Order of Man - 8 Differences Between Chasing a Woman and Pursuing Her

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Brian Michler,

00:00:27.540 and I am the host and founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man. As

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00:03:25.120 of announcements. What I want to talk with you about today is eight key differentiating facts between

00:03:32.540 or factors, I should say, between chasing a woman and pursuing a woman. Uh, had made a post, uh, about

00:03:40.580 three or four days ago on Instagram. And I said that a man should never chase whether it's clients

00:03:46.840 or employment or women that men should not chase. And about 80% of the people who read that post

00:03:52.960 understood what I was talking about. There was 20% of the people who read that post and had no idea

00:03:58.560 and completely misinterpreted and misconstrued what I was talking about. Because when I'm talking about

00:04:03.080 chasing and pursuing and the difference between the two, uh, I'm talking about a healthy pursuit of

00:04:09.620 the things that you desire. I learned a long time ago that the more that a man chases, whether it's

00:04:16.300 employment or chasing clients or chasing women, the more inclined those individuals that he's quote unquote

00:04:22.400 chasing are interested in, in, in, in running and turning the other direction. So I'm not talking

00:04:29.380 about when I say chase healthily pursuing the things that you desire, you should be doing that.

00:04:35.080 In fact, I believe that a mature man does that. He knows exactly what he wants. He articulates it to

00:04:41.500 himself. He understands it himself and he articulates it to the people who he's interested in pursuing.

00:04:46.940 And then he goes after that thing. He works for those things. Uh, I think it's very immature on the

00:04:51.760 other hand to chase and be at a woman's beck and call and, and make yourself subservient to other

00:04:57.880 individuals and, and, and throw yourself at other people, whether they want you or not. It's not

00:05:03.000 healthy. Uh, it's not good for you. It's not conducive to a healthy relationship. And so I really

00:05:08.820 wanted to take some time today and talk with you about the distinctions between chasing and pursuing.

00:05:14.080 Uh, so there wouldn't be as much misunderstanding. And I know a lot of guys might think that maybe we're

00:05:20.200 just talking semantics here and maybe we are, maybe these words are interchangeable, but what I really

00:05:24.960 want to do is help you determine and see the difference between the two. It's not so much the words,

00:05:29.480 it's the meaning and the ideas behind the two. And then you can use whatever word you want. But my goal

00:05:34.160 is to give you a healthy perspective into how to do this thing. I learned a long time ago, like I said

00:05:40.280 earlier, uh, when I was starting my financial planning practice, that the more that I pursued and

00:05:44.680 chased, let me back up. The more that I chased individuals, potential clients, the more they ran

00:05:50.260 because it's human nature. It's human nature to not be as attracted to the things that we can easily

00:05:56.800 have. It's the things that we can't easily have the things that we need to work for and towards

00:06:01.800 that are more attractive to us. So that's why specifically in the context of women, uh, women,

00:06:07.620 it seems like have a tendency to be more interested in the quote unquote bad boys, not the nice guys.

00:06:15.640 Why is that? Well, the nice guys are always around. They're like a lost little puppy with

00:06:19.880 their tail between their legs, hoping to get padded occasionally by a girlfriend or a potential

00:06:24.960 girlfriend. And although it might be flattering at first to a woman, she's going to bore and get tired

00:06:30.540 of that very, very quickly because she can so easily have you. And, and there's no mystery.

00:06:35.860 There's no effort on her part. And therefore she doesn't really want you. And you get discarded

00:06:41.000 very, very quickly. A bad boy on the other hand is somebody who has maintained some element of

00:06:48.840 mystery and allure and intrigue and curiosity. And so a woman, when she finds this bad boy has to

00:06:56.620 actually work towards having this, this guy that she's after. And I'm not saying that you need to

00:07:02.720 move to the opposite end of the spectrum and can be a complete a-hole and a jerk, uh, and dismissive

00:07:08.760 and treat her like a garbage. Not saying that I'm saying we as mature, healthy males, men take a page

00:07:18.080 from the bad boy playbook and incorporate it into our own life. Now, a lot of what I'm going to talk

00:07:23.860 about is going to apply to clients and employees or employers as well. Uh, but specifically I'm talking

00:07:29.340 about the context of, uh, women and again, the differentiating factors between, uh, pursuing a woman

00:07:36.180 and chasing woman. And I've written eight things down here. I've got my notepad here. And, uh, I

00:07:41.720 thought a lot about what I wanted to share with you today. So we're going to talk about the

00:07:44.600 differentiating factors between chasing and pursuing immature and mature. So here we go. These aren't in

00:07:51.500 any particular order, but, uh, you'll see that all of them are important. Number one, when it comes to,

00:07:57.740 uh, your desire for a woman, uh, uh, a man who chases has not clearly articulated and or set up

00:08:07.620 the boundaries. In fact, there are no boundaries. And because there are no boundaries, he allows

00:08:12.760 himself to get pushed on, stepped on, stepped over, beat up. It's actually quite pathetic. Now you may

00:08:21.340 have fallen into this trap. I know I certainly have. You can definitely, definitely recommend or,

00:08:26.520 or recognize when other men have fallen into this trap and they're walking around like little puppy

00:08:32.600 dogs, like little lap dogs. And, and they do everything at the, at the drop of a hat for a

00:08:37.840 woman. Uh, it's not healthy. It's doesn't look good. The optics of course, aren't there. And also it's

00:08:44.620 not conducive. Like I said earlier to a healthy relationship, having no boundaries in place,

00:08:50.140 although it might seem like a good idea because that's what you're supposed to do is supposed to

00:08:54.360 serve her. And you are, uh, if there's no boundaries for your service and for your attention and your

00:09:00.820 energy, again, that's not conducive to a healthy relationship. On the other hand, a healthy approach,

00:09:06.340 more of the pursuit approach is healthy, well-established boundaries that you know,

00:09:13.600 what you stand for, that you know, what you don't, that you're always there. You're not so always

00:09:17.260 readily available when she says, or has a request or ask for something that it isn't always. Yes.

00:09:22.380 Or that you'll drop everything else that you're doing. It's, it's, it's establishing what those

00:09:27.780 boundaries are. It's maintaining relationships with friends. It's continuing to pursue hobbies

00:09:32.180 that are important to you, making her a part of your life, but not all of it. Uh, you've got to have

00:09:39.340 those boundaries in place. You've got to learn to say no. And it's difficult, especially in a new

00:09:43.800 relationship to say no, but the better that you get at that, the longer the relationship is going to

00:09:48.620 last, the more connected you guys are going to be, you're going to maintain some element of,

00:09:53.240 of mystery and intrigue and fascination when you aren't so readily available. And it's a much more

00:09:58.640 effective way to develop a relationship with, with a partner. So number one, no boundaries for chasing

00:10:05.540 healthy, well-established boundaries for, uh, pursuing. Number two is that when a, um, a man is

00:10:14.280 chasing a woman, uh, he makes his woman the center of his universe. So she is the, the God, right?

00:10:23.840 She, or the goddess, right? Everything revolves around her. And if she needs something, you drop

00:10:29.420 it. If she makes a request, you absolutely do it. Uh, if there's some sort of, uh, thing that you need

00:10:35.540 to do to take care of yourself, but it can, uh, conflicts with what she needs, then your stuff

00:10:39.620 automatically gets pushed on the back burner and you worship her above all else wrong way to go

00:10:45.380 about doing it. Guys, a pursuit of a woman on the other hand is making yourself the center of your

00:10:50.700 universe. I know that sounds selfish. I know that sounds conceited. Uh, I know that guys are going

00:10:55.940 to hear that and they're going to think that I'm talking about being selfish. I'm not maybe to a

00:11:01.840 degree. I'm not talking about taking it to the extreme. I'm talking about learning to take care of

00:11:06.200 yourself more effectively so that you can more adequately serve her or serve your clients or

00:11:11.160 your children or the neighbors that you have, or maybe it's some sort of ecclesiastical service,

00:11:16.300 uh, or a community service or charitable organization that you belong to. But you are

00:11:20.760 the center of your universe. You are the center of your universe. So the more that you can take care

00:11:25.100 of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, then the more capable you are of taking care of her.

00:11:30.320 So I think the boundaries thing and the, and the, uh, the center of the universe thing go hand in

00:11:34.920 hand, uh, a man who has made a woman, the center of the universe has no effective boundaries.

00:11:40.560 A man on the other hand, that has made himself the center of the universe and does it with the

00:11:44.860 right motive and intention of serving other individuals can establish these boundaries

00:11:49.380 that will keep the relationship in check and keep it thriving. And we've all heard the term

00:11:54.520 absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is what I'm talking about. I'm not saying not be present.

00:11:59.480 I'm saying you don't have to be so readily available. And of course the heart will grow fonder.

00:12:03.880 Number three, a man who is chasing a woman, uh, has zero responsibility. In fact, he's shifted

00:12:11.460 responsibility. He says that in order to be happy, then I need to serve her, uh, in order to have what

00:12:19.160 it is I want this woman, for example, then she needs to, uh, make me feel good or make me feel

00:12:26.680 special. And she needs to do these types of things. And if she does that, then I'll be happy.

00:12:32.560 Now a more mature, appropriate way to handle this is pursuit of a woman, which is taking

00:12:38.280 ultimate responsibility, which is that if you want certain things in a relationship,

00:12:42.680 then it means that you're willing to improve upon yourself. Some of that might include her.

00:12:48.140 And frankly, some of it might not. When I go work out or I go to jujitsu, my wife doesn't come with

00:12:54.480 me. Can she? Sure. Has she? Yes. Will she in the future? Probably at sometimes, but there's

00:13:01.440 things that I do for myself and I take ultimate responsibility, not of the relationship, not of

00:13:07.960 her. That's an unhealthy, uh, way to go about the relationship. I'm talking about taking ultimate

00:13:14.920 responsibility for myself and the things within my control. I can't control my wife. You can't

00:13:20.380 control your girlfriend. You can't control the woman that you're after. And yet so many guys try to

00:13:24.920 do this. They try to control so that they limit the pursuit or the chase, I should say. And it ends

00:13:31.140 up coming back to bite them in the butt. Instead, learn to take ultimate responsibility and focus on

00:13:36.500 yourself. And the more that you take responsibility for the things within your control, your mental

00:13:41.380 health, your emotional health, your stability, your wellbeing, your physical health, the better off

00:13:45.640 you're going to be. Take responsibility for your life. Be mature, be a man, and know that if you do,

00:13:51.660 it's much more likely that she's going to be interested in you because you become attractive.

00:13:59.380 So guess what? Rather than chasing her around, now you flip the script. And now because you've

00:14:05.540 taken ultimate responsibility for your life and you've done what you need to do for yourself,

00:14:09.380 now she's interested in you and potentially chasing and or pursuing you, which is what you want it to

00:14:15.720 be, not the other way around. Uh, this also ties in line with number four, which is that chasing,

00:14:21.500 chasing a woman means you're looking for external validation. Chasing a woman means that you're

00:14:27.480 looking for external validation. You are hoping that she responds to your chase. And if she does

00:14:34.440 respond how you want her to respond, again, we're talking about responsibility. If she responds the way

00:14:39.640 that you want her to respond, uh, then you're validated. Then you know, you're the man, or you know

00:14:45.980 how good you are and you feel good about yourself because she's responded. Now I'm not going to lie.

00:14:50.860 I'm, I'm not above that. I don't think the most mature, healthy men in the world are above feeling

00:14:55.980 good when they are accepted by another human being, whether it's a romantic relationship or pursuit or

00:15:01.600 a business endeavor. I mean, we feel good and validated when people say yes, of course, but

00:15:08.120 what you ought to be thinking about is not how you can be validated by her,

00:15:14.880 but how you can be validated by yourself. And this comes in, in line with what I had just talked

00:15:21.240 about, which is ultimate responsibility is that you need to learn what makes you happy outside of

00:15:26.820 what anything else externally is going on, whether she's accepting you or not. Can you be satisfied

00:15:33.840 with your level of care and attention for yourself? Can you be satisfied with your pursuit towards

00:15:38.800 mastery with regards to activities and hobbies and endeavors that you enjoy? Are you reading?

00:15:45.400 Are you going into the gym? Are you pursuing other things outside of her? And are you getting better

00:15:50.840 at those things? Are you becoming a master? Uh, Jack Donovan talks about one of the four tactical of

00:15:56.600 your virtues is being mastery. And that's what we want. We want to become masterful. And in order to do

00:16:04.240 that, we need to do the work required to validate ourselves. And here's the cool thing about this.

00:16:10.600 When you learn to validate yourself and you have that internal confidence, cause you're doing it for

00:16:15.860 yourself. There's something intriguing about you. There's something fascinating about you. This is why

00:16:21.080 when you see a man and guess what men respond to this as well. You see a man, a man walk into a room.

00:16:26.960 Maybe it's a business setting. You can look at that guy and say, you know what? There's just something

00:16:31.140 about that guy. Prime example, Jocko Willink. I've had the opportunity to sit down with him on

00:16:35.620 multiple occasions. We've become friends and we've done some activities and things like that together.

00:16:39.980 When an individual like him or Andy Frisilla, uh, walk into the room, he commands presence and

00:16:47.380 attention. Why not? Because he's requesting it. He he's commanded it. It's because he's worked so hard

00:16:55.560 on himself that that level of confidence and clarity and focus and internal validation can't

00:17:03.200 help, but be felt and experienced by other individuals around you. So go to work on yourself,

00:17:08.480 take ultimate responsibility, center yourself as the center of your universe and, and strive for that

00:17:15.980 internal validation. You will be more attractive when you do that. So that's number four, number five.

00:17:22.840 This is a big one. Cause I had a lot of women come back to me when I made this post. And that was

00:17:28.340 funny is that women, they, they were the ones I think primarily who disagreed with me, which is

00:17:34.540 because they, they took this wrong and maybe they like to be chased because they don't have to do

00:17:38.500 any work. And I'm not saying all women are like that, but I think that's human nature is that a man

00:17:44.100 when he's chasing, he begs for things. He begs for attention. He begs for resources. He begs for

00:17:49.880 her time. He begs for a look. He begs for a kiss. He begs for sex. He begs for things and it's

00:17:55.080 pathetic. It's desperate and it's pathetic. He hasn't earned those things. And he thinks that he

00:18:00.740 has a right to those things. And because he doesn't have those, he's not externally validated.

00:18:04.520 And then he begs her to come back or he begs her to give him a kiss or to, to sleep with him. And

00:18:12.880 it's, it's sad. It's sad and it doesn't work. And it, it just, it looks bad and it feels bad.

00:18:20.940 I mean, we've all had to be in that position. I'm sure where we've begged for things and we've

00:18:24.540 acted out of desperation. It's not right. It's not good. On the other hand, if a man's pursuing a

00:18:30.440 woman, he doesn't beg for the things that he wants. He articulates it. He's not afraid to talk about it

00:18:36.600 because certainly I think it should be brought up. We talk a lot about communication. If you're not

00:18:40.600 communicating with another individual, what you want. Okay. Well, that's a problem. If you see an

00:18:44.480 attractive woman at the office, for example, uh, or in your office complex or your apartment complex,

00:18:49.040 and you've wanted to ask her out and you just think that she's going to miraculously read between

00:18:52.900 the lines and, and ask you out, well, you got another thing coming. You have to articulate what

00:18:58.140 it is you want, not beg. So if you go to a woman and you say, Hey, you know, I, I, I really like to,

00:19:03.220 to take you out for, for dinner. Okay. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. That's pursuit.

00:19:07.840 That's showing interest. You should be doing those things.

00:19:10.600 If you're just sitting around, hoping she comes around, you're going to be sitting around for a

00:19:13.580 long time. Now she says no, or comes up with all sorts of excuses. That's it, man. No means no.

00:19:20.680 You know, maybe there's, maybe there's a little bit of a game there or a little bit of a pursuit

00:19:23.580 there, but cash, ultimately it's like, Hey, you know, if she's not interested, she's not interested.

00:19:28.020 There's millions and millions of other women in the universe. Uh, she is not the only woman around.

00:19:33.140 She is not the center of your universe. And because we talked about these other steps,

00:19:36.440 you're going to be okay. And you realize you're going to be okay. Now, on the other hand,

00:19:40.600 when you're pursuing a woman, you need to let her know, here's what I want. I want to go on a date

00:19:45.840 with you. I like you. I love you. Um, I'm attracted to you, whatever, whatever that looks like. Uh,

00:19:51.560 and here's what I want. I would like to date you. I would like to take you out. I mean,

00:19:55.940 you're going to be very clear about what you want and you're going to communicate that expectation.

00:20:00.180 And now the next step of this is you're going to work towards it. You're going to go to work on it,

00:20:05.340 not to pander to her, but you're going to go to work on it. So you can internally validate yourself,

00:20:11.460 which is the point I made earlier. And then you can start putting the plans in motion to have the

00:20:16.100 thing that you want. That's what men do. That's a mature approach to this thing is to know what you

00:20:21.040 want, articulate what you want, and then actually go out and do the work required to have the thing

00:20:26.580 that you're after. So no more begging, no more pandering, no more throwing ourselves at the feet

00:20:32.700 of women. Instead, articulate what it is you want. This is a two-way street. If she doesn't want it,

00:20:38.880 okay, well move on, move on. Don't be so readily available. Don't throw yourself at her.

00:20:44.900 Don't, don't beg her. It's, it's, it's sad. It doesn't work. And even if it does, it's only going

00:20:49.520 to work temporarily before she realizes you're a loser, you're weak, and she's not interested in you

00:20:54.160 anymore. Instead, articulate what you want, then actively go out and pursue it. I think that's

00:20:58.380 number five. I'm just making some notes here on my, uh, my trusty notepad. Uh, number six,

00:21:05.120 when you're chasing what you're doing with women is that you're always asking for permission.

00:21:10.160 Can I go do this? Can I have this? Can you give me this time? Can you give me this attention? Where

00:21:14.600 would you like to go to eat? Can, can we do this instead guys? And I've talked about this before

00:21:19.180 and people misunderstood this as well. We don't ask for permission. We don't ask for permission.

00:21:24.720 I don't ask my wife for permission to do things. There's a distinction here. I don't want you to

00:21:29.260 misunderstand. I'm not saying that you shouldn't include her in the decision-making process.

00:21:33.500 I'm not saying that you guys shouldn't collectively, if you're in a marriage or relationship,

00:21:37.140 for example, that you shouldn't collectively and mutually agree upon and decide upon things that

00:21:43.900 are going to impact both of you. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that a, a mature,

00:21:49.820 healthy man who wants a mature, healthy relationship is not going to ask for permission

00:21:56.580 all the time. Instead, when he's pursuing what he's going to be doing is he's going to be assertive.

00:22:01.700 He's going to be assertive in what he wants. He's going to take initiative towards what he wants.

00:22:06.800 Yes. He's going to articulate it like I made, uh, in 0.5, but he's also going to be assertive.

00:22:12.120 And sometimes he's going to make the decision, Hey, I made a decision and here's where we're

00:22:16.440 going to eat. I'm not even going to ask you. I'm not going to take your preferences into

00:22:19.700 consideration. Sure. But you know what? I think the majority of women want to be led.

00:22:25.320 They want to be led by somebody who's clear, somebody who's articulate, uh, articulate a man

00:22:31.100 who knows exactly what he wants and a man who takes the initiative to go out and get it.

00:22:35.400 So are you pursuing her or her? Are you, uh, making the arrangements? Are you taking the first

00:22:42.840 step towards being intimate? These are all things that you can do and all things that you should be

00:22:47.880 doing. If you're not doing that and you're asking for permission for her hand or, Hey, can I have a

00:22:53.340 kiss or, Hey, we'd like to do this. It's not going to work guys. It's not going to work. Of course,

00:22:57.780 be respectful. Please don't misunderstand me. No means no. I'm not telling you to be disrespectful,

00:23:02.740 especially when it comes to intimacy, but you know what? Sometimes you've got to be bold and

00:23:06.780 you've got to be courageous and you've got to take her in a way, uh, as long as she's on board

00:23:11.660 with it, throw that disclaimer out there. Uh, but you've, you've got to, you've got to assert

00:23:15.460 yourself and you've got to show some initiative. Uh, number seven, we've got a couple of more here

00:23:19.980 because I think I have eight. Yes. Eight. Uh, number seven is, and I wrote two notes down here.

00:23:25.220 If you're chasing, you're blinded by her. And the subtitle or the sub note I made on this is that

00:23:29.480 you're delusional. You're operating in a weird sort of delusional reality. Uh, and you overlook

00:23:35.600 red flags and guys, this one is huge. I see this so often in our Facebook group is that men continue

00:23:43.840 to overlook red flags because he's attracted to her because he's never had another girlfriend before

00:23:50.540 you can do all these other points to make sure you fix that situation. Um, because the sex is good.

00:23:56.960 Uh, there's all kinds of reasons that men will overlook red flags and, and they won't even,

00:24:02.320 they can't even recognize them. They can't even see them because they're so blinded and delusional

00:24:06.420 about reality or the first time they ever got a girl or the first time, uh, they, they ever had

00:24:11.060 somebody say, had somebody say yes to them. It's sad. Like don't overlook the red flags because the

00:24:16.880 worst thing that can happen in this situation, and this actually might happen is that, uh,

00:24:22.340 the relationship continues because she likes this subservient little whipping boy and you overlook

00:24:31.460 these red flags and you get married to this woman. And then five years, 10 years, you have two kids,

00:24:36.000 three kids, you've got a house, you've got other assets with her. And then all of a sudden, uh,

00:24:40.480 these red flags that you failed to address because you weren't behaving like a man come back to bite you

00:24:44.920 in the ass. And now all of a sudden you find yourself divorced. She's got your kids, which that's a

00:24:50.100 family court system. We can talk all about that another time. Uh, and you're pissed off because

00:24:55.920 she's going to battle with you or she's acting like a bitch or she's being unreasonable. Well,

00:25:00.860 shame on you. Shame on you. I already told you, you can't control other people. You can only control

00:25:06.740 yourself. And so if you're telling me that you're going to take somebody who's, uh, maybe mentally

00:25:11.540 unstable, and I'm not saying all women are like that, but if you're taking somebody like that and has

00:25:15.960 all sorts of little red flags that you've ignored because the sex is good or because you love

00:25:20.040 this woman, shame on you, not her. There's a, there's one of, I think it's one of a Aesop's

00:25:26.280 fables. Maybe not. Maybe it's just a story. Uh, this kid goes down to the river and he's going to

00:25:34.480 cross the river. And before he crosses the river, he sees a snake on the ground and the snake says,

00:25:40.020 Hey, will you pick me up? And will you take me across the river? I need to get across. And the kid

00:25:44.560 says, no, I'm not going to pick you up. You're going to bite me. And the snake says, no, no, no,

00:25:47.780 I'm not, I'm not going to bite you. I'm not going to bite you. I just need to get across the river.

00:25:51.620 Please help me. So the kid picks him up and he starts carrying him across the river. And the

00:25:56.980 snake turns to him and says, I'm cold. I'm really cold. Um, this water's cold and I'm getting wet.

00:26:01.820 Can you put me inside of your jacket? Just put me inside of your jacket. Keep me warm. We'll get

00:26:06.120 across the river and then I'll leave. You'll leave. And we'll both go our separate ways and everything

00:26:09.600 will be fine. And the kid says, no, no, no, I'm not going to do that. And the snake says, I'm not

00:26:12.800 going to bite you. I promise. I'm not going to bite you. So what does the kid do? He takes a snake,

00:26:16.780 puts him in the jet, puts him in the jacket and takes the kid or the snake across the river.

00:26:20.880 They get to the other side of the river and the kid reaches down in his jacket and the snake bites

00:26:24.880 him. And the kid looks down at the snake and says, why did you bite me? You said you weren't

00:26:30.660 going to bite me. I was doing you a favor. I ran you across this river. I did everything that I could

00:26:34.020 to help you. And you said you weren't going to bite me, but you bit me. And the snake says,

00:26:38.640 you knew what I was when you picked me up. And yet you picked me up. You put me inside of your

00:26:44.480 jacket. You carried me across the river. I'm a snake. Snakes bite. Guys, this is what happens

00:26:51.300 when you overlook red flags. You knew what she was when you attached yourself to her.

00:26:57.340 And yet you continued for whatever reason. And there's all sorts of reasons, but you continued

00:27:02.120 and you ended up getting bit. That's not the snake's fault. That's your fault. A mature man who's

00:27:08.900 pursuing a woman addresses red flags early. And I'm not saying he dumps her, throws her to the curb.

00:27:14.820 I'm saying that he addresses the red flags early by setting up boundaries, by being ultimately

00:27:19.700 responsible, uh, by taking, uh, uh, looking for internal validation by making yourself the center

00:27:25.880 of the universe, not her by doing everything else. You're addressing red flags early. You're

00:27:30.260 communicating these things. And you know what? If these red flags don't get addressed and don't get

00:27:34.080 fixed, you're gone. You're gone. Cause again, she's not the first woman. She's not going to be

00:27:40.580 the last woman. She's certainly not the only woman. So don't be picking up snakes and playing

00:27:45.000 with the snakes when you know exactly what they are. And again, disclaimer, I'm not saying all women

00:27:49.020 are snakes, but there's some, and they're out there and you know who they are because you know what

00:27:54.960 their behavior is. Do not overlook it. Address those things early. And the last one guys, uh, and all of

00:28:01.060 these have importance, but I think this one's critical is that, uh, a man who's chasing is

00:28:06.140 controlled by his emotions. He gets excited and he, and he, and he finds her intriguing and mysterious

00:28:12.440 and he loves her and he has all of these emotional attachments to her. And because of that, he's

00:28:16.780 blinded to everything else. He doesn't do anything else that I talked to you about today. He's following

00:28:22.000 around like a little puppy. And if she gives him a little pat on the head or gives him some

00:28:25.260 attention, he's wagging his tail. And he's so excited because he finally has a woman's attention

00:28:29.300 and what he does is he lets his emotions run wild. He lets his emotions do things that he normally

00:28:36.560 or otherwise wouldn't do. And it becomes a very, very real problem. On the other hand,

00:28:42.160 this is one distinction I talk a lot about. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be emotional.

00:28:47.040 Love is an emotion. Being intimately attracted to a woman is emotional. That's okay. I'm not saying

00:28:55.680 that a man isn't emotional. It's not what I'm saying at all. In fact, what I'm saying is that

00:28:59.260 a man is emotional, but when you're maturely pursuing a woman, it's that you understand

00:29:05.680 your emotions and then you check your emotions. You don't suppress them. It's not what I'm saying.

00:29:11.260 I'm saying that you understand what those emotions are telling you that I am interested,

00:29:16.620 that I am fascinated, that I would like to pursue this woman. And then you use that as a barometer,

00:29:22.800 a gauge for your plan of action, not to run reckless and not to be wild and crazy and not to

00:29:29.840 be stupid and overlook these red flags, but to address it properly, effectively to come up with

00:29:35.780 a plan and then to incorporate all the other seven differentiating factors that I talked with you

00:29:41.320 about today. Guys, your emotions are not bad. Even the ones that we would consider quote unquote

00:29:46.460 negative, they're not bad. Emotions are simply indicators that something's happening,

00:29:51.580 that you want to pursue or move towards something, or you want to disengage and move away from

00:29:55.940 something else entirely. A mature man who's pursuing a woman understands what those emotions are telling

00:30:01.160 him. And then he acts accordingly using intellect and reasoning, excuse me, and rationale to be able to

00:30:08.720 ultimately achieve what it is he's after, whether it's intimacy with a woman or a new promotion or

00:30:16.160 starting a new business or getting into the gym or whatever he's after. So ultimately, and here's what I

00:30:21.720 wrote on my little, my little notepad here. I've got them circled is that when you're chasing a woman,

00:30:27.580 it's because you're immature. That's what boys do. Boys chase tail. If you will, boys chase women,

00:30:36.640 mature, healthy men pursue the things they're after, including women. And those eight differentiating

00:30:43.800 factors are all underlined by whether you're being a mature male or whether you're being an immature

00:30:49.280 little boy. So let me break this down real quick. And then we'll call it a day. Number one, again,

00:30:54.100 we're going to talk about the difference in the factors between chasing and pursuing chasing a man

00:30:58.240 has no boundaries. Pursuit on the other hand is healthy, well-established boundaries. Number two,

00:31:03.480 chasing is making the woman the center of your universe. Pursuing is making yourself the center of

00:31:08.800 the universe. Number three, chasing means that you don't accept any responsibility that as long

00:31:14.040 as she does what she's supposed to do and pursues you or, or, or stops and lets you catch her, then

00:31:19.060 everything is good. Pursuit on the other hand is taking ultimate responsibility and focusing on

00:31:23.720 yourself and what you can control. Number four, chasing, looking for her validation, external

00:31:29.340 validation. Pursuit on the other hand is internal validation. You validate yourself and you become more

00:31:34.680 attractive when you do. Number five, chasing is you're begging for what you want versus pursuit,

00:31:40.300 articulating what you want and then working towards it. Number six, you're constantly asking

00:31:45.460 for other people's, in this case, her permission. Pursuit on the other hand is being assertive,

00:31:51.500 taking initiative and ultimately going after what it is you want with or without permission.

00:31:57.000 And again, disclaimer, especially when it comes to intimacy, I'm not saying that you don't need

00:32:02.060 permission for that. Okay. Or you don't need her, her consent. Okay. We should know that. It's sad.

00:32:07.780 I would even need to say that. Uh, and then number seven with chasing is you're blinded by her. Uh,

00:32:14.280 you're delusional, you're overlooking red flags. Pursuit on the other hand means that your eyes are open,

00:32:20.660 that you're operating in reality, that you see the red flags and you address them accordingly and make

00:32:26.340 your actions based on the response or the result of addressing those red flags. And then number eight

00:32:32.680 with chasing is you're controlled by your emotions. Uh, on the other hand, pursuit is understanding

00:32:38.480 what those emotions are telling you and then checking them and then acting accordingly. Again,

00:32:42.900 the underlying difference is immature little boy, mature, capable, healthy man. I think we can all agree

00:32:50.080 that everybody listening to this podcast or watching it because we're on YouTube as well,

00:32:53.440 can, can see that they want to move towards being a mature man. That's what all of us want.

00:32:59.220 We wouldn't be listening to this podcast if it wasn't the case. And I hope those eight factors help

00:33:03.000 you. Uh, if you have a friend, a colleague, a coworker, a brother, another man in your life who

00:33:09.700 falls into the left side of this chart, which is the chasing side, share this podcast, please with them

00:33:15.500 before it's too late, because they are going to do something stupid. I can guarantee you they're going

00:33:19.440 to do something stupid. We do stupid things all the time for members of the opposite sex.

00:33:23.820 It's kind of in our nature at times, I think, but we need to be a little bit more intentional,

00:33:27.960 a lot bit more intentional and deliberate. So this will help them move from the left side,

00:33:33.080 the wrong side to the right side, the correct side. Okay. Chasing, pursuing. Anyways, guys,

00:33:39.360 I hope that helps again. Check us out on YouTube. If you're watching us on YouTube, glad you're here.

00:33:44.080 Um, we're going to do a lot more videos on YouTube and I think this is going to be a good addition

00:33:47.340 to what we're doing. Uh, it's going to get the message out there. That's what really what we want

00:33:50.460 to do is we want to get this message of reclaiming and restoring masculinity to more men who need

00:33:55.580 this message. The world needs more men. And it's my goal goal to give you the tools and the resources

00:34:00.880 and guidance and direction, uh, to become the type of man that you have a desire to become

00:34:05.760 and the type of man that people are relying upon you to be. So as a part, again, make sure you check

00:34:11.100 out the main event, which is in May, the end of May, uh, 2020, you can head to order a man.com

00:34:15.900 slash main event. If you want to know more about this subject or other subjects, and you want to

00:34:19.820 have some brotherhood and camaraderie and accountability, then check out the iron

00:34:23.340 council, uh, order a man.com slash iron council. All right, guys, that's it for now. We'll be back

00:34:29.420 on Tuesday. Got another great interview podcast lined up again. This will be on YouTube as well,

00:34:34.180 as well, the interview, uh, make sure you subscribe, leave a rating and review, leave some comments,

00:34:38.540 subscribe to YouTube, uh, and continue to band with us. Thanks for being on the journey. And, uh,

00:34:43.140 we'll catch you on Tuesday until then go out, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

00:34:48.420 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:34:52.880 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 13, 2019

8 Differences Between Chasing a Woman and Pursuing Her ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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