Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.420 Kip, what's up, man? Glad to be joining you. We're doing things a little different today, so we thought we'd try something new.

00:00:30.160 Which is video.

00:00:31.960 You're definitely going to bring this down. The rankings down now that we're doing video.

00:00:36.840 They're like, that's what Kip looks like? Screw that. I hate AMAs.

00:00:41.380 Well, I was telling you earlier, the reason I want to do this is I was having a good beard day today, so.

00:00:45.560 Yeah, got to show off the beard.

00:00:46.900 That's right, man. And yes, it is a thing, guys. It is a thing.

00:00:50.020 You know, just like you have good hair days, I'm having a good beard day.

00:00:52.580 In fact, your beard looks so good that we couldn't get the mic working properly,

00:00:56.980 and I actually think Ryan was able to hear me because his beard picked up the vibrations of the conversation.

00:01:03.740 They're like antennas.

00:01:05.020 Like superpowers, yeah.

00:01:05.920 That's what it is. That's exactly what it is.

00:01:08.560 Yeah, guys, we're going to do this different.

00:01:10.100 For those of you who don't even know what the hell we're talking about in the first place,

00:01:13.080 this is our Ask Me Anything.

00:01:14.740 So, Kip and I are fielding questions from the Facebook group and Iron Council and Patreon

00:01:18.880 and just about anywhere you can find us.

00:01:21.580 So, we'll be answering those questions, but the thing that we're doing different today

00:01:25.440 is we're doing video because I think, I was thinking to myself, in 2019,

00:01:29.760 I want to do more video for YouTube specifically.

00:01:33.280 We've got all this content. We might as well make it available on YouTube as well.

00:01:36.900 And then I had made a video post the other day somewhere.

00:01:40.580 I think it was on YouTube or Instagram, wherever it was.

00:01:43.520 And I was getting after guys who were waiting until 2019 to start their New Year's resolutions.

00:01:47.900 I said, what are you waiting for? Just start right now.

00:01:49.660 So, I figured I'd take a little bit of my own advice and just launch this thing.

00:01:53.880 And if you're tuning in on YouTube, then just bear with us.

00:01:59.260 We're going to get better at this just like we'll get better with audio and everything else.

00:02:02.900 And yeah, I mean, you got a little guy above your shoulder there.

00:02:06.920 I don't know who that guy is, but…

00:02:09.560 I drew that during a meeting last week because I was bored.

00:02:13.140 I can tell. I can tell you were bored.

00:02:15.440 Who is that guy?

00:02:16.560 I have no idea.

00:02:17.480 Just a random guy. All right.

00:02:18.560 See, now we're going to have to start being all careful.

00:02:22.460 Like, no more doing the podcast in my underwear.

00:02:25.800 Now, I have to worry about what's going on.

00:02:26.940 I wish I wouldn't have known that, man.

00:02:28.200 It'd be tough.

00:02:28.780 I didn't know that.

00:02:29.560 I'm glad that I didn't.

00:02:30.740 But now I do, so…

00:02:32.180 Well, you want to do video when you have a good beer day?

00:02:34.640 I'm going to do video when I have good ab day.

00:02:38.860 Fair enough.

00:02:40.040 Fair enough.

00:02:41.560 All right, guys.

00:02:42.440 Oh, boy.

00:02:42.840 Let's get into the questions.

00:02:43.740 We got some good questions today.

00:02:44.900 I think we're actually going to start filtering the questions a little bit too because we've

00:02:47.760 got so many questions and most of them are really good.

00:02:50.760 90% of them are really good.

00:02:52.860 10% are really not good.

00:02:55.420 So, we're going to start filtering these questions so we can make sure that we are addressing the

00:03:00.080 most relevant conversations and topics.

00:03:02.480 Yeah.

00:03:02.740 And don't take it personal, guys.

00:03:04.040 If we don't get…

00:03:04.640 No, take it personal.

00:03:05.460 Just improve your questions.

00:03:07.540 Change.

00:03:08.360 That's right.

00:03:08.860 You're better.

00:03:10.660 All right.

00:03:11.240 What do we got for question one, man?

00:03:13.060 Question number one.

00:03:14.260 Filip Goncalves.

00:03:18.520 Do you guys struggle with temptation to cheat or have you overcame that in some way?

00:03:24.680 Dude.

00:03:24.820 I never…

00:03:25.420 Oh, sorry.

00:03:26.400 Sorry.

00:03:26.920 I was so excited to answer this question.

00:03:29.040 Keep going.

00:03:29.460 Sorry.

00:03:29.920 Okay.

00:03:30.340 I never had sex with anyone apart from my wife and the curiosity is eating at me inside.

00:03:36.380 Okay.

00:03:37.240 I'm glad I let you keep going because I didn't realize he was talking about like cheating

00:03:41.600 on your partner because I was going to be…

00:03:44.400 I was going to say, yes, I want to cheat and like cheat myself all the time.

00:03:48.960 But now that I know…

00:03:49.780 Good thing you didn't say yes.

00:03:50.980 Yes.

00:03:51.280 Yes.

00:03:52.120 I have never, ever in my entire life been tempted to cheat on my spouse.

00:03:58.160 I can say that with 100% certainty and conviction because I think that is one of the absolute

00:04:06.880 most disgusting worst things that you can do.

00:04:10.800 When you commit to another human being, then you fully commit.

00:04:15.980 Now, look, that's not to say that I'm not a man, right?

00:04:19.800 I mean, I can recognize an attractive woman walking down the street.

00:04:22.540 I can appreciate the beauty in even another woman that isn't my wife, but I have never,

00:04:29.380 ever been tempted to step out on her because I made a commitment and I'm a man of my word.

00:04:36.300 I don't know how else to say that other than don't.

00:04:40.720 Don't.

00:04:41.620 And if you have, fix it.

00:04:44.920 Rectify it.

00:04:45.840 Fix the problem.

00:04:46.560 Correct the problem.

00:04:47.440 We've had guys who, friends of mine, friends of ours, in fact, who have stepped out on

00:04:52.700 their wives and through communication and us talking, you know, they've told their spouses

00:04:58.140 and some of these guys have actually gone through divorces because of it.

00:05:02.020 Other guys have been able to salvage and repair the relationship to some degree.

00:05:07.640 I'm just telling you, it's not good.

00:05:10.980 Yeah.

00:05:11.160 I don't know how else to say it.

00:05:12.340 No, never.

00:05:13.360 Well, and this is, there's two parts of his question, right?

00:05:18.620 One is the curiosity is eating at me.

00:05:21.920 Well, feel it.

00:05:22.480 First off, get, get past that.

00:05:24.920 Be curious with your wife, dude.

00:05:26.460 Dude.

00:05:26.980 Like you've got, you've got, you've got this, this, this beautiful, this, this woman that

00:05:30.380 you're attracted to.

00:05:32.140 Explore with her.

00:05:33.000 Be curious with her.

00:05:34.220 Like be spontaneous.

00:05:36.020 Take her out.

00:05:36.940 Woo her.

00:05:37.280 Try to win her over.

00:05:38.320 Uh, you know, court her, continue to court her, experiment, try new things within the kind,

00:05:43.160 confines of the boundaries and parameters in which you've established for yourselves.

00:05:46.900 But you look, you don't, you don't need to go out and create the grass is not always

00:05:52.340 greener on the other side.

00:05:53.480 Yeah.

00:05:54.200 Create some of that for yourself in your current relationship.

00:05:57.600 And Ryan, if you don't mind, like, I, I think we have to say this, right?

00:06:00.820 Because I don't think, I think some guys that are listening right now may struggle with

00:06:06.740 relating to you, right?

00:06:08.100 Because at this point you're going, Hey, never done whatever.

00:06:11.860 Well, they're obviously feel it as well as other guys do struggle with this.

00:06:17.160 Right.

00:06:17.640 And so I would suggest to, to you guys, the temptation to cheat.

00:06:23.740 What's the foundation of it?

00:06:25.900 Is it because you feel great because you're getting attention from someone else because

00:06:31.060 you feel loved or you know what I mean?

00:06:34.140 Like, because something is more lack, more likely lacking in your marriage and you're

00:06:39.660 looking elsewhere for it.

00:06:41.060 Then if that's the case, then fix the marriage, right?

00:06:44.640 Make the necessary adjustments.

00:06:46.260 So you don't have the temptation or the emotional benefit of looking for affection and or affirmation

00:06:55.720 for whatever from someone else.

00:06:57.580 Right.

00:06:58.100 Like I, and I do think that's where, I think that's where most temptations come from.

00:07:01.900 I really do.

00:07:02.400 I don't think, I don't know.

00:07:04.540 I'm, I might be wrong, but if I had to assume, I would assume most temptations to cheat are

00:07:10.300 founded on the idea that the individual does not feel loved and there's something lacking

00:07:15.340 in their current relationship.

00:07:16.940 Yeah.

00:07:17.060 I mean, if, if something wasn't lacking, they wouldn't go out and actively seek it.

00:07:21.420 Right.

00:07:22.020 Totally.

00:07:22.380 I think that's a fair assessment, which is a mad prop to your wife with the fact that

00:07:27.260 like, dude, this is not even on my radar.

00:07:29.020 That tells me, Hey, things are good in the Mickler home, right?

00:07:33.220 Sometimes.

00:07:33.960 Yeah.

00:07:34.660 No, not always, but never to agree where I think that that's ever acceptable.

00:07:39.320 Yeah.

00:07:39.940 And, and I don't even think if you're going through a separation, no, not during a separate,

00:07:44.460 you're still married.

00:07:45.400 Yeah.

00:07:46.020 If you're in the process of a divorce, no, you're still married.

00:07:49.420 And I would even go so far as to say, don't have sex with another woman, even when you're

00:07:55.800 freshly out of a marriage, that also is a recipe for disaster.

00:07:59.860 I don't think morally, maybe there's nothing wrong with that necessarily.

00:08:03.360 Other than I think you probably should wait until you're married to have sex.

00:08:09.300 But I think there's so much baggage that comes with connecting with a woman physically like

00:08:16.420 that, that if it's not done in the confines of a committed relationship, it poses all sorts

00:08:21.380 of serious problems.

00:08:23.060 And I'm a huge advocate of, of being married in order to engage in sex.

00:08:29.380 Yeah.

00:08:29.500 And your head's not right.

00:08:30.960 That's what I'm saying.

00:08:31.820 During divorce, you're going into a relationship all just jacked up and messed up.

00:08:37.020 It's not going to be a good time.

00:08:38.360 Yep.

00:08:39.000 100%.

00:08:39.400 Cool.

00:08:39.740 What else?

00:08:40.460 Cool.

00:08:40.980 Michael J.

00:08:43.040 John Kaj.

00:08:44.420 John Kaj.

00:08:45.360 We got some good names today.

00:08:46.480 I know, dude.

00:08:47.280 Like, I swear these guys make these names up.

00:08:49.560 They change them on Facebook just to like trip me up.

00:08:52.800 That's right.

00:08:53.140 All right.

00:08:53.600 Gents, me and my friends are so far from, so far, a small group of men from Central Europe

00:08:59.900 trying to establish an online manhood fellowship.

00:09:02.780 Any advice for us?

00:09:04.160 No, come on, dude.

00:09:06.340 Go ahead, Mark.

00:09:06.920 Just do what I did.

00:09:10.200 Join the Iron Council.

00:09:13.200 Yeah.

00:09:13.720 Find the other guys in the Facebook group that are in your region.

00:09:16.440 Or better yet, get a good number of Europe guys together and we'll do an order of man

00:09:21.880 meetup.

00:09:22.280 There you go.

00:09:22.680 That would be cool.

00:09:23.480 I'd be all about that.

00:09:24.680 Australia.

00:09:25.180 I get a lot of guys from Australia talk about that too.

00:09:27.360 Yeah.

00:09:27.560 I mean, definitely.

00:09:28.640 We've already created that, right?

00:09:29.900 So, join us.

00:09:31.040 Now, that being said, if you want to create your own thing, just do what we did.

00:09:35.060 Just like follow the model.

00:09:37.280 I mean, look, success leaves clues everywhere.

00:09:40.620 So, if you want to do something, it's probably safe to assume that somebody else has already

00:09:44.400 done it.

00:09:45.020 If you want to be a great Brazilian jiu-jitsu tacticianer, then find somebody who's good at

00:09:49.660 jiu-jitsu.

00:09:50.020 If you want to be an Olympic powerlifter, find an Olympic powerlifter.

00:09:54.520 Buy their books.

00:09:55.120 Buy their courses.

00:09:55.840 Do exactly what they do.

00:09:57.400 If you want to be successful in your relationship, find other men who are great husbands, who

00:10:01.880 are successful in the relationship and have been married for 30, 40, 50, 60 years and ask

00:10:06.180 what they've done in order to create that.

00:10:08.920 It's already there.

00:10:09.960 The blueprint is there.

00:10:12.120 We have this crazy, and look, I get it.

00:10:14.200 We have this independence and this creative mindset where we want to create something and

00:10:18.320 there's times to be creative, and there's times where you shouldn't be creative, where

00:10:22.280 you should just mimic what everybody else has already done, and it's likely through those

00:10:26.260 activities and exercises that you're going to yield similar results.

00:10:30.240 So, if you're looking to create something like we've created, just do what I did.

00:10:34.220 Or, if you're not interested in creating that, you just want to be part of that, then it's

00:10:38.860 probably more efficient just to tap into what it is that we've already done.

00:10:43.880 Yeah, which is, you can learn more, Michael, at orderofman.com.

00:10:48.320 And just so you know, for the European slash Asian, Asia Pacific listeners, we have a battle

00:10:58.860 team actually getting ramped up right now in your guys' time zone, and we have a number

00:11:03.240 of international guys within the Iron Council.

00:11:06.660 So, you know, with like-minded men, obviously not as probably geographically close to each

00:11:12.600 other, but at least in the same time zone.

00:11:15.080 And the way that things are growing, you know, it's just probably just a matter of time until

00:11:18.980 we get more guys in Central Europe, so.

00:11:21.700 Yep.

00:11:22.020 And you guys, your team, Team Echo, what, probably six months ago or so, did an actual meetup

00:11:28.060 where you guys hiked and did a camp out for two or three days, I think.

00:11:31.840 So, there's a lot of local opportunities, regional opportunities, I should say, in addition

00:11:36.260 to what we're doing digitally.

00:11:37.140 Yeah, for sure.

00:11:39.040 I got all excited with the idea of doing an order of man meetup in Europe, or Aussie,

00:11:45.740 that'd be awesome.

00:11:46.220 I think we should do that.

00:11:47.760 I think we should.

00:11:48.560 Make it happen, guys.

00:11:49.500 Give us the numbers.

00:11:50.360 Now, we got two guys in South Korea, so.

00:11:52.560 Yeah.

00:11:53.080 We'll be there before too long.

00:11:54.580 All right, next question.

00:11:56.160 Jeff Daggle, any advice for an expecting father?

00:12:00.400 I have a niece and a nephew, but of course, it's not the same.

00:12:03.180 Any advice on raising a child in this crazy current society?

00:12:08.260 Yeah.

00:12:08.800 The best advice I can give you is render yourself obsolete.

00:12:12.220 That's it.

00:12:13.140 Everything that you do, everything that you engage in, every experience, every conversation,

00:12:18.440 everything that you do, and granted, this will happen a little as he or she gets older,

00:12:23.020 is designed to put yourself out of a job.

00:12:25.240 If more parents, more fathers understood that that was the mission, I think the world would

00:12:29.880 be a better place.

00:12:30.560 But we have these helicopter parents.

00:12:32.200 We have these people who want to come in and swoop down and rescue their children from

00:12:37.660 any bit of challenge or adversity.

00:12:40.820 And quite frankly, it's selfish.

00:12:43.040 That's what it is.

00:12:44.040 It's selfish.

00:12:45.020 If you can't teach your child to be self-sufficient and self-sustaining, it's not anything that doesn't

00:12:51.560 speak to the child.

00:12:52.280 It speaks to your inability to get over your own damn feelings and do what's in the kids'

00:12:58.480 best interest.

00:12:59.240 To save a child every time he gets on a little bit of a challenge, and I'm not saying a dangerous

00:13:03.520 situation.

00:13:04.400 I'm saying some adversity, some challenge.

00:13:06.660 If you come in and you swoop down and you rescue those kids, you are doing them a huge

00:13:11.560 disservice.

00:13:12.080 So, there's a point in time early, of course, where they're a baby, where it's, look, the

00:13:18.300 mother is going to play a significantly larger role.

00:13:20.620 Because what does the baby do?

00:13:22.260 Eats, shits, sleeps, and cries.

00:13:25.400 And frankly, there's not a whole lot you can do about that.

00:13:28.360 And that's great.

00:13:29.180 Like where a mother comes in with nurturing and empathy and love.

00:13:33.140 And not that men can't exhibit those things, but generally speaking, that is more exhibited

00:13:37.480 by women.

00:13:38.900 As your child gets older and develops and starts to interact and speak and has some motor skills,

00:13:45.000 and as my boys get older and my daughter, and we're able to wrestle around and throw a baseball

00:13:49.980 and interact more, I become more engaged.

00:13:53.580 My wife even talked about it with our youngest, because our youngest is two and a half now.

00:14:00.480 And we were just talking about this the other night.

00:14:02.140 I said, you know he's becoming mine, right?

00:14:04.860 Because we can notice like when the shift happens, like my, specifically my boys have

00:14:10.440 started to like shift away from mom, and now they're over more towards like, now I want

00:14:15.140 to be with and like dad.

00:14:17.040 So, you'll start to get more engaged.

00:14:18.360 But again, your job as a father is to render yourself obsolete.

00:14:22.140 Totally.

00:14:23.480 To your point, Ryan, I mean, I think too that when we swoop in and save Timmy, when he's

00:14:28.820 struggling, when he's younger, we're just perpetuating for when he gets older.

00:14:34.720 And then when we, then the consequences for actions get more severe as the older they get.

00:14:41.880 And so, what are you going to do when we've always saved our child from pain and suffering,

00:14:46.760 and then all of a sudden, they turn 19 and 18 and go up to college?

00:14:50.260 Right.

00:14:50.700 Dude.

00:14:51.980 Well, these are those kids who come back and move in with mom and dad, and they can't make

00:14:56.360 it, and they can't find a job, and they don't have any money.

00:14:59.360 That's your fault as a parent.

00:15:01.580 Are there some outlying experiences?

00:15:04.400 Maybe?

00:15:04.540 Yeah, sure.

00:15:05.000 But for the most part, barring some sort of physical or mental incapacity to do those

00:15:11.880 things, that's your fault if your kids are coming back and doing that stuff because you

00:15:16.260 didn't teach them the lessons, or you didn't allow them to learn the lessons that needed

00:15:19.300 to be learned.

00:15:20.280 Yeah.

00:15:20.380 You know, one thing that came to mind when you're sharing, Ryan, is for me, I think my

00:15:27.620 lessons learned from my older kids is just the importance of being intentional.

00:15:33.420 That, the idea that now, I got to act now.

00:15:36.720 There's no like, oh, when work slows down, or when things get, you know, when I get more

00:15:41.420 time, then I'll spend more time with them.

00:15:43.260 Dude, I think we have to be, as fathers, we have to be very, very intentional and plan

00:15:49.160 and just really take advantage of the time that we have because it goes by so quick.

00:15:55.800 You know, one of the things I, it's kind of weird, it's morbid actually, is I've really

00:16:00.440 been contemplating my own death, and I know that sounds like, oh, that's morbid.

00:16:04.660 It is a little bit, but dude, I'm going to die.

00:16:07.900 Like, if that thought doesn't drive you to do something different with your life, you

00:16:15.560 might be a psychopath.

00:16:18.560 You're going to die, and that's not, that's not, I don't say that so that you feel bad

00:16:25.460 about that.

00:16:26.100 I say that so that you understand that we have a very, very short time in this life before

00:16:31.440 we're dead, and nobody fully knows what happens when we die.

00:16:35.580 You don't have faith.

00:16:36.320 I have some belief in what happens, but I don't fully know.

00:16:41.060 So, I've got this experience that we call life to take advantage of, and I don't know

00:16:45.940 if it ends tomorrow, or today, or if it ends in 50 years.

00:16:49.960 I have no idea, but I want to make the most of it.

00:16:52.880 Just last night, my son, I coach his, my oldest son's basketball team, and we got home, and

00:16:59.460 he went and got in the shower, and mom had left some food on the table for him and I, or

00:17:03.120 food on the stove for him and I, and he went and got in the shower.

00:17:06.320 And I went upstairs, and I was checking some messages on my phone in my room, and he got

00:17:11.480 out of the shower, he went downstairs, he got himself some food, and he sat down, and

00:17:15.360 I heard him down there, and then he came up, and he's like, Dad, and he yelled from downstairs.

00:17:19.620 He said, Dad, will you come downstairs and eat with me?

00:17:22.060 And I caught myself, I'm like, dude, what are you doing right now?

00:17:29.060 You're on your damn phone, and your son wants to spend some time with you and have a conversation

00:17:35.260 with you over dinner, and you're on your phone?

00:17:39.100 Yeah.

00:17:39.260 So, I said, yeah, absolutely, because I caught myself.

00:17:42.900 I put my phone down immediately.

00:17:44.600 I went down there, I had some dinner, we had a couple little conversations.

00:17:48.000 The conversations weren't life-altering significant conversations, but they were at the same time

00:17:53.760 because we sat down and we engaged.

00:17:55.860 You do that enough over and over and over again, there's going to come a point in time where

00:17:59.840 I don't have that opportunity, where I would give anything, literally anything, to be able

00:18:05.260 to sit down and have a conversation with any one of my children, and that opportunity won't be there.

00:18:10.640 So, just recognize that this time flies, man.

00:18:12.760 It really does.

00:18:13.780 You think that's morbid?

00:18:14.780 I was studying stoicism.

00:18:18.600 I can't remember which book, and I don't even remember what they call this practice.

00:18:23.520 It's like a negative visualization, I think, is what they called it, or something else.

00:18:28.720 But the author suggested that Stoics, what they would do is often contemplate not only their death,

00:18:38.340 but the death of their loved ones as a way to be present to the moment and what is available to them

00:18:47.020 and what may fleet them, right, that they may lose.

00:18:50.980 And I actually did that for a period of time and guaranteed, do you think my goodbye to my daughters

00:18:59.840 going to school in the morning were drastically different?

00:19:03.440 Like, I wasn't visualizing, like, how they would die, but I thought, you know what?

00:19:08.720 They may die while I'm at work today.

00:19:11.080 So, how am I going to show up and how am I going to say goodbye to them today?

00:19:15.540 Like, that is so drastically different, right?

00:19:18.380 And it was profound.

00:19:19.340 It really made me be a lot more present when I was with them by practicing that.

00:19:25.580 So, I don't know.

00:19:26.420 Interesting.

00:19:27.000 That's a good point.

00:19:27.860 And I'm going to say something at the risk of maybe offending some people here,

00:19:31.320 is it actually makes all of you guys listening a whole lot less relevant.

