Order of Man - A Guide to Male Friendship ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 Man, I can't tell you how often I hear from other guys who are looking to build male friendship.

00:00:05.660 It's amazing to me at how few men actually have real powerful friendships, a band of brothers and other men in their corner to help them overcome adversity and struggle and challenge and just to enjoy and have a more fulfilling life.

00:00:23.600 Today, I'm going to share with you five things that you can incorporate into your daily life to ensure that you are building a powerful band of brothers and you're building male friendships that will not only serve you, will also serve them as well.

00:00:36.700 I feel like it's imperative and I didn't always feel this way, but I've realized that as I get older, as I've been through more challenges and adversity in life, some self-inflicted, some not.

00:00:48.320 And just the fact that I want to be around other men who understand what I'm going through, understand what it is to be a man, who understand the challenges of leading a family, leading a business, trying to serve in your community, and also just have a sounding board for personal and professional growth and development.

00:01:06.300 Now, you might hear a little bit of a different audio in this podcast.

00:01:10.560 That's because right now, as of this recording, I've got a little portable microphone.

00:01:15.440 I'm in Minnesota right now and I'm hunting with some friends.

00:01:18.700 There's 10 of us out here, 10 others out here, and we are hunting.

00:01:22.240 We do this hunt every year.

00:01:23.340 I believe this is my seventh year now.

00:01:25.580 And so I've been hunting with these guys for a long time and it got me thinking about how much fun we have, how we push and challenge each other,

00:01:31.620 and how I always leave this camp edified and uplifted and a better man than I was before I got here.

00:01:39.100 Before I get into it, I also want to mention that we've got our good friends over at Montana Knife Company.

00:01:43.960 I was fortunate enough this morning, as again, as of this recording, to kill a deer with my bow out here in Minnesota.

00:01:51.760 And of course, I used my 100% Made in America knife by Montana Knife Company.

00:01:56.560 I told you I would.

00:01:57.180 It's coming together nicely on this hunt, and hopefully I've got one more tag to fill.

00:02:01.860 So hopefully I'll get that done here this evening or tomorrow.

00:02:05.360 So check them out, montananifecompany.com.

00:02:07.520 If you want a good knife for the field when you're hunting, montananifecompany.com.

00:02:11.920 Use the code ORDER OF MEN.

00:02:13.820 All right, guys, let's talk about male friendships.

00:02:15.400 Number one, males, men, we work against a common enemy or towards a common objective.

00:02:22.160 And if we don't know what those two things are, then you're going to have a really difficult time building male friendships because outside of having that aim, that goal, that orientation, it's going to be really difficult to get men together and to get them motivated and inspired.

00:02:41.720 But since the dawn of man, we have been banding together with other men facing outward to protect our people and our tribe and our village or facing inward and rallying behind someone who was sick or injured or afflicted in some way.

00:02:56.000 And it's no different.

00:02:57.520 Thousands and thousands of years later, even though our circumstances externally may have changed, internally, we are bred and hardwired to lock shoulders to shoulders against that enemy, against that common challenge or struggle or strife or political or cultural deviance or whatever it might be.

00:03:19.780 Or again, as I said, towards.

00:03:21.580 And so what I would encourage you to do, if you're really trying to think about how you can build up your own male friendships, is think about what grand cause are you trying to serve or what ideology are you fighting against?

00:03:32.460 And if you don't know what that is, you're going to, again, have a difficult time building male friendships.

00:03:36.760 Now, you might not know what that is, and you may have not even the desire to organize or rally men around what that might be, but that doesn't mean that there aren't other organizations that are already doing it.

00:03:47.120 I've belonged to Rotary and Chamber and Business Network International and other coaching organizations and masterminds and brotherhoods.

00:03:57.120 And all of these organizations, if done correctly, are areas where I can tap into in order to work against what might be permeating society that I don't believe is helpful or working towards some noble gain and noble pursuit.

00:04:14.400 So what is your against and what is your towards?

00:04:18.340 And if you don't know what it is, go experiment, go try, go to these chambers, go to these events, go to these organizations, join these brotherhoods, participate in these masterminds, and you'll find that if it's bigger than you, then you're going to find men rallying together either behind or against whatever that might be.

00:04:34.720 All right, number two, find shared hobbies and activities.

00:04:38.080 You know, so many people, and it's becoming more and more commonplace where men will just isolate themselves and everything they do is alone.

00:04:45.680 And, you know, there's nothing wrong with doing things alone, but if that's all you're doing ever, then that's a problem.

00:04:53.580 And in addition to doing your activities on your own, you should also figure out ways to band with other guys around hobbies and activities that you enjoy.

00:05:05.100 You know, I'm here, as I said, in Minnesota hunting with 10 of my friends, and this is something that all of us enjoy.

00:05:10.600 We love being out here.

00:05:12.160 We love participating in this.

00:05:14.020 We love giving each other a hard time and celebrating our successes and helping each other break down deer or track deer.

00:05:21.620 You know, just this morning is out with a friend of mine, Matt, and his dad who helped me track my deer.

00:05:26.800 Fortunately, we didn't have to track it too far, and I made a really decent shot on it, and we were able to find it pretty quickly.

00:05:32.540 But again, this is a hobby and an activity that we all love, that we all enjoy.

00:05:37.140 And sometimes it's not about these deep conversations, and it's not about getting together to solve problems like I talked about in the first step.

00:05:46.720 Sometimes it's just about enjoying the activity together.

00:05:50.120 You know, it's often said, and people often mock and laugh at it a little bit, that when women get together, because they're so relational,

00:05:59.000 they figure out everything they can about the other person, who their kids are, what their kids are struggling with,

00:06:05.200 what their grades, their kids' grades are in school, and who their bullies are, and who their crushes are,

00:06:09.740 and what they as women are doing in their lives, and how their jobs are going. 1.00

00:06:15.080 And the joke is that if you ask a man, how was Steve, you might say, a man might say, well, he seemed good.

00:06:22.500 Well, how are his kids? I don't know.

00:06:25.020 Well, how is his wife? I don't know.

00:06:27.940 How's the job? I don't really know.

00:06:29.820 Because we don't converse like that as men.

00:06:33.140 The relational building doesn't come by connecting through shared understanding or empathy.

00:06:42.700 It comes through getting a job done.

00:06:44.940 That's why so many men build really, really powerful, even lifelong friendships through challenging circumstances.

00:06:52.460 And I'll get to that in a minute.

00:06:53.400 But it's why you see men who are playing sports or men who join the military,

00:06:59.600 when they are no longer playing sports or in the military, they lose their brotherhood

00:07:05.000 because they're not working towards that common activity, that common hobby, that shared interest and pursuit.

00:07:12.000 And they don't have anybody to rally behind or anybody to rally behind them.

00:07:17.360 So if you don't have hobbies, figure it out, guys.

00:07:20.340 Sometimes when I hear guys talk about building male friendships, they don't want to do any work.

00:07:26.600 They just want to have friends.

00:07:27.940 Well, that's not how anything in life works.

00:07:29.800 That would be like saying, I want six pack abs without eating right and exercising and training my abs.

00:07:36.340 It's laughable.

00:07:37.280 It sounds silly because it is.

00:07:39.440 So the same thing is true when it comes to your friends.

00:07:41.600 You don't get to just have friends because you want them.

00:07:44.120 You get to have these types of friendships where you go hunting every year for the past five, six, seven, ten years

00:07:49.380 because you actively work towards building that up.

00:07:52.320 So what are you building?

00:07:54.100 And what hobbies are you engaged in?

00:07:56.040 What activities are interesting to you?

00:07:58.220 And then the third component is having challenge.

00:08:00.260 If there's no challenge in these hobbies or activities, you know, if you're just finger painting,

00:08:04.880 nothing against finger painting.

00:08:06.340 There's probably some great finger painters out there.

00:08:08.680 Just painting in general.

00:08:09.760 You know, Bob Ross.

00:08:10.740 We've got a stand out here, a hunting stand that we call Bob Ross because how beautiful it is.

00:08:14.480 And there's a time and there's a place for that.

00:08:17.480 But if you want to rally with other men, then you need to do something challenging.

00:08:22.640 Go join a Spartan race.

00:08:24.140 Go join the gym.

00:08:25.360 Train jiu-jitsu together.

00:08:26.460 Go on a hunt together.

00:08:27.380 Do physical activities.

00:08:28.980 Push each other.

00:08:30.320 Motivate each other.

00:08:31.880 Compel each other to be better.

00:08:33.380 And when you do that, you're going to be edified and you're going to be uplifted.

00:08:38.340 You aren't as good as you can be right now.

00:08:40.220 But through powering, excuse me, through the power and partnering with other men, you will

00:08:45.500 be able to make yourself into something more.

00:08:48.040 And you'll also help those guys make them into something more than they were before.

00:08:52.100 So look for those challenges.

00:08:53.440 Don't tuck away from those things.

00:08:55.700 Find things that are mentally and emotionally and physically challenging and lean into them.

00:09:00.740 And I think you'll find not only do you feel better about yourself because you're overcoming

00:09:05.240 hardship, but you're able to find other men who are interested in the same.

00:09:09.220 And isn't that what you want?

00:09:10.420 Don't you want men who are challenged, who are up for a challenge, who motivate themselves,

00:09:15.540 who push themselves, who are driving to be better?

00:09:17.820 Then you need to be around those guys.

00:09:19.800 All right, guys.

00:09:20.500 Number four, banter and insults.

00:09:22.880 Now, I know if a woman's listening to this, she may not necessarily agree.

00:09:27.200 But if there's any man listening to this who has been on a sports team or has brothers

00:09:31.980 or been in the military or been around any men in any capacity, you know that banter and

00:09:38.700 insult is part of what bonds us.

00:09:42.280 It's what brings us together and allows us to laugh about certain things and to give each

00:09:48.280 other a hard time.

00:09:49.000 And I thought a lot about this.

00:09:49.940 Why is that the case?

00:09:50.800 Why can't a friend of mine say something that a perfect stranger could not?

00:09:55.640 Or why can a friend of mine say something to me, insult me in some way or mock or ridicule

00:10:00.700 or give me a hard time about something?

00:10:03.320 And a woman may not. 0.55

00:10:05.320 And I think you have to earn the right to do that.

00:10:08.200 But the reason that men do that is to test each other.

00:10:11.360 If I have a new man who comes into the circle, let's say a new hunter comes in and we actually

00:10:15.840 have two new hunters here this year, Bodie and Peter.

00:10:20.160 And these guys, I know Peter.

00:10:22.700 I don't know Bodie, but he's a friend of mine.

00:10:24.640 It's his son.

00:10:25.920 And we give those guys just a hard time as anybody else.

00:10:29.380 Then you know what we're looking for?

00:10:30.660 Even if it's subconsciously, if this individual bucks or they buckle and they cower and they

00:10:36.940 can't push back and they can't hold their own, or they can't even just laugh about something

00:10:40.880 that maybe is true that we're giving them a hard time about, then that's not really an

00:10:44.580 individual that I want in my circle.

00:10:46.520 Because if they can't handle something as simple as me giving them a hard time over doing

00:10:50.240 something dumb, then how are they going to handle something that is infinitely more difficult?

00:10:55.160 A medical situation, a violent encounter, even me going through a difficult circumstance, 0.98

00:11:02.100 are they going to be able to stand by me?

00:11:03.740 If they can't handle a little banter, I don't think they can.

00:11:07.020 And my friend Matt often says, hey, when we stop giving you a hard time, that's when

00:11:14.420 you know we no longer like or care about you.

00:11:17.160 And I know people might hear that and think, oh, that's not right.

00:11:21.520 That's not how it works.

00:11:22.300 Women think that and men who have not been around other men. 0.99

00:11:25.120 But if you want to be around other men, get prepared to have some pushback, to be mocked,

00:11:33.520 to be ridiculed, to be belittled, not in a mean-spirited way, in a fun, laughable way,

00:11:38.300 but also to be able to test your resolve and your merit and your ability to roll with the

00:11:42.880 punches, as they say.

00:11:44.820 And then guys, the last point that I have for you today is consistency and predictability.

00:11:48.920 Years ago, a friend of mine, his name's Tom, he and I wanted to play basketball every Tuesday

00:11:55.860 night.

00:11:56.640 And we lived in the same neighborhood and there was some friends that lived in the

00:11:59.980 same area from church.

00:12:01.260 And we wanted to get all of us together on a weekly basis and play pickup basketball at

00:12:05.240 the local church.

00:12:06.080 So Tom and I decided, you know what, we're just going to start playing Tuesday nights at

00:12:10.700 seven.

00:12:11.220 I can't remember the time, but let's just say seven.

00:12:13.640 And we'll show up and we'll play.

00:12:15.100 And if it's just us, we'll go do it.

00:12:16.320 And if other guys show up, then they can join us too.

00:12:19.420 And the first week we showed up, there was me and Tom.

00:12:22.320 And the second week, there was probably three of us.

00:12:25.020 And the third week, there was probably back to me and Tom.

00:12:27.740 And the fourth week, it was maybe four of us.

00:12:29.880 And then it was six.

00:12:30.700 And then it was three.

00:12:31.600 And then it was seven.

00:12:32.440 And then, and over time it continued to grow.

00:12:34.580 And it grew to the point where every Tuesday night we would have 20 or 30 guys show up to

00:12:39.660 this small little gym, not even a full-sized basketball court inside of a church.

00:12:44.660 And we would play for hours.

00:12:46.360 And it got so busy that Tom and I decided we actually need to move this to another night

00:12:51.020 because there's so many guys here that nobody's getting any playing time.

00:12:54.860 And we're not burning off any energy.

00:12:56.700 And we're not into that challenge or that shared activity and hobby.

00:12:59.240 Um, and so we decided, well, we'd start it on Wednesday night and we did the same thing

00:13:04.280 and it grew on Wednesday night as well.

00:13:05.700 And so it became, uh, twice, uh, twice a week thing.

00:13:08.800 And I'm sure as, as Tom and I stopped doing it because we moved or got busy with kids and

00:13:13.200 family life and other hobbies and interests, it probably feigned.

00:13:16.160 And the reason that's the case is because very few men are willing to commit to anything for

00:13:21.480 any, any measurable length of time.

00:13:23.800 You know, it's easy to show up as somebody is putting together a basketball pick pickup game

00:13:27.320 when it's convenient for you.

00:13:29.100 Um, it's easy to show up, uh, on the weekend.

00:13:31.700 If a buddy's asking you to move and just to help where you can, those things are easy,

00:13:35.900 but what's not easy is being consistent and being predictable.

00:13:38.820 And the more consistent you are, not only in your ability to show up powerfully, but just

00:13:45.200 your ability to show up at all.

00:13:46.980 I mean, isn't that sad?

00:13:48.520 We live in a time and an age where just showing up puts you light years ahead of the competition

00:13:55.760 and the more predictable you can be and the more consistent you can be.

00:13:59.240 And the more that you can do things, not based on whether or not others will show up,

00:14:02.300 but because that's what you want to do, the more you will be able to lead.

00:14:05.800 So start that pickup basketball league. 0.98

00:14:08.820 You know, start, start hunting, start inviting people to go play golf with you, uh, start

00:14:15.400 the, the finger painting club of your local area.

00:14:17.980 I don't care what it is, but do it consistently and be predictable.

00:14:22.080 And when guys see that this is a man who shows up day in and day out, he does things solidly

00:14:27.300 every time he shows up, he's never late.

00:14:29.640 He's always here.

00:14:30.340 He's always present.

00:14:30.980 He's always prepared.

00:14:32.180 Then those are the guys that can be counted on.

00:14:34.140 And the high caliber men are going to look for that.

00:14:36.160 They're not going to go do something with somebody who hasn't proven themselves to be high caliber.

00:14:41.240 And we may not fully understand if that guy is a high caliber guy, but I can tell you if

00:14:45.380 somebody is consistent and predictable and has built something over months or years or

00:14:51.460 decades, then I know that that's a solid guy.

00:14:54.100 I get a solicited to come on podcasts all the time and I love doing it.

00:14:59.700 I love to share this message of reclaiming and restoring masculinity.

00:15:03.700 I love to talk with other people.

