Order of Man - Are You Quitting for the Right Or Wrong Reason？

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly charge

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.200 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Brian Michler.

00:00:27.580 I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here today.

00:00:32.320 We're going to talk about a very important subject, and that is the concept of quitting.

00:00:38.420 I believe there's a right reason to quit, and I believe there's a wrong reason to quit.

00:00:42.420 And I want to explain what I believe the distinction is. And I'm also going to share with you five

00:00:46.840 unique questions that you can ask yourself to determine if the activity, the behavior,

00:00:52.940 the engagement, the business, the whatever you're engaged in, the circumstances, if it's the right

00:00:59.680 reason to leave or to throw in the towel or pivot, however you choose to look at it, or if it's the

00:01:03.960 wrong reason, and you should keep engaged and you should double down your efforts and keep going.

00:01:08.960 So we'll talk about that here in a minute. Before I do, I just want to mention my good friends and

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00:02:06.160 And if you end up picking up either swag or a knife or anything over there, use the code ORDEROFMAN

00:02:11.980 at checkout, and you'll save some money when you do. All right, guys, let's talk about the right

00:02:17.640 reason to quit and the wrong reason to quit. Now, this was spurred because I had made a post on X the

00:02:22.720 other day, and I wrote this. There are two types of quitting. Number one, quitting a responsibility

00:02:28.680 or commitment because you lack the skill set to navigate the circumstances. Number two, quitting a thought

00:02:36.760 or behavior because it no longer interests, serves you, and your goals. The latter is acceptable. The former

00:02:46.200 is not. So to just sum that up, quitting a responsibility or commitment because you don't have the skill set

00:02:54.500 yet. And I want to throw that caveat in there because you can learn the skill set. You might

00:02:59.380 not have that skill set now, but you can learn it. And sometimes life gets hard, whether it's a

00:03:04.120 marriage or a business or whatever it might be. Lacking the skill set doesn't mean that you should

00:03:10.660 just quit. And I see too many men do this. They don't have what it takes to achieve. And so rather

00:03:16.100 than developing the skill set required to achieve, they throw in the towel. And usually we justify our

00:03:22.400 decision to quit with the second type of quitting. Oh, my heart wasn't in it. I didn't really feel

00:03:28.980 it anymore. And that might be true. And if that is true, then that's a more viable reason to throw

00:03:34.460 in the towel or to quit. I'll give you an example. I was doing financial planning before I was doing

00:03:39.400 the Order of Man podcast, and it was good work. I liked the work for the most part. I felt that it was

00:03:46.060 valuable. I knew I was serving other people. And yet I didn't lack the skill set to be successful

00:03:51.800 in the business. In fact, I was fairly successful with my financial planning practice. And I decided

00:03:57.000 to pivot into Order of Man because that's where my heart was taking me. And that's where my interests

00:04:02.580 seem to navigate and go. So I pivoted over the course of a year or so. And I made that change.

00:04:11.880 But again, I didn't do it because I couldn't hack it, or I couldn't cut it, or I wasn't being

00:04:17.220 successful. I did it because something else was speaking to me, had an interest of mine,

00:04:22.420 and was calling to me. And that's the distinction that we need to make. And we need to be very aware

00:04:27.560 with ourselves because it's easy to fool ourselves into believing that we're quitting for the right

00:04:31.640 reason when you might actually be quitting for the wrong reason. I've thought about other caveats to

00:04:37.560 this. And I really don't think there are. The one that came to mind is marriage. And let's take the

00:04:42.960 qualifiers that I gave on this post that I made over on X. Number two, again, I said quitting a

00:04:48.800 thought or behavior because it no longer interests or serves you and your goals. We can throw a lot

00:04:55.020 into that category. You could throw marriage into that category, for example. Well, it no longer

00:04:59.580 interests me. So that might be the caveat to that rule because I think as a society, we've become so

00:05:05.120 flippant with our words, with our deeds, with our actions, and our level of commitment to

00:05:11.640 responsibilities, duties, and obligations. But if we take that same circumstance, marriage,

00:05:18.520 for example, and we run it through the first qualifier is quitting a responsibility or commitment,

00:05:24.560 which I would say marriage is, because you lack the skillset to navigate the circumstances.

