5 Powerful Strategies for Becoming a Man of Value | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
We need more men in the battle to reclaim and restore masculinity, and that's exactly what we're doing on this podcast and through the movement that we've created over the past five years. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path. You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life, this is who you are, and who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler,
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and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the Order of Man movement. I want to welcome
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you here and welcome you back and tell you that I'm glad you're here. We need more men in the battle
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to reclaim and restore masculinity, and that's exactly what we're doing on this podcast and
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through the movement that we've created over the past five years. We do that through the interviews
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that we have. We've had guys like Jocko Willink and David Goggins and Grant Cardone, Andy Frisilla,
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Tim Kennedy, Dakota Meyer, Pete Roberts. As I say, every week, the lineup of men who have joined us
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is absolutely incredible. And you want to make sure you subscribe to this podcast so that you never
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miss a single episode. Cause I've got some very, very powerful conversations coming up
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in the next four to eight weeks, which is how far we're out. We've recorded that many,
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and I'm excited to get those to you. Now, this one's a little different. This is your Friday field
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notes. If you are new to the podcast, this is just me sharing some of my thoughts and ideas
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from throughout the week. And I'm going to add a new segment in here. And for now, I'm going to call
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it ridiculousness of the week. So I've got something I'll share with you here in a minute,
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and then we'll get to the meat of the discussion, which is becoming a man of value and why that's
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important and five key strategies so that you can become more valuable in the lives of your family
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members, your clients, your colleagues, your coworkers, just life in general. And then of
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course, reap the rewards and benefits that come from being more valuable in society. Before I do
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that, I do want to mention my friends, origin, Maine. You may want to check out their brand new
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Use the code order at checkout at origin, Maine.com. All right, guys, let's get into the conversation.
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Now, again, new segment, we're going to test this out and see how it does. You guys can let me know
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what you think. I came across an article in the, in the Washington times, and I've got it pulled up here
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on my, my internet browser. And the article is titled California bill would require gender
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neutral toy clothing aisles. Now guys, this is ridiculous, which is why we call it ridiculousness
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of the week. It seems to me that we have more important things to worry about than mandating
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that toy companies that stores create some sort of general neutral toy and clothing aisles. Like
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people are smart enough and capable enough to find what they want to go where they want.
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They don't need to be told that, that these are gender neutral, or these are girls toys,
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or these are boys toys. Like I have boys and a girl, and I never needed to tell my boys that they are
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to play with Legos and trucks and cars and hot wheels. And I never needed to tell my daughter that
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she needs to play with dolls and, and, and, and have little cooking things that she has. And a
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little KitchenAid set up in her room. Like I didn't need to tell them that they just naturally did that.
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In fact, as I was walking by my daughter's room today into my office, which is where I'm recording
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from, she had set up her dolls in a row and she had books laid out, like stood up and opened in front
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of each one of those dolls. Guys, like this is generally how kids behave. Like there's studies
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that show that if you put a boy into a room, he's naturally going to pick up what we would call the
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quote unquote boys toys. And the girls are going to pick up the girl toys. Like we don't need some
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legislative body telling us that you have to have gender neutral toy and clothing aisles. So here's
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what part of the bill reads. Let me pull this up here. A quote, a retail department store shall
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maintain one undivided area of its sales floor, where if it sells childcare articles, all childcare
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articles, regardless of whether a particular item has traditionally been marketed for either girls or
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for boys shall be displayed. And again, that reads in the, in the text of the bill, not a huge deal
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here guys, but just something that just is a great indicator of the times in which we live,
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that we need to be told how our stores are set up and where we can shop. And, and these people make
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such a loud ruckus and noise that, uh, that we have to acquiesce to this sort of thing. It's ridiculous.
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It's stupid. And we have bigger and more important things to worry about then creating gender neutral,
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uh, sections in the store. So there's my ridiculousness for the week. Uh, if you have other
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articles or stumble across other information that you'd like some input on, or, uh, some of my
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commentary and thoughts, then shoot me a message at Instagram at Ryan Mickler, uh, link up the,
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uh, the article, and then maybe you too, your article, uh, will be shared on a future podcast
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for ridiculousness of the week. All right, guys, with that done and said, let's get into the meat of
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the discussion. I took a couple of notes here, and I want to share these things with you.
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We're going to be talking about becoming a man of value. Now, obviously we know that being
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valuable is important. This is something that I don't need to necessarily share with you or tell
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you why, but I'm going to do it anyways, guys, when you are valuable, you reap the rewards of
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being valuable, whether it's the relationship that you're after with your spouse, the deeply
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connected, powerful conversations and connection that you have with your children. Uh, it's getting
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the promotion. It's being strong. It's being able to protect your family and yourself. It's
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all of the benefits, building wealth, going on vacations, having experiences, buying the
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home that you want to driving the cars that you're after, uh, being able to, uh, participate
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in the charities and the nonprofits that are important to you. Everything that you want out
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of life can be found through you making yourself more valuable. There is a very, very disturbing
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trend in society. And this is growing where people want to be given things. They want the
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result without the effort. And they think that they're entitled to everything simply because
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they're a human being. You are entitled to nothing. There are certain rights that I believe
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we have as human beings, but those rights still need to be fought for. They still need
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to be protected. They still need to be defended and nobody owes you anything. And this is what
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I see in society is that everybody is starting to believe that they are owed something because
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air is coursing through their lungs and blood is pumping through their veins. If you want something,
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make yourself valuable and earn the thing that you're after. And so what I'm going to do with
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you today is share with you five keys, general keys, uh, that are going to help you
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become more valuable, that are going to help you produce more. They're going to help you
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live a more satisfied and fulfilled life. They're going to help you have more experiences
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and opportunities and promotions and intimacy and romance and connection with your kids and
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all of the other things that I know after thousands and thousands of conversations with you guys
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that you're after. So let's break this down. First one is become solution oriented, not problem
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oriented. We, as men are problem searching, identifying type machines. Like it is in our nature to look
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for what's wrong. And I know this because every time I make a post or shoot a video or record
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a podcast, I naturally and inevitably have men who reach out and tell me all the things that
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are wrong with everything that I'm doing. And they do it without proposing any sort of solutions.
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Guys, it's easy to recognize problems. We're, we're, we're hardwired that way. We have been
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evolved and created to look for problems, but I'm telling you, if you want to become a man of value,
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not only should you be identifying the problems, which again comes easy, you should be the one
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looking for solutions. So don't ever approach your boss or a colleague or a coworker or a relationship
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or a wife or a child or whoever with a problem without proposing some sort of solution.
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Now you're not going to always get it right. Maybe it's not even the best solution, but when
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you provide solutions to problems that you see, you position yourself as somebody who is
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indispensable. Somebody others look at and say, man, I want to have John around, or I want to have
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Steve around because not only is he not complaining about the things that aren't happening, he is
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seeing what's not happening. And then he's proposing solutions to be able to implement, to overcome
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these things. That is the most important thing to be being valuable. In fact, it is the definition
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of value is that you're finding solutions. You're creating solutions. You're working towards solving
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the problems that you and other people recognize. So if you're in your work environment and you see
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something that's not working or something that's inefficient, I mean, other people recognize this too.
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What you're talking about is not unnoticeable, but if you come to your boss or the team leader or a
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coworker and you say, Hey, this is something that I recognize as being wrong. And here's two or three
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things that I think we can do to address this problem, man, how refreshing is that going to be
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to a boss and an employer or a coworker or a team leader? If you have something going on in your
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relationship and you need to have a conversation with your wife about maybe some things that she said
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or how she's behaving or how your relationship is going and you just nag and you bitch and you moan and
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you gripe and you complain that is exhausting and you are extracting value from the relationship when
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you do that. But on the other hand, if you go into these conversations and say, Hey, you know,
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I noticed this is really a problem. We're not getting the quality time, for example, that we need
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the way that I propose that we have a solution to this is we don't watch TV. We put the kids down
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in a decent hour. We sit down and we have dinner as a family, whatever, whatever that solution is,
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propose the solutions, add value, add value, add value. And this is how you put yourself in a
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position where people want you around. You're valuable to have around. You are the guy who
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always has the opportunities. And then you leave those other guys who just complain about what they
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see as being wrong in the dust. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with pointing out things that
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aren't working. You should be doing that too. But always, always, always propose a solution
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to any grievance that you may ever have. That's number one. Number two, become a networking master.
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Now, a lot of self-help podcasts and books and information out there will tell you about all the
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skill sets that you need to have, develop communication, develop, you know, this specific
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skill to be able to do that specific task. And that's important, but I would suggest that
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your ability to network is going to be very, very valuable for you and for the people that you're
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going to be networking with. I know this to be true in my life, because if there's one thing that
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I feel like I'm very, very good at, it's the ability to connect other people together. And that's
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the power of being a networker. Because if I know that my friend over here, John needs a connection to
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my other friend, Steve over here, and I can be the facilitator of that transaction or of that
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connection, then I put myself in the position of being very, very valuable. And the only way to do
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that is to know a lot of different people, to get out there, to serve those people, to find out what
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their needs and interests are, to begin to look for solutions to their problems. And if somebody comes
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to me with a problem, or I recognize a problem with a friend, I might be able to say, Hey, you know
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what, John, I've got this friend over here, Steve, and he is actually an expert at the issue you're
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dealing with. Would you mind if I sink to you guys up? And by the way, we don't do this to keep score.
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We don't do this to get anything in return. I'm not talking about gaming the system here.
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I'm talking about genuinely being interested in your friends and in your connections. And these
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things have a way of returning themselves. They always will. It's inevitable. This is a principle
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that if you help enough people, as Zig Ziglar would say, get what they want, then you will
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inevitably get what you want in return. This ability to network makes up for an inability or
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an inadequacy in other areas. If you're not a great communicator, or you don't have a specific skill
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set, or you don't feel all that special or all that unique or, or capable, you can still make yourself
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extremely powerful by being connected with the right people. Now I've had the opportunity to
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connect with some incredibly powerful men via this podcast. And guys will say, well, that's easy for
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you to say, cause you have this podcast. Yeah. I had to build this podcast. I had to build these
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networks. I had to build these relationships. And I did it primarily through helping these individuals
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win and by making connections and then stepping out of it. And that's the thing you step away.
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If I can make a connection for John, I don't need to keep my nose in the business. And when I send an
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email or a text to somebody I'm trying to make an introduction to, I simply say, Hey, John, Hey,
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Steve, I admire you both. I talked to each one of you individually about connecting. I think there's
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some, some benefit here. I think that you guys can help each other out. And in this specific capacity,
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and at this point, I'm going to bow out, let you to talk, figure out what you need to.
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I hope it helps. I hope it works. And I'm looking forward to staying in touch with both of you
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individually. And then I bow out of that situation because I don't need to be the mediator. Like I
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don't need to be in the middle of the thing. I get out of the way and let these guys do what they
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need to do in order that they'll be served. And they're going to know it was Ryan who connected
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them. It was Ryan who helped me accomplish what I want to accomplish or put me in touch with this
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individual who could help me with the thing. And that always has a way of returning itself.
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So networking is great. And it makes up for inadequacies or lack of skillset in other areas.
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And by the way, you should still develop in other areas to networking. Isn't the end all save all,
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but it's a huge, huge magnifier and leveraging power in the absence of some of these other skillsets,
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which number two leads me into point number three, um, simply helping people win. That's it.
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Like care about your friends, care about your people, help them win when they, when they do win,
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celebrate with them. Don't undermine them. Don't pick at them. Don't discount what it took to get
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there. Like genuinely celebrate with them. Be happy for them. I send texts, emails, messages every single
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day. When I see somebody I'm very connected with or limited connection with. When I see those people
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succeeding, I celebrate that. I congratulate them. I let them know that I'm genuinely interested. I share
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their victories with other people who would be impacted by what they're doing. If I have somebody
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that I know is, is, uh, launching a new book, then I'm going to help that individual launch a book.
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If I see that somebody needs a connection and I have that connection, I'm going to use and tap into
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my social equity and it is my social equity, but I've worked hard to create that. I'm going to tap
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into that, not for solely my benefit, but for the benefit of other people. Why wouldn't you do that?
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I think too many people are in this scarcity mindset where they think, oh man, if I, if I connect this
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individual or I help this person, or I ask, you know, my network or the people that listen to this
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podcast, uh, to sync up with this other individual or buy this person's book, then I'm, I'm dipping
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into my social equity. It's, it's so scarce to think like that instead be abundant and realize that
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if you can create opportunities and you can help people win, and there's a genuine chance to serve
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other people, then serve them, help them, let them win. And again, that's going to come back to you.
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Not only is it going to come back to you because John over here is going to remember that you helped
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him win. And so when you need something, you'll be able to ask him, but, uh, this mindset of
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abundance will translate perfectly over into other facets of life. And you're building up the mindset
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for growth and expansion and ultimate success. So again, number three, helping people win and not
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undermining them, but celebrating when they do for a long time, guys, I, I would on the outside,
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say that it was happy for people when they would win. And then secretly I would despise them,
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right? Like I, I would wonder like how they got lucky or why they did this or how they did it
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without, you know, maybe they screwed somebody over and I would, I would make up these dialogues in
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my head about how this person actually got ahead and why I wasn't getting what it is that I was after
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and how that person had success. And I didn't. And so it would create this negative contentious
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dialogue in my head between, I like this person. I want to see them succeed and they're succeeding.
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And I'm frustrated that they're succeeding and that I'm not, this is not a great position to put
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yourself in. It's negative. It's destructive. It's going to tee you up for eventual failure.
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If you help other people win and you celebrate when they win, then you can feel more good about
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the victories that you also will inevitably have. Should you adopt this mindset? Number four gain
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life experience. And then I put this in as well is be interesting, be interesting. If you're boring
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and you don't experience life and you don't take advantage of opportunities and you don't do some of
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these weird, wild, crazy, quirky things and experiences and adventures and jobs. And like,
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you're boring. You're bland. Like you have nothing to add. If on the other hand, you say yes to
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opportunities, you take some calculated risks. You do some things that you've never done before.
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You go on unique experiences and unique vacations and you travel the world and you have, uh, hunting
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excursions and experiences and you're interesting, but you're obviously more valuable.
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The oldest form of communication is storytelling. We would sit around thousands, if not millions
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of years ago, and we would share stories. Uh, we would paint stories on caves, right? And tell
00:19:29.160
each other about our victories and our failures and our successes and where we thrived and where
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we fell behind. But all of us have been trapped with a boring individual and try having a conversation
00:19:40.620
with that person and being genuinely interested. It's nearly impossible. But all of us have also
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been in opportunities where we've sat in on a conversation where we are literally talking to
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the most interesting man in the world. That should be you. You should be the most interesting man in the
00:19:57.660
world, because if you are, you're going to be valuable. People are going to want you around.
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They're going to enjoy your company. They're going to ask you to come on, uh, experiences and
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vacations. In fact, next week, I have an opportunity to spend some time with some incredible
00:20:11.000
men. Uh, Tyler Harris, Jesse Itzler, Steve Weatherford. Uh, a lot of these guys are spending
00:20:17.340
some time, uh, doing some Wim Hof training. And, uh, Steve was gracious enough to, uh, extend
00:20:24.220
an invite. And I took advantage of that opportunity. I, I figure he wants me around because we have
00:20:29.720
a good time together because I have some interesting perspectives or stories to share as does he,
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and as do the rest of these guys, this is why I get the invites. It's the same thing.
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When I have people on the podcast, I get recommendations all the time. Hey, you should
00:20:43.440
have this guy on because, and then they tell me a story that's like the same story as everybody
00:20:48.180
else. But the ones that really catch my eye or my ear are the stories that, uh, I've never
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heard before that are unique and powerful and interesting. And they've got the drama and the
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ups and the downs and everything else that come with a very powerful, compelling story that
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people want to hear and they want to listen to, and they want to interact with and engage
00:21:07.380
with. So guys go out there and look for opportunities to be interesting. Look for opportunities to
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say yes. When everybody would say no and make yourself a very interesting person. And the last
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point that I want to share with you is that you should not be asking for permission. You
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just need to act. I'll give you a great example. I can't tell you how often I hear from somebody
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who says, uh, what can I do to help? What can I do to help? And while that's a nice question,
00:21:37.960
and I genuinely believe people do want to help when they say that if you really were deeply
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committed to helping, then what you would do is you would identify an area in which you
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can help. And then you would specifically offer that help, that advice, that service.
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You wouldn't ask, what can I do to help? Because here's what you're doing. When you do that,
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you're putting a responsibility, a burden that was not already there on the individual that
00:22:02.800
you're trying to help, right? So if I came to you and I said, Hey John, how can I help
00:22:07.000
you with your business? Now you need to think of ways that I can help you. That's adding more
00:22:13.060
to your plate. It's not taking anything away. So therefore I'm not adding value. I am actually
00:22:18.860
extracting value. You need to spend more time, energy, and resources on thinking of ways that
00:22:25.140
I can help you. And you're not obligated to do that, right? I don't even want you to
00:22:30.100
do that. If on the other hand, I said, Hey John, you know, I noticed that you're, uh, you're,
00:22:34.980
you're, uh, you're needing some advice when it comes to growing your business. Well, I have
00:22:39.220
this friend over here who's built five multimillion dollar businesses, and he has some things that
00:22:45.300
I really think that he can share with you. That would be valuable. Can I make that introduction?
00:22:49.220
Now you identified a way that you can specifically help. You didn't add anything else to your friend's
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plate. And you already started looking for solutions, specific solutions, and started
00:23:00.740
solving those problems. So you acted, you didn't ask for permission. You didn't ask how I can help.
00:23:06.260
You simply said, here's a problem. Here's the solution. Find a way to make the connection and then
00:23:12.260
let people win. It's not difficult guys. It's really not difficult. I know it's hard at times to ask
00:23:18.340
for, or excuse me, to act rather than ask for permission, because maybe there's some fear there
00:23:23.620
about not knowing. Um, of course, there's some energy that you need to expend in looking for
00:23:28.740
solutions. Um, but if you want to be a man of value, this is what you'll do. This is an investment
00:23:34.100
in yourself, and it's going to take you some time and energy to think about how you can, uh, take action,
00:23:41.060
solve problems, make connections, and ultimately help people win and celebrate when they do.
00:23:45.780
So that's, that's my advice for you. I want you guys to become a man of value. And more than that,
00:23:53.300
not just a man of value. I want the people around you to experience what life looks like,
00:23:59.220
because you're in it. I want them to have a positive life experience. I want them to be
00:24:05.060
better off because you're around. And I want you to experience the benefits of being a man of value,
00:24:12.100
the vacations, the trips, the promotions, the marriage, the intimacy, uh, everything that you're
00:24:18.900
after because you have learned to become more valuable. This is the solution. If you want
00:24:25.780
something out of your life, then you go out and find a way to make it happen. You acquire the knowledge,
00:24:31.220
the skills, the information, the network, the communication, uh, everything that you might need
00:24:37.700
to be successful. And the more you do that, inevitably you're going to produce the results
00:24:41.780
you want. And you're going to produce the results that other people are after as well. And make
00:24:46.260
yourself indispensable. You're going to be a guy that other people want to have around because you're
00:24:50.820
interesting, you're successful, and you've proven your worth. So that's my message for you today,
00:24:55.460
guys on this Friday field notes. I hope that helps you again. We're doing the, uh, the new segment
00:25:00.420
ridiculousness of the week. So if you have, uh, an idea that you'd like to share or, uh, or a link
00:25:08.260
to a video or an article or a social media profile that I could highlight when it comes to the
00:25:14.500
ridiculousness of the week, uh, then I would, I would love to do that. I'd love to hear from you
00:25:19.060
and, uh, share some of these things and have some, some laughs and some frustrations with some of these
00:25:24.020
things as well. Anyways, guys, that's all I've got. Please, if you would leave us a rating and review
00:25:28.740
goes a long way in promoting the visibility of the show. But again, more importantly than that,
00:25:33.220
it's about expanding this mission of reclaiming and restoring masculinity in a society that, uh,
00:25:39.300
wants gender neutral, uh, safe spaces and toy stores and everything else, which is just a, um,
00:25:46.340
it's a symptom of a greater problem that we have in society, which is the lack of masculinity.
00:25:50.580
And it's my job to, uh, plant the flag of masculinity and then help us all work towards
00:25:56.180
becoming the men that we have a desire to be. All right, guys, we'll catch you on Tuesday.
00:25:59.780
Make sure you subscribe. And again, leave that rating review. Uh, we've got another great
00:26:03.300
conversation. One that we've never had before on this podcast, and it's going to ruffle a lot of
00:26:08.020
feathers and I'm going to get a lot of hate probably for it, but you know what? That's what we need.
00:26:12.340
We need to have this discourse. We need to have these conversations. So if you haven't subscribed
00:26:16.740
and make sure you subscribe to the order of man podcast. All right, guys, we'll catch you next week.
00:26:20.740
Until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
00:26:25.460
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You ready?