Order of Man - 151： Know Fear ｜ Tony Blauer

00:00:00.000 Fear is something that every single one of us experiences, but the reality is that most of us

00:00:04.580 don't know how to adequately face it when it rears its ugly head. Your ability to understand

00:00:09.740 your fear and how to use it to your advantage may be the difference between life and death.

00:00:14.680 Today, I'm joined by Tony Blower with Blower Tactical Systems in a conversation every man

00:00:19.680 needs to hear. We talk about handling confrontation effectively, when violence is the answer,

00:00:25.360 how to become what Tony calls a courageous bystander, and how you can become more powerful

00:00:31.140 by knowing your fear. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears

00:00:36.800 and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:43.300 You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:49.940 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:55.360 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:01:01.320 and I am the host and founder of this podcast, the one you're listening to right now, The Order

00:01:05.520 of Man. I am thankful and grateful that you are here, grateful that you're sharing the message,

00:01:10.780 grateful that we are growing. In fact, I was looking at the numbers today. Last month was the single

00:01:16.620 highest downloaded month to date in over three years. So thank you for being here and sharing this

00:01:23.220 message of genuine masculinity and one that I believe, and I'm sure you feel the same way,

00:01:28.700 needs to be heard. The world needs to hear this message. And along that note, guys, I can't even

00:01:33.580 begin to describe how excited I am that the book, Sovereignty, The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of

00:01:38.700 Men is finally available. This has been years in the making, and I've put a lot of time and energy

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00:02:06.420 all of self-help, which is tens of thousands of books. So I first and foremost want to thank you for

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00:02:17.800 like, the book again is now available for purchase. You can pick up your copy at orderofman.com slash

00:02:24.700 sovereignty. That will take you directly to Amazon. You can pick it up there. You can search for my

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00:02:39.640 who are going to be reading and applying the principles that we've been talking about here

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00:03:02.940 message that we're sharing within the order of man. So again, head to orderofman.com slash

00:03:07.960 sovereignty. It's going to take you directly to Amazon. Pick up your copy right now. That's the

00:03:13.420 only announcement I have guys. I want to get right into this thing. My guest today is Tony Blower. He

00:03:18.340 is a self-defense expert and the creator of the spear system, which stands for spontaneous protection,

00:03:25.460 enabling accelerated response. Say that five times fast. I know that that is a mouthful, but what he's

00:03:32.080 been able to learn and develop and teach is how to harness the body's natural defense mechanisms to

00:03:39.100 respond to a threat of violence effectively. He's been training special forces and LEOs since the

00:03:45.100 eighties. He's one of the only experts who has affected training across all of the combat related

00:03:50.880 communities. That's self-defense, combat sports, military law enforcement, every sector out there.

00:03:57.160 And today you're going to hear the passion in his voice as he talks with us about stepping into the

00:04:01.960 role of protector for ourselves, our families and our communities. Tony, what's up, man? Thanks for

00:04:08.820 joining me on the show today. Dude, I'm very excited to be here. I really like what I've seen of you,

00:04:12.980 what you're doing. And I think this response to fear and knowing what fear is, is such a valuable

00:04:17.260 component of being a man. You know, we talk about being a protector, a provider and a presider. And

00:04:21.780 obviously we're going to get more into that protection discussion of today, but why don't you help me

00:04:26.240 understand and help our audience wrap our heads around the idea of no fear? And when I say no,

00:04:31.360 I'm talking about K-N-O-W, no fear. What do you mean when you're talking about that? 1.00

00:04:36.060 Well, it probably helped some of the listeners who, especially your audience, you hear the words,

00:04:41.600 no fear, and you immediately think of the adrenaline company, the t-shirt company that sponsors a lot of

00:04:46.220 the, you know, motocross and bike and, you know, extreme sports. About 20 years ago, I've been,

00:04:52.280 you know, teaching self-defense for, for decades, but about 20 odd years ago on a whiteboard session,

00:04:58.360 we were talking, it was like no fear. Everyone had the no fear shirts. And I would tell people,

00:05:03.000 I go, listen, man, I have so much fear in my life. So here I am like the founder of the company. I'm

00:05:08.280 talking to, to these groups and I go, I had fear as a kid. I had fear as a wrestler. I had fear in

00:05:14.940 gymnastics. I had fear as a skier. I grew up on skis. I'm originally from Canada and you're either a

00:05:20.300 skier or skater. And I grew up, I was one of the best skiers in Canada by the time I was 13,

00:05:24.380 but I never won a race because my fear sabotaged my success. Every time I took off, it was always

00:05:30.660 like, Oh man, too bad. You caught a tip too bad. You skied off the course you were going. So, you

00:05:34.160 know, but I couldn't talk about it to anybody because I didn't know how to talk about it.

00:05:38.220 Right. I mean, so I remember one day I'm standing there and I got a no fear t-shirt on in front of a

00:05:42.760 group of people. And I said, this shirt must be defective because I still have fear and everyone laughs.

00:05:48.140 Right. And we just started talking about this idea and the, you know, I wrote the word no and Oh fear

00:05:53.640 on a whiteboard. And then suddenly you see the K and the O and you go, really what we're doing is

00:06:00.040 the ability to make any decision in life comes down to, when you peel that fucking onion, it comes down 0.98

00:06:05.860 to, can I manage my fear? So who I talk to determines who I end up marrying, where I live, 0.98

00:06:13.540 how much money I make, how much weight I lift, whether or not you protect yourself or your,

00:06:18.240 your family or be a courageous bystander at the moment of truth, it all ties to our ability to

00:06:23.580 manage fear. Like number one fear is public speaking, right? You would think that getting

00:06:28.520 knocked out and thrown in the trunk and driven to a secondary crime scene would be like the number

00:06:33.180 one fear in the world, but it's public speaking. And then it's like, you know, so it's just weird how

00:06:38.440 people think of the real confrontation as like this specter in the dark, but the real confrontation

00:06:43.360 is how you talk to yourself. Is the idea of knowing fear, just a matter of putting yourself

00:06:48.240 in situations that cause you anxiety and fear. Is there more to it? How do you begin to understand

00:06:53.180 what your body does and physiology and psychology when you start to get into scary situations?

00:07:00.020 Yeah, that's a great question. So if you've got a specialty profession, like if you're military or law

00:07:06.500 enforcement, you need to stress inoculate, you need to, you reverse engineer scenarios. If you're

00:07:11.800 with a good unit or team, they will look at the area of operation and shit that you may face and 0.96

00:07:16.680 they will intelligently create. So you're actually in that case there, you're seeking going from your 0.65

00:07:22.440 comfort zone to your discomfort zone, to what I lovingly refer to as the holy shit zone. And you're 0.99

00:07:26.720 doing that in a calculated, systematic, intelligent way, because that type of training is dangerous and

00:07:33.660 there's risk and some people can get seriously hurt. But that's where you're, and this is such

00:07:39.080 a good question, right? Cause I get people who ask me all the time going, Hey, to learn how to manage

00:07:43.520 fear, should I do things like that scare me? And I go, yeah, but not if they're really dangerous and

00:07:50.480 you don't know what you're doing because now that's just stupid. Sure. Fear is an emotion. 1.00

00:07:55.080 Latin for fear, I believe translates as to move away from, but what we don't want to do. And what I talk

00:08:00.640 about in our workshops and our seminars is this, what I call emotional inertia. So inertia, you know,

00:08:05.580 you know, from the physics term, but emotional inertia is your body's inability to move because

00:08:09.600 the emotional psychological connection creates this, this kind of pull. And now your cognitive brain

00:08:16.140 and your reptilian brain are kind of locked and now you're fetal that has absolutely dire consequences

00:08:21.360 like in an active killer situation, in a rape, in a mugging, but it's also probably produces

00:08:27.920 procrastination and hesitation and doubt. And so now someone, you know, years later,

00:08:33.320 it's that old proverbial rocking chair tests where somebody goes, you know, like you're sitting on

00:08:36.700 in the rocking chair going, man, I should have done that. Well, why didn't you move? Why didn't

00:08:41.140 you start that job? Why didn't you ask that person to marry you? And I believe this. And I like,

00:08:45.740 I've been doing this now going on 40 years, man. When you peel that onion and you get inside

00:08:50.640 somebody's head, they will say maybe in different words, I was afraid to.

00:08:54.960 Hmm. Yeah, sure. One of the things that I've, I've seen you talk about is the startle flinch

00:08:59.900 response. Is this what you're talking about here? Is this something entirely different?

00:09:03.500 So the startle flinch is more of the physiology of a stimulus being introduced too quickly. So a

00:09:08.280 butterfly and a bumblebee can make you flinch. If you turn around and, and there's like an insect

00:09:12.160 right there, there's a micro flinch, the whole startle flinch that. So what I do, like I teach

00:09:18.260 program called be your own bodyguard. The basis of it is the spear system. My main clients are military

00:09:22.980 and law enforcement, but since I'm 20 years old, I'm 57 now, since I'm 20 years old, my singular

00:09:29.260 focus is trying to make people safer, good humans safer. The startle flinch was something I discovered

00:09:34.800 accidentally during a drill in 1988, uh, during a drill, I lovingly referred to as the sucker punch

00:09:40.340 drill, where I had one of my protege students who was a really good boxer. He had gloves on. I had a

00:09:45.920 mouth guard on. We were close quarter. We were filming this in the old days, VHS. Some of your listeners

00:09:50.120 don't know what VHS is, Google it, but we're filming this shit. And basically for about an 0.99

00:09:54.500 hour, I got the shit punched out of me. I mean, just, I thought I was going to wax on wax off 0.99

00:09:59.000 everything. And this is before the karate kid, right? Because it was just like a drill and

00:10:02.600 isolation drill. But what I had done is I said, Hey, real life isn't a sparring contest where you

00:10:08.220 agree to a certain weight category, certain rules, just shit happens to you. Right. I said, let's go 0.99

00:10:13.400 outside the box here. And I said, his name was Warren. I said, Warren, you're going to put these 16

00:10:17.700 ounce boxing gloves on and you set up any scenario you want. And in the middle of the scenario,

00:10:22.240 I'm going to start talking to answer it. So he could be a loan shark. He could be a bum on the

00:10:27.680 street, panhandling. And then he was going to just erupt at extreme close quarter with his punches. 0.79

00:10:33.400 Well, I really thought this was like a private thing. I really thought I was going to do a lot

00:10:37.160 better. And it's wonderful how the ego and pride can sometimes, you know, introduce you to a new

00:10:41.660 lesson in life. I mean, I just literally at the end, at the end of this, bro, my head like a mouse

00:10:46.540 under both eyes. I was bleeding from my mouth. My face was swollen. I was sitting at my desk.

00:10:50.700 This is, we didn't have whiteboards. This is 1988. I'm sitting at my desk. I just popped some Tylenol

00:10:56.200 or whatever. And I'm sitting there with my hand on my head and ice pack on me going, what the fuck 1.00

00:11:01.080 was that? As I started to replay what was happening and look at the video, I saw that every time I 0.98

00:11:07.880 flinched, I never got hit clean. That every time I tried to parry slip, bong sao, tan sao, do some sort of 0.61

00:11:14.040 martial art move because I'd been studying all these arts that when I tried to interfere what

00:11:18.980 was spontaneously happening with a complex motor skill that I was always late. And so what we

00:11:25.220 learn and what we learn all these years later is, is that your reptilian brain, the limbic system,

00:11:29.540 the amygdala bypasses cognition during sudden violence or a, and that's why, like, if you come

00:11:35.640 into class joking around and teacher says, okay, put your books on the floor, I'm giving you a quiz.

00:11:40.600 Why do people draw a blank? And then after say, I knew all the answers. I just like, like, I like

00:11:45.980 my froze. Right. And it's the same thing. So stimulus being introduced too quickly creates a

00:11:49.820 startle flinch, which is a relationship with the brain and the body. And if there's no threat of

00:11:54.120 physical violence, of course, there's no physical movement. You're not covering your head or pushing

00:11:57.240 away danger, but the startle flinch is the foundation, the behavioral foundation, the physiology,

00:12:02.040 the physics and psychology behind my self-defense protocol.

00:12:05.120 It sounds like the startle flinch is positive in a lot of ways. Like you said, I mean,

00:12:09.480 when you're talking about these complex movements, but then at the same time, I think we, as humans

00:12:13.760 have, and you alluded to this, a natural tendency to freeze, right? Which doesn't seem like it would

00:12:19.280 be in our best interest. How do you tap into this a little bit more of the startle flinch and,

00:12:24.360 and, and really hone this when it seems to be unconscious?

00:12:28.260 The biggest thing is just creating awareness for it. Right. So if I get you to acknowledge it and

00:12:33.840 also reframe it, because when somebody looks at somebody flinching, it always looks like some,

00:12:38.140 you know, cowardly, scared, right? If you know, you, you can look at a, you know, a picture,

00:12:43.600 I got a picture of, let's say Mike Tyson flinching in the ring. And in that moment,

00:12:47.260 although, you know, it's Mike Tyson, there's something incongruous because his eyes are closed,

00:12:51.020 his head is turned, he's pushing away danger. Right. I got MMA fighters. And what we do in our

00:12:55.660 courses, we say, listen, this is physiology bypassing cognition. This means that your opponent broke

00:13:01.420 your rhythm or, you know, something's about to hit you and it bypassed your cognitive awareness.

00:13:06.180 So number one, to what you said, startle flinch is absolutely a positive because it's, listen,

00:13:11.900 when somebody goes through a car windshield in a car accident, because they weren't wearing a seat

00:13:15.100 belt and they didn't have a, an airbag, there's always trauma on the forearms and hands. No one's

00:13:19.760 head gets hit first. It's always the hands. That's how fast this is. Wow. Same thing in a knife attack.

00:13:24.140 Same thing. You look at the forensics wounds, they call them defensive wounds, but there's startle

00:13:27.760 flinch responses where your hands come up before your head can get hit. It's amazing. So we've figured out

00:13:33.100 a way to weaponize that. But in terms of what this talk is more about is understanding how to apply

00:13:38.980 that and understand it. It's one is being open to learning, you know, so there's a lot of people

00:13:44.040 that reject this research because it challenges their, believe it or not, their definition of what

00:13:51.400 a man looks like in a fight. So you're talking about worrying more about the ego and looking cool

00:13:56.940 than the ability to successfully defend yourself. Correct. The startle flinch is the equivalent of

00:14:02.240 a organic airbag of an organic airbag, right? It deploys without your permission. Imagine if you had

00:14:07.500 to in a car accident, push a button to deploy an airbag, like it couldn't happen. Right, right.

00:14:12.440 Driving along, all of a sudden someone goes through a light and you go, shit, like you're not going to 1.00

00:14:15.480 shit. And then, and then suddenly find that button near your volume on your radio. Sure. So some genius 0.99

00:14:20.900 figured out how to create sensors in a car that when it got impacted at a certain pressure, it would

00:14:25.440 deploy an airbag, which would hopefully create a buffer between you and impact and save your body

00:14:30.820 and your face. That's what your startle flinch does in, in the violent encounter. So yeah, there's

00:14:35.480 a lot of people, unfortunately, in the more technical combative arenas that look at that as, as silly. 0.79

00:14:41.520 There's a lot that get it. It just, it doesn't readily apply or transfer to like a ring or combat

00:14:46.520 sport per se. Right. Because you've got a lot of cooperation there. There's certain rules,

00:14:50.720 there's guidelines, there's, Hey, you can't do this. You can do this. Here's the timeframe. Here's the

00:14:55.280 restrictions. Here's the guidelines. And we're going to operate within these parameters, but a

00:14:58.920 violent mugger, for example, doesn't have any rules and he's going to do whatever he wants and

00:15:03.260 whatever he can to complete his objective. Right. And that's the big thing. And going back

00:15:07.180 to the story of the sucker punch drill, 1988 with Warren, my ego, my ability to anticipate and predict

00:15:13.940 the future was, was predicated on the fact that I was always the instructor saying, this is the drill

00:15:17.960 we're going to do. You knew the script, right? Well, and even if we got into the ring, I, you know,

00:15:22.760 someone would say, Hey, I forgot my mouth guard. I go, okay, we'll just go to the body. We'll just

00:15:26.980 kick the legs and like no headshots. Right. So there was always like, like in MMA, no fish hooks, 0.99

00:15:31.700 no guns, no knives. You can't have your buddy with a sniper rifle in the stands, right? There are like

00:15:35.700 certain rules you set up. And so the thing would, what messed me up in this 1988 drill was I had

00:15:43.180 changed who gets to move when at what distance I said to Warren, you go when you want in the middle

00:15:48.760 of a conversation. So that was almost like the Jack in the box. So visualize the Jack in the box,

00:15:52.400 you know, the music, you could be up close, you know, the clown's going to pop, you know,

00:15:58.040 that lid's going to lift and there's a clown going to pop up. You can sit there with two

00:16:01.400 fingers up, like getting ready to finger jab and crank that. And the clown's head will always pop 0.97

00:16:06.440 up before you can hit it with a finger jab because actions faster than reaction. This is the big thing

00:16:11.680 that I want people to get anybody who, who, you know, and of course, uh, you know, your show is

00:16:16.740 more about, uh, how we think about how we behave and what we can do to be better people, better human,

00:16:22.380 you know, uh, better dads, better fathers, and so on and so forth. My bias in, and it's not

00:16:27.160 unconscious, it's a conscious bias is I really believe that every protector is wondering what

00:16:33.160 would I do if like you, you see something in the news, what would I've done there? And at the end of

00:16:38.160 the day, whether you say, well, that's why I carry or that's why whatever, whatever bullshit answer 0.99

00:16:42.680 you. And I don't mean that to insult people, but it's a bullshit answer. Like, unless you've 1.00

00:16:47.020 actually done that stuff at the end of the day, your ability to pull the metaphoric trigger on

00:16:51.960 decision-making, the mind navigates the body. It's part of the neural circuitry of decision-making

00:16:56.600 is going through a fear loop of actually having that anticipation. Okay. I'm now going to jump out

00:17:02.320 of an airplane. Okay. Is my shoe can open? There's a moment of managing fear and so on and so forth.

00:17:07.600 But, you know, going back to real quick, the issue with the start of flinch and Warren,

00:17:10.780 what I realized is when he could decide whether he was going to throw an uppercut or an overhand or

00:17:15.940 hit me to the body. And I didn't know where it was. And we weren't dancing. There was no

00:17:19.340 kind of like a violent dance going on. We weren't a rhythm almost, right? Yeah. The rhythm of MMA or

00:17:24.800 jujitsu or Thai boxing. There's a rhythm that the fighters based on the rules of engagement that they

00:17:30.480 can dance to. And some days you're to bug and some days you're to windshield, but you show up at a

00:17:34.660 certain time at a certain weight and you've already signed off on certain rules. It's interesting when

00:17:39.720 Tyson bit Holyfield, right? Yeah. People remember that? Yeah. It was the start of flinch that tore

00:17:45.640 the earlobe off, right? So Tyson's biting him with a mouth guard. I don't know if he had the mouth

00:17:49.780 guard in or out, regardless. He's in there. If you watch it carefully, Holyfield's face is like,

00:17:55.520 what the fuck? And then he flinches and he pushes Tyson away. And that's what he pushed away. 0.99

00:17:58.440 But the concept is Tyson introduces stimulus too quickly. That wasn't part of the rule book. If you

00:18:04.380 introduced biting into boxing, people wouldn't get bit. Right. They're prepared for that. Yeah. Now

00:18:10.580 suddenly. And so awareness changes everything. Awareness changes everything. And I think we have

00:18:15.100 a tendency to probably overestimate our abilities in this situations, which is why you say they give

00:18:19.360 the BS answer. I'm really curious how you improve what you've dubbed and termed your response ability

00:18:25.680 as in how you're going to, or, or are you able to respond in these situations?

00:18:30.460 Yeah. So, you know, those of you listening to this, just, uh, picture the word responsibility,

00:18:35.460 put a hyphen between response and ability and really turn it around. It's your ability to respond

00:18:39.880 after 37 years of teaching. I get asked all the time, like, uh, did you ever see, um,

00:18:45.600 Presidio with Sean Connery? No, I don't think I did. No matter who he had to fight in, in there,

00:18:50.880 he would take his thumb and he would hit the jugular notch right in the neck. And that was his move.

00:18:55.300 And he'd do it, you know, with his Scottish accent, he'd go, you know, and then the thumb would come in

00:18:59.880 there. And it's hysterical. So refined, right? Yeah. And it, and it was like, you would just

00:19:04.120 drop everybody like Spock, you know, like, like, you know, and so I use that joke. I guess, I guess

00:19:10.760 that's dating how old I am. People are like Googling Presidio who's Sean Connery. I know.

00:19:14.540 I kind of tend to think of like Matt Damon and, and some of these, you know, these, right. But I see

00:19:19.420 where you're coming from. Well, the reason I bring it up is because it was like a move that worked that

00:19:23.040 thumb or so what everyone's always looking for is this, like the Holy grail move. So people are always for

00:19:27.740 years. Just show me the secret move. I was talking about my father-in-law, Fred, you know,

00:19:32.920 he stopped asking me this about five years ago, but for about almost 20 years, he'd come up and

00:19:38.060 he'd say, T, just show me one move. Show me one move. If something happens, I go, there isn't a

00:19:42.200 move. There's four moves. There's situational awareness. If you don't know something's wrong,

00:19:48.100 it doesn't matter what you know. So you could know everything and you could know zero, but if you

00:19:52.340 have no awareness, you're still getting fucking hit. Sure. Right. Sure. And it, and it doesn't have to be a 0.99

00:19:56.540 fight, right? It could be your business gets taken away from you. Someone starts cheating on you.

00:20:01.320 Somebody, if you have no awareness, it's just going to hit you. The next thing is when you have

00:20:06.000 awareness, you will get a fear spike, right? So we're talking about like something outside your

00:20:10.720 comfort zone, which is good. I mean, that's a, that's a response that you need to understand,

00:20:14.360 which is part of this no fear thing. Well, this is the whole thing is that if you embrace the K and 0.53

00:20:18.800 or W fear where you go, okay, just got a fear spike about that. Am I being paranoid? Should I get

00:20:23.360 prepared? What do I have to learn about this? It's self-actualizing. You become a better person

00:20:27.600 by that's what we mean by there's no such thing as no fear and no fear, but there is a way to get to

00:20:33.260 no fear by embracing it, by looking at it, not chasing it, but committing to your self-actualization,

00:20:39.180 your evolution by going, that scared me. Is this something that I have to do again? Is this like

00:20:43.800 an FAQ in my life? Right. And I should get, you know, I should get good at it. So those four stages

00:20:48.580 are situational awareness, fear spike, and being able to acknowledge what that is.

00:20:53.620 Which with that, before you get into the other two, I think there's an important distinction here.

00:20:57.680 And this is one thing I found is when you're talking about knowing fear, I think it's recognizing what

00:21:01.800 that fear is trying to tell you. So should you actually disengage from the situation you find

00:21:05.940 yourself in, or is this something that's simply going to push you outside of your comfort zone,

00:21:09.440 but understanding what it is, is, is valuable. Right. That's a very cool question, really. And so my

00:21:14.960 answer, if, if you had trained with me before, and you're more than welcome to come to any of our

00:21:18.820 courses as a guest of mine, one of the things I always, always say to people, it depends on the

00:21:24.420 scenario. That's my default answer. Yeah. Right. So we talk about the three D's when we're teaching

00:21:30.160 our self-defense. And the reason why I love the self-defense model is it's transcendent by teaching

00:21:37.100 you to protect yourself. At the end of the course, you look at me and I go, you know, Ryan, will you do

00:21:40.620 everything you can to protect yourself, your family and decide if you want to be a courageous

00:21:43.380 bystander and everybody in the course just about will go absolutely. And I go, so now your job

00:21:49.120 doesn't scare you. Your boss doesn't scare you. Your mom doesn't scare you. Your whatever it is,

00:21:53.320 because at the end of the day, we all think that it's like I said earlier, there's this like, you

00:21:58.500 know, weird specter in the dark that's hiding under the bed, but that's not really what ruins most

00:22:03.140 people's lives. It's the everyday little fear of some sort of assertion or confrontation and

00:22:08.780 confrontation management that they don't understand. So your question is too specific

00:22:14.260 for a philosophical discussion. It should just be, I just got a fear spike about this.

00:22:19.720 Is it, Oh, wait a minute. Let me think about that. Oh no, it's not a stomach ache. It's like,

00:22:23.760 I forgot to eat dinner last night. I went to bed early and I was freaking out. I thought something

00:22:28.140 was wrong with me. Like you have the conversation with yourself. The, and that's a, you know, silly

00:22:32.500 example, but it's, you have to actually not wish for the spear spike, but acknowledge it

00:22:38.700 and then embrace it. And that's your first step to getting to know fear because your next step

00:22:42.980 is actually managing the fear, which is, uh, we've come up with a super slick acronym for it that I

00:22:50.760 think you'll dig in your listeners. You'll dig. It's, uh, when you get to the point where you go,

00:22:55.140 okay, I just got this phone message that my business partner is doing this, or my wife or my fiance 0.99

00:23:01.940 just decided to do this, or this guy's coming to beat my ass. Right. And there's this gap between 1.00

00:23:08.100 stimulus response called refractory delay. And that's you sitting there, right. And you're going,

00:23:12.660 what should I do? And maybe you have one second and maybe you have one week or a year, it doesn't

00:23:17.360 matter. And there's lots of people like philosophically who, who finally sell their

00:23:22.320 business and go do something. And they go, yeah, I've been meaning to do this for like five years,

00:23:25.840 you know, and they just wait. And what is it that's holding them back? It's their inability,

00:23:29.960 not their inability to make a decision, their inability to look at fear, because if you don't

00:23:34.500 see what's holding you back, so fear is either the suppressor and it's stymies, uh, growth and

00:23:40.460 decision-making, or it's a catalyst. It's that almost the fault in the, uh, the notion of ignorance

00:23:45.340 is bliss, right? It's only bliss until it destroys you. Right. And you don't know what you don't know.

00:23:50.420 So we start off with situational awareness. We go, Oh, like, that's not good. Fear spike.

00:23:55.620 Like now what I can do is I can ignore it. I put blinders on and I go, you know, uh, that doesn't

00:24:00.820 involve me or when I turn my back or I go, okay, FAQ, like, is this going to happen again? Do I know

00:24:08.040 how I'm going to respond to this? And so courage, the act of making a courageous decision, it's almost

00:24:14.640 like a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Right. Uh, and so, so that's why, that's why I

00:24:20.760 say like, instead of answering specifically like, Oh, you should do this and step to the side. And like the

00:24:25.060 way, you know, most complex motor skill, martial arts are taught. Like, this is the answer to

00:24:28.560 everything. Just step over here and do this. Or like a throat punch or a groin shot or whatever. 1.00

00:24:33.140 Right. And the real answer is what I said earlier is what's the scenario? Because there's some

00:24:37.180 scenarios where you don't do anything because it's going to make it worse. And there's some

00:24:41.460 scenarios where, and I always tell people like, what is the safest thing you can do here? So we have

00:24:46.100 this little joke, we go hashtag choose safety. And a lot of people confuse like the myopic person who,

00:24:52.460 who really has this unconscious bias. The danger of that is, of course, is that it's unconscious

00:24:57.180 where they, they see things through just their world. And they, they're, they're not critical

00:25:02.200 thinkers. They can't think about something without running it through how they think about it. In other

00:25:06.680 words, they let it interfere there. Right. And so, and when I say, Hey, you need to choose safety,

00:25:12.300 they confuse that with playing it safe. That's not what life is about. We don't want to play it safe.

00:25:17.000 What we want to do is what is the safest thing I could do? So I can be in a situation where the safest

00:25:20.520 thing I do is to kill the bad guy or play dead. Right. And so, so like, that's a huge extreme with 1.00

00:25:28.020 a bunch of variables in between, right? How do I make that decision? I need to manage my fear.

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00:26:43.140 Now back to my conversation with Tony. What's the acronym in point number three,

00:26:49.020 managing that fear? Yeah. So it's face it, F, understand it as much as you can,

00:26:54.940 like understand really what's going on here. Then C, control or confront. And why I say control

00:27:01.380 and confront, it's because there is, I really believe philosophically that there is no such

00:27:06.860 thing as the no fear that I think that if I told you, uh, Hey Ryan, like if you, uh, train with me,

00:27:12.280 like these 10 lessons and you buy my lifetime, uh, Ginsu knife set and, and you sign up right 0.98

00:27:18.560 now that you'll have no fear when you graduate this class, that's bullshit. Right. And, and so 0.99

00:27:23.280 if you buy into this idea that when you get to a certain level, you'll have no fear, what happens

00:27:28.120 if your palms are a little sweaty that day? What if he happens if you have butterflies? What if you go,

00:27:32.360 I wonder, did I work out enough this week? That puts doubt, doubt creates hesitation. Don't

00:27:36.860 hesitation, hesitation, unchecked becomes anxiety. Now you have fear again. But if you're, if the

00:27:42.340 performance psychology model, right. So I don't believe in peak performance for this reason,

00:27:47.020 I believe in performance enhancement, like a, like a mindset that says today I am here. It's game day

00:27:53.340 and I got to be as good as I can be today, but I might've not slept well. I might be fighting a flu.

00:27:59.140 I can't, so I can't be thinking like, I'm not peaking today because I don't want a negative,

00:28:03.240 you know, I don't want this negative label in my head. So that's why I say C is confront

00:28:09.040 and control because I may not be in what modern performance psychologists refer to as flow today.

00:28:14.760 Yeah. I mean, I felt that even this morning, I was at the gym this morning and I was doing a

00:28:17.900 benchmark workout and I missed it. I completely missed it. How'd you feel? I felt bad, man. I was

00:28:23.560 down on myself this morning because I was that far off. Right. What if you went into the workout? So,

00:28:28.740 so I don't like running. So I've got four types of run. One of my runs is I feel like running

00:28:33.220 today. One of my runs is I don't feel like running today. One of my runs is I'm being chased by bad

00:28:38.560 guys and I can't like, right. And so I give myself like an emotional psychological. So what if I get

00:28:43.780 up and I go, I feel like shit today, but I'm going to go work out because sometimes you need to do 0.91

00:28:48.680 things when you don't feel like doing it. So my workout today is about mindset, not about PRing. 0.92

00:28:53.820 So you still won the workout because you defined it differently.

00:28:57.540 So if we had talked before your workout and I said, don't do the PR today, do the benchmark,

00:29:01.540 but here's the workout you're going to do. This is the workout you do to not be a pussy. 1.00

00:29:05.760 And this is the workout you do where you're going, you know, fuck, I'm just going to grind 1.00

00:29:09.220 through this. If I had asked you now, how was your workout? You'd have said great. 0.98

00:29:12.920 Right. If you would really embrace that mindset.

00:29:15.040 Interesting. Isn't that cool?

00:29:16.740 So I'm assuming the last letter in that acronym is K, right?

00:29:20.340 Right. No. So yeah. So that's the, that's our acronym. F U C K fuck fear, right? Face it,

00:29:26.360 understand it, confront control, and then you get to know fear. That doesn't mean your journey's

00:29:31.140 over. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be faced with a similar threat a week later,

00:29:35.640 a day later, a year later, and still have that fear spike, right? Interesting.

00:29:39.680 It's just this mindset of going, okay, let's do this. You know, turning away from it is not

00:29:45.520 going to make it go away. In fact, it might impact my self-esteem, my dignity, and my pride

00:29:50.480 if it happens repeatedly.

00:29:52.680 And even compound the problem until you finally are forced to deal with it.

00:29:55.880 Yeah. A hundred percent. I really believe in, and it's like kind of my big mission this

00:30:00.540 past year. And it's that cliche of where I say, and I'm, you know, I've got a 26 year

00:30:04.820 old son, a 20 year old daughter, and I'm sharing all this stuff with them. And they're looking

00:30:09.640 at me like I'm an idiot. I'm going, and I'm saying things like, you know, I wish somebody 0.99

00:30:13.680 had told me this when I was 25 and they're going, okay, thanks dad. Got to go. And I'm like

00:30:17.940 going, and I'm like laughing, going, wow. It's that cliche of like the things you realize

00:30:22.720 when you're in your fifties or sixties that, and then you say, I wish I'd known that, but

00:30:26.880 you're on top of the world. You're invincible when you're at that age. And it's like, yeah,

00:30:30.260 dad, whatever. But I just keep peppering them, hoping some stuff will get in through osmosis.

00:30:35.080 You said there's a fourth move. So we went through the three, we went through situational

00:30:38.280 awareness, the fear spike, and then managing the fear. What's the fourth move?

00:30:42.000 Functional movement.

00:30:43.200 So explain that.

00:30:44.360 The unconscious bias says this. If you're a second amendment concealed carry person that has no

00:30:50.280 training and has never been in a gunfight and you see some violent encounter online,

00:30:55.740 what do you post in the thread? That's why I carry.

00:30:59.220 Yeah. I would have just shot him. You should have done this. You should have done that. Right. 1.00

00:31:02.360 So the unconscious bias says that's my tool and I'm safe with my tool. If I take your gun away,

00:31:07.360 you're like, ah, right. Um, and so, and what if you're traveling somewhere where you don't have a

00:31:11.900 gun? Right. And so blah, blah, blah. If you're a jujitsu player and something happens in the street,

00:31:17.700 your unconscious bias says I'd have just taken him down. I'd have choked him out. If you're

00:31:21.300 Taekwondo, you'd say I'd kick him in the face. If you happen to be like a, uh, an Olympic, uh, 0.99

00:31:26.040 sprinter, you'd go at a run. Like everyone has an unconscious bias and I'm not dissing on anything.

00:31:31.020 I'm just saying like, Hey, violence doesn't care what style you practice. Violence doesn't care if

00:31:36.000 you're a, you know, liberal or Republican violence doesn't care. And violence isn't always,

00:31:41.680 you know, my, like for decades I've been teaching about how to be safer, how to choose safety.

00:31:47.000 And people confuse that with Marshall. I'm not teaching self-defense is about understanding

00:31:51.300 how to not be in a confrontation and people confuse self-defense with fighting and people

00:31:56.680 confuse self-defense with combat sports and people confuse self-defense with martial arts.

00:32:00.740 They're all different. I mean, the point is to neutralize the threat in the most efficient

00:32:04.120 and effective manner possible, right? Which means disengage in some cases.

00:32:07.560 Yeah. So in D one, so D one is detect and avoid D two is defuse and deescalate and D three is push

00:32:13.620 comes to shove, be your own bodyguard, defend yourself. But if, you know, we talk about,

00:32:17.800 you know, in the community, everyone talks about, Hey, get the left of the ambush, get to the left of

00:32:20.680 the ambush. Then, then they practice how to get out of a choke or how to put on a choke or how to kick

00:32:24.660 somebody, how to hit somebody or shoot somebody that is all on the right of the ambush. All of those

00:32:29.120 behaviors, all of those after the fact are after the fact, the fight has already started. So you're not

00:32:34.260 going to develop any situational awareness, true situational awareness. If you don't practice

00:32:38.920 D one and D two, which is a huge part. Now here's the thing is with our, this, and this is what came

00:32:44.960 to me in the last couple of years after decades of teaching was I was like, Whoa, this is transcendent

00:32:50.180 that D one, D two, D three, detect, diffuse, defend. If I talk to you, you're visualizing it externally.

00:32:56.140 You're seeing yourself as a dad and you're going, I've got to have to be situationally aware.

00:32:59.860 Well, what if I told you your situational awareness is directly impacted by your self

00:33:04.360 awareness or lack of, right? So D one detect and avoid has to do with what are the things

00:33:10.520 that I'm thinking? What are the erroneous beliefs in my brain that change how I look at the world

00:33:16.360 or people or communication or conversations, relationships? How do you get familiar with

00:33:20.700 that before we move on to diffuse? A lot of it is we do these one day courses where like people

00:33:26.600 come up after and they go, I learned more about life and self-defense and decision-making

00:33:32.160 in a day than I have in 10 years of this or 15 years. It's just these epiphanies. Listen,

00:33:38.220 I put this together after 37 years. I mean, cumulatively, I'm always reviewing my stuff,

00:33:45.060 but it's been almost four decades of researching this stuff and teaching thousands and thousands

00:33:50.900 of people around the world from tier one operators all the way down to women and women shelters

00:33:54.960 and noticing like language concepts, drills, and behaviors that trigger immediate responses.

00:34:02.840 It's almost like, you know, you're at the range shooting and you're missing everything. And a guy

00:34:06.620 comes by and he moves your thumb a little bit. And now suddenly you're zeroing in your shots. And

00:34:12.520 all it was, your thumb was in a ship position and it affected everything. I was up at coach

00:34:17.020 Bergner's, you know, five, six years ago. I was never, uh, uh, for those of you don't know,

00:34:21.020 coach Bergner, you know, Olympic lifting coach. And I'm up there and, uh, working out at his house

00:34:25.720 in a small little group. One of his trainers looks at me and I come from a martial art background. I

00:34:31.160 just, you know, been started getting into CrossFit and training. I'd never Olympic Olympic lifted in

00:34:35.700 my life. And one of his trainers goes, hook grip, hook grip, hook grip. And I'm like, what says hook

00:34:42.300 grip coach is going to make you do burpees. If you're not doing a hook grip, I'm like, like, what's a hook?

00:34:46.800 I don't even know what that is. Right. Right. So do you remember the day somebody showed you a hook

00:34:51.840 grip? Yeah. Do you remember how much stronger and easier it was to lift with a hook grip? Yeah,

00:34:56.900 definitely. So, you know, for those of you who have no clue, you just got to go to the gym and

00:35:00.660 do a deadlift and have do it with a hook grip and you'll understand. But sometimes somebody can show

00:35:05.280 you something or tell you something where I liken it to like people come up to me all the time,

00:35:10.140 Ryan, they go, this is common sense. And I go, no, it's not. It's uncommon sense. Right. It might be,

00:35:14.480 you might know it, but that doesn't mean everybody knows it. Right. I go, if it was common sense,

00:35:18.940 you wouldn't be telling me this is common sense because you're like, you're like, wow, this is

00:35:22.760 common sense. And I joke, I go, it's uncommon sense. Uncommon sense is that moment where you

00:35:27.600 hear it once and you get it. And what I try to do is I try to inspire and I work very, very hard on the

00:35:33.220 language and the presentation. You know, I did a course in London a couple of years ago. Then I had

00:35:39.260 another course. It was two courses between London and Amsterdam. And I rewrote my lesson plan

00:35:44.120 five times in a week. You speak to my staff. They're like, oh, fuck the Sunday night phone

00:35:50.460 call. We dread that. You know, and I tell them, I go, hey man, this course isn't for you. It's for 1.00

00:35:55.160 our students. Right. And if I get a new idea for something, so I'm constantly changing shit. So what

00:36:00.620 I'm looking for is that hook grip experience. So you asked me like, how do people get from here?

00:36:05.400 How do they realize this? Or how do they, they make this connection? That's the magic of the

00:36:09.440 language, right? Where you do two things. One, I say something, you go, oh my God, I never thought

00:36:13.360 about it that way. I just had a guy who's a retired tie boxing, professional tie boxer, MMA guy. He came

00:36:22.000 to one of my one day courses and he's the guy, he's the typical guy that I dread in the class because

00:36:27.820 my course isn't designed for people who have an unconscious or conscious bias. It's really for

00:36:33.920 just people who just normal, good citizens, right? Sure. Samaritans. Sure. I really don't know what I do 0.98

00:36:40.300 here. Blah, blah, blah. Because sometimes they have to unlearn that stuff, right? Yeah. Well,

00:36:43.980 they, cause they look at it through, listen, like, you know, somebody who's been a cop or military and

00:36:47.840 I'm telling them, oh, you're going to feel fear here. You can like, I was in a meeting, uh, last

00:36:51.000 year where a really violent incident happened. And this chief of police goes, I can't believe the

00:36:56.960 fuck were they doing sitting there? Like, why didn't somebody? And I'm like, dude, you've been a cop for 0.99

00:37:01.260 20 years. You've been in gunfights. Everyone there was just a citizen going, oh my God.

00:37:06.460 Sure. Right. Sure. And so you, people don't realize that the stress inoculation they've

00:37:11.060 experienced in real life makes it seem easy. It's almost like the magician understands the

00:37:15.220 trick. The audience has no clue what's going on. So you sit there like deer in the headlights,

00:37:18.900 mesmerized, right? We demystify that. And that's what our gig is, is trying to, uh,

00:37:24.060 demystify for people. And I was in the middle of telling you something else and I just forgot, but.

00:37:27.340 Well, I wanted to ask you about what you were talking about language. And one of the things

00:37:31.280 that you had said a couple of times that I want to make sure we define is the idea of a

00:37:35.260 courageous bystander. What is that? Wow. So courageous bystander is, uh, have you ever

00:37:42.060 heard of the bystander effect? There's like, if you Google it, you watch videos, it's a, you know,

00:37:46.220 what they do is they're, they set up like child abductions or violent stuff. And they're filming

00:37:50.300 from a distance, watching people just stay on their phones or look or film. And the bystander effect

00:37:54.620 is like, I'm not going to be the person that gets involved.

00:37:56.780 Hmm. Turn a blind eye almost.

00:37:58.380 Yeah. Yeah. And he's just at the end of the day, and this is peeling the onion is what the show's

00:38:01.800 about. If I could pull everyone who walked by and I said, why didn't you do something and go,

00:38:06.960 I didn't want to get involved, you know, legally that I go, no, but really, why didn't you get

00:38:10.160 involved? You peel the onion, they're scared, right? They're scared of getting sued. They're

00:38:15.040 scared of getting hurt. They're scared of becoming the victim, uh, and so on and so forth. And I really

00:38:20.020 believe that. And that's like, uh, again, you know, where I was going. So the courageous

00:38:24.500 bystander is in our course. And I want to try and explain this in a way with, because there's a

00:38:29.660 couple of really big light bulb moments in the course. And so I don't want to do this disservice,

00:38:34.760 but I don't want to ruin something. Right. We don't want to, we don't want to take away from

00:38:37.420 that for sure. Right. There's like, and here's how the magic trick works.

00:38:40.480 I don't need to go, I guess. Right. Exactly. So the courageous bystander is basically somebody who

00:38:46.460 says, even though that's not my kid or my wife or me or my car, I'm not going to turn a blind eye

00:38:52.300 and courageous bystander doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to run in there and jump in there like

00:38:56.000 some superhero. It might be just calling it in, hitting nine on one, taking a picture of that

00:39:01.440 license plate, but it's having the balls and the courage and the will to do the right thing. And the

00:39:06.480 reason, the way I define it and people can go, that's obvious. Like that's what I would do.

00:39:10.060 The reason, the way we talk about our course is I go, if you weren't there as the protector,

00:39:15.140 if you weren't there as the dad and something was happening to somebody you really loved,

00:39:20.340 would you want a courageous bystander to step in and do something? And we have lots of those

00:39:24.620 everyday heroes in lots of incidents. We see them and they need to be celebrated more. But part of that

00:39:29.600 is what holds somebody back from being that in anything in life is fear, their relationship with

00:39:37.580 fear. Otherwise, you know, there's a maxim we throw out and the end of every one of our courses.

00:39:42.360 And basically it's, if you didn't fear fear, what would you do in your life? If you had no fear,

00:39:47.780 what would you do? Right? Everything you wanted to. Absolutely. It's heavy shit. Interesting. Well,

00:39:53.060 Tony, we're bumping up against time here and obviously we're not, we're not nearly getting into all

00:39:56.700 that we could talk about. I think we should do a follow-up or guys can connect with you for sure.

00:40:00.420 But before I get into that, let me ask you, what does it mean to be a man?

00:40:04.840 Wow. So that's something that I measure every single day for a long, long time. I've done little

00:40:12.060 rants to myself and online just to people that, you know, life is the laboratory and life is the school

00:40:20.020 and the teacher that's you and your brain grades yourself every day. You know, did you get an F

00:40:25.700 today? Did you get a D? Did you get a, you know, I had an incident happen in business the other day

00:40:29.700 and I said to, you know, one of my staff, I said, let me tell you how I look at things.

00:40:33.520 I'm always willing to give up who I am today for who I could become by being introspective and honest

00:40:38.940 myself. I'm giving myself a, a for energy on that last project, but I'm giving myself an F on my

00:40:45.860 attitude because I was a little bitch during that and I was really upset. Right. And so what it means to 0.95

00:40:51.120 be a man is just to, to always work on self-awareness. I think that's the biggest thing

00:40:55.780 is like, okay, yeah, I was, I was skewing that. I was, I was twisting that at my bias. Like I wasn't

00:41:02.500 really listening there or, you know, it's, it's such a big question. It's almost worth the entire

00:41:08.040 duration of the podcast to talk about that. It means to be better and do the right thing. Don't lie to

00:41:13.500 yourself. Don't lie to anybody else. Yeah, it's powerful. And you make up a good point about

00:41:17.080 it taking up an entire show. I mean, I've asked, I think 130 or 140 different high achieving men now

00:41:23.320 what that means. And there's so many different answers, but all of them combined, I think paint

00:41:27.140 a pretty good picture. So appreciate the feedback there. How do we connect with you? How do we learn

00:41:31.040 more, learn about your workshops, learn about the things that you're doing? If you just want to see

00:41:36.040 like a quick list of all of our courses, go to events.blowerspear.com. It's just the page that has all

00:41:43.060 our upcoming events, but Blowerspear, my last name, B-L-A-U-E-R Spear, one word,

00:41:49.140 Spears, our self-defense program.com. You know, of course I'm on Instagram and we just started a

00:41:55.700 super cool show called No Fear. You know, people can just, you know, Google that. So we're just

00:42:00.860 trying to get the, get this out there. But I think if you, if you Google me, you should be able to find

00:42:05.220 me and I would love to do, you know, if you get some good feedback and good questions, I'd love to

00:42:09.420 jump on this. A lot of fun, man. You're great at inspiring conversation. So I dig that.

00:42:13.820 I appreciate it, man. And I appreciate you. Obviously this is something I think I need to

00:42:17.200 know more of in my life. And of course all the men listening do as well. So thank you, Tony,

00:42:21.540 for taking your time and parting some of your hard fought and hard earned wisdom with us.

00:42:25.180 I appreciate you. Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.

00:42:28.720 There it is, gentlemen, a powerful, powerful conversation with Tony Blower. I think you would

00:42:32.320 agree. I definitely encourage you to check out his work. Odds are that you're going to have to use

00:42:36.760 some of the information that he teaches in your life. I hope that's not the case,

00:42:40.580 but I certainly don't want to be unprepared. And I'm sure that you don't either when,

00:42:44.700 and if that time comes outside of that, guys, make sure to connect with me on Facebook,

00:42:48.780 Instagram, Twitter, wherever you do the social media thing. We're also actually picking up speed

00:42:53.480 and more content over on YouTube. So if you're over there, you may want to check us out there too.

00:42:58.060 It's all at order of man. We're going to make it easy on you. So whether that's Facebook,

00:43:01.580 Instagram, Twitter, or YouTube, all at order of man. And guys, as I sign out,

00:43:05.480 please, if you would do me a favor and yourself a favor, because this is going to impact your life

00:43:09.120 as well. Go pick up a copy of sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of men.

00:43:13.200 As I told you earlier, we hit number one in multiple categories, but we are just getting

00:43:17.700 started. I'm just getting warmed up with this thing, but I need your support in doing that.

00:43:21.140 Like you have been for the past three years. And I am very, very grateful for that.

00:43:24.900 Buy one for you. Buy one for your brother, your cousin, your colleague, your coworker, your dad,

00:43:28.820 whoever it may be. More and more men need to hear this message. With that guys,

00:43:32.860 I'll sign out today and I will look forward to talking with you next week. But until then,

00:43:36.440 take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:43:41.400 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:43:45.980 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - February 06, 2018

151： Know Fear ｜ Tony Blauer

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