00:05:29.320 And you know as well as I do that marriage is hard. I had a failed marriage. I did not want to quit

00:05:34.600 in that marriage. But the marriage ended all the same. And part of that was a lack of skillset,

00:05:40.980 on my end, to not only navigate the circumstances, but to build these interpersonal communication

00:05:47.600 and foster and develop the growth that was needed in the relationship. So what I want to share with

00:05:54.060 you now, guys, is five questions that you can ask yourself because, again, it's very easy to deceive

00:06:00.400 yourself and make yourself believe that you're quitting something for the right reason when actually

00:06:05.760 you're quitting it for the wrong reason. So I have five questions that you can ask yourself that

00:06:10.920 will be a litmus test on whether or not you're quitting for the right reason or you should keep

00:06:15.960 going. All right. So number one, and these are in no particular order, but number one is this.

00:06:21.640 Is my feeling towards this thing temporary or sustained? Is my feeling towards this thing,

00:06:29.380 and usually it's a negative feeling, is it temporary or is it sustained? Right? Because it's easy to be

00:06:34.760 at work one day and just have a crappy day. You know, your boss is getting after you. Maybe you

00:06:39.340 miss a deadline. Maybe a supplier or a vendor or an employee messes something up and it screws you up

00:06:47.100 or makes you look bad. Maybe you have a poor interaction with a client or a customer. There's

00:06:52.620 all sorts of things that could go wrong on a daily basis in a business. And those are just temporary

00:06:57.400 things. I'm not saying they don't need to be addressed. They certainly do. But I'm saying they're

00:07:01.800 fleeting. And if you're experiencing a bad day, I don't think that's a reason to throw in the towel.

00:07:06.820 We all have bad days. We all have bad circumstances. We all do dumb things. We all get hurt. We have

00:07:12.900 lawsuits. We lose our cool. We let our emotions get the better of us. We have a poor interaction

00:07:19.640 with other people, family members or friends or whoever it might be. You and your wife, for example,

00:07:24.640 you might get into an argument and have some hostility towards each other even that evening.

00:07:30.420 That doesn't mean you throw in the towel. It just means that you had a rough night and then you

00:07:34.820 correct it hopefully that evening or the next morning and then you drive on in the relationship.

00:07:39.580 But it's better because you were able to resolve the conflict. But if you have a sustained feeling

00:07:45.560 where it's just this constant nuisance, this constant annoyance, this constant bombardment of

00:07:52.920 not enjoying what you do, being miserable, that's an indicator the same way that a warning light or a

00:08:01.020 check engine light on your vehicle dashboard might signify to you that it's time to get your vehicle

00:08:06.680 into the shop and figure out what in the world is going on here. If you're going into work today,

00:08:12.520 maybe you're listening to this podcast as you're driving to work and you've been miserable

00:08:16.400 for the past year, that's an indicator that there's something greater than, oh, I know I have to call

00:08:22.300 this customer and have a hard conversation. That stuff just happens. So look at the thing and decide,

00:08:27.800 is this temporary or is it sustained? And by the way, just because it might be sustained

00:08:32.560 does not mean that you automatically quit. I'll explain that more. And that's why there's five

00:08:37.380 questions, not just one. So again, is my feeling towards this thing temporary or is it sustained?

00:08:44.300 Number two, what does my gut, heart, soul, and or instinct tell me? Again, what does my gut,

00:08:51.840 heart, soul, and or instinct tell me? Maybe even God. There's a lot of different names for

00:08:57.540 our intuition and this sometimes often difficult to quantify sense that we have. But I found at least

00:09:06.720 personally that the more I listen to my intuition and my gut, the more right I usually am. And if my gut

00:09:13.800 or my instinct is telling me that something's off or something's not right, I found that it's best to

00:09:20.460 listen to that. And it may be hard to quantify. It may be hard to measure, to come up with a very

00:09:28.440 specific reason as to why you're feeling the way you're feeling, but the reality is that you are.

