Order of Man - Anxiously Engaged in the Fight of Your Life ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.900 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.260 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.840 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.280 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? Welcome to the Order of Man

00:00:26.880 podcast. My name is Ryan Nickler. I'm the host and the founder of this movement and this podcast

00:00:31.360 you're listening to right now. My goal is to give you what you need as a man to thrive.

00:00:35.840 Whether you're a father, husband, leader in your community, business owner, coach, brother, mentor,

00:00:40.420 friend, however you are showing up, I want to equip you with tools and resources that are going to

00:00:46.340 help you be more profitable, that are going to help you live a more fulfilled, more meaningful life,

00:00:50.460 and ultimately help you to serve others. And I believe that is the core foundation of what it

00:00:55.320 means to be a man in service to other people, making ourselves more capable of doing so.

00:01:01.480 So to that end, we've got this podcast today. You're listening to the Friday Field Notes,

00:01:05.180 and I want to talk with you specifically about this title that I am sharing with you today,

00:01:09.160 which is Anxiously Engaged in the Fight of Your Life. I see a lot of guys who are playing in default

00:01:16.380 mode. A lot of guys talk about things happening to them at some point in time. You hear the things

00:01:22.100 like when my ship comes in, or when I get lucky, or I wish I could have that. I wish I could be like

00:01:28.620 that. I wish I could do those things. These are all guys who have resigned to a life of mediocrity

00:01:33.440 and resigned to a life of default, hoping that something miraculous and beautiful and wonderful

00:01:38.820 and amazing happens to them. And then what they do is they look around and they see other men who are

00:01:44.180 thriving guys who have beautiful marriages, guys who have incredible careers, guys who have an immense

00:01:50.560 amount of wealth and prosperity in their lives, guys who seem to be fulfilled, guys who seem to

00:01:55.540 have the X factor. And they think it's just happenstance that miraculously, these guys were

00:02:00.980 bestowed some, some blessing that is not available to us as ordinary common men. That just isn't the case.

00:02:09.140 The guys overwhelmingly, and look, I know there's isolated experiences and isolated

00:02:14.200 circumstances. Somebody wins the lottery. And so they've got $40 million. Of course,

00:02:19.800 that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the overwhelming majority of men who are

00:02:24.620 successful, not because of what mommy and daddy gave them, not because of the fact that they won the

00:02:29.380 lottery or that they're gifted with some incredible talent and skillset that is not available to you.

00:02:35.120 No, the vast amount of men who have the success that you're after in life have earned that through

00:02:42.000 their efforts, through their work, and through being anxiously engaged in the fight of their

00:02:47.220 life. Now, everybody's fights a little different and our fight changes from time to time. We have

00:02:52.120 skirmishes and battles and roadblocks and barriers to overcome. It might be that you're trying to

00:02:57.820 re-salvage a marriage that is falling apart. It might mean that you're trying to come over some sort of

00:03:03.360 health diagnosis and trying to lose 40 pounds and get your fitness back into shape. It might be that

00:03:08.360 you're starting a business right now and it's not going as well as you would have hoped. Maybe you're

00:03:13.760 saddled and strapped with some seemingly insurmountable amount of debt that you've managed to acquire over

00:03:19.820 the past decade of your life. All sorts of things could be going wrong. This is the battle of your life

00:03:25.220 right now. And what I want you to do is I want you to be anxiously engaged in that battle and stop

00:03:30.800 living by default. Stop hoping that something will happen to you. The guys that are successful

00:03:35.840 are using a formula. That's it. They might not even be aware of the formula, but they're using a

00:03:41.680 formula. And I know this to be true because I've interviewed over 460 incredibly successful men,

00:03:48.180 scholars, athletes, warriors, astronauts, New York times, bestselling authors, entrepreneurs,

00:03:53.780 and all of them have a similar thread in the way that they've achieved their version of success in

00:04:02.020 their life. So let me tell you what it means to be anxiously engaged and let's hope that you and I

00:04:06.920 can work on these things. And by the way, I say you and I deliberately, I don't want to tell you that I

00:04:12.620 have everything figured out. I don't want to tell you that I even consider myself among the 460 plus

00:04:17.920 men that I've interviewed. I'm on the same path as you. I'm trying to learn. I've been successful in some

00:04:22.880 aspects of life. I've been very unsuccessful in other aspects of life. And that switches and moves

00:04:27.540 from time to time, but I'm on the path of growth and progression. And I hope you are too. So number

00:04:32.500 one, when it comes to being anxiously engaged, meaning that we're not just going through the

00:04:38.540 motions, but we're anxiously engaged. We're excited. We're motivated. We're compelled by our vision.

00:04:44.680 Number one is have the do it right mindset. So many guys are just thinking that they can check off

00:04:50.600 the box. Well, I went to the gym today. Great. Tell me what you did at the gym. I don't know.

00:04:55.940 I did some bench press and then I kind of wandered around and I talked to a buddy that I ran into and

00:05:00.320 then I did some curls. And then, you know, after my curls, I got a drink and then I tried to go over

00:05:05.980 to the squat machine, but it was taken. And so I jumped on the treadmill and I ran a mile and then

00:05:11.040 that was about an hour and I left. That's not anxious engagement. That's why you're not seeing

00:05:16.880 success in the gym. If instead you decided that you would go in with your pre-workout done,

00:05:23.700 your water taken care of, the right clothing that's going to help you perform correctly,

00:05:28.060 the right shoes, the right equipment. Maybe you have a trainer. Maybe you're using an online resource.

00:05:32.660 Maybe there's a program you've used in the past and you're tapping back into it. And you go there with

00:05:36.580 maximum efficiency. You go there with the idea that, yeah, I'm not just going to spend an hour here.

00:05:42.940 I'm going to spend an hour doing everything right. I watched my oldest son. He's a power lifter.

00:05:49.020 And I watch him as he's doing a deadlift or a squat. Those are both movements that he really

00:05:55.260 enjoys. And I watched the way that he steps up to the bar. Actually, it starts before that.

00:06:01.120 I watched the clothes that he wears. I see how he puts his belt on. I watch his ritual as he steps up

00:06:08.020 to the bar and gets his feet spaced right and gets his back locked in and braced. His breathing is a

00:06:15.260 deep breath. Hold and then perform the lift to perfection. And then he racks it and he goes through

00:06:23.580 the same motion every single time. And I see it and I'm inspired by it because this is a young man

00:06:28.520 who doesn't just go and throw some weight on his back and hopefully he can lift more than he did

00:06:32.980 yesterday. This is a young man who knows what it's like and knows why it's important that we have

00:06:38.660 rituals and we're doing everything we can to the nth degree. If you're going to go out on a date with

00:06:45.620 your wife tonight or tomorrow, and I hope that you are your significant other, it's not just like,

00:06:50.120 hey, hon, you know, we should go out. We probably should. Where do you want to go? She says, I don't

00:06:55.300 know. You say, I don't know. Well, I don't know either. We'll come up with something. That's not

00:07:00.120 anxiously engaged in your marriage. Anxiously engaged is, hey, hon, wanted to give you a call

00:07:08.560 real quick. I got a babysitter lined up for this weekend. I've got reservations for two at seven

00:07:14.120 o'clock at this great new restaurant downtown that I've been wanting to go. And I got us a hotel room

00:07:19.000 for the evening at that hotel you've always wanted to stay at. Okay. Who's doing better in life?

00:07:25.660 It's the guy who's anxiously engaged and he's has the do it right mindset. And by the way,

00:07:32.200 I'm not telling you that everything in life has to be done to the nth degree, but I am telling you

00:07:36.740 that you better be deliberate and intentional about what you're going to do. When I do this podcast,

00:07:42.080 I'm deliberate. I'm intentional. You can see my head moving from camera to some notes that I have here.

00:07:48.220 I don't just come on the podcast and wing it. I don't just hope that whatever I say and comes out of

00:07:54.200 my mouth is going to serve you in the best way possible. No, I'm going through and I'm actually

00:07:58.780 researching information. I'm looking at your feedback. I'm looking at posts. I'm looking at

00:08:04.180 comments from you guys. I'm analyzing questions that I received from you so that I can put together

00:08:09.100 information that will serve you best. And then on my phone, and I don't have my phone here. I think

00:08:12.860 it's over there. I make a list of things that I could talk about on Friday field notes. So when I'm

00:08:18.760 ready to do this podcast, I look and say, okay, anxiously engaged, let's discuss this. And then I make

00:08:23.900 notes and I've got notes right here on my computer that I'm actually visiting and looking at so that

00:08:28.660 I can communicate effectively with you because I'm doing it right. It's important. And if it's

00:08:34.120 important enough to do it, then I think it's important enough to do it right. Another example,

00:08:38.740 I made a commitment that I'm going to run a marathon next year. And I've said that before and

00:08:44.100 I didn't do it. So I want to be completely honest on that. But I did make a commitment that I'm going to

00:08:48.800 run a marathon next year. And I decided I'm going to start training and running. Well, I just went and

00:08:53.120 had an evaluation of my running because I want to do it right. And so I talked with this

00:08:57.700 running coach and she was analyzing my stride and my gait and my strike and all these things and

00:09:03.520 giving me pointers and suggestions and cues to learn. And she sent me these videos of what I could

00:09:08.360 focus on and training and exercises that I can do at home and how to stretch properly so that I can

00:09:13.640 do this well. That's what I'm talking about when I say do it right. Guys, everything that we should do

00:09:20.140 or everything that we do, we should do it right. And I think you know what right is. And if we

00:09:27.760 maximize that, then we're going to have more success. All right. So point number two to the

00:09:32.220 point of maximization is maximize effort. And I call this efficiency. So efficiency, let me tell you

00:09:39.160 what efficiency is not. Efficiency is not getting something done as quickly as you can. Efficiency is

00:09:44.640 not completing something, but missing the timeline. Efficiency is a two factor equation. It's producing

00:09:51.480 the desired result plus achieving it as quickly as you possibly can. And what that means is that

00:09:59.880 because two, two of those factors exist, I could get something done very, very quickly, but that

00:10:05.480 doesn't mean I'm going to produce the desired result. I could produce the desired result, but that doesn't

00:10:10.020 mean I'm going to do it in a timely manner. Guys, what we want to do in our lives is we want to

00:10:13.940 operate with maximum efficiency, meaning that we want to produce desired results in as effective

00:10:18.840 and efficient way as we possibly can. And that means hiring coaches, hiring mentors, investing in

00:10:24.700 technology, investing in tools. All right. Imagine, for example, I told you, we're going to go plant some

00:10:30.140 plants, some new trees out in the yard. And to one of the guys that came, I gave him a shovel and I say,

00:10:35.240 hey, go dig this. To the other guy, I give a spoon. To the third guy, I give an excavator. Who's going to

00:10:41.580 dig the better hole? Of course, the guy with the excavator. Why? Because he has the right tools

00:10:47.620 because you need the right tools in your life. What are the right tools? Coaches, mentors,

00:10:54.460 information, resources, equipment, technology, invest in these things. I talked with so many guys

00:11:03.320 who were like, oh man, you know, I really want to do this thing, but I don't really know how to do it.

00:11:07.580 And I don't have any help. And I'd like to hire a coach, but it's so expensive. Yeah, it is expensive.

00:11:14.080 But if you want what you want, then you're going to do that. Case in point, my running. I paid this

00:11:19.300 gal $250. That might seem like a lot to you. That might seem like nothing to some of you,

00:11:24.100 but I paid her $250 so that she could evaluate how I run. So I don't hurt myself so that I can

00:11:32.000 actually run 26 miles so that I can train effectively. So when that time comes, I'm ready

00:11:37.580 and I'm completely ready to get after it. Okay. If it comes to the business, I've hired countless

00:11:43.280 business coaches and mentors. I've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the last 15 years in

00:11:49.700 this business and a previous business that I was in to ensure that I could produce desired results.

00:11:55.280 And you might say hundreds of thousands of dollars, Ryan, that's so much money. Yeah,

00:11:58.800 but it's made me millions. It's literally made me millions. And if I would not have invested in those

00:12:05.340 coaches and those hundreds of thousands of dollars, I still probably would have made some money. I still

00:12:10.200 would have figured it out, but I would not be nearly as far as I am today. Guys, we're looking

00:12:15.060 for maximum effort. We're looking for maximum efficiency. Again, remember, efficiency is achieving

00:12:22.800 the desired result in a timely manner. And if you're not hitting one of those two factors,

00:12:28.300 it's up to you to figure out what's going on. Why are you not able to connect with your wife?

00:12:33.340 Why are you not losing weight? Why are you not growing the business to the degree that you want?

00:12:38.100 Why is debt not being paid down as quickly as you'd like? Why are you having a hard time

00:12:41.700 relating with your children? If you can figure those things out, then you can begin to plug in

00:12:46.360 the investments and the tools, the resources, and the equipment that you need to figure that out

00:12:50.020 correctly. Maximum efficiency. Number three is I want you to begin to anchor your activity to your

00:12:58.740 vision. Because let's be honest, there's a lot of things in our life that are mundane and monotonous

00:13:05.800 and boring and miserable, frankly, in some ways. Podcast editing was one for me. I just did not enjoy

00:13:13.980 podcast editing. But my podcast needs to be edited. So I could see that I had to get through this in

00:13:22.080 order to achieve what I wanted. And my vision was to reach out and impact millions of men in a positive

00:13:27.680 way to become better, more fulfilled, more capable, more righteous men. We're achieving that. But I've done

00:13:33.840 a lot of work that I did not want to do. Emails, podcasts, follow up, even travel. Some of those

00:13:42.240 things just aren't as fun to me as they may be to other people. But I got it done. Because I realized

00:13:48.800 that, hey, this hour I'm going to spend doing emails is important. And I don't skimp on emails.

00:13:55.900 I don't just randomly go through them and just give one word answers to people who respond back.

00:14:00.700 I don't ignore emails when I receive them. I treat them with the reverence and respect they deserve

00:14:05.080 because to point number one, I have the do it right mindset. If you're doing work that isn't fun,

00:14:12.240 but it's tying to a mission or a vision that you have, you're going to be able to more effectively

00:14:17.640 get through that. The alternative is this. You haven't tied your activity to your vision. And so

00:14:24.580 when an activity comes up that you either dislike or you're not good at or isn't fun for you,

00:14:28.960 you're not going to do it. And then because you don't do it, you aren't going to achieve the level

00:14:33.540 of success that you desire. And because you don't achieve the level of success that you desire,

00:14:37.700 you begin to lack your ability. And because you begin to lack your ability, your confidence

00:14:44.060 suffers. And because your confidence suffers, you feel less motivated to do more work. And because

00:14:48.100 you feel less motivated to do more work, you continue to put off the things that you know

00:14:53.080 are going to serve you well. And it becomes this vicious, vicious cycle of failure. If on the other

00:14:59.320 hand, you realize, okay, I got to send that email. I have to make that phone call. I have to have this

00:15:05.300 difficult, uncomfortable conversation. And you do it because it's attached to your vision.

00:15:10.780 You're going to get it done. You're going to feel happier about it. You're going to produce the

00:15:14.560 results that you desire, which is going to build your level of confidence, which is going to help

00:15:18.740 you act more courageously and eventually take more calculated, powerful risks to achieve even

00:15:24.380 greater results. So the cycles work. One cycle is negative and destructive. The other cycle is positive

00:15:30.520 and constructive, meaning it will help you build the life that you want. Number four, prioritize effective

00:15:37.980 effort over immediate results. Now I had to think on this one a little bit because initially I wrote

00:15:42.680 prioritize effort over results. And I don't think that's true either because I can put forth a lot of

00:15:48.660 effort and do the wrong thing and it won't ever produce the results I desire. But if I tell myself,

00:15:54.740 well, you know, it's effort. Effort alone isn't what we're after. You know, it's the old adage,

00:16:00.040 work smarter, not harder. A lot of guys have not embraced that. We've all heard it, but a lot of

00:16:04.840 guys have embraced the work harder. If you're not achieving what you want, work harder. If you're not

00:16:10.000 getting all the goals that you've wanted to create for yourself, work harder. Not necessarily.

00:16:15.700 What are you missing? And that's why I changed that to from priorities effort over results to

00:16:23.540 prioritize effective effort over immediate results. So we're still, we're still after results and

00:16:30.960 priority priority should be results. If I go to the gym and I'm doing everything I know why it should

00:16:36.840 be doing, but I'm not losing weight. I'm not getting stronger over the course of weeks and months.

00:16:41.140 That's a problem. There's something going on that I need to figure out so that I can actually produce

00:16:48.020 results. So please don't misunderstand me. Results are a priority, but what we want to do is we want

00:16:54.380 to prioritize effective effort over these immediate short-term results because twofold results take time.

00:17:03.640 The results that you want most take time to go back to that gym analogy. If I go to the gym and I'm 40

00:17:10.060 pounds overweight, I could probably lose 10 pounds pretty quickly. I might even get 20, 25 pounds off

00:17:15.540 me pretty quickly, but that last 10, 15, 20 pounds is going to be significantly more difficult. And that

00:17:22.100 takes time. That takes eating right. That takes discipline. That takes months and months, if not

00:17:27.940 years of hard effort and work to get you to where you want to be. And if all you are is focused on

00:17:33.740 immediate results, I got, I got some sad news for you because it just ain't going to happen that quick.

00:17:39.280 But if you prioritize effective effort, meaning that you value and honor the effort, the work,

00:17:50.380 the journey, the results will inevitably come, but we do have to remember the word effective.

00:17:55.620 And how do you know it's effective? Well, you're going to see results to some degree. And also to

00:18:00.500 go back to a previous point, you're going to hire coaches. You're going to hire mentors. You're going

00:18:05.600 to follow people who are already doing what it is you want to be doing because you know,

00:18:10.760 they did something and produced a result. If you do the same thing, it's likely you're going to

00:18:14.100 produce them in the results. So guys, we got to get out of this mindset of like, I don't want to hire

00:18:18.560 anybody. I don't need accountability. I don't need systems. I'm going to do it on my own. I'm an

00:18:22.000 omega. I'm a lone wolf. I can do it on my own. Why? It's like saying I like banging my head against

00:18:30.080 the wall. Why? You know, if I tell you I need this, this, this wall in my house torn down and you

00:18:37.780 come and you just start banging your head against the wall, you might actually be able to tear the

00:18:41.040 wall down with some effort. If on the other hand, I give you a sledgehammer and say, Hey, you know,

00:18:46.740 dummy, why don't you use this? You might get the job done a little quicker. So this is why we hire

00:18:53.700 mentors and coaches, because then we begin to see what is effective. And they're going to tell us,

00:18:58.100 Hey, look, just keep doing it. Trust the system. That's something you hear a lot. Trust the process,

00:19:03.720 trust the system, because you're not going to see the immediate results. But if you continue to do it

00:19:07.680 and stack those wins over time, you will see the results that you desire. And then the last point I

00:19:12.680 made here, guys, is I don't want you to backslide. All right. We can't backslide. I see this when it

00:19:19.180 comes to how we manage our schedules. I know so many men who will just bust their balls Monday through 0.98

00:19:25.340 Friday. And then on Saturday, they, they just let it completely fall apart. They don't wake up on time. 0.98

00:19:33.760 They don't produce anything during the day. They don't communicate with their family. They start

00:19:38.620 drinking heavily. They sit on the couch all weekend and watch football. So why did you just take five

00:19:45.340 step forward just to take two steps backwards? And look, I'm not telling you that you shouldn't be

00:19:49.460 able to relax from time to time. You should, but the key differentiating factor is intentionality.

00:19:55.320 So if I've been busting my butt five days a week at the gym, Saturday morning, I may not go to the gym,

00:20:01.820 but I may get up around the same time and go for a walk with my wife or kids around the neighborhood.

