Order of Man - Battling for Individual Sovereignty, Leveling Up Skill Sets, and Connecting with Other High-Achieving Men ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's going on, man? I like the new backdrop that you've

00:00:27.540 got going on today. You look very professional today. I have to dress up like a monkey at

00:00:34.400 work sometimes. What's cool, it's too bad that there's overcast. Otherwise, you'd be able

00:00:41.100 to see the Wasatch Mountains behind me, but it's all covered in clouds. If you didn't have

00:00:46.780 the inversion, if it wasn't clouds, there'd be the inversion, right? That's true. That's

00:00:52.240 true. We need to ride after a storm, so it's clear skies for half a day. Clear it all out,

00:00:57.920 so it looks great back there. Well, if you looked out my window, you would see a pretty

00:01:02.840 good snowstorm, actually. What I would consider our first real snow of the winter here in Maine,

00:01:09.980 and there is quite a bit of snow out there today. It's interesting. What does that consist of? Is

00:01:17.840 it going to drop a couple feet? Yeah, there was supposed to be, I heard over the course of 24,

00:01:26.560 36 hours, whatever it is, day and a half or so, 14 inches, I think, on this storm itself. I don't

00:01:33.900 know if that's a lot or a little. It's a lot for me because the most we ever got in southern Utah was

00:01:39.200 like a half inch of snow, and it didn't even stick on ground. Yeah. Yeah, it just melted. We'll see.

00:01:46.020 Yeah. Very cool. Well, good. Well, let's get into some questions today. I know we've got a ton from

00:01:51.320 our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council, which, by the way, man, the Iron Council has really,

00:01:55.980 really been growing over the past several weeks. We can talk a little bit about that,

00:01:59.140 and then questions. I don't even know or think that we'll get to the questions from the Facebook

00:02:03.840 group on this podcast, but we'll get to that on a future podcast and try to get as many as

00:02:09.100 we can answered. Yeah. Well, we'll do our best, guys. It's all one can do, do their best. Is this

00:02:17.100 the second, ask me anything, of the year? Yes, it's the second one of the year because the last

00:02:23.740 week was on the first, right? Correct. Correct. Yeah. All right. Cool. Yeah. Good. All right.

00:02:29.700 What questions we got today? Yeah. All right. You too. Yeah. Robert Thompson,

00:02:34.280 what exactly is ego and how can one learn to identify their own also as ego, good, bad, or

00:02:41.660 both? I do like this different approach to this. I mean, we've answered this question obviously before,

00:02:46.440 but learning to identify your ego is kind of a little bit different twist on this. And I kind of

00:02:52.040 like it. I do too. Uh, well, ego simply put as an over inflated sense of, uh, competency,

00:02:59.580 I would say. Uh, now, is it, I'm going to skip the middle question for a second. Is it bad or good or

00:03:05.900 both? It it's a tool. That's all. It's a tool. I used to think that ego was all negative. That if

00:03:12.360 you had any sort of ego or arrogance about you, that it was all negative and it's a virtue. Well,

00:03:18.040 not a virtue, a characteristic that should be repulsive to you. I actually don't believe that

00:03:22.760 anymore. I think that you need to have some level of ego in your life in order to thrive and excel,

00:03:27.660 because if you didn't have an over somewhat overinflated sense of competency, you wouldn't

00:03:33.540 do anything because it would just be too risky. So ego is what allows us to try new things, to think

00:03:41.700 that maybe we could be somewhat capable at trying something we've never done before. Because what,

00:03:48.640 for example, when I started the podcast, what would give me the right to believe that I could do this

00:03:55.800 thing called podcasting? I'd never done it before. When I started jujitsu, what in my right mind would

00:04:02.240 ever make me think or believe that I could be somewhat decent at it over the course of a little,

00:04:08.020 a little time? I wouldn't. So ego is needed. You need to have an overinflated sense of, of

00:04:16.240 competence, competency or capability. Otherwise you just wouldn't do anything. So it's a powerful tool.

00:04:22.200 Now you can let it get out of hand for sure. And this is how you begin to identify to Robert's

00:04:29.120 second question as to whether or not it's getting out of hand. Is it serving you? That's it. Is it

00:04:35.860 serving you? Is your overinflated sense of competency or capability pushing you to try new things, to take

00:04:43.280 calculated risks, to be assertive, to be bold, to do something you've never done before. And that's a

00:04:48.540 good thing. Or is it closing you off to feedback? Is it keeping you from trying new things because

00:04:55.740 you don't want to damage your sense of worth or reputation? These are indicators that your ego is

00:05:02.240 no longer serving you and that maybe it's getting out of hand and creating a problem for yourself.

00:05:07.380 It's like it's, it's ego to me is like any other tool, whether it's a hammer or a screwdriver or a drill

00:05:13.000 in the proper context, it's a beautiful thing. In the improper context, you can create some real

00:05:19.100 damage with some of those tools if you don't use them correctly. Cool. There you go. Talking about

00:05:25.620 improper tools. Do you see, not to bring up news, but do you see that, um, hear about that shooting in

00:05:30.820 Texas at that church? Oh my goodness, man. That was, well, first let me say this. It was tragic

00:05:36.220 because two men in the, in the congregation died. But that shot that that security officer made was

00:05:44.740 unbelievable. I mean, not only was he obviously caring, but he was well-trained. Yeah. I mean,

00:05:51.940 he flinched because that's just human reaction nature. Drew is, drew his firearm, engaged, took one

00:05:59.720 shot, shot that guy right in the head, dropped him, and then continued to advance to, to neutralize

00:06:06.580 the threat, which had already been neutralized by that point. But holy cow, that was very, very

00:06:12.060 impressive. And I commend him. And there was like seven other people who, if you looked at that video,

00:06:18.900 all drew their firearms and went over to react as well. I'm like, this guy picked the wrong church to

00:06:24.040 mess with totally like multiple people approached with handguns and what was impressive. And I don't

00:06:30.420 know, I mean, from the video, and I think I, I don't know if it's accurate or not, this is just

00:06:34.060 regurgitated information, but he was roughly, I think 25 to 30 feet is what I heard, which anybody

00:06:41.200 that's ever shot a handgun being accurate at 15 feet is, is tough accurate at 30. Holy crap. Like that

00:06:51.180 is pretty impressive, especially due to the situation. And I'm sure his adrenaline is pumping

00:06:56.420 and everything. It was quite impressive. Yeah. And people running around. I mean, it was,

00:07:02.400 yeah, it was really impressive. Yeah. And, and I think it's good. I think that's one less evil

00:07:09.060 individual in the world. And one more wake up call to those would be terrorists who might think twice

00:07:17.700 about doing what that guy did because of the consequences that they may face. That's why

00:07:23.680 everybody needs to carry. We're not the right to carry. Yeah. All right. Chris Burke, what are the

00:07:30.280 best ways to open up to other men? I've been on one heck of an introvert for the past decade, and I

00:07:36.240 have lost any, uh, semblance, semblance. I don't even know that word, Chris, semblance of a brand,

00:07:44.300 a band of brothers in my life. I've started playing rugby again with a great group of guys,

00:07:48.740 but I'm finding it difficult to develop those relationships. Yeah. Because guys don't connect

00:07:54.420 like that, right? So if you're talking about opening up to individuals, to men specifically,

00:08:00.120 it's going to come across probably as weird or awkward. A lot of guys aren't familiar with it or

00:08:05.300 comfortable with it, but there are some that are. So I think you're doing it right. You're talking about

00:08:10.180 rugby. Uh, I think any sort of activity that involves physicality, that involves competition,

00:08:16.740 that involves, uh, a common enemy in this case, the other team, and you're working towards a common

00:08:23.340 pursuit, which is to win and score. Uh, I think that's a really great way for men to bond together,

00:08:29.380 to connect, to, to figure out who they like and who, who maybe they don't and who they relate with and

00:08:35.980 who they don't. So just keep doing that. That's a very good thing. And then over time, you'll start

00:08:42.020 to develop a deeper bond with some of them over others. And Steven Mansfield talked about this

00:08:47.280 years ago. I had him on the podcast and we've developed a friendship. He said, you don't want

00:08:51.820 to like bombard men with questions that get them to open up because again, it's like, whoa, whoa,

00:08:59.460 this is weird. Cause guys aren't good at this. So you just put feelers out, right? So you can talk

00:09:04.980 about if it's you and I Kip, and we're, we're training at the same gym. Hey Kip, you know,

00:09:09.840 I really appreciate it. You know, like getting a role with you or whatever. Like, um, I just read

00:09:14.920 this new book. It's really cool. Like, are you ready? Do you like to read? Yeah, I do like to

00:09:18.820 read. Oh, cool. What are some of your favorite books right now? I know what you're interested in,

00:09:22.960 right? Um, I would also invite you over into a, into a group setting. So it's not again, awkward,

00:09:29.060 right? Cause if I'm like, Hey dude, you want to go hang out? Do you want to grab coffee and talk?

00:09:33.640 This is like a date, right? So instead put together a fight night, right? So now you have

00:09:40.440 a couple of guys, Hey, I got fight night, pay-per-views on, um, we've got three or four

00:09:44.220 guys. Hey Kip, you know, I don't, I don't know what you have going on on Saturday night, but I've

00:09:47.980 got like three or four guys coming over. We're just doing fight night. If you want to come over,

00:09:51.620 bring some drinks and some chips or whatever, like come over and hang out with us. This is a good way

00:09:55.800 to get these guys involved and interconnected with each other. And then again, putting those feelers

00:10:00.160 out about, uh, books. Like, let's say you've read a common book, ask, Hey, what did you think

00:10:05.860 about that? What did you like about that? Or what did you implement in your life? And you do this

00:10:10.000 gradually over time. Then you start to develop deeper friendships and bonds with people. And

00:10:15.460 eventually at some point you'll get to the place where you can say, Hey man, you know what? Like,

00:10:20.040 I know we haven't really talked that much. You came over for fight nights. We read some of the

00:10:23.880 same books. I wanted to ask you a question. Like I've noticed that, uh, your business seems to

00:10:28.260 be doing very well. And I'm kind of struggling with my business. Do you have any pointers?

00:10:32.820 Now you appeal to going back to maybe ego, but certainly their, their pride a little bit as you

00:10:37.920 go to that pride and you, and you ask that person for advice, Kip, you're going to feel good about

00:10:42.300 that. Right. And you're certainly going to open up about that. So it's a way to be, um, to express

00:10:48.460 some things that you might need to be dealing with or, or fix or work on and also play into that

00:10:53.480 person's desire to, to lead and to serve and to help. And I think you just do this gradually over

00:10:59.680 time, introducing these little conversations and questions. Yeah. The only thing I would add is

00:11:05.240 sometimes you have to establish relationships with these guys and it may take some while and,

00:11:10.940 and that, and when I say established relationships, that's playing rugby that's rolling with guys.

00:11:17.280 Like if I went to, to my gym and I just started training and after a week after training and

00:11:24.500 sparring, I started like opening up on questions, it would be awkward. Why? Cause the guys don't know

00:11:28.800 me yet. There's no earned that. Right. Exactly. There's no trust established. We don't know where

00:11:34.100 we stand with each other. We don't know each other. They don't respect you. You don't respect them,

00:11:39.000 but I do that now with anybody that I train with. We know each other ironically without ever talking.

00:11:45.220 We learn what kind of grit each other's hat, what kind of perseverance we have. We learn these

00:11:52.620 aspects about each other. So now when I go ask a question, there's already respect established.

00:11:58.340 And now we can talk about other things. It's, it's the guy, it's what we do, right? Work shoulder to

00:12:04.780 shoulder and we gain respect with one another through trial. And then those conversations can

00:12:09.880 happen. It just may take some time. Yeah. I've just found that asking for help is the best way to

00:12:15.200 do it. Cause you're going to find out pretty quickly. If you ask for help, if this person is

00:12:20.360 somebody who's, who's cool, frankly, if he's a dick or an asshole, it's like, all right, cool. Next,

00:12:27.200 you know, but if, but if I say like I was at jujitsu, for example, last night and, um, uh, one of the

00:12:34.280 guys I was rolling with Jeremy, he, he had, he used a sweep on me and we just kept rolling through it

00:12:39.600 and everything else. And he got me with that same sweep two or three times. And at the end of the,

00:12:43.780 the, the session, I said, Hey, like you kept doing that sweep. What were you doing? And he's like,

00:12:49.480 Oh, let me show you. And he showed me it was so simple, but I didn't know. So he showed it to me.

00:12:53.940 I'm like, ah, perfect. Thank you. And, and I know Jeremy, but had I not known him, I still would

00:12:58.960 have asked that question. And I would have found out really quickly if this is somebody who's interested

00:13:02.660 in at least having some dialogue. So asking a question and asking for help is a great way to

00:13:08.900 put yourself out there and start to identify those who are interested in leading and coaching and

00:13:13.440 having at least conversation, let alone a relationship. Totally. I think some of the

00:13:18.360 most in-depth conversations I've ever had is after an hour of open mat laying on the mat,

00:13:23.860 exhausted and sweating. And then someone goes, so how's things going? Things are going okay. And then

00:13:29.200 we just start talking about other stuff. Um, but it required us. Oh, that's a great point.

00:13:34.060 Get after it. Yeah. Great point too, is you have to go first sometimes. Yeah. Right. Because

00:13:40.700 if you're all sitting there after training and you're laying there and everybody's like, Hey,

00:13:44.520 how's it going? You're like, Oh good. Yeah. Things are cool. Like it's been good. Busy.

00:13:48.980 You gave yourself no opportunity to open up. But on the other hand, if you say, yeah, man,

00:13:54.900 things are really good. I, you know, my business is actually just kind of struggling right now because

00:13:59.160 uh, we lost like our biggest client last year and it's hard cause we're moving into the new year.

00:14:03.620 Oh, okay. Well now you're opening yourself up to getting some feedback and seeing who's interested.

00:14:10.000 Some guys are gonna be like, cool, whatever. And that's fine. And other guys are going to be like,

00:14:14.360 Oh, you know what? Like I actually went through that same problem two years ago and it was,

00:14:18.020 I hear you, man. It was a real struggle. Oh, okay. Now I just identified somebody who I could

00:14:23.100 potentially build a deeper relationship with. Yeah. Love it. All right. John,

00:14:28.460 uh, Domenico same question as last week. Sorry, John, apparently you didn't answer your question.

00:14:33.900 I'm between two jujitsu gyms in my area. One excels at building communities, the other structure and

00:14:39.740 tech technique for someone just getting into it. What is the better option? My goals are to connect

00:14:45.500 with other men, but also learn quality jujitsu. Well, I think you, I think the fact that you asked

00:14:53.480 or you answered the second part of that by saying, you know, my, my objective, you said my objective

00:14:58.460 is both really. Yeah. So I guess what I would say is, is I'm trying to think about how to answer

00:15:06.020 this, put it on a sliding scale. All right. So you have like camaraderie community on a scale from one

00:15:12.480 to 10 and let's say the one gym is like an eight and then you have technique and, and, and structure

00:15:21.620 and maybe they're like a six. Okay. Now you have the other gym and their technique and structure is,

00:15:29.940 is a nine, but their community is like a two. Then I'm going to pick the first one. 0.99

00:15:36.400 Yeah. Because if you want, if you want community, you want brotherhood, you want connection with other

00:15:42.900 men. I think the difference between going to a gym that has six with technique versus a nine with

00:15:48.920 technique, but you get the community you're after is going to be a better experience for you. Now I'm

00:15:55.120 saying that as somebody who's new into this world, I don't know if you would agree with that Kip, but I 1.00

00:15:59.140 would kind of look at that as a sliding scale and then weighing it and seeing like which one stacks up

00:16:05.340 for what you're trying to accomplish. Yeah. Though I totally agree. The only thing is,

00:16:11.880 how do you know the, uh, the one with great technique doesn't excel at community if you're

00:16:17.740 not part of that community quite yet. And the reason why I say that is I would say the gym that

00:16:23.500 I train at, at first glance, you would assume that we're not a tight kit, tight knit community,

00:16:29.720 but the reality is we're very tight, but for outsiders first coming in, it doesn't feel that

00:16:36.400 way. So we may not be as welcoming and it may take a while, but I would say that community certainly

00:16:42.460 exists and it's really powerful, but I don't think people showing up would see that initially. So I

00:16:49.260 don't know. It's kind of tough. This is a good point. This is something that we run across in,

00:16:53.860 in our church organization. I'm sure you run into this as well. So you have new people come to church

00:16:58.920 and I've heard people complain like, Oh, our ward, like there aren't very welcoming. They didn't,

00:17:04.420 they, they didn't befriend us or go out of the way to like, welcome us. My question is, what did you do?

00:17:10.920 Like, what did you do to put yourself in there? Because it's not their job to accept you. Should they?

00:17:15.540 Yeah, probably. Like they should probably more, be more friendly and more open and more inviting.

00:17:20.560 Same thing with the jujitsu gym. Like it's scary to go into a gym the first time. I know. Like it's,

00:17:27.500 it's not comfortable. So if you're, if you own a gym, then please hear me. Like it's not comfortable.

00:17:36.360 Like think back to where, when you very first started and try to create an environment that fosters

00:17:41.820 welcoming to new members. Like when new guys come in, I always, I always introduce myself. I go up,

00:17:47.220 I shake their hand. I'm like, Hey, I haven't seen you before. Do you train here? Like, do you train

00:17:50.720 somewhere else? How long you've been training? Cause I know how stupid you feel when you go in

00:17:54.360 there. Yeah, totally. But, but that being said, it's you also, as the newbie have a part to play in

00:18:01.260 it. And the part that you have to play is it's your requirement and obligation. If you want to go

00:18:06.600 into somebody else's space, whether it's the gym or church or wherever, it's your obligation to

00:18:13.140 assimilate to them, not them to accommodate and assimilate to you. So you have an equal,

00:18:18.560 if not more part to play in putting yourself in the environment, going in and shaking people's

00:18:24.600 hands. It's just as easy for somebody to like me as a newbie to go into a gym and introduce myself

00:18:31.280 to the guy sitting there as it is for him to introduce himself to me. Yeah. So why can't I

00:18:36.620 take a little bit more of an assertive approach and just say, Hey man, like, like, have you been

00:18:41.980 training here for very long? I, this is my first day here. Can you kind of like walk me around a

00:18:45.840 little bit? Like, what do we need to be doing right now? Again, you appeal to that person's desire

00:18:50.860 to lead and to teach and to train, which most guys I feel would be pretty open to that. And, uh,

00:18:56.400 and I think you have a lot more success if you're more assertive about you going into it and feeling

00:19:01.220 like you are the one that has the obligation to assimilate, not the other way around.

00:19:06.720 Totally. Totally. All right. Talking about jujitsu, Clint McCines, uh, he started training actually

00:19:12.480 at, uh, at my gym. Yeah. Oh really? At your gym? Yeah. Yeah, totally. It's funny. Uh, any tips on

00:19:19.380 stepping into a new working environment where you feel everyone else working there is well above your

00:19:25.000 skill level. I'm struggling with moving into a new shop, which is full of amazing guys who I feel

00:19:30.460 like work, who I feel work way above my skill level. I was asked to join them, which makes me feel like

00:19:37.860 they see something good in my work and my work ethics. This is like going from a slightly above

00:19:42.940 average high school sports team to straight to playing pro in my eyes. So I think this is a mindset

00:19:50.540 issue. I actually saw this question before we started and I, and I really liked the question,

00:19:54.240 but I think it's a mindset issue. Um, I think what you're looking at is now is how am I going to be,

00:19:59.380 how am I going to fit in? How am I going to make myself known? And all of this is creating some

00:20:04.440 added pressure to your situation when instead the mindset should be good. All these guys are better

00:20:12.380 than me. That means that I'm going to get to level up. Not that I have to, but I'm going to have the

00:20:16.620 opportunity to learn and grow and, and, and pick up new techniques. Cause he's a, he's a tattoo artist,

00:20:23.040 correct? Yes. Yeah. So pick up new techniques and learn new to how to use new tools and new

00:20:29.740 strategies. Like this is all a very positive thing. Now it's uncomfortable because you feel

00:20:35.360 like maybe you're not there yet, but what I would do is just take it in stride. Just realize that you

00:20:41.180 are in an environment that's going to help you grow and Excel. And maybe it's uncomfortable now,

00:20:45.400 but that means that you are going to grow and Excel and push yourself outside of what you're used to.

00:20:49.600 And then just take it in stride. What do I need to learn next? Okay. I need to learn how to work on

00:20:55.780 shading a little bit better, or I need to work on, you know, the, the, the, I don't even know

00:21:00.420 tattooing, but like, like the strokes or the pressure that I use with the needle, like people 1.00

00:21:04.460 are like, what the hell is he talking about? I don't have any tattoos guys. Okay. I'm sorry.

00:21:08.420 I'm not, I don't even know if I've even been into a tattoo shop or parlor or whatever the hell you

00:21:14.020 call it. Yeah. Yeah. But just figure out, okay, what's the next skill set I need to learn? And

00:21:19.760 then ask questions. I'm telling you guys, like if there's a theme in this podcast over the last 20

00:21:24.520 minutes, just ask questions the more without being annoying. Right. And you know, everybody knows,

00:21:30.460 okay, maybe you're being a little annoying, but, but ask good questions about how to grow,

00:21:35.300 how to expand, how to use a certain technique. People are more than willing to share it. And if

00:21:40.800 they've invited you to the environment, guess what? They want you to come up to their level.

00:21:45.540 They see something in you unrealized potential. Now they want you to come to the level and they're

00:21:50.000 probably okay with investing in that in you. Otherwise they wouldn't have invited you.

00:21:54.680 So take it in stride, ask good questions, have the mindset. This is a very, very good opportunity for

00:22:01.760 you. Yeah. And if you're not willing to ask questions, then it goes back to Robert's initial

00:22:05.720 question where, okay, ego's playing a part that is negative and you need to put your ego in check a

00:22:11.580 little bit. One example of this, and I don't know why this came to mind. So I'm assuming you're still

00:22:16.560 a 49ers fan. Is that accurate? No, no. Are you talking about from my gifts from, well, you mentioned

00:22:24.000 that a couple, like I think it was last week or the week before. Yeah, I was 11. I didn't know any

00:22:28.280 better. It, regardless, one of, one of my favorite stories is Steve Young, right? Steve Young, arguably

00:22:36.760 one of the, one of the top quarterbacks of all time in the NFL. And he was underneath or stuck second

00:22:45.840 string. In fact, I think originally he was like fourth string behind Joe Montana, Joe Montana. Like

00:22:51.260 imagine that. Yeah. Now could have Joe, could Steve immediately go ego? Like, no, I'm going to

00:22:59.200 another team where I'm actually going to get some playing time, but he put his ego in check. He

00:23:04.200 learned everything there was to learn while training with Joe Montana. And, and then arguably became the

00:23:12.900 quarterback. He, he ended up becoming in the NFL. Like that's a prime example of him taking advantage of

00:23:18.120 an opportunity. I'm sure, right. At least the conversations that I've heard, uh, him have,

00:23:23.360 he had to put his ego in check that this was like a really multiple times he planned to quit. In fact,

00:23:28.860 if I remember the story correctly, he was actually planning on leaving the 49ers and he was on an

00:23:34.320 airplane sat by some old man and, and they were talking and he ended up kind of opening up with him

00:23:40.980 about complaining about never getting playing time. And, and the old guy like spoke to Joe, uh, Steve,

00:23:47.060 Steve young and said, what a great opportunity you have to train underneath one of the greatest.

00:23:54.160 And that kind of put him in check. And he's like, yeah, what am I complaining about? And then he made

00:23:58.760 his focus on learning from him and becoming better and taking advantage of the opportunity versus

00:24:03.880 complaining that he wasn't getting any playing time. So, yep. Yep. About the time that Steve young

00:24:11.740 started playing first string and started playing, uh, starting for the 49ers is about the time I kind

00:24:16.940 of like, I don't know if I started chasing girls or got too interested in other things. And so like

00:24:21.940 all of my lock combinations used to be, um, 49, 16, cause 16 was, uh, his, his number. Right. And I think,

00:24:29.900 uh, Jerry Rice was 88 maybe. So it was like all my lock combinations were like 49, 16, 16, 88, 88,

00:24:38.620 49, like all of my, my garage, my lock combinations. If you ever wanted to steal my bike, just put in

00:24:43.940 some combination of Joe Montana's number and 49, and you'd figure out a way to get it.

00:24:49.520 Hopefully that's not what you're using for your, your, uh, pin number on your bank account or

00:24:53.860 anything. I can neither confirm nor deny that. All right. Matt Wilson, when you started order of man,

00:25:02.000 how did you handle the daily transitions between order of man and financial planning?

00:25:06.320 I currently work full time while also having a side business. I work on my business in the early

00:25:11.160 mornings. And after my day job, I often find myself thinking too much about my side business

00:25:15.980 while at my day job. Any tips on handling this situation? I don't have any tips like that's

00:25:22.120 natural, you know, and that's probably a good thing is that you continue to, it's a grind. And

00:25:27.200 the fact that you're thinking more about your side job is that's healthy. Like there's nothing

00:25:32.000 actually wrong with that. Um, that just means that it's exciting and engaging to you and you found

00:25:36.700 value in what you're doing. And because you're thinking about it, you're going to implement new

00:25:40.860 strategies and new initiatives that are going to help that eventually take over your, your full-time

00:25:47.220 work. And I was doing the same thing. I would start at, uh, I, it seems like I would start at like

00:25:53.400 five or six in the morning and work for two hours on order of man. And then I would spend a little

00:25:57.920 time with my family, do the breakfast and scripture study and things like that. Uh, and then I would

00:26:03.100 get ready for work, go in, do my day job, which was the financial planning. I'd come home about

00:26:08.840 five 30, six o'clock, put in a couple hours with the family. Uh, and then I would go back and work

00:26:14.660 for two more hours on order of man stuff. Now for me, in all fairness, I had the luxury of owning my

00:26:23.240 own financial planning firm. So I had a lot of freedom with my schedule and flexibility

00:26:28.040 and it just gradually, the order of man stuff gradually started just consuming more and more

00:26:34.340 of my planning time. I had that luxury. I realize a lot of other people don't have that opportunity.

00:26:41.420 Like they've got a nine to five, they're working for somebody else. They've got to punch in and punch

00:26:45.280 out when they're punched in, they've got to be working and effective for that organization.

00:26:49.660 So I would just make maximum use of my pre work time, my after work time, and then any break time

00:26:57.600 that you have as well. So if it were me, I wouldn't be taking lunch breaks. I'd bring something from

00:27:02.820 home, throw the microwave for 30 seconds, eat it while I was working on order of man stuff.

00:27:07.340 That's what I would do because that's what it requires. Yeah. Hmm. All right. Uh, chase Carmichael

00:27:15.360 best strategies for keeping your personal goals, objectives, and tasks paramount with other

00:27:20.820 competing goals and challenges. I see or iron council work, family faith Sabbath when time

00:27:27.140 becomes a limiting factor. Well, they're not competing. Like that's the thing that you have

00:27:32.200 to wrap your head around. They're complimentary. Yeah. So yes, you are going to have to take time

00:27:39.040 for workouts, for example. And yes, technically that's time you could be spending with your family,

00:27:44.940 but working out makes you a better husband. It makes you a better father. So they're not competing.

00:27:53.620 They're complimentary. So the question is not how do you deal with these conflicting objectives,

00:27:59.160 but how do you coordinate them in a way that's going to produce maximum results? So if you're spending

00:28:05.200 three hours at the gym every day and that's coming at the expense of your work or family time,

00:28:12.140 yeah, something's off. Something's wrong with that probably, right? If you're taking 45 minutes or an

00:28:18.040 hour every day and doing it before the kids are awake, because that's the time that you need to do

00:28:22.460 it so you can be engaged with them and then go to work. Okay. Well, that's healthy. Now you've

00:28:26.900 coordinated them in a way that works and is effective for your grand strategy, which is to become the best

00:28:33.100 version of yourself. So stop looking at it thinking, Oh, this competes with this. And then

00:28:37.880 this competes with this. No, when you have these healthy goals and objectives, it's not that getting

00:28:44.400 in shape, for example, is only helping you get in shape. No, it's helping you be a more engaged father,

00:28:51.140 a more engaged husband. You have more energy for work and your workload is you have a greater capacity

00:28:57.220 for a bigger workload because you have the more, more energy and efficiency. So they're all working

00:29:04.380 together. And all of these little moving parts are just part of the grand scheme of things. And

00:29:10.080 you're not going to make a decision in a vacuum. So if you're trying to improve in the gym, that's

00:29:17.120 going to have a positive impact on everything else. You're going to sleep better, which means you're

00:29:22.100 going to be more rested for the morning. You're going to have more energy so you can play with the

00:29:27.080 kids and then you're not going to be exhausted at work. So you can get actually more done at work

00:29:31.580 with fewer hours. This all works together harmoniously, perfectly. You just have to make

00:29:37.980 your decisions and make sure when you're weighing where you're spending your time that you're not so

00:29:43.140 heavily weighted in one over the other at the expense of that other thing, right? If I'm going to be

00:29:47.540 training for three hours a day, that's not going to work for me. One hour will work for me, but not

00:29:53.720 three hours because of other things I have to do and get accomplished. Yeah. And I think there's a

00:29:59.540 flip to this where if there's not a balance, then they can affect each other in a negative way,

00:30:04.960 right? Of course. Yeah. I mean, if, if you're not focused on family and your objective is work,

00:30:10.760 work, work, and working out or in yourself and you let that fall to pieces and your family life

00:30:15.820 starts falling apart, guess what? Your work productivity is going to go down and other

00:30:19.700 things are going to go down. So that balance is super important. I've seen this multiple times

00:30:24.420 in the IC where someone's like, Oh, I'm doubling down my, my objectives this quarter on work because

00:30:30.140 everything's fine at home. Guess what? Into the quarter, things aren't fine at home. No shit,

00:30:35.640 right? Like seriously, the balance is super important in to prevent as well as to, uh, promote and make

00:30:43.340 things better. I would add one other thing to Kip is this idea and concept of presence.

00:30:49.860 You have to be very present in the moment. Now, usually when you hear people talk about that,

00:30:55.780 they're talking about in the context of being with people, right? So if you're with your kids,

00:31:01.220 be present for your kids. Yes, I agree. What I'm talking about is presence in any given moment that

00:31:08.220 you happen to be in. So for example, you and me are doing this podcast right now.

00:31:12.160 I'm not checking my phone. I'm not checking emails. I'm not like texting with my wife about

00:31:18.120 like what's for lunch or what we're doing this afternoon. I'm fully engaged here in this moment.

00:31:24.460 Okay. When I'm at the gym, I'm not dinking around, like taking selfies of my ass in the mirror and,

00:31:30.780 and like talking to people. Like that was the one thing when I went into CrossFit, people would

00:31:34.760 always ask me, Oh, are you tired? Like you're not very social. No, man, I'm here to work out.

00:31:38.280 Like, this is not my social time. Like I'm here to kick ass for the next 45 minutes.

00:31:43.560 And then we can talk later. Like tonight, when you guys are coming over, remember how you get you and

00:31:47.920 your family are coming over? We'll talk then right now I'm working at work. People say, Hey, do you

00:31:53.140 have time? You want to go out for lunch? And you want, no, I don't want to go out for lunch. I want

00:31:57.820 to stay here and I want to do my work and I want to do it as effectively and efficiently as possible

00:32:02.680 because I'm fully engaged. For example, in emails, like it's, it's completely possible and probably

00:32:09.260 encouraged to be engaged with even emails like for the next hour. So over the past, uh, week or so,

00:32:17.020 I really got behind in my emails cause I took the time off for family during the holidays and my email

00:32:24.260 was just, it was crazy. Well, yesterday I took an hour and I turned off my learn alerts. I didn't

00:32:31.820 do anything else. Like my kids weren't in here bouncing on me and I wasn't worried about the

00:32:35.840 podcast. It took an hour. I'm like emails, all I'm doing emails, super efficient, super effective,

00:32:41.960 got them cleaned out. Good to go. Now I can move on to the next thing. So be very present in the

00:32:47.020 moment because otherwise you're, you're wasting opportunities. You're wasting time. I'll give you,

00:32:52.760 I'll give you one that's a lot of people do, including myself is like, if you're on your phone

00:32:58.040 in the bathroom, like you're spending an extra 20 to 30 minutes while you're doing your business,

00:33:03.720 but you're on your phone, like go in, do your business and get out and get back to your thing.

00:33:08.400 And you just freed up 20 minutes that you would have wasted because you're playing games or checking

00:33:12.520 the socials while you're taking a dump. Like just do your thing, be present with that thing and then

00:33:16.860 go onto your other activities. Yeah. It's that whole, I mean, there's statistical evidence of this,

00:33:24.060 right? We, there's no such thing as multitasking. It's called jumping between tasks and thought

00:33:29.640 process back and forth, highly ineffective. And one thing that I would like to suggest is

00:33:34.260 anyone who's ever presented in a meeting or maintain or managed a team, imagine how much quicker and

00:33:42.940 effective you would be if everyone did not check email, checking their laptops, doing other work

00:33:49.840 and playing on their phones during a meeting. You could have those meetings twice, like half the

00:33:55.040 time. Right. But, or is the meeting even important? Ask yourself that, like, should we even have this

00:34:00.980 meeting? Totally. Yeah. This is something I need to be better at because like, you know, you've even

00:34:06.880 called us out on this in, on the leadership call. One time, I think we, we had a leadership team

00:34:12.380 meeting in the iron council and you're like, Hey, really quick guys, if you're going to be on this call,

00:34:17.100 like I get that there's other conflicting schedules sometimes, but if you can be present, like be a

00:34:22.420 hundred percent present, that is better for you. It's better for us. And, and I remember that and

00:34:26.920 I'm thinking, you know, that's so true. And like, what do I need to do to adjust my schedule? So then

00:34:31.880 that way, when I do have that call with that individual, or I have that meeting that I'm given

00:34:36.660 my full undivided attention so I can give it a hundred percent, whatever it is that I'm doing.

00:34:41.560 And I think if we all did that, our productivity would probably skyrocket.

00:34:45.660 Well, not only that, but your fulfillment as well. And your just general sense of worth,

00:34:50.580 because you wouldn't have guilt about the way you're performing. So I know, for example,

00:34:54.940 when I'm not fully present with my kids after the fact, I go back and I review it and I'm like,

00:35:00.260 Oh man, I just like my kids wanted to wrestle. And I was so worried about emails. And then I have all

00:35:05.400 this guilt about it. And then, and then, and then it creates problems, right? The same thing with

00:35:10.760 work. If I'm dinking around and not doing what I should be doing and I'm, I'm working, but I'm not

00:35:17.220 really working, then there's guilt because I didn't get my work done. So if you can be fully present in

00:35:23.300 the moments that you're in, that guilt is just going to go away and you're going to be so much

00:35:27.580 more confident, so much more fulfilled and effective. Essentially. There's a, there's a thing

00:35:34.780 that I heard, I think it was from Tim Ferriss. He talks about, I think it's Tim Ferriss, the, uh,

00:35:40.640 or maybe it was Cal Newport. Cause he talks about deep work. Maybe there's a lot. It was,

00:35:45.740 it was this guy. What was I thinking? Of course it was you, uh, uh, talking about the, well,

00:35:53.560 since it was you, why don't you go ahead and tell us what it was? Nah, it's okay. I don't like

00:35:57.320 quoting myself. Uh, talking about the time lost in transferring between tasks. So when you transfer

00:36:07.580 from task to task, to task, to task, it takes you a lot longer to rev out of a previous task and up

00:36:13.900 to a new task versus that's why task stacking and blocking is so valuable. That's why if I take an

00:36:19.560 hour and get all my emails done, if I spread it out over the course of eight to 10 hours,

00:36:25.160 I probably won't get them all done. And I won't get a lot of other things done as well.

00:36:29.340 Totally. Yeah. There was a survey actually at Microsoft for developers. It took 15 minutes.

00:36:36.260 So once they were in deep work to reconnect to doing deep work, like programming,

00:36:42.360 if there was an interruption, it was another 15 minute ramp to get back to where they were.

00:36:48.360 Well, and it's not just 15 minutes, it's 15 minutes because they stopped and they did something

00:36:54.100 else. It's 15 minutes to start back up. So that's 30 minutes on one task transfer.

00:37:00.440 Yeah. Think about that over a course of five, six transfers, 10, a dozen transfers per day.

00:37:09.060 That's a lot of wasted time. Totally.

00:37:11.780 It could potentially be three, four, five hours of inefficient work. Now you might still be working,

00:37:17.160 but it's inefficient work. Yeah.

00:37:19.240 That's half your day. More than half your day is inefficient.

00:37:22.360 Yeah. And you guys listening that work in offices, how often do you work on a task and you get an

00:37:27.540 email and you go check your email? Right. Right. Or somebody comes in and says,

00:37:31.460 Hey Kip, like just quick question. Yep. Yep. Totally. It's like get headphones. If I have my

00:37:38.000 headphones on, don't bother me. Number two, close your email until you have your scheduled time to check

00:37:42.480 your email. Like there's all kinds of good strategies here. Yeah. That I could quote myself

00:37:48.300 about, but you know, maybe we'll save that for another time. Yeah. Let's save it for like a really

00:37:52.220 important lesson that we want to share at some point. Yeah. Travis Para, how do you find a band of

00:37:58.460 brothers in person without going to places like bars and sporting events? Go where they, where else they

00:38:05.960 are. You know, they're at the gym, they're, they're playing basketball. They're at the library. They're

00:38:12.400 in your office. They're at the cafe. Like they're everywhere. They're everywhere. I, I don't think this

00:38:19.620 is, I don't think this is an issue. If you're just a little bit more intentional about where people are,

00:38:24.580 just go where people are. And also here's another strategy. If you're new to an area and I did a

00:38:31.240 podcast on this is how to like thrive in a new area. I think it was a couple of months ago,

00:38:35.240 maybe actually was when I moved here, which is why I did it. Um, if, if you don't know that many

00:38:41.180 people just go with the person that, you know, let's say, you know, one person just say, Hey,

00:38:47.520 Kip, you know, like I'm new to the area. If, if you happen to like going out with your buddies or

00:38:51.000 whatever, you mind if I tag along, like you're not going to, that's not going to bother you.

00:38:54.600 But again, you have to ask questions. You have to put yourself out there. You have to be assertive

00:38:58.400 and that's going to be feel awkward, awkward and uncomfortable, but you do it anyways, because it's

00:39:03.520 important to you and you want to meet people in a new environment. So look to your office space,

00:39:08.900 look to existing friendships because they have circles that you don't belong to that you could

00:39:12.720 potentially get involved with. Um, go train, go to the weight room, like the, or the, the gym.

00:39:19.540 This is where these people are. Cool. All right. Jake, uh, Maddox, by the way, hold on. I'm going to go

00:39:27.600 back. I've never, let me back up. It's probably been 20 years since I went to a bar. Like, I don't

00:39:37.880 even know if I've ever gone to a bar and I don't go, I go to very, very few sporting events except

00:39:44.920 for my children's. So, and I don't have a problem meeting anybody. You just, you got to be intentional

00:39:51.200 about it. Copy. All right. Jake Baddox, who inspired you as a young adult high school years?

00:39:59.420 What was it about that person that resonated with you? The one that immediately comes to mind is a

00:40:07.020 gentleman by the name of Matt Labrum. He was my high school football coach and baseball coach. In fact,

00:40:13.120 at one point, this was after I'd left high school, he was the head coach for football, baseball,

00:40:18.200 and basketball. So he was very, very involved with the young men and the youth. And the reason that

00:40:24.760 he inspired me so much is because he's somebody that I looked up to as an athlete. He was a great

00:40:31.840 athlete. Uh, and he was very knowledgeable in the skillset and in sports, but he always held us to

00:40:42.520 task. And that's what I really admired and respected about him. He wasn't so consumed with trying to like

00:40:47.400 win us over, be our buddy. He was worried about being our coach and using the sport of football

00:40:54.560 and baseball in my case as a metaphor for life. So he never took it easy on us. In fact, he was rough

00:41:01.120 with us in a lot of ways, not physically, but rough on us. Tough on us is probably the better way to say

00:41:05.620 it because he knew what we were capable of. And he always, it seemed like to me knew his role

00:41:12.860 in developing and growing us. Now, what was interesting is when I was in high school,

00:41:17.380 he was fairly young. He was fairly new out of college. Um, and he was fairly new teacher and

00:41:23.920 new coach. And even we even talk now, in fact, he's been on the podcast. Um, he talks a lot about

00:41:30.260 his immaturity in those days when he was coaching us and you can see it even now. Cause I got to speak

00:41:36.840 to his baseball team, uh, earlier this year. Yeah. I think it was earlier this year. He's still

00:41:42.540 coaching. Still coaching. Yeah. I'm still coaching. And you could see his level of maturity, but you

00:41:49.840 could also see a lot of the same ways that he engaged. And as I was, as I was talking with his

00:41:56.140 team, I was telling stories as me and another friend, Wayne McIntosh, we were talking about stories

00:42:00.020 from 20 years ago and the baseball team would laugh because it was the same stories they knew.

00:42:07.320 It was the same thing in the same ways that he said it in the same things that he did with them

00:42:13.100 as their coach. So yeah, he was really inspirational, especially as I didn't have a permanent father

00:42:17.820 figure. I had my stepdad in my life at that point. Um, but yeah, Matt Abram is somebody that I really

00:42:23.620 admire and respect. And I always have for the past 22 years now, I think is when I met him 22 years

00:42:30.620 ago. So yeah, that's cool. Um, mine would probably be one of my older brothers. So I'm, I'm actually the

00:42:39.480 youngest, um, of nine kids and I had, are you serious? I didn't know that. Yeah. And I have five

00:42:45.520 older brothers and I did not know that about you. Yeah. I'm the baby. Um, but that makes sense.

00:42:53.620 I had an older brother that was just, um, well, let me just tell this story about him. This kind

00:43:01.160 of sets the precedents. So I, I found this out later and it completely makes sense because this

00:43:06.820 is how he interacted with me. Um, but when he was younger, um, we kind of had a father that was

00:43:13.380 disconnected from us. Um, my parents never got divorced, but I, I didn't live with my father the

00:43:17.780 majority of my life. And, um, my brother decided when he was probably in his early teens that he

00:43:27.560 didn't like how that felt and that he was going to use being an older brother to me and the brother

00:43:36.140 just three years older than me, that he was going to use his relationship with the two of us to prepare

00:43:41.500 himself for fatherhood. Hmm. And that was his mindset. And, and so for the remainder of my life

00:43:50.700 growing up, he was kind of the equivalent of what I always thought a father would be like.

00:43:58.380 He was tough on me. Sometimes he encouraged me to work out. He helped me, you know, think of business

00:44:05.500 idea. Like he was constantly coaching me as an older brother and he really, and he did that from

00:44:11.160 the perspective of, Hey, I want to make sure I'm going to a good dad when I get older. And so I'm

00:44:15.680 going to use Kip as a Guinea pig to help me figure it out. Right. And I, and I was his test project. 0.90

00:44:20.920 And so obviously I have huge respect for him and how he kind of showed up and the role that he didn't

00:44:26.720 have to play in my life, but he chose to, and it benefited him. And I think it obviously benefited me as

00:44:32.600 well. So how much older is he than you? He is roughly 10 years older than I am. Okay. So yeah.

00:44:40.380 So you were what, six, seven years old then? Is that what you're saying when he kind of took over

00:44:44.620 that role? Yeah. Yep, exactly. Yeah. He's always, he's always, I've always felt like he was in that

00:44:52.100 role and probably until, I don't know, maybe the last 10 years I've always, he's always kind of been

00:44:57.280 that role for me. So, and he was never, and it wasn't like it was buddy, but it was hold me

00:45:03.520 accountable and responsible at the same time. Does it make sense? He did a great job. Yeah. Great job.

00:45:08.960 Yeah. I think, well, I think there's some commonalities in our story and that, especially

00:45:13.180 you're talking about buddy. It's like, you're not there to be a buddy. Right. And there's, there's

00:45:17.740 nobody that I, that I would look to and say, Oh, I'm inspired by that because by that guy,

00:45:24.020 he's my buddy. Yeah. Now, do I happen to be friends with some of these individuals? Of course,

00:45:30.240 there's people I'm inspired by and motivated by that I'm friends with, but, but buddies doesn't

00:45:35.200 define the relationship. The fact that this is somebody who can speak truth to me, who can tell

00:45:41.060 me hard things, who can call me out, who cares about me, but still is mentally tough enough to have

00:45:48.980 difficult conversations. Those are the things I admire. And if those are the things that we admire and

00:45:53.760 respect, then it's safe to say that maybe we ought to be that to other individuals. In fact,

00:45:58.820 I think as men, we have a moral obligation to be that for our children. And also for those who

00:46:06.420 don't have this guidance and direction. It's a big part of what we're doing here. It's a big part of

00:46:11.320 legacy. That's a big part of the reason that I coach youth sports, because I have a moral obligation,

00:46:16.300 whether there's a father in these kids' picture or not. I have a moral obligation to quote unquote,

00:46:22.940 father, these children. One of the interesting questions I got, uh, this was a couple of weeks

00:46:27.660 ago was talking about, uh, this gentleman, um, had a, uh, a soon to be son-in-law and he was asking,

00:46:38.660 like the son-in-law was kind of off track and he wasn't real excited about him marrying his daughter.

00:46:43.100 And he was like, how should I treat this? I'm like, that's your son, dude.

00:46:48.520 That's your son. Whether you like him or not, whether you like it or not, she likes him.

00:46:54.180 That's now your son. So you need to be a father to him and teach him and guide him and instruct him

00:47:00.780 and coach him to the degree that you can. He might really appreciate that and respect that. And not only

00:47:05.920 is it going to serve him, it's going to serve your daughter, which is who you care about as well.

00:47:09.540 So father, we need to be better job at fathering, not only in the walls of our home, but community

00:47:15.000 as well. Yeah. I like it. All right. Alan Placer for both of you. What made you decide to jump past

00:47:22.580 your fear into your current successes? Would you say you were a sovereign man before you made the

00:47:28.480 leap or after? What made read that first part of that question again? Yeah. Uh, what made you

00:47:38.120 decide to jump past your fear into your current success? Would you say you were a sovereign man

00:47:43.980 before you made the leap or after? I mean, I don't think there's this, this big barrier of fear

00:47:51.660 that I became sovereign. Right. I, I just don't think there was this thing where I'm like, I'm so

00:47:57.300 afraid. And like, how do I do this? And one day I just jumped into the unknown and uncertainty. I don't,

00:48:01.640 I don't think it was like that. I think I had aspirations and things I wanted to do and things I

00:48:06.320 wanted to accomplish. And sure, there was some probably fear that kept me from doing that,

00:48:11.300 but I'm not sure how aware of that fear I was. It was more just, Hey, I want to do this. And if I

00:48:20.220 want to do this, I'm just going to take one small step. I think we actually talked about this on the

00:48:24.580 podcast last week. It wasn't a leap. It was just a step, right? One little step, one little step,

00:48:30.520 one little step. And then before you know it, you turn around and realize, man, you've taken a lot of

00:48:35.200 steps and you've covered a lot of distance in that timeframe, but it wasn't this big, huge

00:48:40.180 leap into the unknown to face the demons that were my fears. And I wasn't like that. It just wasn't as

00:48:46.860 grand as that. It's not as sexy as that. Yeah. Um, as far as being sovereign, I definitely have

00:48:55.380 more sovereignty in my life through the process of taking action. So I used to be, I would say

00:49:02.800 significantly more passive in my life where I kind of let just things happen in the environment was

00:49:08.760 what it was. And I was at the mercy of my wife and my boss and the economy and just about every

00:49:16.260 outside factor. The more that I've learned to make assertive choices and decisions, the more sovereignty

00:49:22.280 that I've captured and reclaimed for myself. So to answer the question, I I'm more sovereign now

00:49:29.620 after the fact than I was before. Uh, it's, it's a, it's a active process. It's not a decision.

00:49:37.380 A decision's not enough. It has to have action behind it. Yeah. And I don't know about you,

00:49:43.040 Ryan, but I feel like I'm, I'm constantly seeking sovereignty, right? Like it, you know, I fall into

00:49:51.520 being bulldozed or being passive and it's, it's, it's almost like integrity, right? It's like

00:49:56.940 you're constantly fighting to have integrity. You need to restore your integrity. You then have

00:50:01.640 integrity and it's like a never ending process. And so I think for me, sovereignty, the natural

00:50:07.100 tendencies of, of being a human are in conflict with being sovereign. And, and so I'm constantly

00:50:14.040 battling on maintaining that. So I don't know if it's, I wouldn't even feel comfortable saying I am

00:50:20.280 sovereign. I seek to be, I'm on that path, but I struggle and I have to push back and I have to

00:50:26.380 constantly fight for it. Would you, would you, is that the same for you?

00:50:31.120 Yeah, I agree with that. I think sovereignty is something that needs to be earned. I think it's,

00:50:37.640 like I said earlier, it's a very active process. Um, and I'm constantly a little bit to your point,

00:50:44.940 but a little bit differently weighing my actions against the idea of sovereignty. So for example,

00:50:51.380 I don't drink alcohol, right? Yeah. Right. Like I don't drink alcohol. Now some guys will say,

00:50:56.320 well, alcohol is not bad. Well, I don't care what you think. It doesn't move me towards my

00:51:00.160 sovereignty. In fact, it hinders and limits my sovereignty because it affects and alters my mind

00:51:04.820 and it, it messes with me in a way that, that takes away my power and authority over myself. Like,

00:51:14.420 isn't that kind of the point of drinking? Yeah, totally. Right. So I choose control. Yeah. Right.

00:51:20.940 Same thing with certain foods. Now, look, I'm not telling you I've got all this stuff figured out,

00:51:25.380 but if I consume a bunch of food and junk food and garbage and I put it in my body,

00:51:32.040 it limits my sovereignty because I'm going to carry around extra weight. And then I don't have as much

00:51:36.280 energy. Maybe I'm not as strong because I'm not working out. And so if something happens

00:51:40.980 and I'm in a dangerous situation, then like I can't act and I've limited my sovereignty because

00:51:47.960 I've chosen to partake in foods and activities that hinder me, not help me. So I'm, I'm very,

00:51:55.660 very aware of what's going to help me be more free to the point where I, I drive my own car,

00:52:03.940 wherever I go, I drive. Like I don't go with other people because if I go with other people,

00:52:10.200 it, and I'm not saying other people have like ill intentions or whatever, but if I go with

00:52:15.300 somebody else, my sovereignty is hindered. If we're going somewhere, I will drive. If you want

00:52:20.800 to drive too, then we can drive separate cars. But I want the option of being able to leave or

00:52:25.940 go somewhere else or do something else because I want to, I want to maintain that control over my life

00:52:31.580 to the point where again, vehicles, things like that. It's good. It's, it's interesting. And I know

00:52:39.000 this isn't, I mean, Alan assumed that it was sovereignty, right? That was like kind of a

00:52:45.660 cause of a leap. And, and I know this is a little bit different, but, um, for me though,

00:52:51.740 there seemed to be a major shift in my life when I took ownership though, when there was a moment in

00:53:01.320 life where I realized my life's, the current state of affairs in my life, where I was at the moment,

00:53:08.000 the hardships in my marriage, the, where I was employment and all these other things was 100%

00:53:14.580 my responsibility and results of my own actions when I, and that was kind of a defining moment or

00:53:21.760 a time for me. And so it does feel like a leap where there's like a switch hit. And I went,

00:53:26.660 holy crap is almost like a bad joke. And I thought I'm responsible for this. No one else is to blame.

00:53:32.960 And that was a major changing point. It wasn't sovereignty per se. I guess it's kind of a form

00:53:38.140 of sovereignty, but it was really just me coming to the realization that my life was in the current

00:53:43.520 state. It was because of my own actions. I like that. And I, and I actually agree with that and

00:53:48.980 have had a similar experience in my life. And it wasn't sovereignty because I wasn't aware of the

00:53:53.320 concept of sovereignty. Yeah. It was when my wife and I, we went through our separation and I remember

00:53:59.540 thinking to myself, man, this marriage is over. Like it's over. That was the first time I thought

00:54:03.520 that our marriage was over, thought we were just separated. And at that point, like this is over

00:54:08.060 and simultaneously thinking, okay, well, I'm just going to be the best catch for the next woman to 1.00

00:54:15.300 come into my life. And that's where I started working on myself and taking ownership and looking

00:54:20.540 at where I failed in the marriage up to that point. Fast forward, you know, it's worked out,

00:54:25.080 but, um, yeah, that was a defining moment for me. And I started to recapture and reclaim

00:54:30.460 some of the sovereignty that I'd let slip through my fingers by blaming it on my wife,

00:54:34.980 by blaming it on the economy, blaming my, my business on the firm I was working with,

00:54:40.200 et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. I think it's safe to say there is no sovereignty where you are a victim

00:54:46.720 period. Right. Or where there's no responsibility, whether it's because you don't have responsibility

00:54:53.500 or because you voluntarily gave it away. You can't have sovereignty and not also have

00:54:59.140 responsibility. Like they're, they're married, they're coupled. Responsibility is, goes hand in

00:55:06.080 hand with sovereignty. So if you get rid of responsibility, for example, in the, in the

00:55:11.960 trivial little example, I just gave you of letting somebody else drive, then you are by default because

00:55:16.880 you gave somebody else responsibility, limiting some of your sovereignty. Now, in some cases, it's okay.

00:55:21.120 Like it's okay. Right. In other cases, it's not. And you just need to be aware of which ones,

00:55:26.760 which ones you need to maintain that responsibility. Okay. Bobby, uh, Jovano, Jovanovic.

00:55:34.960 I did it, Bobby. You did. Ryan, I've caught some of your recent posts on Instagram in regards to

00:55:40.280 faith and religion. That's at Ryan Mickler, by the way, on Instagram or Twitter have, uh, how have the

00:55:47.080 two helped you grow as a man and as a father? What, what were the two faith and religion?

00:55:52.540 Faith and religion. Yeah. Faith and religion. Okay. Um, yeah, so

00:55:59.120 I'm trying to think about specific ways that it's helped me grow. I mean, really just understanding

00:56:06.260 that there's an eternal perspective on life, that what I do here in this moment is really

00:56:11.840 about more than just this moment. It goes on for eternity, which helps me play at a bigger scale,

00:56:19.060 right? Because there's responsibility, there's accountability, there's consequences, not just

00:56:24.500 in this life, but eternal consequences, both good and bad for the things that we do. That's been very

00:56:29.700 valuable for me. Uh, and then also knowing that, you know, there's a plan, right? There's,

00:56:35.000 there's a plan, there's a way to behave, there's a way to think, there's a way to act and it will

00:56:43.000 serve you well. And when you live that code, the right things start happening. And by the way,

00:56:50.600 that's not necessarily even a, an exclusively spiritual thought. It can be a very secular

00:56:56.520 thought as well. When you do these behaviors, these are the results that come from it, right?

00:57:03.160 Yeah. I don't know if you can see this, but I was going to turn my screen around.

00:57:07.840 Can you see this window right here? Oh, that's the door. Hold on. That's the door.

00:57:11.660 Oh, there's your pretty wallpaper. Hey, we're almost there. I got 75% of the way done. Can you see

00:57:16.580 out this window right here? It's just all white. Oh, it's just white. Yeah. I have so much snow

00:57:22.400 falling off the roof right now. It's like, Oh, coming off the roof. Sliding off. Sliding off the roof.

00:57:27.360 I saw that on your Instagram. I'm assuming that's dangerous when the sheets of ice come flying down

00:57:33.360 because they look sharp and thin, but they, they were thin. Those ones, one of them hit me in my

00:57:38.580 shoulder and it didn't, but yeah, like if it's a big, thick sheet of ice, yeah, probably pretty

00:57:42.680 dangerous. Wouldn't want to get caught on that. One of them was pretty thick, but it hit your beard

00:57:47.140 and just melted and shattered. My beard just absorbed it. Yeah. Uh, let's see. So faith. Yeah.

00:57:53.580 So faith, um, yeah, just having the code of conduct, the standard by which I live my life.

00:57:58.160 That way I know, okay, these, these beliefs and actions will produce these results. And if I want

00:58:05.300 these results, then all I have to do is behave this way. That's very nice. Um, I just think that,

00:58:10.700 man, you just, we have a, we have a, we have an operating manual for living a good life and

00:58:16.500 being a good human being. So that's always been enough for me. Like when I, when I, when

00:58:22.440 I was baptized, people would ask me like, Oh, why'd you get baptized? I'm like, man, I just

00:58:25.840 looked at everything that the church stood for. I looked at everything or the people that

00:58:29.760 I knew who were members of the church and it's all good. All of it. It's all good. And that

00:58:36.540 was always enough for me. There wasn't some magical scripture or some special spiritual

00:58:41.200 experience that I had. It was like, these people are good. I want to be a good person.

00:58:46.420 Therefore I want to do what these people do. And that evidence was good enough. Yeah.

00:58:51.420 I think, and I I'm assuming you agree, Ryan, a great resource around this subject is, is

00:58:57.920 Pressfield's book of manly men in regards to religion and becoming a better man. And, and

00:59:03.700 one of the things that he mentioned in that book that I thought was really profound and

00:59:08.140 I loved it. And I wish I could remember the exact scripture that he was referencing, but,

00:59:12.100 but he, but he shared a story within the Bible that talks about because a man was aware of

00:59:18.000 his on her, his honor, he made X and X decision and Pressfield broke down the translation of

00:59:25.200 Mansfield. I just want to clarify Mansfield, Mansfield. What did I, what did I say?

00:59:28.840 Pressfield? Pressfield. Oops. Sorry. No, it's okay. I just want to make sure. No, that's good.

00:59:34.300 So the guys are going to look for that book. Who the hell is this guy? Yeah. So, so anyhow,

00:59:40.400 um, he talked about, um, because he was aware of his, his honor and he made these decisions and he

00:59:47.340 broke that down and he, and he talked about the translation of that word. And it meant that he was

00:59:53.160 aware of his divine nature. And, and I thought that was so profound. So the, the power of saying

01:00:02.020 that you are from a creator and in some cases, a father in heaven per se, or a descendant of God,

01:00:13.580 if you want to use that term is divine. Right. That is a very powerful way of thinking. And, and,

01:00:21.040 and by default, your potential is what is also divine, divine unlimited. Yeah. So, so now what's

01:00:30.600 our job live into it, take a, take advantage of, of what's been presented to you. Right. And that's

01:00:37.280 possible for everyone. And so I love that, that concept because it really inspires me. And I think

01:00:42.760 it might help a lot of people realize that, that who, how they become or who they become in life

01:00:48.380 could, can be divine. That is in, in, that is possible for all of us. If we're willing to put

01:00:55.900 in the work. I like that. I just, I also think it just gives you a perspective on things. Like

01:01:01.680 if you think about it in the eternal context, the things that you get wrapped up in right now might,

01:01:08.200 might not be so important as you once thought they were, which is a good thing. Cause 90% of the

01:01:14.020 things that we get wrapped up in don't matter at all. And if you have that eternal perspective

01:01:19.860 that may give you a new framework and idea of, of what is actually relevant and what is not relevant,

01:01:26.420 and then focus on the five to 10% of the things that actually are relevant.

01:01:31.020 Yeah, totally. Dylan back. How do you see people who aren't religious at all? I understand that

01:01:37.380 religious beliefs and believing in a higher power. Many of my friends are very religious,

01:01:41.240 but I can't bring myself to commit to it. I want to be my own leader.

01:01:48.180 Well, so is he asking what I think about that or how do you think about him?

01:01:52.560 Yeah. How do you see people that aren't religious? He didn't ask this question, but I, I'm assuming 0.94

01:01:58.020 you want to respond to the idea that by being part of a religion that it limits you from being your

01:02:04.600 own leader because. Yeah, we'll definitely address that. Yeah. We'll definitely address that.

01:02:08.200 Um, yeah, I know plenty of people who, who wouldn't consider themselves religious and I

01:02:13.800 think they're wonderful people. Um, religion to me is above and beyond the spirituality. Let's just 0.98

01:02:20.420 talk about this for a second above and beyond the divine nature, the spirituality that we're talking

01:02:24.600 about. Religion is a code of conduct. It's all it is to set of principles that you use, that you

01:02:29.860 voluntarily decide to assume and live in accordance with that you believe will help you live a more

01:02:35.480 fulfilling, rewarding, profitable life. Can non-religious people have a code of conduct? 1.00

01:02:43.440 Yeah. In fact, most of them do. All of them do. I made a post on Instagram even because people like

01:02:48.900 to say, Oh, you're, you know, just religion is just indoctrinating you, dude. We're all indoctrinated.

01:02:54.440 Like you, you, you're telling me that you have a problem with organized religion yet you will spend

01:03:00.140 hundreds of thousands of dollars on quote unquote education in the school system for something that

01:03:05.820 you may never use. You have no problem sending your skit, your kids to school to, to government

01:03:10.760 schooling for six to eight hours a day. You, you sit here all day on your phone and you worship people

01:03:17.140 you don't even know on social media. And you're telling me you're not indoctrinated somehow. You can,

01:03:23.080 you're consumed and inundated with information from media and entertainment sources and everywhere else

01:03:29.160 that this information comes from. And you don't think you're indoctrinated. We're all indoctrinated.

01:03:34.420 It's just a matter of the doctrine you decide to follow, whether that's deliberately or, or

01:03:39.640 unintentionally. Every one of us is indoctrinated into something and we all worship something. So I

01:03:45.820 would just say, be a little bit more intentional about it. For me, religion is something that happens

01:03:50.560 to keep me in line and keeps me on the track that I choose to, I choose to go, which leads into the

01:03:55.680 point of what he's talking about with, I choose to be my own leader. Just because you follow a code

01:04:01.380 of conduct does not mean that you aren't your own leader. You still have to follow that code.

01:04:07.560 You've voluntarily decided to follow it. You still have to make your choices individually each and

01:04:13.140 every day. You still have your agent agency, which is synonymous with sovereignty. You still have all

01:04:19.080 that. So religion doesn't, doesn't absolve you of the responsibility of leading yourself and other

01:04:25.400 people. It just teaches you how to do it more effectively. That's all it is. So look, if somebody's

01:04:32.600 not religious, that's cool. Like I hope that they've found something that works for them and, and they lead

01:04:38.680 a good life and they're effective and they're doing all the things they want to do and that their wildest

01:04:42.800 dreams come true. Just like I would hope that for a religious person. Like I don't feel, I don't feel 0.92

01:04:50.460 like that person's bad or not moral. That's what I hear a lot. People say, well, they're, whereas

01:04:57.280 they don't have any moral principles. Well, sure they do. Yeah. They're just based upon probably

01:05:02.500 societies or their own version or something else. Or gods, because whether you want to acknowledge or

01:05:07.600 not, like that's where morality comes from. So you don't have to acknowledge it for it to be a moral

01:05:13.800 code. Like it just is. Right. So whatever. Roger Taylor, the order of man Facebook group is a great

01:05:22.560 resource. That said, one of the many benefits of the iron council over and above the Facebook group

01:05:28.800 is the opportunity to have more in-depth conversations about the topics covered in the

01:05:32.580 podcast. What else would you describe the differences between the Facebook group and the iron

01:05:37.380 council discussions to the men who haven't yet upgraded to the IC? Uh, I would say focus and

01:05:44.520 framework. So we have a lot more focused discussions as opposed to let's just talk about anything and

01:05:50.300 everything. No, let's focus on this and do a deep dive into what we're doing here. So focus

01:05:56.280 secondary framework in the Facebook group. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but there's no

01:06:02.200 framework. It's like you post about that and I comment on this and you post about that. And then I

01:06:06.280 comment on this and you get these many comments and that person gets that many comments and

01:06:09.960 just kind of a free for all within reason, within some parameters inside of the iron council.

01:06:16.160 There's a framework. So there's assignments. There's the challenges that we do. There's the

01:06:22.100 battle team. So guys are working together this month. We're talking all about competition and

01:06:26.760 we're tracking that and we're keeping score and we're holding each other accountable and there's

01:06:31.280 camaraderie and there's a lot more framework built around it. So I would say those are the two biggest

01:06:36.840 differentiating factors, focus and framework. Yeah. And, and I think in the IC, because you're

01:06:43.100 part of a team and that group is smaller, obviously substantially smaller than the Facebook group,

01:06:49.180 it becomes intimate, right? You're, you're having conversations with guys that you have kind of

01:06:55.120 gained respect of you appreciate their opinion versus putting into a group of 60,000 guys on

01:07:02.620 Facebook and hoping that the right guy saw your post and gives you a great comp comment that might

01:07:09.960 be beneficial, right? Like in the IC, you're not going to put something out there and probably not

01:07:15.860 get an amazing response. The probability of that is, is super low. So, well, and I, I think the caliber

01:07:23.020 of men that are in the iron council, if you were to look at the ratios, we'll say, cause I'm not

01:07:27.940 saying there isn't high caliber men in the Facebook group. There certainly are. I can list some right

01:07:32.560 off hand, but in the iron council, the ratio is, is better within the iron council because these guys

01:07:39.800 have invested in being there. So just the fact that them investing and being in the iron council

01:07:45.220 is a qualifier for them being serious about their growth and helping other people do the same.

01:07:50.720 Now, again, that's not to say that there aren't high quality members of the Facebook group. There

01:07:54.420 certainly are, but then you have other guys who like their buddy invited him or they just saw it,

01:07:59.640 or, you know, there's some people in there and we try to weed these guys out who just want to be

01:08:03.180 dicks and trolls and they just like kind of find themselves in there. So you're going to get more

01:08:08.700 of that in the Facebook group as opposed to the, to the iron council, which is more focused and

01:08:12.520 there's a barrier to entry. Yeah. And our apologies for those guys. It is a little tough to moderate

01:08:18.480 such a large group. So, um, it is, and we're working on it, you know, we're working on it.

01:08:23.620 And you and I talked about this. In fact, the other day is just getting some more moderators

01:08:27.620 on there, getting a standard operating procedure about the way that that group is moderated. So

01:08:31.920 the right posts are getting approved. The incorrect posts are not getting approved.

01:08:37.200 Comments are, are remaining civil and respectful. Trolls are getting removed, et cetera, et cetera.

01:08:43.300 Yeah. Yeah. All right. Scott short Meyer with, with what seems like a dozen of competing priorities,

01:08:50.000 what process or questions do you ask yourself to determine or discern the stack ranking of actions?

01:08:58.060 What do I want? So what result do I want to produce and which activity is going to help me

01:09:04.940 produce it the most effectively? Do that one. That's it. It's not a complicated process. And there's

01:09:13.160 a lot of intuition that goes into it as well, but the intuition also is developed over time,

01:09:20.480 right? Through doing the after action review and going through the process that we go through. So

01:09:24.560 there's just some intuitive thoughts that I have. Like if I'm naming a podcast, for example,

01:09:29.600 intuitively, I know that one name might do better. One title might do better than another title.

01:09:34.820 But the only reason that's intuitive is because I've spent a lot of time doing it and I've

01:09:38.880 titled over 500 podcasts now. Right. Yeah. So, but as far as priorities go, what do I want to

01:09:45.560 accomplish? This is why vision and objectives are so important. And then what is the thing,

01:09:50.940 the activity, the tactic that's going to produce that result the most effectively, the quickest,

01:09:57.280 the most powerfully, the most effectively. Yeah. If you don't mind me adding to that, I would

01:10:02.100 even say that you could use Stephen Covey's four quadrants of priority as another way to,

01:10:08.640 to take the vision, take what Ryan just said, and then add the classification type. And so the four

01:10:14.600 categories that Stephen Covey teaches in his books, seven habits of highly effective people

01:10:18.780 is urgent and important. So it's a fire and it's important, not urgent and important. So these would

01:10:26.800 be longterm, like it's really important that this gets done, but it's not urgent at this moment,

01:10:31.820 but it needs to be addressed. Then you have not urgent and not important, which you should probably

01:10:38.400 stay out of that quadrant altogether. Um, and then you have urgent and not important. And, and these are

01:10:44.880 kind of social constructs. That last one is often it's someone walking up to you and distracting you.

01:10:50.840 It has a social construct of being urgent, but guess what? It's not important. And so it's really,

01:10:56.800 I think it's valuable to look at those sometimes because we realize how do you mitigate the urgent

01:11:02.200 and important items is by taking care of the not urgent and important by playing the longterm game.

01:11:09.080 We start mitigating those fires that constantly eat up a lot of our time. And so there can be some

01:11:14.780 strategy around kind of classifying them and then planning accordingly. This is the issue that a lot

01:11:19.520 of people have with procrastination, because if you procrastinate on the not urgent, but important,

01:11:25.980 then they become the important and the urgent. And then you don't have the time or mental capacity

01:11:31.200 to do it correctly. So plan out the non urgent and important and, and work those over. Don't

01:11:41.880 procrastinate. So it doesn't become something that you're incapable of handling, or if you are capable

01:11:46.920 of handling, do so to an inferior degree, make sure you cover that not urgent, but important quadrant.

01:11:53.640 Yeah. And, and if you don't mind me, I love this thought process. And I, it was a few years ago

01:11:59.040 that I realized this is sometimes we cheat ourselves from learning. So let me give you an

01:12:04.920 example. I push something off, I procrastinate, and now it becomes urgent and important. And I have an

01:12:11.540 option. I can stay up all night long and do it perfectly, or I can not do it well, have an inferior

01:12:19.440 product and get some sleep. Sometimes when we do that inferior product and we get some sleep, we

01:12:26.840 didn't learn the lesson, right? Like when you honor your word, right? And I always do what I said I

01:12:34.940 would do. Eventually I'm going to learn what to say no, because I'm going to, because you don't want

01:12:41.680 to do that again, a lot of sleep and everything else. But if I don't honor my word, guess what? I don't

01:12:46.880 learn that lesson. I don't learn the lesson when I'm out of integrity, but if I'm at least in

01:12:52.820 integrity, I learned the lesson of establishing boundaries, saying no, sometimes, you know,

01:12:59.040 being, don't procrastinate. But when, when it works and we kind of skim and we provide a poor quality

01:13:06.680 product, we, we lose the opportunity to learn and grow. Well, not only that, you actually encourage

01:13:12.580 yourself to procrastinate in the future because it worked, it worked out. You're like, Oh, I could

01:13:17.960 have worried about that for two months, but instead I worried about for two days, like, and it actually

01:13:21.780 worked. Well, I'm going to do that next time too. This is also the reason that you have to have your

01:13:27.160 kids experience consequences because if you don't give them consequences to their thing, then they're

01:13:34.260 going to keep doing the dumb mistake. And yeah, it's going to be easier for you in the short term

01:13:38.040 because you don't have to discipline your children and nobody likes doing that. But over the long

01:13:42.720 term, it's going to be a nightmare when that kid turns 16 and has a little bit of control over his

01:13:47.260 own life. And then not to mention, they're going to get slaughtered in the real world because they

01:13:52.100 never associated action with consequence. Yeah. Then the stakes just get higher and higher as they

01:13:57.680 get older. Completely. Yeah. Yeah. Unwanted pregnancy, loss of a job, bankruptcies. I mean,

01:14:03.680 there's all medical issues. There's all kinds of things that arise because of this.

01:14:08.360 Yeah. All right. We have two more questions than I see. You good with those?

01:14:11.480 Yeah. Let's get those cranked out. All right. Josh Hubler, finding people with the same drive

01:14:16.060 and ambition has been difficult in normal day-to-day life. How easy was it for you guys to find like-minded

01:14:21.480 men with the same ambition in the area that you live in? It's not easy. I moved to Maine to make it

01:14:27.580 happen. I think it's not an easy thing. You know, somebody asked me about the other day on

01:14:32.660 Instagram if I moved to Maine to be closer to the guys with origin. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't

01:14:39.360 a factor. You know, I identified Pete and Brian as people that I appreciated, that I admired,

01:14:47.840 that I respected. And that was a consideration in us being here. And it's been a good move because of

01:14:54.220 that. So it's not, it's certainly not easy to find people who are like-minded. That's why the Iron

01:15:00.920 Council continues to do so well. If it was easy to find like-minded individuals, there would be no

01:15:06.840 need for the Iron Council. Yeah. So we created an environment. We planted our flag and said,

01:15:11.900 Hey guys, this is where we're meeting. If you are somebody who's inspired, motivated, wants to

01:15:18.260 improve and get better, then come meet us over here. So I would say, because you're in the Iron

01:15:23.160 Council, use the Iron Council, but also find your regional channel and chapter within the Iron Council.

01:15:28.240 So you can find guys in your area who subscribe to the Iron Council way and that are in your area and

01:15:34.380 you can meet face to face. Outside of that, figure out where these guys would go. Where would they go?

01:15:40.740 Well, they'd go to the gym. They would go to business networking meetings because they're worried

01:15:45.940 about growing their businesses. Maybe church because they're worried about living to a code,

01:15:52.480 some sort of morality code. That's where these guys are going to go. So that's where you, if you want

01:15:57.980 to find them, you have to go where they are. So start identifying where these individuals are.

01:16:01.860 They're not in the bar. They're not getting drunk on Friday night, right? That they're, they're doing

01:16:08.020 their thing. They're doing productive things. Go to those activities, go to meetup.com, find something

01:16:12.980 that you're interested in. Maybe it's hiking or photography or whatever, and go, go to those events.

01:16:18.560 You're going to find people who are interested in the same things you are. And obviously they had to

01:16:22.840 search and meet up and, and show a little initiative. So that's a good sign. And just

01:16:28.100 put yourself around those individuals. Yeah. And for you guys that travel, I've really enjoyed the

01:16:33.120 few times where I've jumped in the IC, looked up a regional channel and said, Hey, I'm going to be in

01:16:38.260 the area. And then a group of guys get together and we grab dinner. Like that is so cool. So if you're

01:16:43.680 one of those guys that travels a lot for work, like UCIC as a, as a way to connect with guys,

01:16:48.320 you know, wherever you're traveling, because they're everywhere, everywhere, man, we are taking

01:16:54.180 over the world over the world. All right. Paul Karaman, the third, how can we create more robust

01:17:01.800 discussions around vision and calibration as there seems to be a lot of focus and attention to condition,

01:17:07.640 which is admittedly easier to quantify. Yeah, completely. Condition quadrant is easy

01:17:13.320 condition for those of you who may not know is your physical health. So lose body fat,

01:17:19.220 lose weight on the scale, deadlift a certain amount that that's easy, right? Uh, he said

01:17:26.320 calibration, correct? Yes, sir. Yeah. So calibration is infinitely more difficult because it's getting

01:17:33.060 right with yourself. It's, it's mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. That's what calibration is.

01:17:39.240 So how to have more robust conversations about it. That's the answer. Have conversations about it.

01:17:45.560 Bring it up in your channels, bring it up in your teams, ask guys what they're doing. Um, when you are

01:17:51.020 sharing or, or having some success in that quadrant, the calibration quadrant, share it with other

01:17:56.360 individuals, let them know what's working, let them know what isn't working lead, like take,

01:18:01.100 take this mantle upon yourself to have these types of discussions that maybe aren't being had or had

01:18:06.820 to the degree that you would like, or the way in which you would like it. You have a lot of

01:18:10.220 opportunities here to really take on this, this opportunity to serve yourself and serve other

01:18:16.320 people by having these conversations. But I do agree that yes, it's the hardest one. It's the hardest

01:18:22.960 one taking care of yourself. You know why it's hard to is because we have been conditioned talking

01:18:28.860 about indoctrination from earlier to believe that as men, we shouldn't serve ourselves.

01:18:34.860 Right. And anytime that you serve yourself, what are you labeled as toxic, right? If you go out and

01:18:41.560 you do something for yourself, like you go to the gym and you work out and get strong, or you go on

01:18:46.140 a hunt, you leave your family and you go on a hunt to do something that's going to engage and uplift and

01:18:50.240 edify you, then, Oh, you're engaging in toxic behavior. So is it any wonder that we don't know how to

01:18:56.820 take care of ourselves? And then what ends up happening is as we serve other individuals at

01:19:04.780 the expense of ourselves, we drain, right? And we lose power and we lose energy and we lose

01:19:11.320 effectiveness. And then we can't serve those people as effectively as we'd like. And then we get labeled

01:19:16.560 as toxic because we're bitter and resentful and upset and angry. And, and because we didn't do the

01:19:24.260 things to take care of ourself. Yeah. So from, from a young age, we're conditioned, you know,

01:19:30.480 share, make sure everybody else is happy. You need to provide. And all of those things are true to do

01:19:35.520 to a degree, but it should never come at the expense of your own wellbeing. You need to learn to take care

01:19:41.160 of yourself, your calibration quadrant so that you can more effectively serve yourself and also serve

01:19:47.600 other people. Yeah. And how unfair is it to give your sovereignty over to someone else and say,

01:19:54.480 Hey, by the way, my happiness and, and how I feel today. And, and if I have a great day or not is

01:20:01.500 dependent on you. Good point. Is that beneficial to your spouse to put that on them? Like it's,

01:20:08.400 they, well, you've mentioned this numerous times. It's flattering maybe at first, and then it's just

01:20:13.700 overbearing. Think about how exhausting that would be. You're responsible for your own happiness and

01:20:19.600 then everybody else's happiness as well. Yeah. That's exhausting. So don't, you don't want that

01:20:25.140 put upon you. Don't put it on other people. You worry about yourself so that other people can worry

01:20:29.220 about themselves. And then you have the capacity to serve them in a meaningful way. Yeah, totally.

01:20:34.620 You know, we, it, through the questions we obviously addressed, you know, the two different ways that you

01:20:39.780 guys can connect with us on the AMA one is through our Facebook group. That's facebook.com slash group

01:20:45.400 slash order of man. And then of course our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council. You can learn more

01:20:51.180 at order of man.com slash iron council. We do June 11th through the 14th. We mentioned this before, but

01:20:56.700 just as a reminder, as this fills up June 11th through the 14th, 2020 is our legacy event. That's a

01:21:02.800 father and son event, which is kind of established the rites of passage and a great experience for

01:21:10.820 fathers to bond with their sons, to get dirty, to go through some grit, perseverance, establish a code

01:21:18.900 of conduct. Like it's, it's just a really highly impactful event that's in Maine. And you can learn

01:21:24.800 more about legacy at order of man.com slash legacy. And of course for swag related to order of man,

01:21:31.680 visit our store at store.order of man.com wallet, shirts, hats. There's a lot of stuff that's gone

01:21:37.720 because of the holidays. So stay tuned. I'm assuming a lot of that will be restocked and

01:21:43.160 we'll be able to get our battle planners, wallets, flags, t-shirts, hats, and more shortly.

01:21:50.340 I'm assuming. Yes. In the next, in the next week or two, I was just admiring you, man. You're getting

01:21:56.320 really good at closing us out. That was, that was actually really impressive, especially after last

01:22:00.960 week. We, but we butchered, we butchered last, it was either last week or the week before. I'm like,

01:22:06.800 holy cow, that was ugly. But, uh, we're tightening things up. We're finally starting to figure this

01:22:12.080 thing out a little bit. Lessons learned. You, you do a shitty job one day and do a great job the next

01:22:16.700 day. Everyone would be like praising you. Oh man, you know, you're doing so much better. It's like,

01:22:20.360 okay. Yeah. But now we have this high bar that we need to continue to like reach no more sandbagging

01:22:26.900 around here. Yeah. All right, guys. I hope that, uh, those answers served you well, that you learn

01:22:31.860 and grow from those things. Um, yeah. Join with us, band with us on Facebook and the iron council.

01:22:36.600 This month is all about competition in the iron council. Uh, we're really growing. And I think

01:22:41.320 part of that is because it's the new year guys are focused on a new version of themselves and

01:22:45.460 getting some frameworks to do that. And iron council might be a great resource for that for you.

01:22:49.620 So, uh, all right, we'll be on Friday. Yes. Friday for your Friday feelings until then go

01:22:55.660 out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order

01:23:00.260 of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to

01:23:05.240 be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 08, 2020

Battling for Individual Sovereignty, Leveling Up Skill Sets, and Connecting with Other High-Achieving Men ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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