Order of Man - June 23, 2021


Analyzing Risk Vs. Reward, What it Means to Be a Man, and Going All-In on a Course of Action ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING


Episode Stats

Length

44 minutes

Words per Minute

183.7285

Word Count

8,108

Sentence Count

607

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

6


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.
00:00:27.620 I am the host and the founder of the Overman Podcast and Movement. Welcome here. Welcome
00:00:32.280 back. This is another edition of our Ask Me Anything. And as with the trend for the last
00:00:39.340 month or two, it's either me or Kip writing solo because both of us have been busy. We
00:00:45.400 have things going on. So we've had to divide and conquer. So once again, you're just going
00:00:49.780 to hear from me today. And I'm fielding the remaining questions from our Facebook group,
00:00:56.580 which you can find at facebook.com slash group slash order of man over, I believe 75, 76,000
00:01:03.500 men inside of that Facebook group, all sharing insights, ideas, resources, et cetera, to help
00:01:09.420 us become more improved versions of ourselves as men. Also make sure you check out the battle
00:01:15.540 ready program, a free course available to you. That's going to walk you through the ins
00:01:19.840 and outs of creating a framework for success on any front. You can check that out at order
00:01:24.960 of man.com slash battle ready. All right, guys, without further ado, because you know
00:01:30.260 what these Ask Me Anythings are all about here, we are fielding your questions and we'll go
00:01:34.880 for about a half hour today, maybe give or take a half hour. So we're going to start with Ben
00:01:39.680 Phelps. First question. He says, how do you personally look at risk versus reward? I know
00:01:45.840 it varies from person to person as far as different risks and reward, but what is your standard
00:01:51.020 level? Well, look, here's the thing. I don't know if there is a standard level. I don't
00:01:56.420 know if there's a certain dollar amount, for example, that I'm willing to risk. But I tend
00:02:02.120 to be a pretty intuitive person by nature. So I'm not going to get caught up in the details
00:02:07.700 and the intricacies of risk versus reward. And I don't think generally speaking, there's
00:02:14.480 very much risk out there that I or anybody else can't recover from. I mean, one of the
00:02:20.100 greatest risks I think you might be able to suggest that we've taken over the past couple
00:02:25.000 of years is moving out here to Maine. But it's not like we couldn't recover from this if everything
00:02:29.660 went exactly opposite of how we hoped for it to go. We would have maybe been cold for a couple
00:02:37.700 of years and not real happy with the area. But outside of that, that's it. And then we would
00:02:43.860 have been able to move home. Same thing with starting a business. Unless you're investing
00:02:48.400 millions of dollars, which is probably not really all that necessary, then I don't think
00:02:55.060 there is an investment that you can not necessarily recover from. But one thing I would encourage
00:02:59.880 you to do is to check out James Altucher's new book called Skip the Line. Because in it,
00:03:05.600 he talks about the concept of 10,000 experiments versus 10,000 hour rule, which a lot of us have
00:03:12.700 heard from. And the 10,000 experiments rule that he's coined and talked quite a bit about in the
00:03:19.420 book is that you're going to try many experiments in your life, whether it's business, romance,
00:03:26.160 getting fit, getting lean. You're going to try these experiments because they aren't going to put you
00:03:30.420 in a whole lot of risk. They have very, very high upside potential and very low downside risk
00:03:37.260 associated with them. So Order of Man podcast is a great example of that. I started a podcast. I had
00:03:44.380 an old desk I was recording behind in the basement of my home, an old computer, and a $60 or $70
00:03:52.780 microphone. And I hit record, published it. I probably spent $500. And it didn't take a whole lot of effort
00:04:00.300 on my part to put that first podcast out there. That's a great example of an experiment. I did the
00:04:05.480 same thing when we started the Iron Council. I said, Hey guys, I'm putting together this program.
00:04:09.860 It's going to be a 12 week course. We have 12 spots available. Here's the things we're going to be
00:04:14.400 covering. And by the way, I didn't write the entire curriculum for 12 weeks. I wrote the first two weeks
00:04:19.440 of curriculum when I launched it because I didn't want to write 12 weeks worth of material without
00:04:25.120 having enough guys in there to prove that they actually wanted to join and participate in this.
00:04:31.720 So that was an experiment. And then we had the 12 guys sign up. We did the first two weeks. And
00:04:36.440 while we were doing the first two weeks of curriculum and information, I was writing the
00:04:40.280 next two weeks. So I was just staying two weeks ahead of it. Those are experiments. Now that's
00:04:44.560 turned into the Iron Council, which is a great resource for men, 850 plus men from all over the planet
00:04:52.680 in holding each other accountable and the camaraderie and brotherhood that comes with that. And it's also
00:04:58.080 been fairly lucrative for me and affords me the opportunity to explore different ideas and
00:05:03.720 concepts with order of man. And then my lifestyle as well, putting the roof over our head, food on the
00:05:08.480 table, experiences with our kids, et cetera, et cetera. So let's not think about it from like a risk
00:05:14.020 perspective. Think about more as an experiment. And then also consider it. I heard this on Andy
00:05:19.520 Frisilla's podcast a couple of weeks ago. He talked about how winners think about the risk
00:05:27.240 of not doing something, right? So he says, losers will think about, okay, well, if I do this, then
00:05:33.200 I'm going to risk my income and this relationship and it's going to be a struggle. And he said,
00:05:39.300 winners on the other hand think, well, if I don't do this, then I'm always going to live this life
00:05:43.480 of mediocrity and not being content and not being fulfilled and satisfied with my life.
00:05:48.760 So is the greater risk in taking that step or in not taking it? And I would say more often than not,
00:05:56.120 the risk is greater and not moving towards your goals, desires, and ambitions. All right.
00:06:02.920 Number two, this comes from Daniel Seth. He says, I currently have two daughters. My first son is due
00:06:09.420 August 21st. Congratulations, Daniel. It's exciting. Ryan, I've heard you mention different
00:06:15.720 rites of passages for your sons. What are some examples of those rites of passages? Look, I don't
00:06:21.080 want to get too much into the specifics. I mean, we have things that we do. We do hikeouts and
00:06:25.200 challenging things. Part of our building process right now is a mini rite of passage. So I don't
00:06:30.800 want to get specific on what it should be because it's going to be different for every dynamic and every
00:06:35.440 family and every person. But what I would say is that it's got to have some challenge in
00:06:39.360 there. There has to be challenge, physical, mental, emotional challenge built into it.
00:06:44.440 There has to be some sort of meaning and purpose and significance. So there needs to be conversations
00:06:50.240 that are had, skills that need to be developed. And then there has to be some sort of recognition
00:06:56.400 or acknowledgement of graduation or completion. So if you go into the Order of Man podcast archives,
00:07:04.800 I've done quite a few on rites of passages. And if you want to know where they are,
00:07:08.580 go to orderofman.com, type in the search bar, rite of passage, and you'll find those podcasts.
00:07:15.240 You'll find those resources. But again, you have to have the three critical elements I just mentioned.
00:07:20.320 It has to be challenging based on their level of maturity, physically, mentally, emotionally
00:07:27.660 challenging. Number two, there has to have meaning. It's not a camp out. You're not just going on a
00:07:33.780 camp out. Now, camping out might be involved, but there's more to it. Like I'm going to teach you
00:07:40.280 about the birds and the bees. Some of the conversations I've had with my boys is the
00:07:44.860 protect, provide, preside conversation, what it means to be a man and what a man does and what he
00:07:49.660 doesn't do. One of the first rites of passages I do when my sons turn eight, excuse me, is I've bought
00:07:59.460 these little lion animals, these little plastic animals. You guys have seen them. You know what
00:08:05.220 I'm talking about. So I'll buy a lion cub and then I'll buy a full adult male figure. And I'll show
00:08:13.960 them as an object lesson at eight years old, because this isn't appropriate for an eight-year-old is I'll
00:08:17.720 show them, here's the lion cub. This is you right now. And here's the male lion. Here's what you want
00:08:24.560 to become. Well, besides anatomy and size and everything else and physical appearance,
00:08:29.780 what is the difference between this little lion cub, you, and this full grown male who you want
00:08:35.140 to become? And we go through and we talk about the protect, provide, preside framework. That's why I
00:08:40.640 build those things out because it helps me know what I need to be doing, but it also helps me explain
00:08:46.080 and articulate that not only to you guys listening to the podcast, but also my children,
00:08:51.400 so they can easily understand what it is we as men do. So again, the three are challenge,
00:08:58.200 physical, mental, emotional, meaning. It's not just a fun weekend to hang out with dad. There's
00:09:02.740 meaning to it. There's purpose. There's an objective. And then the third component is there's
00:09:07.720 got to be an acknowledgement and recognition of completion. You might give a knife to your son.
00:09:16.200 Uh, there you might give a rifle. I've done both rifle knife. Uh, so there's, there's, there's
00:09:22.260 something that acknowledges and honors the child for completing that portion of their training.
00:09:28.440 But outside of that, if you want some more detail, right of passage at order of man.com.
00:09:35.160 All right, let's go to Hunter. This is from Hunter Christie. Have you ever considered doing a father
00:09:41.800 daughter event like legacy? And by the way, we have our legacy event coming up, uh, as of the
00:09:46.260 release of this podcast, it may be sold out. It might be one or two spots left. Maybe if you're
00:09:51.640 interested, this is for, uh, men and their boys between the ages of eight to 15 on September 23rd
00:09:58.460 through the 26th, 2021. You can find out more at order of man.com slash legacy. But Hunter says,
00:10:04.280 uh, have we considered doing a father daughter event like the legacy that way our young girls can see
00:10:09.420 their father. Isn't the only one who has strong, uh, bond with their daughters. That way they can
00:10:14.760 also see that there are more good men out there like that in the world. Uh, I'm also a new father.
00:10:19.540 I have a six month old daughter and as she gets older, how can I expose her to things like hunting,
00:10:25.560 shooting, fishing, camping without compromising her femininity since these are predominantly male
00:10:30.320 hobbies. Yeah. I mean, they're not male hobbies because hobbies don't have a gender.
00:10:37.780 They are hobbies that I would say are mostly done by males, but that doesn't mean that just because
00:10:45.880 she likes to hunt or shoot or fish or camp is going to naturally strip her of her femininity.
00:10:52.760 Use the word compromise hunting. You're going hunting with your daughter. Isn't going to compromise
00:10:59.300 her femininity going, shooting, fishing, camping, doing all these things. Isn't going to compromise
00:11:04.240 her femininity, especially if her mother's involved because ideally her mother is a feminine woman
00:11:10.820 like my wife is. And, and so it's, it's just not likely to happen just because you're taking her
00:11:17.160 hunting, shooting, fishing, camping, et cetera. So I think that might be a concern that isn't really
00:11:21.580 founded in reality and really isn't a concern I'd be, I'd be worried about. Uh, as far as
00:11:28.600 the father daughter event, like legacy. Yeah. I've considered it in the past and you bring up some
00:11:33.780 good points about, uh, she can see modeling from other men logistically, it would have to change a
00:11:41.220 little bit because obviously it's more appropriate for 40 men, 20 fathers with 20 sons to get together
00:11:47.820 in an event like this than it would be for men and daughters. Uh, so logistically it would have to
00:11:53.420 change. And as of right now, I'm not really interested in going that route. A lot of guys
00:11:59.160 say, Oh, do something for daughters. This is order of man. And I realized men have daughters too. I have
00:12:03.660 a daughter as well. Uh, but my mission is focused on men and sons. So maybe there's something else out
00:12:12.440 there like that already. Maybe we'll incorporate something like that down the road. Uh, but I really
00:12:17.480 see my heavy emphasis being focused on how do we be men ourselves and how do we usher young men in
00:12:25.820 this instance, our sons into manhood. And I know guys tell me all the time, well, you know, daughters
00:12:30.700 are important too. They are. I'm not saying they're not, I'm not saying I don't do things with my
00:12:34.980 daughters or my daughter, I should say. Uh, but my focus here with this movement in this mission is to
00:12:43.040 focus on boys and men. And that's something that's going away. Something predominantly and
00:12:47.220 exclusive for boys and men that may change for us down the road, but right now it is what it is.
00:12:52.060 And I can be hyper-focused on creating events. They're going to resonate mostly with men and
00:12:57.860 boys. All right. Arthur Allen. He says, what does it mean to you, Ryan, to be a man? Cause I do ask
00:13:06.200 this question quite a bit. Of course, we've been studying and pondering and reflecting and thinking
00:13:10.560 on this question for, well, years now, six years now. And so every once in a while, somebody will
00:13:17.820 ask me, well, what do I think it means to be a man? It's very easy framework for me. I'm going to
00:13:22.420 try to get through it as efficiently as possible because I've answered it quite a bit in the past,
00:13:26.340 but it's an important one. Let's talk about the frameworks first of man, male, and masculinity,
00:13:36.120 and we'll throw a manliness. So a man, what is a man? That's the question you're asking.
00:13:41.520 Well, first and foremost, the prerequisite is that a man is a biological male. There's a lot
00:13:49.600 of confusion about that in this day and age, right? How, you know, how could you be so insensitive?
00:13:55.280 It has nothing to do with insensitive and sensitivity. It has to do with biology. Okay.
00:14:01.000 A man isn't just what you want it to be. It isn't how you feel at the root of it. You have to be
00:14:09.420 biologically male. Now I know that there's probably a lot of women who listen to this. There's probably
00:14:15.000 women who believe themselves to be men listening to this. This is my definition. It's not even my
00:14:20.100 definition. It is the definition, but there's a game. A lot of people like to play where they start
00:14:24.420 to change the definitions of things in order to fit their ideology and their narrative and their
00:14:29.860 worldview. We don't do that here. Okay. Man means something and primarily, and again, as a, as a
00:14:38.580 base, it means that you're biologically male. That's first. Okay. Now we have masculinity.
00:14:46.480 Masculinity is the set of characteristics, behaviors, virtues, thoughts, ideas, et cetera,
00:14:52.220 actions that we would as a society generally attribute to men. And we do that for a reason.
00:15:01.260 It isn't socially constructed people. Okay. It is not. It's biologically constructed and
00:15:09.160 it's supported societally because it works. And up until the ease of modernity that we have
00:15:15.500 currently, it hasn't been questioned, but men have created such an incredible world. And that's not
00:15:23.260 to say we are free of, of doing huge injustices to other people. We're not free of that, but we've
00:15:31.680 done a tremendous job creating an environment of freedom and safety and liberty and the pursuit of
00:15:37.840 happiness. And because of that, now we have the luxury of questioning what even a man is.
00:15:46.900 If we weren't in that boat, you would see more often firsthand what it actually means to be a man
00:15:52.880 because men wouldn't need to step up. You know, on the back of Memorial day, several weeks ago,
00:15:57.360 those are men. You didn't see women in large numbers, storming the beaches of Normandy.
00:16:04.860 Now, were there women there? Probably serving in some sort of support role, medical role,
00:16:10.360 something like that. So that's not to diminish the fact that women can be involved and many of
00:16:15.600 them may be capable of some of the same things, but generally and predominantly, you're going to
00:16:20.920 see men in those roles. When there's a natural disaster, when there's a violent encounter, when
00:16:26.620 there's an emergency situation, predominantly, you're going to see males in that role. Are you telling
00:16:31.980 me that's socially constructed? No, it's biologically constructed and everybody generally agrees this
00:16:39.900 seems to work pretty well. Men are bigger, we're stronger, we're faster, we're more capable of these
00:16:46.040 of physical exertion of strength. So got it. You're the protectors. Okay. So masculinity is the set of
00:16:57.680 characteristics, behaviors, thoughts, ideas that we associate with being men. And it's based on
00:17:04.560 biology, testosterone, other chemicals that we have running through our bodies and other hormones.
00:17:12.960 Then we have man and manliness. This is not to be confused with male. Okay. Male is simply biology.
00:17:23.560 That's all it is. It's the chromosomes. Okay. It's your biological makeup, your male or your female.
00:17:29.820 Now, some guys will say, well, you know, what about intersex people? That's a, that's a biological
00:17:34.480 disorder. That's a medical disorder. That doesn't make those people less. That's not a personal
00:17:43.520 indictment against who they are or, or, or how they can show up in the world and how they can perform.
00:17:48.880 It's just, it's a, it's a physical disorder. It doesn't create a third sex. It doesn't mean that
00:17:56.280 sex isn't binary. It just means there's an anomaly here that falls outside of female or male.
00:18:04.720 Now male is just biology. My, my sons, they're male. They're not men. I don't even expect them to be
00:18:12.960 men. They're boys. They're males. So being a man is more than just your biological makeup.
00:18:21.520 It's what you do with the chemicals that are running through your body, the testosterone and
00:18:28.060 all the other chemicals that cause you to think and behave and act and believe the way that you do
00:18:32.800 directing those and harnessing those for productive outcomes for you, for strangers, potentially who
00:18:42.060 can't do it for themselves and for the people you care about. That is manliness. That is what it means
00:18:48.680 to be a man. If you're taking who you are biologically and you're using it to create advantages
00:18:56.360 and positive outcomes for you and people in your life, then you are acting like a man acts.
00:19:05.900 And this is why manliness actually has less to do with, with age. I just told you about my sons.
00:19:11.660 Now we don't expect them to be men. We expect them to be boys, but they exhibit manly behavior.
00:19:17.460 They exhibit, exhibit both masculine behavior and manly behavior. And again, manly is using,
00:19:23.800 and I did a podcast on this on a Friday field notes. You can go check it out. I think it was
00:19:26.820 called boys, boys break men build, I think is what it was titled. So what does it mean to be a man
00:19:33.740 biologically male? You have the hormones and the biological, biological makeup that make you male.
00:19:40.540 And then you're directing and channeling all of that to be a protector, a provider presider.
00:19:44.700 And that's what defines you as a man or makes you manly or lack thereof. All right. Maybe more than
00:19:51.540 you're asking for it. It's strange to me that I need to even talk about this. But again, we live
00:19:57.700 in such an easy time in society and culture and life right now that these are the conversations we
00:20:03.160 need to explain to people. Now I'm not that old. I'm 40 years old. So when I was born 40 years ago
00:20:08.800 and in the eighties, this wasn't something that we really needed to worry about, but in a few short
00:20:13.860 years, 40 years, uh, these are the conversations we're having wild, wild stuff. All right.
00:20:21.220 Uh, let's go to David pilgrim. He says this, what do you feel is the largest barrier to entry to
00:20:31.880 becoming, to become part of a band of brothers? I've been the ultimate example of a lone wolf for
00:20:38.260 many decades. Uh, and now after 54 years on this planet, I have started to work on that very thing.
00:20:45.120 I've recently joined the iron council. Glad to have you there. Uh, and I'm seeing evidence of a bunch
00:20:49.620 of guys and a great culture, a bunch of great guys and great culture, hoping this experience will help
00:20:56.000 me open some doors and break down some walls, which has taken me years to build. Here's what I would
00:21:01.900 say is the greatest challenge is that with few exception, you're going to have to be the one to
00:21:08.020 initiate this because in my experience, too many men aren't willing to do it. You know, you said it
00:21:14.380 yourself for 54 years, you've been a lone wolf. Well, why, why has it taken you 54 years? You
00:21:19.940 haven't shown the initiative to go out of your way to create your own band of brothers. And there might
00:21:25.000 be a lot of reasons for this. Um, maybe it was fear or maybe just a lack of desire or that you had
00:21:32.620 everything figured out, or at least you thought you did. And something has changed to cause you to
00:21:37.040 open up and consider that maybe doing it with other men is better, uh, than going at it alone,
00:21:42.180 doing this thing we call life. So if you feel that way, it's safe to assume that other men feel that
00:21:49.660 way. And all of us are waiting around, hoping that there's going to be another guy who's going to call
00:21:55.700 us up for a fight night or invite us to the gym or to mentor us and coach us and take us under their
00:22:01.580 wing or to teach us about building things or developing a new hobby. And we're waiting for
00:22:06.840 somebody else to do it. Well, if everybody's sitting around waiting for the next guy to take some
00:22:11.540 initiative, nobody's ever going to do it, but here's the opportunity. And this is why order of
00:22:17.520 man even exists because I acknowledged this early when I started order of man six years ago,
00:22:23.140 that nobody else is willing to do it. And if I'm the guy who's willing to do it, then I get
00:22:29.280 to create this incredibly powerful opportunity to rally men around some sort of commonality of
00:22:37.380 trying to improve themselves as men. That creates opportunity for me, fulfillment, satisfaction,
00:22:45.360 experiences, financial opportunities. It also helps me or allows me to create something that I want.
00:22:54.640 I don't have to go into somebody else's world and say, well, you know, I'm, I'm in your arena. I'm at
00:22:59.160 your, your, your, you got home field advantage and I just got to fit in. And in many cases that works,
00:23:03.980 but I get to create it. And isn't that amazing? I get to create exactly what I want.
00:23:10.060 Sometimes guys will ask, well, you know, like, where does your inspiration come from? Or how did
00:23:13.700 you think about order of man and what you wanted and what you wanted to be and how you wanted to
00:23:17.640 create it? I just am creating it for me. This is what I would have wanted 10 years ago or longer
00:23:23.600 that I didn't have. So it's easy for me. You'll say like guys will say, Ryan, man, it seems like
00:23:30.260 you're talking directly to me. Well, I'm not necessarily talking directly to you. I'm actually
00:23:36.000 talking to me. A lot of the things I post, for example, on social media or the topics I have on
00:23:40.340 this podcast are the conversations I need to hear for myself so that I can improve and I can get
00:23:46.160 better. And it probably resonates with you because we have very similar thoughts. Sure. We have some
00:23:51.040 disagreeing disagreements here and there, but we have very similar thoughts, which is why it feels like
00:23:55.640 I'm talking to you because you and I are very similar probably. So the biggest barrier to entry
00:24:01.840 is waiting for somebody else to do something. And then you trying to like acknowledge what it is
00:24:06.860 and then feeling awkward about a place because you're not part of the club yet. It's the same
00:24:10.940 way when you go to a new gym or, you know, I felt this way. I've trained at a couple of different
00:24:15.740 jujitsu places. And the first day I went, I felt awkward. Second day, less awkward. Third day,
00:24:21.920 even less awkward. And now I walk in and I don't feel awkward at all. Those are my friends. Those
00:24:25.740 are my buddies. Those are the guys I get to know with. We suffer together towards a common good and
00:24:29.920 common purpose. But as I said earlier, I acknowledged this and didn't view it as a barrier, but an
00:24:38.820 opportunity to create what you're part of now, order of man. And what an amazing experience it's been.
00:24:44.240 All right, let's go to. So I'm going to bring this question up here. It's going to be hard for me to
00:24:53.280 answer. In fact, I'm probably not going to answer it, but I'm going to bring the question up here
00:24:56.060 because I think there's an opportunity to learn here. This one comes from Craig. He says, any advice
00:24:59.920 for stepdads? I've said it over and over. The quality of your life will be determined by the
00:25:05.760 quality of questions that you ask. Now, your intention for asking it is probably great intentions.
00:25:10.920 You want to be a great stepdad. I commend you for that. I honor you for wanting to do that.
00:25:15.680 It's just not a great question because I don't know what to answer.
00:25:20.660 Advice for how to raise your kids, advice for coaching them in sports, advice for disciplining,
00:25:27.560 advice for talking with your wife, their mom. I don't know. So what I would suggest, guys,
00:25:37.340 is when you ask questions, ask them very specifically. So Craig, maybe a better question
00:25:42.220 if this is what you're interested in is say, hey, Ryan, I've got my stepdaughter or my stepson
00:25:49.760 and they're getting a little mouthy and I'm trying to figure out where the balance is and what my role
00:25:55.600 is as their stepfather for disciplining. How would you go about doing that? Or what resources do you
00:26:00.140 have? That's a tighter question. That's something that somebody can answer. But any advice for
00:26:06.140 stepdads? I mean, what I'm going to say is broad, but that's because the question is broad. Love them.
00:26:14.860 Treat them like your child. They are your child.
00:26:19.940 Honor their mother. Show them a good example of what a man is.
00:26:25.120 Make sure you keep the lines of communication open with your wife so that you aren't
00:26:32.080 mismanaging expectations of what your role is, what you want to do, and what she may want you to do.
00:26:38.260 They may not be in alignment. So you need to get an alignment, have those conversations.
00:26:41.840 But outside of knowing exactly what you're looking for, a little harder for me to answer than
00:26:45.380 broadly, be the man, be the dad. You got it. All right, here we go. Sean, Patrick,
00:26:52.580 when do you know when to pivot? I've been advertising my business for around two months
00:26:59.080 with no new leads. I know it takes time for things to happen, but nothing successful to
00:27:04.060 learn from yet. How long before I change my approach and pivot to something different? So
00:27:09.460 this is the best advice I can give you because there isn't one moment like when this happens or
00:27:15.200 when this doesn't happen or if it's been 90 days, there's no answer for that. Here's what I would
00:27:20.260 suggest. You need to find somebody, Sean, who is in your line of work or at least in the same vein,
00:27:27.800 maybe doing the same thing. And you need to ask them specifically what they're doing and how they're
00:27:35.800 making it successful. Because if you've been in this thing, you said you've been doing this for
00:27:40.880 two months now with no new leads, that could mean a couple of different things. It could mean that
00:27:45.520 your strategy isn't working or it could mean that it takes three months instead of two months. But
00:27:49.680 guess what? We don't know. You don't know because you're ignorant about it. I don't say that. I don't
00:27:56.020 say that as judgmental. When I say ignorant, I'm saying you just don't know. How could you know?
00:28:00.480 You've never done it before. So you need to find somebody who's qualified. So when I was in my
00:28:06.160 financial planning practice, I was really struggling and I was about to throw in the towel and I'm so
00:28:11.000 stubborn and I didn't want to quit. So before I did, I said, okay, I got to figure something else
00:28:16.540 out here. And I was so stubborn and arrogant that I didn't want to ask for help. But I got to the
00:28:22.300 point where my humility was just shot because, or not my humility, excuse me, my arrogance was shot.
00:28:28.720 My ego was just crushed because I wasn't making this work. And I reached out to a couple of guys who
00:28:34.540 were always producing in the office, in our financial planning office. And I said, hey, look guys,
00:28:39.840 I'm struggling, which I hated to admit. And I don't know how to do this. I'm watching you guys.
00:28:44.900 You're on the call. You're making deals. You're getting new clients. You're getting referrals.
00:28:49.200 Like, I don't know what you're doing and I don't know how to do it. Can you show me?
00:28:53.520 And both of them said, yeah, sure. We'll show you. And so I started working with these guys and
00:28:57.780 we would split cases. And initially I was a little hesitant because I had to give up commission. Well,
00:29:01.920 you know, a hundred percent of zero is zero. 50% of what we were able to produce is significantly
00:29:07.800 more than zero, which was what I was producing. So I'd split cases with them. I partnered up with
00:29:12.780 a couple of these guys. And eventually, you know, we went our own ways and I learned what I needed
00:29:15.760 to learn. And we split cases and we have a good relationship and we parted ways over time.
00:29:19.800 Nothing bad. All of it was amicable. But the point I'm making here is that I went to the people who
00:29:25.060 know exactly what they need to be doing. And I said, okay, well, what do I do? And they'd say,
00:29:28.660 well, you need to ask for referrals. And I said, well, I'm doing that. And they said, well,
00:29:31.140 okay, let me hear how you're doing that. And I would share that with them. They're like, okay,
00:29:34.300 well, that's wrong. Let me show you a better way to do it.
00:29:40.320 So Sean, you're asking about advertising your business for around two months. It's so broad.
00:29:45.000 I don't know exactly what you're doing for advertising, but I would find somebody who's
00:29:48.860 using the same type of advertising or in a very similar market space and ask them what to expect.
00:29:56.880 Ask them to critique what you're doing. Hire them to coach you through
00:30:02.060 the process of making this a success. But don't just wing it and don't just guess because
00:30:10.100 it could just be that if you turn it off, that it was actually going to, everything was going to
00:30:15.160 turn on for you a week from now, if you just left it alone. But we don't know. So again,
00:30:20.080 find qualified people, hire coaches, hire mentors. You hear me talk about it all the time. Hire people.
00:30:26.760 I know it seems expensive, but again, this goes back to the risk thing earlier. It's risky. I got
00:30:31.740 to pay this person. What if it doesn't work out? Yeah. What if you don't hire them and you stop doing
00:30:37.700 things that were working because you didn't know and it just takes a little longer? What's the cost
00:30:41.800 associated with that? So consider a mentor coach hiring those people. If you were to make a speech
00:30:49.980 at a high school graduation, what would you talk about or say? I don't think I've ever been asked this
00:30:55.000 question. This is from Chad Wallace. I've never even thought about that because by the time I was
00:31:03.100 graduating high school, I was so jaded with it. I was just ready to be done. I was doing classes that
00:31:09.120 I didn't feel were moving the needle. Sports was wrapping up, which was a big part of my life when
00:31:14.440 I was younger. So I was bitter about that. My mom was going through a divorce and so I was contentious
00:31:21.240 and bitter about that. So like, I mean, I had friends and I had a good time, but I don't remember
00:31:25.680 it around graduation being at like my favorite part of life. My son, the other day we were driving and
00:31:33.100 one of my boys asked me when I was a kid, what did I do or something? I can't remember exactly what he
00:31:38.300 said. And my oldest son said, dad was never a kid. And he's actually not that far off. Like I've always
00:31:44.380 felt older than maybe I really was. That's why I feel so confident and secure with where I am right now.
00:31:49.540 I think I maybe, maybe came out of the womb like a 40 year old. I don't know. Um, okay. But your
00:31:56.520 question, what would I talk about at a high school graduation? I would talk about the adventures of
00:32:03.900 life. I would talk about taking risk. Uh, I would talk about chasing and pursuing something that you're
00:32:09.700 passionate about, that you're excited about, that interests you. I would also talk about dabbling,
00:32:15.600 uh, not for the sake of just dipping your toe in the water, but for the sake of trying a lot of
00:32:21.100 different things, because you never know what path is going to lead you where. And so many people are
00:32:26.400 so conditioned to follow one particular path. Maybe that's the path their teachers or their
00:32:31.080 guidance counselor told them about. Maybe it's the path that their parents went down. And then there's
00:32:35.440 all these other little opportunities and little side trails and scenic routes that could have actually
00:32:40.400 been very good for you, but you weren't willing to take it because everybody told you to stay on
00:32:44.740 this one path. That's the tightest in the, the, the most groomed path that gets you exactly to where
00:32:52.080 they think you want to go. And maybe you realize, I don't want to go down that path. I want to go over
00:32:56.260 here. So I wish I would have done that a little more. I wish I would have traveled the world and
00:33:01.660 taken a few more risks and tried a few more things instead of yes to a few things that I normally
00:33:06.800 wouldn't say yes to. And, and again, this goes back to me feeling like I've always been 40. I've
00:33:10.820 always been a pretty responsible individual. I wish I would have been maybe a little bit more
00:33:17.100 irresponsible, not reckless, but Hey, you know, yeah, next week you want to go to Germany. Cool.
00:33:25.160 Let's go to Germany. Oh, there's an opportunity to go surfing. Well, I've never surfed. So yeah,
00:33:30.000 I want to do that and just go live life, collect a bunch of experiences, take a few more risks
00:33:37.980 and just see where it takes you blaze your own path. Maybe there isn't a path for you. Maybe you
00:33:43.340 have to create it, but that's all you to figure out. So I would talk about that. All right. How
00:33:48.740 we doing on time here? This one's going to be a fairly short one as well today, guys, because
00:33:52.840 we're almost up on questions. Got a few more here. We'll take. All right. So
00:33:57.280 this is, this is a very hypothetical question. I'll see what we can do here. Paul Sinat or Sinat,
00:34:08.220 is there a protocol to follow when you have too many good options been head, head hunted by a few
00:34:15.160 companies, all options look good, similar location, pay, et cetera. He took job B, but job C said they will
00:34:22.440 hang on. In case I don't like B, this makes me feel like I can't fail at B, but I feel like this
00:34:29.160 is a bad scenario and could cloud my opinion. There's some other stuff here. Here's what I'm
00:34:33.660 going to say. You took job B. So head down, get after it, like be the best at job B, be the best you
00:34:43.660 can absolutely be. And if you know what you realize, yeah, I'm not digging this. I don't feel like there's
00:34:48.780 potential. I don't feel like there's growth. I don't feel like there's mobility. I don't feel like
00:34:52.380 I'm satisfied. I mean, you can always change to C or D E F X, whatever. But the point I'm making
00:35:00.000 here is that you made your choice. You made your bed. So lie in it at least for a couple of nights.
00:35:06.080 I mean, you can't really judge whether or not this is good or that's good. If you've never really put
00:35:10.540 your full heart and mind into what you're doing right now. So you're second guessing yourself
00:35:15.260 because option C is on the table. This is actually one of those scenarios where I wouldn't say burn the
00:35:21.560 boats. I would just say, tuck them away somewhere where they aren't so visible and just go all in
00:35:28.020 on job B right now and just allow that to develop and to play out and for you to get good at it.
00:35:33.760 Because job C will be there. They told you it'll be there. And if that job C isn't available,
00:35:38.720 there'll be another job C or D or E or F, or maybe it's not even a letter of the alphabet. Maybe you
00:35:46.300 create something entirely new because you got good in job B and you develop three or four or five
00:35:51.460 skills that translate perfectly into doing something you've never even considered before,
00:35:55.960 but you got to go all in, in order to do that. So I'm not giving you a protocol. I'm just saying,
00:36:02.740 give job B a chance and don't worry about failing. Oh, I can't fail. You're not going to fail.
00:36:11.100 Okay. You're, you're, you're, you're playing not to lose right now. What if you played to win?
00:36:15.960 You're playing defense, play offense. Stop thinking about, Oh, what if I fail? Yeah. Well,
00:36:24.180 maybe you will. And then you'll figure it out. And you probably will at some point,
00:36:28.280 maybe not the job, but at some point we're all going to fail. And if that's all we ever thought
00:36:32.460 about, we'd be paralyzed, which sounds like maybe that's what's happening right now.
00:36:35.960 So don't burn job C, lock it up where you can't see it. You can't focus on it and get after job B,
00:36:45.420 go all in and see where that takes you. And then we'll evaluate. We'll come back and we'll evaluate
00:36:49.000 from there. Uh, Tad Kamimura, he says, are meat bags that are used in hunting basically extra strong
00:36:57.720 trash bags? Interesting question. Uh, the answer is no, they're not trash bags because the meat bags
00:37:04.880 actually have different kinds of, uh, I don't know, antimicrobials or whatever you call it.
00:37:10.280 I don't even know what you call them, but that's keeps the, the meat clean and sanitized and the
00:37:15.880 bags breathe too. They should definitely breathe. And I don't think trash bags breathe, but I'm not a,
00:37:21.540 a bag aficionado. So I don't know for sure. There's probably a hunter who could tell me here more.
00:37:27.080 Um, in fact, I have some hunting bags right over here on the side of my floor because I'm going hunting.
00:37:30.660 Uh, but the way I understand it, they're the bags are treated and they breathe, which you want it to
00:37:37.460 breathe. All right. We're going to take one more. Uh, let me find a good one here.
00:37:47.600 I need a copy of no more. Mr. Nice guy. Where can I get one?
00:37:53.000 Where can I get a copy of a book, the bookstore, the library, Amazon, Google, Google,
00:38:00.660 easy. Uh, okay, here we go. This is from JC white Capenson. I don't know what that is. Okay. Here
00:38:10.280 we go. JC white Capenson. All right. If men share our struggles, whether it's emotional, mental,
00:38:14.840 physical, we get told to suck it up, stop lying, being a pussy, et cetera. Actually, sometimes that
00:38:19.400 is, so I'm interjecting my own thought here and there's more to this. Uh, sometimes that is the
00:38:25.340 correct answer. Not always, but sometimes. So let's, let's not pretend like that. Isn't
00:38:32.100 maybe a viable solution at times. Not always. How are we supposed to feel failure inside or like
00:38:39.640 we're crumbling? We stand strong, keep putting one foot in front of the other and make it all work.
00:38:44.560 Though inside we tore up depressed, full of doubt. Society likes to pretend it's okay to talk,
00:38:48.960 to talk about it, share our feelings. But when we do ridicule follows along with judgment.
00:38:53.620 Uh, another point, how does talking about it help? How does reliving moments that cause, okay.
00:38:59.760 All right. So here, here's the thing. Men communicate differently than women, right? And sometimes you
00:39:11.100 being told to suck it up is exactly the right advice. It isn't actually intended to be an insult.
00:39:19.480 Well, I mean, in some cases maybe, but I think more often than not, especially if you're with
00:39:24.300 the right men, like I have men in my life who are like, yeah, man, that really sucks. But you know
00:39:27.820 what? You gotta, you gotta, you gotta suck it up and you gotta drive on. So what are you going to do
00:39:31.440 about it? And that's actually exactly what I need to hear. I don't need them to put their arm around
00:39:36.160 me and say, I feel so bad for you. And Oh, life's so hard. And Oh, what are you? Oh, are you good?
00:39:41.560 Are you going to be okay? And what can I do for you? I don't need that. What I need is for an outlet.
00:39:49.640 You know, it's like my wife does canning. I've talked about this example before, and she puts
00:39:53.500 these cans with the water in and she puts the lids on and she puts them in this big metal can. And it's
00:39:59.040 got this little release valve on the top. And as the thing steams and cooks, that's what vacuum seals the
00:40:04.100 cans together. But it has this little release valve that lets steam off because if not, then
00:40:08.740 the whole thing would just be overpressurized and quite literally blow up. Well, that's the same
00:40:13.940 thing that's happening here. You need to be able to talk about these things. You need to be able to
00:40:17.120 have actions and ideas and processes and systems in place to deal with it. Okay. But, but it's a
00:40:25.160 release valve. It's not like I'm going to let all of the pressure out. You got to have some of that
00:40:29.040 pressure. And sometimes having the right men in your corner who, you know, care about you,
00:40:34.400 but can still say, suck it up, get tough, be a man. Isn't always insulting. Sometimes it's good advice.
00:40:44.940 So what the root of this is finding the right people who have been where you are and understanding
00:40:51.120 that we're all full of doubt. We all get depressed. We're all tore up from time to time. We all get
00:40:57.200 setbacks and struggles. Okay. What are you going to do about it? What actions are you going to take?
00:41:03.260 What plan are you going to put in place? How are you going to get up out of bed when you feel like
00:41:06.640 you don't want to? And that's what a man in your corner will, will help you with. Not by putting
00:41:12.880 his arm around you and singing kumbaya with you. That's not going to do anything. Hey, now the other
00:41:18.420 point here is how does reliving the moments cause the moments that cause so much pain fix anything
00:41:23.340 because you learn from them. When you start reliving those moments, as you say,
00:41:31.260 you're, you're vocalizing them. You're sharing them. You're contextualizing them,
00:41:36.240 which actually gives you a more well-rounded objective look at what's happening. Cause if
00:41:42.340 it just bounces around in your brain, it's an echo chamber in there and you're going to feel slighted,
00:41:47.800 or you're going to feel victimized. You're going to feel like other people are out to get you.
00:41:50.500 You're going to feel tore up and not have an outlet for it, but reliving it allows you to put some
00:41:55.240 context and meaning to it. And then you can start learning the lessons. You know, if you had a bad
00:42:02.240 job performance review or a relationship that went South or a bankruptcy or some sort of abuse in the
00:42:12.020 past, reliving it, so to speak, by talking about it with other people who may have experienced it
00:42:19.300 allows you to put some meat on the bones. So you know how to deal with it properly.
00:42:27.860 Cause sometimes we just can't deal with it properly on our own. That's actually one of the problems a lot
00:42:32.780 of men have. Uh, and that's part of the problem with the lone wolf thing that somebody talked about
00:42:38.500 earlier on this podcast, the gentleman, the older, the older gentleman, I think he was, you know,
00:42:43.840 in his fifties or sixties who said he's always been a lone wolf. Okay. Well, this is part of the
00:42:50.840 problem. You can't be the lone wolf. You have to have the outlet because you need to be able to put
00:42:54.920 some context and get some perspective around this stuff. So find good men in your corner and realize
00:43:01.260 that some of that advice is actually good advice. Start thinking about these things that are
00:43:07.200 happening. So you can come up with better solutions moving forward. All right, guys, good questions
00:43:13.360 today. Great questions today. Uh, we're going to call it a wrap today, but I appreciate you guys being
00:43:19.240 on this path with me, asking these good and thoughtful questions. Hopefully I gave you some
00:43:22.500 things to consider. Not always the best answers I know, but hopefully you're considering new perspectives.
00:43:26.760 We're going to continue to do this every week. It's been good. We always get good feedback when we do.
00:43:31.260 Uh, in the meantime, make sure you leave that rating review. Connect with us
00:43:34.640 at the battle ready program, order of man.com slash battle ready. Uh, what else? I think that's
00:43:42.460 about it. Check out the Facebook group, connect with me on Instagram, all the things. Also check
00:43:47.080 out the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood, order of man.com slash iron council. All right,
00:43:52.160 guys, we'll be back later this week until then go out there, take action and become the man you
00:43:56.780 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:44:00.320 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:44:04.760 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.