Order of Man - Accepting Grief of Failed Relationships, Training People How to Communicate With You, and Doing the Right Things for Right Reasons ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.020 Kip, what's up, man? So great to see you this Monday morning. Looking forward to getting after some questions today.

00:00:28.840 Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Always a privilege. Always fun.

00:00:33.280 And we have quite a bit of new guys in the Veyron Council submitting questions today.

00:00:38.240 And it's always good to see these guys contributing and getting after it.

00:00:42.620 Because the way I see it is these questions, these aren't just made up, right?

00:00:46.720 These are questions that someone is mulling over.

00:00:50.400 They're having a difficult time with.

00:00:53.400 And they want to address it.

00:00:56.260 And so these are, you know, when you really think about it, it's like, man, what we're talking about, whether we're right or not, the idea of the conversation and someone wrestling with these things is super critical.

00:01:08.780 And this is exactly what men need.

00:01:11.040 Yeah, absolutely.

00:01:11.960 That's why this is so powerful, man.

00:01:13.400 Not only just order of man in general, but the Iron Council.

00:01:15.640 We're closed, but we will be open in a couple of months.

00:01:17.920 And I really think that if you could whittle it down to two things that a man needs more in his life that generally I don't think we have enough of is a network of other like-mended men that we can rely and count on. 0.96

00:01:32.540 And two, that we have a framework, systems that are proven to work that we can just plug into.

00:01:41.920 Sometimes with my personality, I'm a little stubborn.

00:01:45.860 I'm a little hard-headed.

00:01:46.820 And so sometimes I want to reinvent the wheel.

00:01:49.040 No, not me.

00:01:50.480 No, I've never noticed that trait of you.

00:01:53.200 Like reinvent the wheel at times, but I've noticed if I just plug into a system that's proven to work, it saves time, it saves energy, and it actually produces results as opposed to just kind of a crapshoot with other ways I think might work.

00:02:09.200 So I think there's a time and a place for experimentation, but I also think there's a time and place just to tap into what works.

00:02:16.040 Totally. Or don't reinvent the wheel, tap into what works, and then evolve it beyond that and add to it at a more rapid rate than just creating something from scratch.

00:02:27.500 Well, I mean, even if, look, we talk about this quite often, but in jujitsu, you have to learn the rules and you have to learn the basics.

00:02:35.120 But once you learn the basics, like I watch you roll, you experiment.

00:02:38.780 You're trying new things, but you can only do that because you have a foundation of what works and what doesn't.

00:02:43.860 And then you build on that to experiment.

00:02:46.380 So both have their part to play in the appropriate order.

00:02:52.760 Yeah, absolutely. Way to throw the JITS reference in there.

00:02:56.060 All right, man.

00:02:56.840 We're going to fill it too.

00:02:58.260 I know, just get it out of the door.

00:03:00.220 All right, we're going to fill the questions from the Iron Council.

00:03:02.560 Question number one, Paul Stoneman.

00:03:04.680 This is one leftover from last week.

00:03:06.360 If you don't mind me throwing this in, this was good.

00:03:08.100 Yeah, let's get it.

00:03:08.700 So specific examples from you, Mr. Ryan and Kip, on how IC has positively impacted your lives.

00:03:15.780 What goals has IC helped you achieve?

00:03:17.740 How did the IC help you achieve said goals?

00:03:20.180 What was your life situation like prior to creating the Iron Council?

00:03:24.600 I realize I'm talking about the founder as well as a longstanding member of the Iron Council.

00:03:28.900 But perhaps you have some recent examples of maybe you have had some tremendous, overcome, tremendous success over the years that you could share with us and people, share with us and people that are not within the Iron Council.

00:03:43.180 Jeez.

00:03:44.160 All right, hold on a second, Kip.

00:03:45.360 Is that due to you reading that?

00:03:48.140 Or is that the way that the question was written?

00:03:51.500 Help me understand.

00:03:52.680 It's probably me.

00:03:54.400 It's probably me.

00:03:54.900 Okay.

00:03:55.240 All right.

00:03:55.620 Well, we can talk about that later then, but geez almighty.

00:03:59.600 All right.

00:04:00.740 Flatterfest.

00:04:01.620 Yeah.

00:04:02.020 So here, well, here's a recent example.

00:04:04.300 You know, a lot of people know I went through my divorce and what I've noticed is that to talk about the previous topic that we were addressing, you know, you have a framework.

00:04:14.140 And just because you have a framework doesn't mean that it's automatically going to work if you're not utilizing it correctly.

00:04:18.680 And I, and I wasn't, you know, I was utilizing elements of it, but we all deviate from time to time.

00:04:23.800 It's wild to me.

00:04:25.200 And I'm not casting stones.

00:04:26.720 We all do this, myself included, that we know what works and we see results and then you experience the results and then you deviate from what got you there.

00:04:38.020 You see this a lot in sports.

00:04:40.040 You see teams that, you know, run a really good offense or run a really good defense or a specific series of plays that works really well.

00:04:46.100 And they get to the playoffs and they do something completely different.

00:04:49.520 Why would you do that?

00:04:51.320 Stick with what works.

00:04:52.460 And so I've noticed for myself, when I deviate from the framework, from the network, then I stray and I start doing my own thing and I don't have any accountability built into my life.

00:05:03.640 But when I went through my divorce and came, came announced publicly about my, my battles with alcohol addiction and abuse, I, I got back to the system.

00:05:16.040 That's it.

00:05:17.140 Yeah.

00:05:17.540 Like this isn't, I wish I could tell you, sometimes I wish like the marketer in me says, oh, make this sound better than it really is.

00:05:24.560 But all of that's bullcrap guys.

00:05:26.540 I can tell people will do that to you and they'll tell you how great and wonderful and all your wildest dreams will come true.

00:05:33.200 If you buy this product and it's like, it's shampoo.

00:05:35.240 All right.

00:05:35.700 It's not going to do that big of a deal.

00:05:37.100 Like it's not that big of a deal.

00:05:39.140 Well, frankly, the iron council is not that big of a deal either.

00:05:42.880 It really isn't.

00:05:44.440 It's not a miracle pill.

00:05:46.080 It's not a wonder drug.

00:05:47.480 Like it's not going to solve all your problems.

00:05:49.920 It's just having access to men who have already raised, raised their hand and said, I want to be successful and I want to help other people be successful.

00:05:58.920 And I need a system to do it.

00:06:01.040 I could strip all the marketing stuff away from it and that's it.

00:06:04.760 And it's worth it for those reasons.

00:06:06.840 So when I tap back into the battle plan, started being accountable, started to track all of my progress or lack thereof at the time is when I got back on the path.

00:06:19.620 I mean, this is, this is very simple stuff and people say, well, it's, it's simple.

00:06:23.900 It's not easy.

00:06:24.440 No, it's easy.

00:06:25.460 It's really easy.

00:06:27.620 Like don't overcomplicate it.

00:06:29.420 I don't like that phrase anymore.

00:06:30.820 It's simple.

00:06:31.340 Not easy.

00:06:31.800 It's all easy.

00:06:33.600 If you tell yourself it's hard, it's hard.

00:06:36.040 Yeah.

00:06:36.680 If you tell yourself, oh, it's not simple.

00:06:38.680 It's not easy.

00:06:39.400 Well, what are you telling your brain?

00:06:40.940 You're telling your brain that it's hard, that there's challenges, there's obstacles.

00:06:44.000 Not everybody can do this.

00:06:45.060 You have to overcome all these things.

00:06:46.400 No, you don't.

00:06:47.400 Really what you need to do is you just need to get up in the morning when your alarm goes off.

00:06:51.000 You need to get some, some fluids in your body, go through your little morning ritual,

00:06:55.440 go to the gym, work out, get a trainer, go on YouTube, figure it out in a program.

00:06:59.360 It's not hard.

00:07:00.140 It's easy.

00:07:00.700 It's all easy.

00:07:01.880 Yep.

00:07:02.320 Yeah.

00:07:03.740 Totally.

00:07:04.100 That's not a specific answer, but it's, it is what it is.

00:07:07.040 Like it's just do it.

00:07:08.500 Yeah.

00:07:08.780 Just do the system.

00:07:09.720 Yeah.

00:07:10.680 Yeah.

00:07:11.200 I, I'll, I'll share.

00:07:12.820 I mean, I, I have many similar examples of where I've benefited, but for Paul's question,

00:07:19.580 I think for me, probably the biggest thing, and I do see this, I do see, I'm not the only

00:07:23.980 one.

00:07:24.760 In fact, I would love your thoughts on this, Ryan, if you, how prominent you think this

00:07:29.360 is within the iron council.

00:07:31.020 But when I joined, geez, I don't know.

00:07:36.060 I'd have to do some math.

00:07:37.320 2016, 2017.

00:07:39.080 Yeah.

00:07:39.800 Yeah.

00:07:40.040 Maybe geez, hasn't been that long.

00:07:42.600 So when I joined that, that long ago, I was, I was working for myself.

00:07:47.400 I had a couple of employees, a handful of employees, and I think I was good at what I

00:07:53.660 did.

00:07:55.380 And the reps that I got in the iron council, more or less, you created opportunity for me

00:08:02.960 to step into a position of leveling up that I didn't have in my life yet.

00:08:09.860 And so I, I got to come in.

00:08:11.880 I have maybe strong opinions about things I was committed to and excited about the mission

00:08:18.500 of what we're doing.

00:08:19.500 And I step into a position of being a battle team leader.

00:08:23.120 And there was an element of finding my voice where I felt like, man, I have something to

00:08:28.660 share.

00:08:29.220 And it wasn't to build myself up and don't get me wrong.

00:08:32.340 I had to check my ego because sometimes I would be building myself up.

00:08:35.700 I had to re-level set a lot of times and going, wait a second, this is about my team.

00:08:40.240 This is about the iron council.

00:08:41.500 This is about something bigger.

00:08:43.780 And, but I found opportunities to serve that I don't think I would have normally found.

00:08:51.040 And that was probably, that has probably been the biggest thing within the iron council

00:08:54.980 is I've used it as a stomping ground, or I've used it as an opportunity to, to serve

00:09:03.680 other men.

00:09:04.280 And, and I feel most of the men that are battle team leaders or the mentors or in the leadership

00:09:09.940 of the iron council, all of them probably did what I did.

00:09:14.200 They joined the iron council because they wanted to improve themselves and they have since stayed

00:09:20.620 because they want to serve others.

00:09:23.720 And that is probably the biggest opportunity or the biggest growth that I've gotten in the

00:09:28.260 iron council is in the service of, of our fellow members.

00:09:32.280 Yeah.

00:09:33.760 I mean, we, we talk about it quite often.

00:09:35.940 Kip is those, those who serve in the iron council, those who give the most, get the most.

00:09:42.240 It's just how it goes.

00:09:43.840 If you want the maximum investment in, in a real estate investment or a stock market portfolio, man, the more you give, the more return.

00:09:52.880 And the same is true when it comes to relationships, romantic interests, the iron council, all of your life.

00:09:58.880 A lot of guys, cause I hear from them daily are saying, Oh, I'm not getting what I need.

00:10:02.740 What are you giving?

00:10:03.300 Yeah.

00:10:04.460 Yeah.

00:10:04.840 What are you doing to serve?

00:10:06.200 Yeah.

00:10:06.420 Right.

00:10:07.100 And the more you do that, the better off you're going to be.

00:10:09.040 I'll tell you one thing that I noticed in you over the past seven or eight years is an increase in confidence.

00:10:15.620 And I'm not going to say it's the iron council is exclusively responsible for that.

00:10:19.000 But when you're talking about opportunities to serve, obviously you and I have been doing this podcast for what five years, maybe ish.

00:10:27.020 I don't, I don't know exactly.

00:10:28.500 And then I see you sharing leadership principles in a more formalized process in iron council.

00:10:34.260 But then I also see you doing it on social media.

00:10:37.060 Those are all developments that I've noticed in you, even just relatively recently, because you're to your point, getting the reps in.

00:10:44.560 And I think that's the point when you have a system in place and you know what it is and you know what you're supposed to be doing, then you can do it boldly and confidently.

00:10:55.280 And so if we were to go back to jujitsu again, when you go into the door as a very first time, you don't know what you're doing.

00:11:01.400 You're awkward.

00:11:02.180 You're uncomfortable.

00:11:02.700 You feel silly.

00:11:04.620 You're getting beat up.

00:11:05.920 You're getting banged up.

00:11:06.740 And so there's no confidence there and you don't have a right to confidence at that point.

00:11:10.900 So don't even pretend like you should have it.

00:11:13.280 You don't deserve it yet.

00:11:14.960 But then you start to learn some moves and you get confident in those particular moves and you get confident in your position.

00:11:22.180 You get confident in somebody having you in a vulnerable position and you can wait it out or reverse it or whatever it might be.

00:11:28.500 But you only get that through doing the reps and being familiar with that uncomfortable circumstance and situation.

00:11:36.080 So if you want to be more confident in any facet of your life, then the answer is exposure.

00:11:41.280 You want to be more confident around attractive women?

00:11:45.780 Go put yourself in environments with attractive women. 0.89

00:11:48.580 You want to be more confident in business?

00:11:50.240 Make more sales calls.

00:11:51.640 Reps.

00:11:52.380 Right?

00:11:52.680 That's all it is.

00:11:53.280 It's just do the reps and you will develop and build that confidence.

00:11:56.060 And I've seen that in you.

00:11:57.600 And again, I can't say that the Iron Council is the credit for all of that.

00:12:01.040 But I think there has been some moments for you to step up in leadership opportunities and ways to serve that have served you well from the outside looking in.

00:12:10.420 No, absolutely.

00:12:11.580 Absolutely.

00:12:12.100 It has.

00:12:12.440 One other thought that I had is I went to the gym this morning and my trainer, Johnny Loretty, he's a good friend of mine, but we met through the Iron Council.

00:12:22.400 He's the one who does all my fitness programming and he got me on a new program today.

00:12:25.720 We just tweak some things and change some things up.

00:12:28.380 Well, that's a person I never would have met.

00:12:30.480 I'm really happy with the results I've been experiencing in my life physically because of his training, his coaching.

00:12:36.460 That's a connection I never would have made if I didn't have the Iron Council.

00:12:41.720 So, guys, there's opportunities.

00:12:43.240 If you're like, I need to get on track of my diet or nutrition, reach out to Johnny or, hey, I need to learn how to be a better entrepreneur.

00:12:50.560 Alan Placer is a great resource for that.

00:12:52.820 You know, there's so many great resources and channels in there that if you utilize it correctly, then you can meet people you'd never have access to.

00:13:00.140 And they're going to help you because they want to serve you.

00:13:04.120 That's an amazing thing.

00:13:05.220 And I don't want to overlook that.

00:13:07.240 People who really care.

00:13:09.400 Right.

00:13:10.180 I may be a little personal here, but I was talking to my wife about this actually in our drive over the weekend, how interesting it is.

00:13:19.360 And I don't even remember the scenario.

00:13:21.080 I was talking with someone in the Iron Council and the conversation ended up ending with, hey, man, I love you.

00:13:28.120 Mike, love you too.

00:13:29.080 We hung up.

00:13:30.320 And I was telling my wife, I'm like, it's so interesting.

00:13:32.620 I was raised in a family.

00:13:35.080 We don't say that to each other.

00:13:36.840 And if you got one of those from a parent, it was like super rare.

00:13:42.000 Yeah.

00:13:42.820 Gold star.

00:13:43.260 That's how I was raised.

00:13:44.720 Yeah.

00:13:45.560 Meanwhile, I'm part of a men's group and dudes that I've, some I've never even met in person that are saying those words to me.

00:13:54.780 And here's the rub.

00:13:56.120 It's not fake.

00:13:57.240 No, they mean it.

00:13:59.000 Yeah.

00:13:59.400 They totally mean it.

00:14:00.580 And I'm like, dude, how profound is that?

00:14:03.980 This isn't superficial mastermind business group guys.

00:14:07.080 And we don't care about each other.

00:14:08.800 It's genuine and it's awesome.

00:14:12.640 Oh, man.

00:14:13.340 So awesome.

00:14:14.860 I've been thinking about that lately.

00:14:16.900 For some reason, the concept of I love you to another man.

00:14:20.100 It feels uncomfortable.

00:14:21.660 At least it does for me.

00:14:22.480 Does it feel uncomfortable for you?

00:14:24.660 Naturally.

00:14:25.220 But I assume that's just how I was raised.

00:14:27.800 No, I think it's, I think it's just generally, I think men have a hard time expressing it that way.

00:14:33.440 But here's the thing that I've been thinking about.

00:14:36.560 I love you are just words.

00:14:38.240 They're just noises that our bodies make.

00:14:40.220 We just manipulate our mouths and our tongues and our teeth to make sounds.

00:14:45.520 And then we say that sound means this.

00:14:47.640 That's all words are agreed on it.

00:14:49.360 Yep.

00:14:50.060 So, you know, at least I have been, I'm just trying to speak for myself, hesitant, like, ah, it feels awkward.

00:14:56.240 It feels uncomfortable.

00:14:57.680 But men have loved each other for thousands and thousands of years.

00:15:02.120 You know, the most hardened warriors and, and, and, you know, the toughest men you've ever, you know, seen or heard of.

00:15:08.400 They had those types of relationships.

00:15:10.220 They may not have expressed it with those exact words, but the sentiment of caring about somebody else, of wanting them to succeed, of trying to serve them, of banding together towards a common good or against a common enemy has been around since the dawn of man.

00:15:26.060 And whether you call it love or brotherhood or whatever language you want to use, the concept exists and we need more of it in our lives as men because we just don't have it enough.

00:15:40.520 Yeah, I totally agree.

00:15:41.420 All right, George Mamo, this may require a lot more time than one podcast to cover, but how do we, as men, accept grief that follows us after a woman we have loved leaves us?

00:15:54.200 So I was knocking on the door of getting engaged with a woman last year, and then she delivered the hard news. 0.97

00:15:59.280 Of course, it wasn't out of nowhere.

00:16:00.760 And as the notion goes, women start to become more silent when they eventually leave us or lose feelings for us. 1.00

00:16:07.400 But at what point do we stop wanting to win her back?

00:16:10.780 I'm just going to say it eight months later, and I still miss her.

00:16:14.620 And I want to show her that I'm worthy of what she would, what she doubted in me.

00:16:19.400 I haven't reached out for her, reached out to her for six months because I'm still afraid she'll give me the naked response.

00:16:25.720 I'm open to whatever criticism might follow that I'm sharing.

00:16:29.280 Everyone in here, please also feel free to comment in insights or experiences.

00:16:34.020 Thank you.

00:16:34.880 I'm not going to criticize.

00:16:36.440 I mean, I understand firsthand what that feels like.

00:16:40.300 And I'm not here to tell you eight months is too long or not enough.

00:16:43.940 I don't know.

00:16:44.400 We all go through different processes and we all experience it differently.

00:16:48.980 This is relatively new for me, you know, with my divorce last year.

00:16:52.780 Uh, there's, there's elements of my relationship and there's parts of her that I still grieve the loss for, but it's not dehabilitating.

00:17:03.480 And I think that's the difference.

00:17:05.280 You said something that's really telling.

00:17:07.060 And I want to focus on this because this is why you're not getting over her.

00:17:11.100 You said, I want, and I'm paraphrasing, correct me if I'm, I got this wrong, but something like.

00:17:16.340 Like you want to prove to her that you're the man that you're capable of being or read that, just that little snippet again.

00:17:26.320 Yeah.

00:17:26.400 That she has doubted.

00:17:27.540 Yeah.

00:17:27.900 It was, I'm just going to say it eight months later and I still miss her.

00:17:32.140 And I want to show her that I am worthy of what she doubted in me.

00:17:36.720 That's the problem.

00:17:38.340 That right there is your hangup.

00:17:39.860 If you want to show her that you're worthy of her love, then you're never going to be able to let go of it.

00:17:46.140 You're, you're hung up because of that line of thinking right there.

00:17:50.220 So when we go through a loss and specifically, I'm talking about a relationship, a romantic relationship.

00:17:57.220 It's very difficult.

00:17:58.340 But the thing, I think one of the things that helped me the most in this moment was to go to work on myself and fix myself for myself.

00:18:08.220 Yeah.

00:18:08.520 It wasn't for her.

00:18:10.600 It wasn't for my kid.

00:18:12.080 At first it was because you scramble, you get desperate.

00:18:15.720 And guess what happens in desperation?

00:18:17.320 You look desperate.

00:18:18.180 It's repulsive.

00:18:19.260 And it's, yeah, it's not attractive at all.

00:18:21.220 So you need to shift from proving yourself worthy of her love or affection or admiration or partnership and start shifting into, I'm going to the gym, not so I look good to other people, so that I feel good about myself.

00:18:37.380 Yeah.

00:18:37.460 I'm going to invest in a new, a new training or a new course at work, not so I can impress my boss or my clients, but that I can feel like I have more value to offer.

00:18:48.360 Everything right now, I'm hesitant to say it this way.

00:18:51.440 I was going to say everything right now should be about you.

00:18:53.600 I don't take that with a grain of salt.

00:18:56.060 I don't really mean it like that.

00:18:57.200 What I'm saying here is the motive for improvement has to be purely self-development.

00:19:03.780 I'm just improving myself.

00:19:06.060 Now, what's going to happen is she's either going to notice and there's going to be some reconciliation process or she's not.

00:19:13.020 And you're going to be in a significantly better place.

00:19:15.780 Again, let me reiterate here.

00:19:17.260 There's elements of my relationship and of my ex that I grieve, but I don't have any desire to be in that relationship like I did, you know, 18 months ago.

00:19:29.480 And part of that is because I'm in a position that I feel confident about how I'm growing and how I'm improving.

00:19:36.700 And I don't need any external factor to validate that for me.

00:19:41.140 And it's very liberating.

00:19:42.640 And so I've had a lot of people say, oh, how'd you get through this so quickly?

00:19:46.460 And how'd you, because I did it for the right reason, which was self-development.

00:19:50.920 And the sooner that you get to that point, I think the better off you're going to be.

00:19:55.100 And not to mention, and somebody had mentioned Keith Yaki in a question that might be coming up.

00:20:02.920 He's a good friend of mine.

00:20:03.960 He talks a lot about building thriving marriages and rekindling the fire.

00:20:08.960 It's the only play you have.

00:20:10.800 The only play in the playbook for you in this moment after a breakup is what we're saying.

00:20:18.520 Getting yourself right to just purely because it's the right thing to do.

00:20:24.800 Yeah.

00:20:25.420 Anything else is going to drive her away.

00:20:27.100 So that's the only thing you can do right now.

00:20:29.560 And she's either going to come back and see, and you're going to reconcile or she's not.

00:20:34.200 And you're going to drive on with more confidence and probably quicker than you would had you held onto it.

00:20:39.340 Yeah.

00:20:39.940 And I think some people might be listening and think, well, you know, I could play that game and I could do it for the wrong reasons and do it for her and it won't be unrepulsive.

00:20:49.480 And you might be right.

00:20:51.600 No, I don't think you're right.

00:20:53.680 Well, you could, it might sway her to some extent, but if you're doing it for the wrong reasons, yeah.

00:21:00.900 If you're doing it for the wrong reasons, then you're not being who she's looking for anyway.

00:21:05.500 And, and then it's going to come up with resentment.

00:21:09.620 Whenever all this effort that you're putting in is to get her back, you're just loading the gun of resentment towards her.

00:21:18.160 And it's not going to meet your expectations.

00:21:20.480 And then I did all this for her and you're going to despise her for it.

00:21:25.300 Like it doesn't work that way.

00:21:27.580 And it's not going to last either.

00:21:29.780 You got to be who you want to be for yourself.

00:21:34.140 And if she's willing to accept that through agency and freedom, not through manipulation, then awesome.

00:21:40.700 And if not, then you shouldn't, maybe you shouldn't be together anyway, right?

00:21:45.000 You don't want someone with you because you've been manipulated them.

00:21:48.380 You want someone with you because they chose to be with you.

00:21:51.040 I mean, I, I did all the manipulation tactics.

00:21:53.820 It didn't feel like manipulation.

00:21:55.380 It's like, do, do the chores and the projects around the house, you know, turn into a yes, man, don't rock the boat.

00:22:03.240 Those don't feel like manipulation tactics.

00:22:05.680 They are.

00:22:06.620 If you're doing it because you want her to respond in a way that means you're manipulating the situation.

00:22:12.500 And the only pure motive is self-development purely for self-development.

00:22:17.820 And then you have to let the chips fall where they may.

00:22:20.240 So I, I wholeheartedly agree with you on that, Kip.

00:22:22.400 And it, and it's tough.

00:22:23.680 Like I get it, right?

00:22:24.940 He's saying how long, you know, and, and how long is based upon you.

00:22:29.680 It's based upon her, based upon her responses.

00:22:32.820 I mean, it's how long, what was it?

00:22:35.000 How long, what?

00:22:35.880 Like, how long do I attempt to like win her back?

00:22:39.520 Oh, no, there's no question.

00:22:42.200 You stop that today.

00:22:44.040 Yeah.

00:22:44.240 You just be you.

00:22:45.560 Yeah.

00:22:45.800 Yeah.

00:22:45.980 Stop that.

00:22:46.680 There's no, there's no like, Oh, do it for a month or do it for a year.

00:22:50.020 No, you shut that off right now.

00:22:51.980 You're not doing things any longer to win her back.

00:22:54.600 Knock it off.

00:22:55.480 Yeah.

00:22:55.900 Do the right things for the right reason for yourself.

00:22:59.000 Right.

00:22:59.600 Yeah.

00:22:59.980 And if that happens, great to win her back.

00:23:03.620 Awesome.

00:23:04.040 If not, it doesn't matter.

00:23:06.260 And I would add this as an element of hope.

00:23:08.360 No.

00:23:09.200 Yeah, you're right.

00:23:09.960 It doesn't really matter, but in a way it does, but the opposite way than what we think.

00:23:14.120 I promise you, if you work on yourself and you take this time to really evaluate where

00:23:20.600 you were good, where you were strong, where you fell short, and you work on shoring those

00:23:24.760 up for your own development, I promise you there's another woman who will come into your

00:23:29.600 life that is going to be an infinitely better dynamic and relationship.

00:23:34.220 I'm not saying she's better.

00:23:35.340 She's worthy of more.

00:23:36.480 I'm not saying that.

00:23:37.140 I'm saying the relationship is going to be so much better and your life is going to

00:23:42.620 be so much better because you did it right for the right reasons.

00:23:47.600 I know that a hundred percent to be true.

00:23:50.180 Garrett Prater, if you are absolutely committed to your marriage and love your wife, but you

00:23:55.320 do not like your wife and she literally irates you at every turn.

00:24:00.460 Irritates you?

00:24:02.140 No.

00:24:03.220 Irates.

00:24:03.500 Irates.

00:24:03.900 Okay.

00:24:04.760 Guys.

00:24:05.760 At every turn.

00:24:06.560 Keep going.

00:24:08.340 How and what tactics do you suggest to turn the tide for the better other than complete

00:24:14.080 acceptance that these things that drive you crazy are not going to change?

00:24:18.100 I realize this is about me and not her looking for some starters.

00:24:23.000 Yeah.

00:24:23.420 So I wish I could give you the exact reference.

00:24:26.360 You're committed to your marriage.

00:24:27.840 You love her, but she's harsh to you.

00:24:32.040 Maybe.

00:24:32.760 We don't know.

00:24:33.340 Yeah.

00:24:33.900 He just says he's irritated, right?

00:24:35.560 Like she does things that bother her.

00:24:37.860 I don't know if she's harsh.

00:24:38.700 We don't know that.

00:24:39.700 Drives you crazy.

00:24:40.860 Okay.

00:24:41.100 Maybe she chews with her mouth open and that really bothers you.

00:24:43.760 I don't know what it is.

00:24:45.000 Yeah.

00:24:46.120 Okay.

00:24:46.580 So I can't, I can't give you the reference on this.

00:24:48.860 I wish I could.

00:24:49.440 I'll have to find it.

00:24:50.200 But when I was going through again, there's a lot of marriage questions today.

00:24:53.180 When I was in the midst of, you know, finalizing my divorce, I was looking into different

00:24:57.500 books and materials and reading and studying up.

00:24:59.500 And one of the greatest indicators, and this was a, this was a legitimate study with thousands

00:25:04.840 and thousands of people, married couples, they tested.

00:25:07.720 And one of the greatest indicators of a lasting thriving marriage was very simply, does each

00:25:14.720 partner look for good redeeming qualities in the other person?

00:25:20.340 Or do they focus on the negativity?

00:25:22.560 Like they don't do this or they're not good at this.

00:25:24.780 And the biggest differentiating factor between successful marriages and unsuccessful marriages

00:25:29.920 was each partner looks at each other optimistically and positively.

00:25:34.740 These are their, cause we all have shitty characteristics.

00:25:38.400 We all do dumb things.

00:25:39.940 We all sometimes, you know, chew with our mouths open.

00:25:43.060 My kids, you know, they get frustrated every time I eat chips because they say I eat chips

00:25:47.980 too loud.

00:25:48.420 Like, yeah, like we're annoying.

00:25:50.760 And when you're around people for, you know, years and years, yeah, there's going to be

00:25:55.880 some things that annoy you about the other person.

00:25:58.600 So, and yeah.

00:25:59.820 And there's not a person that doesn't have that list, right?

00:26:03.060 Including you.

00:26:04.060 It's all, yeah.

00:26:05.260 It's always going to be a trade-off.

00:26:07.340 Yeah.

00:26:09.120 So there's a couple of things you can do here.

00:26:11.400 Number one, you can just stop focusing on it.

00:26:13.800 You really can.

00:26:14.660 You can make that decision to say, oh yeah, you know.

00:26:17.120 You know, she's not a great cook. 1.00

00:26:20.160 Her food's kind of terrible, but I know she loves me and the kids.

00:26:25.720 She comes home early or she busts her ass in the kitchen or whatever. 1.00

00:26:29.100 And we do dinner together every night.

00:26:31.460 It's not great, but we do it.

00:26:33.540 It's like focus on the positive.

00:26:35.720 And the more that you focus on the positive, I think the negative will become less relevant.

00:26:41.040 But also, I think you can bring those up in a tactful way too.

00:26:45.440 And you'll hear guys will be like, no, those are moments like little white lies.

00:26:49.320 Like, I don't think so.

00:26:50.860 I don't think so.

00:26:52.240 I think you should be honest.

00:26:54.080 Well, like if, for example, if your wife comes into you and says, hey, hon, what do you think

00:26:59.440 about this dress and it doesn't look good on her, I don't think you should lie.

00:27:04.400 I don't think you should say, yeah, hon, that looks great.

00:27:06.120 I love it.

00:27:07.200 Because it doesn't and you don't like it.

00:27:09.220 What I would say, what I would suggest saying is, you know, that one's not my favorite.

00:27:14.000 I like that black one that she liked, but that one's not my favorite. 1.00

00:27:17.220 But if you like it, great.

00:27:19.580 Like, I would just be honest.

00:27:21.220 You know, or if she's cooking dinner and she makes a terrible meal, you don't have to blast 1.00

00:27:26.620 her for it.

00:27:27.880 But if she asked how it was, say, yeah, you know, this one wasn't on like the top.

00:27:32.360 It wasn't my favorite meal.

00:27:33.540 I mean, I appreciate you making it for us, but you know what?

00:27:35.280 I really like that chicken enchilada meal that you do.

00:27:39.000 Yeah.

00:27:39.520 Be honest.

00:27:41.360 And when you're honest, like the people in my life who are honest, even if it's things

00:27:46.760 I don't want to hear, I appreciate the honesty because I know when they say things that I

00:27:52.000 do like to hear, they actually mean it.

00:27:54.960 Yeah.

00:27:55.640 You know, like if your wife, for example, will call you out on some bullshit because you 0.88

00:28:01.000 didn't go to the gym this week and she'll say, hey, hon, you know, like you didn't go

00:28:06.240 to the gym this week.

00:28:07.020 What's up?

00:28:07.620 And she's willing to call you on that.

00:28:09.700 That takes some courage, I think.

00:28:12.380 And then, you know, when she's like, hey, hon, you did a really awesome job on that project

00:28:16.320 of work, man, I'm so proud of you.

00:28:17.920 I'm glad you're my husband.

00:28:19.140 You can actually believe it.

00:28:21.980 She's not feeding you a line because you know she's not because she's willing to tell you

00:28:25.400 the shitty stuff that you're doing too.

00:28:27.940 Yeah.

00:28:28.360 So that's what I want in a partner.

00:28:30.580 It's not comfortable, especially when you're on the receiving end.

00:28:35.280 But I think there's some tactical ways that you might bring that up.

00:28:39.260 Now, you don't want to henpecker.

00:28:40.840 You know, we hear about that, like with women doing that to guys, you don't want to criticize 1.00

00:28:44.300 every little thing she does because some things don't matter.

00:28:47.680 Maybe she folds the laundry different than you and it's not as efficient as you think 1.00

00:28:51.560 it is.

00:28:52.240 Who cares?

00:28:53.660 Yeah.

00:28:54.040 Like really, who cares?

00:28:55.540 I used to get wrapped up in that stuff because I wanted to control every little thing.

00:28:59.640 I don't care how you fold the laundry.

00:29:01.060 I don't care if you, you know, mop the floors the exact right way or you don't do the dishes

00:29:09.520 how I would.

00:29:10.100 Like I, that stuff's irrelevant.

00:29:12.520 So figure out if it's worth even mentioning.

00:29:14.740 And if it is, then bring it up in a tactful way and then focus on the positive.

00:29:18.440 That's what I would suggest.

00:29:19.440 Yeah.

00:29:20.380 I can't help, but there's like something more here, right?

00:29:24.740 Garrett.

00:29:25.160 And obviously I'm looking to do it, but you know, when you start off like a, Hey, my wife 1.00

00:29:28.620 does a bunch of annoying stuff, which I can relate to.

00:29:32.020 There you go, Asia. 0.98

00:29:33.000 Um, so I'm going to clip that and just send her the audio just for that.

00:29:36.940 Totally.

00:29:38.140 But like, but you started off with like, Hey, I'm committed and I love her, but it's like,

00:29:43.000 Whoa, like, so these things are like really bothering you, right?

00:29:47.240 Like not just annoyance, but like, are they really, really bothering you?

00:29:52.460 And then I'd be asking yourself, like, what are you making these things mean?

00:29:57.360 Like, really?

00:29:59.020 Because it might just be annoying, but maybe you're walking around with, Oh, when she does 0.98

00:30:04.360 that, it makes me feel unappreciated, right?

00:30:06.800 Like, Oh, there's a story to it.

00:30:09.740 There's way more going on.

00:30:11.740 There's a story to it.

00:30:13.080 And, and to be frank, and here's the trick, here's the biggest trick.

00:30:17.360 And you said it in your question, you're not going to change her.

00:30:20.900 So stop that right now.

00:30:22.460 Just assume that that's not even an option on the table because we don't change people.

00:30:27.360 You can ask and maybe they might make some pivots and adjustments, but that's it.

00:30:33.880 So those are usually like little behavioral things like, Hey hon, can you make the bed

00:30:37.940 this way instead of that way?

00:30:39.160 Like those are little, like people can do that for sure.

00:30:42.700 For sure.

00:30:43.440 But big changes, they're not going to happen.

00:30:45.960 So, so what you have to figure out is, okay, well, how do I deal with this?

00:30:49.740 And, and the way you deal with it is getting really clear on why is it triggering you so

00:30:55.420 bad?

00:30:56.520 And I would even suggest is maybe give some thought to what you're making things mean

00:31:00.880 and you're okay sharing that.

00:31:03.140 And I, it's used, it's really funny.

00:31:05.200 I used to think that if I had a conflict with you, Ryan, that, that I address the conflict,

00:31:11.520 but I don't share the story.

00:31:13.800 I don't share the, the fiction or the made up story.

00:31:17.860 I only share the facts, right?

00:31:19.800 No, actually, this is your wife.

00:31:21.760 Share the story.

00:31:22.560 She needs to understand how crazy you are and it's valuable.

00:31:27.100 Now be careful.

00:31:28.080 It's not, Hey honey, you invalidate me and show me disrespect when you, no, no, no.

00:31:34.640 I interpret that when you do these things, it really, I react in a certain way.

00:31:40.920 I know that doesn't make sense.

00:31:42.480 It's kind of crazy, but I just want to let you know.

00:31:45.100 And I'm sorry for my overreaction to what you're doing.

00:31:49.920 That's it.

00:31:50.540 And there's some value in her understanding.

00:31:53.860 You're crazy a little bit.

00:31:55.040 So she understands why you're overreacting when she does something weird and you start

00:32:00.900 stonewalling her.

00:32:02.100 So share it.

00:32:03.140 And trust me, there's value in the expression of it.

00:32:07.180 I I'm one of those people.

00:32:08.520 I could be sideways.

00:32:09.500 And if I just express something, I feel a hundred percent better, but you just got to be careful

00:32:15.240 on how you share it.

00:32:16.100 Otherwise you're going to come across like you're accusing her of, of something.

00:32:19.400 So own your world, express it, give her some insights into who you are and get that shit

00:32:27.820 figured out because it seems like it's a bunch more than just, you know, she's eating with

00:32:32.660 her mouth open.

00:32:33.280 Um, I agree with about 97% of what you said.

00:32:39.380 97.

00:32:40.020 So I want to, no, it's 97.

00:32:43.120 I was being, it was actually 95, but I bumped it up to 97.

00:32:47.380 Okay.

00:32:47.780 So tell me what you think about this when, so I agree with the part where you say, communicate

00:32:53.260 the way you interpret it because she doesn't know.

00:32:56.340 And she's not doing things likely.

00:33:00.340 She's not doing things to piss you off or get at you.

00:33:02.860 Like there is some of that.

00:33:04.100 Sure.

00:33:04.360 And in some instances, but for the most part, I don't think she's doing that to get at

00:33:09.760 you and to your point, you're making up a story.

00:33:13.340 You said, you know, like, Hey, I know that this sounds crazy and you know, I'm sorry.

00:33:18.540 I feel that way.

00:33:19.320 That's the part I disagree with because I don't think you need to apologize for it.

00:33:24.680 So if it's, if it's a relationship I'm in, it would, it would be like, um, Hey, you know,

00:33:30.000 you said something to me and this is what you said.

00:33:33.120 And when you said it, I felt like this, it made me feel unimportant to you.

00:33:39.340 And I want you to know that because I don't think that you mean it that way, but I just

00:33:44.240 want you to know how I interpret that.

00:33:46.700 Yeah, that's better.

00:33:47.660 And I like that better.

00:33:48.440 I think a loving, supportive wife would say, Oh, hon, I'm sorry.

00:33:54.640 I actually didn't mean it that way at all.

00:33:56.440 Or, you know what?

00:33:57.420 Here's one.

00:33:59.320 Yeah.

00:33:59.880 I was a little harsh.

00:34:01.480 I was really tired or, you know, I was stressed out from the day the kids were being obnoxious

00:34:07.040 and the boss was being a jerk. 0.78

00:34:09.340 And I took it out.

00:34:10.600 I'm yeah, I can see how you said it that like it came across that way.

00:34:15.420 So yeah, I don't think you need to apologize for the way that you feel.

00:34:18.220 Just be empathetic, express how you feel, and then give her, because this is the respect

00:34:22.880 that she deserves.

00:34:24.200 Give her the respect by giving her the benefit of the doubt and then letting her explain herself

00:34:29.360 too, to you.

00:34:31.320 Yeah.

00:34:31.860 Yeah.

00:34:32.300 I like that much better.

00:34:33.580 So we're now we're at back at a hundred.

00:34:36.600 So you came 3% my way to get to a hundred, right?

00:34:39.720 Just want to be clear about that.

00:34:40.860 Absolutely.

00:34:41.140 I didn't go your way.

00:34:41.920 No.

00:34:42.100 Okay.

00:34:42.560 And in all seriousness, that's, that's a more powerful way of explaining that.

00:34:46.800 Right.

00:34:47.160 Versus like, oh, I'm wrong.

00:34:48.760 Like, it's, it's almost like a self pity.

00:34:51.520 What I was saying where like, Hey, this is how I interpret it.

00:34:54.400 I know that probably wasn't your intention.

00:34:56.420 And here's the rub too, is they're guessing if we don't express what is frustrating us.

00:35:05.640 And guess what their guess probably is that you don't respect and love her.

00:35:11.200 And it's, and it's something worse than you reacting to something.

00:35:16.960 And so if it goes unexpressed, the probability is it's not getting better, right?

00:35:22.520 Like she's feeding into her story now because you're withdrawn, you're stonewalling her.

00:35:28.860 Now she's assuming it's something else.

00:35:30.740 And then, and the assumptions are greater than probably a reality in most cases.

00:35:35.840 Well, we expect that from, from the women in our life, right? 1.00

00:35:39.440 Think about this.

00:35:40.660 Your wife's acting weird. 1.00

00:35:42.940 She's being short with you.

00:35:44.520 She's being moody.

00:35:45.340 You know, she's being difficult, whatever.

00:35:48.320 And you say, hon, what's wrong?

00:35:51.100 And she says, nothing.

00:35:52.600 I'm fine.

00:35:53.340 Yeah.

00:35:53.500 How do you, do you, is that something you appreciate?

00:35:56.060 No translation.

00:35:57.240 No, I hate you.

00:35:58.500 You're annoyed.

00:35:59.520 I don't, I'm not happy with our marriage.

00:36:02.140 You're not fine.

00:36:02.460 Like we've been married for 15 years.

00:36:04.640 Like, I know you're not fine.

00:36:06.000 Like, you're not going to bullshit me on this one.

00:36:07.920 Why don't you just go ahead and come out with it?

00:36:10.620 That's what we would like as men, right?

00:36:12.460 I think most men would agree with that.

00:36:14.020 So then I think it's fair that we offer the same.

00:36:19.060 And, and I know a lot of guys who will avoid and they'll shut down.

00:36:24.960 They'll even punish their partner by not talking to them for days at a time.

00:36:30.580 Don't be a dick.

00:36:32.380 Like you committed, you got to do the hard, uncomfortable thing, which is no, I'm mad.

00:36:37.920 It's okay.

00:36:38.600 If you're mad at your partner, like, it's okay to be mad at her.

00:36:41.280 Now, the way that you express that anger is, you know, we need to discern that, but it's

00:36:48.840 okay if you're mad, but just tell her you're mad and what you're mad about in a mature way.

00:36:54.800 And then let's, you know, work through it.

00:36:57.940 Yeah.

00:36:58.140 And, and own the reaction.

00:36:59.880 Well, not own the reaction.

00:37:01.320 That's not what I'm trying to say.

00:37:02.900 If, if this has failed in the past and it starts going south, then reevaluate how we're communicating.

00:37:11.500 How you're doing it.

00:37:12.140 Yeah, sure.

00:37:12.920 Yeah.

00:37:13.120 Because people will, will withdraw with you in the communication because more likely in the past, when they have expressed, it didn't go well.

00:37:22.180 So really be mindful of, of how we handle the communication and, and the feedback in the event that she reaches out to you.

00:37:29.380 It's like, just sit with it.

00:37:31.060 Don't get all fired up.

00:37:32.680 Otherwise you're, you're going to cut off communication for the future.

00:37:35.300 I wrote something else here too, Kip.

00:37:38.340 We, we can train people on how they communicate with us.

00:37:42.940 And the other phrase that comes to mind is we encourage what we tolerate.

00:37:48.200 And this doesn't just happen in the context of a marriage.

00:37:51.060 This might be at work.

00:37:51.980 Maybe a client talks to you in a way that you don't appreciate, or a boss does.

00:37:55.840 If you tolerate that, you're encouraging that behavior from that person.

00:38:01.460 So what you need to say is, Hey, I'm sorry.

00:38:04.020 I can see that you're upset about something right now.

00:38:07.400 But one thing that you need to know is I don't allow people to talk to me that way.

00:38:13.040 Now I'm happy to address any grievances or concerns or frustrations you might have in a mature way.

00:38:19.740 But this is the way that I expect to be communicated with.

00:38:24.060 That's, that's how you train people to communicate with you.

00:38:27.280 And it's crucial that you do this, or you're going to get walked on and railroaded and beat up by anybody and everyone.

00:38:34.020 Because that's just what people do.

00:38:35.760 And I don't think it's always malicious, but they have their own lens of life they're looking at.

00:38:39.420 And maybe they're having a bad day and you're going to get the brunt end of it if you're not willing to stand up for yourself.

00:38:44.000 And you should.

00:38:45.580 Well, and that's our way of setting up how that next conversation is going to go, right?

00:38:50.780 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:38:51.740 You're training.

00:38:52.340 And if they don't.

00:38:53.000 You're training people.

00:38:53.400 Yeah, if they, if you didn't clarify it, then they're going to probably do it again, too.

00:38:58.240 Right.

00:38:58.520 So, and in that moment, I think it's actually okay to step away.

00:39:01.520 So if, you know, your wife is, you know, her tone or something you don't appreciate, it's, it's, hey, hon, you know what?

00:39:08.440 I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there.

00:39:10.360 What you're saying is important to me.

00:39:12.080 And working through this is something we definitely should do.

00:39:16.080 I don't like the way that you're talking to me right now.

00:39:18.880 So I'm just going to go ahead and disengage.

00:39:21.040 And, you know, let's revisit this when both of us have calmed down a little bit.

00:39:24.680 Maybe we can talk about it tonight after the kids go to bed.

00:39:27.000 How does that sound?

00:39:27.880 It's perfectly acceptable.

00:39:29.200 It doesn't sound great at all, you asshole.

00:39:31.440 And then you say, well, okay, but this is exactly what I'm saying.

00:39:34.780 And so at this point, I'm going to go ahead and disengage from the conversation.

00:39:39.220 So we'll revisit it later.

00:39:41.040 But then the other thing is you have to revisit it later.

00:39:43.300 You can't just avoid it and run away from it.

00:39:44.780 Because that's cowardly.

00:39:45.700 That's not being courageous.

00:39:46.680 That's being cowardly.

00:39:48.020 Yeah.

00:39:48.380 All right.

00:39:48.840 Benjen Hornbuckle.

00:39:51.000 I'd like to hear how you move forward.

00:39:53.720 When you are burnt out, you feel like everything you're doing is wrong.

00:39:56.980 And you know that there's more that's about to put on your shoulders.

00:40:01.340 How do you carry the weight?

00:40:03.380 He said he got some feedback from guys in the Iron Council around like tactics and stuff.

00:40:08.380 But one of the things that came up was self-love.

00:40:13.360 And so his additional question here is how do you give yourself that love?

00:40:16.820 And how does that look like on a battle plan?

00:40:19.320 Cool.

00:40:19.540 I'm just taking a couple notes, self-love.

00:40:21.580 So an analogy comes to mind for me.

00:40:24.060 You know, if you're going to go on a, you're going to go on a long camp out.

00:40:27.500 Maybe you're going to do a backwoods, like a backcountry hunt, and you're going to be

00:40:31.240 gone for five or seven days.

00:40:32.840 Well, there's an infinite number of things that you can take on that trip.

00:40:36.240 You can take a sleeping bag, you can take a tent, you can take, you know, what clothes

00:40:41.040 are you going to bring, what food, what food are you going to pack?

00:40:43.980 How much of it are you going to pack?

00:40:45.360 How are you going to heat it?

00:40:46.260 How are you going to prepare your water, clean your water?

00:40:48.180 An infinite number of things.

00:40:49.840 But ultimately, you can only take so much.

00:40:53.200 You can't take everything.

00:40:54.980 You just can't fit it and you can't carry it all.

00:40:57.180 So what you have to do is you have to prioritize, right?

00:40:59.620 So you're like, yeah, I need a sleeping bag.

00:41:02.820 So I'm going to take this one.

00:41:04.060 Now it's not as warm, but it's a lot lighter.

00:41:06.760 And I'm going to be, we're going in the summer.

00:41:08.540 It's not going to be cold.

00:41:09.640 I don't need to worry too much about that.

00:41:11.040 So I'm going to opt for the lighter one because that's going to help me with my loadout.

00:41:14.780 And so you make decisions and some things don't make the cut and that's it.

00:41:18.520 And so when you're feeling burnt out, consider your life, the backpack that you can carry on

00:41:23.240 this backcountry hunt.

00:41:24.280 There's only so much that can fit in.

00:41:26.480 And we as men, especially if we want to produce to high levels and high degrees, we carry too much

00:41:31.380 stuff.

00:41:31.800 It's too much.

00:41:33.200 Yeah.

00:41:33.580 Like the whole trip will fail.

00:41:35.560 If you try to, everything will fail and you kill the people with you.

00:41:41.160 So you can do one of two things.

00:41:43.120 You can leave home what you don't need.

00:41:46.000 And we have to evaluate that.

00:41:47.640 Maybe some things need to get cut out.

00:41:49.520 Maybe the extracurricular, you know, maybe instead of doing jujitsu five times a week,

00:41:54.440 you do a three.

00:41:55.300 You know, I know that's blasphemy for you, Kip, but I'm saying like, you have to make choices.

00:41:58.540 Yeah, totally.

00:42:00.360 The other thing you can do on a, on a backcountry hunt is you can bring a mule or a pack horse.

00:42:06.000 So what, what does that translate to in life?

00:42:08.620 Delegation.

00:42:09.740 Hey, I can't carry all of this.

00:42:11.820 I can't do all of this.

00:42:13.040 Business owners, successful business owners know this.

00:42:15.140 It needs to get done.

00:42:16.620 The tent needs to be brought.

00:42:17.920 I can't carry it myself.

00:42:19.180 Let me delegate that so that somebody else can carry that end of the deal and contribute

00:42:25.060 to the camp out.

00:42:28.160 But I think that's what you might be running across right now.

00:42:30.960 And so what I would do is I would really just do a detailed inventory of how you spend your

00:42:35.220 day and, and each day, if it's different and what you're doing when, and figure out

00:42:40.360 what can go.

00:42:41.500 And what you might actually need to do is just set everything down for a minute.

00:42:45.240 Like, Hey, I'm just going to take a day off and I'm not going to work on.

00:42:50.940 I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to get a room somewhere, like whatever.

00:42:54.660 I don't know.

00:42:55.100 Maybe you have a room in your house, but it's a day off and you just evaluate all of that.

00:42:58.520 And you decide your inventory.

00:42:59.860 This stays, this goes, this delegates.

00:43:02.100 I'm taking this on.

00:43:03.000 I'm not doing that anymore.

00:43:03.780 That's not important.

00:43:05.100 And then from there, you come up with your plan of action because there might be projects

00:43:08.000 that you have to let go.

00:43:08.940 And so you need to delegate those to somebody, or you need to tell people who are going to

00:43:12.100 be impacted by you no longer doing something that you're no longer doing it.

00:43:15.580 There's some work here that needs to be done, but that's been helpful for me is just realizing

00:43:21.320 I can't do it all.

00:43:23.400 I don't want to do it all.

00:43:24.920 And I'm not meant to do it all.

00:43:27.140 Yeah.

00:43:28.140 Let me ask you this because I love this quote.

00:43:31.440 I think it's Dale Carnegie and I've, I've used it a couple of times because I like it.

00:43:35.580 I like it a lot, but it's this, it's, he says, it's not the work that, what did he say?

00:43:44.540 It's not the workload that generates an employee's burnout, frustration, and resentment, but it's

00:43:53.400 how they see the work that they're doing.

00:43:56.000 And I really like that because I feel like in the corporate world, when employees are like,

00:44:02.080 oh, I'm so burnt out, it's not like the quantity.

00:44:05.420 It's not like, oh, it's because he has 40 hours of work.

00:44:08.620 No, he doesn't believe in the work that he's doing, right?

00:44:12.380 Like this work is like rework.

00:44:15.080 It's throwaway work.

00:44:17.340 Ryan's having me do this.

00:44:18.580 And I know it's pointless BS that is a waste of time.

00:44:23.140 It's our interpretation of the work that we're doing that creates that feeling.

00:44:28.120 One, do you agree with that, but do you think that's, could be at play here for Benjamin

00:44:32.920 as well, where it's like, man, I feel burnt out and everything here.

00:44:36.580 He says right here, feel like everything you're doing is wrong.

00:44:39.940 And I know that there's more about to be, and more of this is just coming to be placed

00:44:45.180 on my shoulders.

00:44:45.980 Is it, I don't know.

00:44:48.060 Is there an element of like, this is feels unfair.

00:44:51.960 Is that why do you feel unappreciated?

00:44:54.960 Like, is there meaning around the work that you're doing?

00:44:58.640 And that's where the burnout's coming from, not necessarily the quantity.

00:45:02.800 I like the sentiment of it, you know, and I think by framing what you're doing, I actually

00:45:07.280 talked about this in last Friday's podcast, how a man finds purpose.

00:45:11.780 And part of it was something that you and I talk a lot about is find significance in

00:45:15.460 the work that you're currently doing, even if you don't particularly enjoy it.

00:45:19.300 So I agree with the sentiment and I also think sometimes we're just doing too much.

00:45:25.800 Yeah.

00:45:26.720 I don't think they're, they're exclusive.

00:45:28.340 I think, I think both could exist.

00:45:30.420 And so you need to figure out what it is, but yeah, I do agree with the sentiment of that.

00:45:35.680 Yeah.

00:45:36.180 I mean, to your point on your Friday field notes, it's like, what will, why have purpose

00:45:40.520 and meaning to the work that you're doing?

00:45:42.640 Right.

00:45:43.100 There's a different level of energy that just shows up, right?

00:45:46.220 You're excited about it and all kinds of things kind of, I don't know, you get less

00:45:52.100 burnout.

00:45:52.680 You're less frustrated when, when you find purpose and meaning in what you are doing.

00:45:58.120 Well, why did think about this?

00:46:00.680 Why do we hear stories of people with superhuman, like strength in moments of, you know, immense

00:46:07.100 turmoil, like you get into a car accident and your child is pinned in the car and there happens

00:46:11.800 to be flames coming from the car.

00:46:13.740 I mean, women, even men with, I mean, unreal, almost supernatural power in moments like those.

00:46:20.700 Why?

00:46:22.060 The motive.

00:46:24.080 Yeah.

00:46:24.560 It's like, what's, what's motivating you?

00:46:26.320 Well, your child who's going to die if you don't do something about it.

00:46:29.340 And I think that goes to the point you and, you know, Dale Carnegie, you're making right

00:46:33.120 there, which is if the motive is there, it's not going to feel like work and you're going

00:46:38.320 to be doing capable of doing a whole lot more than if, you know, if, if nobody was in the

00:46:44.000 car, that's not going to be an issue.

00:46:46.920 Right.

00:46:47.240 So that motive I think is crucial.

00:46:48.940 It'll help you get past challenging circumstances.

00:46:53.080 All right.

00:46:53.720 Woody Lord.

00:46:55.760 I'm just starting to go through Keith Yacke's five dial program and I'm loving it.

00:47:00.200 He's calling me out on shit that I do left and right.

00:47:03.760 I'd like to hear if you guys have used his five dial system, what worked and what did,

00:47:09.880 what didn't work and what changes did you see as a result of working that system?

00:47:13.380 I'm loving the iron council so far.

00:47:15.520 Thank you for all you do.

00:47:16.960 Yeah.

00:47:17.020 I mean, Keith is awesome.

00:47:18.260 So I wish I would have, I knew Keith before I went through divorce.

00:47:22.300 I wish I would have known about more about his systems, but it's helping me in my relationship

00:47:28.720 now, but the, the five dials are parent, partner, producer.

00:47:35.620 I'm hoping I get this right.

00:47:37.080 Producer, player, and provocateur.

00:47:41.800 I think those are the five dials.

00:47:43.840 So parent, obviously being a good parent, that's attractive.

00:47:47.780 So it's not, it's not just a relationship.

00:47:49.960 His five dial program is not just like husband and wife.

00:47:53.400 It's more than that.

00:47:54.820 No, I mean, the five dials relate to a romantic relationship.

00:47:58.720 But these are the areas of life that you need to be showing up in that help you be a good

00:48:04.300 spouse or a good partner.

00:48:06.120 Somebody who's attractive to your, your, your partner.

00:48:09.540 Got it.

00:48:10.100 So being a good parent, right?

00:48:12.100 A lot of times men will disengage or think that's the women's arena. 0.91

00:48:17.100 And like, I don't need to be engaged.

00:48:18.520 Like she's the nurturer.

00:48:19.580 She can take care of all that.

00:48:20.780 But a man who's a good parent has responsibility for his kids, helps his wife, parent, you know,

00:48:28.060 helps his wife packs.

00:48:29.900 Like, that's one thing I didn't do, like pack suitcases and things like, why, why wouldn't

00:48:33.020 I do that?

00:48:33.440 Like I can help with those things.

00:48:35.560 So parenting, being a good partner.

00:48:38.960 That means that, you know, when you get home at the end of the day, like you're not going

00:48:42.840 to just kick your feet up and make her, you know, serve you while you just watch the game

00:48:48.880 or whatever, she had a hard day too, whether she's out in the workforce or at home, she

00:48:53.300 has things to be a partner, support her.

00:48:55.660 You know, maybe you cook dinner tonight or maybe you do the dishes, heaven forbid, the

00:48:59.520 guy does the dishes, right?

00:49:02.000 Ask her about her day, rub her feet, massage her back, whatever, like be a good partner.

00:49:07.340 What did I say was next?

00:49:08.380 Let's see.

00:49:08.840 We got parent, partner, producer.

00:49:10.520 So actually being a man of value, like going out into the world and adding value to your

00:49:16.120 neighbors and to your community and to your clients and your employees and your employer,

00:49:21.740 being a producer, bringing home the bacon, not just financial provision, but spiritual,

00:49:27.120 mental, emotional, you're producing more than you can consume.

00:49:30.640 I actually think that's the difference between a boy and a man.

00:49:33.860 Everything else stripped away, a boy consumes more than he produces and a man produces. 0.99

00:49:40.520 More than he consumes.

00:49:42.760 So you're going to be a producer.

00:49:44.960 Next is player.

00:49:46.840 Have fun.

00:49:48.360 Some of you guys are in marriages that, you know, are 10, 12, 15, 20 years old and all

00:49:53.820 the fun is stripped out.

00:49:54.860 You guys don't court each other.

00:49:56.540 You don't have fun sex anymore.

00:49:59.160 You don't go on vacations.

00:50:01.260 Like that stuff's done.

00:50:03.380 There's no spontaneity.

00:50:05.300 You don't even plan dates.

00:50:07.180 You're like, I don't know.

00:50:08.060 Where do you want to go?

00:50:08.720 I don't know.

00:50:09.200 Well, let's just go to Olive Garden then.

00:50:10.660 No, screw that.

00:50:12.100 Like be a player.

00:50:14.940 You know, like date her, court her, take her on fun trips, make her laugh, make her smile,

00:50:22.480 joke, play, tease, tickle, whatever.

00:50:24.600 Like play.

00:50:25.960 Have fun.

00:50:26.680 And then the last is provocateur, which is, you know, it's that like X factor, right?

00:50:34.260 It's that confidence, that sureness of yourself, the ability to like be romantically, physically,

00:50:42.340 emotionally, mentally desirable to another woman, to your wife or your partner because

00:50:48.860 of the confidence and the swagger that you have, because you know, you're doing all the other

00:50:53.620 dials, right?

00:50:54.460 You're a great parent.

00:50:55.660 You're a great partner.

00:50:57.020 You're producing at a high level.

00:50:58.980 You're playing with your wife. 0.90

00:51:00.620 And now you're a provocateur.

00:51:02.520 She's, she's provoked positively by the way that you're showing up.

00:51:07.240 Sometimes it's, it's weird because sometimes we hear this and we think, oh, this is just

00:51:11.180 part of that, like that manosphere, like the, the, you know, get chicks, get laid type thing.

00:51:16.800 I don't think that at all.

00:51:18.180 I think these are just principles.

00:51:20.560 You know, when you hear certain words, you might think it comes across like that, or you're

00:51:23.980 gaming it somehow.

00:51:25.880 I don't think you're gaming it.

00:51:27.300 I think again, to go to our previous point, it's a framework.

00:51:31.040 It's just a framework.

00:51:31.920 If you hit all of these, if you're a good parent, a good partner, a high level producer,

00:51:36.800 you play with her and you do that on a daily basis, man, I just think your relationship

00:51:42.220 is going to thrive.

00:51:43.100 And I'm, this is a weird podcast because I'm talking about all this relationship stuff.

00:51:48.020 And I had that failed marriage and I've had people say, oh, that, you know, people that

00:51:51.380 have failures aren't, aren't qualified to talk about it.

00:51:54.240 I can, I mean, I'll just be honest.

00:51:55.760 I can talk with you about the things I wish I would have done and the things I'm doing now

00:51:58.900 in a relationship.

00:52:02.180 That doesn't disqualify me from sharing it.

00:52:05.220 I'm just expressing what I maybe could have done better and what I'm doing now that's

00:52:10.980 working.

00:52:11.680 Well, even as you go over those five dials, right?

00:52:15.100 Like I'm thinking player, I'm like, oh man, like totally thinking, hopefully Asia doesn't 1.00

00:52:20.280 listen to this episode, right?

00:52:23.760 Mark my word, like birthday present.

00:52:25.780 Oh, I got signed up for the five dial system, right?

00:52:28.280 Because I don't, you know what I mean?

00:52:30.880 I, I grind way too often.

00:52:33.880 I work and we, we can't, we can't go out.

00:52:37.420 Ryan, dude, I got the garage to clean.

00:52:40.560 We got stuff to do, right?

00:52:43.040 And I'm not as fun, you know what I mean?

00:52:45.620 And I'm not making the margin for those things.

00:52:47.520 And so anybody that's listening from the perspective of like, oh, you have to have it dialed in is

00:52:53.560 naive to the idea that none of us have it dialed in and that there's a level of, there's a level

00:53:00.660 that we can improve in, in all things.

00:53:03.760 And, and we need to be mindful of that.

00:53:06.820 Yeah, for sure.

00:53:08.560 Yeah.

00:53:09.440 Okay.

00:53:09.940 Let's take one more kit.

00:53:10.920 All right.

00:53:11.440 All right.

00:53:11.760 Justin Bolden.

00:53:12.660 And he had a really long question, but we'll, we'll, I'm going to beat it up a little bit

00:53:16.440 and just grab sections of it.

00:53:17.900 As we get older, we begin to realize how finite time really is.

00:53:21.300 And we don't have forever to make things right, make continuous mistakes or to make the changes

00:53:26.420 necessary to really start living and having a truly fulfilled life.

00:53:30.400 He says he find himself torn and personally disappointed because I know, because he's going

00:53:36.380 through a separation because he knows that the separation is due to part a lot on my shortcomings.

00:53:41.420 And what steps do I advise to get out of this rut and get back into the fight of being better?

00:53:46.440 How, where are you able to bounce back from the feeling that you've messed things up

00:53:51.140 and the opportunities to make changes and needed, but failed to do so when the chances

00:53:55.940 was there, just trying to get back on my feet at the same time, the disappointment of this

00:54:01.420 separation is very heavy burden to bear.

00:54:04.240 I know, I know it is.

00:54:05.720 And so I just want to say that, like, I, I empathize with what you're saying.

00:54:08.660 Like, I know it is.

00:54:10.500 So yeah, that's just part of the process and it will get better.

00:54:13.840 It really will.

00:54:14.380 It'll get better.

00:54:14.860 Um, I wrote this down as you were talking, you cannot make things right.

00:54:19.900 You can only do the right things.

00:54:22.140 There's things that you've done in your relationship.

00:54:24.860 You can't make those right.

00:54:26.220 Can't change.

00:54:27.060 Like it's done.

00:54:28.340 But there are certain things in life you can make, right?

00:54:30.260 Like if you, I don't know, if you take advantage of somebody, you can pay them back, right?

00:54:33.820 Like you say, Hey, I took advantage of you and I owe you a thousand dollars.

00:54:36.700 I, you know, I screwed up.

00:54:37.640 Here's your thousand dollars.

00:54:38.400 There's things you can make, right?

00:54:39.380 And that's squaring it up.

00:54:40.380 Right.

00:54:41.360 But, or apologizing is an element of trying to make it right, but you can't make things

00:54:46.940 right that you already did.

00:54:48.400 You already did them.

00:54:48.980 So if you, if you were mean towards your wife and, you know, belittled her, demeaned

00:54:56.700 her, those, those things sting.

00:54:59.500 Like you've felt that from other people that hurts and you can't make it right.

00:55:02.980 You can't say, Oh, I'm sorry.

00:55:04.440 And then to just expect her to be like, Oh yeah.

00:55:06.400 Okay.

00:55:06.640 It's okay.

00:55:07.160 Wash that out of my memory.

00:55:08.440 Stop, stop doing that.

00:55:12.340 And this goes to the, the previous question with, with the guy, you know, that we were

00:55:16.000 talking about what he could do now.

00:55:17.140 And it's like, you got to stop living for her.

00:55:19.500 It's the same thing.

00:55:20.340 You're living in the past.

00:55:21.700 You're revisiting because you think that you can make things right.

00:55:24.860 You said it and you're, how can I make things right?

00:55:26.580 You cannot make things right.

00:55:30.060 When you learn that and you realize that, and you wrap your head around that, you're going

00:55:35.440 to stop living in the past and you're going to stop doing behaviors that are repulsive

00:55:39.920 to her.

00:55:40.340 Cause you're trying to win her back and make things right.

00:55:43.220 And you're going to start wondering about what are the right things to do now.

00:55:47.280 So you're in a separation.

00:55:49.140 You're not in divorce.

00:55:50.700 What can you do now?

00:55:52.140 Well, I just told you the five dials.

00:55:55.740 If there's kids involved, be a great parent.

00:56:00.180 If it's just you and her be a great partner, producer,

00:56:04.420 learn, like develop a new skill, get a promotion, start a new business, start producing.

00:56:11.080 Player, ask her to dinner. 1.00

00:56:12.980 Hey, I know we're in a separation right now and I miss you.

00:56:16.080 And I would love to take you for dinner.

00:56:17.960 Now she might decline.

00:56:19.340 I don't know.

00:56:20.200 Or she might say yes.

00:56:21.780 Then that, if she says yes, good.

00:56:24.400 Don't ask her what she wants to do.

00:56:27.680 Don't ask her what she's interested in.

00:56:31.220 Be the player.

00:56:32.320 Players don't ask.

00:56:34.760 They just make a plan and they say, here's what I'm doing.

00:56:37.320 And I would like you to be there with me.

00:56:40.440 So get the reservation at the restaurant she likes. 0.77

00:56:43.600 Go wash the truck that you drive.

00:56:46.260 Go wash it, clean it, get it detailed.

00:56:49.300 Wear something nice, groom yourself.

00:56:51.580 Like don't go over.

00:56:52.180 I'm not saying get a limousine and wear a tuxedo to Olive Garden.

00:56:55.700 Like do it appropriately.

00:56:57.400 But clean yourself up.

00:56:59.020 Tell her you're going to be there at six or seven or whatever time.

00:57:03.060 Go to dinner, have the table reserved, have it a place that she enjoys, she likes, and

00:57:08.060 then have a plan for afterwards.

00:57:09.840 You don't need to communicate that plan.

00:57:11.380 I probably wouldn't, but have a plan.

00:57:13.260 If you just feel it out and it's just like she's kind of apprehensive, then maybe just

00:57:16.720 dinner.

00:57:17.160 That's okay.

00:57:18.680 But if it's going better, then have a plan.

00:57:21.140 Don't ask her, hey, you know, I'd like to spend more time.

00:57:23.080 What would you like to do?

00:57:23.940 No, that's not what players do.

00:57:26.920 Have a plan.

00:57:28.900 Hey, you know what?

00:57:30.000 Man, this was great.

00:57:30.980 They have this, uh, they have this like late night market downtown tonight.

00:57:35.820 And I was thinking it'd be cool if we just went and walked around for a little bit.

00:57:38.700 Would you be interested?

00:57:40.740 Like have an actual plan.

00:57:43.040 And, uh, I think that's going to lead you to a better place.

00:57:47.900 I'm not going to say resolution or getting back together, but it's going to lead you to

00:57:51.680 a better place, but you got to be forward thinking, not backwards thinking.

00:57:54.940 Yeah.

00:57:55.680 The only thing that came to mind when you're saying, when you're sharing your thoughts

00:57:59.640 was try not to be like, oh, it didn't work.

00:58:03.560 Like look at her reaction, go, didn't, oh man, it didn't work.

00:58:06.260 No, no.

00:58:07.080 Did you do it right?

00:58:08.720 Yes.

00:58:09.360 Yeah.

00:58:09.800 I did it right.

00:58:11.140 Did I do that date night?

00:58:12.360 Right.

00:58:13.100 Absolutely.

00:58:14.320 And then feel good in that.

00:58:17.820 Did I show up powerfully?

00:58:19.260 Was I valuable?

00:58:20.960 Right.

00:58:21.220 Am I being a good day?

00:58:22.100 I am.

00:58:23.180 And, and, and you find value in leveling up and being, and having integrity with how

00:58:29.800 you're showing up as a father and as a husband, don't lay it on top of her reaction of it's

00:58:36.800 not working or it's not working based upon her response.

00:58:39.020 That's a very powerful way of being.

00:58:41.920 And, and especially when you can communicate to her that, Hey, babe, I, I'm going to make

00:58:48.180 some pivots and I want to let you know of these pivots I'm making because I realize I'm

00:58:52.680 not showing up powerfully.

00:58:55.200 And this is, this is what I'm, I'm planning on improving in these areas.

00:58:58.920 I just want to let you like, it's about you.

00:59:01.480 You're doing it because for you to live a fulfilled life or you to show up powerfully

00:59:06.200 as a man, this is what you're going to be doing.

00:59:09.320 Not out of, well, a few things I've thought about trying to, to manipulate you.

00:59:14.060 So you like me more, you know what I mean?

00:59:15.480 It goes back to what we're saying earlier.

00:59:17.020 Just make it about doing it right.

00:59:21.200 But I, but Kip, I would, I would actually caution against telling her what you're going

00:59:25.320 to do.

00:59:26.580 Yeah.

00:59:27.020 And maybe this is the line I think because no, because sometimes I feel like if you don't

00:59:32.000 tell them, then that's not going to be on their radar.

00:59:34.280 So there's some value in, in letting them know that there's some pivots.

00:59:38.220 I don't think it's not going to be, they're watching, they're watching you.

00:59:42.600 They're seeing it's you're, you're on their radar.

00:59:45.880 You're either on their shit list or you're, you're moving out of the doghouse, but you

00:59:50.880 don't think Asia's watching what you do just because you don't talk about it.

00:59:55.360 Yeah, it's true.

00:59:57.340 They're what they're watching.

00:59:59.160 And if you start telling her the things that you're going to do, you're setting yourself

01:00:03.060 up in a couple of different ways.

01:00:04.160 Number one, you're again, you're manipulating expectations.

01:00:07.100 Yeah.

01:00:07.460 You're manipulating.

01:00:09.640 You don't, why are you telling her that?

01:00:12.640 What?

01:00:13.080 So she'll think you're better.

01:00:14.180 So you're painting.

01:00:14.860 You're not even doing anything yet.

01:00:16.700 Don't stop that.

01:00:17.840 You're manipulating.

01:00:19.280 That's number one.

01:00:19.980 That's one way you're setting yourself up.

01:00:21.420 She doesn't believe you when you say I'm going to do better because you said that before.

01:00:26.760 Yeah.

01:00:27.800 So you saying, Hey, I'm going to change, hon.

01:00:29.900 Like I'm going to do all these things.

01:00:30.800 She's like, yep.

01:00:31.620 Same old Kip. 0.59

01:00:32.600 I've heard this story.

01:00:33.640 Same old Ryan.

01:00:34.860 Yep.

01:00:35.260 He hasn't changed a bit.

01:00:37.280 And then the other thing you're doing is you're setting yourself up for failure because

01:00:40.660 I mean, look, we all have the best of intentions, but we fall short from time to time.

01:00:45.440 And if you say you're going to do something, you actually have to do it now.

01:00:48.520 And if you don't do it, you're way worse than if you never would have said anything at all

01:00:53.620 and didn't do it.

01:00:55.640 So I think more powerfully to show up, do it.

01:01:01.620 Trust me.

01:01:03.280 She's watching you.

01:01:04.820 She's making, if she wasn't at least interested in maybe making this work, you'd already have 1.00

01:01:09.340 the divorce papers.

01:01:10.200 So I think there's, I think there's an opportunity here for you.

01:01:18.840 I'm even hesitant to say it this way.

01:01:20.300 Cause again, this goes back to maybe like, Oh, maybe if I change this right way, she'll

01:01:23.460 have a reason.

01:01:24.560 Yeah.

01:01:25.000 Yeah.

01:01:25.540 So maybe I won't say that, but it's not done.

01:01:29.460 So start changing today.

01:01:31.720 Now you don't need to talk to her.

01:01:33.100 You don't need to tell her.

01:01:33.820 You don't need to promise her things.

01:01:34.960 Just do it.

01:01:35.840 She'll watch you.

01:01:36.480 She'll see you.

01:01:36.980 And I, but I do like what you said about the expectations.

01:01:41.320 Let just let it go of expectations.

01:01:43.100 If you take her out and the date doesn't go as you thought, or you don't get laid, or

01:01:47.120 she doesn't say, let's work this out.

01:01:49.680 That's, that's an expectation.

01:01:52.040 That's going to tee you up for failure.

01:01:53.800 Just the expectation should be nothing.

01:01:56.660 Like, Hey, you want to go out?

01:01:58.000 Yes.

01:01:58.360 Great.

01:01:58.720 Let's go to dinner and enjoy each other's company.

01:02:01.200 That's it.

01:02:02.700 And then you just let go of the rest.

01:02:04.000 It's very liberating to your point.

01:02:05.280 It's just a powerful way to live.

01:02:07.740 Yeah.

01:02:08.240 No agenda.

01:02:08.980 Cool.

01:02:09.520 Love it, brother.

01:02:10.680 Wow.

01:02:11.000 All right.

01:02:11.260 As always, marriage and relationship episode, dude, I know.

01:02:14.440 I think maybe every question almost.

01:02:17.100 Yeah.

01:02:17.980 I heard that January is divorce month, like national divorce month.

01:02:21.680 So maybe it has to do with people.

01:02:23.880 Yeah.

01:02:24.120 Are you making a joke or is that?

01:02:25.880 No, I'm dead serious.

01:02:27.020 No, I'm serious.

01:02:27.560 I think there's more divorces in January than any other time of year.

01:02:31.180 And maybe that's getting through the holidays or, you know, maybe people wanted to

01:02:34.820 resolutions.

01:02:36.500 Yeah.

01:02:36.820 Maybe.

01:02:37.220 Yeah.

01:02:37.480 Like, Hey, I'm done with this.

01:02:38.720 I'm out.

01:02:39.720 But yeah, January is, if I understand correctly, more divorces take place in January than any

01:02:44.520 other month in the year.

01:02:46.720 Interesting.

01:02:47.600 All right.

01:02:48.100 So maybe that's depressing.

01:02:50.480 Yeah.

01:02:51.140 So you, Kip, you have 15 more days.

01:02:53.260 You can do it.

01:02:53.820 Yeah.

01:02:54.080 Come on, man.

01:02:54.800 Turn this, turn this boat around.

01:02:56.620 Let's go.

01:02:57.660 Player.

01:02:58.160 Just hang on, hang on for 15 more days and you're safe for 2024.

01:03:02.620 You get one more year.

01:03:04.040 For like 11 months.

01:03:05.680 Yeah.

01:03:08.560 Not the message we're trying to give.

01:03:10.900 Yeah.

01:03:11.320 That's funny.

01:03:12.420 That's all right.

01:03:12.960 Bring us home.

01:03:13.660 All right.

01:03:13.820 So to learn more about the iron council, as always, you can go order of man.com slash

01:03:18.580 iron council enrollments closed, but you can sign up for our battle ready program.

01:03:23.220 That is order of man.com slash battle ready.

01:03:26.340 Of course you can always get your order of man swag at the store that store dot order

01:03:31.740 of man.com and follow Mr.

01:03:33.380 Mickler on X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler and some event dates coming soon.

01:03:41.600 Very soon.

01:03:42.260 Because we're not going to open up to the public quite yet, but some upcoming order of

01:03:46.780 man events coming up.

01:03:48.280 That's right.

01:03:48.920 Well, guys, I appreciate we had some great questions.

01:03:51.280 Hopefully we gave as always something for you to consider and think about, and hopefully

01:03:54.820 it improves your life some way.

01:03:55.840 That's what we're trying to do.

01:03:56.760 So we will be back on Friday for the Friday field notes.

01:04:02.540 Is that right?

01:04:03.060 Yeah.

01:04:03.240 Friday.

01:04:04.000 Yep.

01:04:04.120 Days are off.

01:04:05.440 Anyways, guys, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:04:09.520 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:04:12.460 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:04:16.140 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 17, 2024

Accepting Grief of Failed Relationships, Training People How to Communicate With You, and Doing the Right Things for Right Reasons ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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