Order of Man - Action Does Not Equal Prudence, Integrating The Heart and Mind, and Knowing Your Shadow

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:05.980 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.420 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.620 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.880 Pip, what's up, man? Great to see you back for another Ask Me Anything today.

00:00:27.980 Yeah, it's going to be good, man. I, you know what? I am in the mood of, what's my mood?

00:00:34.820 My mood is, life is good.

00:00:39.900 Good, that makes one of us, so I'm glad you're doing that.

00:00:44.380 But normally, I'm so like, everything's not where it should be.

00:00:48.880 And I think, we've talked about this a little bit, like when you're focused on improving,

00:00:54.000 when you're focused on having life better at home and at work or whatever, we have a tendency to a

00:01:00.020 little bit, like, always focus on what's not right and what needs to change.

00:01:05.420 And I'm really intentionally trying to sit back in life a little bit and go, you know what?

00:01:10.620 I got my legs. I got my vision. I got my hearing.

00:01:13.480 I have opportunity placed before me. Man, you know, like, it's okay. You know, and I'll actually

00:01:19.560 give props to one of my employees. This guy, his name's Fernando, complete stud on my team.

00:01:25.200 Love this guy. I didn't know this about him. He shared this on Friday. He has a picture of this

00:01:30.420 little Africa boy carrying cinder blocks, working on a job, just like a young little boy. He looks at

00:01:38.040 picture every morning when he starts his day and it reminds him like, not that life's great so much,

00:01:44.560 but like opportunity, this kid, no opportunity. Right. But today he has opportunity. And I love

00:01:51.260 that. And I'm like, you know what? I need to, I need to level set a little bit better.

00:01:55.280 That's cool. There you go. Yeah. I'm glad man. Cause I'm in a bad mood today and I'm not feeling

00:02:00.200 like that. So hopefully you'll lift up the conversation. It is interesting how

00:02:05.560 fickle we are. You know, it's like, who knows in the next two hours, something could happen and I'll

00:02:13.020 be on top of the moon. Right. And I've actually been thinking a lot about this, uh, about happiness.

00:02:20.300 You know, in the past we've talked about happiness is not the goal. And I still believe that's the

00:02:24.200 case. I really strive for fulfillment in my life. And, and just to give a quick synopsis of the

00:02:29.420 the difference, at least how I view it is happiness is some place that's free of challenge

00:02:37.520 and adversity. And it's just bliss and it's joy and fulfillment is not the absence of joy,

00:02:44.260 but the ability to, or excuse me, the absence of, of hardship, but the ability to deal with it

00:02:49.860 in an appropriate way. And look, look, we can, we can do the semantical debate. That's not,

00:02:55.340 that's not what I want to get into. I don't care what you call it. I think everybody understands

00:02:58.920 the difference, but I've been thinking a lot about this concept of, of, of the emotion of

00:03:04.980 happiness. Like what I want to be happy. And when am I happy? Well, I'm happy when external

00:03:11.640 factors are going my way. Like my wife's outside your control or my kids are behaving and enjoying

00:03:20.900 their time. Um, you know, maybe I just landed a big contract. Maybe the downloads on a specific

00:03:26.800 podcast was, was, was, was really good. It was exceptional. Maybe somebody just high,

00:03:31.320 a high profile podcast guest just accepted an invite. Like these are the times where I'm the

00:03:37.080 happiest. And I got thinking, what a dangerous trap that the only time that we can be happy is when

00:03:45.920 the only time trying to think about wording this correctly, the times that we're often the happiness,

00:03:52.280 happiest are the times completely outside of our control. Like I can't control if my wife's in a

00:03:57.520 good mood. I can't, I can influence that. Um, I can't entirely control whether or not somebody

00:04:02.020 accepts a podcast invite, but can I be happy with myself? Or another one that I see a lot is people

00:04:08.760 will be happy or, or, or joyous about a title or a role or a label that's assigned to them. Like I am

00:04:16.460 strong or I'm a successful businessman, or even I'm a great father or I'm a great husband. And those

00:04:23.540 are things to be proud of, especially if you put in the work, but what if all of that is stripped

00:04:27.900 away? You know, what if tomorrow, what if this afternoon, your boss calls you in and gives you a

00:04:32.180 pink slip and says, Hey man, we're doing mass layoffs. You're out. What then? Who, who are you then?

00:04:38.480 What if your wife dies or she wants a divorce? Or what if one of your kids has a medical condition

00:04:44.160 or decide, I had a conversation with a friend and one of his children has gone astray, you know,

00:04:51.700 according to what he has tried to teach his daughter. And, and so what happens then? Who are

00:04:57.980 you then? Are you're no longer, you can no longer identify yourself, at least in your mind as a good

00:05:03.900 father. I'm not saying that's the case. I'm saying in your mind, that's what we tell ourselves. Hey,

00:05:07.460 I'm no longer a businessman because I'm out of the job. Who are we then? Can we be happy then? I don't,

00:05:13.680 I don't have the answer. These are just things I think about when I'm, you know, or just throughout

00:05:20.420 the day. You mean when, when you're focused on really what's important, I mean, in the grand

00:05:25.360 scheme of things, like, and I think that's why religion can be so powerful because then it's not

00:05:32.320 about the now it's not about how life is going. It's something bigger than ourselves. And, and we

00:05:38.280 get hope in this idea of a longer eternal game. That's not, you know, that's bigger than ourselves.

00:05:47.340 Yeah. But it's hard. I'm glad you, I'm glad you used the word hope. Cause I actually wrote this

00:05:51.580 one sentence down right here and I'm not sure this is in the right order. So you guys can

00:05:55.820 think about this pontificate on this a little bit. Movement is hope and optimism. That's what I wrote.

00:06:02.540 And I don't know if it's movement is hope and optimism or optimism and hope inspires movement.

00:06:08.800 I'm not sure if it's one way or the other. I like that ladder, but yeah.

00:06:12.400 Yeah. I think that might be it, but I would suggest that they fuel each other because if you have hope

00:06:18.100 of the future, then you're going to get up and you're going to move towards that future. If you

00:06:22.520 begin to move towards that future, you're going to experience some results and that's going to garner

00:06:27.680 additional hope and optimism about your path. So I think they can feed off of each other, but

00:06:32.000 movement maybe isn't even the right term. Maybe the right term is momentum. No, it's a, let me,

00:06:39.880 let me think about this here just for a quick second. I would say meaningful movement,

00:06:45.480 like not just being busy, you know, we sometimes intentional. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and sometimes my son,

00:06:53.160 a couple of months back, got a little, uh, ant farm and he put the sand in there and he put the

00:06:59.740 ants in there. And then we stared and we watched these ants and we laughed. We were entertained by

00:07:04.560 the ants, you know, these stupid, stupid, ridiculous. They're like building tunnels and

00:07:09.320 like we're laughing at them. And they're just so frantic and moving away, moving all over the place

00:07:14.320 to us. It looks meaningless to them. And there's, there's purpose in it purpose. Uh, but sometimes

00:07:19.980 we're the ants, like we're running around scurrying all over the place without really doing anything.

00:07:25.000 And I think if you're intentional about how you're moving, it's going to garner hope, whether it's in

00:07:30.400 the gym or improving your communication skills. Uh, if things are challenging your life, maybe you're

00:07:36.680 dealing with a certain temptation or a medical illness, uh, or you got passed over for a promotion,

00:07:43.540 but then you don't just wallow there. You think to yourself, okay, well, you know, what, what would

00:07:50.880 move me towards a better outcome in the future? Well, going to the gym, dialing in my nutrition,

00:07:58.400 maybe it's working on a communication course or a skillset that I need to develop at work.

00:08:03.640 And as long as there's some sort of meaning attached to that movement, I think that's going

00:08:10.020 to garner additional hope and optimism. It's when that hope is gone and that optimism is gone.

00:08:14.960 Guys fall into depression, even suicidal thoughts and actions. Uh, and, and I just can't help but

00:08:22.100 think those guys need to find some fulfillment in their, in their movement.

00:08:25.500 And we make it worse, right? Like, you know, we're talking about some of that validation

00:08:30.580 that feels good. You know, it might feel good to see those high downloads. Never, even though you

00:08:35.580 never share them with me, but I I'm assuming it's always the, uh, AMA is the always top ones,

00:08:40.720 but always the, that's only the next, the next one is always greater than the first, the previous one.

00:08:46.540 Yeah. But except for when Sean's on, just kidding. Sorry. Uh, but even like, like I do this, man,

00:08:57.180 like I get a really powerful message. You know, I got on some rants inside the iron council in the last

00:09:02.800 couple, uh, Friday calls, you know, cause I, I thought the conversation was kind of going off

00:09:08.620 target and I just, I don't know, did my soapbox thing. And I got tons of messages like, dude,

00:09:14.200 Kip, you're on fire. Like that was, you know, and I screenshot those. Why? Cause like sometimes

00:09:20.000 when I have a bad day, I look through my Kip, you're amazing gallery. And I know it sounds silly,

00:09:26.360 but like, it makes me feel good. But in the same breath, I'm like, God, man, maybe I shouldn't even

00:09:30.820 be doing that, you know, but, but then you get a negative message or something doesn't go out at

00:09:35.560 work. We don't stop it there. Right. The, the meaning we add to it is way greater than a guy

00:09:41.680 doesn't like me or a guy, you know, criticize me or it didn't go well at work. The meaning that we put

00:09:49.000 on it was I got this response and it means this. And then like, we blow it up and it's just like,

00:09:56.140 no one sees us as valuable. You know, my wife doesn't love me. Well, she didn't say that. She

00:10:02.320 just said that you're a pain in the butt. Right. But we just, it's always just so much. We make it

00:10:09.200 so much bigger than it really is, but it's, man, it's hard. I don't even know. The podcast that came

00:10:13.980 out yesterday with Michael Hyatt is all about the stories that we tell ourselves. And he talks a lot

00:10:19.280 about the meaning that we assign to the experiences that we have. But, you know, I would say with your,

00:10:25.620 your files of the, Hey, Kip, you're amazing. I don't, I don't think there's anything wrong

00:10:29.700 inherently with that. I just don't know. Well, I wouldn't say save it necessarily.

00:10:38.000 Look, but I won't, I don't save them, but I won't, I won't lie that when somebody says, Hey,

00:10:42.520 Ryan, you're awesome. I'm like, cool. A little shot of dopamine. And I feel pretty good about that.

00:10:46.520 Yeah. The problem is it's not very long lasting. It's like short hits. So you need a lot of it

00:10:51.680 consistently to feel good about yourself. And I think it's a little bit of this dopamine

00:10:56.460 and these, and these hormones that, that fire in our brains that make us feel good.

00:11:02.560 Uh, I think just intuitively that if that's what you're feeling off of, you're going to need

00:11:10.240 greater comments by people you perceive to be of greater worth more frequently,

00:11:16.300 in order to get the same rush that you did before. Yeah. Cause the baseline is like,

00:11:21.300 Oh, this is just normal. Now I need way better compliments. Yeah. That's true.

00:11:26.160 So what I, what I would suggest is not that it's bad, but that there's a greater source of fuel for

00:11:31.660 you. And, and I think that's derived from God. I think that's our divine nature. Like you are a son

00:11:37.000 of God and all knowing all powerful being. And he chose to create you. You're a son of God. You have

00:11:44.820 worth inherent just because of that. And then next in that hierarchical structure is being able to

00:11:50.380 validate yourself. You know, I was at the gym this morning and I've really been hitting it hard over

00:11:55.820 the past couple of months, especially locking in my diet, going to the gym every day. And I was looking

00:12:00.280 in the gym. I'm like, dang, Ryan, you look pretty good. Yeah. And I didn't need you to tell me that.

00:12:05.800 I didn't need other people to tell me that, Hey, it feels good, but I could tell myself that.

00:12:10.300 And then the rest of the story is you look good because you've really put in a lot of effort over

00:12:17.340 the past several months. So again, that hierarchical structure is God, which is unwavering.

00:12:24.800 It does not flinch. He does not flinch. He does not move. It's unwavering. And then it's yourself

00:12:31.080 because of your divine nature. And then a lower tier, not unimportant is that other people around

00:12:38.480 you lifting you up, building you up as well. Yeah. Yeah. All right, man, let's get to some

00:12:43.980 questions today. Yeah. Love it. So we're going to fill, we had one question left over from last week,

00:12:50.360 uh, from our Facebook group. That's facebook.com slash group slash order man. We'll wrap up that

00:12:54.960 question. Then we'll jump into some questions from our brotherhood, the iron council, uh, to learn more

00:13:00.980 about the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council. All right. Michael Gorham on

00:13:06.160 the Facebook group. How do we save our young men sons? And can you paint the picture of the world we

00:13:13.040 live in if we don't? Yeah. So this was a question I asked you to hold out because we're running up

00:13:19.320 against time and I wanted to give a good answer. Uh, how do we save our young men? Uh, you know,

00:13:24.460 a lot of the times what I see, and I made this post on Twitter and I think I then copied it over to

00:13:28.700 Instagram. So if you aren't following me on either, it's at Ryan Mickler. And I suggested that when we

00:13:34.600 ask questions like that, usually we're looking for the silver bullet. The one thing that's just beyond

00:13:40.520 our reach that we haven't done before that we can implement, that'll make a difference in a very

00:13:46.200 short amount of time. And unfortunately there is no silver bullet. And I think the reason there's

00:13:52.740 no silver bullet is because there's so many other people actively working against a noble and righteous

00:14:00.560 mission, result, efforts, outcome. And so not only are you contending with your own natural self,

00:14:09.640 you're also contending against millions of other people who are misguiding, misleading, and

00:14:16.060 misdirecting our youth, especially in some very large institutions that have a lot of influence. Academia

00:14:24.520 from kindergarten all the way through post-secondary education and higher to the government and even the

00:14:30.400 medical community. So how are you going to combat that with a silver bullet, with this magical phrase or

00:14:37.200 magical action that if you just do this one thing, I was watching Moana with my kids the other day.

00:14:43.260 If you guys haven't seen that movie, that's a really good movie. I really liked that movie.

00:14:48.060 And what happens in the movie without trying to spoil anything is Maui, this, this, uh, half God,

00:14:54.500 half human mythical creature guy, not creature, human, whatever. Uh, he steals what it, what's called the

00:15:04.220 heart of Te Fiti. And because he steals the heart of Te Fiti, everything around the environment is

00:15:10.060 going bad. Like the fruit's going bad. Everything's dying. The fish are dying off. The oceans are going

00:15:15.440 toxic. And Moana is tasked with restoring the heart of Te Fiti. And the minute that she restores the

00:15:22.860 heart of Te Fiti, every, the, the darkness subsides and the, the, the plants start to grow and the fruits

00:15:30.380 and the vegetables are abundant and the fish return and everything is wonderful based on one certain

00:15:37.560 act in one certain moment that just fixes everything. Great fairy tale doesn't work like

00:15:45.740 that. So what I would suggest is that you take what we're in, what we're talking about and you

00:15:54.720 implement it starting with the lowest common denominator, which is you. How do we save our

00:16:01.840 sons? The better question is how do you save yourself? How do you fix your own deficiencies?

00:16:12.640 Are you fat? Are you out of shape? Are you overweight? Are you broke? Are you a poor communicator?

00:16:19.800 Do you hurt other people? Are you tempted by things that don't serve you? Well, do you take advantage

00:16:24.460 of others? What are the things that we do in our own lives that we need to repair first?

00:16:30.620 I don't think we're onto the greater task until we start tackling those issues. And I'm not saying

00:16:36.560 you have to have them perfect because the world has, has been introduced to some imperfect men who

00:16:41.760 have done some wonderful things, but I do believe you have to be on the path. Now, from there, we start

00:16:47.520 to influence our closest ecosystem, if you will. And that's our families. It's your sons. It's your

00:16:57.760 daughters. It's your wife. And then it goes into the community and it's serving and it's coaching and

00:17:02.860 it's teaching and it's mentoring and it's educating and it's getting involved in politics. And I know it's

00:17:10.220 not sexy. It's not like restoring the heart of Te Fiti. It's not this one moment. It's every single

00:17:15.680 day. What are we doing to make ourselves better men? What are we doing to serve and edify and uplift

00:17:21.720 those around us? If you do that, someone's going to see that. And if somebody else sees that, then

00:17:28.860 someone else is going to see that. And someone else is going to see that. And before you know it, we

00:17:31.920 have millions of men who are fixing themselves. They're fit. They're financially stable. They

00:17:37.900 communicate well. They have noble and righteous ambitions and intentions and actions. They're

00:17:43.200 inspiring other people to do the same. And we have millions of men who are doing that all over the

00:17:48.080 planet. We can't help but change the culture that way. It doesn't come from prison reform or pouring

00:17:55.100 more money into social workers instead of police officers. We can address some of that. But man, we

00:18:02.680 really need to get to the heart of the issue, which is our own soul, and then start to help other

00:18:07.320 people mend their souls. Ryan, would you dive into, because you made a distinction, we're not perfect,

00:18:15.320 but we need to be on the path. And I'd like you to explain what does it mean to be on the path?

00:18:20.280 Because I do feel like we might hear what you just said and think, okay, well, my house looks this way

00:18:26.480 and my kids are behaved and that's the focus, right? And I think being on the path is a little bit

00:18:32.120 different than that. So would you explain that a little bit more? Well, I want to clarify,

00:18:37.880 you said, so are you asking it when, like, when can we start focusing outward versus focusing on

00:18:45.340 ourselves? No, what I'm, what I'm trying to get to is I think we have a tendency to think that our

00:18:52.840 circumstances like, okay, well, I need to be perfect. I need to do these things. And then my,

00:18:56.580 my kids are going to act this way. My home's going to be this way. And, but you said this point,

00:19:01.760 we're, but we're not perfect, but we need to be on the path. So what does it mean to be on the

00:19:06.200 path specifically? So for me, again, I've talked about alcoholism and I, and I only bring it kind

00:19:13.360 of, I don't want to beat a dead horse on it. And I don't want you to think I'm using it to garner,

00:19:18.040 you know, attention or anything like that. That is one thing I'm aware of, but I bring it up because

00:19:22.360 I know it's something a lot of guys are dealing with. And it's something obviously that's very close to

00:19:25.920 me. You know, when I decided, um, that I was going to stop drinking, I didn't actually come

00:19:33.300 forward and tell the iron council right away. You know, I waited several months because I didn't feel

00:19:39.160 right explaining what was going on in my life without actually walking towards the path to

00:19:45.360 improvement. And after a couple of months, I told the guys in the iron council and I wasn't perfect.

00:19:53.580 I didn't, I didn't suggest that I was free from the burden or the temptation of alcohol. I just

00:19:58.260 said, Hey, here's something I struggle with. And for the last two months, here are the active steps

00:20:02.240 that I've been taking. And here's what's worked well for me. That's what I'm talking about.

00:20:06.860 I'm not perfect. I'm not over it. In fact, just the other day, I was in the grocery store,

00:20:11.640 getting some groceries for dinner. And I walked past the, uh, the alcohol aisle and I was like, you know,

00:20:17.460 having a drink right now would be like just getting a couple shots of, you know, some whiskey or

00:20:22.020 something. That'd be really nice. Like I would actually like to do that. And nobody would know.

00:20:27.300 And so like that temptation is still, I didn't do that fortunately, but that temptation is still

00:20:32.980 there for me. I'm imperfect. And yet I'm constantly fighting to do what I, what I believe is right.

00:20:42.480 And that's what I mean is that you're, you're aware of your imperfections.

00:20:48.460 You've come to terms with them. You've put a plan in place to address them. And you're actively

00:20:54.980 working on solving, filling those gaps. That's what I mean by being. It's perfect. And you know

00:21:01.900 what, if I ever slipped and I might, like, I'm not going to say I won't, but if I ever slipped with

00:21:06.160 alcohol, does that then disqualify me to talk with people about how to overcome alcohol abuse?

00:21:13.560 I don't think so. I don't think it disqualifies me. I think I I'm going to be humble and honest

00:21:19.060 about that. Hey guys, I slipped. Here's how I slipped. Here's why I messed up. Here's what I

00:21:24.240 was experiencing. Here's, and here's what I'm going to do to fix it. So it doesn't happen again.

00:21:28.500 It doesn't disqualify you from helping other people. You just need to be honest with it.

00:21:33.900 Yeah. One, one, just one quick thought for, um, for Michael on, on this subject of like our boys

00:21:42.040 and, and how we show up as fathers. And to your point, for me, I get wrapped up in circumstances

00:21:50.180 of how things should be and how my kids should be. We talked about this earlier, right? It's like,

00:21:55.080 well, if I'm being a good father, then my kids are going to be like this and they're going to be

00:21:59.120 behaved and they're going to, they're going to show up in the world in a really powerful way.

00:22:03.100 They're going to be highly successful. And, and if they're not, well, then I screwed up.

00:22:07.960 Right. And I did something wrong or whatever. And, and one thing that has really like, I've

00:22:13.280 gotten present to is the most important thing. And, and I know this is a little bit of semantics

00:22:21.120 and I've gotten feedback, like people struggle with when I use this example, because I can't,

00:22:26.400 but I don't know a better word. So I'm open to your suggestions here, Ryan,

00:22:29.520 but seeing our boys and our children as whole and complete, seeing them as humans, not obstacles,

00:22:37.740 not a problem. And that was probably one of the biggest things over the past couple of years that

00:22:43.140 I've really gotten present to you that I can't see when my daughter gets overly emotional. I can't

00:22:48.180 see her as a problem. And I have to see her as a human complete, like God made her complete.

00:22:55.840 She's amazing as she is. And she's on a path of her own trying, just trying to learn. And,

00:23:02.620 and my interaction with her needs to be from that mindset, not from a mindset that she's wrong or

00:23:07.260 she's broken. Now I'm, I want to be clear. I'm okay. Disagreeing with her actions, but I can't

00:23:13.900 make her wrong. If that makes sense. And as long as I'm doing that, I'm going to show up powerfully as

00:23:19.920 a father and I'm going to make the necessary right actions. And most importantly, she's going to feel

00:23:25.680 seen, heard, and understood and loved. And that is like priority number one.

00:23:33.460 I, I think that's powerful. I, I, I do disagree with whole and complete, but I see where you're

00:23:38.940 coming from. Uh, let me give an analogy that might help us flesh that idea out a little bit.

00:23:44.000 So one thing I've been working on over the past little bit is, is cooking. Like I've been doing

00:23:48.800 a lot more cooking and I've actually come to enjoy a lot of it. And so yesterday I was making,

00:23:55.380 that's why you're losing weight because it tastes so bad, so bad. I don't even want to eat it.

00:24:02.080 It's true. It's true. My family can attest to it. Um, so yesterday I, I woke up and I, and I

00:24:09.880 like to make a Sunday breakfast for the past, you know, three, four weeks or whatever, minus the

00:24:13.840 vacation that we're on. And I was going to make this Western omelet in the instant pot, which the

00:24:19.340 instant pot is an amazing, amazing tool. Like this thing is incredible. So I had, my daughter got me a

00:24:24.740 recipe book for Christmas. I pulled up and like, this is a Western omelet in the instant pot. So I got

00:24:30.020 all of the ingredients together, the eggs, the bell peppers, the onions, the different spices,

00:24:34.500 the ham, the bacon, all the stuff that I had. And from an ingredient standpoint, it was whole and

00:24:43.380 complete. I had all of the ingredients. Would I just mix them together in a haphazard way and not

00:24:51.480 cook them and eat them? No, probably not because that wouldn't be healthy for me and it wouldn't be

00:24:57.200 very good. So what do we do with the ingredients? Well, we take all of the whole and complete ingredient

00:25:01.960 list and we combine them in a certain order and then we put them under heat and then it cooks and

00:25:06.440 it's safe and it's edible and it's healthy. And then we have the Western omelet and then you eat

00:25:12.900 it and hopefully you did it right. And it's delicious. So this is the analogy I would use is

00:25:17.140 that our children are whole and complete. Sure. They have all of the biological makeup and the

00:25:23.540 intelligence, you know, to be able to develop, but there's an incubation period there and, and we are

00:25:29.100 the chef. Yeah. Unfinished still. Yeah. Yes. Unfinished, immature, not ready. And we are the

00:25:36.720 chef putting all of the ingredients in the right order, hopefully. Okay. So here's to go off that

00:25:42.440 analogy just a little bit more. So I did what the instruction said and it said, I think five or six

00:25:48.020 minutes in the instant pot. And I opened it up and I looked at it and it looked pretty delicious on top

00:25:51.780 and I cut into it and it was, the eggs were still runny. It wasn't ready. I followed all the

00:25:57.000 instructions, but it wasn't ready. Something broke down in the system. So look, all the right

00:26:02.420 ingredients. I followed the system and yet it's still didn't work out. So I had to adapt. I had

00:26:09.260 to adjust and I ended up taking it out and frying it on a fry pan and it worked out. Okay. But yeah,

00:26:14.020 this, I, I see what you're saying with whole and complete. And I would say we have whole and

00:26:18.840 complete potential. It's just unrealized. And we need to, as parents develop that potential in the right

00:26:26.420 way. I like that. I like that because that analogy works out perfectly because you're not looking in

00:26:31.900 the instant pot and going, God, it's a bad egg. Yeah. No, right. It's a great egg. Yeah. You just

00:26:37.940 need to cook it. We just did a cook it right. Right. Like, or we need to cook longer or we need

00:26:41.500 to pivot and adjust like the eggs are bad. It's a good egg. Right. Yep. Yeah, exactly. All right.

00:26:48.060 What else? Are we onto the first question? Hey, I got to say on these questions, I'm going to try to do

00:26:53.800 a little bit shorter than I normally do because there's so many good questions. And then I just

00:26:57.780 wanted to make a quick mention that the caliber of questions we got in the iron council today

00:27:02.340 were phenomenal. So let's try to get through as many as we can in the next 30 minutes or so.

00:27:08.540 Okay. Mike Roos, how do you sift through the huge pile of self-help for men and really dial in what

00:27:15.420 works best for you and start applying it? I find myself getting lost in the content and getting excited

00:27:20.540 to add something to my tool belt only for it to get lost with the next thing. Good question.

00:27:26.900 It is a good question. And what I would say is if you're not doing the system that you've agreed to

00:27:31.580 do to its fullest and complete, then don't move on to something else yet. So you're in the iron

00:27:37.120 council and you're following the battle planning system. So I have to ask, let me see your vision.

00:27:45.020 Let me see what your objectives are. Let me see what your tactics are. Let me see if you're hitting

00:27:48.720 your checkpoints. Let me see your after action reviews. Like, let me see all of that. Let me

00:27:54.900 see how your attendance is on your battle teams, your calls. Let me see what your Friday attendance

00:28:00.260 is. Let me see what your engagement in the foundry, which is where we do all of our communication.

00:28:04.660 Let me look at all of that. In fact, you look at it all. I'm not going to look, you look at it

00:28:10.100 and ask yourself, are you a hundred on all of those? If the answer is no, then why in the world are

00:28:15.720 you're going to move on to something else? You're not even doing your current system at a hundred

00:28:20.700 percent. And am I saying ours is the best system ever devised and there's nothing else? No, I'm

00:28:25.540 saying this is the one you chose. So dive in a hundred percent and give it a chance. And now look,

00:28:33.280 if there's little things that are complimentary to the system, sure. But if they're going to detract

00:28:38.840 from the system that you've agreed upon, if they're going to distract or if they're at odds with the

00:28:43.800 system, bro, you don't even know if the system works, you're not using it correctly.

00:28:48.360 So whatever you decide to use, whether it's the battle plan or this guy's that, or that person's

00:28:54.380 this, go all in a hundred percent for the designated time. And then we can evaluate from there. That's

00:29:01.400 what I would suggest. Yeah, that's great. Jim Quick guest on the podcast years back, I believe

00:29:07.480 it's been a little bit, wrote a book Limitless in his book. This is his specialty, right? How do

00:29:13.780 people learn and obtain information? He says, when you're reading and studying content, you're

00:29:18.820 always asking yourself three questions continually. How is this applicable to me? What am I going to do

00:29:25.260 about it? And when am I going to start? Period. Knowledge with action. Knowledge is not power.

00:29:31.600 What you're pretty much saying is you need to act on it. And so if you're not taking action on it,

00:29:36.520 then you're right, Mike. We're going to read the next thing and then read the next thing. Forget the

00:29:41.020 thing that we studied the time before and it's just knowledge in, knowledge out. So always be

00:29:46.620 asking yourself, all right, I just read something. Okay, awesome. How's this applicable to me? What am

00:29:51.200 I going to do about it? And when am I going to start? And if the answer is like, no, no, no, then

00:29:55.760 why are you reading it? That's kind of how I feel about it. So if you're being really intentional about

00:30:01.380 some of the self-help content or even what we're doing in the Iron Council, it requires action on your

00:30:05.940 part. Well, and we need to be careful of avoiding one fallacy that a lot of us run into. And that is

00:30:13.040 that action equals prudence. We believe that if we're moving, then we're moving the needle. No,

00:30:19.960 good point. You're just moving. You're not moving the needle. You might be, but we don't know just

00:30:24.280 because you're moving. Yeah. Right. So I'm on a, I'm on a very tight training program with,

00:30:31.320 with regards to lifting weights and my nutrition. And the other day I was really bored and I had

00:30:36.960 already done my workout, do my workouts in the morning. And I was thinking, man, I'll just go

00:30:40.340 back in this afternoon. Why? Because I think if I go back in, like I'm going to get stronger. I mean,

00:30:47.900 I'm going to burn some more calories. Sure. But I might actually, that might actually be detrimental

00:30:52.180 to the program because I'm going to burn my muscles up. So why? Well, because I think if I'm moving

00:30:57.880 and I'm active and I'm, then it's better. No, not always, not always. So you got to be cautious.

00:31:04.520 Well, in that same analogy, right? Like I have a short workout, the days where I might have an hour

00:31:11.020 and a half, take my time, rest in the lot. And then sometimes I'm like, I got one hour.

00:31:17.440 This is what I love about my watch, right? Because I make an agreement with myself. I got a 45 second

00:31:23.040 rest. That's it. The minute that timer hits 45 seconds, it's the next set. Yep. Period.

00:31:31.000 The best workouts. When I do that, the best, highly intentional. I'm not wasting any time.

00:31:36.020 It's moving the right needle, right? Kevin Bovey ways to stay motivated and maintain discipline while

00:31:44.700 not seeing progress or desired results. Ways to stay motivated and maintain discipline.

00:31:49.780 Well, the ways to stay motivated or get around motivating factors. So there's people who are

00:31:56.480 going to motivate you. Maybe it's a coach, maybe it's a mentor, maybe it's a program, maybe it's a

00:32:00.420 course. These are all things that are going to motivate you. Discipline is just the willpower to

00:32:05.380 do it. So you just got to bear down, you know, grit your teeth and just get after it. If you listen to

00:32:10.900 last Friday's podcast, I did a, it's called discipline is overrated. And a lot of people took issue with

00:32:17.600 that. They're like, we'll tell that to Jocko, tell that to Goggins, tell that to this person.

00:32:22.760 Notice what I didn't say. I did not say discipline is unnecessary. I said, it's overrated. What do I

00:32:30.300 mean by that? Well, I, if you listen to the podcast, you know, there's a three-part framework

00:32:35.580 for success. First, this is hierarchical. First, motivation. You need to be motivated by it. It needs

00:32:43.320 to be charged. It needs to be emotional. You need to be excited about it. And you also need

00:32:47.440 motivation. This is why I cringe a little bit when guys say, well, I'm spiritual, but I'm not

00:32:52.220 religious. Well, bro, you need to be religious because you're a human being and you need the

00:32:58.320 systems and practices in place. You need to listen to your preacher because he's going to inspire you

00:33:04.220 and motivate you when you're tempted not to follow that path. You need to be around other people who

00:33:10.480 believe like you, because they're going to motivate you to make good choices.

00:33:14.200 Power and banding.

00:33:15.360 Yes. And people say, well, all the worst things in the world are done through religion. Maybe,

00:33:22.640 not all of them. Sure. But some, yeah, maybe, but also there's some good things and you're a human

00:33:27.780 being capable of discerning between the two. So we have motivation. That's the first. Then we have

00:33:33.920 discipline, which is willpower. And we know there's been enough research on willpower that it's like a

00:33:39.700 tank. The things that are hardest you should do in the morning because that's when your willpower

00:33:44.460 is the strongest. And then throughout the day and many decisions that we need to make, our tank is

00:33:48.440 depleted. The third component is systems. And this I would say is the strongest. Systems and processes

00:33:55.800 in place to ensure that you're going to follow through on your commitments. So it might be coaching,

00:34:02.240 it might be a course, it might be a program, it might be, you know, whatever. And you're going to

00:34:07.120 follow that system to the T and you're going to create flow and friction. So flow is making the

00:34:14.820 things that you want to do very easy to do. So if you want to go to the gym in the morning, you better

00:34:22.020 know what you're going to do the night before. You better have your clothes laid out. You better have

00:34:26.400 your protein and your supplement stuff ready to go. This is all creating flow. It's making it easier

00:34:32.560 for you to do the thing. Friction is eliminating or putting barriers in place that make it harder

00:34:38.860 to do something. So if you don't want to drink alcohol, then you shouldn't have alcohol in your

00:34:44.360 house because in order to get alcohol, then you're going to need to get changed. You're going to need

00:34:49.480 to get in your car. You're going to need to drive to wherever you drive. You're going to need to pick

00:34:53.800 it up. You need to drive home and then you can drink it. Like that's friction. And the more you can

00:35:00.620 place that friction in place, the better off you're going to be to keep you from doing the things that

00:35:04.520 you don't want to be doing. So how do you stay motivated and disciplined systems? You've got to

00:35:10.400 have all three without all three of them. You're leaving some room on the table. Yeah. Rapid fire

00:35:16.620 comment for Kevin here, because he says seen progress and desired results. Like how do I do this

00:35:21.380 when I'm not seeing progress and desired results? Kevin, I would suggest that most of us, that's the lie

00:35:26.780 that we tell ourselves not to act on the very thing that we know we should do. So when my alarm goes

00:35:33.140 off and I don't want to go to the gym, I have to justify not going to the gym because I know I should

00:35:37.640 go to the gym. And the excuse I might come up with is, well, you know what? I'm not really seeing the

00:35:44.020 results. This isn't really working. That's part of the excuse. Now, if you're not doing that and you're

00:35:51.100 really logically thinking in your mind, like, hey, this isn't working, then follow a, we'll steal

00:35:57.160 something from Jordy Peterson as his book. Then pivot and always whatever you pivot to has to be

00:36:02.180 harder or equally as hard as the thing that you're doing. So we're not saying don't pivot,

00:36:07.940 but if you're not seeing results, you actually should change. Just be careful that that's not

00:36:12.720 the excuse you're using not to execute. It is excuses. It's also expectations.

00:36:19.000 Yeah. Right. If you're, if you're overweight and you think, well, I'm going to go to the gym,

00:36:22.700 I'm going to lose 50 pounds in two months. Are you sure? Like, is that, is that, I mean,

00:36:29.160 it's possible. Is that going to produce the results you want? Probably not. So that's a faulty

00:36:34.000 expectation. So how do you get accurate expectations? You work with somebody.

00:36:38.120 Yeah. Someone that he's done it. Get it. Yeah. Yeah. Get a coach. And that coach is going to say

00:36:43.400 like this morning, I went up a couple of pounds over the weekend, but I was actually pretty locked

00:36:47.580 in on my diet for the weekend. And I sent Johnny message. I'm like, man, I didn't think I'd go up

00:36:51.840 and wait. That was frustrating to me. He's like, yeah, I know it's frustrating. He's like, it probably

00:36:56.580 has to do with your high sodium intake throughout the weekend and you're retaining water. So just drink

00:37:02.820 more water, flush some of that. Let's lock the diet back in and all's good. And he got me back on the

00:37:07.120 path. That's part of the system. Having a coach to make sure your expectations are realistic.

00:37:13.520 See, that's a way better response than what I got from Johnny. Johnny's just like, stop eating

00:37:17.280 donuts. So I don't eat donuts. So he doesn't have to say that to me. Lock your shit in Kip. Come on now.

00:37:24.780 All right. Jarrett Storrell, with the first 30 days complete in the quarter,

00:37:31.420 we have seen a few men shift into a negative mindset in regards to their goals. What tactics

00:37:37.640 do you use to keep positive and a healthy mindset? Kind of similar to our previous question, but

00:37:42.120 what tactics do I use? Yeah. To keep positive, healthy.

00:37:48.720 You got to relay it back to your vision.

00:37:50.620 I got what I don't know. I don't know why you'd be negative on your goals. Maybe I don't understand

00:37:58.300 the question or maybe they're negative on themselves because they're not realizing their

00:38:03.260 goals as much as they'd like. Yeah. I'm assuming 30 days in they're not, they're just not executing,

00:38:08.880 right? Like they're not seeing the results or they're, they're out of integrity a little bit,

00:38:14.340 probably on their commitments and, and they're getting negative.

00:38:16.920 So recommit, pull up your battle plan. Look at your vision. Is it still charged for you? Are

00:38:23.280 you still excited about it? If not revisit it, see if you need to tweak it and adjust it. If it is

00:38:27.660 okay, start thinking about that. You know, how are your kids going to serve, be served by you being

00:38:31.840 50 pounds overweight? They're not. Are you embarrassed when you look at yourself in the mirror?

00:38:37.660 Does your wife not want to have sex with you anymore? Cause she's not physically attracted.

00:38:41.020 Yes. Okay. Those are things that maybe would get you fired up to make some changes,

00:38:46.000 right? So figure out what's keeping you from making those changes. And the motivation has to be

00:38:52.380 a stronger source of fuel than the fear or pain of moving forward. Right? So when I don't want to get

00:38:59.780 up in the morning and I'm laying there in bed, I'm like, Oh, I don't want to get up and go to the gym.

00:39:02.940 I'm like, no, I want to feel good about myself and I want to look good and I want to have energy

00:39:08.540 and I want to be attractive. And I just want to reach my potential. Oh shit. Gosh, dang it. Now

00:39:15.840 I got to get out of bed. You know, like I convinced myself because what I want is more important.

00:39:22.620 What I want in the longterm is more important than the weakness that is talking to me right now,

00:39:28.060 which is be lazy. You don't need to do this, but I also know that's my natural tendency that I've,

00:39:34.100 I've, I know that about myself and I know that isn't me. Like that's not me talking.

00:39:41.940 It's a part of me, but that's not me. And there's something, whether it's Satan or,

00:39:49.440 or just the natural man, at least this is how I frame it saying, no, sleep in.

00:39:56.160 No, don't pick up that piece of trash. You just stepped over, you know, no, you don't worry about

00:40:01.540 that person's feelings. Oh, you, you feel compelled to call somebody. No, you're too busy.

00:40:05.340 Don't call that person. That's not me. That's something else speaking into my life. And it's

00:40:11.080 not good. And I've otherized it to use a popular woke term. I've otherized it. It's not me.

00:40:18.440 And that's what I'm going. Well, when you otherize people or dehumanize people,

00:40:23.180 that's kind of a concept, but that's something else. And I'm going to fight actively against that.

00:40:28.680 And I'm going to be who I really am. I'm going to uncover and discover and

00:40:34.520 build who I really am. Great. Yeah. Christopher Kroom, name something from your youth that might

00:40:42.220 not be well-known, but still affects you today. If it's positive, how does it play into your daily

00:40:48.120 life? If it's negative, what tactics do you use to overcome the existing barrier day to day?

00:40:52.540 So I looked at these questions ahead of time and I normally don't do that, but I wanted to see what

00:40:59.420 the questions were. And I thought long and hard over the past couple of days about something

00:41:03.440 from my youth that's not well-known. I actually don't really have anything. I mean, there's things,

00:41:09.020 obviously experiences and stories that I have, but there isn't any like one big thing that's unknown.

00:41:15.660 I've been pretty open about that, but, but I would say, you know, to go back to the alcoholism

00:41:20.580 my dad was an alcoholic. One of my stepfathers was an alcoholic. I was so young. I don't consciously

00:41:29.940 remember thinking, Oh, alcohol is okay. Or I, I don't remember thinking that, but I do wonder if I

00:41:36.460 was influenced by that. Not even wonder, of course I was influenced by that. And I thought to myself,

00:41:41.680 am I really an alcoholic or am I just somebody who learned from other men that it's okay to drink

00:41:48.100 when you're stressed and then to treat other others poorly? I don't really know the answer to

00:41:54.700 that, but it is something worth considering. And so how have I dealt with it is actually just

00:42:00.280 realizing it. That's, that's the biggest thing. We're talking a lot about shadow work in the iron

00:42:06.120 council right now. And that's one of the biggest things is actually coming to terms with

00:42:11.280 parts of your life experiences, stories that you have repressed to protect yourself or maybe protect

00:42:20.220 other people. And as we're talking about integration with the shadow, it's becoming familiar with those

00:42:28.300 things. So you can actually do something about it. And that's what I want. I want to know where

00:42:33.180 it comes from so that I can actively deal with it. But if I don't know what I'm facing, how could I

00:42:38.360 ever arm myself with tools to combat it? Yeah. Not only that, you're, you're almost

00:42:43.060 subconsciously making decision, not even understanding where it's rooted in.

00:42:47.300 Yes. You're going to miss the target. You know, you might employ all these strategies and all these

00:42:52.800 tactics and all of this stuff that's going to help you get on the path. But if you're not actually

00:42:56.660 addressing the real issue, then you've missed the target. And you might slow the, you might slow the,

00:43:01.820 we'll call it the adversary. You might slow the adversary down or, or, or, you know, subdue the

00:43:08.220 temptation temporarily, but certainly not over the long haul. Yeah. Jesse clock. What's a great place

00:43:17.660 to start being a leader on your first day at a new company? Be led.

00:43:23.280 Like follow, follow, just follow, be, you know, be, be humble, humble, open, open, right? Receptive.

00:43:37.720 And not just that. And I look, I'm going to say this too, is that being listening is not passive.

00:43:44.900 It's active. So you're actively listening, but then there's another component that we failed to talk

00:43:49.000 about. You actually need to act on. Yeah. Cause what good is it Kip, if you're my supervisor to

00:43:54.980 listen to everything that you have to say, and then never act on it. So the best way to lead is to,

00:44:00.440 is to listen to your leaders. Ask them questions. If you don't know a specific thing and then apply it

00:44:10.820 and see if it works. And I think that's the best way to do it. The other way to do it is to realize,

00:44:16.040 and I talk about this in my book, the masculinity manifesto is that leadership comes before the

00:44:20.540 title. So if I'm sitting next to Joe, who's starting same day as me, or maybe he even started

00:44:28.920 after me and Kip, you explain something to me and I start working and doing that, but then I see Joe

00:44:34.480 do it a different way. I might say, Hey Joe, um, you know, are you, what, why are you doing it that

00:44:40.580 way? Cause first you want to figure it out. Right. And he says, Oh, I'm doing it. Maybe he has a

00:44:45.240 good idea. That would be good to know. Or maybe he's not doing it correctly. And so it'd be like,

00:44:49.880 Hey, just so you know, like I thought the same thing, but we do it this way because X, Y, and Z.

00:44:55.280 Can I help you with that? Can I show you something I learned? You can do that without having some sort

00:45:01.080 of title that the problem a lot of guys have is they think to themselves, well, that's not my job.

00:45:09.040 They don't pay me enough to do that. That's above my pay grade. These are all terms that will help

00:45:19.800 you realize that you're deflecting opportunities to lead. It's not my, they don't pay me enough.

00:45:26.600 It's not my responsibility. I mean, maybe it's true. Or maybe you could say, you know,

00:45:33.180 there's an opportunity I could step into and I can really serve and help these people. And I'm

00:45:38.820 going to serve and help the company. Those are the people who get promotions. Those are the people

00:45:42.880 going to start businesses. Yeah. It's totally true. Oh, that's a, you know, they don't pay me

00:45:48.100 enough. Yeah, exactly. And, and that's why you'll continue making what you make. Right. Yeah.

00:45:53.760 Cause, cause you're not willing to do it actually. Yeah. To, to show up powerfully. Yeah. And just to

00:45:59.500 point it out for Jesse, it's like the opposite of what Ryan just said is a disaster. Do not come in

00:46:06.660 going. I know everything, man. I'm going to, I'm going to stroke my ego. I'm going to prove these

00:46:11.240 guys that I, I know my stuff. I'm going to lead from the front. I'm going to overly like guide and

00:46:17.060 direct. Oh man, you're going to rub people wrong, especially being the new person. So man, just listen

00:46:23.360 to what Ryan just said. It's, it's highly valuable. And, and I don't consider myself like an amazing

00:46:28.940 leader. I get feedback that I'm a decent, but as an example of this, when I sold and started at,

00:46:36.460 at my current job, I had guys on my team. Didn't even know I was their boss for like months

00:46:42.180 intentionally. Cause I was like, no, I'm late. I want to get in the trenches and lead through

00:46:50.160 influence, not show up. And so I got this title. So listen to me. I wanted to be a natural thing

00:46:57.380 where they're like, Oh yeah, I'm going to listen to Kip. Cause you know what he's talking

00:47:00.120 about, but that takes time. And it has to be rooted in what me carrying, not me looking

00:47:06.620 good or anything else. And that takes time for people to know that your, your efforts

00:47:11.800 are rooted in servant leadership, not rooted in propping yourself up.

00:47:19.340 There's a, there's a really good question that I like. And for leadership, that doesn't

00:47:24.140 sound like a leadership question, but the question is this, what do you think you're

00:47:29.360 going to do about that? So if somebody comes to you with a problem or they're struggling,

00:47:35.840 or maybe they're even just venting instead of rushing in to save, just say, man, that's

00:47:40.220 tough. What do you think you're going to do about that? Yeah. A variation of that might

00:47:44.780 be, Oh man, that's quite the dilemma. How are you going to, how are you going to fix that?

00:47:50.620 Or I, yeah, that's a tough spot you're in. What, what are you, what, how are you going

00:47:56.500 to fix it? What are you going to do? Like, those are really, really good questions because

00:48:01.500 a couple of things, number one, it's not an assumption that you know everything, right?

00:48:04.920 So you're not getting arrogant. I mean, this is even great with a spouse. We know all the

00:48:08.980 time, like our wives are not looking for us to fix things. So sometimes the fix is just

00:48:13.240 asking that question. You know, she might come to you and say, Hey, you know, I'm dealing

00:48:17.280 with this or I'm struggling with this, or, you know, my girlfriend's, you know, being

00:48:21.000 a pain in the ass because of this or my boss or whatever. And, and a solution might just

00:48:26.180 be, Whoa, that's, man, you must, you must feel bad. What are you going to, how are you

00:48:31.380 going to deal with that? And she's like, I don't know. I'm just not really, I don't

00:48:35.300 know. It's like, yeah, well, if you need, if you need any help, let me know. But yeah, I

00:48:39.600 could definitely see how you're in a tough spot on that one. And that's it. Like, that is

00:48:45.220 so potent. That is so powerful. She just needs to be heard. And also in a, in a, in

00:48:53.700 a more of a boss professional type context, you're giving somebody the opportunity. You're

00:48:59.020 basically saying, Hey, you know what? I trust you to come up with an answer that I think

00:49:03.400 will work. Like, what a great compliment. You know, you come to me, Kip, and you're like,

00:49:08.020 Hey man, we're dealing with this thing in the iron council. And I think, and I say to you,

00:49:10.960 yeah, that is tough. What do you think we should do about that? Cause that's a compliment.

00:49:17.040 Yeah. And I think it will be received as a compliment. Yeah. I'm like, I'm telling you,

00:49:21.000 like, I care about what you have to say, Kip. You're an important part of this team and I care

00:49:24.920 about your contribution to it. And I think you can come up with a solution. And then you come up with

00:49:29.520 an answer. I'm like, cool. Let's yeah, let's try it. Let's see how it works. And then you help them

00:49:34.240 implement that. Holy cow. That's empowering. Yeah. Totally true. Drew, how do you define

00:49:42.720 good income in today's economy? Is it two extra household needs? 10X. Thank you. I like this

00:49:50.200 question because I think it's a common question, but it's not a great question. It's the wrong

00:49:59.600 question I should say. Cause if you say what's good income inherently, you're saying good compared

00:50:06.120 to what? Yeah. Good. What compared to me compared to Kip compared to somebody who just graduated high

00:50:15.140 school, like your parents. Good. What do you mean? What does good mean? It's all subjective. It's not

00:50:22.040 objective. So the better, the better question is not what is good income, but what kind of income do

00:50:29.820 I need to be making to realize my dreams? That's a, that's a better, that's a more, that's a,

00:50:36.060 a well-formulated question that's going to lead to result. The first question is going to lead to

00:50:41.820 comparison. Oh, well, Ryan makes a million dollars and I don't make a million. So am I not a good person

00:50:47.240 or I'm not smart or I'm not that it's got you focused on all the wrong answers. Yeah. So you

00:50:53.860 want to ask yourself questions that lead to productive results. So what's a good income

00:50:58.760 should be replaced with what income do I need to achieve my desired results? Now that leads us to

00:51:04.820 start thinking about what our desired results are. Yeah. Right. Like, Oh man, I would like to travel.

00:51:11.520 I'd like to have the house paid off. I'd like to have a little money in the bank account.

00:51:14.940 Flexibility of time. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to start a business at some point,

00:51:18.560 have some investments. All right. Now we're talking, now we're moving into the future about

00:51:23.360 what you want. And then you can reverse engineer and say, you know, this is going to take a couple

00:51:28.380 hundred thousand a year. And right now I'm making 80. So, okay. Now we're, now we have a deficiency.

00:51:36.420 Okay. What do we need to do to make up that 120 and how long is it going to take and what

00:51:40.100 strategies are we going to employ and when can we get started? And now you're moving into things that

00:51:44.140 are action oriented versus kind of stalling your progress, which is like, Oh, I just don't make

00:51:51.000 enough money. Kim makes way more than I do. Oh, well, you know, he's not as good as I am. How

00:51:56.960 come he's making that? I just know where that conversation goes. So let's ask a different

00:52:01.200 question on that one. Yeah. You were quoted in a book. Remember this years and years ago,

00:52:09.020 we talked about this wealth management is a wealth management. I think you're referring to

00:52:13.300 Austin Netsley's book. Cause I've only been quoted in one book ever. So I think it's, it's the one

00:52:18.180 right there. I think that's what you're referring to. One thing I got from that book. Cause he was a

00:52:23.840 podcast a long time ago. Like, yeah, I think it's Austin. When I was just a listener of the podcast,

00:52:29.360 I remember I read that book. And one of the key things was what is wealth? What is wealth?

00:52:36.800 Yeah. And it was funny because I remember going to Asia and going, Hey, what does it mean to be

00:52:40.480 wealthy? And she was like, go to Europe twice some a year, whenever we want, have enough money for that.

00:52:47.880 And you're like, okay, wait, that's more flexibility of time than it is really cash.

00:52:53.340 Right. So define what wealth is. But the other part is define the cost. That's the other thing.

00:52:58.600 Like the last time we did a Utah meetup, I think I, or maybe it wasn't the last time before I asked

00:53:03.360 the question, who wants to be a millionaire? Everyone's hands goes up. And then you start

00:53:07.340 listing all the requirements to be a millionaire. People don't want to be a millionaire. Most,

00:53:13.160 most people don't want to do it. They're unwilling to pay the price. So get clear too, right? Oh yeah,

00:53:20.320 I want to be wealthy. Okay. Awesome. And what price are you willing to pay? And if you're not willing

00:53:26.180 to pay the price, then let it go and be, get clear on what you're willing to pay the price for.

00:53:31.840 Otherwise you're just stressed out all the time. It's unnecessary. Well, I think, I think you hit

00:53:36.820 it, but I would take issue with what they, they don't want it. They do want it. They're just not

00:53:41.420 willing to do what needs to be done. Right. And I do like what you said too, if you're like, then let it

00:53:46.580 go. And that is huge because we are conditioned by our environment. So in society, it tells you that men

00:53:54.280 are supposed to behave a certain way. We got to make this money. We got to do this. We got to do

00:53:58.060 that. We should, we should not. And all of that stuff, I think can give us some context and some

00:54:04.060 frameworks on which to build our lives. But a lot of it is faulty. A lot of it is flawed. A lot of it

00:54:10.180 doesn't apply to you. A lot of it is not relevant to you. And so we got to get rid of the shoulds and

00:54:14.600 should nots and I need tos and everything else and really determine what it is for you. I had a

00:54:19.980 conversation with my wife and I'm not going to get into this specifics just because of the privacy of

00:54:25.020 our conversations, but there was something that we were doing that other people were confused by.

00:54:32.620 And she said something interesting, which I totally agreed. And she says, I don't need their

00:54:37.280 approval. And it doesn't matter if it works for other people or not. Like I thought that was really

00:54:43.540 powerful. Just a quick little, it doesn't matter if like, it doesn't matter if they understand it.

00:54:49.460 What we do does not need to work for other people. And I just, I thought that was really

00:54:53.540 powerful. I took that away and I was like, yeah, that's a, that's a really good point. I don't need

00:54:57.020 other people's approval and nobody needs to understand it in order for me to do it. That's a good way to

00:55:03.500 live. Yeah. That's great. Wayne McPherson did a great job by the way. Last Friday, I believe it was

00:55:10.740 on Friday. The week before, I think the week before. Yep. How important is it to have men in

00:55:16.340 your corner when you're going through hardship rather than manning up and facing the challenges

00:55:20.660 alone in silent resolve? Some would say the latter is the sign of sovereignty. What says you?

00:55:29.020 Well, there's a lot. I, I, this was a good question. And at first I was like, no, you need

00:55:35.500 guys in your corner. And I think that you do. I will say that having men in your corner

00:55:41.240 isn't a lack of sovereignty. I mean, you're still choosing who's in your corner. You can

00:55:47.180 still choose whether or not you accept their advice or, or to the degree that you let them

00:55:52.400 into your life. Like that's still your life. Having other people in your life. Oh, actually

00:55:57.580 a lot of people in the, in the, in the context of religion, a lot of people will say, well, if

00:56:01.020 you follow religion, it's taking away your sovereignty. Is it because you'll, yeah, you

00:56:06.000 sell agency. Right. You're choosing. And by the way, don't pretend for a second that if

00:56:12.960 you're not what you would call a religious person, that you don't follow some doctrine,

00:56:17.580 not of religion necessarily. Yeah. You're following the doctrine of your friends, your own doctrine

00:56:24.500 and religion of your friends that aren't religious. And you get together and you'd say what's right

00:56:28.640 and wrong. We're all following something. Some of it's conscious and intentional and others,

00:56:34.060 a lot of it actually is subconscious and unintentional, but you're following something.

00:56:38.940 So just because you're following, well, people will say, you know, like things about Jordan

00:56:43.780 Peterson, you know, it's like, okay. So are you telling me by this logic that if you listen

00:56:48.100 to Jordan Peterson's conversations, discussions, thoughts, and then you decide to implement some

00:56:53.800 of them that you're now, you no longer have your agency. It's a, it's just a, it's a silly

00:56:59.060 argument. Yeah. Um, okay. So that said, you also should man up like you, if, if your entire

00:57:10.260 wellbeing is contingent upon your band of brothers and who's in your corner, holy cow, you're going

00:57:16.580 to find yourself in a really, really bad spot. And you know, there's reliant on them too much.

00:57:21.920 You mean, well, yeah, I mean, friends come and go friends die, you know, who you thought

00:57:27.720 were a friend, wasn't a friend who you didn't know was a friend is a friend. Sometimes you're

00:57:31.920 alone. Maybe your buddies can't make it like there's the adage of, of save yourself, rescue

00:57:38.180 yourself, right? You're, you gotta be able to rescue yourself. And I think that's also true.

00:57:42.600 I don't think these two conversations or factors that are at odds with each other. There are times

00:57:48.180 where you need to man up. You know, there's times in my life where I'm down or I'm sad or

00:57:53.720 I'm heartbroken or I'm this or I'm that. And yet I come on the podcast or I have a conversation

00:57:58.640 with somebody and I'm like, yeah, time to man up time, time to put on the big boy pants

00:58:02.220 and like get to work because that's what's required. And those are the commitments I made

00:58:06.560 to myself. I may not feel a hundred percent about doing it. I may be down. I may be dealing

00:58:10.500 with something. Here I am showing up day in and day out because that's what I said I would do.

00:58:18.240 And I think if you hit on both factors of building a powerful band of brothers and you learn to man

00:58:25.560 up, I think they play off of each other because a guy who's capable of taking care of himself

00:58:31.760 and being strong and being capable and doing what needs to be done and managing his emotions

00:58:36.660 is a guy who's going to be an asset in a band of brothers. And a guy who has a band of brothers

00:58:43.440 that are solid and reliable and credible and care about that. They care about you.

00:58:50.580 You're going to now be better equipped to stand on your own two feet, which is what you're going

00:58:54.320 to be called to do. They're going to help you up, but at some point they got to let go of your hand

00:58:58.180 and they got to prop you up and say, okay, now you're on your own. Can you walk? Can you stand?

00:59:02.560 And you should be able to. Justin Basie, new member of the Iron Council.

00:59:08.440 So working on my contribution quadrant, and I want to take what I teach my five middle school

00:59:13.280 health classes and spread it out to more kids other than just my school. I know social media

00:59:18.960 can help, but I'm not on there and I don't know where to start. Okay. So, but I'm not on there.

00:59:25.540 That's easy. Get on there. So there, that question's answered. A lot of people will say that it's like,

00:59:30.700 oh, I'd like to work out, but you know, I don't go to the gym. Go to the gym.

00:59:36.160 Okay. So that, that now you're good. That question's answered. Now where to start?

00:59:41.360 You have the material. Yeah. So take it and start sharing it. Yeah.

00:59:48.280 Like don't overthink this. Who was it? Justin? Was it Justin? Justin. Yep. Justin, don't overthink

00:59:53.700 this, man. Take the material. You already have it. So take the material and, you know, take a picture.

01:00:02.660 We were at, we were outside with the kids yesterday and we were playing in the snow. And I, I asked

01:00:09.200 Trish, I'm like, Hey, will you just take a couple of pictures of like headshots, just pictures of me

01:00:12.760 out here real quick. She's like, yeah, sure. And she took, you know, 10, 15 pictures or whatever.

01:00:16.760 And now I have 10 or 15 pictures that I can use or with, when I'm with my friends, do a selfie or

01:00:22.140 whatever. There's so many different, right? So you just get the, and then now I can craft a caption

01:00:26.700 along with that picture. And where do I get the caption from? I don't, your source material,

01:00:31.180 you already have it written. Or maybe what you can do is you can take out an element of your,

01:00:37.660 your curriculum and you can just shoot a 30 second video. Hey guys, just wanted to talk with you about

01:00:45.480 health for kids and why it's important. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And explain yourself and say,

01:00:49.480 so, you know, there you go. Now what's the next. So you start doing that. So you start sharing

01:00:54.180 content in different ways and people are scared because they're like, ah, I don't have my message

01:00:58.380 articulated. And I don't know if people will resonate with this. And I, yeah, right. You don't

01:01:03.060 know. So we need to help you define your voice and you do that by exercising it by reps. And then we get

01:01:10.080 to see what people resonate with. Some of it's not going to land. Some of my stuff doesn't land.

01:01:14.680 And others does land. And I, and I know what's going to land. Like I've took a picture the other

01:01:20.760 day, we were in a Costa Rica and my youngest son, he got elbow, they were wrestling in the pool and

01:01:27.820 he got elbowed in the face by his older brother. Accidentally, I saw it. It was an accident,

01:01:33.080 but he got elbowed hard in the face and his just blood just started dripping and pouring down.

01:01:39.300 And I, I took, I'm like, come here, let's take a picture. I did that for two reasons. Number one,

01:01:45.000 I took it because I knew it would diffuse the situation. I'm like, that's cool. Let's take

01:01:50.040 a picture of it. And so I took a picture and would show him. And number two, there was a lesson to be

01:01:53.960 learned there that I felt I could share. And so I have this bloody picture of my son and I post that

01:01:59.020 on Instagram with the story of meaningful, relevant story around my messaging. And I knew,

01:02:04.440 like, I knew a hundred percent people were going to see that picture. They were going to see my

01:02:09.400 caption and that was going to resonate for people. How do I know that? Because I've been doing this

01:02:13.620 for eight years. I know. And you'll figure that out too, as you go, but you have to go.

01:02:20.820 The next thing you do from there. So again, we're going to, we're going to take the content you

01:02:24.780 already have. We're going to share it in different mediums on different platforms. And then the third

01:02:28.920 component is you have to give people a call to action. So what is it that you want them to do?

01:02:34.000 Is it to follow you on Instagram? Is it to subscribe to a YouTube channel? Is it to go to

01:02:39.700 your website? Is to sign up for emails? Is it to pick up a free copy of this, you know,

01:02:45.060 simple PDF report on how to get kids healthy? You have to have somewhere to direct them and tell them

01:02:52.620 what to do. And that's how you start. That's exactly how I started Order of Man. And it's all built

01:02:59.480 on that foundation. Take what I know, share it in a meaningful way, ask people to do something

01:03:05.280 with it. Pierre Bonhomme, how do you convince your family to make, I had to look this up or actually

01:03:13.420 I had to think about it, how to make a SHTF plan. So when crap hits the fan plan to prepare for the

01:03:20.540 worst, when they don't follow financial news and think status quo is fine.

01:03:24.980 What was the word he used? Convince? Convince your family.

01:03:31.840 Okay. So I would say this, number one, is it your job? If it's your immediate family, your wife and

01:03:37.680 kids, definitely. If it's your mom and your dad and your siblings and your brothers and your aunts

01:03:42.640 and your uncles, probably not. And there's not a whole lot you can do in that situation. So I just

01:03:47.180 want to clarify. So let's just assume it's your wife and your children. First, your kids don't

01:03:52.880 really have a say in the matter. Like they're going to be, now we're talking about your wife.

01:03:56.840 Right. Because that's like, they don't watch the news. Their kids, like, why would they watch the

01:04:03.840 news? Okay. We have to get to the root of why she thinks everything is okay. And why she's

01:04:11.820 comfortable with not preparing. Could it be that she doesn't want to detract from time that it would

01:04:20.840 take to do that? Could it be that she knows how much energy it's going to require or maybe even

01:04:27.200 how much money? Could it be that you've been yapping your mouth about all of these things for

01:04:33.900 decades and she just doesn't believe that you're going to do anything with it. So all she needs to

01:04:38.440 do is say, I'm not interested. And then you give up in the next 30 days and she can quit hearing

01:04:44.800 about it from you. I'm guilty of that. Like, what is the real issue? I don't know what it is.

01:04:52.180 I'm making some hypothesis based on what I think it could be. But if you can get to the real issue,

01:04:58.620 whether it's a trust issue with you and credibility, or whether it's something like

01:05:02.260 money or resources or time and attention and energy, and it could be something as benign as she's

01:05:07.940 just not interested in it, not into it. And she just has faith that you'll do it. And in that case,

01:05:12.040 maybe she's right. And so do it. It's okay. Like she doesn't have to be involved in everything.

01:05:17.980 I know plenty of spouses who aren't necessarily involved in finances or other aspects of the

01:05:23.540 relationship, but you get them somewhat involved. So they know like, Hey hon, here's what we're doing

01:05:28.560 with the financial situation. Hey, I just, I have this investment or this investment opportunities

01:05:32.840 available, or Hey, we just paid off the debt. So maybe you just have to do things and then

01:05:38.280 enlighten her and share them with her so that she sees it's getting done, but she's never going to

01:05:43.080 be that interested in it with the kids. You just make it a game. That's the biggest thing.

01:05:48.220 Like, like here, here's a game that you could play. If you want to talk about exit strategies,

01:05:53.480 let's say in a, in case of emergency or a fire or an intruder or whatever it might be,

01:05:57.640 like create a game, go outside to a certain tree that you have outside and say, all right,

01:06:02.980 kids, I want everybody to start in your room. And I've got a radio. I went to Walmart and I bought

01:06:08.760 radios for us. So I've got a radio. So here's a radio for you. Here's a radio for you. Here's a

01:06:12.640 radio for you. I've got my radio. I want you to listen to it. I'm going to be outside on the count

01:06:17.280 of three. I'm going to say, go. And the first person to get outside wins. That's it. And then after

01:06:26.240 they get outside, say, Hey, you won, you know, here's your sucker. Here's a matchbox car. Matchbox

01:06:30.180 would do it for my son. Maybe some sort of little stuffed animal would do it for my daughter,

01:06:34.360 you know? So you get them something and you give them a prize and you help them feel good about it

01:06:39.060 and you make it fun. And then you ask them like, okay, what was your path? Well, I went down the

01:06:43.360 stairs, but I didn't go out that door. Cause I knew if I did, I have to go around the back of the

01:06:46.700 house. So I went out the front door because of this. And then you change it. You're like, all right,

01:06:50.000 well everybody start in your room or start in the living room, but you can't use these two doors

01:06:56.160 doors or you can't use doors at all. Now what are you going to do? And you time them. It's,

01:07:01.740 it's just fun with kids. Just make it fun. That's easy. Yeah. Step up your game, start a fire in your

01:07:06.560 house, in the kitchen. So they don't want to say that way too. Super fun. This is exactly how you do

01:07:12.080 it. Or if you want to create like a bug out bag, um, like get them involved, like get them their own

01:07:18.300 bag. Right. So, Hey, son, we're going to go to Walmart. You pick out your own bag. So you pick

01:07:25.820 out a bag and you pick out the things that you want in it. You've got a $30 budget. Here we go.

01:07:31.160 What do you think should be included? And you go have fun at Walmart. You spend 30 bucks and you get

01:07:35.540 a bag and you get some scissors, maybe a flashlight, maybe some sort of blanket, a little bit of

01:07:39.940 prepackaged food. That's going to preserve, like make it fun. That's easy. Yeah. I like it.

01:07:46.120 All right. Dex Reese, how do you get your heart to catch up to your head? Meaning intellectually,

01:07:52.480 you know what you should do, but your heart's affections aren't set on doing it yet.

01:07:58.300 Similar to our similar earlier question, but. Well, I think you should engage your heart. I mean,

01:08:03.440 that's, that's actually the first step. It's not as, it's not a subsidiary. Like it is the first step.

01:08:11.020 Um, I've been re-listening to never split the difference by Chris Voss and he's been on the

01:08:15.400 podcast before a 20 year FBI hostage negotiator, a very powerful book. Again, it's called never

01:08:22.540 split the difference. And he talks about our brain. And this has been studied enough that we know that

01:08:29.400 we are not rational creatures. We are emotional. And then we try to support our emotional decisions

01:08:35.520 logically and rationally, but we make the emotional decision first. People say, well, you know,

01:08:41.180 I'm logical. I'm a man. I'm logical. No, you're not. You're emotional like everybody else. And then

01:08:46.260 you convince yourself you're logical by playing, you know, mental gymnastics to explain. Yeah. Right.

01:08:54.660 So if that's the case, you know, should, could, would, whatever, it doesn't matter. That is true.

01:09:00.520 And if that's the case, fine, let's work on that. Let's, let's recognize that we're all emotional

01:09:05.960 and let's figure out how to use it. So when you're crafting a vision for yourself or something that

01:09:11.540 you want, like, here's a simple example. I would like to have six pack abs this year.

01:09:19.780 Okay. And I'll tell you why it's not because that means I'm, you know, 5% body fat. And I,

01:09:28.520 you know, none of that, you know what it is. I'm going to, I'm going to walk by the shower.

01:09:35.600 I'm going to look at myself, feel pretty good. Here's one. My dick's going to look a little bigger

01:09:39.740 because I don't have an extra, you know, 20 or 30 pounds of fat in the midsection. Like there's

01:09:45.840 reasons that nobody's willing to say, but everybody knows I'm going to look good naked. Sex is going to

01:09:52.160 be better. My dick's going to look bigger. Like that's why. And that's fine.

01:09:57.860 Like that's completely, those are good reasons. Those are fine. There's nothing wrong with those

01:10:03.800 reasons. If that's the case, then every time I don't want to get out of bed and do abs, I'm going

01:10:08.300 to say, you know what? I want to look good naked. I want my dick to look bigger. So I'm going to do

01:10:12.060 these abs. Period. End of story. There's your guys' soundbite for the week. Just that segment right

01:10:20.420 there. Look, people are afraid of saying things, but Kip, you can't say that that thought hasn't

01:10:27.160 crossed your mind. Every man listening has had that thought cross his mind, right? He wants to be,

01:10:33.400 that's why a lot of guys. He wants the stamina to take his wife and, you know, get a little

01:10:40.940 assertive within, within those, those healthy boundaries, right? Like, come on, we all know

01:10:47.000 what we want and it's emotionally driven. So it needs to start there. So your vision has to start

01:10:52.960 with an emotionally charged vision. And once it does, then you can start building the logic and

01:10:57.840 the tactics and everything else behind it. So what do you do when your heart's not quite in it?

01:11:02.120 And I'll tell you why is because getting to six packs abs, although it was emotionally charged

01:11:07.620 is hard to do. And it doesn't happen as often or as quickly as you'd like.

01:11:12.900 So what do you do? You tap back into your emotionally charged vision. Hey, Ryan, remember

01:11:19.720 you're doing this for these reasons. And if you can get it back to that, then you can get your heart

01:11:26.320 back in it. And I'll be honest, sometimes your heart's not going to be in it. So what? So what?

01:11:35.540 Does your heart need to be in it to do something? No, you need to be in it. You need to be doing it.

01:11:42.080 So realize that, yeah, you're not always going to be motivated, inspired, or emotionally charged.

01:11:46.140 And some days are going to suck. And other days you're going to feel like you're slipping backwards.

01:11:50.720 So what? You know, are you a man of your word or are you as wishy-washy as, you know, the tide?

01:11:56.680 Like just do it because you said you would. And it goes back to your previous question, right?

01:12:02.480 That's why it's valuable to have those systems in place because sometimes your heart's not going to

01:12:07.160 be there. Motivation's not going to be there. Make it easy. Make it easier to

01:12:11.860 execute. Yep. Exactly. All right. Let's take one more. Okay. All right. Ian Galpin,

01:12:19.480 how do you reconcile that dichotomy of having men you look up to, for example, Ryan, and their very

01:12:26.880 real struggles? We should not put people we look up to on pedestals, but we still do. We or I look up

01:12:33.620 to them as beacons of hope and examples to follow, yet their feelings rattle our perceptions of them

01:12:38.960 and ourselves and lead to doubt in our own journeys. The obvious answer based on many episodes of

01:12:44.300 Order Man is not to put these men on pedestals to realize that they are human at their own

01:12:48.600 failings and they have their own journey. It is more than likely a deflection of our own

01:12:53.960 avoidance strategy where one frames one's own failings as an excuse. If Ryan can't succeed in this

01:13:00.800 one aspect, how can I hope to succeed there, et cetera, any advice or pointers to resources to

01:13:07.320 guide in this regard? Also a huge thank you and bravo to Ryan for being so transparent with his own

01:13:13.100 journey. If you're saying to yourself, Hey, Ryan can't do this. So what hope do I have? You have put

01:13:21.340 me on too great a pedestal. Yeah. You don't know me very well. I would never know. I know you wouldn't

01:13:29.600 because you know me. No, but how do you, but, but he brings up a good point. This is a natural kind

01:13:36.140 of thing, right? Like we see these high achievers and we go, you know, we put them on pedestals. How

01:13:41.600 do we, how do we learn from them, but not do that? Yeah. So the thing that I would suggest to you,

01:13:47.480 this is from Jocko is you've got to detach. You know, we, we hear ourselves detach ourselves from

01:13:52.720 our emotions so that we can make more rational decisions. And I agree with that in this context,

01:13:57.120 what I'm saying is detach or maybe a better word is compartmentalize. So I'm going to look at somebody

01:14:05.700 like Andy Frisilla. Andy is extremely, extremely successful in business. He's a hard charger.

01:14:14.080 He tells it like it is. He's been a good friend. He's supportive. He's encouraging. Like I,

01:14:19.240 there's a lot of things, man, I really love about Andy. Andy doesn't have children. So does that make

01:14:26.300 him like him and I not in alignment? I've got four kids. I, I, I, I love these relationships. Like,

01:14:32.980 are we not in alignment because of that? No, it just, I turned to Andy because of these other things

01:14:38.200 that I really value about what he does. And that serves me. And then I look at a guy like, um,

01:14:44.560 like Goggins, you know, I like, I don't want to live his life. I don't, I don't know what he has

01:14:50.320 to sacrifice in order to be who he is or be who he's come to be known as, but I know he's got

01:14:56.180 skeletons in the closet. I know he's got demons. I know he's got issues. He talks about some of them.

01:15:00.880 And so does that make what he shares any less relevant? No, it's just means that I really like

01:15:10.280 his level of discipline. And that inspires me to be more disciplined in my own life.

01:15:14.360 If he came out and he shared something about his life that was, let's just say less than favorable.

01:15:21.300 Would I like, would that diminish the fact that he's a disciplined person and he's inspired me to

01:15:28.040 be disciplined? No, it just means, okay, well, yeah, I compartmentalize. I didn't, I didn't idolize

01:15:34.420 him. I just extracted what I thought was going to serve me and help me. And then I implemented that

01:15:42.760 in my life. Like this is why when, um, the whole thing came out with liver King, you know, Oh, he takes

01:15:52.420 steroids. Well, no shit. Number one. Okay. If you didn't think he was, you're an idiot. And number two,

01:15:57.420 so what? Yeah. Okay. And like, so what if you're so wrapped up in liver King about taking steroids

01:16:07.760 and that's what consumes all your time and attention? What, what is your problem? What are

01:16:13.500 you doing in life? How much of this is, is rooted in us not having critical thinking, right? Like,

01:16:20.880 yes. Like, okay. Awesome. Liver King. I'm not going to go all in. Maybe, maybe I agree with him,

01:16:26.580 but like have some, like, we need to logically think through things and also realize that people

01:16:31.820 are on their own paths. You know, Jocko shared something at origin camp and it was really great.

01:16:35.920 He shared about how he almost forced his kids into jujitsu and it backfired on him. Right. Well,

01:16:42.300 if I listened to Jocko way back then when his kids were young, what was his advice to probably to me

01:16:48.040 force your kids to do jujitsu, you know, make them have discipline. And if I were all in,

01:16:54.440 I wasn't logically thinking I would have done what he'd done. And, and even him looking back

01:16:59.880 in his past would say, yeah, that was a mistake. Like how many things have we said on this podcast,

01:17:04.560 right? Where we kind of go, yeah, you know what? I wouldn't agree with myself anymore.

01:17:10.300 Zero. I've never said that.

01:17:11.680 I would disagree with you a bunch of times, but we're on a path. So we need to critically think

01:17:19.720 based upon where people are based upon their circumstances, the way they see the world

01:17:25.160 come to your own conclusion, but there's no like silver bullet person period. Well,

01:17:32.800 maybe there is, but he's not podcasting and he probably died a long time ago.

01:17:36.600 Yeah. Well, I I'll say one other thing to maybe give you some context is I, I really like,

01:17:45.780 so I'm going to cartoons cause we've watched a lot of cartoons, but in, uh, in finding Nemo,

01:17:53.080 which is another really good movie, uh, the, the clownfish Marty or Marlon or whatever his name is,

01:18:00.360 he's dad on the dad. He's with the turtles and he's on the East Australian current or whatever

01:18:06.720 it's called. And the, you know, the crush, I think is the turtle's name. And the turtle has all this,

01:18:14.140 these kids. And one of them is roughhousing or doing something. And he like pops out of the current

01:18:20.080 into the ocean and Marty gets freaked out and crushes like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, stop. He's like,

01:18:27.900 let's see what the little squirt does. And the little, the little turtle, he like kind of

01:18:34.620 confused for a minute, gets his bearings, gets back into the current all as well. Okay. I'm sharing

01:18:41.020 this story because sometimes people fall and they're people that you really look up to and you

01:18:48.740 really admire because of what they've shared or how they've showed up. And sometimes the greatest

01:18:54.500 lesson you can learn from those people is what they do after they F it all up. Let's see what he does

01:19:03.360 now. Right? Like, man, I really looked up to this person and they had a lot of great information to

01:19:10.400 share and improve my life. And then I learned this thing about them and it was, it was ugly and I didn't

01:19:16.420 like it. And, uh, it makes me think less of them, but why not say this? Let's see what they do now.

01:19:26.480 Let's see how they handle themselves now. And I think there's maybe even greater lessons in what

01:19:32.480 one of your people you're inspired by can do after the mess up more so than maybe before.

01:19:39.740 Yeah. It goes back to being on that path and learning how to stay on the path ourselves.

01:19:47.120 And you're not going to learn how to get back on the path without seeing maybe even, or there's

01:19:52.700 opportunity to learn on how to get back on the path when we fail, if we see other people fail as well.

01:19:58.900 Yeah. And how they do it. Cause like we said earlier, no one's perfect. It's, it's all about

01:20:05.440 staying on the path. And that's the other angle too, is that when you screw up guys and you will

01:20:11.040 like we all have. Yeah. I mean, beat yourself up, you know, critically pour over, analyze your

01:20:19.240 performance, figure out what was going wrong, figure out all of those things, dwell on it.

01:20:23.520 If you need to not at your expense, of course, of your health, but really ponder on that, sit on it

01:20:28.640 for a while, but don't think that you're out of the game. Like, don't think that your life's over

01:20:36.880 or that you can't recover. It's that, that adage of the Phoenix rising from the ashes. Like you're

01:20:45.000 not out of the game. The game is not over. Like I'll either, I get to decide when it's over or God

01:20:52.080 gets to decide when it's over for me. And I can decide when it's over, when I quit or God can decide

01:20:58.320 when it's over, when he calls me home. But until then my ass is still in this game and you watch

01:21:04.360 what I'll do right now. All right, man, let's wrap it up. Perfect. So if you haven't connected

01:21:11.700 with us, please do so. Facebook.com slash group slash order man. Of course, Ryan mentioned this

01:21:17.220 earlier. You can follow him on the social media at Ryan Mickler. I did see an update. Correct me if

01:21:23.300 I'm wrong. Hopefully I'm okay saying this, but things in the store are on sale. So take

01:21:29.420 50% off. Store.orderofman.com to take advantage of that. We're doing that for the month of February.

01:21:37.500 So everything's 50% off in the store. We're just trying to clear out inventory. And so we're just,

01:21:43.500 like I said, 50% off. And these are like battle plant. This is our best selling stuff. We're clearing

01:21:48.080 out all the inventory. Everything 100% is 50% off. So take advantage of it. Use the code

01:21:55.400 5050 at checkout.

01:21:58.240 5050. Oh no, just 50.

01:22:00.640 Just 5050 at checkout.

01:22:03.200 Yep. That's right.

01:22:04.680 Perfect. Excellent.

01:22:05.760 Cool. All right, guys. Appreciate your questions. We'll keep giving answers for better or worse.

01:22:10.220 Appreciate you all. We're out there. Take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:22:14.280 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life

01:22:18.840 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:22:24.260 And I'll see you later.

01:22:30.640 Bye.

01:22:41.040 Bye.

01:22:42.820 Bye.

01:22:45.020 Bye.

01:22:45.060 Bye.

01:22:45.280 Bye.

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01:22:51.880 Bye.

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01:22:54.100 Bye.

Order of Man - February 01, 2023

Action Does Not Equal Prudence, Integrating The Heart and Mind, and Knowing Your Shadow ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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