Order of Man - An Appeal to Authority, How Men Are Respected, and Ruthless Assertiveness ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 There's a logical fallacy called the appeal to authority.

00:00:03.460 This is actually one of the reasons why I do talk a little bit about my faith.

00:00:07.920 And I know there's people who listen to this podcast that wish I would talk more about it.

00:00:11.440 The problem with addressing it is if you have a group of individuals,

00:00:14.960 like we have tens, if not hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of men.

00:00:18.580 And if my only reason for doing a certain thing is because God commanded me to do it,

00:00:25.620 that's an appeal to authority that they don't ascribe to.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.940 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:37.340 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:41.780 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, or strong.

00:00:46.640 This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:49.360 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:52.320 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:57.500 Kip, what's up, man? So great to see you.

00:00:59.320 As always, on our Monday morning, hope all's going well.

00:01:02.780 Yeah.

00:01:03.200 Dude, things are great.

00:01:04.820 I had a great weekend, went to Delta, chilled, relaxed.

00:01:07.900 I was like, I should probably go down there and make sure the house isn't burned to the ground or flooding or something.

00:01:15.860 Yeah, especially because you did it.

00:01:17.740 So that even is more likely that those things might exist.

00:01:21.240 So that's a reasonable decision on your end.

00:01:25.320 Yeah.

00:01:25.760 And that's truthful, right?

00:01:27.180 Like whenever you do it yourself, you're like, I don't know if that's going to hold up.

00:01:31.440 You know, you start questioning your abilities, but oh, well.

00:01:34.000 Yeah.

00:01:35.120 Probably need to, I don't, do you winterize it?

00:01:38.260 Are you guys going to go there throughout the winter?

00:01:40.300 What does that look like?

00:01:41.300 We go enough that we leave the heat on and make sure, you know what I mean, that it's capable of withstanding the winter.

00:01:48.440 Man, I was introduced to that when I was up in Maine, just especially when I moved back and we had tenants in there or they got in there late for winter, but we had to keep everything running because you started letting it get cold.

00:02:03.220 Stuff goes south, sideways, quickly.

00:02:07.380 In fact, we had the year before I left or that winter before I left had major water damage.

00:02:14.940 Some pipes had froze and water just everywhere in the kitchen, in the laundry room, in the canning room.

00:02:23.180 It was, it was rough.

00:02:24.480 So that was, it was rough.

00:02:27.360 Well, I find homes interesting how neglecting them or not being active in them, they'll naturally just deteriorate.

00:02:35.500 Oh, for sure.

00:02:36.880 Whether you're winterizing it or, or, or whatever, it's like they require constant upkeep.

00:02:41.800 You just can't build and let it sit.

00:02:43.560 But otherwise it's, it's going to be a mess.

00:02:45.980 Yeah.

00:02:46.640 Yeah, exactly.

00:02:48.280 Well, good, man.

00:02:49.060 Let's get into some topics.

00:02:50.640 A lot of headlines.

00:02:51.840 This, this go around, I think you were going to lead us off and then I've got something to follow up with.

00:02:57.520 So I'll let you start.

00:02:59.280 Yeah.

00:02:59.440 And I struggled, man.

00:03:00.660 There's so much stuff to talk about.

00:03:02.320 It seems like it was a really busy week, but, but the one that really resonated with me

00:03:06.800 was, um, a report that came out of the house oversight committee, uh, regarding the COVID pandemic.

00:03:15.780 And so this, this is a bipartisan, uh, committee and the results of that, um, of that report

00:03:25.100 are the following that COVID originated from a lab in Wuhan.

00:03:28.820 And, and by the way, like not shocking to anybody that probably listens to this podcast, but,

00:03:34.900 but it's good.

00:03:35.600 I don't know.

00:03:36.060 I think it's still valuable to, to, to reference gain of function research contributed to this,

00:03:41.420 uh, and this failure.

00:03:43.100 Social distancing was arbitrary and not based on science.

00:03:46.940 Masks are largely ineffective.

00:03:49.360 Lockdowns caused, um, major harm.

00:03:52.880 Public health officials spread misinformation.

00:03:55.480 COVID vaccines did not stop transmission.

00:03:58.140 Vaccine mandates were not supported by science.

00:04:00.660 Public health officials ignore natural human, uh, immunity.

00:04:05.180 Lockdowns closed more than 160,000 businesses.

00:04:09.300 Science never justified school closures and children have suffered

00:04:12.880 greatly from these policies.

00:04:14.740 And it goes on and on and on.

00:04:18.960 I, I, I, it's not surprising.

00:04:21.520 I'm not like, oh my gosh, that there's no way, but it's nice to have at least some bipartisan

00:04:29.000 group come up with these findings for all those people that were a little bit on the fence

00:04:33.740 that were, in my opinion, overly trusting their government that, Hey, I I'm, I'm just doing

00:04:39.260 what was told and they know what they're doing.

00:04:40.760 Hopefully you're in now in the camp of like, they actually don't know what they're doing

00:04:46.320 or, or they're guessing just like the rest of everybody else.

00:04:49.820 And that you shouldn't so easily, uh, be led and you should figure out things for yourself.

00:04:57.860 Well, I, that was kind of you to say they either don't know what they're doing or they're,

00:05:03.620 you know, they're guessing.

00:05:04.860 It's not what's happening.

00:05:07.100 Like, yeah, these are not dumb people.

00:05:10.160 It is malicious that, that is what's happening.

00:05:13.540 You know, Fauci at a minimum purged himself and he's also responsible for hundreds of thousands

00:05:18.520 of deaths, if not millions at this point.

00:05:20.600 Uh, you know, and then you have the Biden circle thinking about, uh, offering pardons

00:05:28.160 ahead of time, ahead of being charged for guys like Fauci and, uh, Mark Milley and some of these

00:05:35.120 other guys, because the, the, the, the time for saying they're ignorant, it has come and gone.

00:05:43.800 If you're ignorant, like at this stage, you should, you belong nowhere in the public eye.

00:05:53.380 So it's, it's not, it's negligence for sure, but I think it's maliciousness is what it is.

00:05:59.280 Yeah.

00:05:59.440 I'm always curious though.

00:06:00.760 Why do, why does, why do normal people know this stuff way ahead of time?

00:06:06.620 I mean, all the things that you said, I knew I did the 15 days to slow the spread because

00:06:11.980 I didn't know and I got about three or four days into it and I'm like, oh, I know what

00:06:18.280 this is.

00:06:19.400 Totally.

00:06:20.080 I know what's happening here and all the things, Wuhan, gain of function research, social distancing,

00:06:25.920 mask mandate, shutting schools down, vaccines.

00:06:30.460 We, everybody knew it.

00:06:31.920 Not everybody clearly.

00:06:33.620 Yeah.

00:06:34.260 I I'm always, have you ever heard the term bro science?

00:06:37.720 Uh, bro science is a lot.

00:06:41.120 A lot of times you'll hear about it in the gym.

00:06:42.940 It's the bros, it's the meatheads, it's the lifters that they always understand the science

00:06:49.760 better than the scientists.

00:06:52.400 And I'm always fascinated by that idea.

00:06:54.880 Normal people who don't have PhDs, who don't understand how micro bacteria and viruses work

00:07:02.540 can pinpoint pretty accurately what is actually happening without all the credentials and all

00:07:09.680 the, the plaques and the placards and the degrees it's malicious at this point.

00:07:15.480 Well, and I've been around long enough.

00:07:17.480 You've been around long enough.

00:07:18.620 Are you even impressed by any of that stuff anymore?

00:07:21.360 Like when I hear when, when someone's like, well, it's doctor or it's peach.

00:07:25.720 I'm like, okay, right?

00:07:28.160 Like I really like, I, and I think it's because people put so many individuals on pedestals.

00:07:35.000 And I, I remember doing this when I was younger.

00:07:37.340 I remember like, you'll appreciate this.

00:07:40.480 I remember I had a big project that I consulted for to the military and, and this was, you know,

00:07:47.100 this is the DOJ.

00:07:48.060 Right.

00:07:48.380 And I was like, man, and I was nervous.

00:07:50.280 I thought, man, I'm going to go in there.

00:07:52.040 These guys are going to be so smart.

00:07:54.640 They're going to eat me alive.

00:07:57.200 Dude.

00:07:57.660 I went in there and I was like, dude, you guys don't have any idea what you're doing.

00:08:01.520 Just like everybody else.

00:08:03.060 Right.

00:08:03.500 Like I was not impressed.

00:08:04.760 Like every single time I was intimidated and I thought, man, like I'm subpar.

00:08:11.280 Once I got into the weeds, I was like, yeah, you're no smarter than I am.

00:08:15.000 And, and so, and, and not to downplay anybody, there are some really smart people, but I also

00:08:21.480 realized that we're all a lot closer in our intelligence and understanding and wisdom than

00:08:27.840 I think a lot of us realize.

00:08:30.320 And so when government officials, people in a position of authority, any authority, by the

00:08:35.940 way, I, even religious authorities or governmental authority groups and certain titles, we assume

00:08:41.860 that they are at some echelon of understanding of the world that we're not.

00:08:47.320 And I, I just don't think it's the case.

00:08:50.480 Yeah.

00:08:51.640 I, well, you said something nice.

00:08:53.300 You said we're closer to intelligence than we, I think we're actually closer to stupidity

00:08:57.440 than, than we think.

00:08:58.600 Cause most of us are just ridiculous, but we'll take it for what you meant.

00:09:02.460 I'll be a positive.

00:09:03.660 Yeah, you are.

00:09:04.880 You're going to be Mr.

00:09:05.520 Positive today.

00:09:06.100 I'm going to be Mr.

00:09:06.860 Realist over here.

00:09:07.740 But yeah, there's, there's a logical fallacy called the appeal to authority.

00:09:12.560 This is actually one of the reasons why I don't, I do talk a little bit about my faith

00:09:18.500 and I know there's people who listen to this podcast that wish I would talk more about it.

00:09:22.020 The problem with it, not the faith itself, the problem with addressing it is if you have 0.95

00:09:27.100 a group of individuals, like we have tens, if not hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions

00:09:31.480 of men who listen to this podcast, and if my only reason for doing a certain thing is

00:09:39.400 because God commanded me to do it, that's an appeal to authority that they don't ascribe

00:09:44.960 to.

00:09:45.720 So every other point that I make, if it's based on appeal to an authority they don't acknowledge

00:09:50.320 is a moot point.

00:09:53.140 And, and it's the same thing when it comes to these credentials.

00:09:57.740 Another example is Kip, you look at lineage when it comes to jujitsu.

00:10:03.880 Absolutely.

00:10:04.520 One black belt means something different than another, right? 1.00

00:10:08.800 There's not a universal standard for this person's black belt and that person's black belt.

00:10:13.540 They're different.

00:10:14.060 Yeah.

00:10:14.660 And it's all based on the lineage and where it came from.

00:10:18.180 And is this acknowledged and generally recognized as a credible source of that promotion?

00:10:23.620 And I think we're going to see more of this with, um, with schools and universities, especially

00:10:29.740 as the DEI stuff, that's kind of falling apart a little bit and it's, uh, it's going to get

00:10:35.480 interesting, but I tend to agree.

