Order of Man - 5 Lies Women Tell Men ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 He's not just a friend.

00:00:01.380 She may think it's the case.

00:00:03.000 You know better.

00:00:04.020 Have those conversations frequently, often.

00:00:06.700 Bring it up before you start getting

00:00:07.960 into serious relationships with a woman

00:00:09.620 and you'll be better off, I promise.

00:00:11.500 And your relationship will be much more likely to survive.

00:00:14.740 All right, number three is I want a nice guy.

00:00:19.340 No, ladies, you don't. 1.00

00:00:21.580 You don't want a nice guy.

00:00:23.360 You want a guy who can be nice.

00:00:25.560 I'll give you that.

00:00:26.480 You want a guy who can be nice,

00:00:28.160 but you don't want a nice guy.

00:00:30.960 Men, today I want to talk with you

00:00:32.980 about five lies that women tell men. 0.82

00:00:36.480 Now, I know this one's going to ruffle some feathers,

00:00:38.860 but it's important that we talk about

00:00:40.800 the difference between what women often say they want 0.98

00:00:44.860 and what they actually want.

00:00:46.840 Because if we attempt to build relationships

00:00:49.420 or stabilize relationships based on faulty information,

00:00:53.120 we're bound to do more harm than good.

00:00:55.660 Now, I will say,

00:00:56.760 this is not about women being deceptive.

00:01:00.740 This is not about them being malicious in any way.

00:01:04.120 This is about human nature.

00:01:05.600 And that's what we're going to talk about today.

00:01:07.120 Oftentimes, it's about self-protection

00:01:09.560 and even attraction dynamics.

00:01:11.740 And again, it's important that we know this

00:01:13.860 so that we can lead our families well.

00:01:15.980 We can lead in the relationship.

00:01:17.380 We can have good partnerships with the women in our lives

00:01:20.360 and we need to be honest and accurate

00:01:23.420 and have an accurate assessment of what women are thinking,

00:01:27.060 which can be very difficult at times

00:01:28.960 versus what they're saying.

00:01:30.660 So I'm going to jump right into it today.

00:01:32.580 These are the most common lies or untruths,

00:01:38.080 if you want to make it a little softer,

00:01:39.660 that I often hear from the men that I work with

00:01:43.000 when it comes to the relationships they have

00:01:45.280 and from women in general.

00:01:46.760 So number one on the list,

00:01:48.360 and this is something that every one of us has heard,

00:01:51.340 is the famous, I'm fine.

00:01:54.220 I'm fine.

00:01:54.740 What's wrong, babe?

00:01:55.480 Nothing.

00:01:55.980 I'm fine.

00:01:56.580 And you know good and well that she isn't fine.

00:01:59.840 But the question is not whether or not she's fine.

00:02:02.460 You know she isn't.

00:02:03.760 The question is,

00:02:04.800 why isn't she telling you what's actually going on?

00:02:09.080 Well, there's a couple of things here.

00:02:10.120 So number one, it could just be that she's not quite ready

00:02:15.060 to discuss whatever she's dealing with.

00:02:18.120 More likely than not,

00:02:20.460 she probably hasn't even processed it herself.

00:02:23.900 That happens quite often.

00:02:25.700 And when we push and push and push,

00:02:28.660 when we know the women in our lives are not fine, 1.00

00:02:31.120 it creates bigger and greater walls

00:02:33.540 that are harder to tear down and get through.

00:02:36.140 So if she does say she's fine,

00:02:37.840 you have to exercise some discernment,

00:02:41.300 whether or not you push forward

00:02:43.080 or whether or not you pull back.

00:02:45.380 I tend to believe that women are, 1.00

00:02:48.180 it's not even what I believe,

00:02:49.260 it is what it is,

00:02:50.120 that the woman in your life is a grown adult

00:02:52.400 who can communicate effectively with you or not.

00:02:56.980 Now, that's not to say that we don't have a part to play

00:03:00.640 in drawing out the discomforts

00:03:04.840 and the vulnerabilities and the fears

00:03:07.080 and the issues that she might be dealing with.

00:03:09.460 And here's how you do that.

00:03:11.620 If your wife constantly tells you

00:03:13.780 or your girlfriend constantly tells you

00:03:15.660 that she's fine and she's not opening up to you,

00:03:18.480 again, it could be that she's not ready.

00:03:20.060 It could be that she hasn't fully processed it

00:03:22.040 or it could be that she's not comfortable enough

00:03:25.620 with you to talk about whatever she's dealing with.

00:03:28.800 And I know this firsthand because I've been that guy

00:03:32.020 who is a little bit unhinged at times

00:03:35.620 where she may not know what version of Ryan

00:03:39.140 she's going to get.

00:03:40.680 And when a woman feels unsafe, 0.88

00:03:43.140 she's not going to open up emotionally

00:03:45.940 and share those things that you wanna hear about.

00:03:49.940 So if she says to you,

00:03:52.460 you know, I'm not fine,

00:03:53.440 I had a rough day at work

00:03:54.500 or I had a rough day with the kids

00:03:55.920 or one of my girlfriends is dealing with this

00:03:57.860 or whatever it could be

00:03:59.100 and you rush in to start solving her problems

00:04:02.160 and here's one thing men will do.

00:04:03.420 It's like, oh, well, that's not a big deal.

00:04:05.380 Just do X, Y, and Z.

00:04:07.300 Well, immediately what you did is you devalued her opinion.

00:04:13.260 You said, oh, that's not a big deal.

00:04:14.440 Well, it's a big deal to her.

00:04:15.980 And what gives us the right as men

00:04:18.160 to tell somebody else,

00:04:19.840 whether it's a woman or a man,

00:04:21.380 that whatever they're dealing with

00:04:22.680 is not a big deal when they think it is.

00:04:25.120 So we didn't validate how they felt

00:04:27.540 and then we just almost in a way

00:04:29.500 made a mockery of how simple it is to solve the problem.

00:04:33.020 Now, generally speaking,

00:04:35.100 men are going to be more logical oriented

00:04:39.840 in their decision-making process

00:04:41.340 and women are gonna be emotionally oriented 1.00

00:04:43.840 in their decision-making process.

00:04:45.920 That's not to say that either is right or wrong.

00:04:48.340 I think we ought to all use emotion and logic

00:04:51.300 when it comes to making decisions

00:04:53.040 as long as we do it in a healthy way.

00:04:56.400 But if you rush in to solve all of her problems,

00:04:59.960 she's gonna shut down. 1.00

00:05:01.040 If you devalue it, dismiss it,

00:05:04.080 she's gonna shut down. 1.00

00:05:05.680 If you blow up or get frustrated with her

00:05:11.240 because she has this issue 1.00

00:05:12.900 that doesn't seem like a big deal to you,

00:05:14.980 she's gonna shut down. 1.00

00:05:16.660 So is it a lie?

00:05:18.580 Lie, I think maybe more of an untruth.

00:05:22.500 Again, I think when we say lie,

00:05:24.040 it has this maliciousness to it

00:05:26.180 and I don't think it's malicious.

00:05:28.640 Sometimes it can be,

00:05:29.680 but more often than not,

00:05:30.800 it's one of those three reasons.

00:05:32.420 So tread lightly.

00:05:34.160 And if you see this being a trend

00:05:35.780 that she continues to tell you she's fine

00:05:37.700 and never opens up to you,

00:05:39.620 that's probably on you.

00:05:42.860 Not fully.

00:05:43.880 It takes two to tango,

00:05:44.960 but there's a lot that you can do.

00:05:47.440 And then remember,

00:05:48.920 when she does finally open up,

00:05:50.840 even if it's small,

00:05:52.540 say thank you.

00:05:53.440 Hey, babe, thanks for sharing that with me.

00:05:54.980 I can see why you're struggling with that.

00:05:56.800 That would be hard.

00:05:58.280 And just listen to her

00:05:59.620 and bring down that wall that she's put up,

00:06:02.460 that maybe even you've put up brick by brick

00:06:04.380 by being there,

00:06:05.220 by being supportive,

00:06:06.080 by not being dismissive,

00:06:07.540 and by allowing her to express herself

00:06:10.060 without feeling like she's gonna get lectured

00:06:12.000 or taught or scolded

00:06:14.300 or you become unhinged.

00:06:17.480 All right, so that's number one.

00:06:18.940 I'm fine.

00:06:20.200 Number two,

00:06:21.400 he's just a friend.

00:06:22.960 Now, this one, again,

00:06:24.940 might not fully be a lie

00:06:26.380 because she might actually believe

00:06:28.740 that he is just a friend.

00:06:32.160 And you know better because you're a man.

00:06:34.680 He's not a friend.

00:06:36.240 A lot of you guys are probably familiar

00:06:37.860 with the concept of satellite bulls,

00:06:39.940 specifically with elk is a great example.

00:06:43.400 So a satellite bull,

00:06:44.300 if you're not familiar with this,

00:06:45.440 is a bull that is not the dominant bull of the herd,

00:06:49.060 but he patrols the fringes of the herd.

00:06:53.280 He stays on the outside.

00:06:54.520 He's not gonna be assertive.

00:06:56.540 He's not going to challenge the dominant bull.

00:06:58.920 He just kind of hangs out on the fringes.

00:07:01.320 And then during the rut breeding season,

00:07:04.420 he attempts to sneak into the herd

00:07:06.660 and breed the cows

00:07:09.480 without the knowledge of the dominant bull.

00:07:12.700 Because if that were the case,

00:07:13.860 the dominant bull would fight and kill 0.99

00:07:15.820 these satellite bulls.

00:07:17.040 It is the same thing with male friends and women.

00:07:19.960 And they just don't understand.

00:07:22.360 And honestly, it's a bit naive. 0.98

00:07:24.940 It's a bit silly. 0.82

00:07:25.880 And I'm comfortable saying that 0.91

00:07:27.280 because it is what it is.

00:07:28.880 So if there's a lady listening, 1.00

00:07:30.860 he's not your friend.

00:07:32.160 He's a satellite bull.

00:07:33.300 And man, if you're listening,

00:07:35.280 you know this to be true.

00:07:37.260 And maybe you've even been the satellite bull.

00:07:39.980 So how does this take place?

00:07:41.380 Well, maybe it's a male friend at work,

00:07:45.340 a colleague or a coworker who is there

00:07:47.960 and being emotionally supportive.

00:07:50.260 You know, maybe it's the guy who is on Facebook

00:07:54.640 and she feels more comfortable opening up to that guy.

00:07:59.760 And she doesn't tell him she's fine

00:08:01.960 because he's playing the game.

00:08:04.560 Guys, you have to be very, very vigilant about this.

00:08:07.180 Now, whenever I talk about this,

00:08:09.480 women sometimes will get upset 1.00

00:08:12.340 and think that this is insecurity from a man

00:08:15.580 or that they're trying to control the woman. 0.91

00:08:21.280 And that's not the case, okay?

00:08:23.500 Just because a man, you as the husband or the boyfriend 0.99

00:08:28.620 can see these satellite bulls roaming,

00:08:31.360 just waiting for their opportunity

00:08:33.000 to have a chance with your woman

00:08:35.460 does not make you insecure.

00:08:37.920 And ladies, please understand that.

00:08:39.620 It's our job to protect.

00:08:42.180 So let's take the elk example.

00:08:44.560 If I'm the dominant bull in the herd

00:08:46.340 and I see satellite bulls roaming around

00:08:49.100 trying to take advantage of the does

00:08:51.420 or excuse me, the cows in my herd,

00:08:53.560 is it insecure for me to be vigilant,

00:08:56.200 for me to protect the woman in my life,

00:08:58.940 for me to ward off enemies and threats

00:09:01.900 to her and to the relationship?

00:09:04.940 No, not at all.

00:09:06.380 In fact, the majority of us would say

00:09:09.100 that that's healthy relational behavior.

00:09:12.640 So ladies, if he's upset that you have male friends,

00:09:17.120 he's not by default insecure.

00:09:19.460 He may actually be trying to protect you.

00:09:22.520 He may actually be trying to maintain

00:09:25.500 and protect the relationship from external sources.

00:09:30.420 Now, guys, you can't control a woman, 1.00

00:09:34.180 but I would be very careful

00:09:35.660 with getting into relationships with women

00:09:39.220 who have a lot of male friends

00:09:41.440 and cannot see what is happening

00:09:44.280 because you're just inviting a threat to take place.

00:09:48.340 And this is where boundaries come into place,

00:09:50.360 healthy boundaries,

00:09:51.620 communication with a woman in your life,

00:09:53.560 talking with her about what is happening

00:09:55.840 and why it's happening,

00:09:56.880 and then asking her to make sure

00:09:59.180 that she has a part to play

00:10:01.340 in the protection of the relationship.

00:10:05.020 Let's not pretend this isn't happening.

00:10:09.020 Let's not pretend this dynamic isn't real.

00:10:11.400 It's real, ladies.

00:10:13.040 It's real.

00:10:13.580 And men, you know this

00:10:14.580 because you've probably been a satellite bull

00:10:17.040 at some point in your life.

00:10:19.340 He's not just a friend.

00:10:20.600 She may think it's the case.

00:10:22.140 You know better.

00:10:23.260 Have those conversations frequently, often.

00:10:25.780 Bring it up before you start getting

00:10:27.160 into serious relationships with a woman

00:10:28.840 and you'll be better off, I promise.

00:10:30.700 And your relationship will be much more likely to survive.

00:10:33.940 All right, number three is,

00:10:35.760 I want a nice guy.

00:10:38.520 No, ladies, you don't. 1.00

00:10:40.300 You don't want a nice guy.

00:10:42.460 You want a guy who can be nice.

00:10:44.740 I'll give you that.

00:10:45.700 You want a guy who can be nice,

00:10:47.400 but you don't want a nice guy.

00:10:49.660 And when I say that, there's a bit of a nuance

00:10:51.940 and we might just argue that it's semantics.

00:10:54.940 No, it's not semantics.

00:10:56.380 A nice guy who has no other alternative is not nice.

00:11:00.220 He's not virtuous.

00:11:01.520 He's actually using the concept of being nice

00:11:06.380 as his tool to have a shot, have an opportunity.

00:11:10.780 But if he can't be violent, if he can't be disciplined,

00:11:15.100 if he can't be protective, to go back to point number two,

00:11:18.540 then he's not a virtuous man. 0.89

00:11:22.700 He's probably just a weak man.

00:11:25.080 Now, I will tell you, and I said this again a minute ago,

00:11:28.640 I know that you want a man who can be nice.

00:11:30.880 I was actually having a conversation

00:11:32.120 with two ladies yesterday,

00:11:34.180 and I can't remember exactly how it got brought up,

00:11:36.380 but the golden retriever Scott brought up.

00:11:39.940 And one of the women said, 0.90

00:11:42.720 well, I want a man who's a golden retriever.

00:11:44.580 And I kind of laughed.

00:11:46.400 And she said, what?

00:11:47.940 And I said, you don't want a man who's a golden retriever.

00:11:50.360 She's like, yes, I do.

00:11:51.120 And both of them said, yeah, we do.

00:11:52.900 I said, no, that's not what you want.

00:11:55.480 And they were a little, it was good.

00:11:57.580 It was a lighthearted conversation,

00:11:58.740 but they were a little curious and they asked me,

00:12:03.040 they said, okay, well, why don't you tell us what we want?

00:12:05.640 And they were mocking a little bit, but it was funny.

00:12:07.880 And I said, what you want is you want a German shepherd

00:12:10.740 who can at times act like a golden retriever.

00:12:15.600 And both of them, without saying another word said,

00:12:19.240 yeah, that's probably accurate.

00:12:21.380 And that's what women want. 1.00

00:12:23.400 Ladies do not want the golden retriever. 1.00

00:12:27.340 The golden retriever, while loyal and loving and kind

00:12:32.480 and maybe enjoyable to some degree,

00:12:35.900 is also annoying, is also clingy, is also approval seeking.

00:12:41.560 And that gets really, really obnoxious to women 1.00

00:12:44.600 really, really quickly.

00:12:46.400 And so if you think that because a woman says,

00:12:49.260 I want a nice guy and you wander around

00:12:52.260 playing golden retriever everywhere you go,

00:12:54.440 then don't be surprised that you repel women.

00:12:57.940 I mean, this is notoriously true

00:13:00.280 and why we see so many women pick bad guys. 1.00

00:13:03.680 It's not that they want a bad guy.

00:13:05.700 It's just that, again, we're talking about human nature

00:13:08.720 and attraction. 0.98

00:13:10.100 They want a man who has some balls, 1.00

00:13:13.360 who has a spine, who can stand up for himself, 0.96

00:13:16.480 who doesn't make her the orbit of his universe.

00:13:19.740 That's what they want.

00:13:22.380 Now, if you can be the bad guy, so to speak, in that way,

00:13:25.960 but also show up when appropriate

00:13:28.460 with some golden retriever qualities like loyalty,

00:13:32.020 like effort, like kindness, like play and laughter and fun,

00:13:37.460 but you have the German shepherd tendencies as well,

00:13:41.220 protective, strong, fierce, protective,

00:13:45.180 then you won't have to complain about

00:13:47.740 why women pick bad guys all the time. 1.00

00:13:50.180 That's why.

00:13:51.440 They're more attracted to the German shepherd

00:13:53.660 than they are the golden retriever.

00:13:55.560 So be both.

00:13:57.400 Learn how to have a spine.

00:13:58.580 Learn how to stand up for yourself.

00:13:59.860 Don't make her the orbit of your universe.

00:14:01.720 You do that, and she will be much more likely

00:14:06.720 to be attracted to you, to develop attraction for you

00:14:11.680 if you haven't started a relationship yet,

00:14:13.780 or actually to rekindle attraction.

00:14:17.700 I know when a lot of guys go through divorces,

00:14:21.340 and I experienced this as well for myself,

00:14:23.700 is we do whatever we can to fix the problem.

00:14:28.600 And what I ended up doing,

00:14:30.440 and what I know a lot of other men end up doing,

00:14:32.920 is they become golden retrievers.

00:14:35.060 I'm gonna do all the projects around the house.

00:14:36.760 I'm gonna help with the dishes.

00:14:37.960 I'm gonna bend over backwards.

00:14:39.040 I'm gonna take her on dates,

00:14:40.020 and I'm gonna say all the nice things,

00:14:41.440 and I'm gonna walk around and never be angry,

00:14:43.340 and I'm not gonna lose my patience,

00:14:44.720 and I'm not gonna, like that, that's what we do.

00:14:47.320 Because we think that's what they want.

00:14:49.920 And then here's what happens, and this happened to me.

00:14:52.080 They become more and more repelled by you

00:14:55.720 because they just see you being weak.

00:14:58.880 They don't see you being loyal.

00:15:00.860 They see it as weakness. 0.99

00:15:02.460 Now, I'm not saying you need to be a bad guy or a jerk, 0.99

00:15:04.660 but you need to be able to. 0.99

00:15:06.800 You need to be able to stand up for yourself.

00:15:08.800 And then if you show up powerfully

00:15:10.400 and respectfully to her, with her,

00:15:13.440 then you are what I would call a gentleman.

00:15:15.700 I think it was John Wayne who said,

00:15:19.080 in order to be a gentleman, you have to be a man first. 0.99

00:15:22.500 So gentlemen are not soft and weak.

00:15:25.040 They're strong and bold and capable,

00:15:27.240 and they're gentle with the women in their lives,

00:15:31.660 with their children, with people who need help,

00:15:33.860 but they have the capability to not be gentle

00:15:36.140 if the situation calls for it.

00:15:38.300 All right, number four, I like dad bods.

00:15:41.400 No, ladies, you don't. 1.00

00:15:43.180 You don't like dad bods, okay?

00:15:45.260 What you like is you don't, well, I'll say this.

00:15:49.520 What you don't like is a man who's vain. 0.85

00:15:53.360 What you don't like is a man who's narcissistic.

00:15:57.140 What you don't like is a man who's self-absorbed.

00:16:01.540 And so what women tend to do 1.00

00:16:03.540 is to equate a very fit man with vanity,

00:16:08.460 with narcissism, with being self-absorbed.

00:16:12.320 And now all of a sudden they have to compete

00:16:14.980 for his time, his attention, his energy.

00:16:17.500 Also, they might be threatened to be with a man

00:16:22.260 who is in very good physical shape

00:16:24.820 because is he more likely to cheat?

00:16:28.060 Is he more likely to step out on her?

00:16:30.520 Is he more likely to get the attention of other women?

00:16:33.260 This is a real thing

00:16:34.240 where women start to become concerned 1.00

00:16:36.920 that their guy will go out and cheat

00:16:40.360 because he happens to be good-looking.

00:16:41.960 So there's a lot more that's going on under the hood

00:16:44.600 than I just like a soft, doughy guy.

00:16:46.720 Women don't like that. 1.00

00:16:48.620 What they like is somebody who is fit,

00:16:52.060 somebody who's disciplined,

00:16:53.380 somebody who takes care of themself,

00:16:55.120 but is not vain, not narcissistic or self-absorbed,

00:16:58.340 not a threat to go out and cheat

00:17:00.280 and step out on her and go out with other women 0.91

00:17:03.240 or seek the approval or traction of other women. 0.73

00:17:06.700 And that's very possible that a man can do that,

00:17:10.460 be fit and also not be the other things

00:17:13.280 that she's so averse to.

00:17:14.640 And rightfully so.

00:17:16.320 We're the same way.

00:17:17.320 I don't want to be with a woman who's vain 1.00

00:17:18.940 and narcissistic and self-absorbed.

00:17:20.560 I don't want to be with a woman who I'm concerned 1.00

00:17:22.580 might go out and step out on me or cheat on me.

00:17:25.520 I'm not interested in that at all.

00:17:27.940 I'm interested in somebody who's loyal,

00:17:29.680 but I'm also interested in somebody who's fit

00:17:31.340 and takes care of themselves and loves themselves enough

00:17:34.180 to treat their bodies properly.

00:17:36.780 So we need to stop equating dad bods

00:17:40.780 with like being loyal and not being a threat.

00:17:46.560 I mean, I've heard this actually from women. 1.00

00:17:49.220 This, I don't know if it's the ratio.

00:17:50.580 A lot of you guys have heard the crazy hot matrix for women. 0.94

00:17:55.040 You know, the crazier she is, excuse me, 1.00

00:17:57.720 the hotter she is, 1.00

00:17:59.260 the more crazy that she's allowed to be. 1.00

00:18:01.680 That's a real thing.

00:18:02.760 But it also works for women is that they want, 1.00

00:18:06.340 and I've heard this,

00:18:07.180 that they want men who are attractive

00:18:10.580 and good looking enough,

00:18:12.160 but not so much so that it becomes a threat

00:18:16.320 or it pushes into that vanity or narcissistic category.

00:18:19.180 So they'll settle.

00:18:20.720 Well, maybe as a man, we can be both.

00:18:23.600 Maybe we can be fit and take care of our bodies

00:18:25.580 and also be the kind of men, those gentlemen I was talking about

00:18:28.760 that women want. 1.00

00:18:29.960 But again, we have to be honest with it.

00:18:31.660 It's women don't like doughy dad bods. 1.00

00:18:33.740 They just don't.

00:18:34.680 They're equating two different things

00:18:36.200 and assuming it just has to do with their body.

00:18:38.180 And it doesn't.

00:18:39.680 All right, number five.

00:18:40.280 And this is a big culture one.

00:18:41.380 This one is growing more and more.

00:18:43.200 And you hear a lot of women say this, 1.00

00:18:44.720 and it's this,

00:18:45.400 I don't need a man. 0.99

00:18:47.300 I don't need no man. 0.98

00:18:48.300 That isn't true.

00:18:51.080 Women need men and men need women. 1.00

00:18:53.880 It's designed that way,

00:18:56.120 biologically designed,

00:18:57.400 and it's supported culturally.

00:18:59.520 And a lot of people say,

00:19:00.400 well, it's just a social construct.

00:19:02.220 No, it's not a social construct.

00:19:04.100 It's a biological construct

00:19:05.700 and it's supported societally

00:19:07.280 up until the relative ease of modernity.

00:19:10.320 Why?

00:19:10.640 Because it works.

00:19:12.900 Men generally bring structure

00:19:15.200 and support and protection and provision.

00:19:19.520 And women generally bring kindness 1.00

00:19:21.760 and nurturing and empathy and beauty.

00:19:24.580 And we both need what the other sex provides. 1.00

00:19:29.560 Now, why do women say this? 1.00

00:19:31.860 Because they don't want the kind of men 1.00

00:19:34.140 that are so prevalently conjured up

00:19:38.220 in media and pop culture.

00:19:42.400 This alpha guy

00:19:44.020 who's just beating on his chest 0.76

00:19:45.640 and taking advantage of everybody 0.69

00:19:47.520 and using women. 1.00

00:19:49.080 Yes, there are men like that.

00:19:51.560 But that's not the majority of men.

00:19:53.360 The majority of men,

00:19:54.700 I probably would argue,

00:19:55.960 are on the opposite end of the spectrum.

00:19:57.540 And they're overly nice

00:19:58.500 and overly kind

00:19:59.260 and overly gentle

00:20:01.180 and get railroaded all the time

00:20:03.400 and can't stand up for themselves

00:20:05.940 because they have no spine.

00:20:07.560 If anything,

00:20:08.360 that's the kind of man

00:20:09.220 that we see in society today.

00:20:11.400 So yeah,

00:20:11.980 women don't want that kind of man. 1.00

00:20:14.200 And quite honestly,

00:20:15.600 they don't want the kind of men 1.00

00:20:17.620 that maybe they're used to

00:20:19.200 because they've had bad experiences

00:20:21.440 with guys who have taken advantage of them

00:20:23.080 or manipulated them

00:20:24.200 or abused them verbally,

00:20:26.080 emotionally,

00:20:27.720 physically, sexually.

00:20:28.980 And so of course,

00:20:30.600 who wouldn't say

00:20:31.460 they don't need a person like that

00:20:33.820 in their lives?

00:20:34.440 But again,

00:20:35.640 to go back to,

00:20:36.540 what was it,

00:20:36.900 point number three

00:20:38.960 about the nice guy thing,

00:20:40.840 women are, 1.00

00:20:41.900 not every woman,

00:20:43.100 but are known to be

00:20:45.940 not great pickers of men

00:20:49.260 because what are they looking for?

00:20:52.500 They're looking for the German shepherd

00:20:54.180 who knows how to act

00:20:55.320 like a golden retriever.

00:20:56.500 But that is a rarity.

00:20:57.680 Guys like you are a rarity.

00:21:04.100 Most of the time,

00:21:05.060 you see guys

00:21:05.640 who are just German shepherds

00:21:07.100 and that's it.

00:21:10.280 They don't know how to

00:21:11.540 emotionally regulate themselves.

00:21:13.540 They don't know how to be kind and gentle.

00:21:15.560 They don't know how to be generous

00:21:16.760 and supportive.

00:21:20.500 And if you can be that,

00:21:21.700 then a woman will see 1.00

00:21:24.160 that not only does she not need a man,

00:21:26.080 she'll be grateful

00:21:27.000 to have a man like you in her life.

00:21:30.520 And it's not to say

00:21:31.560 that she's incapable

00:21:32.880 of doing the things

00:21:33.980 that you may provide.

00:21:35.060 You know,

00:21:35.220 you often hear this

00:21:35.980 with opening the door

00:21:37.480 and I've never had this.

00:21:38.620 In my life,

00:21:39.200 I've never had this happen

00:21:40.280 where a woman 0.97

00:21:40.760 that I've opened a door for

00:21:42.380 has said,

00:21:43.120 well, I could do it myself.

00:21:44.920 Like I've never had that happen.

00:21:46.620 I don't know if you guys have.

00:21:48.320 Maybe it's the area I live

00:21:49.560 or maybe it's how I approach it,

00:21:51.080 but I've heard people talk about it.

00:21:54.060 But women know, right? 1.00

00:21:55.820 They know we're not saying

00:21:57.260 you're not capable of doing it,

00:21:58.940 but let it go.

00:22:02.580 And this is a message to the ladies.

00:22:04.160 Let it go a little bit.

00:22:05.860 I know it's hard to let go

00:22:07.200 when you've been hurt

00:22:08.380 and you've been burned

00:22:09.220 and you've been frustrated

00:22:10.060 and you've gone through

00:22:10.880 heartache and hardship

00:22:11.800 with relationships and men.

00:22:13.320 I get that.

00:22:14.140 But when you find a man

00:22:15.640 who's a good and decent human being,

00:22:18.080 but also has

00:22:18.860 those German shepherd qualities,

00:22:20.800 you better hold onto that guy

00:22:21.980 and you better learn to soften.

00:22:24.540 Because if you don't learn to soften,

00:22:26.360 he's not going to be around

00:22:28.480 for very long

00:22:29.240 because he doesn't want

00:22:30.160 to compete with you.

00:22:31.900 Men don't want to compete with women. 1.00

00:22:33.960 Men want to compete 1.00

00:22:34.820 with other men, right?

00:22:36.280 We compare ourselves all the time.

00:22:37.820 What is possible?

00:22:38.560 What's he doing?

00:22:39.120 How much money is he making?

00:22:40.240 How can I get as big as he is?

00:22:42.020 So we compare ourselves all the time,

00:22:43.680 sometimes healthy,

00:22:44.600 sometimes unhealthy.

00:22:45.720 I don't want to do that

00:22:46.680 with a woman in my life.

00:22:48.400 She's not my competition.

00:22:49.860 She's my teammate.

00:22:51.400 Her and I are on the same team.

00:22:52.840 But if I feel like I come home

00:22:54.500 and I have to compete

00:22:55.560 for the dominant position

00:22:57.400 in the relationship

00:22:58.180 or compete for,

00:22:59.420 you know,

00:23:00.720 the power dynamics

00:23:01.780 that happen,

00:23:02.580 like I'm not interested in that.

00:23:04.840 And good men,

00:23:06.720 men who are good at being men

00:23:08.020 are not going to compete with that.

00:23:09.980 And what ladies will end up finding 1.00

00:23:11.700 is they'll end up finding

00:23:13.160 a very feminine man.

00:23:14.360 They'll find the nice guy.

00:23:15.680 And those guys are willing to do that

00:23:17.320 because they don't want

00:23:18.060 to step up themselves.

00:23:18.780 So they're happy to be with a woman

00:23:20.180 who will step up instead.

00:23:21.620 And that might be a great dynamic

00:23:23.280 for a woman for a little while.

00:23:25.200 And then eventually

00:23:26.120 she's going to get pissed 1.00

00:23:27.300 because he's not pulling his weight.

00:23:29.980 She's doing everything.

00:23:31.040 She's acting like the man 0.93

00:23:32.320 and the woman of the relationship.

00:23:33.700 And she's carrying the brunt

00:23:35.200 and the load

00:23:35.780 when it should be a partnership.

00:23:38.660 These are the reasons

00:23:39.580 that women say 1.00

00:23:40.300 they don't need a man. 1.00

00:23:41.260 It's not that they don't need a man.

00:23:42.660 It's that they don't want

00:23:43.700 the kind of men

00:23:44.300 that they're used to

00:23:45.220 in their lives.

00:23:46.180 So ladies, 1.00

00:23:47.000 learn how to discern

00:23:47.980 and pick a little better.

00:23:48.920 And men,

00:23:49.820 learn how to be the kind of men

00:23:51.140 who are, again,

00:23:52.000 German shepherds

00:23:52.880 who can show up

00:23:53.840 as golden retrievers

00:23:54.800 when appropriate.

00:23:56.960 It's not complicated.

00:23:59.220 But we make it complicated.

00:24:00.540 And we deceive ourselves.

00:24:03.020 And that's part of what

00:24:03.900 I wanted to talk with you about today

00:24:05.100 is when I say

00:24:06.660 that these are the lies

00:24:08.160 that women tell to men, 0.98

00:24:09.280 again,

00:24:09.600 it's not about being malicious

00:24:10.940 or deceptive.

00:24:12.020 It's about human nature.

00:24:13.620 It's about protecting themselves

00:24:15.400 from hardship

00:24:16.140 and heartache

00:24:17.020 and situations of the past.

00:24:19.280 And it's about developing dynamics

00:24:22.020 that are attractive to women.

00:24:24.540 And more often,

00:24:26.020 well,

00:24:26.280 maybe not more often than not,

00:24:27.440 but often what women say they want 1.00

00:24:30.800 and what they actually want

00:24:32.460 is completely different.

00:24:34.440 And that's why the I'm fine,

00:24:36.420 he's just a friend,

00:24:37.820 I want a nice guy,

00:24:39.720 I like dad bods,

00:24:41.040 I don't need no man 1.00

00:24:42.060 is not true.

00:24:44.000 It sounds true on the surface,

00:24:45.480 but once you start digging in

00:24:46.840 a little bit,

00:24:47.300 you can see why a woman 1.00

00:24:48.740 might say those things.

00:24:50.820 And as men,

00:24:52.240 it's our job to use discernment

00:24:53.520 and approach the situation appropriately.

00:24:56.780 So I hope that helps.

00:24:58.080 Ladies, chime in. 1.00

00:24:58.980 If I'm wrong,

00:24:59.720 let me know.

00:25:01.200 Don't yell at me

00:25:02.300 and don't fight with me again.

00:25:03.320 That goes back to competing.

00:25:04.700 I don't want to do that.

00:25:05.320 But if you think,

00:25:05.980 hey, you were wrong about this

00:25:06.880 and here's why,

00:25:07.960 or here's another angle to look at,

00:25:10.400 I'm open to the idea of being wrong.

00:25:13.960 I'm open to the idea of learning more.

00:25:16.500 I enjoy learning about these things.

00:25:18.340 And guys,

00:25:18.680 if I missed anything,

00:25:20.080 either in one of these five

00:25:21.260 or there's another lie or untruth

00:25:23.580 that you often hear

00:25:24.440 that I need to dive into as well,

00:25:26.060 I would love to.

00:25:26.740 But ultimately at the end of the day,

00:25:28.480 what I want is I want

00:25:30.020 good, healthy relationships

00:25:32.060 for men and women.

00:25:33.020 I want marriages to thrive.

00:25:35.640 I want men and women

00:25:37.280 to be fulfilled and happy

00:25:38.640 with the partner in their life.

00:25:40.580 I want them to lead their kids.

00:25:41.980 I want them to lead together

00:25:42.800 in their communities.

00:25:43.420 And I want them to do it

00:25:44.380 in a symbiotic relationship,

00:25:45.680 not one that is at odds

00:25:47.540 with each other.

00:25:48.580 So I hope that helps.

00:25:49.620 Call to action today, guys.

00:25:52.120 Make sure to check out

00:25:52.900 the Men's Forge.

00:25:53.640 We're going to talk a lot

00:25:54.360 about this kind of stuff.

00:25:55.480 I'm actually going to be doing

00:25:56.180 a podcast a little later

00:25:57.920 this afternoon with Frank Schwartz.

00:26:00.080 He's the CEO of F3,

00:26:02.260 who you guys,

00:26:03.740 a lot of you guys

00:26:04.300 are very familiar with F3.

00:26:05.700 He's coming out

00:26:06.400 to the Men's Forge,

00:26:07.140 which is April 23rd

00:26:08.620 through the 26th.

00:26:10.060 We've got an incredible venue

00:26:11.660 with ropes courses,

00:26:13.080 obstacle courses,

00:26:13.940 jiu-jitsu mats,

00:26:15.740 cabins that we put

00:26:16.920 all the guys up in.

00:26:18.460 There's VIP experience

00:26:19.700 if that's what you're looking for.

00:26:20.840 There's a lake with an island

00:26:21.980 we're going to train.

00:26:23.160 They've got a pistol course,

00:26:24.160 an archery course.

00:26:25.520 They've got it all.

00:26:26.360 And then they've got

00:26:26.780 this beautiful facility

00:26:29.040 to host our speakers.

00:26:31.200 Frank Schwartz

00:26:31.720 is going to be out there.

00:26:32.680 I'll be there.

00:26:33.300 Larry Hagner

00:26:33.820 with the Dad Edge.

00:26:35.620 Dwayne Noel

00:26:36.240 is coming as well.

00:26:37.420 GS Youngblood

00:26:38.460 is going to be there.

00:26:39.600 I mean,

00:26:39.820 we've got a killer,

00:26:41.100 killer lineup.

00:26:42.000 And then the food.

00:26:42.900 I haven't even talked

00:26:43.520 about the food.

00:26:44.720 This is not like camp food

00:26:46.200 or conference food.

00:26:47.940 This is,

00:26:48.620 the chef out there

00:26:49.580 is absolutely amazing.

00:26:51.340 So you guys are going to love it.

00:26:52.560 I'd love you to be there.

00:26:53.320 April 23rd through the 26th,

00:26:54.720 we have some spots left.

00:26:56.060 And if you go to

00:26:56.800 themensforge.com,

00:26:58.540 themensforge.com,

00:27:00.320 you can get registered.

00:27:02.640 All right, guys,

00:27:03.160 that's all I've got for you.

00:27:04.040 We'll be back next week.

00:27:05.300 Until then,

00:27:05.740 go out there,

00:27:06.140 take action.

00:27:07.120 I'm the man,

00:27:07.660 Hugh,

00:27:08.140 on the TV.

00:27:09.400 Thank you for listening

00:27:10.280 to the Order of Man podcast.

00:27:12.360 You're ready to take charge

00:27:13.420 of your life

00:27:13.980 and be more of the man

00:27:15.140 you were meant to be?

00:27:16.340 We invite you to join the order

00:27:17.720 at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - February 20, 2026

5 Lies Women Tell Men ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript