Are You a Liability or an Asset? | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode, Ryan talks about the difference between being an asset or a liability in the dating world, and why we need men to be assets, not liabilities. He gives 10 metrics to help you determine whether or not you are an asset, and a liability.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan
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and I am the host and the founder of the older man podcast and movement. I'm not going to waste
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any time with you guys today. Normally I talk with you about announcements and everything that you can
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do and how you can support this mission, but I'm not going to waste time talking about that today,
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because I honestly believe that what I'm about to share with you over the next 30 minutes or so
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is likely to be the most important podcast that I've done over a period of six years.
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And I want to say that's probably over at this point, over 600 podcasts. And for me to claim that
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this is going to be the most important one. I hope there's some evidence of validity to that when I
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share that. So we're going to get into it. What I want to do today is I want to talk with you about
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10 things, 10 comparisons to really identify whether you're an asset or a liability, because it's clear
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to me that right now in society that we need men to be assets, not liabilities. And as I look around,
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I think there's a broad swath of the population, specifically men who are acting and behaving
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like liabilities and they aren't adding value and they aren't serving and they aren't being moral and
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they aren't doing the things they know they should be doing and they aren't capable. So they're not
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putting themselves in positions where they can become the type of assets that their families
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and their communities and businesses need them to be. So we're going to talk about it today.
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And I want you to ask, as I go through this list of 10 items, 10 comparisons, honestly, ask yourself
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whether or not you stack up. Now, some of you will say, well, Ryan, who are you to say
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what makes a man, a man? And who are you to say I'm an asset versus a liability?
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All I'm going to tell you to that is that I have some beliefs about myself and the kind of man I
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want to be. And I ask that you evaluate for yourself. And I think the overwhelming majority
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of you will agree with what I have to share. But if you don't, that's fine. But I want you to take
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an honest assessment, an honest evaluation and ask yourself, do you stack up to these metrics?
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And do you think these metrics are important? Do you think these are the kind of qualities and
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virtues and characteristics that are going to help you perform in a way that you want to perform?
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And I feel like you probably wanted to perform to some degree. Otherwise you wouldn't be listening
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to this podcast. So ask yourself, do I stack up? And you're going to find out that you fall short
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on some of these things. As do I, I'm not positioning myself as being better than you. Some of these
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things I have on lock and other things I don't, but what I want you to do is I want you to ask yourself,
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where can I improve? How can I become more of an asset to myself, my family, my business,
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my community, my coworkers, my colleagues, friends, whoever it is I interact with on a daily basis
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and in what areas do I need to improve? So let's get into it. Number one, emotional versus
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rational. Now, please don't misunderstand me. I'm not telling you that you as a man should not
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have emotions, that you shouldn't experience love and joy and pride and sorrow and guilt and remorse
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and greed and all these other emotions that were naturally faced with. I'm not saying that at all,
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but what I am saying is, are you using your emotions as the sole metric for progression
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in your life for the way in which you will respond and react to situations within or without your
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control? And if you're using your emotion as the sole factor for the way that you do things,
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obviously you're not taking into, into consideration, everything that needs to be taken
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into consideration so that you can make rational, logical, sane conclusions, and therefore responses
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to the circumstances you might find yourself in. Do you get overly emotional? Do you get heated?
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Are you up and down? Are you like a rollercoaster? Are you high and low and crash and everything else?
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Or are you able to take a level-headed approach to what you see around you?
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Are you calm? Are you collected? Are you cool? Have you chosen not to take things personally?
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Do you disengage when you feel yourself becoming overly emotional? I get overly emotional. Sure.
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But I make a conscious and deliberate effort to create some margin or space when I feel myself
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getting charged and emotional and heated so that I can look at all the factors, all the,
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all the pertinent information. And that can make rational, sane, logical conclusions that will help me
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lead people. Well, so are you emotional or are you rational? Overly emotional men are a liability.
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Rational men are an asset. Number two, are you selfish or are you self less? Are you so consumed
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and worried about what you will get and how you will perform and how you will be perceived and the
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way others will see you and your power and your, your lust for authority over other individuals?
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Like we see quite often in a myriad of places, the government, your boss, we see this in people
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and these individuals are a liability. They pose very real and serious threats to our own wellbeing
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and the wellbeing of the people that we care about. And is that you? And I'm not saying by the way,
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that you shouldn't at times be somewhat selfish. Like it's okay to take care of yourself. It's okay
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to have personal desires and your own ambitions, but if they continually come at the expense of other
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people, you're a liability, you're detracting, you're taking away more than you're adding to
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the conversation. And so are you selfish or do you have the heart of a teacher, the heart of a
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servant? You want to lead, you want to serve other individuals. You want people to thrive. You want
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people to win. I want you guys to win. Now I want to make a profitable living doing what it is I do in
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my business, but I also want you to win. I want you to thrive. I want you to succeed. I want you
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to lead your families well and get promotions and build your bank accounts and get healthy and get
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strong and build the confidence that comes with it. I want all of those things for you. And oftentimes
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I find if I look at this to go back to point number one in a rational way that I will actually get
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what it is. I want, if I can help enough of you get what it is you want, but that comes first.
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And I have faith that, that if I provide value to you and I'm selfless in the way that I provide it to
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you, that I will be provided for mentally, emotionally, physically, I will be provided for,
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if I focus on the best way to serve you. Number three, are you impatient or are you patient?
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Cause I found that liabilities, they play the short game, right? They're so worried about what
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they can get now. Give me, give me, give me, give me. I got to get mine while the getting's good.
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And that all comes at the expense of what could potentially happen over the longterm.
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And so we see people, we see bosses and we see employees and colleagues and coworkers and clients and
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government officials who are so worried about getting theirs right now that they set every cell,
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everybody else, themselves and other people, even their legacy up for failure because they're so
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focused on the short term that they can't focus on what might happen and the fallout and the
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unintended consequences of what might happen over the longterm. Play the long game, fellas.
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I mean, look, we're not here for a very long time, but if you think about the next 50 to 60 years,
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maybe less, maybe more based on where you are in your life,
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are you playing for the next one year or are you teeing yourself up for the success that will
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happen over three, five, 10, 20, 40 years? Now I'm not the greatest at this. I tend to be
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impatient. I tend to want all the results right now. And that's okay. I think it's okay to be ambitious,
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but if you're jeopardizing, you're sacrificing who you could be
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or who the people you're serving could be for your own wellbeing and the immediate result,
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the benefit. I mean, doesn't it feel good to experience the result right now? Doesn't it feel
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good to stuff your face with the donut instead of eating healthy? My friend, Steve Weatherford had
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said something to the effect of you need to learn how to get good at sacrificing what you want now
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for what you want down the road or who you want to become. Can you make that sacrifice? Or are you so
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focused on what's happening right now that you tee yourself up for failure down the road?
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Number four, are you broke or are you wealthy? Are you an asset? I should say it this way. Are you a
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liability or are you an asset? Because if you're broke and you're up to your eyeballs in debt and
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you're asking for your family and friends and people you don't know for handouts, that by definition
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makes you a liability. And let me reiterate, I'm always putting these disclaimers on the last three or
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four things I'm sharing with you. That doesn't mean you don't accept a help up when you need it.
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We've got a, for example, a financial assistance fund in our iron council. So these are for members
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who have fallen apart in hard times and can't make their, their monthly membership for the month.
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We know that happens. And we have other guys who are extremely, extremely successful financially,
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and they volunteer to pay for these individuals' memberships on a month to month basis.
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And I hear from a lot of guys who say, you know, I can't accept that in good conscience. I can't
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accept that. That's not what I'm talking about guys. That's arrogance. That's pride. You're cutting
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yourself off to what could potentially be because you're so worried about the image of yourself.
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It's okay to accept a help, you know, a hand up. You should let the ego go. But if you're constantly
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asking people for money and you can't make your bills and you're up to your eyeballs in debt,
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you're a liability. And I tell these guys who have a hard time accepting help from other people,
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I say, look, accept the help because we want you here. But when you're back up on your feet,
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then pay it forward, become a liability, excuse me, an asset.