00:10:37.620 The credentials don't mean anything.

00:10:39.040 Your experience and what you've done obviously holds more weight than the little piece of paper

00:10:44.020 on, on your wall.

00:10:45.560 Yeah, totally.

00:10:47.000 What do you got, sir?

00:10:48.740 Well, I, uh, I wanted to bring up something.

00:10:51.220 In fact, uh, I was, I was preparing on top prepared, excuse me, to talk about, uh, Daniel

00:10:56.080 Penny.

00:10:56.460 And if you guys don't know who Daniel Penny is, this is the man that subdued, uh, Neely

00:11:02.900 what's Jordan Neely, uh, in the subway earlier in the year and Jordan Neely ended up dying.

00:11:08.240 And I'm using those terms in a very precise way because, uh, uh, Daniel Penny was actually

00:11:17.760 just this morning acquitted of the lesser charge, which was criminal, uh, uh, negligent homicide.

00:11:25.780 Now he was charged originally with second degree manslaughter, but several days ago, the,

00:11:33.240 the, um, judge, I can't remember who the judge is, uh, actually dismissed that charge of second

00:11:40.480 degree manslaughter.

00:11:41.420 So the jury was deliberating about the lesser charge, which was criminally negligent homicide.

00:11:46.960 And as of this morning, December 9th, it looks like Daniel Penny has been acquitted on that

00:11:53.480 charge of criminal negligent homicide, which is obviously the right conclusion.

00:11:59.600 In fact, it's a travesty, a real travesty that charges were even brought in the first place.

00:12:06.320 I can't help, but think, what are we doing when a Marine, 26 year old Marine veteran recognizes

00:12:15.420 a threat, he's in danger, other people around him on the subway are in danger.

00:12:20.780 Uh, Neely was threatening people, talking about killing people and not caring if he goes to

00:12:26.280 jail or dies.

00:12:28.180 And we as a society collectively punish a hero.

00:12:31.960 He should be celebrated as a hero and not spending the last eight months or however long it's been

00:12:38.160 in these court battles and tied up with the cost and his, his reputation tarnished and tainted

00:12:44.140 forever.

00:12:45.460 We need to do something as a society to say enough is enough with the court systems and the justice

00:12:52.280 system, how it's politicized, how it's weaponized, how there's two sets of standards based on who it

00:12:58.320 is.

00:12:59.040 I'm so frustrated with it, but I'm very grateful that, uh, Daniel Penny was able to, uh, be acquitted

00:13:06.120 on those charges as he should have been.

00:13:08.900 Yeah.

00:13:09.520 Good conclusion.

00:13:10.480 The story though is pretty scary because it doesn't stop here.

00:13:15.020 Yeah, totally.

00:13:16.500 Totally.

00:13:17.160 All right.

00:13:17.820 We're going to fill the questions from the gram, uh, to connect with Mr.

00:13:22.200 Mickler on Instagram.

00:13:23.360 It's at Ryan Mickler, uh, Philip Nilsen, when in a hiring process or in dating, what do you

00:13:31.640 think are some good questions to gain insights into what kind of growth mindset they have,

00:13:37.120 or how do we validate a growth mindset?

00:13:40.080 Oh, that's a good question.

00:13:41.440 Uh, yeah, it, I mean, it's a little different based on hiring or dating, I think, but a couple

00:13:45.960 of questions that come to mind immediately for me are, uh, you know, what, what are your

00:13:50.820 goals very simply, what are your goals?

00:13:54.100 I don't know, you know, I just, I'm really, you know, looking to make a little bit more

00:13:58.820 money.

00:13:59.920 Right.

00:14:00.540 Yeah.

00:14:01.500 That's so what are your goals?

00:14:03.080 You know, I think that's a pretty obvious question.

00:14:05.320 And if you can address that question and that individual has some, um, some objectives,

00:14:11.040 then I think that's a growth mindset.

00:14:12.720 I also would probably take it the opposite way, which is, you know, what are some things

00:14:17.560 that in the past that you've messed up on that you've learned from?

00:14:19.840 Um, yeah.

00:14:21.720 Right.

00:14:22.120 And, and, and now they're going to say, well, you know, I did this in my personal life or

00:14:25.620 my professional life.

00:14:26.580 And I really handled that wrong.

00:14:28.360 If they can't come up with anything, they're stuck in their past.

00:14:34.420 And I think you're going to get to the root of a lot of that.

00:14:37.600 Um, I would also ask, what is your biggest challenge towards the things that you want

00:14:43.080 to have in your life?

00:14:43.800 Like what has been the biggest challenge or what do you foresee being the biggest challenge?

00:14:47.860 If they can talk about some of their weaknesses and some of the things they struggle with,

00:14:52.040 the follow-up question is naturally, what do you plan to do to overcome that?

00:14:56.760 Now you can start wondering or identifying if this person is solution oriented.

00:15:02.140 We're all problem oriented.

00:15:04.080 I want people in my life who are solution oriented.

00:15:06.560 So there's four or five questions that I think if you pick a couple of those and then just

00:15:12.260 dig deeper in the conversation, like by asking, what does that mean?

00:15:16.060 Or how do you plan on doing that?

00:15:17.520 Or in what ways, et cetera, you're going to get to it pretty quickly.

00:15:21.620 Biggest thing here is open-ended questions as opposed to, Hey Kip, are you growth oriented?

00:15:27.620 Of course I am.

00:15:28.660 All right.

00:15:30.080 Good.

00:15:30.560 That's exactly what we're looking for.

00:15:32.420 Yeah.

00:15:32.600 You're hired.

00:15:33.240 Keep it open and yeah.

00:15:34.380 Keep it open and let them explain in a roundabout way.

00:15:39.060 Let them prove it to you.

00:15:40.400 Yeah.

00:15:41.020 I was having a great conversation with someone last week around growth mindset and how it's

00:15:46.040 really, it's really coupled in a couple of things to consider.

00:15:48.960 Right.

00:15:49.460 And so I'll just add these to fill up is, you know, theoretically you could say, well, I have

00:15:55.200 a growth mindset, but to have a really good growth mindset or really to have one requires

00:16:00.820 humility, period.

00:16:03.380 And it requires a level of taking ownership because if nothing's my responsibility and

00:16:09.520 the problem's everywhere else, right?

00:16:11.020 Like then my growth mindset is very, uh, my new and narrow focused, right?

00:16:16.460 There's nothing to grow.

00:16:17.360 You've got it all for your now.

00:16:18.320 These little areas.

00:16:18.900 Yeah.

00:16:19.080 So I would look for areas where they have taken ownership, where, where there have a

00:16:25.760 huge amount of humility, right?

00:16:27.980 But it's confident humility in the sense that they're humble enough to consider the idea

00:16:33.680 that they don't know that there's opportunity to learn, but they believe that they can figure

00:16:39.040 it out.

00:16:39.480 Right.

00:16:39.820 And that's the confident side that's tied to that humility.

00:16:43.120 And then the last thing, maybe even have some questions geared towards stressful situations,

00:16:49.140 because it's really easy for us to all be humble and take responsibility and have a growth

00:16:54.900 mindset when it's, when the stakes aren't high and it's not highly stressful.

00:16:59.240 But if you can do that in stressful settings, now you have someone that is, their potential

00:17:05.460 is huge, right?

00:17:07.300 And they're going to handle the difficult circumstances really well, which said another way, what are

00:17:12.920 difficult circumstances?

00:17:15.140 Opportunities to learn and grow.

00:17:16.460 So you, you got to that.

00:17:18.580 Can they deal or how do they deal with, with stressful circumstances at the same time?

00:17:23.600 I really like what you were talking about humility.

00:17:25.940 I can't remember the term that you used for it.

00:17:28.080 I called it, I call it false humility, confident humility.

00:17:31.020 Yeah.

00:17:31.420 I guess it's the, the opposite, right?

00:17:33.120 False humility.

00:17:33.940 And you know what false humility looks like?

00:17:35.860 It's, it's when you ask somebody you're interviewing what their greatest weakness is.

00:17:39.120 And they're like, I, I'm just a workaholic.

00:17:41.480 I work too hard.

00:17:42.920 I just take on too much at work and it's hard and like, okay.

00:17:47.400 Or, or, uh, you know, maybe in a relationship, some, somebody says, yeah, my past relationships

00:17:52.840 haven't worked out.

00:17:53.620 I just, I always care way too much.

00:17:55.600 I care way more than they do.

00:17:57.140 It's like, yeah.

00:17:58.380 Okay.

00:17:59.080 What about you?

00:18:00.160 Sure.

00:18:00.500 Maybe that exists, but what about you?

00:18:03.300 Could you improve?

00:18:04.280 That's, that's more impactful to me than how wonderful you are, but it sounds humble.

00:18:09.820 It's not humble.

00:18:11.460 What would you add for fill up around dating?

00:18:13.960 Right.

00:18:14.360 Because obviously we're not going to sit down and, well, I mean, I guess there's opportunities

00:18:19.040 for asking questions around this, but like, what other things are you going to look for

00:18:23.180 from a dating perspective to really see if someone has a growth mindset?

00:18:26.960 I think we kind of already went through them.

00:18:30.100 I would definitely do that.

00:18:31.560 You know, you're on a, you're on a first date with somebody that's, that is an interview.

00:18:36.200 Yeah.

00:18:36.680 So they're interviewing you, you're interviewing them.

00:18:39.720 They're going to look at your mannerisms, how you show up, how you present yourself,

00:18:43.100 what your experiences are, what your future plans are.

00:18:46.400 If I went on a date and the woman's like, yeah, I'm not really interested in a long-term 1.00

00:18:50.140 relationship interview over.

00:18:52.920 I am, you're not, this is not going to work.

00:18:56.560 So yeah, I would, I would definitely ask those questions.

00:18:59.260 The only thing I would be careful of in a dating scenario versus a hiring scenario is

00:19:03.660 you don't want to interrogate the person.

00:19:07.100 Yeah.

00:19:08.100 So there has to be a balance of you asking questions and you also sharing about your life.

00:19:14.900 Sometimes people are awkward, especially on first dates.

00:19:17.600 And the common thing is if I ask you a question, you answer it, and then you ask me a similar

00:19:23.880 question back.

00:19:24.740 That's how dialogue works.

00:19:26.760 Yeah.

00:19:26.900 But when it's awkward and uncomfortable and you're both weird, it may not happen.

00:19:30.940 So make sure that you mix some of your own story into it as well.

00:19:34.880 That will break it up from becoming an interrogation, a grill session, as opposed to, no, I'm actually

00:19:41.120 very curious about that.

00:19:43.180 Also, there's certain things that you don't really need to get too deep into, like marriage

00:19:50.020 for example.

00:19:50.460 I probably wouldn't talk about marriage on the first date or having kids.

00:19:56.400 That's not really a thing.

00:19:58.040 Like we'll get there.

00:19:59.160 We'll get to that conversation if we make it to that point.

00:20:02.060 But for now, I just want to know generally, like, what are you looking deep?

00:20:07.020 You know, what have your past experiences look like?

00:20:09.660 What did you learn from those things?

00:20:11.300 Oh man, that must've been hard.

00:20:12.720 What was hard about that for you?

00:20:14.580 Or yeah, I think you start to learn if a person's humble and growth oriented pretty quickly if

00:20:20.120 you ask those questions with sincerity, not just like checking it off a list.

00:20:25.020 You're actually curious about the person.

00:20:27.480 You know, one thing that comes to mind that I just want to add for Philip, and I've actually

00:20:32.040 had this conversation with Philip before.

00:20:33.720 So as a reminder, I would focus on, are there areas of their life where they are showing

00:20:42.940 that they have a victim mindset?

00:20:46.220 And the ways that may show up is they're waiting and hoping for someone else, like, you know,

00:20:52.800 to address something.

00:20:54.140 They're allocating blame towards someone else, or they're making excuses a lot.

00:21:00.780 Those people, those are victim mindsets.

00:21:04.620 Those people don't have growth mindset, right?

00:21:07.100 Not very self-aware.

00:21:08.820 They are completely unaware that they should probably be owning and growing, and they're

00:21:14.080 just allocating blame and making excuses and waiting and hoping for someone to save them

00:21:19.640 in some way.

00:21:21.140 You know what's interesting about that?

00:21:22.940 You can take people who are, who have been victimized, and that's different than victim

00:21:27.520 mindset, because there really are people who have been victimized.

00:21:31.640 Totally.

00:21:31.980 And you can even tell for-

00:21:32.660 But choose not to have a victim mindset.

00:21:35.040 Exactly.

00:21:35.880 Because they will say, yeah, I was victimized.

00:21:38.800 This thing happened to me.

00:21:40.200 I should have fill in the blank.

00:21:42.340 Like, even though they were victimized, they still have things they could have, they acknowledge

00:21:47.220 that they could have done differently to keep themselves out of that scenario.

00:21:50.760 Yeah.

00:21:50.860 So that's, that's a big one, especially if it's, you know, traumatic in nature, and they're

00:21:56.620 still thinking forward, thinking about what they could have done better.

00:22:00.660 Yeah.

00:22:01.060 Totally.

00:22:01.280 All right.

00:22:02.940 Sin, Ty Blackmore.

00:22:05.060 Sin, Ty Blackmore, woman here, I know how important it is to respect your husband, but

00:22:10.160 I'm wondering if you guys have some good examples of how to do that.

00:22:16.020 None.

00:22:16.900 So, you know, I made a post on Instagram the other day about how women want to be loved

00:22:24.080 and appreciated, you know, and, and I think I said that we've all heard of the five love

00:22:29.840 languages.

00:22:30.280 And for me, where I feel most appreciated is in words of affirmation and physical touch.

00:22:37.360 And I think a lot of men are in that camp, but we don't speak the language of love.

00:22:43.100 We speak the language of respect.

00:22:44.880 And so if you can show your man that you respect him, then he will work to move mountains for

00:22:52.400 you and the family.

00:22:53.420 And it's very simple.

00:22:54.580 Well, hey, hon, I respect that you got up and you get up every day and you've done it

00:23:00.580 for the last 10 years and you just don't get enough acknowledgement.

00:23:03.620 I don't acknowledge it enough.

00:23:04.920 And I just want to tell you, me and the kids are so grateful.

00:23:09.440 Now I know to a woman generally that might not seem like a big deal because it's just words 0.97

00:23:15.540 or something else.

00:23:16.360 There's no, you know, I think woman, a woman needs to like have some more emotionally charged 1.00

00:23:22.540 elements into that.

00:23:24.180 Guys don't, we, we don't need the fluff or you know what?

00:23:30.220 Another simple thing is, is when you walk by, just put your hand on his shoulder or kiss

00:23:37.320 the back of his neck or, you know, whatever, a simple little physical gesture.

00:23:41.580 I'm not saying you guys need to get at it right there in the kitchen, you know, but just

00:23:45.840 a simple gesture of like, put your hand on his shoulder or come up and like massage his

00:23:51.240 neck or come up behind him and just whisper something into his ear.

00:23:57.280 Like, Hey, you look really good.

00:23:58.880 Kick, you know, cooking that burger.

00:24:00.680 Like you look, you look good.

00:24:02.820 Like simple.

00:24:03.700 It's so simple for men.

00:24:05.140 But I think a lot of times women overlook the simplicity of it because it's not what

00:24:10.980 they need, which is to be in a way romanticized, a lot more emotionally charged, a lot more

00:24:18.520 mental and emotional connection.

00:24:20.020 And for a guy, touch me and tell me I'm doing a good job and you win his heart.

00:24:24.760 Totally.

00:24:25.820 Totally.

00:24:26.580 You know, I, I'll use this as an example.

00:24:29.020 I, I, years ago, I, when I worked for the man, I guess I worked for the man again, but

00:24:35.220 before I got on my own and did my own consulting, I worked for a company that was a joint venture

00:24:40.680 between Intel and Micron.

00:24:42.520 And I worked there for a couple of years and this is like back in 08.

00:24:46.980 And then they had our little economy downturn and my entire division, we got outsourced to

00:24:53.420 IBM in India.

00:24:54.500 Right.

00:24:54.920 So now the good part was Intel had this awesome severance package, where it's like my full

00:24:59.780 salary for a long time.

00:25:02.700 And, and so I got laid off.

00:25:04.580 Right.

00:25:04.880 But I had this severance and I remember driving home.

00:25:09.320 I got my phone call on a Thursday afternoon, like that you dread and you're like, ah, okay.

00:25:14.540 Like it's happening.

00:25:15.600 And I remember driving home thinking, man, what am I going to do?

00:25:20.240 And I thought, well, I got this severance.

00:25:22.280 I got this safety net.

00:25:24.680 I could almost choose to try anything.

00:25:27.520 And I thought, I want to work for myself.

00:25:30.020 And I thought, crazy idea.

00:25:33.140 And, and I remember thinking, man, if I bring this up to my wife, she's going to think I'm

00:25:36.940 nuts or I can't do it.

00:25:38.860 And I remember going home saying, Hey, I got laid off.

00:25:42.520 I have the severance, blah, blah, blah.

00:25:43.760 She's like, what are you going to do?

00:25:44.880 And I'm like, well, that's kind of crazy.

00:25:47.800 But I'm thinking about working for myself and try, like, try to start my own business.

00:25:51.520 And she goes, awesome. 1.00

00:25:53.180 You'd be great.

00:25:55.300 And I was, remember thinking, I was so set back.

00:25:58.620 I thought, what?

00:26:00.760 You're crazy.

00:26:01.640 Right.

00:26:01.940 Like I knew, thought she was crazy.

00:26:03.540 Right.

00:26:03.840 For trusting me.

00:26:04.800 Men need to be believed in.

00:26:11.340 If she, if she doubted that, right.

00:26:13.820 And she was just like, ah, you know, that's, or whatever. 0.90

00:26:16.460 But, but her just saying, totally, you'll do awesome.

00:26:23.360 Would inspires me to walk, to do anything, to walk through coals.

00:26:28.240 If I had to, like the, the belief in you and the belief that you can accomplish something

00:26:34.820 and, and your wife thinks that man is, is massive.

00:26:40.320 Uh, and that for me, that is like, that's an example of respect is her believing that

00:26:45.880 I can, I can figure it out.

00:26:47.300 Now I get, it comes with reps and maybe I had to prove myself and other things, but man,

00:26:52.300 there's something to be said for that.

00:26:54.240 Yeah.

00:26:54.600 I don't think, I mean, if anybody's listening for a long time, they know we're not saying

00:26:58.780 you just believe it in regardless, blind allegiance or whatever.

00:27:01.440 I don't, I certainly don't think that, you know, one thing I would add to that Kip too, 1.00

00:27:05.540 is when a woman does that, where she says, awesome, you could say, you could say that 1.00

00:27:12.000 a woman could say that and be very sarcastic about it. 1.00

00:27:14.700 The same exact words and it have no weight at all.

00:27:17.820 That's true.

00:27:18.440 Awesome.

00:27:19.300 Awesome.

00:27:19.920 That was great.

00:27:20.520 Awesome.

00:27:20.880 Great idea.

00:27:21.640 Yeah.

00:27:21.920 We'll live on the streets.

00:27:23.220 Yeah.

00:27:23.360 So I think one of the things a woman can do when they are trying to be supportive in 1.00

00:27:28.240 that way, for me, what has been valuable is when somebody, when she asked me questions.

00:27:35.740 So if I say, I'm thinking about doing this and she says, oh, you should, you'd be great.

00:27:40.520 That's easy to say.

00:27:41.860 But if you said, what do you think, like, what are you going to work on first?

00:27:46.680 Those little questions like that show me a level of sincerity that you are actually interested

00:27:52.080 rather than just saying what you're quote unquote supposed to say.

00:27:55.520 Yeah.

00:27:55.860 So if you go deep and ask questions, you don't even need to validate.

00:27:58.360 It's just asking questions.

00:27:59.580 That is validating because you care about his opinion, which means that you respect him.

00:28:04.460 Yeah.

00:28:04.540 I wrote a couple of other things down here too, that I think are just good little tactics.

00:28:08.340 One is propping him up in public, speaking highly of him in public.

00:28:12.120 Like, so if you and some neighbors are out, you know, to dinner or they're over to your

00:28:16.980 house, you might just casually drop something in that he did at work or something that you're

00:28:21.420 proud of or why he's so great.

00:28:23.860 You know, just something.

00:28:24.580 It doesn't have to be over the top, but that's huge.

00:28:27.340 Also, maybe every once in a while, it's like a little note in his briefcase or if he goes

00:28:34.840 on a trip and he opens it up and there's a note or a card or something in there, that's

00:28:38.520 very simple to do.

00:28:39.440 I wouldn't do that all the time, but if he did that occasionally, I think that'd be

00:28:42.160 good.

00:28:42.560 And I wrote the other one here.

00:28:44.120 I mean, just to be honest, just walk by and flash him if it's appropriate.

00:28:47.900 Like he'll love that.

00:28:48.980 And he'll know like, oh, she's interested in me.

00:28:52.540 Now, if a guy does that to a girl and does, I don't know, the helicopter or something,

00:28:56.400 she's probably not going to be as turned on.

00:28:58.660 But ladies, like if you walk by and you're like, hey, hon, playfully, and you just flash 1.00

00:29:03.540 him like he's, that's a sign that there's a connection.

00:29:07.240 And we like that as men.

00:29:08.620 Like, yeah, yeah, good call.

00:29:10.720 Good call.

00:29:11.880 Purpose-driven grandpa, Ryan and Kip, what are your plans for 2025?

00:29:17.200 Can you share a current strategy for continuous growth in your personal and professional life?

00:29:23.460 And then also, do you have any daily non-negotiable items used for your spiritual growth?

00:29:28.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:31.640 Well, I just did a rough version of my, excuse me, my battle plan for next quarter.

00:29:39.800 And Kip, you should have yours too soon if you don't have it.

00:29:42.360 I think our deadline is Wednesday, right?

00:29:44.680 Yep.

00:29:45.100 I'm working on mine.

00:29:45.800 A little bit of accountability for us here.

00:29:49.640 Yeah, the way that I work is I work in 90-day segments.

