8 Tips for Men Dealing with Depression | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
In this Friday Field Notes episode, Ryan discusses the growing problem of mental health in men and how we can address it. He also provides 8 tips on how to deal with it and what to look out for when dealing with it.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
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and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man.
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I want to welcome you back to your Friday Field Notes, which is some of my thoughts and ramblings
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and idea about masculinity from throughout the week. Of course, we've got our interview show as
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well, and then we've got our Ask Me Anything, which is released each Wednesday with myself and
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our co-host Kip Sorensen. If you're just stumbling upon the Order of Man podcast for the first time,
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of course, I want to welcome you and let you know that this is a tool and a resource designed to
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review on iTunes. It goes a long way in ensuring that we continue to get the message about masculinity
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out into the hands and ears of those men who need it. So we've got a good one lined up for you today.
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It's something that seems to be continuing to grow as far as trends go. And I want to talk a little
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bit about mental health, specifically in men. And more specifically, I want to talk about how we can
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come up with some solutions for that. Now, before we get into that, I do want to mention our show
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sponsors and of course, my friends over at Origin, Maine. Now, if you've been listening to this show
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for any amount of time, you know all about these guys. So bear with me for a minute. These guys do
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Brazilian jiu-jitsu rash guards, geese, lifestyle apparel. They just purchased a new factory where
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they're going to start doing their denim and also their new boots. And you may have seen some of my
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boots that I've been wearing from Origin. They're bison boots. They're made a hundred percent in
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America and part of them, I'll just say part of them are made by me. The other part are made by
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the experts over there at Origin. So make sure you are following them on social media, specifically
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Instagram. They're very, very active on Instagram. And then also make sure you sign up for their
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email alerts because they're going to come out with those boots very, very soon. And I have it on good
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authority that they're not going to have very many of them available. So Origin, Maine, as in the
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state, Maine, originmaine.com, and then use the code order, O-R-D-E-R on anything that you purchase,
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whether it's their jiu-jitsu stuff or their supplemental lineup with Jocko. All right,
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that's it by way of announcements. Now today I want to get into the discussion of men and mental
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health. This is an increasing trend. It seems to be something that has been more prevalent,
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seems to be something that is growing in men. And I hear from a lot of guys within our Facebook
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group who are dealing with mental health issues. You know, I've been there. I've been down. I've
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been depressed. I've been beat up in my life. I've been in the pits and in the dumps and I've had bad
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things happen and it's easy to fall into this pit of despair. But before I get into the eight tips that
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I wrote down here, I want to say this, and this is my disclaimer. I am not a medical expert on
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the subject. And I'm not frankly, even talking about clinically prescribed or diagnosed depression.
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It's not what I'm referring to here. I'm referring to bouts of anxiety and feeling low and being down
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something that's not chronic or reoccurring, but something that pops up now and again,
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because of your circumstances. So I do recommend first and foremost, before I get into any other
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tips that if you are dealing with mental health and depression and anxiety and potentially even
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suicidal thoughts, that you reach out for help, that you reach out for medical qualified help.
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What I'm going to share with you today, I think will ward off some of the, I would say natural
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tendency that we have at times to feel down and depressed and anxious. And I think if you really
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incorporate these eight steps that I'm going to share with you today, then you are going to start
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feeling better about yourself and who you are. And ultimately that's what you want. You want to
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feel better with about who you are because you're going to be more productive. You're going to show
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up more effectively at home and be more engaged with your wife and your children. You're going to be
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more productive at work. You're going to make more money. You're going to help your clients. You're
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going to help your business grow. You're going to be able to be more involved with your community
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and in coaching or ecclesiastical services, or just mowing the neighbor's lawn. You're going to be
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more productive and ultimately you're going to feel better about yourself. And isn't that what we
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want? I think the reoccurring thread that I see among all the posts and conversations that we have
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in the Facebook group and within our mastermind and brotherhood, the iron council, it's that guys
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want to develop and build more confidence. And these eight steps, in addition to help you feeling good
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about yourself mentally and building up some of the mental and emotional resiliency and strength that
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you're going to need to excel in your life will help you develop that level of confidence.
