Order of Man - January 28, 2022


100% or 0%, No In-Between ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Topics
masculinity rite of passage program time tracking making moves and commitments ratings and reviews
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Bedros Koulian Ray Cash Care FitBody Bootcamp Chad Robeson Ron Swanson Hey Ryan Squireprogram.com Steve Aaron Matt
Speaking Truth, Helping a Spouse with Sexual Abuse History, and Focusing on Your Circle of Control ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING BRYAN CALLEN ｜ Moral Relativism, Personal Responsibility, and the Dangers of Academia

Episode Stats


Length

21 minutes

Words per minute

189.2

Word count

4,123

Sentence count

275


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Ryan talks about the concept of masculinity and what it means to be a man, and why it is important to reclaim and restore masculinity in our society. He also talks about a recent conversation he had with a friend about the idea of "100% or 0%".

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is
00:00:17.020 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.
00:00:27.640 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here.
00:00:32.180 Welcome back. If you don't know what we're all about here, my mission is to reclaim and restore
00:00:37.720 masculinity. Now, I have a lot of questions about what that means. Well, what it means is that we
00:00:43.640 embrace masculinity as we once did. Now, there's ways that we can improve and we always should
00:00:49.340 be considering improving how we show up as men and how we serve our families and our neighbors
00:00:53.640 and our communities. But the reality is that society collectively seems to be more and more dismissive
00:01:01.120 of masculinity and what it means to be a man. And of course, there's even attempts to completely
00:01:08.520 undermine masculinity altogether or to villainize it and make it something that is not only not needed,
00:01:17.480 but not even wanted in society. And it's a bit ironic to say the least because it's masculinity
00:01:23.760 that has afforded certain individuals who like to complain about it, all the luxuries they have
00:01:31.140 when it comes to complaining about it. For example, the technology or the freedom that they enjoy,
00:01:38.540 the liberty, the opportunity they have to share their opinions. And certainly they have a right to do
00:01:43.320 that because men have fought for that right. It's just a little, like I said, ironic considering it's
00:01:49.280 the incredible men that have come before who have afforded us these rights. And my fear is that at some
00:01:57.520 point we may need to regain or recontrol or fight again for those rights because we're so dismissive of
00:02:05.420 it. So that is my mission. That is my goal. And to that end, we have interviews with incredible
00:02:13.020 men. I think we've done over 370 interviews now. We also have our Ask Me Anything where we field
00:02:19.340 questions from you guys. We've got events and we've got courses and we've got all sorts of things going
00:02:24.800 on to help this noble calling. And today we've got this Friday field notes, which are thoughts that
00:02:31.180 have been bouncing around in my brain throughout the week based on conversations that I've had.
00:02:37.060 And I had a conversation a couple of days ago about this topic today, 100 or 0%. I'm going to
00:02:42.180 explain that in a minute and what that means because it's an important concept and one that
00:02:46.640 I've really had to learn the hard way in many ways over the past, even six months or so. Before I do,
00:02:53.560 I do want to mention if you're a father and you want to create a rite of passage for your son,
00:03:00.120 you don't need to do this alone. In fact, you don't need to recreate or reinvent the wheel. We've got a
00:03:04.960 program on May 28th on my property here in Maine. And I've partnered with Bedros Koulian with FitBody
00:03:15.080 Bootcamp. And of course, he's got his MDK program and he's also got another program called Squire
00:03:21.680 program. And I partnered with him in coming out here with his crew and his team, Ray Cash Care and the rest
00:03:28.340 of the guys. And we're going to help you with the rite of passage for your son. It's a 15 hour event.
00:03:35.280 It's designed to push you physically, mentally, emotionally, and get you to have a deeper
00:03:41.260 connection with your son, help you learn what you need to help him as a young man, learn what he needs
00:03:47.540 in order to transition into manhood. So that's on May 28th. We've already filled up half the spots.
00:03:53.200 I think we have 11 or 12 more spots available. And if you go to squireprogram.com slash Ryan,
00:04:02.180 squireprogram.com slash Ryan, you can get signed up and come out and visit me, Bedros, Ray, Matt,
