095： How to Be a Better Connector ｜ John Corcoran
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Summary
In this episode of the Order of Man podcast, Ryan interviews John Corcoran, founder and CEO of Smart Business Revolution, about how to become a better connector. John is a man of action. He is a writer, entrepreneur, speaker, mentor, and mentor to many, many others. In this episode, he shares with us why networking is so critical, how to reach the people you admire most, the differences between networking professionally and personally, and how to get outside of your own head.
Transcript
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Somewhere at some point, men begin to believe that we are meant to go at alone.
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The reality, however, paints a different picture and illustrates how critical it is for each
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and every one of us to learn to connect with others.
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So whether you're trying to connect with people professionally or personally, my guest John
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Corcoran shares with us why meeting face-to-face is so critical, how to reach the people you
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admire most, the differences between networking professionally and personally, how to get
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outside of your own head, and how you can become a better connector.
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You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of Order of Man.
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I hope all is going well for you today, and you are getting after your week.
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Now, for those of you who have been around for any amount of time, you know what we're
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But for those of you who are just joining us for the first time, you stumbled across the
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We are having some incredible conversations with the world's most successful, the toughest,
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the most talented, the wealthiest men on the planet.
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We're extracting some of their hard-fought wisdom and then bringing it back to you each
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A better father to your children, a better husband to your wife, a better business owner
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for your employees and your team, and a better community leader to your neighbors.
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So with all that said, I want to give you a couple quick resources before we get into
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the interview with John today on how to be a better connector.
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First, we make all the show notes available, the links, the resources, everything you need,
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and you can find that on our website at orderofman.com slash 095.
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And second, be sure to join our closed Facebook group with just under 16,000.
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And we are having some incredible conversations about being a man and how we can all be better
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You can do that at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.
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And third, if you've not already done so, make sure you check out our elite mastermind,
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This is a group of men who are working hard on becoming the men they want to be.
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There's a lot of talk out there, but these men are doing more than they're talking.
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They're making tactics for achieving those objectives.
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They're doing the work required to see success and they're holding each other accountable
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So you can learn more at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
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Now that you know all that, let me introduce you to my guest today, John Corcoran.
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John is somebody I first learned about as I started Order of Man.
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And since then, I've had the opportunity to connect with him a bit more.
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But when I initially reached out to John, he was not available for an interview, but
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he did introduce me to Michael Port with Heroic Public Speaking and Jordan Harbinger with
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the Art of Charm, both of whom I've had interviews with.
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And I can tell you that this is a man who practices what he actually preaches when it comes to
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In fact, through his skills, his abilities, his gifts, as a networker, a connector, John
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actually landed a job at 23 as a writer in the Clinton White House and of course has gone
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He teaches business owners, entrepreneurs, anyone, some of the same strategies we're going
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to be talking about today and how each and every one of us can and should become
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This has been a long time in the works, so I'm glad we can finally connect and have the
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conversation that I've been wanting to have probably for about 12 months now.
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So thanks again for being here and looking forward to our conversation.
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I feel like I'm like a really hard to get person like Tom Cruise or Beyonce or something.
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I mean, Beyonce, shoot, you could have her any old day, but no, I'm just kidding.
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No, you know, one of the things that I was going to tell you that I appreciate about
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you, obviously we weren't able to get together initially, but one of the things that you
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And I don't know if you even remember this, but you connected me with Jordan Harbinger
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And what I was amazed with and blown away with is that I had these two high caliber people
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And as soon as you made that introduction, it was like they flipped the switch on the
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wall and they're like, yeah, of course I'll do it.
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And so that spoke highly of you, even though I really didn't know you all that well.
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And it's actually leads into the conversation I wanted to have with you today about networking
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and connecting and all the things that you're doing anyways.
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I mean, they're both great guys and, you know, both people that I've gotten to know
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over the last couple of years, but I mean, that's a great, that's great entry point to
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this discussion about relationship building because, you know, both of those are people
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that I admired from a distance before I got to know them more personally.
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That's a bit of what my message is these days is that, you know, technology has gotten
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to the point, our economy has gotten to the point where you can, you know, there's social
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media, there are ways to connect with the people who used to be, we used to view them
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It used to be, we mentioned movie stars, it used to be there's celebrities, movie
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stars, thought leaders, actors, authors, speakers, the closest we would get to them
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is maybe coming to some conference and seeing them speak on stage.
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And now you can tweet at them, you know, and it's, it's kind of leveled the playing
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field and flattened the world where we can actually connect with the people that we
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And I think that's an amazing thing, which more people should take advantage of.
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I think it's amazing, but I think it's also a trap that we might fall into.
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And one of the things that I've heard you talk about is you talk about these real human
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And I think it is very easy to connect with people digitally, but I think it's harder
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than ever to connect with someone on a, like a real human level.