00:20:06.480 That would be an effective use of time. If you want to watch the football game, watch a football

00:20:13.280 game, you know, and maybe make a, maybe make a snack bar or a chips and salsa bar and get your

00:20:20.120 kids involved or bring some friends over and have a cookout where their wives come and their kids

00:20:25.440 come. And so the kids are having fun at the pool and you're cooking for the guys and you guys are all

00:20:29.680 watching the game and the ladies are getting together and they're talking and bonding.

00:20:32.880 Okay. That's a, that's different than just plopping your ass on the couch and watching the game or 0.99

00:20:38.540 games for four or five, six, eight, 10 hours and not engaging with your family or your life. 0.99

00:20:43.580 We're not going to backslide. If you're eating healthy and correct, people say, Oh, I need a

00:20:48.500 cheat meal. Cheat from what? What are you cheating from? You're cheating yourself. But if your regimen is

00:20:56.480 so strict that you have to quote unquote cheat every once in a while, maybe consider changing

00:21:01.440 it up. That's not to say you can't have a beer or some fries or whatever it may be every once in a

00:21:05.380 while, but have some fries, have a beer, and then you can get right back on track, but don't let

00:21:11.400 everything fall apart. And by the way, if it does correct the behavior as quickly as you possibly can.

00:21:16.020 So some guys will say, Oh, well, you know, I eat like garbage at lunch. So I might as well just eat

00:21:19.980 like garbage the rest of the day. That's a loser mindset. That's somebody who's looking for an excuse. 1.00

00:21:25.620 Instead say, Oh, you know what, man, I didn't do as good as I should have. I'm going to start right

00:21:29.420 now immediately. So I'm going to clean up, start drinking water, eat a little better tonight,

00:21:33.940 maybe go without tonight. And then I'm back on track guys. We don't backslide and we don't use

00:21:38.860 weekends as an excuse to not fulfill our obligations, responsibilities, and duties. We might change

00:21:43.900 our pace. We might change our tempo, but the intentionality of, of success and forward progress

00:21:50.460 is still there guys. This is the fight of your life. And I don't know specifically what

00:21:55.600 it is. Maybe it's your marriage. Maybe it's your business. Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's your

00:22:01.140 finances. Maybe it's your mental and emotional and spiritual wellbeing. It's different for a lot

00:22:06.280 of guys. I think I hit on the five or six that are most common based on the conversations I've had

00:22:11.500 with men, relationships, fitness, money, mental, emotional, and spiritual health probably falls into

00:22:17.860 one of those categories. Cause I think that probably encompasses it all. I don't know what that fight is

00:22:22.380 for you. But what I would like to see is more of us anxiously engaged in whatever fight that is,

00:22:27.360 not just paying lip service to, Oh yeah, I'm going to get in shape and do all the things I need to do.

00:22:31.920 And I'm, you know, 2024 is going to be my year. I don't care about any of that. What I care about

00:22:38.500 is seeing a guy who's actively working towards it. Who's anxiously engaged in doing work that is

00:22:47.160 effective, that is efficient, that is righteous. He's anchoring his activity, even if it's something

00:22:55.000 mundane and monotonous and boring to the vision that he asked for himself, he's prioritizing his

00:23:00.040 effective effort over immediate results. He's investing in the tools and the resources that

00:23:04.860 he needs to thrive because I know that's a guy who will inevitably win. And that's the guy I want you

00:23:10.260 to be. That's the guy I want to be. And that's the guy that I think all of us want to become.

00:23:14.420 All right, guys, that's all I've got for you today. Think about that this weekend. Do not

00:23:18.040 backslide this weekend. Keep moving forward. Change the tempo. Sure. Change the pace. Take

00:23:22.840 your breaks. Do whatever you need to do, but be intentional about it. So we're always marching

00:23:27.640 forward. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action,

00:23:32.300 become anxiously engaged in the fight of your life, and let's become a man we are meant to be.

00:23:37.680 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:23:42.220 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - October 20, 2023

Anxiously Engaged in the Fight of Your Life ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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