Order of Man - Attracting Women by Power and Proximity, Taking on Too Much, and the Line Between Hungry and Complacent

00:00:00.020 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.900 What's up, man? It's good to see you back. You're looking a little darker than I am, I gotta admit.

00:00:29.360 What have you been to, like, Hawaii or Costa Rica or something?

00:00:32.620 Yeah, it's a tough life. Hawaii. Yeah, we are North Shore for the last week.

00:00:37.460 On Oahu. Or the Big Island.

00:00:39.300 On Oahu. Oahu.

00:00:40.880 Got it, okay. Yeah.

00:00:42.220 Yeah, man.

00:00:43.200 Yeah, it's good, man. I got to swim by wells.

00:00:49.020 We were out swimming off of the catamaran, and, like, two wells just showed up. Scared the shit out of me initially.

00:00:56.920 It was so awesome.

00:00:57.620 And I'm out.

00:00:58.520 Yeah, it was so cool.

00:00:59.420 What kind of wells were they?

00:01:00.900 They were humpback.

00:01:02.940 No, I'm out. I ain't doing that.

00:01:06.720 That's how I did. Like, I was just swimming, and all of a sudden it broke the surface, and I'm immediately going to the boat super fast, and I paused for a second.

00:01:15.480 I'm like, wait a second. I should probably stay out here and take a look at these things.

00:01:19.720 It was cool. It was unreal.

00:01:21.280 How close do you think they were?

00:01:25.100 When it first – that's the closest I've ever been is right when it first came out of the water, and it was probably maybe 20 yards from me.

00:01:35.240 I'm out.

00:01:37.640 It was – pick me up.

00:01:38.960 It scared me.

00:01:40.620 I don't know.

00:01:41.500 Actually, now that you say that, look, I'd be scared.

00:01:44.000 But now that you said, oh, man, we're drinking the same drink today, which we should not be drinking.

00:01:48.820 Don't mind what we're drinking today, guys.

00:01:53.460 Like, this is an anomaly.

00:01:54.700 Anyways, the thing that you said where I was like, no, that's good, is you freaked out initially, which is what most of us do when we're dealing with something uncomfortable.

00:02:04.840 Yeah.

00:02:05.420 And then you had the wherewithal to say, no, I should probably stay out here.

00:02:11.640 Because when in your life is that really likely to ever happen again?

00:02:16.700 Totally.

00:02:17.620 Totally.

00:02:17.980 It's like a once-in-a-lifetime kind of scenario.

00:02:21.260 Exactly.

00:02:22.500 Exactly.

00:02:23.620 Well, that's cool, man.

00:02:25.000 It was cool.

00:02:26.060 But, yeah, you haven't been replaced yet.

00:02:27.960 Yeah, you haven't been replaced yet, Kip.

00:02:30.180 I was nervous about it.

00:02:31.520 I'm going to throw this out here.

00:02:32.660 Sean's been knocking it out of the park.

00:02:34.520 And we've also got some requests from other guys in the Iron Council who are like, they're seeing this gap, and they're trying to fill the gap, which I commend.

00:02:45.340 But just know there's people who are on your trail, bro.

00:02:47.540 I miss a couple episodes, and my fellow brothers start reaching out to you going, hey, you know, if you need to replace Kip, you know, you just let me know.

00:02:57.680 You know what?

00:02:57.980 You guys are assholes.

00:02:59.100 Hopefully, you're all listening.

00:03:00.160 Nah, man, we missed you.

00:03:05.180 Good to have you back.

00:03:06.280 We always have a good conversation.

00:03:09.160 Did you get the gift that I sent over to you?

00:03:12.540 I did.

00:03:13.360 I did.

00:03:14.060 And I wanted to, and maybe we just do this publicly.

00:03:18.220 I think we should set a standard by those who buy that patch where we place it.

00:03:23.660 So, that way, it's in the same location.

00:03:26.840 Well, let's, okay, so hold on.

00:03:28.320 Let's explain what this is.

00:03:30.380 So, you've been nagging me, like my wife does, about years, by the way.

00:03:35.580 I think I brought this up probably years ago.

00:03:37.660 But not about this.

00:03:38.520 But you brought this up years ago.

00:03:40.680 And it's, I wish I had it.

00:03:42.760 It's downstairs.

00:03:43.480 Do you have it by chance?

00:03:44.360 You probably don't have it.

00:03:45.120 I don't.

00:03:45.820 Mine's at home on my dresser.

00:03:47.100 Uh, so, we came up with a jujitsu, an order of man jujitsu patch.

00:03:55.900 Yeah.

00:03:57.340 And it's, it's, it's cool.

00:04:00.820 Right.

00:04:01.220 It's cool.

00:04:01.600 Like it looked, it looks pretty good.

00:04:03.100 Yeah.

00:04:03.260 It's going to look good.

00:04:04.320 Yeah.

00:04:04.780 So, we need to figure out, I like that.

00:04:06.820 That's why I want to ask you.

00:04:07.920 I'm like, okay, where do we put this thing?

00:04:09.140 And I like the placement.

00:04:10.540 We're all going to put it in the same place.

00:04:12.340 And also, there's going to be some qualifications.

00:04:15.020 And so, here's the patch.

00:04:18.140 Of course.

00:04:19.620 Okay.

00:04:20.120 I dig it.

00:04:20.560 If you don't just get the patch.

00:04:22.140 Yeah.

00:04:22.540 Yeah.

00:04:22.660 So, I wanted to ask you about this.

00:04:24.700 And we don't have to go down the rabbit hole on this.

00:04:26.380 But number one, I think I'm going to initially, members of the Iron Council, who are a blue

00:04:31.680 belt or higher, will qualify for, like, you don't get a patch as a white belt.

00:04:36.460 Okay.

00:04:37.300 You haven't even proven you're in the game yet.

00:04:39.460 Like, anybody can go to a couple classes in jujitsu.

00:04:42.160 But you're not going to get it unless, you know, you've been in the game for a couple

00:04:47.280 of years.

00:04:48.600 Yeah.

00:04:49.180 I like that.

00:04:49.680 And so, I don't even think I'm going to sell it.

00:04:51.840 I think what I want to do is you prove to me, whether it's a picture or something, like

00:04:55.880 prove it, that you're a blue belt in jujitsu and you've been training for a couple of years.

00:05:01.000 And maybe there's a jujitsu credo or something that we have.

00:05:06.900 And you recite that to me in a video that's recited, not like memorized, recited, and we'll

00:05:13.120 just send you one.

00:05:14.200 That's what I'm like.

00:05:14.900 You don't need to buy it.

00:05:15.840 You can't buy it.

00:05:16.620 It's not for sale.

00:05:18.240 Yeah.

00:05:18.440 I like that.

00:05:19.440 I like it a lot.

00:05:20.820 It's the same concept as like challenge coins.

00:05:23.300 I see everybody coming up with challenge coins.

00:05:25.460 It's like, okay, if you're selling a challenge coin for $5 or whatever on your website is

00:05:31.180 not really a challenge coin.

00:05:33.500 So, stop calling it that.

00:05:35.720 Yeah, that's called a purchase.

00:05:37.140 Yeah.

00:05:37.400 It's a purchase.

00:05:38.840 It's something I could get out of like a quarter machine.

00:05:41.700 You know, you put your quarter in and the little hand comes down and grabs it.

00:05:44.880 It's like as relevant as one of those things.

00:05:49.140 So, if you want to have a challenge coin, like actually have it be a challenge coin where

00:05:53.340 people earn it.

00:05:54.120 That's our challenge.

00:05:54.680 We have challenge coins.

00:05:55.940 People don't know that.

00:05:57.080 Because I don't sell them.

00:05:58.720 You have to earn it.

00:06:00.320 And I'm thinking the same thing with the jujitsu patch.

00:06:03.000 But everybody's like, oh, I could make a bunch of money on it.

00:06:05.700 Yeah, you could.

00:06:06.800 I'm more worried about the meaning and significance behind it than just making a few bucks off

00:06:10.900 of selling patches and cheap coins out of China.

00:06:14.040 Yeah.

00:06:14.700 We need to get this together.

00:06:16.040 So, that way, all the guys that's going to the origin camp that are these blue belts,

00:06:20.540 they can get prepped and get these patches sewn on.

00:06:23.900 You know what I mean?

00:06:25.260 Before origin.

00:06:26.120 That'd be slick.

00:06:27.120 Yeah.

00:06:27.660 All right.

00:06:28.140 So, you and I are going to talk more about that.

00:06:30.080 This doesn't apply to a lot of guys.

00:06:33.160 It should.

00:06:33.840 Stay tuned.

00:06:34.700 It should apply to everybody.

00:06:36.480 At least.

00:06:37.060 I mean, look.

00:06:38.120 You have two years.

00:06:39.520 Because that's what it's going to take you to get your blue belt.

00:06:41.360 How long did it take you to get your blue belt?

00:06:44.180 Two years.

00:06:45.320 Right.

00:06:46.160 Two years.

00:06:46.740 That's like give or take, but that's pretty average, I would think.

00:06:50.520 So, you got the next two years to get this thing locked in.

00:06:53.660 Let's go, guys.

00:06:55.220 Yeah.

00:06:55.380 Let's go.

00:06:55.640 I like it.

00:06:56.580 Yeah.

00:06:56.960 Cool.

00:06:57.240 All right.

00:06:58.040 Well, let's get to some questions for today.

00:07:00.520 Okay.

00:07:01.160 Excellent.

00:07:01.720 So, we have a couple groups of questions.

00:07:04.260 So, a few of these are from the Foundry, from the Iron Council.

00:07:06.780 We'll cover these bad boys and then we'll hop over to Facebook.

00:07:09.220 To join us on Facebook, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:07:14.160 All right.

00:07:14.600 Chase Kimball, at what point do you know that you have taken on too much?

00:07:19.340 I have a tendency to get overzealous about progress and end up with the plate full of

00:07:23.540 resulting in either loss of interest or letting other people down.

00:07:27.760 I've never been very organized about my daily schedule before listening to the podcast,

00:07:31.720 but I have come a long way in that regard.

00:07:35.900 Well, I think there's a couple of different factors.

00:07:37.860 There's, you alluded to a couple of them.

00:07:40.740 You've lost interest and you have to ask yourself, did I really lose interest or did I burn out?

00:07:45.260 Because that's different, but they could feel very much the same.

00:07:48.560 The other one is you start to let things fall through the cracks.

00:07:52.340 So, you let people down, you don't hit your assignments, you don't hit your deadlines,

00:07:56.940 and then you know you've taken on too much.

00:07:59.840 There's a third.

00:08:01.140 I guess it ties into the first maybe is that you just are exhausted and you are not functional

00:08:12.440 in any facet of your life.

00:08:15.820 You know, you can feel a decline in the way you perform at the gym.

00:08:19.180 You feel a decline in the way that you are there and present for your family.

00:08:22.600 You feel a decline in the way that you show up at work and everything suffers.

00:08:27.080 And when you start to see that over a sustained period of time, when you're looking for trends,

00:08:32.440 we're not looking for one-offs because sometimes, you know, Kip, I know you've had some personal

00:08:37.400 family issues that you've been dealing with.

00:08:39.300 You went on vacation.

00:08:40.740 If I were to judge your presence in the Iron Council or doing this podcast right now,

00:08:47.000 that wouldn't be a fair judgment because there's some extenuating circumstances.

00:08:52.340 Now, if that happens over three months, okay, I got to question what's going on.

00:08:57.960 Now, that's a trend.

00:08:59.500 That's no longer a one-off scenario.

00:09:02.900 So, look for trends.

00:09:04.580 But if you're finding over time you being less effective in areas of your life,

00:09:09.220 you've probably taken on too much.

00:09:11.180 And what I would suggest is wrap up everything that you can, bundle up, package it up, close it out.

00:09:18.440 Or here's another alternative.

00:09:21.800 It's important to make sure that we meet our promises and we keep our commitments.

00:09:30.300 But let me give you an example.

00:09:31.800 So, let's say, Kip, you hired me to do some, I don't know, design work for your company.

00:09:39.340 And I noticed how overwhelmed I was, performance at work and performance at home and everything else

00:09:44.660 was suffering.

00:09:45.280 And I felt myself burned out.

00:09:47.380 I used to think, well, I have to do it because I said I would.

00:09:49.960 No, you don't.

00:09:51.120 You actually just need to make sure it gets done.

00:09:53.560 So, what I might do is I might bring in a subcontractor to help me make sure that the

00:09:59.980 commitment to you gets met, although I may not do it.

00:10:03.180 So, I take it off of my plate.

00:10:04.820 I'm going to have to pay to get it done.

00:10:05.960 I'm going to lose some of my potential income, but it's still going to get done.

00:10:10.880 And you're going to give business to somebody else.

00:10:12.720 You're going to meet the expectation that I have with you.

00:10:15.780 And so, it still is a win-win scenario.

00:10:19.060 But make sure everything gets wrapped up and stop, for the love of all that is holy, saying

00:10:25.260 yes to everything that runs across your desk.

00:10:28.400 Stop it.

00:10:29.500 Knock it off.

00:10:30.280 I do like the idea that one of the best ways to learn to say no is by honoring your yes.

00:10:41.800 Because it only takes a couple of times for you to be working all night and go, shit,

00:10:47.140 you know what?

00:10:47.760 I should probably start saying no.

00:10:49.440 But instead, what I think a lot of guys do is they'll say, yes, yes, yes.

00:10:53.880 We'll honor their commitment.

00:10:55.240 And then they don't learn the drawback of saying that yes.

00:10:59.020 Because it's delayed, right?

00:11:01.200 The effects of that are delayed to now Ryan no longer asks for my help, right?

00:11:05.500 And so, then I'm like, oh, that's weird.

00:11:07.120 He never asked for help anymore.

00:11:08.420 And I don't internalize it, right?

00:11:10.140 But when I had to work all night to honor the commitment, it forces me to evaluate like,

00:11:15.980 hey, you know what?

00:11:16.700 I need to be a little bit more cautious or considerate in regards to the commitments

00:11:22.380 I make.

00:11:22.960 If I honor them, we end up learning.

00:11:24.920 But if we don't honor them, sometimes guys never learn.

00:11:27.960 And then they're just flaky and untrustworthy.

00:11:30.440 And that's really what we're talking about here.

00:11:31.920 I know that sounds maybe a little extreme, but I've had that conversation with a team

00:11:35.400 member on my team.

00:11:36.000 It's like, hey, when you drop the brawl, you become untrustworthy.

00:11:40.840 That's a big deal.

00:11:42.660 You're unreliable.

00:11:44.080 It's not as simple as like, oh, no.

00:11:46.200 And because I'm talking circles here and now, but I think sometimes we downplay it, right?

00:11:52.800 We buy into our bullshit story and like, oh, yeah, well, I'm just really busy.

00:11:56.220 And so, you know, it's okay.

00:11:58.040 Actually, no, it's not okay.

00:11:59.400 You're untrustworthy.

00:12:00.600 People will stop working with you.

00:12:02.460 They'll stop asking you for help.

00:12:04.260 And so, if you're even an employee and your boss doesn't come to you to get shit done,

00:12:09.740 there's a really high probability that you've established yourself as someone that's unreliable.

00:12:15.800 A hundred percent.

00:12:17.040 I mean, no, it's exactly right.

00:12:19.600 That trust and you said something and the point you made was really good about where

00:12:27.660 guys will say, oh, you know, it's not that big a deal.

00:12:31.280 No, it's a huge deal.

00:12:34.580 It's a huge deal that people no longer trust you.

00:12:38.980 I mean, the whole goal of being able to protect, provide, preside, which is something that we

00:12:44.500 talk about quite often is the ability to garner influence, credibility, authority with other

00:12:51.760 individuals, with our family, with our colleagues and coworkers.

00:12:55.020 And every time you fail to meet that, you are undermining your trust and credibility with other

00:13:00.820 people, which is not going to allow you to lead them effectively.

00:13:05.320 So, make sure that everything you're doing is fostering and bolstering in that.

00:13:09.240 And by the way, I would also say this, you probably believe that saying no to somebody

00:13:15.820 is going to ruin your trust and credibility with them.

00:13:19.000 I'm telling you a hundred percent, it's not.

00:13:21.960 So, I had a good friend reach out to me several months ago and he said, hey, Ryan, I'm writing

00:13:27.240 a new book and I would like to send you each, you know, every couple of weeks, two, three

00:13:31.920 weeks, the next chapter for your review.

00:13:34.180 And I would love to do that.

00:13:36.400 He's a friend of mine.

00:13:37.920 I care about him.

00:13:39.520 I want him to win.

00:13:41.040 I care about him writing a book.

00:13:42.700 He's got a great message.

00:13:44.360 And I wrote, and it was so hard for me, Kip, so hard.

00:13:47.520 I wrote a message and I said, brother, I love you, man.

00:13:50.820 I appreciate you.

00:13:52.060 I'm excited about your book.

00:13:54.080 I'm not going to be able to do that.

00:13:56.920 You're going to send that to me and I'm going to, I could tell you that I can, and you're

00:14:00.720 going to send that to me and I'm going to be weeks behind.

00:14:04.380 I'm going to be slow to get it to you and you're not going to get what you're looking

00:14:08.820 for.

00:14:10.160 And it's just, no, it's not going to work.

00:14:12.900 And it was so hard for me to send that message to him.

00:14:15.940 And you know how he responded?

00:14:18.320 He said, wow, I really appreciate the way that, cause I was, I was graceful in the way

00:14:24.320 that I said it, but he said, wow, I really appreciate, I need to actually take a page

00:14:31.020 from that playbook and do that more in my life.

00:14:33.600 And by the way, what I did say is I said, when you're done with it, send me the book

00:14:37.840 and I would love to review it.

00:14:39.820 I would love to read it.

00:14:40.860 And I would love to share it on my platform if I feel like it's something the guys can

00:14:44.300 get value from.

00:14:45.700 So I was gracious, but also very clear about, I knew I wasn't going to be able to do that.

00:14:51.000 And I was so nervous because I thought he was going to come back and say, well, I can't

00:14:55.680 believe, no, he was like, I need to take a play from that page book, a page from that

00:15:00.980 playbook.

00:15:01.580 And he respected me, I think even more than he did previous to that conversation.

00:15:08.540 Totally.

00:15:08.880 And I love the idea that you, you communicated back of like, Hey, but this is what I can do.

00:15:14.340 Like that's valuable, right?

00:15:15.760 It's like, Hey, you know what?

00:15:16.760 Send me the outline.

00:15:17.640 I'll review the outline and give you feedback on that.

00:15:19.560 You know, that I can commit to, right?

00:15:21.680 That's fair.

00:15:22.680 Yeah.

00:15:22.920 How much, how many opportunities do you think pass guys by because of their, because of

00:15:31.080 the unreliable relationship that they've created for themselves?

00:15:35.160 Cause I really think about it.

00:15:36.140 It's like, you always ask the guy that's reliable, right?

00:15:39.960 When opportunities, you want to create opportunities for others.

00:15:42.740 You choose the guy that will get the job done.

00:15:45.080 Not the guy that will say yes.

00:15:46.480 And it's hard to quantify.

00:15:49.480 Like, how do you say how many opportunities you've gained by building trust and how many

00:15:53.900 have you lost by undermining it?

00:15:55.600 How do you quantify that?

00:15:56.800 You can't, but I just, I'm pretty intuitive when it comes to that.

00:16:01.540 And I just have faith that if you do the right thing and you honor your commitment and you

00:16:05.980 don't say things that, that you're not going to do and the things you do say you're going

00:16:09.980 to do, you follow through.

00:16:11.040 I can't tell you what it is, but there's a couple of investment opportunities that I have

00:16:15.020 right now that were in the works of closing in the next, I would say a week or two that

00:16:19.080 have come as a direct result of two things, following through on my commitments and adding

00:16:25.780 value to people's lives, specifically making powerful introductions that would not have

00:16:30.780 happened without me.

00:16:33.040 Yeah.

00:16:33.620 And those have created some just unbelievable investment opportunities for me.

00:16:38.700 Yeah, that's great.

00:16:41.420 Steve Bumgartner.

00:16:42.600 By the way, Steve, you said Steve.

00:16:44.760 Yeah.

00:16:44.980 One more thing about that is we don't keep score.

00:16:50.680 That's important.

00:16:51.740 So if I do you a favor, I don't provide value.

00:16:55.840 Got it.

00:16:56.020 Don't keep score and just know that not all of it's going to work out because if you're

00:17:01.980 thinking, Hey, if I introduce this guy, then I'll get something in return.

00:17:04.720 That's not why that's not adding value.

00:17:07.820 It's not genuine.

00:17:08.700 Yeah.

00:17:09.260 It's not, you're not even adding value.

00:17:11.400 You're it's, it's an exchange for sure, but it's not value for the purpose of value.

00:17:16.760 So don't do that.

00:17:18.460 Just add value as often as you can.

00:17:20.820 And I would say, look, I'll just to give you kind of an off the cuff

00:17:23.940 number.

00:17:25.880 I would say that 10, 20% of the relationships that I've developed.

00:17:34.940 Again, this is just kind of intuitive, anecdotal that 10 to 20% of them have actually turned

00:17:40.860 into some sort of opportunity for me.

00:17:42.940 It's definitely not a hundred percent.

00:17:45.660 Yeah.

00:17:46.220 That's a little percentage in the grand scheme of things.

00:17:48.400 Yeah.

00:17:48.960 And the, and you know what?

00:17:50.920 Cool.

00:17:51.360 Because number one, it wasn't about what I wanted.

00:17:54.260 It was about me seeing people win.

00:17:55.760 And number two, the 10% makes up a thousand percent for the a hundred percent that I've

00:18:02.280 applied myself.

00:18:03.140 So the 10% worth it, but again, that's not why we do it.

00:18:07.320 All right.

00:18:07.740 Enough of that.

00:18:08.480 Yeah.

00:18:09.500 Steve Bumgardner.

00:18:10.940 Recently, I changed roles in my company.

00:18:13.240 One, I was very comfortable in and was strategy strategizing for the future.

00:18:18.120 The current one is more frontline leadership where things can be more chaotic, but definitely

00:18:22.780 more inputs.

00:18:23.900 I quickly learned that I had to pivot on my systems because my old system was not working

00:18:29.180 in the new role.

00:18:29.860 What are some times that you've had to pivot and totally reinvent the system, your systems

00:18:35.320 to be successful?

00:18:38.080 Well, the podcast is a great example.

00:18:40.180 I wasn't doing this before.

00:18:41.660 You know, I was, I had my financial planning practice and really my day consisted of calling

00:18:48.100 clients, scheduling appointments, doing paperwork, making sure that our logistics were all taken

00:18:53.100 care of, that the red tape was all addressed.

00:18:55.920 There was FINRA requirements and SEC requirements and making sure that we were in compliance with

00:19:02.140 the code and all this kind of stuff.

00:19:04.680 So my day consisted of that.

00:19:06.340 And then it turned from going into the office every day to now, here I am at home.

00:19:12.500 Nobody's holding anything over my head.

00:19:15.260 There's no sort of reporting requirements required outside of your taxes.

00:19:20.300 And, and so I had to learn how to do all of this stuff on my own without having any sort

00:19:25.520 of clear direction.

00:19:27.260 Another pivot that we've made in the past year is that I really wanted to elevate the

00:19:33.280 caliber and quality of the men that we were having on the podcast.

00:19:36.300 And I realized that I alone could not knock this out of the park the way that I wanted

00:19:42.120 to.

00:19:42.480 So how do I do this?

00:19:45.060 I identified somebody who I thought had some very real talent and I hired Brandy and she's

00:19:50.960 on our team and she's crushing it.

00:19:54.020 I mean, she's absolutely knocked it out of the park because I knew what I wanted.

00:19:57.700 I want to increase the caliber of men we're having in the podcast.

00:20:00.400 She's somebody I saw who had real potential to be able to do this and a track record of

00:20:05.420 being able to do it.

00:20:06.240 And she's knocked it out of the park, small little pivots and adjustments.

00:20:10.060 Some of you guys may have noticed over the past year, the improvement of the caliber

00:20:13.560 of guests on, right?

00:20:15.240 Because I brought her on and she's done a phenomenal job getting to these hard to reach

00:20:21.780 guests that I just wasn't able to get on my own.

00:20:24.820 So there's a couple of pivots, even just with our organization that have paid tremendous

00:20:30.340 dividends.

00:20:32.020 Yeah.

00:20:32.360 At the root of that, Ryan, is it you identifying your shortcomings?

00:20:38.440 Or is it you identifying things that you don't want to do and just delegation?

00:20:46.420 It's all of the above.

00:20:49.340 So I, well, there's one actually underlying thing you didn't hit on, which is what is your

00:20:55.420 goal and desire?

00:20:57.660 And making sure that's where it starts.

00:20:59.700 Decisions aligned with that.

00:21:00.760 Yeah.

00:21:00.900 Yeah.

00:21:01.520 Yeah.

00:21:01.840 Because if you don't know what you want, you can make any decision and it may work or

00:21:05.920 it may not.

00:21:06.640 And if it works, it may not actually lead you to where you want to go even.

00:21:10.440 So what are you measuring your decisions against?

00:21:12.580 So the first step is to know exactly what you want.

00:21:15.720 And then you can say, okay, I want to go to that place.

00:21:19.960 I don't think I can get there on my own because I'm lacking X, Y, and Z skills.

00:21:24.140 Or I don't like doing A, B, and C.

00:21:28.200 So I need somebody who can do X, Y, and Z skillset and somebody who's willing to do A,

00:21:33.900 B, and C that I don't want to do.

00:21:35.520 And all three of us together, we can get there.

00:21:38.780 But don't just start bringing people in and looking for deficiencies if you don't know

00:21:43.360 where you're going.

00:21:44.440 That's a problem.

00:21:46.080 Yeah.

00:21:46.800 Yeah.

00:21:47.320 Copy.

00:21:48.760 Sam Broadway, who was your most influential boss or supervisor at a job you had when you

00:21:54.220 were younger?

00:21:55.220 What did they do better than other bosses and supervisors?

00:21:58.540 And what was kind of the lessons learned that you've held on to?

00:22:02.100 There's a few that come to mind.

00:22:04.080 Number one, I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but it's important we talk about

00:22:07.840 it.

00:22:08.300 I had a really bad boss when I worked as a pizza delivery boy.

00:22:12.380 I did pizza delivery.

00:22:16.200 I didn't know this.

00:22:17.640 Oh, it's a great job.

00:22:18.880 The job was awesome.

00:22:20.760 And I was fresh out of high school.

00:22:22.900 I was in college.

00:22:23.860 I got one of my buddies hired with the same company.

00:22:26.680 And so him and I would do delivery.

00:22:28.760 And we met a lot of, we met a lot of ladies that way.

00:22:32.040 Like, yeah.

00:22:33.300 Cause we were a college town.

00:22:34.640 You want dessert as well?

00:22:37.420 That's right.

00:22:38.600 That's right.

00:22:39.460 Pizza with a happy ending.

00:22:40.600 Uh, it was, you said it, not me.

00:22:47.280 No, man, it was an awesome job, but my boss was a total jerk.

00:22:51.920 Like he was weird and awkward and he wouldn't show up and he treated the people like garbage.

00:22:58.200 And he thought he was above everybody else.

00:23:00.580 And he just barked out orders and command.

00:23:03.300 Like, it just was not, it was not a great lead, but again, it was an awesome job.

00:23:08.380 So it's hard to say I didn't like it.

00:23:09.820 I really liked it.

00:23:10.760 And we all laughed at him behind his back.

00:23:12.680 You know, so it was kind of a bunch of college kids making fun of the boss.

00:23:16.060 And so, you know, we put up with this bullshit because it was hilarious and fun.

00:23:20.960 But I, I, I remember that because when I get in that position, I'm never going to be like that guy.

00:23:27.620 So that, that person comes to mind now on the positive side, two people come to mind.

00:23:33.260 One is my section chief.

00:23:35.020 Uh, his name is Brett Irons in the national guard.

00:23:39.320 Incredi- I'll say this.

00:23:41.080 He's a little brash.

00:23:42.720 Sometimes he can be hard to work with, but incredibly talented, incredibly dedicated,

00:23:49.500 taught me a whole lot about discipline and working hard.

00:23:54.660 He always went, even though that there was some of that brashness, he always went to bat for us,

00:24:00.480 his section with the higher command.

00:24:03.100 Like he always went to bat.

00:24:04.760 He all, it didn't always work out.

00:24:06.500 You know, there's things that he advocated for that didn't work out based on what our command wanted,

00:24:10.940 but there was never a doubt in my mind that he would go to bat for us more.

00:24:14.960 So I think than probably anybody else that I, that I encountered and my time in service.

00:24:21.320 So I really respect, um, I respect him.

00:24:25.880 Uh, there was some contention of course, because, you know, he's a hardheaded, strong leader who's capable

00:24:31.960 and he's tough and he comes from that background.

00:24:34.140 And at the same time, really a whole lot of respect for that individual.

00:24:38.160 Uh, and then there was one other person.

00:24:40.740 Her name is Stacy.

00:24:42.240 She's the one who hired me.

00:24:43.960 My background is retail management.

00:24:46.400 And so when I was, so I actually applied years earlier to work at buckle clothing.

00:24:52.920 So a lot of people know, cause I was a bit of a mall rat.

00:24:55.280 I was at journeys and eventually went over to buckle and I applied with her directly and she turned down

00:25:01.640 a job opportunity.

00:25:02.860 So I didn't get the job.

00:25:04.440 And so I kept working with journey shoe store.

00:25:07.120 I worked my way up from associate to assistant manager to a manager.

00:25:11.060 Uh, and then one day I remember Stacy coming to me and she said, Hey, we have a management

00:25:16.320 development program.

00:25:17.440 Would you be interested?

00:25:18.260 I'm like, I interviewed you with you two years ago.

00:25:21.680 And you said, no.

00:25:22.500 And she's like, well, you weren't ready two years ago.

00:25:24.320 And she's like, but I would like to interview you now and see if this is an opportunity.

00:25:29.840 And, uh, we did the interview and she ended up hiring me.

00:25:33.280 I did a management development program in Southern Utah and St. George.

00:25:37.380 And then I actually ended up moving to Northern Utah to help her open a store in Orem.

00:25:43.480 We opened that store together.

00:25:44.840 And not long after I ended up going with my wife to Southern California to open a brand

00:25:49.840 new store in Rancho Cucamonga.

00:25:51.300 So she unlocked a lot of doors for me.

00:25:54.460 Um, but she was probably one of the most, I don't want to say laid back.

00:26:00.660 That's not the right way to say it, but I would say probably one of the most empowering

00:26:05.220 leaders that I've ever had the opportunity to work with.

00:26:08.640 She, she never, she never forced her own will or desire.

00:26:13.520 Of course, you know, she's the store manager at the time.

00:26:15.880 So it's her store.

00:26:16.820 Uh, but she always gave me and other people an opportunity to learn and grow and develop

00:26:23.660 and even mess up and then, and then review it and make sure that we were in alignment

00:26:28.660 with what she wanted and what our ultimate objective was.

00:26:31.540 She always listened to us and took our feedback and then coached and counseled and directed really,

00:26:38.380 really enjoyed working with her for that.

00:26:41.580 Probably.

00:26:42.760 I would say like a year or so between the couple of stores I worked at her or worked

00:26:46.660 with her at.

00:26:48.360 Um, but yeah, man, she taught me a lot.

00:26:50.020 And honestly, the, with the path that I'm on right now started in sales and yeah, I started

00:26:55.460 in a different store than she was at, but I learned a lot about leadership and actually

00:27:00.280 caring about people, but being firm from her.

00:27:03.760 I mean, a lot of influence from her a hundred percent.

00:27:06.880 I like that.

00:27:07.320 I, one boss comes to mind.

00:27:09.960 I'm sure there's more, but I had a boss.

00:27:12.280 Chris Lake was his name.

00:27:13.520 He was the kind of guy where his, the loyalty that you had towards him, like the whole company

00:27:21.180 would just follow him.

00:27:22.880 Hmm.

00:27:23.040 Like I remember when he left, I was doing consulting, when he left the consulting firm,

00:27:28.040 I was looking for, all of us were like, where are you going?

00:27:31.820 So we can all follow you.

00:27:33.620 Right.

00:27:34.140 That was kind of how this guy was.

00:27:36.480 And one of the first things that he ever did that was profound for me was he, he poached

00:27:42.460 me, uh, we, we were working with his consulting firm.

00:27:46.900 And I remember he called me up and said, Hey Kip, I want you to come over to BVA and, and

00:27:53.500 start up a software development group.

00:27:56.760 And I want you to run with it.

00:27:58.920 Uh, and I'm like, well, give me the job description.

00:28:01.680 I remember looking at it and I remember calling him back humbly and going, Chris,

00:28:06.480 I don't, I don't qualify.

00:28:09.200 Like, I don't, I don't have experience in these things that you're, you know, like,

00:28:13.980 sorry, I, I, you may be misunderstood.

00:28:16.320 Right.

00:28:16.700 And he's like, oh, no, no, you, you have the right personality.

00:28:20.400 We can, we can learn that stuff.

00:28:22.600 You have the right work ethic.

00:28:23.920 You have the right personality.

00:28:25.120 We'll figure that stuff out.

00:28:26.420 And that was the first thing I was like, whoa, that's so powerful.

00:28:30.180 Right.

00:28:30.480 And then the second thing he did was, and I said, well, what's the salary?

00:28:34.920 And he goes, what do you need to make for you to be all in?

00:28:40.860 How much do you need to make for you just to come on board and just engulf yourself and

00:28:46.020 just give it your all.

00:28:48.360 And I was like, man, like number two.

00:28:50.720 Right.

00:28:51.020 I was like, that's so profound.

00:28:52.660 No, of course I was like, I can't remember.

00:28:55.040 I'm like 80.

00:28:55.820 And he's like, no problem.

00:28:56.700 And I thought, shit, 90.

00:28:57.840 Yeah, I should have won 100.

00:28:59.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:00.820 But, but the point was, is he wanted full buy-in and commitment.

00:29:06.860 Whatever that was, that's what he, that's what he wanted.

00:29:10.280 And, and I've, I hope I've held onto that even now.

00:29:13.640 When I do quarterly plans with my team members, that's the question.

00:29:17.500 Where's your commitment level?

00:29:18.780 Are you all in?

00:29:20.260 And if you're not all in, what's blocking you from being all in?

00:29:23.700 So I can mitigate those blockers when we're all in, we show up in such a powerful way

00:29:31.000 that we'll figure it out, right?

00:29:33.500 Because we're fully committed to the cause or our jobs or whatever that you're doing.

00:29:37.400 But if you're partially or you're compliant, or I'm just doing shit because Ryan's going

00:29:41.960 to harass me if I don't get it done, man, the first sign of trouble, I'm going to throw

00:29:46.580 my hands up and go screw this shit.

00:29:49.080 This isn't for me, or I'm going to, or I'm going to even compromise.

00:29:52.220 Some people will, if they're compliant, they'll be like, I hope this shit fails, right?

00:29:56.900 Don't even subconsciously hope it fails because they weren't bought in to begin with, right?

00:30:01.600 And so those are two major lessons I got from him.

00:30:03.800 One, if you have the right personality and work ethic, everything else you can learn.

00:30:08.060 And the number two would be the power of being fully committed and bought in.

00:30:12.260 Such a powerful, you know, way to show up as employee.

00:30:15.840 So thanks, Chris.

00:30:17.500 Yeah, that's cool.

00:30:17.900 I don't even know if he, he doesn't listen.

00:30:19.560 He's too cool.

00:30:20.300 He should, he should, he should.

00:30:22.220 Uh, if he isn't, then he's not that great a boss.

00:30:25.820 Like, I don't, yeah, you know what?

00:30:27.240 Come on now.

00:30:28.140 F him.

00:30:30.300 So there's a couple of, there's, there's one major distinct, uh, crossover between Chris

00:30:36.260 and Stacy that, that I'm just hearing on this.

00:30:39.120 And that is that they required you to, to do the work.

00:30:44.260 Yeah.

00:30:44.700 You know, like Chris would have never invited you to go over with him.

00:30:49.640 And he never would have asked you what you need to make in order to go all in.

00:30:53.360 If he didn't have full faith in what you did.

00:30:55.440 And that only came from the experience that he had with you.

00:30:58.200 That didn't come from him.

00:30:59.740 That came from the work that you put forth over that timeframe.

00:31:02.680 Stacy, when I interviewed with her years earlier, she didn't hire me because I wasn't where I

00:31:08.120 needed to be.

00:31:08.740 And she ended up hiring me a couple years later and she realized, okay, now I see that this

00:31:15.240 person could actually be a good attribute.

00:31:18.300 So leadership isn't about making the path easier, giving people opportunities if they

00:31:22.640 don't deserve them.

00:31:24.100 And Chris and Stacy's example, both of those leaders required us to become something that

00:31:33.220 could be an asset to the organization before they decided to bring us on board.

00:31:37.620 Something to consider.

00:31:39.400 Yeah.

00:31:39.640 It goes back to what we were talking about earlier, right?

00:31:42.040 The opportunities will present themselves often to those that are willing just to do the work,

00:31:47.200 you know?

00:31:47.620 Exactly.

00:31:47.900 And I think we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.

00:31:50.080 I was thinking how many opportunities are in our laps right now?

00:31:56.080 Well, first off, we always think like, oh, I need a break, right?

00:31:59.440 I need a new job or a different boss or opportunity or whatever.

00:32:03.520 When in reality, we have opportunities sitting in our laps right now.

00:32:06.940 And all that's required is forced to work.

00:32:11.560 Just excel at what's available to you right now and opportunities will just present themselves,

00:32:19.340 I think.

00:32:19.700 Well, so when I started in my financial planning career, so this would have been 2007-ish,

00:32:28.220 somewhere right in there.

00:32:30.080 I started to produce pretty well because not that I have some sort of talent or ability

00:32:36.620 that anybody else doesn't possess, but I'm just willing to put my nose to the grindstone

00:32:40.800 and get after it.

00:32:42.580 Yeah.

00:32:42.840 And one of the exercises that we did is we had to make a list of, you know, 200 people

00:32:47.440 that we knew or relatives that we could meet with.

00:32:50.760 You know, that's kind of the, kind of the way you cut your teeth.

00:32:53.080 That's where you get started.

00:32:54.080 Yeah.

00:32:54.840 Sell me, all your family.

00:32:55.940 It sucks.

00:32:56.360 You got to start somewhere though.

00:32:57.660 So that's what we really did.

00:32:59.080 And I remember I had people be like, oh man, how are you producing so much?

00:33:02.560 I'm like, what are you talking about?

00:33:03.920 Like all I'm doing is calling people and sitting down with them and having appointments.

00:33:09.160 And I started changing my level of success as defined by the, what I was producing and

00:33:17.660 started to define my success by the actions I was taking.

00:33:21.360 So how many phone calls I was making, how many referrals I was asking for, how many applications

00:33:27.640 I was submitting.

00:33:28.900 Now, like the rest of the stuff, I just let that fall where it did.

00:33:32.740 And I always out-produced other people.

00:33:37.060 Yeah.

00:33:37.320 It was just, for me, I wrapped up my, I, my successful identity and action and then just

00:33:44.400 let the chips fall where they may.

00:33:45.560 If it works, it works.

00:33:46.280 If it doesn't, it doesn't.

00:33:47.560 And even if it works, I still got to wake up and do the same thing tomorrow.

00:33:51.740 If it doesn't work, I still got to wake up and do the same thing tomorrow.

00:33:55.280 So that was an early lesson I learned that I think really transformed.

00:33:59.440 Same thing with a podcast, right?

00:34:01.380 And you're talking with this person on that.

00:34:02.760 How'd you do that?

00:34:03.900 What are you talking about?

00:34:05.200 I've been doing this for seven years.

00:34:07.220 I've got 880 something podcasts recorded.

00:34:10.940 How could I not be a success at this point?

00:34:13.900 You know, it's like, I'd have to really try to like, to fail at podcasting, to do 880 plus

00:34:22.760 podcast and not have a pretty decent podcast, right?

00:34:28.140 Yeah.

00:34:28.600 Comes out of the reps.

00:34:30.040 Yeah.

00:34:30.940 That's all it is.

00:34:31.740 Reps.

00:34:32.200 And not just reps, because you can do poor reps, but reps and then evaluate.

00:34:37.600 It's the same thing with jujitsu.

00:34:39.020 You know, like I could try to throw a triangle on somebody and it never works and be like,

00:34:44.540 well, I guess triangles aren't for me.

00:34:45.840 Or I can say, Hey, you know, you are good at this.

00:34:49.200 Like, what am I missing?

00:34:50.260 And a person says, Oh, you just got to tweak.

00:34:52.180 You got to, you got to shift this way.

00:34:55.240 And it's that like little 10% difference.

00:34:57.700 You're like, all of a sudden you're hitting triangles.

00:34:59.560 You're like, Oh man, that's easy.

00:35:02.580 You know?

00:35:03.080 So it's not just about the reps.

00:35:04.560 It's about doing the right reps and then evaluating your performance.

00:35:08.460 And even pot, you should also evaluate positive performance.

00:35:11.240 Because a lot of times people will evaluate negative performance and that's good.

00:35:15.020 You should do that.

00:35:15.580 And so they'll look at it and be like, well, I didn't hit it.

00:35:17.060 So what should I do?

00:35:18.020 And then they make their adjustments and that's healthy.

00:35:20.560 But I don't think enough people evaluate positive performance.

00:35:23.880 So let's say you have a work meeting or a client meeting, or you're at jujitsu

00:35:28.980 and things are just firing on all cylinders.

00:35:33.480 I've had that with jujitsu.

00:35:34.880 I'm like, man, I felt good tonight.

00:35:36.480 I'm hitting submissions.

00:35:37.920 I'm escaping.

00:35:38.980 I'm not putting myself in shitty situations.

00:35:41.660 I'm not burned out.

00:35:42.800 I'm not gassed.

00:35:43.820 I never got caught.

00:35:45.520 And I could just be satisfied.

00:35:47.140 Most people would.

00:35:48.120 Or on the drive home, I'm like, why?

00:35:51.140 Oh, well, you know, here's what I ate this morning.

00:35:54.980 Here's how I hydrated.

00:35:56.780 When I woke up, I actually stretched my body.

00:35:59.460 I got myself warmed up.

00:36:01.060 I was in the right mental state of mind.

00:36:05.220 There's a lot that goes beyond just doing something good.

00:36:09.900 But figure it out so you can replicate it and then come to class tomorrow.

00:36:14.080 Now, I've yet to put two consecutive solid classes together, but I'm sure at some point

00:36:20.040 that will happen.

00:36:20.700 Maybe not.

00:36:22.000 But you've got to evaluate what works too, not just what doesn't work.

00:36:26.960 Yeah.

00:36:27.080 Which is in our AAR, right?

00:36:29.380 It's asking both of those questions, right?

00:36:31.360 What went well and what did not go so well, right?

00:36:33.720 And then what actions to take.

00:36:35.420 I like that.

00:36:36.340 And I remember years ago, I think it's before I joined the Iron Council, because I even may

00:36:43.020 have made a post in the Order of Man Facebook group.

00:36:45.400 But I remember transformation body-wise.

00:36:51.660 I'm like, dude, I'm killing it.

00:36:54.360 I feel great.

00:36:55.520 I'm looking way better.

00:36:56.660 I'm having this huge increase in gains.

00:37:00.100 Problem is I changed so many damn things.

00:37:02.500 At the same time, I had no idea what the difference was.

00:37:06.320 But I did the same thing.

00:37:07.280 I was like, okay, what is this?

00:37:09.100 Because I want to hold on to this.

00:37:11.340 And what it ended up being, I think anyway, was sleep.

00:37:14.060 I was getting eight to nine hours of sleep.

00:37:17.240 And I was having way more success in the gym than I've ever had.

00:37:21.400 And it was really just because I was getting proper rest.

00:37:23.840 And I normally have never done that before in my entire life.

00:37:27.460 You know, that was the major difference.

00:37:29.620 So it could have been the steroids as well, but I'm sure it was asleep for sure.

00:37:34.340 Well, but imagine if you didn't think about that, you know, because that's something

00:37:40.380 probably with regards to fitness that a lot of people don't necessarily think about.

00:37:44.980 Although everybody knows that rest and recovery is crucial, but a lot of people probably don't.

00:37:50.440 So if you didn't think about that, you could have changed your diet.

00:37:53.720 You could have changed the way that you trained.

00:37:57.040 You could have tweaked up your training schedule or what lifts you're actually doing.

00:38:02.100 And you could have completely neglected sleep and be like, well, I'm busy.

00:38:06.600 I got my family and I got kids and I got work.

00:38:09.000 So like I can, you know, I'll get six hours today.

00:38:11.020 That's fine.

00:38:11.600 I can do six hours.

00:38:13.000 And you would have so easily let that go.

00:38:15.500 And it would have hampered your results rather than being very deliberate and intentional

00:38:19.220 about your review and figuring out where those results were coming from.

00:38:23.800 Totally.

00:38:24.440 Totally.

00:38:26.120 Darrell Hahn, last question in the Iron Council.

00:38:29.080 As someone who just turned 45 years old, never married, no kids, how do I keep the faith

00:38:35.640 that I will find the woman I want to be with?

00:38:42.860 This one's interesting because I found that when men are talking about finding the right woman,

00:38:52.240 it's a lot like them being on the beach and picking up a handful of sand and then squeezing

00:38:58.320 onto it so tight.

00:38:59.820 And what happens when you do that?

00:39:01.320 All the little pebbles and all the little granulars from sand just squeeze outside of the cracks

00:39:05.800 in your hand.

00:39:07.280 And then before you know it, you open your hand and there's nothing left.

00:39:11.720 And that's what we do as men when it comes to finding women.

00:39:15.520 Oh, I just need to find a woman.

00:39:16.800 Where should I go?

00:39:17.300 What should I do?

00:39:17.820 How should I be?

00:39:18.420 How should I?

00:39:19.280 It's like, well, hold on.

00:39:20.300 You're holding on way too tight and you're just letting everything slip through your fingers.

00:39:26.440 Instead, maybe don't hold on quite so tight.

00:39:29.880 And instead, what I would suggest is that you focus more on yourself than finding this perfect,

00:39:35.960 magical woman that you've visualized and dreamed about for the last 2, 3, 5, 10 years of your life.

00:39:43.060 And at least in my experience, personally, and with thousands of men that we've worked with,

00:39:48.820 the more that you work on yourself, and I'm not suggesting you become selfish.

00:39:53.840 That's not what I'm saying.

00:39:55.020 But the more that you get your finances in order, the more you read good books,

00:39:58.800 consume good podcasts, the more that you develop skill sets that are marketable,

00:40:02.880 that help you become more proficient with your work and finances,

00:40:05.820 the better shape that you get in.

00:40:07.320 All of a sudden, this miraculous thing happens.

00:40:11.120 Women, powerful, beautiful, strong, independent, but also lovely women come out of the woodworks

00:40:19.360 and they find you attractive.

00:40:22.100 It's like you become a magnet to these women as opposed to going out and trying to track them

00:40:28.240 and find them.

00:40:29.260 That's not to say that you shouldn't put yourself in the environment

00:40:32.120 because a magnet only works within a certain range.

00:40:34.880 Like it doesn't matter how powerful the magnet is.

00:40:38.940 If I'm 200 miles away, it's probably not going to work.

00:40:42.440 So you do need to put yourself in proximity to the type of the women that you want to be around.

00:40:47.080 But it's not just about proximity.

00:40:49.700 It's also about power.

00:40:52.060 What signals and what cues are you giving off?

00:40:56.180 When you are in proximity to these type of the women,

00:40:58.880 do they even recognize or acknowledge you because of the power that you possess?

00:41:03.260 If you just have power, but you're not proximity, that's a problem too.

00:41:07.720 Because you can be powerful to a lot of wrong kind of women.

00:41:11.100 If you have a lot of self-confidence and you're sure of yourself and you go into the neighborhood bar,

00:41:17.460 yeah, women might be attracted to you because you're the best catch in the bar,

00:41:20.560 but is that the kind of woman you want?

00:41:21.960 So power and proximity are very, very crucial in this formula.

00:41:27.020 You have to have that power and that derives from confidence,

00:41:30.300 which is derived from keeping commitments to yourself

00:41:32.980 and then proximity to the type of women you want to be around.

00:41:35.860 Yeah, I can't help but, and I'm not saying this brother's doing it, right?

00:41:41.660 But I can't help but how unattractive that can be for a woman

00:41:47.740 when there's too much weight about being in a quote-unquote relationship

00:41:53.000 or whether she's the one or not, right?

00:41:55.600 And how you need to be independently satisfied and know what you're about

00:42:03.040 and what you're getting after and not like, I need this, right?

00:42:06.120 The minute it's like a need thing, oh man, that's just going to push the right woman away.

00:42:13.700 Look, and I'm trying, because I want to serve our guys in the Iron Council.

00:42:18.040 And so some of the things I say are not going to automatically be, you know,

00:42:20.780 the most accepted things or comfortable things.

00:42:23.900 But the fact that you're asking that question

00:42:26.980 starts to lend more towards desperation rather than attraction.

00:42:33.780 Think about that.

00:42:34.840 How do I find women?

00:42:37.760 Powerful, confident men don't ask that question.

00:42:41.440 Like they don't.

00:42:42.660 But I've never asked that question.

00:42:44.680 How do I find women?

00:42:47.220 And again, I'm not judging based on that.

00:42:49.660 I'm saying that the fact that you're asking the question

00:42:52.620 means you need to do more work on yourself.

00:42:56.780 And then that will happen because powerful, bold, courageous, confident men

00:43:01.880 don't ask those type of questions.

00:43:04.740 Just like somebody who's fit doesn't ask,

00:43:08.280 how do I get strong?

00:43:10.000 The only people who ask that question are weak people.

00:43:15.600 And I'm not saying that you shouldn't be there because we've all been there at some point,

00:43:18.860 but you also know the answer.

00:43:21.280 Like somebody who's not strong knows the answer.

00:43:23.940 Oh, I got to go to the gym and work out.

00:43:25.980 Right.

00:43:26.900 You already know the answer.

00:43:28.540 And you know the answer to this question.

00:43:30.540 You have to make yourself into something more

00:43:33.180 and you have to put yourself in proximity to the kind of women

00:43:36.560 that you want to be around.

00:43:38.480 And then through those two actions, a lot of this stuff will get taken care of.

00:43:41.880 But even the question itself lends to a bit of desperation,

00:43:44.980 which is it's hard.

00:43:47.300 It's a weird dichotomy because I hear myself saying that.

00:43:50.840 And then I also hear myself saying,

00:43:52.860 well, what's a guy to do if he's not to that point?

00:43:55.780 Do I not ask the question?

00:43:57.480 No, you ask the question.

00:43:58.820 But more importantly, you work towards the answer.

00:44:01.740 That's what you do.

00:44:03.660 Yeah.

00:44:04.300 I like it.

00:44:06.000 Aaron Grosch.

00:44:08.860 Sorry, Aaron.

00:44:09.820 How do you stay hungry, but also celebrate what you've been blessed with?

00:44:13.940 I struggle to celebrate the good that is because I'm pursuing the better that could be.

00:44:18.780 That translates into my home life, even with my oldest kid too.

00:44:23.200 And I'm wondering on it, but I'm open to any thoughts that you have on this issue.

00:44:27.840 And this is a question we do a lot, but also celebrate.

00:44:35.120 I just, I don't know.

00:44:36.380 I don't totally understand.

00:44:37.520 I've never dealt with this.

00:44:39.040 Like I'm very appreciative of what I have.

00:44:41.440 I, I'm grateful for technology that we have.

00:44:44.940 I'm grateful for the relationship I have with my wife and kids and the opportunities that we have to live here in Maine and do the things that we want to do.

00:44:52.280 And the home that we live in and the friends that we have, I don't ever see how that comes at odds with me wanting to improve my situation.

00:44:58.740 Let's take it in a very easy to understand context.

00:45:03.200 Technology.

00:45:03.980 I'm very appreciative of the technology that we have.

00:45:07.200 Kip, you and I wouldn't have this podcast without this, this technology.

00:45:11.260 You live in Utah, I'm here in Maine, we're quite literally across the country from each other.

00:45:15.360 And yet here we are talking like we're in neighboring rooms, right?

00:45:19.180 And, and the fact that we can put this into a podcast platform and people can listen on their time on probably four dozen different players that are available.

00:45:29.560 Like, and, and the kid, like, it's amazing, but why would that be at odds with me saying, Hey, Kip, you know, I really think we ought to improve our audio quality.

00:45:37.600 So let's look at these new microphones and invest in that.

00:45:40.380 Or the thing that you might be noticing now is I have a new camera and you were kind enough to point out that doesn't make me look any better.

00:45:48.020 In fact, if anything, it just highlights more of my flaws is if anything, that's what it does.

00:45:53.580 You might want a more granular, yeah, like a more grainy camera to look better.

00:45:59.560 But why does, why does me being grateful for technology automatically mean that I can't get a new camera to try to improve the quality of our conversation?

00:46:10.300 It doesn't mean that at all.

00:46:12.480 Do you think we just assume that those are at odds and that they're just separate things that you can be grateful or not grateful and you could be improving and not improving, but they're not at odds with each other?

00:46:24.340 They're not.

00:46:25.040 I mean, think about how silly, and I know I'm using an example that may not apply to this situation,

00:46:29.000 but think about how silly it would be for me to think or act as if going out and buying a new camera would be like cheating on my previous camera because I should be grateful for what I had before.

00:46:39.960 Like, it sounds stupid.

00:46:41.880 Yeah.

00:46:42.840 Right?

00:46:43.200 And that's the point that I'm making is that I can be extremely grateful.

00:46:47.760 I can express gratitude.

00:46:49.800 I can think about it through the day.

00:46:51.720 I am, every day, I'm so thankful for technology.

00:46:55.080 Every day, I listen to my kids.

00:46:56.860 I can hear them right now or my wife.

00:46:58.440 And I'm so grateful that they're downstairs and that I'm up here working so they can be at home and my wife can homeschool the kids.

00:47:06.200 But are you telling me that because I'm grateful for that, that I shouldn't look at new curriculums for my kids as they may have some thing that needs to be addressed?

00:47:15.880 That sounds silly.

00:47:17.080 Like, of course, I'm going to look at better ways to do it.

00:47:19.340 And that's the same thing here is that you should be grateful, you should express gratitude, and also, you're not cheating on the thing that you say you like just because you're trying to enhance or improve your current capabilities.

00:47:33.080 In fact, if anything, you're honoring it.

00:47:35.900 Yeah.

00:47:36.740 Right?

00:47:37.040 Like, if I'm grateful for my audience, let's take it in this context.

00:47:40.200 If I'm grateful for the audience of the Order of Man audience and the men who listen, then it's my requirement, my obligation to go out and buy better equipment and to improve my skill set so that I can honor you.

00:47:56.380 If I'm grateful for something, what do you do?

00:47:58.960 You honor it.

00:48:00.260 Right?

00:48:00.420 If you go out and you buy a brand new truck, it costs you 50 grand, you buy the Ford or the GMC or the Dodge or whatever, and we can talk about which is best later down the road, Chevy, by the way.

00:48:11.160 But let's say you go out and you buy a brand new Chevy and it costs you 60, 70, 80 grand.

00:48:19.600 I'm pretty certain you're going to take care of it.

00:48:23.320 Like the kids aren't going to be eating the McDonald's French fries in there and you're going to wash the thing each and every week and you're going to vacuum it out and your dog's not going to get in there and scratch the brand new leather seats.

00:48:34.320 So, the fact that you appreciate it, you honor it.

00:48:36.600 And so, what do you do?

00:48:37.240 You're like, hey, you know, I'd like to lift this thing.

00:48:39.780 And so, you put a lift on it and you're like, you know, I'd like some different wheels.

00:48:42.480 And so, you put some different wheels on it.

00:48:44.180 I'd like to upgrade the sound system.

00:48:45.680 And so, you upgrade the sound system because you appreciate it.

00:48:48.800 You like it.

00:48:49.560 You're grateful for it and you honor it by improving it.

00:48:53.320 That's just an analogy, obviously, for everything else.

00:48:55.920 But same thing with your relationship.

00:48:57.980 If you're grateful for your wife, what do you do?

00:49:00.520 Do you just say, hey, yeah, wife, like go make me a sandwich.

00:49:03.460 Like, what the hell?

00:49:04.460 Like, no.

00:49:05.620 Hey, you look nice today.

00:49:07.860 Would you like to go on a date this week?

00:49:09.620 And maybe you get home and you're feeling a little frisky and you decide to grab her and assert yourself and go be intimate with her because you're grateful for it.

00:49:17.420 And you improve it and you make it better.

00:49:19.880 That's what we do for the things that we're grateful for.

00:49:22.640 Yeah.

00:49:23.900 It's interesting why we assume that they're at odds, though.

00:49:27.200 They're not at all.

00:49:27.980 Is it just an excuse?

00:49:28.980 Is it an excuse that like, you know, I'm always hard charging and I just assume that I'm not grateful because I'm always hard?

00:49:38.080 Is it just an excuse, right?

00:49:39.720 That we just by default assume?

00:49:42.160 Kip, you and I have had this conversation before.

00:49:44.540 You know, I know Asia does.

00:49:45.700 And my wife does, too, is, you know, she'll be excited about something I accomplish and both of us will say, well, yeah, no, that was good.

00:49:53.320 Now I'm ready for something else.

00:49:54.500 And the ladies in our lives are like, well, can't you just be excited for a minute?

00:49:58.820 Yeah.

00:49:59.180 Yeah.

00:49:59.260 And so I think it's more of maybe it's.

00:50:03.140 I don't think that's fair.

00:50:04.220 I was going to say maybe it's more of a feminine thing.

00:50:06.020 I don't think that's fair.

00:50:07.180 It's probably not.

00:50:08.060 I just think it's.

00:50:09.820 But that doesn't mean that we're not grateful in that example.

00:50:12.760 We're just we've moved on already.

00:50:15.340 Like, we're like, oh, yeah, you know, it's good.

00:50:18.160 Well, so so the book, I've got a new book coming out in the fall.

00:50:22.620 And and my wife was when I wrote the first book, she was like, are you so excited?

00:50:26.960 I'm like, yeah, I'm really glad that I got it done and that I put it out there and people resonate with it.

00:50:31.800 And she's like, what do you want to do?

00:50:32.820 I'm like, write another one.

00:50:35.660 Because now I'm like, oh, I got it.

00:50:37.660 I know how to write a book.

00:50:38.640 And now I want to make the next one better.

00:50:40.120 And this book, I've already she's like, are you so excited?

00:50:42.640 I'm like, yeah, I'm excited.

00:50:43.980 She's like, what are you going to do now?

00:50:44.980 I'm like, right.

00:50:45.620 And I've already got plans for another one.

00:50:48.580 And she's like, well, yeah, but you hated the process.

00:50:50.480 I'm like, yeah, but I want to make it better and prove that I can.

00:50:52.640 Like, I'm grateful that I can put this work out.

00:50:56.260 And there's this this awesome ability to do to do it.

00:50:59.760 And the bar for for for putting a book out on the world is has never been lower.

00:51:04.680 And so I want to honor it by writing another one.

00:51:07.140 That's even better.

00:51:08.200 You know?

00:51:09.160 Yeah.

00:51:09.800 You know, to complete this thought, I couldn't help but think about.

00:51:13.560 People that aren't grateful.

00:51:16.180 And a lot of those people are also not achieving anything in life.

00:51:21.380 Of course.

00:51:23.120 Of course.

00:51:23.780 They're just sitting around bitching and moaning about how everything's not ideal.

00:51:27.800 So that's a permanent example of how these things are not at odds with each other.

00:51:32.580 You can sit on your ass and virtually not do anything with your life and be ungrateful.

00:51:38.720 And most people do.

00:51:40.400 So just because you're getting after it doesn't necessarily mean that, you know, it's going to prevent you from being grateful for things.

00:51:46.800 Look, I, I, the bow I would put on this conversation is honor what you're grateful for by improving it.

00:51:54.380 So if you're grateful for your kids and you should be, then you should honor them by coaching their little league teams.

00:51:59.860 You should honor them by taking the afternoon off and doing something like pulling them out of school and, you know, playing hooky and going to take them to do go-kart racing at the local place, whatever, right?

00:52:11.240 If you are grateful for your wife, then go honor her by taking her on a date or just bring a bouquet of flowers home and just say, Hey, I just want you to know I love you.

00:52:21.440 And I appreciate you and you're important to me and here, here's some flowers to show you.

00:52:26.500 If you're grateful for the technology that you're using, then upgrade your technology so that you can do it the service that it deserves.

00:52:34.440 If you're grateful for your clients that you have, then honor them by serving them better than anybody else could, which means you're going to need to invest in yourself and technology and tools that are going to make you more capable of fixing their car better or building a better website for them or putting together better for

00:52:51.440 photography or whatever it is you're doing for them. We honor what we're grateful for by continuing to improve, by continuing to get better. We do a disservice by being complacent.

00:53:03.540 Yeah, I like it. Gary Tate, when you fall off the wagon of exercise and diet, how do you find the discipline to get back on track?

00:53:13.340 You just do it.

00:53:19.840 That's a Jocko answer.

00:53:22.000 I know.

00:53:22.800 What more do you say?

00:53:24.900 I don't even know what you say, like other than just start doing.

00:53:29.080 Well, maybe accept that fact that you don't want to and that's okay.

00:53:33.240 I mean, is that where we get hung up that we feel like you should want to do it and thus we don't?

00:53:39.340 Don't versus like, no, that's not how it works.

00:53:42.080 It's like sometimes you do it because you should, not because you want to.

00:53:47.360 Well, look, here's another way of looking at this.

00:53:49.300 If you wanted to do it, would it require discipline?

00:53:53.200 No.

00:53:54.760 Like when I eat chips and salsa at night, like I'm not being disciplined to eat chips and salsa.

00:53:59.600 I'm like, no, I want to because they taste delicious.

00:54:01.840 Like I don't need to be disciplined about it.

00:54:04.820 So just the fact that you're asking about discipline means that you're fighting against something.

00:54:09.780 And that's why it's called discipline.

00:54:11.820 If you weren't fighting against it, it would be called indulgence.

00:54:15.740 Yeah.

00:54:17.540 That's it.

00:54:18.820 Right.

00:54:19.320 So it's going to be to your point.

00:54:20.980 It's going to be hard.

00:54:23.360 Okay.

00:54:23.900 Well, deal with it.

00:54:24.860 I would also say there's the mindset of, um, not allowing things to compound.

00:54:30.320 Like when you miss a workout, what I think a lot of guys will do is they'll say, well,

00:54:34.460 you know, like the day is ruined.

00:54:36.920 Guess I'll just start tomorrow.

00:54:38.940 And then they wake up and maybe they exactly right.

00:54:41.860 Or I'll wait till the new year, you know?

00:54:43.840 So I would say your mindset needs to be one of, Hey, I'm not going to let mistakes compound.

00:54:49.800 Like I'm going to acknowledge that I'm going to make mistakes.

00:54:52.360 And my mindset is that when I mess up, I'm either going to make up for it.

00:54:57.000 So let's say you may, you missed a workout this morning.

00:55:00.940 You still have 23 more hours, but you could still do it, you know?

00:55:06.280 So maybe you ought to just find a time at lunch and well, but then I'm not going to eat,

00:55:11.200 be able to eat lunch.

00:55:12.480 Right.

00:55:13.360 That's the discipline component of it.

00:55:15.500 You got to sacrifice to be able to get back on track.

00:55:18.380 But I would just say, be careful of letting things compound and slipping to the mindset

00:55:22.760 of like, Hey, you know, the day's ruined.

00:55:24.620 I didn't wake up at 6am and work out.

00:55:26.800 So I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

00:55:28.180 No, I'm like, do it now.

00:55:30.180 And then this goes to your point earlier about the consequences of our decisions.

00:55:34.420 Then tomorrow when you're tired, because you stayed up late, because you had to do an exercise,

00:55:39.080 you're like, okay, maybe I should make better choices tomorrow.

00:55:42.000 Right.

00:55:42.140 Yeah, exactly.

00:55:43.660 It should be painful.

00:55:45.740 I remember you interviewed Aubrey, Aubrey Marcus back in the day when he, when he released

00:55:50.900 his book, um, on the day, on the day, on your life.

00:55:54.680 Yeah.

00:55:55.160 And I, I really appreciated that in the sense of just, you know, you missed your workout

00:55:59.960 or you don't feel about it.

00:56:01.860 Like you don't feel like it, or you don't have the discipline, right?

00:56:04.420 Just win the day.

00:56:06.360 That's it.

00:56:07.720 How do you win right now?

00:56:09.200 Right.

00:56:09.580 If you haven't been winning and it's already 10 AM in the morning, how do you flip the

00:56:14.280 switch, flip the script and win in the rest of the day that you have?

00:56:19.580 Well, I would just say not even win the day, win the moment.

00:56:22.200 Yeah, that's true.

00:56:23.100 Even better.

00:56:23.760 Yeah.

00:56:24.300 There's times where, you know, I haven't done a workout or I woke up late and it's, and

00:56:29.660 it's late.

00:56:30.480 And maybe my wife and I and the kids are watching America's funniest videos.

00:56:34.100 Cause that's something we do.

00:56:35.640 And I'm like, man, I start feeling guilty.

00:56:37.380 I'm like, Oh, I didn't work out today.

00:56:38.840 And I'm like, well, I guess let us start tomorrow or better yet after every video, do

00:56:43.820 10 pushups.

00:56:45.240 Yeah.

00:56:45.680 After every commercial break, do 20 sit-ups, uh, do 30 air squats.

00:56:51.720 And before you know it, if you're sitting there with your family, enjoying time with

00:56:56.220 them, you've done a hundred air squats.

00:57:00.140 You've done 50 pushups, you know, you've done 75 sit-ups, whatever.

00:57:06.040 Right.

00:57:07.000 Yeah.

00:57:07.460 So you still got some movement in, you still burn some energy, you burn some calories, you

00:57:11.100 got stronger.

00:57:11.840 And also your kids saw you doing this and they're going to be motivated to some degree

00:57:18.000 about it.

00:57:19.300 When the moment, like, what are you doing right now?

00:57:21.660 Maybe you should turn this podcast off and put it away for a minute or a day, or maybe

00:57:27.360 you just don't ever come back to it all.

00:57:29.240 And actually what you should be doing right now is what you know you should be doing.

00:57:32.200 And you just win this moment.

00:57:33.280 And then the next moment you win the next moment you win and so on and so forth.

00:57:36.220 You start stacking wins together like that, man, you become unstoppable.

00:57:40.480 Yeah.

00:57:41.800 Joe Marino, what is your take on the 13th?

00:57:45.020 I've never heard of this before, by the way.

00:57:46.760 What is your take on the 13th payment of the year for the mortgage?

00:57:49.780 Do either of you do it?

00:57:51.280 Are you aware or in favor of any other methods to eat away at the principle of a mortgage?

00:57:56.100 I refinanced a year ago, so I have 29 years left.

00:57:59.980 $30 a week is all it would take to round to a 13th payment.

00:58:03.620 I never hear anybody speak in favor of doing a 13th payment.

00:58:07.140 I would love to hear your take on this.

00:58:09.220 Thank you.

00:58:10.500 So what he's referring to is if you pay your mortgage on a monthly basis, how many payments

00:58:15.080 would you make?

00:58:16.440 12.

00:58:17.620 Yeah.

00:58:17.800 If you pay your mortgage every two weeks, half of it every two weeks, you're going to

00:58:25.400 have a 13th payment because there's those 52 weeks, right?

00:58:30.760 So that's how you do it because there's a couple of weeks or a couple of months that have five

00:58:34.720 weeks in the month.

00:58:37.480 So that's how you make that 13th payment.

00:58:40.040 Yeah.

00:58:40.800 And just focus on putting that all towards interest just to, or not principle.

00:58:46.000 Principle.

00:58:46.440 It would go directly towards principle.

00:58:47.900 Right.

00:58:48.320 A hundred percent of it would go towards principle, which is the power of it.

00:58:51.580 So, yeah, I mean, you can call it the 13th payment, or you can just say you're paying

00:58:55.260 extra on your mortgage, which is really just what you're doing.

00:58:58.000 It's kind of like intermittent fasting, which is really just, I'm not going to eat breakfast,

00:59:01.120 you know, but we, we, we get about marketing behind it.

00:59:04.960 What's that?

00:59:05.660 Yeah.

00:59:06.380 But I'll eat all later.

00:59:07.640 Yeah.

00:59:07.960 I'll eat breakfast later in the day.

00:59:09.560 Yeah.

00:59:10.140 Well, I mean, the point that I'm making is that we get behind marketing and we come up

00:59:14.780 with these clever little things and it's like, no, it's not intermittent fasting.

00:59:18.100 You're just skipping breakfast.

00:59:19.640 It's not a 13th payment.

00:59:21.040 You're just, you're saying, I've never heard anybody talk about it.

00:59:23.760 Really?

00:59:24.340 Everybody talks about putting extra towards your mortgage.

00:59:27.140 Everybody talks about that.

00:59:29.180 So there's now to your point, it's a good question.

00:59:32.580 Yeah.

00:59:32.800 Yeah.

00:59:33.560 There's pros and cons.

00:59:34.640 All right.

00:59:34.920 If you put extra money towards your principal and if I wouldn't wait till the end of the

00:59:39.340 year, if you're going to do it, you do it every month or do it every two weeks, how often

00:59:43.020 you pay, because the sooner you pay down that principal, the less interest you're going

00:59:48.160 to pay.

00:59:49.340 It's, it's like taxes.

00:59:50.660 You know, people get a $5,000 tax return about this time of year.

00:59:53.560 And they're like, cool.

00:59:54.360 I got money back.

00:59:55.200 I'm like, no, you didn't.

00:59:56.180 You lent money to the government as 0% interest.

00:59:59.680 Like that's actually what you did.

01:00:02.300 So like, call it what it is.

01:00:03.900 If you're going to make the quote unquote 13th payment, do it every two weeks because

01:00:08.460 you're going to pay less interest by doing that.

01:00:10.680 Now, this is my financial planning background speaking here.

01:00:13.940 There's, there's, there's pros and cons.

01:00:16.340 The benefit of doing it is that you're going to pay less interest over time.

01:00:20.260 You know, and that's good.

01:00:22.700 The downside is let's just for the sake of argument, say that your mortgage payments, a thousand

01:00:29.380 dollars a month, again, sake of argument.

01:00:33.260 So you're going to pay $12,000 for the year.

01:00:35.780 That's what's required, right?

01:00:37.480 But what you're saying is I'm going to pay $13,000.

01:00:39.980 So let's say you pay $13,000.

01:00:42.040 Again, I'm just using simple math here.

01:00:44.120 It's a bit arbitrary, but you're going to get the point.

01:00:46.680 So you pay $13,000, a thousand extra every single year.

01:00:49.680 And you do that for five years.

01:00:51.000 So you've paid $5,000 extra above and beyond what the mortgage company required.

01:00:55.660 And let's say in year five, you get hurt and, or the transmission on the car goes out or

01:01:04.280 little Timmy breaks his leg.

01:01:06.580 And now you need $5,000 to replace the transmission or to pay your deductible for your mortgage or

01:01:13.740 to cover your expenses for two months while you find new employment.

01:01:18.440 Imagine calling up the mortgage company and saying, Hey, you know, I've been paying a thousand

01:01:22.540 dollars extra year every year for the past five years.

01:01:24.920 And I don't have a job right now.

01:01:27.780 Can you give me that $5,000?

01:01:30.900 Of course that's not going to happen, right?

01:01:34.260 So the problem with the downside of doing it is you're throwing money into the mortgage

01:01:39.000 that you're never going to give back.

01:01:42.220 So this is actually where I like.

01:01:44.200 So Dave Ramsey was on the podcast a month or month and a half or so ago.

01:01:47.680 And I agree with a lot of what he says.

01:01:49.840 If he's talking to his audience, sometimes people, and I used to do this.

01:01:53.460 I used to assume he was talking to other people when he wasn't.

01:01:56.960 I'm like, that's bad advice for that person.

01:01:58.460 He would say, yeah, that is bad advice for that person.

01:02:00.940 But in this context, it's good advice to pay down the mortgage.

01:02:04.920 If you have everything else taken care of, like think about where that is in the baby steps.

01:02:10.240 Yeah.

01:02:10.440 If you have credit card interest that is substantially higher than the mortgage.

01:02:13.740 Right.

01:02:14.160 Then you got to take care of that.

01:02:15.380 If you don't have an emergency fund built up and you're destitute after missing one paycheck,

01:02:23.000 then probably you ought to build up the emergency fund.

01:02:26.180 So in the right circumstances, yeah, paying down your mortgage is great.

01:02:30.640 I personally, I don't.

01:02:34.040 I have five mortgages on various properties.

01:02:40.120 I don't pay them.

01:02:40.860 Somebody else is paying my mortgage payment for me on four of them.

01:02:45.080 I'm not paying extra money into that.

01:02:46.820 Plus you have appreciation.

01:02:48.440 Like I'm not going to pay those down.

01:02:50.260 I'd rather have that money and buy another property or invest or do something else with.

01:02:55.260 It's not to say it's a bad idea.

01:02:56.780 It just depends on your circumstances.

01:02:58.800 Ultimately is what I'm getting at.

01:03:00.620 Yeah, for sure.

01:03:02.940 Copy.

01:03:04.080 All right.

01:03:04.760 Let's take one or two more, Kip.

01:03:06.800 Okay.

01:03:07.160 Um, Matthew, Gordon, Moy, uh, Moser.

01:03:13.980 How do you do, uh, how do you do, uh, do, do, do, do, do finish.

01:03:18.140 Oh, my dear Lord.

01:03:19.520 I can't talk.

01:03:20.180 Goodness.

01:03:20.540 Kip.

01:03:21.220 Do you want me to bring Sean in to help you pronounce?

01:03:23.420 Yeah.

01:03:23.820 You know what?

01:03:25.720 Lifeline between someone being entitled to their opinion and thinking that the opinion is wrong.

01:03:33.600 I don't understand the question being entitled to their opinion and thinking that, that the

01:03:38.380 opinion is wrong.

01:03:39.820 I kind of get that.

01:03:40.780 I kind of get it just because I spent a lot of time on social media.

01:03:43.680 Um, so occasionally I'll say, uh, you know, I'll make, I'll make a post and somebody will

01:03:48.860 come back with an opinion that I don't, that I don't agree with.

01:03:53.300 Yeah.

01:03:53.700 And I'll say, well, no, I, I like, I, I don't agree with that because of X, Y, and Z.

01:03:58.460 Oh, okay.

01:03:58.920 Like, let me break it down in a simple, like, let me give an example.

01:04:01.400 Okay.

01:04:01.860 Let's say I, I make a post on social media and I, this is going to be oversimplified.

01:04:06.560 And I say, well, I really like the color blue.

01:04:09.120 Cause that's my background here.

01:04:11.000 And Kip, you say, well, Ryan, you're that's fine.

01:04:14.840 But red is the best color.

01:04:18.760 And then I come back and I say, Kip, red is not the best color.

01:04:22.240 I don't know what's wrong with you.

01:04:23.680 Blue is the best color.

01:04:26.120 Okay.

01:04:27.920 Simplified, right?

01:04:28.840 Oversimplified.

01:04:29.280 But a lot of people on social media would come back and say, well, Ryan, he's just stating his

01:04:33.720 opinion.

01:04:34.200 He has the right to do that.

01:04:36.300 Right.

01:04:37.260 But I'm not obligated to agree with it just because he has the right to do it.

01:04:41.480 Yeah.

01:04:41.580 Another example would be the American flag, right?

01:04:43.840 There's a big, there's not so much as, as much anymore, but a couple of years ago, you

01:04:48.220 know, people would kneel.

01:04:49.580 You have Kaepernick who would kneel.

01:04:51.200 And sometimes people desecrate the flag and they kneel or they make a protest or whatever.

01:04:56.880 And, and somebody, and then I'll come back and I'll say, Hey, that's inappropriate.

01:05:00.440 Like you should respect the flag.

01:05:02.520 You should stand up and put your hand over your heart and you should not desecrate the

01:05:06.880 flag.

01:05:07.420 And people come back and say, well, he has a right to do it.

01:05:10.500 Oh, okay.

01:05:13.860 Sure.

01:05:14.500 But just because he has the right to maybe do something like that, that's questionable

01:05:19.020 when it comes to the flag, but just because he has the right to do it doesn't mean I'm

01:05:22.780 obligated to agree with it.

01:05:25.200 That's where I think this question derives from a lot of social media conflict, but look

01:05:32.760 guys, some opinions are wrong.

01:05:35.740 Somebody said the other day, they said, well, he's just, it's just an opinion.

01:05:38.600 Um, how could you say that's wrong?

01:05:40.620 I said, people are wrong all the time about their opinions.

01:05:44.200 Like just cause it's an opinion doesn't mean it's, it's not factually inaccurate.

01:05:49.460 It certainly could be.

01:05:51.040 Yeah.

01:05:51.740 Yeah.

01:05:52.280 Right.

01:05:52.580 Like here, here's a great one in modern culture.

01:05:55.200 Well, uh, woman is just somebody who feels like a woman.

01:05:59.500 No, that might be your opinion, but that is factually and biologically inaccurate.

01:06:05.260 You can think that and say that till you're blue in the face.

01:06:09.640 It's wrong.

01:06:11.580 Period.

01:06:12.820 Factually it's wrong.

01:06:14.340 Now, does that mean I'm a transphobe?

01:06:16.780 That's what people will say.

01:06:18.380 Well, they're just trying to be who they really are.

01:06:21.140 Right.

01:06:21.640 I got that.

01:06:23.020 But you're just being a transphobe.

01:06:24.580 Transphobe.

01:06:25.260 That means I'm afraid of trans trans people.

01:06:29.260 Like, I'm not afraid.

01:06:31.160 I just think it's wrong.

01:06:33.440 So like the question was, what's the line?

01:06:37.500 I mean, we all know what it is, but people are going to use your opinion against you.

01:06:41.820 And they're going to, anytime you disagree with something that somebody's adamant about,

01:06:46.960 like the trans issues is a big one.

01:06:48.980 Yeah.

01:06:49.180 And a lot of these people.

01:06:50.260 They'll just latch on to, well, they can have their opinion.

01:06:52.360 Yeah.

01:06:52.740 And they can, and I'm not obligated to agree with it and it's not inherently correct or

01:06:58.920 accurate.

01:06:59.960 And, and so with regards to trans rights, for example, uh, there's a lot of emotional people.

01:07:08.220 And so they're going to use emotionally compelling arguments.

01:07:12.740 See that side of the equation has no problem with making you feel like a horrible human being

01:07:19.880 for believing what you believe.

01:07:21.800 And then on the other side of the aisle, which is the side of biological truth, the aisle

01:07:26.480 that I'm on, we tend to say, well, you know, like, I don't, I don't want them to feel bad.

01:07:33.280 They have no problem about you feeling bad about it.

01:07:35.700 And my goal isn't to make people feel bad.

01:07:38.600 It's just to communicate the biological and factual truth.

01:07:44.300 And if somebody's offended by that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was going to say, I'm sorry.

01:07:49.160 I'm not sorry.

01:07:49.860 I'm not sorry.

01:07:50.520 You're offended.

01:07:51.040 Yeah.

01:07:51.480 We shouldn't be apologizing.

01:07:53.500 Yeah.

01:07:54.460 Right.

01:07:55.200 So, so when the guy says, what's the, what's the line between somebody expressing their

01:08:00.160 opinion and what was the other thing being entitled to their opinion and thinking that

01:08:05.440 their opinion is wrong.

01:08:07.480 Yeah.

01:08:07.880 I said it before, you can have your opinion and you can still be wrong.

01:08:12.960 And in fact, many people are, I look, I've had, I've personally had opinions about things

01:08:17.780 and I was like, no, I'm wrong about that.

01:08:19.380 Like I've realized, or somebody has said, Hey Ryan, that's your opinion, but that's wrong.

01:08:23.840 And here's why.

01:08:24.860 Well, a great example was the Keystone pipeline.

01:08:27.320 I made a comment about the Keystone pipeline the other day.

01:08:29.920 And I just assumed like the Keystone pipeline was, was shut down by Biden.

01:08:35.520 So I'm like, okay.

01:08:36.420 Yeah.

01:08:36.660 So I said something about it and somebody's like, that was my opinion.

01:08:39.140 Like that was wrong.

01:08:40.100 It was wrong to shut down the Keystone pipeline was the opinion I made.

01:08:43.640 And, and somebody had said, well, actually like the Keystone pipeline is working.

01:08:48.400 It's the Keystone XL portion of the pipeline, which the way I understand it now is that we

01:08:55.780 were going to create a new portion of the pipeline.

01:09:00.180 That's going to ship some fuel from Canada down into the Southern part of the United States.

01:09:06.900 But the fuel is an inferior type of, of oil and it's dirty oil.

01:09:13.540 And it was designed, I'm reading up on this.

01:09:16.340 So don't quote me on this stuff.

01:09:17.620 Oh, like my opinion was wrong.

01:09:19.980 My opinion was we shouldn't have shut down the pipeline, but like, but the pipeline is

01:09:23.920 not shut down.

01:09:24.600 It's the Keystone XL portion of the pipeline that was shut down because Biden, uh,

01:09:30.180 closed off some of the permitting needed, uh, when he came into office, I didn't know that.

01:09:37.300 So I was, I was making an opinion based on faulty assumptions.

01:09:43.180 So then we have to upgrade our, our knowledge and then make different decisions.

01:09:48.180 Well, and, and let's be frank.

01:09:49.920 Like, I mean, of course it's funny because people even say that, right?

01:09:54.460 Well, that's your, of course it's my opinion, right?

01:09:56.860 Like how many things have anyone has ever said that you're like, oh, you did the research

01:10:03.580 and you were actually involved in that thing that you have, that you just stated.

01:10:07.460 No, half of us are constantly just regurgitating information that we've got from somewhere else.

01:10:15.360 And of course it's our opinion, right?

01:10:17.460 Like that's kind of a given, right?

01:10:19.540 To some extent.

01:10:20.460 Well, so it should be.

01:10:22.640 And so here's what people like people, when they make posts that are somewhat contra, like

01:10:26.480 an opinion that's somewhat controversial, they'll say, Hey, X, Y, and Z, this is what

01:10:31.560 I believe.

01:10:32.160 And in my opinion, and what they're doing is they're buffering, they're hedging.

01:10:38.960 So I don't have to be held accountable for what I said by throwing in my opinion at the

01:10:45.100 end.

01:10:45.680 It gives me a little bit of an out.

01:10:47.920 Yeah.

01:10:48.960 Right.

01:10:49.740 I don't do that.

01:10:50.780 I don't say, I'm, I'm, you're not going to hear me say, in my opinion, as a preface

01:10:54.360 to my thought, like you're, you listening are intelligent enough to distinguish opinion

01:11:00.520 and fact.

01:11:01.020 And if you're not, then you're a moron.

01:11:03.180 And I don't really need you listening to this podcast.

01:11:05.480 Like everybody listening knows the difference between fact and opinion.

01:11:11.940 Everybody, a hundred percent of people, and even the outraged people know the difference,

01:11:17.460 but they're just not willing maybe as easily to, to admit it or recognize it or acknowledge

01:11:22.140 it.

01:11:22.580 But yeah, I don't, I don't need to preface things with, this is my truth.

01:11:27.900 This is my opinion.

01:11:29.820 Here's what I think.

01:11:31.160 I haven't said that once today.

01:11:33.180 Yeah.

01:11:33.680 And I think I have the habit of saying that sometimes, but well, you just said it.

01:11:38.460 So there you go.

01:11:41.780 All right.

01:11:42.440 Last question.

01:11:43.220 Cause this is a good one.

01:11:43.960 Using I think is, is a, is a habit.

01:11:46.220 It's, it's, it's more of a filler than anything else.

01:11:48.500 I think, oh yeah, I think this is the way to do it.

01:11:51.100 I, that's kind of innocuous, innocuous, uh, but it's the, in my opinion, no shit, it's

01:11:57.540 your opinion.

01:11:57.940 Cause everybody knows what the difference is between an opinion and fact, and you don't need

01:12:02.800 to say that to buffer or to give yourself a little out, be bold.

01:12:06.200 If you believe something, say it.

01:12:08.040 I don't say in my opinion, God exists.

01:12:10.220 Like, why would I say, I say, no God exists.

01:12:12.220 And somebody could say, well, that's your opinion.

01:12:14.200 Right.

01:12:14.560 Agreed.

01:12:17.240 And yeah.

01:12:19.220 All right.

01:12:19.760 Last question.

01:12:21.180 Jordan Caldwell, where do you separate being a good leader, taking ownership and leading

01:12:26.780 by example for your kids versus forcing their decisions due to their immature, young and

01:12:32.080 unfavorable choices.

01:12:33.480 For an example, choosing the right foods to eat and exercise backstory.

01:12:37.960 I have a nine-year-old.

01:12:39.020 I've lost a hundred pounds this year, which is awesome.

01:12:41.740 Exercising and eating right.

01:12:44.260 He is, uh, he, his son has been teased about his weight, but when given the opportunity,

01:12:49.520 he always makes the poorest food choices and he's nine.

01:12:53.380 At what point do you separate leading him to healthy food and choices versus putting my

01:12:58.420 foot down and forcing him to eat better for his health and ultimate wellness?

01:13:03.620 Well, there's two questions here that we need to unpack.

01:13:06.500 Number one, what is leadership?

01:13:09.700 That's the first question.

01:13:13.080 Is leadership dictating and forcing people to do things or is it helping them get to a

01:13:17.680 place, a positive place they could not have imagined going on their own?

01:13:21.000 I tend to agree with the latter.

01:13:23.580 Yeah.

01:13:23.720 Imposed discipline versus self-discipline, right?

01:13:26.440 Right.

01:13:27.040 Okay.

01:13:27.380 So that's, we all know the distinction between what, what leadership is.

01:13:30.660 So we all have a similar perspective.

01:13:34.660 It might be slightly different.

01:13:36.260 You might include something or not include other things, but we all believe that leadership

01:13:40.120 is about empowering other people to make healthy choices, good decisions for themselves and

01:13:45.620 other people.

01:13:46.000 Right.

01:13:46.240 Like we all agree with that.

01:13:47.460 That's what leadership is.

01:13:48.780 Okay.

01:13:49.200 Now here's the second question.

01:13:51.200 When are children capable of making good decisions?

01:13:54.140 Is it at nine?

01:13:56.720 No, no, they're literally incapable of making good choices based on long-term data.

01:14:09.920 They're not even capable of doing that at 18.

01:14:12.400 In fact, studies suggest that somewhere around the early to mid twenties is when the brain

01:14:18.180 is fully developed for young men and they can start making good choices.

01:14:23.480 I don't know about you, but when I was 21, 22, 23 years old, I was doing some of the dumbest

01:14:28.880 shit I've ever done in my life.

01:14:31.840 I was, here's another example, and this is going to sound a little crude or whatever, but

01:14:36.080 you need to understand it.

01:14:37.180 Is a 15 or a 14 year old girl capable of consenting to a sexual relationship with somebody else?

01:14:45.520 No, no way.

01:14:47.400 Literally incapable of consent.

01:14:51.820 And why?

01:14:53.140 Because their brain is not fully developed and they cannot realize the long-term ramifications

01:14:59.000 of the decisions that they're making.

01:15:01.000 So a nine-year-old, when you're making choices for your nine-year-old son,

01:15:07.180 you're not being a dictator.

01:15:09.760 You're doing what's in his best interest in spite of the fact that he cannot make good

01:15:16.560 choices on his own.

01:15:20.380 That's why we have age requirements for driving a car or age requirements for joining the military

01:15:26.940 or age requirements for buying tobacco and alcohol that you may not agree or a firearm.

01:15:32.700 You may not agree with those numbers, those arbitrary numbers, but we all agree that a

01:15:38.380 five-year-old shouldn't be able to walk into Walmart and buy a rifle.

01:15:44.080 Okay.

01:15:44.240 So whatever the number is, we can all agree that there's a point where kids can't make

01:15:48.700 good decisions.

01:15:50.600 And this is what you're bumping up against right now.

01:15:53.600 You're not being a dictator because you're making decisions on behalf of your child.

01:15:59.000 That's your freaking job.

01:16:01.500 Yeah.

01:16:01.720 And not only that, I mean, even in example, he's not even in control of a lot of these

01:16:09.060 choices, right?

01:16:09.840 Like you might say, Hey, my nine-year-old chooses bad food.

01:16:13.180 Well, yeah, but who's putting the food in the house?

01:16:15.960 The nine-year-old?

01:16:16.960 Right.

01:16:17.100 Like, I mean, most adults can't even make that decision really well, right?

01:16:23.060 Let alone a nine-year-old for that matter.

01:16:25.520 And us that are smart, what we do is we just don't buy this shit and we just keep it out

01:16:30.800 of our house because we know we won't make the right decision when it comes to eating the

01:16:35.800 right food, you know?

01:16:38.100 Yeah.

01:16:38.980 Well, it's the same when you hear people say, I'm a kid.

01:16:41.540 They're always on their video games.

01:16:42.900 They're always on their cell phone.

01:16:44.760 Where did they get the cell phone?

01:16:46.100 Dummy.

01:16:47.200 Yeah.

01:16:47.700 Like you're the one that bought it for them.

01:16:49.800 You don't like it.

01:16:50.800 Don't give them a cell phone.

01:16:51.980 Don't give them a video game.

01:16:53.320 It reminds me of a big daddy with Adam Sandler where he had, do you remember that movie?

01:16:58.280 Yeah.

01:16:58.780 Yeah.

01:16:59.000 Yeah.

01:16:59.120 I remember where he has the kid and it's like a friend's kid and he takes them.

01:17:04.980 I can't remember where he got the kid from.

01:17:06.860 It's a friend's kid and the mom died.

01:17:10.220 And so the kid showed up and it was his friends, but his friends was out of the country,

01:17:13.400 something like that.

01:17:14.660 Yeah.

01:17:14.940 So he's like, well, I'll take care of the kid for the weekend or whatever.

01:17:17.720 And maybe you can collect a little money.

01:17:19.640 He's a real loser.

01:17:20.840 And, you know, and then he ends up falling in love with his kid.

01:17:23.400 But initially he's like, I don't know.

01:17:25.640 What do you want to do?

01:17:26.340 And the kid wears some crazy clothes and he calls himself Frankenstein and he wants to

01:17:30.920 eat, you know, ketchup packets for lunch.

01:17:33.820 Yeah.

01:17:34.140 It's like, okay.

01:17:36.220 At some point there's gotta be an adult in the room because kids are incapable of making

01:17:40.680 these decisions.

01:17:41.200 So, all right, there's our theoretical stance, but here's what I would suggest to you.

01:17:46.180 Your son is nine.

01:17:47.720 You want to foster and support him making positive decisions.

01:17:51.660 And you want to show him why long-term those are going to be better decisions for him.

01:17:56.160 So he can start to make these decisions on his own.

01:17:58.560 But until he builds up the mental ability to do that, you need to make those decisions

01:18:04.440 for him, which means we're not going to put all the animal cookies and ice cream and stuff

01:18:10.600 in the kitchen.

01:18:11.440 We're not going to go to McDonald's three nights a week.

01:18:15.380 I'm going to make those decisions as a father and they're going to be good decisions.

01:18:18.700 And yes, I'm making them on behalf of my child in popular culture says, well, you're being

01:18:23.780 a dictator.

01:18:24.680 Traditional culture says you're being a good parent.

01:18:28.560 Yeah.

01:18:31.020 It's just, I'm sorry.

01:18:33.720 It's just crazy that it's crazy, but like a thing, it's crazy.

01:18:39.060 This is the power.

01:18:40.560 This is the power of popular culture.

01:18:44.240 Everything is designed to pit the kids against their parents and their parents against their

01:18:49.680 kids.

01:18:50.140 And you start putting them in the school district.

01:18:52.680 And then you have these crazy, literally crazy teachers teaching them about sexuality

01:18:59.120 and gender and confusing them and saying that they're not confused.

01:19:04.940 They're actually giving them clarity, but all they're really doing is confusing them.

01:19:08.460 You are the parent.

01:19:10.500 If you're going to abdicate that responsibility, I'll go so far as to say, don't have kids because

01:19:17.640 having kids is hard.

01:19:19.260 It doesn't make life easier.

01:19:21.440 It isn't cheap.

01:19:22.780 It isn't always fun.

01:19:25.040 It's very rewarding.

01:19:26.180 Don't get me wrong, but it's not an easy thing.

01:19:29.620 If you're not going to be a good parent and I'm not throwing this guy under the bus, I'm

01:19:33.400 sure he's asking this question because he cares.

01:19:35.380 So we're not directing this at you as much as I'm directing this at society.

01:19:39.080 If you're not going to be a parent, don't freaking have kids.

01:19:42.600 I don't want kids to come into this world who don't have the benefit, barring extenuating

01:19:47.380 circumstances of being in a home with a loving mother and a father with parents who are mature

01:19:53.420 enough to engage with them, to provide for them, to teach them, to instruct them.

01:20:00.240 You don't have to be completely ready.

01:20:02.080 You're never going to be ready ever.

01:20:04.120 But gosh, dang, we're doing such a disservice to our kids.

01:20:07.620 And it's, it's really a pain point for me.

01:20:09.920 It's, it's, you can hear it in my voice.

01:20:12.380 It's very, it's frustrating what we are doing to our future generations.

01:20:18.040 Totally.

01:20:19.300 Totally.

01:20:21.120 Okay.

01:20:22.180 You good?

01:20:23.820 You're right.

01:20:25.420 Deep breath.

01:20:25.840 Take a deep breath.

01:20:27.060 All right.

01:20:27.740 You'll be okay.

01:20:28.540 You'll be okay.

01:20:30.080 So end of this month, we're going to open up enrollment.

01:20:34.020 Middle of the month.

01:20:34.880 Correct?

01:20:35.720 Middle of the month.

01:20:36.680 So you, okay.

01:20:37.700 So exactly.

01:20:38.640 A week.

01:20:39.340 Eight.

01:20:40.160 A week.

01:20:40.920 In a week, we'll open up the iron council.

01:20:44.060 So if you are interested, be prepared to sign up that membership or that opening will only

01:20:50.760 be open for a period of time.

01:20:52.600 Yep.

01:20:53.200 About a week and a half, maybe two weeks tops.

01:20:55.300 And that's it.

01:20:56.040 Yep.

01:20:56.280 So to learn more about the iron council, go to order man.com slash iron council.

01:21:01.220 And then also stay connected with Mr. Mickler on the social medias to get updated in regards

01:21:06.720 to when that registration will open.

01:21:08.900 That's at Ryan Mickler on both Twitter and Instagram.

01:21:14.500 Anything else, sir?

01:21:16.240 That's it.

01:21:16.820 Good questions today.

01:21:17.740 Lots of good questions.

01:21:19.120 I know I got fired up on some of those things, but they're important.

01:21:23.020 So important.

01:21:24.620 Yeah, man.

01:21:25.380 So keep the good questions coming.

01:21:27.100 Join us in the iron council, support us where you can leave the rating and reviews.

01:21:30.900 That's important as well.

01:21:32.360 Uh, I did say on yesterday's podcast that I was giving away, uh, I think eight or 10 copies

01:21:40.040 of speech therapy, which is, uh, Kyle Creek, AKA the captain's latest book.

01:21:45.560 It's really, really good, uh, for in exchange for ratings and reviews.

01:21:49.160 So if you leave a iTunes or Spotify, Spotify is included on this one, an iTunes rating review

01:21:56.500 or Spotify rating and review, and you take a screenshot of it and you email it to brandy,

01:22:02.140 B R A N D Y at order of man.com.

01:22:05.380 You will be entered in for the drawing for one of those books.

01:22:08.500 And the last drawing we did get, we had, I want to say we had 1200 entries, 1200.

01:22:16.360 Nice.

01:22:16.960 And this was for the sore necks, uh, center mask, center mask bells, boots, not balls.

01:22:22.580 Come on now.

01:22:23.200 Bells, man.

01:22:24.000 Bells.

01:22:24.480 Bells.

01:22:25.060 Sorry.

01:22:25.800 Get, get, get, get, get hollow off your mind.

01:22:28.080 You brought up hollow balls and I can't, I don't even know the name of those things because

01:22:32.440 you've ruined the, so yes, it's like, why do you keep people call, keep calling hollow

01:22:39.040 balls?

01:22:39.380 And yeah, yeah, they're probably mad at me actually.

01:22:42.620 Totally.

01:22:43.040 The green hoodie, right?

01:22:44.640 The green hoodie and origin boots and a Montana knife company knife and a signed copy of sovereignty.

01:22:51.580 Like we gave away a ton of stuff.

01:22:53.440 It was awesome.

01:22:54.200 Yeah.

01:22:54.320 I was actually quite surprised how much stuff I was like, damn.

01:22:58.060 Yeah.

01:22:58.240 That's pretty sweet.

01:22:58.760 We don't mess around, but anyway, so we have this new review with these books.

01:23:01.640 Um, and I think we're at, we moved from 4.8 stars to 4.9 stars, which is awesome.

01:23:07.660 And we went from like 7.2, like we had 7,200 reviews.

01:23:14.900 I think we're at like 8,400 reviews right now on Apple podcasts.

01:23:19.400 It was awesome.

01:23:21.000 Cool.

01:23:21.520 All right, guys.

01:23:22.120 Appreciate the support.

01:23:22.940 Appreciate you guys.

01:23:23.700 We'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become a man you are

01:23:28.140 meant to be.

01:23:28.580 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:23:31.640 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:23:35.320 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - March 09, 2022

Attracting Women by Power and Proximity, Taking on Too Much, and the Line Between Hungry and Complacent ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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