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I mean, you and I, just before we started recording, we're talking about the importance
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And now you and I separately have separate businesses where we are involved in doing
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And I'm a huge advocate of, of bringing people together physically face to face because there's
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You know, I got an email from someone recently who's considering coming to one of our events
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and this person like, uh, it just said that, well, you know, it wasn't, timing wasn't right
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But part of the rationale behind not coming was that they said they were building some
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I just wanted to like, like reach through my computer and grab them and be like, you're
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Like you will never ever build my, it's a great tool and I use social media and I use
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There's a great tool, but you will never build a relationship as human, as sincere, as powerful
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as if you hang out with someone face to face in person.
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And so that's part of the reason that I, and you bring people together and actually
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make, have made that part of our business, but it doesn't even need to be part of your
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business because you can do it even if it isn't part of your business, no matter what
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line of work you're in, you can, you can really improve your own life.
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You can live a happier life, but you can also support your own, your own business in your
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career by bringing people together and being that hub.
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You know, what's really fascinating is we've got this, this online digital membership and a
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lot of people that are listening know about this, but we did the live event, our first
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live event, the, uh, probably about three months ago now as of this recording.
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And it's amazing to see the connections within our online mastermind group of the men who attended
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I mean, there's so much, there's just a deeper connection because these guys got face to face
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and they did some new things that pushed them outside of their comfort zone and they did
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I'm, I'm, I don't, I'm not surprised at all that that is the case because yeah, there's
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You end up having those casual conversations about whatever the weather, your kids, you know,
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your spouse, your boyfriend, girlfriend, you know, what you're struggling with.
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And, um, and it allows you to get real in a way that you can't 140 characters.
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Cause I look around and I don't see people connecting to the same degree that maybe they
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Is it just a time issue that people are too strapped for time?
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You know, people are working long hours these days and, uh, you know, we have a lot of distractions.
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There's endless distractions between, you know, Netflix and the internet and our phones
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We don't spend as much time hanging out in person face to face.
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Uh, you know, a lot of the old, you know, society, particularly here in the U S, uh, especially
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in smaller communities used to be built around, you know, the Elks club and Rotary and things
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And a lot of those organizations have faded away or no longer as strong as they used to
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be, or younger men and women are, are less likely to participate in these types of civil
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And I'm not saying that's not entirely a horrible thing because there have been other
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organizations that have sprouted up a lot of times using online tools that have connected
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people who have diverse interests that weren't satisfied in their local community.
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So you could live, you know, you said you live in Southern Utah.
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I live just North of San Francisco, you know, maybe you're crazy about, I don't know, woodworking
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or you're crazy about, uh, electric cars or you're crazy about, uh, I don't know, old,
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uh, rifles from the civil war era, but whatever your, your crazy interest was 50, not even
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50 years ago, 20 years ago, it might've been hard to connect with other people who have that
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And today there are other ways to do that, but just connecting through some online forum or
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through a Facebook group or a LinkedIn group or something like that, or Twitter group is
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And taking it from that point to actually connecting face to face in person will just solid, solidify
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Well, you talk about one of the things you said earlier was that you use the word happier.
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I mean, do you find this to be true that people do that connect face to face that have
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face to face interactions are generally happier than people who don't?
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Um, and just from my own anecdotal evidence, I find that to be the case.
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You mentioned Jordan Harbinger and Michael Port, both of whom have spent time hanging
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out with face to face and it just makes it stronger.
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It, it allows you to, uh, you know, joke around with someone in a way, uh, that you wouldn't
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And you know more about their life than you would just through things that they share on
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So, yeah, I think it does make people a lot happier.
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I think this could be somewhat of a difficult conversation because as I think about what I
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want to ask you and what I want to address, it's almost like we can talk about casually
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getting together and then getting together for a purpose.
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Would there be a different way to approach maybe identifying who you should be connecting
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with, whether that's casually or professionally?
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You know, I don't think that, uh, I don't think that you should take your, take too much of
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I mean, obviously in different, um, uh, contexts, depending on if you're a work environment or
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social environment, you're going to behave in, in different ways, but either way you should
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really be a reflection of who you are as a person.
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And just because you're showing up at a quote unquote work event or, or social event doesn't
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mean that you should be a different person, but you know, you may, there may be aspects
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of your personality that you don't bring out until you've gotten to know people a little
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Um, but you know, actually I'm a big believer that you don't really deeply connect with
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people in a professional sense, career sense, um, until you get to know people on a more
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Now, not everyone is willing to do that and that doesn't mean that you meet someone at
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a networking event and you should immediately say, so are you dating anyone?
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You know, people are going to be like, Whoa, Hey, come on, you know, but you can look for
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You know, sometimes these things happen where you're having conversation with someone at
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a quote unquote professional event at a conference through a work event or something
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I was just coming from my daughter's a volleyball game.