00:04:10.460 Steve, Aaron, the rest of the crew. And then the most important thing is to be able to do this with
00:04:16.660 your son. So check it out, squireprogram.com slash Ryan. All right, guys, with all that said and out of
00:04:22.560 the way, I want to talk with you about this concept of 100% or zero. So my wife and I were talking the
00:04:29.820 other day, I think we were on a drive and I can't even remember the context of why this got brought
00:04:35.260 up. But I remember saying to her that I'm not interested in doing things at 50%. If I'm not
00:04:43.880 100% on board with something, whether it's a new product design or a new project I'm working on
00:04:51.020 or an opportunity that may have presented itself, whatever it shows up as, whatever form those
00:04:57.580 things show up as. If I'm not 100% in, I'm 100% out. So I'm 100% doing it or I'm not doing it at all.
00:05:06.720 I'm not going to half-ass anything. I'm not going to go at a speed that I'm less than capable of
00:05:13.540 doing. What is it that Ron Swanson says? Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.
00:05:20.460 That's what I'm talking about, guys, is that if you're going to do something, go all in 100%,
00:05:26.700 balls to the wall. And if you're not willing to commit to that level, then maybe you ought to
00:05:31.580 consider not doing it at all. And I say that because life is so busy. We have so many different
00:05:39.460 things and opportunities and events and sports outings and activities and projects and demands
00:05:47.300 for our time and attention. And because we're inundated with all of this, which in many ways
00:05:52.700 is wonderful, we want to be helpful. We want to add value. We want to find meaning and significance
00:05:59.740 in our life. And so what do we naturally do? We say yes to everything. And the problem with that,
00:06:06.400 the primary problem anyways, is that we end up not being very good at anything. We kind of get by and
00:06:13.560 we float and we coast and we sneak by and we get the project in at just the right time, but we don't
00:06:18.960 commit fully to it. And we end up putting a product out, whether it's you personally or a task at work
00:06:25.700 that you're working on or a piece of art in whatever form that looks like. And it's just not as good as
00:06:32.200 it can be. And then we exhaust ourselves, right? You run yourself into the ground as a man because
00:06:39.000 you're running everywhere. You're letting other people dictate your schedule. You're not interested
00:06:43.180 in doing certain things, but you do many ways because you want to be helpful. And it's just not
00:06:47.380 a great path to being productive in the world. So I'm going to give you a few pointers here
00:06:53.660 that'll help you go a hundred percent or zero percent. But before I do, let me tell you this.
00:07:00.200 When I say go a hundred percent on things, I'm not saying that you need to be the best in the world.
00:07:05.920 Like if you're going to decide to run a marathon, that you need to win the marathon. Now,
00:07:09.960 if that's a goal of yours, all the power to you, but that's not what I'm saying.
00:07:13.500 Okay. Cause what I inevitably, when I bring up this conversation, I have guys who will say things
00:07:18.720 like, well, you know, Ryan, I don't need to be the best at everything I do. Just because you go a
00:07:24.420 hundred percent doesn't mean that you're trying to be the best at everything you do compared to
00:07:28.600 somebody else, but you dang well better be your best. And so if I'm going to be a father, if I'm
00:07:34.380 fathering in the moment, because my work is done, I'm there with my kids, we're playing a game
00:07:39.540 or we're wrestling in the front room, uh, or even we're watching TV together or, or just eating
00:07:45.500 dinner. Then I better dang well be the best father that I can possibly be in that moment.
00:07:51.600 That's what I mean by a hundred percent. I'm not saying that if you're interested in learning how
00:07:56.480 to play the guitar or pick up a paintbrush, uh, or start a podcast as a hobby or do something that
00:08:02.680 just might be interesting to you that you need to turn it into some, you know, business empire.
00:08:07.940 That doesn't mean 100%. What I'm saying is 100% effort. And that looks different for everybody
00:08:16.120 because you're different than me. What I can do is different than what you can do. What you can do
00:08:20.260 is different than what I, or somebody else can do, but you need to go 100% in your own way. And if
00:08:26.280 you're like, well, Ryan, I'm not interested in turning my, my artwork into a business. Fine. I'm not
00:08:31.060 telling you and you need to, I'm saying go all in on it, invest in it, invest in yourself, carve out
00:08:39.100 time, make it an important part of your day or your week or your schedule or your planning, your