00:09:33.860 And we need to pay attention to this additional feeling, this instinct or our gut or our heart or soul

00:09:40.140 or God or creator or however you choose to look at it. But it's crucial. What does your gut, heart,

00:09:46.040 soul, and or instinct tell you? And I would also go back and just do a quick review of your life

00:09:51.820 and come up with some of the biggest, think about some of the biggest decisions that you've made in

00:09:56.280 life. What you want to do as a career, who you want to marry, where you want to move. These are life

00:10:03.780 altering decisions that we're talking about here and ask yourself, if you followed your gut, did it

00:10:09.080 serve you well? And alternatively, if you did not follow your gut, how did that play out for you? Or

00:10:16.160 how are you currently doing? So I think that question is crucial. And I think one, it's one that we

00:10:21.580 don't often look into because a lot of the times I see this is that everything needs to be quantified

00:10:27.660 and measured and specific. And I think there's certainly a time and a place for that, but there's

00:10:32.560 certain things that I just can't explain. If I have a bad feeling about something, there's a reason

00:10:37.280 I'm having a bad feeling about it. And I ought to be aware of it. And I ought to take it into

00:10:41.380 consideration. Again, not the only factor, but certainly a factor. You see this a lot on social

00:10:47.140 media. People, you'll say something that's common sense. The sky is blue. And immediately you'll have

00:10:52.920 somebody say, well, where's your source? I know my eyeballs. I don't know. I go outside and I look and

00:10:59.780 see that the sky is blue. And so people want to fight and bicker over nonsense at times. And they

00:11:06.200 want the source. Well, you know, not having the source or not really knowing why, but just having

00:11:12.200 a bad feeling about something or a good feeling about something can oftentimes be enough. I choose

00:11:18.680 to take other things into consideration, but that is a big factor for me, my instinct. All right.

00:11:24.220 Number three, is there something that I can do to make this situation better? Because oftentimes

00:11:30.140 we'll look at, I'll go back to a marriage, for example, or even a business. It doesn't matter,

00:11:34.360 but let's take a marriage. Oftentimes we'll blame the circumstances on somebody else in a relationship.

00:11:41.800 It would be your partner. Oh, if only she would do this. If only she knew how hard my life was.

00:11:48.520 If only she appreciated me more. If only she cooked dinner for me. If only we had sex more

00:11:55.320 often. These are all sentiments that I hear. And I understand the sentiment. And I think all of those

00:12:00.300 things might actually be an enhancement to your marriage. But if you're putting all of that

00:12:05.360 responsibility on her, then it's safe to assume that you're not assuming as much of the responsibility

00:12:11.660 as you possibly could. Intimacy is a great example of that. We're not having sex. We have sex

00:12:16.540 once or twice a month. And I'd like to have it once or twice a week. Okay. Have you told her that?

00:12:21.880 That's the first step. Have you guys communicated about it? That's where I'd start. Number two,

00:12:26.460 what do you look like? Are you 40, 50 pounds overweight? Have you let your hygiene and your

00:12:32.140 health slip? Because if you have, that's not doing you any favors in the bedroom. Also, is there an

00:12:37.660 emotional connection or is it purely just physical? Because if it's just physical, she's not going to be

00:12:42.760 into that. And I don't think most men for sustained periods of time are into that either. So how can

00:12:47.940 you connect with her on a more mental or spiritual or emotional level than you currently are? Because

00:12:54.060 if you can do that, then that's going to lead to more intimate, physical intimate moments with her.

00:12:59.400 So the question then becomes, is there something I can do to make this situation better? If there is,

00:13:05.220 then that's the starting point. The starting point is not, oh, well, you know, we're not having sex

00:13:09.920 enough. So I'm out. Well, the starting point is doing what you can to improve the relationship

00:13:15.100 and improve the circumstances. The counter example might be something like a habit that is no good

00:13:21.600 for you. Drinking, smoking, gambling, drugs, addiction, pornography. Is there something that

00:13:27.180 you can do to make the situation better? No, there's nothing that you can do with regards to

00:13:31.960 smoking that will make it better. Well, maybe if I smoked at a different time of day, well, it's still

00:13:36.020 damaging your body. It's still not good for you. There's nothing you can do about it to make it

00:13:41.080 better. The only thing that you can do to make it better is to quit. Drinking is the same way.

00:13:45.760 And I've been pretty vocal about my alcohol abuse over the past, and I've been sober now for over a

00:13:51.940 year. But prior to that, I've been open about my alcohol abuse. There isn't anything I could have

00:13:56.680 done about that and continue to drink that would have made the situation better. The only answer was to

00:14:02.280 abstain from alcohol. So if there are things that you're doing in your life that you're not satisfied

00:14:06.620 with, and there's nothing you can do to improve the situation, that is an indicator that it's

00:14:10.620 probably not healthy or good for you, and you should quit that thing. But if there is something

00:14:15.480 that can be done, not by anybody else, but by you, then I believe that you owe it to yourself,

00:14:21.120 not to anybody else necessarily, although there might be some responsibility there. But you owe it to

00:14:25.480 you, yourself, to try that thing first. I talk about marriage a lot, you know, saving a marriage.

00:14:31.000 Guys talk about how to do that. You've got to be able to work on yourself. And I wish I would have

00:14:36.920 done that sooner. I wish I would have taken more of the burden of that sooner. And I think the

00:14:41.640 situation and outcome may have been different. All right, let's talk about number four. This is

00:14:45.280 the fourth question. What is it that I really don't like about the circumstances? And can I search

00:14:52.080 deeper? So what is it that I really don't like about the circumstances? And can I search deeper?

00:14:57.980 So let's go back to the business example. Let's say that you are miserable at your job. You hate

00:15:06.100 your job. You hate what you do. You hate your work. You hate emails. You hate the backend stuff. You

00:15:11.580 hate the clerical duties. You hate all of these elements of it. The question is, do you hate the

00:15:17.220 job or do you hate your current duties? Because there is a distinction. And a lot of times we'll throw in

00:15:22.920 the towel because we hate the current duties. But the current duties come with a position. So is

00:15:27.440 there something that you can do, again, to go back to the previous question to make the situation

00:15:30.740 better? Sure. Delegate. Hire somebody to do the things that you don't like to do. I know that isn't

00:15:36.240 going to work in every scenario, but that's certainly an option. I thought about that with

00:15:41.520 podcasting. I love the medium of podcasting. I've been doing it for almost nine years. I enjoy it.

00:15:47.360 I find value in it. I find meaning in it. I hope it serves you, the people who are listening.

00:15:53.320 But I don't like editing podcasts. I've never enjoyed that. And I used to do it myself.

00:15:58.480 Our editor, Chad, does that now. So there was something I could do about the situation.

00:16:03.060 And it wasn't that I didn't enjoy podcasting. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy having these

00:16:08.920 conversations and serving men the way that we do. It was that I just didn't like doing the editing

00:16:13.240 process. So I removed that from my plate. I hired Chad, a highly qualified professional,

00:16:18.280 to do the podcast editing and publish it and get it ready for us. And there you go. Problem solved

00:16:23.820 without having to quit. Just little pivots that we can make that will improve our lives

00:16:28.620 and the circumstances that we find ourselves in. So what is it that I really don't like about

00:16:32.600 the circumstance? I see this a lot in relationships. Oh, I hate my wife. Why? Because

00:16:37.240 we don't communicate. Okay. Then maybe you don't hate your wife. Maybe you just hate the way

00:16:41.740 that you guys communicate. So rather than just saying, I hate my wife, is there an opportunity

00:16:45.560 here for you to communicate better? If that solves the problem, great. That's way better,

00:16:52.540 I think, than throwing in the towel and not having that relationship anymore. So again,

00:16:57.960 the question is, what is it that I really don't like about the circumstances? And can I search

00:17:03.140 deeper? Is there an underlying meaning that I don't really don't like? And if there is underlying

00:17:08.060 meaning, like, no, I actually hate the work. I found that in my financial planning practice,

00:17:13.300 I didn't enjoy the duties and responsibilities, but there came a point in time where I actually

00:17:17.800 did not even enjoy the work of it. And at that point, I knew it was above and beyond just having

00:17:25.460 to do the red tape and applications. It was deeper than that. And so I knew it's time for me to pivot

00:17:30.920 because I'm no longer serving the clients that I made a commitment to serve. All right. The last

00:17:35.940 question, guys, is the grass truly greener on the other side? How many times have you ever either

00:17:43.140 heard this or adhered to this advice or this thought, this notion that, hey, that job over

00:17:50.940 there, that's better. That woman over there is better than the one I currently have. That

00:17:55.540 circumstance or situation, that neighborhood, that house, that car, that financial purchase,

00:18:00.980 that fill in the blank is better than what I currently have. And what we do is we subject

00:18:06.840 ourselves to unnecessary time, headache, heartache, expense, lost resources, burned bridges, broken

00:18:14.900 relationships, because we think that the grass is greener on the other side. It might be, but I think

00:18:23.140 it's really important that we determine whether or not that's truly the case. And the best thing that

00:18:28.400 you can do in this situation, two things, I think. Number one, take better care of your grass.