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You know, you can pursue that line of interest or if someone mentions, Oh yeah, we just had
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Well, what was, what were you doing down there?
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You're a big kite surfer because eventually you're going to stumble upon some kind of connection,
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And that's when things, then the conversations are going to get so real.
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You know, it's like we often talk about geography.
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You said you're in Southern Utah and I was saying, Oh, I know.
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I just was talking to Ever Gonzales who I was on his podcast a while back and he's in
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You know, you end up in those types of conversations and, and then it just really accelerates the
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This is kind of an interesting thought because I think, and I didn't feel this way during
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our conversation, but I know I've been in situations where these types of conversations
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either seem trivial or unimportant or even forced.
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Is there, are you thinking about an objective or an outcome to have this conversation or are
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How do you avoid this being just an awkward, like we're supposed to do this.
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And this is a nicety type thing that we do in society.
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I mean, if it's, if it feels trivial, trivial or forced, you know, it might just be the
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Maybe there's some other reason that, uh, that maybe you just don't click with the person,
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but I don't think that that means that you should avoid topics that are quote unquote
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of a casual nature where they're talking about, you know, the weather or talking about
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personal interests or hobbies or anything like that, because, uh, you know, it, try,
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I mean, don't talk about anything of a human nature.
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Don't talk about vacations or family or friends or hobbies or any of those sorts of things and
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I mean, people are going to treat you like an automaton.
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So, you know, I think it's better to allow those, the conversation to flow into these
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other more personal areas without getting too personal.
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I mean, you're not immediately, as I said, not immediately jumping into who they're dating
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and things like that, but, you know, allow it to flow into these other areas because the
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bottom line is, you know, people do business with other people that they know, like, and
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trust, and they're not going to know, like, and trust you until they learn a little bit
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about you and they get to know you a little bit better.
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And, and, you know, that's just a much more natural way of going through life.
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I mean, it sounds like you're just definitely trying to strike a balance between, hey, let's
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get to know each other on a way that's maybe non-threatening to either one of us.
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And then if things click and move from there, then we can develop and enhance that relationship
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You know, and I'll just say, I mean, my background, I, you know, I've been very fortunate throughout
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my career to work in some, have some really amazing opportunities, you know, early, early
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in my career, I was a writer in the Clinton White House.
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And so I've hung around presidents, I've hung around governors, I've hung around senators,
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I've had conversations with world famous entrepreneurs.
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And I'm not saying these things to brag, but when I have conversations with folks like
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this, oftentimes it naturally gravitated to a more personal level.
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And that's where you really get to know people is, is doing those things.
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And so it's not like you reach a certain level in your career or success or anything
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In many ways, it's a way to really deeply connect with someone.
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So you take like a president or like an entrepreneur or a famous entrepreneur or something like that,
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or, you know, a professional athlete or something like that.
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They are used to people approaching them and wanting to talk to them about their area of
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expertise or their business or their sports team that they're on or the movie that they
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And that naturally creates a distance between the two of you where they're up on a pedestal
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And it's a less natural conversation versus having like a normal conversation about a normal
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It's, it's, it's putting you more on an even plane.
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And, and the person is more likely to enjoy that conversation.
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There was a, when I was leaving the White House at the time, one of the things that
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they did was they had the president would do these radio addresses in the Oval Office.
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They've since moved on to doing YouTube and everything, but people would come and observe
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it that, you know, and to be like departing employees and VIPs and, and, and famous members
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of Congress and stuff would be in the room in the Oval Office watching the president record
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this radio address and I went, my family was there and everything.
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And the funny thing was, as we're going through the line, waiting to speak with President Clinton,
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because I was on my way out of the White House at the time, um, there are all these VIPs
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And we brought with us a gift of some old Western movies and we handed them over to him.
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When we talked to him, we ended up having like a four or five minute conversation with
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him, even though everyone else had gotten very quick little conversations and everyone
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else was looking at us like, who the heck are these guys?
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And it's, and we ended up talking about old Western movies.
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My dad controlled most of the conversation because what the heck did I have to consent
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I didn't really know that much about old Western movies.
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But, um, you know, my point is if, if I could have that conversation with the leader of the
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free world at the time, standing in the heart of power in the Oval Office and have a conversation
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about old Western movies, then you in your career and your vocation in your business can
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have a conversation with whatever VIP influencer or in, you know, important person that's
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significant in your career, uh, you can have a normal human conversation with them.
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And so that's, I just tell that story to reinforce that point.
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But it also, from my perspective, I hear you differentiating yourself too, right?
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You're standing out, you're being unique, you're being different, and then you're being
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And one of the things that I have personally experienced in my limited interaction with you
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is your desire or maybe even your ability to lead with value.
