An Appeal to Authority, How Men Are Respected, and Ruthless Assertiveness ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 20 minutes
Words per Minute
175.6264
Summary
In this episode, we talk about being a man of action and how to deal with the challenges that life throws your way. We also talk about a new report from the House Oversight Committee regarding the spread of the COID pandemic.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
There's a logical fallacy called the appeal to authority.
00:00:03.460
This is actually one of the reasons why I do talk a little bit about my faith.
00:00:07.920
And I know there's people who listen to this podcast that wish I would talk more about it.
00:00:11.440
The problem with addressing it is if you have a group of individuals,
00:00:14.960
like we have tens, if not hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of men.
00:00:18.580
And if my only reason for doing a certain thing is because God commanded me to do it,
00:00:25.620
that's an appeal to authority that they don't ascribe to.
00:00:32.940
You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:37.340
When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:41.780
You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, or strong.
00:00:49.360
This is who you will become at the end of the day.
00:00:52.320
And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:59.320
As always, on our Monday morning, hope all's going well.
00:01:04.820
I had a great weekend, went to Delta, chilled, relaxed.
00:01:07.900
I was like, I should probably go down there and make sure the house isn't burned to the ground or flooding or something.
00:01:17.740
So that even is more likely that those things might exist.
00:01:27.180
Like whenever you do it yourself, you're like, I don't know if that's going to hold up.
00:01:31.440
You know, you start questioning your abilities, but oh, well.
00:01:35.120
Probably need to, I don't, do you winterize it?
00:01:38.260
Are you guys going to go there throughout the winter?
00:01:41.300
We go enough that we leave the heat on and make sure, you know what I mean, that it's capable of withstanding the winter.
00:01:48.440
Man, I was introduced to that when I was up in Maine, just especially when I moved back and we had tenants in there or they got in there late for winter, but we had to keep everything running because you started letting it get cold.
00:02:07.380
In fact, we had the year before I left or that winter before I left had major water damage.
00:02:14.940
Some pipes had froze and water just everywhere in the kitchen, in the laundry room, in the canning room.
00:02:27.360
Well, I find homes interesting how neglecting them or not being active in them, they'll naturally just deteriorate.
00:02:36.880
Whether you're winterizing it or, or, or whatever, it's like they require constant upkeep.
00:02:51.840
This, this go around, I think you were going to lead us off and then I've got something to follow up with.
00:03:02.320
It seems like it was a really busy week, but, but the one that really resonated with me
00:03:06.800
was, um, a report that came out of the house oversight committee, uh, regarding the COVID pandemic.
00:03:15.780
And so this, this is a bipartisan, uh, committee and the results of that, um, of that report
00:03:25.100
are the following that COVID originated from a lab in Wuhan.
00:03:28.820
And, and by the way, like not shocking to anybody that probably listens to this podcast, but,
00:03:36.060
I think it's still valuable to, to, to reference gain of function research contributed to this,
00:03:43.100
Social distancing was arbitrary and not based on science.
00:03:58.140
Vaccine mandates were not supported by science.
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Public health officials ignore natural human, uh, immunity.
00:04:09.300
Science never justified school closures and children have suffered
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I'm not like, oh my gosh, that there's no way, but it's nice to have at least some bipartisan
00:04:29.000
group come up with these findings for all those people that were a little bit on the fence
00:04:33.740
that were, in my opinion, overly trusting their government that, Hey, I I'm, I'm just doing
00:04:39.260
what was told and they know what they're doing.
00:04:40.760
Hopefully you're in now in the camp of like, they actually don't know what they're doing
00:04:46.320
or, or they're guessing just like the rest of everybody else.
00:04:49.820
And that you shouldn't so easily, uh, be led and you should figure out things for yourself.
00:04:57.860
Well, I, that was kind of you to say they either don't know what they're doing or they're,
00:05:10.160
It is malicious that, that is what's happening.
00:05:13.540
You know, Fauci at a minimum purged himself and he's also responsible for hundreds of thousands
00:05:20.600
Uh, you know, and then you have the Biden circle thinking about, uh, offering pardons
00:05:28.160
ahead of time, ahead of being charged for guys like Fauci and, uh, Mark Milley and some of these
00:05:35.120
other guys, because the, the, the, the time for saying they're ignorant, it has come and gone.
00:05:43.800
If you're ignorant, like at this stage, you should, you belong nowhere in the public eye.
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So it's, it's not, it's negligence for sure, but I think it's maliciousness is what it is.
00:06:00.760
Why do, why does, why do normal people know this stuff way ahead of time?
00:06:06.620
I mean, all the things that you said, I knew I did the 15 days to slow the spread because
00:06:11.980
I didn't know and I got about three or four days into it and I'm like, oh, I know what
00:06:20.080
I know what's happening here and all the things, Wuhan, gain of function research, social distancing,
00:06:34.260
I I'm always, have you ever heard the term bro science?
00:06:41.120
A lot of times you'll hear about it in the gym.
00:06:42.940
It's the bros, it's the meatheads, it's the lifters that they always understand the science
00:06:54.880
Normal people who don't have PhDs, who don't understand how micro bacteria and viruses work
00:07:02.540
can pinpoint pretty accurately what is actually happening without all the credentials and all
00:07:09.680
the, the plaques and the placards and the degrees it's malicious at this point.
00:07:18.620
Are you even impressed by any of that stuff anymore?
00:07:21.360
Like when I hear when, when someone's like, well, it's doctor or it's peach.
00:07:28.160
Like I really like, I, and I think it's because people put so many individuals on pedestals.
00:07:35.000
And I, I remember doing this when I was younger.
00:07:40.480
I remember I had a big project that I consulted for to the military and, and this was, you know,
00:07:57.660
I went in there and I was like, dude, you guys don't have any idea what you're doing.
00:08:04.760
Like every single time I was intimidated and I thought, man, like I'm subpar.
00:08:11.280
Once I got into the weeds, I was like, yeah, you're no smarter than I am.
00:08:15.000
And, and so, and, and not to downplay anybody, there are some really smart people, but I also
00:08:21.480
realized that we're all a lot closer in our intelligence and understanding and wisdom than
00:08:30.320
And so when government officials, people in a position of authority, any authority, by the
00:08:35.940
way, I, even religious authorities or governmental authority groups and certain titles, we assume
00:08:41.860
that they are at some echelon of understanding of the world that we're not.
00:08:53.300
You said we're closer to intelligence than we, I think we're actually closer to stupidity
00:08:58.600
Cause most of us are just ridiculous, but we'll take it for what you meant.
00:09:07.740
But yeah, there's, there's a logical fallacy called the appeal to authority.
00:09:12.560
This is actually one of the reasons why I don't, I do talk a little bit about my faith
00:09:18.500
and I know there's people who listen to this podcast that wish I would talk more about it.
