Order of Man - 101： Get Your Mind Right

00:00:00.000 It all starts with the mind. We've all heard the adage, it's nothing new, but the question remains,

00:00:04.020 how do we do it? Most of us have constructed mental walls and barriers and frames of reference

00:00:09.300 that keep us thinking and behaving the way that we always have. Today, my guest, Tom Bilyeu,

00:00:13.760 co-founder of Quest Nutrition and the founder of Impact Theory, shares with us why it's so

00:00:17.800 difficult to change our mindset, how and why we should learn to cultivate our identity,

00:00:22.220 how to crystallize our goals, and how to get our mindset primed for success.

00:00:26.340 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:31.680 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You are not

00:00:37.560 easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:44.740 This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself

00:00:50.540 a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder

00:00:55.480 of Order of Man. If you're just tuning in for the very first time today, I want to welcome you. If

00:00:59.500 you've been around for a while now, I want to welcome you too. In other words, I'm glad that

00:01:02.800 each and every one of you are here with us today. This is a show about being a better man, better

00:01:07.080 husbands, better fathers, better business owners, employees, community leaders, better men in

00:01:11.460 general. So each and every week, we bring on the most successful men this planet has to offer,

00:01:16.760 and then I extract as many of their lessons as possible in order to help you and me have more of what

00:01:21.540 we want in this world. Now, gentlemen, if you've been around with us for any amount of time, you

00:01:25.140 know I don't like to waste time. We typically jump right into the conversation, but before I do,

00:01:29.160 I do want you to know that you can get the links, the resources, and the overview if you're interested

00:01:33.100 in this show at orderofman.com slash 101. And second, make sure you join our closed Facebook group.

00:01:40.040 We've got 22,000 men. This is growing by about 1,000 to 1,500 men each and every week. So you can rest

00:01:46.540 assured, guys, knowing that the conversations we're having over there are relevant. And we continue

00:01:51.200 to grow like this because we are having some serious discussions about what it means to be

00:01:55.240 a man. We're covering important topics that are important to you, that are important to me and

00:01:58.080 everybody else over there. And third, guys, we are nearly sold out. I'm so excited about this. Nearly

00:02:02.680 sold out on our uprising experience. I believe that we have, as of this morning, two slots left. So if

00:02:10.400 you've been on the fence about joining and registering, get off the fence and get registered. Because like I

00:02:16.260 said, we only have maybe two spots available. And I'm going to give you some more details about the uprising

00:02:21.740 during our break. But for now, if you want the details, if you want some footage from last year's event,

00:02:26.600 if you want to check it out, what it's all about, go to orderofman.com slash uprising. It's orderofman.com

00:02:32.180 slash uprising. Now, let me introduce you to my guest today. This is a man who probably doesn't need a lot of

00:02:37.580 introduction with most of you. In fact, I know a lot of you do follow Tom Bilyeu as it is. But I'm going to

00:02:43.020 introduce you anyways, because I think it's important you know a little bit about the position of

00:02:46.140 experience that this guy has and the success in which he comes from. His name, again, is Tom

00:02:50.360 Bilyeu. And for those of you who do not know this, he co-founded Quest Nutrition, which was at one

00:02:55.500 point one of the fastest growing companies in the world. And since then, he's gone on to start

00:03:00.040 multiple other businesses, one of which is Impact Theory, which is how I stumbled across his work.

00:03:04.800 But he's interviewed some incredible guests, Jason Silva, Tim Ferriss, Sean White recently, and Michael

00:03:09.880 Strahan, among, of course, others. But what really intrigues me about Tom's work is his fascination with

00:03:15.520 the mind and how getting the mind and body to work in harmony to work together is the key to success.

00:03:21.500 We're going to talk about that on the show. We've talked a lot about mindset on the show and other

00:03:25.160 places, but Tom is here to crystallize this a bit further for us and help us take the first steps

00:03:31.060 towards getting this mindset piece right. Tom, what's going on, man? Thanks for joining me on the

00:03:36.620 show today. It is an honor, man. Thanks for having me on. You bet. Yeah, I've been following you and your

00:03:40.940 work for some time now. And I'm really excited to talk with you about this mindset piece, this mindset

00:03:45.840 component, because I believe, and I think you probably can attest to this and believe this as well, that

00:03:49.780 everything that you want to have in life, whatever that is, all starts with the mind.

00:03:55.220 Totally agree. Yeah, very much so.

00:03:57.600 Good. Well, we're going to talk about this concept. And I don't know if you've necessarily coined the term,

00:04:02.420 maybe you have, but I want to talk with you about this philosophy of impact theory, which is what you're

00:04:07.640 doing. And I want you to give us some context into what that means, just as a frame of reference for

00:04:12.900 the rest of the conversation we'll have today. Definitely. So I'm one of the three founders of

00:04:18.060 Quest Nutrition, and that was really about helping people with wellness and wanted to have this grand

00:04:25.140 mission of ending metabolic disease. But I always saw wellness as being a 360 degree concern that

00:04:30.640 encompassed the body and the mind. And as we were growing the company, it became very clear that we

00:04:36.380 needed to keep the brand focused on the products that we were putting out, which were obviously all

00:04:42.920 nutrition focused and trying to make the brand to be flexible enough to incorporate the mind was

00:04:48.420 actually very difficult. And so rather than continue to try to force that, I took the studio that we had

00:04:54.860 built inside of Quest, aptly named inside Quest, and spun it off into a standalone company, Impact Theory,

00:05:01.720 which was designed or is designed to really help people understand what they need to do to their

00:05:07.460 mind in order to have the impact that they want to have on their own life and the world at large,

00:05:11.300 which for me is a game purely of execution. And you and I were talking about that, you know,

00:05:15.860 before we started recording, which is when people talk about mindset, unlike the body, where it's very

00:05:21.500 easy, I can tell you exactly what to eat, I can tell you exactly how to lift. When people start talking

00:05:26.020 about the mind, they somehow let it become very ephemeral and don't get into the same level of

00:05:31.280 hyper-specific execution. So that's really what we're trying to bring to it from a show perspective

00:05:36.780 is really helping people understand through content exactly what they should be doing from the habits,

00:05:43.260 what they should be learning about the mind, all of that in order to build the mindset that they need

00:05:48.040 to be successful. But then also, it's not just a show, it's a business. And so when I looked at,

00:05:53.500 okay, what does it mean to really free people from the matrix? You know, what is that? Without

00:05:59.680 going into a lot of detail, just as a quick thumbnail, to me, your mindset is exactly the

00:06:05.080 matrix. And so it's this veil that we all pull over our eyes that either empowers us or it

00:06:11.100 disempowers us. And most people have a mindset that holds them back. So pulling someone out of

00:06:15.480 the matrix in my vernacular means to help them get an empowering mindset. But once you have that,

00:06:19.920 what are you doing with it? What are you trying to execute against? So we believe that there's

00:06:24.040 really two pillars for that to have truly global impact to help get as many people out of the

00:06:29.800 matrix as humanly possible. And that's to incubate companies that are mission-based.

00:06:33.780 And Quest is a great example of a mission-based company designed to end metabolic disease by creating

00:06:39.100 food that people can choose based on taste that happens to be good for you.

00:06:42.300 Which is difficult to do. Which is very difficult to do. And then the other side is content and not

00:06:50.000 just social content, although we're prolific on that side, but also traditional narrative and really

00:06:56.040 looking at the business opportunities that have opened up in today's specific landscape. And if

00:07:02.220 you're interested, we can obviously go into that, but I'll leave it at that for now.

00:07:05.860 No, that's awesome. Yeah. I really like what you have to say. I want to go back before we get into

00:07:09.380 this execution phase, which by the way, is one of my favorite words. And I really think that it is

00:07:13.580 critical that we take what we know and actually apply it. I'm really curious because one of the

00:07:18.200 things you mentioned is how difficult it was for you to merge the idea of food and body into this

00:07:26.100 concept of mindset. Is that because they are approached differently? Like what was the difficulty

00:07:32.000 in actually merging those two concepts together? It's interesting because human beings are so diverse and

00:07:38.100 have so many different interests. And so I think a lot of people that are interested in the body are

00:07:44.120 also interested in the mind. But when you start to think about a company, you really think about a

00:07:48.660 company for a given thing. And it's very rare that that thing is super broad. So usually you're getting

00:07:54.760 something hyper-specific from a company. And what people were getting from Quest was really, really

00:08:00.880 a powerful understanding of how to indulge in a way that's completely healthy. And that it was just

00:08:08.600 performing like gangbusters and putting more time and attention into that was very powerful and worked

00:08:15.000 very, very well for the brand. And I think if we were willing to continue to invest five, 10 years down

00:08:21.540 the road, there's a coming unity between the body and the mind. But it wasn't immediate to people that are

00:08:29.360 following the brand that, oh yeah, like I should really be thinking about these two things together.

00:08:33.780 So the return on investment wasn't as great in trying to make one brand encompass both of those

00:08:39.840 things. And it just began to make more sense to me to get the same result, but to let each brand be

00:08:45.580 its own thing. So let Quest stay hyper-focused on the nutrition side, the food, not try to get it to

00:08:51.960 incorporate the mind. And then just like on Impact Theory, I'm not going to be releasing a line of food.

00:08:56.520 I'm going to be focused entirely on the mind. But now both of those companies exist. So people that

00:09:01.200 are interested can turn, you know, to either one or the other, depending on what they're trying to do.

00:09:05.280 Yeah, this makes sense. I don't even know if this is a fair question. I don't even know if this is

00:09:09.280 accurate, but I'm really curious as to your thoughts of what comes first. Is it the mindset? Is it body

00:09:14.980 and the functional side of this? Because I know, for example, three, three and a half years ago,

00:09:19.860 I weighed 50 pounds more than I did today. And obviously I had enough of the mindset to say,

00:09:24.040 I'm going to go into the gym and be consistent with it. But I noticed that because I was consistent

00:09:28.380 in going to the gym, that was actually the transformative step to getting into this

00:09:34.060 quote unquote self-development space that we're in right now.

00:09:37.460 Yeah. The mind and the body exist in an inextricable feedback loop. And it is as difficult

00:09:43.400 to ascertain as, you know, what came first, the chicken or the egg? And the reason that the chicken

00:09:47.240 or the egg question has lasted through the ages is when you really start to think about it,

00:09:51.560 it messes with your head, right? Like how can you have an egg if you don't have a chicken,

00:09:55.860 but yet the chicken had to have come from an egg. So it's like, that is exactly how the mind body

00:10:01.000 connection works. And so I think really, as we begin to learn more and more about the anatomy of

00:10:06.520 the brain, the fact that there are neurons in your intestinal track, that there is, that there are

00:10:11.760 really extensions of each other, the body and the mind. So to try to separate the two is very,

00:10:16.700 very difficult. But I will say that from a just conceiving of it standpoint, it's easier to think

00:10:22.880 of the mind first because the mind is going to, like you said, facilitate that first step,

00:10:27.420 even though you're going to leverage your time in the gym to get the mental gains that you want.

00:10:32.000 And even though food will have a tremendous impact on your mental clarity, it ultimately starts with

00:10:38.860 the mind. But for people to really figure this game out, they've got to see the two is connected.

00:10:43.680 Well, and I think that's why you call it a loop, right? Wherever you step into this loop,

00:10:47.440 it's going to perpetuate and grow upon itself.

00:10:50.120 Exactly.

00:10:50.900 Yeah, it makes sense. Talk to me a little bit about why, why this loop, I guess, or even starting

00:10:56.760 or even stepping into the loop is so difficult for people.

00:11:00.000 Humans are designed to conserve calories. And that fundamental part of our DNA works really well

00:11:08.600 when you're being chased by lions or your family's about to starve to death, and you've got other

00:11:13.100 mechanisms to propel you to go do something about it like hunger. And when you have to get exercise

00:11:20.180 in order to, you know, kill an animal or go collect the fruits, nuts, berries, all that stuff that you

00:11:27.500 need to actually survive, then the fact that you in turn will conserve and not expend energy that's

00:11:35.480 unnecessary, it works in balance. But you take that design and put it in a modern context where

00:11:41.300 we've worked very, very hard to make things easy so that there's a grocery store around every corner

00:11:46.700 that what you use to trade for your food is money and what you do to get the money is usually

00:11:52.500 non-physical. Now, all of a sudden, you've sort of broken that balance down. So your body isn't

00:11:58.320 designed, or I should say your makeup isn't designed to push and propel you when there's no goal.

00:12:05.740 So then it becomes about are people setting goals that create a compelling enough future,

00:12:10.320 a compelling enough reason to get up and go into the gym, for instance, or to eat better. And so

00:12:16.220 now it becomes a question of identity. So in a modern context, identity is everything,

00:12:20.540 but people don't understand that people don't, they let their identity be formed accidentally. And,

00:12:25.140 you know, looking into your background, and by the way, thank you very much for your service. And I

00:12:29.080 can't tell you how seriously I mean that, but being a part of the military gives you a group that forms

00:12:36.260 your identity and it's self-reinforcing because everybody in that institution echoes that mindset

00:12:41.260 back. And so that, that's a, an identity that can be formed somewhat accidentally simply by going into

00:12:47.960 that group. Obviously the group has cultivated it very intentionally, but any one person plugging

00:12:52.620 into it now just absorbs that. But when you don't have that, when your, your modern context doesn't

00:12:58.760 put you into, um, something like what you're doing with the iron council. And so you're just at your

00:13:05.060 job and there's no unified mindset there, or you're at school and there's no unified mindset there.

00:13:10.060 Like your identity just sort of happens. And usually it happens based on how you were raised. And unless

00:13:15.280 your parents gave you this really strong identity about being active, about staying fit, about doing

00:13:21.740 hard work, about being somebody who perseveres, if that isn't part of your identity, then chances are

00:13:26.920 that you're going to slip into what's easy. And then your identity begins to form around that.

00:13:32.120 And, you know, looking at your website and really understanding who you are, you get that.

00:13:36.640 Yeah. I want to break this down. Cause I think there's a lot of parts to this that I think we

00:13:39.980 can, we can extract here. The first thing you talked about is this, this external motivation,

00:13:43.980 right? Which was at the end of the day, staying alive. So if I understand you correctly,

00:13:47.220 maybe our external motivation is not as significant or great enough as it used to be. Is,

00:13:53.160 am I hearing you correctly?

00:13:53.940 No question. There's, you know, some people do very well when lions are chasing them and not so

00:14:00.160 well when they're not. So, yeah. So then the question is, how do we simulate? I don't want

00:14:05.100 to say external motivation because I think those external factors are beyond our control, but how

00:14:09.320 do you simulate the same sort of push and drive without having to look for it from an external

00:14:14.180 source? I think you have to go internal. And I think anybody who's looking for external motivation,

00:14:21.140 you're going to slip into humans, most base instincts. So people will avoid pain and they

00:14:27.220 will move towards pleasure. And a lot of that is mental. So you're going to be afraid of being

00:14:31.920 ostracized, of being embarrassed. And so you're going to play it safe in your career. You're going

00:14:35.880 to play it safe in your relationships. So people really have to turn inward and develop a sense of

00:14:40.920 identity and decide who they want to become, identify the steps that stand between them and becoming

00:14:46.200 that the skills that they lack, that they will need to acquire in order to become that,

00:14:51.020 and then make that as a part of their identity. So I'm asking questions like, what do I build my

00:14:56.360 self-esteem around are critical. And most people don't even know. They've never asked themselves

00:15:00.100 that question. And by default, most people pride themselves on and build their self-esteem around

00:15:05.340 being good at something, being smart, being a fast runner, you know, whatever the case may be.

00:15:10.680 Sure. And once you begin to do that, you're going to put yourself in situations where,

00:15:16.320 so let's take smart because it's really easy to see how dangerous it is. You're going to put

00:15:20.780 yourself in situations where you're the smartest person around to reinforce your ego because it

00:15:24.420 feels really good to be smart. And so now instead of being around people who challenge you, push you

00:15:28.080 to grow and get better, you're putting yourself in a group of people where there isn't anyone to push

00:15:32.720 you and challenge you by design or that simply being wrong about something or admitting that you're wrong

00:15:38.400 hits your self-esteem. And so you avoid doing it. So rather than go, Oh my God, that person's right.

00:15:43.360 I actually am really bad at X, Y, Z. I'm going to go now get good at it. Thank you. I'm so glad you

00:15:48.760 made me aware of that, but they don't react like that. They get defensive. They push that person away.

00:15:53.220 They stop spending time with them. They, you know, go do things that are easier, that don't challenge

00:15:57.600 them, that don't make them feel insecure. So really base things like that, that make up your sense of

00:16:03.260 identity. Like that's where people need to be spending their time. So I'll give you an example from

00:16:08.300 my own life. I hate the gym. I absolutely hate it. I don't get whatever endorphin rush people get

00:16:14.480 runners high, all that. Not even a little bit like, and people have for, I've, I've been working out

00:16:21.720 five days a week for well over a decade. So trust me, it, I don't need to like it in order to do it

00:16:28.440 and, and really have looked long and hard at, do I get this endorphin rush? And I'm just misinterpreting.

00:16:32.960 I really don't. So like people will say, Oh, but man, when I work out, like I feel so much more

00:16:38.320 energetic throughout the day that I'm going to call total BS. So when I work out, I'm way more

00:16:43.540 tired. Now I push my threshold, even just thinking from a VO two max perspective, like if you really

00:16:49.820 want to boil it down to the anatomy, like, yes, a hundred percent, I am capable of way more, but then

00:16:55.140 my workouts should be pushing me to, you know, towards my limit. So when I walk out of the gym,

00:17:01.160 I'm tired. Now, if I take a day off, I feel way better than I would if I took a day off, you know,

00:17:06.720 and, but wasn't doing anything before that because I haven't gotten myself into any sort of peak

00:17:10.920 physical condition. So I get part of that is frame of reference too, right? Like what are you

00:17:15.360 hard compared to what easy compared to what? A hundred percent. Yeah. So, so, you know, it's part

00:17:22.080 of my identity to show up at the gym every day. It's part of my identity to have a good physique.

00:17:25.860 It's part of my identity to be focused on longevity and to do the things that I need to do to be

00:17:29.880 powerful, to live for a long time. Like all of those things are part of my identity. So I show

00:17:34.000 up in the gym, not because I enjoy it. I show up in the gym because it's a part of who I want to be.

00:17:39.660 And once people have that mentality and they're reinforcing something positive in their mind in

00:17:45.080 the form of self narrative about who they are and who they want to become, then that stuff takes care

00:17:49.440 of itself. This is really actually, this is really fascinating. Um, because you're helping me

00:17:53.920 articulate something that has been on my mind. Uh, years ago I used to drink monster energy drinks,

00:17:59.200 and I know they were horrible and they were bad. And everybody said, don't drink them, blah, blah,

00:18:02.240 blah, blah, blah. But I loved them. But I came to the conclusion at one point that I didn't want to

00:18:06.940 drink these monster energy drinks anymore. And what I did to stop just immediately overnight

00:18:12.700 after years of drinking these things is that I decided in my head that healthy people don't drink

00:18:19.940 monster energy drinks. And because I decided that, and I wanted to identify as a healthy person,

00:18:26.340 that's all it took. And I've never been able to quantify it until you're talking about this right

00:18:30.340 now. Yep. That, that's a perfect example. Yeah, this makes sense. No, I'm glad you're breaking this

00:18:35.240 down because one of the things you said is to, to create a compelling future. And I think a lot of

00:18:40.400 people will say that and you got to have vision and you got to have a strong why, and you have to

00:18:43.700 have, and it's great and it sounds really good. And it's like some people just aren't to that

00:18:49.520 position yet where it's like, I can't even see necessarily the future. I can't even see what I want.

00:18:55.620 I know I'm not happy with where I am. And I think this probably has to do with, with you talking

00:19:00.760 about being in the matrix, right? If you, if you watch that movie, it's like, we don't even know

00:19:05.420 the situation we're in. We pull this blindfold over our eyes. How do you get out of that matrix

00:19:11.280 that you find yourself in? Getting out of the matrix is, is really about accepting a few simple

00:19:16.340 truths. So human potential is nearly limitless. You're capable of setting your, accomplishing anything

00:19:21.720 you set your mind to. So if that's true, then the way that you spend your time is a spiritual

00:19:26.600 question. And once you're willing to admit to yourself, I can do anything that I set my mind

00:19:32.640 to, then it's like, okay, well, if you're not getting the results that you want in life, that's

00:19:37.320 on you. And once people are willing to take that ownership, once they're willing to say everything

00:19:41.860 and everything in my life is a direct result of choices I have made, then they'll begin to be

00:19:49.560 honest with themselves. I'm not making enough money. Okay. Well then I've made poor choices

00:19:53.220 when it comes to finance period. I'm not happy in my relationship. Okay. I made poor choices in

00:19:57.660 my relationship period. I'm not the person that I need to be to accomplish on, you know, these things.

00:20:02.720 So you're never going to hear me, um, lay back and cry about not winning the Boston marathon.

00:20:08.600 I'm not training for the Boston marathon. So why would I expect to be winning it? So if people are

00:20:13.340 expecting to be winning at something that they're not training their ass off for, like that's,

00:20:16.940 that's just self delusion, right? Delusion. So people have got to own one simple fact. If

00:20:22.880 they want to accomplish in their life, everything in your life is a direct result of the choices you

00:20:26.560 make period. Gentlemen, a quick break and another quick reminder to tell you about our live experience,

00:20:33.040 the uprising. This is going on April 27th through the 30th of this year, 2017. And for those of you

00:20:38.880 who may not know, this is our three and a half day experience. It's in the mountains of Southern

00:20:41.960 Utah. So make sure you register this week. We're going to sell out. I think we've got one,

00:20:46.120 maybe two spots left and you can learn more about what we're going to be doing and what

00:20:49.780 you're getting yourself into at order of man.com slash uprising. But in the meantime,

00:20:53.480 I want you to know this experience is designed for you. It's going to test you. It's going to push

00:20:58.560 you really. It's going to help you break free from any mediocrity or ruts that you might find

00:21:03.340 yourself in. So if you find yourself in that type of position with your relationships or your

00:21:07.600 business employment, your health, whatever area of life, this is the place for you. So we're going to

00:21:12.040 be shooting. We're going to be going through some tactical and urban scenarios. We're going to be

00:21:16.300 working out in some amazingly beautiful outdoor locations. You're going to be leading and competing

00:21:21.860 with 24 other men all on the same mission as you to become the best man they possibly can.

00:21:27.640 And you're going to be learning from Navy SEALs, survival experts, and entrepreneurs designed to

00:21:32.880 help you walk away with tools, strategies, skills, so that you can be a better protector,

00:21:37.980 a better provider, and a better presider for yourself, your family, basically the people

00:21:42.700 you care about. So head to order of man.com slash uprising, claim your spot, do it right now,

00:21:47.420 do it quickly because we've got one, maybe two spots available and it's going to go probably today

00:21:52.000 or tomorrow. So again, that's order of man.com slash uprising. Now let me get back to my interview

00:21:56.320 with Tom. So let's talk about this ownership concept because I'm fully on board with that. And

00:22:02.780 that's something we've talked about at length. Is this just a simple matter of deciding? Like I'm

00:22:07.120 going to decide today that I'm going to take ownership. How do you recognize whether you are

00:22:11.620 or not, or are not taking ownership in your life? So here's how I look at it. Everything,

00:22:17.920 everything you choose to believe, everything you choose to do should move you towards your goals.

00:22:23.100 So said another way, do and believe that which moves you towards your goals. If you don't know

00:22:27.840 what your goals are, you're already dead in the water. I cannot help you. So step number one,

00:22:31.900 identify what your goals are, make them very clear, write them down. Then it's about identifying

00:22:36.900 what are the skills that I lack in order to get to where I need to go. So identify the steps,

00:22:42.660 you know, what are the things you need to do? So for me, for a long time, my focus was getting

00:22:46.820 rich. I want to get rich, rich, rich, rich. Okay, fantastic. Well, what do you need to do in order

00:22:51.580 to get there? Well, I'm going to need to get, I'm going to need to build a business, something that

00:22:55.100 can generate a lot of equity so that I can monetize that equity and have the cash that I want.

00:23:02.600 Okay. Well, are you good at business? Nope. Well then you better get good at business because

00:23:06.560 you're never going to build a successful business if you don't understand it. So

00:23:09.240 what are the key elements? What are the things that I need to understand? Sales, marketing, finance,

00:23:13.940 leadership. And then you just start, you literally write those things down. Like here are the areas

00:23:18.420 that I need to get good at. Then I find people who are good in those areas. And I say, I'm going to go

00:23:22.260 get as good as they are at that thing. And I'll worry about having my own unique voice later.

00:23:27.120 Like if you suck at something, just first find somebody to copy, find somebody to emulate

00:23:31.940 somebody that they're just killing the game at what you want to be good at and go in a fantasy

00:23:37.480 land. You go, uh, intern with them, spend time with them, find some way to deliver value to their

00:23:43.480 life so that they'll let you just hang around and at least learn via osmosis. But whatever you need to

00:23:48.280 do, even if it's just read a book, watch a YouTube video, go learn from people that are good at the

00:23:53.760 thing that you want to get good at and just treat everything in your life, like you're training and

00:23:58.500 then embrace that. It takes time. So I was in business for Jesus over a decade before I had my

00:24:06.280 first real success. So you're going to have to clock a lot of hours. You're going to have to,

00:24:11.820 you know, fall on your face a lot. You have to be super humble and willing to learn and just trying

00:24:17.880 to bring as much value to other people as humanly possible so that they'll be open to teaching

00:24:23.700 you, just doing all the things that you need to do to actually get great at something. And that's

00:24:29.780 what people have to understand. Like to, to get where you want to go, you have to be open to the

00:24:35.680 fact that you're not yet good enough. And then B, you have to have the humility to understand you

00:24:39.380 have to get great at it. Right, right. Well, one of the things I was looking at that, that you talk

00:24:43.780 about is this quest belief system. And in the belief system, you say you can do anything you set

00:24:47.920 your mind to without limitation. But then the next belief is number five is a lie. It's, it's about,

00:24:54.840 you know, it's an empowering lie and we can do what we want and believe what we want. And I think

00:24:58.540 that's what you're talking about here. Like you can, you can decide what you want to believe.

00:25:02.360 That's up to you, right?

00:25:04.120 One hundred percent. And the reason that I wrote it that way, everyone knows they can't do anything

00:25:08.840 they set their mind to, right? So, Hey, go up on the roof and step off and, you know, fall 10 stories

00:25:13.920 without hurting yourself, right? It's never going to happen. But even to, to focus half of a second

00:25:20.980 to the things that you can't do, you will miss so many things that you could do. Because imagine

00:25:26.540 if everyone said, well, gravity is real. There's nothing you can do. Well, tell that to the aviation

00:25:31.020 industry. Right. And one of my favorite stories about doing the impossible, there was a guy's last

00:25:35.540 name's Danzig. I forget his first name, but he won the highest medal in mathematics because he showed

00:25:40.740 up one day late for a class and the teacher had written on the board, these two equations. He

00:25:45.540 thought they were the homework. So he wrote them down, took them back. He's working, working,

00:25:49.100 working. He's like, man, these, these like assignments are really hard, but he finally

00:25:53.940 finishes them. And in embarrassment, he turns them into the teacher and just walks out of the room.

00:25:58.060 Doesn't say anything. Cause it took him like three days too long. And so he had turned them in and

00:26:02.920 his teacher comes knocking on his door at two 30 in the morning and says, you just solved two

00:26:07.800 equations that have stood unsolved for like 200 years. He was like, these were, I put them up as

00:26:12.640 examples of unsolvable equations. And the guy was like, I just thought it was the homework. And

00:26:16.900 because he just thought it was the homework, he didn't believe it couldn't be done.

00:26:20.720 Yeah. No one told him he couldn't do it. Right.

00:26:23.360 Exactly. Yeah. And it's like, once you realize that the belief that something is impossible will

00:26:29.800 make it impossible. And the belief that something is possible will in and of itself make it possible.

00:26:36.700 Everything in your life should change at that moment. In fact, people watching this or listening

00:26:40.300 to this right now, their lives should just have changed because they should understand right now

00:26:46.380 that they can choose to believe something different. And that in choosing to believe

00:26:51.780 something different, even about themselves will change everything moving forward.

00:26:56.520 Yeah. Yeah. It makes total sense. How do you reinforce this belief system? Because I know

00:27:00.480 there's going to be somebody who's listening to this, who, who feels like, okay, yeah, Tom's right on

00:27:04.440 point. I know I need to change my belief system. Here's what I'm going to start believing. Here's

00:27:09.020 what I'm going to start adopting. And then we're going to get inundated with our daily tasks and the

00:27:15.800 boss calling and our kids asking and begging for attention and this charity reaching out. And then

00:27:20.180 we're going to naturally default back to our old belief system.

00:27:23.540 Yeah. So habits are everything. And getting just amazing morning routine is one way that you can do

00:27:30.740 this. And people need to understand the way the mind works, like to boil the mind down to its

00:27:36.900 anatomy, what Elon Musk refers to as the physics of any situation. Once you understand the anatomy of

00:27:42.180 the brain, the way neurochemistry works, the way that we're wired, you begin to understand the tricks

00:27:46.300 that the brain plays on you to get you to take certain activities, like trying to get you to

00:27:50.000 conserve calories because, you know, whatever, a hundred thousand years ago, that made sense. People need to

00:27:54.660 understand that you get what you focus on. So if every morning you tell yourself that human

00:27:58.980 potential is limitless, just saying it, just the pure repetition, focusing on it, you'll start to

00:28:04.640 believe it and you'll encounter something that's, you know, stupid that you didn't think you could

00:28:10.160 do. And then that mantra will be right there because you're repeating it to yourself a hundred times a

00:28:13.800 day, every day. And now all of a sudden, when you encounter that situation, everybody else thinks

00:28:18.340 up, but there's no way that we can do that. You think, well, of course there is because human

00:28:21.460 potential is limitless. I can do anything I set my mind to. And even though, you know, it's a lie,

00:28:25.920 like you still believe it because you focused on it so much. And what's ironic, people have an easy

00:28:32.860 time believing it. If I said, tell yourself that you're a moron a hundred times a day, every day,

00:28:38.160 and see what happens. They know it would degrade their life. They know that or even better tell

00:28:42.380 your kid, they're a moron a hundred times a day, every day, right? Watch what happens now. It's not

00:28:47.980 objective. It's pure subjective, but it becomes reality. So people need to treat their minds like

00:28:53.640 that. They need to be focusing on things that empower them. It, it doesn't matter if it's true.

00:28:58.220 It matters if it's effective. And so if telling yourself that your potential is limitless is

00:29:03.360 effective in getting you to do more, to believe in yourself, to push farther, to do an extra rep,

00:29:07.660 to read another book, to really take a chance at something, to see something through, to have grit

00:29:12.300 and persevere, then tell yourself. I like that you talk about the opposite side because you're right.

00:29:17.820 Everybody would say, Oh, you don't, you know, that would be demoralizing. You're pitting yourself up

00:29:21.780 and it's not a good thing. But when it comes to talking about yourself in a positive light or using

00:29:27.540 the term affirmations or a mantra or whatever it is you're using, Oh, that's woo woo. That's pie in

00:29:32.760 the sky. That's theory. It doesn't work like that. You got to do more. So it's really fascinating

00:29:36.780 the comparisons and how we look at those two things. And here's the thing. I'm obsessed with

00:29:41.000 neuroscience, man. So I'll take the Pepsi challenge. If people are telling me that's not

00:29:44.260 how it works, like we'll bury you with data. So we just had a guy on impact theory. His name's

00:29:49.900 Moran surf. He's one of the most dynamic neuroscientists out there today. And during

00:29:54.780 the episode, I'm saying things like this. And he was like, let me translate that into neuroscience

00:29:58.580 terms and tell you why that's real. And so he just broke it down and talked about how the brain

00:30:04.240 works. And, you know, again, going back to the anatomy and the neurochemistry, like this stuff is

00:30:09.620 real. And, and for me, understanding the neurochemistry of it helped me go beyond the woo woo. Cause

00:30:16.880 I hate woo. I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel creepy. Like I'm just, I am not into that,

00:30:23.080 but there's like real stuff. So take meditation. I resisted meditation for years cause it felt feminine

00:30:28.700 to me. And I just, uh, like I didn't, I did not want to get into that. So finally somebody begins

00:30:36.360 to explain to me the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. So the

00:30:41.480 sympathetic nervous system is fight flight or freeze. And the parasympathetic nervous system

00:30:46.060 is the flip side of that, which helps calm you down and bring you back to neutral. Now there's

00:30:52.220 this feedback loop in your physiology and your mentality where like we were talking about,

00:30:57.840 there's neurons in your gut. There's also, when you breathe in a certain way, you trigger

00:31:03.180 the parasympathetic nervous system. So simply by sitting in a certain way and breathing in a certain

00:31:08.280 way, you trigger the parasympathetic nervous system. It calms your heart rate. Blood goes back from

00:31:14.180 the limbic system and goes back to the prefrontal cortex, which is the centers of higher cognition.

00:31:20.840 So there are physiological things that are happening that are predictable, that are controllable,

00:31:26.560 that you could do. You just have to understand them and you have to understand, you know, how to

00:31:32.080 activate that stuff.

00:31:33.580 Man, this stuff's so powerful. I want to talk about the term potential. And I know that's a term that

00:31:38.760 you use and it's a term that I've used, like reach your full potential. And I'm kind of at odds with

00:31:42.580 that these days because I don't, it's almost like it's something that can be reached. And I don't know

00:31:47.140 if it can. I like how you phrased it. And I want to talk about your thoughts on, on what that even

00:31:52.380 means. What does it mean to reach your, your human potential or, or strive to reach it?

00:31:56.780 So I don't think that there is an end point. And if there is, I'll be very, very sad if I ever reach

00:32:02.160 it. And it's like that, you know, story about Alexander the great, where he looked out at the

00:32:07.240 horizon and realized that there were no more worlds to conquer. And thusly he wept. So it, I never want

00:32:13.800 to actually reach the terminal point of my potential. And the great news is I have no reason to believe

00:32:21.200 that any human being has ever maxed out their potential.

00:32:24.600 Yeah. I can't believe that's the case, right? It's not like a VO two max where you're limited

00:32:29.100 by your lung capacity. So this is about really developing a set of highly specific skills

00:32:38.760 that are aimed at a highly specific goal that have metrics that you can check back against to make

00:32:44.460 sure that the skills that you've acquired actually work. So, you know, to speaking to a guy here that

00:32:49.700 has a military background, it's like, if you have an insurgent area, you know, that they're in a

00:32:55.320 building and you have a tactic that you're going to use to get over to that building and safely clear

00:33:00.260 it. If you get over to that building and safely clear it, then the tactic worked. If you get over

00:33:04.600 to that building and fail to safely clear it, or can't get to the building, then your tactic did not

00:33:08.340 work. And it's so binary that people need to find ways like that in their life to really have metrics

00:33:14.060 to hold themselves accountable to and be able to say this either is working or it's not working.

00:33:18.560 And so the gym is a great example of that. If you can curl a 50 pound weight today, but your goal is

00:33:24.700 to get to a 60 pound weight, well, you can either curl the 60 pound weight or you can't. And if you

00:33:29.260 can't, then you're not doing the things you need to by definition to accomplish your goal. And so you're

00:33:33.680 going to need to change something. And then it's about learning something new, uh, you know, either

00:33:38.180 attacking the diet or attacking the way that you lift or the frequency that you lift or, you know,

00:33:43.280 whatever the case is, but you keep trying new things until you get the desired result.

00:33:47.740 How do you identify metrics for a goal? For example, that might be more difficult to quantify.

00:33:54.240 Like I want to be a better man, or I want to be a better husband or a better father. Is that simply

00:33:58.940 a matter of changing the goal or what would you suggest? It really is. It's a matter of defining

00:34:03.720 the goal. And so you're going to have to decide like, what does that mean? So if you want to be a

00:34:09.460 better father, okay, cool. So how are we going to measure that? Are we going to measure it by the

00:34:14.980 happiness of our kids? Are we going to measure it by how well they do in school? Are we going to

00:34:19.800 measure it by, you know, how much time they're willing to spend with me? Like what metric are you

00:34:26.260 going to use? And then you have to judge it against that. But at the end of the day, and this is why

00:34:30.620 when people talk about the mind, it always slips into woo woo. It becomes very ephemeral is because

00:34:35.840 people aren't willing to put a metric to it, or they may not even know what metric to put

00:34:39.540 against it, but that means you just haven't thought through it enough. So you really have

00:34:43.320 to decide like, what am I going to hold myself accountable to? And then as you do that, like

00:34:49.480 if you say, okay, I'm going to judge it by my kid's grades. Okay. Awesome. And then they're

00:34:54.160 getting, you know, straight A's. Okay. But are they happy? Was that a good metric to use and

00:34:59.280 evaluate and say, no, this actually, this is working really well. Like my kid seems well adjusted.

00:35:03.940 It's created this amazing feedback loop for us so that, you know, we spend time doing the homework

00:35:08.680 and we're doing it together and they're achieving and I show them how proud I am or no, they're

00:35:12.940 killing themselves. They're super exhausted all the time. They're on edge until they get their grades.

00:35:17.580 They think my love is tied to the grades. You know what? I need to adjust. You just have to look at it

00:35:21.600 and you have to have the awareness to see if it's working or not. You're somebody who sounds like

00:35:26.060 does a lot of reflection and obviously that's coming through in the way you're communicating and the

00:35:30.940 information you're sharing with us. And then obviously the feedback that you're receiving in

00:35:34.760 your, in your level of success. How do you suggest that somebody become more thoughtful,

00:35:41.260 more aware and increase their ability to be somebody who reflects maybe a little bit better

00:35:46.580 or thinks a little bit deeper? So I schedule reflection time. So my morning routine goes like

00:35:52.200 this. It starts the night before I don't set an alarm. I sleep as much as I need. That's usually

00:35:56.620 between five and six hours. Once I realize I'm awake, I allow myself no more than 10 minutes in

00:36:00.880 bed. I wake up very slowly. So for me, that's like brutal. Uh, but I get out of bed. I immediately go to

00:36:06.560 the gym. I work out for about an hour immediately after working out. I meditate. Meditating puts you in

00:36:12.380 an alpha wave brain state, which is recognized by neuroscience as being the most creative of brain

00:36:18.000 states. There's something about it and I don't understand it well enough to explain why this happens.

00:36:22.280 But what happens is you're able to make these unique connections from very disparate areas of your

00:36:27.820 brain. So problems that just seemed unsolvable suddenly come together. And it's people talk about

00:36:33.160 that a lot with sleeping. They'll say, Oh, I had this problem. I just couldn't imagine how to solve

00:36:36.980 it. I went to bed. And when I woke up, I had the answer. It's a very similar thing that you do.

00:36:40.880 It's what I call thinkitating. So after I do meditating where I'm actively trying not to think

00:36:46.580 when I finished that, which is usually around 20 minutes, then I go into thinkitating where now

00:36:51.980 I'm in this creative state that I got from meditating. And now I'm going to think about

00:36:57.140 whatever is my deepest problem. And I literally just set my mind to that. And I've tried to,

00:37:02.780 I try to always identify what that problem is going to be before I begin the meditation process. So I

00:37:07.620 don't lose my, you know, sort of meditation buzz, if you will, as I go into thinkitating. But I'll sit

00:37:13.240 there and, you know, just literally think about it. And I let my mind go where it wants to go. I let the,

00:37:19.580 you know, sort of tangential things happen. And then oftentimes you'll have this moment of insight,

00:37:24.800 which I then make sure that I write down. And a lot of times in the writing, I'll try to like

00:37:29.440 really keep pushing the thought until I get to the outer edges. And I just don't have any more

00:37:34.020 to say on the topic. And a lot of times the very process of writing it, if anybody's done journaling,

00:37:40.320 um, as you journal that stuff out, like more ideas are coming to you. So it's about really making the

00:37:45.900 time. This is valuable. I know I had an experience a couple of weeks ago where I was working through

00:37:50.940 some problems within the business and I decided, you know, I'm just going to go for a run. And I

00:37:54.640 went for a run and I got a mile and a half, two miles into my run. And it just hit me like a

00:37:58.280 lightning bolt. Like this is the answer. And I couldn't get back to my house fast enough, uh,

00:38:02.100 because I needed to write this down. So I can definitely see that, uh, that the power of what

00:38:06.760 did you call a thinkitating? Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that. That makes a ton of

00:38:11.260 sense. What type of, uh, are you using a specific program or talk to me a little bit more on the

00:38:17.420 meditation side of things? So I learned meditation from a Navy SEAL, a guy named Mark Devine, who was

00:38:23.840 the one that really showed me, Hey, stop being a dumb ass. This isn't feminine. This is really

00:38:28.220 powerful. And you're missing out on, you know, just you're fundamentally misunderstanding that feedback

00:38:33.140 loop between the body and the brain. So he has a technique called box breathing and I use a modified

00:38:39.880 version of that. And for him it's, so it's inhale, hold, exhale, hold, and all four parts are equal in

00:38:47.580 duration. And I find that doing that doesn't feel quite right to me. So I do, uh, an inhale, which is

00:38:54.440 relatively long, a hold on the inhale, which is relatively short and exhale, which is fast because

00:39:00.060 I just let it out. Um, and then a long hold at the end, which I do just because it, it is so

00:39:07.420 relaxing for me for some reason. Um, and so that's the cycle. And I just repeat that. And I call it

00:39:12.760 just breathe meditation because of my mind wanders. I tell myself just breathe and I refocus on the

00:39:18.440 breathing. We've actually had Mark on the show. And so I'll, I'll, uh, what I'll do is I'll link

00:39:21.920 that up to the episode and that way we can learn any, any talks about meditation a little bit more

00:39:26.040 length. So we can make sure we hit that up there as well. So very cool. Well, Tom, we're winding down

00:39:30.200 on time. I could talk about this stuff all day. The mindset I know is I've, uh, improved my mind and

00:39:35.500 developed my mind and all the things that we're talking about here has literally transformed my

00:39:38.900 life. It sounds like it has for you as well. Uh, but obviously we're, we're winding down on time.

00:39:43.240 I want to ask you a couple of questions as we wind down today. The first one is what does it mean to

00:39:48.560 be a man? For me, that really is about pushing your potential about making big demands of yourself

00:39:57.240 that are all tied back to very specific skills and acquiring them. And then on top of that,

00:40:03.740 like just to be really talking about masculinity for a second to have a belief system in your mind

00:40:11.800 about what you're willing to do to protect those that you love and care about. So I can't tell you

00:40:16.640 how many times I have mentally rehearsed, um, it just impossible scenarios where I had to do something

00:40:23.680 physical to kill, to save my wife, or even a willingness to die for my wife. And you get what

00:40:29.660 you focus on. Right. So I focused on that so many times that take for instance, um, our house alarm

00:40:36.120 has gone off a few times in the middle of the night. I've so rehearsed like that I'll fucking kill

00:40:40.900 anybody that comes into my house that threatens my family that I'm out of bed and halfway down the hall

00:40:46.440 before I realize like what's happening. Interesting. So like there, there's two sides to that coin because

00:40:54.600 I I'm a huge believer in, in the yin and yang of masculinity and, um, femininity and, you know,

00:41:00.780 being in touch and being emotional and being vulnerable and being open to all that. And I

00:41:04.380 actually think that's a huge part of being a man, especially if you're trying to connect, um,

00:41:08.860 in a meaningful way with, with a woman. So, but it, you've got to have that duality. And I think,

00:41:14.060 you know, a lot of people feed the emotion, they feed the openness and vulnerability,

00:41:18.640 but never take the time to get tough. Sure. And I think both are equally important. I agree. And

00:41:24.820 that tends to be a growing trend in society I'm seeing, which is something where, uh, we're helping

00:41:28.860 squash a little bit. And, and I like the duality you talk about. So it makes a ton of sense.

00:41:32.760 Well, Tom, how do we find out more about you? How do we find out about impact theory,

00:41:35.740 some of the work you're doing and connect with you? Yeah. Follow me at, at Tom Bilyeu, uh, that's

00:41:41.000 across all socials. I'm very active socially. Uh, my last name is spelled B as in Bravo. I L Y

00:41:48.280 E U. Um, and yeah, hit me up, man. Right on. We'll make sure we link that up in the show notes

00:41:53.120 so the guys can connect with you, Tom. I appreciate you. I appreciate your work. I'm

00:41:55.800 going to dig deeper into this stuff because I can see that even for me, someone who, you know,

00:42:00.120 prides myself on, on striving to reach potential has a lot of room to go. And, uh, I'm excited to

00:42:06.200 dig in. So thanks again for joining us on the show today. Absolutely, man. Thanks for having me on

00:42:10.600 and really respect what you're doing. There you have it guys. My conversation with Mr. Tom

00:42:16.520 Bilyeu, if you're not already following this man, I encourage you to do that as quickly as

00:42:21.040 you possibly can. I know that I've learned a ton about how the mind works and how to strengthen

00:42:24.500 it, which will in turn help us achieve in all areas of our lives. Again, just a quick reminder

00:42:30.720 about our second live event, the uprising. We will sell out the 25 spots this year. Again,

00:42:35.380 we have one, maybe two spots left and I want to see you there. At the end of the day, we're

00:42:39.160 going to be completing some activities and challenges that are going to be exactly what you need

00:42:43.640 to take your life to the next level. So you can learn more and claim that last spot

00:42:47.340 at order of man.com slash uprising. I'm going to look forward to talk with you on Friday for our

00:42:51.820 Friday field notes, but until then take action and become the man you were meant to be. Thank you for

00:42:56.700 listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man

00:43:01.800 you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - February 21, 2017

101： Get Your Mind Right ｜ Tom Bilyeu

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