Anxiously Engaged in the Fight of Your Life ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
When life knocks you down, you are not easily deterred or defeated. You get back up one more time every time. This is your life, this is who you are, and this is what you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? Welcome to the Order of Man
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podcast. My name is Ryan Nickler. I'm the host and the founder of this movement and this podcast
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you're listening to right now. My goal is to give you what you need as a man to thrive.
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Whether you're a father, husband, leader in your community, business owner, coach, brother, mentor,
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friend, however you are showing up, I want to equip you with tools and resources that are going to
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help you be more profitable, that are going to help you live a more fulfilled, more meaningful life,
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and ultimately help you to serve others. And I believe that is the core foundation of what it
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means to be a man in service to other people, making ourselves more capable of doing so.
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So to that end, we've got this podcast today. You're listening to the Friday Field Notes,
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and I want to talk with you specifically about this title that I am sharing with you today,
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which is Anxiously Engaged in the Fight of Your Life. I see a lot of guys who are playing in default
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mode. A lot of guys talk about things happening to them at some point in time. You hear the things
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like when my ship comes in, or when I get lucky, or I wish I could have that. I wish I could be like
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that. I wish I could do those things. These are all guys who have resigned to a life of mediocrity
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and resigned to a life of default, hoping that something miraculous and beautiful and wonderful
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and amazing happens to them. And then what they do is they look around and they see other men who are
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thriving guys who have beautiful marriages, guys who have incredible careers, guys who have an immense
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amount of wealth and prosperity in their lives, guys who seem to be fulfilled, guys who seem to
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have the X factor. And they think it's just happenstance that miraculously, these guys were
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bestowed some, some blessing that is not available to us as ordinary common men. That just isn't the case.
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The guys overwhelmingly, and look, I know there's isolated experiences and isolated
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circumstances. Somebody wins the lottery. And so they've got $40 million. Of course,
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that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the overwhelming majority of men who are
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successful, not because of what mommy and daddy gave them, not because of the fact that they won the
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lottery or that they're gifted with some incredible talent and skillset that is not available to you.
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No, the vast amount of men who have the success that you're after in life have earned that through
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their efforts, through their work, and through being anxiously engaged in the fight of their
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life. Now, everybody's fights a little different and our fight changes from time to time. We have
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skirmishes and battles and roadblocks and barriers to overcome. It might be that you're trying to
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re-salvage a marriage that is falling apart. It might mean that you're trying to come over some sort of
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health diagnosis and trying to lose 40 pounds and get your fitness back into shape. It might be that
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you're starting a business right now and it's not going as well as you would have hoped. Maybe you're
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saddled and strapped with some seemingly insurmountable amount of debt that you've managed to acquire over
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the past decade of your life. All sorts of things could be going wrong. This is the battle of your life
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right now. And what I want you to do is I want you to be anxiously engaged in that battle and stop
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living by default. Stop hoping that something will happen to you. The guys that are successful
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are using a formula. That's it. They might not even be aware of the formula, but they're using a
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formula. And I know this to be true because I've interviewed over 460 incredibly successful men,
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scholars, athletes, warriors, astronauts, New York times, bestselling authors, entrepreneurs,
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and all of them have a similar thread in the way that they've achieved their version of success in
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their life. So let me tell you what it means to be anxiously engaged and let's hope that you and I
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can work on these things. And by the way, I say you and I deliberately, I don't want to tell you that I
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have everything figured out. I don't want to tell you that I even consider myself among the 460 plus
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men that I've interviewed. I'm on the same path as you. I'm trying to learn. I've been successful in some
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aspects of life. I've been very unsuccessful in other aspects of life. And that switches and moves
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from time to time, but I'm on the path of growth and progression. And I hope you are too. So number
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one, when it comes to being anxiously engaged, meaning that we're not just going through the
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motions, but we're anxiously engaged. We're excited. We're motivated. We're compelled by our vision.
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Number one is have the do it right mindset. So many guys are just thinking that they can check off
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the box. Well, I went to the gym today. Great. Tell me what you did at the gym. I don't know.
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I did some bench press and then I kind of wandered around and I talked to a buddy that I ran into and
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then I did some curls. And then, you know, after my curls, I got a drink and then I tried to go over
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to the squat machine, but it was taken. And so I jumped on the treadmill and I ran a mile and then
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that was about an hour and I left. That's not anxious engagement. That's why you're not seeing
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success in the gym. If instead you decided that you would go in with your pre-workout done,
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your water taken care of, the right clothing that's going to help you perform correctly,
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the right shoes, the right equipment. Maybe you have a trainer. Maybe you're using an online resource.
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Maybe there's a program you've used in the past and you're tapping back into it. And you go there with
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maximum efficiency. You go there with the idea that, yeah, I'm not just going to spend an hour here.
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I'm going to spend an hour doing everything right. I watched my oldest son. He's a power lifter.
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And I watch him as he's doing a deadlift or a squat. Those are both movements that he really
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enjoys. And I watched the way that he steps up to the bar. Actually, it starts before that.
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I watched the clothes that he wears. I see how he puts his belt on. I watch his ritual as he steps up
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to the bar and gets his feet spaced right and gets his back locked in and braced. His breathing is a
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deep breath. Hold and then perform the lift to perfection. And then he racks it and he goes through
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the same motion every single time. And I see it and I'm inspired by it because this is a young man
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who doesn't just go and throw some weight on his back and hopefully he can lift more than he did
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yesterday. This is a young man who knows what it's like and knows why it's important that we have
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rituals and we're doing everything we can to the nth degree. If you're going to go out on a date with
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your wife tonight or tomorrow, and I hope that you are your significant other, it's not just like,
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hey, hon, you know, we should go out. We probably should. Where do you want to go? She says, I don't
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know. You say, I don't know. Well, I don't know either. We'll come up with something. That's not
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anxiously engaged in your marriage. Anxiously engaged is, hey, hon, wanted to give you a call
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real quick. I got a babysitter lined up for this weekend. I've got reservations for two at seven
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o'clock at this great new restaurant downtown that I've been wanting to go. And I got us a hotel room
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for the evening at that hotel you've always wanted to stay at. Okay. Who's doing better in life?
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It's the guy who's anxiously engaged and he's has the do it right mindset. And by the way,
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I'm not telling you that everything in life has to be done to the nth degree, but I am telling you
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that you better be deliberate and intentional about what you're going to do. When I do this podcast,
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I'm deliberate. I'm intentional. You can see my head moving from camera to some notes that I have here.
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I don't just come on the podcast and wing it. I don't just hope that whatever I say and comes out of
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my mouth is going to serve you in the best way possible. No, I'm going through and I'm actually
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researching information. I'm looking at your feedback. I'm looking at posts. I'm looking at
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comments from you guys. I'm analyzing questions that I received from you so that I can put together
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information that will serve you best. And then on my phone, and I don't have my phone here. I think
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it's over there. I make a list of things that I could talk about on Friday field notes. So when I'm
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ready to do this podcast, I look and say, okay, anxiously engaged, let's discuss this. And then I make
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notes and I've got notes right here on my computer that I'm actually visiting and looking at so that
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I can communicate effectively with you because I'm doing it right. It's important. And if it's
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important enough to do it, then I think it's important enough to do it right. Another example,
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I made a commitment that I'm going to run a marathon next year. And I've said that before and
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I didn't do it. So I want to be completely honest on that. But I did make a commitment that I'm going to
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run a marathon next year. And I decided I'm going to start training and running. Well, I just went and
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had an evaluation of my running because I want to do it right. And so I talked with this
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running coach and she was analyzing my stride and my gait and my strike and all these things and
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giving me pointers and suggestions and cues to learn. And she sent me these videos of what I could
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focus on and training and exercises that I can do at home and how to stretch properly so that I can
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do this well. That's what I'm talking about when I say do it right. Guys, everything that we should do
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or everything that we do, we should do it right. And I think you know what right is. And if we
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maximize that, then we're going to have more success. All right. So point number two to the
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point of maximization is maximize effort. And I call this efficiency. So efficiency, let me tell you
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what efficiency is not. Efficiency is not getting something done as quickly as you can. Efficiency is
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not completing something, but missing the timeline. Efficiency is a two factor equation. It's producing
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the desired result plus achieving it as quickly as you possibly can. And what that means is that
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because two, two of those factors exist, I could get something done very, very quickly, but that
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doesn't mean I'm going to produce the desired result. I could produce the desired result, but that doesn't
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mean I'm going to do it in a timely manner. Guys, what we want to do in our lives is we want to
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operate with maximum efficiency, meaning that we want to produce desired results in as effective
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and efficient way as we possibly can. And that means hiring coaches, hiring mentors, investing in
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technology, investing in tools. All right. Imagine, for example, I told you, we're going to go plant some
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plants, some new trees out in the yard. And to one of the guys that came, I gave him a shovel and I say,
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hey, go dig this. To the other guy, I give a spoon. To the third guy, I give an excavator. Who's going to
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dig the better hole? Of course, the guy with the excavator. Why? Because he has the right tools
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because you need the right tools in your life. What are the right tools? Coaches, mentors,
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information, resources, equipment, technology, invest in these things. I talked with so many guys
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who were like, oh man, you know, I really want to do this thing, but I don't really know how to do it.
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And I don't have any help. And I'd like to hire a coach, but it's so expensive. Yeah, it is expensive.
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But if you want what you want, then you're going to do that. Case in point, my running. I paid this
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gal $250. That might seem like a lot to you. That might seem like nothing to some of you,
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but I paid her $250 so that she could evaluate how I run. So I don't hurt myself so that I can
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actually run 26 miles so that I can train effectively. So when that time comes, I'm ready
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and I'm completely ready to get after it. Okay. If it comes to the business, I've hired countless
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business coaches and mentors. I've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the last 15 years in
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this business and a previous business that I was in to ensure that I could produce desired results.
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And you might say hundreds of thousands of dollars, Ryan, that's so much money. Yeah,
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but it's made me millions. It's literally made me millions. And if I would not have invested in those
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coaches and those hundreds of thousands of dollars, I still probably would have made some money. I still
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would have figured it out, but I would not be nearly as far as I am today. Guys, we're looking
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for maximum effort. We're looking for maximum efficiency. Again, remember, efficiency is achieving
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the desired result in a timely manner. And if you're not hitting one of those two factors,
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it's up to you to figure out what's going on. Why are you not able to connect with your wife?
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Why are you not losing weight? Why are you not growing the business to the degree that you want?
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Why is debt not being paid down as quickly as you'd like? Why are you having a hard time
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relating with your children? If you can figure those things out, then you can begin to plug in
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the investments and the tools, the resources, and the equipment that you need to figure that out
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correctly. Maximum efficiency. Number three is I want you to begin to anchor your activity to your
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vision. Because let's be honest, there's a lot of things in our life that are mundane and monotonous
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and boring and miserable, frankly, in some ways. Podcast editing was one for me. I just did not enjoy
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podcast editing. But my podcast needs to be edited. So I could see that I had to get through this in
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order to achieve what I wanted. And my vision was to reach out and impact millions of men in a positive
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way to become better, more fulfilled, more capable, more righteous men. We're achieving that. But I've done
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a lot of work that I did not want to do. Emails, podcasts, follow up, even travel. Some of those
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things just aren't as fun to me as they may be to other people. But I got it done. Because I realized
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that, hey, this hour I'm going to spend doing emails is important. And I don't skimp on emails.
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I don't just randomly go through them and just give one word answers to people who respond back.
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I don't ignore emails when I receive them. I treat them with the reverence and respect they deserve
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because to point number one, I have the do it right mindset. If you're doing work that isn't fun,
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but it's tying to a mission or a vision that you have, you're going to be able to more effectively
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get through that. The alternative is this. You haven't tied your activity to your vision. And so
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when an activity comes up that you either dislike or you're not good at or isn't fun for you,
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you're not going to do it. And then because you don't do it, you aren't going to achieve the level
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of success that you desire. And because you don't achieve the level of success that you desire,
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you begin to lack your ability. And because you begin to lack your ability, your confidence
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suffers. And because your confidence suffers, you feel less motivated to do more work. And because
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you feel less motivated to do more work, you continue to put off the things that you know
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are going to serve you well. And it becomes this vicious, vicious cycle of failure. If on the other
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hand, you realize, okay, I got to send that email. I have to make that phone call. I have to have this
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difficult, uncomfortable conversation. And you do it because it's attached to your vision.
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You're going to get it done. You're going to feel happier about it. You're going to produce the
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results that you desire, which is going to build your level of confidence, which is going to help
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you act more courageously and eventually take more calculated, powerful risks to achieve even
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greater results. So the cycles work. One cycle is negative and destructive. The other cycle is positive
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and constructive, meaning it will help you build the life that you want. Number four, prioritize effective
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effort over immediate results. Now I had to think on this one a little bit because initially I wrote
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prioritize effort over results. And I don't think that's true either because I can put forth a lot of
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effort and do the wrong thing and it won't ever produce the results I desire. But if I tell myself,
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well, you know, it's effort. Effort alone isn't what we're after. You know, it's the old adage,
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work smarter, not harder. A lot of guys have not embraced that. We've all heard it, but a lot of
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guys have embraced the work harder. If you're not achieving what you want, work harder. If you're not
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getting all the goals that you've wanted to create for yourself, work harder. Not necessarily.
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What are you missing? And that's why I changed that to from priorities effort over results to
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prioritize effective effort over immediate results. So we're still, we're still after results and
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priority priority should be results. If I go to the gym and I'm doing everything I know why it should
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be doing, but I'm not losing weight. I'm not getting stronger over the course of weeks and months.
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That's a problem. There's something going on that I need to figure out so that I can actually produce
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results. So please don't misunderstand me. Results are a priority, but what we want to do is we want
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to prioritize effective effort over these immediate short-term results because twofold results take time.
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The results that you want most take time to go back to that gym analogy. If I go to the gym and I'm 40
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pounds overweight, I could probably lose 10 pounds pretty quickly. I might even get 20, 25 pounds off
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me pretty quickly, but that last 10, 15, 20 pounds is going to be significantly more difficult. And that
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takes time. That takes eating right. That takes discipline. That takes months and months, if not
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years of hard effort and work to get you to where you want to be. And if all you are is focused on
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immediate results, I got, I got some sad news for you because it just ain't going to happen that quick.
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But if you prioritize effective effort, meaning that you value and honor the effort, the work,
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the journey, the results will inevitably come, but we do have to remember the word effective.
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And how do you know it's effective? Well, you're going to see results to some degree. And also to
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go back to a previous point, you're going to hire coaches. You're going to hire mentors. You're going
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to follow people who are already doing what it is you want to be doing because you know,
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they did something and produced a result. If you do the same thing, it's likely you're going to
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produce them in the results. So guys, we got to get out of this mindset of like, I don't want to hire
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anybody. I don't need accountability. I don't need systems. I'm going to do it on my own. I'm an
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omega. I'm a lone wolf. I can do it on my own. Why? It's like saying I like banging my head against
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the wall. Why? You know, if I tell you I need this, this, this wall in my house torn down and you
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come and you just start banging your head against the wall, you might actually be able to tear the
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wall down with some effort. If on the other hand, I give you a sledgehammer and say, Hey, you know,
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dummy, why don't you use this? You might get the job done a little quicker. So this is why we hire
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mentors and coaches, because then we begin to see what is effective. And they're going to tell us,
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Hey, look, just keep doing it. Trust the system. That's something you hear a lot. Trust the process,
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trust the system, because you're not going to see the immediate results. But if you continue to do it
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and stack those wins over time, you will see the results that you desire. And then the last point I
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made here, guys, is I don't want you to backslide. All right. We can't backslide. I see this when it
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comes to how we manage our schedules. I know so many men who will just bust their balls Monday through
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Friday. And then on Saturday, they, they just let it completely fall apart. They don't wake up on time.
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They don't produce anything during the day. They don't communicate with their family. They start
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drinking heavily. They sit on the couch all weekend and watch football. So why did you just take five
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step forward just to take two steps backwards? And look, I'm not telling you that you shouldn't be
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able to relax from time to time. You should, but the key differentiating factor is intentionality.
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So if I've been busting my butt five days a week at the gym, Saturday morning, I may not go to the gym,
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but I may get up around the same time and go for a walk with my wife or kids around the neighborhood.
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That would be an effective use of time. If you want to watch the football game, watch a football
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game, you know, and maybe make a, maybe make a snack bar or a chips and salsa bar and get your
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kids involved or bring some friends over and have a cookout where their wives come and their kids
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come. And so the kids are having fun at the pool and you're cooking for the guys and you guys are all
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watching the game and the ladies are getting together and they're talking and bonding.
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Okay. That's a, that's different than just plopping your ass on the couch and watching the game or
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games for four or five, six, eight, 10 hours and not engaging with your family or your life.
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We're not going to backslide. If you're eating healthy and correct, people say, Oh, I need a
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cheat meal. Cheat from what? What are you cheating from? You're cheating yourself. But if your regimen is
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so strict that you have to quote unquote cheat every once in a while, maybe consider changing
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it up. That's not to say you can't have a beer or some fries or whatever it may be every once in a
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while, but have some fries, have a beer, and then you can get right back on track, but don't let
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everything fall apart. And by the way, if it does correct the behavior as quickly as you possibly can.
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So some guys will say, Oh, well, you know, I eat like garbage at lunch. So I might as well just eat
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like garbage the rest of the day. That's a loser mindset. That's somebody who's looking for an excuse.
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Instead say, Oh, you know what, man, I didn't do as good as I should have. I'm going to start right
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now immediately. So I'm going to clean up, start drinking water, eat a little better tonight,
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maybe go without tonight. And then I'm back on track guys. We don't backslide and we don't use
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weekends as an excuse to not fulfill our obligations, responsibilities, and duties. We might change
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our pace. We might change our tempo, but the intentionality of, of success and forward progress
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is still there guys. This is the fight of your life. And I don't know specifically what
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it is. Maybe it's your marriage. Maybe it's your business. Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's your
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finances. Maybe it's your mental and emotional and spiritual wellbeing. It's different for a lot
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of guys. I think I hit on the five or six that are most common based on the conversations I've had
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with men, relationships, fitness, money, mental, emotional, and spiritual health probably falls into
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one of those categories. Cause I think that probably encompasses it all. I don't know what that fight is
00:22:22.380
for you. But what I would like to see is more of us anxiously engaged in whatever fight that is,
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not just paying lip service to, Oh yeah, I'm going to get in shape and do all the things I need to do.
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And I'm, you know, 2024 is going to be my year. I don't care about any of that. What I care about
00:22:38.500
is seeing a guy who's actively working towards it. Who's anxiously engaged in doing work that is
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effective, that is efficient, that is righteous. He's anchoring his activity, even if it's something
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mundane and monotonous and boring to the vision that he asked for himself, he's prioritizing his
00:23:00.040
effective effort over immediate results. He's investing in the tools and the resources that
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he needs to thrive because I know that's a guy who will inevitably win. And that's the guy I want you
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to be. That's the guy I want to be. And that's the guy that I think all of us want to become.
00:23:14.420
All right, guys, that's all I've got for you today. Think about that this weekend. Do not
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backslide this weekend. Keep moving forward. Change the tempo. Sure. Change the pace. Take
00:23:22.840
your breaks. Do whatever you need to do, but be intentional about it. So we're always marching
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forward. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action,
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become anxiously engaged in the fight of your life, and let's become a man we are meant to be.
00:23:37.680
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:23:42.220
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.