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And let me tell you this, confidence is not something that you have a right to. It's not
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something that you just get to have. And that certain men have just developed this sense of
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confidence or were born with it. No confidence is earned. And the eight steps that I'm going to lay
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out with you here today, uh, will help you develop and earn that level of confidence. So let's jump into
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it. And these are not in any order guys. So please understand that. But again, you want to
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incorporate all eight of these steps into your life. And even if you're somebody who you wouldn't
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consider yourself, uh, depressed or suicidal or down, even these are still things that you probably
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ought to be incorporating into your life. Okay. So number one exercise, and I don't care what form
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of exercise it is, whether it's CrossFit or power lifting or strength stuff or running or cycling or
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jujitsu, I do not really care what it is, but you need to get the body moving. You need to get the
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blood pumping, the air coursing through your lungs. You need to get moving and be active.
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Of course, there's all sorts of other benefits outside of the mental health component of exercising.
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You're going to lose weight. You're going to be physically healthier. You're going to be more
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capable physically. Uh, you're going to be a better protector, provider, presider, the core tenants of
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what it means to be a man. And ultimately you're just going to feel better about yourself. It's very,
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very difficult in my experience. So this is anecdotal to that, that, that you're going to
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be down. I think it's difficult to be down if you're exercising, if you're actively pursuing
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a healthy lifestyle. So go to the gym, uh, sign up for martial arts classes, uh, go running around
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your neighborhood. Just go for a walk in the morning, do some pushups, do some sit-ups. My son,
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in fact, he's hopped up on being in shape because he's got football right now. And so
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every time I turn around, it seems like he's doing five or 10 or 15, 20 pushups,
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you know, in the middle of the living room or up before he goes to bed or when he wakes up and
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it's really cool to see. And he feels better about himself because he is moving his body in the way
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that it is designed to be moved. So get up, get the blood pumping and get going. Now, a lot of guys
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who haven't been exercising or doing any of this for a long time, they don't know where to start,
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right? I'd love to exercise, but I don't know where to start guys. That's an excuse. All right.
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You don't need to have the best equipment. You don't need to have the perfect gym membership.
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You don't even need to have the perfect plan. You just need to do something. Just go do some pushups,
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jumping jacks, sit-ups, air squats, pull-ups. If you have a bar, uh, maybe you have some lightweights,
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do some, do whatever presses, bench press, squats, deadlifts, carry it on your shoulder,
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do a press over your head and walk 200 yards, do whatever you can to get that blood pumping and,
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uh, and the body moving. And I would also say too, I've got some friends that you really need
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to be aware of. Uh, it's my friends over at Sorenex. They have amazing, amazing exercise
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equipment. The thing that I like most in my repertoire of gear is my center mass belts. These are you guys,
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if you've been listening to the podcast, know them as hollow balls. Cause I like to joke about that,
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but, uh, it's basically a hollowed out bell round bell. That's got a handle inside of it.
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And they're so versatile. You can do push presses. You can do thrusters. You can do air squats. You
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can do curls. You can do tricep extensions, rows. I mean, the sky's the limit with these things. So go
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check those out. But exercise is number one, make sure you're exercising, moving your body,
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blood pumping, air flowing. You're going to feel better about yourself. Number two, compete.
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I know that's a little taboo in modern times to say that we should compete and have winners and
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have losers. Heaven forbid somebody feel bad about themselves because they lose. But look,
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it has been clinically proven that competing and more specifically winning is good for men.
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How is it good? It boosts testosterone production. And when you are boosting your levels of testosterone
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in a healthy, effective manner, you are less likely to be depressed and anxious and down. And again,
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even potentially suicidal. Your goal as a man in your activities and you're in your, in your day-to-day
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life is to build up testosterone production. And some of the things that I'm going to talk to you
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about, we'll naturally do that. Like number one, exercise and number two competing. So find other men
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who you can compete with physically, mentally, emotionally, in every way, look for little ways
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to create competitions. That's why when I go out with my buddies or, uh, you know, at, uh, origins
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immersion camp, we didn't do it this year, but last year we were all swimming in the lake together and
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it didn't take long before we were competing and seeing who could jump off the dock the furthest and
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who could hold their breath underwater the longest, or who could go the furthest off of one swim stroke.
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There's little stupid stuff. And it sounds stupid when you say that, but I'm telling you, ultimately
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that level of competition, it breeds and builds camaraderie. It helps you improve because it pushes
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you. It gives you the opportunity to win, which boosts testosterone production. And it's good overall
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again for men. So make sure that you're competing. If you have no level of competition in your life,
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you're selling yourself short and you're missing one of these eight opportunities to really boost
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your level of mental health and feel better about who you are and how you show up. And by the way,
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to the people who say, well, if there's competition and there's got to be a loser and you're going to
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feel bad about yourself, people are resilient, or at least they used to be, uh, they're tough.
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Uh, and the more that we can expose ourselves and our children and those we have an obligation for to,
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uh, a healthy dose of losing and how to deal with loss. I mean, that's, that's important.
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We, that's life. We've got to get each other exposed to winning, to losing for opportunities
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for growth. And you know what, when you lose, the idea is that somebody teaches you how to lose with
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class and, and some, some honor, if you will, and use it as fuel to improve your life or your
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performance moving forward. So number two is compete. Uh, and I was going to go to number three,
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but I'm, I'm going to skip that one for a minute. I'm going to go to number four, which I
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written down here in my, uh, in my notepad. And I'll show you guys, if you're not viewing this
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video, you can check it out on YouTube, youtube.com slash order of man. That's new, but I use field
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notes for some of my notes and what I want to talk with you guys about today. But number four is
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building a band of brothers. And this goes in line with, uh, with competition as well. You've got to
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have a solid band of brothers. And I know for me personally, what happened in my life when I
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let go of my band of brothers was that I started dating, dating my wife and as much as I wanted to
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be around her and spend time with her. And as much as I enjoyed it and it was good for both of us,
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I let go of the friendships that I had. And it actually came back to bite me in the butt when
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my wife and I went through a separation because I was alone. I didn't have a band of brothers. I
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didn't have people to, uh, to, to help me through that difficult time to support me, to uplift me,
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to go out and distract me. Uh, I just, it was, it was me. I was alone. And because I was alone,
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I sat there and I wallowed in my own self pity. And I thought about all of the negativity that was
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happening in my life. And of course, of course I felt depressed. Of course I felt down. I was never
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suicidal. Uh, it wasn't a quote unquote mental illness per se, but I was depressed. I feel like
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had I had a band of brothers that I would have put myself in a better situation. And what a lot
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of guys think is just because, uh, they aren't necessarily going through a difficult time right
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now that they don't need to worry about that. Look guys, life's rough. We know that you're going
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to go through a divorce or a separation or a bankruptcy. You're going to lose your job.
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You're going to have a medical condition or an illness or something that you're dealing with.
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There's going to be a bankruptcy. I mean, there's also a death in the family. There's all sorts of
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things that could go wrong. Uh, you, you really want to make sure that you're building your band
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of brothers now so that when the time comes and it will, we don't know when we don't know what,
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but it will come where you're down on, on your luck. Then you can rely upon and be carried by
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these men who you've developed and built a friendship and a trust and a brotherhood and camaraderie
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with. So make sure you're building your band of brothers, a great resource for that. If you don't
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know where to turn, look to our iron council. These are guys who, yeah, the majority of the
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time we're meeting digitally. Uh, but we're also meeting and having local and regional meetups.
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And you can check that out at order of man.com slash iron council. If you're having a hard time,
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uh, figuring out where to build this band of brothers, uh, number three, pursue meaningful
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hobbies. Guys, if you don't have a hobby, something that you can call your own, man, what a shame.
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Of course you're going to feel down and, and be upset. And you're going to let these life stressors
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get to you because you have no release for these things. Personally, I enjoy exercise and working
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out. We talked about that already. Uh, I enjoy archery and then I enjoy Brazilian jujitsu. And
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the interesting thing about let's take jujitsu, for example, you have exercise in there, you have a
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level of competition in there. It's a meaningful hobby, certainly. And also you happen to be building
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a band of brothers while you're doing it. So I'm checking off every one of these bullet points
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that I've talked about already with one activity. And that's what I want you to be aware of is that
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look, time is finite. Like you don't have time to do all of the things individually that I'm
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telling you to do on a daily basis. But if you can have one of these things that checks off all of
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these, then I think that's a more effective way, obviously to go about doing it. So what is a hobby
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that you've thought about, that you've been interested in, that you've wanted to engage in
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drawing, archery, jujitsu, uh, graphic design. Maybe there's a musical instrument that you want
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to learn how to play the guitar or the piano or whatever, but there's all sorts of hobbies that
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you can pursue. Uh, and, and I think there's probably an idea that you already have. And for
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whatever reason you haven't pursued it, I'm telling you, it's good for you and it will help you be more
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productive. It'll help you be more positive. And ultimately it'll keep you to some degree from
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getting into that state of depression and sadness and everything else that comes with not having
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these things in place. Uh, number five, getting the right amount of sleep. You know, I, for guys,
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it's really difficult, right? We, we, we hear the things and maybe you've, you've even subscribed to
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the idea that you can sleep when you're dead. And I guess you, you can do that, but you're, it's been
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going to die a whole lot quicker if you do, right? It's been proven and shown that if you're not
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sleeping, if you're not getting the right amount of sleep, then you are jeopardizing your mental
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and physical health. So get over yourself, get over the ego thing. And I know, I know there's guys
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on social media that, you know, they don't sleep or they sleep for two or three hours a night.
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All right. If, even if they're telling the truth and we'll just assume they are, I don't know that
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they are, but let's assume they are there. They're reducing their effectiveness. They're
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hurting their performance. And you might say, well, these guys are still high performers.
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We'll imagine what they could be doing if they got the proper amount of rest and sleep at night.
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We've done a couple other podcasts in the past on how to sleep effectively. And I think there's a,
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there's a book called sleep smarter. I think it's by Sean Stevenson, who has actually been on the
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podcast, the model health show, uh, check that out, sleep smarter, but get getting the right
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amount of sleep guys. We know, we just know is crucial and critical. So don't sell yourself short
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on sleep because you're busy. You're active. I'm telling you, if you do these things and I'm,
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and I'm actually asking, asking and suggesting that you carve time out of your day to do these things.
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Uh, so you might say, well, I'll lose productivity. You'll lose time for other endeavors,
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but you won't lose productivity. You'll actually increase productivity by carving out some of the 24 hours
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of your day to, to do these things more effectively sleep being one of those things. Uh, number six.
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Yes. Number six, nutrition guys, if you're filling your body fuel that is harmful or toxic or destructive,
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and basically just a bunch of junk food into your body, then yeah, you're, you're going to be down.
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You're going to feel bad about yourself. Not only is your body not going to look what it, what it
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should look, it's not going to perform the way it's going to perform. And that impacts your mind as
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well. So think about what you're putting into your body and be consistent about doing the right things.
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I get a lot of questions about what, uh, what diet I use. And I don't, I don't use a specific diet.
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My goal is to eat clean and guys will say, well, what does that mean? You know what it means?
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You know what it means? I know there's a bunch of, bunch of shows on iTunes and YouTube that tell
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you all the little foods you need to eat and count your macros and your micros and everything else.
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And yeah, maybe you ought to do that, but why don't you just start with eating clean? What I mean is
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eliminate the processed sugars, uh, limit the, the carbs from your breads and your pastas and your
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gluten and things like that. Uh, fruits, vegetables, meats, we know what to eat. All right. Water
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consume more water. We all know. So do that consistently. Don't make it a fad diet. Don't
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make it the next 30 or 60 or 90 days or the beach body that you want or whatever. Make this a lifestyle
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that you eat clean, that you eat healthy and you put the right fuels into your body because it's
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going to affect your body and it's going to affect your mind. Number seven, I'm going to flip flop a
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couple of you here, here. Number seven, uh, remove negative people. All right. That stuff wears off.
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It's been said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That's
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trite. I know we hear that a lot, but I think there's some truth to it. You know, I noticed
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myself personally that when I'm around negative people that I tend to be more negative when I'm
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talking about other people or, or saying how stupid things are and focused on all of this stuff,
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then yeah, it's that rubs off on me. And that negativity is gradually going to increase into my,
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my sanity and my wellbeing and the way that I show up and the way that I perform. So
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make a list and you, you might not even need to make a list. Like, you know, who in your life is
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toxic. You know, who in your life is negative, who probably you shouldn't let so close to your inner
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circle, take that individual, remove that individual from your life. And you will start to
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notice that you start feeling a whole lot better very, very quickly. And part of this, so I guess
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this is a seven B. Uh, so seven A is removing negative people. Seven B would be add positive
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people instead. Okay. You can't have a vacuum. So if you just say, Hey, I'm not going to spend time
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with those people anymore, then you're going to resort to something else that might be destructive.
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So what are you going to fill that time and that attention, that energy with fill it with positive
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people look around you who in your office is positive, who in some of these, your band of
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brothers is, is positive. Who are you competing with? Who are you doing hobbies with that are
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positive people that you can surround yourself with and ultimately start feeling better about
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yourself. So seven A again, removing negative people. And the way we do that is by seven B
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filling that void with positive people. The last point, and I stated it simply. And at the risk of
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people saying, well, it's easy for you to say, and that's too simple. It is simple. It's not easy
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a lot of the times, but it is very simple. And that's take action. If you're at home
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and you recognize that you're feeling down or depressed or anxious, or potentially even suicidal,
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get up and get moving. Start taking action towards your goals, towards your ambitions,
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go for a walk, go moving. You know, maybe there's a project at home. You need to work on. My mom would
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always say, and I'd roll my eyes. She would say, idle hands are the devil's workshop. I'm sure all
00:21:40.720
of you guys heard that as well. And I would roll my eyes and I would mock it and give her a hard time
00:21:46.800
for saying it, but it's true. I don't answer the devil's workshop. Same thing with an idle mind.
00:21:52.440
If it's just sitting around and you're not consuming it with positive thoughts and positive
00:21:57.560
planning and positivity and emotion. I mean, you're, you're naturally going to default towards
00:22:03.580
being negative and being down and destructive. So keep the mind engaged, keep the body active,
00:22:10.720
and you're going to feel better. I know that when I've felt down, as soon as I've got up and I went
00:22:16.200
to work on my own project, or maybe potentially even done some service work in my community,
00:22:20.800
it's very, very difficult to be down when you're actively working towards something that's meaningful
00:22:28.060
and significant to you. So make a list, you know, using your, your notepad or whatever,
00:22:32.920
make a list of things that are, are meaningful to you projects around the house that need to get
00:22:39.480
done and start working towards those things. Guys, I know this isn't groundbreaking. This is not
00:22:44.580
earth shattering, but look, if you're in this boat, you, you saw this title for a reason you clicked
00:22:49.940
on this video or clicked on this podcast. And you said, you know, I need to understand what this
00:22:54.520
is for myself, or maybe somebody close to you, who's dealing with some, some mental health issues
00:22:59.480
or depression or anxiety, or potentially even suicide. I saw a study not too long ago that said
00:23:04.240
that men commit suicide at a rate of that of four times what women do. I think women
00:23:12.780
attempt suicide more often, but men pull it off more often. And it's unfortunate. I'm sure that
00:23:19.460
everybody listening or watching is familiar with, or has somebody they know, or is somebody
00:23:24.320
close to them who has committed suicide and barring some sort of chronic and serious medical
00:23:32.000
condition. I think a lot of this can be warded off with the eight steps that I've shared with you
00:23:37.580
today. Again, my disclaimer to cap this thing off is I'm not a medical professional. I'm not qualified
00:23:43.200
to talk about specific mental health issues, but I am qualified to tell you what's worked for me.
00:23:49.660
And these steps have helped me in bouts of depression and bouts of feeling down. But if you're
00:23:56.520
feeling this way, get some medical help, get some medical attention, especially, especially if you
00:24:02.720
start going down that slippery slope of having suicidal thoughts, find other people, seek professional
00:24:09.260
and medical attention and help. Don't, don't be a part of that statistic. It's, it's a shame. It's a
00:24:16.760
real travesty that so many men who are loved and appreciated and cared for and needed in society are,
00:24:25.600
are offing themselves because they're, they're down on their luck or they don't find themselves
00:24:32.220
any worth in who they are. These things will help with that. It's not the end all stable,
00:24:37.880
but they will help. So let me recap these things and then we'll call it a day. Again, exercise every
00:24:44.440
day, exercise. Don't worry about rest days and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, you can rest and take it
00:24:49.180
easy, but you should be exercising every day. Number two, compete, compete. It's good to compete.
00:24:54.520
It's good to win, boost testosterone production, and therefore will help you from a mental health
00:24:59.760
perspective. Number three, pursue meaningful and engaging hobbies and activities. Number four,
00:25:05.740
build a band of brothers. Number five, sleep, six, nutrition, seven, get rid of or eliminate
00:25:12.140
negative people and substitute them with positive people. And then number eight is to take action.
00:25:18.760
All right. So make a plan, incorporate these eight steps into your day. I don't think it's going to
00:25:25.160
take you a whole lot more time, especially if you find activities that are going to check off,
00:25:28.920
you know, three or four or five things off the list at once, but get every one of these into your day
00:25:34.080
and you're going to feel better. You're going to be more productive. You're going to lead a better
00:25:37.480
life. You're going to help your family more effectively, your clients, your employees,
00:25:41.880
your business partners, your neighbors. You're just going to be a better, more capable man.
00:25:48.040
And that is the mission here at order of man is to help give you the tools needed to do that.
00:25:52.900
If this has helped you or, and this is really important specifically with this episode,
00:25:57.200
if there's somebody that, you know, who's dealing with some bouts with depression,
00:26:02.360
please share this with them. Please share this with them. Or at least just on a sticky note,
00:26:08.880
write down the eight points and say here, or even better is call that individual up and say,
00:26:15.360
Hey man, uh, I'm going to shoot my bow. Uh, or we're going to go to jujitsu,
00:26:20.040
or I'm going to take an art class. I'm going to be by your place in 10 minutes. Don't ask for
00:26:25.680
permission. Hey, I'm going to be by your place in 10 minutes to pick you up. Love to have you with
00:26:29.800
us. Like reach out to a brother who needs this stuff. Another man who needs this, they need us.
00:26:35.320
You're going to, you're going to need them at some point. So be that individual at this point.
00:26:40.500
All right, guys, that's it. We'll call it a day. And of course, a weekend as well. We'll be back
00:26:44.100
next week for the, uh, the interview episode on Tuesday. Of course, the ask me anything, uh, on
00:26:49.820
Wednesday, make sure you subscribe, go over to YouTube. We've picked up gosh, 2000 subscribers
00:26:55.360
over the past, I would say a little less than maybe about a week. Uh, that's a testament to
00:27:00.640
the fact that you guys want the video. So, uh, it's all available. We're making all of our podcasts
00:27:04.800
available via video. You get to look at my ugly mug is if you wanted to do that, but it might just
00:27:09.300
give you a new way to consume this information. So subscribe over to YouTube, subscribe on iTunes
00:27:13.660
or wherever you're listening to this podcast. Uh, but until next week, go out there, take action
00:27:17.920
and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:27:23.180
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:27:27.200
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.