A Complacent Man vs. A Content Man, and What's the Difference | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Episode Stats
Summary
In this episode, Ryan talks about the difference between being complacent in life and being content in life, and how to know the difference. He also discusses the benefits of being a man of action over being a complacent man.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler,
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and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the Order of Man movement. Welcome here and
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welcome back. We're coming off the back of an incredible event that we did last weekend called
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the Maine event. We had 100 men come out to my property here in Maine. We spent three days
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together building up camaraderie and accountability and brotherhood and teaching each other systems
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and tools and resources and having conversations that we need to thrive as men, as fathers,
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husbands, business owners, community leaders. That's exactly what this podcast is about,
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but also what this movement is about. It was pretty cool to see 100 guys gather here and
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get together and have these types of conversations, participate in some activities like jujitsu and
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throwing hatchets and archery and all the other wonderful things we did. Guys, if you are interested,
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we have already released the dates for next year, which is October 7th through the 9th and a special
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Iron Council Dinner on the 6th. So that's October 7th through the 9th with the Iron Council Dinner on
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the 6th, 2022. I think we're at 40% sold already on that event. We had a lot of guys who came to this
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event who immediately signed up for the second event. So if you are interested, you better do it
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quickly and you can reserve it a year out ahead of time. And you can do that by going to
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orderofman.com slash main event, orderofman.com slash main event. And main is in the state main.
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So orderofman.com slash main event. All right, guys, with that said, let's get into the conversation.
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Now this conversation came from an earlier question that I had in the week, because one of the things
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we did at the main event was we did a live Ask Me Anything with my co-host and friend,
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Kip Sorensen. We did it right here in my barn with a hundred guys here on the property. So if you
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listened on Wednesday, you probably heard that. But there was a question that came up that I thought,
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warranted further discussion because it's one that gets brought up all the time in various forms.
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But the question generally and simply is what is the difference or how do you know when you're
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being complacent or you're content with your life? Now, I will throw this out here. First and foremost,
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you might choose to use a different word than content or complacent. Maybe instead of content,
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you use satisfied or fulfilled, fill in the blank, but the message is the same.
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So let's not get hung up on the semantics. Please listen to what I'm saying and see where
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in the spectrum of things you fall, whether you're being complacent with life or you're content with
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your life. And there is a difference. There's a very distinct difference. I'm going to talk with
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you about what those five differences are. And I also want to suggest to you that being content
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doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't progressing because a lot of people think that. And that's the
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first thing you need to realize is that somebody who's complacent isn't really progressing.
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That's step number one. They're stagnant, right? They don't progress. They don't move forward. They
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don't grow. They don't learn new things. They're so content, not, excuse me. See, here's where we're
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getting tripped up on the semantics here. They're so complacent that they aren't looking ahead. They
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think that they can rest on their laurels, that nothing bad is ever going to happen to them.
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When I was in Iraq, one of the things that we had, as we went outside of the wire at the gate,
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it said complacency kills as in literal death. Now your complacency probably won't kill you,
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but it might kill your marriage. It might kill your business. It might get you to be passed over
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for a promotion at work. It might alienate or ostracize the relationship that you have with
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your children or other people. So it isn't literal death for you, but at the same time, complacency kills
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and it will hinder your performance. So the first thing I wanted to address, the first factor is
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when differentiating whether or not you're complacent or you're content is complacency
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equals stagnation. You've reached some pinnacle of success in your own mind, or you don't think
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you're worthy and you don't think it's worth pursuit and all these other nihilistic type reasons. And so
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you stagnate. And the, the alternative to that is somebody who's content, who is evolving,
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right? They realize that they're satisfied and they're happy with where they are. They realize
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they've done wonderful things. Maybe they've had some level of success or maybe not, but regardless,
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they're always looking for new ways to grow and to expand and to improve and to get better.
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So being content doesn't necessarily mean that you're not going to grow. I believe wholeheartedly that
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it's possible that you can be content with your life. Or again, if you choose to use the word
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fulfilled or satisfied, but still strive for growth. And that's one of those things that,
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that the word content means to me is yes, I like where my life is. I'm satisfied with where my life
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is. I'm fulfilled in the work that I'm doing, but I am moving forward. I am progressing. I am
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getting stronger. I am sharpening my mind. I'm building my body. I'm building my bank account. I'm
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building relationships. I'm learning how to add more value in people's lives. And just because
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you're growing and improving and evolving, it doesn't mean that that is at odds with your desire
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to be satisfied, fulfilled, and or content. So that's point number one. Point number two
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is somebody who's complacent typically is going to have more of a scarcity mindset,
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right? They're going to hold on. They're going to cling on to what they have. They're not going to
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want to let it go. They're not going to want to take risks because what if they lose what they have,
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they're going to hoard. I really start thinking about the parable of the talents when it comes
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to complacency versus being content. Because if you look at what that parable says, there's three men
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and the master gives them each an equal amount of talents or coins. It's a metaphor and, or parable,
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if you will. And so the first, and I'm paraphrasing here, so bear with me. I might butcher this a
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little bit, but the first man takes his talents that the master gives them and he hides them,
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right? He's complacent. He hides them because he doesn't want to lose them. So he hoards them.
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He hides them. He doesn't share his gifts and his talents and abilities with the world.
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And he certainly doesn't go out there and magnify the talents that he's been given.
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The second man goes out. And if I remember correctly, doubles his talent. So he goes and
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utilizes them to some degree. He puts himself out there. He's probably playing it safe. He's not going
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all in. He's not risking as much as maybe he could or should. And he's really not pursuing
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maximum return or value exchange of the talents he has. And then the third servant goes out and
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he maximizes it. And he returns his talent tenfold. So he goes out into the world and he shares his
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light. He shares his talents. He invests correctly. He's prudent about the decisions he's making,
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yet he's taking risk, calculated risk, and he returns it tenfold. And what does the master do?
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Well, the master comes back and he takes from the other two servants, the one who hit his talents
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and the one who just simply doubled his talents. And he gives those talents to the individual who
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went out and magnified the talents that he has. So are you the first servant, the one that's
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complacent, the one that's afraid, the one that hoards his talents, that hides his light,
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that isn't willing to take risks, that isn't willing to share with the world? This also falls in line
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with the silent majority mindset that you hear so much of. Or are you the third servant?
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And the third servant goes out and he has abundance mindset. So scarcity versus abundance mindset.
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So the third servant says, I'm going to take what little I have and I'm going to go magnify it. I'm
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going to go out of value. I'm going to improve my station. I'm going to improve my life. I'm going
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to improve other people's lives. And I'm going to go out and I'm going to utilize the talents that I
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have to create more abundance and prosperity in my life. And somebody who's content with themselves
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has a level of confidence, at least enough to go out into the world and take those calculated risks
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and then return to the master with his magnified talents. So as you're thinking about what I'm going
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through today, and I've got three more I want to share here with you, ask yourself, which one are
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you? Or do you fall somewhere in the middle on the spectrum of complacent versus content? So again,
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point number one, somebody stagnant versus somebody who's evolved. Point number two,
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somebody who's scarce versus somebody who's abundant in their mindset. Point number three,
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are you oblivious to your surroundings and your threats and the challenges and the evolving nature
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of society and culture and economics and everything else that's going on? Are you like a child,
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innocent, like a child who has the blindfold pulled over his eyes, or are you at peace? Now,
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you might not think initially when you hear that, that those two things are synonymous,
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actually not synonymous, that they're opposite. Okay. You might not think that oblivious versus
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peaceful, peaceful, excuse me, if I can say that. So the oblivious individual doesn't know what's
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going on. No clue. Not only innocent, in fact, worse than that, ignorant. Innocent is
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a little naive, but ignorance is just, to me, it's like willfully not knowing what you need to know.
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And it's all out there, guys. Everything you need to know about growing a business,
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managing a relationship, working with your clients, developing a relationship with your
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children, it's all there. It's all available, much of which we've talked about. So are you oblivious?
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Now, what's the problem with being oblivious? Well, you're leaving yourself open and vulnerable to
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potential loss. So for example, maybe you believe that because you have a good nine to five job and
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you've been working there for the last 20 years or longer, that somehow you have job security.
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Well, if you believe that up until 2019, you probably got kicked in the pants in 2019 because
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of the reaction to COVID. Okay. So was it really as secure as you thought? Did you have money set aside?
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Did you have a fund, an emergency fund tucked away? Did you have opportunities to make more
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money? Did you have provisions, food storage, et cetera, put aside so that if you had a rainy day,
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probably not. And that means that you are a complacent individual. Now, I know some of you
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are hearing this and probably don't like me calling you out, but that's the reality. You're complacent.
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And so I hope you've been able to recover from that, but let it be a lesson that the next time
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moving forward and don't believe that there isn't going to be a next time. There certainly will.
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We don't know what it's going to look like. We don't know when it's going to happen,
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but there will be a next time that you take this moment as a learning opportunity for how to lead
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your life as a content individual versus a complacent individual. Now, where does the
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at peace portion of this come into play for somebody who's content? Well, somebody who is peaceful
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is somebody who is prepared. So for example, I can be at peace with my job because if Apple,
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iTunes decided one day they wanted to shut this off or our payment processor decided they didn't
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like the conversations or topics or things that I was doing and decided to cut off payment processing
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for whatever reason, I've got a nest egg. I've got some money set aside. I've got food storage.
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I've got provisions set aside that will get my family and I through that difficult and challenging
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time. So what does that lead to? Well, it leads to peace, right? Are you oblivious or are you
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peaceful? I can be at peace because I know I'm prepared. I know I've got the skillset. I know
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I'm developing the network. I know I've got the provision, financial, food, et cetera, set aside
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should and when that rainy day happens. So I can be at peace, which what does that allow me to do?
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It allows me to progress into other areas of my life, right? It's almost like Maslow's hierarchy of
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needs. If I have that base, fundamental, foundational need taken care of, then I can
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evolve and be more sophisticated in what I go after. So if I know, for example, the bills are
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going to be paid and the mortgage is going to be paid or better yet, I don't have a mortgage at all
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and all the cars are paid off and I've got money set aside and I'm developing and building a network
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that can help me with opportunities that I can present opportunities to and that's checked off the
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list, then I can move into serving you more effectively. I can look at other calculated risks.
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I can, I can experiment with events, for example, that I want to run and I can do more because I'm
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at peace because I have those basic foundational fundamental principles or needs checked off the
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list. So if you don't, the way you fix this to move from the complacency to the content is that
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you start looking at where you're weak. You're not, you're no longer oblivious. The blindfold has been
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lifted, man. I really need to get my finances in order, man. I really need to lose that 50 pounds.
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I really need to stop drinking. I really need to have some conversations with my wife.
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My wife and I, I, uh, followed her over to the mechanic today. And then she got in my truck and
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we drove home and I gave her a ride home and we just had an amazing conversation. It was a 10 to
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12 minute drive. And, you know, we didn't just listen to the radio and sit in silence. We had an
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amazing conversation about how our event went last weekend and what she thought we could improve and
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what I thought we could improve and how she feeling and how I'm feeling and all of these things.
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And it was an amazing 12 minute conversation, uh, that these are the types of things that I can
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now focus on because I'm not worried about making the mortgage. So are you oblivious or are you at
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peace? That's number three. Number four, somebody who's complacent is passive. And this kind of goes
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into the oblivious thing, but they wait for opportunities, right? Like I'm complacent. I'm
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good. Everything's okay. And so if an opportunity knocks on the door, you know, maybe I'll take it.
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Uh, and they believe in luck, right? Oh, well that guy just got lucky. He was in the right place at
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the right time. That's not true. He was out there getting it. He was getting after it. He was creating
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opportunities and potential. And you may not be able to formulate the connection of how that happened,
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but I guarantee that there's something that he did specifically that led to one thing, which led to
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another, which led to another. And eventually, uh, so far down the line, he gets an opportunity
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and the average man can't really formulate how that happened because they think, well, he just got
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lucky, right? He's passive. Well, isn't that how you get successful? Like, doesn't somebody just
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knock on your door and tell you that they want you to, uh, you know, star in the next James Bond
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movie or whatever. And, uh, or, or, or a big client comes knocking on your door and says, Hey, you know,
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we want you to do this, uh, seven figure deal with us. Like that doesn't happen. And if it does,
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it's very rarely and it's not predictable. And so maybe even if you do happen to get lucky now and
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again, it isn't predictable, it isn't sustainable, and it won't last for any amount of time because
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you haven't developed and built the skillset, the mindset needed to systematically and predictably
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achieve the results that you want. So are you sitting by waiting for opportunities to come to you?
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And even worse, maybe you're a victim. Maybe you think that the reason you're not getting ahead
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is because X, Y, and D Z did A, B, and C to you. Like the reason that you're not ahead or can't
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fix your marriage is because your dad was an asshole or that you had some toxic relationships previous in
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your life. Or the reason you can't get that promotion is because your boss hates you and he's
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playing off as politics. Now, some of that might be true, but again, what can you do about it?
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Do you passively let it, let it go and hope that maybe one day somebody will acknowledge and recognize
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you and how wonderful you are? Or are you a content individual who happens to be more assertive?
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See, again, these aren't at odds being content and being assertive. Some people think they are,
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they're not. I can be happy. I can be satisfied. I can like where I am. I can feel confident in who I am.
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I can have clarity and focus with regards to where I am today and still have a level of assertiveness
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that will get me to the point that I want to go tomorrow. Look, just because you're content with
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your life doesn't mean that you're completely satisfied and there's no room for growth.
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That was point number one that I made with you today. It just means you're happy with where you
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are. I'm very happy. And I talked to a gentleman this weekend, his name is John. And he said,
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Ryan, I came out to this event two years ago because we did a main event two years ago when
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we first moved up here to Maine. And he said, I came to this event two years ago and I can tell
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over the past two years, there's an extreme difference in you. Yeah, there should be.
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I don't say that to brag. I don't say that to boast or anything like that, but there should be a
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difference because I'm satisfied. Why? Because I've done the work. So I'm content with the work that
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I've done. I'm satisfied with that work. I'm proud of that work, but I know there's so much
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left to do. And so I can be assertive. I can look for opportunities. I can find the right people and
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bring them into the fold. I can learn new information that will help me improve as a
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communicator with you and learn how to run better events. I can still do all of those things and I
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should, and I'm not waiting for somebody to come to me. I'm actively looking for opportunities
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and I'm making connections and I'm building my network and I'm creating financial stability and
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even more so financial abundance so that I can take advantage of those opportunities when they
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present themselves and they will. I want to be able to capitalize on those opportunities. And so
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I have to be assertive in doing that. And then guys, the last one right here that I wanted to share
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with you is a couple of different mindsets. If you're complacent, there's usually contention in your
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life. That might sound a little counterintuitive because a lot of times we think of complacency as
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this level of sedation. You're just completely sedated. You're cut off from the world. You don't
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care about anything. Maybe you're a bit nihilistic about what happens to you or what happens to other
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people. And you're just kind of coasting through life. But I actually think it's deeper than that.
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I think there's a lot of contention for complacent people because they know, here's the deal. They know
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they can do more deep in their heart and in their mind. And then in a soul, they know they can do
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more. And yet they, they're not doing it. They're complacent. They're sitting around, they're sedated.
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And so there's this war that's being waged. And I call the war, the war between the natural man
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and what I would call the sovereign man, or maybe even potentially an evolved man. The natural man is
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weak and he's lazy and he's cowardly and he's immediate gratification. He wants the results without the
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effort. He's just blah. And the sovereign man or the evolved man is somebody who's constantly at war
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and battle with that natural tendency of being weak and lazy and cowardly and pathetic.
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And if you see yourself in your mind as this sovereign or evolved man, and that's who you
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have a desire to be, and yet you aren't doing the work. And so what's actually manifesting itself
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is this natural man that's contentious, right? There's friction. There's a gap. We call this
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the integrity gap. There's a gap between the way you view yourself and the way that you're actually
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showing up. And this contention manifests itself in all sorts of different and damaging and destructive
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ways. You know, you take a look at the depression rates in men or drug abuse, alcohol abuse,
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pornography use. You look at the rate of suicide, which studies suggest that's upwards of four to
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five times that of women. Why is that? Because we see ourselves one way, and then we look at our
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actions and they aren't in alignment with the way that we view ourselves. And then there's that
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constant butting of heads between this natural cowardly man and this evolved or sovereign man that
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we have a desire to be. So the complacent man is contentious. It might all be right up here in his
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mind, but he is contentious. And the content man is gracious. He believes in abundance.
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He expresses gratitude. He acknowledges that that he has around him. And I look around, for example,
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with what we have here with order of man in my own personal life, I've got a beautiful wife.
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I've got four beautiful children. We're all healthy. We're happy. We're productive. We're growing.
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We're learning. We're adventuring. We're exploring. We're discovering together.
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I look at my business, which is thriving. I look at the amount of men and people that we're impacting.
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I look at my own level of personal health. And although maybe I have a few more pounds around
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the midsection that I would necessarily like, I'm working towards being fit and lean and strong.
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I'm going to jujitsu. I'm strength training. I'm doing these things that make me a better
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man, a more capable man. Somebody that, as my hat says, can protect, provide, preside.
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And I'm grateful for that. I have gratitude in my heart and my mind and my soul about that.
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And the interesting thing about that, guys, is that as you're more grateful for what you have
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and you acknowledge what you have, then you treat it differently, right? Like if you cared about
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something, let's say a car, for example, you really saved and you sacrificed and you finally bought this
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car that you've always wanted, well, you're going to treat it with a level of reverence and respect
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versus if somebody just gave it to you, there wouldn't be as much value because you didn't earn
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it. Somebody just gifted it to you, right? And because you worked hard for it, you have more gratitude for
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it. And then what's interesting about this, and this, this is a concept, not a lot of people talk
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about, but that when you are grateful for what you have, you treat it differently, which means you've
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done your, you've done, or you will be doing the work to earn that, what you have. And then from there,
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and this is what people don't talk a lot about. And I don't care whether you call it God or the
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universe or a spirit or karma or whatever to me, God. So God says, Ryan, you have this and you're
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gracious. You're grateful for it, which means there's a level of respect and reverence for that
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thing, which also means that you're working hard and you're being diligent and you're being a good
00:22:23.780
steward over the resources that you have. And because of that, I'm going to give you more.
00:22:28.460
This goes back to the parable of the talents. I'm going to give you more. I'm going to give you
00:22:33.260
more abundance. I'm going to give you more prosperity. I'm going to give you more opportunities.
00:22:39.300
I'm going to give you more in your life, period, bottom line. So when you see guys who are like,
00:22:46.100
man, that guy always wins. Like everything he touches turns to gold. There's people I think of
00:22:51.620
in my own personal circle, you know, Pete Roberts, Andy Frisilla, Ed Milet, Jocko. I could go John
00:23:01.020
Dudley. I could go on and on. And these guys look like you see them. It's like, man, everything they
00:23:05.720
touch turns to gold and granted they have their challenges, of course. But the reason it feels
00:23:10.020
like that is because those men are good stewards over the resources they have. And they're expressing
00:23:15.600
gratitude for it, which means there's more reverence for it, which means they're more diligent,
00:23:20.080
which means that they're getting more reward because of their level of diligence.
00:23:25.280
This is not rocket science. It might feel a little woo-woo and kind of out there, but I promise you,
00:23:31.100
and that's why I said God or karma or the universe or whatever you choose to look at it. And some of
00:23:35.280
you guys maybe don't believe in any of that stuff, but I'm telling you, it's 100% real. It's 100% real.
00:23:42.560
So that's the difference, men, between somebody who's complacent and somebody who is content.
00:23:46.800
Now, look, we slide back and forth on the sliding scale of content versus complacency,
00:23:52.200
but my goal personally is to move more from just being complacent and resting on my laurels,
00:23:58.260
because we have had success, to somebody who's not only content with what he has,
00:24:01.780
but is actively working towards what could become. Which one are you? Which mindset are you?
00:24:08.680
Which of these factors do you ascribe to? And where did that come from? Who told you that?
00:24:14.000
Did your parents tell you that? Did you learn that from your friends? Did you learn that through
00:24:18.480
random experiences that you may have had and does it serve you? So let's recap and then we'll call
00:24:25.580
it a day. So number one, are you stagnant or are you evolving? Number two, do you have a scarcity
00:24:31.240
mindset or an abundance mindset? Number three, are you oblivious to what's going on or do you have peace
00:24:38.320
in your life because you're working towards future growth? Number four, are you passive hoping
00:24:43.160
opportunities will come to you or are you assertive in going and looking for and creating those
00:24:47.800
opportunities yourself? And number five, is there contention in your life or is there a level of
00:24:53.740
graciousness for what it is you have, which will again, yield reverence and respect, which turns into
00:25:02.920
diligence, which turns into greater blessings. All right, guys, that's all I've got for you today.
00:25:07.160
Again, if you want to check out the main event, which is October 7th through the 9th, that's that
00:25:12.960
Columbus Day weekend of 2022. You can go to orderofman.com slash main event. That's 40% booked
00:25:19.600
right now. So you'll want to do that very, very quickly. Orderofman.com slash main event as in the
00:25:24.300
state main. Also check out the Iron Council. That's our exclusive brotherhood where we're talking about
00:25:30.100
things like this. We're having one-to-one conversations. We're holding each other accountable.
00:25:34.680
In fact, at this last main event, we had, if I remember correctly, about 73, 74 Iron Council
00:25:40.480
members. Many of the Iron Council members who came were part of battle teams and those battle teams
00:25:46.320
operate. They're 12 to 15 man teams that operate as a tight knit unit walking through this thing we
00:25:51.220
call life together. So check that out at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. All right,
00:25:57.380
you guys, you've got your marching orders. I will be back next week. Until then, go out there,
00:26:02.640
take action, and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man
00:26:07.460
podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:26:12.560
we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.