00:19:37.320 And I know that might sound harsh because I'm here to serve you guys,

00:19:40.340 and I want you to thrive, and I want you to win.

00:19:42.200 But at the end of the day, like, I got to focus on those priorities.

00:19:45.640 And I think all too often, we get those priorities so skewed and so backwards.

00:19:51.460 You know, we're on social media, and we're doing this podcast, and we're on YouTube trying

00:19:55.820 to impress people we don't even know.

00:19:58.520 Yeah.

00:19:59.100 More so than just being a coach to your kids or sitting down and having breakfast or dinner

00:20:05.300 with them because I'm dinking around on Instagram trying to put a post out when I should be having

00:20:09.420 breakfast or dinner with my family.

00:20:12.020 So, I think it's a good practice as long as it's driving you to do good things, right?

00:20:18.020 Because it could also drive you to despair if you're thinking too heavily on that stuff.

00:20:23.180 Right?

00:20:23.520 Or cause you to freeze up.

00:20:25.160 For example, my wife and I are going on a trip this week.

00:20:29.800 And if I focus and dwell so heavily on that, then I'm not going to leave.

00:20:34.180 Like, I'm not going to go experience life in the way that it was meant to be experienced

00:20:39.220 because I'm afraid, right?

00:20:40.900 So, we have to be very careful to use that.

00:20:44.380 I don't know if negative visualization is the term, but using that in a constructive way

00:20:48.940 as opposed to a destructive way.

00:20:50.940 To drive action.

00:20:51.860 Right.

00:20:52.360 Right.

00:20:53.040 Cool.

00:20:53.760 What's next?

00:20:54.720 All right.

00:20:55.280 Tom, Garura, how to push through change.

00:20:59.720 I know what I need to do, what's right, and what's helpful, but I don't do that.

00:21:04.960 How do I push through this?

00:21:07.140 Do it.

00:21:10.480 Like, why don't, I don't understand.

00:21:12.360 You know what you need to do, do it.

00:21:15.040 Well, I'm trying to think right now as I'm saying this, like, what would keep you from

00:21:19.820 doing it?

00:21:20.380 That it's hard, maybe, that you don't have a plan, that you don't have a system in place,

00:21:26.740 that you're not tied enough to the work itself.

00:21:30.440 These are all things I would think that would keep you from doing that.

00:21:33.520 So, what I would suggest is you figure out why the hell you're not doing these things.

00:21:38.000 What is it?

00:21:38.560 Is it that it's hard?

00:21:39.720 Is it that your schedule doesn't make it work?

00:21:42.120 Is it that it doesn't really seem appealing to you?

00:21:44.960 Is it because you don't think it'll actually move the needle and there's no faith in what

00:21:48.240 you're doing?

00:21:48.740 What is keeping you from doing it?

00:21:51.720 Delve deep, drive down deep into that thing and figure out, okay, it's because,

00:21:56.740 I don't feel that this is actually going to move the needle.

00:22:01.800 Well, maybe it won't.

00:22:03.260 Maybe there's something else you should try or maybe you just use it to prove.

00:22:06.980 Okay, I don't think this will move a needle, but I'm going to try it for 30 days and see.

00:22:10.540 I'm just going to experiment and see.

00:22:12.440 And if it moves the needle, okay, now there's some credibility there, right?

00:22:16.860 But if it doesn't move the needle, then you go back to the drawing board and figure out

00:22:19.780 something that does.

00:22:20.460 I think there's an underlying root of why you're not doing it, but you may not understand

00:22:25.000 what it is, the closer you can figure it out, the more likely it is that you're going to

00:22:28.660 do that thing or something else that's actually going to get you where you want to go.

00:22:32.500 Yeah.

00:22:32.840 You know, what causes me to not take action is I think that today is special.

00:22:39.760 The rule, like, is the exception to the rule.

00:22:42.620 Oh, you know, today's the bad day, not today.

00:22:45.860 Tomorrow will be bad.

00:22:47.020 Like, I honestly, like, truly believe sometimes that today is actually unique.

00:22:52.680 And it justifies some adjustment to my commitments or my schedule because, I mean, it's just crazy

00:22:59.160 today, today, but, you know, it's going to be normal tomorrow.

00:23:02.060 So, and the irony is, is I'll wait forever for that normal day and it never comes, right?

00:23:09.160 So, I don't know.

00:23:10.020 I'm just sharing what, what is the number one thing that holds me back is that concept

00:23:14.540 that I think today's the exception to the rule.

00:23:17.880 And, uh, I think a lot of people deal with that.

00:23:20.460 It's, it's kind of the mentality of like, this is the one that always cracks me up.

00:23:25.140 2019 is going to be my year.

00:23:27.660 2018 was just a warmup.

00:23:30.060 Yeah.

00:23:30.640 It's like, oh my goodness.

00:23:32.140 I bet that the majority of you saying that it, and look, I don't want to beat you up if

00:23:37.160 you're, if you have goals.

00:23:38.060 Good.

00:23:38.560 I think that's good.

00:23:40.520 But if that's the kind of mentality that you have, like, and you're not really changing

00:23:44.420 anything about what it is you're doing, then in 20, in, in, in December of 2019, you're

00:23:49.980 going to say 2020 is my year.

00:23:53.420 2019 was my warmup.

00:23:55.200 And you're going to say that for the next two decades.

00:23:57.360 It's just super sad.

00:23:59.200 If you think about it, it is sad, man.

00:24:01.720 It's pathetic.

00:24:02.740 Sucks.

00:24:03.320 And look, I've, I've been there.

00:24:05.440 I'll give you a great little, little antidote, little story, uh, that I, that I dealt with.

00:24:10.320 This was actually a couple of years ago.

00:24:11.580 And I can't remember if I shared it here or somewhere else, but I had some fencing, uh,

00:24:15.540 brought to my house.

00:24:16.260 Cause we were putting up the fence in our backyard and the guy came over, pleasant guy, nice

00:24:20.920 guy, hard worker, came over, pulled the fence off the truck.

00:24:24.560 And, and I, and I, I told him where I'd like it to be set.

00:24:27.160 And he was bringing it over there.

00:24:28.260 And he's like, so what is it you do for work?

00:24:29.800 And I told him about order, man, what I'm doing.

00:24:31.940 He's like, man, that sounds really cool.

00:24:33.760 He's like, I actually wanted to start something like that.

00:24:36.140 Uh, like a while back when I was, you know, 20 or whatever, and he's probably 40 now.

00:24:42.080 So 20 years ago.

00:24:43.380 And I said, that's cool.

00:24:45.980 Why didn't you?

00:24:47.580 And he's like, well, I, I, you know, I had a new kid, I had a new family and, and I had

00:24:53.060 some college and I was just trying to get things kicked off the ground.

00:24:55.720 And my wife and I were really struggling and things like that.

00:24:58.180 And I said, oh yeah, I get that.

00:24:59.440 That's, there's always, it's always hard.

00:25:01.140 Why don't you do it now?

00:25:03.300 And he's like, well, you know, like my kid, I'm paying for my kids.

00:25:06.140 College and, and I'm busy with work and I'm about to get a promotion.

00:25:09.980 And so he had all these little reasons.

00:25:11.420 Right.

00:25:12.300 And I just thought, man, this is really sad because in 20 years, he's going to be dropping

00:25:16.800 fence off to me or somebody else.

00:25:19.840 And he's going to say the same thing.

00:25:22.240 Oh man, I had this opportunity 20 years ago.

00:25:24.780 And I was talking to this, this ugly bearded dude about doing this business.

00:25:28.820 And I really thought about it, but then I came up with all the reasons why I didn't want

00:25:31.800 to do it.

00:25:32.780 He'll be saying the same thing in 20 years.

00:25:34.740 And I just thought, man, how sad, but how typical, right?

00:25:41.260 How many men are saying this?

00:25:43.860 And they've been saying the same thing over and over and over and over again, potentially

00:25:49.340 for 10, 15, 20, 40 years.

00:25:53.040 Guys, we've got to do better.

00:25:55.280 We've got to understand that there's something greater and bigger and grander than we currently

00:25:59.820 have, regardless of where you are right now.

00:26:02.320 And we've got to tie that to some very specific actions that we will execute day in and day

00:26:09.660 out.

00:26:10.640 Not for a year, not for two years, but for the rest of your life.

00:26:16.600 When I make a commitment to go to the gym, it's not so I can get the 90 day beach body,

00:26:20.700 although that would be great.

00:26:22.580 It's so that I can be healthy for life.

00:26:26.900 This is the kind of action that's required in order to achieve that level of success.

00:26:30.280 So I don't have to look back on my life and say, man, I had this really cool idea 20 years

00:26:34.100 ago, but I came up with all kinds of reasons and excuses as to why I couldn't do it.

00:26:39.480 I wish I would have done it.

00:26:40.380 And then somebody's going to say, why don't you do it now?

00:26:41.940 And I'm going to come up with another list and slew of excuses to keep me from doing something

00:26:45.860 great.

00:26:46.180 Something that I actually was intended to do with my time on this earth.

00:26:50.780 So get out there, man, make a change, figure out what that change is, figure out why you're

00:26:54.620 not addressing it and, uh, and do it, get it done.

00:26:59.720 And I think getting present to the impact is critical.

00:27:02.520 And, and we, we blow that off a little bit, you know, like we, we think, well, let's use

00:27:10.180 the gym as an example.

00:27:11.300 Uh, you know, it's only affecting me, you know, it's like, I'm out of shape.

00:27:16.160 Who, who cares until what your kid doesn't eat, right?

00:27:21.760 Your kid's out of shape.

00:27:23.580 You're like guys, what we do on a regular basis, the men and how we show up in life affects

00:27:29.900 other people.

00:27:31.160 It teaches our kids that this is how you live life.

00:27:33.940 This is what a man is.

00:27:35.940 This is what's acceptable.

00:27:37.420 This is how I'm going to be.

00:27:38.800 Man, the impact is massive.

00:27:42.440 You want your kids live in mediocre lives full of regret and reason for, for not taking

00:27:49.660 advantage of opportunities and learning some grit and being difficult.

00:27:54.380 Is that what you want for your kids?

00:27:56.320 Then don't have that for you.

00:27:57.360 Don't accept that for yourself.

00:27:59.420 Right.

00:27:59.600 You know, we, we have a tendency to think that it only affects us.

00:28:02.040 It's, it's massive.

00:28:03.360 I mean, we could look at you, Ryan, and look at because you chose.

00:28:08.120 If you chose to level up, right?

00:28:10.200 And start this podcast to start the iron council, what was the impact?

00:28:16.180 It's infinite.

00:28:17.500 It's incalculable.

00:28:18.380 It's huge.

00:28:19.560 Right.

00:28:19.960 And what if you didn't do it?

00:28:22.380 Yeah.

00:28:23.520 Guaranteed.

00:28:23.980 We could come up with a massive list of all the reasons why you shouldn't have.

00:28:27.200 Of course.

00:28:27.760 You know, you already got a day job.

00:28:29.660 This podcast is not going to make you any money.

00:28:31.460 It's a little side hobby.

00:28:32.500 What if people criticize you for your thoughts?

00:28:34.740 And there's so many reasons and excuses you could have came up with, but because you chose

00:28:40.400 not to act on them or accept them as valid reasons, the impact was massive.

00:28:46.800 And I, and I think each man, to your point earlier, has that level of impact, but we just

00:28:52.380 don't act on it.

00:28:53.280 And so we don't even know what's missing.

00:28:55.780 Right.

00:28:56.280 Potential impact, right?

00:28:57.660 Potential.

00:28:58.320 Potential.

00:28:58.720 Yeah.

00:28:59.580 It's, and it's crazy.

00:29:00.940 And it's kind of sad if you think about it.

00:29:02.920 It's only sad if you're not executing, not working towards it, but it's extremely positive

00:29:07.540 and uplifting and inspiring when you see a man working towards something that he feels

00:29:11.420 compelled to do.

00:29:12.460 Did you just say that you're inspiring to yourself?

00:29:15.120 Is that?

00:29:15.880 Yeah.

00:29:16.540 Yeah.

00:29:16.920 I inspire.

00:29:17.760 I look in the mirror and I just think, damn, I'm inspired.

00:29:22.240 I figured it out, man.

00:29:25.460 I'm inspired by people every day, man.

00:29:27.580 And I think that's why we like, we like the underdog.

00:29:30.920 I think that's why we like sports and we root for the underdog and we root for the guy

00:29:34.720 who, who came from nothing and created everything because we see a bit of ourselves in him.

00:29:40.060 And also a little sad, sometimes we live vicariously through that individual as well.

00:29:46.560 Oh, that's awesome.

00:29:47.480 Rudy, man, just this little guy who didn't really have anything going on, but just so much

00:29:51.800 heart and so much determination and so much effort.

00:29:53.840 And we get the same sense of feeling and pride and satisfaction.

00:29:57.760 That's why I know I tease you about this, but that's why a lot of guys say, oh, our team

00:30:02.540 did it.

00:30:03.100 Our team did it.

00:30:05.000 Like you did anything more than pay a few bucks for a seat to watch these guys play.

00:30:10.180 And look, I'm not beating up watching competitive sports.

00:30:13.060 I don't watch professional sports outside of usually UFC.

00:30:16.960 I mean, that's, that's like the extent of it, which is the same thing essentially, but

00:30:20.920 I've never, ever said when somebody won have said, we did it.

00:30:26.480 Yes, we won because we didn't do anything.

00:30:31.120 Yeah.

00:30:31.620 I'm not so crazy to live vicariously through other people, but I am inspired by those individuals

00:30:37.700 and think, man, if that person can do that, what can I do?

00:30:41.100 What can I do?

00:30:41.840 And what, what would be required in order for me to achieve levels of success that this

00:30:47.340 individual has?

00:30:48.720 Yeah, totally.

00:30:49.720 Yeah.

00:30:50.140 All right.

00:30:50.460 We better move on.

00:30:51.200 I want to keep, keep going here.

00:30:53.120 All right.

00:30:54.060 Steven.

00:30:57.420 Steven.

00:30:58.360 Steven.

00:30:59.100 What, what do Mr. Alphabet?

00:31:00.960 Alphabet.

00:31:01.600 Steven Alphabet.

00:31:02.860 I don't know.

00:31:03.480 I don't even see his last name today.

00:31:04.740 So, oh yeah, it's, yeah, it's, it's tough.

00:31:08.340 All right.

00:31:08.560 He knows.

00:31:08.800 He knows, he's well aware that his name is difficult to pronounce.

00:31:14.300 So yeah.

00:31:14.640 Steven F.

00:31:15.680 Okay.

00:31:16.200 All right.

00:31:16.840 Do you hold any regrets in your life?

00:31:18.780 If so, this is actually kind of ironic that this is the next question.

00:31:21.880 Do you hold any regrets in your life?

00:31:23.740 If so, what are they?

00:31:24.960 If not, what's the benefits you find in living without regret?

00:31:29.380 Not asking for myself, but I see a lot of people, men, especially regretting things they

00:31:34.720 did or did not do in their lives.

00:31:36.800 I've, we get this question asked periodically, right?

00:31:43.040 And I can't really think of, honestly, I can't think of something I regret.

00:31:50.140 I really can't.

00:31:51.160 I can't think of something where I'm like, oh, I really regret that decision or that indecision.

00:31:56.500 Because if, if I changed any element of my life, it would be completely different.

00:32:01.840 And I'm pretty fulfilled with where I am right now.

00:32:03.940 That doesn't mean that I'm not aspirational for more.

00:32:06.600 It just means I'm pretty, pretty fulfilled.

00:32:09.340 Yeah.

00:32:09.840 Pretty happy.

00:32:11.220 Pretty satisfied with where I am.

00:32:13.000 And it's like that butterfly effect.

00:32:15.680 You know, you change one thing and everything else changes.

00:32:17.920 So what's the benefit of living with no regret?

00:32:20.760 Well, it's certainly not ignorance.

00:32:23.600 What I mean by that is you can't, it's being free of regret does not mean that you are not

00:32:29.400 reflecting upon your past.

00:32:30.940 That's not what it means.

00:32:32.460 What it means is that you're looking at your past and the choices that you've made,

00:32:35.980 the great choices and the negative choices, the poor choices.

00:32:39.300 And I've made plenty, but all of them have been a service to me.

00:32:43.380 That's the benefit is that I look at it and think, Ooh, that was the wrong decision.

00:32:49.060 So I just learned an expensive lesson there.

00:32:51.820 And that's really what it is.

00:32:52.800 It's an expensive lesson.

00:32:53.980 Some are, some lessons are more expensive than others.

00:32:56.300 So the benefit of living a life free of regret is understanding that there's lessons to be learned.

00:33:00.240 And sometimes you just got to learn things the hard way.

00:33:02.760 John Wayne says, uh, sometimes you got to get bit to learn, right?

00:33:07.200 I can't remember what movie it is, but some, some kid that he's watching or whatever gets

00:33:11.600 bit and the mom's all upset.

00:33:12.740 And he's like, well, sometimes you got to get bit to learn.

00:33:15.640 And that's true.

00:33:16.580 Sometimes you got to touch the stove before you realize it's hot.

00:33:20.360 It's just part of life.

00:33:21.420 But look, if you touch the stove and it burns you and then you do it again, you're an idiot.

00:33:26.060 So figure out your poor choices, what they were, and don't make those same decisions,

00:33:32.740 make different decisions next time.

00:33:34.860 Ryan, do you think you can make the correlation that if you are living a life of regret that

00:33:40.180 you did not learn your lesson, that, that you're, that you didn't evolve from a bad decision?

00:33:46.880 Yeah.

00:33:46.980 You're because you're dwelling on the past rather than using it to project into the future.

00:33:50.700 Yeah.

00:33:51.520 Right.

00:33:51.760 Like you're so stuck in the past.

00:33:54.280 These are the guys who are like, man, uncle Rico, you know, from Napoleon dynamite.

00:33:59.440 If we go back 20 years, I'd take state, no doubt in my mind.

00:34:03.800 And this guy's like so stuck in the past.

00:34:06.480 He's, he's wearing the same clothes he wore.

00:34:08.900 He's got the same style.

00:34:10.500 He's doing the same things.

00:34:11.880 I mean, I know high school buddies that haven't even completely grown up since high school.

00:34:16.200 Yeah.

00:34:16.360 What are you doing?

00:34:18.400 What are you doing with your life?

00:34:20.280 So to your question, absolutely.

00:34:23.120 He's got, these are guys who are so stuck in the past that they can't use a negative

00:34:28.360 experience as a positive learning opportunity for growth in the future.

00:34:33.580 So look guys, if you're listening to this, I know there's a lot, there's probably tens,

00:34:37.560 if not hundreds of thousands of you who are listening to this right now, who are going

00:34:40.680 through a difficult time in your life, right?

00:34:42.520 You're dealing with a divorce or a separation.

00:34:45.340 Maybe you have some sort of a medical injury or illness that you're dealing with.

00:34:48.980 Uh, it's Christmas.

00:34:50.220 Sometimes that brings up, you know, some, some negative images or thoughts that, you

00:34:54.240 know, you don't, you don't have your family around or you aren't as wealthy as you would

00:34:58.100 like, or have any, as many Christmas presents under the tree as you would like.

00:35:01.960 And so we're all dealing with these difficult things.

00:35:04.280 Uh, I would say that the longer you dwell in those things, the longer you will dwell in

00:35:08.040 those things.

00:35:08.520 The sooner you realize that, Oh, this sucks.

00:35:12.940 This is painful.

00:35:14.400 What do I need to learn?

00:35:15.680 And you learn it as quickly as you possibly can.

00:35:18.440 The sooner you'll be able to dig yourself out of the hole in which you find yourself.

00:35:21.960 Yeah.

00:35:22.600 And learn in a way that, that you're happy that it happened.

00:35:27.120 Right?

00:35:27.660 Like, I mean, I'm happy.

00:35:30.400 Do you think happy?

00:35:31.440 Well, well, not happy is not the right term.

00:35:34.900 I mean, uh, the only illustrate the best illustration of this that I have is me, maybe even grateful

00:35:42.020 is the wrong word.

00:35:43.560 I could see that grateful because you learned a lesson.

00:35:46.560 I mean, I'm not, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth.

00:35:49.000 I'm just trying to figure this out.

00:35:50.500 Yeah.

00:35:50.720 So, so I've been divorced, horrible time in my life, but it was the most growing I've

00:35:57.920 ever had in my entire life.

00:35:59.760 And I honestly believe I would not even be close to the person I am today if I didn't

00:36:05.060 experience it.

00:36:06.300 So whatever that is grateful for it, kind of, but, but I have to look at it and say,

00:36:12.380 you know what, to some extent I am grateful because it, it, it created an opportunity for

00:36:17.640 me to grow and learn and you know what I mean?

00:36:20.420 And become a better person because of it.

00:36:22.040 So maybe not happy because that comes with some consequences and some negative impact.

00:36:27.640 And those kinds of things.

00:36:28.480 And, and those things are, are, are not happy about, but I am, I am grateful for the opportunity

00:36:35.680 it created for me to learn.

00:36:37.900 Yeah.

00:36:38.400 I know when we started doing our podcast or ask me anything podcast, I was talking about

00:36:42.680 Garth Brooks, the dance.

00:36:44.680 I think I talked about the dance, right?

00:36:46.060 I've got another song by Garth Brooks, unanswered prayers.

00:36:50.020 Yeah.

00:36:50.560 You heard that one?

00:36:51.360 I, I know that one.

00:36:52.920 So for those of you who don't know, shame on you first.

00:36:56.240 Garth Brooks, but let me explain.

00:36:58.260 Well, yeah.

00:36:58.440 And if you don't know, Ryan's just going to do, it's just what the first verse really

00:37:02.040 quick.

00:37:02.540 Just so everyone's.

00:37:02.880 I got my guitar right here.

00:37:04.260 You can see the bottom of it.

00:37:05.660 So I can just bust that out right now.

00:37:07.460 No.

00:37:07.720 So, so unanswered prayers.

00:37:09.360 So this guy, he, he, he likes this woman or loves this woman and he's praying to God

00:37:14.960 that, Hey, I can, I can marry this woman and she'll, she'll be mine for the rest of

00:37:18.620 life.

00:37:19.020 And it just, it doesn't work out, right?

00:37:21.380 It doesn't work out because things don't always work out the way we want them to.

00:37:25.500 And anyways, he goes on with life and he ends up marrying somebody else and he has a family

00:37:29.500 and kids and life is wonderful.

00:37:30.900 And then he happens to run into this old fling from 20 years previous.

00:37:34.100 Right.

00:37:35.020 And he just thinks to himself, man, I'm so glad.

00:37:39.500 I'm so grateful for these unanswered prayers because look at his life now, you know, look

00:37:45.540 at, look at the happiness, look at the joy that he would have never experienced had he

00:37:50.100 not had what would be a very difficult time in a breakup.

00:37:53.580 We've all been through breakups or separations or divorces and they're miserable, but look

00:37:58.660 at your life now and think, man, I worked out the way it was supposed to.

00:38:03.280 As long as you're willing to do what needs to be done in order to make it work out the

00:38:06.560 way that it's supposed to, if you wallow in it, it's not going to serve you.

00:38:09.960 But if you use it to propel you forward, it definitely will.

00:38:13.720 I'm really curious on what the list of guitar songs are that you're practicing.

00:38:19.020 Don't worry about it.

00:38:21.740 I suck at the guitar and you know, you suck every look, every time you learn something,

00:38:28.880 you suck, right?

00:38:29.660 Like that's just the nature of learning new things.

00:38:31.740 You suck at it for a while.

00:38:33.460 Yeah.

00:38:34.160 I just, I have never been musically inclined.

00:38:37.140 I've never really appreciated music as much as other people have.

00:38:41.900 I can't hear things the way other people hear them.

00:38:45.460 And so I'm like, why is this, why do I suck?

00:38:49.020 The only thing I've ever done, I remember it was in like third grade or something.

00:38:54.000 And I played the recorder.

00:38:55.460 You remember the recorder?

00:38:56.740 Yeah.

00:38:57.000 Yeah.

00:38:57.240 I remember the recorder.

00:38:58.180 Uh, and so in my life I played the recorder when I was eight or whatever and the guitar,

00:39:06.860 which I, I just suck at.

00:39:08.600 I just.

00:39:08.900 Guitar's tough.

00:39:09.640 Guitar's tough.

00:39:10.380 That I used to, I know a couple of songs on the guitar and, uh, I switched to an ukulele

00:39:15.940 because they're, they're easier to play.

00:39:20.140 Compromise.

00:39:20.740 Just compromise, man.

00:39:22.360 Just compromise.

00:39:23.380 You don't need to learn the guitar.

00:39:24.540 Just do something easier.

00:39:25.480 Go back to the recorder.

00:39:27.260 Yes, Satan.

00:39:30.560 All right.

00:39:31.180 What else do we got?

00:39:32.340 All right.

00:39:32.760 Tom.

00:39:33.280 Tell me with compromise.

00:39:34.840 It's all right.

00:39:35.440 You have good reasons, man.

00:39:37.400 Those are valid.

00:39:38.400 Your excuses are valid.

00:39:39.980 Totally valid.

00:39:40.760 It's okay.

00:39:42.240 Be, me, be mediocre with me, Ryan.

00:39:44.480 It's okay.

00:39:46.360 All right.

00:39:46.960 Tom calmly.

00:39:48.240 How do you manage the grind?

00:39:50.640 The monetary of a regular daily, weekly schedule.

00:39:53.280 How do you stay excited and motivate, motivated about things you've done a thousand times

00:39:58.520 over?

00:39:59.520 I love the grind.

00:40:00.660 I love the grind.

00:40:02.060 I actually do.

00:40:02.800 I love it.

00:40:03.680 I was in the gym this morning doing the workout and the workout was 15 rounds every minute

00:40:09.600 on the minute.

00:40:10.320 It was seven wall balls.

00:40:12.680 So you take a 20 pound wall ball and toss it up 10 feet or whatever it is.

00:40:17.260 And then once you're done with a seven, then you do a one squat clean.

00:40:25.020 And so you could pick whatever weight you wanted.

00:40:26.780 So I picked a hundred and I think I did 155 pounds.

00:40:30.780 So for 15 rounds, seven wall balls and then one squat clean.

00:40:34.280 And I just loved it.

00:40:36.860 Just the grind of it.

00:40:37.980 I'm like, oh, I'm getting through it.

00:40:39.000 I'm being robotic.

00:40:39.720 I'm being systematic.

00:40:40.660 I got to learn.

00:40:41.160 I got to improve.

00:40:41.980 And that's part of the way I get through it is like, how can I be that much more efficient?

00:40:46.420 You know, can I, can I, can I explode a little faster?

00:40:48.880 Can I work on my foot work a little better?

00:40:51.000 Is my posture right?

00:40:52.240 Is this right?

00:40:52.900 Is this that?

00:40:53.220 So even though you're in the middle of the grind, you can always improve yourself and

00:40:57.480 that desire to improve and the, in the progress and the work towards that improvement is what

00:41:01.640 for me anyways, propels me forward.

00:41:04.020 And, and I, and I also very good at, I think connecting the quote unquote grind with the

00:41:10.560 results that I'm after.

00:41:11.660 Like I'm very realistic about knowing that the level of results that I want to see with

00:41:18.300 myself requires this specific level of grind.

00:41:21.600 And the other thing I don't do is I never discount somebody's success ever, ever.

00:41:27.980 I don't.

00:41:28.560 And if I do, I catch myself very quickly and say, check yourself.

00:41:31.520 And what I mean by that is if I look at somebody who's very successful, let's just take like

00:41:37.140 the UFC fights, Max Holloway, Brian Ortega was the main card this last weekend.

00:41:43.240 You know, I think there's a lot of commentary that says, you know, this guy was lucky or that

00:41:47.740 guy, or he got a good punch or he recovered from this or recovered from that.

00:41:50.640 And I'm not just talking about this fight, but other fights as well.

00:41:53.040 And, and these are people who are discounting what it takes to get to that level.

00:41:56.720 I never do that.

00:41:58.280 I don't look at a pro quarterback and think, oh, this guy just got lucky and he was in the

00:42:02.440 right place at the right time.

00:42:03.620 I never look at somebody who is wealthy and say, oh, mommy and daddy must've helped him

00:42:07.720 along the way.

00:42:08.380 Because what you're doing is you're discounting the grind that it took that individual to

00:42:14.780 actually get what they have.

00:42:16.040 I do the same thing with actors.

00:42:17.480 Like it's very easy to look at an actor and think, oh, well, the rock, he's just big and,

00:42:22.380 and, and athletic and handsome.

00:42:24.980 And so, of course, like it's just going to happen.

00:42:27.300 Come on.

00:42:27.840 Like, really?

00:42:28.400 You think that's all it takes?

00:42:30.840 Appreciate the fact that those people who achieve high levels at any aspect of life have

00:42:36.040 grinded their way through decades and decades and decades of work, which paints for me a

00:42:41.180 very realistic picture about what it will take me to have success.

00:42:45.700 When I get down on myself because I'm not shooting my bow as accurately as I would like, and I

00:42:50.160 start looking at guys that I follow like John Dudley and Cam Haynes and Adam Greentree and

00:42:54.260 Brian Call and these other guys I admire in the archery industry, I think to myself, you know

00:42:59.060 what?

00:42:59.200 There was probably a time where he felt like this and they just, the reason they are where

00:43:03.340 they are today now is because when they felt like this, they kept grinding.

00:43:07.260 They just kept going and kept going and kept going and kept improving.

00:43:11.420 And those little things have really helped me appreciate the suffering in, in the midst of

00:43:17.120 just doing the work.

00:43:19.360 Yeah.

00:43:20.140 You, you've come to the realization that it's a necessity that the grind is what must happen.

00:43:27.200 It's a prerequisite to success.

00:43:29.300 Now, can you have it without?

00:43:30.680 Yeah, I think you could fall upon some fortunate times.

00:43:33.980 I think you can win the lottery, proverbial, proverbial lottery, if you will, occasionally.

00:43:38.040 Yeah.

00:43:38.160 I think there could be some fortunate events that happen, but I'd rather be a little bit

00:43:42.280 more deliberate about that.

00:43:44.020 And so, yeah, I know what it takes and I appreciate what it takes.

00:43:48.240 So, I embrace it.

00:43:49.060 So, your answer to Tom is really, you embrace it because you've connected the grind to the

00:43:55.940 results.

00:43:57.060 And so, you don't mind the grind because you, you, you've come to the realization that,

00:44:00.860 hey, this is, this is what's necessary.

00:44:02.860 Not only is it, that's, that's what is success.

00:44:05.660 Like, that is the successful part.

00:44:07.860 Yeah.

00:44:08.200 Is the grind.

00:44:09.220 Yes.

00:44:09.760 The result is just the manifestation, the fruit of the grind.

00:44:13.240 Yeah.

00:44:13.980 So, I want success.

00:44:15.520 So, I got to grind it out sometimes.

00:44:17.700 Yeah.

00:44:18.000 Now, there's a difference between grinding it out and beating your head against the wall.

00:44:22.980 Yeah.

00:44:23.620 So, I think having some reflection built into the process is also important.

00:44:27.300 Are you beating your head against the wall or are you grinding so that you can get stronger

00:44:31.820 physically, mentally, emotionally?

00:44:33.980 So, there's got to be a reflection process built into the equation as well.

00:44:37.320 Yeah.

00:44:38.100 Well, and I think there's a little bit of that to Tom's question, right?

00:44:41.200 Is this regular daily, weekly schedule?

00:44:44.480 So, maybe the question to Tom is, hey, Tom, are you getting the results from that grind?

00:44:49.940 You're doing this grind.

00:44:51.100 Is it benefiting you?

00:44:52.340 Are you improving?

00:44:53.320 Do you, are you getting success out of it?

00:44:55.560 No.

00:44:57.240 Then let's, you should be re-evaluating, right?

00:45:00.700 That's not grind, right?

00:45:02.100 That's something else maybe.

00:45:03.320 It is.

00:45:03.760 It is.

00:45:04.240 And to play the other side of this though is you, when we've, I know we've talked about

00:45:08.280 this before is you got to be very, very careful that you're realistic with your expectations

00:45:12.620 too.

00:45:13.080 Yeah.

00:45:13.480 Yeah.

00:45:13.640 Because what a lot of guys will do is they'll go into the gym.

00:45:15.500 They spent, you know, a decade or whatever sitting on the couch and now they're like,

00:45:19.600 well, I'm going to, I'm going to lose weight and I'm going to get a six pack.

00:45:21.900 So, I'm going to go to the gym for the next 30 days.

00:45:23.520 And they're like, they don't see a six pack.

00:45:24.700 They lose three or four pounds.

00:45:25.800 They're like, this is stupid.

00:45:27.160 This doesn't work.

00:45:27.840 See?

00:45:28.040 It's like, dude, you spent 3,000 days, literally 3,000 days getting you to where you are.

00:45:36.880 You think you're going to change that in 1% of the days that it took you to get there?

00:45:41.700 You got to be very, very real about it too.

00:45:43.960 Yeah.

00:45:44.540 Yeah.

00:45:44.800 Good call.

00:45:46.180 All right.

00:45:46.580 Tyler Perez.

00:45:48.200 What are your thoughts on intermittent fasting and time-restricted eating?

00:45:52.380 I hear a lot about it from many in the health and fitness realm, but it's something I struggle

00:45:56.920 mightily with.

00:45:58.640 Curious to know what you think about it or if either of you have tried and looked into it.

00:46:04.200 I've tried it and I've had some success with it.

00:46:06.900 I haven't done it lately, but I am going to be getting back into it.

00:46:11.380 But I've had a lot of success with intermittent fasting.

00:46:13.700 And some people say, well, it only works because you're restricting your calories.

00:46:16.560 I think that might be part of it.

00:46:18.360 But there's actually a lot of research and science that's coming out that's saying that,

00:46:21.800 and look, I'm not an expert on this, so don't quote me.

00:46:24.760 But the science and the data that comes out and suggests that the way that our body burns

00:46:28.480 fuel and uses energy with the program of intermittent fasting makes your body that much more efficient

00:46:36.000 in burning fat.

00:46:37.400 So not only is it potential calorie restriction, but it's also physiological, meaning that the

00:46:43.200 way your body is burning the calories, using the fuel, and your metabolism is actually operating

00:46:50.220 more efficiently on an intermittent fasting type diet.

00:46:55.180 Although, again, I am not the expert.

00:46:57.200 Please don't quote me on that.

00:46:58.260 That's just what I've seen and been my experience.

00:47:00.600 Yeah.

00:47:00.820 And I've done intermittent fasting as well.

00:47:02.720 And I've had success with it.

00:47:04.480 There's a bunch of guys that I know that intermittent fast.

00:47:07.020 And it works out, just works out perfect with my schedule because I try to do jujitsu at

00:47:12.340 lunch at noon.

00:47:13.940 So, I'm not going to eat before then.

00:47:17.060 And so, I just, my window, my eating window, whatever the term is that they use, is 2 p.m.

00:47:25.740 to 10 p.m.

00:47:26.860 Yeah.

00:47:27.200 That's kind of my window.

00:47:28.360 Mine, when I was doing it, and what I'll go back to was between 11 and noon.

00:47:33.480 So, let's just say 11 to 7.

00:47:36.520 11 to 7.

00:47:37.060 So, an 8-hour window.

00:47:38.280 Yeah.

00:47:38.460 So, and I actually just started again this week.

00:47:43.680 So, you look better already.

00:47:44.600 I mean, I can tell.

00:47:45.380 See, it's like, it worked instantly.

00:47:48.260 But it's only because I got that testosterone shirt.

00:47:50.820 That's right.

00:47:51.340 That's the only reason.

00:47:52.620 Which, by the way, I didn't even think about this.

00:47:55.120 So, I got it in the mail, the testosterone shirt, which you guys can order online at orderofman.com.

00:48:01.740 Yeah.

00:48:02.300 And, yeah.

00:48:03.880 So, I got the shirt, and I was super excited.

00:48:06.320 I threw it on.

00:48:06.860 I'm like, hey, honey, check out my shirt, right?

00:48:09.120 And then my seven-year-old goes, what's S-E-X?

00:48:13.280 And she's like, take the shirt off.

00:48:15.260 I was like, damn it.

00:48:16.980 I know.

00:48:17.300 I had some guy get mad.

00:48:18.320 So, I'm like, oh, yeah.

00:48:19.240 I guess I can't.

00:48:20.080 Maybe I'm going to wear this to the gym or something.

00:48:22.480 That's right.

00:48:23.360 I had some guy get mad the other day.

00:48:25.420 Or not the other day.

00:48:26.100 Like, when we first came out with those shirts, he's like, would you wear that around the kids that you're coaching at church?

00:48:31.800 I'm like, no, of course not.

00:48:34.440 But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't wear it to the gym or with the guys.

00:48:39.060 Like, would you wear what you wear to bed to church?

00:48:42.660 No.

00:48:43.420 Yeah.

00:48:43.500 It's a stupid question.

00:48:45.900 And it's not appropriate.

00:48:47.620 Yeah.

00:48:47.880 And there are times where it is.

00:48:49.040 And it doesn't make the message wrong.

00:48:51.560 That's what I'm saying.

00:48:52.480 It's not the right message for my seven-year-old.

00:48:54.740 I want to wait until she's a little bit older to have that message.

00:48:57.900 Right.

00:48:58.580 Right.

00:48:59.220 Yeah.

00:48:59.540 Exactly.

00:49:00.380 Super funny.

00:49:01.420 All right.

00:49:01.920 What else?

00:49:03.120 Where are we at?

00:49:04.000 Where are we at?

00:49:04.460 Where are we at?

00:49:05.260 Zach West.

00:49:06.400 I work as a semi-driver for FedEx.

00:49:09.080 I don't know why, but it makes me nervous that he mentioned his name and where he works.

00:49:14.700 But regardless, Zach at FedEx, I start my days at the same time, but never know when I'll be done.

00:49:21.500 Could be 930.

00:49:24.160 Could be, I think he's using military time.

00:49:27.620 Could be, I have to do the math, man.

00:49:29.960 Or it could be 130.

00:49:30.980 How can I make battle plans if I never know how much time I'll have outside of work on a daily basis?

00:49:36.080 Well, you just build in flexibility.

00:49:38.480 So let's say for the sake of argument, you have, you know, you know, without a doubt that 99% of the time you're going to be done by 130.

00:49:48.020 So now you can have a very, a very formulated schedule from 130 to whatever, whatever works with your family dynamic, right?

00:49:56.100 Or your personal dynamic.

00:49:58.040 Now you can also have buffer activities.

00:50:00.920 So maybe there's some additional activities that you can do periodically, or you can even do next day's activities.

00:50:09.540 If you get done with work early, let's say you get done at 11 one day, you got two extra hours.

00:50:15.140 Well, what's on the docket for tomorrow?

00:50:16.920 What activities need to be done?

00:50:18.180 So you plan now a week ahead of time.

00:50:20.760 And so you can see like, oh, I've got to get this, this, this, and this done.

00:50:25.060 So I'll just plug this into this two hour gap and I'll do this.

00:50:27.780 And then I'll go back to my schedule at one o'clock and do my consistent schedule at that point.

00:50:32.260 I mean, I do this every day.

00:50:33.180 I'm sure you do too.

00:50:34.400 Sometimes I have an appointment that cancels or a podcast that falls through, or I get done with a meeting faster than I thought it would.

00:50:42.640 Or a blog post takes, doesn't take as long as it normally does.

00:50:47.020 And so I have these little buffers of windows.

00:50:48.220 So what I do, I look at what else needs to be done, slot it into there, get it done, and then get back on to my schedule.

00:50:53.640 So it's a very efficient way of maximizing your schedule.

00:50:56.300 You have the schedule, then you have these buffer slots that you can fill in with other activities when those opportunities present themselves.

00:51:03.080 Yeah.

00:51:03.380 And Zach, you mentioned that you always start work at the same time.

00:51:07.860 So the really tough schedule things, maybe they need to happen before work, right?

00:51:12.540 If you're struggling with getting the workout in towards the end of the day, maybe you have to do it first.

00:51:17.140 Yeah.

00:51:17.540 To ensure that it's there.

00:51:19.540 Yeah.

00:51:19.860 Great point.

00:51:21.020 Thank you.

00:51:21.600 I appreciate that.

00:51:22.620 Yeah.

00:51:22.800 Well, occasionally you do.

00:51:24.240 I know it's a rarity, but occasionally you have some good points and I want to make sure I acknowledge those things.

00:51:28.920 I appreciate that.

00:51:29.920 It makes me feel appreciated.

00:51:33.440 You should.

00:51:34.220 And valuable.

00:51:35.440 Thank you.

00:51:35.840 You are.

00:51:36.260 Nate, Judy, what is your process when it comes to setting and following through on your goals?

00:51:45.480 What have you found to be most effective weekly, monthly, any specific categories, et cetera?

00:51:49.900 Well, in the Iron Council, we use the 12-week battle plan.

00:51:55.260 So the battle plan is a 12-week process where we identify key objectives in four main categories.

00:52:02.720 So those categories are your condition, which is physical fitness, physical health, your calibration, which is getting right with yourself and spirituality, if that's something that you're interested in.

00:52:16.320 Your connection, which is the relationships you have with other people, whether that's a spouse or a child or colleagues or coworkers or friends.

00:52:24.100 And then contribution, which is the way that you become a man of value in your community and also in your workspace as well.

00:52:30.180 So those are the four main categories.

00:52:32.440 And we come up with objectives in each one of those 12-week objectives.

00:52:36.140 Then from there, we work backwards into daily tactics that will inevitably produce the results that we're after.

00:52:42.700 We talked about this a little bit earlier today.

00:52:44.200 So you work backwards into the tactics and these tactics should be measurable so that you can check them off.

00:52:50.620 Literally check them off.

00:52:52.000 I did this today.

00:52:52.700 I did this today.

00:52:53.700 I did this today.

00:52:54.420 And you check those things off.

00:52:56.000 And then we also establish 30-day and 60-day checkpoints.

00:53:00.540 So you can understand if what you're doing, and we talked about this earlier too, the tactics that you're engaged in are actually moving you towards the desired objective.

00:53:09.660 I don't overthink it.

00:53:10.900 It's very simple.

00:53:11.560 So a lot of people say, well, Ryan, what's your one-year plan or two-year or 10-year plan?

00:53:14.800 I don't know.

00:53:15.400 I don't even know what I'm having for dinner tonight.

00:53:16.900 But what I do know is I know my 90-day objectives.

00:53:20.580 And I also know to some degree what will be my next 90-day objective.

00:53:25.900 But I'm not too focused on that right now.

00:53:27.800 I know that's coming up.

00:53:28.740 But I'm just going to focus on my 90-day objectives and be very robotic, systematic, and the grind, if you will, like we were talking about earlier, in accomplishing the tasks that I've identified that will get me to point B or C or D or Z or wherever it is I'm after.

00:53:45.520 That's it.

00:53:46.060 There you have it.

00:53:47.100 For more detail, buy Ryan's book.

00:53:51.460 Yes.

00:53:52.040 It's outlined very well.

00:53:53.560 Yeah.

00:53:53.900 It's in the last section.

00:53:55.180 You're going to walk away in the book, Sovereignty, the Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men.

00:53:58.160 You're going to walk away with a very specific strategy.

00:54:01.120 Not only a specific strategy, but I actually challenge you to create your own first battle plan.

00:54:06.220 This is a perfect time to do it.

00:54:07.580 You know, we're December, what is it, 12th?

00:54:10.440 I think this will be released on the 14th or 15th, 12th, whatever, whatever day it'll be released, middle of the month, right?

00:54:17.820 So, yeah, perfect time to start working on that battle plan, hit the ground running in January, and you're off to the races.

00:54:25.800 Yeah.

00:54:26.260 And give it a whirl now.

00:54:27.460 You have two weeks.

00:54:28.380 Get two weeks in.

00:54:29.380 Work out, iron out the process a little bit before the new year starts.

00:54:32.500 We do this in the Iron Council, too.

00:54:33.980 We all go through and we evaluate our battle plans.

00:54:36.720 We work in teams.

00:54:37.460 So, the guys are critiquing battle plans and helping their team members flush these ideas out and get down to tactics that they can measure.

00:54:45.840 And we're talking about these things and we do them on the every calendar quarter.

00:54:51.460 So, January, first quarter, April, second quarter, and so on.

00:54:56.620 Cool.

00:54:57.200 All right.

00:54:57.660 Next question, Howard L., which is another kind of question related to last month's topic, actually, in the Iron Council.

00:55:05.260 Or actually, is it this month's?

00:55:06.540 I don't know.

00:55:07.340 Which one?

00:55:07.800 What's the topic?

00:55:08.900 So, the question – well, I'll read the question.

00:55:11.700 Okay.

00:55:12.320 What process do you use to prevent yourself from reacting or being colored by your emotions?

00:55:18.220 How do you mitigate your own hubris in thinking that you have made an objective choice and not made a confirmation bias?

00:55:25.540 So, I think that's two different things, right?

00:55:27.380 Yeah.

00:55:27.760 The first one with regards to not acting emotional, I think is – what was the term you used, not acting emotional?

00:55:35.480 Prevent yourself from reacting or being colored by your emotions.

00:55:39.660 Okay.

00:55:40.000 Yeah.

00:55:40.320 So, the answer to that is margin, right?

00:55:43.400 The answer to that is space.

00:55:45.220 Because anytime you engage with somebody, in the moment, you're probably going to be somewhat emotional.

00:55:49.540 Yeah.

00:55:49.840 Positive or negative, right?

00:55:50.860 You're going to be overly excited, overly happy, overly even optimistic.

00:55:54.360 You're going to get your hopes up and then they're going to be squashed because it didn't work out.

00:55:58.000 Or you're going to be pessimistic or you're going to be mad or jealous or resentful or whatever.

00:56:06.280 It's going to be positive or negative.

00:56:07.640 So, the best way is not to react is to build into a system, a level of disengagement and margin so that you can think clearly about it.

00:56:18.320 Like, I can't tell you how often I've gotten messages on social media, for example, and I just wanted to type back, like, I'm going to get this guy, right?

00:56:26.720 And so, I, like, get really emotional and heated because they're, like, attacking me or getting after me.

00:56:31.280 And then I just pause and think, I'm like, you know what?

00:56:33.220 I'll just put it down.

00:56:34.740 Just go do something else for a little bit.

00:56:36.240 And I come back and I'm like, oh, this guy didn't actually even mean what I thought he meant.

00:56:41.660 Or even if he did, there's not really a reason for me to get worked up and heated about it.

00:56:45.640 But that space that I create for myself is what allowed me to think more clearly and not be so reactionary to what other people are doing.

00:56:55.140 So, that's what I would say there.

00:56:56.720 Now, remind me of the second part of that because it was a little different.

00:57:00.360 Yeah.

00:57:00.540 How do you mitigate your own hubris in thinking that you have made an objective choice and not made a confirmation bias?

00:57:08.000 Well, I just look at the results.

00:57:09.760 Yeah.

00:57:10.220 So, we talked about building in some sort of review process.

00:57:14.040 You just look at the results.

00:57:15.340 What are the results telling you?

00:57:17.080 Are the results telling you that you're progressing?

00:57:19.220 If they are, then you're doing it right.

00:57:21.660 And if they're not, then you need to evaluate it.

00:57:23.680 The other thing you could do is you could bring in an objective third party.

00:57:26.400 And I've done this a lot.

00:57:27.480 In fact, I talked about this in the Iron Council the other day.

00:57:29.500 I had a situation inside of our brotherhood, the Iron Council, that I felt like, well, I just got a little emotional.

00:57:37.580 I got a little upset about it.

00:57:38.680 And before I reacted to this situation, I reached out to Chris Gatchko and I said, hey, Chris, here's kind of what I'm feeling.

00:57:46.160 I feel like maybe this is my arrogance talking, my ego talking a little bit.

00:57:50.180 Here's what I want to do.

00:57:51.220 But I value your input.

00:57:53.720 What are your thoughts?

00:57:54.500 And he's like, yeah, that's your ego.

00:57:55.880 That is your ego talking.

00:57:57.680 Here's what I would suggest.

00:57:58.880 And here's how I would like to handle it because he was involved in the process.

00:58:02.220 He said, I would like to handle it this way.

00:58:04.180 And then if we need to go beyond that, then we'll go beyond that.

00:58:07.280 And he handled it.

00:58:08.200 And looking back a week later, he handled it to perfection.

00:58:11.740 If I would have gotten involved, it would have went drastically different, not for the better either.

00:58:19.240 So having objective third parties that care about you, that want you to win, that are brave enough and willing enough,

00:58:26.180 and that you've given permission to tell you the truth and respond in an intelligent way to you is a very, very good way to overcome excessive hubris,

00:58:34.420 excessive pride and ego and arrogance that actually keep you from making rational decisions that are going to serve you and everybody else.

00:58:40.340 That's great.

00:58:42.820 I feel like we should note-taking break.

00:58:46.620 I want to take some notes.

00:58:48.400 Yeah, I'm writing these things down too, so that way I can make the show notes and tell everybody what it is we're talking about.

00:58:54.780 No, that's good.

00:58:56.000 All right, next question.

00:58:57.840 Derek Scott Plummer.

00:58:59.880 I have the desire to create a side business of some kind, but I really struggle with coming up with ideas or business models that I am passionate about

00:59:08.540 that I believe could actually make money.

00:59:10.820 Any advice on this?

00:59:12.560 That last little segment was the catch, and I knew what it was.

00:59:17.140 I haven't even read this correct question, and I knew exactly what was coming.

00:59:20.660 That can make money.

00:59:23.640 That's your hang-up right there.

00:59:25.500 I knew you were going to say that, and even if you didn't say it, I knew what you were thinking.

00:59:29.180 Because, look, you know what you're passionate about, all right?

00:59:33.520 You know what you're excited about.

00:59:35.280 You know what engages you.

00:59:37.120 You know what you're thinking about at night when you can't sleep.

00:59:39.480 You know what you get up thinking about.

00:59:41.060 You know what you're doing when time is going the fastest.

00:59:43.600 You know what you're doing when people are asking you for advice.

00:59:46.840 You know all of that.

00:59:48.980 So don't say that you don't know something you're engaged or passionate about.

00:59:52.660 Now, tell the truth, which is, I don't think I can make any money doing this.

00:59:58.580 That's what I think it is.

01:00:00.040 Now, I was going to share something.

01:00:05.500 A friend of ours, Sean Whaley, you know Sean, right?

01:00:08.140 Yeah.

01:00:08.320 So he made this post, and he said that they were basically dildo.

01:00:15.360 It was a picture of a dildo, okay?

01:00:17.460 And it said, there's people out there who are making millions of dollars selling these plastic things in the shape of a penis.

01:00:28.800 So what's your problem?

01:00:32.200 And although it's very irreverent because that's who Sean is, right?

01:00:36.100 Yeah, totally.

01:00:36.840 It's true.

01:00:38.760 It's funny.

01:00:39.420 There's people selling some of the dumbest things out there and offering the dumbest service.

01:00:45.180 There's people buy pet rocks, okay?

01:00:50.120 People charge other people to cuddle.

01:00:55.740 People charge people to go on walks and hold their hand with them.

01:01:01.500 And you're telling me you don't know how you can make money?

01:01:04.420 We're making money by telling men how to be men.

01:01:06.940 That sounds, to me, sometimes, that sounds absurd.

01:01:10.060 Yeah, it does sound funny.

01:01:11.220 People are making a living doing some crazy, crazy shit.

01:01:16.960 So stop for a second focusing on the money component.

01:01:21.340 That will come.

01:01:22.700 You'll be able to develop that, and you'll be able to articulate and figure out and experiment and test.

01:01:27.400 That will come.

01:01:27.900 I promise you.

01:01:29.280 For now, take what you're passionate and you're excited about and immerse yourself in it.

01:01:36.140 Learn about it.

01:01:37.440 Go to conferences about it.

01:01:39.260 Share your experiences.

01:01:40.400 One of the things I started following recently is these guys who do blacksmithing.

01:01:44.420 I just think that's so cool.

01:01:46.080 It is cool.

01:01:46.500 They take this big, unrefined, unreformed hunk of metal, and they put it in fire, and they pound the shit out of it.

01:01:56.000 And they shape it, and they forge it, and they harden it, and they scrape away at it, and they beat at it.

01:02:01.260 And it turns into this axe blade, or a knife, or a sword, or whatever it is they're creating.

01:02:08.420 And I just think, that is so cool.

01:02:11.600 Well, okay.

01:02:12.780 There's guys making money doing that.

01:02:14.160 They're selling knives.

01:02:15.060 They're selling axe handles.

01:02:16.280 They're selling courses on how to become a blacksmith.

01:02:18.400 Opportunities are abound.

01:02:21.700 So, just find what's engaging to you and immerse yourself into it.

01:02:25.700 Share all of your experiences, and just recognize that as you build this up, people will come.

01:02:32.640 People will follow you.

01:02:33.660 People will be excited about what you're doing.

01:02:35.340 People will ask to buy things of yours, or they'll ask to be coached.

01:02:39.280 And these opportunities are what present themselves for you to take what is a passion or a hobby,

01:02:44.580 and turn it into a lucrative business for yourself.

01:02:50.060 There you go, Derek.

01:02:51.740 All right.

01:02:52.300 How are we doing on time?

01:02:53.580 Let's take maybe one or two more.

01:02:55.320 Okay.

01:02:55.880 Michael Key.

01:02:57.100 How can I get and stay motivated when I get no support at home?

01:03:01.160 Damn home.

01:03:02.280 Get it somewhere else.

01:03:03.080 Nobody's entitled to give you stuff.

01:03:11.560 Your family's not obligated to support you.

01:03:16.920 Now, should they?

01:03:17.780 Yeah, sure.

01:03:18.340 Of course, they should.

01:03:20.420 But I talk with a lot of guys who say, my wife doesn't support me.

01:03:24.640 Well, why should she?

01:03:26.520 Well, I don't know.

01:03:27.280 I just kind of think she should.

01:03:28.760 Well, I don't think that's true at all.

01:03:31.600 Well, I think you got to earn some of that.

01:03:34.000 And how do we earn it?

01:03:35.080 We earn it by being men of our word.

01:03:37.440 Some guy said the other day, just sent me an email.

01:03:39.860 He said, hey, I'm thinking about starting this side business, and I don't really have my wife's support.

01:03:46.620 She says I shouldn't.

01:03:47.600 I say I should.

01:03:48.740 And I asked him, I said, well, tell me about your track record.

01:03:53.820 And he wrote back.

01:03:54.680 He was very truthful to his credit.

01:03:56.000 He said, I don't have a great track record.

01:03:58.360 I've started a lot of things and haven't followed through on them.

01:04:01.600 I've made commitments, and I don't uphold them.

01:04:04.500 He was very truthful about it.

01:04:06.400 And I said, well, there you go.

01:04:07.760 The result is your wife doesn't believe in you fully.

01:04:10.440 And as if uncomfortable as that is to understand and to hear, it's a great indicator that you need to begin to be a man of your word.

01:04:19.420 By taking out the trash when you say you will, by making your bed, by cleaning up, by making your kids' game, by turning the phone off when you say you will, by leaving work at the office because you said you would.

01:04:31.380 All these little things that you make in a commitment to your wife, when you do those things, you build up a reserve, a bank account, if you will, an emotional capital with your significant other.

01:04:43.140 Now, when you say, hey, hon, I'm going to start this thing, she might still think you're crazy, but at least she believes in you.

01:04:50.380 So, when I started Order of Man, and if we had my wife on here, in fact, when she did come on and we did that interview together, somebody had asked, did you initially believe in him?

01:05:02.100 And she said something to the effect of, I didn't necessarily believe in the thing that he was doing, but I believed in him because I have a track record of success with her.

01:05:11.840 When I say I'm going to do something, whether it's I say I'm going to go to the gym or I say I'm going to make the vacation work or I'm going to get out of bed at this time or I'm going to do this chore because I said I would.

01:05:22.360 When I say I'm going to do those things, I do those things.

01:05:24.640 And every time I do, I build up the reserves.

01:05:26.400 And so, when I offer something crazy, like I'm going to teach men how to be better men, she doesn't say, that's stupid.

01:05:34.000 She says, I don't quite understand that, but cool.

01:05:38.160 How are you going to make it work?

01:05:39.280 What are you going to do?

01:05:39.900 I'm excited to see what you do.

01:05:41.500 And that's why she's always been on board with me because barring a few years of messing up in my life, I've been pretty consistent with being a man of my word.

01:05:52.180 So, if you're not getting the support at home, there might be a reason for that, a valid reason for that.

01:06:00.200 And in the meantime, get support from the people that other people that do support you.

01:06:04.280 You might have friends or a band of brothers or a colleague or a co-worker or an investor, and you're going to have to prove yourself at home before you get that support.

01:06:13.020 The first part of Michael's question was, you know, how does he stay motivated, right?

01:06:18.260 Or get and stay motivated when he doesn't have that support.

01:06:20.960 And we're kind of saying they might be a little bit disconnected, right?

01:06:25.380 In some cases, you may not have the support.

01:06:27.600 So, in that instance, what's your guidance and direction around getting and staying motivated?

01:06:33.080 Well, who are you doing it for?

01:06:35.780 Why do you need their support to do it?

01:06:38.440 Kip, I don't need your support to know that Order of Man is a great thing.

01:06:41.620 I love your support.

01:06:42.400 I appreciate your support.

01:06:43.220 I'm glad you're here sharing this mission with me.

01:06:45.200 But you know what?

01:06:46.240 Frankly speaking, if you weren't here, does that mean I wouldn't do Order of Man?

01:06:50.340 No.

01:06:51.400 If I didn't have the support of my wife and my kids, would I still be doing Order of Man?

01:06:55.180 You're damn right I would.

01:06:57.000 If nobody listened to this podcast, would I still be doing Order of Man?

01:07:00.820 Yeah, you're damn right.

01:07:01.520 How do I know that?

01:07:02.180 Because I did.

01:07:02.700 The first 10 to 20 to 30 episodes where nobody was listening except for my mom and my wife, I was still doing it.

01:07:12.660 So, like you don't need, why are you doing it?

01:07:15.540 Are you doing it to win favor with certain people?

01:07:19.760 Are you doing it for notoriety?

01:07:21.580 Which, don't get me wrong, none of that is wrong necessarily.

01:07:24.960 I don't think it's wrong to be inspired to be relevant in people's lives.

01:07:30.040 I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily, but I do believe that's an inferior motivation.

01:07:34.660 It's an exterior motivation which you can't fully control.

01:07:40.320 What is it that's burning inside of you to fix this problem?

01:07:44.280 For me, I grew up without a father figure.

01:07:46.100 I don't want men, let me back up.

01:07:47.980 I don't want kids to experience that.

01:07:50.020 I don't want any son or daughter to ever grow up without a dad in their life.

01:07:56.800 Now, is that realistic?

01:07:57.820 Of course not.

01:07:58.700 But I know I can make a dent.

01:08:00.780 I know for a fact that I can save marriages through the work that we're doing here.

01:08:08.220 And if I can save a marriage, that means I can have a more engaged husband, I can have a more engaged father,

01:08:13.120 I can have a more engaged community leader, and I can impact men generationally.

01:08:17.540 I know that.

01:08:18.400 That lights me up.

01:08:20.920 You can hear it in my voice.

01:08:22.620 That fires me up, man.

01:08:24.040 That motivates me.

01:08:24.900 Why?

01:08:25.440 Because I experienced the other side of it.

01:08:28.500 I know what it's like to ask, why doesn't my dad love me?

01:08:32.980 Why is he not around?

01:08:34.360 Why do I get to see all my buddies out there playing catch and going camping, and I don't have that in my life?

01:08:40.300 Why can't I engage with these other boys?

01:08:43.500 They seem like they have this really good connection, and I don't have that with them.

01:08:47.280 Why?

01:08:47.520 Because I never had a dad to, like, connect with another man in my life.

01:08:51.940 I went through a miserable, miserable separation.

01:08:55.900 Fortunately, it didn't turn into a divorce, but I know of thousands and thousands and thousands of men who have gone through divorces and separations, you included in that.

01:09:06.820 And I don't want any man to have to experience that.

01:09:09.820 I can't fully solve that problem, but you're damn right that I can make a dent in the problem.

01:09:17.040 And so, when I'm feeling down on myself about why don't I have the reach and this isn't going as well as it is and I'm doing podcast editing, which I hate, and I'm doing these stupid things that I don't like doing and doing a social media post when I feel completely just pissed off and not want to do social media posts, then I connect back to what's propelling me forward.

01:09:39.480 Which is like, and I'm getting a little emotional here, but it's looking in children's eyes and seeing both sides.

01:09:52.720 Like, seeing a son grow up with his father engaged, but then on the other side, look at a son whose dad isn't around.

01:10:05.140 And so, when things suck, I can look into those eyes and say, my work matters.

01:10:10.500 My work is relevant.

01:10:11.680 My work is important.

01:10:12.560 It's critical.

01:10:13.880 This is why I'm here.

01:10:15.740 So that when times are hard, yeah, welcome to the club.

01:10:20.280 Keep going because I'm propelled to keep going.

01:10:23.720 That's great.

01:10:26.160 I have to say this.

01:10:27.820 You know, some of us, some guys might be listening saying, you know, I'm not going anywhere.

01:10:32.500 I'm stick around.

01:10:35.140 But I would like to suggest, and Ryan, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's possible, guys, to be in our homes and not be around.

01:10:44.580 So, the impact that Ryan's talking about doesn't mean that you have to, like, that negative impact is only present if you get divorced.

01:10:54.620 Oh, no, no.

01:10:55.020 That negative impact could be in your home right now if you're not doing your job as a father.

01:11:00.480 Yeah, absolutely.

01:11:03.040 So, you know, you hear Ryan getting, you know, somewhat emotional about this or you see the passion.

01:11:08.040 Guys, we should have that same passion.

01:11:10.200 We should have that same passion whether we're divorced or not because that is still at stake even if we're at home.

01:11:18.440 If we're not present with our kids and doing our job.

01:11:22.960 100%.

01:11:23.520 Should we call it a day?

01:11:25.540 Yeah.

01:11:26.040 I think that's a good one to end on.

01:11:27.480 Yeah.

01:11:27.880 So, if you want to put the pressure on Ryan having to do those stupid negative social media posts.

01:11:35.380 They're not always.

01:11:39.920 They're just sometimes.

01:11:42.020 Don't worry.

01:11:42.840 I think I, like, have 700 followers is all.

01:11:46.660 In fact, my son, Kiabi, reminds me that he has more followers than me all the time.

01:11:51.360 We need guys.

01:11:52.020 We need to get Kip some more followers.

01:11:54.120 Yeah.

01:11:54.420 What's your Instagram handle?

01:11:56.360 What is it?

01:11:57.080 I don't know.

01:11:57.540 Maybe that's my problem.

01:11:58.320 That's why you have 700 followers.

01:12:01.260 Well, you know, the funny thing is, well, it's not.

01:12:03.800 We're moving on.

01:12:04.620 So, anyhow.

01:12:06.200 Look Kip up.

01:12:07.080 Kip Sorensen.

01:12:07.840 Look him up.

01:12:08.900 Connect with Ryan on Instagram, at Ryan Mickler.

01:12:12.420 There's a couple Instagram accounts, but the at Ryan Mickler is the more active one of the two.

01:12:18.660 And then you also do some Twitter, at Order of Man.

01:12:22.400 Some tweeting here and there.

01:12:23.840 Some tweeting.

01:12:26.060 We field these questions primarily through three sources.

01:12:29.520 The first is patreon.com forward slash Order of Man.

01:12:32.460 The second is the Iron Council.

01:12:35.100 And the third is the Facebook group, which is facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash or slash Order of Man.

01:12:43.360 Whatever you want to look at it.

01:12:44.460 Oh, man.

01:12:45.100 It's crazy.

01:12:45.780 I can't stop.

01:12:46.840 And we've talked about, like, tons of things.

01:12:51.640 Like, and I have to say this.

01:12:53.200 Guys, like, half these questions are things that we cover in the Iron Council.

01:12:58.940 Unregulated.

01:12:59.120 More, I mean, we cover all these things, right?

01:13:01.500 Yeah.

01:13:01.760 In fact, a couple of the questions are how to do with last month's subject, which we kind of have a theme or a subject of the month.

01:13:08.180 And we have questions and assignments and discussions around that given topic and a corresponding book in which we communicate about.

01:13:14.700 And so, guys, like, if you're ready to get on the court, level up, find like-minded men to rub shoulders with, join us.

01:13:22.720 Join us in the Iron Council.

01:13:24.140 And you can learn more at orderofman.com forward slash Iron Council.

01:13:28.840 And what else?

01:13:30.400 Do we have time to order stuff on the store?

01:13:33.900 You need to order.

01:13:34.960 If you're expecting something for Christmas.

01:13:37.300 Today is the 11th.

01:13:38.400 We're releasing this on the 13th.

01:13:41.920 Yeah.

01:13:42.720 You got to act now.

01:13:43.060 No, not tomorrow.

01:13:43.820 No, Friday.

01:13:44.340 So, Friday to the 13th.

01:13:47.140 So, yeah, I would say if you don't get an order in by this week, you're probably not going to hit the cutoff just with as busy as mailing has been over the past several weeks.

01:13:59.400 So, I would get it ordered today, which is as of the release of this, which is Friday.

01:14:04.240 Or you may be a little late on the stuff, on the goods.

01:14:08.580 Yeah.

01:14:08.740 And is it official?

01:14:10.440 Did the vote prove that there's going to be future Order of Man Ranger panties?

01:14:16.960 No.

01:14:17.460 The vote proved anything but that.

01:14:19.560 It was not sufficient.

01:14:21.680 No.

01:14:22.080 I was curious what the number would have to be for you to say, okay, yeah, we'll do an order.

01:14:27.400 Well, I mean, there was probably 150 or so people who said they would.

01:14:32.200 Yeah.

01:14:32.520 There was like 340 or something that said they wouldn't.

01:14:36.120 So, the numbers are just skewed.

01:14:37.420 And anytime 100 people say they would, you're probably going to get 10% of that.

01:14:44.000 It's just, and I even told them, I said, don't say yes unless you are going to.

01:14:48.340 And I guarantee if I said, okay, and I messaged all the guys that I had the Ranger panties available, I'd sell 10% of it.

01:14:54.520 Yeah, send me your money.

01:14:55.600 Yeah.

01:14:56.200 Yeah.

01:14:57.720 Which speaks to the commitment thing that we were talking about earlier, right?

01:15:01.120 Totally.

01:15:01.700 Yeah.

01:15:02.020 Totally.

01:15:03.260 All right, man.

01:15:03.940 Well, let's call it a day.

01:15:04.820 Guys, I hope all is going well for you.

01:15:06.560 Dude, this was a good episode.

01:15:07.720 Really good conversation.

01:15:08.980 Great questions.

01:15:10.460 I think we've got a few more that are kind of stragglers.

01:15:12.620 We're going to be qualifying these questions a little bit more so we get the best questions.

01:15:16.420 So, we have the best conversations.

01:15:17.960 But appreciate you being on this journey.

01:15:20.300 Man, what can we say?

01:15:22.200 We couldn't do it without you.

01:15:23.180 So, Kip, I appreciate you as always.

01:15:25.140 Guys, I appreciate you.

01:15:26.540 Until next week, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:15:30.980 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:15:33.360 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:15:37.940 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

01:15:41.080 T cont**co.

01:15:43.040 See you next time.

01:15:45.680 Thank you.

01:15:47.120 You did not have to wait.

01:15:47.500 But there is not so much experience.

01:15:48.580 We'll be here to see.

01:15:49.820 Take care.

01:15:50.560 Come on.

01:15:51.120 Take care.

01:15:51.300 Thanks, everyone.

01:15:52.240 T cont**co.

01:15:53.020 Take care.

01:15:54.220 Take care.

01:15:55.500 Take care.

01:15:55.760 Take care.

01:15:56.500 Take care.

01:15:57.800 Take care.

01:15:58.360 Take care.

01:15:58.520 Take care.

01:15:59.100 Take care.

01:15:59.660 Take care.

01:16:01.880 Take care.

01:16:02.500 Take care.

01:16:03.420 You guys.

01:16:03.940 Take care.

01:16:04.980 Take care.

01:16:06.000 Take care.

01:16:06.400 Take care.

01:16:06.920 Take care.

01:16:07.320 Take care.

01:16:08.060 Take care.

01:16:08.760 Take care.

01:16:09.280 Take care.

A Father's Role, Appreciating the Grind, and Overcoming Past Regrets ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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