00:15:06.560 I love to hone my own skills when it comes to this podcasting thing that I've been doing,

00:15:10.860 but it's a little harder to say yes to somebody who's just getting started relative to somebody

00:15:16.140 who's been doing it for five, six, seven, eight, 10 years.

00:15:18.800 And when I reach out to individuals to get them on my podcast, I can say, I've been doing

00:15:23.120 this for a decade.

00:15:23.940 And that person may know nothing else about me, but the fact that I've put together over

00:15:28.360 1600 shows over the course of 10 years says something about my character.

00:15:33.380 It says something about my discipline.

00:15:35.860 It says something about my ability to perform day in and day out, come rain or sun guys be

00:15:43.980 predictable, be consistent.

00:15:45.320 And this is the best way that I've found to build male friendships.

00:15:49.180 Now I know, I wish I could have just given you a very simple formula, say these five things,

00:15:53.840 do these four things, and you'll find the most high caliber men in your corner and all your

00:15:59.740 wildest dreams will come true.

00:16:01.400 But like anything, this is not how it works.

00:16:04.260 But if you know the mindset and you know the mentality behind it, and then you apply yourself

00:16:08.120 consistently and predictably, you too will have a powerful band of brothers.

00:16:11.460 And I have dozens at this point, I'm sure, of bands of brothers.

00:16:16.600 Some of them overlap.

00:16:17.560 Some of them are completely separate from one another.

00:16:19.780 This hunt might be one.

00:16:20.740 A different hunt might be another.

00:16:23.100 Maybe a business group or coaching call that I belong to.

00:16:26.560 Another mastermind that I participate in.

00:16:28.600 I've got dozens and you should too.

00:16:31.720 So guys, again, if you want to build male friendships, because this is how we bond and that's what

00:16:36.920 you need to understand is how men bond.

00:16:38.800 Number one is you're working against a common enemy or towards a common objective.

00:16:44.020 Number two is you're looking for shared hobbies and activities.

00:16:47.340 Number three is you're always going to be engaged in new and challenging activities.

00:16:51.780 Number four, be prepared for banter and insults and be prepared to dish it as well.

00:16:56.180 You got to dish it and take it.

00:16:57.820 And then number five, you have to do this consistently and predictably over time.

00:17:01.280 And that is how you build male friendships.

00:17:05.040 I hope this serves you guys.

00:17:06.320 If you have any other thoughts and ideas, please let me know.

00:17:08.900 And if you want to tap into a organization that has already built these principles into it,

00:17:16.820 so you don't have to think about it.

00:17:18.140 You don't have to wonder how to do it.

00:17:19.380 You don't have to try to figure it out or bang your head against the wall on the way or

00:17:23.080 figure out if these guys are high caliber, reputable people or not, just join our band

00:17:27.420 of brothers.

00:17:27.880 It's called the iron council.

00:17:28.980 We're open through the end of the year.

00:17:30.880 We will stay open through the end of the year.

00:17:32.880 We've got over a thousand guys that are all part of that.

00:17:35.000 We've got phone calls taking place and meetups happening and events planned, conversations

00:17:40.080 taking place, challenges being issued, assignments being given.

00:17:44.540 It's pretty, pretty incredible.

00:17:46.400 And I know I'm a bit biased when I say that, but that's the reality.

00:17:49.760 And you can ask any of the thousand plus men inside that organization, what they feel

00:17:54.360 and all of them will tell you, this is powerful.

00:17:57.000 So if you want to tap into that, go to orderofman.com slash iron council.

00:18:01.400 Again, that's orderofman.com slash iron council.

00:18:05.060 All right, guys, I'm going to get back to my hunt with my son and my friends, and we

00:18:10.060 will be back next week until then go out there, take action and become a man.

00:18:14.540 And you are meant to be.

00:18:16.280 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:18:19.240 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:18:23.280 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:18:26.400 ...

00:18:31.700 ...

00:18:33.760 ...

00:18:37.780 ...

00:18:41.180 ...

00:18:43.800 ...

00:18:46.020 ...

00:18:49.140 ...

00:18:50.080 ...

00:18:51.140 ...

Order of Man - October 31, 2025

A Guide to Male Friendship ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript