Order of Man - 164： A Man's Responsibility to Future Generations ｜ Matt Labrum

00:00:00.000 This one is special for me. As most of you know, I grew up without a permanent father figure in my

00:00:04.520 life. I've mentioned in the past that there was a select group of men who helped mold and shape me

00:00:09.540 into the man that I am today. I'm not sure there is another man in my young life who was as

00:00:15.540 influential as my guest today. His name is Matt Labrum and he was my high school football and

00:00:20.880 baseball coach. Today, we talk about his influence in my life and thousands of other young men's

00:00:25.940 lives, the power of allowing kids to fail, including some failures of my own, why competitive

00:00:31.320 sports are so valuable in a young man's life, why he cut his entire team from the football program a

00:00:37.140 few years ago, and a man's responsibility to future generations. You're a man of action. You live life

00:00:43.160 to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get

00:00:48.700 back up one more time. Every time. You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient.

00:00:55.660 Strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day,

00:01:01.940 and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today?

00:01:07.960 My name is Ryan Mickler and I am the host and founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. Guys,

00:01:13.160 this is a show about becoming a better man, and I have got one of my favorite, if not my favorite

00:01:20.180 interview to date. Now, we've done over 160 episodes, and I haven't been more excited about

00:01:25.560 releasing an episode than I am about this one. I mentioned a minute ago, this is my high school

00:01:30.260 football and baseball coach. We're going to get to it in a minute, but if you are just joining us for

00:01:34.960 the very first time today, again, want to welcome you to what at least I consider to be the best show

00:01:40.940 available for men. We are interviewing the world's most successful men, men who are succeeding in big

00:01:46.620 areas of their lives. We are asking them powerful questions, distilling that information into valuable,

00:01:53.660 actionable items that you can take into your life and achieve big results. And I don't know what it

00:01:58.780 is you're trying to achieve those big results with, whether it's growing a family, raising kids,

00:02:03.840 building a business, building that bank account, getting your health and fitness in line. I don't know

00:02:09.520 what that looks like for you, but I think we've got some solutions and we've got some frameworks and

00:02:14.180 guidance and direction through the guests that we are bringing on to you. And of course, this one is

00:02:19.380 no exception. So again, glad you're here. We need more men in this fight. It seems like every day

00:02:24.540 I look and find a new article about the general dismissal of masculinity and how unimportant that it

00:02:30.780 might be in society. And I believe that there's nothing further from the truth. Masculinity is alive

00:02:36.280 and well. And manliness is something that is much needed in society. We talk a lot about that.

00:02:42.100 Now, before we get into the conversation and along those same lines, I'm really excited to

00:02:46.440 introduce you to our newest event. We've done some events in the past, two different events in the

00:02:51.500 past, but we've got a third event lined up for September 20th through the 23rd of this year,

00:02:57.740 2018. It's called order of man legacy. This particular event is for fathers with boys between the ages of

00:03:04.680 eight to 15. This is a father son event. So we're going to be doing some physical exercises,

00:03:10.820 activities, skill sets. We're going to be helping you forge new relationships and bonds with your

00:03:15.940 boys. And then of course, provide yourself and them with a framework for becoming better men.

00:03:20.820 This is an event unlike anything that I have ever seen, unlike anything that I have ever experienced,

00:03:27.260 but here's the catch. We only have 20 spots and I just released this announcement the end of last

00:03:34.220 week. And we are already six spots filled up within 24 hours. We had six spots filled up. So guys,

00:03:40.260 if you're interested in a father son event, and you've got a son, a biological son, an adopted son,

00:03:46.780 a stepchild, a neighborhood kid, a nephew who you are filling in, in some sort of father type capacity,

00:03:55.980 you got to get on this quick, go to order of man.com slash legacy, order of man.com slash legacy.

00:04:03.480 Do a quick, you can learn a little bit about what we're up to, what this event is going to be all

00:04:08.680 about. And then of course, reserve your spot. So again, order of man.com slash legacy. Now the only

00:04:14.320 other announcement I've been talking about Pete Roberts and my friends over at origin for, I don't

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00:05:09.460 at checkout for a 5% discount. All right, guys, those are the announcements for today. Order

00:05:15.500 man legacy. And then of course, origin, main. Now I want to introduce you to my guest. I did

00:05:21.240 this interview a little while ago and I've been anxiously awaiting the release. I had a couple

00:05:27.100 other people in queue before I released this one. Every single one of us guys has some very

00:05:31.900 influential people in our lives. And today I'm talking with probably the most influential man

00:05:37.480 in mind, especially as a young boy learning how to become a man. He is a high school educator.

00:05:43.100 He has been teaching for more than two decades. And in addition to that, he is a high school

00:05:48.340 baseball coach. Now, when I was in school, he was the head of football, basketball, and

00:05:53.000 baseball coach. And he gained some national attention several years ago. Some of you may

00:05:57.920 have seen that after cutting his entire football team from the program for some grade and attendance

00:06:03.920 issues and how his team was showing up in the community and at school. This is a man that

00:06:08.580 I admire and respect as he shaped a lot of who I was as a young man and who I'm still becoming.

00:06:14.440 He never took it easy on me. We talk about two experiences in particular during this conversation,

00:06:19.440 but I never doubted how much he cared about my progress and the progress of the boys under his

00:06:24.920 care. Gentlemen, listen in as I have a conversation with, again, one of the most influential men in my

00:06:29.500 life, Mr. Matt Labrum. Coach Labrum, thanks for joining me on the show today.

00:06:34.000 Hey, it's my pleasure, Ryan.

00:06:35.380 I got to be honest. And we were talking about this. I've had some amazing, amazing men on the

00:06:39.100 show and just some incredible conversations. And I don't usually get nervous, but knowing that you

00:06:44.740 are coming on the show, I've been a little nervous and a little bit antsy this morning. And it sounds

00:06:48.140 like you have too. So we're both there. Yeah, I think we're both there. I'm very nervous. I'm

00:06:52.680 excited to be here and I just appreciate all the good things that you're doing. So.

00:06:56.840 Well, it's cool to be able to have this conversation because it's been, and I was,

00:07:00.340 I was thinking about this and I was talking with you over the weekend and your father.

00:07:03.000 I mean, it's been nearly 20 years since we were able to sit down and have an in-depth

00:07:08.480 conversation like we will today. Yeah. Just amazing how time goes by so fast. And so you

00:07:15.260 got to take those moments when you can. So. Yeah, definitely. So you had a big win,

00:07:20.020 four big wins actually, right? Four games this weekend. We did. Yeah. That's awesome. So your son,

00:07:25.780 did he pitch a no-hitter on what, Saturday? He did actually. Yes. That's awesome.

00:07:29.920 Saturday night. Yeah. How was he feeling about that?

00:07:31.680 I think he was pretty excited because he's usually doesn't have much emotion. And if you see the

00:07:36.920 video at the very end, you see him jumping around into his teammates and it was a lot of fun. It was

00:07:41.820 very humbling as a father watching him, but you know, as a coach to be a part of it too. So it was a

00:07:47.040 lot of fun. Yeah. I remember meeting him. I think it was what, two, three weeks ago. And he, he is just

00:07:52.500 like you. I'm sure nobody has said that to you before. I've heard that a few times. I, I don't see it.

