Order of Man - 6 Books Every Father Should Read

00:00:00.000 I have really struggled in a lot of ways with my daughter.

00:00:02.860 And that's why I, about six months ago, picked up a copy of this book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.

00:00:08.820 In it, Meg Meeker talks about the importance of a male role model in a young woman's life.

00:00:15.060 A stable, centralized, emotionally intelligent, rational, level-headed, kind, disciplined male role model in the life of a young lady, a young girl,

00:00:26.220 is crucial to their development and sense of self-worth.

00:00:32.780 Gentlemen, you know how important fatherhood is.

00:00:35.280 Whether you grew up as a young boy with an engaged, present, loving, committed, disciplined father, or the complete opposite.

00:00:44.420 Maybe your father was not physically around, or maybe he was, and he was verbally or emotionally or even physically abusive.

00:00:51.740 Regardless, whether you had a present, loving father in your life or not,

00:00:56.820 I think it's safe to say that all of us understand the importance of having that type of father in our lives.

00:01:02.460 A father who's engaged, who loves his children, who works hard on himself,

00:01:06.820 who stands as a beacon and a pillar of an example to his young boys and girls.

00:01:13.300 I know I'm a little bit late in getting this one to you for Father's Day.

00:01:16.740 That was last weekend.

00:01:17.740 I've been pretty busy with some traveling with my oldest son.

00:01:21.920 This is becoming a family tradition each summer where we spend a week on the island of Molokai

00:01:28.520 hunting together Axis deer and goats and everything else that we can hunt and feed our families with.

00:01:36.820 In fact, a couple of years ago, speaking of Father's Day,

00:01:40.380 I almost died hunting goats on the big island in Hawaii in front of my son.

00:01:46.700 It was on Father's Day, and I had made a miscalculation, we'll say, and was very close to my death.

00:01:55.800 And I'm not exaggerating, and that is not hyperbole.

00:01:59.480 But we made it through, and here I am.

00:02:02.060 And as of the release of this podcast, hopefully I'm back from Hawaii with my son after a successful hunt.

00:02:08.040 But it got me thinking a lot about how important the role as fathers that we play in the lives of our children.

00:02:16.500 Our boys ultimately look to us as an example of the kind of men they're going to become.

00:02:22.220 And our daughters ultimately look not only to us as an example of the type of people they will become,

00:02:27.240 but also the type of men that at some point they will partner with

00:02:31.700 and hopefully build a long-term, committed, loving relationship where they can build their own family together.

00:02:39.520 And on the back of Father's Day, let me first say this.

00:02:42.520 Happy Father's Day to all of you who are fathers and you're doing the work.

00:02:46.380 I know it's difficult. I know it's thankless many times.

00:02:49.740 I know there's a lot of sleepless nights.

00:02:51.120 If you have a newborn, you know that.

00:02:53.100 Even if you have, as I do, a 17-year-old who's getting ready to branch out on his own and take on the world,

00:03:00.040 that's a new concern for me.

00:03:01.920 Maybe you're an empty nester, but you still think about your sons and daughters

00:03:05.180 and what they might be experiencing.

00:03:07.260 So I just want to say happy Father's Day.

00:03:09.100 I know I'm a week late, but I was busy doing fatherly things.

00:03:13.220 So today I thought, in honor of Father's Day, I would share with you five book,

00:03:16.560 actually I think I have six, six book recommendations

00:03:18.960 that I believe every father ought to read, embrace, know, understand, and implement

00:03:25.660 in his life and for the betterment of his children.

00:03:28.920 So let's get right to it.

00:03:29.740 Number one is The Boy Crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell.

00:03:34.920 Unfortunately, we live in a culture and a society that is stacked against our young men.

00:03:41.800 And when I started this movement 10 years ago, I would say things like that.

00:03:45.320 And it was amazing to me how many people would mock and ridicule and criticize

00:03:49.980 and overlook and diminish what I was saying.

00:03:54.100 But I don't think it's a question anymore.

00:03:56.740 At least I hope it's not.

00:03:58.400 The school system, academia, the medical community, entertainment, the government,

00:04:03.600 all of these institutions are quite literally stacked against the betterment of our young men.

00:04:07.680 And in that book, Dr. Warren Farrell makes the case that there is a crisis for young men

00:04:13.260 in the halls of academia, specifically, and why our institutions and how exactly they are failing

00:04:22.440 our young boys.

00:04:24.260 We see failing metrics from incarceration rates, drug use, suicide, depression, anxiety,

00:04:33.420 even grades are slipping behind, engaged in families, engaged in relationships.

00:04:39.100 Men are just falling behind.

00:04:41.240 And he talks about specifically what the problems are and what we might be able to do as fathers

00:04:46.260 to not only help our sons, but help our community.

00:04:51.380 And I do believe we have a responsibility to do that.

00:04:54.160 If we can first take care of ourselves, second, take care of our families,

00:04:57.360 third, start to branch out and take care of other people,

00:05:00.040 then we have a responsibility to do that.

00:05:01.580 So if you want to know the root of the issues that we're dealing with in this country,

00:05:05.700 specifically regarding the struggling and horrendous metrics for our young men,

00:05:12.620 The Boy Crisis is a very, very great read.

00:05:15.500 And I've had Dr. Warren Farrell on the podcast twice now.

00:05:18.240 So if you want to just catch the hour-long synopsis,

00:05:20.980 you can type in Order of Man Warren Farrell in the search,

00:05:24.800 wherever you listen to podcasts, and you'll find it.

00:05:27.440 So The Boy Crisis is number one.

00:05:29.260 Number two is a book called Iron John.

00:05:31.580 By Robert Bly.

00:05:32.960 This is a little bit of poetry, a little bit of fiction.

00:05:36.800 It's a very good book.

00:05:37.980 It's a very interesting read.

00:05:39.240 But he makes the case in that book that men are, or young boys,

00:05:44.240 are designed to at some point separate from their mothers.

00:05:49.920 And in the book, he introduces a character that I believe he calls the wild man.

00:05:53.800 And the wild man is this hairy creature that introduces this young boy to who he is by nature

00:06:01.080 and helps him recognize and acknowledge that he's no longer an innocent little child

00:06:05.600 that should cling to his mother but should embrace risk and challenge and adventure

00:06:10.220 and at some point separate from the mother.

00:06:12.620 And I know the ladies who listen, and there are quite a few, quite a few single mothers, in fact,

00:06:17.640 who listen to this podcast might think to themselves or might act as if they don't want to let their young boys grow up.

00:06:25.100 But I can see why it would be uncomfortable.

00:06:27.620 I can see why that would be a challenging thing for you.

00:06:31.020 Maybe even more so than your male counterparts, his father or stepfather or other uncles and grandparents,

00:06:36.960 grandfathers in his life.

00:06:38.420 But we've got to let our boys grow up.

00:06:41.280 And we've got to let them embrace what it means to be a quote-unquote wild man

00:06:46.000 within contained and controlled environments for the better outcome of themselves and for other people.

00:06:51.140 So I love this book.

00:06:52.980 It's called, again, Iron John by Robert Bly.

00:06:57.100 And I think it's entertaining, it's informative,

00:07:00.520 and it really underscores the importance of boys separating from their mothers

00:07:04.880 and stepping into the quote-unquote wild man that they have within them.

00:07:10.140 Number three, one of my favorite books of all time, in fact, very, very instrumental

00:07:14.600 in the early formation of this movement,

00:07:17.520 is a book called Wild at Heart by John Eldridge.

00:07:21.940 I had John on the podcast two or three months ago at this point,

00:07:25.860 and what an honor it was to be able to sit down face-to-face with John

00:07:29.760 and tell him thank you for being so instrumental in creating the movement

00:07:35.220 that we now call Order of Men,

00:07:37.260 with, of course, the Protect, Provide, Preside mission and motto.

00:07:41.380 In the book, again, very similar thread line,

00:07:44.200 he makes the case that men are designed to step away from their mothers,

00:07:50.200 designed to step away from the feminine,

00:07:52.180 and step into a wild sort of life.

00:07:55.240 One of my favorite quotes of all time is,

00:07:57.120 deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight,

00:08:00.500 an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.

00:08:03.440 And in this book, John makes the case that we as men ought to embrace those things,

00:08:07.400 a battle to fight, an adventure, and a beauty to rescue.

00:08:10.460 He also talks about the importance of embracing the wild nature of ourselves

00:08:17.480 and how we can get into nature, how we can get into the world,

00:08:21.100 we can learn about who we are, we can separate from our mothers,

00:08:25.080 we can embrace fully who we are as men.

00:08:29.160 And I think if I were to give a quick synopsis

00:08:32.680 or even just one sentence overview of what this book is,

00:08:36.700 he makes the case that men are constantly asking themselves,

00:08:41.440 consciously or subconsciously,

00:08:43.440 do I have what it takes?

00:08:46.440 Do I have what it takes?

00:08:48.240 That's what all men are trying to answer.

00:08:51.060 And if you have young boys,

00:08:52.520 whether you're a father or you're a mother,

00:08:54.780 you need to help them with activities, encounters, experiences,

00:09:01.460 that help them formulate the answer in the affirmative,

00:09:05.120 that yes, they do indeed have what it takes.

00:09:07.720 Not always comfortable, not always easy,

00:09:10.060 but worth it if we want to see our young men develop.

00:09:13.320 Number four, this one is for the girl dads.

00:09:16.240 It's called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker.

00:09:20.700 I have three boys and one daughter.

00:09:24.940 I'm not going to say I'm great with my sons.

00:09:27.200 I think that would be an overstatement,

00:09:28.640 but I'm better with my sons than I am with my daughter.

00:09:31.720 And the reason is, is because I understand boys.

00:09:34.480 I understand the nature of boys.

00:09:36.600 I get what young men are doing.

00:09:38.600 Obviously, I've been in their shoes.

00:09:40.840 I know what it's like to have all those hormones

00:09:42.740 coursing through your veins.

00:09:44.820 And you're worried about girls and competing

00:09:47.900 and fighting and posturing and taking risks

00:09:50.700 and gaining independence as a young boy.

00:09:53.580 I don't know the same thing about young women.

00:09:56.020 And to be blunt as I can,

00:09:58.880 I have really struggled in a lot of ways with my daughter.

00:10:01.720 And that's why I, about six months ago,

00:10:03.940 picked up a copy of this book,

00:10:05.500 Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.

00:10:07.700 In it, Meg Meeker talks about the importance

00:10:10.600 of a male role model in a young woman's life.

00:10:14.280 In fact, I think in The Boy Crisis,

00:10:17.120 Dr. Warren Farrell talks about this too,

00:10:18.940 that a stable, centralized, emotionally intelligent,

00:10:25.400 rational, level-headed, kind, disciplined male role model

00:10:29.240 in the life of a young lady, a young girl,

00:10:31.860 is crucial to their development and sense of self-worth.

00:10:36.460 So if you have young daughters

00:10:38.480 and you're wondering how you can connect with them,

00:10:41.260 but still maintain your masculine frame

00:10:43.680 and love on your daughters

00:10:45.780 the way you ought to love on them as a man,

00:10:48.980 this is a great book.

00:10:50.300 She's not making the case

00:10:51.700 that you need to be more feminine

00:10:52.880 or you need to be more soft

00:10:54.880 or you need to act out of character

00:10:56.600 based on who you are as a man,

00:10:58.320 but how we embrace our masculine characteristics

00:11:01.020 in order to lead, guide, instruct, coach,

00:11:04.600 and ultimately serve our daughters.

00:11:07.200 That one's called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

00:11:09.460 by Meg Meeker.

00:11:10.700 I have two more here for you guys.

00:11:12.800 The next one, I think this is number five,

00:11:14.800 is Men's Work by Connor Beaton.

00:11:17.320 Connor is a deep thinker.

00:11:20.340 He's trained with psychology and therapy

00:11:24.480 and he understands a lot of what I fail to understand

00:11:28.780 as a man.

00:11:30.160 I'm an intuitive person by nature.

00:11:32.560 I feel like if it's something I should do,

00:11:34.820 then I ought to go do it.

00:11:35.820 And I think where Connor and I might differentiate

00:11:37.860 a little bit more is he's a deeper thinker.

00:11:39.700 And in his book, Men's Work,

00:11:42.180 he talks about integrating the shadow.

00:11:45.120 If you're familiar with shadow work

00:11:47.020 and the concepts by people like Carl Jung,

00:11:50.520 you might have a little bit of a glimpse

00:11:52.040 into what Connor talks about in the book, Men's Work.

00:11:55.740 How do we embrace who we truly are?

00:11:58.200 How do we embrace the challenging sides

00:12:01.040 or even the darker emotions that we may experience?

00:12:05.660 And what I like about the work that he's doing

00:12:07.480 is he's talking about how to regulate our emotions.

00:12:11.600 And as fathers, that's crucial that we do.

00:12:14.460 I have four kids.

00:12:15.500 I get frustrated.

00:12:16.400 I get angry.

00:12:17.120 I get short.

00:12:17.760 I get agitated all the time with my children.

00:12:20.600 And the difference between successful fathers

00:12:22.620 and I think unsuccessful fathers

00:12:24.900 is the men who learn how to regulate their emotions

00:12:28.520 and show up in a very powerful way for themselves

00:12:31.660 and for the people that they love.

00:12:33.720 So if you're looking for a book

00:12:34.820 on how to regulate yourself,

00:12:36.620 how to understand the nature of masculinity and manliness,

00:12:40.100 how to wrestle with the darker nature

00:12:41.960 at times of ourselves and integrate that,

00:12:44.920 not stuff it down, not eliminate it,

00:12:46.660 not avoid it,

00:12:47.340 and certainly not pretend as if it doesn't exist,

00:12:49.700 but to embrace who we are as men,

00:12:53.120 integrate it into the way that we show up

00:12:55.400 and show up powerfully as masculine, manly role models

00:12:59.960 for the people that we love and we care about.

00:13:03.060 And the last one, and of course, this is a bit biased,

00:13:05.960 I would highly encourage you guys,

00:13:07.420 if you have not yet read a copy of my book,

00:13:09.760 Sovereignty, The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men,

00:13:12.700 I think that's crucial.

00:13:14.440 I would not have wrote it

00:13:15.340 if I didn't think that was the case.

00:13:17.280 There is a battle for your heart

00:13:19.300 and your mind and your soul.

00:13:21.860 And academia, as I mentioned earlier,

00:13:23.700 medical institutions and the government

00:13:25.960 would love nothing more than for you to be weak,

00:13:28.780 pathetic, cowardly, lazy,

00:13:30.720 and a sack of crap,

00:13:33.480 if I'm being blunt as I can be.

00:13:35.620 Because you are easier to control

00:13:37.560 when you are behaving that way.

00:13:39.720 If you want to lead your wife,

00:13:42.000 if you want to lead your children,

00:13:44.040 it is a prerequisite that you have sovereignty,

00:13:46.940 that you have liberty over your own life,

00:13:49.800 that you can lead yourself,

00:13:51.700 that you can overcome temptation,

00:13:54.060 that you can figure out how to serve

00:13:55.420 not only yourself, but other people.

00:13:57.600 And in the book, I make the case

00:13:59.060 that sovereignty is probably the biggest battle

00:14:01.780 that we as men will ever face,

00:14:03.780 but the one that's going to move the needle the most.

00:14:06.460 When a father, a patriarch,

00:14:08.480 is in his home,

00:14:09.840 and he's leading righteously,

00:14:11.680 and he's leading in his masculinity,

00:14:13.480 and he's leaning into who he is as a man,

00:14:15.740 and he's serving his wife and his kids,

00:14:18.080 we become unstoppable.

00:14:19.460 And if thousands, hundreds of thousands,

00:14:23.360 millions, and even billions of people,

00:14:25.480 men around the planet,

00:14:27.100 embrace the idea of sovereignty in their own lives,

00:14:29.680 and then turn around and serve those they love,

00:14:32.080 mainly to their children,

00:14:33.360 the world will be a completely different place.

00:14:36.520 So I tried to give you a broad array.

00:14:39.740 It's not all on parenting, per se,

00:14:42.180 but these six books that I shared with you

00:14:44.540 will not only help you become a better man,

00:14:46.720 but they will help you become a better father.

00:14:49.800 Now, I don't want you to read 17 books.

00:14:51.980 I don't even know if I'm even suggesting at this point

00:14:54.100 that you read all six for the rest of the year,

00:14:56.320 because more important to me

00:14:58.100 is not how many books you read,

00:14:59.740 but how much you're implementing.

00:15:01.720 So if you pick two books out of this,

00:15:03.940 maybe you read a book a month,

00:15:05.700 maybe you read one per quarter.

00:15:07.880 We've got two more quarters,

00:15:08.980 so you read two of these books,

00:15:10.320 and you implement everything that you can

00:15:12.660 from those books,

00:15:13.460 you'll be better off than if you didn't.

00:15:15.520 So again, the books are

00:15:16.860 The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell,

00:15:19.380 Iron John by Robert Bly,

00:15:21.740 Wild at Heart by John Eldridge,

00:15:23.860 Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker,

00:15:28.100 Men's Work by Connor Beaton,

00:15:30.160 and of course, Sovereignty by me, Ryan Mickler.

00:15:33.220 Those are the six books that I would recommend

00:15:35.400 on the tail end of Father's Day.

00:15:38.400 I know I missed it last week.

00:15:39.940 I'm actually recording this episode before Father's Day

00:15:42.460 because we've got our trip coming up,

00:15:45.180 and I will be unavailable for the next week

00:15:47.700 as I spend time with my oldest son.

00:15:49.680 And unfortunately, and fortunately,

00:15:53.200 I don't have many of these left.

00:15:55.160 This might be the last one I have with my son

00:15:57.420 before he moves out.

00:15:58.680 I might have one more next year,

00:16:00.240 but it's coming quick,

00:16:01.420 and it's poignant that we're talking about

00:16:03.860 the importance of being good fathers,

00:16:06.380 whether they're leaving,

00:16:07.600 whether you're having newborns,

00:16:09.440 or maybe you're becoming an empty nester.

00:16:12.860 Crucial that we learn how to step up

00:16:14.620 as men and as fathers.

00:16:16.380 So let me know.

00:16:17.020 If there's other books that you would like

00:16:18.580 to add to this list, please let me know.

00:16:21.220 There's a great resource that we just made available.

00:16:23.640 It's our bookshelf.

00:16:24.560 If you go to orderofman.com bookshelf,

00:16:28.040 all of these books are on that list.

00:16:30.680 You're going to get 20 to 25 books

00:16:32.600 that every man ought to read

00:16:34.240 in the subjects of philosophy, masculinity,

00:16:39.100 philosophy, I think I already said philosophy,

00:16:41.420 fatherhood, et cetera.

00:16:43.080 So if you go to orderofman.com bookshelf,

00:16:45.200 you'll get those 25 books,

00:16:46.440 including the books that I'm currently reading

00:16:48.280 as of right now.

00:16:50.460 One other resource,

00:16:51.340 if you want to go deep into any of these subjects,

00:16:53.520 fatherhood, or the boy crisis,

00:16:56.940 or how to integrate your shadow work,

00:16:59.120 or free yourself and become more wild by nature

00:17:03.120 in a constructive way,

00:17:04.900 then join our exclusive brotherhood,

00:17:06.840 the Iron Council.

00:17:07.840 It's open for enrollment until the end of June.

00:17:11.020 You can do that at orderofman.com

00:17:12.880 slash ironcouncil.

00:17:14.580 All right, guys, again, a little late, I know,

00:17:18.160 but I want to wish those of you who are fathers

00:17:19.940 or soon-to-be fathers a happy Father's Day.

00:17:22.680 You are doing good work.

00:17:24.400 You are doing much-needed work.

00:17:26.420 The world would not operate without you.

00:17:29.220 I know there's a common push out there

00:17:31.780 to say that maybe men aren't needed.

00:17:33.840 That is the furthest thing from the truth.

00:17:35.760 You are needed.

00:17:37.080 You are appreciated.

00:17:38.700 And you are making a difference.

00:17:41.780 All right, guys, we will be back next week

00:17:44.200 for another interview.

00:17:45.160 Until then, go out there, take action,

00:17:47.180 be a good and strong, capable father,

00:17:49.680 and become the man you are meant to be.

00:17:55.340 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:17:58.320 If you're ready to take charge of your life

00:17:59.940 and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:18:02.000 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 20, 2025

6 Books Every Father Should Read ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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