151： Know Fear ｜ Tony Blauer
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Summary
Tony Blower is a self defense expert and the creator of the Spear System, which stands for spontaneous protection, enabling accelerated response. He s one of only a few experts who has affected training across all of the military, law enforcement, and every other sector out there. In this episode, we talk about how to handle confrontation when violence is the answer, how to become a courageous bystander, and how you can become more powerful by knowing your fear.
Transcript
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Fear is something that every single one of us experiences, but the reality is that most of us
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don't know how to adequately face it when it rears its ugly head. Your ability to understand
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your fear and how to use it to your advantage may be the difference between life and death.
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Today, I'm joined by Tony Blower with Blower Tactical Systems in a conversation every man
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needs to hear. We talk about handling confrontation effectively, when violence is the answer,
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how to become what Tony calls a courageous bystander, and how you can become more powerful
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by knowing your fear. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears
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and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is
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who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
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and I am the host and founder of this podcast, the one you're listening to right now, The Order
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of Man. I am thankful and grateful that you are here, grateful that you're sharing the message,
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grateful that we are growing. In fact, I was looking at the numbers today. Last month was the single
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highest downloaded month to date in over three years. So thank you for being here and sharing this
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message of genuine masculinity and one that I believe, and I'm sure you feel the same way,
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needs to be heard. The world needs to hear this message. And along that note, guys, I can't even
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begin to describe how excited I am that the book, Sovereignty, The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of
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Men is finally available. This has been years in the making, and I've put a lot of time and energy
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and effort into this over the past 90 to 120 days or so, and it is finally here. We've launched just
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last week, and I'm absolutely blown away with the response that we've received so far. In 24 hours of
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releasing, we hit number one in multiple categories on Amazon and made it as high as number 35. 35 in all,
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all of self-help, which is tens of thousands of books. So I first and foremost want to thank you for
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the support on the book. I absolutely could not have done any of that without you. If you would
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like, the book again is now available for purchase. You can pick up your copy at orderofman.com slash
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sovereignty. That will take you directly to Amazon. You can pick it up there. You can search for my
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name, Ryan Michler, M-I-C-H-L-E-R. You'll find it there or search for sovereignty. You'll find it there.
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You can find it. It's on Amazon. And of course, when you do that, you're going to join thousands of men
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who are going to be reading and applying the principles that we've been talking about here
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for three years in their lives. And if you've already started reading the book, I know that
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there's a ton of you who have already started reading the book. If you would, I need to ask
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that you please, please do this. Take two minutes, three minutes, whatever it takes, head over to
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Amazon, leave us an Amazon rating and review. This goes such a long way in bringing to light the
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message that we're sharing within the order of man. So again, head to orderofman.com slash
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sovereignty. It's going to take you directly to Amazon. Pick up your copy right now. That's the
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only announcement I have guys. I want to get right into this thing. My guest today is Tony Blower. He
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is a self-defense expert and the creator of the spear system, which stands for spontaneous protection,
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enabling accelerated response. Say that five times fast. I know that that is a mouthful, but what he's
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been able to learn and develop and teach is how to harness the body's natural defense mechanisms to
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respond to a threat of violence effectively. He's been training special forces and LEOs since the
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eighties. He's one of the only experts who has affected training across all of the combat related
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communities. That's self-defense, combat sports, military law enforcement, every sector out there.
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And today you're going to hear the passion in his voice as he talks with us about stepping into the
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role of protector for ourselves, our families and our communities. Tony, what's up, man? Thanks for
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joining me on the show today. Dude, I'm very excited to be here. I really like what I've seen of you,
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what you're doing. And I think this response to fear and knowing what fear is, is such a valuable
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component of being a man. You know, we talk about being a protector, a provider and a presider. And
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obviously we're going to get more into that protection discussion of today, but why don't you help me
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understand and help our audience wrap our heads around the idea of no fear? And when I say no,
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I'm talking about K-N-O-W, no fear. What do you mean when you're talking about that?
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Well, it probably helped some of the listeners who, especially your audience, you hear the words,
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no fear, and you immediately think of the adrenaline company, the t-shirt company that sponsors a lot of
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the, you know, motocross and bike and, you know, extreme sports. About 20 years ago, I've been,
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you know, teaching self-defense for, for decades, but about 20 odd years ago on a whiteboard session,
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we were talking, it was like no fear. Everyone had the no fear shirts. And I would tell people,
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I go, listen, man, I have so much fear in my life. So here I am like the founder of the company. I'm
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talking to, to these groups and I go, I had fear as a kid. I had fear as a wrestler. I had fear in
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gymnastics. I had fear as a skier. I grew up on skis. I'm originally from Canada and you're either a
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skier or skater. And I grew up, I was one of the best skiers in Canada by the time I was 13,
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but I never won a race because my fear sabotaged my success. Every time I took off, it was always
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like, Oh man, too bad. You caught a tip too bad. You skied off the course you were going. So, you
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know, but I couldn't talk about it to anybody because I didn't know how to talk about it.
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Right. I mean, so I remember one day I'm standing there and I got a no fear t-shirt on in front of a
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group of people. And I said, this shirt must be defective because I still have fear and everyone laughs.
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Right. And we just started talking about this idea and the, you know, I wrote the word no and Oh fear
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on a whiteboard. And then suddenly you see the K and the O and you go, really what we're doing is
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the ability to make any decision in life comes down to, when you peel that fucking onion, it comes down
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to, can I manage my fear? So who I talk to determines who I end up marrying, where I live,
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how much money I make, how much weight I lift, whether or not you protect yourself or your,
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your family or be a courageous bystander at the moment of truth, it all ties to our ability to
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manage fear. Like number one fear is public speaking, right? You would think that getting
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knocked out and thrown in the trunk and driven to a secondary crime scene would be like the number
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one fear in the world, but it's public speaking. And then it's like, you know, so it's just weird how
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people think of the real confrontation as like this specter in the dark, but the real confrontation
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is how you talk to yourself. Is the idea of knowing fear, just a matter of putting yourself
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in situations that cause you anxiety and fear. Is there more to it? How do you begin to understand
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what your body does and physiology and psychology when you start to get into scary situations?
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Yeah, that's a great question. So if you've got a specialty profession, like if you're military or law
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enforcement, you need to stress inoculate, you need to, you reverse engineer scenarios. If you're
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with a good unit or team, they will look at the area of operation and shit that you may face and
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they will intelligently create. So you're actually in that case there, you're seeking going from your
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comfort zone to your discomfort zone, to what I lovingly refer to as the holy shit zone. And you're
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doing that in a calculated, systematic, intelligent way, because that type of training is dangerous and
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there's risk and some people can get seriously hurt. But that's where you're, and this is such
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a good question, right? Cause I get people who ask me all the time going, Hey, to learn how to manage
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fear, should I do things like that scare me? And I go, yeah, but not if they're really dangerous and
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you don't know what you're doing because now that's just stupid. Sure. Fear is an emotion.
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Latin for fear, I believe translates as to move away from, but what we don't want to do. And what I talk
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about in our workshops and our seminars is this, what I call emotional inertia. So inertia, you know,
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you know, from the physics term, but emotional inertia is your body's inability to move because
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the emotional psychological connection creates this, this kind of pull. And now your cognitive brain
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and your reptilian brain are kind of locked and now you're fetal that has absolutely dire consequences
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like in an active killer situation, in a rape, in a mugging, but it's also probably produces
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procrastination and hesitation and doubt. And so now someone, you know, years later,
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it's that old proverbial rocking chair tests where somebody goes, you know, like you're sitting on
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in the rocking chair going, man, I should have done that. Well, why didn't you move? Why didn't
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you start that job? Why didn't you ask that person to marry you? And I believe this. And I like,
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I've been doing this now going on 40 years, man. When you peel that onion and you get inside
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somebody's head, they will say maybe in different words, I was afraid to.
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Hmm. Yeah, sure. One of the things that I've, I've seen you talk about is the startle flinch
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response. Is this what you're talking about here? Is this something entirely different?
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So the startle flinch is more of the physiology of a stimulus being introduced too quickly. So a
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butterfly and a bumblebee can make you flinch. If you turn around and, and there's like an insect
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right there, there's a micro flinch, the whole startle flinch that. So what I do, like I teach
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program called be your own bodyguard. The basis of it is the spear system. My main clients are military
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and law enforcement, but since I'm 20 years old, I'm 57 now, since I'm 20 years old, my singular
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focus is trying to make people safer, good humans safer. The startle flinch was something I discovered
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accidentally during a drill in 1988, uh, during a drill, I lovingly referred to as the sucker punch
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drill, where I had one of my protege students who was a really good boxer. He had gloves on. I had a
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mouth guard on. We were close quarter. We were filming this in the old days, VHS. Some of your listeners
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don't know what VHS is, Google it, but we're filming this shit. And basically for about an
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hour, I got the shit punched out of me. I mean, just, I thought I was going to wax on wax off
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everything. And this is before the karate kid, right? Because it was just like a drill and
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isolation drill. But what I had done is I said, Hey, real life isn't a sparring contest where you
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agree to a certain weight category, certain rules, just shit happens to you. Right. I said, let's go
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outside the box here. And I said, his name was Warren. I said, Warren, you're going to put these 16
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ounce boxing gloves on and you set up any scenario you want. And in the middle of the scenario,
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I'm going to start talking to answer it. So he could be a loan shark. He could be a bum on the
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street, panhandling. And then he was going to just erupt at extreme close quarter with his punches.
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Well, I really thought this was like a private thing. I really thought I was going to do a lot
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better. And it's wonderful how the ego and pride can sometimes, you know, introduce you to a new
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lesson in life. I mean, I just literally at the end, at the end of this, bro, my head like a mouse
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under both eyes. I was bleeding from my mouth. My face was swollen. I was sitting at my desk.
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This is, we didn't have whiteboards. This is 1988. I'm sitting at my desk. I just popped some Tylenol
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or whatever. And I'm sitting there with my hand on my head and ice pack on me going, what the fuck
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was that? As I started to replay what was happening and look at the video, I saw that every time I
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flinched, I never got hit clean. That every time I tried to parry slip, bong sao, tan sao, do some sort of
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martial art move because I'd been studying all these arts that when I tried to interfere what
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was spontaneously happening with a complex motor skill that I was always late. And so what we
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learn and what we learn all these years later is, is that your reptilian brain, the limbic system,
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the amygdala bypasses cognition during sudden violence or a, and that's why, like, if you come
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into class joking around and teacher says, okay, put your books on the floor, I'm giving you a quiz.
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Why do people draw a blank? And then after say, I knew all the answers. I just like, like, I like
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my froze. Right. And it's the same thing. So stimulus being introduced too quickly creates a
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startle flinch, which is a relationship with the brain and the body. And if there's no threat of
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physical violence, of course, there's no physical movement. You're not covering your head or pushing
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away danger, but the startle flinch is the foundation, the behavioral foundation, the physiology,
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the physics and psychology behind my self-defense protocol.
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It sounds like the startle flinch is positive in a lot of ways. Like you said, I mean,
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when you're talking about these complex movements, but then at the same time, I think we, as humans
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have, and you alluded to this, a natural tendency to freeze, right? Which doesn't seem like it would
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be in our best interest. How do you tap into this a little bit more of the startle flinch and,
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and, and really hone this when it seems to be unconscious?
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The biggest thing is just creating awareness for it. Right. So if I get you to acknowledge it and
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also reframe it, because when somebody looks at somebody flinching, it always looks like some,
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you know, cowardly, scared, right? If you know, you, you can look at a, you know, a picture,
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I got a picture of, let's say Mike Tyson flinching in the ring. And in that moment,
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although, you know, it's Mike Tyson, there's something incongruous because his eyes are closed,
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his head is turned, he's pushing away danger. Right. I got MMA fighters. And what we do in our
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courses, we say, listen, this is physiology bypassing cognition. This means that your opponent broke
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your rhythm or, you know, something's about to hit you and it bypassed your cognitive awareness.
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So number one, to what you said, startle flinch is absolutely a positive because it's, listen,
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when somebody goes through a car windshield in a car accident, because they weren't wearing a seat
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belt and they didn't have a, an airbag, there's always trauma on the forearms and hands. No one's
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head gets hit first. It's always the hands. That's how fast this is. Wow. Same thing in a knife attack.
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Same thing. You look at the forensics wounds, they call them defensive wounds, but there's startle
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flinch responses where your hands come up before your head can get hit. It's amazing. So we've figured out
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a way to weaponize that. But in terms of what this talk is more about is understanding how to apply
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that and understand it. It's one is being open to learning, you know, so there's a lot of people
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that reject this research because it challenges their, believe it or not, their definition of what
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a man looks like in a fight. So you're talking about worrying more about the ego and looking cool
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than the ability to successfully defend yourself. Correct. The startle flinch is the equivalent of
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a organic airbag of an organic airbag, right? It deploys without your permission. Imagine if you had
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to in a car accident, push a button to deploy an airbag, like it couldn't happen. Right, right.
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Driving along, all of a sudden someone goes through a light and you go, shit, like you're not going to
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shit. And then, and then suddenly find that button near your volume on your radio. Sure. So some genius
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figured out how to create sensors in a car that when it got impacted at a certain pressure, it would
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deploy an airbag, which would hopefully create a buffer between you and impact and save your body
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and your face. That's what your startle flinch does in, in the violent encounter. So yeah, there's
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a lot of people, unfortunately, in the more technical combative arenas that look at that as, as silly.
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There's a lot that get it. It just, it doesn't readily apply or transfer to like a ring or combat
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sport per se. Right. Because you've got a lot of cooperation there. There's certain rules,
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there's guidelines, there's, Hey, you can't do this. You can do this. Here's the timeframe. Here's the
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restrictions. Here's the guidelines. And we're going to operate within these parameters, but a
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violent mugger, for example, doesn't have any rules and he's going to do whatever he wants and
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whatever he can to complete his objective. Right. And that's the big thing. And going back
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to the story of the sucker punch drill, 1988 with Warren, my ego, my ability to anticipate and predict
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the future was, was predicated on the fact that I was always the instructor saying, this is the drill
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we're going to do. You knew the script, right? Well, and even if we got into the ring, I, you know,
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someone would say, Hey, I forgot my mouth guard. I go, okay, we'll just go to the body. We'll just
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kick the legs and like no headshots. Right. So there was always like, like in MMA, no fish hooks,
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no guns, no knives. You can't have your buddy with a sniper rifle in the stands, right? There are like
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certain rules you set up. And so the thing would, what messed me up in this 1988 drill was I had
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changed who gets to move when at what distance I said to Warren, you go when you want in the middle
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of a conversation. So that was almost like the Jack in the box. So visualize the Jack in the box,
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you know, the music, you could be up close, you know, the clown's going to pop, you know,
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that lid's going to lift and there's a clown going to pop up. You can sit there with two
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fingers up, like getting ready to finger jab and crank that. And the clown's head will always pop
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up before you can hit it with a finger jab because actions faster than reaction. This is the big thing
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that I want people to get anybody who, who, you know, and of course, uh, you know, your show is
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more about, uh, how we think about how we behave and what we can do to be better people, better human,
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you know, uh, better dads, better fathers, and so on and so forth. My bias in, and it's not
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unconscious, it's a conscious bias is I really believe that every protector is wondering what
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would I do if like you, you see something in the news, what would I've done there? And at the end of
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the day, whether you say, well, that's why I carry or that's why whatever, whatever bullshit answer
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you. And I don't mean that to insult people, but it's a bullshit answer. Like, unless you've
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actually done that stuff at the end of the day, your ability to pull the metaphoric trigger on
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decision-making, the mind navigates the body. It's part of the neural circuitry of decision-making
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is going through a fear loop of actually having that anticipation. Okay. I'm now going to jump out
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of an airplane. Okay. Is my shoe can open? There's a moment of managing fear and so on and so forth.
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But, you know, going back to real quick, the issue with the start of flinch and Warren,
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what I realized is when he could decide whether he was going to throw an uppercut or an overhand or
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hit me to the body. And I didn't know where it was. And we weren't dancing. There was no
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kind of like a violent dance going on. We weren't a rhythm almost, right? Yeah. The rhythm of MMA or
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jujitsu or Thai boxing. There's a rhythm that the fighters based on the rules of engagement that they
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can dance to. And some days you're to bug and some days you're to windshield, but you show up at a
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certain time at a certain weight and you've already signed off on certain rules. It's interesting when
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Tyson bit Holyfield, right? Yeah. People remember that? Yeah. It was the start of flinch that tore
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the earlobe off, right? So Tyson's biting him with a mouth guard. I don't know if he had the mouth
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guard in or out, regardless. He's in there. If you watch it carefully, Holyfield's face is like,
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what the fuck? And then he flinches and he pushes Tyson away. And that's what he pushed away.
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But the concept is Tyson introduces stimulus too quickly. That wasn't part of the rule book. If you
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introduced biting into boxing, people wouldn't get bit. Right. They're prepared for that. Yeah. Now
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suddenly. And so awareness changes everything. Awareness changes everything. And I think we have
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a tendency to probably overestimate our abilities in this situations, which is why you say they give
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the BS answer. I'm really curious how you improve what you've dubbed and termed your response ability
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as in how you're going to, or, or are you able to respond in these situations?
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Yeah. So, you know, those of you listening to this, just, uh, picture the word responsibility,
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put a hyphen between response and ability and really turn it around. It's your ability to respond
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after 37 years of teaching. I get asked all the time, like, uh, did you ever see, um,
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Presidio with Sean Connery? No, I don't think I did. No matter who he had to fight in, in there,
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he would take his thumb and he would hit the jugular notch right in the neck. And that was his move.
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And he'd do it, you know, with his Scottish accent, he'd go, you know, and then the thumb would come in
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there. And it's hysterical. So refined, right? Yeah. And it, and it was like, you would just
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drop everybody like Spock, you know, like, like, you know, and so I use that joke. I guess, I guess
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that's dating how old I am. People are like Googling Presidio who's Sean Connery. I know.
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I kind of tend to think of like Matt Damon and, and some of these, you know, these, right. But I see
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where you're coming from. Well, the reason I bring it up is because it was like a move that worked that
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thumb or so what everyone's always looking for is this, like the Holy grail move. So people are always for
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years. Just show me the secret move. I was talking about my father-in-law, Fred, you know,
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he stopped asking me this about five years ago, but for about almost 20 years, he'd come up and
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he'd say, T, just show me one move. Show me one move. If something happens, I go, there isn't a
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move. There's four moves. There's situational awareness. If you don't know something's wrong,
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it doesn't matter what you know. So you could know everything and you could know zero, but if you
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have no awareness, you're still getting fucking hit. Sure. Right. Sure. And it, and it doesn't have to be a
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fight, right? It could be your business gets taken away from you. Someone starts cheating on you.
00:20:01.320
Somebody, if you have no awareness, it's just going to hit you. The next thing is when you have
00:20:06.000
awareness, you will get a fear spike, right? So we're talking about like something outside your
00:20:10.720
comfort zone, which is good. I mean, that's a, that's a response that you need to understand,
00:20:14.360
which is part of this no fear thing. Well, this is the whole thing is that if you embrace the K and
00:20:18.800
or W fear where you go, okay, just got a fear spike about that. Am I being paranoid? Should I get
00:20:23.360
prepared? What do I have to learn about this? It's self-actualizing. You become a better person
00:20:27.600
by that's what we mean by there's no such thing as no fear and no fear, but there is a way to get to
00:20:33.260
no fear by embracing it, by looking at it, not chasing it, but committing to your self-actualization,
00:20:39.180
your evolution by going, that scared me. Is this something that I have to do again? Is this like
00:20:43.800
an FAQ in my life? Right. And I should get, you know, I should get good at it. So those four stages
00:20:48.580
are situational awareness, fear spike, and being able to acknowledge what that is.
00:20:53.620
Which with that, before you get into the other two, I think there's an important distinction here.
00:20:57.680
And this is one thing I found is when you're talking about knowing fear, I think it's recognizing what
00:21:01.800
that fear is trying to tell you. So should you actually disengage from the situation you find
00:21:05.940
yourself in, or is this something that's simply going to push you outside of your comfort zone,
00:21:09.440
but understanding what it is, is, is valuable. Right. That's a very cool question, really. And so my
00:21:14.960
answer, if, if you had trained with me before, and you're more than welcome to come to any of our
00:21:18.820
courses as a guest of mine, one of the things I always, always say to people, it depends on the
00:21:24.420
scenario. That's my default answer. Yeah. Right. So we talk about the three D's when we're teaching
00:21:30.160
our self-defense. And the reason why I love the self-defense model is it's transcendent by teaching
00:21:37.100
you to protect yourself. At the end of the course, you look at me and I go, you know, Ryan, will you do
00:21:40.620
everything you can to protect yourself, your family and decide if you want to be a courageous
00:21:43.380
bystander and everybody in the course just about will go absolutely. And I go, so now your job
00:21:49.120
doesn't scare you. Your boss doesn't scare you. Your mom doesn't scare you. Your whatever it is,
00:21:53.320
because at the end of the day, we all think that it's like I said earlier, there's this like, you
00:21:58.500
know, weird specter in the dark that's hiding under the bed, but that's not really what ruins most
00:22:03.140
people's lives. It's the everyday little fear of some sort of assertion or confrontation and
00:22:08.780
confrontation management that they don't understand. So your question is too specific
00:22:14.260
for a philosophical discussion. It should just be, I just got a fear spike about this.
00:22:19.720
Is it, Oh, wait a minute. Let me think about that. Oh no, it's not a stomach ache. It's like,
00:22:23.760
I forgot to eat dinner last night. I went to bed early and I was freaking out. I thought something
00:22:28.140
was wrong with me. Like you have the conversation with yourself. The, and that's a, you know, silly
00:22:32.500
example, but it's, you have to actually not wish for the spear spike, but acknowledge it
00:22:38.700
and then embrace it. And that's your first step to getting to know fear because your next step
00:22:42.980
is actually managing the fear, which is, uh, we've come up with a super slick acronym for it that I
00:22:50.760
think you'll dig in your listeners. You'll dig. It's, uh, when you get to the point where you go,
00:22:55.140
okay, I just got this phone message that my business partner is doing this, or my wife or my fiance
00:23:01.940
just decided to do this, or this guy's coming to beat my ass. Right. And there's this gap between
00:23:08.100
stimulus response called refractory delay. And that's you sitting there, right. And you're going,
00:23:12.660
what should I do? And maybe you have one second and maybe you have one week or a year, it doesn't
00:23:17.360
matter. And there's lots of people like philosophically who, who finally sell their
00:23:22.320
business and go do something. And they go, yeah, I've been meaning to do this for like five years,
00:23:25.840
you know, and they just wait. And what is it that's holding them back? It's their inability,
00:23:29.960
not their inability to make a decision, their inability to look at fear, because if you don't
00:23:34.500
see what's holding you back, so fear is either the suppressor and it's stymies, uh, growth and
00:23:40.460
decision-making, or it's a catalyst. It's that almost the fault in the, uh, the notion of ignorance
00:23:45.340
is bliss, right? It's only bliss until it destroys you. Right. And you don't know what you don't know.
00:23:50.420
So we start off with situational awareness. We go, Oh, like, that's not good. Fear spike.
00:23:55.620
Like now what I can do is I can ignore it. I put blinders on and I go, you know, uh, that doesn't
00:24:00.820
involve me or when I turn my back or I go, okay, FAQ, like, is this going to happen again? Do I know
00:24:08.040
how I'm going to respond to this? And so courage, the act of making a courageous decision, it's almost
00:24:14.640
like a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Right. Uh, and so, so that's why, that's why I
00:24:20.760
say like, instead of answering specifically like, Oh, you should do this and step to the side. And like the
00:24:25.060
way, you know, most complex motor skill, martial arts are taught. Like, this is the answer to
00:24:28.560
everything. Just step over here and do this. Or like a throat punch or a groin shot or whatever.
00:24:33.140
Right. And the real answer is what I said earlier is what's the scenario? Because there's some
00:24:37.180
scenarios where you don't do anything because it's going to make it worse. And there's some
00:24:41.460
scenarios where, and I always tell people like, what is the safest thing you can do here? So we have
00:24:46.100
this little joke, we go hashtag choose safety. And a lot of people confuse like the myopic person who,
00:24:52.460
who really has this unconscious bias. The danger of that is, of course, is that it's unconscious
00:24:57.180
where they, they see things through just their world. And they, they're, they're not critical
00:25:02.200
thinkers. They can't think about something without running it through how they think about it. In other
00:25:06.680
words, they let it interfere there. Right. And so, and when I say, Hey, you need to choose safety,
00:25:12.300
they confuse that with playing it safe. That's not what life is about. We don't want to play it safe.
00:25:17.000
What we want to do is what is the safest thing I could do? So I can be in a situation where the safest
00:25:20.520
thing I do is to kill the bad guy or play dead. Right. And so, so like, that's a huge extreme with
00:25:28.020
a bunch of variables in between, right? How do I make that decision? I need to manage my fear.
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00:26:43.140
Now back to my conversation with Tony. What's the acronym in point number three,
00:26:49.020
managing that fear? Yeah. So it's face it, F, understand it as much as you can,
00:26:54.940
like understand really what's going on here. Then C, control or confront. And why I say control
00:27:01.380
and confront, it's because there is, I really believe philosophically that there is no such
00:27:06.860
thing as the no fear that I think that if I told you, uh, Hey Ryan, like if you, uh, train with me,
00:27:12.280
like these 10 lessons and you buy my lifetime, uh, Ginsu knife set and, and you sign up right
00:27:18.560
now that you'll have no fear when you graduate this class, that's bullshit. Right. And, and so
00:27:23.280
if you buy into this idea that when you get to a certain level, you'll have no fear, what happens
00:27:28.120
if your palms are a little sweaty that day? What if he happens if you have butterflies? What if you go,
00:27:32.360
I wonder, did I work out enough this week? That puts doubt, doubt creates hesitation. Don't
00:27:36.860
hesitation, hesitation, unchecked becomes anxiety. Now you have fear again. But if you're, if the
00:27:42.340
performance psychology model, right. So I don't believe in peak performance for this reason,
00:27:47.020
I believe in performance enhancement, like a, like a mindset that says today I am here. It's game day
00:27:53.340
and I got to be as good as I can be today, but I might've not slept well. I might be fighting a flu.
00:27:59.140
I can't, so I can't be thinking like, I'm not peaking today because I don't want a negative,
00:28:03.240
you know, I don't want this negative label in my head. So that's why I say C is confront
00:28:09.040
and control because I may not be in what modern performance psychologists refer to as flow today.
00:28:14.760
Yeah. I mean, I felt that even this morning, I was at the gym this morning and I was doing a
00:28:17.900
benchmark workout and I missed it. I completely missed it. How'd you feel? I felt bad, man. I was
00:28:23.560
down on myself this morning because I was that far off. Right. What if you went into the workout? So,
00:28:28.740
so I don't like running. So I've got four types of run. One of my runs is I feel like running
00:28:33.220
today. One of my runs is I don't feel like running today. One of my runs is I'm being chased by bad
00:28:38.560
guys and I can't like, right. And so I give myself like an emotional psychological. So what if I get
00:28:43.780
up and I go, I feel like shit today, but I'm going to go work out because sometimes you need to do
00:28:48.680
things when you don't feel like doing it. So my workout today is about mindset, not about PRing.
00:28:53.820
So you still won the workout because you defined it differently.
00:28:57.540
So if we had talked before your workout and I said, don't do the PR today, do the benchmark,
00:29:01.540
but here's the workout you're going to do. This is the workout you do to not be a pussy.
00:29:05.760
And this is the workout you do where you're going, you know, fuck, I'm just going to grind
00:29:09.220
through this. If I had asked you now, how was your workout? You'd have said great.
00:29:12.920
Right. If you would really embrace that mindset.
00:29:16.740
So I'm assuming the last letter in that acronym is K, right?
00:29:20.340
Right. No. So yeah. So that's the, that's our acronym. F U C K fuck fear, right? Face it,
00:29:26.360
understand it, confront control, and then you get to know fear. That doesn't mean your journey's
00:29:31.140
over. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be faced with a similar threat a week later,
00:29:35.640
a day later, a year later, and still have that fear spike, right? Interesting.
00:29:39.680
It's just this mindset of going, okay, let's do this. You know, turning away from it is not
00:29:45.520
going to make it go away. In fact, it might impact my self-esteem, my dignity, and my pride
00:29:52.680
And even compound the problem until you finally are forced to deal with it.
00:29:55.880
Yeah. A hundred percent. I really believe in, and it's like kind of my big mission this
00:30:00.540
past year. And it's that cliche of where I say, and I'm, you know, I've got a 26 year
00:30:04.820
old son, a 20 year old daughter, and I'm sharing all this stuff with them. And they're looking
00:30:09.640
at me like I'm an idiot. I'm going, and I'm saying things like, you know, I wish somebody
00:30:13.680
had told me this when I was 25 and they're going, okay, thanks dad. Got to go. And I'm like
00:30:17.940
going, and I'm like laughing, going, wow. It's that cliche of like the things you realize
00:30:22.720
when you're in your fifties or sixties that, and then you say, I wish I'd known that, but
00:30:26.880
you're on top of the world. You're invincible when you're at that age. And it's like, yeah,
00:30:30.260
dad, whatever. But I just keep peppering them, hoping some stuff will get in through osmosis.
00:30:35.080
You said there's a fourth move. So we went through the three, we went through situational
00:30:38.280
awareness, the fear spike, and then managing the fear. What's the fourth move?
00:30:44.360
The unconscious bias says this. If you're a second amendment concealed carry person that has no
00:30:50.280
training and has never been in a gunfight and you see some violent encounter online,
00:30:55.740
what do you post in the thread? That's why I carry.
00:30:59.220
Yeah. I would have just shot him. You should have done this. You should have done that. Right.
00:31:02.360
So the unconscious bias says that's my tool and I'm safe with my tool. If I take your gun away,
00:31:07.360
you're like, ah, right. Um, and so, and what if you're traveling somewhere where you don't have a
00:31:11.900
gun? Right. And so blah, blah, blah. If you're a jujitsu player and something happens in the street,
00:31:17.700
your unconscious bias says I'd have just taken him down. I'd have choked him out. If you're
00:31:21.300
Taekwondo, you'd say I'd kick him in the face. If you happen to be like a, uh, an Olympic, uh,
00:31:26.040
sprinter, you'd go at a run. Like everyone has an unconscious bias and I'm not dissing on anything.
00:31:31.020
I'm just saying like, Hey, violence doesn't care what style you practice. Violence doesn't care if
00:31:36.000
you're a, you know, liberal or Republican violence doesn't care. And violence isn't always,
00:31:41.680
you know, my, like for decades I've been teaching about how to be safer, how to choose safety.
00:31:47.000
And people confuse that with Marshall. I'm not teaching self-defense is about understanding
00:31:51.300
how to not be in a confrontation and people confuse self-defense with fighting and people
00:31:56.680
confuse self-defense with combat sports and people confuse self-defense with martial arts.
00:32:00.740
They're all different. I mean, the point is to neutralize the threat in the most efficient
00:32:04.120
and effective manner possible, right? Which means disengage in some cases.
00:32:07.560
Yeah. So in D one, so D one is detect and avoid D two is defuse and deescalate and D three is push
00:32:13.620
comes to shove, be your own bodyguard, defend yourself. But if, you know, we talk about,
00:32:17.800
you know, in the community, everyone talks about, Hey, get the left of the ambush, get to the left of
00:32:20.680
the ambush. Then, then they practice how to get out of a choke or how to put on a choke or how to kick
00:32:24.660
somebody, how to hit somebody or shoot somebody that is all on the right of the ambush. All of those
00:32:29.120
behaviors, all of those after the fact are after the fact, the fight has already started. So you're not
00:32:34.260
going to develop any situational awareness, true situational awareness. If you don't practice
00:32:38.920
D one and D two, which is a huge part. Now here's the thing is with our, this, and this is what came
00:32:44.960
to me in the last couple of years after decades of teaching was I was like, Whoa, this is transcendent
00:32:50.180
that D one, D two, D three, detect, diffuse, defend. If I talk to you, you're visualizing it externally.
00:32:56.140
You're seeing yourself as a dad and you're going, I've got to have to be situationally aware.
00:32:59.860
Well, what if I told you your situational awareness is directly impacted by your self
00:33:04.360
awareness or lack of, right? So D one detect and avoid has to do with what are the things
00:33:10.520
that I'm thinking? What are the erroneous beliefs in my brain that change how I look at the world
00:33:16.360
or people or communication or conversations, relationships? How do you get familiar with
00:33:20.700
that before we move on to diffuse? A lot of it is we do these one day courses where like people
00:33:26.600
come up after and they go, I learned more about life and self-defense and decision-making
00:33:32.160
in a day than I have in 10 years of this or 15 years. It's just these epiphanies. Listen,
00:33:38.220
I put this together after 37 years. I mean, cumulatively, I'm always reviewing my stuff,
00:33:45.060
but it's been almost four decades of researching this stuff and teaching thousands and thousands
00:33:50.900
of people around the world from tier one operators all the way down to women and women shelters
00:33:54.960
and noticing like language concepts, drills, and behaviors that trigger immediate responses.
00:34:02.840
It's almost like, you know, you're at the range shooting and you're missing everything. And a guy
00:34:06.620
comes by and he moves your thumb a little bit. And now suddenly you're zeroing in your shots. And
00:34:12.520
all it was, your thumb was in a ship position and it affected everything. I was up at coach
00:34:17.020
Bergner's, you know, five, six years ago. I was never, uh, uh, for those of you don't know,
00:34:21.020
coach Bergner, you know, Olympic lifting coach. And I'm up there and, uh, working out at his house
00:34:25.720
in a small little group. One of his trainers looks at me and I come from a martial art background. I
00:34:31.160
just, you know, been started getting into CrossFit and training. I'd never Olympic Olympic lifted in
00:34:35.700
my life. And one of his trainers goes, hook grip, hook grip, hook grip. And I'm like, what says hook
00:34:42.300
grip coach is going to make you do burpees. If you're not doing a hook grip, I'm like, like, what's a hook?
00:34:46.800
I don't even know what that is. Right. Right. So do you remember the day somebody showed you a hook
00:34:51.840
grip? Yeah. Do you remember how much stronger and easier it was to lift with a hook grip? Yeah,
00:34:56.900
definitely. So, you know, for those of you who have no clue, you just got to go to the gym and
00:35:00.660
do a deadlift and have do it with a hook grip and you'll understand. But sometimes somebody can show
00:35:05.280
you something or tell you something where I liken it to like people come up to me all the time,
00:35:10.140
Ryan, they go, this is common sense. And I go, no, it's not. It's uncommon sense. Right. It might be,
00:35:14.480
you might know it, but that doesn't mean everybody knows it. Right. I go, if it was common sense,
00:35:18.940
you wouldn't be telling me this is common sense because you're like, you're like, wow, this is
00:35:22.760
common sense. And I joke, I go, it's uncommon sense. Uncommon sense is that moment where you
00:35:27.600
hear it once and you get it. And what I try to do is I try to inspire and I work very, very hard on the
00:35:33.220
language and the presentation. You know, I did a course in London a couple of years ago. Then I had
00:35:39.260
another course. It was two courses between London and Amsterdam. And I rewrote my lesson plan
00:35:44.120
five times in a week. You speak to my staff. They're like, oh, fuck the Sunday night phone
00:35:50.460
call. We dread that. You know, and I tell them, I go, hey man, this course isn't for you. It's for
00:35:55.160
our students. Right. And if I get a new idea for something, so I'm constantly changing shit. So what
00:36:00.620
I'm looking for is that hook grip experience. So you asked me like, how do people get from here?
00:36:05.400
How do they realize this? Or how do they, they make this connection? That's the magic of the
00:36:09.440
language, right? Where you do two things. One, I say something, you go, oh my God, I never thought
00:36:13.360
about it that way. I just had a guy who's a retired tie boxing, professional tie boxer, MMA guy. He came
00:36:22.000
to one of my one day courses and he's the guy, he's the typical guy that I dread in the class because
00:36:27.820
my course isn't designed for people who have an unconscious or conscious bias. It's really for
00:36:33.920
just people who just normal, good citizens, right? Sure. Samaritans. Sure. I really don't know what I do
00:36:40.300
here. Blah, blah, blah. Because sometimes they have to unlearn that stuff, right? Yeah. Well,
00:36:43.980
they, cause they look at it through, listen, like, you know, somebody who's been a cop or military and
00:36:47.840
I'm telling them, oh, you're going to feel fear here. You can like, I was in a meeting, uh, last
00:36:51.000
year where a really violent incident happened. And this chief of police goes, I can't believe the
00:36:56.960
fuck were they doing sitting there? Like, why didn't somebody? And I'm like, dude, you've been a cop for
00:37:01.260
20 years. You've been in gunfights. Everyone there was just a citizen going, oh my God.
00:37:06.460
Sure. Right. Sure. And so you, people don't realize that the stress inoculation they've
00:37:11.060
experienced in real life makes it seem easy. It's almost like the magician understands the
00:37:15.220
trick. The audience has no clue what's going on. So you sit there like deer in the headlights,
00:37:18.900
mesmerized, right? We demystify that. And that's what our gig is, is trying to, uh,
00:37:24.060
demystify for people. And I was in the middle of telling you something else and I just forgot, but.
00:37:27.340
Well, I wanted to ask you about what you were talking about language. And one of the things
00:37:31.280
that you had said a couple of times that I want to make sure we define is the idea of a
00:37:35.260
courageous bystander. What is that? Wow. So courageous bystander is, uh, have you ever
00:37:42.060
heard of the bystander effect? There's like, if you Google it, you watch videos, it's a, you know,
00:37:46.220
what they do is they're, they set up like child abductions or violent stuff. And they're filming
00:37:50.300
from a distance, watching people just stay on their phones or look or film. And the bystander effect
00:37:54.620
is like, I'm not going to be the person that gets involved.
00:37:58.380
Yeah. Yeah. And he's just at the end of the day, and this is peeling the onion is what the show's
00:38:01.800
about. If I could pull everyone who walked by and I said, why didn't you do something and go,
00:38:06.960
I didn't want to get involved, you know, legally that I go, no, but really, why didn't you get
00:38:10.160
involved? You peel the onion, they're scared, right? They're scared of getting sued. They're
00:38:15.040
scared of getting hurt. They're scared of becoming the victim, uh, and so on and so forth. And I really
00:38:20.020
believe that. And that's like, uh, again, you know, where I was going. So the courageous
00:38:24.500
bystander is in our course. And I want to try and explain this in a way with, because there's a
00:38:29.660
couple of really big light bulb moments in the course. And so I don't want to do this disservice,
00:38:34.760
but I don't want to ruin something. Right. We don't want to, we don't want to take away from
00:38:37.420
that for sure. Right. There's like, and here's how the magic trick works.
00:38:40.480
I don't need to go, I guess. Right. Exactly. So the courageous bystander is basically somebody who
00:38:46.460
says, even though that's not my kid or my wife or me or my car, I'm not going to turn a blind eye
00:38:52.300
and courageous bystander doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to run in there and jump in there like
00:38:56.000
some superhero. It might be just calling it in, hitting nine on one, taking a picture of that
00:39:01.440
license plate, but it's having the balls and the courage and the will to do the right thing. And the
00:39:06.480
reason, the way I define it and people can go, that's obvious. Like that's what I would do.
00:39:10.060
The reason, the way we talk about our course is I go, if you weren't there as the protector,
00:39:15.140
if you weren't there as the dad and something was happening to somebody you really loved,
00:39:20.340
would you want a courageous bystander to step in and do something? And we have lots of those
00:39:24.620
everyday heroes in lots of incidents. We see them and they need to be celebrated more. But part of that
00:39:29.600
is what holds somebody back from being that in anything in life is fear, their relationship with
00:39:37.580
fear. Otherwise, you know, there's a maxim we throw out and the end of every one of our courses.
00:39:42.360
And basically it's, if you didn't fear fear, what would you do in your life? If you had no fear,
00:39:47.780
what would you do? Right? Everything you wanted to. Absolutely. It's heavy shit. Interesting. Well,
00:39:53.060
Tony, we're bumping up against time here and obviously we're not, we're not nearly getting into all
00:39:56.700
that we could talk about. I think we should do a follow-up or guys can connect with you for sure.
00:40:00.420
But before I get into that, let me ask you, what does it mean to be a man?
00:40:04.840
Wow. So that's something that I measure every single day for a long, long time. I've done little
00:40:12.060
rants to myself and online just to people that, you know, life is the laboratory and life is the school
00:40:20.020
and the teacher that's you and your brain grades yourself every day. You know, did you get an F
00:40:25.700
today? Did you get a D? Did you get a, you know, I had an incident happen in business the other day
00:40:29.700
and I said to, you know, one of my staff, I said, let me tell you how I look at things.
00:40:33.520
I'm always willing to give up who I am today for who I could become by being introspective and honest
00:40:38.940
myself. I'm giving myself a, a for energy on that last project, but I'm giving myself an F on my
00:40:45.860
attitude because I was a little bitch during that and I was really upset. Right. And so what it means to
00:40:51.120
be a man is just to, to always work on self-awareness. I think that's the biggest thing
00:40:55.780
is like, okay, yeah, I was, I was skewing that. I was, I was twisting that at my bias. Like I wasn't
00:41:02.500
really listening there or, you know, it's, it's such a big question. It's almost worth the entire
00:41:08.040
duration of the podcast to talk about that. It means to be better and do the right thing. Don't lie to
00:41:13.500
yourself. Don't lie to anybody else. Yeah, it's powerful. And you make up a good point about
00:41:17.080
it taking up an entire show. I mean, I've asked, I think 130 or 140 different high achieving men now
00:41:23.320
what that means. And there's so many different answers, but all of them combined, I think paint
00:41:27.140
a pretty good picture. So appreciate the feedback there. How do we connect with you? How do we learn
00:41:31.040
more, learn about your workshops, learn about the things that you're doing? If you just want to see
00:41:36.040
like a quick list of all of our courses, go to events.blowerspear.com. It's just the page that has all
00:41:43.060
our upcoming events, but Blowerspear, my last name, B-L-A-U-E-R Spear, one word,
00:41:49.140
Spears, our self-defense program.com. You know, of course I'm on Instagram and we just started a
00:41:55.700
super cool show called No Fear. You know, people can just, you know, Google that. So we're just
00:42:00.860
trying to get the, get this out there. But I think if you, if you Google me, you should be able to find
00:42:05.220
me and I would love to do, you know, if you get some good feedback and good questions, I'd love to
00:42:09.420
jump on this. A lot of fun, man. You're great at inspiring conversation. So I dig that.
00:42:13.820
I appreciate it, man. And I appreciate you. Obviously this is something I think I need to
00:42:17.200
know more of in my life. And of course all the men listening do as well. So thank you, Tony,
00:42:21.540
for taking your time and parting some of your hard fought and hard earned wisdom with us.
00:42:25.180
I appreciate you. Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.
00:42:28.720
There it is, gentlemen, a powerful, powerful conversation with Tony Blower. I think you would
00:42:32.320
agree. I definitely encourage you to check out his work. Odds are that you're going to have to use
00:42:36.760
some of the information that he teaches in your life. I hope that's not the case,
00:42:40.580
but I certainly don't want to be unprepared. And I'm sure that you don't either when,
00:42:44.700
and if that time comes outside of that, guys, make sure to connect with me on Facebook,
00:42:48.780
Instagram, Twitter, wherever you do the social media thing. We're also actually picking up speed
00:42:53.480
and more content over on YouTube. So if you're over there, you may want to check us out there too.
00:42:58.060
It's all at order of man. We're going to make it easy on you. So whether that's Facebook,
00:43:01.580
Instagram, Twitter, or YouTube, all at order of man. And guys, as I sign out,
00:43:05.480
please, if you would do me a favor and yourself a favor, because this is going to impact your life
00:43:09.120
as well. Go pick up a copy of sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of men.
00:43:13.200
As I told you earlier, we hit number one in multiple categories, but we are just getting
00:43:17.700
started. I'm just getting warmed up with this thing, but I need your support in doing that.
00:43:21.140
Like you have been for the past three years. And I am very, very grateful for that.
00:43:24.900
Buy one for you. Buy one for your brother, your cousin, your colleague, your coworker, your dad,
00:43:28.820
whoever it may be. More and more men need to hear this message. With that guys,
00:43:32.860
I'll sign out today and I will look forward to talking with you next week. But until then,
00:43:36.440
take action and become the man you are meant to be.
00:43:41.400
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:43:45.980
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.