00:07:58.420 I have a lot say that. You don't really? I don't. I really don't. So. Oh my goodness. Yeah. You guys,

00:08:03.380 he's a mini me except for he's not, he's not mini. He's a big kid. Yeah. Yeah. He surpassed me in

00:08:07.700 height already and he's trying to catch me in weight too. So he's, he's working hard. So you guys won

00:08:13.960 the tournament. How do you feel about the weekend? It was a great experience for us and for our program

00:08:19.260 and the growth of our program, we've really been striving to become better baseball players,

00:08:24.840 but more character and, and more with growing as a group and as a team, being happy for each other,

00:08:31.880 finding ways that way. And I witnessed a lot of growth this weekend because we won different types

00:08:36.940 of games this weekend. And so that was a huge step for our program. When you say different types of

00:08:42.060 games, you mean blowouts and then very, I mean, this last game was what one to zero. Yeah. So our very

00:08:46.700 first game was a three to one game, well-pitched game, you know, just a well-played game. So real

00:08:51.860 tight, low scoring game. The next game we played was a 12 to six game. I think we came out and gave

00:08:57.880 up some runs, had to come back, you know, figure out a way to score more runs than them. Our third

00:09:03.480 game, we were up nine to four. They got back into it. They capitalized on a couple of our errors and

00:09:08.620 ended up winning nine to eight. This last game, they didn't have any hits. We only had four hits. We

00:09:13.860 scored one run in the fifth inning, uh, you know, had to play, you know, good solid game to win that.

00:09:20.020 Yeah. That's incredible. When you talked about game two, where you were behind, I remember in

00:09:23.500 high school, one of the things that you'd say, and I always say these things, like when you said 0.97

00:09:27.140 them, I used to roll my eyes, like, Oh, shut up. Like here's another one of the things that coach is

00:09:31.460 saying. And now I find myself telling these same things to my boys. And I remember one of the things

00:09:35.800 that really stands out that you had said to us when we were behind is that winners find a way.

00:09:40.720 So I imagine you said something along those lines in game two. Yeah. Same thing. We use

00:09:45.160 that a lot. What I like about baseball is that normally there's no time limit in these tournaments

00:09:50.100 there are, but normally there's no time limit. So as long as you have a swing, you have a chance.

00:09:54.220 And so, uh, you know, that's something that we always talk about also. Yeah. Well, I really liked,

00:09:59.660 and I want to hit on this thread, what you had said earlier about, yeah, I mean the sport itself

00:10:03.640 is important, but I think even more so than that, specifically for the young men that you're coaching

00:10:08.240 and you've coached, I was just thinking about this. I mean, you've coached thousands of, of boys at

00:10:12.780 this point. And I think it goes so much further than getting good at baseball or basketball or

00:10:18.360 football or whatever. And that's important. That development's important, but talk to me about

00:10:22.540 how much deeper it goes for you and why you have decided to dedicate your life up to this point to

00:10:28.440 coaching. I'm grateful for the coaches that spent their time for me and helped mold me into a young

00:10:35.100 man. And then into the man I am, you know, I'm thankful for a father who did that. You know,

00:10:40.220 I just try to use sports as an avenue to help young people grow. You know, you've talked quite a bit

00:10:46.500 about, you know, allowing kids to fail, but then giving them a chance to come back and find a different

00:10:51.660 way or find a way to, to get through hard times. And that's something that's very important to me.

00:10:56.760 Sports was huge in my life. I think, uh, had I not had sports, I don't know where I had gone.

00:11:01.700 And so I'm thankful for the men that gave up their time to help to mold me and gave me opportunities

00:11:07.380 to grow and to fail. And so my whole goal is to try to repay that back. And, you know, there's a

00:11:14.760 payments like this, you know, watching what you're doing and, and seeing the young men that I've had

00:11:20.240 the opportunity to coach and see that they're going on and they're doing great things and bettering

00:11:25.140 their themselves, their families and their communities. And that's just a, gives me chills to

00:11:30.300 watch what's going on. I know to a small degree because I coach my boys' teams at this point,

00:11:35.620 what that experience is like. And I really liked that you talk about the idea of competition and

00:11:40.840 allowing kids to fail, because I think society in general is trying to shift away from this.

00:11:45.420 Like we don't want our kids to feel bad. And, but what I noticed, especially in high school,

00:11:49.720 when I was playing under you is you're supposed to feel bad when you lose, you're not supposed to

00:11:54.040 dwell on it and let it beat you up, but it's not supposed to be a pleasurable experience.

00:11:57.680 You're supposed to feel bad so you can understand what that experience is like and then come back

00:12:02.480 more resilient, tougher, stronger, better, and improve moving forward. Do you notice that trend

00:12:07.020 of let's not compete? Let's not keep score. Is that something you see?

00:12:10.380 Yeah, for sure, Ryan. And you know what? I think sometimes even in my career at times,

00:12:15.160 I think I've fallen into that a little bit, you know, just trying to make everybody be happy,

00:12:19.840 make all the parents feel good, make sure every kid feels good about themselves,

00:12:23.720 you know, those types of things. Sometimes I've even fallen prey to that concept. And

00:12:28.100 if I reevaluate, you know, the keys are exactly what you said, you know, you feel bad when something

00:12:33.820 doesn't go your way. Well, then now what do I do? How am I going to get through that? Or what am I

00:12:38.300 going to change so that doesn't happen again? And through that, we have growth. If we don't have

00:12:42.680 growth, then we're going to stay the same. So I just think we're so worried that our kids won't

00:12:47.760 recover from a loss or heartache or a tragedy. And that's just not the case. I mean, human beings

00:12:54.780 are resilient. So rather than sheltering them from that stuff, let's expose them to it in controlled

00:13:00.000 environments so that when the real stuff happens in real world, because let's be honest, losing a

00:13:04.960 baseball game, as much as a coach like yourself doesn't want to lose, it's not the end of the world.

00:13:09.780 Like it's not going to define your life unless you let it, I guess, but there are more important

00:13:14.860 issues that you will face. And unless you have adequately prepared to handle those situations

00:13:19.960 and prepared our young men to handle those situations, it's going to destroy them.

00:13:24.280 Yes. We're definitely doing a disservice to the young people by not allowing them to fail and for

00:13:30.000 coddling them and making sure they feel okay when something doesn't go their way or make an excuse

00:13:36.200 for them. It's a total disservice. Also, on the other hand, we got to figure out how to not make

00:13:42.520 winning and losing life or death. I think we have both ends of the spectrum and we need to

00:13:47.140 understand what the game is all about, what it's there for and how we can grow and develop from

00:13:53.200 that. How do you find the balance between being tough on the boys that you're coaching, but then

00:13:58.460 also being, and I don't know if it's compassion or just, or, or, or empathy and understanding that

00:14:04.080 this is a part of the bigger picture. Like how do you find and strike that balance for your team?

00:14:08.700 I think the biggest thing you have to do, Ryan, is you, you have to have something in

00:14:13.540 the deposit. You got to have something in the bank with these young people that, that you're with.

00:14:17.700 And so if you can deposit and you can go and you can see them in different things, I try to go to,

00:14:22.660 you know, if they're in a play or they're in a musical or they're in band or, or I try to see

00:14:28.140 them in different areas and I try to go up and tell them, you know, Hey, great job. You know,

00:14:32.120 that was fun to watch it be a part of that. It's fun to see in a different realm.

00:14:35.280 I think if you can put things in the bank, then you can withdraw, you know, there's times where

00:14:39.800 you can get down and get after them, but they still know that you really truly love them and

00:14:45.300 you want them to be better, but you have to be able to put stuff in the bank first before you

00:14:50.040 withdraw. And you're so good at that. Like I, I remember just this weekend you had called me up

00:14:55.300 and you said you were going to be in our hometown and I took one of my sons to watch the game. He was

00:14:59.180 around and he wanted to check it out. And I think he lasted for about two innings before he found

00:15:03.160 some friends and it was just me watching the game because that's how it goes. I was watching

00:15:07.800 you knowing that we were going to have this conversation. And of course, knowing that you

00:15:11.580 were my coach for four years in baseball and football, and you caught me from the basketball

00:15:16.040 team when I was a sophomore. We can talk about that later. And that was a good thing. We'll talk

00:15:20.400 about that here in a minute. I watched you and how you interacted with the kids. And I remember,

00:15:25.240 and I can't remember what inning it was, but one of the kids struck out looking. And I know

00:15:29.300 that's like the ultimate no, no in baseball, right? You just don't do it.

00:15:33.100 Correct.

00:15:33.940 And I was really curious how you would handle that. And it was pretty inspiring to watch you

00:15:39.600 talk with who that was and say, Hey man, it happens, but here's how we got to improve moving

00:15:44.320 forward. Here's what we got to do differently. And I really saw this a toughness, but in a way that was

00:15:49.380 supportive because you understand what he needed to see and what he needed to, to hear and experience.

00:15:54.880 But I imagine that just comes with your experience as well. I mean, you've been doing it for a long

00:15:58.000 time now.

00:15:58.680 Well, yeah, I've definitely grown. You got me in my way early years and I'm thinking.

00:16:03.440 How old were you when you were coaching us?

00:16:05.640 When I first started at Parallon, I was 22.

00:16:08.220 Okay. Yeah. So you were, yeah, I didn't realize that at the time.

00:16:11.280 I was just a little bit older than you guys, you know? And so you, you got me way in my early years

00:16:15.420 and you know, I have lots of regrets as I look back. I'm like, holy smokes, I got away with some

00:16:20.440 stuff. But you guys, the way that you responded to me and we were able to understand each other

00:16:27.080 and you let me grow with you guys. And so I think that was very important. But again,

00:16:32.500 the biggest thing I think is no one wants to be embarrassed. There's times where I've embarrassed

00:16:37.460 kids and I, you know, by screaming at them across the field or something like that. And I think if

00:16:42.760 you can do it on a one-on-one, they're much more responsive and I've learned to be better at that

00:16:47.440 as I've gotten older.

00:16:48.820 I mean, it's so hard because I imagine as a coach and one of the things that I'm finding,

00:16:52.460 it's really difficult is when I see my boys that aren't performing to the level I know they're

00:16:56.420 capable of. And as a coach, you can't do anything about it as a player. You can, because you can get

00:17:01.640 in there and play harder or do something different, but as a coach, you're relying upon what you've

00:17:05.900 taught them up to this point. And there's not a dang thing you can do about it at that point.

00:17:09.800 The biggest thing I had to learn was that I think when I was over with you guys, I would try to get

00:17:14.120 in and play with you. Now I stay completely out of that because I'll hurt myself or, or embarrass

00:17:18.380 myself. I can't tell stories if I can't do it anymore. But yeah, your dad said when I was

00:17:22.900 talking to him this weekend, he said that you had to bring in some good coaches because you can't

00:17:26.640 quite move around like you used to be able to.

00:17:28.680 Yeah. We try to bring in younger coaches to keep the momentum up and, and, you know,

00:17:33.720 keep these kids motivated from us old guys. So yeah, we've brought in a little bit of that.

00:17:38.640 And I think that's the key to anything in life. You know, you got to find where your weaknesses

00:17:42.760 are and then try to find people that can fill in and hopefully you impact each other and impact

00:17:48.800 those around you. That's what this life's all about is being able to evaluate every instance

00:17:54.300 that you're at because nothing stays the same. Everything changes all the time. What are you

00:18:00.180 willing to do to be successful?

00:18:03.160 The other thing I thought was really impressive is there was a really close play at home and

00:18:08.160 the umpire called them out, which I think was actually from where I was standing, a pretty

00:18:11.380 good call. It could have gone either way. And I was also impressed with just your level of

00:18:16.400 calmness and clarity. And I'm not sure what you said to him. You went and talked to him,

00:18:20.080 but I'm sure you asked for clarification or something. And I thought that was a really

00:18:23.960 important moment, not only from like my perspective watching that, but the boys see you too. Like how,

00:18:29.800 how is coach Labrum going to interact with this umpire? Is he going to lose his mind or is he going

00:18:35.320 to remain calm and keep his head in the game? I think that's really, really valuable.

00:18:38.680 Yeah. And I can remember that play. What has happened is I'd sent that guy home. So I'd moved

00:18:44.000 my eyes to the next runner that was coming my direction and I was now coaching him. And so when

00:18:48.900 I went up and talked to the umpire, I just asked him, I said, how close was the play? I didn't see

00:18:54.200 it because I'd already moved to the other runner. I just wanted to know, did I send him at the right

00:18:59.080 time? I was trying to check and see, you know, did it, was it a close play? Did I, should I have kept

00:19:03.100 him there? Or I was actually checking myself and just kind of building a relationship with him that

00:19:08.240 way? And, and, and asking, you know, was it a close play? Should I have sent him? And he said,

00:19:11.640 yeah, it was a bang, bang play. So the kid made the throw a kid made the tag and your dad was right

00:19:16.320 there. And I thought he was out. So. Yeah. Yeah. So would you have done it differently knowing that

00:19:21.440 or do you think you still would have sent him? Um, no, I would have still sent him. Yeah. So,

00:19:25.780 and that's what the umpire said. Yeah. The umpire said, yeah, you should have sent him. So, you know,

00:19:30.260 I, I felt good about it. I was just, you know, just kind of asking him that because I didn't see

00:19:35.080 what happened. Yeah. No, that makes sense. All right. So I want to go back to a couple of points,

00:19:39.360 not to relive any past memories or, or to call you out on any of this stuff, certainly. But yeah.

00:19:44.020 So when I was a sophomore, you cut me from the basketball team, you know, that was a hard pill to

00:19:48.080 swallow because all my buddies were playing basketball. And frankly, I sucked at basketball. I wasn't good. I

00:19:52.060 I had no right to be on the basketball court, but I, I think that, that parents and boys can probably

00:19:58.200 take that in one of two ways. They can either use it as an opportunity to complain and play the victim

00:20:03.820 card and coach Labrum's playing politics, which I'm sure you get all the time. Or my mom was always 0.98

00:20:09.860 good about saying, Hey, look, like, what can you learn from it? How can you grow? How can you get

00:20:13.840 better? And we had a similar experience when I was a, a senior in high school. I remember you pulled me

00:20:18.920 out of a game. I was catching at the time and you pulled me out of game and replaced me with,

00:20:22.940 with a junior, which was hard. But again, she was like, Hey, look, you can learn from it. You can

00:20:27.000 grow from it. And, and again, we're coming back to this resilience thing. Like kids are so resilient

00:20:31.240 yet. We're scared to do, I think what's in their best interest over the longterm.

00:20:35.620 And Ryan, the reason you were able to learn those lessons, because what you just said is you had a

00:20:40.180 parent that tried to help you understand the lesson and, you know, didn't come to your defense.

00:20:45.580 And you're lucky to have that because most kids don't have that. And I'm not saying that I'm always

00:20:50.740 writing, cutting people or those types of things, but there is always something that can, can be

00:20:55.780 learned. And if the parent will parent instead of be the defender, I think there's some great things

00:21:02.460 that can happen. And I've had multiple experiences with that, you know, as, as a coach and, and it gets

00:21:08.420 hard, especially in, you know, in small communities and things where you're seeing people at church and in the

00:21:13.920 grocery store and, you know, wherever you might go, sometimes they think that you have it out for

00:21:18.860 them. And sometimes you're just, you know, you're just trying to make the best decision for what you

00:21:23.680 think the team needs. You know, if I was to keep anybody that I like, then obviously it would have

00:21:28.820 been you. One of my favorite guys I've ever coached, because I think you've, you've done a lot and

00:21:33.320 learned a lot, uh, you know, in the time and I've learned a lot from you. So.

00:21:38.480 Yeah. I mean, I, I appreciate that. And, and, you know, you said too, what's best for the team.

00:21:42.560 And I think that's true. I believe that's what you were after and what you were going for. But

00:21:46.160 not only that, it was also what was best for me because during the basketball season, I was able

00:21:50.300 to wrestle that year, which made me a better football player, which is what I really wanted

00:21:53.680 to do. And when it came to, to baseball, I mean, we still had a great team and I was able to step up

00:21:59.560 and help him be a better catcher with what I knew. So I think it was in the best interest of the team,

00:22:05.160 but I think it was also in the best interest of me individually.

00:22:08.260 You made it become a positive thing. Just like you said, instead of sulking about playing

00:22:13.440 basketball, you went and wrestled because you know, your, your number one that you liked was

00:22:17.920 football. And that was something that could help you become a football player, a better football

00:22:21.940 player. And also you could have, you know, taken during baseball when, when that happened,

00:22:26.980 we brought in the younger catcher, you could have tried everything you could have to not let him be

00:22:32.420 successful. But in turn, you took your knowledge and you taught him. And in turn, I see where you're

00:22:38.560 at now, you know, the things that you're doing and how you're helping so many people in the world,

00:22:43.540 you know, look at themselves and evaluate and find positive ways to be a positive influence in the

00:22:48.920 world.

00:22:49.600 Yeah. I mean, that was really an opportunity for me. I mean, I remember this 20 years ago

00:22:54.020 to exercise some, some self-restraint, to look at the bigger picture, to look beyond myself

00:22:59.660 and really try to identify like what, what's more important in the grand scheme of things.

00:23:04.680 Was it that I wasn't catching or was it that we were playing games and we were winning? And I

00:23:09.420 recognize that that's what I wanted, but I think that came a lot from the coaching and the things

00:23:14.360 that you, you taught us as, as boys.

00:23:16.400 You know, I appreciate that. And I will say this, if the parents and the coach are on the same page,

00:23:22.240 we can help raise young men and young women. Uh, when there's one that's opposite, then that, 0.76

00:23:29.420 that person, that young person is going to go to that and they know that they have that crutch

00:23:33.700 and the lessons will never be learned.

00:23:35.960 Well, it's really interesting too, because one of the things I hear a lot, and I'm sure you hear

00:23:40.120 this more than I do is this, Oh, coaches playing politics. Now, from my perspective, I realized that

00:23:46.080 that might be the case in a small number of instances, but from my perspective, I think coaches want

00:23:52.200 to win games. That's why they're the coach. And so it's really fascinating to hear a parent say,

00:23:57.340 Hey, you're not playing little Timmy because you're politics. I'm like, no, you're not playing

00:24:00.580 little Timmy because he's not great at baseball or whatever it is. How often do you hear this

00:24:05.100 politics or you have it out for my son or anything like that?

00:24:09.900 It's quite often way more than I heard it probably during your time. It just continues to,

00:24:16.680 to get worse, it seems. And to be honest with you, it's even harder now because I have my own

00:24:21.560 son on the team. And so there's things there that I worry about that I shouldn't have to worry about,

00:24:26.780 but I do as a coach and as a father trying to make the best decisions for the team and making sure.

00:24:32.640 But that's something that I've talked with him since he was about eight years old.

00:24:35.920 I talked to him and I said, I'm thinking that when you get in high school, I'm probably not going to

00:24:40.500 coach anymore so that you can have your own thing. I don't want you to have to deal with stuff.

00:24:44.200 And so you can have your own thing. And he says, dad, I want you to coach.

00:24:47.160 Well, if that's, what's going to happen, I said, then you don't have to be the best player,

00:24:51.720 but you have to be the hardest worker. Cause if you're the hardest worker, I can find a place for

00:24:56.440 you. So, um, you know, he's known that and he, he knows that he has that on his back and he knows

00:25:01.700 what he has to do, but that's because it's been taught and we've talked about it quite a bit and

00:25:06.040 he knows what, what is expected. Do you think you're harder on him because of that?

00:25:11.060 Yeah, that most definitely. My coaches will get after me once in a while. And so I tried to let my

00:25:16.720 other coaches coach him and I try to coach the rest just so I don't get my personal feelings in

00:25:22.800 when I'm coaching him. And I think I am harder. There are times though, that I've told him, I said,

00:25:27.860 I'm going to come down on you. If, if the team needs it, I'm going to come down on you to,

00:25:32.320 to make sure that the lesson is learned. So you have to be ready for that.

00:25:36.920 This, uh, this last game over the weekend, his championship game where he threw that no hitter,

00:25:40.680 did he have some dicey moments? Did he have some moments where he got in his own head or kind of

00:25:44.900 freaked out a little bit that he had to be talked out of that with the team or you?

00:25:48.440 There was an instance, I can't remember if it was a second or third inning. I think he walked

00:25:52.100 the first two guys or maybe got an out and then walked two guys. So, you know, there was first and

00:25:57.600 second zero, zero. Um, and I didn't actually go out there. He, his teammates went to him and called

00:26:04.280 time when talked to him and got him settled down and, you know, and then he came out of it and did

00:26:09.120 quite well. So yeah, there was a couple of little times where his teammates came to his rescue and came and

00:26:14.020 talked to him and made plays. And so that's what I was talking about. The special moments of the

00:26:17.740 weekend. There was a lot of things that are happening that haven't been happening that we've

00:26:21.600 been trying to teach and preach. And now they're starting to happen. It's really cool to be able

00:26:26.960 to like, just take a step back for a minute and not have to be involved and just say, whoa, whoa,

00:26:31.000 whoa, wait a second. Like let, let these boys work it out themselves because in the next two to

00:26:36.080 three years, they're going to be out on their own and they're going to be having to work these things

00:26:40.780 out on, on their own. They're not, they're not going to have adults or coaches or parents there.

00:26:44.920 And again, I mean, we've got to give them the opportunity to fix it amongst themselves.

00:26:49.340 Yeah, exactly. You know, I remember, you know, heading off to school, my first year of school.

00:26:54.200 Oh man, that was great. I didn't have any parents or anything. Nobody woke me up to go to school or go

00:26:58.440 to class and, and my grades reflected that. And then I needed to, you know, make some changes in my

00:27:03.800 life. I had to grow up and decide that, do I want to do this or am I going to be something

00:27:07.760 different and hopefully through extracurricular activities and through the education and through

00:27:13.980 going through school and being around other people, these young people are given the opportunities

00:27:18.760 to learn and grow and the tools to succeed in life.

00:27:24.500 Guys, part of the reason team sports are so valuable in a young man's life is the band of

00:27:29.280 brothers that he's able to build. He's able to learn and grow with other boys who want to succeed at

00:27:34.560 the same level he does. But for most of us, that team camaraderie and brotherhood, it goes

00:27:39.520 away, just goes away after high school. But that doesn't mean that it isn't still as important

00:27:44.460 as it once was. It just means that we get busy with life and forget to build a new band of

00:27:50.320 brothers. And this is why I created the iron council. This is a brotherhood of men working

00:27:55.060 together to achieve big results in their lives. You're going to band with other men who are

00:27:59.700 succeeding and some who are still trying to find their way. But if you're missing your

00:28:03.780 tribe, a group of men who will push you and motivate you and inspire you to do bigger and

00:28:09.040 better things with your life, I'd encourage you to join us inside of the iron council.

00:28:13.540 Head to orderofman.com slash iron council to learn more about what we're up to and get the

00:28:18.660 details. And then of course, claim your seat at the table. Again, orderofman.com slash iron

00:28:23.440 council. In the meantime, let's finish up the conversation with Matt Labrum.

00:28:28.340 One of the things I want to go back to is you were talking about coaching the boys. And then of

00:28:32.500 course, you've got the parents involved. And I think there's probably an element of coaching as

00:28:37.080 well to the parents because you want to have the kids and the parents on the same page. Like,

00:28:41.440 are you involving their parents in the process? How much are they involved? What does that actually

00:28:45.280 look like? I try to subtly talk to the parents. Sometimes I have to be pretty abrupt, but most of

00:28:52.760 the time I try to go through the boys to the parents. I try to give them that avenue to talk to

00:28:57.100 their parents about what our expectations are so that the boy is making that accountability and

00:29:03.780 that responsibility of this is what our program does and this is what we expect. Sometimes I go

00:29:08.620 to the parents. Ryan, to be honest with you, most of the parents are really good, but they're usually

00:29:13.200 the quiet ones. You know, they don't say too much. It's the few that are the loud ones that cause the

00:29:18.740 commotion. And sometimes you have to address it right up front. And you have to be able to separate

00:29:23.480 what the parent's saying and be able to coach the kid at the same time and let that kid know that

00:29:28.940 you're on their side. Most of the time, if the parent's that far, it's hard to keep the kid on

00:29:33.140 your side. They're getting mixed signals and they're going to, I think a child who gets mixed 0.98

00:29:37.520 signals is going to take the one that seems easiest now. And quite honestly, that's the victim

00:29:42.100 card. It's the excuses like, Oh, coach isn't playing you because of politics or, or because Lincoln's

00:29:47.520 playing, that's why you're not playing. And that's easier than saying you're not as good as you need to

00:29:52.160 be. Why don't you work on improving yourself and see if that changes the situation. And if

00:29:55.840 parents are confirming that for the kid, they're always going to go that route.

00:29:58.880 I've seen all aspects, different sides, the parents that just support their kid, whether

00:30:03.500 they're playing or not, they want to be there. They want a part of that team. And they know that

00:30:07.480 there's a, there's a bigger picture that their, their son or daughter's learning from

00:30:11.300 versus the parent that thinks their kid's a college athlete. And, you know, I'm not giving

00:30:16.200 them justice. And that if I wouldn't have screwed them over, they would have a college

00:30:19.660 scholarship and be playing on TV and, and, you know, all this other stuff. And the ones

00:30:24.600 that understand the process, what it takes to go and do, and you got to understand it's

00:30:29.760 not just during that season anymore. You know, you're in the weight room, you're doing stuff

00:30:34.180 pretty much year round to try to get yourself in shape, get ready. And it's the daily decisions.

00:30:39.140 Are you making those decisions to make yourself better?

00:30:42.640 How does a kid find balance in this? Because I think the game, not just baseball, football,

00:30:46.900 just, just sports in general, competitive sports in general has completely changed over

00:30:52.020 the past 20 years. And you're right. I mean, these kids have to be involved all the time,

00:30:57.000 a hundred percent. They're on travel teams. They're doing the thing all year round. They're

00:31:00.580 in the gym. That just wasn't to the same degree when we were in high school as it is now.

00:31:05.740 How does a kid strike a balance? Is that even healthy? Like where is it unhealthy for these

00:31:09.700 children? I think if they're playing multiple, then I think they're okay. If they're playing

00:31:14.560 one, I struggle with that, but I also struggle the demand on their time. I think there has

00:31:20.120 to be time away. They, they have to be able to, you know, go on family vacations that doesn't

00:31:25.280 involve going to some tournament or, or something like that. You also have to sacrifice a little

00:31:31.220 bit if that's what you want. That's just where it is now. And you're exactly right. It was

00:31:35.400 way different when you were, uh, when I was coaching you and it's way different from when

00:31:39.640 I played, if you want to be able to compete, you do have to sacrifice some things. And,

00:31:44.580 and I've actually had that, uh, in a, in a parent meeting, you know, I had some parents

00:31:48.760 raise their hand and say, man, well, you're requiring a lot of them. You know, we'd like

00:31:52.880 to be able to do some stuff. I said, you know what? I understand that. And I said, I have

00:31:57.080 a family of my own too, and I would rather be with them too. But if we want to be successful,

00:32:01.620 these are the things we have to be able to do. And if you can't commit to that, there's other

00:32:05.720 things that you can do. That's a good point. I mean, life is about making choices and sometimes

00:32:10.900 you have two great opportunities and you have to pick one. You just have to pick one and it's not

00:32:15.280 awesome. And it's not the best thing in the world, but the reality is if you try to chase more than

00:32:20.080 one thing, you're, you're not going to catch either one of those things. That's a great point. And too

00:32:24.120 often we want our kids to be able to be involved in everything and be great at everything. Well,

00:32:29.140 you're exactly right. That's not going to happen. And sometimes you have to choose

00:32:32.380 between two really good things and make a decision and go with that.

00:32:37.340 I have the opportunity to spend some time with some young men in our community through the young

00:32:42.320 men's program. And I, of course, coaching my, my boys as teams, it's really hard. You know,

00:32:47.440 my oldest, he's, he's 10. I realized like, I really only have about four, maybe on a stretch,

00:32:54.840 five years before I become a lower priority in his life. You know, he's going to have sports and

00:33:01.920 he's going to have jobs and he's going to be chasing around girls. And so like,

00:33:06.260 it's a little disheartening, but it's a little exciting at the same time. It's a tough struggle

00:33:09.200 for me. And going back to your original question, why I chose to do the things that I have and stay

00:33:14.840 coaching is I hope to be that bridge between that father or maybe the single mother or whatever

00:33:22.100 that I can help raise their son because they're going to be spending more time with me than they are

00:33:27.840 at home during their high school years. If they're playing high school athletics, that's kind

00:33:32.400 of my goal is to help with that and make sure that I can bridge that gap because it does come

00:33:38.360 and they are spending a lot more time. And I hope that I'm worthy of that opportunity and that I can

00:33:44.600 have a positive influence on those young men or young women that I come in contact with during that

00:33:51.160 time when they're away from their parents. Yeah. I mean, you were certainly that for me,

00:33:55.320 I remember, I think it was probably the end of football or baseball or last game. And I remember

00:34:00.540 you would come around to each one of us at the end of that game on the bus and sit down and talk

00:34:05.840 with us. And I remember telling you like, Hey, sports aside, I really look at you as a, as a quasi

00:34:10.580 father figure. I mean, you've been really instrumental in helping me develop and learn the

00:34:14.120 things I needed to learn. And I didn't have that. I mean, you know that I didn't have that growing up

00:34:17.680 and, and a friend of mine and someone, of course, you know, very well as well as Wayne McIntosh.

00:34:22.060 And he's told me the same thing. He's like, I, man, you, you were like that father figure. And

00:34:26.640 it's so important that if we have the capacity and ability to step up in our children's lives,

00:34:31.580 even if it's not our biological children, then I think as men, we have an obligation,

00:34:36.040 responsibility to do that. I totally agree. And I'm grateful that I could do that and that you

00:34:41.140 guys remember only the positive things that I said to you. So I remember the negatives too.

00:34:45.720 I'm just not going to talk about it. No, I'm just kidding. No, I can't, I can't remember other than

00:34:50.560 just being pissed off. Cause I wasn't getting my way or whatever. I can't remember anything where I

00:34:54.680 thought, you know, that was, I do remember the stare. We talked about that, you know,

00:34:58.960 where I just got this glare. I remember that vividly, but outside of that, I never thought

00:35:03.400 anything was like negative or off at all. I never thought that. That's my goal. And, and you guys

00:35:09.620 were easy to like and be around that makes it fun for me as an old guy. And as a coaches, you know,

00:35:16.280 I thought of you guys as my sons and that's what I wanted. My first three children were daughters.

00:35:21.240 And I wasn't sure if I was going to have any sons or anything. And I do have some sons now,

00:35:26.040 but still, as I coach, I want to treat them as I would want my son to be treated. And so as I'm

00:35:31.620 coaching, I have my young kids are in little leagues and different things. And my whole,

00:35:36.240 my prayers and my thoughts are, I'm hoping that they're getting coaching that somebody's picking

00:35:41.120 that up for me where I can't be there to coach their little league and to do those types of 0.84

00:35:45.640 things. And so I hope in return, uh, the same things happening. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's shift

00:35:52.380 gears. One of the things I really wanted to talk with you about today was I think it was four or five

00:35:57.000 years ago. You received some national attention in a positive way because you basically cut the entire

00:36:04.320 football team. Just walk me through that circumstance and then we'll work backwards

00:36:08.140 into the why and how that all played out. I believe it was our second year here at Union

00:36:13.700 High School. Things were happening around the school and fingers were being pointed towards

00:36:18.280 the football team. And we were kind of doing some investigating. We had a few kids that were

00:36:22.520 sloughing classes and, and being disrespectful to teachers. And, and there was some bullying going on

00:36:29.340 and some cyber bullying stuff. Some, I can't even remember the app that it was, but we're, you know,

00:36:34.960 those anonymous apps where people were telling kids, you know, you should kill yourself. Nobody

00:36:40.000 likes you. And the fingers were kind of getting pointed towards the football team. That's crazy.

00:36:43.800 Yeah. It's, it, it was, it was pretty scary. We just met as a coaching staff. Uh, and we, we just said,

00:36:51.780 you know what, this isn't where we want our program to be. This isn't what we want to be

00:36:55.640 teaching. We need to make sure that there's some kind of understanding going on of where,

00:37:00.660 how we're going to act and what our expectations are. And as a coaching staff, we came to the

00:37:05.120 agreement that, you know what, we need to suspend the football team and, and we need to learn some

00:37:10.060 other things because football, you can learn some life lessons, but it isn't life. And we need to learn

00:37:15.340 some life lessons. And so we suspended the team. We had a Friday night home game. I pulled them all

00:37:20.800 into our room. If you saw my room, it's not a very big room, but we had the football team in there

00:37:26.260 and we had them turn their jerseys in that night. Actually had to take them off their pads and turn

00:37:30.880 them in. And there was a lot of tears and there was a lot of things going on. There was a lot of

00:37:34.800 emotion, but we explained why and what our expectation was and that what we were going to

00:37:39.160 be doing for the next week. And so the next week we set up service projects. We had a study

00:37:44.600 centers and we just kind of went out and said, you know, this, this is what it is. We don't play

00:37:50.560 football because it's owed to us. We get to play sports because it's a privilege and we need to learn

00:37:57.200 that it is a privilege. And we did not expect any national media. We thought maybe a couple of parents

00:38:03.620 might get after us, but we'd run it through our administration and, and let them know what we were

00:38:08.240 doing. And so they were on board. So we had everybody on board. We didn't, there was no surprises

00:38:12.840 or anything that way. I think there was some great lessons learned. It wasn't, we didn't do it to

00:38:17.780 gain national media attention. We'd never even thought about that. You know, it was to gain

00:38:22.940 attention of the young men in our community and that, you know what, we support the education

00:38:27.920 program and that we're students first and athletes second, and that it is a privilege and an honor to

00:38:33.660 be able to put on your school's jersey each week. And I think the overwhelming majority of those boys

00:38:39.160 understood that I imagine they engaged fully in what you had them engaged. And we'll talk about

00:38:43.520 that. Did you have any pushback from the boys specifically who said, no, screw that. I'm not

00:38:48.140 going to do that. And just quit the team. We didn't have anybody quit. We put down some requirements that

00:38:53.020 they had to fulfill throughout the week in order to get their jersey back, to be able to play in that

00:38:57.900 week's game. And we had a couple that didn't fulfill those requirements, but they were able to

00:39:02.760 fulfill them the next week so that they could get their jersey, but we didn't have anybody quit. 0.87

00:39:06.280 And I'm sure, like you've said, you know, man, this coach, he's crazy. He doesn't know what he's 0.81

00:39:10.920 doing. I'm sure that, but nothing came back, you know, to us. Everybody stayed with it, worked. And

00:39:16.680 the lessons were learned by the athletes that had the parents that helped them learn the lessons.

00:39:22.480 You know, if it's the parents saying, oh my gosh, you know, just go through your steps and do that.

00:39:27.620 And you'll get your jersey and do that. Well, then that's what they learned. But if the parent says,

00:39:31.440 well, why are we doing this? And let's figure out and let's make the best of this and let's not let

00:39:36.760 this happen again. There were some great lessons learned. Did you have any pushback from any of

00:39:41.180 the parents? All the parents that I heard verbally were positive. So I didn't hear any negative

00:39:47.000 things that way. All the comments that I saw or heard were positive. So what did you have these

00:39:53.960 boys doing that week? Because you were still getting together as a team, but you weren't practicing

00:39:58.480 and playing football. We'd have a study hall scheduled. We had a service project up at the

00:40:04.600 junior high, cleaning up around the junior high. We had a service project at the Villa,

00:40:09.240 a senior citizen center where we went and cleaned windows and hopefully got to see what this community

00:40:15.000 is all about and see other people and how lucky we are and how fortunate we are. They had to have

00:40:20.280 their grades all caught up and taken care of in order to get their jersey back. Those are things I can

00:40:27.020 remember off the top of my head. I remember when that happened and I was proud. I was like,

00:40:31.440 yeah, that was my old coach. I was so proud that you would make that call. And as difficult as it

00:40:36.340 must have been for the boys, obviously, and you, of course, I just felt like that was just the right

00:40:41.680 call. Absolutely. A hundred percent. It was very humbling and it might've been the longest week of my

00:40:47.020 entire life trying to go through and all the national media exposure and the different interviews that

00:40:52.380 they wanted and, and all the things that were going on almost pulled it to a distraction of what we

00:40:58.000 were trying to do. And so it was hard to try to balance all the things that were happening. But I

00:41:02.980 mean, I remember waking up that week. So we did, we suspended them Friday night and I answered my

00:41:08.520 phone or no, I had a message on my phone. It was Monday morning from CNN wanting an interview of what

00:41:15.960 we were doing. And I was like, Oh boy, this is going to be crazy. Yeah. So they did an article

00:41:22.400 in, was it people magazine? It was people or yeah. People magazine. Yeah. CNN. I mean, you had all the

00:41:28.780 big, all the big outlets, I'm sure reaching out to you and interviews and all that stuff as well.

00:41:33.480 It was crazy. And it almost brought it to a point where it was making it look like I was trying to

00:41:38.840 project myself above the boys. And this is what I did. And that was totally what I, I felt real uneasy

00:41:44.340 about it, but I also talked to my admin and they wanted me to do those things and follow through

00:41:49.780 and, and talk about the situations. And so it was a tough week, but it, I felt like it was something

00:41:55.540 that we, we needed to do. And I'm thankful, you know, for a supportive community and a supportive

00:42:00.500 family and the things that we were able to try to get across. Now, are we perfect? No, we still make

00:42:05.940 mistakes. And I still hear, remember when you did that, see, that didn't work. I said, what do you mean

00:42:10.420 it didn't work? It's not going to, it's not a magic fix. It's something that, that they're going

00:42:14.520 to have to understand, but this is where we, the expectation is, and we're going to make mistakes,

00:42:19.440 but we're going to work towards this. So. Yeah. I mean, it's really interesting to hear

00:42:24.040 the naysayers and the critics who will say, you know, this, this one thing that you happen to do

00:42:28.080 this one week out of all the weeks that they'll have in their life didn't work the way you thought

00:42:32.380 it would. And it's like, well, that's not a reason we shouldn't have moved forward with that

00:42:35.540 decision. Yeah, exactly. Oh, at the end of the year, we had some kids go off and do some stuff

00:42:40.480 again, you know, and there's like, see, that didn't even work. It was just, it was just you

00:42:44.540 trying to get on like, no, it did work because they know what's going to happen. And they first

00:42:49.460 reported back to me and they, they knew they'd screwed up and they knew that they were done playing

00:42:53.020 football for that year. And so there are consequences to our decisions. And I think we're, we're learning

00:42:58.900 those. Well, and I think the other thing it does too, is it sets a new precedent because what

00:43:03.820 happens if you don't do it, then it's allowable, it's excusable. And you're basically saying and

00:43:08.900 giving permission to continue the behavior versus Nope, we're going to set a new precedent that says

00:43:13.860 this is not acceptable behavior. And I think we carry those lessons with us our entire lives.

00:43:19.080 Yeah. Whatever we allow, that's what we're teaching. So sometimes it's really hard decisions

00:43:25.040 and sometimes they're, they're pretty easy, but whatever we allow, then we're going to let the

00:43:29.900 youth decide that, Oh, well, I guess this is okay. So we've talked about the boys and how they're

00:43:36.120 being served and how they're growing and how I've grown. I mean, we talked about a lot, but I'm

00:43:39.820 really curious how you feel. This has been advantageous for you because this is a, this is

00:43:44.800 a win-win. I imagine you get just as much out of this. I'm sure as these boys do what's in it for

00:43:49.340 you and what do you feel like you've gained over the past 20 plus years of coaching?

00:43:53.600 Wow. That's a, that's a great question. I think you're going to make me get emotional actually,

00:43:57.680 right? Uh, that was, that was the goal, the whole goal of the, of the podcast.

00:44:02.140 I'm glad it's not video then you can't see, but you'll hear it in my voice. But you know,

00:44:05.980 just, I wanted to still compete. When I first headed off to school, I was going to go into

00:44:12.020 business. I wanted to come back and run my dad's dealership. And you know, that was kind of my idea

00:44:17.120 being a teacher and a coach never even crossed my mind. And then as I went to school, I went through

00:44:23.180 and business classes weren't great for me. And I just felt like I didn't know where I fit in. And

00:44:27.800 I started, you know, looking at some coaching options and then I finally went into education

00:44:32.320 and you can ask my old high school teachers if they ever thought I was going to be a high school

00:44:37.300 educator. You know, they'd say no way they'd bet a million dollars that I would never do that.

00:44:42.920 It's just goes back to what I said earlier. I've had great men in my life, including my father

00:44:49.420 that have influenced me. And I want to give back to that and help the young wayward man.

00:44:55.640 When I wouldn't listen to my father, I had coaches and I had other men that would step in and help.

00:45:01.280 And I would listen to at that time. I always heard my father, but I don't know that I always listened,

00:45:06.340 you know, and I hope to be that hope to be a positive influence. And then to see what's going on,

00:45:12.140 sitting here talking to you and, and you talked about Wayne, I had the opportunity to go to dinner with

00:45:16.860 him over the weekend and Taylor Smith over the weekend. And, and I, I don't want to mention

00:45:22.100 names because then I'm going to leave somebody out. You know, it's just, man, what a, what a cool

00:45:27.300 thing to watch and see all these young men that I've had the opportunity to be around who have

00:45:33.560 influenced me in my life and to watch you guys go on and do great things. And my heart's full as I,

00:45:40.640 whenever I stop and think about all the young boys that I was able to coach and be around and see

00:45:45.880 the men that they are now and the families that they have and the good that they're doing.

00:45:51.060 It's just an honor and a privilege. And you guys helped raise me also. I'm a better dad.

00:45:56.700 I'm a better father. I'm a better coach because of my interactions with you.

00:46:02.460 Well, I really like what you said before you even hit record on this podcast. You said,

00:46:05.820 I don't want to be famous. And I think there's this, there's this trend in society through social

00:46:10.700 media and even what I do, obviously to a degree, it's like, you've, you've got to be out there.

