Order of Man - April 24, 2026


5 Ways to Squash Disrespect and Command Respect ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Jefferson Fisher
Date with Intention, Choose Your Wife Over Your Mom, and Get Into Your Kids' World ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING Men Are Built： Live From the Men's Forge

Episode Stats


Length

23 minutes

Words per minute

169.18

Word count

3,967

Sentence count

179

Harmful content

Toxicity

13

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

People don t respect you because they see you as a bad person. Most of the time, they disrespect you because you have been taught them to disrespect you. In order to get people to respect you, you have to change the way they perceive you. You have to take back control of the way other people view you.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.260 Version one might be, hey, I'm so sorry.
00:00:03.340 I just have so much going on right now.
00:00:05.080 My schedule is a complete disaster
00:00:06.720 and I've already committed to three other things this week
00:00:09.960 and I really wish I could help
00:00:11.360 and then fill in the blank with more excuses.
00:00:14.240 Version two is, hey, I won't be able to make that work,
00:00:18.020 but thanks for thinking about me though.
00:00:19.940 Same outcome, but completely different energy.
00:00:23.320 And that's what this is about.
00:00:24.400 It's about energy.
00:00:25.560 The second version, it's kind.
00:00:28.100 It's not mean spirited, it's warm.
00:00:29.520 but it doesn't sacrifice your self-respect in the process.
00:00:34.960 Then welcome back to the order man podcast. If you're new here, I am glad that you're joining
00:00:40.720 us and that you found us. And if you've been here a while, you already know that we don't
00:00:45.200 do fluff. We don't pull punches. We don't beat around the bush. And today's episode is one that
00:00:49.920 I've been wanting to talk about for a very long time. I've had a lot of guys ask me about getting
00:00:55.520 people to respect you, being able to have influence and authority and credibility with
00:01:01.280 others. And almost everyone I talk to is dealing with some version of this problem. You know,
00:01:08.020 maybe it's a coworker who constantly interrupts you. It could be a friend who only calls you
00:01:15.240 when they need something from you, or maybe a boss that overlooks your contribution to the
00:01:20.460 organization. But maybe it's even more subtle than that. Just this nagging feeling that people
00:01:26.040 don't quite take you as seriously as you'd like them to take you. So whatever your situation,
00:01:32.640 today we're going to be talking about respect. Not the kind that you demand from others and not
00:01:37.900 the kind that you have to beg for and plead for, but the kind that you build, maybe even silently.
00:01:43.880 It's that x factor when you walk into the room and people know there's something different about you.
00:01:48.920 So today we've got five very practical, actionable things that you can start doing right now, today, that will genuinely shift how people treat you, how they perceive you, and the opportunities that are presented to you.
00:02:04.200 Again, no fluff, no BS, no theory. Let's just get into it.
00:02:07.780 All right, so number one is, and I've talked about this ad nauseum at this point, but it's very important, is that you have to set clear boundaries and, a lot of guys don't do this, enforce them.
00:02:18.360 This is point number one. Again, set clear boundaries and actually enforce them.
00:02:23.420 And here's the hard truth about this. People don't respect you because they're bad people.
00:02:29.880 Most of the time, they disrespect you because you've trained them to disrespect you.
00:02:36.800 You've taught them that it's okay. As the adage goes, we encourage what we tolerate.
00:02:42.340 so every time you say yes when you mean no or every time you let a comment slide that's bothered
00:02:49.100 you or every time that you've put up with treatment that doesn't sit right what you're
00:02:54.760 doing is sending a signal to the other person that that's that that's okay and and i'm not
00:03:00.700 saying this to make you feel inferior about yourself but i'm saying it because it means
00:03:06.480 that you have more power than you think you do. You can take back control of the way other people
00:03:13.640 view you. Now, you can't control it completely, but you can certainly influence it.
00:03:18.360 Because the same way you taught people what's okay, you can unteach it and you can train them
00:03:25.520 to treat you differently. So here's the action step I'm going to give you. This week, I want
00:03:30.840 you to pick one boundary that you've been letting slide just one maybe it's the the time that you
00:03:38.740 have gets constantly disrespected maybe people showing up late or texting you late at night at
00:03:46.600 11 p.m expecting an immediate reply it could be somebody who makes jokes or or passive aggressive
00:03:53.520 statements under their breath at your expense maybe it's the way your wife says that one certain
00:03:59.260 thing and you've told her before that you don't like that, whatever it is, decide in advance what
00:04:06.140 you're going to say when that happens again. And you don't need to make a big deal of it.
00:04:11.320 In fact, I would say the more calm you can be, the more direct, the more clear you can be,
00:04:16.100 the better effect that you'll have. And so it might go something like this. Hey, you know,
00:04:20.620 i need to be really honest that doesn't work for me or hey i'm not available after 7 p.m that's
00:04:31.040 family time but i'll get back to you tomorrow you don't need to be aggressive you don't need to be
00:04:36.660 loud and obnoxious and demand that they respect you you just need to establish the boundary
00:04:43.640 and put it out there so people know what to expect and by the way this is better for them too
00:04:49.380 because you're teaching them what is acceptable behavior and now they don't have to guess about
00:04:55.100 how to talk with you but you do need to be consistent the boundaries that you put in place
00:05:01.200 without follow-through they're more like suggestions really they're guidelines so
00:05:08.220 enforce that line calmly and repeatedly and i think what you'll find is that the dynamic
00:05:14.660 between you and that other person starts to shift very very quickly and that can be a challenge if
00:05:20.360 you've never done it before but i promise you setting boundaries bringing it up in the moment
00:05:24.580 calmly directly will make a huge change in the way people respect you and and by the way this is why 0.84
00:05:32.620 it's so important that you plan ahead what you're going to say so you don't say something dumb or 0.99
00:05:38.540 you don't say something aggressive or you don't come off like a jerk that's not what you're trying 1.00
00:05:43.040 to do. You're just trying to be assertive and put that boundary back in place. All right. 0.99
00:05:48.280 Number two, this is one I hear all the time. Stop over explaining yourself and stop over
00:05:55.720 apologizing. My youngest son does this all the time. Sorry, dad. Sorry, dad. I don't know where
00:06:02.100 he gets it because I tell him, I said, Hey, you don't need to be sorry. Or what are you sorry
00:06:05.440 about? And many times he can't even explain what he's sorry about, which means that he's using the
00:06:09.860 term, sorry, too much. And I think what he's trying to do is get some sort of reassurance that
00:06:15.640 he and I still have a good relationship. So we're working on that, but grown men do that too.
00:06:21.260 Okay. So let's talk about the explanation part. Stop over explaining yourself.
00:06:25.960 Some of those things, they don't require explanation or they don't require an apology.
00:06:31.820 And this one is pretty sneaky. This point's pretty sneaky because it usually comes from a good place
00:06:37.160 when we over explain or we over apologize. I mean, we over explain because we want people
00:06:42.360 to understand us, right? We over apologize because we don't want to seem rude, but here's
00:06:48.820 what's actually happening under the hood. When you over explain yourself, you're signaling that you
00:06:56.300 need the other person's approval. It's approval seeking. You want them to understand so that they
00:07:03.960 can agree with you so you can feel comfortable about about the position you're holding and when
00:07:09.500 you apologize unnecessarily what you're also doing is telling them that your needs and your time and
00:07:16.900 your attention and your decisions are subject to interpretation or up for debate now please don't
00:07:24.680 get me wrong guys if you owe somebody an apology then apologize if somebody's asking for an
00:07:30.300 explanation than explain, but be very, very careful of over explaining and over apologizing
00:07:36.440 unnecessarily. That's where you're going to start getting yourself in trouble.
00:07:40.340 And so I want you to think about the difference between these two responses to turning down a
00:07:45.800 request. All right. So version one might be, Hey, I'm so sorry. I just have so much going on right
00:07:52.760 now. My schedule is a complete disaster and I've already committed to three other things this week.
00:07:57.880 and I really wish I could help and, but, and then fill in the blank with more excuses. Okay.
00:08:03.060 That's version one. Version two is, Hey, I won't be able to make that work, but thanks for thinking
00:08:10.040 about me though. Same outcome, but completely different energy. And that's what this is about.
00:08:18.180 It's about energy. The second version, it's kind. It's not mean spirited. It's warm,
00:08:23.340 but it doesn't sacrifice your self-respect in the process so the action step here today is to pay
00:08:31.080 attention this week to how often you say i'm sorry when you don't actually owe anybody an apology
00:08:38.500 just remove that from your vocabulary unless it's necessary replace those unnecessary apologies with
00:08:46.800 acknowledgements instead of sorry i'm late maybe it's thanks for your patience instead of sorry
00:08:55.900 to bother you try hey do you have a moment small changes really small changes guys but it does
00:09:04.120 make a difference in how you're perceived all right point number three raise your standards
00:09:10.980 for how you talk about yourself people take cues from you they're they're watching you
00:09:17.960 they're observing you they're they're looking for for hints and how to treat you
00:09:22.720 so if you put yourself down constantly making self-deprecating jokes and that's okay to a
00:09:31.160 degree right because it exercises and communicates some level of humility but if you minimize your
00:09:36.780 achievements like, Oh, that's not a big deal. No, no, no, not me. Or maybe you, you start every
00:09:42.400 idea that you want to share with, Hey, I know this might be a dumb idea, or I know this might 0.96
00:09:46.580 be a stupid question, but what you're doing is you're giving everyone around you permission to 0.97
00:09:52.260 see you that way too. And again, there's a difference between healthy humility and then 1.00
00:09:59.000 what I would call just erasing yourself, self-erasure. Humility is I don't have all the
00:10:05.500 answers. But self-erasure is saying, yeah, I'm probably wrong, but before you've even made your
00:10:12.300 point, why would you do that? Why would you undermine yourself before you've even made the
00:10:16.000 point that you want to bring up? Your opinion or your idea is relevant. So share it proudly
00:10:22.540 because one of those scenarios builds trust with people and the other scenario erodes it.
00:10:29.100 The way you talk about yourself is a form of leadership. You're leading people's perception
00:10:34.440 of you. So start talking about yourself the way that you would talk to somebody
00:10:42.100 you deeply respect, right? If there's, if there's somebody who in your family that you love and
00:10:49.780 care for and respect or, or somebody in your organization that you really have a deep level
00:10:53.680 of respect for, you would never, uh, say anything negative about that person to that person. You
00:11:03.260 would never undermine their ideas or their thoughts, you wouldn't do that. So don't do it
00:11:07.700 to yourself. So your action step for point number three is for this week, for one week,
00:11:15.440 just catch yourself every time you're about to put yourself down out loud. Don't do it.
00:11:21.580 You don't have to completely swing the opposite direction either. It takes time and practice.
00:11:26.020 And I encourage all of us to practice this. And you don't need to start bragging about all of
00:11:31.260 your accomplishments but when somebody pays you a compliment say thank you just say thank you not
00:11:37.580 oh you know it wasn't that big a deal anybody could have done it no you're talking negatively
00:11:42.020 about yourself if you're in if you're in a conference or a work meeting and you've got an 0.99
00:11:47.000 idea pipe up about it without saying hey this might sound stupid but it doesn't sound stupid 0.90
00:11:51.340 bring it up without that hey guys i have an idea that i think might work 0.97
00:11:55.300 if you feel like you're hounding somebody or bothering somebody you don't need to say i'm
00:12:02.920 sorry hey i'm sorry to bother you but okay if you start with that and you come to me with that then
00:12:09.200 i'm going to think that you're bothering me naturally because you just told me you were
00:12:14.720 going to bother me hey i'm sorry for bothering you but means that you're ready to bother me now
00:12:19.120 so i've already got walls up instead of that say hey do you have a minute or two i'd like to share
00:12:24.460 an idea with you i'd like to talk with you about something i'd like to give you an idea simple
00:12:29.720 okay just again you don't need to swing the other way completely but just stop
00:12:36.880 and and say nothing or replace those those self-deprecating comments with a neutral statement
00:12:44.400 instead of saying something like oh you know i'm terrible with names
00:12:48.800 just say hey i'm i'm trying i'm working better i'm working on getting better with names
00:12:54.500 you don't have to say you're terrible at things and by the way if you tell yourself you're terrible
00:13:00.560 at things like names i'm horrible with names i'm horrible i'm great with faces horrible with names
00:13:04.020 everybody says that well yeah you're just training yourself to be horrible with names 0.98
00:13:08.540 you're not an idiot you can get better at remembering people's names if you're conscious
00:13:15.120 about it okay it sounds simple but the shift in how people respond to you is real and you'll feel 0.83
00:13:21.880 that when you stop minimizing yourself and playing spa all right point number four be reliable just
00:13:29.460 do what you say you're going to do and this one might be the most underrated of all and and even
00:13:36.740 if you are reliable most people won't acknowledge it but i promise you they're going to treat you
00:13:40.900 different than if you aren't. So do what you say you're going to do. Respect is built over time
00:13:45.940 through a thousand little moments. And one of the most powerful things that you can do
00:13:52.760 is simply be a man who follows through. If you say you're going to send that email by Thursday,
00:13:59.420 well, send it by Thursday. If you commit to being somewhere at seven o'clock, be there at
00:14:06.800 seven o'clock. And again, this is when I hear a lot to you guys will be late and be like, Oh,
00:14:12.800 I mean, I just, I'm horrible at time management. Okay. Well, why would I respect you if you show
00:14:18.720 up to a meeting 15 or 20 or 30 minutes late? And the first thing you do is tell me how horrible
00:14:24.380 you are at time management, how insulting, because what you're saying is not only is your time not
00:14:29.820 important, you're telling me my time's not important. So why would I continue to be invested
00:14:35.860 in that type of relationship if I know you're going to disrespect my time.
00:14:41.700 If you tell somebody that you're going to think about their request,
00:14:44.940 then actually come back with an answer.
00:14:47.460 Don't just kick the can down the road.
00:14:50.360 I see this a lot too, like even in the dating spaces,
00:14:52.820 I talk with men who are actively dating and as I've been dating myself,
00:14:57.520 it's like ghosting.
00:15:00.920 That's such a weird phenomenon to me.
00:15:02.900 it's such a level of disrespect for the other person it's like you can't just text that person
00:15:10.560 and say hey i didn't have the connection that i was looking for i enjoyed getting to know you but
00:15:14.100 this isn't it why why is that so difficult it shouldn't be but we have not learned to be
00:15:22.900 assertive in fact i would say the opposite way we have learned over time and conditioning
00:15:28.200 to be passive and weak and cowardly and that's not something people respect
00:15:33.520 this matters so much because we live in this culture this world where follow-through is
00:15:40.280 genuinely rare and most people expect you to let them down because most people flake
00:15:46.700 most people say things like oh you know we should catch up and they don't actually mean it
00:15:51.560 but when you're the person who actually does what they say they're going to do you you stand out
00:15:57.900 people start to see you as a man whose word means something and that foundation is deep lasting
00:16:07.720 respect and and here's the flip side too stop making commitments that you just can't keep
00:16:14.740 to avoid an awkward moment and stop even labeling it as awkward it's better to say i'm not sure that
00:16:20.920 i can commit to that up front than to say yes and then just disappear under promise we've heard this
00:16:27.140 before under promise and over deliver not the other way around so what i want you to do is audit
00:16:34.400 your open commitments and maybe you have a to-do list and i've got my to-do list here and i'm
00:16:39.840 cranking it out because i was gone all last week on a hunt but is there anyone that you've said
00:16:44.280 i'll get back to and you haven't is there a task that you promised and you let it slip
00:16:51.380 handle it take care of it close the loop trust can be rebuilt but it's one follow-through at a
00:16:59.160 time all right my last point for you guys today is this is very important probably the most
00:17:05.620 challenging one i would say is to address disrespect directly without any sort of drama
00:17:12.020 okay learn to address it quickly directly calmly and without making it a big deal a whole thing
00:17:21.880 okay most people do one of two things when they're treated poorly they either stay silent
00:17:26.900 and then they stew about it and they get frustrated and then they explode either at
00:17:33.020 that person or maybe somebody completely unrelated and cause a bunch of drama and
00:17:36.840 bullcrap that nobody wants to deal with. Neither one of those things earns you respect. In fact,
00:17:43.300 it only undermines it further. Silence, when you should be vocal, teaches people that they
00:17:50.180 can keep doing it. You should listen to my podcast with Jefferson Fisher. I can't remember
00:17:54.740 when that was, probably five or six months ago. Jefferson Fisher, Order of Man podcast. You can
00:18:02.400 do a search for it on orderofman.com or wherever you're listening to this or even on YouTube.
00:18:06.840 um because he talks a lot about this so if silence teaches people that they can keep doing it then
00:18:14.100 the explosions you might have make you look reactive and foolish and even out of control
00:18:19.140 i mean you've seen a friend who just loses his mind over something that doesn't bolster any sort
00:18:25.520 of respect you have for him the move that actually works the best is calm direct response in that
00:18:33.080 moment. Again, think about it beforehand. So when that comes up, you know exactly what to say.
00:18:37.680 It doesn't have to be a big confrontation. It can be short. It can even be quiet. And the goal
00:18:41.900 isn't to win. It's just a signal clearly that you noticed what that person was doing and it wasn't
00:18:47.940 okay. So for example, if somebody talks over you in a meeting, instead of letting it go or getting
00:18:54.500 heated, just look at them calmly and say something like, oh, actually I wasn't finished with my
00:19:00.780 thought and then keep going. That's it. You didn't call anybody out. You didn't make them
00:19:08.660 look foolish in front of everyone. You didn't cause a scene. You just held your ground. 0.85
00:19:15.320 Or if somebody makes a comment that is aimed and directed at you,
00:19:20.340 it might be something like, Hey, I just want to share something with you. That comment
00:19:25.740 landed a bit differently than I think you meant it. I know you probably didn't mean it that way,
00:19:30.780 but it's important for me to say something about it very simple again it's calm it's not accusatory
00:19:40.520 but it's honest and that's what builds respect from other people because that person is now
00:19:46.380 going to think twice before interrupting you or before making that comment it shows self-awareness
00:19:52.760 and the courage that it takes to be direct so think of one relationship maybe it's a
00:19:59.560 a coworker or it could, it could even be a client. Uh, or maybe it's, um, your wife.
00:20:11.440 So think of a relationship or a situation where you've been tolerating disrespect behavior that
00:20:17.520 bothers you and decide right now what you'd say. If it happens again, you don't need to bring it
00:20:21.980 up. Now, if it happened two months ago and your wife said something that bothered you bringing
00:20:26.560 it up now would be weird. But if it happens again, decide right now what you're going to say.
00:20:31.840 Something calm, something clear, something brief. Again, we're not going to over explain,
00:20:36.180 rehearse it in your head. And when that moment comes, you'll be ready.
00:20:42.100 So let me recap this before we wrap up today. If you want people to treat you better
00:20:46.700 and respect you more, here's the five starting points. Okay. So number one,
00:20:52.080 set clear boundaries and enforce them. Number two, stop over explaining and over apologizing.
00:21:00.700 Your decisions, they don't, they don't need a defense attorney. Okay. Like you don't need to
00:21:05.320 explain why you're doing everything unless an explanation is necessary, unless an apology
00:21:10.140 is necessary. But outside of that, we don't use those words. Point number three, raise your
00:21:14.760 standards for how you talk about yourself. People are going to follow your lead. Number four is to
00:21:20.700 be reliable follow through on what you say follow through on your commitments because that habits
00:21:27.780 builds a reputation that's really really hard to shake if you do that consistently and the last
00:21:33.860 point that i made is to address disrespect calmly and directly in the moment without drama
00:21:38.220 without fanfare and also without silence okay none of this is about becoming harder or colder
00:21:45.820 or a bad A or a tough guy, you can be warm and generous and kind and still be someone people
00:21:52.760 don't mess with. In fact, that's the goal. Because the most respected people that I personally know
00:22:00.680 are exactly that. They're kind. They're deeply kind. And they're also very clear about who they
00:22:06.740 are and what they stand for. So guys, that's it for today's conversation. If something here hit
00:22:12.880 home for you, I would humbly ask that you share it with someone who needs to hear it. You probably
00:22:19.780 have friends or family members in your life, men who maybe struggle with this. And if you've got
00:22:27.140 access to information that helps you or that you know would help them, then I think we have an
00:22:32.800 obligation to share that. And also if you haven't left a review yet, it means the world to me if
00:22:38.460 you would because it helps show more men that the work that we're doing and then the last thing is
00:22:46.980 please make sure as you're watching this on youtube drop your comments below let me know
00:22:51.480 maybe i missed something maybe i misspoke maybe you don't agree with one of the points that i
00:22:55.340 made or maybe you have some other ideas if you do for commanding respect and getting people to stop
00:23:00.060 disrespecting you drop it in the comments if you're not on youtube on our channel yet you can
00:23:05.120 go to youtube.com slash order of man.
00:23:10.320 All right, guys, I will be back next week.
00:23:12.700 Until then, go out there, take action,
00:23:14.800 and become the man you are meant to be.
00:23:16.800 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:23:19.740 You're ready to take charge of your life
00:23:21.360 and be more of the man you were meant to be?
00:23:23.700 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.