Are You LARPing Your Way Through Life ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
176.60484
Summary
We live in a degenerate world where many grown men are more interested in role playing than they are in being a leader in their families, communities, and their businesses. In this episode, Ryan talks about the dangers of lARPing, and why he thinks it's a waste of time.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler,
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and I am the host and founder of this podcast and the order of man movement. I want to welcome you
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here. And if you've been around for any amount of time, I want to welcome you back. I've got a very
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important message for you today. I feel like all of my messages are important, so I don't know that
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I even need to say that. I guess I'll let you be the judge of whether or not it is. But before I do,
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let me get into a little bit about what this movement is all about for those of you who are
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joining us for the very first time. And I realized there's a lot of you. We continue to grow. And I
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look at the download numbers and how many people are tuned in and how many people are following
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along on the socials. And we're experiencing some phenomenal growth. So I really appreciate you
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guys sharing, continue to share, leave the ratings and reviews. It goes a long way in promoting what
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it is we're doing a little bit about what this podcast and movement is all about guys. It's my
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mission to give you everything that you need to reclaim and restore masculinity. We live in a
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degenerate world. The conditions that we are experiencing and will continue to experience
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are deteriorating. Families are falling apart. We see violence. We see criminality. People are
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dissatisfied. We're seeing suicide and depression rates that are continually increasing. It's, it's,
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you know, there's a lot of things to be hopeful about, but there's a lot of things to be concerned
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about. And I want to address some of those concerns. And I think the best way to take that
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approach is through strong, bold, capable men as leaders of their families and their businesses
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and their communities. And that's what we're doing here on the podcast. And that's part of what we do
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here through the Friday field don'ts, which is me just riffing some ideas that I've been thinking
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about. And as I was thinking about what I wanted to talk with you about today, I was reminded
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of, uh, an experience. This was probably a year or two ago when we lived in Utah where our house was,
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uh, I would come home from work, my financial planning practice, and I would drive home this
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specific way. And I, I drove by the community center of our, of our city, uh, every day on,
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on the way home and about once or twice a week, as I would drive by, uh, I would look over to the field
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by the community center. And I would see these young boys, uh, and they were getting dressed up
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in medieval night stuff like warriors. You know, they had their big foam swords and some of them
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had helmets and they had their full dress and garb and everything else. And, and, uh, one day I pulled
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over and watched them for a minute because I was wondering what they were doing. Uh, and I talked to
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somebody there and they said, it's called LARPing, LARPing, which I had never heard before. I'm like LARPing.
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What in the world is that? Well, come to find out LARPing stands for live action role play.
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So what these boys were doing is they were role-playing as medieval warriors. And again,
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they were dressed up in their battle gear and they had these big foam swords and you know,
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that, that, that's fine. I have no problem with that. I'm not even, I initially I made fun of it
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because it's kind of funny, but whatever, if that's what they're doing and they're having fun and
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they're not causing any trouble and, uh, you know, they're, they're connecting with other boys.
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That's, that's a good thing, but it's not a good thing if we take it to the extreme and the extreme
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I'm talking about is that there are many grown men who are quote unquote LARPing their way through life.
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They're, they're, they're living a role play as opposed to living their own life.
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They're pretending they're other people. They're pretending that they're better than they are.
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They're doing the fake it till you make it type thing. Uh, they aren't playing for real. In fact,
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they think this is some sort of a game. Uh, and it's very immature. It's not immature of these young
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men who are out there doing that. It's immature. When you have a grown man who has a family and has a
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business, uh, and has responsibilities and obligations, not to take it seriously. And instead
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to LARP his way through life, to role play his way through life. Now, how do I know this is the case?
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Because I talk with men every single day who are struggling with, uh, inadequacies or, or, or,
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or feelings of inadequacy. You know, they're not capable. They're not strong. They're not bold.
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They're not assertive. They feel cowardly. They feel weak. They feel timid and passive,
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and they're not accomplishing what they want out of life. They're living for other people's
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approval. Uh, they're, they're, you know, being good little boys doing what they're quote unquote
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supposed to do. And all of this is being directed by somebody else. And it's no wonder that many of
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these men don't have a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in their lives. They're not living a
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truly deep and meaningful and significant life. They're living very surface. They're pretending
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acting, but they aren't acting like genuine real men do. Now I'm hesitant to use the word real men
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because you know, what does that mean? I understand that it can be subjective. I understand that it's
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open to interpretation, but I also know that there's some universal truths about what it means
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to be a man. And now how we fill these obligations and these responsibilities and these roles that we
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have traditionally and historically played. Uh, there's, there's, there's, uh, I don't want to
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say leniency, but there's many ways that those things can be taken care of and fulfilled, but
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ultimately it's our job to be protectors, providers, and presiders. Now you can do that in a lot of
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different ways, but at our core level, that is how we're built. That is how we're designed.
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That is how we're hardwired to protect, to provide, and to preside, which is synonymous
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with leadership. And yet most of these men are running around, LARPing their way through life
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and not experiencing the results that they want. And you know, you're doing this. If you're not
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satisfied, if you're not happy, if you feel henpecked, or you feel like you're always getting
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passed over the, for the promotion, or you're not being taken seriously, just like I saw those boys
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on that, uh, in that field by the community center, men, if you want to be taken seriously,
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then you have to consider that this isn't a, isn't a game. This isn't something where you,
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you have to wait for permission to assert yourself as the, as the patriarch, the leader of your family,
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or as a successful employee, or the next team leader, or the next business owner, or the next
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man to step up in, uh, political aspirations within his community, a city, or even the country.
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And you don't have to wait for that stuff. That's what little boys do.
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That's what cowards do. They wait for people to give them permission. In fact, my, my sons do that.
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You know, they'll come to me and they'll ask for permission for sometimes things they don't need to
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ask for permission for. And maybe I've conditioned some of that, but at the same time, they haven't taken
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fully responsibility for their own lives. And any man who's again, quote unquote, LARPing his way
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through life is somebody who hasn't taken responsibility for his own life, that you only
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have one shot at this. We were asked a question the other day on the, ask me anything. And if you
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listen to the, ask me anything on Wednesday, you probably heard it is, you know, what, what, what
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are you on your deathbed? You know, what are you going to look back on your life and want it to be
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about? And my co-host Kip Sorensen said, no regrets, no regrets. And if you look at and hear
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stories from people who are on their deathbeds, they're what they have regrets. That's what they're
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thinking about. I should have done this. I should have done that because I don't want you to have
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any regrets, not one regret. I want you to live a life of meaning and satisfaction and purpose.
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And I want you to get rid of the trivial BS that has consumed so many men and distracted them
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from the real issue, from the real problems, from the real challenges, from the real mission and
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purpose that they have to be a protector, a provider and a presider. Now, something else I thought about
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as I was watching these, these boys LARP is they were all dressed up as warriors.
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And it's funny because I see a lot of grown men who have a desire to be warriors. And I'm not talking
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about warrior in the literal sense. I'm talking about the mindset of a warrior, excuse me, strong,
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bold, capable, assertive, mission-driven, capable of leadership, capable of administering
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righteous violence if needs be, but having intensity and having the strength to follow
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through and the conviction to be able to do it. A man of character, a man of integrity,
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a man of virtue. That's the warrior mindset. And so many of us want to be warriors. I just want to
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be a warrior so bad. And that's what you tell yourself. You listen to this podcast, you listen
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to YouTube videos and you get all hopped up and hyped up. You listen to Goggins and Jocko and all the
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other inspirational people that you do. And you feel hopped up for a second. And then when you get
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out of your car, you walk into the house and you let your children or your wife rule the roost
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or like you let your boss treat you like shit and, and abuse you, not physically, hopefully,
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but abuse you, take advantage of you because you're incapable of that warrior mindset.
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mindset. And so what do you do? Like these young men who are LARPing on the field that day, you
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pretend, you pretend, you lie to yourself. You say that you're doing better than you really are.
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You tell yourself you're tougher than you are. And all the while, you know, deep down inside
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that you're not doing the things that you know you should be doing. So how do you overcome this?
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How do you overcome this? How do you begin to step into the warrior mindset that you actually
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are built to step into and not pretend like many of you have for so long?
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Number one, you've got to understand that it's going to be the mission that drives you. Now,
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some of you say, how do I find my passion? Guys, I did a whole episode. It was either a week ago or
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two weeks ago about uncovering or developing or articulating your passion and your mission.
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But here's what I would say for now, get passionate where you are, whatever you're doing, be the best
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at it. If you're, if you're a janitor at a high school and you're sweeping floors, then those floors
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ought to be fricking meticulous, not a speck of dirt to be found. The way you organize your,
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your closet of tools better be neat and orderly and systematic so that you can be the most effective
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and the most efficient that you could possibly be. If you're called to lead a team, then you better
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pour everything that you possibly can. Even if you're not overly excited about it, you better pour
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everything that you possibly can into being the best team leader that that organization has ever
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known. Invest in yourself, learn how to communicate, learn how to cast vision, experiment, learn to
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delegate, do all the things that you already know. Good leaders are doing. Don't wait. Don't wait until
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the perfect set of circumstances arises for you to step up to the plate, step up to the plate right now.
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Leadership isn't a title guys. Now it might give some sort of perceived authority. And so people
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recognize you as the quote unquote team leader or boss or fill in the blank, but leadership is
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significantly more than the title you may have been granted. And you don't need a title to act like a
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man. You need to actually start acting like a man. And what's interesting and ironic about this
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is as you become passionate and masterful and excited and deeply involved in your current work,
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whether it's at home, whether it's at home in the career path, charitable organizations that you
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belong to, as you get excited and passionate and masterful at this craft, doors will start opening
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for you. Doors will start opening for you. It's like the key to unlock the door is you being passionate
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with what you have. You have to prove to God, or you might look at it as the universe or karma,
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or I don't know what, however you look at it. I choose to look at it as God.
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You have to prove that you're capable of handling the next thing to come along.
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And if you're just role-playing and you're pretending and you're faking it, and you're
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just passively waiting for something to happen, you're not proving to anybody or anything that
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you're capable of handling more. Prove it. You want to have more money? Prove that you can handle
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the money you currently have. You want to have a deeper, more significant relationship with your
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wife? Prove that you can actually handle that. Second thing, go get physical guys.
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Go get physical. I'm not talking about starting fights. I'm talking about
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working out, training, exercise, running, physicality, use your hands, use your back.
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Back. We have, we have these sedentary lifestyles and in many ways it's good. It's nice. I mean,
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I'm sitting in a, in a, in a climate controlled room right now with all the lighting and all the
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technology and everything else. And I'm sitting in here behind a desk on this computer using
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technology to communicate to you. I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm just saying, if all I ever do
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is just kind of hunch myself over a desk and, and do the work on a little digital keyboard,
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like I am right now or behind a camera, of course, I'm not going to feel like a man.
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I'm going to feel like I'm faking it. I'm going to feel inadequate. And in many ways I am,
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but you know where I feel the best when I'm not faking it, when I'm exercising my, my body and my
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muscles and air is coursing through my lungs and the blood is flowing and pumping and, and I'm,
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I'm competing or I'm grinding against weights or I, you know, I'm training martial arts with another
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man who's doing the same thing. And we're pushing on each other and exerting our own will on other
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objects or other people where it's appropriate. I don't think I need to throw that disclaimer in
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there, but go get physical. I can assure you that if you learn to become physical and you learn to
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exert your will over other people and other objects, again, when it's appropriate, I'm not
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saying to go punch a wall or punch a human being just because you want to take out some aggression,
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but where it's appropriate, then I can guarantee you that when you get back into the office or
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whatever life has to offer you, you're going to feel more manly. And you're actually not only
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going to feel more manly, you're going to be more manly. You're no longer role-playing. You're
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stepping into the warrior mindset and you're going to feel good about that. And you're going to develop
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confidence. And then it's going to become this snowball because the more confidence you earn,
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the more that you're willing to exert yourself, the more that you're willing to put yourself out
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there, the more that you're going to stop pretending and actually step into the life that has been
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waiting for you, waiting for you to prove yourself worthy of earning. So get that warrior mindset going,
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get physical. And the third point that I'd offer you is get around other men.
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You know, as I watched these boys LARP on that field, I initially made fun of it, but then I
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thought, you know, these are other boys. They're playing with other boys. They're learning. They're
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growing. They're laughing. They're being physical. Like in many ways, they're doing a lot of good
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things. So I'm just using this as an analogy, but even in my own life, when I went at this alone,
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guys, I struggled. I struggled. Men aren't made to do this on our own. We're social creatures.
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And for hundreds of thousands of years, we've been organizing in tribes and packs and gangs
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to improve ourselves, to solidify our positions, quite literally, if we're talking about defending
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ourselves and our families and loved ones and to advance our own cause and our own mission.
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Now, some of you will say, yeah, well, you know, I just don't have anybody near me. That's not true.
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That's not true. So how do you find the men who are interested in what I'm talking with you about
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right now? Go to the gym, go train martial arts, go to the firing range, join a hiking club,
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like go where these guys are and insert yourself into the environment, insert yourself into the
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conversations. And you're going to find other men, however you want to look at it, a band, a pack,
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a tribe, a gang, whatever, whatever term you want to use there. You're going to find these men
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who are going to hold you to task. That's what I want. It's not always comfortable,
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but comfort is like a LARPing activity. I want discomfort for the right reasons, by the way,
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I want to be uncomfortable because that means I'm learning and I'm growing and I'm pushing and I'm
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getting better. And I feel good about that. Even if I don't achieve the levels of success that I
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want to have guys, I don't want you to fake it through life. I hate that phrase. In fact,
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fake it till you make it. I understand the sentiment. I get it. Cause not any one of us
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are exactly where we want to be. So do you fake it? No, I don't think you fake it.
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I think you ask good questions from the right people. Find a band of brothers.
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You hire mentors and coaches, you get physical and you begin to do what men do.
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So if we have young men who are listening to this, who, and I, and I get a lot of emails like this,
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Oh, you know, Ryan, I just don't, I don't feel like a man. I didn't have a father figure in my
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life. What do I do? You find that man who can be that individual. Or if you're an older gentleman
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and you know, you've, you've never been around other men and you're surrounded by women,
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you're maybe you didn't have a father figure in your life. The answer is still the same.
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Go be physical, adopt and embrace the warrior mindset and find a tribe or a gang. That's going
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to help you become the man that you have the capability of becoming.
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We can't play the game anymore, guys. And that's what a lot of you are doing. You're playing a game.
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And in many ways, you're playing the game not to lose. I just hope, I just hope I'm not the last.
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Come on guys. We want to be the first. We want to be the best. Not out of some sense of ego or pride,
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but so that we can serve other people. We can serve ourselves, certainly, and our wives, our
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children, our neighbors, our colleagues, our coworkers, our communities, our country.
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We need to be the best. And that's going to take you stepping out of this boy-like behavior of
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pretending and faking your way through life and actually doing the work required.
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That's what this podcast is about. We've been doing this now for six years. When I started it six
00:19:58.240
years ago, my goal was to help men bridge the gap between what they know and what they do.
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So now, you know, if you didn't already know, and you might already know now, you know,
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so what I'd like you to do this weekend is to turn the podcast off, to turn the TV off,
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to not drink the alcohol, to not sedate yourself with the pornography,
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to stop LARPing your way through life and actually get in the game, to do the work,
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figure out what it is, and then get to work and let me know on the socials, how it's going.
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What did you do? What did you learn? What, how did you improve? Where'd you find your band of
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brothers? What martial arts are you training? How much are you lifting all these things? What's the
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warrior mindset to you? How did you embrace that? How did you adopt it? What exactly happened in your
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life that allowed you to become more of the, uh, the warrior that you're meant to be. All right,
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guys, get after it and report back. We'll be back on, uh, Tuesday of next week. We've got a couple
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very, very powerful interviews coming up. So stay tuned, make sure you subscribe, leave a rating and
00:21:05.880
review. And until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
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Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:21:15.420
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.