00:18:33.920 If the grass is greener over there, then let's not compare ourselves and think, oh, I'll just go over

00:18:38.280 there because you're going to bring your problems with you. If you're in a relationship and that

00:18:43.100 relationship breaks down because of fill in the blank and you go into your next relationship without

00:18:48.240 addressing the problem, you're going to bring your bad habits of not tending to your own yard

00:18:52.860 into that next relationship. And then you're going to ruin that one. And then you're going to move on

00:18:58.340 to the next one because you think, again, the grass is greener on the other side. It might

00:19:01.800 actually be, but the reason is not because it's greener. It's because you're not maintaining your

00:19:08.520 yard. You're not maintaining your grass. And by the way, let me be very clear on this. I am not

00:19:14.920 pointing fingers at you guys. I'm actually looking at myself right now in a teleprompter in front of my

00:19:20.760 video camera. I'm looking at myself. Tend to your own yard. If the grass is greener on the other side,

00:19:27.520 then make your grass greener on this side by doing the required work. Interpersonal communication,

00:19:33.980 learning how to communicate more effectively, learning how to understand your emotions,

00:19:38.760 getting fit, getting strong, getting your financial house in order. The list goes on and on.

00:19:43.260 Developing a new skillset that's marketable that you can then go out and sell to somebody else so you

00:19:48.540 can build and acquire wealth and abundance in your life. That's how you take care of your own yard.

00:19:54.100 Now, look, if you take a peek and you know with 100% certainty that you are tending to your yard

00:20:00.280 and the grass is greener over there, meaning there's more opportunity or more prosperity

00:20:04.840 or more abundance, or you just like that kind of grass more than you like this kind of grass,

00:20:09.900 as long as you've tended to your field, then that might be a decision why,

00:20:15.400 hey, maybe it's worth looking into over there. But I found more often than not,

00:20:19.600 once you start taking care of your own yard, you realize that you don't really care about

00:20:24.100 the grass the next door neighbor has because yours looks pretty good and you're happy with

00:20:28.060 what you have. So I hope that helps. I hope those questions give you a little bit of a litmus test

00:20:32.300 to run your decisions through when you're deciding to quit. I see this a lot with relationships.

00:20:36.900 I see this a lot with jobs. I see this a lot with job opportunities and guys trying to decide

00:20:41.840 which job to take. Let me reiterate these five. Well, let me reiterate the tweet that I made first.

00:20:47.580 There are two types of quitting. Number one, quitting a responsibility or commitment

00:20:51.640 because you lack the skillset to navigate the circumstances. And guys, the antidote to that

00:20:56.760 is question number three. Is there something I can do to make this situation better?

00:21:01.120 Sure. Develop the skillset required to navigate the circumstances successfully.

00:21:06.160 And then point number two that I made in that tweet, quitting a thought or behavior because it no

00:21:10.660 longer interests or serves you and your goals. The latter is acceptable. The former is not.

00:21:15.860 And then to go through those questions, maybe you're writing this down. Maybe you just need

00:21:19.640 a reminder. Number one, is my feeling towards this thing temporary or sustained? If it's

00:21:25.860 temporary, let's fix it. If it's sustained, maybe there's something deeper at play. Number two,

00:21:31.280 what does my gut, my heart, soul, instinct, God, intuition tell me? And is it right? So we can listen

00:21:38.920 to that. And I talked about doing an inventory on past decisions using your intuition. Number three,

00:21:44.180 is there something I can do? I can do. Not anybody said I can do to make this situation better. Do

00:21:51.160 that first. Always do that first before throwing in the towel. Number four, what is it that I really

00:21:56.220 don't like about the circumstances? And can I search for deeper meaning? Because often the problem is not

00:22:01.760 really the problem. You have to get deeper to figure out what the real issue is. And then the last

00:22:06.180 question, number five, is the grass truly greener on the other side? And along with that,

00:22:12.240 maybe consider tending to your own yard a little more effectively before worrying about what the

00:22:16.960 neighbor's grass looks like. All right, guys, I hope that helps. And I hope that serves you.

00:22:21.020 Please let me know if it does. And let me know how it does. Or let me know if there's another litmus

00:22:24.540 test that you use or something that you run your thought processes through to help you make better

00:22:29.860 decisions in your life. Because Lord knows we all need to make better decisions in our lives.

00:22:34.460 All right, guys, we will be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action,

00:22:38.580 and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:22:44.300 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:22:48.300 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - December 01, 2023

Are You Quitting for the Right Or Wrong Reason？｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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