00:08:43.900 systems, et cetera. So here's what I would say to you. Number one, take inventory of your life guys.
00:08:50.880 If you haven't documented what you're doing on a daily and weekly basis, there is a very,
00:08:56.520 very strong likelihood that you are wasting time throughout the day on trivial, meaningless,
00:09:04.360 unimportant, potentially even destructive or harmful activities. So what you need to do first
00:09:10.820 and foremost is you need to start tracking what it is you're doing and how you're spending your time.
00:09:18.060 It's been said that what gets measured gets improved. So the first step to being able to
00:09:24.160 have the capacity and the margin to go a hundred percent on the things that are important to you
00:09:28.800 is knowing how you're spending your time right now. What scheduler do you use? Are you writing it all
00:09:35.380 out as you go? And you won't need to do this forever, but I think it's pretty enlightening.
00:09:38.940 It has been for me as I've tracked how I'm spending my time throughout the day and where all that wasted
00:09:44.660 effort is. It might be in a meaningless project. It might be running around trying to appease
00:09:51.500 everybody else. It might be sitting on the pot, dinking around on your phone for an hour when
00:09:57.440 you could be working or you could be painting or you could be starting that side business,
00:10:02.340 but you better take an inventory of the way that you spend your life. I would do this on a daily
00:10:08.500 basis and I would do it for no less than two to four weeks because things change, right? Your days
00:10:15.980 aren't always the same. So if you measure it for a week, well, next week, it might be different
00:10:19.980 because of your work schedule or because things at home, but do it for a month, really track and
00:10:26.440 take inventory. And then what I would do and what I have done is you're going to create a list of
00:10:32.520 things that you want to be doing and a list of things that you don't want to be doing. Now,
00:10:37.620 unfortunately, some of those things you don't want to do have to get done. And down the road,
00:10:42.020 as you mature in this level of thinking 100 or zero, you can start to delegate that stuff.
00:10:47.720 You know, for example, podcast editing, I've been doing podcasting for seven years.
00:10:53.180 I got rid of the editing stuff very, very quickly because I noticed that I was getting bogged down
00:10:58.580 with editing my own podcast and what would take me an hour for a conversation would turn into a two
00:11:04.740 hour task or maybe even longer because I was spending time editing when really what I should
00:11:10.600 have been doing is looking to secure and build a relationship with the next guest that I wanted to have on
00:11:16.060 a podcast to serve you guys. But that said, the editing stuff needed to get done. So I hired
00:11:22.180 somebody. Now I don't have to do it. It's still getting done. I don't have to do it at 50% or do
00:11:29.220 an inferior job. Somebody else can do the highest caliber job. Chad Robeson is the guy who does it
00:11:34.940 now. He does an incredible job. Okay. But I hired him to do it so he can specialize in that and do what
00:11:40.800 he's good at and what he enjoys. And I can do what, what I enjoy, which is having conversations,
00:11:47.920 getting behind the camera, getting behind the microphone and going all in 100% on this thing.
00:11:53.920 So again, step number one, take inventory of your life for a month and make a list of all the things
00:12:00.640 that you enjoy doing, the things you want to go a hundred percent on, and then make a list of all
00:12:05.340 the things that you're at 99% on or lower and consider scrubbing those things that are unimportant
00:12:12.340 and consider delegating the things that need to get done to other people who it can be part of their
00:12:18.700 100% list. All right. Now what you do from there, once you start to inventory, you got to really think
00:12:25.500 about what you want out of life. You know, for me, for example, I want to be a world-class podcaster.
00:12:33.000 I don't, I don't want to be somebody who does blog posts. That isn't an interest of mine.
00:12:40.060 There's, there's a billion other, other things that I'm not interested in doing,
00:12:44.400 but when it comes to podcasting, yeah, this is important to me. I also want to be the absolute
00:12:50.660 best husband and father to my wife and my children. That is extremely, that is the most important thing
00:12:57.200 to me. So everything that I do in my life, I can use my ultimate desires and goals and objectives
00:13:05.600 as a litmus test for what I'm saying yes to and what I'm saying no to. And there are seasons to
00:13:11.540 this, by the way. So I'll give you an example. Many of you know, cause I've shared it quite often
00:13:15.720 over the past month or so that I'm in the process of writing a book. Well, I'm just about finished with
00:13:21.040 the first draft, the first manuscript of the book. Okay. In the meantime, the last 60 days,
00:13:27.020 I've gotten two dozen, three dozen or so requests for me to make an appearance on other people's
00:13:35.140 podcasts. Okay. Well, I know that I need to write the book. I know I want to be the best father I can
00:13:40.240 be. I know I want to be a great podcaster, but right now the emphasis is on family and the book.
00:13:46.280 That's where my priority is. So when people reach out and say, Hey Ryan, I'd love to have you on my
00:13:50.460 podcast because I know what I want. And I know how much time I have throughout the day. And I know
00:13:56.720 what my schedule looks like because I've inventoried it. I'm, I'm more able to say yes or no to things.
00:14:03.400 And so for podcasting, it's been no, the default is no longer. Yes. It's no, I'm not doing that right
00:14:10.260 now because I'm focused on the book. If you want to reach out at a later date and I don't just
00:14:15.040 randomly give them a date. Like I give them a specific timeline, then feel free to reach out
00:14:19.180 to me then. But up to that point, the answer is no. Let me tell you how liberating that is.
00:14:25.420 If you're not used to saying no to people, it's very challenging. It's very hard because again,
00:14:31.140 you want to appease people. You want to add value. You want to serve. These are all things that we've
00:14:36.700 talked about over the past six, seven years of doing this podcast, that it's important that we do
00:14:41.280 these things, but it can't come at the expense of you going a hundred percent. Cause if I say yes
00:14:46.920 to every other podcast opportunity that presents itself, that doesn't let me get my book done.
00:14:53.400 That doesn't let me be there and present and available for my wife and kids. You know,
00:14:58.060 some people will also want to meet, for example, in the evenings or the weekends. Well, I don't do that.
00:15:03.200 Okay. I meet from nine to five Monday through Friday. If you want to talk after hours or on the
00:15:10.340 weekend, you've really got to be a friend or a family member or something, because there's very
00:15:15.280 few exceptions to me doing work and podcasting because that's my time with my family. I know that
00:15:23.700 I protect that. I'm a hundred percent intentional about it. And anything that gets in the way is a
00:15:29.580 big no for me, but you can also figure out what you want to say yes to, because there are opportunities
00:15:36.820 that will present themselves that, that you want to take advantage of. And if you just say yes to
00:15:42.580 everything and kind of throw the spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks, you know, some's going to
00:15:46.860 work out. Some isn't, but if you know exactly where you're going, then you can be like a sniper.
00:15:53.880 Okay. Now it's not just random, like throw it all on the wall and see what sticks. It's no,
00:15:57.900 that's no, that's no, no, no. Yes. No, yes. No, no, no, no. Yes. And you know exactly how to make
00:16:05.600 your decisions. This is how you create maximum effectiveness, effective effectiveness, excuse me,
00:16:12.720 in your life, knowing what you want, knowing how you spend your time, knowing how you want to spend
00:16:18.520 your time, and then being able to identify what to say yes to and what to say no to.
00:16:24.320 Now the third component of this. So this is a three-part framework is you got to start making
00:16:29.240 your moves. All right. There's going to be things in your life right now that you're doing that,
00:16:34.580 you know, are at 50%. You're not a hundred percent on them. You don't want to be on a hundred percent.
00:16:39.260 You don't want to do them. They're ridiculous or it's not enjoyable. Maybe it doesn't need to be
00:16:45.220 done at all, or maybe it does, but somebody else needs to do it. You need to start making your moves.
00:16:49.320 So here's what I would say. If you've already committed to doing things, then do those things.
00:16:57.080 All right. I want you to be a man of your word. So I'm not saying to you that if you made a
00:17:01.940 commitment to somebody this weekend to help them move across town that, well, you know, Ryan said
00:17:07.780 that I should be a hundred percent in or a hundred percent out. So sorry, buddy, I'm out. No, if you
00:17:12.120 made a commitment to another person that you would be there to help them move or that you would coach
00:17:18.060 them, or you would jump on a phone call with them or whatever, then do that. Honor your word,
00:17:23.940 honor your commitment, and then don't make those kinds of commitments moving forward.
00:17:28.740 If you, if you don't want to stick to them, there might also be instances where things tend to get
00:17:34.900 done that you've committed to doing, but you don't actually need to do it. As I said earlier,
00:17:39.020 maybe you can delegate that. Maybe somebody else can, you can enlist the help of somebody else to get
00:17:44.360 that commitment and that obligation met, but you have to start making your moves. Cause if you just
00:17:49.480 take inventory and you kind of feel like, you know what you want, you know what you want to go a
00:17:53.680 hundred percent on, you know what you want to go zero percent on, but you don't really do anything
00:17:57.900 about it. It's, it's just wasted effort. And then why did you even listen to this podcast and take notes
00:18:03.720 and get all hopped up and hyped up and ready to move. So make your moves. You've got your list of
00:18:10.820 things. You know what to say yes to, you know what to say no to, you know what your prior commitments
00:18:16.220 and obligations are, finish those, finalize those, and now make better decisions moving forward.
00:18:21.920 It's a very simple framework guys, but I can assure you that if you follow this, you're going to be less
00:18:28.860 stressed out. You're going to be less overwhelmed. You're going to be more productive. You're going
00:18:34.880 to find more fulfillment and satisfaction in your life. And you're going to live a better life.
00:18:41.720 A hundred percent. You're going to live a better life. But if you want that better life and you want
00:18:47.040 to be a hundred percent, you want to be all in on your family. You want to be all in on your business.
00:18:50.400 You want to be all in on the certain activities that you are interested in doing. Then you've got to make
00:18:56.480 some sacrifices now. And that means that you won't be able to do it all. And that means you're going
00:19:02.520 to have to say no to people at the risk of them being upset that you're not as helpful as maybe
00:19:08.120 they would like that. You are going to have to take control of your schedule and not allow it to
00:19:13.100 be dictated by default or by other people that you are going to take control of it. And you're going
00:19:20.420 to make the most out of your life. And you're either going to go 100% on the activities you're doing,
00:19:25.360 or you're not going to do it at all. That is the path to effectiveness. That is the path to growth.
00:19:32.440 That is the path to fulfillment. So guys, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Let me know.
00:19:40.700 Shoot me a message. Hey, this is what I'm saying yes to. This is what I'm saying no to. Ryan, this week,
00:19:46.300 I cut out these three non-essential tasks. This week, I delegated these duties and obligations
00:19:53.200 and responsibilities to a family member or somebody at work. And here's how it's lightened
00:20:00.420 my load. And I'm not saying this just so you can relax and take it easy. I'm saying you lighten
00:20:05.680 the load so that you can really place the emphasis on the things that are important. So life isn't
00:20:10.040 going to get easier for you. It's just going to be more effective. That's the point. All right,
00:20:16.040 guys. So stay in touch with me. Let me know how it goes. One last thing I need to share with you.
00:20:22.000 We're really, really on a big rating and review kick right now. So guys, if you would, please just
00:20:27.660 take a few seconds, jump on the podcast, wherever you're listening right now, go in there and click
00:20:33.700 five stars, right? You know, podcast is awesome. And here's what I like about it. It's going to take
00:20:39.720 you 30, 45, 60 seconds tops. And it's a good way to give back to what we're doing right here. A lot
00:20:46.300 of you guys ask, how can I help? How can I help? This is how you can help and don't undervalue it
00:20:51.580 because it only takes you 60 seconds. If thousands and thousands of guys leave those ratings and
00:20:56.060 reviews, it helps us climb in the charts. It helps us get this information out to other men in the world.
00:21:02.960 It's clear the world needs this. I started this podcast today by telling you how important this work
00:21:07.960 is in the world. This is something that you can do that only takes you a few seconds.
00:21:12.720 And also make sure you check out squireprogram.com slash Ryan. Squireprogram.com slash Ryan. If you
00:21:20.560 have a boy between the ages of 12 and 16 and you're available and want to come out and visit with me
00:21:24.920 and the crew on our property here in Maine on May 28th. All right, guys, remember it's a hundred percent
00:21:31.500 or it's zero percent. Go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.
00:21:37.300 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life
00:21:41.920 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.