'll make sure we link everything up for the, for the guys that are listening that want to connect

00:40:38.740 with you. And again, thanks for being on the show, man. Absolutely. Appreciate you, my friend.

00:40:43.460 Man, there you have it. Aubrey Marcus talks with us about how to go for your win. I want to

00:40:47.920 encourage you to go check out this course. I think you're going to see that it's got some

00:40:50.500 amazing information that will help you get pointed in the right direction. Now, also I did not mention

00:40:54.820 this in the show today, but you need to check out the iron council. There's a lot of you who have

00:40:58.460 heard about it, who haven't taken action on it yet. And this week I want to invite you to take

00:41:02.300 action. This is a perfect time to do it. It's our mastermind. And while I could talk a ton about what

00:41:07.500 all includes the bottom line is this, we are going to help you guys identify four key objectives that you

00:41:13.640 want to tackle before year's end. We're going to help you determine what tactics that you actually

00:41:17.860 need to implement to get there. And last, we're going to help you be accountable to getting those

00:41:22.480 things done. So go to orderofman.com slash iron council to get registered. After that, I'll shoot

00:41:27.120 you an email with the next steps and I will get you introduced to the other 170 members inside of

00:41:31.900 the council. Guys, I look forward to talking with you on Friday for our Friday field notes, but until

00:41:35.540 then take action and become the man you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

00:41:40.880 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:41:45.640 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 01, 2016

085： Aubrey Marcus ｜ Go For Your Win

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript