Order of Man - AMA 001： Overcoming Guilt, Supporting Your Wife in Stress, and Changing the Future

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.740 Kip, what's going on, man? Glad to be talking with you today.

00:00:29.080 Super excited to be here, Ryan.

00:00:30.420 I know you're a little nervous. This is something new. We haven't done this in the past.

00:00:33.020 And guys, what we're thinking about doing is a weekly Q&A segment.

00:00:37.780 So I've got my friend Kip Sorensen. Kip, you and I have known each other for what?

00:00:41.280 I don't know, maybe two, three years now or so?

00:00:43.720 Yeah. Yeah. It's been a while.

00:00:45.560 Yeah. So you're a member of the Iron Council.

00:00:47.580 You've been helping me with some leadership stuff there in the Iron Council.

00:00:49.900 And I thought, man, this would be a pretty cool project to be able to address some of the questions that the guys have.

00:00:55.240 Where are the questions coming from?

00:00:57.040 Yeah. So we ended up doing a post on the Order of Man Facebook group.

00:01:02.220 And we just asked the group, hey, do you have any questions, any FAQs that you'd like us to address on the podcast?

00:01:09.580 And these came in.

00:01:11.020 Right on.

00:01:11.240 So some of the men are members of the Iron Council.

00:01:13.620 And then other guys are just part of that Facebook group.

00:01:15.980 Okay, cool.

00:01:17.020 Yeah. So we're going to be doing this every single week.

00:01:19.580 So is that the best place to go for now is to the Facebook group if they want to ask questions?

00:01:24.420 I believe so. I believe so.

00:01:26.920 And we can purposely tag it.

00:01:28.560 And maybe depending on what day we end up doing the podcast recording for the FAQs, maybe every Monday, right, we post an opportunity for all of those members to, you know, post their questions.

00:01:40.940 And then that way we have some prep time before our call.

00:01:43.120 Right on.

00:01:43.420 All right, guys. So I don't know how long this will go.

00:01:46.280 This is our first one. We're going to try it out.

00:01:48.100 Kip said he's nervous.

00:01:49.260 I'm not too nervous.

00:01:50.240 I've been doing this a little bit over the past three years.

00:01:52.380 So I think I've got this down to some degree.

00:01:55.220 But we'll see how it goes.

00:01:57.640 Yeah. And I'm all about being authentic.

00:01:59.220 So, yeah, I am totally nervous.

00:02:01.480 No worries, man.

00:02:02.220 We're going to have a good time.

00:02:02.960 We're going to have a good conversation.

00:02:04.100 You'll hear from me answering some of these questions.

00:02:06.060 I'm sure Kip's got some ideas, too.

00:02:07.620 And we just thought this would be a good way to share some of the questions that get asked all the time.

00:02:11.900 And, of course, give you our insights and peel back the curtain a little bit on some of my philosophy and thinking.

00:02:18.100 And let's just dive into it, man.

00:02:20.200 All right. Sounds good.

00:02:21.280 All right. So you get.

00:02:22.380 Yeah. Give me the questions and we'll fire away. 0.98

00:02:24.440 We'll go from there.

00:02:25.640 All right.

00:02:26.140 So our first question is from Cody Hewn from the Facebook group.

00:02:30.720 His question is, if you could have learned one thing early on in life that has helped you develop, what would it be?

00:02:37.360 Oh, man, I get this question a lot.

00:02:38.680 Like, what's one thing I could have learned early on in life that would have helped me?

00:02:42.180 I think probably I would have taken a few more risks and I would have learned to take more calculated risks.

00:02:49.460 I think it's really important.

00:02:50.400 You know, a lot of people overlook that and we tend to take the path of least resistance and play it safe and play it comfortable.

00:02:55.380 But for me, everything good that's come in my life, whether that's my relationship with my wife and stepping into the unknown of having kids, stepping, of course, into the unknown of starting this business, everything good that's happened in my life has come from taking calculated risks.

00:03:12.880 And I think we've been told quite a bit to play it safe, right?

00:03:17.780 Like, you think about the school system, for example, it's like, sit down, shut up, color within the lines, don't buck the system, submit to authority.

00:03:25.700 And sure, there's some validity and truth to that.

00:03:29.140 But man, at the end of the day, if you can't step out of this status quo, I just don't think you're going to accomplish all that you have the potential of accomplishing.

00:03:38.880 So taking risks would have been something I would have done a whole lot earlier and a whole lot more of, especially when it was early, when the stakes weren't as high because they are higher now.

00:03:48.100 Right? I've got my wife and my kids who are relying upon me. I've got this business that I'm running. People are relying upon me to some degree for some of their income.

00:03:56.920 So the stakes are definitely higher now. They just weren't as higher out of high school, for example. So calculated risks.

00:04:04.160 Yeah. Would have been a good time to learn all that stuff before the stakes were too high.

00:04:08.540 Well, that's exactly right. Because, you know, I could have picked up and left and went on a trip and explored some sort of passion or something I was uniquely interested in.

00:04:18.800 I could have done that significantly easier than I can now. I could have done that a whole lot easier 20 years ago.

00:04:24.820 So I think taking risks is valuable and then evaluating whether that risk paid out or not and continue to take those risks so you can step out of complacency and mediocrity and the status quo we all fall into.

00:04:36.740 Awesome. I love it. Cool. All right. What's next?

00:04:40.040 Let's move on. All right. So the next question is from George Sykes. George is actually a member of the Iron Council. We see posts from him on a regular basis within that group.

00:04:50.540 But his question is, if given just one wish for this year, knowing that you could wish for anything at all and whatever you wish for was guaranteed to come true, would you wish for all things to be exactly as they are?

00:05:03.560 There's a lot there.

00:05:04.480 Yeah, there is a lot. Would I wish for things to be exact? I think there's a lot of dimensions to this question. Would I wish for things to be exactly the way they are? Yeah, in a way. Go ahead.

00:05:15.760 Well, I was just going to say, I think the meat of this question, right, is if you could wish for anything and have it come true, would you change your life, right? Would you change what you've gone through? Would you go back and change the past? That's kind of what rings true to me when I read this question.

00:05:30.960 I think there's two different angles. I think we could go backwards and ask ourselves if we could change one aspect or element of life, what would it be? But I also think there's an element of what would you change moving forward? So let me try to tackle both of these.

00:05:41.720 If we were to go backwards, what would I change? You know, there's a lot of things in my life that I don't think I would say regret necessarily, but that I just feel like I didn't make the right choice.

00:05:55.300 And I would have potentially gone back and change those. But looking at my life now, it's kind of like that butterfly effect. Like if you just change one element of your life, everything else changes.

00:06:05.700 And I'm exactly where I am today because of my experiences and conversations and the people that have come into my life and the, and the things that I have done and the things I haven't done. And I'm happy, man. I'm really happy with where I am in life.

00:06:19.960 So the answer to that question is I wouldn't change a thing because if I did, the outcome would change. So I'm not going to say I don't have regrets, but I am going to say that those missed opportunities or those little missteps have made me who I am.

00:06:34.940 You know, I think we just spent an insane amount of time, uh, thinking about the way things could have been, or man, I wish I wouldn't have made that mistake or even just trying to avoid a state mistakes altogether. But that in and of itself is a mistake. I mean, you've got, again, goes back to taking risks. You've got to take risk. You've got to put yourself out there. You've got to mess up and through those experiences you learn.

00:07:01.200 So that's my take on going backwards, going forward. What would I change? Somebody asked me this the other day. And I, I simply just said more fathers would be engaged in the home.

00:07:10.180 Like if I could change one thing about the world, it would be more engaged, loving, compassionate, strong, dedicated fathers in the home. Like I really believe that that it's, I'm not going to say simple, but that change in society would permeate through every fabric of everyone's life. It would just be a better world in my opinion.

00:07:34.120 I love that. I love that. And you know, what's interesting about this is here's the formula, right? Cause I, as you're thinking, I'm, as you're speaking, I'm thinking, well, you know, how, how do we wish, like how, how does someone live a life where you can look at the past and say, you know what? I wouldn't change anything. And I, and I think the formula is to learn from hardships, right? To learn from your mistakes. Right. So as, as long as we constantly take the time and make sure that when we make mistakes, we grow from them.

00:08:04.120 And we learn from them, then there's nothing to regret, right? Because progress was made, right? We evolved from that scenario. And so I think as long as we do that, it doesn't matter what our past is, right? We grew from it.

00:08:17.660 Well, a lot of people talk about guilt and they'll ask, how do I overcome guilt? Well, you correct the behavior, like, like, like you make amends. Maybe you wrong somebody, you know, maybe, maybe you made a bad decision and something happened and you wrong somebody. How do you overcome the guilt? Well, you correct it to the best of your ability.

00:08:34.120 And you rectify the situation with that individual. And then from there you make better choices. So now it doesn't become a negative experience. It actually becomes a positive experience because you've chosen to your point to make it an experience that you can learn from. So the best way to overcome guilt or past remorse, rectify the situation, make amends with whoever you need to make amends with, and then correct the behavior moving forward. Live a new life, become a new man.

00:08:57.960 Love it. What's next?

00:09:00.400 All right. Our next question.

00:09:01.800 We're cranking through these because we've got a lot. We've probably got what, 20 or so, maybe, maybe not that many, but we want to get through as many as we possibly can.

00:09:09.420 All right. So Jason Lilly is the, is the next person. His question was what people and or moments from history would you have, would you say have had the most impact on your life and why?

00:09:20.880 Is it, do you think he's talking about like ancient history, like people that don't know, don't know, or like history, like as in my life?

00:09:28.100 I don't know.

00:09:28.780 I don't know what people or moments from history.

00:09:31.100 Yeah. By default, I went like historical history.

00:09:33.920 Like that's where I go.

00:09:35.500 Yeah.

00:09:35.680 But then he's like impact on your life. I'm like, I don't know how much of an impact they've had, but you know, I look at guys like, uh, Teddy Roosevelt is certainly somebody that I've studied to some degree and pretty blown away.

00:09:45.400 And inspired by, uh, what he was able to accomplish and how engaged he was. I mean, he's like the quintessential man's man, right? I think when everybody thinks about who is a man from history, I think most people would probably go to Teddy Roosevelt for a good reason.

00:09:59.980 Uh, so there's that, uh, George Washington is somebody that comes to mind. I love early American history and what he was able to do and how he was able to inspire people, uh, was, was pretty incredible.

00:10:11.580 I even go back. I think there's opportunities to learn from everywhere. Like I go back to, uh, Julius Caesar, for example, and you might think, well, his, his role in Rome was the ultimate demise of the Roman Republic.

00:10:27.280 So, so you could look at that and say, well, that's not a good thing, right? That's, that's, that's not a healthy, uh, uh, path for Rome at the time, but there's also things to be learned from him.

00:10:39.860 You know, how was he able to mobilize his armies? How was he able to rally these people around? How was he able to do the things that he did? I think there's learning opportunities everywhere.

00:10:48.440 And, uh, even though there may be some figures of the past, uh, there's, there's something to be learned everywhere, everywhere.

00:10:56.460 But I think if I were to go as far as positive examples, I'd say Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington, those types of individuals.

00:11:02.600 All right. Next question. Colton Hunter Nolan. His question was how to retain information the best way and also how to take information from multiple podcasts and apply them all at the same time.

00:11:15.420 So I'll answer the question first. First of all, you don't need any other podcasts other than order of men. However, if you listen to more than one, here's Ryan's response.

00:11:24.440 There you go. Good, man. I like that. That's a good answer. No, let me answer that second part first, which is multiple podcasts and apply them all at the same time. Why, why would you want to do that?

00:11:33.720 You know, like all of us are in different areas of life. Some of us are focusing on fitness more than a quest for knowledge or a job promotion. For example, others are focused heavily on the relationship with their wife because they've seen that gone downhill.

00:11:45.520 And so, you know, maybe the career takes a backseat. And so we've got to realize and understand that there's seasons to life. A lot of people talk about balance. You know, how can I, how can I balance my life?

00:11:57.160 And I think balance is a misnomer. I understand what people are saying, but it's like, how do you apply equal effort and resources towards all facets of life? Well, the answer is you don't.

00:12:06.940 You've got to apply different resources, different allocations, different time and energy towards different facets of life based on what you're trying to accomplish.

00:12:17.000 So for me, it's like, how do you, how do you apply multiple podcasts and apply them all at once? You don't, you pick what you need and you roll with that. And when you feel like you have a grasp on that, then you move to the next thing.

00:12:29.200 And then maybe that's more advanced in the same area, or maybe it's something completely unrelated.

00:12:32.580 Uh, but how do you retain information the best way you apply it? You know, everybody's like, uh, Andy for Silla. He's a friend of mine. He calls it, uh, learning zombies. I believe it's like podcast, podcast, podcast, book, book, book, podcast, website, blog, like YouTube channel. It's like, we can get inundated with information and that's great. Except for it doesn't really move the needle. You have to apply that stuff.

00:12:55.000 So how do you retain the information? You apply it. Like you go get your ass handed to you applying that information. The thing I think about, and I know you've been doing, uh, how long you've been doing jujitsu for?

00:13:06.620 Dude, it's been 11 years, 11 years. You know, I, I just got into jujitsu, uh, two months ago, two and a half months ago. And so how do you retain information? You go get choked out, right? Like, how do you learn that that move doesn't work? You don't read a book about it. You should read a book about it, but then you have to go apply it and then get choked out.

00:13:24.760 You're like, Oh man, that didn't feel good. So now, you know, for real, like, Oh yeah. When, when the instructor told me that, or I saw that move, uh, now I realize why that doesn't work because I was in pain when I actually went out and tried it or had it tried against me.

00:13:42.560 So how do you retain information? Go apply it. And then tomorrow go apply it. And then tomorrow go apply it. It's the same thing with, with archery and bow hunting, which is something I've got very involved with.

00:13:53.380 How do you apply John Dudley? He's a, he's a coach of mine. Um, and a lot of guys know if you're in the archery world and, uh, I've had some coaching done through him and it's like, how do you retain the information that he shares with you?

00:14:04.660 You go out every day and you do it. And I have my wife, she rolls her eyes every time. I'm like, Helen, I need you to take pictures. And she's like, you don't need to post everything on Instagram.

00:14:12.660 I'm like, it's actually not for Instagram. It's for me. Like I need to look at that picture and see where my hand is. Do I have it anchored properly? Is my position correct? And I can look at those things and adjust along the way and continue to apply that information.

00:14:26.700 So retaining information is done through application and just be very careful of inundating yourself with information overload. It's actually a really stressful way to live. I've been there.

00:14:37.100 Yeah, for sure. And that information overload, I think it's really resolved by filters, right? Eliminating the information. Like we have this mentality of like, oh, well, I'll just work harder or I'll read more or whatever. Sometimes it's, I need to read less, right? I need to turn off Facebook. I need to turn off this other media. I need to just focus on the information that's important to me, right? So it's about filtering the information we get as well, not just including more, right?

00:15:02.740 I like the idea of a filter. I mean, you should have filters in every area of your life, whether it's interactions with individuals or potential jobs or conversations that you're going to have. Filtering that stuff is very, very important, especially where the demand for your time and energy and resources is so high in an environment like this. Everybody who's listening to this is probably up to their eyeballs and activities and interests and hobbies. If you don't have some sort of filter to determine which decisions you're going to make, it's going to be pretty stressful. So it's a good point.

00:15:32.380 Filters are critical. 0.99

00:15:33.740 Cool. All right. Let's move on to the next question from Isaac Moreno. And his question is, what do you do to unwind from living in the corporate world? And what kind of rest is it? Mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual?

00:15:46.300 It's all, man. You got to have everything, every kind of rest there is. If it's just physical and you're not resting your mind or you're not refilling the cup, if you will, through spiritual activities or building emotional fortitude, those types of things. Yeah. I mean, you're going to struggle. So what's the best way to unwind?

00:16:01.320 Unwind? I don't know. I mean, do what works for you. For me, we already talked about them. Jiu-jitsu is a great way for me to unwind. That's not physical unwinding because I'm getting wrenched and torqued and contorted in every different way. But it does get me out of that environment of the corporate world, right?

00:16:18.420 But it's very easy for me to go outside and just put arrows on target for about an hour every day. And that's a good way for me just to unwind, to let loose.

00:16:29.080 Every morning, I'll usually go for a drive just by myself. In the evenings, now that it's cooling off a little bit, my wife and I, when the kids get into bed, her and I go out and go for a walk.

00:16:40.160 I mean, there's so many different ways that you can do this. So just experiment, right? Just experiment with what's working for other people, incorporate what you like, replace what you don't, but just get out there, rejuvenate, recharge, do some hobbies, find a hobby.

00:16:54.400 And I think you'll be more charged and ready to go in business, in relationships, in whatever facet of life you're dealing with.

00:17:02.820 Yeah. One question I put back to Isaac is, why do you need to unwind? What's so stressful about your corporate life that it's so miserable that you need to unwind from it, right?

00:17:12.900 Yeah, good point.

00:17:13.440 You had a, you had that podcast with Charlie, what was his, Charlie Jabley, Jabley, yeah, Charlie Jabley just recently. And he was talking about that Ironman being crazy stressful.

00:17:25.700 And, and I love something that he said on there was, he just started making it fun. It started being a game, right? And so I really wonder how much mindset change we can have with our corporate jobs to make them more enjoyable.

00:17:39.480 So it's not like a drudgery, right? To go to work and, and, and make it playful, right? And have fun with it.

00:17:46.000 Well, and if you find yourself miserable every single waking hour of your day for a majority of your life, it's probably a pretty good indicator that something's off in your life.

00:17:55.500 I mean, everybody's going to need to unwind, even if they have the most rewarding, fulfilling job on the planet, everybody needs to unwind from time to time.

00:18:03.160 Uh, I, I certainly do, even though I really, really enjoy what I do for, for work. Uh, but yeah, I mean, if it's miserable during your, I mean, think about how much time you spend at work.

00:18:13.600 If you get an eight and leave at five and you're putting in 40, 50, 60 hours a week and you're miserable, come on. Like that's, that's not a healthy way to live.

00:18:22.860 Yeah. Yeah. And, and a lot of that, I think it might be the job, but a lot of it might be our attitudes, right? Towards the job.

00:18:28.780 That's a great, I think that's a great perspective. Absolutely. Yeah. All right. So I don't even know if we should cover this next question. Cause this is, some of this stuff is weird, man. All right. So here's, here's a question from Andy Selig from the Iron Council. His question was, what does the number nine smell like?

00:18:46.520 I don't even know what that means, dude. What does that mean? What does number nine smell like? I don't, I don't know. All right. Andy, we're going to shame you in the Iron Council for asking dumb questions.

00:18:56.260 That's right. Yeah. Contrary to popular, popular belief. There is such a thing as dumb questions. 0.99

00:19:03.120 Yeah. These have all been good so far though. 0.96

00:19:05.420 Yeah. And way to represent the Iron Council with some moron question. You make us all look bad. 0.99

00:19:10.660 That's funny. Well, Andy, man, he, he likes to put, he likes to push buttons a little bit. So I appreciate for that. You know, I don't want people that just conform, right? That toe the line all the time. Sometimes you got to add some spice and variety to life.

00:19:23.200 And, uh, he's one of those guys that does it for us in the Iron Council.

00:19:28.120 Yeah, that's funny. All right. So we're going to move on to Dan Ford.

00:19:30.940 Yeah. Also from the Iron Council. What is your approach to mentoring other men outside of social media, formal or informal? Do you have a methodology that you turn to consistently?

00:19:41.180 You know, I don't, I don't coach a whole lot of men outside of what we're doing here within order of man. I mean, obviously we've got the Iron Council and guys are active on the Facebook group and I get messages and emails and things like that. And I try to help, you know, where I can as best as I can. But quite honestly, I get pretty consumed and inundated with those types of requests.

00:19:58.940 I will say that I mentor some young men in the community because I think that's important. You know, that's one area of my life where I look back and wish I would have had more, uh, honorable, strong, uh, participating men in my life. I didn't have that. And so I feel like in a way it's my moral obligation to myself, to my community, to these young boys coming up.

00:20:20.380 And so every, uh, every Tuesday night I spend time with these boys and we do activities and sometimes they're, they're spirit, like a spiritual direction. And other times, you know, we, just the other week we went and cleaned a lady's house, her, her, uh, her backyard. We cleaned out her yard for her. Uh, so we're doing service projects and we're working on some different scouting activities and badges and things like that. So that's actually been really rewarding for me. I mean, it's good for the boys, no doubt, but it's also really rewarding for me in a way to give back.

00:20:49.100 Um, you know, formally or informally coaching other men. I mean, if guys have questions, I'm happy to answer. And, but I think the best thing I've been able to do there outside of what we're doing with in this movement is really just to be an example, you know, just, just live the life that I'm supposed to be a good, be a good husband, be a good father, uh, be, be present in the community, uh, run my business well. And I think that's the approach that I take.

00:21:13.000 Love it. All right. Next question. Uh, Facebook, uh, group member, Danny Reynolds.

00:21:19.100 What are a few things you wish your dad would have told you, or what are a few questions you wish you would have, would have asked at significant times in your life that would have made it go smoother?

00:21:31.700 I hear, this is interesting. Like I've never really understood questions like this. Like another question that I think is along the same lines. I'm not, I'm not putting down the question. I just don't understand. Uh, another question is, uh, if you were to go back into your twenties, what would you have told yourself?

00:21:45.640 And I'm like, well, you can't do that. Like there's nothing, it doesn't matter what I wish my dad would have told me. Cause the fact is my dad and I weren't close. Uh, he passed away last year and, and there's nothing that he could have told me that, that would have changed. Like, I mean, yes, there is, but I can't go back in the past. So I don't understand why, why we asked these questions. Now, what would I wish I would have known X, Y, and Z.

00:22:11.840 But you know what? Here's the funny thing. I, in my financial planning practice, people will say to me all the time, they'll say, Hey Ryan, you know, I, I really appreciate what you've done with us and for us and our investments. Uh, man, where were you 20 years ago? And I'm like, dude, even if I was around 20 years ago, you wouldn't have been ready for this information, right? Like you have to have life experience to be able to handle some of the answers to the questions that you're seeking.

00:22:36.660 So, so people say all the time, Oh, what would life be like if, I don't know, it doesn't really matter. Um, I, I, I will say this to answer the question. Cause I appreciate that Danny would reach out and ask is I wish my father would have been around period full stop.

00:22:52.560 Like, I just wish he would have been around and he would have been present and he would have imparted whatever lessons he felt so inclined to impart.

00:22:59.540 But unfortunately that just wasn't part of the deal. And that was my life and I make the best of it. And I learned the things I need to learn. I had, uh, coaches, I had some mentors step up into my life and the community that, that led the way. And, um, yeah. So what do I wish I would have known? Uh, I don't know. I really don't. It's, it's a hard question to answer.

00:23:19.680 Yeah. When I, when I read this question, my first immediate thought process, well, you know, I had a couple of things that come to mind and then I thought, you know, I don't even know if I was in the right state of mind.

00:23:31.140 That's what I'm saying.

00:23:31.820 If he would have told, yeah. If he would have told me like what I think he should have as a punk kid, I probably would have been like completely blown it off.

00:23:39.480 You would have rolled your eyes and said, shut up dad. No, that's lame. Yeah, of course. 0.98

00:23:43.580 Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's so easy and it's so easy for us, right. To always point the finger and go, oh, you know, they should have, or they, if they only would have done this, then, you know, who knows, man, who knows?

00:23:53.920 I think the better question is what do you wish you would know now and then learn it. Right.

00:24:01.640 Or yeah. Or what do you want to make sure that you tell your son?

00:24:05.260 That's true. That's another good point. You're forward thinking.

00:24:07.080 Before he becomes a man. Yeah.

00:24:08.620 Yeah. That's a good point. You know, the more that you can be present in the moment and think about potential legacy and how

00:24:13.500 you're going to live moving forward. I think that's a better exercise than what do you wish

00:24:17.520 you would have learned? And here's one all the time that people say to me too. Another question

00:24:21.500 I get quite a bit is, um, if you could do anything, if money wasn't a problem and you could do anything

00:24:26.340 that you wanted to, what would it be? I'm like, dude, that's my situation now. And that's your

00:24:30.740 situation. Like, that's a crazy question. What, if you could do anything, what would you do? Well, guess

00:24:35.620 what? You can do anything and I can do anything. So, but the way that it's framed is like we're,

00:24:42.720 we're held back by these limitations. You're not, you've imposed your own set of limitations.

00:24:47.540 So what would I do if I could do anything I want? Uh, I would do order of man because that's what

00:24:53.120 I've chosen to do. And I am doing the thing that I want to do. Yeah. And it's, man, it's sad. It's

00:24:59.420 sad to think that so many people actually think that that's not true. Yeah. Not only they think like

00:25:05.440 that's like reality for them. Yeah. Go ahead. Super sad. Super sad. Sorry. It's, it's,

00:25:11.860 but the cool thing is, is that you can realize that, right? Like you can understand that.

00:25:16.440 And, and what's interesting is that we have the ability to reprogram, literally, literally reprogram

00:25:23.260 our minds to think differently. Like if you're pissed, let's just say you're pissed today.

00:25:27.340 You know, you got into an argument with your wife or, or reprimanded at work or somebody on the way to,

00:25:32.440 to the office, cut you off and you're pissed. You could literally right now say, I don't want to be

00:25:38.280 pissed anymore. I want to be happy and you can be happy. That's what's crazy. Like I think so many

00:25:44.360 guys believe that it's, that it's something beyond their control. And we let so many of these external

00:25:49.120 factors control the way we live our lives, but you can be and think and do whatever you want at any

00:25:56.480 time, simply because you want to, that to me is incredible. Yeah. How we react to circumstances

00:26:03.140 is always in our control. Absolutely. Absolutely. Love it. All right. Let's, let's move on to Eric

00:26:09.120 Burke. His question was, what was the catalyst that sparked the growth of order, man? Did you

00:26:14.620 ever consider giving up in the beginning? If so, what kept you pushing forward? I'm sure you get

00:26:19.040 this question a lot all the time. In fact, I'm just not going to answer it. Cause like I talk about it

00:26:22.880 all the time. I talk about on the podcast. I mean, at the end of the day, um, my wife and I went

00:26:28.240 through a separation, really had to refine myself and rediscover who I was and how I was showing up as a

00:26:33.060 husband and a father. Uh, and then I started having these conversations and realized other guys were

00:26:37.720 interested in having these conversations. I was doing another podcast at the time, love the medium

00:26:42.300 of podcasting. I just didn't enjoy the financial planning conversation anymore. So I thought, man,

00:26:47.680 this would be a great way to have some conversations with some good dudes, some guys who seem to have

00:26:52.280 some things figured out that I want to have conversations with. And that's when I started in

00:26:55.700 March of 2015. Have I ever considered giving up? No, like that's net never once. If I thought,

00:27:02.180 oh, maybe this isn't going to work or this isn't the thing, not once in three and a half years,

00:27:06.260 maybe in the future, but I just can't imagine feeling like questioning whether or not this is

00:27:11.640 the direction I should go. Uh, if so, what kept you pushing you forward? Just, just the thing that I

00:27:17.020 wanted to do, you know, it uplifts me. It fulfills me. There's meaning and significance in what this is

00:27:21.340 more so than any other time in my life. And I've done some cool stuff. You know, I've been part of the

00:27:25.760 military and, and served in Iraq in 2005 and 2006, uh, financial planning was, was rewarding as well.

00:27:33.200 You know, you're changing people's lives through helping them manage their money, but there's never

00:27:36.840 a time with, with regards to my work where I've been more fulfilled than I am now because of how

00:27:42.740 much meaning and significance and the ability that we have to transform the landscape of the planet

00:27:49.300 by getting men more involved in the way they should be. So what keeps me pushing forward that

00:27:54.120 that's what is my fire. Eric, we're going to give you a solid though. So if you want more details on

00:28:01.180 the, uh, you know, more details or more, you know, more of a lower response. Yeah. More in depth,

00:28:07.680 uh, response to your question. Friday field notes, number 45, the origin of the order of man will give

00:28:13.960 you all the information that you need. Yeah. And you can find those. Uh, I think the format,

00:28:18.160 the links is order of man.com slash FFN zero four five FFN is on Friday field notes. So FFN zero four

00:28:26.980 five. That's, that's the format I use. So if there's an episode, that's how you find it. FFN

00:28:30.940 and then the episode number. What else, what else we got, man? Zach Teal,

00:28:36.380 super detailed question here. What is the airspeed velocity of a coconut laden European swallow?

00:28:42.360 Like, dude, I get this question more than anybody would think. I, I don't know. It's a reference

00:28:50.300 to, uh, to, um, uh, Monty Python. That's what, that's what it is. And I think the answer is,

00:28:55.520 you know, is it African or European, but I guess I get this question all the time, all the time.

00:29:02.400 So I think that's the answer. Well, is it African or European, but I guess he says European. So,

00:29:06.680 uh, I, my, my answer is, I don't know. And I don't care.

00:29:12.420 All right. Carlos, uh, uh, Jimenez has a great question. I mean, this, this, we could spend a

00:29:18.780 whole hour answering this question. So how, uh, how to know you're ready for marriage in a man's

00:29:23.620 perspective for a young adult. That that's a weird word. Ready, right? Like, how do you know if

00:29:29.360 you're ready? Well, you're not ever, you know, people ask me, how do you know if you're ready for

00:29:33.160 kids? You're not like, if you're asking that question, you're, if you're alive, if you're

00:29:36.720 breathing, you're not ready. How do you know if you're ready for, for, for a new job? How do you

00:29:41.340 know if you're ready for, uh, a serious conversation with somebody? How do you know if you're ready for,

00:29:46.260 uh, anything, pick, pick, you know, and have a tournament or compete in whatever your hobby is.

00:29:52.020 For example, you don't know, you don't know if you're ready. And that's, that's why Carlos is asking

00:29:56.660 this question because you, you can't possibly know if you're ready. Uh, for me, I mean,

00:30:01.360 there's a lot to be said for the way you feel, you know, you don't have to be ready to get into

00:30:06.020 marriage, but are you mature enough, right? Are you in the right frame of, of, of mind to be able to

00:30:11.460 commit to your, your partner, to your wife? Uh, if the answer is, yeah, I love her and I can commit

00:30:18.000 to her and I can be with her, then I don't think you're necessarily ready, but it may be the

00:30:22.940 appropriate time to consider marriage. Uh, it's a tough question because nobody could ever be ready

00:30:29.620 for that stuff, but you can't be mature enough. You can't have a feeling, whether that's a gut

00:30:34.320 feeling, an instinct, divine inspiration, whatever you want to call it, uh, to be able to make, uh,

00:30:39.740 good decisions without being adequately ready. I don't know. What would you add to that?

00:30:48.260 You know, I, I think if you're willing, if your commitment is there, then you're ready. I totally

00:30:53.640 agree. I don't think it, I think the analogy of kids is a perfect example, right? I, you think

00:30:59.480 about it all the time that, you know, I, I'm a parent and, uh, I wasn't ready for any of them.

00:31:04.100 And, and if I waited until I was ready, we would have no kids. Right. Right. So if you're ready to

00:31:09.320 learn, to grow and you're committed to it, then you're ready. That's just kind of my take on it.

00:31:14.220 And by the way, it, you know, to his question specifically, Carlos, I don't know if you have a

00:31:19.960 lady in mind and you're thinking, Hey, am I ready for this marriage? If you're asking that question,

00:31:24.520 you're not ready for her, right? She's not the right one. Right. Because I've been times in my

00:31:30.140 life where I felt, man, man, I'm not ready for marriage. I'm not ready for marriage. And then

00:31:33.800 I met my wife and I was like, Oh shit, I'm ready for marriage. I know. But do you think though? I 0.99

00:31:37.640 mean, let's talk about that. Do you think, I think, I don't know if I agree with that because I believe

00:31:42.820 that you can still have doubts, even though she may be the right one, or you can still have concerns

00:31:49.040 about a job, for example, even though it's probably a best decision for you. Yeah. Right.

00:31:55.380 Or do you think you can't? No, I think, I think it's natural to question yourself. Right. But in

00:32:02.460 the same token, I think we all know, we all understand our personality types a little bit.

00:32:07.880 Right. And if you're the guy that's constantly like paranoid and double, uh, you know, second

00:32:14.020 question every single damn thing you do. And Oh, I'm not sure if I'm dude, you're the kind of guy 0.89

00:32:18.800 that you should just need to be acting. Right. You need to stop thinking. Yeah. That's a good

00:32:22.140 point. So I, so I think it depends on the person. I really do. I mean, there's something to be said

00:32:26.900 for, for knowing yourself, right? Like you, you know, like, is this a healthy skepticism or is this

00:32:32.560 something that ought to be a red flag for you? That's a good point. That makes sense. I agree with

00:32:36.300 that. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I, you know, so the next question I should have moved up underneath the

00:32:40.300 Monty Python question, because this question from Russell Johnson was what percentage of comments

00:32:46.320 and or questions you receive each week are worth acknowledging?

00:32:50.480 Well, acknowledging can be to varying degrees, right? So, um, I try to acknowledge as many

00:32:56.280 questions as possible, but which ones are worth it? Uh, 80%, 90% maybe most of them are pretty good

00:33:03.680 because I think there's, I think we've, I think we've got a good tribe. I really do. I think we've

00:33:08.600 got a good group of men. I think they know what the expectation is, what the standard is. Um, I think

00:33:13.320 we strive, you and I, and everybody else who leads this organization strives for excellence. And so

00:33:17.600 we attract the right kind of people, but, uh, every once in a while we get some crazy, crazy

00:33:23.100 questions and we'll address them. Maybe just not as seriously as the others.

00:33:28.000 Copy. All right. Jason Bergerin, uh, Bergerin, uh, his question is, is how do you help your wife deal

00:33:33.980 with her stressful job and her constant worrying of things that are out of her control?

00:33:38.240 Well, I mean, they, they are right. Like there are things that are out of your control. That that's

00:33:43.200 what you have to realize. Like, and, and she has to realize that is like, what? Yes, there are things

00:33:48.480 outside of your control. Now, sometimes, and I'll tell you, man, this is a trap I fall into.

00:33:53.400 Maybe she doesn't want you to deal with it. Maybe she just wants to tell you how stressful she is,

00:33:59.120 or excuse me, how stressed out she is, which is, is valid. And I think more so for women than men,

00:34:03.780 they just, they just need to get it off their, their chest and, and, and just release that a

00:34:08.840 little bit. And maybe that's what helps her de-stress. And so if you're coming in there and

00:34:12.660 like, do this, do this. And what, why aren't you doing this and do with it this way, then you're

00:34:16.700 actually the one probably creating the stress for her. So I would make it. Yeah. I would say, ask her,

00:34:23.360 ask her, Hey, this is what I do with my wife. If she's having a serious conversation and, and I will 1.00

00:34:27.820 legitimately ask her, are you looking for an answer or would you like me to be just kind of a

00:34:33.300 sounding board? I just really need to vent right now. Cool. I can do that. No problem. And then

00:34:39.180 that alleviates a lot of the stress on her part. Certainly relieves a lot of the stress on me

00:34:42.720 trying to figure out how to solve this for her. And other times she'll come to me and say, no,

00:34:46.380 actually I'm, I'm, I'm looking for some help, some guidance or a solution on this. So communication

00:34:50.740 is huge. You know, like what is, what is it that your wife's after? How do you know you ask her

00:34:55.040 and then you judge her reaction. And I think you're going to know, Hey, she's just trying to

00:34:59.640 deal with it. Now, if, if, if she's looking for help with her stressful job, uh, I think the best

00:35:05.300 thing you could probably do is not tell her all the things that she should do, but just talk about

00:35:09.540 your own experiences and let her be influenced by that. I mean, I do that with my children all the

00:35:14.240 time is like my, my son last year, he came home and he's like, he was upset. And after dinner,

00:35:19.740 I went outside with him. I said, what are you so upset about, man? Something happened at school today.

00:35:22.880 He's like, yeah, I got in a, a fight, which was probably just like a pushing match or yelling

00:35:26.560 match with a kid. And I said, Oh man, what's up? He's like, yeah, I just kind of a bully. And he

00:35:30.900 was picking on me. I'm like, Oh, what are you going to do? And he's like, I don't know. What

00:35:34.480 should I do? I'm like, well, it's your, it's your decision. It's your choice, your life. I had that

00:35:39.840 situation was when I was in school and here's what I did. And so I start sharing him with what, what I did.

00:35:45.580 And he's like, Oh, that's a good idea. And then he starts forming his own connections.

00:35:49.320 Here's what I did when I had a boss that was stressful. And so my wife starts forming her 1.00

00:35:53.900 own connections and dealing with her own problems. Look, if you come in to rescue everybody and give

00:35:58.160 everybody the answers, it's not as valid as allowing them to come to the conclusion themselves.

00:36:02.420 It's the same is true for your wife. The same is true for anybody you might be mentoring or a client.

00:36:07.300 Same thing's true for kids. It's like, we don't need to rescue people. We need to help them uncover

00:36:11.880 the answers to their own problems. Yeah. Well, and what I love about what you said, Ryan, is if you go to

00:36:17.920 that conversation from the perspective of you should do X, they they'll argue with that,

00:36:24.120 right? You're preaching to them. You're, Oh, well maybe that doesn't fit. Right. But you empower

00:36:28.780 someone when you say, Hey, you know what? I don't know. That's your scenario, but you know what worked

00:36:32.760 for me, right? You can't argue with what worked for you. Right. Right. But you can certainly argue

00:36:38.180 with someone pointing the finger at you saying you should do X, Y, Z. Exactly. So that's just a powerful,

00:36:43.100 super powerful way to communicate. And Jason, here's a thought. One, how are you dealing with

00:36:49.000 things outside of your control? Right. So are you being a good example of this, right? To your wife?

00:36:55.080 So she has some, you know, you're, you're presiding in a way and giving her a working example of how to

00:37:00.600 deal with things outside of her control. Right. So what kind of, what kind of man are you being from

00:37:04.680 that perspective? And then another thought that, that came to mind is it's so funny, but it's such

00:37:11.480 human nature is we put meaning on everything, right? We see something happen, whether it's on

00:37:16.780 the freeway or people react to a circumstance, we look at it and we make it wrong or we make it right.

00:37:21.940 Oh, that guy's wrong. Oh, that's wrong. It shouldn't be this way. It should be that like,

00:37:26.380 we constantly judge everything. And, and I think there's a lot of power in us not making everything

00:37:31.380 right and wrong all the time and realizing that that's our perception, right? Half the things,

00:37:36.260 at least for me, when, if it's something outside of my control that gets me stressed out is because

00:37:40.620 I'm judging it, right? Because I'm placing all this judgment of what it should and should not be

00:37:44.800 versus, Hey, that's just the way it is. Well, and you know what? You don't see the entire picture

00:37:49.120 either though. Like I was at, I was at football practice this morning. I don't coach my oldest son's

00:37:54.100 football team anymore. It's the first year I haven't. And I'm sitting on the sideline watching his

00:37:57.920 practice. And it was pretty cool. Cause there was probably, I don't know, a dozen parents

00:38:00.780 there watching their boys. And I thought that was cool. Cause they're involved to some degree.

00:38:03.460 And, and one of the, uh, one of the parents' kids did something that she perceived that he

00:38:11.640 shouldn't have done. And so she's yelling from the sideline, Hey, do this, do that. And I'm over

00:38:16.180 there like, Oh, I don't know. Like, why don't, why don't we just let the coaches deal with this?

00:38:20.080 And so the coach actually stepped in and he didn't get after her, but he stepped in. He's like,

00:38:23.700 no, I need you to do this because X, Y, and Z. So this, this particular parent,

00:38:29.140 they didn't see the entire picture. Right. And they only had part of the, part of the puzzle

00:38:35.460 and they were oblivious to what else was going on. And so they ended up actually giving advice

00:38:40.740 that was counter to the productivity of the play because the coach is the one with the entire view.

00:38:45.960 So we got to be very careful about imposing our own limitations on other people and other scenarios.

00:38:52.540 Totally. Totally. I love it. You know, like, let me give you a more example.

00:38:56.120 What if you get cut off? Like I've thought about this. Someone cuts me off on the freeway and what

00:39:01.700 do I immediately do? I get pissed, right? Like I get, I get fired up just like anybody would.

00:39:08.680 Well, think about this. What if, what if that individual has a child in their backseat who's

00:39:15.900 going blue because they can't breathe? You could be damn sure I'd cut you off too, to get in there

00:39:20.700 and get my kid to the hospital. So there, there might be some extenuating circumstances

00:39:24.960 that you are completely oblivious to. So, so, so again, be careful your own limitations on other

00:39:31.480 experiences because you don't have the full picture.

00:39:34.600 Yeah. Well, and being aware, right. For, for yourself, for those circumstances, like I swear,

00:39:39.620 karma has like a built-in thing for me. Whenever I've gotten pissed at someone on the freeway for like

00:39:44.500 cutting me off, I swear, like later in the day, I'll accidentally cut someone off and then I'll go, 1.00

00:39:49.660 oh shit, I'm such an ass. Yep. Yep. Right. Because then I remember I was a jerk or like 1.00

00:39:55.260 jujitsu, right? All the, like, it's funny. There's like jujitsu gods, I think that like kind of 0.99

00:40:01.080 monitor pride and humility and they keep the balance of things. And whenever I've come home and I've said

00:40:08.700 to my wife, like, oh man, training was awesome. I caught this guy. I think a little highly of myself,

00:40:13.920 right? The next day I'll get destroyed by a lower belt. Like that's, it just always happens. It's

00:40:19.920 like, man, you know what? Constantly keep myself in check. Don't pass judgment on other scenarios.

00:40:25.960 Don't assume you understand the full picture. I remember that first day of jujitsu I went

00:40:30.260 and we did a little bit of instruction. Like I just jumped head first, you know, we did a little

00:40:34.640 bit of instruction. He's like, all right, now we're just going to roll. And this kid comes up to me as a

00:40:38.440 white belt. He's like, Hey, Hey, you want to roll? I'm like, yeah, sure. And I, you know, I size them up.

00:40:42.940 That's what we do. Right. And, and I've got, I, I've probably got 30 or 40 pounds on the dude.

00:40:48.040 He looks fit, but he's wiry. He's a little scrawny, small, and he's just kind of a funny

00:40:52.580 looking guy. And I'm like, oh yeah, dude, I'm going to crush this guy. Cause I pride myself on 0.66

00:40:57.580 being strong. Right. And being capable. And I wrestled a little high school. So I'm like, yeah,

00:41:02.320 no problem. This guy worked me over and not only worked me over, but did so in a way that was like,

00:41:10.940 like completely insulting. And just like, it was so easy for him. Like he had his hands behind his

00:41:17.920 head. He's like laying there and like working me over his legs. I'm like, oh man, like, how is it? 0.99

00:41:23.040 I judged him. I judged him. And I overestimated my own abilities. What do we got next? What's next?

00:41:29.420 We went off on a tangent. All right. So we're going to jump, we're going to jump through three questions

00:41:33.580 really quick. Uh, because there's resources already established for these three guys.

00:41:39.120 Cool. Yeah. And there's, you know, sometimes that's better because there's something a little

00:41:42.260 bit more in depth than we can give here. Yeah. Sounds great. Great. So the question number one

00:41:47.300 was top 10 book list. All right. Friday field note 14. So order of man.com forts. Oh, what's the

00:41:54.660 URL again? Sorry. Uh, FFN 0 1 4, but I'd actually probably do the other one 0 8 6. Okay. Cause that

00:42:03.880 one's new. So it's five books. Every man should read in 2018. It's newer. So, uh, yeah, it's

00:42:11.240 order of man.com slash FFN 0 8 6. So check that out, Ryan Mattingly. And then Jason, uh, you asked

00:42:20.460 the question, how do you build your tribe? Yes. Same thing, right? Well, okay. So there's two

00:42:26.540 different, I've got it. We've got a tribe builder course, but that's specifically geared towards

00:42:30.560 helping those who want to build an audience and a tribe online, similar to what we've done

00:42:35.520 here with order of man. That's a, that actually starts, uh, September 1st. So that one's coming

00:42:40.020 up here in the next couple of weeks. It's order of man.com slash tribe builder. I don't think

00:42:44.960 that's what Jason's asking though. I think he's talking about building more of a band of brothers.

00:42:48.480 Don't you think? Yeah, you're probably right. And I, and I, I would say anything by, um,

00:42:55.340 Steven Mansfield is really good. In fact, he's got a book called building your band of brothers.

00:42:59.360 It's like, it's very short read, very quick read, lots of practice, practical, actionable advice

00:43:04.500 in there. Um, I just did an episode. Was it last? I think it was last week. In fact, here,

00:43:11.220 let me pull this up because I did an episode last week, uh, about building a team, which is exactly

00:43:16.660 what you're asking here. So let me pull this up. Cause I think it's Friday field notes. Let me

00:43:24.180 look, let me look. It's running slow. Um, while you're pulling that up, let me suggest to Jason,

00:43:31.040 you know, these are, these are a lot of the topics, topics guys that we cover in the iron council,

00:43:36.340 right? We, we have monthly topics in which we discuss. Some of them are, um, building a tribe of

00:43:42.780 brothers. Some of them have to do with relationships. So, you know, if, if that's

00:43:47.200 something that you're willing to step up into and take on the opportunity to kind of, uh, kind of the

00:43:52.320 next step in growth and practical application, uh, check out the iron council for sure.

00:43:57.680 Right on. Yeah. And, and the, uh, the episode in addition to that is one, one nine. So it was last

00:44:03.900 week. So F order of man.com slash FFN zero, uh, one, one nine. And that'll take you to the article.

00:44:11.400 So there's an article and then the audio to go with it as well. So I think that answers that question.

00:44:16.760 So what are you going to do when you reach the thousands there on those, uh, Friday?

00:44:20.300 I didn't think that far ahead. I just thought into the hundreds. I should have thought further ahead.

00:44:24.000 I don't know, man. I don't know. I haven't, I'll cross that bridge when we get there,

00:44:27.020 but that's, that's a good problem. I need to start thinking in that, in that, uh, well,

00:44:31.680 I'll just move to, to four digits instead of three. But, um, yeah, I didn't think that far

00:44:35.740 ahead. I thought I was thinking way far ahead when I got into the hundreds. Cause I'm like,

00:44:38.860 yeah, we're going to get this into the hundreds. And you know, now we're at, man, I think we've

00:44:42.500 done right around 300 episodes and we'll do another 150 episodes in the next 12 months. So yeah,

00:44:50.200 I mean, it's, it's crazy. What else? What else we got, man? Robert Thompson,

00:44:56.540 what characteristics distinguish a sovereign man from the natural man?

00:45:00.660 Well, the nat, so let's explain what those mean. The natural man, I'll talk about that first.

00:45:05.800 The natural man is somebody who is looking for the path of least resistance. He's always taking it

00:45:10.980 easy. Uh, he's lazy. It's immediate gratification. He wants something for nothing. He'll lie. He'll

00:45:16.160 cheat. He'll steal the habit. So he doesn't have to work. That's, that's to me, the definition of

00:45:19.860 the natural man, uh, a sovereign man on the other hand works against that, right? A sovereign man

00:45:25.080 is somebody who has reclaimed the power, the individual power that he inherently possesses.

00:45:30.600 When he's born into this world, uh, what we end up doing is we give away a lot of our power to our

00:45:36.560 bosses, to our employers, to our wives, to our children, to the economy, to our governments,

00:45:41.500 to the president. You see this all the time. Oh, if the president did this and if the economy

00:45:45.720 was this and if the weather was nice and if my boss wasn't this and my wife wasn't and didn't

00:45:50.200 act this way, then, then life would be better. No, life would be the same. If your wife was different,

00:45:56.460 your life would be the same. If your boss was, was more engaged, your life would be the

00:46:01.540 same. The only thing that changes your life and the only thing that gives you sovereignty

00:46:05.500 over your life is to change who you are, which is to get rid of the excuses, get rid of the

00:46:10.960 BS, get rid of the lies and the little justifications that you make up in your head and start reclaiming

00:46:16.780 the power through personal responsibility and accountability. When things go wrong, that's

00:46:21.120 your fault. That's your fault. Now, other people may have a part to play in that, but it's your

00:46:26.040 fault because you've decided you want to be a sovereign man. And if you do, you don't give

00:46:31.400 that power to other people by making excuses and placing burden on them. That's the difference.

00:46:36.860 Are you somebody who wants to take the path of least resistance and blame and make excuses

00:46:40.420 and shift the burden of responsibility? Or do you want to take it upon your shoulders? And I'll tell

00:46:45.120 you what, every good thing in my life has come when I've taken on some measure or level of meaningful

00:46:51.960 responsibility. I'm not talking about taking responsibility just for just random things.

00:46:57.040 I'm talking about meaningful and significant responsibility, children, being a, being a husband,

00:47:04.340 running this organization, getting in shape. All of those things are an extra burden,

00:47:09.760 an extra weight to my daily activities, but it's meaningful. And so I embrace it. That's the

00:47:15.440 difference. Ryan, would you say that by default, a man that's not intentionally trying to become

00:47:22.220 better is a natural man by default that we're all natural men? Yeah. I think we are because I think

00:47:29.420 that, I think again, the easy path, the way that we gravitate is towards, uh, is towards that path of

00:47:36.240 least resistance. And that to me is an enemy. I mean, it's the enemy of greatness. It's the enemy

00:47:40.860 of progress. It's the enemy of expansion and growth and wealth and prosperity and abundance

00:47:44.940 and every other good thing that comes from your life. It's hard work. You know, it pisses me off when

00:47:50.120 people say, Oh, that guy just got lucky. No, he didn't. I mean, maybe there was some fortune in his

00:47:55.840 life, but he still had to take advantage of it. You know, you're fortunate if you're born in America,

00:48:00.780 for example, but I know a lot of people born in America who have made shit of their lives. 0.87

00:48:06.240 So it has nothing to do with fortune or luck. It has everything to do with what people do with the 0.80

00:48:11.680 hand they've been dealt. So yeah, naturally, I think we tend to gravitate towards that. And there's

00:48:16.700 certain people, Jocko Willink comes to mind who I think have a better grasp on overcoming that natural

00:48:21.820 man. But I guarantee you, that's a man who also has temptation. He's tempted by the donuts. He's

00:48:27.760 tempted by, he wouldn't post about donuts if he wasn't tempted by him, right? He's, he's tempted by

00:48:32.880 sleeping in. And yet he's found a way to be disciplined and overcome that stuff and become

00:48:37.700 a sovereign man.

00:48:39.320 Love it. All right. So we had a question posted on the Facebook group and I read it briefly,

00:48:46.940 but I didn't document the question in time. And then when I went back to the Facebook group to

00:48:51.960 actually copy down the questions in preparation for this podcast, the question was gone.

00:48:56.660 Hmm. And so there's, there's a lot of meaning that we could possibly put to that. And so I'm

00:49:03.080 going to go off what I remember generally what the gist of the question was. And we're going to,

00:49:07.600 we're going to answer this question anyway, probably because the fact that it got posted

00:49:11.420 and then removed probably means that's an even more critical question, right? And something that

00:49:16.920 this, this fellow brother probably needs to hear.

00:49:19.980 Well, not only him, but probably millions of other people need to hear it too.

00:49:22.880 Totally. Totally. So the question is, when do you call your marriage a quit quits or throw in the

00:49:29.600 towel?

00:49:31.260 Ooh, that's tough. So, okay. So when do you, well, I mean, it's hard because you made a commitment,

00:49:36.340 right? Like you, you, you made a commitment, uh, between another person and in some cases between

00:49:42.160 another person and even God. So for you to just say, I'll throw in the towel is, is a really tough

00:49:48.520 decision to make. I think the obvious answer is when it's dangerous, right? When there's some

00:49:53.620 sort of abuse, a mental, mental, emotional, physical abuse happening. Uh, I definitely think

00:49:59.120 that that's probably a time to, uh, sever ties as difficult and challenging as that, that is, uh,

00:50:04.740 you're in a toxic relationship that's going to impact your life and potentially kids or future

00:50:09.320 children. So I think that's a time. Um, gosh, I don't, I don't know, man, outside of that,

00:50:15.660 it's you got to make that call for yourself. Uh, I think a lot of times what I see is guys

00:50:21.180 really want to grow and progress and expand. And they have a spouse who just isn't interested in

00:50:25.960 that. Uh, certainly there's other variables to take into consideration, you know, especially if

00:50:30.200 there's kids involved, do you throw in the towel for somebody who's not growth oriented? Who's have

00:50:35.020 a, who has a fixed mindset. If you have children involved, uh, man, that's a sensitive, sensitive

00:50:39.520 question. And I wish there was a clear cut answer. There isn't, but unless again, there's abuse

00:50:45.360 going on. But I think at the end of the day, you got to try everything that you possibly can.

00:50:50.140 And you need to look yourself in the mirror and you need to say to yourself with a clean conscience

00:50:55.640 that you did everything possible that you could. And if you can't answer that question,

00:51:04.160 I don't think you should throw in the towel yet. I think you should keep trying. But if you can look

00:51:09.840 that guy in the mirror and say, no, I've, I've tried it all. I've tried it for years. I've done

00:51:14.940 this and I've done not, not my wife wouldn't go to counseling. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about

00:51:20.420 you. Did you go to counseling? Did you get your fitness in check? Did you try to open up your heart

00:51:27.820 in mind to her? Did you try to engage her? Did you try to involve her? Did you take her on dates?

00:51:32.540 Did you do all the things that you committed to doing when you said that, when you said, I do,

00:51:38.500 if you can look the guy in the mirror and say, yes, I've done that. Then you've got that difficult

00:51:44.420 decision to make. And that's one I can't answer for you. Well, one thing to consider is if your

00:51:50.920 conversation that you're having with yourself or with other individuals about your quote unquote

00:51:55.000 marriage includes her having to do something, then you, then your mindset's wrong, right? Like

00:52:02.200 you know, back to what you're saying, Ryan, like, did you do everything possible? If any of that

00:52:06.380 has excuses tied to it of, well, she, or if she, then, then you're, then you're seeing this all

00:52:12.520 wrong. Right. Right. Regardless of her actions, if you are doing everything possible, be the man

00:52:17.800 you're supposed to be, to be the husband you're supposed to be, to be the father you're supposed

00:52:22.140 to be. Yeah. Then, then possibly you could walk away with a clear conscious about it.

00:52:27.860 Well, and, and there's probably some truth to that. Like she may, she's, she's probably got

00:52:31.980 stuff she needs to work on as well. And so, so I don't think what you're suggesting is that

00:52:36.500 she doesn't work on that. All I'm saying is that the first barrier is, did you do everything you

00:52:42.120 could? Then you can move on to whether or not she's vested in the relationship and improving

00:52:47.540 and adding and enhancing your life. But that's not the default thought. The default thought is what

00:52:52.860 you just said, which is everything you can do. And then you can move on to now, is she engaged in

00:52:58.740 this from after that? Yeah, totally agree. Totally agree. Cool. Did we get it? I think

00:53:06.800 we got it. I don't know how many questions we answered, but we got, we got a lot of them

00:53:09.980 answered there. So yeah, I think we, we banged through them quite a bit. So good. We'll we'll

00:53:15.100 keep doing this every week. I like this. This has been fun and cool conversation. I know it'll

00:53:18.680 help a lot of guys. So we'll keep doing it every week. So I wanted to use the phrase of

00:53:24.760 how can you support the podcast, right? How can you support the order? But this isn't about

00:53:28.980 support. This is about us giving you guys an opportunity to make a difference because that's

00:53:33.860 what this podcast is about. So if you want to take advantage of the opportunities to make a

00:53:39.200 difference, please subscribe to the podcast, do a rating and review on iTunes, Stitcher or whatever

00:53:45.380 aggregator or podcast app in which you use. You can connect to us online and the other 30,000

00:53:52.960 men on the Facebook group. That's facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash order of

00:53:59.140 man. And of course, uh, Ryan's on social media, uh, Instagram and Twitter. Uh, Instagram is

00:54:05.840 at Ryan Mickler. That's R Y a N M I C H L E R. And Twitter is at order of man. Right on. 1.00

00:54:14.900 The other things that you guys, yeah, the other things that you guys can do is, uh, check out

00:54:18.960 the website. There's a lot of content on there. Uh, there's many contributors, including Ryan in

00:54:23.560 regards to a blog posts about different subjects, uh, as well as you can access a lot of the episodes

00:54:29.440 from the podcast from there. And while you're there swing on over, check out the order of man store.

00:54:34.760 Uh, there's t-shirts, hats, the famous battle planner is located on there. Uh, some patches,

00:54:41.240 the testosterone booster t-shirt, which guarantees to increase your testosterone levels by 1000%.

00:54:48.720 It will either piss you off or light you up. Like there's no in-between on that shirt. That shirt

00:54:54.420 has, has pissed off so many people, but I've sold significantly more of those shirts than we've sold

00:55:00.620 of anything else. Yeah. Well, and what's, what's interesting is, uh, if you want to do an experiment

00:55:05.940 with your wife, show her the picture of the t-shirt and then see what she says about it.

00:55:12.200 I've actually had a really good response from women on that.

00:55:14.800 My wife was like, I love that shirt. I'm like, what part, the more sex or the lift heavy or take 1.00

00:55:22.260 risks? Like I I'm curious which part she likes the most. What did she say? Uh, she says she liked it

00:55:28.040 all. So apparently I need to step up a little bit. She's do man. I need to step up. Yeah. I think

00:55:33.180 she's suggesting I need to do all those things on that. You know, it's funny though, is like we,

00:55:36.800 we talk a lot about being better men and the ability to connect more with, with the,

00:55:41.200 the fairer sex. Right. And what's really fascinating is most of the complaints I get

00:55:46.440 about what we're doing here doesn't come from women. It comes from, uh, well, frankly, weak, 1.00

00:55:54.400 scared men. It's really, it's really, it's really fascinating to me.

00:55:58.140 Yeah. Men that don't want to step up. They don't want to be men.

00:56:01.020 Yeah. You're making us look bad.

00:56:02.700 Right. Right. It's pretty fascinating. And also the, uh, the rash guard, the origin

00:56:07.600 slash order of man collaborated rash guard. Have you seen, you've seen that

00:56:12.220 that thing is, I need to stop swearing. And I told my wife I'm going to stop swearing,

00:56:17.840 but that thing is bad-ass. Yeah. It's super excited. It's pretty bad. You're going to get

00:56:21.680 one later this month at, uh, at immersion camp. So origins immersion camp later this month. It's

00:56:26.320 going to be cool. Yeah. I love that thing. And, and finally guys, you know, if you haven't figured

00:56:32.180 it out already, there's a mastermind group or a brotherhood, whatever you want to call it,

00:56:35.740 called the iron council. And this is 400 plus men meeting weekly within battle teams of roughly

00:56:42.280 about 15 members each and leveling it up in like major, major ways. Right. The conversations that

00:56:48.720 we're having on these battle teams is so impressive. And I, and I, in fact, I was just telling my team

00:56:53.760 last week, how much, um, I think we take it for granted, right? Like how above the standard,

00:57:01.760 above the status quo that we are in the iron council. Well, you know, it's funny though,

00:57:06.920 too, Kip, such an amazing thing. It is. And you know, what's interesting is we have guys that leave

00:57:11.520 the iron council for whatever reason and healthy portion of those guys actually come back because

00:57:16.940 it's like, it's funny because they get to a point where they're like, I don't need this anymore.

00:57:22.140 And that's great. I love that. Cause that's, that's the goal. Like we want them to be self-reliant.

00:57:25.700 And so they'll leave and then they'll notice or their wives will notice or their bosses or people

00:57:31.440 are spending time with will notice. They're like, Oh, like it doesn't, it's not quite right. Like

00:57:36.880 you're, you're off a little bit is what they'll say. And so these guys will send me a message like,

00:57:41.020 you know what, Ryan? Like I thought I didn't need this, but I just feel like I'm off. Like I want

00:57:45.760 to get back involved with the guys and they'll read, they'll rejoin us. It's really interesting.

00:57:49.960 Like, yeah, it's awesome. And here's the kicker, right? Like, so my boss, so I recently sold my

00:57:55.920 company. Now I actually have a boss. I'm working for the man and, and my, my boss knows that I'm

00:58:02.000 involved in iron council. Right. And he knows I have these battle team calls on Tuesday and we talk

00:58:07.620 about all the time and he's, he loves it. He's like, dude, the way I see it, this is leadership

00:58:11.580 training to better you. So you better the company, right? So he, he's seen it as a benefit to the

00:58:17.680 organization, right? I wish more bosses were like that, man. Oh, I know. It's awesome.

00:58:22.360 Have your boss sign you up for the iron councils. What's Kip saying?

00:58:26.160 Totally. It will work. It will totally work. And, and here's the other thing that I loved about this

00:58:30.720 too. And I'm totally hijacking iron council stuff, but in, in the iron council, we, on a quarterly

00:58:35.720 basis, we create what we call these battle plans and think of them as, as goal setting per se,

00:58:41.320 right? But there's very specific and unique things that we do. And I'm not going to give that away.

00:58:45.620 You're going to have to sign up if you want to know that detail, but regardless, you know,

00:58:49.560 I'm taking those same exact principles that we follow in the battle plans. And guess what my

00:58:54.460 team at work is doing? We're doing a battle plan. We're working a battle plan. We're identifying our

00:58:59.740 objectives. What are the tactics? We're holding each other accountable, all applicable, right?

00:59:04.540 Being effective in your personal life and growing with other men is no different and should be no

00:59:08.620 different, whether it's work or your personal life or your family for that matter, right? It's not

00:59:14.060 uncommon that we hear guys in the, in the iron council saying that they created a battle plan

00:59:17.740 for their kids, right? Yeah. So, I mean, it's, isn't that awesome? I love that. It's so cool. I

00:59:23.020 mean, you can't make a decision in a vacuum. So whether it's with this or something else,

00:59:27.060 if you're improving your life, every, every other facet of your life will improve. So cool. Where do we,

00:59:32.620 where's the link? What's the link for that? Yeah. The link is, uh, the iron council.com.

00:59:38.820 So that's it. Pretty simple. Cool. All right, Kip. Uh, what, what are we going to call this

00:59:45.260 frequently asked questions or the Q and a session round? Number one is in the books guys. Let us know

00:59:50.960 what you think of the show. Obviously Kip and I will get better at this. This is new. There's a new

00:59:56.200 dynamic. Uh, we'll work through that a little bit. We'll get a little bit crisper and sharper and

01:00:00.440 this will get better. So stick with us. Give us your feedback. Let us know. Do you like it? Do you not

01:00:04.320 like it? And, uh, we're, we'll cater this to you. I mean, this is, this is for you guys. We want to

01:00:08.580 answer your questions. So appreciate you guys. Kip, anything else? Are we done? No, sir. I think

01:00:14.020 we're done. All right, guys, as I sign off, I will say what I say every week, which is until next week.

01:00:19.380 Actually, we're going to release this midweek. So until Friday, until Friday for our Friday field

01:00:23.180 notes, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:00:28.140 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:00:32.900 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 15, 2018

AMA 001： Overcoming Guilt, Supporting Your Wife in Stress, and Changing the Future

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