00:46:14.340 You've got to put your information out there. You've got to be well-known, but I think it's a

00:46:18.160 little bit of a dangerous game to solely be driven by your desire to be well-known. And what I see from

00:46:25.440 you is that you may not be famous, right? You may not have this huge reach, but the impact that you

00:46:32.440 do have on the scale that you have literally has the ability to change the world. Because if you just

00:46:38.320 change one of these boys and give them a new perspective, and then they go influence their brothers and

00:46:43.620 their siblings and their guys they play with and, and then their kids, like it transforms the entire

00:46:48.420 world. So I think you have a bigger impact than you give yourself credit for. Like I said, that's

00:46:52.820 not the whole reason I came in is for that. I did come in to have an impact. That is the positive

00:46:58.340 thing. I wanted to have a positive impact and I wanted sports to be a positive impact in, in the

00:47:05.200 young men's lives that I had the opportunity to be around and hopefully teach them how they can use

00:47:10.540 sports in the rest of their life, even though they might not be doing it for, you know, a profession

00:47:14.880 and earning money that way. But how do those things help you in your life to get through your

00:47:19.840 daily decisions? Well, I know you got to get back to class here. So I want to wrap things up, but I

00:47:25.420 want to ask you a couple of questions as we wind down. And that first question is, what does it mean

00:47:29.200 to be a man? Because I actually listened to your book this, this weekend. And I heard you say that,

00:47:33.340 you know, every one I ask, I, so I had lots of things going through my mind as that question was

00:47:38.320 coming up. But I think the biggest thing to me is that you take responsibility and your

00:47:43.440 responsibility for something you have, you're responsible for yourself first. If you're married, 0.90

00:47:48.000 you're responsible for your wife and you're responsible for your children as you had, have 0.99

00:47:51.740 children. And then as that progresses, Ryan, I think you're responsible in your community.

00:47:57.620 I think we've talked a lot about, you know, men not stepping up and they're too busy to be

00:48:04.200 part of their children's lives. They'd rather just pay money to let somebody else coach their 0.53

00:48:08.900 children or take them to some camp or clinic. And, and I've learned, and I've watched through

00:48:14.280 my 23 years of coaching, when there's been dads that take groups of boys to play games and do that,

00:48:21.780 that's when we've been able to have our most success in high school. As dads have, you know,

00:48:26.840 said, Hey, we're going to take this group and this is what I want to do. And we're going to help

00:48:30.300 them. And we're going to teach them and not only teach them to be good ball players, but more

00:48:34.740 importantly, teach them how to be men and how to be honest and, and lose with honor and win with

00:48:39.920 honor and, and be humble. That's what a man is. That's powerful. That's powerful. And, and I've

00:48:45.260 got to tell you is wind things down. Like I tell every one of my guests how much I appreciate them

00:48:49.920 and they've been impactful in my life. But when I say it to you, I mean, you, out of all the guests

00:48:54.020 I've had, you've had a longer impact on me than any other guests I've had and probably been the

00:49:00.900 single greatest male influence as a boy growing up. So I can't even begin to describe how much I

00:49:08.800 appreciate you, how much I respect you and how much you've done for me. So coach, I, I really

00:49:13.480 appreciate you and I'm glad you're able to join me on the show today. Ryan, it's my pleasure. And I

00:49:17.620 want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I'm grateful for us being able to cross paths

00:49:23.400 because you've had a tremendous influence on me also. And, and I appreciate your kind words and

00:49:28.560 I appreciate the good things that you're doing. And I'm your number one fan.

00:49:33.460 Gentlemen, there it is. My conversation with Matt Labrum, like I had mentioned before,

00:49:37.560 and I think you could probably hear it in the conversation, one of the most influential men

00:49:42.280 in my life. And I know even just after having this conversation, I learned some new things and

00:49:47.040 it was inspired to have this conversation. And of course, inspired to go out into my community and do

00:49:52.540 a better job, just a better job than I have in the past of stepping up for not only my children,

00:49:57.560 but also other boys in the community who I think need us probably now more than ever. You know,

00:50:03.780 you've heard me talk a lot about the dismissal of masculinity. And I think the school system,

00:50:08.340 quite frankly, is stacked against our boys. And I feel like it's our job as men who know better,

00:50:15.000 who know the way, who have seen the way, who have seen the path to be able to turn around

00:50:19.480 and encourage those who are still trying to find their way, the young boys in our lives.

00:50:24.400 And of course, our communities, showing them how to succeed, how to thrive and how to be

00:50:29.400 men of value. And that's what we're all about here. And I know that I got a ton from this

00:50:33.760 conversation and I hope that you did as well. I hope you're walking away with some new information,

00:50:39.160 a new perspective as our responsibility as men in the communities in which we serve.

00:50:44.180 So guys, there it is. What a great and powerful show. I hope you enjoyed it. A couple of announcements

00:50:50.120 as I wind things down, I mentioned the legacy event. And I think this actually ties in really

00:50:54.820 nicely with the conversation that we had today. I mean, if you've got sons again, between the ages

00:51:00.120 of eight and 15, whether you're struggling with raising those boys or not, I always think that it's

00:51:06.020 powerful to gain some new perspective, to gain some new insight and a new framework in how you can

00:51:11.960 potentially more adequately raise those boys. I know it's a challenge for me. I've got

00:51:16.580 three boys and a little girl and man, it's challenging. And this event is going to be

00:51:21.520 unlike any other. I mean, you're going to band with your son. You're going to forge a new and

00:51:25.660 more powerful connection. You're going to be able to walk away with some physical skill sets and he as

00:51:31.000 well, that will help both of you succeed as men. And then really just giving you the framework and the

00:51:37.300 foundation for continuing to establish the relationship that you have and continue to lead

00:51:43.100 your boy into the future so that he can go out and lead his family and his community at some point

00:51:49.040 in his life. So go check it out. Orderofman.com slash legacy. Orderofman.com slash legacy. Guys,

00:51:55.540 with that said, I'm going to sign out for today. I appreciate you being on this journey. Quite frankly,

00:52:00.760 we just couldn't do it without you. I mean, without you listening in, without you sharing this

00:52:04.980 information, this movement, and it is a movement. I mean, it spanned the entire globe and without you

00:52:10.940 tuning in each and every week and sharing what we're doing here, we just wouldn't experience the

00:52:15.620 same results. And then of course, have the same impact. And that's what it's all about. We want

00:52:19.480 impact. So if you haven't done this already, make sure you subscribe, leave us a review that goes a

00:52:24.120 long way. And then of course, share this, share this with a brother, a friend, a colleague, a coworker,

00:52:27.940 your father, your cousin, whoever it may be, another man who needs to hear what we're doing inside

00:52:32.380 the order of men. Until next week, guys, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:52:38.580 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:52:43.180 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - May 08, 2018

164： A Man's Responsibility to Future Generations ｜ Matt Labrum

Episode Stats

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Order of Man - May 08, 2018

164： A Man&#x27;s Responsibility to Future Generations ｜ Matt Labrum

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

164： A Man's Responsibility to Future Generations ｜ Matt Labrum