Ryan and Kip introduce a new weekly segment called "The FAQs" where they answer some of the most frequently asked questions sent in by the men of the Order of Man. In this episode, we discuss the importance of being a man of action and how to deal with the challenges that life throws your way.
00:01:28.560And maybe depending on what day we end up doing the podcast recording for the FAQs, maybe every Monday, right, we post an opportunity for all of those members to, you know, post their questions.
00:01:40.940And then that way we have some prep time before our call.
00:02:50.400You know, a lot of people overlook that and we tend to take the path of least resistance and play it safe and play it comfortable.
00:02:55.380But for me, everything good that's come in my life, whether that's my relationship with my wife and stepping into the unknown of having kids, stepping, of course, into the unknown of starting this business, everything good that's happened in my life has come from taking calculated risks.
00:03:12.880And I think we've been told quite a bit to play it safe, right?
00:03:17.780Like, you think about the school system, for example, it's like, sit down, shut up, color within the lines, don't buck the system, submit to authority.
00:03:25.700And sure, there's some validity and truth to that.
00:03:29.140But man, at the end of the day, if you can't step out of this status quo, I just don't think you're going to accomplish all that you have the potential of accomplishing.
00:03:38.880So taking risks would have been something I would have done a whole lot earlier and a whole lot more of, especially when it was early, when the stakes weren't as high because they are higher now.
00:03:48.100Right? I've got my wife and my kids who are relying upon me. I've got this business that I'm running. People are relying upon me to some degree for some of their income.
00:03:56.920So the stakes are definitely higher now. They just weren't as higher out of high school, for example. So calculated risks.
00:04:04.160Yeah. Would have been a good time to learn all that stuff before the stakes were too high.
00:04:08.540Well, that's exactly right. Because, you know, I could have picked up and left and went on a trip and explored some sort of passion or something I was uniquely interested in.
00:04:18.800I could have done that significantly easier than I can now. I could have done that a whole lot easier 20 years ago.
00:04:24.820So I think taking risks is valuable and then evaluating whether that risk paid out or not and continue to take those risks so you can step out of complacency and mediocrity and the status quo we all fall into.
00:04:36.740Awesome. I love it. Cool. All right. What's next?
00:04:40.040Let's move on. All right. So the next question is from George Sykes. George is actually a member of the Iron Council. We see posts from him on a regular basis within that group.
00:04:50.540But his question is, if given just one wish for this year, knowing that you could wish for anything at all and whatever you wish for was guaranteed to come true, would you wish for all things to be exactly as they are?
00:05:04.480Yeah, there is a lot. Would I wish for things to be exact? I think there's a lot of dimensions to this question. Would I wish for things to be exactly the way they are? Yeah, in a way. Go ahead.
00:05:15.760Well, I was just going to say, I think the meat of this question, right, is if you could wish for anything and have it come true, would you change your life, right? Would you change what you've gone through? Would you go back and change the past? That's kind of what rings true to me when I read this question.
00:05:30.960I think there's two different angles. I think we could go backwards and ask ourselves if we could change one aspect or element of life, what would it be? But I also think there's an element of what would you change moving forward? So let me try to tackle both of these.
00:05:41.720If we were to go backwards, what would I change? You know, there's a lot of things in my life that I don't think I would say regret necessarily, but that I just feel like I didn't make the right choice.
00:05:55.300And I would have potentially gone back and change those. But looking at my life now, it's kind of like that butterfly effect. Like if you just change one element of your life, everything else changes.
00:06:05.700And I'm exactly where I am today because of my experiences and conversations and the people that have come into my life and the, and the things that I have done and the things I haven't done. And I'm happy, man. I'm really happy with where I am in life.
00:06:19.960So the answer to that question is I wouldn't change a thing because if I did, the outcome would change. So I'm not going to say I don't have regrets, but I am going to say that those missed opportunities or those little missteps have made me who I am.
00:06:34.940You know, I think we just spent an insane amount of time, uh, thinking about the way things could have been, or man, I wish I wouldn't have made that mistake or even just trying to avoid a state mistakes altogether. But that in and of itself is a mistake. I mean, you've got, again, goes back to taking risks. You've got to take risk. You've got to put yourself out there. You've got to mess up and through those experiences you learn.
00:07:01.200So that's my take on going backwards, going forward. What would I change? Somebody asked me this the other day. And I, I simply just said more fathers would be engaged in the home.
00:07:10.180Like if I could change one thing about the world, it would be more engaged, loving, compassionate, strong, dedicated fathers in the home. Like I really believe that that it's, I'm not going to say simple, but that change in society would permeate through every fabric of everyone's life. It would just be a better world in my opinion.
00:07:34.120I love that. I love that. And you know, what's interesting about this is here's the formula, right? Cause I, as you're thinking, I'm, as you're speaking, I'm thinking, well, you know, how, how do we wish, like how, how does someone live a life where you can look at the past and say, you know what? I wouldn't change anything. And I, and I think the formula is to learn from hardships, right? To learn from your mistakes. Right. So as, as long as we constantly take the time and make sure that when we make mistakes, we grow from them.
00:08:04.120And we learn from them, then there's nothing to regret, right? Because progress was made, right? We evolved from that scenario. And so I think as long as we do that, it doesn't matter what our past is, right? We grew from it.
00:08:17.660Well, a lot of people talk about guilt and they'll ask, how do I overcome guilt? Well, you correct the behavior, like, like, like you make amends. Maybe you wrong somebody, you know, maybe, maybe you made a bad decision and something happened and you wrong somebody. How do you overcome the guilt? Well, you correct it to the best of your ability.
00:08:34.120And you rectify the situation with that individual. And then from there you make better choices. So now it doesn't become a negative experience. It actually becomes a positive experience because you've chosen to your point to make it an experience that you can learn from. So the best way to overcome guilt or past remorse, rectify the situation, make amends with whoever you need to make amends with, and then correct the behavior moving forward. Live a new life, become a new man.
00:09:01.800We're cranking through these because we've got a lot. We've probably got what, 20 or so, maybe, maybe not that many, but we want to get through as many as we possibly can.
00:09:09.420All right. So Jason Lilly is the, is the next person. His question was what people and or moments from history would you have, would you say have had the most impact on your life and why?
00:09:20.880Is it, do you think he's talking about like ancient history, like people that don't know, don't know, or like history, like as in my life?
00:09:35.680But then he's like impact on your life. I'm like, I don't know how much of an impact they've had, but you know, I look at guys like, uh, Teddy Roosevelt is certainly somebody that I've studied to some degree and pretty blown away.
00:09:45.400And inspired by, uh, what he was able to accomplish and how engaged he was. I mean, he's like the quintessential man's man, right? I think when everybody thinks about who is a man from history, I think most people would probably go to Teddy Roosevelt for a good reason.
00:09:59.980Uh, so there's that, uh, George Washington is somebody that comes to mind. I love early American history and what he was able to do and how he was able to inspire people, uh, was, was pretty incredible.
00:10:11.580I even go back. I think there's opportunities to learn from everywhere. Like I go back to, uh, Julius Caesar, for example, and you might think, well, his, his role in Rome was the ultimate demise of the Roman Republic.
00:10:27.280So, so you could look at that and say, well, that's not a good thing, right? That's, that's, that's not a healthy, uh, uh, path for Rome at the time, but there's also things to be learned from him.
00:10:39.860You know, how was he able to mobilize his armies? How was he able to rally these people around? How was he able to do the things that he did? I think there's learning opportunities everywhere.
00:10:48.440And, uh, even though there may be some figures of the past, uh, there's, there's something to be learned everywhere, everywhere.
00:10:56.460But I think if I were to go as far as positive examples, I'd say Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington, those types of individuals.
00:11:02.600All right. Next question. Colton Hunter Nolan. His question was how to retain information the best way and also how to take information from multiple podcasts and apply them all at the same time.
00:11:15.420So I'll answer the question first. First of all, you don't need any other podcasts other than order of men. However, if you listen to more than one, here's Ryan's response.
00:11:24.440There you go. Good, man. I like that. That's a good answer. No, let me answer that second part first, which is multiple podcasts and apply them all at the same time. Why, why would you want to do that?
00:11:33.720You know, like all of us are in different areas of life. Some of us are focusing on fitness more than a quest for knowledge or a job promotion. For example, others are focused heavily on the relationship with their wife because they've seen that gone downhill.
00:11:45.520And so, you know, maybe the career takes a backseat. And so we've got to realize and understand that there's seasons to life. A lot of people talk about balance. You know, how can I, how can I balance my life?
00:11:57.160And I think balance is a misnomer. I understand what people are saying, but it's like, how do you apply equal effort and resources towards all facets of life? Well, the answer is you don't.
00:12:06.940You've got to apply different resources, different allocations, different time and energy towards different facets of life based on what you're trying to accomplish.
00:12:17.000So for me, it's like, how do you, how do you apply multiple podcasts and apply them all at once? You don't, you pick what you need and you roll with that. And when you feel like you have a grasp on that, then you move to the next thing.
00:12:29.200And then maybe that's more advanced in the same area, or maybe it's something completely unrelated.
00:12:32.580Uh, but how do you retain information the best way you apply it? You know, everybody's like, uh, Andy for Silla. He's a friend of mine. He calls it, uh, learning zombies. I believe it's like podcast, podcast, podcast, book, book, book, podcast, website, blog, like YouTube channel. It's like, we can get inundated with information and that's great. Except for it doesn't really move the needle. You have to apply that stuff.
00:12:55.000So how do you retain the information? You apply it. Like you go get your ass handed to you applying that information. The thing I think about, and I know you've been doing, uh, how long you've been doing jujitsu for?
00:13:06.620Dude, it's been 11 years, 11 years. You know, I, I just got into jujitsu, uh, two months ago, two and a half months ago. And so how do you retain information? You go get choked out, right? Like, how do you learn that that move doesn't work? You don't read a book about it. You should read a book about it, but then you have to go apply it and then get choked out.
00:13:24.760You're like, Oh man, that didn't feel good. So now, you know, for real, like, Oh yeah. When, when the instructor told me that, or I saw that move, uh, now I realize why that doesn't work because I was in pain when I actually went out and tried it or had it tried against me.
00:13:42.560So how do you retain information? Go apply it. And then tomorrow go apply it. And then tomorrow go apply it. It's the same thing with, with archery and bow hunting, which is something I've got very involved with.
00:13:53.380How do you apply John Dudley? He's a, he's a coach of mine. Um, and a lot of guys know if you're in the archery world and, uh, I've had some coaching done through him and it's like, how do you retain the information that he shares with you?
00:14:04.660You go out every day and you do it. And I have my wife, she rolls her eyes every time. I'm like, Helen, I need you to take pictures. And she's like, you don't need to post everything on Instagram.
00:14:12.660I'm like, it's actually not for Instagram. It's for me. Like I need to look at that picture and see where my hand is. Do I have it anchored properly? Is my position correct? And I can look at those things and adjust along the way and continue to apply that information.
00:14:26.700So retaining information is done through application and just be very careful of inundating yourself with information overload. It's actually a really stressful way to live. I've been there.
00:14:37.100Yeah, for sure. And that information overload, I think it's really resolved by filters, right? Eliminating the information. Like we have this mentality of like, oh, well, I'll just work harder or I'll read more or whatever. Sometimes it's, I need to read less, right? I need to turn off Facebook. I need to turn off this other media. I need to just focus on the information that's important to me, right? So it's about filtering the information we get as well, not just including more, right?
00:15:02.740I like the idea of a filter. I mean, you should have filters in every area of your life, whether it's interactions with individuals or potential jobs or conversations that you're going to have. Filtering that stuff is very, very important, especially where the demand for your time and energy and resources is so high in an environment like this. Everybody who's listening to this is probably up to their eyeballs and activities and interests and hobbies. If you don't have some sort of filter to determine which decisions you're going to make, it's going to be pretty stressful. So it's a good point.
00:15:33.740Cool. All right. Let's move on to the next question from Isaac Moreno. And his question is, what do you do to unwind from living in the corporate world? And what kind of rest is it? Mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual?
00:15:46.300It's all, man. You got to have everything, every kind of rest there is. If it's just physical and you're not resting your mind or you're not refilling the cup, if you will, through spiritual activities or building emotional fortitude, those types of things. Yeah. I mean, you're going to struggle. So what's the best way to unwind?
00:16:01.320Unwind? I don't know. I mean, do what works for you. For me, we already talked about them. Jiu-jitsu is a great way for me to unwind. That's not physical unwinding because I'm getting wrenched and torqued and contorted in every different way. But it does get me out of that environment of the corporate world, right?
00:16:18.420But it's very easy for me to go outside and just put arrows on target for about an hour every day. And that's a good way for me just to unwind, to let loose.
00:16:29.080Every morning, I'll usually go for a drive just by myself. In the evenings, now that it's cooling off a little bit, my wife and I, when the kids get into bed, her and I go out and go for a walk.
00:16:40.160I mean, there's so many different ways that you can do this. So just experiment, right? Just experiment with what's working for other people, incorporate what you like, replace what you don't, but just get out there, rejuvenate, recharge, do some hobbies, find a hobby.
00:16:54.400And I think you'll be more charged and ready to go in business, in relationships, in whatever facet of life you're dealing with.
00:17:02.820Yeah. One question I put back to Isaac is, why do you need to unwind? What's so stressful about your corporate life that it's so miserable that you need to unwind from it, right?
00:17:13.440You had a, you had that podcast with Charlie, what was his, Charlie Jabley, Jabley, yeah, Charlie Jabley just recently. And he was talking about that Ironman being crazy stressful.
00:17:25.700And, and I love something that he said on there was, he just started making it fun. It started being a game, right? And so I really wonder how much mindset change we can have with our corporate jobs to make them more enjoyable.
00:17:39.480So it's not like a drudgery, right? To go to work and, and, and make it playful, right? And have fun with it.
00:17:46.000Well, and if you find yourself miserable every single waking hour of your day for a majority of your life, it's probably a pretty good indicator that something's off in your life.
00:17:55.500I mean, everybody's going to need to unwind, even if they have the most rewarding, fulfilling job on the planet, everybody needs to unwind from time to time.
00:18:03.160Uh, I, I certainly do, even though I really, really enjoy what I do for, for work. Uh, but yeah, I mean, if it's miserable during your, I mean, think about how much time you spend at work.
00:18:13.600If you get an eight and leave at five and you're putting in 40, 50, 60 hours a week and you're miserable, come on. Like that's, that's not a healthy way to live.
00:18:22.860Yeah. Yeah. And, and a lot of that, I think it might be the job, but a lot of it might be our attitudes, right? Towards the job.
00:18:28.780That's a great, I think that's a great perspective. Absolutely. Yeah. All right. So I don't even know if we should cover this next question. Cause this is, some of this stuff is weird, man. All right. So here's, here's a question from Andy Selig from the Iron Council. His question was, what does the number nine smell like?
00:18:46.520I don't even know what that means, dude. What does that mean? What does number nine smell like? I don't, I don't know. All right. Andy, we're going to shame you in the Iron Council for asking dumb questions.
00:18:56.260That's right. Yeah. Contrary to popular, popular belief. There is such a thing as dumb questions.
00:19:03.120Yeah. These have all been good so far though.
00:19:05.420Yeah. And way to represent the Iron Council with some moron question. You make us all look bad.
00:19:10.660That's funny. Well, Andy, man, he, he likes to put, he likes to push buttons a little bit. So I appreciate for that. You know, I don't want people that just conform, right? That toe the line all the time. Sometimes you got to add some spice and variety to life.
00:19:23.200And, uh, he's one of those guys that does it for us in the Iron Council.
00:19:28.120Yeah, that's funny. All right. So we're going to move on to Dan Ford.
00:19:30.940Yeah. Also from the Iron Council. What is your approach to mentoring other men outside of social media, formal or informal? Do you have a methodology that you turn to consistently?
00:19:41.180You know, I don't, I don't coach a whole lot of men outside of what we're doing here within order of man. I mean, obviously we've got the Iron Council and guys are active on the Facebook group and I get messages and emails and things like that. And I try to help, you know, where I can as best as I can. But quite honestly, I get pretty consumed and inundated with those types of requests.
00:19:58.940I will say that I mentor some young men in the community because I think that's important. You know, that's one area of my life where I look back and wish I would have had more, uh, honorable, strong, uh, participating men in my life. I didn't have that. And so I feel like in a way it's my moral obligation to myself, to my community, to these young boys coming up.
00:20:20.380And so every, uh, every Tuesday night I spend time with these boys and we do activities and sometimes they're, they're spirit, like a spiritual direction. And other times, you know, we, just the other week we went and cleaned a lady's house, her, her, uh, her backyard. We cleaned out her yard for her. Uh, so we're doing service projects and we're working on some different scouting activities and badges and things like that. So that's actually been really rewarding for me. I mean, it's good for the boys, no doubt, but it's also really rewarding for me in a way to give back.
00:20:49.100Um, you know, formally or informally coaching other men. I mean, if guys have questions, I'm happy to answer. And, but I think the best thing I've been able to do there outside of what we're doing with in this movement is really just to be an example, you know, just, just live the life that I'm supposed to be a good, be a good husband, be a good father, uh, be, be present in the community, uh, run my business well. And I think that's the approach that I take.
00:21:13.000Love it. All right. Next question. Uh, Facebook, uh, group member, Danny Reynolds.
00:21:19.100What are a few things you wish your dad would have told you, or what are a few questions you wish you would have, would have asked at significant times in your life that would have made it go smoother?
00:21:31.700I hear, this is interesting. Like I've never really understood questions like this. Like another question that I think is along the same lines. I'm not, I'm not putting down the question. I just don't understand. Uh, another question is, uh, if you were to go back into your twenties, what would you have told yourself?
00:21:45.640And I'm like, well, you can't do that. Like there's nothing, it doesn't matter what I wish my dad would have told me. Cause the fact is my dad and I weren't close. Uh, he passed away last year and, and there's nothing that he could have told me that, that would have changed. Like, I mean, yes, there is, but I can't go back in the past. So I don't understand why, why we asked these questions. Now, what would I wish I would have known X, Y, and Z.
00:22:11.840But you know what? Here's the funny thing. I, in my financial planning practice, people will say to me all the time, they'll say, Hey Ryan, you know, I, I really appreciate what you've done with us and for us and our investments. Uh, man, where were you 20 years ago? And I'm like, dude, even if I was around 20 years ago, you wouldn't have been ready for this information, right? Like you have to have life experience to be able to handle some of the answers to the questions that you're seeking.
00:22:36.660So, so people say all the time, Oh, what would life be like if, I don't know, it doesn't really matter. Um, I, I, I will say this to answer the question. Cause I appreciate that Danny would reach out and ask is I wish my father would have been around period full stop.
00:22:52.560Like, I just wish he would have been around and he would have been present and he would have imparted whatever lessons he felt so inclined to impart.
00:22:59.540But unfortunately that just wasn't part of the deal. And that was my life and I make the best of it. And I learned the things I need to learn. I had, uh, coaches, I had some mentors step up into my life and the community that, that led the way. And, um, yeah. So what do I wish I would have known? Uh, I don't know. I really don't. It's, it's a hard question to answer.
00:23:19.680Yeah. When I, when I read this question, my first immediate thought process, well, you know, I had a couple of things that come to mind and then I thought, you know, I don't even know if I was in the right state of mind.
00:23:31.820If he would have told, yeah. If he would have told me like what I think he should have as a punk kid, I probably would have been like completely blown it off.
00:23:39.480You would have rolled your eyes and said, shut up dad. No, that's lame. Yeah, of course.
00:23:43.580Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's so easy and it's so easy for us, right. To always point the finger and go, oh, you know, they should have, or they, if they only would have done this, then, you know, who knows, man, who knows?
00:23:53.920I think the better question is what do you wish you would know now and then learn it. Right.
00:24:01.640Or yeah. Or what do you want to make sure that you tell your son?
00:24:05.260That's true. That's another good point. You're forward thinking.