Order of Man - Adopting a Son, Building Confidence Without Arrogance, and Settling Into Sobriety ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.120 Not cool, man.

00:00:02.240 Like, he's got a good dad in his life.

00:00:04.140 They're engaged, but not cool.

00:00:06.380 I could have been there.

00:00:07.200 I could have been supportive.

00:00:09.000 I don't even remember the game.

00:00:10.500 I don't know the score.

00:00:11.980 I don't remember the game.

00:00:13.120 I don't even remember when it was,

00:00:15.200 which means that it wasn't important. 0.98

00:00:16.960 But what I do remember is I rode that kid's ass hard, 0.99

00:00:22.060 and he didn't deserve that from a guy 0.99

00:00:24.320 he should have been looking up to.

00:00:26.320 And your son doesn't deserve that from you.

00:00:30.000 kip what's up man so good to see you you look a little more a little more uh clean and presentable

00:00:35.300 than you have over the past couple of weeks so did your wife tell you to like clean that up or

00:00:39.520 what happened oh no she wanted my hair to stay long she was like keep it long and i just went

00:00:44.800 to barber them all high tight she she she likes when she kisses you and finds like little little 0.98

00:00:51.980 beard hairs in her mouth after she kisses you she likes that huh yeah apparently i don't know 0.70

00:00:57.840 i want oh are you being serious she liked it long she liked my hair long not the beard

00:01:03.720 she loves my hair long yeah no she wants my hair long but i was like no i can't it's frustrating

00:01:11.780 i'm constantly tucking my hair in my hat training jujitsu hairs in my face i go swimming hairs in

00:01:18.520 my face i'm like dude this is miserable so i had um i think i told you i was training jujitsu when

00:01:26.600 i had that beard it was probably like 10 or 11 inches oh i remember this because you're like i'm

00:01:31.540 never treated i'm never trimming my beard i was like no just give it time and he ripped out a

00:01:38.680 chunk of my beard hair and held it in his fist like he was an apache warrior he might have even

00:01:45.820 like screamed scalped you and and at the same time like an apache warrior yeah that was like all right 0.85

00:01:53.260 home and that that got trimmed real quick after that yeah that's that's pretty miserable 0.53

00:02:01.220 it's pretty miserable he thought it was hilarious i thought it was not hilarious but

00:02:07.440 it's what it is

00:02:09.220 all right well hey so wholesome segment of the week um i had a really good thing and i promise

00:02:17.460 these guys are not paying for me to say this but i actually went out to wisconsin over the

00:02:22.920 weekend and was able to shoot with uh vortex optics so vortex is the largest optic manufacturer

00:02:31.720 in the world and i got to shoot some things um i i don't know if i should i'm gonna say it i don't

00:02:40.400 know if i should say it but i'm definitely gonna say it uh but i was able to shoot some

00:02:45.120 some top secret military equipment and the technology that is out there and available

00:02:53.260 is crazy so uh i got a little coin from my friend seamus out there at vortex this is my uh my

00:03:01.180 thousand yard bison coin hitting hitting targets out at a thousand yards so we had a really good

00:03:07.560 time out there man it was just a lot of fun and if you don't shoot guns shame on you

00:03:14.900 that's the wholesome segment guns are wholesome man they're loud they smell awesome you shoot

00:03:24.460 them because it's gunpowder they make explosive noises they destroy things and if you don't that

00:03:30.600 you're in the wrong place that's it period yeah you're in the wrong place well my seven-year-old

00:03:36.480 oh good yeah good well i was just gonna say my seven-year-old um two nights ago he was like

00:03:43.740 we were talking about war you could see how my house is being ran here we're talking about war

00:03:50.660 and he goes um has has anybody why don't they ever have war with america like show up and fight us

00:03:58.780 here and uh and i'm like because we all have guns that's why and he's like really and i'm like yeah

00:04:06.240 and i'm like and you know i so i hopped on the phone really quick i'm like let me show this

00:04:10.080 statistic here and the statistic i think it was like um it's like over a hundred percent right

00:04:16.520 there are like more guns in america than there are actual people in america and it's uh it's

00:04:22.580 just awesome you know what i mean i'm like yeah that that's how we roll as it should be like why

00:04:28.360 wouldn't we you know i probably got you know one thing i hate is when guys are like i lost all my 0.60

00:04:33.640 guns in a boating accident i'm like i didn't lose shit you know because i'm allowed to gun and tell 0.77

00:04:39.820 other people i own a gun now i'm not going to give you my serial numbers but i'm also not going to 0.84

00:04:44.760 pretend like i don't have guns i have a lot of them and i'm well within my legal rights to have 0.90

00:04:51.060 them so i don't need to pretend that i lost my guns in a boating accident that shit bothers me

00:04:56.360 that's funny why because they're trying to they're they're trying not to have it publicly 0.94

00:05:02.580 known that they have guns is that why is that i mean it's a joke right they're saying it tongue

00:05:06.640 in cheek a little bit but also i think the better thing to do is just to say no i have guns i have

00:05:13.280 a lot of them i have guns i i've got them all accounted for and if you break into my house

00:05:21.380 prepare to get some lead thrown at you like what more do you want me to say yeah i'm well within

00:05:29.560 my constant constitutional rights to have those things so yeah that's i never got into the i lost

00:05:34.720 my guns in a boating accident thing yeah yeah got it i was also looking at gun statistics

00:05:40.260 so here's here's the stats you ready for this wholesome wholesome segment of the week

00:05:45.820 uh this is what claude said there are more guns than people in the u.s we know that

00:05:51.320 the most current estimates so for 2026 put it around 1.5 firearms per person so roughly about

00:05:58.300 500 million civilian-owned firearms in the united states as of 2026 against a population of about

00:06:05.000 340 million and that works out to approximately 1.5 guns per person or 1.93 per adult and i'm just

00:06:13.760 going to go ahead and say i'm i'm carrying a heavy load on this one because i do i have a lot more

00:06:19.560 than 1.93 guns in my house uh what else we got here the most cited baseline figure from 2017

00:06:29.460 120.5 civilian owned firearms per 100 people it's the highest rate in the world

00:06:38.400 uh ownership has grown since then two surges drove the increases the 2000s the rise of the

00:06:47.020 modern sporting rifle and a pandemic era spike from 2020 through 2022 interesting arise during

00:06:55.180 the pandemic it's interesting i'm wondering what the psychology that alone added i don't know it

00:07:02.700 said that alone added 60 million firearms in three years hell yeah uh you know my my knee-jerk

00:07:13.900 reaction is government intervention it's like wait a second wait a second government it's

00:07:20.760 overreaching right now let me secure this that's my my knee-jerk reaction um america has about four

00:07:28.920 percent of the world's pop this is crazy america has about four percent of the world's population

00:07:36.800 but roughly 46 percent of the world's civilian-owned firearms hell yeah

00:07:43.940 uh let's see a couple things worth flagging these are estimates there's no national gun registry

00:07:52.880 good figures are built from manufacturing import data ownership is concentrated rather than evenly

00:08:00.820 spread about 42 percent of u.s households have at least one firearm meaning a lot of the guns

00:08:07.360 per person math is driven by owners with multiple firearms rather than broad universal ownership

00:08:14.020 yeah because i'm uh i'm i'm carrying a load of about 10 to 15 times the national average so

00:08:20.400 there you go yeah and there's i've seen a heat map just just doing my part man just doing my

00:08:25.980 And I've seen a heat map and it's like, it's the North, it's the Northwest or it's, it's pretty much like Idaho, Utah, Montana, the Dakotas, Wyoming there. That's a hot spot. And then the South is a hot spot, which, which, you know, is interesting, but those are the two.

00:08:45.520 i gotta be really careful because so when it comes to the south the southwest i'm like cowboys when

00:08:54.100 it comes to the the south the actual south gang yes i gotta be really careful

00:08:58.940 yeah we should do that we should do like we should do uh cowboys versus you know

00:09:07.000 gang members yeah that's funny all right i gotta be careful on that definitely

00:09:15.280 not politically correct, but wholesome. Wholesome. I love it. All right. Let's hop into some

00:09:19.520 questions. What do we got? Yeah. So, um, first off Nathan Pruitt, I've adopted my wife's son

00:09:25.740 from her first marriage when he was four years old. He's now 15 and just started calling another

00:09:32.360 man, dad, his biological father who suddenly is trying to reinsert himself after a decade of

00:09:39.300 silence legally and practically i'm his dad emotionally i don't know where i where i stand

00:09:45.860 anymore how do you protect that bond without making it a competition

00:09:50.440 oh look i i mean i've not i've not been in that situation so i can so i feel for what you're going

00:09:58.540 through um good good his dad wants to be back in his life good awesome as jaco would say isn't

00:10:09.220 that amazing like i don't i don't know the story i don't know the background i don't even know if

00:10:14.400 you believe the guy i don't know if he's gonna be permanently there but in my mind i'm like

00:10:18.680 hell yeah dude dad wants to come back around and he's he's he's reasonable about it he wants to be

00:10:25.420 part of it he's he's engaged in it then that's a good thing um we talked about this last week

00:10:30.840 kip like i've got i've got other men grown men in my kids's lives i i understand the draw to be

00:10:40.840 competitive or territorial about it or for it to hurt but what that means is that you care more

00:10:49.660 about your own feelings than you do the success of your son because this is not what you said

00:10:54.600 i want you to hear what you didn't say yeah okay you didn't say hey i'm worried that this guy is

00:11:01.940 not fully committed or he's gonna let down my son or like you didn't that's not what you said

00:11:08.940 what you said is your son is calling him dad he doesn't have that right so is that a him issue

00:11:15.520 or a you issue yeah yeah so so if you would have said like hey i don't i don't know if this guy's

00:11:22.360 going to stick around i don't know if this guy's going to hurt him mentally or emotionally okay

00:11:28.600 good motive but right now centered with all due respect i get it i understand why you'd feel that

00:11:35.320 way but what do you you don't have to protect a word that's what it is dad's a word the the crazy

00:11:44.920 thing is i had a conversation i actually had a conversation with my mom and i said something

00:11:48.280 and she was offended by it and uh we didn't talk for like a day or two because we're the same and

00:11:55.260 I messaged her this morning before I got on the podcast with you and I just said hey look I I'm

00:12:00.340 sorry I didn't mean to offend you by by saying what I said it was not directed at you and she's

00:12:05.880 like yeah I just don't like that language and I said that's fair like I can work on better language

00:12:12.240 and I'm asking you for, to afford me some grace. You're like, you don't, we don't. And she even

00:12:18.840 said weeks ago, she's like, Hey, look, I don't always understand you. Yeah, you don't. So we're

00:12:24.340 not going to get tripped up over noises that our Lennox's make. Like it's a silly thing that people

00:12:31.340 do. Um, so fine. He calls somebody else dad. That's a, that's a noise that your mouth makes.

00:12:42.240 The real, the weight behind it is how you show up

00:12:46.400 and how you've been showing up for 11 years, I think.

00:12:51.240 That has little to do with the word or the sound, I should say, dad.

00:12:57.340 I'm not even going to say it's a word.

00:12:59.540 It's just a sound.

00:13:01.400 I'm not, it has little to do with that sound. 0.99

00:13:04.480 What matters is that you've been for 11 fucking years for that kid, 0.98

00:13:09.140 going to his games, coaching his sports, 0.99

00:13:12.240 walking through challenging things maybe he had his first girlfriend maybe he had his first breakup

00:13:17.280 that's what matters more than the noises that our mouths make that form the word dad yeah totally i

00:13:24.160 don't know that's how i feel i think nathan first off i can relate actually and not only can i

00:13:29.820 relate i understand the sting and there's a sting there and i get it um the best way for you to deal

00:13:37.820 with this though is to get really clear that a biological father and you are not the same thing

00:13:43.400 and don't think they are it's the ultimate lie i've heard this so many times oh it's the same

00:13:49.680 i'm his no it's not the same your son has a biological connection to a guy that has been

00:13:55.360 absent out of his life and guess what he's going to seek and there's going to be this innate desire

00:14:00.140 to have a relationship with him why because who he is is part of his father and it's not the same

00:14:07.040 as his relationship with you and it never will be it never will be so except the fact that they're

00:14:12.920 not the same now do you love him absolutely do you show up and do you be an amazing father all

00:14:19.140 of that absolutely but is your son going to have this natural desire to have a relationship with

00:14:26.340 his biological father absolutely and he should so so who's who's who's dad role are you protecting

00:14:33.920 yours or the one that might be really meaningful to your son right so like you said ryan flip the

00:14:41.880 script make this about what's best for your son not about your ego right or a threat to you and

00:14:47.800 and welcome to being a stepfather right it is a hard calling you don't get this built-in logical

00:14:55.280 thing you don't get these sons that just like kind of love you unconditionally a little bit

00:15:00.080 because you're their biological dad nope you got to work for it and he's 15 so just wait until

00:15:07.720 about 17 years old and then he crap he throws in a because you're being disciplinary throws in a

00:15:13.680 you're not my dad right like dude absolutely those things are coming probably and your job 0.73

00:15:19.900 is to show up powerfully agnostic or regardless of of how he acts because you're doing the right

00:15:24.780 thing well you so i i would agree with all of that and i just want to throw a disclaimer

00:15:32.280 tip you you are a stepfather i'm not right so i think your words have more weight than mine do

00:15:38.440 but um a couple things that you said and and i take a i take a little bit of issue with this so

00:15:45.600 so tell me what you think you you did say you have to work for it and i understand the spirit

00:15:51.200 in which it's intended but to me what that makes it sound like from where i sit is that i can do

00:15:58.260 something to earn or manipulate his love for me and i i would be i would be cautious of that from

00:16:07.180 again with all due respect from where i sit like i'm just gonna show up when you know when when

00:16:14.820 you when you and her got married it was like it was a package deal right and you just because i

00:16:22.920 know you you just showed up regardless of of all of that like i'm just gonna be the best that i can

00:16:32.560 possibly be and then i'm just gonna let the chips fall where they may so there's one thing the other

00:16:38.420 thing that i want to explain and this this might sound really crude and i hope it doesn't come

00:16:43.780 across as crude but the reality is is that there's a difference between dad and father right like any

00:16:50.560 who can get hard and ejaculate and impregnate a woman that means you fathered a child but dad

00:16:58.700 that's different and he might be that language because that's what's culturally acceptable and 0.98

00:17:05.080 that's what's normal you're his dad he's his father you're his dad because you've been through

00:17:12.100 all of that stuff outside of just the biology it takes to bring a child in the world that's how i

00:17:17.160 feel yeah no i totally agree with all of those things like in and i'm not saying let me say it

00:17:22.060 this way well we we talk about this all the time right is we execute on the role of our

00:17:30.600 responsibilities and sometimes we may get credit for it and sometimes we may not right we may not

00:17:38.320 be appreciated as much as we quote unquote should be, but that's not why we're doing

00:17:43.420 it.

00:17:44.300 You know what I mean?

00:17:45.160 And so, you know, continue to show up powerfully and do your job, you know, but, but if you're

00:17:50.740 really being present, right.

00:17:52.000 To like, what's best for your son, what's actually great for your son is for him to

00:17:55.800 have a great relationship with his biological dad, depending on the kind of guy he is.

00:18:02.300 Well, imagine the conversations that you have.

00:18:04.400 Fair enough.

00:18:05.320 Yeah.

00:18:05.580 I mean, yeah, sure.

00:18:06.800 you know we're making that assumption but i mean imagine the kind of conversations this guy can

00:18:12.160 have and say hey look like your dad hasn't been around for a decade i stepped up and i'm here and

00:18:16.840 i love you and i care about you and i also want you to have a good relationship with this man

00:18:20.900 imagine the powerful conversations you could actually have you just get out of your own way

00:18:26.500 so yeah all right all right uh garrett uh solace what's the line between confidence and arrogance

00:18:35.120 in a man? And how do you know which side you're on?

00:18:41.300 There's a scripture. I'll pull it up here in a minute. I'm doing a little research in real time

00:18:49.220 here. There's a scripture that basically says, by their fruits, you shall know thee. That's it.

00:18:56.160 so confidence is okay well let me back up we need to look at confidence from two different lenses

00:19:06.520 confidence in ourselves the way we feel about ourselves and then confidence as perceived by

00:19:13.340 others so let's take you and me for example kip let's say that i i've i've built the order of man

00:19:20.740 in the business and everything, and I'm confident in what I've built. I feel good. It inspires and

00:19:26.840 motivates me. It makes me proud, not prideful, but proud of what I've built and I'm excited about

00:19:32.600 what we're doing. That's not arrogance. That's just a level of confidence that says I've earned

00:19:38.620 this, right? And I think confidence is earned, whereas arrogance is typically not. So that's

00:19:44.520 one side. The other side is that you might look at me from the outside and say, okay, that's a guy

00:19:51.120 who's confident. He's sure of himself. He's built something incredible. He should be proud of what

00:19:58.080 he's built. And I'm inspired by that. And that is the key word, inspiration. I believe that confidence

00:20:07.120 is inspiring to ourselves if i'm confident in myself it will inspire me to take risks to

00:20:13.780 do new things to put myself out of my comfort zone and it will inspire other people around me

00:20:19.940 to follow me potentially to um follow in my footsteps maybe to start their own

00:20:27.060 movement or whatever it might be but it's inspiring versus arrogance which is deflating

00:20:32.860 no nobody ever looked at an arrogant person and said oh that's a really good redeeming quality 0.99

00:20:40.480 it's actually demoralizing i don't want to be like that guy oh that guy's a jerk oh he doesn't treat 0.98

00:20:47.580 people well oh he thinks too highly of himself and so it's no longer inspirational it's actually 0.99

00:20:53.320 demoralizing it's a character arrogance is a character flaw confidence is a virtue

00:20:59.100 and really just you just look at your results are there people around you who are inspired by you

00:21:06.360 are they motivated by you are they compelled by you are they buying your products are they

00:21:10.080 following you are they listening to your words are they respectful of you if so then there's

00:21:17.540 probably a level of confidence but if they're repelled and repulsed and rejecting you then

00:21:22.140 you're probably tap dancing or did a cannonball into the area of arrogance it's my thoughts on it

00:21:30.020 it's interesting i don't know i don't know i don't know the root word of arrogance so like

00:21:35.780 my understanding of it might be wrong but i arrogance feels to me like it's very much about

00:21:41.740 outward validation and comparison towards others that if someone's arrogant is they believe that

00:21:49.380 they are above and or superior to others, where confidence doesn't have anything to do with an

00:21:56.120 outside party. It's just how you are feeling about yourself. And thus, just because I'm confident

00:22:03.460 doesn't mean I think I'm better than or that someone else is less than. So that's the distinction

00:22:09.740 I would make between the two. And we've talked about this, Ryan, because I love using a term

00:22:13.760 that every leader should be confidently humble or have confident humility. And I add those

00:22:20.820 together, but I shouldn't have to, because I don't think there is confidence. I don't think

00:22:25.640 confidence exists without humility of where you are, what you know, what you don't know,

00:22:32.260 because otherwise it'd be false confidence, right? It'd be something else. It would be

00:22:36.460 make-believe. It would be, you know, maybe even arrogance, right? So I think humility is a key

00:22:42.700 element yeah yeah so when you said i don't know where the word comes from i actually pulled it

00:22:52.280 up because i thought this would be useful so this is a good use of ai guys like we can find out like

00:22:57.560 our the access to information we have is incredible so here's the root word if you

00:23:03.340 want to know of arrogance so the word arrogance comes from the latin word uh erogare i think

00:23:10.540 that's how you say it, arogari. And literally, arogari means, quote, to claim for oneself or to

00:23:20.180 appropriate. The sense of asking for something on your own behalf, often more than your due.

00:23:27.800 From there, it became a arrogantia, meaning an excessive or presumptuous claiming of importance.

00:23:35.320 and that's what came into english as the word arrogance so the root word arrogance is

00:23:40.760 essentially the act of asking or claiming things for yourself and then i looked at the root word

00:23:48.380 of confidence so that one comes from confidence uh it it literally means to trust fully to have

00:23:57.480 trust uh federe that that makes sense because federe is you know like faithful right to trust

00:24:05.560 um fidelity faith confide in all come from that word too so at the root confidence is essentially

00:24:15.520 full trust originally trust placed in someone or something else which later it did also mean trust

00:24:22.920 in yourself so kind of interesting pretty fascinating i don't i don't think we're too off

00:24:30.760 no we're no i mean that's i mean we're we're dead on with that right it's like

00:24:37.220 to claim arrogance is to claim for yourself and confidence is having full trust in yourself and

00:24:44.780 in order to have full trust in yourself well let me say it this way say um you have a new

00:24:52.640 relationship or maybe a new business partnership and that person doesn't fully trust you but over

00:24:58.620 time through your actions they begin to trust you fully and have full confidence in you it's

00:25:04.620 something that's earned like you nobody just gives that to you kip i didn't have that in you and you

00:25:09.840 should not have had that in me when we started working together but over the course of a decade

00:25:14.200 i have full trust in you based on your actions i hope you have full to me based on mine but that's

00:25:20.180 something that was earned not something that was just blindly given for no reason at all yeah

00:25:25.920 totally yeah all right dean ferrero i've been sober for four years and last month i sat in my

00:25:33.980 truck outside a liquor store for 20 minutes before i drove away nobody knows that happened not even

00:25:40.440 my wife i didn't drink but the fact that i got that close scared me more than any relapse story

00:25:46.860 i have ever heard does the poll ever actually stop or am i just white knuckling this for the rest of

00:25:54.440 my life and would it be different for everybody is it safe to assume that like your response is

00:26:04.240 applicable to everybody or is it just their scales to this you know what i mean

00:26:07.620 no i think it's i think it's applicable to everybody okay actually i i don't know for

00:26:15.220 sure but i think and i don't care if it's if it's alcohol abuse or pornography or gambling

00:26:21.540 any addiction really drug use or i don't i don't care what it is i think that we are

00:26:27.780 some people are more inclined to lean towards certain addictions and temptations more than

00:26:36.020 others like i mean there's some guys who i i fully believe just probably aren't tempted by

00:26:42.680 pornography for example the way others are um i know for a fact i mean are you drawn in by alcohol

00:26:48.980 you personally kip not at all but but you know what's fascinating is i am as i spoke i spoke

00:26:55.660 with a good friend of mine a good training partner of mine for years uh and this is like his field

00:27:01.260 of expertise is like addictions and one day we're just chatting he goes he's all no no he says you

00:27:09.140 misunderstand certain people are predisposed to certain drugs based upon their personalities

00:27:16.700 and other traits and i'm like really and he goes and he goes don't you already know what your drug

00:27:23.040 of choice is he's like think about it and and he was right i was like actually i totally do

00:27:30.720 i know without a doubt i would be an addict if i were like to touch like speed

00:27:36.360 like but but being out of my head and laid back and lazy does not a compute for me but if i could

00:27:47.940 like limitless drug from that movie that sounds awesome like that would probably be a problem

00:27:53.660 yeah that would be a problem for me just change my dna i don't need a drug just change my dna

00:27:58.440 yeah bro it's it's real like if i smell whiskey

00:28:03.160 it conjures up things for me really the smell of it

00:28:09.740 the smell bro if i smell it my so so for guys who don't know uh my my drink of choice

00:28:19.600 because i'm a cheap son of a gun is fireball whiskey cinnamon whiskey

00:28:24.920 and guys are like oh it's so gross and it's like no i i drank to get drunk yeah yeah not to spend 0.53

00:28:34.080 money yeah you're like this stuff doesn't taste great i just want to get to the result as fast

00:28:38.560 as possible i don't care about that but that's also my personality right like that hyper efficient

00:28:44.520 personality it's like i'm not here to like have fun i'm here to get f up and if i can do it cheaper

00:28:51.440 than that way that's what i'm gonna do so on a budget i totally like when i was in high school

00:28:58.280 or out of high school it was natty light you know i'd go buy a 24 pack of natty light and people

00:29:03.420 like oh that's piss water no but it got me drunk the same way budweiser would so but it was cheaper

00:29:09.920 it's like half the price got it so that that that was is my temptation so when i when i smell it or

00:29:21.160 i don't even have to smell it when people talk about it like i can't even have cinnamon gum

00:29:26.880 around because it conjures it it does something man it it like it's like i need that i want that

00:29:36.260 i'm having a hard day uh i'm dealing with this issue i could turn it off real quick

00:29:42.400 just have a couple of sips yeah so i have to be really careful with that so

00:29:48.780 um well first of all to this i can't remember his name but to this gentleman i mean i commit

00:29:55.280 you for not engaging try not to pull into the parking lot next time because you're just flirting

00:30:03.020 with temptation it's like hiring the hot assistant when you're married probably don't hire her 0.99

00:30:08.860 probably hire the the 55 year old grandma who's you know maybe not totally attractive but she'll 1.00

00:30:15.460 do a good job for you. Because why put yourself into the situation where you're going to be 0.51

00:30:20.320 compromised? And this is where a lot of guys, this is really fascinating. I've experienced this

00:30:24.800 personally. A lot of guys will say, well, like if you can't resist, then you're weak. Fine.

00:30:32.440 Call it whatever you want to call it. I just, I don't care anymore. I don't care if you call it

00:30:36.900 weakness or cowardice or my inability to control myself. You can call it whatever the hell you want

00:30:43.560 to call it. My goal is to stay sober. So I'm not going to put myself in the environment where I'm

00:30:51.980 tempted to drink. I'm not going to go to the bar and have drinks with friends. I'm not going to

00:30:56.480 pull into the liquor store and sit in the parking lot for 20 minutes. If I'm tempted to do that,

00:31:00.940 I'm going to make a call. I'm tempted to do this. I don't want to do this. Kip, help me out.

00:31:06.320 So really quick, Ryan. So if you were in town and I was like, hey, let's go to

00:31:10.500 about time watch the fights and it's at a bar you're you're like hey no that's not a good

00:31:17.060 environment for me like i actually wouldn't even go to a bar necessarily no i i might go but i have

00:31:24.480 good enough friends you included got it you all you want to go drinking with some buddies and say

00:31:29.960 oh i just won't drink while you guys drink like that's a different story no no but if you guys

00:31:36.740 all wanted to have a drink hypothetically you all know my story like i haven't hit anything

00:31:42.100 so i would probably say hey kip yeah i'd love to go hit the hits we'll have a good night um

00:31:48.080 i just want to i want to remind you like i'm not going to drink i would not drink in front of you

00:31:53.360 if i wanted to get drunk i wouldn't because of the accountability built into it i just wouldn't

00:31:58.400 Yeah. I haven't. So, um, yeah, I would probably go, but that's because I have a relationship

00:32:07.240 with you and other close friends who know exactly what my story is. Got it. Got it.

00:32:12.520 You know, I interrupted you. So back to, back to Dean's question, right? Like,

00:32:17.020 is this a forever white knuckling? Does it change anything? Or is it like, Hey,

00:32:21.340 buckle up. This is how it's going to be.

00:32:23.800 yeah it is temptation like that's that's the that's the cross you were meant to bear

00:32:33.320 so you're always going to be tempted by alcohol it's never going to go away but let me give you

00:32:39.900 a little bit of hope in that you will build systems whereas it just doesn't it doesn't

00:32:47.540 affect you the same way. Like you can build systems, you can build buffers, like, Hey,

00:32:53.680 I'm not going to go to the bar. You can build the right friendships. Um, you know, like for me,

00:33:00.260 even, even just in the past couple of weeks, like, Oh, my life is not like fairy tales and

00:33:07.140 sunshine and roses and petunias. Like no, nobody's is. And there's been times even in the past week

00:33:15.640 where I'm like, bro, a drink would solve this problem. And it would for a minute.

00:33:21.160 And, and then I'm like, cool. That means I have to go to the gym. And so I go to the gym and I

00:33:26.320 work out for 45 minutes. I'm down seven pounds, seven, eight pounds in the past three weeks.

00:33:31.680 And then I sweat my, my balls off in the sauna and I do, I'm up to 20 minutes in the sauna. 0.85

00:33:38.560 um and that that works for me so am i white knuckling no it's a coping mechanism it's a 0.90

00:33:47.240 healthy the word coping mechanism the phrase it always has a negative connotation with it oh

00:33:53.320 you're just it's just a coping mechanism there's healthy coping mechanisms right like calling a

00:33:59.500 friend is a coping mechanism hey i'm dealing with this i want to call a friend that's a good

00:34:06.280 coping mechanism. Going to the gym is a good coping mechanism. Drinking a pint of Fireball

00:34:13.200 is not a good coping mechanism. So you just need to find better coping mechanisms that will help

00:34:20.040 you achieve what it is you're after. And for me, it's the gym, calling friends. I can get consumed

00:34:28.360 and work. We've got a new project coming out here in the next week or two. Those are definitely

00:34:33.380 coping mechanisms. When I'm tempted, I'm like, no, do this instead. And it aligns me towards

00:34:41.160 productive outcomes rather than destructive ones. I like it. All right. This next question, Ryan,

00:34:46.280 I'm sure you can't relate to this. So I might have to answer this one. Colby Whitmore. I coach

00:34:52.880 my son's little league team and I've noticed I ride him harder than any other kid on the field.

00:34:58.220 I tell myself it's because I see potential in him, but my wife says I'm just working out my

00:35:03.000 own failures on an eight-year-old. Is she right? How could I, how would I even know?

00:35:11.740 Yeah, you're both right. Yeah. You're probably being a little too harsh from her perspective

00:35:17.440 and she's probably being a little too soft from yours. That's the beauty of having a lovely woman

00:35:24.100 in your life is she's going to be like, Hey pal, tone it down, like ease up. Yeah. And then you're

00:35:31.180 gonna say you know what babe yeah you're right i could i could i could afford grace i could be

00:35:36.760 more patient and then when she's being weak and soft and flowery and buttery you're like hey babe

00:35:42.520 like quit coddling the kid like he's got to get up and wipe his boo-boo off and get back to work

00:35:48.820 and both of you are right yeah so were you ever hard on your kids i would i if yeah of course

00:35:56.240 why though dude i've made my kids cry like literally made them cry and people like you're 0.97

00:36:04.020 a jerk every dad has done that like i remember i went shoot this is this is horrible i actually 0.97

00:36:11.160 get emotional thinking about this i went shooting with my oldest son when he was probably like seven 0.99

00:36:16.360 or eight years old and he wasn't standing properly he wasn't holding the the rifle correctly he was 0.96

00:36:23.340 making bad shots and i busted his ass verbally man like i came down on him and he cried and i was a 0.99

00:36:31.360 a-hole for what what what was the point of that did that make him enjoy shooting more 0.99

00:36:43.860 did that make him enjoy time with me more

00:36:48.120 no it didn't and maybe some of this grace comes with just a little bit of gray hair and some age

00:36:55.140 i don't i don't care if you aren't holding the the rifle right him and i went bowling he's like

00:37:02.540 dad can you can we go bowling and we went and bowled four games and we were just having fun

00:37:07.900 like i don't care i don't care if you bowl 100 or 150 or 300 i don't i do not care at all

00:37:15.440 what I care about is did this bring us closer together and that isn't the point of sports

00:37:21.540 is to inspire to motivate not to deflate or devalue or make you hate whatever game you're

00:37:32.120 playing like it's for fun your kid's not going to go to the NFL okay sorry he's not okay my

00:37:39.280 oldest is not going to go play in the PLL he might take issue with that but he's not

00:37:43.360 I don't have a child who's going to go play professional sports.

00:37:47.800 That's okay.

00:37:48.920 It's fine.

00:37:49.800 So let's just go have fun.

00:37:51.320 Let's learn.

00:37:52.040 Let's grow.

00:37:52.520 Let's be better.

00:37:53.200 Let's improve.

00:37:54.840 And let's just, the point of sports is to grow.

00:38:01.780 The point of you being a coach is to help young men grow.

00:38:08.660 Okay, so here's another one.

00:38:10.220 This was, I wrote this in my book.

00:38:11.520 Ooh, I don't want to talk about this.

00:38:13.360 we had this kid uh it was my my oldest son's baseball team and it was probably they were

00:38:20.380 probably 11 or 12 maybe 13 and we had this kid his name's lincoln freaking stud man just super

00:38:28.000 athletic just in every aspect of the word and he was pitching and we were up by maybe four or five

00:38:38.140 runs and I put him into the game to close out the game and he he flopped dude like I don't know 0.99

00:38:47.120 what happened he flopped I feel really bad and instead of telling him it was okay I rode his ass 0.98

00:38:56.760 hard and he came back to the dugout in the last inning after we had lost the game which he lost 0.99

00:39:04.920 the game and he was crying. Not cool, man. Like he's got a good dad in his life. They're engaged,

00:39:18.840 but not cool. I could have been there. I could have been supportive. I don't even remember the

00:39:27.020 game. I don't, I don't know the score. I don't remember the game. I don't remember. I don't

00:39:30.640 even remember when it was, which means that it wasn't important. But what I do remember

00:39:35.020 is I rode that kid's ass hard and he didn't deserve that from a guy he should have been 0.99

00:39:42.160 looking up to. And your son doesn't deserve that from you. What he deserves is somebody who 1.00

00:39:49.760 believes in him, who supports him, who uplifts him, who holds him to a high expectation. I'm

00:39:55.200 not saying you need to be soft, but there's a better way to do it. And yeah, I've dropped the

00:40:05.560 ball so many times and I'm just telling you right now, it's, I remember all of them. It sucks. It's 0.98

00:40:10.000 not cool, man. Well, and you don't get to choose when those kids take that moment or the next

00:40:16.700 moment and, and really like cement it into their identity. Right. And we got to be super careful

00:40:24.180 because we don't, we don't get to choose that for them and they might choose that. Right. And,

00:40:29.340 and, uh, it could be really damaging. I was, I was pretty harsh on my boys, but I, um,

00:40:36.200 I actually think I did a fairly good job because when you're a coach and you have your son on the

00:40:41.420 team, there is a little bit of a different dynamic. Right. And, and luckily I was, I'm sure I got some

00:40:47.640 counsel for my wife to handle it well, because I remember sitting down with him and having a talk

00:40:54.300 like, Hey, I want to be really clear about something, right? Everyone's there. There

00:40:59.240 might be assumptions that you're playing because you're my son. And I don't, I want to crush any

00:41:06.060 of those assumptions, which means that I need you to be out hustling than any other kid on the team.

00:41:14.700 right and that allows me to play you more right but if you're not out hustling the rest of the

00:41:20.460 team and and then you're getting lots of playing time now it's favoritism and that's not fair to

00:41:25.320 the other kids and and you're helping me coach this team we're doing this together whether you

00:41:31.740 like it or not you're doing it together because you're my model citizen on the team and you know

00:41:36.540 how you act to my coaching sets the tone for how the other kids will act right so i'm gonna you

00:41:41.720 know so i had to tell him up front i i'm gonna have a higher standard for you than the rest of

00:41:46.000 the kids but it's but it's rooted in me trying to get you as much playing time as possible and

00:41:51.880 you becoming a great player you know what i mean and and and that was a really uh good thing that

00:41:57.640 i did right clarifying that up front so then that way when i was you know a little hot during uh

00:42:04.180 games or during practice he he knew what it was about right and that it wasn't an attack on him

00:42:09.980 personally so i can't believe that you said communication solves a lot of problems that's

00:42:17.320 crazy i never would have imagined but i look i i love the idea of communication and just letting

00:42:24.120 him know where you're at and then i would i would say one other thing and we got to wrap this up

00:42:28.420 today i'm on a time crunch today but take it assuming your wife is a good woman and i'm sure 1.00

00:42:35.080 she is take what she's sharing with you and take it at its core and strip away 80 percent of the 0.97

00:42:44.100 way she's communicating it but take it at the core which her core is going to be softness gentleness

00:42:51.740 ace guidance take that like that's good those are good things just strip 80 percent of what

00:42:59.280 she says and by the way i would say the same thing to women yeah like if you've got a good

00:43:03.360 man in your life and he's harsh on his kids and he's maybe a little bit of a disciplinarian or

00:43:09.080 authoritarian take take 80 and like just strip that away and throw it away and know he's just

00:43:16.600 trying to provide discipline and structure and accountability and growth it's like take the

00:43:23.100 either side either way take the 20 and throw away the 80 i think that will help i think that will

00:43:31.340 i think that will save a lot of relationship issues in the way that we or get connected to

00:43:35.980 the outcome that you're both seeking which is the same right you're just going about it fairly

00:43:40.940 absolutely yeah totally all right quick call to yeah because look the best example i was just

00:43:45.940 going to say the best example kip is when you're teaching your kid to ride a bike all right so

00:43:50.320 let's say you've got little little bella and you know she's she's seven years old and and you just 0.99

00:43:57.080 took the training wheels off and you're pushing her down the driveway and you finally let go it's

00:44:02.160 scary but you finally let go and she goes about 20 yards and then she crashes she scrapes her knees

00:44:07.900 scrapes her elbows what do men do they run over they're like hey babe like cool like let me brush 1.00

00:44:14.760 your your your bruise off and i'm gonna put you i'm i'm physically i'm literally gonna put her 1.00

00:44:20.440 back on the bike and say let's go immediately and mom's gonna come over and she's gonna be like oh 0.99

00:44:26.720 let me take you inside and put a bluey band-aid on and kiss your boo-boos who's right and who's 0.99

00:44:33.160 wrong well you're both right mom's job is to get the bluey band-aid and kiss her boo-boos 0.93

00:44:42.220 and wash it off and wipe her tears away with her thumb and like swaddle her that is mom's job

00:44:49.720 and dad's job is to say hey babe like she's good she's got the band-aid on tears are wiped up 0.99

00:44:55.960 scoop her up go put her back on the bike both of you are right she wife needs to honor you putting 1.00

00:45:05.000 Bella back on the bike and you her husband need to honor her wiping her boo-boos and putting a

00:45:12.620 bandaid on you need to honor each other both are beautiful that's why I believe that every son and

00:45:21.060 daughter who come into this world have a right to a goodly mom and dad because we work together

00:45:28.920 it's supposed to be that way love it great great way to wrap call to action really quick before we

00:45:34.560 drop right so we have the war room coming up august 19th 8 p.m eastern time ryan's going to

00:45:41.540 be covering frameworks around how do we generate frameworks in our life to get kind of back on the

00:45:46.840 path and and uh the chaos of a fall kids back to school and all that kind of stuff so join us

00:45:54.500 august 19th 8 p.m to register go to order of man.com slash war room order of man.com slash

00:46:02.620 war room sir excited excited to have everybody there so we're gonna do some cool stuff we got

00:46:08.180 some cool new plans coming up that i'm excited you don't even know about yet kip that i'm excited

00:46:12.100 to share with you this afternoon but guys great questions i know i got a jet a little early but

00:46:16.760 we've got another handful of questions that we'll get to next week.

00:46:19.720 We're not going to skip any of those. Um, but yeah,

00:46:22.580 appreciate everybody tuning in. Appreciate all you guys keep leading from the front.

00:46:25.600 Keep being the man, take your wife's opinions and ideas into consideration,

00:46:29.920 but keep leading as a man. And, uh,

00:46:32.140 we'll be back for our Friday field notes until then guys go out there,

00:46:36.120 take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:46:39.960 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:46:42.820 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

00:46:46.240 to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 19, 2026

Adopting a Son, Building Confidence Without Arrogance, and Settling Into Sobriety ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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