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And that's what it sounds like here with you, with what you did with President Clinton
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Talk to us a little bit about, I don't want to say strategy necessarily, but the idea
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I mean, it's interesting because, well, first of all, people talk about, you know, giving
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value and it's such a vague and amorphous term.
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You know, it depends, depends on every context.
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You know, you need to know a little bit about whoever it is you're attempting to deliver
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But the other point is that the bar is so low because it's so rare that people do it.
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It's so rare that people just even go a small amount out of their way to deliver value to
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So if you, you don't need to do that much in order to really impress people.
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So if it's, you know, a business owner that you're trying to connect with or a CIO or a
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COO or a CTO or whoever it is that, you know, the, the successful person, the, the person
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that you admire that you're trying to, uh, deliver value to, you need to know something
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You need to know what they, what their needs are, what their wants are, what their hobbies
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are, and then just rack your brain for ways in which you can deliver value to that.
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Someone, someone in your network, I guarantee there are two people in your network who'd really
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It's one that I do frequently because it, it, in my opinion, it delivers the most bang for
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your buck and it's not a huge, you know, imposition on your time.
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Um, it could be a gift, although you don't want to give everyone in the world a gift or
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Um, it could be just not, you know, general knowledge.
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It could be, you find out that they're going to Hawaii next month and your sister-in-law
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was just there and you can tell them about a great restaurant that they should go to.
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It could be that their wife is out of work and looking for a job and you contact someone
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on the behalf of the wife and then follow up with the person, the husband to tell them
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about, you know, that you did so, or that you heard about some kind of opportunity for
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Um, just those, that's not a huge, it doesn't require a huge amount of effort, but it does
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require some effort, but it goes a tremendous distance.
00:20:31.000
Now I already mentioned the iron council early in the show, but I wanted to give you a little
00:20:34.940
Each month we cover an entirely different topic that is going to help you become a better
00:20:39.280
So each member of the iron council is then given the chance to ask questions, explore that
00:20:43.460
particular subject, and then given the guidance and the direction to help him be more effective
00:20:49.280
This month we're talking all about time management, you know, as well as I do, each and every
00:20:53.120
one of us has the same amount of time in any given day.
00:20:55.260
I have learned a ton about how to be the most effective with my time.
00:20:58.520
And if there's one thing that I feel I'm good at, it's getting the job done.
00:21:03.340
You'll get all the guidance, the tools, the direction, the information, the ideas, the
00:21:06.760
insight, and the accountability you need to be more productive in your life.
00:21:10.160
You can learn more about us at order of man.com slash iron council.
00:21:18.080
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head because I think what you're talking about
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here is that you actually have to, you know, care about people and maybe put a little bit
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of interest and time and energy and resources of your own into an investment into that other
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person, which I know it can be difficult at times, especially if somebody is looking at
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it as an investment and hoping for a future payoff.
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And, you know, I also follow an 80-20 approach, so I'm not saying you have to do this for everyone
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Generally, I'm talking about this in the context of a business.
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So if you're talking about personal, if you're talking about like just personal relationships,
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What I'm talking about in a business context when it comes to delivering value to people
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who, for whatever reason you think would be beneficial for your career or your business
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or whatever, I'm saying that you should be deliberate and intentional about it.
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So that doesn't mean that you spend all day, every day, constantly racking your brain, focused
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on everyone else, not getting any of your own work done.
00:22:22.400
But I do say you devote some of your energy to doing that and doing it for the people that
00:22:29.580
So one of the things that I do is I literally have a list.
00:22:34.820
It's a list of the 50 people who I have decided are going to be most valuable for my business
00:22:43.840
And I literally write a list of them and I put them on the wall.
00:22:49.900
They are people who I believe in and people who stand for the values that I stand for.
00:22:55.840
They're people who I want to walk to the end of the earth for.
00:22:59.800
Jordan and Michael are two people that are on that list.
00:23:02.980
They're people who I want to have a strong bond with and I want them to think very fondly
00:23:10.320
And by putting the list on the wall, I'm constantly glancing up at it and thinking, hey, I haven't
00:23:19.780
How can I follow up with them and see what I can do for them?
00:23:23.300
And so it's something I recommend everyone does.
00:23:26.640
I have a clear goal of who are the most important relationships for you.
00:23:31.680
And sometimes I analogize this to going and getting a degree, like going to college.
00:23:36.120
Like when you go to college, you don't just show up on day one and go into the first
00:23:39.880
classroom you see and then the next day go to a different classroom, go to the next day,
00:23:43.720
go to a different classroom completely randomly.
00:23:46.020
You follow up by a actual plan of action and a course of study.
00:23:50.580
And at the end of four to five to six years, you have a degree because you followed through
00:23:55.980
And I find that when people come, when it comes to relationships, people are more like
00:24:00.280
the random dude who's going from classroom to classroom.
00:24:02.920
They're not following any kind of clear plan or strategy.
00:24:07.540
And so just being a little bit more deliberate, putting a little bit more forethought into it,
00:24:11.300
actually deciding in an 80, 20 type of approach, who are the most important people for my career
00:24:21.840
Cause I think there's probably opposite ends of the spectrum too.
00:24:24.240
And I think there's extremes in every case that we could ever talk about, but I think
00:24:27.600
you have those people who go so overboard, so over the top that it becomes a nuisance more
00:24:33.020
But then on the other side of that, you have people who might not do it at all because,
00:24:37.840
and I, and I reckon you already hear what some people would say to what you're talking
00:24:45.480
And am I doing this at the expense of somebody else?
00:24:48.680
Well, yeah, you're doing it at the expense of the rest of the world.
00:25:01.380
I mean, if you sincerely believe in what you do and you sincerely believe in the people
00:25:05.560
that you want to support, I don't see any problem with it.
00:25:09.540
You know, if I've decided that these are people who I'm inspired by, who's, who I would like
00:25:18.840
to see succeed and I'd like to support them and help them be succeed, succeed.
00:25:22.800
And yeah, if I do that, they're probably going to want to reciprocate for me.
00:25:28.720
And as far as the, what you said about there being, some people go to the opposite end
00:25:40.140
The vast majority of the population are following the other end of the spectrum where they're
00:25:44.280
just, if they did a little bit more, it would help them a tremendous amount.
00:25:48.580
Like, have you ever gotten an email, Ryan, from someone out of the blue, you haven't heard
00:25:51.640
from them in three years and they're like, Hey Ryan, how's it going, man?
00:25:55.960
Well, so yeah, um, I just lost my job and you know of any, you know, and there's a
00:26:00.820
part of me that like feels bad for that person.
00:26:03.000
And then there's another part of me that's like, dude, why are you coming around when
00:26:08.520
You know, like where were you over the last three years?
00:26:13.700
And if that person would just try and shift it a little bit and be thinking about other
00:26:20.460
people in their network, then they'd have a stronger network that would support them
00:26:23.680
when those inevitable failures come along in our life.
00:26:26.560
Because believe me, I've worked for a president who was impeached and a governor who was recalled.
00:26:30.860
I've experienced, you know what this is like, I've experienced my, my family, my father
00:26:37.440
Every time we had to move 3000 miles away, away from family and friends, I've experienced
00:26:43.580
And, uh, and not to say that I'm better than anyone else because of those things.
00:26:47.560
But the point is in life, we, we experienced setbacks.
00:26:50.340
And so you have to be prepared for those and you need to be firmly establishing relationships
00:27:00.940
And obviously this makes sense and I can see how it's going to help me in my business and
00:27:05.640
How I know, and I don't necessarily agree with what I'm about to ask you, but I know that
00:27:09.360
there's probably somebody thinking this is how do you transition from, okay, I've been
00:27:14.680
providing value to John and I've been giving these resources and making these connections
00:27:22.440
And I don't think it's as abrupt as like one day you just flip the switch and okay, now
00:27:27.480
I think it's a little bit more fluid than that, but can you talk to me about the, maybe
00:27:33.040
And you know, honestly, sometimes people aren't very good at, um, you know, striking that
00:27:38.960
balance or they're not good at asking, you know, I know, I know some people who are
00:27:43.140
amazing connectors who deliver tremendous value to people, but they never ask for anything
00:27:47.400
in return and their business struggles because of it.
00:27:52.180
You don't want to be at either end of the spectrum.
00:27:57.600
They're asking for use for something immediately, never deliver any value, right?
00:28:02.720
And then you don't want to be completely over delivering on value and never getting anything
00:28:06.380
in return to your business struggles because of it.
00:28:09.680
I happened to have a interview with Jocko Willink, Navy SEAL Jocko Willink.
00:28:14.940
And I got an email from a gentleman who said, Hey, can you introduce me to Jocko Willink?
00:28:28.380
I've got a special tag for people like that, you know, like people who I've never heard
00:28:32.260
And they have a big ask without ever having, you know, put anything in the bank to get
00:28:41.100
The way that I think is the best way to do it is to transition them into it with a smaller
00:28:47.320
You test them with something, you know, to see if you delivered enough value to them.
00:28:53.100
So first you got to deliver a lot of value to them.
00:28:55.540
And then you see, you know, is this person going to reciprocate?
00:29:00.960
You know, and so it could be you ask them for a recommendation.
00:29:07.320
And, you know, you send them an email out of the blue and say, Hey, my sister is going
00:29:21.200
Sorry, I don't like tacos or they respond and say, Yeah, absolutely.
00:29:26.260
I, you know, I'm not a big fan of tacos and I don't know that neighborhood she's going
00:29:29.680
to, but I just sent an email to my friend who lives in that part of town and here's
00:29:38.620
You know, it's, it's, it's not a huge, it's not like a huge, a lot of stakes in it, but
00:29:44.520
you've figured out, is this someone who is a good reciprocator?
00:29:47.440
By the way, tremendous book, uh, give and take by Adam Grant.
00:29:55.380
He basically says that there are people who are givers, there are matchers and takers.
00:29:59.480
It's kind of what we've been talking about here.
00:30:01.380
The idea that people, you know, are big givers, other people are takers, and some people are
00:30:06.120
And so, um, I, I think that you need to figure out where do people fall?
00:30:10.800
And if you've been giving and giving, giving to this person, and then as soon as you ask
00:30:14.280
them for something, it's like no dice or they don't, they're not going to lift a finger
00:30:17.780
to help you out, then you need to figure out that that needs to be someone that is not on
00:30:21.960
your conversations list, as I mentioned earlier, at all.
00:30:25.280
You know, and, and then oftentimes people have problems with that.
00:30:28.740
But I think that, you know, if you're over delivering value to someone and they're not
00:30:33.180
going to reciprocate, then they don't deserve to be in your life.
00:30:37.740
I mean, this has got to be a win-win situation.
00:30:39.560
And we live in an economy and an environment and a culture, which that can happen if we're
00:30:46.920
And there are all kinds of, you know, opportunities depending on what you're looking for.
00:30:51.200
You know, I mean, it could be you need new clients in your business.
00:30:58.640
No, it could be that you, uh, are looking to start a new business and you're looking for
00:31:05.360
You know, it could be a variety of different things.
00:31:07.580
So it's really about, uh, building the network before you need it, because once you need
00:31:14.300
You don't have enough, like you said, the capital, the, the, the emotional or the, uh,
00:31:22.120
What is your thought about, I had this phrase come to mind and I get this question quite a
00:31:28.260
When somebody says, you know, obviously they want to help and they want to, they want to assist
00:31:43.140
Cause I would love to give some guys some insight that I quite haven't put my finger on yet.
00:31:47.560
There's a lot of people who do this and they do it out of good intentions.
00:31:51.160
But the thing is, is putting the ball in your court, especially if, if the person they're
00:31:55.320
saying it to is really busy, it's putting a lot of responsibility on their shoulders.
00:32:01.040
Versus what I'm asking them to do some homework, right?
00:32:08.420
Should, should I ask you to, uh, call 20 friends on your, on my behalf and introduce
00:32:15.100
Or, or should I ask you to help me move a couch next weekend?
00:32:23.420
What I do is to, um, basically say to someone, uh, you know, man, you know, I, I really love
00:32:29.640
what you're doing or I love X, Y, and Z and I'd like to help you out.
00:32:35.380
I hate it when people say generic, you know, how can I let me know how I can help.
00:32:39.980
Cause you know, that's just a phrase they're throwing out there because that's a norm.
00:32:46.100
So what I'll do is I'll say, you know, I love for, in my case, I love introducing people
00:32:53.680
And so if there's anyone who, where I think it would be a inappropriate, appropriate to
00:32:57.780
do the, the, the introduction, cause I, it's not an all time, always, you know, there might
00:33:03.180
be instances where it's not a good fit or I'll explain why it's not a good fit or, or, you
00:33:08.860
know, the circumstances aren't right, but I'll say, I like making instructions.
00:33:12.140
So are there certain types of people that you're looking to be introduced to right now?
00:33:16.100
And that's a lot more specific, you know, right, you know, or other people, you know,
00:33:20.640
I've gotten emails like this out of the blue where someone says like, I'm, you know, I do
00:33:25.440
graphic designs or anywhere it could help with designing a logo for you or something like
00:33:29.180
Or, uh, you know, I love proofreading copy, you know, it really depends on what your air of
00:33:34.580
expertise is, but it's not good to just do a generic, let me know how it can help because
00:33:42.540
It's a lot better to say, Hey, this is where I can be useful to you.
00:33:52.020
I remember I got an email a couple of weeks ago.
00:33:54.360
I told some of the guys within order of man that I was going to be writing a book and I
00:34:03.100
He emailed me and he said, Hey, in another life, I used to be a proofreader.
00:34:06.100
I would love to offer that service to you for all the value you provided to me, which
00:34:10.660
was great because it's something I needed and I didn't have to think about what, how
00:34:17.340
And obviously now we have a deeper connection because he led with that value.
00:34:21.340
And you're not going around asking a bunch of people who aren't proofreaders, Hey, can
00:34:25.320
And, uh, or they say yes, and then they don't do a good job.
00:34:28.560
You know, I mean, yeah, it's a lot more specific and helpful.
00:34:36.940
Because I'm going back to a conversation that we had just a little bit ago about, you know,
00:34:40.960
you, you, maybe you're, you're talking about some of these non-threatening, you know, how's
00:34:45.380
the weather, what's favorite sports team, that kind of thing to now let's have a little bit
00:34:49.440
more serious conversation about the context we find ourselves in, whether that's business
00:34:54.060
or maybe I'm looking for an accountability partner or, or somebody who, you know, we, we
00:35:01.880
You know, I, I believe that, um, it's okay to express sincere interest in another person.
00:35:09.600
Sometimes people dance around it and they're a little bit afraid, you know, like it's, you
00:35:14.900
meet your, um, your friend's sister who used to be on that TV show and it's kind of a minor
00:35:24.380
And the last thing you want to do is ask them about, Hey, what was Joey Lawrence, right?
00:35:31.580
And so everyone dances around it and they don't ask the question.
00:35:35.140
And I have the unusual situation of like, I worked at the white house.
00:35:38.920
So a lot of people are really interested in, in that topic and yet they won't ask about
00:35:45.020
And then at the end of the evening, all of a sudden, like it comes up or something and
00:35:51.800
And I know that they were curious about it the whole time, you know, but they just didn't
00:35:56.780
And partially I can understand why they don't do it, but I think it's okay to express sincere
00:36:01.440
interest in, in something in, in just a very innocent way.
00:36:08.560
You know, if there's something that interests me, it could be where they live.
00:36:18.440
I'm like, Hey, well, well, you, you worked at Facebook like 10 years ago.
00:36:31.500
And then you might get some people who are sick of talking about some particular topic
00:36:38.180
And that happens from time to time, but you can, you know, maybe move the conversation
00:36:43.900
But that's what I do is just is, is expressing a sincere interest.
00:36:48.000
If, if it interests you, you know, if it doesn't, then don't obviously ask about
00:36:52.520
Well, and I think too, one of the things that you just said that kind of triggered in my
00:36:56.120
mind is that I think sometimes we get inside of our own heads so much and we're worried
00:37:03.980
And then it hinders our ability to have a real conversation with somebody.
00:37:10.140
We're so caught up in our head and thinking like, what's this person going to think if
00:37:14.240
I asked them about that, you know, rather than just being honest about it and saying,
00:37:21.280
What that experience must've been like, or he traveled the world.
00:37:25.100
What was the highlight of it, of the experience?
00:37:27.680
And that's more natural, you know, rather than kind of like suppressing it and being
00:37:31.940
like, I, I know this thing about you, but I'm not going to ask you about it.
00:37:35.860
So you're kind of just these awkward silences and pauses.
00:37:39.420
And I've been a part of those conversations and I've instigated some of those conversations
00:37:43.320
I remember recently I was having a conversation with Dan Cashel, who he's a podcaster also.
00:37:50.220
He's, he runs a CEO of a organization called Genius Network.
00:37:54.280
And he had gone to Richard Branson's private Island as part of a group of people, you know,
00:38:06.380
He'd come to one of my events and I was just asking him questions about what, what it was
00:38:10.540
like, you know, what, what the atmosphere was like, um, what Richard Branson was like,
00:38:15.760
how Richard Branson treated the staff who worked on the Island.
00:38:20.720
Um, you know, what, what it was like, uh, you know, during the day at night, uh, with
00:38:26.920
the sleeping, sleeping arrangements were like, what, what the experience was like riding in
00:38:31.600
the boat across the water and coming up on the Island for the first time.
00:38:35.240
I want to hear those, those profound moments, the way that people express that innocence.
00:38:41.400
And you know what, if people don't have that, if they act like it's no big deal, then sometimes
00:38:48.800
it tells you even more about that person, right?
00:38:51.400
Because they're maybe trying to put on a front or, uh, they are just unrelatable to me.
00:38:58.480
Maybe, you know, I mean, maybe they're part of the Hilton family dynasty or the Trump family
00:39:04.260
They're just not someone I can relate to, you know, and I, I like people that I can relate
00:39:13.220
By, by asking them about those types of experiences.
00:39:15.780
So yeah, I remember that one and, and, and actually the funny thing was Dan really enjoyed
00:39:20.420
it when I was asking him about going to Richard Branson's Island.
00:39:24.140
And I think it's because he doesn't get people asking him that much, that, that frequently.
00:39:30.840
And it was probably an amazing experience to him as well.
00:39:33.680
So I'm sure he likes to recall some of those memories.
00:39:35.300
It was, and, and it was really nice to hear him describe it in that way and, and to actually
00:39:42.640
be able to share the sense of awe that he felt because, uh, Dan actually is a very phenomenally
00:39:48.240
successful business, uh, entrepreneur business person, and I'm in awe at his accomplishments,
00:39:53.960
but it was really cool to hear him be in awe at something else and, and to just be in the
00:40:01.080
moment of it almost like to try and bring them back to that moment of that experience.
00:40:05.880
You know, or it could be, it could be a family member too.
00:40:08.160
You know, I mean, sometimes you're talking to someone and their kid just, you know, was
00:40:12.280
on this championship soccer team, you know, and it's, and you ask them about that.
00:40:22.080
You know, what, what did they say when they came off the field?
00:40:26.400
You know, and it's so cool that you, man, I'm getting chills just thinking about it.
00:40:30.200
You know, when you have conversations with people, it's so much more real.
00:40:33.200
And I mean, I can tell you're energetic about it and that's,
00:40:35.300
what probably opens up a lot of people to want to have these types of conversations
00:40:42.020
Well, John, Hey, I know we're, we're obviously we're scratching the surface on this stuff.
00:40:45.300
I mean, we can get, and we can talk about this stuff all day and getting to networking.
00:40:48.580
I want to give the guys a couple of resources as we wind down.
00:40:55.280
And that question is, what does it mean to be a man?
00:41:00.120
And, you know, I, I, I think I struggled with this early on in my life and it took me a long
00:41:08.840
But I think that, um, being willing to be open to, uh, improving yourself and working on becoming
00:41:19.300
I think that is fundamentally, uh, what it means to be a man.
00:41:23.360
Uh, so many men, so many, you know, for generations have struggled with that.
00:41:28.480
And so oftentimes, uh, men throughout generations have, have put kind of put up a front and not
00:41:35.060
been willing to acknowledge their own weaknesses or areas in which they can improve.
00:41:39.000
So I think the modern man, at least, you know, thinks about that, thinks about what can I
00:41:43.280
do to become a better person, a better contributor to society, a, a better father, a better, a
00:41:51.840
Um, I think that's really what it means to be a man.
00:41:56.180
So we're definitely in alignment with what you just said.
00:42:00.300
So John, if somebody's listening to this, they want to learn more about you, what you're
00:42:03.620
doing, what you're up to, uh, how do we connect with you and where should we direct
00:42:08.680
Um, so smartbusinessrevolution.com is my online home, smartbusinessrevolution.com.
00:42:15.740
If you go visit there, you can hop on my email list, you know, we can stay in touch.
00:42:20.080
And I think right now you've got a pretty cool, is it an email?
00:42:22.600
It's an email template if I remember right for how to craft the perfect emails, I think.
00:42:28.040
So I give away some templates which are popular.
00:42:30.200
Um, there are email templates on how to connect with the influencers or VIPs in your field,
00:42:35.680
in your industry, in your local community that you'd like to connect with.
00:42:38.680
So you can just, just literally swipe it, uh, you got unlimited license to use it, plop
00:42:43.940
it into your email, send an email today using that form to someone who you admire, whether
00:42:50.120
it's someone who's internationally famous or someone who you admire in your local community
00:42:54.040
and just express some admiration and maybe even reach out to them and, and see if there's
00:42:58.980
some way that you could, uh, have a conversation with them.
00:43:02.240
I'm a big fan of what we're doing right now, which is interviewing, profiling people.
00:43:07.080
A podcast is a great way to do it, but you don't need a podcast to do it.
00:43:09.980
You can, you can profile people through, uh, you know, and, and, and write an article about
00:43:14.680
them or write an article on your blog or something like that.
00:43:16.820
And that is just an amazing tool for having conversations with people you admire.
00:43:23.780
We'll make sure we link that up and give that guys, uh, that resource.
00:43:26.880
John, I just want to let you know, I appreciate you.
00:43:28.440
I've been using your ideas and insights in my own life, obviously in this business as well,
00:43:33.100
and it has served me well and you have provided value to me.
00:43:35.200
And I want to let you know, I appreciate you and, and obviously taking your time today to
00:43:44.700
Mr. John Corcoran sharing with us some insights into the world of being a better connector in your
00:43:49.040
And I can tell you that I have used his material, his content, and I've been able to improve the
00:43:55.320
Now on the subject of connecting, I want you to consider connecting with us inside of the
00:43:59.760
This again is our elite mastermind is designed to get you to the next level in your health,
00:44:03.840
your fitness, your relationships, your finances, your life.
00:44:06.260
You're going to connect with men who want to succeed and want to see you succeed.
00:44:10.160
So join us now, get the tools, the resources, the skills, and the accountability.
00:44:14.420
You need to be as effective as you can with your time.
00:44:19.520
So you can learn more and join us at orderofman.com slash iron council.
00:44:22.960
I'll look forward to talking to you on Friday for our Friday field notes.
00:44:26.000
But until then, gentlemen, take action and become the man you were meant to be.
00:44:30.080
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:44:32.920
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:44:37.000
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.