00:29:52.380 I have a vision of what I want life to look like ultimately and the kind of man I want to be.

00:29:58.100 And I look at my vision as not what I'm going to accomplish, but more of my standard operating procedure.

00:30:05.480 The way that I as the ideal version of myself shows up.

00:30:08.800 Honesty, integrity, hard work, willing to take risks, prudent with his resources, loving and kind and gracious with his resources as well.

00:30:17.860 So I have that vision for myself, but then I have specific objectives in each of four areas.

00:30:23.900 One of them, since you talk about spirituality, is I really want to, I will, read the entire Bible in the first quarter of 2025.

00:30:33.580 And as far as the non-negotiable, it's daily reading.

00:30:36.300 Daily reading and prayer.

00:30:38.360 That is part of my spiritual goal.

00:30:41.340 My condition objective is a little different.

00:30:43.340 I've, I've, I've talked with my trainer, Johnny Loretty, who I know, you know, too, Kip, and I've identified a system.

00:30:51.020 I'm working on a system right now.

00:30:52.920 I work really good under systems.

00:30:55.620 And if I have those systems in place, then it's just easy for me to go through those systems.

00:31:00.440 So I'm not going to disclose too much of it because I want to do it for three to six months myself and work out some of the kinks.

00:31:07.760 And then I want to show everybody else because if I have a resource, then I have a, I feel like I have an obligation to share.

00:31:15.380 So that's that.

00:31:16.320 And then as far as some of the professional goals that I have, I'm really working in the first quarter to ramp up our social media engagement and growth by 10% in the first quarter.

00:31:26.360 And so non-negotiables are a couple of things here.

00:31:31.880 We're going to do new, new platforms, a lot more consistent on our current and existing platforms and new platforms.

00:31:41.440 And here's another thing that's really important to know.

00:31:43.980 It's very easy for us to have goals for 2025 or next quarter, and everybody has them.

00:31:49.480 You won't find somebody who doesn't want something in the future.

00:31:51.880 But are you willing to put your money where your mouth is?

00:31:56.140 And that's the question.

00:31:57.160 And if you're not, then you're not that serious about it.

00:31:59.160 So I have invested in the past two months heavily, heavily into hiring a marketing firm and agency to help throw some fuel into the fire.

00:32:11.340 And I think that will help us accomplish what we want to accomplish in 2025 as far as that growth goes.

00:32:16.260 So those are a few of mine as I'm rolling into the new year.

00:32:19.200 Yeah, I'm still, as you know, I'm still working on my Q1 items.

00:32:24.640 But for 2025, there's a couple things.

00:32:27.540 So the first is on the – I have my own goals from an executive perspective in the position that I'm in.

00:32:39.060 And there's – if you break down people and culture, there's some key pillars that are critical to a successful RAN department, right, for an organization of our size.

00:32:50.720 I actually plan to have those all buttoned up by April 1.

00:32:55.900 Are those what you would say like KPIs, key performance indicators?

00:32:59.600 Is that what you said?

00:33:00.680 Kind of, yeah.

00:33:01.760 Yeah, I mean there will be associated KPIs to them, but think of it this way.

00:33:06.540 So when you talk about people and culture, what does that entail?

00:33:09.560 It entails employee performance, leadership development, benefits and total rewards like compensation strategies, and then also employee recognition and awards.

00:33:21.020 Those key areas, I want our strategies buttoned up, implemented, and rolling before April 1, which is a big task and there's a lot of effort that I'm putting in literally right now to make sure that all happens.

00:33:37.060 And on a personal note, just – next year, I need to level up my game around the leadership coaching that I do.

00:33:46.460 Like I really need to be way more consistent.

00:33:49.820 Maybe I'll steal all of your – all your tactics on what you do, Ryan, on the social media.

00:33:55.060 Oh, you can't steal them, but I'll definitely sell them to you.

00:33:57.640 Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you will, yeah.

00:33:59.180 I just – I struggle with being consistent and – you know what I mean?

00:34:02.760 I need my processes of what I need to follow, so I'm disciplined in that area.

00:34:08.360 And I've also invested already in that space to get better and better, so that's a focal area.

00:34:14.640 And then one thing I'm really excited about is the wife and I, we actually have a day planned roughly around the first week of January.

00:34:23.580 We're going to do a little staycation in a hotel, and we're going to plan our 2025 calendar year as a couple for two days.

00:34:34.860 And so we'll work in like family travels and goals and things that we want to accomplish, and we'll be doing that pretty soon.

00:34:42.460 On the spiritual side, you know what?

00:34:45.320 Purpose-driven grandpa.

00:34:46.680 I wish I – I don't have one right now, but I need to.

00:34:50.420 So I need to step up my game.

00:34:52.100 I mean, right now we have family prayer and that kind of stuff every night, but I need to have some more study time on a personal level.

00:35:00.140 So whether that's morning – I don't know, a morning meditation and whatnot and or nightly scripture reading, I need to step up.

00:35:09.380 Yeah.

00:35:09.920 Good.

00:35:10.660 You know, one of the things, Kip, that when you were talking about you and Asia having your planning – I've got a calendar here.

00:35:15.640 You can't see.

00:35:16.140 It's just over my shoulder, and it's one of those big wall calendars, so I've got it up there.

00:35:20.780 And I've written down every travel plan, every event, everything that I already have planned out for 2025, and that's the first time I've ever done that.

00:35:31.040 It is so good for me to see because I can look at a month and say I can't do anything else this month.

00:35:36.620 I can do something this month.

00:35:38.160 Here's how busy I am.

00:35:39.120 And don't take on things that aren't in alignment with your vision and what you want to accomplish, but it's all right here and visible.

00:35:46.320 First time I've ever done it, and I already feel a huge sense of relief by having that there.

00:35:51.040 That's funny because, in fact, on the way home last night, I was just telling her that we should get one of those calendars from Jesse and find a place in the house.

00:36:02.900 Yeah, and that way the kids can also see, like, oh, man, like we're going to Disneyland here or we're doing this trip to Florida or whatever, and they can kind of – I don't know.

00:36:11.900 Like for me, it also helps me grind because we got these things coming and like, hey, button down.

00:36:19.500 I don't know.

00:36:20.600 Not that I probably need help butting down and working harder, but it helps me focus on the moment knowing that we have these plans later in the year.

00:36:30.460 This was Purpose Driven Grandpa.

00:36:34.260 Is that what it is?

00:36:35.260 Yes, sir.

00:36:36.300 Okay, so two resources also I'll give you, and then we'll move on from here.

00:36:39.640 Number one, we have a free battle planning resource.

00:36:42.320 It's called Battle Ready.

00:36:44.080 So if you're asking because I think you're probably trying to get some fuel for your own planning.

00:36:50.120 So if you go to orderofman.com slash battle ready, that's a free program, and it will walk you through the exact strategies that I and Kip and thousands of other men use when it comes to their planning.

00:37:02.380 And then in about five or six days, we open up the Iron Council.

00:37:07.100 So, Kip, when I said, hey, by the way, your plan is supposed to be done on Wednesday, that's a level of accountability that we have inside the Iron Council that goes above and beyond you just trying to figure it out all yourself.

00:37:19.640 You get somebody that's going to push on you a little bit, lean on you, put their arm around you if you need to, give you the kick in the pants if that's what's required.

00:37:26.360 It's just the next level of growth because we have systems, we have tools, we have resources, and then you're actually working with other men.

00:37:36.620 So that's the Iron Council, December 15th, orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:37:42.060 Good call.

00:37:43.060 All right, Tony914423, he never replied to your question.

00:37:47.740 So maybe we just go generic.

00:37:49.840 What book recommendations do you have or maybe what's on the top of mind of books that you're enjoying currently, worst case?

00:37:57.560 You know, I've really done – I've got a bunch of books over here.

00:38:00.380 And a lot of the books that I read are for upcoming podcast guests, you know, and that seems to consume a lot of my reading time.

00:38:06.560 So I've got a stack of 10 books over here.

00:38:09.200 But I've actually enjoyed reading nonfiction more than – or excuse me, fiction more than I have in the past.

00:38:18.940 Another one that I just got is called Beirut by Jack Carr.

00:38:21.820 That's a good one.

00:38:23.060 And that's not fictional work.

00:38:24.880 That's based on real events in Beirut.

00:38:30.460 Maybe I'll go grab a couple.

00:38:31.680 Do you have some thought?

00:38:32.380 Oh, you know what?

00:38:32.940 Actually, one that I'm reading is – I'm drawing a blank.

00:38:36.680 Do you have a couple, Kip?

00:38:37.480 I'm just going to grab this book real quick.

00:38:38.880 Yeah, and I'll go off of – you know, Tony, you didn't – Ryan always says this, so I'll say it this time.

00:38:45.280 So there's quality in the question, right?

00:38:48.840 And so which books do you recommend?

00:38:50.460 Way too vague, right?

00:38:51.980 So – but maybe what I'll lean on is what are the books that I probably recommend more to people than any other book?

00:39:01.100 They would be the following.

00:39:02.920 So – and I know some of these are Ryan's top recommendations as well, but classics for at least men typically, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

00:39:18.960 I'm a huge fan of Stoicism, so the book, The Guide to the Good Life is probably one of my favorite books of all time.

00:39:31.060 That's a really good book.

00:39:32.280 Around Stoicism.

00:39:34.520 And then I just really love everything by Robert Greene.

00:39:40.520 So like The Laws of Human Nature is one of my favorites, and then I'd have to throw in The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and probably The Four Agreements.

00:39:51.620 Like those are like – I don't know.

00:39:53.500 Those are probably my top five, top ten best books of all time.

00:39:59.180 Yeah, those are good.

00:40:00.160 I would also throw in Man's Search for Meaning is another one too.

00:40:04.380 Yeah, there's a lot of good books.

00:40:06.340 I'm actually in the process – I have a conversation with Josh Wellman, and we're actually talking about putting together a man's book guide.

00:40:18.140 And it will be books that are on the subject of manliness and masculinity but also just help us live better lives as fathers or Stoics or Christians or whatever else it may be.

00:40:28.840 Yeah, and the book – like even – and I'll probably top on the book lately.

00:40:33.460 Just a new one is who you had on the podcast just a couple months ago was The Masculinity in Relationships by G.S. Youngblood.

00:40:44.200 That's such a good book.

00:40:45.880 Such a good book.

00:40:46.980 It really connected with me more than typical books, and that was a great book.

00:40:52.100 So anyhow, what do you got?

00:40:53.940 Well, so I grabbed a couple.

00:40:55.100 Well, usually when I go to the bookstore, I want to buy a book.

00:40:58.740 It's because I have a specific need, and I've really been focused on how my daughter is doing.

00:41:05.660 She's getting older, and she's hitting puberty, and it's weird, and I don't know what it's like to be a girl.

00:41:12.080 And obviously there's the dynamic in our family situation since the divorce where that adds different pressures and stresses.

00:41:19.220 But I was recommended this book quite a bit, and this is one that I've been reading, Strong Father, Strong Daughters.

00:41:25.800 So a lot of my book recommendations are based on whatever I'm dealing with in the moment, and I can gain some valuable insight from something like that.

00:41:33.600 Also this one, Unbreakable Alliances.

00:41:36.400 This one's by Robin Dreek.

00:41:37.820 He was on the podcast three or four weeks ago, I think.

00:41:40.840 But this is really good because it talks about how to cultivate powerful relationships personally and professionally.

00:41:47.820 And if you've listened to the podcast for any amount of time, I am a huge, huge advocate of the power of networking, again, personally and professionally.

00:41:57.020 So this one's been helpful.

00:41:58.700 And then I just picked up this book, and I have not started reading it yet, but I was at Barnes & Noble because my youngest son had a gift card that he wanted to –

00:42:07.180 of course, he didn't want to buy a book, he wanted to buy a Lego, so he got a Lego at Barnes & Noble.

00:42:12.180 But I just saw this book, and I don't know, for some reason, it just stood out to me.

00:42:18.980 It's called A Gentleman from Japan, The Untold Story of an Incredible Journey from Asia to Queen Elizabeth's Court.

00:42:25.880 I don't know.

00:42:27.060 It sounded interesting.

00:42:28.160 Yeah.

00:42:28.320 And maybe I just like the cover, but I'm going to crack this one open too.

00:42:32.140 So there you go.

00:42:32.840 I love it.

00:42:33.580 I love it.

00:42:34.500 All right.

00:42:34.940 Jackie Wood 001.

00:42:37.640 I'm going to alter his question so you don't get triggered.

00:42:42.040 No, give me the real question.

00:42:44.600 If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself in these three points?

00:42:49.060 Stupid.

00:42:49.380 No, I'm sorry.

00:42:50.900 And then what were you going to do?

00:42:52.380 No, it's –

00:42:53.500 I was just –

00:42:54.080 What advice would you give on these three points?

00:42:55.960 Right.

00:42:56.480 It's a good question.

00:42:57.240 I mean, they're the same thing.

00:42:57.840 Yeah.

00:42:58.360 Yeah.

00:42:58.700 So point number one, starting your first career.

00:43:02.820 Point number two, going on your second year of marriage.

00:43:05.360 And point number three, planning for kids.

00:43:09.340 Okay.

00:43:09.860 So I'm writing these down because I need to.

00:43:12.560 Otherwise, I'll forget.

00:43:13.440 So starting a business.

00:43:15.640 Starting your first career is what he said.

00:43:17.860 Oh, starting career.

00:43:18.780 Okay.

00:43:19.080 Cool.

00:43:19.320 Going into second year of marriage.

00:43:22.380 So that –

00:43:22.640 Yeah.

00:43:22.800 Like that's very specific.

00:43:24.320 Okay.

00:43:25.140 And then planning for kids.

00:43:25.520 And then the other one was what?

00:43:27.260 Oh, planning for kids.

00:43:28.140 Okay.

00:43:28.840 Cool.

00:43:30.060 I did see this question, but I forgot about those three.

00:43:32.300 So starting a career – and I'm going to give – I think they're powerful answers.

00:43:36.660 I hope they don't come across as overly simplistic.

00:43:39.320 But if you really embrace these ideas, I think you're going to be good.

00:43:44.220 So number one with starting a career, be a sponge.

00:43:49.400 Yeah.

00:43:50.080 Almost to the point of obnoxiousness.

00:43:53.180 Look for the high producers.

00:43:55.080 Look for the movers and the shakers. 1.00

00:43:57.220 Ask them questions.

00:43:58.420 Be curious about what they do.

00:44:00.840 Privately buy courses and programs that might help you be better at work.

00:44:04.620 Ask the guy that works down the hall that isn't in your department what exactly he does

00:44:08.920 and why he does it that way and what you can learn from it.

00:44:12.440 Or even ask that person that you have a close connection with in the office.

00:44:16.440 Like, hey, who are the movers and the shakers in the office? 1.00

00:44:18.960 Like, who are the people that I really should know?

00:44:21.400 And just be a sponge for everything.

00:44:24.760 The answer is always yes.

00:44:26.300 If somebody asks you if you can help them do something, take on a new assignment,

00:44:30.720 stay a little bit late because you're young.

00:44:32.520 You have the flexibility to be able to do that.

00:44:35.280 And I did that to some degree, but not nearly to the degree that I could have.

00:44:40.220 So just be a sponge. 0.62

00:44:42.140 The part on going into second year of marriage, what I would suggest here is don't sacrifice

00:44:50.800 yourself on the altar of marriage.

00:44:54.360 And let me explain what I mean by that.

00:44:56.640 I don't mean that don't get married.

00:44:59.900 And I don't mean that don't let yourself make sacrifices for the relationship.

00:45:07.120 Okay, that's not what I'm saying.

00:45:09.120 What I'm saying is don't let your things go.

00:45:12.960 So if you're into hunting or jujitsu or training, lifting, photography, hiking, traveling, whatever

00:45:24.120 your thing is that brings fulfillment and joy into your soul outside of your marriage, stay

00:45:31.040 engaged in those things.

00:45:32.920 Don't lose friendships.

00:45:34.700 It might dwindle a little bit when you're married, especially as you get into later years, not

00:45:40.140 later, but just into the years of marriage because you start having kids and now you've

00:45:43.920 got a business and now you've got a mortgage.

00:45:46.600 And so a lot starts to add onto your plate.

00:45:49.340 But force yourself to maintain relationships with friends, to maintain your hobbies and your

00:45:56.100 activities and your interests, and to do things like lifting or training, something physical

00:46:00.620 in nature, to keep yourself fit, lean, and strong.

00:46:04.160 I can't tell you how many guys that I see that look great before marriage physically.

00:46:12.080 They look great, strong, lean, energetic, and then a couple of years into marriage, fat,

00:46:20.440 lazy, sedated.

00:46:23.300 I only know because I've been there.

00:46:25.840 I've done that.

00:46:26.760 And it seems cyclical at times.

00:46:29.040 Don't allow that to happen.

00:46:31.040 Show up for yourself fully.

00:46:33.020 Embrace those things.

00:46:34.240 And I think that's my suggestion there.

00:46:37.120 Planning for kids, I don't know.

00:46:41.200 What I would say on planning for kids is just have an open mind and know that you're really

00:46:51.880 going to need to be able to adapt and be agile as things come up.

00:46:56.880 That's it.

00:46:57.520 Like this weekend, this was a crazy weekend for me.

00:47:01.720 Saturday was crazy in particular.

00:47:03.840 Let me show you here what my Saturday consisted of.

00:47:08.760 Again, I write it down because if I don't, I'll forget it.

00:47:13.080 So on Friday night, my daughter had her dance recital.

00:47:18.540 On Saturday morning, I went and worked out because I'm still going to get my workout in.

00:47:22.880 So I got my workout in and then my daughter had another dance recital. 1.00

00:47:27.980 And in the meantime, I needed to get some groceries for the kids.

00:47:30.480 So I did that.

00:47:31.120 And then while she was at her dance recital, I took my second son to his basketball game.

00:47:38.640 And he ended up spraining his ankle really, really bad at the game.

00:47:43.340 So as he was laying on the ground and I picked him up with his oldest brother, we picked him up and put him on his bench.

00:47:48.040 I'm like, I got to go because I had to go to pick up my daughter from her dance recital.

00:47:55.240 And she was 20 minutes late, which I knew would happen. 0.95

00:47:57.720 And I get back to my second son's game and there's seven seconds left on the fourth quarter.

00:48:03.940 I walk in, the buzzer goes off in the game.

00:48:06.840 Then the coach of my third son's team two days earlier messaged me, hey, I'm going to be out of town this weekend.

00:48:14.820 Will you coach his team?

00:48:16.420 I've never coached his team.

00:48:18.040 I don't know the kids' names.

00:48:20.100 I don't know who they are.

00:48:21.320 I don't know any of their, I know nothing.

00:48:23.100 I'm like, sure, because that's what dads do.

00:48:25.860 So I went and coached his game, got him back, ran a couple of errands.

00:48:31.220 And then my daughter had her actual dance recital after that.

00:48:35.100 Like, it's crazy.

00:48:37.100 Yeah.

00:48:37.720 And I love it.

00:48:38.860 Like, it's just, I just knew that was going to be a crazy day.

00:48:42.280 And I still did my work.

00:48:43.980 I went and worked out.

00:48:45.380 When that was all done, I went for a little drive that evening just to clear my head and, you know, decompress for a little bit.

00:48:52.540 It's fine because you can adapt and adjust and you're willing to flow, just ebb and flow.

00:48:58.820 Like, you know, when, I think you start to learn this in jujitsu, like when somebody's on top of you, let's say it's like mounted or it's, you know, knee on belly.

00:49:11.080 Like, if you're so firm, if you're on top and you're so firm, you're easy to move to one side or the other.

00:49:20.140 And somebody who's on the bottom can get out.

00:49:22.200 But what you notice about guys who've been doing jujitsu for any amount of time, when they're in top position, they can put the pressure on, no doubt.

00:49:30.360 But they also know the term is when to float.

00:49:34.140 Yeah.

00:49:34.420 And so they almost hover.

00:49:37.300 It's like a, it's like a assertive hovering over the person.

00:49:41.520 When the person turns, they let them turn.

00:49:43.680 When they turn the other way, they let them turn that way.

00:49:46.260 And it's, that's what we need to do as dads.

00:49:49.020 You know, when my second son, like I said, he rolled his ankle.

00:49:52.300 It's like, damn, let's go to, we got to go to Walmart.

00:49:54.720 We got to get him crutches.

00:49:55.700 So I went and got him crutches.

00:49:57.620 Didn't know he didn't need to go into the doctor, but if he did, we would have been able to do that.

00:50:01.000 Like you just flow, just hover, flow, let the environment do what it's going to do.

00:50:07.500 And you just maintain your position.

00:50:09.960 Yeah.

00:50:10.540 I love it, man.

00:50:11.460 I love it.

00:50:11.960 You know, it's funny that the only things that are just additions to your statements is on the career, learn everything there is to learn.

00:50:20.720 You know, we, we talk about this all the time.

00:50:22.680 So many guys are like, oh man, I need a new job or whatever.

00:50:26.000 But there's, there's opportunity sitting on your lap right now.

00:50:31.080 Have you learned the thing?

00:50:32.700 Have you proven, are you taking advantage of the circumstance that you're in?

00:50:38.200 Don't do that.

00:50:39.060 Learn everything there is to learn, outwork everybody else, and be default assertive.

00:50:45.920 Like just be assertive in, in your career.

00:50:49.160 Don't be sitting back waiting and hoping that someone will, like, if you want a position, say, I want this position.

00:50:56.180 What do I need to do to be able to get it?

00:50:57.760 Like be assertive.

00:50:58.840 Most leaders, man, you love those type of people, right?

00:51:02.860 On your team.

00:51:03.380 The term that I, that I use for it, Kip, is just being eager.

00:51:08.100 Yeah.

00:51:09.140 Eager to learn, eager to serve.

00:51:11.640 If you're walking down the hall and there's a piece of trash there, pick it up.

00:51:15.420 Yeah.

00:51:15.740 Just pick it up.

00:51:17.180 You know, if the toilet paper needs to be replaced in the bathroom, replace the toilet paper.

00:51:21.320 Yeah.

00:51:21.580 If somebody says, hey, hey, Steve, can you help me with the thing?

00:51:25.040 Yeah, sure.

00:51:25.580 Give me 30 seconds.

00:51:27.200 Like just be eager to just be in it fully.

00:51:30.880 Yeah.

00:51:31.200 And when you, when there's an issue, make things happen.

00:51:34.080 See it, make things happen.

00:51:35.720 Just, yeah.

00:51:37.020 And then the, the, what I put on the second year marriage is don't stop dating.

00:51:41.760 Don't lose yourself.

00:51:42.820 You already said that.

00:51:43.940 And then planning for kids, I'm projecting on you, Jackie, a little bit here, but it's

00:51:50.020 never, you're never going to be ready.

00:51:52.160 So, and we hear that a lot.

00:51:53.820 Like people are like planning for kids and we'll, we'll have kids when we're ready.

00:51:57.460 You're never going to be ready.

00:51:58.720 Now you should have a job and, you know, obviously.

00:52:02.100 Sure.

00:52:02.200 Of course.

00:52:02.580 Right.

00:52:02.860 But, but don't get wrapped up in quote unquote being ready.

00:52:06.320 You're not going to.

00:52:07.520 Uh, they show up and, and, and it's amazing what children will do to your motivation to

00:52:13.880 get your act together and, and you'll find a way and, and they're a blessing and they're

00:52:17.840 amazing and it just soak it up as much as you can.

00:52:22.320 I would say one of the thing on the kids, if you don't already have kids, don't have kids

00:52:27.420 to solve problems or to fill voids.

00:52:31.120 Yeah.

00:52:31.600 Yeah.

00:52:31.760 Good point.

00:52:32.900 Right.

00:52:33.200 Cause I've actually heard of people doing that.

00:52:35.120 Like, Oh, our marriage was struggling and we decided to have a kid.

00:52:38.220 What?

00:52:40.220 What?

00:52:41.220 Oh, congratulations.

00:52:42.480 Instead of just having the baggage that you two needed to deal with, you decided to dump

00:52:47.220 it on some innocent baby.

00:52:49.260 Well played.

00:52:50.740 So don't do that and don't do it to fill voids.

00:52:54.980 Like if you're feeling lonely or there's part of life just missing, that's not a good reason

00:52:59.240 to have a kid because they're not there to fill a void.

00:53:02.040 In fact, it's just going to create a lot more work for you.

00:53:04.380 That's, I think that is different though, than saying, I would love to have kids and

00:53:09.160 I would love to have a family and we're in the position to be able to do it.

00:53:12.680 And we want to serve and we want to raise this kid and we want to be part of a family

00:53:18.100 and community.

00:53:18.920 That's a good reason.

00:53:19.860 But to say, Oh, I'm lonely or something's missing or everything's hard in life and having

00:53:25.060 it.

00:53:25.320 No.

00:53:25.920 Yeah.

00:53:27.280 Bad reasons to have kids.

00:53:28.840 Yeah.

00:53:29.440 Yeah.

00:53:30.160 Yeah.

00:53:30.420 All right.

00:53:31.900 Last of the eighties.

00:53:33.340 I have a teenage boy who deflects any feedback.

00:53:36.620 I try to give him examples.

00:53:39.240 His grades are poor.

00:53:40.120 He spends too much time on his phone.

00:53:41.580 When I address these issues, he tries to steer the conversation into another direction.

00:53:46.400 How can I make him more accountable for his actions?

00:53:50.820 Hmm.

00:53:51.820 I like that.

00:53:52.920 A couple of things immediately came to mind.

00:53:54.780 Number one is give him responsibility.

00:53:58.380 So allowing him to come up with ideas or to have a part of the house that he needs to

00:54:04.520 clean or that is his responsibility or fixing the yard or whatever it might be.

00:54:10.160 Those are always good things.

00:54:11.420 Let him teach you.

00:54:12.560 Let him have leadership.

00:54:13.540 He's a teenager.

00:54:14.480 He's a son.

00:54:15.380 He's probably trying to gain a little more independence.

00:54:17.580 He doesn't want you riding him down his throat.

00:54:19.460 And, of course, he's going to deflect when you're nagging him about whatever it is.

00:54:22.700 And I'm not saying it's inappropriate, by the way.

00:54:24.960 It may be required.

00:54:26.440 But I think if you give him some responsibility by letting him run with something, he's going

00:54:31.560 to feel more in control.

00:54:33.940 And I think you're going to start seeing some added accountability.

00:54:37.960 Another thing that I thought of is just making sure that you tee up a conversation.

00:54:48.360 And what I mean by that is if you know that you need to talk with him about his phone time

00:54:53.840 or his screen time, instead of just throwing it on him, give him a little bit of time to

00:54:59.320 prepare for it.

00:55:01.080 So it might go something like this.

00:55:02.620 Hey, bud, I know I got to drop you off at school.

00:55:06.140 This afternoon, I wanted to talk with you about just your usage on technology.

00:55:10.800 Everything is fine.

00:55:11.820 No problem.

00:55:12.760 We just need to have some ground rules and parameters on how and when is appropriate

00:55:17.600 use of your phone or screen time or whatever else it may be.

00:55:21.120 You good to talk with it about that?

00:55:22.860 And he might say, well, dad, I was going to go to the basketball game tonight.

00:55:25.940 Okay, that's fair.

00:55:27.460 Why don't you go to the basketball game?

00:55:28.880 When would you like to address this?

00:55:32.460 Let him decide.

00:55:34.260 And if he says, well, you know, tomorrow afternoon after school would be better for me.

00:55:38.340 That seems reasonable.

00:55:40.180 It doesn't need to be right now.

00:55:42.300 And that gives him a little bit more autonomy over his life.

00:55:45.880 And he's the one choosing when you're going to have that conversation.

00:55:50.360 And when he starts to deflect, it's, hey, bud, look, remember yesterday on the car ride

00:55:55.220 to school and you said you wanted to go to the game?

00:55:58.300 And I said, cool, why don't you go to the game?

00:56:00.840 When would be a better time?

00:56:01.940 And you said today after school.

00:56:03.400 It's today after school.

00:56:05.460 So I need you to focus because this is what men do. 0.56

00:56:09.660 Totally.

00:56:10.340 I love it.

00:56:11.240 I'll use an example.

00:56:12.340 Last week I had a call with a leader and there was some shifting of an organizational structure.

00:56:20.120 And I'm like, hey, how's things going?

00:56:21.660 They're like, oh, man, things are really rough.

00:56:23.280 And I'm like, okay, got it.

00:56:24.420 What's going on?

00:56:25.700 Well, you know, they want to handle this process this way.

00:56:28.660 And we want to handle this process this way.

00:56:30.680 And we're kind of butting heads.

00:56:31.860 I'm like, okay.

00:56:32.760 And what's the next step?

00:56:34.480 Like, how do you address this?

00:56:37.720 Well, we're going to clarify it better and come back and explain why it needs to be this way better, right?

00:56:45.840 And I was like, well, can I give you some recommendations?

00:56:50.080 He's like, yeah.

00:56:50.600 I'm like, it has nothing to do with the process.

00:56:52.260 What are they really arguing?

00:56:58.840 Is their argue based in logic of what's the best approach?

00:57:03.500 Or do you think they're questioning your intent of what's best for them?

00:57:08.280 And they're thinking that maybe you're just trying to control what's going on and vice versa.

00:57:13.060 And it's more about the relationship and them knowing that you guys actually genuinely care.

00:57:18.420 You want to see them be successful.

00:57:19.680 And he was like, good point.

00:57:22.780 I'm like, double down, address the relationship.

00:57:25.140 Make sure you guys are on the same page.

00:57:27.580 Last of the 80s, I'm not saying you don't have a good relationship with your son.

00:57:31.640 Make sure that the only conversations that he's having with you is, hey, get off your phone.

00:57:38.300 Hey, your grades are bad.

00:57:39.580 Hey, this.

00:57:40.340 Hey, that.

00:57:41.180 All the complaints versus, hey, let's go play some video games together.

00:57:47.220 Hey, do you want to go bowling tonight?

00:57:49.680 Make sure that the only messaging that your son's getting is not ones of you just criticizing what he's doing and make sure that you have a strong, established relationship.

00:58:01.640 And then, and we talk about this in our leadership development.

00:58:06.420 That's how you're in a position of influence to correct after, one, you see that he's amazing and you have no problems with him.

00:58:14.960 Two, you have a strong relationship with him and a strong relationship with his peers, aka his buddies.

00:58:22.100 Then you're having a conversation, you're learning from him, you're understanding him, what challenges does he have, what difficulties, what does he need.

00:58:33.620 And then after all that, you are in a position of influence and in a position to correct someone.

00:58:39.200 But if you go to correction before any of that foundational items, it will be seen as persecution.

00:58:44.720 Well, you know, Kip, I think that's well said.

00:58:49.140 One of the problems with that is that, as you were saying that, you said something like earned the position to critique or you said something along those lines.

00:58:58.580 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:59.100 As a dad, I think a lot of guys might say, I don't need to earn anything, I'm their dad.

00:59:02.600 And you might technically be right, but the question to what you're saying is, does you correcting without the earned influence, even though, yes, you have the right to do that because you're his father, move the needle forward and foster a better relationship between you two?

00:59:19.320 The answer is certainly no.

00:59:21.480 So we're not saying you don't have the right.

00:59:24.060 We're saying do it right.

00:59:26.340 And it's emotional capital.

00:59:28.560 You know, I actually wanted to ask you something about this.

00:59:31.060 Because as my children get older, and specifically my oldest son, he's 16 now, he's driving, he's got a girlfriend, he's got hobbies and sports and everything else.

00:59:40.020 Getting him to do things with me, to your point earlier, is increasingly difficult.

00:59:46.320 Yeah.

00:59:46.660 And I want to hear from you.

00:59:48.440 What I've done is just been more interested in what he is doing.

00:59:53.220 He's really into photography.

00:59:55.240 And so I've invested with him in helping him get equipment that he needs.

00:59:59.780 We talked about his computer that I financed for him.

01:00:03.760 So I can let him do his thing, and then I ask questions about it and have him show me things, even though I'm not directly involved in those things.

01:00:11.760 Or, you know, if he's got this truck that he loves, and I'm like, dude, take me for a ride.

01:00:16.980 Yeah.

01:00:17.500 Or what would, like, we were out there just the other day.

01:00:19.760 I'm like, what do you want to do to the truck?

01:00:21.080 He's like, oh, I want to get an exhaust on it, and I want to lie in the bed.

01:00:26.200 Like, him just sharing things that I'm interested in, or maybe I'm not interested in, but he is.

01:00:31.600 And so, like, that has been pretty valuable.

01:00:33.340 I don't know if you have any other ideas on that, because I know you've gone through this.

01:00:36.780 Totally.

01:00:37.320 Like, I think we have to step up our game.

01:00:39.940 Like, I don't enjoy, I wish, I would enjoy golfing if I was good at it.

01:00:44.720 But when I go golfing, it's with one of my sons.

01:00:48.760 Why?

01:00:49.380 Because he loves golfing.

01:00:51.840 So I go.

01:00:53.420 And I look like a moron.

01:00:54.860 I can't hit the ball right, and I suck at it, and I usually am mad.

01:00:58.780 But I'll go golfing with him if he ever asks.

01:01:03.580 And so I think it's finding where their interests are.

01:01:06.780 But the other part is what I'm realizing, too, is we have to step up our game around what are we doing.

01:01:15.320 And this is even more so when the kids have moved out.

01:01:19.040 My wife and I were like, hey, we want to have the kids together for Christmas.

01:01:23.780 We're realizing we can't probably have two, like, we have to make it more enticing and make it even more epic.

01:01:33.440 Right?

01:01:33.760 So it's like, hey, I don't know.

01:01:36.600 And Asia will hear this, and she's going to pounce on this and take advantage of the fact of what I'm going to say. 0.99

01:01:42.180 But like, hey, we're going to have Christmas in Hawaii.

01:01:45.140 You don't think my older kids will all be like, absolutely, we're going to go.

01:01:49.100 Do you want me to edit that out of the podcast?

01:01:52.660 No, it's fine.

01:01:53.740 She's been nagging me about doing that anyway.

01:01:56.120 But I'll edit the part that you said she's been nagging you out of the podcast as well.

01:02:00.840 Or, hey, let's ride the motorcycles.

01:02:05.460 Let's do an epic motorcycle trip.

01:02:07.780 My boys would not say no to that.

01:02:09.780 Are you joking?

01:02:10.800 Like, they would be all over it.

01:02:12.760 But now I have to just work harder, you know, to really meet them where, what they want to do.

01:02:19.720 And do stuff that you may not, it may not be your favorite first pick thing to do.

01:02:24.780 Totally.

01:02:25.340 Totally.

01:02:25.680 The main thing, and just one last thought for this question is, and I'm still in this from the book, The Anatomy of Peace.

01:02:34.180 And they make this distinction of having a heart at war or a heart at peace.

01:02:39.720 Make sure you don't have a heart at war towards your kid.

01:02:44.360 If you do, everything you do will be perceived with the heart of war.

01:02:51.100 That they're not good enough.

01:02:52.940 That they're not worthy of your love.

01:02:54.960 That you see them as a problem.

01:02:56.320 That type of conversation will not serve you and will not serve your kid.

01:03:03.560 Yeah.

01:03:05.480 Agreed.

01:03:06.600 Okay.

01:03:07.120 Joda Vega.

01:03:10.140 I married a woman during a time in my life when I was fresh out of drug addiction and was recovering from a loss of my mother.

01:03:17.480 I continued the behavior of addiction with alcohol.

01:03:21.080 I hoped that she would fill in as a mother of my five-year-old son, whose biological mother was in prison.

01:03:28.200 My son has grown and moved out.

01:03:31.440 She has no desire for me.

01:03:33.620 Should we even try to stay together?

01:03:36.720 Yes.

01:03:39.800 We can talk about what that might look like, but what did you say when you married her?

01:03:46.700 Do you still believe that?

01:03:48.820 It's hard.

01:03:49.520 It's hard.

01:03:49.860 And I'm not actually saying that it won't, that it will work out.

01:03:53.980 But of course, you owe it to yourself.

01:03:56.780 You owe it to her to try.

01:03:58.800 And you can only do it so long if another party is not willing to contribute in that journey together.

01:04:04.980 So there might come a point in time where you've shown that you're willing to and she's shown that she's not.

01:04:12.200 And maybe you're there.

01:04:13.460 Maybe you're not.

01:04:14.040 I don't know where you are.

01:04:14.900 But if you're asking me, should we try?

01:04:16.520 The answer is most certainly yes.

01:04:18.040 And I think there's a good lesson to be learned here.

01:04:20.220 We talked a little bit about having kids to fill a void.

01:04:22.740 The same thing is about getting into relationships.

01:04:25.600 And you can see a little bit of the struggle that you guys are stepping into.

01:04:28.460 But you've also been together for, it sounds like, I don't know, 13, 15 years or so.

01:04:32.880 Your five-year-old son.

01:04:33.900 So, and he's out of the house now.

01:04:36.200 So that's a pretty good run.

01:04:38.620 Something worked.

01:04:40.960 Whether it's, and some days it might just be, you're just dedicated to it.

01:04:45.660 And that's the only reason it's working.

01:04:48.400 But I also, I found that being assertive as possible in all of my endeavors has always served me well.

01:04:57.720 And an assertive conversation sounds like it's warranted.

01:05:01.960 And it's not threatening.

01:05:03.520 It's not an ultimatum.

01:05:05.900 It's just acknowledging what is going on.

01:05:09.260 And she probably acknowledges it as well.

01:05:13.120 So if you pretend like it doesn't exist or you don't ever address it, it only gets worse.

01:05:18.300 And both people are operating blindly.

01:05:20.900 But an assertive conversation would go something like this.

01:05:25.400 Hey, hon, like, man, we've, you and I have really, we've had a rough couple of years.

01:05:32.280 And I know you're not as happy or fulfilled maybe as you once were with me.

01:05:37.940 And in all fairness, I'm not real happy or fulfilled the way that we used to be.

01:05:45.820 I want things to change for the better.

01:05:49.060 I want them to get better.

01:05:50.900 And I'm willing to invest in making them better.

01:05:54.260 But this is the first time we're talking about it.

01:05:56.600 And I want to know where you're at.

01:06:00.020 Be prepared to hear some things you don't like.

01:06:03.820 Commit to staying above the fray of what might come your way if you open this can of worms.

01:06:11.880 But it needs to be opened.

01:06:14.460 Or your marriage will end in the next two years and you'll be blindsided by it.

01:06:20.900 Either way, it's going to end if you don't bring it up.

01:06:25.520 So bring it up.

01:06:28.020 Start the conversation.

01:06:30.140 See where she's at.

01:06:31.480 See if she's willing to work together with it.

01:06:34.960 And then you can start coming up with a plan.

01:06:36.580 Maybe it's therapy.

01:06:39.160 Maybe there's a marriage course or a podcast you can listen to.

01:06:43.580 Maybe there's a book.

01:06:44.500 And I can make those recommendations.

01:06:45.900 But there's a book that you can read.

01:06:48.340 Or maybe you guys can have a hobby together.

01:06:51.680 Or commit to talking every week.

01:06:53.700 Or developing and building in spirituality.

01:06:56.780 There's a lot that you can do.

01:06:58.960 But the first step is, do you even want to do this?

01:07:04.560 I don't know.

01:07:05.400 I'm not, I can't know.

01:07:06.640 How would I know?

01:07:07.800 But the conversation needs to take place for sure.

01:07:10.580 Yeah.

01:07:11.900 I love it.

01:07:15.000 Let's jump to this last question.

01:07:17.760 Okay.

01:07:18.280 So Blackbird M3.

01:07:19.820 Hold on, I just, hold on one second on that.

01:07:22.020 I can't remember the guy's name.

01:07:23.560 But if you just send us a message, like, you're in a crappy spot.

01:07:28.900 You know, Kip, you've been through a breakdown of a marriage.

01:07:31.820 I've been through a breakdown of a marriage.

01:07:34.880 It sucks.

01:07:35.980 I don't want that to happen if it doesn't need to happen to people.

01:07:39.900 I want your marriage to stay together.

01:07:42.040 But I also want you guys to be healthy.

01:07:44.500 Both her and you.

01:07:46.300 Yeah.

01:07:46.540 I think you can do it together.

01:07:48.380 It's probably going to take a lot of work depending on how long it's been.

01:07:51.540 But I do think you can do it together if you're committed to it and she is committed to it.

01:07:58.080 Yeah.

01:07:58.240 So if you need something from me, a resource, a book, like whatever, let me know.

01:08:02.920 I'll get whatever you need to help you figure that out.

01:08:06.320 Yeah, absolutely.

01:08:07.820 And what a great, I use this term, you're in it.

01:08:13.560 You're in it.

01:08:15.200 This is good.

01:08:17.480 Right?

01:08:18.020 You're dealing in reality.

01:08:19.860 You're addressing it.

01:08:21.060 You're not going to pretend anymore.

01:08:23.140 And the kind of man that you can become and should become is better off addressing this regardless.

01:08:34.280 Absolutely.

01:08:37.300 Okay.

01:08:38.000 Last question.

01:08:39.240 Blackbird M3s.

01:08:40.500 How do I find the drive to turn the things I want to do into the things I need to do?

01:08:48.400 Example, I'd like to make more money, but it's just a want.

01:08:51.580 How do I make it a need and take action?

01:08:54.380 The way we do things matters.

01:09:00.400 If you say I want to make money, welcome to the club.

01:09:03.160 Everybody wants to make money.

01:09:04.900 And you can do a million things to make more money.

01:09:07.300 Which one appeals to you?

01:09:11.580 Because if you're climbing up the wrong ladder and you're looking up there and you're like, man, I don't even want to do, I don't even like doing this.

01:09:19.380 I don't even want whatever that is up there.

01:09:21.120 How motivated are you going to be to do it?

01:09:25.220 But if you lean your ladder against the right wall, even though it might get challenging at times, you're more than happy to keep climbing because you know what's on the other end.

01:09:34.660 So the way that you do something really matters.

01:09:37.520 It's too broad to say I want to make a bunch of money.

01:09:40.260 Everybody wants to do that.

01:09:42.080 That's nothing special or unique.

01:09:44.640 There's no value in that.

01:09:47.200 Or I want to get in shape.

01:09:48.780 Everybody wants to be in shape.

01:09:51.040 Everybody wants to look good when their clothes are off.

01:09:53.680 Everybody wants to have a six pack abs.

01:09:55.500 Like everybody.

01:09:57.320 Tell me what specifically about that is relevant to you.

01:10:01.900 Is it more energy?

01:10:03.200 Is it feeling better about yourself?

01:10:04.900 Is it the sense of accomplishment because you picked up a new hobby that was physical in nature or some sort of martial art?

01:10:10.780 Get more specific.

01:10:12.080 And the more specific you are, the more you can, to use that analogy earlier, lean your ladder up against the right wall.

01:10:20.600 When you do that, you don't have to convince yourself.

01:10:24.040 Yeah.

01:10:24.620 Like I don't have to convince myself to come into work every day.

01:10:27.680 I like what I do.

01:10:29.760 There's days that are better than others.

01:10:31.800 And there's certainly dynamics of this business that I don't enjoy.

01:10:35.940 But I do them happily because it's what's required to do something that's meaningful and significant to me.

01:10:44.260 When I go into the gym in the morning, I'm not going to go run on the treadmill.

01:10:49.260 People tell me, you should do cardio.

01:10:50.840 You should go run on the treadmill.

01:10:51.680 I'm not going to do it.

01:10:53.660 I don't want to.

01:10:54.720 I don't like it.

01:10:55.640 I don't enjoy it.

01:10:56.620 Yeah, I'll lose weight.

01:10:57.800 Yeah, my legs will get stronger.

01:10:58.960 I don't care.

01:11:00.740 I'm going to go lift.

01:11:01.520 And you can go run and you can go train jiu-jitsu and you can go do this and you can go do that.

01:11:07.860 But here's what I like to do.

01:11:09.140 And so I'm going to do this because this is what keeps me in the game.

01:11:13.320 But I don't have to convince myself to go lift weights.

01:11:16.600 It's not a hard battle.

01:11:19.360 Sometimes it is, but I still get it done.

01:11:21.720 But generally, it's not hard to convince myself.

01:11:24.720 I think you might have a target problem.

01:11:32.040 Figure out a better, more precise target, and then you can figure out a better way to

01:11:36.200 approach it without convincing yourself you have to do something that sounds miserable.

01:11:41.820 Yeah.

01:11:42.260 I mean, even think about that question, right?

01:11:44.740 It's interesting if you really think about it.

01:11:46.840 Like, how do I turn these things into things I need to do?

01:11:50.900 Really?

01:11:51.880 You want that kind of pressure?

01:11:53.140 I have to do this, or I'm going to be on the street?

01:11:56.500 Or do you want to do things because you want to do them?

01:12:01.060 Man, I'd rather be choosing the want, not the need.

01:12:05.280 You don't want that kind of pressure and stress to get the results you want.

01:12:13.340 So, yeah.

01:12:14.480 So the only thing I'd add is, and it's in the spirit of coming to the end of the year.

01:12:21.540 We talked about this in the Iron Council a little bit last week on our Friday call.

01:12:26.280 But sometimes we tie a sense of being to the results, right?

01:12:34.680 And we go, oh, as an example, I have a goal next quarter.

01:12:37.900 I'm going to run a marathon.

01:12:39.480 And we don't get clear why.

01:12:41.720 Why do you want to run that marathon?

01:12:43.360 Oh, because I'll have confidence in what I can accomplish.

01:12:48.500 I'll feel more proud of my body.

01:12:51.200 I will this.

01:12:52.120 I will that.

01:12:53.120 And then we'll delay those results until we run the marathon.

01:12:59.380 I would suggest don't delay happiness, joy, and fulfillment for some future state.

01:13:07.580 Be that person now.

01:13:09.900 And that's what I'm hearing in what you're saying, Ryan, right?

01:13:12.320 I don't have a problem going to the gym.

01:13:14.160 Why?

01:13:14.400 Because it fulfills a need now.

01:13:18.180 You feel happy with the man that you are being today when you go to the gym today.

01:13:24.640 Not some future state.

01:13:27.100 It gives fulfillment right now in the moment.

01:13:31.500 And so don't be careful not to put some pedestal value of being to making money.

01:13:38.500 Because like someday when I make that money, then, then I'll be.

01:13:42.920 Don't do that.

01:13:44.520 You know, and I hear that in your, I want to make more money.

01:13:46.860 Yeah, of course, everyone wants to make more money.

01:13:49.040 But don't delay your happiness for some time to make money.

01:13:52.620 And mark my word, if you do, 40 and it wasn't enough.

01:13:57.020 And 50 wasn't enough.

01:13:58.100 And 60 wasn't enough.

01:13:59.060 And 80 wasn't enough.

01:14:00.040 And then I eventually realized it was never about the money.

01:14:03.180 And I was using money to try to address a gap.

01:14:06.100 Make sure that you're not doing the same.

01:14:07.600 I mean, I've heard, and I don't know what the exact number is.

01:14:11.040 It's probably more now just because of inflation.

01:14:12.680 But once a person makes $76,000 a year, it's got to be more than that.

01:14:16.840 But let's just use that arbitrary number.

01:14:19.120 That from there is not much more of a benefit in lifestyle or an improved standard of living,

01:14:25.320 or at least an improved level of personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

01:14:29.580 Maybe better standard of living, but yeah.

01:14:32.180 Yeah.

01:14:32.400 You moved past Maslow's hierarchy of needs on the first two levels around 70, 80K.

01:14:38.540 So now it's about something else.

01:14:40.520 Right.

01:14:40.900 Yeah.

01:14:41.880 I wrote something down here that you say.

01:14:44.380 I'm surprised you didn't say it because it's the be, it's the be, do, have mentality.

01:14:50.480 And most people flip it around.

01:14:52.100 It's the have, it's the do, and it's the be. 0.93

01:14:54.940 Right?

01:14:55.340 Like once I have more money, then I'll be able to do what I want to do.

01:14:59.640 And then I'll be happy.

01:15:01.640 That's how most people approach it.

01:15:03.240 Totally.

01:15:03.720 Have, do, be.

01:15:04.620 And what you've always shared, and I really appreciate this, is be happy now.

01:15:09.680 And if you're happy or content or fulfilled, then you're more likely to do things that are going to drive you towards having whatever it is you want in life.

01:15:21.320 With the money, you said, I want to make more money.

01:15:23.980 No, you don't.

01:15:24.560 You want to have more money.

01:15:29.700 Because if you said, I want to make more money, you wouldn't have a problem.

01:15:33.420 If that was accurate, you wouldn't have a problem getting your butt into work and making more money.

01:15:37.780 You don't want to make more money.

01:15:39.180 You want to have more money.

01:15:41.040 You want the results.

01:15:42.420 Right.

01:15:43.360 So correctly identify it.

01:15:45.800 That's important too.

01:15:47.100 And I love the be, do, have mentality.

01:15:49.400 Be fulfilled.

01:15:50.420 Be happy.

01:15:51.040 You know, when I go into the gym, for example, a lot of people deal with imposter syndrome.

01:15:55.880 Well, I'm not a lifter.

01:15:59.000 I'm not a runner.

01:15:59.900 I'm not a writer.

01:16:00.780 I'm not a business person.

01:16:01.900 I'm not a this.

01:16:02.680 I'm not a that.

01:16:03.440 Do you know what lifters do?

01:16:04.880 They lift weights.

01:16:07.040 Do you know what runners do?

01:16:08.300 They run.

01:16:09.180 Do you know what writers do?

01:16:10.220 They write.

01:16:11.020 And if you're engaged in those things, you already are a writer or a lifter or a runner or a martial artist or whatever.

01:16:17.800 So be, just decide like, hey, yeah, no, I'm a runner because I ran today.

01:16:23.540 So I am.

01:16:24.800 That's the being.

01:16:26.120 And then you do what runners do.

01:16:27.580 If you're like, okay, yeah, I'm a runner.

01:16:29.320 I ran yesterday.

01:16:30.000 I want to be a runner today.

01:16:30.920 And so I'm going to go do it.

01:16:31.680 And so you do it.

01:16:32.400 And then you have the strong legs.

01:16:34.620 You have the stamina.

01:16:35.700 You have the six pack abs.

01:16:37.200 You have the way you want to look.

01:16:38.480 You have the energy and everything else that comes with being and doing the right things.

01:16:43.300 Yeah.

01:16:44.000 Love it, man.

01:16:45.180 Okay.

01:16:46.000 Let's bring it home.

01:16:46.480 Yeah, so major call-outs.

01:16:49.400 Iron Council is opening up.

01:16:51.780 You can join us at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil and get ready to kick off the 2025 year and get on a battle team where like-minded individuals are going to help drive you towards your goals, hold you accountable, and the flip side of it, right, where you join a community where you're doing that for other men.

01:17:12.740 So once again, that's orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

01:17:16.480 And of course, with the Christmas season, to get your order of man swag, you need to make those orders soon.

01:17:22.360 That's store.orderofman.com for all your order of man swag.

01:17:29.540 It's awesome.

01:17:30.700 I was going to say something that's pretty cool, too.

01:17:33.260 In about three weeks, the end of December, I'm writing a check for $10,000 to somebody who wins in the Iron Council who wins our transformation challenge.

01:17:44.060 $10,000 is what it's up to?

01:17:46.860 $10,000 is what the winner gets.

01:17:49.480 And there was no rules.

01:17:51.040 There was no direction.

01:17:52.740 There was no guidance.

01:17:54.720 It was all you had to do is give us a before pick before a certain date.

01:17:59.120 And this was like three months ago.

01:18:00.700 And then you have to give us an after pick after December 31st.

01:18:04.400 And then we vote on it.

01:18:05.700 Iron Council votes on it.

01:18:07.280 And whoever wins gets a check for $10,000 to start out the new year.

01:18:11.880 I'm actually very excited about that.

01:18:13.660 It's going to be cool.

01:18:13.980 Dude, I'm super.

01:18:14.980 That purse is awesome.

01:18:17.500 I didn't realize it was that high.

01:18:19.000 That's so cool.

01:18:19.720 It is.

01:18:20.280 And you know what's actually even cooler about it?

01:18:22.900 Is that it's not coming from my, from me.

01:18:26.840 And I know obviously that's cool because I don't have to write out a $10,000 check.

01:18:30.480 But the point that I'm making when I say that is because everybody that wanted to play had to pay.

01:18:38.300 Including myself.

01:18:39.300 And I can't even win the $10,000 pot.

01:18:41.940 Yeah.

01:18:42.480 But everybody put in, it was $500.

01:18:45.800 So we have 20 people that put in 500 bucks and they said, let the best man win.

01:18:50.600 And the reason I love that is because that is accountability.

01:18:56.680 That is skin in the game.

01:18:58.960 That's the kind of men that we deal with who are like, oh no, I can do this.

01:19:02.960 And they're willing, as I said earlier, to put their money where their mouth is.

01:19:06.420 And 19 of us are going to be out $500.

01:19:09.940 And one of us is going to be up $10,000.

01:19:12.720 And I think that's pretty cool.

01:19:15.060 That's super cool.

01:19:16.420 Yeah.

01:19:16.580 Oh, that's awesome.

01:19:17.780 Anyways, we'll do more stuff like that in the future, guys.

01:19:20.420 So make sure you join and band with us.

01:19:22.060 It's not about the money.

01:19:23.380 The money is good.

01:19:24.900 And the money will help.

01:19:26.440 You know, pay off Christmas.

01:19:27.880 Maybe pay off that car loan or some student debt.

01:19:29.960 Or maybe take your family on a really cool vacation.

01:19:32.300 Do whatever you want with it.

01:19:33.820 But it's not the money.

01:19:35.080 It's what you did leading up to the $10,000.

01:19:38.540 That's the real transformation.

01:19:40.660 Yeah.

01:19:41.420 That's cool.

01:19:42.500 Cool.

01:19:42.840 Okay.

01:19:43.180 All right, you guys.

01:19:43.780 Appreciate everybody.

01:19:44.380 Great questions today.

01:19:45.120 Keep them coming.

01:19:45.920 And we'll be back on Friday.

01:19:47.040 Until then, go out there, take action,

01:19:48.420 and become the man you are meant to be.

01:19:54.100 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:19:57.060 If you're ready to take charge of your life

01:19:58.700 and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:20:01.100 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:20:04.240 All right.

01:20:08.840 We'll be right back.

01:20:14.520 Thank you.

Order of Man - December 11, 2024

An Appeal to Authority, How Men Are Respected, and Ruthless Assertiveness ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Order of Man - December 11, 2024

An Appeal to Authority, How Men Are Respected, and Ruthless&#xA0;Assertiveness ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

An Appeal to Authority, How Men Are Respected, and Ruthless Assertiveness ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING