Order of Man - 095： How to Be a Better Connector ｜ John Corcoran

00:00:00.000 Somewhere at some point, men begin to believe that we are meant to go at alone.

00:00:03.420 The reality, however, paints a different picture and illustrates how critical it is for each

00:00:07.860 and every one of us to learn to connect with others.

00:00:09.900 So whether you're trying to connect with people professionally or personally, my guest John

00:00:13.520 Corcoran shares with us why meeting face-to-face is so critical, how to reach the people you

00:00:17.680 admire most, the differences between networking professionally and personally, how to get

00:00:21.940 outside of your own head, and how you can become a better connector.

00:00:25.580 You're a man of action.

00:00:26.600 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:31.420 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:35.840 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:40.900 This is your life.

00:00:42.040 This is who you are.

00:00:43.460 This is who you will become.

00:00:45.180 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:50.480 Gentlemen, what is going on today?

00:00:51.740 My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of Order of Man.

00:00:54.380 I hope all is going well for you today, and you are getting after your week.

00:00:58.020 Now, for those of you who have been around for any amount of time, you know what we're

00:01:01.220 all about here on the Order of Man podcast.

00:01:02.940 But for those of you who are just joining us for the first time, you stumbled across the

00:01:06.840 best podcast available for men today.

00:01:09.200 We are having some incredible conversations with the world's most successful, the toughest,

00:01:13.820 the most talented, the wealthiest men on the planet.

00:01:15.840 We're extracting some of their hard-fought wisdom and then bringing it back to you each

00:01:19.380 and every week.

00:01:20.400 Our goal is to help you become a better man.

00:01:22.060 Bottom line.

00:01:22.520 That's it.

00:01:23.420 A better father to your children, a better husband to your wife, a better business owner

00:01:27.240 for your employees and your team, and a better community leader to your neighbors.

00:01:31.680 So with all that said, I want to give you a couple quick resources before we get into

00:01:35.120 the interview with John today on how to be a better connector.

00:01:37.520 First, we make all the show notes available, the links, the resources, everything you need,

00:01:41.640 and you can find that on our website at orderofman.com slash 095.

00:01:46.380 And second, be sure to join our closed Facebook group with just under 16,000.

00:01:50.620 It's probably over 16,000 men now.

00:01:53.240 And we are having some incredible conversations about being a man and how we can all be better

00:01:57.140 ones.

00:01:57.740 You can do that at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.

00:02:01.400 And third, if you've not already done so, make sure you check out our elite mastermind,

00:02:04.920 the Iron Council.

00:02:05.880 This is a group of men who are working hard on becoming the men they want to be.

00:02:09.840 There's a lot of talk out there, but these men are doing more than they're talking.

00:02:13.520 They're identifying objectives.

00:02:14.640 They're making tactics for achieving those objectives.

00:02:16.940 They're doing the work required to see success and they're holding each other accountable

00:02:20.500 to getting it all done.

00:02:21.740 So you can learn more at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:02:25.220 Now that you know all that, let me introduce you to my guest today, John Corcoran.

00:02:28.620 John is somebody I first learned about as I started Order of Man.

00:02:31.020 And since then, I've had the opportunity to connect with him a bit more.

00:02:33.820 But when I initially reached out to John, he was not available for an interview, but

00:02:37.520 he did introduce me to Michael Port with Heroic Public Speaking and Jordan Harbinger with

00:02:42.840 the Art of Charm, both of whom I've had interviews with.

00:02:44.620 And I can tell you that this is a man who practices what he actually preaches when it comes to

00:02:49.740 being a better connector.

00:02:50.620 In fact, through his skills, his abilities, his gifts, as a networker, a connector, John

00:02:55.460 actually landed a job at 23 as a writer in the Clinton White House and of course has gone

00:02:59.120 on to do much more than that.

00:03:00.760 He's the founder of Smart Business Revolution.

00:03:02.600 He teaches business owners, entrepreneurs, anyone, some of the same strategies we're going

00:03:06.120 to be talking about today and how each and every one of us can and should become

00:03:09.480 better connectors.

00:03:12.200 John, what's going on, man?

00:03:13.120 Thanks for joining me on the show today.

00:03:14.620 Hey, Ryan.

00:03:15.180 Thanks for having me.

00:03:15.920 This has been a long time in the works, so I'm glad we can finally connect and have the

00:03:19.940 conversation that I've been wanting to have probably for about 12 months now.

00:03:22.740 So thanks again for being here and looking forward to our conversation.

00:03:26.300 Wow.

00:03:26.560 I feel like I'm like a really hard to get person like Tom Cruise or Beyonce or something.

00:03:30.800 Well, I think harder than that actually.

00:03:33.020 Yeah, I know.

00:03:34.080 I mean, Beyonce, shoot, you could have her any old day, but no, I'm just kidding.

00:03:38.080 But no, it's an honor to be here.

00:03:39.520 I'm sorry that it took so long to schedule.

00:03:41.540 I'm really happy to be here.

00:03:42.440 No, you know, one of the things that I was going to tell you that I appreciate about

00:03:45.340 you, obviously we weren't able to get together initially, but one of the things that you

00:03:48.780 did is you actually connected me.

00:03:51.000 And I don't know if you even remember this, but you connected me with Jordan Harbinger

00:03:54.860 and Michael Port.

00:03:56.100 I don't know if you remember that.

00:03:57.140 And what I was amazed with and blown away with is that I had these two high caliber people

00:04:01.720 that I wanted to connect with anyways.

00:04:03.400 And as soon as you made that introduction, it was like they flipped the switch on the

00:04:08.380 wall and they're like, yeah, of course I'll do it.

00:04:09.460 Cause John introduced us.

00:04:10.920 And so that spoke highly of you, even though I really didn't know you all that well.

00:04:14.800 And it's actually leads into the conversation I wanted to have with you today about networking

00:04:18.660 and connecting and all the things that you're doing anyways.

00:04:21.240 Yeah.

00:04:21.820 I mean, they're both great guys and, you know, both people that I've gotten to know

00:04:25.400 over the last couple of years, but I mean, that's a great, that's great entry point to

00:04:29.120 this discussion about relationship building because, you know, both of those are people

00:04:33.920 that I admired from a distance before I got to know them more personally.

00:04:38.660 That's a bit of what my message is these days is that, you know, technology has gotten

00:04:43.480 to the point, our economy has gotten to the point where you can, you know, there's social

00:04:46.780 media, there are ways to connect with the people who used to be, we used to view them

00:04:50.420 from afar.

00:04:51.120 It used to be, we mentioned movie stars, it used to be there's celebrities, movie

00:04:54.260 stars, thought leaders, actors, authors, speakers, the closest we would get to them

00:04:59.200 is maybe coming to some conference and seeing them speak on stage.

00:05:01.780 And now you can tweet at them, you know, and it's, it's kind of leveled the playing

00:05:06.240 field and flattened the world where we can actually connect with the people that we

00:05:09.980 admire the most.

00:05:10.840 And I think that's an amazing thing, which more people should take advantage of.

00:05:14.560 I think it's amazing, but I think it's also a trap that we might fall into.

00:05:17.840 And one of the things that I've heard you talk about is you talk about these real human

00:05:21.720 relationships and connections.

00:05:23.580 And I think it is very easy to connect with people digitally, but I think it's harder

00:05:27.140 than ever to connect with someone on a, like a real human level.

00:05:31.040 Do you find that to be true or would you?

00:05:32.740 Yeah, absolutely.

00:05:33.740 I mean, you and I, just before we started recording, we're talking about the importance

00:05:36.800 of getting together face to face.

00:05:38.840 And now you and I separately have separate businesses where we are involved in doing

00:05:43.260 that.

00:05:44.000 And I'm a huge advocate of, of bringing people together physically face to face because there's

00:05:50.440 nothing there.

00:05:51.940 You know, I got an email from someone recently who's considering coming to one of our events

00:05:57.260 and this person like, uh, it just said that, well, you know, it wasn't, timing wasn't right

00:06:02.300 or something.

00:06:02.600 They weren't going to come.

00:06:03.220 But part of the rationale behind not coming was that they said they were building some

00:06:06.720 really good relationships with people online.

00:06:08.880 Sure, sure.

00:06:09.420 I just wanted to like, like reach through my computer and grab them and be like, you're 0.95

00:06:13.220 crazy. 0.96

00:06:13.900 Yeah.

00:06:14.060 Like you will never ever build my, it's a great tool and I use social media and I use

00:06:19.760 email and all that kind of stuff.

00:06:20.820 There's a great tool, but you will never build a relationship as human, as sincere, as powerful

00:06:26.600 as if you hang out with someone face to face in person.

00:06:30.040 And I think it's critical.

00:06:31.020 I think you need to do it.

00:06:32.000 And so that's part of the reason that I, and you bring people together and actually

00:06:35.660 make, have made that part of our business, but it doesn't even need to be part of your

00:06:38.520 business because you can do it even if it isn't part of your business, no matter what

00:06:42.640 line of work you're in, you can, you can really improve your own life.

00:06:47.340 You can live a happier life, but you can also support your own, your own business in your

00:06:52.320 career by bringing people together and being that hub.

00:06:55.260 You know, what's really fascinating is we've got this, this online digital membership and a

00:06:59.520 lot of people that are listening know about this, but we did the live event, our first

00:07:03.260 live event, the, uh, probably about three months ago now as of this recording.

00:07:07.660 And it's amazing to see the connections within our online mastermind group of the men who attended

00:07:14.500 the live conference.

00:07:15.520 I mean, there's so much, there's just a deeper connection because these guys got face to face

00:07:20.040 and they did some new things that pushed them outside of their comfort zone and they did

00:07:23.660 them together.

00:07:24.180 And now they're better connected online.

00:07:25.720 So I think it works together.

00:07:27.220 Yeah.

00:07:27.780 I'm, I'm, I don't, I'm not surprised at all that that is the case because yeah, there's

00:07:32.360 just no substitute for it.

00:07:33.800 You really get to know someone as a human.

00:07:35.820 You end up having those casual conversations about whatever the weather, your kids, you know,

00:07:42.060 your spouse, your boyfriend, girlfriend, you know, what you're struggling with.

00:07:46.980 And, um, and it allows you to get real in a way that you can't 140 characters.

00:07:51.420 Sure, sure.

00:07:52.840 Why is this so hard for people?

00:07:55.580 Cause I look around and I don't see people connecting to the same degree that maybe they

00:07:59.720 even did 10 years ago.

00:08:01.180 Is it just a time issue that people are too strapped for time?

00:08:04.260 Is it an effort issue?

00:08:05.180 What is it?

00:08:06.280 Man, I think it's a lot of societal factors.

00:08:08.340 I think time is a big one.

00:08:09.980 You know, people are working long hours these days and, uh, you know, we have a lot of distractions.

00:08:15.380 There's endless distractions between, you know, Netflix and the internet and our phones

00:08:20.940 and all that kind of stuff.

00:08:22.160 We don't spend as much time hanging out in person face to face.

00:08:26.320 Uh, you know, a lot of the old, you know, society, particularly here in the U S, uh, especially 0.55

00:08:32.200 in smaller communities used to be built around, you know, the Elks club and Rotary and things

00:08:37.860 like that, that people used to participate in.

00:08:40.440 And a lot of those organizations have faded away or no longer as strong as they used to

00:08:44.940 be, or younger men and women are, are less likely to participate in these types of civil

00:08:49.620 civic organizations.

00:08:51.580 And I'm not saying that's not entirely a horrible thing because there have been other

00:08:56.320 organizations that have sprouted up a lot of times using online tools that have connected

00:09:01.400 people who have diverse interests that weren't satisfied in their local community.

00:09:05.580 So you could live, you know, you said you live in Southern Utah.

00:09:08.220 I live just North of San Francisco, you know, maybe you're crazy about, I don't know, woodworking

00:09:13.820 or you're crazy about, uh, electric cars or you're crazy about, uh, I don't know, old,

00:09:19.720 uh, rifles from the civil war era, but whatever your, your crazy interest was 50, not even

00:09:25.700 50 years ago, 20 years ago, it might've been hard to connect with other people who have that

00:09:29.500 interest.

00:09:29.820 And today there are other ways to do that, but just connecting through some online forum or

00:09:34.880 through a Facebook group or a LinkedIn group or something like that, or Twitter group is

00:09:38.660 not enough.

00:09:39.340 And taking it from that point to actually connecting face to face in person will just solid, solidify

00:09:46.300 those bonds so much more.

00:09:48.160 Yeah.

00:09:48.520 Well, you talk about one of the things you said earlier was that you use the word happier.

00:09:52.820 I mean, do you find this to be true that people do that connect face to face that have

00:09:56.300 face to face interactions are generally happier than people who don't?

00:10:00.560 Oh, I, yes, I do.

00:10:02.160 Absolutely.

00:10:02.600 Um, and just from my own anecdotal evidence, I find that to be the case.

00:10:06.240 You mentioned Jordan Harbinger and Michael Port, both of whom have spent time hanging

00:10:10.200 out with face to face and it just makes it stronger.

00:10:13.160 It, it allows you to, uh, you know, joke around with someone in a way, uh, that you wouldn't

00:10:19.040 otherwise.

00:10:19.540 And you know more about their life than you would just through things that they share on

00:10:23.540 Facebook or Twitter.

00:10:24.920 So, yeah, I think it does make people a lot happier.

00:10:27.540 I think this could be somewhat of a difficult conversation because as I think about what I

00:10:32.560 want to ask you and what I want to address, it's almost like we can talk about casually

00:10:36.340 getting together and then getting together for a purpose.

00:10:39.960 Would there be a different way to approach maybe identifying who you should be connecting

00:10:44.860 with, whether that's casually or professionally?

00:10:48.000 You know, I don't think that, uh, I don't think that you should take your, take too much of

00:10:55.280 a different approach.

00:10:56.340 I mean, obviously in different, um, uh, contexts, depending on if you're a work environment or

00:11:02.880 social environment, you're going to behave in, in different ways, but either way you should

00:11:07.180 really be a reflection of who you are as a person.

00:11:10.220 And just because you're showing up at a quote unquote work event or, or social event doesn't

00:11:14.900 mean that you should be a different person, but you know, you may, there may be aspects

00:11:19.100 of your personality that you don't bring out until you've gotten to know people a little

00:11:25.080 bit better.

00:11:25.500 Um, but you know, actually I'm a big believer that you don't really deeply connect with

00:11:30.740 people in a professional sense, career sense, um, until you get to know people on a more

00:11:36.320 personal level.

00:11:37.080 Now, not everyone is willing to do that and that doesn't mean that you meet someone at

00:11:41.240 a networking event and you should immediately say, so are you dating anyone?

00:11:44.860 You know, people are going to be like, Whoa, Hey, come on, you know, but you can look for

00:11:48.820 openings.

00:11:49.520 You know, sometimes these things happen where you're having conversation with someone at

00:11:52.360 a quote unquote professional event at a conference through a work event or something

00:11:56.500 like that.

00:11:56.980 And someone opens the door.

00:11:58.860 Maybe they say, Oh yeah, I was late.

00:12:00.920 I was just coming from my daughter's a volleyball game.

00:12:04.060 Well, maybe they say, Oh really?

00:12:05.500 What was, where was she playing?

00:12:07.080 Does she play professionally? 0.97

00:12:08.700 Whatever.

00:12:09.260 You know, you can pursue that line of interest or if someone mentions, Oh yeah, we just had

00:12:13.900 a great weekend.

00:12:14.800 I was just with my family down in Cabo.

00:12:16.780 You say, Oh, okay.

00:12:17.580 Well, what was, what were you doing down there?

00:12:19.440 Well, we were kite surfing.

00:12:20.600 Oh really?

00:12:21.160 You're a big kite surfer because eventually you're going to stumble upon some kind of connection,

00:12:26.240 some kind of thing you have in common.

00:12:29.140 And that's when things, then the conversations are going to get so real.

00:12:32.680 You know, it's like we often talk about geography.

00:12:35.040 You and I were talking at the beginning.

00:12:36.240 You said you're in Southern Utah and I was saying, Oh, I know.

00:12:39.300 I just was talking to Ever Gonzales who I was on his podcast a while back and he's in

00:12:44.760 Southern Utah.

00:12:45.500 Oh, I hear it's beautiful.

00:12:46.900 Oh, I've been meaning to go to Zion park.

00:12:48.920 I've heard it's amazing.

00:12:50.100 My neighbor went there.

00:12:51.040 You know, you end up in those types of conversations and, and then it just really accelerates the

00:12:56.600 process of getting to know someone.

00:12:58.480 This is kind of an interesting thought because I think, and I didn't feel this way during

00:13:01.760 our conversation, but I know I've been in situations where these types of conversations

00:13:05.860 either seem trivial or unimportant or even forced.

00:13:10.900 And so how do you avoid that?

00:13:13.040 Is there, are you thinking about an objective or an outcome to have this conversation or are

00:13:16.900 you just going at with low or no expectations?

00:13:18.880 How do you avoid this being just an awkward, like we're supposed to do this.

00:13:22.540 And this is a nicety type thing that we do in society.

00:13:25.240 Yeah.

00:13:25.660 I mean, if it's, if it feels trivial, trivial or forced, you know, it might just be the

00:13:30.500 context of the event that you're at.

00:13:32.500 Maybe there's some other reason that, uh, that maybe you just don't click with the person,

00:13:37.640 but I don't think that that means that you should avoid topics that are quote unquote

00:13:42.900 of a casual nature where they're talking about, you know, the weather or talking about

00:13:47.480 personal interests or hobbies or anything like that, because, uh, you know, it, try,

00:13:52.220 well, I'll put it this way.

00:13:53.480 Try it the other way.

00:13:54.600 Right.

00:13:54.960 I mean, don't talk about anything of a human nature.

00:13:57.580 Don't acknowledge your humanity.

00:14:00.100 Don't talk about vacations or family or friends or hobbies or any of those sorts of things and

00:14:06.120 see how far you get.

00:14:07.140 Right.

00:14:07.480 I mean, people are going to treat you like an automaton.

00:14:10.520 You know, this is a complete robot.

00:14:12.080 This person has nothing interesting.

00:14:13.480 And usually those people don't get very far.

00:14:16.240 So, you know, I think it's better to allow those, the conversation to flow into these

00:14:21.600 other more personal areas without getting too personal.

00:14:25.200 I mean, you're not immediately, as I said, not immediately jumping into who they're dating

00:14:28.340 and things like that, but, you know, allow it to flow into these other areas because the

00:14:32.700 bottom line is, you know, people do business with other people that they know, like, and

00:14:36.480 trust, and they're not going to know, like, and trust you until they learn a little bit

00:14:40.020 about you and they get to know you a little bit better.

00:14:42.420 And, and, you know, that's just a much more natural way of going through life.

00:14:47.260 Right.

00:14:47.400 I mean, it sounds like you're just definitely trying to strike a balance between, hey, let's

00:14:50.520 get to know each other on a way that's maybe non-threatening to either one of us.

00:14:54.140 And then if things click and move from there, then we can develop and enhance that relationship

00:14:58.100 however that looks.

00:14:59.420 Yeah.

00:14:59.840 You know, and I'll just say, I mean, my background, I, you know, I've been very fortunate throughout

00:15:04.300 my career to work in some, have some really amazing opportunities, you know, early, early

00:15:09.720 in my career, I was a writer in the Clinton White House.

00:15:12.360 And so I've hung around presidents, I've hung around governors, I've hung around senators,

00:15:16.920 I've had conversations with world famous entrepreneurs.

00:15:20.820 And I'm not saying these things to brag, but when I have conversations with folks like

00:15:25.260 this, oftentimes it naturally gravitated to a more personal level.

00:15:29.920 And that's where you really get to know people is, is doing those things.

00:15:32.960 And so it's not like you reach a certain level in your career or success or anything

00:15:38.100 like that.

00:15:38.520 And then you stop talking about those topics.

00:15:40.540 In many ways, it's a way to really deeply connect with someone.

00:15:43.660 So you take like a president or like an entrepreneur or a famous entrepreneur or something like that,

00:15:49.040 or, you know, a professional athlete or something like that.

00:15:53.080 They are used to people approaching them and wanting to talk to them about their area of

00:15:58.760 expertise or their business or their sports team that they're on or the movie that they

00:16:05.640 were in.

00:16:07.120 And that naturally creates a distance between the two of you where they're up on a pedestal

00:16:12.140 and you're not.

00:16:13.220 And it's a less natural conversation versus having like a normal conversation about a normal

00:16:18.960 topic.

00:16:19.540 It's, it's, it's putting you more on an even plane.

00:16:22.040 And, and the person is more likely to enjoy that conversation.

00:16:25.960 There was a, when I was leaving the White House at the time, one of the things that

00:16:31.600 they did was they had the president would do these radio addresses in the Oval Office.

00:16:37.440 They've since moved on to doing YouTube and everything, but people would come and observe

00:16:41.620 it that, you know, and to be like departing employees and VIPs and, and, and famous members

00:16:46.560 of Congress and stuff would be in the room in the Oval Office watching the president record

00:16:50.640 this radio address and I went, my family was there and everything.

00:16:53.980 And the funny thing was, as we're going through the line, waiting to speak with President Clinton,

00:16:58.420 because I was on my way out of the White House at the time, um, there are all these VIPs

00:17:02.180 and everything.

00:17:02.520 And we brought with us a gift of some old Western movies and we handed them over to him.

00:17:06.940 When we talked to him, we ended up having like a four or five minute conversation with

00:17:09.780 him, even though everyone else had gotten very quick little conversations and everyone

00:17:13.020 else was looking at us like, who the heck are these guys?

00:17:16.280 Why are they getting all the attention?

00:17:17.460 And it's, and we ended up talking about old Western movies.

00:17:20.740 My dad controlled most of the conversation because what the heck did I have to consent

00:17:24.720 to contribute to that?

00:17:26.260 I didn't really know that much about old Western movies.

00:17:28.960 But, um, you know, my point is if, if I could have that conversation with the leader of the

00:17:34.240 free world at the time, standing in the heart of power in the Oval Office and have a conversation

00:17:38.580 about old Western movies, then you in your career and your vocation in your business can

00:17:43.980 have a conversation with whatever VIP influencer or in, you know, important person that's

00:17:49.940 significant in your career, uh, you can have a normal human conversation with them.

00:17:54.060 And so that's, I just tell that story to reinforce that point.

00:17:57.160 Well, this makes sense.

00:17:57.800 But it also, from my perspective, I hear you differentiating yourself too, right?

00:18:02.060 You're standing out, you're being unique, you're being different, and then you're being

00:18:04.480 engaged.

00:18:05.060 And one of the things that I have personally experienced in my limited interaction with you

00:18:09.160 is your desire or maybe even your ability to lead with value.

00:18:14.980 And that's what it sounds like here with you, with what you did with President Clinton

00:18:17.980 as well.

00:18:18.860 Talk to us a little bit about, I don't want to say strategy necessarily, but the idea

00:18:23.120 of leading with that value first.

00:18:25.540 Yeah.

00:18:25.680 I mean, it's interesting because, well, first of all, people talk about, you know, giving

00:18:29.100 value and it's such a vague and amorphous term.

00:18:32.220 And a lot of times people struggle with that.

00:18:33.680 Oh, what should I do?

00:18:35.000 You know, it depends, depends on every context.

00:18:37.420 You know, you need to know a little bit about whoever it is you're attempting to deliver

00:18:41.380 value to.

00:18:42.760 But the other point is that the bar is so low because it's so rare that people do it.

00:18:47.240 It's so rare that people just even go a small amount out of their way to deliver value to

00:18:52.660 someone else.

00:18:53.160 So if you, you don't need to do that much in order to really impress people.

00:18:57.540 So if it's, you know, a business owner that you're trying to connect with or a CIO or a

00:19:02.960 COO or a CTO or whoever it is that, you know, the, the successful person, the, the person

00:19:09.000 that you admire that you're trying to, uh, deliver value to, you need to know something

00:19:13.860 about them.

00:19:14.420 You need to know what they, what their needs are, what their wants are, what their hobbies

00:19:18.860 are, and then just rack your brain for ways in which you can deliver value to that.

00:19:24.060 And it could be an introduction.

00:19:25.620 Someone, someone in your network, I guarantee there are two people in your network who'd really

00:19:28.680 benefit from knowing each other right now.

00:19:30.660 So that's what you did in our case.

00:19:33.120 Exactly.

00:19:33.600 It's one that I do frequently because it, it, in my opinion, it delivers the most bang for

00:19:40.320 your buck and it's not a huge, you know, imposition on your time.

00:19:44.640 Right.

00:19:45.060 But it could be something else.

00:19:46.080 It doesn't have to be an introduction.

00:19:47.460 It could be sharing a resource.

00:19:50.100 Um, it could be a gift, although you don't want to give everyone in the world a gift or

00:19:53.260 you're going to go broke.

00:19:54.540 Um, it could be just not, you know, general knowledge.

00:19:57.460 It could be, you find out that they're going to Hawaii next month and your sister-in-law

00:20:00.880 was just there and you can tell them about a great restaurant that they should go to.

00:20:06.600 It could be that their wife is out of work and looking for a job and you contact someone

00:20:12.520 on the behalf of the wife and then follow up with the person, the husband to tell them

00:20:17.960 about, you know, that you did so, or that you heard about some kind of opportunity for

00:20:22.040 them.

00:20:22.280 Um, just those, that's not a huge, it doesn't require a huge amount of effort, but it does

00:20:26.780 require some effort, but it goes a tremendous distance.

00:20:31.000 Now I already mentioned the iron council early in the show, but I wanted to give you a little

00:20:34.020 bit more of the specifics.

00:20:34.940 Each month we cover an entirely different topic that is going to help you become a better

00:20:39.000 man.

00:20:39.280 So each member of the iron council is then given the chance to ask questions, explore that

00:20:43.460 particular subject, and then given the guidance and the direction to help him be more effective

00:20:47.580 in that area of life.

00:20:49.280 This month we're talking all about time management, you know, as well as I do, each and every

00:20:53.120 one of us has the same amount of time in any given day.

00:20:55.260 I have learned a ton about how to be the most effective with my time.

00:20:58.520 And if there's one thing that I feel I'm good at, it's getting the job done.

00:21:01.800 So that's what we're talking about this month.

00:21:03.340 You'll get all the guidance, the tools, the direction, the information, the ideas, the

00:21:06.760 insight, and the accountability you need to be more productive in your life.

00:21:10.160 You can learn more about us at order of man.com slash iron council.

00:21:13.240 And we all hope to see you there.

00:21:14.480 Now let me get back to my interview with John.

00:21:18.080 Well, I think you hit the nail on the head because I think what you're talking about

00:21:21.000 here is that you actually have to, you know, care about people and maybe put a little bit

00:21:25.280 of interest and time and energy and resources of your own into an investment into that other

00:21:30.940 person, which I know it can be difficult at times, especially if somebody is looking at

00:21:34.180 it as an investment and hoping for a future payoff.

00:21:37.240 Right.

00:21:37.780 And, you know, I also follow an 80-20 approach, so I'm not saying you have to do this for everyone

00:21:42.040 you meet ever, right?

00:21:44.400 Generally, I'm talking about this in the context of a business.

00:21:47.580 Of business in general or career, okay?

00:21:51.420 So if you're talking about personal, if you're talking about like just personal relationships,

00:21:55.840 that's not really what I'm talking about here.

00:21:57.640 What I'm talking about in a business context when it comes to delivering value to people

00:22:01.960 who, for whatever reason you think would be beneficial for your career or your business

00:22:06.500 or whatever, I'm saying that you should be deliberate and intentional about it.

00:22:10.940 So that doesn't mean that you spend all day, every day, constantly racking your brain, focused

00:22:17.180 on everyone else, not getting any of your own work done.

00:22:19.640 That's a horrible recipe for disaster.

00:22:22.400 But I do say you devote some of your energy to doing that and doing it for the people that

00:22:27.800 are going to be most valuable to you.

00:22:29.580 So one of the things that I do is I literally have a list.

00:22:33.200 I call it my conversations list.

00:22:34.820 It's a list of the 50 people who I have decided are going to be most valuable for my business

00:22:41.700 going forward over the next 12 months.

00:22:43.840 And I literally write a list of them and I put them on the wall.

00:22:46.600 And they are people who I'm inspired by.

00:22:49.900 They are people who I believe in and people who stand for the values that I stand for.

00:22:55.840 They're people who I want to walk to the end of the earth for.

00:22:59.800 Jordan and Michael are two people that are on that list.

00:23:02.980 They're people who I want to have a strong bond with and I want them to think very fondly

00:23:08.640 of me when they think of me.

00:23:10.320 And by putting the list on the wall, I'm constantly glancing up at it and thinking, hey, I haven't

00:23:15.720 talked to so-and-so in a while.

00:23:16.980 What can I do?

00:23:17.840 What can I do?

00:23:18.400 Who can I introduce them to?

00:23:19.780 How can I follow up with them and see what I can do for them?

00:23:23.300 And so it's something I recommend everyone does.

00:23:25.780 Have a list on the wall.

00:23:26.640 I have a clear goal of who are the most important relationships for you.

00:23:31.680 And sometimes I analogize this to going and getting a degree, like going to college.

00:23:36.120 Like when you go to college, you don't just show up on day one and go into the first

00:23:39.880 classroom you see and then the next day go to a different classroom, go to the next day,

00:23:43.720 go to a different classroom completely randomly.

00:23:46.020 You follow up by a actual plan of action and a course of study.

00:23:50.580 And at the end of four to five to six years, you have a degree because you followed through

00:23:55.560 on that.

00:23:55.980 And I find that when people come, when it comes to relationships, people are more like 0.98

00:24:00.280 the random dude who's going from classroom to classroom.

00:24:02.920 They're not following any kind of clear plan or strategy.

00:24:07.540 And so just being a little bit more deliberate, putting a little bit more forethought into it,

00:24:11.300 actually deciding in an 80, 20 type of approach, who are the most important people for my career

00:24:17.760 going forward can take you a long way.

00:24:20.000 No, I like this.

00:24:20.980 What do you say?

00:24:21.840 Cause I think there's probably opposite ends of the spectrum too.

00:24:24.240 And I think there's extremes in every case that we could ever talk about, but I think

00:24:27.600 you have those people who go so overboard, so over the top that it becomes a nuisance more

00:24:32.600 than anything.

00:24:33.020 But then on the other side of that, you have people who might not do it at all because,

00:24:37.840 and I, and I reckon you already hear what some people would say to what you're talking

00:24:40.900 about.

00:24:41.220 Is this manipulation?

00:24:43.040 Is this gaming the system?

00:24:45.200 Right.

00:24:45.480 And am I doing this at the expense of somebody else?

00:24:48.680 Well, yeah, you're doing it at the expense of the rest of the world.

00:24:51.520 That's always the case, right?

00:24:52.740 I mean, you can't help everyone in the world.

00:24:55.200 You have to pick, pick your battles.

00:24:57.220 So that's part of it.

00:24:58.360 Uh, the other part is, is it manipulation?

00:25:01.380 I mean, if you sincerely believe in what you do and you sincerely believe in the people

00:25:05.560 that you want to support, I don't see any problem with it.

00:25:09.320 Right.

00:25:09.540 You know, if I've decided that these are people who I'm inspired by, who's, who I would like

00:25:18.840 to see succeed and I'd like to support them and help them be succeed, succeed.

00:25:22.800 And yeah, if I do that, they're probably going to want to reciprocate for me.

00:25:26.740 I don't see anything wrong with that.

00:25:28.360 Yeah.

00:25:28.720 And as far as the, what you said about there being, some people go to the opposite end

00:25:33.280 of the spectrum and over deliver on value.

00:25:35.500 Yeah.

00:25:35.980 That is a complete outlier.

00:25:37.880 I think that's pretty rare though.

00:25:39.920 Sure.

00:25:40.140 The vast majority of the population are following the other end of the spectrum where they're

00:25:44.280 just, if they did a little bit more, it would help them a tremendous amount.

00:25:48.580 Like, have you ever gotten an email, Ryan, from someone out of the blue, you haven't heard

00:25:51.640 from them in three years and they're like, Hey Ryan, how's it going, man?

00:25:55.020 I haven't talked to you in a while.

00:25:55.960 Well, so yeah, um, I just lost my job and you know of any, you know, and there's a

00:26:00.820 part of me that like feels bad for that person.

00:26:03.000 And then there's another part of me that's like, dude, why are you coming around when

00:26:06.940 you need something?

00:26:08.160 Yeah.

00:26:08.520 You know, like where were you over the last three years?

00:26:10.940 You know, like just now you need something.

00:26:12.680 Now you need me.

00:26:13.700 And if that person would just try and shift it a little bit and be thinking about other

00:26:20.460 people in their network, then they'd have a stronger network that would support them

00:26:23.680 when those inevitable failures come along in our life.

00:26:26.560 Because believe me, I've worked for a president who was impeached and a governor who was recalled.

00:26:30.560 Right.

00:26:30.860 I've experienced, you know what this is like, I've experienced my, my family, my father

00:26:36.220 got laid off three separate times.

00:26:37.440 Every time we had to move 3000 miles away, away from family and friends, I've experienced

00:26:41.340 all kinds of struggles in my lifetime.

00:26:43.580 And, uh, and not to say that I'm better than anyone else because of those things.

00:26:47.560 But the point is in life, we, we experienced setbacks.

00:26:50.340 And so you have to be prepared for those and you need to be firmly establishing relationships

00:26:55.280 in the event that setbacks will happen.

00:26:59.060 Yeah, no, I, I like what you're saying.

00:27:00.940 And obviously this makes sense and I can see how it's going to help me in my business and

00:27:04.920 interactions.

00:27:05.640 How I know, and I don't necessarily agree with what I'm about to ask you, but I know that

00:27:09.360 there's probably somebody thinking this is how do you transition from, okay, I've been

00:27:14.680 providing value to John and I've been giving these resources and making these connections

00:27:18.240 to now, how does this become reciprocal?

00:27:22.440 And I don't think it's as abrupt as like one day you just flip the switch and okay, now

00:27:26.140 it's time for you to pay me back.

00:27:27.480 I think it's a little bit more fluid than that, but can you talk to me about the, maybe

00:27:31.000 the process of how that would work?

00:27:32.840 Yeah.

00:27:33.040 And you know, honestly, sometimes people aren't very good at, um, you know, striking that

00:27:38.960 balance or they're not good at asking, you know, I know, I know some people who are

00:27:43.140 amazing connectors who deliver tremendous value to people, but they never ask for anything

00:27:47.400 in return and their business struggles because of it.

00:27:49.720 I'm sure.

00:27:50.660 So that's not a good thing either.

00:27:52.180 You don't want to be at either end of the spectrum.

00:27:54.160 You don't want to be asking too quickly.

00:27:56.160 We all know people like that, right?

00:27:57.600 They're asking for use for something immediately, never deliver any value, right?

00:28:01.300 We know lots of people like that.

00:28:02.720 And then you don't want to be completely over delivering on value and never getting anything

00:28:06.380 in return to your business struggles because of it.

00:28:08.360 Yeah.

00:28:08.380 I just got an email the other day.

00:28:09.680 I happened to have a interview with Jocko Willink, Navy SEAL Jocko Willink.

00:28:13.500 He's a New York Times bestselling author.

00:28:14.940 And I got an email from a gentleman who said, Hey, can you introduce me to Jocko Willink?

00:28:18.620 Never heard from the guy before.

00:28:19.820 That was the only line in the email.

00:28:22.480 And I'm like, no, I can't do this.

00:28:24.980 So yeah, I know what you're talking about.

00:28:26.880 I have my email inbox.

00:28:28.380 I've got a special tag for people like that, you know, like people who I've never heard

00:28:31.760 of before.

00:28:32.260 And they have a big ask without ever having, you know, put anything in the bank to get

00:28:38.480 credit for what they're asking for.

00:28:41.100 The way that I think is the best way to do it is to transition them into it with a smaller

00:28:46.560 ask.

00:28:47.320 You test them with something, you know, to see if you delivered enough value to them.

00:28:53.100 So first you got to deliver a lot of value to them.

00:28:55.540 And then you see, you know, is this person going to reciprocate?

00:28:59.240 How are they going to reciprocate?

00:29:00.960 You know, and so it could be you ask them for a recommendation.

00:29:04.980 You know, they live in, I don't know, Miami.

00:29:07.320 And, you know, you send them an email out of the blue and say, Hey, my sister is going

00:29:11.520 to Miami next week.

00:29:13.020 She's looking for a good taco joint.

00:29:15.000 Do they respond?

00:29:16.000 Do they respond?

00:29:16.980 Do they not respond?

00:29:18.340 Do they respond and say, Yeah, I don't know.

00:29:20.740 I don't know.

00:29:21.200 Sorry, I don't like tacos or they respond and say, Yeah, absolutely.

00:29:26.260 I, you know, I'm not a big fan of tacos and I don't know that neighborhood she's going 1.00

00:29:29.680 to, but I just sent an email to my friend who lives in that part of town and here's

00:29:35.640 all the places he recommended.

00:29:37.020 Right.

00:29:37.560 You do something like that.

00:29:38.620 You know, it's, it's, it's not a huge, it's not like a huge, a lot of stakes in it, but

00:29:44.520 you've figured out, is this someone who is a good reciprocator?

00:29:47.440 By the way, tremendous book, uh, give and take by Adam Grant.

00:29:51.740 Okay.

00:29:52.440 Talk a lot about some of these principles.

00:29:55.380 He basically says that there are people who are givers, there are matchers and takers.

00:29:59.480 It's kind of what we've been talking about here.

00:30:01.380 The idea that people, you know, are big givers, other people are takers, and some people are

00:30:04.680 somewhere in the middle.

00:30:06.120 And so, um, I, I think that you need to figure out where do people fall?

00:30:10.800 And if you've been giving and giving, giving to this person, and then as soon as you ask

00:30:14.280 them for something, it's like no dice or they don't, they're not going to lift a finger

00:30:17.780 to help you out, then you need to figure out that that needs to be someone that is not on

00:30:21.960 your conversations list, as I mentioned earlier, at all.

00:30:24.700 Right.

00:30:25.280 You know, and, and then oftentimes people have problems with that.

00:30:28.740 But I think that, you know, if you're over delivering value to someone and they're not

00:30:33.180 going to reciprocate, then they don't deserve to be in your life.

00:30:35.440 They don't deserve any assistance from you.

00:30:37.600 Yeah.

00:30:37.740 I mean, this has got to be a win-win situation.

00:30:39.560 And we live in an economy and an environment and a culture, which that can happen if we're

00:30:43.600 all deliberate about it.

00:30:45.140 It absolutely can.

00:30:46.340 Right.

00:30:46.920 And there are all kinds of, you know, opportunities depending on what you're looking for.

00:30:51.200 You know, I mean, it could be you need new clients in your business.

00:30:54.060 It could be that you're looking for a date.

00:30:56.900 You're looking for a girlfriend.

00:30:58.640 No, it could be that you, uh, are looking to start a new business and you're looking for

00:31:03.660 a physical location for that business.

00:31:05.360 You know, it could be a variety of different things.

00:31:07.020 Yeah.

00:31:07.580 So it's really about, uh, building the network before you need it, because once you need

00:31:12.480 it, it's too late.

00:31:13.720 Right.

00:31:14.000 Right.

00:31:14.300 You don't have enough, like you said, the capital, the, the, the emotional or the, uh,

00:31:18.200 the bank account, right.

00:31:18.940 That you're talking about.

00:31:20.360 Absolutely.

00:31:21.020 Yeah.

00:31:21.220 It makes sense.

00:31:22.120 What is your thought about, I had this phrase come to mind and I get this question quite a

00:31:25.700 bit and I'm sure that you do too.

00:31:26.920 And I have my own thoughts about it.

00:31:28.260 When somebody says, you know, obviously they want to help and they want to, they want to assist

00:31:33.340 and they want to be valuable.

00:31:34.420 And they ask the question, how can I help?

00:31:37.020 What's your thoughts about that question?

00:31:39.880 I think they're asking the wrong question.

00:31:41.960 All right.

00:31:42.280 Help me out on this.

00:31:43.140 Cause I would love to give some guys some insight that I quite haven't put my finger on yet.

00:31:47.560 There's a lot of people who do this and they do it out of good intentions.

00:31:50.680 Of course.

00:31:51.160 But the thing is, is putting the ball in your court, especially if, if the person they're

00:31:55.320 saying it to is really busy, it's putting a lot of responsibility on their shoulders.

00:32:01.040 Versus what I'm asking them to do some homework, right?

00:32:05.160 They are.

00:32:05.640 Yeah.

00:32:05.780 Cause it's like, Oh, I don't know.

00:32:06.960 What can you do?

00:32:07.920 You know what I mean?

00:32:08.420 Should, should I ask you to, uh, call 20 friends on your, on my behalf and introduce

00:32:14.340 them to me?

00:32:15.100 Or, or should I ask you to help me move a couch next weekend?

00:32:17.900 You know what I mean?

00:32:18.580 I don't know exactly what it is.

00:32:20.460 So yeah, I mean, what's a better approach.

00:32:23.420 What I do is to, um, basically say to someone, uh, you know, man, you know, I, I really love

00:32:29.640 what you're doing or I love X, Y, and Z and I'd like to help you out.

00:32:34.080 And I even joke about it.

00:32:35.380 I hate it when people say generic, you know, how can I let me know how I can help.

00:32:39.340 Sure.

00:32:39.680 Right.

00:32:39.980 Cause you know, that's just a phrase they're throwing out there because that's a norm.

00:32:43.440 That's kind of what we're supposed to do.

00:32:44.760 Right.

00:32:45.400 Exactly.

00:32:45.820 Right.

00:32:46.100 So what I'll do is I'll say, you know, I love for, in my case, I love introducing people

00:32:51.580 and I don't mind doing it.

00:32:53.680 And so if there's anyone who, where I think it would be a inappropriate, appropriate to

00:32:57.780 do the, the, the introduction, cause I, it's not an all time, always, you know, there might

00:33:03.180 be instances where it's not a good fit or I'll explain why it's not a good fit or, or, you

00:33:08.860 know, the circumstances aren't right, but I'll say, I like making instructions.

00:33:12.140 So are there certain types of people that you're looking to be introduced to right now?

00:33:16.100 And that's a lot more specific, you know, right, you know, or other people, you know,

00:33:20.640 I've gotten emails like this out of the blue where someone says like, I'm, you know, I do

00:33:25.440 graphic designs or anywhere it could help with designing a logo for you or something like

00:33:28.940 that.

00:33:29.180 Or, uh, you know, I love proofreading copy, you know, it really depends on what your air of

00:33:34.580 expertise is, but it's not good to just do a generic, let me know how it can help because

00:33:40.260 it's putting too much on their shoulders.

00:33:42.540 It's a lot better to say, Hey, this is where I can be useful to you.

00:33:47.660 And I'd love to do that.

00:33:48.980 Can I do that for you?

00:33:50.300 No, I mean, this is so that's perfect.

00:33:52.020 I remember I got an email a couple of weeks ago.

00:33:54.360 I told some of the guys within order of man that I was going to be writing a book and I

00:34:01.280 actually had somebody reach out to me.

00:34:03.100 He emailed me and he said, Hey, in another life, I used to be a proofreader.

00:34:06.100 I would love to offer that service to you for all the value you provided to me, which

00:34:10.660 was great because it's something I needed and I didn't have to think about what, how

00:34:15.540 he could serve me.

00:34:16.280 He just came with an idea.

00:34:17.340 And obviously now we have a deeper connection because he led with that value.

00:34:20.980 Yeah.

00:34:21.340 And you're not going around asking a bunch of people who aren't proofreaders, Hey, can

00:34:24.180 you proofread this for me?

00:34:25.320 And, uh, or they say yes, and then they don't do a good job.

00:34:28.560 You know, I mean, yeah, it's a lot more specific and helpful.

00:34:31.420 Yeah.

00:34:31.640 I like this.

00:34:32.300 I like this.

00:34:32.780 How do you turn a conversation more serious?

00:34:36.940 Because I'm going back to a conversation that we had just a little bit ago about, you know,

00:34:40.960 you, you, maybe you're, you're talking about some of these non-threatening, you know, how's

00:34:45.380 the weather, what's favorite sports team, that kind of thing to now let's have a little bit

00:34:49.440 more serious conversation about the context we find ourselves in, whether that's business

00:34:54.060 or maybe I'm looking for an accountability partner or, or somebody who, you know, we, we

00:34:59.300 enjoy the same hobby, whatever it may be.

00:35:01.100 Yeah.

00:35:01.880 You know, I, I believe that, um, it's okay to express sincere interest in another person.

00:35:09.600 Sometimes people dance around it and they're a little bit afraid, you know, like it's, you

00:35:14.900 meet your, um, your friend's sister who used to be on that TV show and it's kind of a minor

00:35:21.220 actress, celebrity, you know?

00:35:24.380 And the last thing you want to do is ask them about, Hey, what was Joey Lawrence, right?

00:35:29.000 Like something, something like that, you know?

00:35:31.580 And so everyone dances around it and they don't ask the question.

00:35:35.140 And I have the unusual situation of like, I worked at the white house.

00:35:38.920 So a lot of people are really interested in, in that topic and yet they won't ask about

00:35:44.580 it.

00:35:45.020 And then at the end of the evening, all of a sudden, like it comes up or something and

00:35:48.640 then it's like people are firing questions.

00:35:50.080 Then you're just bombarded with it, right?

00:35:51.660 Yeah.

00:35:51.800 And I know that they were curious about it the whole time, you know, but they just didn't

00:35:55.180 want to ask that question.

00:35:56.780 And partially I can understand why they don't do it, but I think it's okay to express sincere

00:36:01.440 interest in, in something in, in just a very innocent way.

00:36:06.300 And so I just do that with people.

00:36:08.560 You know, if there's something that interests me, it could be where they live.

00:36:12.300 It could be their background.

00:36:13.660 It could be an experience that they had.

00:36:15.640 It could be somewhere that they worked.

00:36:17.000 You know, I meet people.

00:36:18.440 I'm like, Hey, well, well, you, you worked at Facebook like 10 years ago.

00:36:21.800 Wow.

00:36:22.400 What was that like?

00:36:23.360 It must've been really interesting.

00:36:25.020 What was Mark Zuckerberg like?

00:36:26.820 You're just asking questions like that.

00:36:28.920 And I think that's, you know, it's okay.

00:36:31.500 And then you might get some people who are sick of talking about some particular topic

00:36:35.860 or maybe they don't want to talk about it.

00:36:38.180 And that happens from time to time, but you can, you know, maybe move the conversation

00:36:42.820 into some other area.

00:36:43.900 But that's what I do is just is, is expressing a sincere interest.

00:36:48.000 If, if it interests you, you know, if it doesn't, then don't obviously ask about

00:36:51.300 it.

00:36:51.460 Right, right.

00:36:52.520 Well, and I think too, one of the things that you just said that kind of triggered in my

00:36:56.120 mind is that I think sometimes we get inside of our own heads so much and we're worried

00:37:00.000 about, Oh, how am I going to look?

00:37:01.420 Or how is this person going to receive me?

00:37:03.860 Yeah.

00:37:03.980 And then it hinders our ability to have a real conversation with somebody.

00:37:08.100 Absolutely.

00:37:08.720 And that does happen a lot.

00:37:10.140 We're so caught up in our head and thinking like, what's this person going to think if

00:37:14.240 I asked them about that, you know, rather than just being honest about it and saying,

00:37:19.900 Oh, that's really interesting to me.

00:37:21.280 What that experience must've been like, or he traveled the world.

00:37:24.480 What was that like?

00:37:25.100 What was the highlight of it, of the experience?

00:37:27.680 And that's more natural, you know, rather than kind of like suppressing it and being

00:37:31.940 like, I, I know this thing about you, but I'm not going to ask you about it.

00:37:35.260 Yeah.

00:37:35.560 Yeah.

00:37:35.860 So you're kind of just these awkward silences and pauses.

00:37:38.520 Yeah.

00:37:38.640 I understand that.

00:37:39.420 And I've been a part of those conversations and I've instigated some of those conversations

00:37:42.440 as well.

00:37:43.320 I remember recently I was having a conversation with Dan Cashel, who he's a podcaster also.

00:37:50.220 He's, he runs a CEO of a organization called Genius Network.

00:37:54.280 And he had gone to Richard Branson's private Island as part of a group of people, you know,

00:37:59.620 very expensive to go to that Island.

00:38:02.020 And so you spend a lot of money to do it.

00:38:04.380 And we were in a car together.

00:38:05.860 We were driving.

00:38:06.380 He'd come to one of my events and I was just asking him questions about what, what it was

00:38:10.540 like, you know, what, what the atmosphere was like, um, what Richard Branson was like,

00:38:15.760 how Richard Branson treated the staff who worked on the Island.

00:38:20.720 Um, you know, what, what it was like, uh, you know, during the day at night, uh, with

00:38:26.920 the sleeping, sleeping arrangements were like, what, what the experience was like riding in

00:38:31.600 the boat across the water and coming up on the Island for the first time.

00:38:35.240 I want to hear those, those profound moments, the way that people express that innocence.

00:38:41.400 And you know what, if people don't have that, if they act like it's no big deal, then sometimes

00:38:48.800 it tells you even more about that person, right?

00:38:51.400 Because they're maybe trying to put on a front or, uh, they are just unrelatable to me.

00:38:58.480 Maybe, you know, I mean, maybe they're part of the Hilton family dynasty or the Trump family

00:39:03.420 or something like that.

00:39:04.260 They're just not someone I can relate to, you know, and I, I like people that I can relate

00:39:08.380 to.

00:39:09.040 Well, good.

00:39:09.360 Yeah.

00:39:09.500 It's a good way to find, find that out.

00:39:11.460 Right.

00:39:12.100 Yeah, exactly.

00:39:12.940 Right.

00:39:13.220 By, by asking them about those types of experiences.

00:39:15.780 So yeah, I remember that one and, and, and actually the funny thing was Dan really enjoyed

00:39:20.420 it when I was asking him about going to Richard Branson's Island.

00:39:24.140 And I think it's because he doesn't get people asking him that much, that, that frequently.

00:39:28.460 And it was, it was fascinating to me.

00:39:30.840 And it was probably an amazing experience to him as well.

00:39:33.680 So I'm sure he likes to recall some of those memories.

00:39:35.300 It was, and, and it was really nice to hear him describe it in that way and, and to actually

00:39:42.640 be able to share the sense of awe that he felt because, uh, Dan actually is a very phenomenally

00:39:48.240 successful business, uh, entrepreneur business person, and I'm in awe at his accomplishments,

00:39:53.960 but it was really cool to hear him be in awe at something else and, and to just be in the

00:40:01.080 moment of it almost like to try and bring them back to that moment of that experience.

00:40:05.880 You know, or it could be, it could be a family member too.

00:40:08.160 You know, I mean, sometimes you're talking to someone and their kid just, you know, was

00:40:12.280 on this championship soccer team, you know, and it's, and you ask them about that.

00:40:17.000 Wow.

00:40:17.280 What was that like going to state?

00:40:19.100 What was the experience like?

00:40:20.300 What was it like for the kids?

00:40:22.080 You know, what, what did they say when they came off the field?

00:40:24.780 What did they say to you?

00:40:26.400 You know, and it's so cool that you, man, I'm getting chills just thinking about it.

00:40:30.200 You know, when you have conversations with people, it's so much more real.

00:40:33.060 Yeah.

00:40:33.200 And I mean, I can tell you're energetic about it and that's,

00:40:35.300 what probably opens up a lot of people to want to have these types of conversations

00:40:39.300 with you.

00:40:40.200 I hope so.

00:40:41.180 Yeah.

00:40:41.840 Yeah.

00:40:42.020 Well, John, Hey, I know we're, we're obviously we're scratching the surface on this stuff.

00:40:45.300 I mean, we can get, and we can talk about this stuff all day and getting to networking.

00:40:48.580 I want to give the guys a couple of resources as we wind down.

00:40:52.720 But first I want to ask you that question.

00:40:54.180 I prepped you for a little bit.

00:40:55.280 And that question is, what does it mean to be a man?

00:40:59.000 It's a great question.

00:41:00.120 And, you know, I, I, I think I struggled with this early on in my life and it took me a long

00:41:07.420 time to get to this point.

00:41:08.840 But I think that, um, being willing to be open to, uh, improving yourself and working on becoming

00:41:17.680 a better version of yourself.

00:41:19.300 I think that is fundamentally, uh, what it means to be a man.

00:41:23.360 Uh, so many men, so many, you know, for generations have struggled with that.

00:41:28.480 And so oftentimes, uh, men throughout generations have, have put kind of put up a front and not

00:41:35.060 been willing to acknowledge their own weaknesses or areas in which they can improve.

00:41:39.000 So I think the modern man, at least, you know, thinks about that, thinks about what can I

00:41:43.280 do to become a better person, a better contributor to society, a, a better father, a better, a

00:41:47.940 better husband, a better employee or employer.

00:41:51.840 Um, I think that's really what it means to be a man.

00:41:54.560 Awesome.

00:41:54.980 Well, that's what we're all about here.

00:41:56.180 So we're definitely in alignment with what you just said.

00:41:58.140 So I appreciate the, uh, the insight on that.

00:42:00.300 So John, if somebody's listening to this, they want to learn more about you, what you're

00:42:03.620 doing, what you're up to, uh, how do we connect with you and where should we direct

00:42:06.640 people?

00:42:07.620 Sure.

00:42:08.100 Thanks, man.

00:42:08.680 Um, so smartbusinessrevolution.com is my online home, smartbusinessrevolution.com.

00:42:15.740 If you go visit there, you can hop on my email list, you know, we can stay in touch.

00:42:20.080 And I think right now you've got a pretty cool, is it an email?

00:42:22.600 It's an email template if I remember right for how to craft the perfect emails, I think.

00:42:27.260 Yeah, I do.

00:42:28.040 So I give away some templates which are popular.

00:42:30.200 Um, there are email templates on how to connect with the influencers or VIPs in your field,

00:42:35.680 in your industry, in your local community that you'd like to connect with.

00:42:38.680 So you can just, just literally swipe it, uh, you got unlimited license to use it, plop

00:42:43.940 it into your email, send an email today using that form to someone who you admire, whether

00:42:50.120 it's someone who's internationally famous or someone who you admire in your local community

00:42:54.040 and just express some admiration and maybe even reach out to them and, and see if there's

00:42:58.980 some way that you could, uh, have a conversation with them.

00:43:02.240 I'm a big fan of what we're doing right now, which is interviewing, profiling people.

00:43:07.080 A podcast is a great way to do it, but you don't need a podcast to do it.

00:43:09.980 You can, you can profile people through, uh, you know, and, and, and write an article about

00:43:14.680 them or write an article on your blog or something like that.

00:43:16.820 And that is just an amazing tool for having conversations with people you admire.

00:43:21.240 So I recommend that highly.

00:43:23.780 We'll make sure we link that up and give that guys, uh, that resource.

00:43:26.880 John, I just want to let you know, I appreciate you.

00:43:28.440 I've been using your ideas and insights in my own life, obviously in this business as well,

00:43:33.100 and it has served me well and you have provided value to me.

00:43:35.200 And I want to let you know, I appreciate you and, and obviously taking your time today to

00:43:38.820 impart some of your wisdom.

00:43:39.840 Thanks again for coming on the show.

00:43:41.520 Awesome, man.

00:43:42.100 My pleasure.

00:43:43.920 There it is, man.

00:43:44.700 Mr. John Corcoran sharing with us some insights into the world of being a better connector in your

00:43:48.720 life.

00:43:49.040 And I can tell you that I have used his material, his content, and I've been able to improve the

00:43:53.520 way that I connect with other people.

00:43:55.320 Now on the subject of connecting, I want you to consider connecting with us inside of the

00:43:59.000 iron council.

00:43:59.760 This again is our elite mastermind is designed to get you to the next level in your health,

00:44:03.840 your fitness, your relationships, your finances, your life.

00:44:06.260 You're going to connect with men who want to succeed and want to see you succeed.

00:44:10.160 So join us now, get the tools, the resources, the skills, and the accountability.

00:44:14.420 You need to be as effective as you can with your time.

00:44:16.860 And again, that's the topic of this month.

00:44:18.160 Time management.

00:44:19.520 So you can learn more and join us at orderofman.com slash iron council.

00:44:22.960 I'll look forward to talking to you on Friday for our Friday field notes.

00:44:26.000 But until then, gentlemen, take action and become the man you were meant to be.

00:44:30.080 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:44:32.920 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:44:37.000 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - January 10, 2017

095： How to Be a Better Connector ｜ John Corcoran

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