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And an asset in this case is not only someone who can take care of himself, but somebody who can help
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take care of others, right? For example, I've got three boys and a little girl.
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Forget about the emotional wellbeing and the fact that are my children right now, all of that stuff
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is true, but children are somewhat of a liability, right? Because we've got to pay for their food and
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their housing and put clothes on their back. And they take a lot of time and attention and energy.
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And I'm happy to give that. I'm happy to invest that into them because I find fulfillment in that.
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But a boy doesn't really become a man until he learns that he has personal accountability and
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responsibility for himself. So not only can he govern himself sovereignty, we've talked about that for
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the past three years now, but now he can help turn that outwards and he can help family or neighbors
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or his employees and start a business and give to charity and volunteer for charitable organizations.
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And now he's no longer a liability. He's now an asset because he's expanded beyond simply being able
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to take care of himself. So are you broke? Can you not make your bills? Can you not make your payments?
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I get it. It's challenging right now for a lot of people. So you may have to have a hand up, take it.
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Don't be so prideful that you can't take that. So you can push yourself in a better position,
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but when you are in a better position, pay it forward so that you can help others the way that
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maybe they've helped you. Are you broke or are you wealthy? Are you a liability or are you an asset?
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All right. Number five, are you immoral versus moral? I've talked about this quite often. And I,
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I feel like I probably have coined the term, the doctrine of popular culture. I'm sure you're
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going to see that pop up more because I think it illustrates and articulates perfectly what we see.
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It's the doctrine of popular culture that says we can be immoral. We can worry about ours. We don't
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have to worry about the feelings or the wellbeing of other people. We should just worry about ourselves.
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And so if you're having a struggle in your marriage, we'll just step out on her.
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If you can't make your payments, you just declare bankruptcy.
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If you feel like you have less than what another individual has, I'll just go ahead and steal from
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them. That's what the doctrine of popular culture teaches. That's immoral. We know that.
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And every time you engage in a moral behavior, a little bit of your soul dies. That's not hyperbole
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guys. That's not just me, you know, grandizing the language I use in order to sell you on something.
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That's, that's the truth. There's decisions I've made that are not moral decisions in my life.
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And every time I do that, a little piece of who I could potentially become dies.
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And the only way to salvage that is by first becoming somebody who's moral, having a moral
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code, something that you have committed to living towards and also making amends where
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you've screwed up. You know, I've, I've, I've stolen. I've, I've cheated people out of money.
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I've done, I've done things that I'm not proud of. And, and I attempt to make those right
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as best that I can because that path to redemption, you have to make amends. You have to make it
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right to, to the best of your ability. That's living a moral life. And by the way, it's not
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always easy. It's not comfortable. You're probably going to lose time, money, attention, influence,
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credibility when you have to apologize and make things right. And so, you know, that's goes back
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to point number three, where I talked about playing the short game. It's going to, it's going to hurt in
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the short game. It's going to hurt right now when you have to make amends and you have to live a
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moral life. And it isn't easy and it isn't comfortable, but that's what men do. That's
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what assets do. They make amends and they fix it and they correct it. And they started a level
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playing field and then they improve themselves moving forward. So are you immoral? Do you manipulate
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other people? Do you take advantage of other people? Do you screw them over when you get the
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opportunity? Do you take their emotions and their wellbeing lightly? Or do you care about the way
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that you show up regardless of the result that you produce? And by the way, sometimes being a moral
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individual produces inferior results as the doctrine of popular culture would define, right? You might
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make less money if you don't steal from somebody or manipulate somebody,
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but that's definition is not what an asset lives by. Not what a man lives by.
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I talked about it in sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of men, which is the book I wrote
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three years ago. I talked about having a code that you live by and we aren't going to be perfect.
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I'm never perfect. You weren't perfect, but we strive to be, and we make amends where we can.
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Number six, are you a victim or a victor? And this one's confusing for a lot of guys. Cause every
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time I talk about the reality of what I experienced anyways, and I'm not telling you my reality is
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quote unquote, my truth. I'm not ignorant or, or arrogant enough to believe that what I share is
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truth with a capital T it's my perspective. It's my opinion. But when I share the reality of the
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circumstances in which I see, whether it's the government encroachment on first amendment rights,
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second amendment rights, things that I don't think are going to serve me or my family, community,
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and country, well, I'm going to share that. That doesn't necessarily paint me as a victim.
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A lot of people like to say that, Oh, this is, this is victim language.
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It's not victim language to point out possible threats guys.
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You know, what is victim language to point out possible threats and then do nothing about it.
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If you experience or see something that is a danger to you or the people that you care about
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and you do nothing about it. Yes. You have positioned yourself as a victim,
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but if you talk about what you see and the threats that you experience and, and, and your personal
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experience and, and your set of skills and expertise, and you recognize these things,
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and then you come up with a plan of action to address it, to deal with you, what you actually
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see and experience, you're not being a victim. You're being a victor because you're going to
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overcome those hardships and those obstacles on a very small micro level. An example, somebody who says,
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Oh, you know, the reason I can't get healthy is because my family is, is genetically unable,
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unable to, and, and we're just, we're fat or we're big bone genetically. Okay. That's,
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you've just resigned yourself to being a victim. Oh, I can, there's nothing I can do about it. I guess
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we'll just kind of continue in my perpetual state of unhealthiness. Okay. But if on the other hand,
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you say, you know what, my family deals with these things and these genetics run in my family.
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And so I've had to work extra hard at overcoming that here's the reality. And I know that this is
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something I deal with, but here's my plan to overcome it. And here's how I'm going to continue
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to be healthy in spite of it. You're now a victor. You're not a victim. And doesn't society
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just love the victim these days? You know, it's like, Oh, this person or this group of people have
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been victimized. And so we need to make reparations and we need to make everything right. And yes,
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we have an obligation to make things right, where we have, we have individually
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caused people harm, but my ancestors haven't caused any, or excuse me, I have not caused harm to anybody.
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My ancestors, other people may have, but there's no burden of responsibility from me.
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And so stop expecting that other people are supposed to give you whatever it is that you want,
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or because your dad wasn't in the picture, or your mom was out of your life, or she died early,
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or, you know, there was a history of abuse and all of that stuff is tragic, by the way. I'm not saying
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that it isn't, I'm not saying that you should ignore what's happened in the past. I'm simply saying that
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what's done is done. Some of you may interpret that as being insensitive. Maybe it could be interpreted
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that way, but I want you to know that what's done is done. Let's chalk it up to learning lessons
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and let's figure out why we're better for it. And then let's come up with a path forward and then
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start walking that path forward. That's how you turn yourself into a victor. I know it's infinitely
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easier to be a victim. Why? Because to go back to point number three, it's the short game.
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If I'm a victim, if other people are to blame, then I'm going to get what it is. I want money,
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attention, notoriety, power, authority, attention. I think I already said that one.
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That's the short game. I'm going to deceive. I'm going to lie to myself so that other people will
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give me what I want right now. It is not a strategy for long-term success. Be realistic about the
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situations, the difficult situations you faced, come up with a plan to be better moving forward.
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Number seven, are you ignorant or are you knowledgeable?
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You know, I talk with a lot of people on a daily basis. Some of them are extremely,
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extremely knowledgeable when it comes to this stuff. And I feel like the ignorant one,
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especially on the podcast or even on social media, where these individuals are
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incredibly intelligent and thoughtful and experienced.
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Those are the kinds of individuals that I aspire to be like. Those are the kinds of people I want
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to talk with. And then you hear from people who are just running their mouths, just jack and jaw
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on, on, on things. They have no idea what the hell it is they're talking about.
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And unfortunately, social media has given us the opportunity to do that.
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And we've been led to believe that everybody's voice is equal. Now, look, we all have a right at this
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stage anyways, in the game to be able to speak what's on our mind. We have that right
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that has been granted to us by God and protected by individuals who I fear were significantly stronger
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and more capable than we currently are. And so we do have, have the right to, to be ignorant,
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to spout off, to talk about things that we don't know what we're talking about. And people would say,
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well, that guy's opinion is just as relevant or important as that. No, no, it isn't. The right
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to talk doesn't mean that your opinion is as relevant as that guy's opinion, who has the
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expertise and the knowledge and the information. So let's get educated. Let's learn. That's what
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this podcast is about. Let's find other men who are doing it, who have experience, who have
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expertise. Let's learn from them. Let's figure out how to make this thing better, how to make
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ourselves better so we can improve our own lives in the lives of other people. But let's not be ignorant
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to what's going on. Let's gain knowledge. Let's gain that information so that when we speak,
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we speak with authority and credibility and people listen because we know what the hell we're talking
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about. All right. Number eight, are you incapable or are you a capable person? Are you pathetic
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when you're faced with a challenge? Do you cower in the corner? Do you not know how to do things?
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Do you not know how to exercise creativity and thoughtfulness? Do you not have a set of skills,
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whether it's survival skills or financial skills or the ability to speak in public or whatever it is
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you deem important? And there's an infinite number of skills we could work on and develop.
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Is that the kind of man you are? You know, your, your, your, your resume consists of being really
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good at Xbox, or I guess it's PlayStation five now is, is the cool thing, right? Like,
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is that what your resume consists of is that you're really good at some, some video game.
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You're really good at manipulating mommy and daddy to keep you, uh, to, to allow you to stay in their
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basement for, for the next two decades. Are you really proficient at making people believe that
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you do have a set of skills or that you're valuable and you really aren't, or that, you know,
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you're just doing the bare minimum to get by at work. So you don't get fired or are you hyper
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capable? And are you developing new skills and hobbies and activities and interest and
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capabilities and pursuits and knowledge and expertise and applying it and learning it and
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being creative and growing and expanding again, to reiterate, are you a liability incapable or are
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you an asset capable? When my family is met with difficult or even dangerous circumstances
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and situations, I want them to look at me as what are we going to do about this? Because they know
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I will have the answer. And so I'm running through scenarios, situations, potential violent
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encounters, natural disasters. I don't feel like I'm paranoid, but I want to be prepared so that when
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that day comes and it will come by the way, it's just a matter of what it's going to be. But when that
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day comes, they will be able to lean on me as a, as an asset for getting them to a safer, more fulfilled,
00:23:58.760
happy place. All right. Number nine, we've got two more. So we've got number nine and 10. Number nine,
00:24:03.140
are you weak or are you strong? And I'm talking about physically right now, because we've talked a
00:24:08.560
lot about mentally and emotionally and rational. We talked about all that stuff, right? But I'm talking
00:24:12.460
about, are you physically strong or are you physically weak? Do you train every day? Do you move your
00:24:19.820
body? Do you go on walks? Do you have the right nutrition? Do you have the right recovery? Do you
00:24:22.780
have the right sleep? Because if not, you might find yourself wanting in a, in a situation in which
00:24:27.800
you can't control. I don't want to be that guy. So I train every day, jujitsu strength training. I walk in
00:24:39.740
the field. I'll sit here in my office and I'll use my origin war clubs or my sore necks center mass
00:24:46.960
bells. And I'm moving and I'm stretching and I'm drinking water and I'm hydrating and I'm sleeping
00:24:51.760
and I'm exercising and dieting and getting strong and training jujitsu because I want to be a strong
00:24:57.020
individual. I'm not at the pinnacle of my, my health right now. I think I'm stronger than I've ever
00:25:02.180
been in my entire life, but I know I have so much more to go. And by the way, your physical strength
00:25:09.060
isn't only going to help you in the physical realm. It's going to help you mentally, emotionally,
00:25:12.840
spiritually. It's going to help you keep a level head. All these things are intertwined.
00:25:16.740
Talked about nine factors right now. They're all intertwined. You get better at one. You're
00:25:20.500
going to get better at another naturally, inevitably. So we'll go get strong workout every
00:25:25.520
single day. Oh, Ryan, you know, the, you should only be training three to five days a week because
00:25:30.580
that's what, okay, look, I get it. And maybe if you're looking for these, you know, these specific
00:25:36.200
result based on what you're doing. Okay. I can, I can appreciate that, but you ought to be moving at
00:25:41.000
least stretching, moving, walking, recovering, training, getting strong every day. There should
00:25:47.600
not be a day that goes by that doesn't have some sort of deliberate strength, health training
00:25:53.960
regiment built into it. And guys, the last one, number 10, and I saved the best for last. And maybe
00:26:01.720
this encapsulates all of this, but are you dependent or are you independent? The word I've
00:26:06.960
used for the past three years is sovereign. Are you sovereign? Do you have control of your finances
00:26:13.160
and your health and, and, and your wealth and your wellbeing? And your, are you confident in who
00:26:18.620
you are and where you come from spiritually? Maybe even like, are you independent or are there things
00:26:25.800
that you're relying upon? Are you relying upon other people to save and rescue you? Are you
00:26:31.940
relying upon services and organizations and companies being there? And as long as they're
00:26:37.860
there, you're good. But if they're gone, then you're in trouble. Like if, if that's what you're
00:26:41.160
relying on, then you're positioning yourself for failure. So let's not do that. Let's look at every
00:26:46.660
circumstance, situation, item, product that you rely on currently. And let's make yourself more
00:26:53.040
independent. I don't want you to rely on your parents. I don't want you to rely on the gas
00:26:57.240
station. I don't want you to rely on the fact that social media will be here. All these things
00:27:01.020
could go away at any given moment. And if you're not realistic about that and preparing currently
00:27:08.100
for that, you're setting yourself and other people up for failure. So be sovereign. Take
00:27:15.040
responsibility for your life, for your own wellbeing, for the wellbeing of the people under your
00:27:21.120
care, your wife, your children, colleagues, coworkers, neighbors, strangers that you don't
00:27:25.660
even know. This is what's required guys. We need to become assets. Like I said, at the beginning of
00:27:32.580
this podcast, this is the most, I honestly believe this is the most important podcast I've ever done.
00:27:38.700
And I know it isn't in depth and I know I could probably go deeper and I probably will over the next
00:27:42.140
12 months into each of these subjects. But I want to give you this view for, for now, I hope you wrote
00:27:47.300
these things down. And if you didn't go back and jot them down and then give yourself an honest
00:27:52.040
assessment. Am I on the liability column or the asset column? And if you find yourself on the
00:28:00.760
liability column, okay, well that's the truth right now. So fix it. Come up with a plan
00:28:08.860
so that you can move yourself to, from the liability to the asset column. Let's recap and we'll call it a
00:28:15.660
day. Number one, are you emotional or are you rational? Number two, selfish or selfless? Number
00:28:22.000
three, are you playing the short game or the long, long game? In other words, are you impatient or
00:28:27.080
patient? Number four, are you broke or wealthy? Number five, are you immoral or are you a moral
00:28:33.580
individual? Number six, are you the victim perpetual state of victimhood or are you a vector? Number seven,
00:28:41.740
are you ignorant or knowledgeable? Number eight, capable, excuse me, incapable or extremely capable.
00:28:49.360
Number nine, weak or strong. And number 10, dependent or independent, also known as sovereign.
00:28:59.320
All right, guys, I hope that helps. Let's get after it. I want hundreds of thousands, if not millions of
00:29:04.980
men banded with us in this mission to reclaim and restore masculinity. And I feel like these 10 factors
00:29:10.620
are crucial on our own personal journey. And of course, the journey of society. And we have a part to
00:29:20.080
play, a large part to play. And if you fall into the liability column, you aren't in the game.
00:29:28.640
I mean, maybe you're in the game, but you're passive. You're not actively participating.
00:29:34.460
Get yourselves in the game, become an asset, move yourself over to the right column. You'll feel
00:29:40.100
better. You'll be more fulfilled. You'll produce better results in your life. And you'll help those
00:29:44.800
along the way. All right, guys, that's all I've got for you. We'll be back next week. Until then,
00:29:49.300
go out there, become an asset, not alive, and take action. Become a man you are meant to be.
00:29:55.440
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:30:00.120
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.