00:09:22.020
The problem with it, not the faith itself, the problem with addressing it is if you have
00:09:27.100
a group of individuals, like we have tens, if not hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions
00:09:31.480
of men who listen to this podcast, and if my only reason for doing a certain thing is
00:09:39.400
because God commanded me to do it, that's an appeal to authority that they don't ascribe
00:09:45.720
So every other point that I make, if it's based on appeal to an authority they don't acknowledge
00:09:53.140
And, and it's the same thing when it comes to these credentials.
00:09:57.740
Another example is Kip, you look at lineage when it comes to jujitsu.
00:10:04.520
One black belt means something different than another, right?
00:10:08.800
There's not a universal standard for this person's black belt and that person's black belt.
00:10:14.660
And it's all based on the lineage and where it came from.
00:10:18.180
And is this acknowledged and generally recognized as a credible source of that promotion?
00:10:23.620
And I think we're going to see more of this with, um, with schools and universities, especially
00:10:29.740
as the DEI stuff, that's kind of falling apart a little bit and it's, uh, it's going to get
00:10:39.040
Your experience and what you've done obviously holds more weight than the little piece of paper
00:10:51.220
In fact, uh, I was, I was preparing on top prepared, excuse me, to talk about, uh, Daniel
00:10:56.460
And if you guys don't know who Daniel Penny is, this is the man that subdued, uh, Neely
00:11:02.900
what's Jordan Neely, uh, in the subway earlier in the year and Jordan Neely ended up dying.
00:11:08.240
And I'm using those terms in a very precise way because, uh, uh, Daniel Penny was actually
00:11:17.760
just this morning acquitted of the lesser charge, which was criminal, uh, uh, negligent homicide.
00:11:25.780
Now he was charged originally with second degree manslaughter, but several days ago, the,
00:11:33.240
the, um, judge, I can't remember who the judge is, uh, actually dismissed that charge of second
00:11:41.420
So the jury was deliberating about the lesser charge, which was criminally negligent homicide.
00:11:46.960
And as of this morning, December 9th, it looks like Daniel Penny has been acquitted on that
00:11:53.480
charge of criminal negligent homicide, which is obviously the right conclusion.
00:11:59.600
In fact, it's a travesty, a real travesty that charges were even brought in the first place.
00:12:06.320
I can't help, but think, what are we doing when a Marine, 26 year old Marine veteran recognizes
00:12:15.420
a threat, he's in danger, other people around him on the subway are in danger.
00:12:20.780
Uh, Neely was threatening people, talking about killing people and not caring if he goes to
00:12:28.180
And we as a society collectively punish a hero.
00:12:31.960
He should be celebrated as a hero and not spending the last eight months or however long it's been
00:12:38.160
in these court battles and tied up with the cost and his, his reputation tarnished and tainted
00:12:45.460
We need to do something as a society to say enough is enough with the court systems and the justice
00:12:52.280
system, how it's politicized, how it's weaponized, how there's two sets of standards based on who it
00:12:59.040
I'm so frustrated with it, but I'm very grateful that, uh, Daniel Penny was able to, uh, be acquitted
00:13:10.480
The story though is pretty scary because it doesn't stop here.
00:13:17.820
We're going to fill the questions from the gram, uh, to connect with Mr.
00:13:23.360
It's at Ryan Mickler, uh, Philip Nilsen, when in a hiring process or in dating, what do you
00:13:31.640
think are some good questions to gain insights into what kind of growth mindset they have,
00:13:41.440
Uh, yeah, it, I mean, it's a little different based on hiring or dating, I think, but a couple
00:13:45.960
of questions that come to mind immediately for me are, uh, you know, what, what are your
00:13:54.100
I don't know, you know, I just, I'm really, you know, looking to make a little bit more
00:14:03.080
You know, I think that's a pretty obvious question.
00:14:05.320
And if you can address that question and that individual has some, um, some objectives,
00:14:12.720
I also would probably take it the opposite way, which is, you know, what are some things
00:14:17.560
that in the past that you've messed up on that you've learned from?
00:14:22.120
And, and, and now they're going to say, well, you know, I did this in my personal life or
00:14:28.360
If they can't come up with anything, they're stuck in their past.
00:14:34.420
And I think you're going to get to the root of a lot of that.
00:14:37.600
Um, I would also ask, what is your biggest challenge towards the things that you want
00:14:43.800
Like what has been the biggest challenge or what do you foresee being the biggest challenge?
00:14:47.860
If they can talk about some of their weaknesses and some of the things they struggle with,
00:14:52.040
the follow-up question is naturally, what do you plan to do to overcome that?
00:14:56.760
Now you can start wondering or identifying if this person is solution oriented.
00:15:04.080
I want people in my life who are solution oriented.
00:15:06.560
So there's four or five questions that I think if you pick a couple of those and then just
00:15:12.260
dig deeper in the conversation, like by asking, what does that mean?
00:15:17.520
Or in what ways, et cetera, you're going to get to it pretty quickly.
00:15:21.620
Biggest thing here is open-ended questions as opposed to, Hey Kip, are you growth oriented?
00:15:34.380
Keep it open and let them explain in a roundabout way.
00:15:41.020
I was having a great conversation with someone last week around growth mindset and how it's
00:15:46.040
really, it's really coupled in a couple of things to consider.
00:15:49.460
And so I'll just add these to fill up is, you know, theoretically you could say, well, I have
00:15:55.200
a growth mindset, but to have a really good growth mindset or really to have one requires
00:16:03.380
And it requires a level of taking ownership because if nothing's my responsibility and
00:16:11.020
Like then my growth mindset is very, uh, my new and narrow focused, right?
00:16:19.080
So I would look for areas where they have taken ownership, where, where there have a
00:16:27.980
But it's confident humility in the sense that they're humble enough to consider the idea
00:16:33.680
that they don't know that there's opportunity to learn, but they believe that they can figure
00:16:39.820
And that's the confident side that's tied to that humility.
00:16:43.120
And then the last thing, maybe even have some questions geared towards stressful situations,
00:16:49.140
because it's really easy for us to all be humble and take responsibility and have a growth
00:16:54.900
mindset when it's, when the stakes aren't high and it's not highly stressful.
00:16:59.240
But if you can do that in stressful settings, now you have someone that is, their potential
00:17:07.300
And they're going to handle the difficult circumstances really well, which said another way, what are
00:17:18.580
Can they deal or how do they deal with, with stressful circumstances at the same time?
00:17:23.600
I really like what you were talking about humility.
00:17:25.940
I can't remember the term that you used for it.
00:17:28.080
I called it, I call it false humility, confident humility.
00:17:35.860
It's, it's when you ask somebody you're interviewing what their greatest weakness is.
00:17:42.920
I just take on too much at work and it's hard and like, okay.
00:17:47.400
Or, or, uh, you know, maybe in a relationship, some, somebody says, yeah, my past relationships
00:18:04.280
That's, that's more impactful to me than how wonderful you are, but it sounds humble.
00:18:14.360
Because obviously we're not going to sit down and, well, I mean, I guess there's opportunities
00:18:19.040
for asking questions around this, but like, what other things are you going to look for
00:18:23.180
from a dating perspective to really see if someone has a growth mindset?
00:18:31.560
You know, you're on a, you're on a first date with somebody that's, that is an interview.
00:18:36.680
So they're interviewing you, you're interviewing them.
00:18:39.720
They're going to look at your mannerisms, how you show up, how you present yourself,
00:18:43.100
what your experiences are, what your future plans are.
00:18:46.400
If I went on a date and the woman's like, yeah, I'm not really interested in a long-term
00:18:56.560
So yeah, I would, I would definitely ask those questions.
00:18:59.260
The only thing I would be careful of in a dating scenario versus a hiring scenario is
00:19:08.100
So there has to be a balance of you asking questions and you also sharing about your life.
00:19:14.900
Sometimes people are awkward, especially on first dates.
00:19:17.600
And the common thing is if I ask you a question, you answer it, and then you ask me a similar
00:19:26.900
But when it's awkward and uncomfortable and you're both weird, it may not happen.
00:19:30.940
So make sure that you mix some of your own story into it as well.
00:19:34.880
That will break it up from becoming an interrogation, a grill session, as opposed to, no, I'm actually
00:19:43.180
Also, there's certain things that you don't really need to get too deep into, like marriage
00:19:50.460
I probably wouldn't talk about marriage on the first date or having kids.
00:19:59.160
We'll get to that conversation if we make it to that point.
00:20:02.060
But for now, I just want to know generally, like, what are you looking deep?
00:20:07.020
You know, what have your past experiences look like?
00:20:14.580
Or yeah, I think you start to learn if a person's humble and growth oriented pretty quickly if
00:20:20.120
you ask those questions with sincerity, not just like checking it off a list.
00:20:27.480
You know, one thing that comes to mind that I just want to add for Philip, and I've actually
00:20:33.720
So as a reminder, I would focus on, are there areas of their life where they are showing
00:20:46.220
And the ways that may show up is they're waiting and hoping for someone else, like, you know,
00:20:54.140
They're allocating blame towards someone else, or they're making excuses a lot.
00:21:08.820
They are completely unaware that they should probably be owning and growing, and they're
00:21:14.080
just allocating blame and making excuses and waiting and hoping for someone to save them
00:21:22.940
You can take people who are, who have been victimized, and that's different than victim
00:21:27.520
mindset, because there really are people who have been victimized.
00:21:42.340
Like, even though they were victimized, they still have things they could have, they acknowledge
00:21:47.220
that they could have done differently to keep themselves out of that scenario.
00:21:50.860
So that's, that's a big one, especially if it's, you know, traumatic in nature, and they're
00:21:56.620
still thinking forward, thinking about what they could have done better.
00:22:05.060
Sin, Ty Blackmore, woman here, I know how important it is to respect your husband, but
00:22:10.160
I'm wondering if you guys have some good examples of how to do that.
00:22:16.900
So, you know, I made a post on Instagram the other day about how women want to be loved
00:22:24.080
and appreciated, you know, and, and I think I said that we've all heard of the five love
00:22:30.280
And for me, where I feel most appreciated is in words of affirmation and physical touch.
00:22:37.360
And I think a lot of men are in that camp, but we don't speak the language of love.
00:22:44.880
And so if you can show your man that you respect him, then he will work to move mountains for
00:22:54.580
Well, hey, hon, I respect that you got up and you get up every day and you've done it
00:23:00.580
for the last 10 years and you just don't get enough acknowledgement.
00:23:04.920
And I just want to tell you, me and the kids are so grateful.
00:23:09.440
Now I know to a woman generally that might not seem like a big deal because it's just words
00:23:16.360
There's no, you know, I think woman, a woman needs to like have some more emotionally charged
00:23:24.180
Guys don't, we, we don't need the fluff or you know what?
00:23:30.220
Another simple thing is, is when you walk by, just put your hand on his shoulder or kiss
00:23:37.320
the back of his neck or, you know, whatever, a simple little physical gesture.
00:23:41.580
I'm not saying you guys need to get at it right there in the kitchen, you know, but just
00:23:45.840
a simple gesture of like, put your hand on his shoulder or come up and like massage his
00:23:51.240
neck or come up behind him and just whisper something into his ear.
00:24:05.140
But I think a lot of times women overlook the simplicity of it because it's not what
00:24:10.980
they need, which is to be in a way romanticized, a lot more emotionally charged, a lot more
00:24:20.020
And for a guy, touch me and tell me I'm doing a good job and you win his heart.
00:24:29.020
I, I, years ago, I, when I worked for the man, I guess I worked for the man again, but
00:24:35.220
before I got on my own and did my own consulting, I worked for a company that was a joint venture
00:24:42.520
And I worked there for a couple of years and this is like back in 08.
00:24:46.980
And then they had our little economy downturn and my entire division, we got outsourced to
00:24:54.920
So now the good part was Intel had this awesome severance package, where it's like my full
00:25:04.880
But I had this severance and I remember driving home.
00:25:09.320
I got my phone call on a Thursday afternoon, like that you dread and you're like, ah, okay.
00:25:15.600
And I remember driving home thinking, man, what am I going to do?
00:25:33.140
And, and I remember thinking, man, if I bring this up to my wife, she's going to think I'm
00:25:38.860
And I remember going home saying, Hey, I got laid off.
00:25:47.800
But I'm thinking about working for myself and try, like, try to start my own business.
00:25:55.300
And I was, remember thinking, I was so set back.
00:26:13.820
And she was just like, ah, you know, that's, or whatever.
00:26:16.460
But, but her just saying, totally, you'll do awesome.
00:26:23.360
Would inspires me to walk, to do anything, to walk through coals.
00:26:28.240
If I had to, like the, the belief in you and the belief that you can accomplish something
00:26:34.820
and, and your wife thinks that man is, is massive.
00:26:40.320
Uh, and that for me, that is like, that's an example of respect is her believing that
00:26:47.300
Now I get, it comes with reps and maybe I had to prove myself and other things, but man,
00:26:54.600
I don't think, I mean, if anybody's listening for a long time, they know we're not saying
00:26:58.780
you just believe it in regardless, blind allegiance or whatever.
00:27:01.440
I don't, I certainly don't think that, you know, one thing I would add to that Kip too,
00:27:05.540
is when a woman does that, where she says, awesome, you could say, you could say that
00:27:12.000
a woman could say that and be very sarcastic about it.
00:27:14.700
The same exact words and it have no weight at all.
00:27:23.360
So I think one of the things a woman can do when they are trying to be supportive in
00:27:28.240
that way, for me, what has been valuable is when somebody, when she asked me questions.
00:27:35.740
So if I say, I'm thinking about doing this and she says, oh, you should, you'd be great.
00:27:41.860
But if you said, what do you think, like, what are you going to work on first?
00:27:46.680
Those little questions like that show me a level of sincerity that you are actually interested
00:27:52.080
rather than just saying what you're quote unquote supposed to say.
00:27:55.860
So if you go deep and ask questions, you don't even need to validate.
00:27:59.580
That is validating because you care about his opinion, which means that you respect him.
00:28:04.540
I wrote a couple of other things down here too, that I think are just good little tactics.
00:28:08.340
One is propping him up in public, speaking highly of him in public.
00:28:12.120
Like, so if you and some neighbors are out, you know, to dinner or they're over to your
00:28:16.980
house, you might just casually drop something in that he did at work or something that you're
00:28:24.580
It doesn't have to be over the top, but that's huge.
00:28:27.340
Also, maybe every once in a while, it's like a little note in his briefcase or if he goes
00:28:34.840
on a trip and he opens it up and there's a note or a card or something in there, that's
00:28:39.440
I wouldn't do that all the time, but if he did that occasionally, I think that'd be
00:28:44.120
I mean, just to be honest, just walk by and flash him if it's appropriate.
00:28:48.980
And he'll know like, oh, she's interested in me.
00:28:52.540
Now, if a guy does that to a girl and does, I don't know, the helicopter or something,
00:28:58.660
But ladies, like if you walk by and you're like, hey, hon, playfully, and you just flash
00:29:03.540
him like he's, that's a sign that there's a connection.
00:29:11.880
Purpose-driven grandpa, Ryan and Kip, what are your plans for 2025?
00:29:17.200
Can you share a current strategy for continuous growth in your personal and professional life?
00:29:23.460
And then also, do you have any daily non-negotiable items used for your spiritual growth?
00:29:31.640
Well, I just did a rough version of my, excuse me, my battle plan for next quarter.
00:29:39.800
And Kip, you should have yours too soon if you don't have it.
00:29:49.640
Yeah, the way that I work is I work in 90-day segments.
00:29:52.380
I have a vision of what I want life to look like ultimately and the kind of man I want to be.
00:29:58.100
And I look at my vision as not what I'm going to accomplish, but more of my standard operating procedure.
00:30:05.480
The way that I as the ideal version of myself shows up.
00:30:08.800
Honesty, integrity, hard work, willing to take risks, prudent with his resources, loving and kind and gracious with his resources as well.
00:30:17.860
So I have that vision for myself, but then I have specific objectives in each of four areas.
00:30:23.900
One of them, since you talk about spirituality, is I really want to, I will, read the entire Bible in the first quarter of 2025.
00:30:33.580
And as far as the non-negotiable, it's daily reading.
00:30:43.340
I've, I've, I've talked with my trainer, Johnny Loretty, who I know, you know, too, Kip, and I've identified a system.
00:30:55.620
And if I have those systems in place, then it's just easy for me to go through those systems.
00:31:00.440
So I'm not going to disclose too much of it because I want to do it for three to six months myself and work out some of the kinks.
00:31:07.760
And then I want to show everybody else because if I have a resource, then I have a, I feel like I have an obligation to share.
00:31:16.320
And then as far as some of the professional goals that I have, I'm really working in the first quarter to ramp up our social media engagement and growth by 10% in the first quarter.
00:31:26.360
And so non-negotiables are a couple of things here.
00:31:31.880
We're going to do new, new platforms, a lot more consistent on our current and existing platforms and new platforms.
00:31:41.440
And here's another thing that's really important to know.
00:31:43.980
It's very easy for us to have goals for 2025 or next quarter, and everybody has them.
00:31:49.480
You won't find somebody who doesn't want something in the future.
00:31:51.880
But are you willing to put your money where your mouth is?
00:31:57.160
And if you're not, then you're not that serious about it.
00:31:59.160
So I have invested in the past two months heavily, heavily into hiring a marketing firm and agency to help throw some fuel into the fire.
00:32:11.340
And I think that will help us accomplish what we want to accomplish in 2025 as far as that growth goes.
00:32:16.260
So those are a few of mine as I'm rolling into the new year.
00:32:19.200
Yeah, I'm still, as you know, I'm still working on my Q1 items.
00:32:27.540
So the first is on the – I have my own goals from an executive perspective in the position that I'm in.
00:32:39.060
And there's – if you break down people and culture, there's some key pillars that are critical to a successful RAN department, right, for an organization of our size.
00:32:50.720
I actually plan to have those all buttoned up by April 1.
00:32:55.900
Are those what you would say like KPIs, key performance indicators?
00:33:01.760
Yeah, I mean there will be associated KPIs to them, but think of it this way.
00:33:06.540
So when you talk about people and culture, what does that entail?
00:33:09.560
It entails employee performance, leadership development, benefits and total rewards like compensation strategies, and then also employee recognition and awards.
00:33:21.020
Those key areas, I want our strategies buttoned up, implemented, and rolling before April 1, which is a big task and there's a lot of effort that I'm putting in literally right now to make sure that all happens.
00:33:37.060
And on a personal note, just – next year, I need to level up my game around the leadership coaching that I do.
00:33:49.820
Maybe I'll steal all of your – all your tactics on what you do, Ryan, on the social media.
00:33:55.060
Oh, you can't steal them, but I'll definitely sell them to you.
00:33:59.180
I just – I struggle with being consistent and – you know what I mean?
00:34:02.760
I need my processes of what I need to follow, so I'm disciplined in that area.
00:34:08.360
And I've also invested already in that space to get better and better, so that's a focal area.
00:34:14.640
And then one thing I'm really excited about is the wife and I, we actually have a day planned roughly around the first week of January.
00:34:23.580
We're going to do a little staycation in a hotel, and we're going to plan our 2025 calendar year as a couple for two days.
00:34:34.860
And so we'll work in like family travels and goals and things that we want to accomplish, and we'll be doing that pretty soon.
00:34:46.680
I wish I – I don't have one right now, but I need to.
00:34:52.100
I mean, right now we have family prayer and that kind of stuff every night, but I need to have some more study time on a personal level.
00:35:00.140
So whether that's morning – I don't know, a morning meditation and whatnot and or nightly scripture reading, I need to step up.
00:35:10.660
You know, one of the things, Kip, that when you were talking about you and Asia having your planning – I've got a calendar here.
00:35:16.140
It's just over my shoulder, and it's one of those big wall calendars, so I've got it up there.
00:35:20.780
And I've written down every travel plan, every event, everything that I already have planned out for 2025, and that's the first time I've ever done that.
00:35:31.040
It is so good for me to see because I can look at a month and say I can't do anything else this month.
00:35:39.120
And don't take on things that aren't in alignment with your vision and what you want to accomplish, but it's all right here and visible.
00:35:46.320
First time I've ever done it, and I already feel a huge sense of relief by having that there.
00:35:51.040
That's funny because, in fact, on the way home last night, I was just telling her that we should get one of those calendars from Jesse and find a place in the house.
00:36:02.900
Yeah, and that way the kids can also see, like, oh, man, like we're going to Disneyland here or we're doing this trip to Florida or whatever, and they can kind of – I don't know.
00:36:11.900
Like for me, it also helps me grind because we got these things coming and like, hey, button down.
00:36:20.600
Not that I probably need help butting down and working harder, but it helps me focus on the moment knowing that we have these plans later in the year.
00:36:36.300
Okay, so two resources also I'll give you, and then we'll move on from here.
00:36:39.640
Number one, we have a free battle planning resource.
00:36:44.080
So if you're asking because I think you're probably trying to get some fuel for your own planning.
00:36:50.120
So if you go to orderofman.com slash battle ready, that's a free program, and it will walk you through the exact strategies that I and Kip and thousands of other men use when it comes to their planning.
00:37:02.380
And then in about five or six days, we open up the Iron Council.
00:37:07.100
So, Kip, when I said, hey, by the way, your plan is supposed to be done on Wednesday, that's a level of accountability that we have inside the Iron Council that goes above and beyond you just trying to figure it out all yourself.
00:37:19.640
You get somebody that's going to push on you a little bit, lean on you, put their arm around you if you need to, give you the kick in the pants if that's what's required.
00:37:26.360
It's just the next level of growth because we have systems, we have tools, we have resources, and then you're actually working with other men.
00:37:36.620
So that's the Iron Council, December 15th, orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
00:37:43.060
All right, Tony914423, he never replied to your question.
00:37:49.840
What book recommendations do you have or maybe what's on the top of mind of books that you're enjoying currently, worst case?
00:37:57.560
You know, I've really done – I've got a bunch of books over here.
00:38:00.380
And a lot of the books that I read are for upcoming podcast guests, you know, and that seems to consume a lot of my reading time.
00:38:09.200
But I've actually enjoyed reading nonfiction more than – or excuse me, fiction more than I have in the past.
00:38:18.940
Another one that I just got is called Beirut by Jack Carr.
00:38:32.940
Actually, one that I'm reading is – I'm drawing a blank.
00:38:38.880
Yeah, and I'll go off of – you know, Tony, you didn't – Ryan always says this, so I'll say it this time.
00:38:51.980
So – but maybe what I'll lean on is what are the books that I probably recommend more to people than any other book?
00:39:02.920
So – and I know some of these are Ryan's top recommendations as well, but classics for at least men typically, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
00:39:18.960
I'm a huge fan of Stoicism, so the book, The Guide to the Good Life is probably one of my favorite books of all time.
00:39:34.520
And then I just really love everything by Robert Greene.
00:39:40.520
So like The Laws of Human Nature is one of my favorites, and then I'd have to throw in The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and probably The Four Agreements.
00:39:53.500
Those are probably my top five, top ten best books of all time.
00:40:00.160
I would also throw in Man's Search for Meaning is another one too.
00:40:06.340
I'm actually in the process – I have a conversation with Josh Wellman, and we're actually talking about putting together a man's book guide.
00:40:18.140
And it will be books that are on the subject of manliness and masculinity but also just help us live better lives as fathers or Stoics or Christians or whatever else it may be.
00:40:28.840
Yeah, and the book – like even – and I'll probably top on the book lately.
00:40:33.460
Just a new one is who you had on the podcast just a couple months ago was The Masculinity in Relationships by G.S. Youngblood.
00:40:46.980
It really connected with me more than typical books, and that was a great book.
00:40:55.100
Well, usually when I go to the bookstore, I want to buy a book.
00:40:58.740
It's because I have a specific need, and I've really been focused on how my daughter is doing.
00:41:05.660
She's getting older, and she's hitting puberty, and it's weird, and I don't know what it's like to be a girl.
00:41:12.080
And obviously there's the dynamic in our family situation since the divorce where that adds different pressures and stresses.
00:41:19.220
But I was recommended this book quite a bit, and this is one that I've been reading, Strong Father, Strong Daughters.
00:41:25.800
So a lot of my book recommendations are based on whatever I'm dealing with in the moment, and I can gain some valuable insight from something like that.
00:41:37.820
He was on the podcast three or four weeks ago, I think.
00:41:40.840
But this is really good because it talks about how to cultivate powerful relationships personally and professionally.
00:41:47.820
And if you've listened to the podcast for any amount of time, I am a huge, huge advocate of the power of networking, again, personally and professionally.
00:41:58.700
And then I just picked up this book, and I have not started reading it yet, but I was at Barnes & Noble because my youngest son had a gift card that he wanted to –
00:42:07.180
of course, he didn't want to buy a book, he wanted to buy a Lego, so he got a Lego at Barnes & Noble.
00:42:12.180
But I just saw this book, and I don't know, for some reason, it just stood out to me.
00:42:18.980
It's called A Gentleman from Japan, The Untold Story of an Incredible Journey from Asia to Queen Elizabeth's Court.
00:42:28.320
And maybe I just like the cover, but I'm going to crack this one open too.
00:42:37.640
I'm going to alter his question so you don't get triggered.
00:42:44.600
If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself in these three points?
00:42:54.080
What advice would you give on these three points?
00:42:58.700
So point number one, starting your first career.
00:43:02.820
Point number two, going on your second year of marriage.
00:43:30.060
I did see this question, but I forgot about those three.
00:43:32.300
So starting a career – and I'm going to give – I think they're powerful answers.
00:43:36.660
I hope they don't come across as overly simplistic.
00:43:39.320
But if you really embrace these ideas, I think you're going to be good.
00:43:44.220
So number one with starting a career, be a sponge.
00:44:00.840
Privately buy courses and programs that might help you be better at work.
00:44:04.620
Ask the guy that works down the hall that isn't in your department what exactly he does
00:44:08.920
and why he does it that way and what you can learn from it.
00:44:12.440
Or even ask that person that you have a close connection with in the office.
00:44:16.440
Like, hey, who are the movers and the shakers in the office?
00:44:18.960
Like, who are the people that I really should know?
00:44:26.300
If somebody asks you if you can help them do something, take on a new assignment,
00:44:32.520
You have the flexibility to be able to do that.
00:44:35.280
And I did that to some degree, but not nearly to the degree that I could have.
00:44:42.140
The part on going into second year of marriage, what I would suggest here is don't sacrifice
00:44:59.900
And I don't mean that don't let yourself make sacrifices for the relationship.
00:45:12.960
So if you're into hunting or jujitsu or training, lifting, photography, hiking, traveling, whatever
00:45:24.120
your thing is that brings fulfillment and joy into your soul outside of your marriage, stay
00:45:34.700
It might dwindle a little bit when you're married, especially as you get into later years, not
00:45:40.140
later, but just into the years of marriage because you start having kids and now you've
00:45:49.340
But force yourself to maintain relationships with friends, to maintain your hobbies and your
00:45:56.100
activities and your interests, and to do things like lifting or training, something physical
00:46:00.620
in nature, to keep yourself fit, lean, and strong.
00:46:04.160
I can't tell you how many guys that I see that look great before marriage physically.
00:46:12.080
They look great, strong, lean, energetic, and then a couple of years into marriage, fat,
00:46:41.200
What I would say on planning for kids is just have an open mind and know that you're really
00:46:51.880
going to need to be able to adapt and be agile as things come up.
00:46:57.520
Like this weekend, this was a crazy weekend for me.
00:47:03.840
Let me show you here what my Saturday consisted of.
00:47:08.760
Again, I write it down because if I don't, I'll forget it.
00:47:13.080
So on Friday night, my daughter had her dance recital.
00:47:18.540
On Saturday morning, I went and worked out because I'm still going to get my workout in.
00:47:22.880
So I got my workout in and then my daughter had another dance recital.
00:47:27.980
And in the meantime, I needed to get some groceries for the kids.
00:47:31.120
And then while she was at her dance recital, I took my second son to his basketball game.
00:47:38.640
And he ended up spraining his ankle really, really bad at the game.
00:47:43.340
So as he was laying on the ground and I picked him up with his oldest brother, we picked him up and put him on his bench.
00:47:48.040
I'm like, I got to go because I had to go to pick up my daughter from her dance recital.
00:47:55.240
And she was 20 minutes late, which I knew would happen.
00:47:57.720
And I get back to my second son's game and there's seven seconds left on the fourth quarter.
00:48:06.840
Then the coach of my third son's team two days earlier messaged me, hey, I'm going to be out of town this weekend.
00:48:25.860
So I went and coached his game, got him back, ran a couple of errands.
00:48:31.220
And then my daughter had her actual dance recital after that.
00:48:38.860
Like, it's just, I just knew that was going to be a crazy day.
00:48:45.380
When that was all done, I went for a little drive that evening just to clear my head and, you know, decompress for a little bit.
00:48:52.540
It's fine because you can adapt and adjust and you're willing to flow, just ebb and flow.
00:48:58.820
Like, you know, when, I think you start to learn this in jujitsu, like when somebody's on top of you, let's say it's like mounted or it's, you know, knee on belly.
00:49:11.080
Like, if you're so firm, if you're on top and you're so firm, you're easy to move to one side or the other.
00:49:22.200
But what you notice about guys who've been doing jujitsu for any amount of time, when they're in top position, they can put the pressure on, no doubt.
00:49:37.300
It's like a, it's like a assertive hovering over the person.
00:49:43.680
When they turn the other way, they let them turn that way.
00:49:49.020
You know, when my second son, like I said, he rolled his ankle.
00:49:52.300
It's like, damn, let's go to, we got to go to Walmart.
00:49:57.620
Didn't know he didn't need to go into the doctor, but if he did, we would have been able to do that.
00:50:01.000
Like you just flow, just hover, flow, let the environment do what it's going to do.
00:50:11.960
You know, it's funny that the only things that are just additions to your statements is on the career, learn everything there is to learn.
00:50:22.680
So many guys are like, oh man, I need a new job or whatever.
00:50:26.000
But there's, there's opportunity sitting on your lap right now.
00:50:32.700
Have you proven, are you taking advantage of the circumstance that you're in?
00:50:39.060
Learn everything there is to learn, outwork everybody else, and be default assertive.
00:50:49.160
Don't be sitting back waiting and hoping that someone will, like, if you want a position, say, I want this position.
00:50:58.840
Most leaders, man, you love those type of people, right?
00:51:03.380
The term that I, that I use for it, Kip, is just being eager.
00:51:11.640
If you're walking down the hall and there's a piece of trash there, pick it up.
00:51:17.180
You know, if the toilet paper needs to be replaced in the bathroom, replace the toilet paper.
00:51:21.580
If somebody says, hey, hey, Steve, can you help me with the thing?
00:51:31.200
And when you, when there's an issue, make things happen.
00:51:37.020
And then the, the, what I put on the second year marriage is don't stop dating.
00:51:43.940
And then planning for kids, I'm projecting on you, Jackie, a little bit here, but it's
00:51:53.820
Like people are like planning for kids and we'll, we'll have kids when we're ready.
00:51:58.720
Now you should have a job and, you know, obviously.
00:52:02.860
But, but don't get wrapped up in quote unquote being ready.
00:52:07.520
Uh, they show up and, and, and it's amazing what children will do to your motivation to
00:52:13.880
get your act together and, and you'll find a way and, and they're a blessing and they're
00:52:17.840
amazing and it just soak it up as much as you can.
00:52:22.320
I would say one of the thing on the kids, if you don't already have kids, don't have kids
00:52:33.200
Cause I've actually heard of people doing that.
00:52:35.120
Like, Oh, our marriage was struggling and we decided to have a kid.
00:52:42.480
Instead of just having the baggage that you two needed to deal with, you decided to dump
00:52:50.740
So don't do that and don't do it to fill voids.
00:52:54.980
Like if you're feeling lonely or there's part of life just missing, that's not a good reason
00:52:59.240
to have a kid because they're not there to fill a void.
00:53:02.040
In fact, it's just going to create a lot more work for you.
00:53:04.380
That's, I think that is different though, than saying, I would love to have kids and
00:53:09.160
I would love to have a family and we're in the position to be able to do it.
00:53:12.680
And we want to serve and we want to raise this kid and we want to be part of a family
00:53:19.860
But to say, Oh, I'm lonely or something's missing or everything's hard in life and having
00:53:33.340
I have a teenage boy who deflects any feedback.
00:53:41.580
When I address these issues, he tries to steer the conversation into another direction.
00:53:46.400
How can I make him more accountable for his actions?
00:53:58.380
So allowing him to come up with ideas or to have a part of the house that he needs to
00:54:04.520
clean or that is his responsibility or fixing the yard or whatever it might be.
00:54:15.380
He's probably trying to gain a little more independence.
00:54:17.580
He doesn't want you riding him down his throat.
00:54:19.460
And, of course, he's going to deflect when you're nagging him about whatever it is.
00:54:22.700
And I'm not saying it's inappropriate, by the way.
00:54:26.440
But I think if you give him some responsibility by letting him run with something, he's going
00:54:33.940
And I think you're going to start seeing some added accountability.
00:54:37.960
Another thing that I thought of is just making sure that you tee up a conversation.
00:54:48.360
And what I mean by that is if you know that you need to talk with him about his phone time
00:54:53.840
or his screen time, instead of just throwing it on him, give him a little bit of time to
00:55:02.620
Hey, bud, I know I got to drop you off at school.
00:55:06.140
This afternoon, I wanted to talk with you about just your usage on technology.
00:55:12.760
We just need to have some ground rules and parameters on how and when is appropriate
00:55:17.600
use of your phone or screen time or whatever else it may be.
00:55:22.860
And he might say, well, dad, I was going to go to the basketball game tonight.
00:55:34.260
And if he says, well, you know, tomorrow afternoon after school would be better for me.
00:55:42.300
And that gives him a little bit more autonomy over his life.
00:55:45.880
And he's the one choosing when you're going to have that conversation.
00:55:50.360
And when he starts to deflect, it's, hey, bud, look, remember yesterday on the car ride
00:55:55.220
to school and you said you wanted to go to the game?
00:55:58.300
And I said, cool, why don't you go to the game?
00:56:05.460
So I need you to focus because this is what men do.
00:56:12.340
Last week I had a call with a leader and there was some shifting of an organizational structure.
00:56:21.660
They're like, oh, man, things are really rough.
00:56:25.700
Well, you know, they want to handle this process this way.
00:56:37.720
Well, we're going to clarify it better and come back and explain why it needs to be this way better, right?
00:56:45.840
And I was like, well, can I give you some recommendations?
00:56:50.600
I'm like, it has nothing to do with the process.
00:56:58.840
Is their argue based in logic of what's the best approach?
00:57:03.500
Or do you think they're questioning your intent of what's best for them?
00:57:08.280
And they're thinking that maybe you're just trying to control what's going on and vice versa.
00:57:13.060
And it's more about the relationship and them knowing that you guys actually genuinely care.
00:57:22.780
I'm like, double down, address the relationship.
00:57:27.580
Last of the 80s, I'm not saying you don't have a good relationship with your son.
00:57:31.640
Make sure that the only conversations that he's having with you is, hey, get off your phone.
00:57:41.180
All the complaints versus, hey, let's go play some video games together.
00:57:49.680
Make sure that the only messaging that your son's getting is not ones of you just criticizing what he's doing and make sure that you have a strong, established relationship.
00:58:01.640
And then, and we talk about this in our leadership development.
00:58:06.420
That's how you're in a position of influence to correct after, one, you see that he's amazing and you have no problems with him.
00:58:14.960
Two, you have a strong relationship with him and a strong relationship with his peers, aka his buddies.
00:58:22.100
Then you're having a conversation, you're learning from him, you're understanding him, what challenges does he have, what difficulties, what does he need.
00:58:33.620
And then after all that, you are in a position of influence and in a position to correct someone.
00:58:39.200
But if you go to correction before any of that foundational items, it will be seen as persecution.
00:58:49.140
One of the problems with that is that, as you were saying that, you said something like earned the position to critique or you said something along those lines.
00:58:59.100
As a dad, I think a lot of guys might say, I don't need to earn anything, I'm their dad.
00:59:02.600
And you might technically be right, but the question to what you're saying is, does you correcting without the earned influence, even though, yes, you have the right to do that because you're his father, move the needle forward and foster a better relationship between you two?
00:59:28.560
You know, I actually wanted to ask you something about this.
00:59:31.060
Because as my children get older, and specifically my oldest son, he's 16 now, he's driving, he's got a girlfriend, he's got hobbies and sports and everything else.
00:59:40.020
Getting him to do things with me, to your point earlier, is increasingly difficult.
00:59:48.440
What I've done is just been more interested in what he is doing.
00:59:55.240
And so I've invested with him in helping him get equipment that he needs.
00:59:59.780
We talked about his computer that I financed for him.
01:00:03.760
So I can let him do his thing, and then I ask questions about it and have him show me things, even though I'm not directly involved in those things.
01:00:11.760
Or, you know, if he's got this truck that he loves, and I'm like, dude, take me for a ride.
01:00:17.500
Or what would, like, we were out there just the other day.
01:00:21.080
He's like, oh, I want to get an exhaust on it, and I want to lie in the bed.
01:00:26.200
Like, him just sharing things that I'm interested in, or maybe I'm not interested in, but he is.
01:00:33.340
I don't know if you have any other ideas on that, because I know you've gone through this.
01:00:39.940
Like, I don't enjoy, I wish, I would enjoy golfing if I was good at it.
01:00:44.720
But when I go golfing, it's with one of my sons.
01:00:54.860
I can't hit the ball right, and I suck at it, and I usually am mad.
01:01:03.580
And so I think it's finding where their interests are.
01:01:06.780
But the other part is what I'm realizing, too, is we have to step up our game around what are we doing.
01:01:15.320
And this is even more so when the kids have moved out.
01:01:19.040
My wife and I were like, hey, we want to have the kids together for Christmas.
01:01:23.780
We're realizing we can't probably have two, like, we have to make it more enticing and make it even more epic.
01:01:36.600
And Asia will hear this, and she's going to pounce on this and take advantage of the fact of what I'm going to say.
01:01:42.180
But like, hey, we're going to have Christmas in Hawaii.
01:01:45.140
You don't think my older kids will all be like, absolutely, we're going to go.
01:01:49.100
Do you want me to edit that out of the podcast?
01:01:56.120
But I'll edit the part that you said she's been nagging you out of the podcast as well.
01:02:12.760
But now I have to just work harder, you know, to really meet them where, what they want to do.
01:02:19.720
And do stuff that you may not, it may not be your favorite first pick thing to do.
01:02:25.680
The main thing, and just one last thought for this question is, and I'm still in this from the book, The Anatomy of Peace.
01:02:34.180
And they make this distinction of having a heart at war or a heart at peace.
01:02:39.720
Make sure you don't have a heart at war towards your kid.
01:02:44.360
If you do, everything you do will be perceived with the heart of war.
01:02:56.320
That type of conversation will not serve you and will not serve your kid.
01:03:10.140
I married a woman during a time in my life when I was fresh out of drug addiction and was recovering from a loss of my mother.
01:03:17.480
I continued the behavior of addiction with alcohol.
01:03:21.080
I hoped that she would fill in as a mother of my five-year-old son, whose biological mother was in prison.
01:03:39.800
We can talk about what that might look like, but what did you say when you married her?
01:03:49.860
And I'm not actually saying that it won't, that it will work out.
01:03:58.800
And you can only do it so long if another party is not willing to contribute in that journey together.
01:04:04.980
So there might come a point in time where you've shown that you're willing to and she's shown that she's not.
01:04:18.040
And I think there's a good lesson to be learned here.
01:04:20.220
We talked a little bit about having kids to fill a void.
01:04:22.740
The same thing is about getting into relationships.
01:04:25.600
And you can see a little bit of the struggle that you guys are stepping into.
01:04:28.460
But you've also been together for, it sounds like, I don't know, 13, 15 years or so.
01:04:40.960
Whether it's, and some days it might just be, you're just dedicated to it.
01:04:48.400
But I also, I found that being assertive as possible in all of my endeavors has always served me well.
01:04:57.720
And an assertive conversation sounds like it's warranted.
01:05:13.120
So if you pretend like it doesn't exist or you don't ever address it, it only gets worse.
01:05:20.900
But an assertive conversation would go something like this.
01:05:25.400
Hey, hon, like, man, we've, you and I have really, we've had a rough couple of years.
01:05:32.280
And I know you're not as happy or fulfilled maybe as you once were with me.
01:05:37.940
And in all fairness, I'm not real happy or fulfilled the way that we used to be.
01:05:50.900
And I'm willing to invest in making them better.
01:05:54.260
But this is the first time we're talking about it.
01:06:00.020
Be prepared to hear some things you don't like.
01:06:03.820
Commit to staying above the fray of what might come your way if you open this can of worms.
01:06:14.460
Or your marriage will end in the next two years and you'll be blindsided by it.
01:06:20.900
Either way, it's going to end if you don't bring it up.
01:06:39.160
Maybe there's a marriage course or a podcast you can listen to.
01:06:58.960
But the first step is, do you even want to do this?
01:07:07.800
But the conversation needs to take place for sure.
01:07:23.560
But if you just send us a message, like, you're in a crappy spot.
01:07:28.900
You know, Kip, you've been through a breakdown of a marriage.
01:07:35.980
I don't want that to happen if it doesn't need to happen to people.
01:07:48.380
It's probably going to take a lot of work depending on how long it's been.
01:07:51.540
But I do think you can do it together if you're committed to it and she is committed to it.
01:07:58.240
So if you need something from me, a resource, a book, like whatever, let me know.
01:08:02.920
I'll get whatever you need to help you figure that out.
01:08:07.820
And what a great, I use this term, you're in it.
01:08:23.140
And the kind of man that you can become and should become is better off addressing this regardless.
01:08:40.500
How do I find the drive to turn the things I want to do into the things I need to do?
01:08:48.400
Example, I'd like to make more money, but it's just a want.
01:09:00.400
If you say I want to make money, welcome to the club.
01:09:04.900
And you can do a million things to make more money.
01:09:11.580
Because if you're climbing up the wrong ladder and you're looking up there and you're like, man, I don't even want to do, I don't even like doing this.
01:09:25.220
But if you lean your ladder against the right wall, even though it might get challenging at times, you're more than happy to keep climbing because you know what's on the other end.
01:09:34.660
So the way that you do something really matters.
01:09:37.520
It's too broad to say I want to make a bunch of money.
01:09:51.040
Everybody wants to look good when their clothes are off.
01:09:57.320
Tell me what specifically about that is relevant to you.
01:10:04.900
Is it the sense of accomplishment because you picked up a new hobby that was physical in nature or some sort of martial art?
01:10:12.080
And the more specific you are, the more you can, to use that analogy earlier, lean your ladder up against the right wall.
01:10:20.600
When you do that, you don't have to convince yourself.
01:10:24.620
Like I don't have to convince myself to come into work every day.
01:10:31.800
And there's certainly dynamics of this business that I don't enjoy.
01:10:35.940
But I do them happily because it's what's required to do something that's meaningful and significant to me.
01:10:44.260
When I go into the gym in the morning, I'm not going to go run on the treadmill.
01:11:01.520
And you can go run and you can go train jiu-jitsu and you can go do this and you can go do that.
01:11:09.140
And so I'm going to do this because this is what keeps me in the game.
01:11:13.320
But I don't have to convince myself to go lift weights.
01:11:21.720
But generally, it's not hard to convince myself.
01:11:32.040
Figure out a better, more precise target, and then you can figure out a better way to
01:11:36.200
approach it without convincing yourself you have to do something that sounds miserable.
01:11:46.840
Like, how do I turn these things into things I need to do?
01:11:53.140
I have to do this, or I'm going to be on the street?
01:11:56.500
Or do you want to do things because you want to do them?
01:12:01.060
Man, I'd rather be choosing the want, not the need.
01:12:05.280
You don't want that kind of pressure and stress to get the results you want.
01:12:14.480
So the only thing I'd add is, and it's in the spirit of coming to the end of the year.
01:12:21.540
We talked about this in the Iron Council a little bit last week on our Friday call.
01:12:26.280
But sometimes we tie a sense of being to the results, right?
01:12:34.680
And we go, oh, as an example, I have a goal next quarter.
01:12:43.360
Oh, because I'll have confidence in what I can accomplish.
01:12:53.120
And then we'll delay those results until we run the marathon.
01:12:59.380
I would suggest don't delay happiness, joy, and fulfillment for some future state.
01:13:09.900
And that's what I'm hearing in what you're saying, Ryan, right?
01:13:18.180
You feel happy with the man that you are being today when you go to the gym today.
01:13:31.500
And so don't be careful not to put some pedestal value of being to making money.
01:13:38.500
Because like someday when I make that money, then, then I'll be.
01:13:44.520
You know, and I hear that in your, I want to make more money.
01:13:46.860
Yeah, of course, everyone wants to make more money.
01:13:49.040
But don't delay your happiness for some time to make money.
01:13:52.620
And mark my word, if you do, 40 and it wasn't enough.
01:14:00.040
And then I eventually realized it was never about the money.
01:14:07.600
I mean, I've heard, and I don't know what the exact number is.
01:14:11.040
It's probably more now just because of inflation.
01:14:12.680
But once a person makes $76,000 a year, it's got to be more than that.
01:14:19.120
That from there is not much more of a benefit in lifestyle or an improved standard of living,
01:14:25.320
or at least an improved level of personal satisfaction and fulfillment.
01:14:32.400
You moved past Maslow's hierarchy of needs on the first two levels around 70, 80K.
01:14:44.380
I'm surprised you didn't say it because it's the be, it's the be, do, have mentality.
01:14:55.340
Like once I have more money, then I'll be able to do what I want to do.
01:15:04.620
And what you've always shared, and I really appreciate this, is be happy now.
01:15:09.680
And if you're happy or content or fulfilled, then you're more likely to do things that are going to drive you towards having whatever it is you want in life.
01:15:21.320
With the money, you said, I want to make more money.
01:15:29.700
Because if you said, I want to make more money, you wouldn't have a problem.
01:15:33.420
If that was accurate, you wouldn't have a problem getting your butt into work and making more money.
01:15:51.040
You know, when I go into the gym, for example, a lot of people deal with imposter syndrome.
01:16:11.020
And if you're engaged in those things, you already are a writer or a lifter or a runner or a martial artist or whatever.
01:16:17.800
So be, just decide like, hey, yeah, no, I'm a runner because I ran today.
01:16:38.480
You have the energy and everything else that comes with being and doing the right things.
01:16:51.780
You can join us at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil and get ready to kick off the 2025 year and get on a battle team where like-minded individuals are going to help drive you towards your goals, hold you accountable, and the flip side of it, right, where you join a community where you're doing that for other men.
01:17:12.740
So once again, that's orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
01:17:16.480
And of course, with the Christmas season, to get your order of man swag, you need to make those orders soon.
01:17:22.360
That's store.orderofman.com for all your order of man swag.
01:17:30.700
I was going to say something that's pretty cool, too.
01:17:33.260
In about three weeks, the end of December, I'm writing a check for $10,000 to somebody who wins in the Iron Council who wins our transformation challenge.
01:17:54.720
It was all you had to do is give us a before pick before a certain date.
01:18:00.700
And then you have to give us an after pick after December 31st.
01:18:07.280
And whoever wins gets a check for $10,000 to start out the new year.
01:18:20.280
And you know what's actually even cooler about it?
01:18:26.840
And I know obviously that's cool because I don't have to write out a $10,000 check.
01:18:30.480
But the point that I'm making when I say that is because everybody that wanted to play had to pay.
01:18:45.800
So we have 20 people that put in 500 bucks and they said, let the best man win.
01:18:50.600
And the reason I love that is because that is accountability.
01:18:58.960
That's the kind of men that we deal with who are like, oh no, I can do this.
01:19:02.960
And they're willing, as I said earlier, to put their money where their mouth is.
01:19:17.780
Anyways, we'll do more stuff like that in the future, guys.
01:19:27.880
Maybe pay off that car loan or some student debt.
01:19:29.960
Or maybe take your family on a really cool vacation.
01:19:54.100
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
01:20:01.100
we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.